8:21 Dabney? No. Don’t even listen to people who pull the ED card. That is low and the gf gets 1. Idk how the bf said it to her but I’m going with 0. There isn’t a “world”
Mate your vids are great, sometimes a little too far left (well more left than I am) for my tastes, but hey everyone is different. However, Your VPN Ad was just plain wrong on almost every level, and shows a complete fundamental lack of understanding of how the technology works and is incredibly misleading. First Lets cover what it does do. A VPN, any VPN, encrypts all traffic between your machine/device and the VPN server, wherever that may be. So, anyone else on the same network (especially important on a public network) cannot see your traffic, intercept it or read it as it passes by. This also means that the ISP (internet service provider) of the network you are on also cannot see and monitor what you are doing. This is the only thing a VPN does. Oh and another point to note, your ISP may now no longer know everything you do, but your VPN provider now does know everything you do, and some of the less scrupulous ones (especially the free ones) sell your data just like your ISP did, and most will also give your browsing data to the authorities if requested. VPNs do not stop the big corps tracking you. You still authenticate into your GMail, You tube, etc so they still know it is you, even if you have a different IP provided by a VPN. Hell most home broadband doesn't persist it's public IP address anyway so the big corps are used to your IP address changing. Most of the Tracking you have happen to you comes in the form of those cookies you've heard so much about, VPNs won't stop those, they are still on your machine tracking you, unless you use private browsing for everything, and even then. As for the regional locks by the big streaming services. In almost all cases is not done to deliberately prevent you from getting you money's worth and accessing all the content. It is because those streaming services enter into distribution contracts, to get the rights to stream said content, but the owners of the content restrict where it can be shown in the deal, for numerous reasons. Don't you think the big streaming services would like to have the most content for there subscribers? More content = more market share = beating the competition. They would love to show you everything they have to all their subscribers, it would simplify their systems, make them easier to manage, and make the streaming service the most popular of the streaming services. This is why the big streaming firms keep trying to prevent VPNS from doing this, because it makes them in breach of their contracts. Sorry for the rant but it annoys me when people are misled into thinking a VPN is a one stop solution to their security woes. And your ad at the end listed a load of things a VPN won't actually help with and none of the things it will help with. Plus a thing (streaming) that it can help with, but is problematic on legal grounds. *gets off soap box* 🙂
3:50 It's not unheard-of. I'm not really a picky eater, but _I can't stand_ the taste of tap water, or most water in general. I'll drink it if I'm forced to, but I greatly prefer juice or some other flavouring. Some people have significant issues with texture and taste, and it's not because of pickness, so I disagree with that take. I will also add that I used to be _extremely_ picky, to the point that my parents had to force-feed me when I was a very young child just so I could realize it wasn't disgusting. They didn't have to force-feed me for long, thankfully, and I've become very open to trying new things. But that doesn't mean that I like drinking water. 😅
@@FenrisianAle That makes sense. However it’s not problematic for them. They won’t get in trouble just because someone is pseudo-“hacking” You’re cute 🙂
Can you imagine the little girl growing up, seeing all her classmates celebrating their birthday? She’d totally resent her mother over an uncle who she never knew.
Only if they did it for her whole life. If they skipped the first like 3 parties, I feel like that actually isn't unusual. The kids are too young to remember really. You can just take them out to lunch or something like that.
Yeah, I agree with you. I remember reading that story up on Reddit and going 'WTF? So you're punishing your daughter with preventing her from celebrating her birthday just because somebody in your family tragically died on his?' It's like everyone banning Easter in my household because my great grandfather died before the Thursday before Good Friday. It's ridiculous and not fair to everyone else. Shame on that mother for prohibiting her daughter from celebrating something as important as her birthday just because her brother died on his.
Imagine a 3-4 year old child, basically a toddler, going home one day and asking "Mommy, what's a birthday?" because for some dumb reason they never heard that word before, but instead of getting an answer, the mother starts freaking-out and crying over her long lost brother...
That birthday story is insane, imagine denying the entire family happiness for years because someone died. That’s literally the opposite of healthy grieving
Imagine trusting someone to respect your boundaries and they blow you off to make their family happy over their spouse. The wife agreed to a party, she only asked that he not post pictures. I agree their grieving process isn't something I would condone, but that doesn't justify betraying a spouse over it. Don't lie to your spouse and cause drama, get them help.
It’s like that one story where a woman wouldn’t allow children at family functions for many years because she couldn’t have kids. I get it for a time, but it’s not healthy after a certain point
Whilst that may be the case, she needs to grow up. 'Non-American' food? Seriously? That's just racist crap right there.... and she doesn't have food aversion, otherwise she wouldn't be eating what she does, when it's included in other meals as well.... she could have a chicken stir fry at a Chinese restaurant with white rice...... but she's not..... what does that tell you?
@@noone6559 It's not racist to be scared to try unfamiliar food. It's probably not mentally healthy. But some people don't like things that aren't what they are used to culinary
Story 4: Celebrating a birthday does not mean you're disrespecting the memory of a dead relative. My great-grandmother died some years back, and we still celebrated birthdays, even visited her grave on occasion. Everyone has a right to grieve in their own way, BUT even that has limits.
I was wondering how many generations are they planning on to continue with this? "Sweetie, the reason you can't have a birthday party is because my great-great-great-great-great-uncle died young." Also, when the kid is older, is she going to have all her birthdays with her dad's side of the family, with mom and her side of the family pouting over it?
Exactly! OPs daughter and future generations shouldn’t be punished! As someone commented, the entire family needs therapy. At this point if OP continues with the “tradition “, her husband will likely file for divorce and try for full custody
Seriously i understand that everyone grieves in different ways BUT and this is a very BIG BUT - you cannot live desperately grabbing at the past without letting the future to grow. There are other ways to honor the dead. Depriving everyone else of their own birthdays is both cruel and stupid.
Agreed! It's okay to grieve, but don't make everyone else just bend down on their knees and NOT celebrate birthdays- that's just stupid and insane! OP is definitely the YTA!
Ikr? Like imagine being a kid in the family and you find out in this family you'll never get to celebrate a birthday because someone you never met died a long time ago. I would never want that kind of legacy
Picky eater story: It doesn’t have to do with her not being worth taking out. SHE is asking to go to expensive places, only to order chicken tenders. There’s plenty of other places to go out that aren’t expensive that you can have just as meaningful dates at. Boyfriend is not the bad guy
Exactly like idk why people keep ignoring this main fact, like clearly OP wouldn't care if they went to a more cost effective restaurant to eat and order the same meals. The other option would be what I do with my folks sometimes where we just get drinks and appetizers at a place
I think the solution is simply he pats for his food and she pays for hers. But I’ll also concede that going to less expensive fancy places probably works too🤷♂️
He’s not a bad guy he just let his frustrations get upset with her There’s a healthy way of talking with someone about things you don’t like and make a compromise
EXACTLY! In this current economy eating out at Applebees can be considered expensive and she’s wanting to eat chicken tendies at an expensive ass place? If she was offering to split the pay then sure I’d accept it.
Yup. Chicken Tenders: $15 2 glasses of wine: $14 Tip: 20% (Then say dessert and coffee/drink) I’d be annoyed too, between the cost of the food plus the lack of trying new exciting dishes together.
I come from a family that essentially canonized someone who died young (their name can't be used anymore, there's a small shrine to them in my grandparents' home, their birthday is a somber day, etc.) and, honestly, that sucks for everyone else. Grief is real, but it shouldn't be imposed on others.
Being someone who lost a younger brother at 19... his name is revered in any of our families homes, its healthy to talk about it! To grieve healthily is to talk about and remember the good times!!!
That's curious how different people grieve differently. My grandma lost her first son when he was a teen and she eventually had her third son - my father - and gave him the dead first son's name in his memory. It's sad that my uncle - who I've never known - died, but if it wasn't for his death I probably wouldn't be here
I feel like we're from the same family. Is no one allowed to talk about depression or suicide too because, "it makes us think of *dead relative*"? Yeah, because that's how we heal around here, sweep it under the rug and act like it never happened, oh yeah, we also lie about how he died so we don't feel the shame.
Story 4: I understand losing a family member is extremely sad, especially when it comes to a child, but not allowing someone to celebrate their birthday over something that happened before she was born is extremely immoral and not fair on her at all. Everyone grieves in their own way, but this is not a healthy way to do so at all.
@@sourisvoleur4854 True. However that amount of grief the boys parents will clearly affect others even if they wouldn't force the no birthday rule to others. If you can't even attend other people's happy moments, then there is seriously something wrong with you mentally and you need therapy. Think how much the extended family has to walk on eggshells around OP's parents..
Yeah also there are almost certainly other kids in this family who already exist, are old enough to understand, are probably really upset they can't have a birthday and probably never KNEW the brother. If I died on my birthday I sure as frick wouldn't expect people to never celebrate ever again! OPs whole family needs therapy.
Exactly. So glad the husband is sticking up for his daughter. She's going to grow up to hate a dead cousin she never even met if they continue to act like this. This is not a healthy way to grieve or honor someone's memory.
IMO the family’s in the clear they asked the birthday wasn’t celebrated no problem asking but then OP lied and said they wouldn’t if she simply said they would celebrate the birthday I doubt that would’ve been a problem because they seemed to be angered at the lying part.
Yeah, in my ideal world, everyone who grew up with a toxic family and realise it wouldn't try to stick with their toxic family just to get inheritance money from them or meet up with social expectations or something like that, rather they would cut ties with them, go no contact with then and not look back. If I was OP in this, rather than sticking with my family just for money, I would've moved out, cut contact with the family and have a whole life myself with the husband and kids.
something else that wasn't touched upon when it comes to the 4th story is how much the child will go to resent op and her family when she grows up. sure, she might not remember the earlier birthdays but how will she feel when she grows up and sees all her friends celebrate their birthdays with their families while op and her family basically snub her on their birthday due to a relative she never met. and what does op and her family do to prevent the girl from celebrating the birthdays of other people, make sure she never has friends so that way she may never know the concept of a birthday. not only is what op 4 and her family is doing will cause her daughter to resent her deceased uncle but grow to hate op and her family for literally making it seem like her birth doesn't matter. this is definitely strange on so many levels
Don’t forget, what if she grows up, has her own children, and her family tries forcing her to not celebrate those children’s birthdays? When can the rule end???
@@frootsnacc6790 if the child grows up to resent op and her family they’ll either continue the no birthday cycle of abuse or more than likely they are more likely to cut out OP and her family entirely and go completely over the top with their children’s birthday celebrations to make up for not having them as a child themselves
There were comments questioning what if the child gets invited to others' parties? Will the family ban them from attending because of their own personal no birthdays rule? When will the rule end?
The family birthday party situation is honestly very confusing ya i understand losing a loved one sucks I agree hands down but literally gatekeeping birthdays from other members of the family just because of a family member’s passing sounds insane The whole family needs some kind of therapy in some way because that’s not normal
I was hoping to find a comment like this, that was so crazy to me. If one person in their family dies after eating a salad ya think they all swear off salads forever?
That's just a stupid family, imagine having a familly membre dying and then baning something that person did before their death, like If he died after using the bathroom and then being ban forever from using the bathroom
I agree, the family needs help, but will point out that the wife in the story agreed to a party. Her only request was to not post the pictures and her husband completely betrayed her trust.
The birthday story reminded me of the previous R/Slash stories where grieving mothers that lost their children or couldn’t get any got upset at other women for having or talking about their children. And while it sucks, just like this story, the world keeps on turning regardless of how you feel and no one has any right to put another person’s life on hold just because they’re having a bad time
In Beetlejuice the Musical, it states "Seems when you lose your mom, no one turns off the sun". That acknowledges that time continues, even without the people you love. It doesn't mean you should stop living. That's a lesson Lydia has to learn in it, and nearer the end, she decides "I'll make the best of being flesh and bone". She hasn't stopped loving and missing her mother, but she's ready to face life without her and rejoin the living world. Plus a set of surrogate parents that are already dead.
Story 2: One of my close friend's grandma hated water. She would only drink soda, juices, etc. This went on for so long that she got the equivalent of a brick sized hard, dry turd blocking her instestine. Her doctor told her that this was going to happen before and she still refused to drink water. They ended up having to take the brick of dry stool out her by hand as an emergency...no anesthesia, no time to explain. Moral of the story, drink water so that your doctor doesn't have to put his arm up your butt!
Sounds like there might have been an underlying condition that her doctors ignored. I don't like water, at all. I only drink some while brushing my teeth or if I'm horribly thirsty with no other option. Trust me, I am _not_ constipated. If anything, I have the opposite problem.
@@Ikajo hydration is definitely more complicated than "drink water" like, im pretty sure you could properly hydrate drinking only tea, the only downside is that it is a diuretic and make you pee more than usual (i think it makes the process of making pee faster or smth, im not sure) so depending on how you make your tea you can theoretically properly hydrate. i make tea an example bc i only drink tea lmao
That birthday story literally sounds like a backstory of an edgy character in some kid's movie. Then the protagonist has to show them the "magic of birthdays" and all ends well or something.
Second story, op is definitely NTA. I myself have extreme food adversions that get to the point I cry when I smell certain foods. It's not about not valuing the gf, its about the value of the food, no sensible person begs to go to an expensive reasuraunt just to by chicken tenders, she values the feeling of being in a fancy place more than the money she's wasting.
On the eating story, I think the girlfriend is entitled to like or not like whatever food. But also OP said he's the one paying when they go out. If the girlfriend wants to go somewhere she can invite OP and pay for it
Story 4: If OP's family can't handle the idea of their own granddaughter having a birthday while their child is gone, then they shouldn't go to any birthdays for several years. I understand it is hard to lose someone so close;however, the world will keep on turning. Deaths will go and birthdays will come. Their granddaughter shouldn't have her life be on hold because of it.
i wonder if they are the type of people to get mad at people having a birthday party in public. christ, i can't believe that the whole family doesn't celebrate birthdays, i think that they just hide what they are doing from OP's insane and self-centered parents.
What's that line in the musical of Beetlejuice? "Seems when you lose your mom, no one turns off the sun, folks carry on". Of course, in that case, Lydia has every right to ask that people recognize her grief and allow her to recover, but on the other side, life goes on when people die. And eventually, Lydia learns that too - she makes the best of what she has left. The last musical has her tell her mom "I'll miss you every day", but she's ready to move forward because "I'm home".
Regarding story 2, I have some input as someone whose mother has extremely similar eating problems to the girlfriend in the story, and I myself almost maintained her habits by example. She's the butthole. Even my picky-eating mom would agree. Now, to be clear, it's not because of how she eats; it's that she expects to go out to pricy, nice places, be treated at those high prices, but not actually get the real value out of that gesture because she's (presumably) not getting what the restaurant is actually specialized in. If she wants to go out to eat with her partner, the right answer isn't to just get chicken tendies at every single place and expect the boyfriend to take her to all kinds of different places for that. The right answer is to start looking for a place that has genuinely *ballin'* tendies! Go to a wing place and order boneless! Go to a retro diner and get them with a nice shake or something! Put that money into a place that will make her REALLY GOOD CHICKEN, not mediocre chicken meant to just placate a fussy child. It's entirely justified to call her childish here, even if it's probably not helpful to resolving their conflict in the moment. My adult, picky-eating, fussy mother still has the self-awareness to recognize how her eating habits affect and limit the people around her when we go out or when we make dinner. Some nights she'll make her own dinner and have the rest of us make something else so we can have a change of pace. If we go out to eat, sure, she might not eat the same things as the rest of us, but the difference there is that we talk together to pick a place that actually has something we all want. If the girlfriend wants to go out, that's great, but she should be at least making sure that she's not just pissing away the boyfriend's money in a wasteful way every time. Sometimes, lazy is fine, but it's kind of on her to speak up at some point and say "Hey, I really appreciate all these nice places you're taking me, but maybe we can go somewhere a little simpler and get a bit more for our buck once in a while, since I don't eat the stuff you do anyway." Take turns. Google the local restaurants. You don't need to go to the fancy place if you're only getting half the experience or less. Edit: and just for emphasis... If you're not a fancy person, you don't need to eat at a fancy restaurant. One time for the memories and experience of it is great, maybe once a year if you want to make a thing of it. But most people just don't have the tastes to get the most out of truly high-end cuisine, and it's a waste of money. That's not something to be ashamed of. It's like a hobby, and not everyone has the same hobby... But most people don't demand that people buy them model kits and drones and jigsaw puzzles that they don't know how to use.
The birthday one: the whole family and wife are TA! Birthdays are a big thing and it’s someone’s special day. The daughter doesn’t deserve to live in the shadows of someone who probably wouldn’t have wanted this. Grief is a tricky process but to except everyone to do it the same is disgusting. I have kids and their birthdays are extremely important to them and to me. So taking away their day would hurt them so much.
Not to mention the fact the daughter has never met, and never will meet, the deceased uncle, forcing her to not celebrate her own birthday will breed resentment toward OP, her family, and the deceased uncle later in life
I agree, but as someone else pointed out: the husband is also TA as he went behind his wife's back. Like I 100% am behind celebrating the birthday despite the family's traditions because these kind of things can cause children to form mental trauma since they are not allowed to celebrate their birth while other kids are allowed to do so, but the husband should not have posted the pics to social media without OP's consent as it would (and has) cause drama between OP and their side of the family. TL;DR: everyone sucks and OP's side of the family needs therapy.
Birthdays mean nothing to me. Haven't celebrated mine in almost 2 decades. But why in the hell would I stop other from celebrating their birthday? lol...
How is the wife TA? She agreed to the party, didn't she? She only asked her husband to not post pictures; he agreed and then posted them anyway. That's lying to and betraying his spouse. At best, everyone sucks here.
If such an afterlife existed and brother wasn't some kind of entitled narcissist, he'd probably be horrified that his legacy was being used to prevent anyone from celebrating another birthday
The birthday one is so unhealthy. I understand grief but it is categorically refusing to allow themselves to properly move on. I know it hurts, it will always hurt.
Plus you can always visit the grave site on THEIR birthday. My friend lost her brother about 5 days after his birthday but they don’t gatekeep birthdays from others.
Story 4: yeah to me OP is setting herself up to be a BAD mother already and a bad Wife If the husband divorced her Expect this situation to be brought up against her in court for custody rights because let’s think of how bad that’ll look for them by denying the next generations their birthdays because that screams automatic neglect to many
4th story: what kind of screwed up parent wouldn't celebrate a child's birthday. My grandma died on Thanksgiving yrs ago & for 2-3 yrs my mom didn't feel like doing Thanksgiving (which had been a favorite of hers). She finally decided it was time to move on & we've had many great Thanksgivings since. If she doesn't want to celebrate her b-day, that's her choice. Same with her side of the family. But to try depriving a child of a birthday party bcuz someone they never met died on a different day is borderline abuse.
Story 2: as someone struggling with money, I get where op is coming from. However, he could still go out with her, just don't go where the food is ridiculously expensive
That's not wrong he could take her out, but if this is an expensive restaurant imagine the price of chicken tenders. I wouldn't pay $20 for 5 chicken tenders (just a guess), he's right it would be cheaper to just make it at home and take her out to the average person restaurant.
This! And in expensive restaurant, might not even have that some times... What then??? There are so many options for them spend time and spend money on each other, new place? Go to a new coffee shop.. spend money on her?? Makeup/cloths/hair/massages/jewelry etc... Expensive picnics, a lake or beach day... There are just so many more options then going to in expensive ass restaurant only to get the same thing else where... Experiencing a new restaurant is trying their foods and finding new likes not to just check out the vibe.. sure dude could have said differently but he's not wrong...
You can go out to cheaper places and still have a nice time, especially if both are able to eat the food they like. It should never be about how much money is spent in order to have a good date, rather it should be about spending time together. Spending more money on food should reflect the type of food. Chicken and potatoes are cheap. To expect someone to pay a lot of money for them is ridiculous, and it's hypocritical to give OP all the responsibility to tend to his gf's wants. I bet she would refuse to go to a restaurant that doesn't have anything to her "tastes," yet OP is expected to always adhere to her? He even checks the freaking menu before hand. NTA.
@desperate need of scotch you'd gave a point if section 8 housing was maintained in the first place. People who live in section 8 housing waited for months, went through endless paperwork, and, yes, they even pay rent. Seems like you just have a stigma against poor people.
@@jariccacierra8445 Around here you have to wait a couple years just to get on the waiting list for Section 8 and then another couple years to reach the front of the queue.
@@jariccacierra8445 so because the free or almost free home wasn't in the same good repair as a rented home, that gives the right to trash it further? What about taking pride in your home, and trying to better your situation? Your argument is illogical and poorly thought out.
i’m taking a guess that the family member who died in story 4 was definitely considered the favorite/“golden child” when they were still alive and that his parents cared a lot more about him than the other members of the family
listening to that story i got two thoughts: 1) the brother definitely was a golden child and 2) the only ones who are following the "no birthday parties" rule are OP and her parents. everyone else is just hiding what they are doing from them.
I'm glad you took the time to listen about eating disorders and sensory adversions. My dad often used to yell and get upset at me when certain foods and textures trigger my aversions. The smell of most veggies, cooked fish, sauces (Especially ranch and mustard). I've been called picky but its a literal physical reaction that will make me gag and sick.
I know you don't have any obligation to respond to someone on YT, but I've been struggling with the same reactions you mentioned (gag reflex, or nausea from just the smell) and never found someone to listen to me. Could you tell me what terms I could google to understand more, other than, you know, just "eating disorders"? I really want to clear this up with a professional if possible :(
I hear what you are saying about the picky eater story, but the girlfriend does need to be the one to communicate that - I think the question of ‘why do you want to go to fancy restaurants if you don’t like the food’ is a fair question. Yeah there are other reasons to go out but it’s fair to ask what reasons does she want, then they could focus more on activities that actually check more of those boxes
I agree with this. They probably would enjoy other hobbies better. However, I read this post and his other comments, and its very clear that he isn't just asking that question and that going out to eat is VERY important to him. He feels a ton of pride attached to it and attached to what other people at his table are eating. In an update, he broke up with her when she said she wasn't going to change how she eats. So it really does seem like he only cares about his partner eating the way he does, and not about the money (or even her health. Her diet is restrictive and he says he's embarrassed, not concerned)
@@twistysunshine didn’t it also say in one of his updates that he is a neurodivergent? Which would make a lot of sense. The logic just wasn’t there for him, and it bugged the crap out of him.
Except she DOES like the food. She just likes the chicken strips and stuff. There is a MASSIVE difference between $5 frozen chicken strips from Wal-Mart, and properly prepared, handbreaded, seasoned, marinaded chicken strips. Just like there's a huge difference between a frozen Hungry man steak dinner and a steak dinner at a steak house. Just let people get what they like. It's really not that big of a deal.
@@Ilovepointlessstorysas a neaurodivergent, it'd bug the everloving fuck out of me, so I get it. I've broken up with exes just because all they want to do in a weekend is go out drinking then spend all day with a hangover. I'd rather physically do something or even just get out and enjoy nature and the peace and quiet rather than spend all day in bed with a headache and piss my money away.
@@Skittolzz Nah. your point makes no sense. You can go out to cheaper places and still have a nice time, especially if both are able to eat the food they like. It should never be about how much money is spent in order to have a good date, rather it should be about spending time together. Spending more money on food should reflect the type of food. Chicken and potatoes are cheap. To expect someone to pay a lot of money for them is ridiculous, and it's hypocritical to give OP all the responsibility to tend to his gf's wants. I bet she would refuse to go to a restaurant that doesn't have anything to her "tastes," yet OP is expected to always adhere to her? He even checks the freaking menu before hand. NTA.
Ahahahahaha the shampoo one is some A+ petty revenge. OP addressed the issue, they still didn’t fix it, and so OP pulled a harmless prank on them to send the message. Solid execution.
@@MidwestRider559uhm no. the inly thing op "bashed" their children on was wasting their medicated shampoo. the only other bashing in the story was op bashing how axe smells.
How does a grown man own a house but doesn’t understand how women’s bodies operate? How embarrassing (for the BIL) and he should have gotten an extra BH score for telling their family. Props to OPs husband for having her back. Too many times in these stories, the husbands have no uh, backbone. Nice vid btw, Rslash.
I'm going to have to disagree with you on that one. It's obvious to me that the BIL is a germaphobe, given that I am as well. If you were to bleed on my sheets, I would feel so goddamn gross just touching it, even if it were completely clean. I've vomited from picking up a used towel. Good on the husband for having the OPs back though, that we can agree on. Honestly, the only thing in this story that I think is a bit murky is the reimbursement part. On one hand, the BIL asking to be reimbursed for the ruined (in his eyes) sheets is pretty reasonable. On the other, if OP doesn't want to reimburse the BIL, then that's her prerogative. It sucks that OP doesn't realize that the BIL is most likely a germaphobe, but if she knew that he was, then she's the BH.
@@leorohloff7639 The issue I have is the amount he wants. Even for replacing bedsheets, you can't possibly want THAT much. I also find it pretty amusing that the BIL's attempt to brigade on OP also failed, since everyone on HIS side of the family went "not my problem", assuming he lied or told them half-truths.
@@leorohloff7639 I'm sorry but that's bullcrap. He wouldn't let her in the hot tub either (something you fail to mention), which means he's not a germaphobe, he's someone prejudiced and ignorant about periods. If he were a germaphobe, he wouldn't let anyone in his hot tub without showering first. Just think how sweaty groins, feet and armpits get, for example. But he singles her out just because he knows she's on her period. Also, she said she bleached the stain out. That means the sheet is probably cleaner than a sheet you buy new from a store! I hope you don't ever stay in hotels, or whatever. They are NOT clean. Just because you can't see a visible stain, doesn't mean it's hygienic. I'm sorry you're a germaphobe but that doesn't mean you get to treat other people like crap because of it. OP is NOT a butthole for having a period, you absolute maniac.
It’s not that he doesn’t understand how women’s bodies work. What does being grossed out by blood have to do with knowing biology? He had a right to act the way he did. You people have no manners if you think that what OP did was ok in any way.
Story 4: What I want to know is what was so unimaginably special about OP's brother that an entire family and extended family chose to give up celebrating birthdays? Was he the second lollipopping coming of Christ? The undiscovered 15th Dalai Lama? Or did the family just have a seriously unhealthy obsession with this one child? Loosing someone sucks, it sucks hard, but to cut out a celebration of others seems like a recipe for resentment. OP and her family should realize that if this keeps up her husband may choose to depart from the family and throw massive parties for his daughter, which will just drive a larger and larger wedge between OP and her child.
@@mariposa9506 agreed. I can't speak to what the brother would have wanted, as we only know he died young, but it doesn't matter. To paraphrase Thomas Jefferson, "The dead should not rule the living."
He must have been the golden child and OP has been gaslit her entire life. The brother died at 17 and OP has a kid now so this probably happened nearly a decade ago. A decade of gaslighting will make anyone crazy.
Concerning the birthday story, I 100% agree with rSlash. My maternal grandfather died suddenly from stroke complications on my 21st birthday (my mom called me to tell me the news the next day, because she didn't want to ruin my birthday with devastating news). I was close with my Grandpa, so for quite a few birthdays after that, I would get pretty sad. Even over 10 years later, I still get sad but my grief has evolved from not wanting to celebrate my birthday at all, to being able to celebrate my birthday, while also lighting a candle for my grandpa, and celebrating his life by living mine to the fullest, and being happy celebrating with my friends. Grief sucks, losing people on big events sucks, but it's definitely not fair to push that on other people. Hopefully her family realizes that and can work past this toxic way of grieving (I did). Anyway, love your vids! Always a major fan!
I have a weird family situation, in which I live with my biological father after my adoptive dad died the week Father's Day always falls in. Do I avoid Father's Day celebrations because of the death? No, even if it's still painful. I celebrate my dad's life with some gesture, and my father's existence with another. That woman and her entire family are literally insane. People die, some on big days, but that doesn't give you the right to impose that insane avoidance on your own, innocent, oblivious kids.
The story about not allowed to celebrate the birthday reminds me of another one where they couldn't celebrate Christmas anymore cuz someone died on Christmas. This one is even more insane, that entire family needs therapy
Story 2: I'm a picky eater that has always had huge anxiety around inconveniencing people or embarassing them by getting chicken strips at a restaurant. For most of my life it had a huge impact on my self worth, and fed into my depression. It never got any better until I was with someone that knew how to gently encourage me to try new things, without judging me for not or for hesitating.
Yes!! The way to help picky eaters and people with ARFID is to gently encourage them and not force them to eat something they don't want to! Forcing them only makes us hesitate and hate the food more in my experience. I'm so glad you found someone who is kind to you about this!
I'm the same way. Growing up with then-undiagnosed autism, I got shit from *everyone,* especially family about how I ate. That I was being too gross, using my hands too much, that I was too slow, that I was too picky, etc etc. When I moved in with my dad, that started to change, because I can name one instance where he ever criticized how I eat. And we'd cook together a lot, and I got to trying more things. And it especially got better when I moved in with my best friend and current s/o, where I discovered a love not just for *tasting* new things, but cooking itself, because we have a culture in our house of encouraging the others to taste stuff, even weird stuff. I do still have a lot of weirder preferences, but I also cook whole meals for the three of us just for my own love of it. It's almost like when people are patient with you, you tend to come out of your bubble more, or something like that.
Tbh for this exact reason op and girlfriend sound incompatible, he clearly has a issue with her food preferences yet doesn’t seem to be doing anything to help her, just expects her to one day magically not be picky anymore
But that's the difference between you and OPs girlfriend. You are trying new thing, at your own pace, maybe a very slow pace, but you are moving forward. From the sound of it OPs GF is on a complete standstill. And that's a big difference. But of course we don't know how OP handled all of this in the past and how GF reacted. For you, I wish for you to find a lot of new things over time, that are tasty for you.
@@crizmeow8394 From the sounds of it he's been taking her to expensive restaurants for a long time. He literally said he's soent $20 on chicken strips for her before. Sounds like she just isn't interested in at all and OP is, rightfully, just not interested in spending lots of money on cheap food
Imagine if the dad actually agreed to never celebrate the daughter's birthday. Then imagine if she gets invited to a friend's bday party, she would be so confused and then probably angry
Right! The daughter is definitely gonna grow to resent her mother, her mom’s family, and her dead uncle if this continues! And honestly, I wouldn’t blame her
Not really? Why are y'all acting like that means her birthday would never be acknowledged ever. You do know you can do something other than a huge party and celebration on a birthday, right?
In the restaurant story, Rslash, you're missing the fact that he's not refusing to go out with her anywhere, just not to pricey food places. There's plenty of other places they can go without wasting money. I disagree, I think OP is NTA
My maternal uncle, who I'm named after, died on my Mum's 25th birthday a few months before I was born. Even with that awful memory she still celebrates her own birthday. She also remembers her brother on that day as well and celebrates his life. That story is nuts, who cancels everyone's birthday celebration over someone's death?
My grandpa died 2 days before my 16th birthday, and the funeral was 2 days after, and even worse my younger cousin's birthday is the day grandpa died although she was really young when he dide so I don't know how much she remembers him. The point is we still celebrate our birthdays. The only birthday I skipped was my 16th, but that's kinda fair I think.
I once ended up going to a family friend's memorial service on my birthday. Then went out to dinner to celebrate her wonderful life and my birthday. It wasn't the end of the world, but someone else once told me that his mother considered her birthday as "the day of hell" after losing someone on her birthday.
I've got a friend whose mother passed from Covid a couple years ago. The day before that happened was the friend's girlfriend's birthday, and the day AFTER was their brother's birthday. They still celebrate both, and celebrate the mom's life as well around that time of year. Cancelling it does seem WAY off to me.
For story 2 I'd say NSH, simply because OP's girlfriend can't help being like that if she hasan eating disorder, and to be honest, I kind of agree with OP in one point: it sucks to pay a ridiculous price for a cheap item that's expensive just because of the restaurant name. And no, this shouldn't be a matter of "oh, if you don't think she's worth the money spent then you don't love her". That's logic can be so easily turned around to favor the boyfriend. It's something they both have to talk about.
I say that the GF is the AH because she's just a picky eater, vs eating disorder. If it was an eating disorder, then OP would be the AH. But yeah, what's the point in going to a fancy restaurant if she's not going to sample the cuisine that they make them who they are? (Red Lobster, Longhorn Steakhouse, etc.)
I could agree with a NTA here. I feel like this may just be one of those comparability moments for OP and his gf. I also have many food aversions and rarely try new things, so I simply just wouldn’t date someone who is super enthusiastic about trying new foods and wants me to do the same. Sometimes people just aren’t compatible and that doesn’t necessarily make anyone the bad guy. But I do think how OP could have approached it more gracefully lol
Right?!? If she next said, “I want a new Jaguar roadster” and OP didn’t buy it for her, would she still be “unworthy”? No!! Of course not! And there are plenty of ways to buy tenders and enjoy a date. Make 15 bucks worth of them and go to the park for instance. Not just throw money away for the sake of throwing it away
@@Wolfie713 To be fair to the gf, a lot of people think they're just picky eaters who actually have eating disorders or some other external reason. I thought I was just a picky eater until I found out I was autistic lol
@@ivilrat If she has a medical condition which prevents her from eating certain foods, that's one thing. But she's choosing to not drink plain water and such. From what OP described, she's not allergic to anything, she just lacks a cultured tongue. If she was allergic to certain things then she'd be restricted on places she could eat at based on those allergies. She's not allergic to water, she just wants it to have flavor. I've known people who are like that, where they insist that plain water tastes bad. Well to them it tastes bad because they are so used to liquids being artificially flavored. I know the experience first hand as well, as at one point I rarely drank water so that when I did, it seemed weird tasting to me. Now I mostly drink water with an occasional soda (like Canada Dry's Bold Ginger Ale or other caffeine free sodas) or other type of drink. She's just like an overgrown spoiled kid who is either afraid to try new foods, or doesn't want to "give in" because her pride won't let her. I had an allergy, sort of. As a small kid, I remember throwing up a few times after eating mashed potatoes. Because of that, I avoided eating it because I didn't want to throw up. After many years of avoiding it, I had discovered I had actually eaten it without realizing it because of eating a shepherd's pie. So then I tried it more directly and was just fine. So I had spent many years avoiding it even though I love potatoes (like baked potatoes). But it was based on experience that I avoided it rather than just being a picky eater. If she has a medical condition then she needs to inform her bf so that he can be more accommodating towards her. Otherwise, she should quit complaining unless she's going to try new foods OR pay for her own meals herself. If she's had bad experiences with certain foods when she was younger, then depending on how long ago, she might need to give them another try, just to see if her body couldn't handle it when she was a little kid (if that's when, but if a teenager, maybe not risk it).
I really appreciate you taking time to learn about EDs and food sensitivity. It’s a real issue for some of us, but people don’t take it seriously when it can be absolutely debilitating at times. Also the maturity it takes to acknowledge you don’t know something and then go learn about it
Question..... I don't know much about it either, but isn't there a point when it becomes ridiculous? Not liking something, I get. Not liking anything that isn't American food? Really?
@@lexischannel544 that part is probably genuine pickiness rather than an ED, yes. But at the same time, she may have some associated trigger that we don’t know about, so it’s tricky. With mine, it’s not so much that I refuse to eat things that are from certain cultures, it’s more that the foods that are generally safe (things my brain allows me to eat without purging or starving myself) tend to be foods I grew up with. Because of that, I gravitate towards foods I know I can eat without triggering anything. But I also don’t refuse to try things that aren’t American in origin or association That being said though, while it may just be her being picky, the word “ridiculous” probably isn’t the best way to phrase it, especially since if it is borne from a genuine issue in her brain, it can be triggering to essentially call her stupid/crazy Thank you for asking your question so genuinely! This is exactly the type of knowledge seeking we need more of :)
Yeah this boyfriend is an AH. He’s embarrassed by his girlfriend. Which is fine, then breakup. 🤷🏻♀️ Stop pretending this is her problem. Also, people go out to eat food they could cook at home all the time. That’s not why people go to restaurants. And maybe if he was less of an AH she might try other things.
@@Janjones7735 Most foods tend to take more time and effort to actually prepare than make it at home. Depending on the ingredients, it can even be more expensive. Chicken tenders are not fancy restaurant worthy. It's something that is extremely cheap and can be thrown in an oven being upsold 100%. The fact that she was insistent on going and had no intentions to pay screams volumes.
The girlfriends food pickiness does need to be addressed, but separate from the conversation in the post. Edit: Just to be clear folks, I wasn’t saying op isn’t in the wrong. He absolutely is.
My nest friend's wife is the same way. There is a reason no one invites them out to est anywhere that isn't a McDonalds. He's not wrong, but he also could have handled it better
OP is YTA. This is America, you have the legal right to eat whatever the hell you want within reason. Plus who the hell eats air fried chicken nuggets. That sounds really disgusting. I would rather spend $15 on chicken nuggets at a restaurant than eat air fried versions of them. Also, the OP in the story sounds snobby as hell.
Honestly, as somebody who is a picky eater, I don’t understand why she wants to go to fancy places. You learn to eat within your boundaries and explore at your own place. Why does she want to put herself on a very uncomfortable position when she can just ge the same thing at home or on a restaurant that doesn’t charge a bunch of money for chicken or burgers.
I’m trying to find it but someone reported that there is an update. OP and his gf had a talk. They broke up after gf confided to OP that she will never change her diet and if she has kids, she expects them to eat only what she likes.
For the Eating story, as someone who has an older sibling that acts the same way, and for myself to have an ED, the boyfriend is NOT the bad guy. The girlfriend is being completely unreasonable for asking to go to expensive places, then proceed to order chicken tenders, she may have an ED and for that to be a safe food, but it doesn’t change the fact that she’s asking to go to expensive restaurants
Story 1: Really? She really said OP tricked them into signing the lease, they literally just signed it and didn't say anything! It's OP's house, and OP has all the rights. These in-laws needs to pull their weight, contribute more and not be lazy, or else they'll have to leave. NTA OP.
Rslash, the birthday story is even more insane because the brother didn't even die on that child's birthday. He died on his OWN birthday, and the family refuses to celebrate ANY birthdays in general because of it.
Story 3: they have their own shampoo why are they even touching yours? There is an easy solution to this though, banned them from keeping their stuff in the bathroom and get them those bathroom baskets so they can have all their stuff separate from yours. It's your house so you get tired of your stuff in the bathroom, boom problem-solved.
It sounds like they push and knock over OPs shampoo to make room for their stuff. I do like your solution that the kids have their owns baskets. They should be thankful OP hasn’t at least started charging the oldest rent
@@chopie7 it depends on where that rent money is going. If the money is going towards helping paying the light bill, electric bill, mortgage/rent, I can understand. But if you're charging them just to charge them, it's wrong. There's nothing wrong with helping pay the bills of the home.
@@Slushiii6804 yes, helping the bills, buying groceries and if there's an actual rent pay a part of it, yes. But is we assume the parents have their own home and not in a difficulty money wise, why should their child pay rent? They can help at home with the bills, but paying rent that goes straight to parents pockets is outrageous. How is the person expected to pay rent and save money to move out? If the parents are charging rent and then taking those money and setting them aside for the kid to have a savings for later on, then that's wonderful. But otherwise it's just cruel to make your kids pay.
@@chopie7 you mean OP shouldn’t charge her oldest child whose a college graduate and should have a job rent in order to teach responsibility? They aren’t children! Even the younger is a junior in college
I've had not one, but two close family members die or be buried on MY birthday. My grandpa, and a cousin that I loved like a brother. I hated my birthday because of it, and I proposed no longer celebrating it. Out of all of the people I told this to, I expected the uncle who was that cousin's father to agree the most. But he blew me away with his answer: it sucks that I lost my son, and I'd love it if we remembered him on this day, but it shouldn't stop us from celebrating you and your life. It was an important lesson: we can remember and celebrate both those who passed away as well as those who are still here. It feels to me like the family in the birthday story hasn't learned this lesson yet.
The picky eater girlfriend story really reminds me of that one story where the guy has a really refined palette and his in-laws do not so whenever he would buy expensive steak they would cook it well done! I feel like we're in a similar situation here
Story 4: Forcing all family in perpetuity to never have birthday celebrations because of one tragic event is absolutely idiotic. I get that this is painful for them, but...forcing everyone around them to share their pain forever is a butthole move. I'm with the husband.
Hey rSlash! I’ve been listening to you for a while and I wanna say that I absolutely love how you have listened to your community as time goes on! About your break, about eating disorders, it’s very refreshing and very much appreciated! I wanted to add what I know about EDs and food repulsión specifically. While yes some EDs are about having “safe” foods. There is a documentary here on yt of this one guy who could only eat Mac and cheese and it is just as difficult as more “typical” Eds like Bulimia and Anorexia. However like with all things, being a picky eater doesn’t mean you have an ED. Take me for example I 100% still eat like a kid (veggies are a no in most contexts ti the point that I pick then out, refuse sodas, generally afraid of food I don’t know) but I don’t have an ED. It is more of a habit to me and if I really wanted to, I could eat those things (I might gag but I can). So while yes it is very, *very* important that we are considerate to those with reservations about eating and not being harsh, we should also use our judgement. In this case, I feel like the gf is more so on my end of things where it’s a preference. She could put in the effort to try something similar and if she really needs to pick it apart to get rid of what she doesn’t want. Idk about what the A-hole score for this would be, but I just wanted to add my own 2 cents!
Even if she could physically make herself eat something other then chicken tenders at a nice restaurant, doing so would be even more of a waste of money than the chicken tenders. Right now OP feels like $15 on chicken tenders is a waste of money, which I get. But they’re still enjoying each other’s company and a nice night out. But how is spending $15 (probably more) on food someone hates better than $15 on chicken tenders? And on top of money being wasted, she’s going to be miserable all night and probably resenting him making her get something else. The only positive in that situation is the boyfriend feeling like the money spent on the food is worth the food, even though he’s not the one eating it. I’m an incredibly picky eater as well-being I hate it and I want to like a wider variety of food but I just don’t. When I go out to eat, I’m going to spend that money on food I know I’ll like. If it’s childish compared to what everyone else gets I’ll feel embarrassed but I’m not going to spend money on food I hate and ruin my night out to appease societal standards of acceptable food for adults.
@@sabrinaheizenrader5635 I was so embarrassed about my eating habits that I tried to find a "safe option" at every restaurant so I don't look like an idiot in front of others. Eventually, though, I started realizing that it's a bigger waste to try all of the menu and never finish/enjoy a single meal than it is just sticking to safe options and getting a simple grilled cheese or something, regardless of how childish it looks. So, I relate heavy.
@@slimeball2765 Same for me. I have a lot of texture issues that sadly act up with the way that a lot of vegetables work (very grateful that ordering machines have become more common in fast-food places so I don't have to tell a human being that I don't want any salad, pickle or tomato on a burger, previously only ate the bacon king at Burger King cause there are no vegetables on it anyway), but I've learned with time that making vegetables into a purree or something like that helps. Trying new things is always a cool idea, but I know I have textures that are absolute no-gos and avoid them like hell. If that means that I get the fries, or the grilled cheese when nothing else on the card seems like I'd be able to eat it without issue then so be it. When I am out with friends and family who understand my issues I might be more experimental when I know that someone else is ordering something I could definitely eat and we talk about being willing to change beforehand. That helped me learn that I actually can tolerate a little carrot if everything else in a bun is both tasty and has non-horrible textures. I have really grown to love curry in recent years as well, but I also really don't wanna know if the people at the only curry place I go to recognise me now when I go grab the order because I always get the butter chicken thali as in: I get the same meal every one or two weeks there (and yes, it's the autism lol). Might have to see if they also have Aloo Palak sometimes cause I know I like that too from the year when I thought being a pescetarian would be fun because I was too lazy to spend like 10 minutes looking up how to properly cook meat.
For me I think she is being unreasonable. Like why not just save the money on the chicken, have it at home then go out and spend the money you saved on a different date that isn't having dinner at a fancy place that you can't eat anything at
I have autism and with it, ARFID, and I think the second story is NTA. I'm aware of my eating habits and actively work on them because I know it's causing me to lose out on delicious food and agreed, what a waste of money to go to a fancy place full of quality food and get.... fries?? and make someone pay a ton for.... fries?? And idk, it's not on him to address her ED, and she's the one who needs to learn too navigate it AND its effects on others
@RRW it really all depends on how expensive the place you're going, if I'm spending like 10-15$ for tenders, cool whatever, but once it gets past that nah fam you're paying.
I think what people are missing is it’s not really about the money. If it was about the money, he could have just asked her to start paying for her own meals. He doesn’t want to stop going to restaurants because of the money, it’s because he’s embarrassed to be seen with her because of how she chooses to eat. He says so himself in the story.
Hey RSlash, thanks for working to be more understanding and open minded about eating disorders. It means a lot to me as a viewer and person with eating disorder history. I know a lot of it can seem really wild to an outsider but that just shows all the more what it can feel like to struggle with it. I carry a lot of shame for not liking things, especially out at restaurants and such, I feel so guilty about ordering something and not liking it, so I only ever order "safe" options. As for the water, imo there isn't really such a thing as "unflavored water" (tho I know OP means water without added flavoring. Depending on where you live, water tastes different. I grew up in a house with well water, and the water was so crisp and clean and delicious, but literally anywhere I've lived since has city water, and it's always disgusting. Water will always have trace amounts of minerals, and depending on the chemical makeup of your particular water, it will taste different. For people who have not had consistent access to GOOD plain water, I totally understand "hating water". And I know a lot of NON-ED people who won't drink plain water. Cuz yea, the tap water at home is gross. Edit to add: I don't wanna crap on the picky girlfriend because obviously I relate, but at the same time, I'm on the bfs side. Going to fancy restaurants makes me super anxious because of how picky I am. I always fear people are watching me and judging me. Sometimes I have very strong reactions to foods I try, and can't help my gag reflex. For example the first time I tried champagne was at a wedding and it made me gag. My mom looked at me horrified, and I felt horrified because I just openly gagged on the fancy champagne but I can't help it! Currently, my bf (who is also an adventurous eater like OP) suggested going to a fancy Japanese restaurant for our birthdays. I want to go to make him happy, but I'm so scared to be judged about not liking the top tier chef made food. And then I feel even worse that we will pay a lot of money for a meal I tried and didn't like, and therefore didn't eat. Idk where the gf is coming from, wanting to go to fancy places, knowing how picky she is. Maybe she feels less shame than I do, which honestly congrats because this much shame about picky eating sucks. TLDR: thank you RSlash for trying to better understand/learning more about Eating Disorders, and also OP is NTA, but maybe could work to be more understanding. Edit edit: I tend to use the language of "disordered eating" over Eating Disorder, when talking about people I don't know. Because that level of pickiness often is part of disordered eating, but it may not be enough to be a diagnosis, or I don't know if it's a diagnosis. The eating is disordered, whether or not it is an "Eating Disorder".
My shampoo cost $90 each. Every time we have a guest I hide my shampoo cuz I know my old roommate used to have guests that used to walk straight into my bathroom and steal high end makeup and skincare like I’m a freakin free store. I am SO PROTECTIVE of my shampoo and conditioner 😂 I would be fuming if the same person spilt my shampoo over and over again
Story 2: I have a general thought floating around this, mainly around the reactions to this story, so here goes Although I really love and appreciate that people are finally starting to consider physical health issues, medication and EDs when talking about being "picky", a thing I'd like to bring up is sensory issues (and related things like autism, adhd, so on) I know this is still a very stigmatized topic for no good reason but I think people should take into account that sensory issues are part of what makes certain conditions disabilities. While it can get frustrating for one's surroundings, it's also extremely frustrating for someone with sensory issues to be so often faced with others being mad at them for having these issues. The same way most people can't make themselves stick an arm into an open flame and would hit fight or flight if it was forced, sensory issues can be bad enough to trigger the same response, just from things that are often more common and less objectively dangerous. So uh yeah, I'd say some of these "picky" people might just have sensory issues or something similar, and the repeated types of food they gravitate towards are likely some of the only things their brain accepts as safe.
Additionally, sometimes people suffer from food allergies or sensitivities without knowing. I discovered I'm allergic to melon a few years ago, until then I assumed my reaction was normal. Since then, I have started to suspect I might have a sensitivity to raw tomatoes due to a cross reaction with my grass allergy. No wonder I don't want to eat stuff I'm not familiar with.
@@Ikajo Oh yeah! That's an important point as well, thanks for adding it.😄 I mainly spoke on those issues as that's personally my struggle, but yeah. Honestly the more a person looks, the more they realize that the case of someone lying or being malicious is far more rare than someone having genuine issues and not the tools to express it or deal with them effectively.
This exactly! I'm autistic, and my sensory issues make me an extremely picky eater. My parents took every small victory they could with me, and even now I'm a big factor in choosing what restaurants we go to. If there isn't a comfort food for me to fall back on, I will often just skip the meal altogether. I feel guilty for my habits, but these things aren't easy to control.
Story 5 - It's his hot tub, if he thinks there will be a hygiene issue (wrong or right) that is his prerogative. But wanting you to buy new sheets when the sheets are clean with no stains that even he could find, is nuts.
I would say for story 2. I would say that he’s NTA. She is absolutely not OPs problem. If she wants to go to that restaurant, she can pay for herself. Why should OP be obligated to pay every time
Yeah…the fact that he’s generally the one that pays changes things quite a bit He does come off as rather judgmental, but that’s not what the post is about If anyone says YTA, they better have a damn good answer on why OP should be obligated to pay for this
I think it's a NAH story I get that OP finds it annoying that she is a bit more picky than him but there are plenty of reasons why someone is picky with food like having ED, cancer, autism or food trauma so they only eat what they know is comforting
@@dragonriderabens9761 Cause the post and main reason given wasnt about the money, it was about him being embarrassed to take her out cause he finds her eating habits as "childish" and that's why he's an asshole. He's obsessed with the image presented when they go out over taking a person he supposedly loves out for a meal. If you actually love and care about someone, you don't give a shit about stuff like that.
He should have talked to her about it instead of saying "I'm not taking you out but you eat childishly" my husband has an ED where any other food than his comfort foods make him sick. We're working on it but the point is I ask we did research and got him diagnosed. OP should have been nicer to the one he Supposably loves.
"It's insane how much grip a company has on us, which is why I use this company!" Not dissing you in any way rslash, I'm happy for you and your sponsorships, that was just a hilarious way of transitioning
The birthday story reminds me of the plot of Coco where the great great grandmother (or something i forget) bans music from the house bc she thought her husband had left her to pursue a career in music. Its not only ridiculous but its just punishing everyone for something that was no ones fault to begin with.
Story 2. My issue is that the BF pays every single time. At that point, it seems like she views him as a meal ticket seeing as she requests to go to super fancy/expensive places and just expects him to pay.
@@kespeth2 You can like non-american food. That's a preference. I don't see an issue. Some people don't like certain foods. I don't like Cajun food, it's too spicy for me. I don't like the flavors, but that doesn't mean anything deeper than that.
@@kespeth2yeah. I think if she actually said those words specifically that's a bit of a red flag. But given the comments I read of this guy, I don't think she actually said anything offensive. I just think he takes a lot of pride in the fact that the food he eats is "non American". Additionally "american" food like chicken nuggets has a consistent texture/flavor (unlike some meals from other cultures), and is likely something she grew up eating and is used to. If it is a food sensitivity, then that would probably be why, as things like ARFID are heavily dependant on food textures and flavors remaining consistent Altho if she is just being racist/xenophobic screw her
It means so much to me that rSlash is learning more about stuff like ARFID :) so many times I'll see stories where the person called the asshole is someone who has the same eating issues as me. Such a big creator addressing it makes me very happy
See, I really appreciate people like rSlash, willing to learn and grow as a person when given the opportunity (talking about things like the eating disorder things). It's really nice to see, and I appreciate rSlash a lot for it!
Story 2: the issue is that it's not worth the extra price for her only eating basic food that costs more because of the restaurant. If I'm gonna eat basic stuff, I wouldn't enter a special restaurant.
In theory that would be the issue, but the guy doesn't even suggest splitting the bill. The entire post is about her restrictive eating, with 1 line about money, and a ton of people are focusing on the money part. He doesn't even seem concerned about how her restrictive eating might be affecting her, he just says he's embarrassed about how he looks in a nepalese restaurant. He even seems fine to pay more if she orders something else. That's his perogative I suppose, but I think we can acknowledge its weird that he wants to choose what meal she eats, even if what she chose would be way cheaper than what he would. And having this much pride in what someone else eats seems like a setup for disaster
agreed like everyones skipping over his actual point which is: why would u go to xyz restaurant if u literally dont want the food? im autistic and completely understand food aversions but genuinely if ur not gonna eat the food then what exactly are u going to that place, even moreso when its expensive to be there? the boyfriends right, and its understandable that hes frustrated. hes not saying he doesnt wanna go out with her at all, but if she only wants chicken tenders, they should just go to a cheaper place with food she actually likes to eat, instead of insisting on the places that serve things shes not at all interested in
@@stormkive4356 Maybe she should get help and stop making her mental illness everyone else's problem? Just like any illness, mental or not, it may not be your fault you have it, but it's your responsibility to treat it as well.
@@twistysunshine I don’t find it weird at all. It’s weird that she wants to go to these places, and know that that’s all she’s going to get. That is what I find extremely weird. What’s the thought process? I’m really having trouble with that. For example I’m a pescatarian. I do not go to Korean barbecue restaurants here (or steak houses). Sure they probably have something there. I could probably get a salad. What is the point? Now if I’m with a group of people, and they all want to go. Sure I’ll go I’ll eat a salad. If I insisted I’m going to Korean barbecue with my SO, only because I want to. Just to get a salad. Everybody in that restaurant should look at me very strangely, because that makes no sense.
14:35 i think the husband is an AH aswell for posting his daughter online, when its not mutually agreed, especially if he has an open account. OP is definetly a bigger AH for not wanting her daughter to have a birthday. Husband gets 0,5 on the AH score, OP gets 2.
First Story, NTA: The opportunity SIL and family have is the type that people would kill for. All she has to do is help around the house here and there and she can live in OP's house rent free?! Bro lmao, she is about to screw herself and her family over just because she is lazy Second Story, NTA: I get there are preferences but I wouldn’t spend like $15-20 on chicken tenders and white rice. Literally all of this can be made at home, why should OP have to spend $15-20 on something that can be bought from a supermarket for way less and can be made at home? I would agree rSlash but the thing is, she isn’t paying for any of the dinners; OP is. Third Story, NTA: $80 for shampoo is insane lmao. That being said, OP tried to talk to them about it but they refused to listen Fourth Story, YTA: I understand grieving but trying to make everyone not celebrate birthdays because a family member died is absolutely insane. The kid isn’t even born yet and OP's husband celebrating the birth of his child is a problem? These expectations are insane; what if their kid wants to celebrate their birthday as they grow up? Are they just suppose to skip her birthday like it never happened because OP's brother died? Fifth Story, NTA: OP got the stain out and cleaned the sheets. This man is acting like periods is something go be afraid of, its a natural process all women go through. I really hope he doesn’t have a daughter because this guy seems like he would charge his own daughter if she unexpectedly have her period and it gets on something
Story 2: Even if you wouldn't spend $15-$20 on chicken tenders, I do think the dining out experience is part of the cost. An extreme example of this would be Benihana. You're paying $20, easily almost double the asking price of the foods from anywhere else, as well as being on the lower end of complexity. But, part of it is for the show that comes along with the food.
@@ohnosmoarlulcatz Besides, maybe $15-20 chicken tenders taste better than the ones you could buy for $5 to heat at home. Why would she turn down something that probably tasted better for the price?
Story 2: I'm no expert on Food Aversion and Eating Disorders, and I don't know if this is a good approach, but I probably would've just ordered something that the GF might like and give her a little bit to try (heck, that's what my parents did). I don't know, maybe the GF just doesn't feel like trying new things, whether it's the result of an ED or not.
I'm a fairly picky eater. If I'm going out to eat, I go for the safe option. Simply because eating at a restaurant is expensive. So rather than wasting money in case I don't like something, I pick something I'm going to like. One thing to keep in mind, sometimes food aversions can be caused by unknown food allergies or sensitivities. Or they have a more sensitive sense of taste, noticing things most people don't.
I have ARFID and this is a good approach to the situation! Offer her something she might like, tell her what's in it, and don't freak out if she refuses. ARFID's difficult to live with and I'm incredibly grateful whenever people without it are understanding like this :)
my partner was just about as picky as OP's GF when we first got together, but with the main thing she would eat being chicken burgers and would not touch red meat or any form of fish. (at least she drank water and was ok with vegetables) I slowly managed to get her to try new things and now if anything she is more adventurous than I am, some of her favourites are now things like Indian curries, sushi (including sashimi) and Thai curries. she will try pretty much anything once. She even likes muttonbirds, I have never known a woman that likes them (my mother would not even let them be cooked in the house, dad had to cook and eat them outside)
Picky eater story: as someone with extreme food sensitivities (with some allergies and stomach issues mixed in) (i eat one meal a day consisting of chicken, a starch or grain side, and sugary drink or flavoured water) OP was definitely NTA. Insisting to go out to eat at fancy restaurants when you can’t/won’t actually eat the fancy food doesn’t make much sense. If it’s just the posh atmosphere she enjoys, maybe her and OP could find a fancy activity they both enjoy for dates that doesn’t involve food
I was a very picky eater in the past, it took me a long time to get over it. The thing that helped me especially initially was cooking things that had maybe only one or two new ingredients that I hadn't eaten before hand. That way I got to know those ingredients and when I didn't like it I usually could pick them out of the meal without remaining hungry. The story with the birthday, that woman and the family is horrible, "the kid won't remember anyway" wtf? Yeah that will go over great when the kid finds out that all her friends have birthday parties while she doesn't get parties because of someone she never even met.
@@the-chicken-mafia Hope it helps. Two more tipps that helped as well: Adding a new ingredient to something that already has a strong flavor (for example curry), you'll still notice a difference, but it's easier to ignore if you don't like it. If you don't like the way something feels when chewing it, then taking the time to cut that ingredient into really small bits helps as well.
As someone whose picky, I've decided that I'd rather be comfortable eating the things I know I like than spend and ruin a good thing (going out with someone) by getting something I'm unsure if I'd even like. Is it childish? Sure. Weird? Yep Looked down on? Absolutely But I am not changing for the sake of someone else.
The picky eater story actually reminds me of one story way back. OP didn't want to go out to fancy restaurant because "my girlfriend makes better food anyways, so it's just a waste of money" and completely failed to see that it wasnt really about the food or wasting money, but that his girfriend just wanted to be taken out and not having to cook for once. I understand OPs view about what's the point of going to a fancy restaurant if you'll just order fries anyways, but he was very condecending in the way he said it. It's not always about getting the most value for your buck that matters, sometimes just going on a date is the point. It might be worth having a conversation about at least tasting new foods and trying to expand her menu a little bit, but it needs to be positively focused. Pushing or trying to guilt someone into eating new foods is not going to make them want to eat new things
He isnt guilt tripping them. I think he wouldve been fine if she was paying her half. It is about money the moment it starts stacking up. If she wants to go just to eat chicken tenders thats completely FINE, just dont make him pay for it all.
@@ninjdraw8305 yeah, OP is the one paying for the chicken. Its his money his choice. And i kinda agree with him. I love giving and Buying things for people but i dont want it to feel like a bit of a waste
@@ninjdraw8305 it’s one day out of the year maybe even the month, it is not that big of a deal, if he wants to be selfish with his money that’s his propagative but he doesn’t need to belittle his girlfriend over something she has no control over it. If he can’t handle being with a picky eater and sometimes going out to expensive places even if she only eats something stupid he doesn’t need to be dating her and shouldn’t be surprised if the relationship ends
@crybabygames9333 If its not that big of a deal, why doesnt she pay her half? Why is it considered selfish when he doesnt want to spend only his money? Why isnt she selfish for not paying her half, or thinking about how he feels about eating at these places? Why do her feelings matter in this scenario more than his?
@@ninjdraw8305 because the whole point is it’s a date? I mean yeah I guess she could pay for her own self but who even lets women pay for their meals on dates usually anyway like yeah that sounds bad but it usually is the man paying for the date, again it comes back to he shouldn’t be with a picky eater if he’s not going to deal with her being a picky eater, it’s the fact that he DOESNT want to take her out somewhere nice and fancy, I have autism, there are many foods I can’t eat and not being able to go out somewhere nice to eat on a date with my amazing bf would break my heart, especially because it’s something I can’t control, if he gets broken up with than that’s his own fault, yeah he may not be entirely wrong but he definitely is an asshole for not wanting to take her out on a nice date despite what she eats, and I bet if he asked her she WOULD take him out without even hesitating despite what he eats
No birthdays? My Maternal great grandmother died on the 6th October, 2 years later my brother was born the same day... then 20(something) years later my Maternal grandad died on the SAME day... we STILL celebrate my brother birthday and always will... my mum just had to take a moment :S
The second story reminds me of how I used to eat at Subway. The bread, cheese, and ham. But mom said that she won’t pay for a sandwich that she can make herself for cheaper at home. Meaning that I didn’t get subway with everyone else. I’d have to eat at home. Leading to me now having lettuce, tomato and mayo on my sub now
Totally agree with Rslash on story 2. Its interesting that OP is arguing that it's not worth going out for chicken tenders- there are many foods you can get at the freezer at home that are done better or differently at fancy restaurants. Hell, chicken tenders from KFC are different than tenders from Tyson. Its not unusual to pay more for a better quality (and more authentic) taco than what you'd get at taco johns... So it sounds to me like OP mentions the money, but money isn't really the point. On top of that, it sounds like gf always finds something to eat on the menu, and doesn't make a scene. It seems like this guy takes a lot of pride in the way he eats. Weird, but okay, whatever. Seems harmless. The issue is when he lets that pride spill over onto other people's meals. Taking pride in what your gf eats, and having that pride able to be affronted is just plain invasive. Like even if she didn't have an eating disorder... Why do you place so much moral value in the way she eats? That's not really cool dude. If she really does have food sensitivity (seems impossible for it not to be at this point), then you putting weird amounts of pride or moral judgements on her eating habits is actually only going to add pressure, and make the disordered eating worse. And with things like ARFID, a common part of the treatment is to eat your safe foods in new situations, in public, around the smells and sights of other food, so you can adjust to the sensations, and hopefully get to the point where you can try them out. So my ruling on story 2 is: dude probably back off and get ur gf some help if she's amenable. Also be aware that while you enjoying new and varied foods is totally fine, you are not morally superior to anyone just bc you eat paella, and you only think of it as adventerous bc of where you were born (Side note: both my husband and i have food sensitivities, and he also has the water thing! Water's never bothered me but it does him. He's branched out to unflavored water if its sufficiently cold recently tho)
To me, if it was really about money, he would be happy she orders the cheapest thing on every menu rather than something more expensive like salmon. I also used to hate all unflavored water. I like now it if it's on the verge of frozen though (cause then I can't taste it lol)
Food sensitivity refers to physiological responses. If you have an aversion to water, it isn't a sensitivity. It's behavioral, though there are places where it's adaptive. In the US, it tends to be maladaptive. Food aversion is classical conditioning. ARFID is clinical. It isn't moral at all. No one said it was. It is viewed in society as juvenile because picky eating is a normal phase for children they grow out of. People place social pressure to advance that. It is a more advanced pallete though. Also, fancy resteraunts aren't bothering to do something different. They are using a friar, and it's on the menu for kids. Pubs, southern resteraunts, especially dedicated spots, will have the best of those.
Yeah, but so is the fact that pads and tampons expand in water and an hour in the hot tub will result in a bloody water nightmare where they wouldn’t pay for the cleaning cause you don’t just drain the water
I'm a woman and I wouldn't want to be in that hot tub either. Body fluids from someone else should all be treated the same because it could be unsanitary. You don't know what kind of illness that person might have. That's why the bil wasn't comfortable with it.
the food story. so i totally get op's frustration, but then again, dining out isn't just about the food either. it's about the experience and atmosphere and the fact that someone else will bring you food and do the dishes! if i'm going out with friends who are a bit pickier in eating, i make sure that where we're going will have something for everyone. gotta know your audience, so to speak.
That's fine, but OP's point was he didn't want to go to EXPENSIVE restaurants if he's paying for cheap food jacked up in price that you could get in the freezer section for the same quality. If they were at more common cheaper prices restaurants it sounds like he wouldn't have such a problem with it. It's the fact she wants to go to fancy expensive places and order not fancy but still pricey things and never tried anything new. And since no mention of eating disorders was brought up id assume this is just a case of unwillingness to try new things. I used to be the same way but forced myself to change to open my options up and boy I'm glad I did. So unless she has a disorder causing it then she's just being unreasonable about all this. Otherwise meet in the middle and just do happy hour/ just get drinks and maybe an appetizer instead of a full course meal if you're not even gonna eat the specialties of the food places.
food story: Why can't SHE pay for the date then? Why does OP have to subsidize the cost of her crappy diet? this is coming from someone with food sensitivity.
Yeah..... I'm a picky eater some what but, I wouldn't be like op's girlfriend. If we go to a foreign restaurant, I'm not ordering the same old burger and fries, I'm eating a new kind of food.
I'd be genuinely upset if I found out that my boyfriend spent over quintuple the price of something I already have at home "just cuz" and then tried to gaslight me by starting an argument where he tries to make me believe that I don't think his gift is good enough.
Story 2: My now wife was also a bit of a picky eater. It's a lot better now, but in the beginning it was difficult to find a restaurant that was both accomodating and exciting. But that was it. You find a restaurant you'd both enjoy and then you go and have fun! Price should not be an issue. You budget for a night eating out, it doesn't matter what that money is spent on. What matters is that you enjoy yourselves. ED and food sensitivity is difficult but important subject to discuss. You should be understanding, but possible health risks need to be discussed as well. If someone has a crippling alcohol addiction, they need help. If your ED or food sensitivity means that you deprive your body from certain essential vitamins and proteins, that is bad for you and you should try to do something about it. If you have a few aversions that don't impact the healthiness of your diet (I get nauseous from tomato based soups from a can for example), then that's fine.
Yeah and food aversion remains classical conditioning and as such can be dealt with. Rice, fries, and chicken tenders don't bode well for health long term.
@@danielmorton1606 food aversion is not just classical conditioning. You wouldn’t say that PTSD or trauma is classical conditioning as well right? But if the way you deal with PTSD or trauma is killing you, you should do something about it. The same thing goes for ED and food aversion
@DanielVuijk It is absolutely not like trauma or PTSD. So I should be clear, the treatment follows classical conditioning. The source can vary. Conditioned aversion is classical. Unconditioned aversion, not brought on by physiological changes like pregnancy or disorders like autism, may even be akin to xenophobia, then ptsd. Trauma can could result in a food aversion, but that's few and far between. Illness caused aversion is not trauma. EDs are just not all the same. I specifically talked about food aversion, not EDs in general.
Story #2: As a person myself who suffers from ARFID which is a subset of ASD, the pickiness isn't by choice. It's just who we are so don't diss us. Plain and simple? you're just not compatible move on, save the girlfriend the heartache.
It could also be a situation where the parents only fed their child chicken nuggets and chips because they were lazy or they tried to get them to try something else but they threw a tantrum until they gave up and got the child what they wanted. I know that situation all too well.
@@owenfautley happened to me and my sis where my dad just gave in and made us simple meals for most of our childhoods and then wonders why we don't like certain foods. Hell I used to be like the girl where I didn't eat most things even hated ketchup. Now I'll try (unless it smells horrible) basically anything at least once. And first time at a new place I'll usually stick to a comfort food to gauge what there is like in comparison then branch out from tbere.
@@owenfautley this is 100% my father and brother. They both only ever ate chicken nuggets / basic pasta / tv dinners. They thought the asian takeout down the road was too exotic for them.
I’m autistic, texture and taste is a big deal for me. I never really try anything new. Chicken tenders is all I get at any restaurant. Maybe certain soups or fruit bowls or steamed veggies, but that’s it. If taste and texture don’t match, I gag and spit it out. I can’t help it.
I'm not sure if OP is the butthole in story 2. The girlfriend's eating habits probably need to be discussed in a separate conversation though. She could be dealing with an eating disorder that needs to be addressed.
@@awinn3rism3 I'm on the Autism Spectrum. I don't eat a lot of foods because of texture or smell. Because I don't like it. I Physically can't bring myself to eat foods outside of my fairly small palette because it causes sensory issues or meltdowns in some autistic people😐.
@KomaedasOneHope Assuming she has that kind of issue or something similar then that's one thing. But there's also a lot of people who just simply refuse to try new things because they're childish. A girl I dated years ago was the same way, and ultimately it's one of the reasons I broke it off. Depending on WHY the girlfriend won't eat so many foods kinda determines who's the AH
In story 2, I agree with the boyfriend. Why would I spend $25 or more on chicken strips when I can buy and make them from home. I can understand wanting a change of scenery or a night out, but he even looked at the prices and saw it was way too pricey. Also I would like to point out that rSlash is once again putting words in OP's mouth. OP did not say his girlfriend wasn't worht a night out, he just said that he didn't want to spend all that money on chicken strips.
yeah that was such a stretch by rslash. He's frustrated he's having to pay so much money on something that fundamentally isn't worth that much and what's more she's insisting he pay even more for it just so she can experience the vibe of another restaurant
@Crickets there is a win, the win is to continue to do what they are doing. It is perfectly reasonable to not want to spend an insane amount of money on chicken strips and french fries. They should just eat at restaurants that are cheaper until she is ready to try something outside of her comfort zone. The BF could always eat it if she doesn't and then she could eat chicken strips afterwards.
The bf only mentioned the money after in detail explaining his gfs restrictive eating and how he was embarrassed to be seen with her at restaurants. I agree they should probably split the meal, but Rslash isn't wrong to point out how the bf is acting like she wasn't worth the night out- he explicitly says he finds her embarrassing and calls her childish. He doesn't even seem concerned about her health, more about how she doesn't look good in a nepalese restaurant. Its not about the money to him, that was just the moment he decided to bring it up
@@DayKiyokkifrom the post and the bfs comments it seems like he really likes restaurants and food as a bonding activity. It sounds like the gf is trying to do something with him that's relevant to his interests, and he's upset that she isn't doing it exactly like him. He also broke up with her in an update bc she said she "wasn't changing how she eats" so to me this is clearly not about the expense of the restaurant.
@@twistysunshine While yes he is wrong for being embarrassed over her eating habits, the points he made are correct. Why would I want to spend $25+ on chicken strips. Going to a local cheap restaurant is fine, but if she wants to go out to a fancy/ more expensive restaurant then she should either eat something else or offer to pay for her share. Also as an adult she should try to learn how to not be such a picky eater because this doesn't sound like an ed unless OP is leaving stuff out.
I'm an adult ARFID patient and when I go out on dates I tell the person I'm going out with that I don't eat a lot of foods and overall I'm a relatively cheap date and I have nothing wrong with getting fast food over going to a fancy restaurant. I dated a guy who understood my eating disorder quite well and never took me to a place where I couldn't eat things. Sometimes when he wanted to go to a fancy restaurant, we would decorate his dining room and dress up absurdly fancy and then order whatever food we wanted. OP sucks for telling her she eats like a kid, but his gf also sucks for demanding he pay $15 for french fries or chicken tenders. I 100% agree with needing to use kindness and understanding with people who live with eating disorders, but those people who have eating disorders shouldn't feel entitled to $15 french fries or chicken tenders (that are probably soggy because fancy resturant chefs don't usually perfect their frying skills). If she wants $15 chicken tenders at a fancy resturant, she can pay for them.
Finally a result I can 100% agree with. OPs words were harsh and unnecessary, however the gf is just being wasteful ordering the same cheap item at fancy restaurants that Jack up the prices for no reason. In their own ways they’re right for how they feel but they’re also very wrong if they think how they treat each other is ok. OP shouldn’t have said what he said and the GF shouldn’t expect to be taken to expensive places just for chicken tenders and fries. ESH.
As a picky eater, here is the thing. for someone who is picky, it becomes easier to try new things if you don't feel judged or shamed for it. Feeling comfortable to eat what you want and also to try things at your own pace without feeling pressured is key to actually trying new things! Also she might not just have a potential eating disorder, she could also be neurodivergent with ADHD (hi) or Austism, or even depression which can make it harder to try new things because they are different and unfamiliar. The key here really is trust, and he just threw any trust she had in him not judging her eating habits in the bin. I actually find going out to eat really difficult, because I don't like the way I am with food and don't like exposing other people to it, but she did want to go out to eat and I wouldn't be surprised if she no longer felt comfortable doing that.
This exactly! I was a picky eater when I was younger, i was also only able to drink flavoured water. I’m autistic. Still am a bit picky- but since my family were mostly understanding about my food aversions it was easier to try, and like, new things. Shaming people for their food aversions really doesn’t help anyone
I'ma have to disagree. If it's so bad that you refuse unflavored water, food therapy is probably necessary. I personally wouldn't pay 15 dollar for chicken tenders if someone doesn't show signs of improvement. Dates can happen at less expensive places.
@@00Tottr would you variations of chicken and rice in a restaurant? Steak? Tacos? BBQ? ALMOST EVERYTHING PEOPLE ORDER IN A RESTAURANT CAN BE COOKED AT HOME. Even with food therapy some people can never change their aversions. I have a cousin who could only eat a handful of food. And that was after years of food therapy. Are you saying he’s not worthy of a restaurant? What BS.
Story 1: As someone who's had multiple eating disorders through my life, OP is NOT TA, we need to stop enabling people's behavior because of disorders and conditions, it's part of a relationship to let your partner know IF you even have an eating disorder, it's very easy to say "just go for the experience" when you're not the one paying, you need to have a very serious lack of self awareness to not realize what you're doing and in any case if her response was "you think you're better than me" it's very clear the issue is not an eating disorder but someone who never knew when to stop being a child
Story 2: I can totally understand OP here on not wanting to go to the restaurant when his girlfriend is going to order the same plain food. It is a waste of money and time at the place where you don't enjoy the dishes they serve. It's like going to an authentic Japanese ramen restaurant and ordering a hamburger there.
4:40 I'm confused what you mean by brush your teeth with water. I use water to clean off my toothbrush after using it but I don't think the taste of the water would have any implications on that, otherwise it brings up questions of how someone showers, how they wash their clothes, how they wash their dishes, how they wash their car, etc.
Story 1 is me when I lived with my sister. Babysat my nephew whenever needed and got a free place. I also was able to work and make my own money as well bc I wasn’t a lazy bum and my nephew was under partial custody by my sister at the time. Still got kicked out for calling her boyfriend a dumbass for letting my dogs go out the front door the 10th time that week
Story 2: speaking as someone else who is an extremely picky eater who also hates unflavored water and many of the things on her list of hated foods... OP is NTA. His gf has likely been coddled her whole life, allowed to keep up this behavior. Difference between me and her is as simple as if my family goes somewhere nicer, like say an Irish pub restaurant, I will try to step out of my comfort zone. Also, this is gonna sound really weird, but is it possible gf is neurodivergent? I know that kind of food stubbornness is often a byproduct (see me and my ex-roommate, who only eats chicken, fries, and pizza) and that sometimes it's a matter of food texture.
I’m not quite as picky as the GF, but comparable, 100% neurodivergent, and I’m right there with ya The big problem here is who’s paying OP is not obligated to pay $15 for chicken nuggets for the GF
Story 2: It's completely reasonable that OP doesn't want to spend $15+ on something you could get from Wendy's for less than $5. There are plenty of nice chain restaurants that OP could take his girlfriend to which will serve food that she likes. Friday's, Olive Garden, more family style restaurants. The problem is his girlfriend wants to go to these expensive specialist restaurants but not tried the specialist foods. Do you think she would want to go to those restaurants if she was the one paying for the meals? No way.
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8:21 Dabney? No. Don’t even listen to people who pull the ED card. That is low and the gf gets 1. Idk how the bf said it to her but I’m going with 0.
There isn’t a “world”
Mate your vids are great, sometimes a little too far left (well more left than I am) for my tastes, but hey everyone is different. However, Your VPN Ad was just plain wrong on almost every level, and shows a complete fundamental lack of understanding of how the technology works and is incredibly misleading.
First Lets cover what it does do. A VPN, any VPN, encrypts all traffic between your machine/device and the VPN server, wherever that may be. So, anyone else on the same network (especially important on a public network) cannot see your traffic, intercept it or read it as it passes by. This also means that the ISP (internet service provider) of the network you are on also cannot see and monitor what you are doing. This is the only thing a VPN does. Oh and another point to note, your ISP may now no longer know everything you do, but your VPN provider now does know everything you do, and some of the less scrupulous ones (especially the free ones) sell your data just like your ISP did, and most will also give your browsing data to the authorities if requested.
VPNs do not stop the big corps tracking you. You still authenticate into your GMail, You tube, etc so they still know it is you, even if you have a different IP provided by a VPN. Hell most home broadband doesn't persist it's public IP address anyway so the big corps are used to your IP address changing. Most of the Tracking you have happen to you comes in the form of those cookies you've heard so much about, VPNs won't stop those, they are still on your machine tracking you, unless you use private browsing for everything, and even then.
As for the regional locks by the big streaming services. In almost all cases is not done to deliberately prevent you from getting you money's worth and accessing all the content. It is because those streaming services enter into distribution contracts, to get the rights to stream said content, but the owners of the content restrict where it can be shown in the deal, for numerous reasons. Don't you think the big streaming services would like to have the most content for there subscribers? More content = more market share = beating the competition. They would love to show you everything they have to all their subscribers, it would simplify their systems, make them easier to manage, and make the streaming service the most popular of the streaming services. This is why the big streaming firms keep trying to prevent VPNS from doing this, because it makes them in breach of their contracts.
Sorry for the rant but it annoys me when people are misled into thinking a VPN is a one stop solution to their security woes. And your ad at the end listed a load of things a VPN won't actually help with and none of the things it will help with. Plus a thing (streaming) that it can help with, but is problematic on legal grounds.
*gets off soap box* 🙂
😮
3:50 It's not unheard-of. I'm not really a picky eater, but _I can't stand_ the taste of tap water, or most water in general. I'll drink it if I'm forced to, but I greatly prefer juice or some other flavouring. Some people have significant issues with texture and taste, and it's not because of pickness, so I disagree with that take.
I will also add that I used to be _extremely_ picky, to the point that my parents had to force-feed me when I was a very young child just so I could realize it wasn't disgusting. They didn't have to force-feed me for long, thankfully, and I've become very open to trying new things. But that doesn't mean that I like drinking water. 😅
@@FenrisianAle That makes sense.
However it’s not problematic for them. They won’t get in trouble just because someone is pseudo-“hacking”
You’re cute 🙂
Can you imagine the little girl growing up, seeing all her classmates celebrating their birthday? She’d totally resent her mother over an uncle who she never knew.
You mean like Jehovas?
Only if they did it for her whole life. If they skipped the first like 3 parties, I feel like that actually isn't unusual. The kids are too young to remember really. You can just take them out to lunch or something like that.
@@PennyAfNorberg yea, they such and are a cult
Yeah, I agree with you. I remember reading that story up on Reddit and going 'WTF? So you're punishing your daughter with preventing her from celebrating her birthday just because somebody in your family tragically died on his?'
It's like everyone banning Easter in my household because my great grandfather died before the Thursday before Good Friday. It's ridiculous and not fair to everyone else. Shame on that mother for prohibiting her daughter from celebrating something as important as her birthday just because her brother died on his.
Imagine a 3-4 year old child, basically a toddler, going home one day and asking "Mommy, what's a birthday?" because for some dumb reason they never heard that word before, but instead of getting an answer, the mother starts freaking-out and crying over her long lost brother...
That birthday story is insane, imagine denying the entire family happiness for years because someone died. That’s literally the opposite of healthy grieving
Imagine trusting someone to respect your boundaries and they blow you off to make their family happy over their spouse. The wife agreed to a party, she only asked that he not post pictures. I agree their grieving process isn't something I would condone, but that doesn't justify betraying a spouse over it. Don't lie to your spouse and cause drama, get them help.
@@Brigand231 Imagine wanting to provide your daughter happiness, but your spouse is actively gatekeeping her away from that.
Seriously
@@Brigand231 nah deal with your own family drama
It’s like that one story where a woman wouldn’t allow children at family functions for many years because she couldn’t have kids. I get it for a time, but it’s not healthy after a certain point
For story 2, I wonder if she wants to try these new places because she knows he like to be adventurous with food even if she isn't.
Whilst that may be the case, she needs to grow up. 'Non-American' food? Seriously? That's just racist crap right there.... and she doesn't have food aversion, otherwise she wouldn't be eating what she does, when it's included in other meals as well.... she could have a chicken stir fry at a Chinese restaurant with white rice...... but she's not..... what does that tell you?
@@noone6559 It's not racist to be scared to try unfamiliar food. It's probably not mentally healthy. But some people don't like things that aren't what they are used to culinary
oh god that hurts
@@noone6559 It's not racism lmao.
@@noone6559I agree that she needs to grow up and stop being an idiot. But what you said isnt racisam in any way lol
Story 4: Celebrating a birthday does not mean you're disrespecting the memory of a dead relative. My great-grandmother died some years back, and we still celebrated birthdays, even visited her grave on occasion.
Everyone has a right to grieve in their own way, BUT even that has limits.
I was wondering how many generations are they planning on to continue with this? "Sweetie, the reason you can't have a birthday party is because my great-great-great-great-great-uncle died young." Also, when the kid is older, is she going to have all her birthdays with her dad's side of the family, with mom and her side of the family pouting over it?
This story was just crazy
Exactly! OPs daughter and future generations shouldn’t be punished! As someone commented, the entire family needs therapy. At this point if OP continues with the “tradition “, her husband will likely file for divorce and try for full custody
Seriously i understand that everyone grieves in different ways BUT and this is a very BIG BUT - you cannot live desperately grabbing at the past without letting the future to grow.
There are other ways to honor the dead. Depriving everyone else of their own birthdays is both cruel and stupid.
Agreed! It's okay to grieve, but don't make everyone else just bend down on their knees and NOT celebrate birthdays- that's just stupid and insane! OP is definitely the YTA!
Story 4: If they loved the brother so much, then why did they give him the legacy of “birthday ender, killer of joy and pooper of parties”?
r/bossfight..... I will see myself out
r/boss fight *the killer of joy*
@@astrology_2 true
Ikr?
Like imagine being a kid in the family and you find out in this family you'll never get to celebrate a birthday because someone you never met died a long time ago.
I would never want that kind of legacy
@@clashdevil2925FINAL BOSS: FIGHT!
Picky eater story: It doesn’t have to do with her not being worth taking out. SHE is asking to go to expensive places, only to order chicken tenders. There’s plenty of other places to go out that aren’t expensive that you can have just as meaningful dates at. Boyfriend is not the bad guy
Exactly like idk why people keep ignoring this main fact, like clearly OP wouldn't care if they went to a more cost effective restaurant to eat and order the same meals.
The other option would be what I do with my folks sometimes where we just get drinks and appetizers at a place
I think the solution is simply he pats for his food and she pays for hers. But I’ll also concede that going to less expensive fancy places probably works too🤷♂️
He’s not a bad guy he just let his frustrations get upset with her
There’s a healthy way of talking with someone about things you don’t like and make a compromise
EXACTLY! In this current economy eating out at Applebees can be considered expensive and she’s wanting to eat chicken tendies at an expensive ass place? If she was offering to split the pay then sure I’d accept it.
Yup.
Chicken Tenders: $15
2 glasses of wine: $14
Tip: 20%
(Then say dessert and coffee/drink)
I’d be annoyed too, between the cost of the food plus the lack of trying new exciting dishes together.
I come from a family that essentially canonized someone who died young (their name can't be used anymore, there's a small shrine to them in my grandparents' home, their birthday is a somber day, etc.) and, honestly, that sucks for everyone else. Grief is real, but it shouldn't be imposed on others.
Tell them that. Make sure it is known that you and whoever else is on your side disagrees with their mindset
Being someone who lost a younger brother at 19... his name is revered in any of our families homes, its healthy to talk about it! To grieve healthily is to talk about and remember the good times!!!
That's curious how different people grieve differently. My grandma lost her first son when he was a teen and she eventually had her third son - my father - and gave him the dead first son's name in his memory. It's sad that my uncle - who I've never known - died, but if it wasn't for his death I probably wouldn't be here
I feel like we're from the same family. Is no one allowed to talk about depression or suicide too because, "it makes us think of *dead relative*"? Yeah, because that's how we heal around here, sweep it under the rug and act like it never happened, oh yeah, we also lie about how he died so we don't feel the shame.
@@TurtleTole94 but it’s kinda excessive, a shrine for them? YOU CANT EVEN SAY THEIR NAME. Too excessive
Story 4: I understand losing a family member is extremely sad, especially when it comes to a child, but not allowing someone to celebrate their birthday over something that happened before she was born is extremely immoral and not fair on her at all.
Everyone grieves in their own way, but this is not a healthy way to do so at all.
I'd go further and say, Everyone grieves in their own way, but has no right to tell OTHER people to grieve for people they have never even met.
@@sourisvoleur4854 True.
However that amount of grief the boys parents will clearly affect others even if they wouldn't force the no birthday rule to others. If you can't even attend other people's happy moments, then there is seriously something wrong with you mentally and you need therapy. Think how much the extended family has to walk on eggshells around OP's parents..
Yeah also there are almost certainly other kids in this family who already exist, are old enough to understand, are probably really upset they can't have a birthday and probably never KNEW the brother. If I died on my birthday I sure as frick wouldn't expect people to never celebrate ever again!
OPs whole family needs therapy.
Exactly. So glad the husband is sticking up for his daughter. She's going to grow up to hate a dead cousin she never even met if they continue to act like this. This is not a healthy way to grieve or honor someone's memory.
@@llamaniaman4002 yeah exactly she deserves to have her birthday celebrated if her family doesn’t like it they need help.
That birthday story is a perfect example of generational trauma. The OP needs to realize how toxic this is and not subject her kids to it.
Yeah exactly that child deserves to have her birthday story that woman annoyed me in that story
IMO the family’s in the clear they asked the birthday wasn’t celebrated no problem asking but then OP lied and said they wouldn’t if she simply said they would celebrate the birthday I doubt that would’ve been a problem because they seemed to be angered at the lying part.
Yeah, in my ideal world, everyone who grew up with a toxic family and realise it wouldn't try to stick with their toxic family just to get inheritance money from them or meet up with social expectations or something like that, rather they would cut ties with them, go no contact with then and not look back. If I was OP in this, rather than sticking with my family just for money, I would've moved out, cut contact with the family and have a whole life myself with the husband and kids.
something else that wasn't touched upon when it comes to the 4th story is how much the child will go to resent op and her family when she grows up. sure, she might not remember the earlier birthdays but how will she feel when she grows up and sees all her friends celebrate their birthdays with their families while op and her family basically snub her on their birthday due to a relative she never met. and what does op and her family do to prevent the girl from celebrating the birthdays of other people, make sure she never has friends so that way she may never know the concept of a birthday. not only is what op 4 and her family is doing will cause her daughter to resent her deceased uncle but grow to hate op and her family for literally making it seem like her birth doesn't matter. this is definitely strange on so many levels
I agree 100%!
Don’t forget, what if she grows up, has her own children, and her family tries forcing her to not celebrate those children’s birthdays? When can the rule end???
@@frootsnacc6790 if the child grows up to resent op and her family they’ll either continue the no birthday cycle of abuse or more than likely they are more likely to cut out OP and her family entirely and go completely over the top with their children’s birthday celebrations to make up for not having them as a child themselves
There were comments questioning what if the child gets invited to others' parties? Will the family ban them from attending because of their own personal no birthdays rule? When will the rule end?
@@ahstiasummers5583 Probably never for OP and her side of the family!
The family birthday party situation is honestly very confusing ya i understand losing a loved one sucks I agree hands down but literally gatekeeping birthdays from other members of the family just because of a family member’s passing sounds insane
The whole family needs some kind of therapy in some way because that’s not normal
I was hoping to find a comment like this, that was so crazy to me. If one person in their family dies after eating a salad ya think they all swear off salads forever?
No I agree honestly they need some kind of therapy
That's just a stupid family, imagine having a familly membre dying and then baning something that person did before their death, like If he died after using the bathroom and then being ban forever from using the bathroom
I agree, the family needs help, but will point out that the wife in the story agreed to a party. Her only request was to not post the pictures and her husband completely betrayed her trust.
Yeah what kind of resolution would be to just not celebrate them? Literally makes no sense, and has the completely opposite effect of what they want
The birthday story reminded me of the previous R/Slash stories where grieving mothers that lost their children or couldn’t get any got upset at other women for having or talking about their children. And while it sucks, just like this story, the world keeps on turning regardless of how you feel and no one has any right to put another person’s life on hold just because they’re having a bad time
In Beetlejuice the Musical, it states "Seems when you lose your mom, no one turns off the sun". That acknowledges that time continues, even without the people you love. It doesn't mean you should stop living. That's a lesson Lydia has to learn in it, and nearer the end, she decides "I'll make the best of being flesh and bone". She hasn't stopped loving and missing her mother, but she's ready to face life without her and rejoin the living world. Plus a set of surrogate parents that are already dead.
Story 2: One of my close friend's grandma hated water. She would only drink soda, juices, etc. This went on for so long that she got the equivalent of a brick sized hard, dry turd blocking her instestine. Her doctor told her that this was going to happen before and she still refused to drink water. They ended up having to take the brick of dry stool out her by hand as an emergency...no anesthesia, no time to explain. Moral of the story, drink water so that your doctor doesn't have to put his arm up your butt!
I will now drink the entire ocean.
@@Seyes17 too much salt, try mineral water, it’s safer (and has less whale residues)
Sounds like there might have been an underlying condition that her doctors ignored. I don't like water, at all. I only drink some while brushing my teeth or if I'm horribly thirsty with no other option. Trust me, I am _not_ constipated. If anything, I have the opposite problem.
@@Ikajo hydration is definitely more complicated than "drink water"
like, im pretty sure you could properly hydrate drinking only tea, the only downside is that it is a diuretic and make you pee more than usual (i think it makes the process of making pee faster or smth, im not sure)
so depending on how you make your tea you can theoretically properly hydrate. i make tea an example bc i only drink tea lmao
Yeah, i absolutely hate water and i only drink it because i force myself to do it cause its healthy
That birthday story literally sounds like a backstory of an edgy character in some kid's movie. Then the protagonist has to show them the "magic of birthdays" and all ends well or something.
omg it does!!
Somebody commission a script, quick!
Second story, op is definitely NTA. I myself have extreme food adversions that get to the point I cry when I smell certain foods.
It's not about not valuing the gf, its about the value of the food, no sensible person begs to go to an expensive reasuraunt just to by chicken tenders, she values the feeling of being in a fancy place more than the money she's wasting.
I'm pretty sure she wants to go to make him happy because he likes to try fancy and new things
On the eating story, I think the girlfriend is entitled to like or not like whatever food. But also OP said he's the one paying when they go out. If the girlfriend wants to go somewhere she can invite OP and pay for it
Story 4: If OP's family can't handle the idea of their own granddaughter having a birthday while their child is gone, then they shouldn't go to any birthdays for several years. I understand it is hard to lose someone so close;however, the world will keep on turning. Deaths will go and birthdays will come. Their granddaughter shouldn't have her life be on hold because of it.
Exactly. Never make your own hang ups other people's problem. Get help or go away.
i wonder if they are the type of people to get mad at people having a birthday party in public. christ, i can't believe that the whole family doesn't celebrate birthdays, i think that they just hide what they are doing from OP's insane and self-centered parents.
What's that line in the musical of Beetlejuice? "Seems when you lose your mom, no one turns off the sun, folks carry on". Of course, in that case, Lydia has every right to ask that people recognize her grief and allow her to recover, but on the other side, life goes on when people die. And eventually, Lydia learns that too - she makes the best of what she has left. The last musical has her tell her mom "I'll miss you every day", but she's ready to move forward because "I'm home".
Regarding story 2, I have some input as someone whose mother has extremely similar eating problems to the girlfriend in the story, and I myself almost maintained her habits by example.
She's the butthole. Even my picky-eating mom would agree. Now, to be clear, it's not because of how she eats; it's that she expects to go out to pricy, nice places, be treated at those high prices, but not actually get the real value out of that gesture because she's (presumably) not getting what the restaurant is actually specialized in. If she wants to go out to eat with her partner, the right answer isn't to just get chicken tendies at every single place and expect the boyfriend to take her to all kinds of different places for that. The right answer is to start looking for a place that has genuinely *ballin'* tendies! Go to a wing place and order boneless! Go to a retro diner and get them with a nice shake or something! Put that money into a place that will make her REALLY GOOD CHICKEN, not mediocre chicken meant to just placate a fussy child.
It's entirely justified to call her childish here, even if it's probably not helpful to resolving their conflict in the moment. My adult, picky-eating, fussy mother still has the self-awareness to recognize how her eating habits affect and limit the people around her when we go out or when we make dinner. Some nights she'll make her own dinner and have the rest of us make something else so we can have a change of pace. If we go out to eat, sure, she might not eat the same things as the rest of us, but the difference there is that we talk together to pick a place that actually has something we all want. If the girlfriend wants to go out, that's great, but she should be at least making sure that she's not just pissing away the boyfriend's money in a wasteful way every time. Sometimes, lazy is fine, but it's kind of on her to speak up at some point and say "Hey, I really appreciate all these nice places you're taking me, but maybe we can go somewhere a little simpler and get a bit more for our buck once in a while, since I don't eat the stuff you do anyway." Take turns. Google the local restaurants. You don't need to go to the fancy place if you're only getting half the experience or less.
Edit: and just for emphasis... If you're not a fancy person, you don't need to eat at a fancy restaurant. One time for the memories and experience of it is great, maybe once a year if you want to make a thing of it. But most people just don't have the tastes to get the most out of truly high-end cuisine, and it's a waste of money. That's not something to be ashamed of. It's like a hobby, and not everyone has the same hobby... But most people don't demand that people buy them model kits and drones and jigsaw puzzles that they don't know how to use.
The birthday one: the whole family and wife are TA! Birthdays are a big thing and it’s someone’s special day. The daughter doesn’t deserve to live in the shadows of someone who probably wouldn’t have wanted this. Grief is a tricky process but to except everyone to do it the same is disgusting. I have kids and their birthdays are extremely important to them and to me. So taking away their day would hurt them so much.
Not to mention the fact the daughter has never met, and never will meet, the deceased uncle, forcing her to not celebrate her own birthday will breed resentment toward OP, her family, and the deceased uncle later in life
I agree, but as someone else pointed out: the husband is also TA as he went behind his wife's back. Like I 100% am behind celebrating the birthday despite the family's traditions because these kind of things can cause children to form mental trauma since they are not allowed to celebrate their birth while other kids are allowed to do so, but the husband should not have posted the pics to social media without OP's consent as it would (and has) cause drama between OP and their side of the family.
TL;DR: everyone sucks and OP's side of the family needs therapy.
Birthdays mean nothing to me. Haven't celebrated mine in almost 2 decades. But why in the hell would I stop other from celebrating their birthday? lol...
How is the wife TA? She agreed to the party, didn't she? She only asked her husband to not post pictures; he agreed and then posted them anyway. That's lying to and betraying his spouse. At best, everyone sucks here.
If such an afterlife existed and brother wasn't some kind of entitled narcissist, he'd probably be horrified that his legacy was being used to prevent anyone from celebrating another birthday
The birthday one is so unhealthy. I understand grief but it is categorically refusing to allow themselves to properly move on. I know it hurts, it will always hurt.
Plus you can always visit the grave site on THEIR birthday. My friend lost her brother about 5 days after his birthday but they don’t gatekeep birthdays from others.
Story 4: yeah to me OP is setting herself up to be a BAD mother already and a bad Wife
If the husband divorced her
Expect this situation to be brought up against her in court for custody rights because let’s think of how bad that’ll look for them by denying the next generations their birthdays because that screams automatic neglect to many
4th story: what kind of screwed up parent wouldn't celebrate a child's birthday. My grandma died on Thanksgiving yrs ago & for 2-3 yrs my mom didn't feel like doing Thanksgiving (which had been a favorite of hers). She finally decided it was time to move on & we've had many great Thanksgivings since. If she doesn't want to celebrate her b-day, that's her choice. Same with her side of the family. But to try depriving a child of a birthday party bcuz someone they never met died on a different day is borderline abuse.
Agreed! OP and her side of the family needs MAJOR therapy
Story 2: as someone struggling with money, I get where op is coming from. However, he could still go out with her, just don't go where the food is ridiculously expensive
That's not wrong he could take her out, but if this is an expensive restaurant imagine the price of chicken tenders. I wouldn't pay $20 for 5 chicken tenders (just a guess), he's right it would be cheaper to just make it at home and take her out to the average person restaurant.
he said it wasn't for the money but that he was embarrassed of her
This! And in expensive restaurant, might not even have that some times... What then??? There are so many options for them spend time and spend money on each other, new place? Go to a new coffee shop.. spend money on her?? Makeup/cloths/hair/massages/jewelry etc... Expensive picnics, a lake or beach day... There are just so many more options then going to in expensive ass restaurant only to get the same thing else where... Experiencing a new restaurant is trying their foods and finding new likes not to just check out the vibe.. sure dude could have said differently but he's not wrong...
You can go out to cheaper places and still have a nice time, especially if both are able to eat the food they like. It should never be about how much money is spent in order to have a good date, rather it should be about spending time together. Spending more money on food should reflect the type of food. Chicken and potatoes are cheap. To expect someone to pay a lot of money for them is ridiculous, and it's hypocritical to give OP all the responsibility to tend to his gf's wants. I bet she would refuse to go to a restaurant that doesn't have anything to her "tastes," yet OP is expected to always adhere to her? He even checks the freaking menu before hand. NTA.
The BF was generous. The GF doesn't eat like a 10y old, more like a picky 3-5y old. If the BF can't deal with the GFs diet it is time to move on.
Story 2: on the otherhand, it isn't courteous to demand a fancy restaurant and not consider his feelings or wallet.
She should pay and then she would have full control to decide his meal.
First story how ungrateful do you have to be to have a free place to stay but not even help out with the basics
I’m betting the SIL was getting paid to look after niece
@desperate need of scotch you'd gave a point if section 8 housing was maintained in the first place. People who live in section 8 housing waited for months, went through endless paperwork, and, yes, they even pay rent. Seems like you just have a stigma against poor people.
@@jariccacierra8445wrong. The people on sec8 have zero respect for anything. You can’t call $100 a month rent. The tax payers pay it.
@@jariccacierra8445 Around here you have to wait a couple years just to get on the waiting list for Section 8 and then another couple years to reach the front of the queue.
@@jariccacierra8445 so because the free or almost free home wasn't in the same good repair as a rented home, that gives the right to trash it further? What about taking pride in your home, and trying to better your situation? Your argument is illogical and poorly thought out.
i’m taking a guess that the family member who died in story 4 was definitely considered the favorite/“golden child” when they were still alive and that his parents cared a lot more about him than the other members of the family
If they didn't then, they clearly do now.
listening to that story i got two thoughts: 1) the brother definitely was a golden child and 2) the only ones who are following the "no birthday parties" rule are OP and her parents. everyone else is just hiding what they are doing from them.
I'm glad you took the time to listen about eating disorders and sensory adversions. My dad often used to yell and get upset at me when certain foods and textures trigger my aversions. The smell of most veggies, cooked fish, sauces (Especially ranch and mustard). I've been called picky but its a literal physical reaction that will make me gag and sick.
Although I'm pretty sure who wanted to drink flavored water only is not an eating disorder
I know you don't have any obligation to respond to someone on YT, but I've been struggling with the same reactions you mentioned (gag reflex, or nausea from just the smell) and never found someone to listen to me. Could you tell me what terms I could google to understand more, other than, you know, just "eating disorders"? I really want to clear this up with a professional if possible :(
Yeah but the girl in the story sounds like she just ate packed food all her childhood and drank soda and refused to grow out of it.
@@tjmonkey5795it is a sensory aversion tho. Or it could be in the gfs case. In my case, water tastes too metallic so I can't drink it plain.
I hear what you are saying about the picky eater story, but the girlfriend does need to be the one to communicate that - I think the question of ‘why do you want to go to fancy restaurants if you don’t like the food’ is a fair question. Yeah there are other reasons to go out but it’s fair to ask what reasons does she want, then they could focus more on activities that actually check more of those boxes
I agree with this. They probably would enjoy other hobbies better. However, I read this post and his other comments, and its very clear that he isn't just asking that question and that going out to eat is VERY important to him. He feels a ton of pride attached to it and attached to what other people at his table are eating.
In an update, he broke up with her when she said she wasn't going to change how she eats. So it really does seem like he only cares about his partner eating the way he does, and not about the money (or even her health. Her diet is restrictive and he says he's embarrassed, not concerned)
@@twistysunshine didn’t it also say in one of his updates that he is a neurodivergent? Which would make a lot of sense. The logic just wasn’t there for him, and it bugged the crap out of him.
Except she DOES like the food. She just likes the chicken strips and stuff. There is a MASSIVE difference between $5 frozen chicken strips from Wal-Mart, and properly prepared, handbreaded, seasoned, marinaded chicken strips.
Just like there's a huge difference between a frozen Hungry man steak dinner and a steak dinner at a steak house.
Just let people get what they like. It's really not that big of a deal.
@@Ilovepointlessstorysas a neaurodivergent, it'd bug the everloving fuck out of me, so I get it.
I've broken up with exes just because all they want to do in a weekend is go out drinking then spend all day with a hangover. I'd rather physically do something or even just get out and enjoy nature and the peace and quiet rather than spend all day in bed with a headache and piss my money away.
@@Skittolzz Nah. your point makes no sense. You can go out to cheaper places and still have a nice time, especially if both are able to eat the food they like. It should never be about how much money is spent in order to have a good date, rather it should be about spending time together. Spending more money on food should reflect the type of food. Chicken and potatoes are cheap. To expect someone to pay a lot of money for them is ridiculous, and it's hypocritical to give OP all the responsibility to tend to his gf's wants. I bet she would refuse to go to a restaurant that doesn't have anything to her "tastes," yet OP is expected to always adhere to her? He even checks the freaking menu before hand. NTA.
Ahahahahaha the shampoo one is some A+ petty revenge. OP addressed the issue, they still didn’t fix it, and so OP pulled a harmless prank on them to send the message. Solid execution.
But it also sounded like they don't like there own kids. They bashed on everything about them.
@@MidwestRider559uhm no. the inly thing op "bashed" their children on was wasting their medicated shampoo. the only other bashing in the story was op bashing how axe smells.
@@epickody3924”because my adult children are idiots?”
How does a grown man own a house but doesn’t understand how women’s bodies operate? How embarrassing (for the BIL) and he should have gotten an extra BH score for telling their family. Props to OPs husband for having her back. Too many times in these stories, the husbands have no uh, backbone. Nice vid btw, Rslash.
I'm going to have to disagree with you on that one. It's obvious to me that the BIL is a germaphobe, given that I am as well. If you were to bleed on my sheets, I would feel so goddamn gross just touching it, even if it were completely clean. I've vomited from picking up a used towel. Good on the husband for having the OPs back though, that we can agree on. Honestly, the only thing in this story that I think is a bit murky is the reimbursement part. On one hand, the BIL asking to be reimbursed for the ruined (in his eyes) sheets is pretty reasonable. On the other, if OP doesn't want to reimburse the BIL, then that's her prerogative. It sucks that OP doesn't realize that the BIL is most likely a germaphobe, but if she knew that he was, then she's the BH.
@@leorohloff7639 I mean this sincerely, if your not already, get help. Gagging over a towel sounds like a living hell
@@leorohloff7639 The issue I have is the amount he wants. Even for replacing bedsheets, you can't possibly want THAT much. I also find it pretty amusing that the BIL's attempt to brigade on OP also failed, since everyone on HIS side of the family went "not my problem", assuming he lied or told them half-truths.
@@leorohloff7639 I'm sorry but that's bullcrap. He wouldn't let her in the hot tub either (something you fail to mention), which means he's not a germaphobe, he's someone prejudiced and ignorant about periods. If he were a germaphobe, he wouldn't let anyone in his hot tub without showering first. Just think how sweaty groins, feet and armpits get, for example. But he singles her out just because he knows she's on her period.
Also, she said she bleached the stain out. That means the sheet is probably cleaner than a sheet you buy new from a store!
I hope you don't ever stay in hotels, or whatever. They are NOT clean. Just because you can't see a visible stain, doesn't mean it's hygienic. I'm sorry you're a germaphobe but that doesn't mean you get to treat other people like crap because of it. OP is NOT a butthole for having a period, you absolute maniac.
It’s not that he doesn’t understand how women’s bodies work.
What does being grossed out by blood have to do with knowing biology?
He had a right to act the way he did. You people have no manners if you think that what OP did was ok in any way.
Story 4: What I want to know is what was so unimaginably special about OP's brother that an entire family and extended family chose to give up celebrating birthdays? Was he the second lollipopping coming of Christ? The undiscovered 15th Dalai Lama? Or did the family just have a seriously unhealthy obsession with this one child? Loosing someone sucks, it sucks hard, but to cut out a celebration of others seems like a recipe for resentment. OP and her family should realize that if this keeps up her husband may choose to depart from the family and throw massive parties for his daughter, which will just drive a larger and larger wedge between OP and her child.
If he was that good of a guy he wouldn't want people to lose their birthdays
@@mariposa9506 agreed. I can't speak to what the brother would have wanted, as we only know he died young, but it doesn't matter. To paraphrase Thomas Jefferson, "The dead should not rule the living."
He must have been the golden child and OP has been gaslit her entire life. The brother died at 17 and OP has a kid now so this probably happened nearly a decade ago. A decade of gaslighting will make anyone crazy.
@@mariposa9506 Well said.
@@ArcanineEspeon thanks!
Concerning the birthday story, I 100% agree with rSlash. My maternal grandfather died suddenly from stroke complications on my 21st birthday (my mom called me to tell me the news the next day, because she didn't want to ruin my birthday with devastating news). I was close with my Grandpa, so for quite a few birthdays after that, I would get pretty sad. Even over 10 years later, I still get sad but my grief has evolved from not wanting to celebrate my birthday at all, to being able to celebrate my birthday, while also lighting a candle for my grandpa, and celebrating his life by living mine to the fullest, and being happy celebrating with my friends. Grief sucks, losing people on big events sucks, but it's definitely not fair to push that on other people. Hopefully her family realizes that and can work past this toxic way of grieving (I did).
Anyway, love your vids! Always a major fan!
I have a weird family situation, in which I live with my biological father after my adoptive dad died the week Father's Day always falls in. Do I avoid Father's Day celebrations because of the death? No, even if it's still painful. I celebrate my dad's life with some gesture, and my father's existence with another. That woman and her entire family are literally insane. People die, some on big days, but that doesn't give you the right to impose that insane avoidance on your own, innocent, oblivious kids.
The story about not allowed to celebrate the birthday reminds me of another one where they couldn't celebrate Christmas anymore cuz someone died on Christmas. This one is even more insane, that entire family needs therapy
Story 2: I'm a picky eater that has always had huge anxiety around inconveniencing people or embarassing them by getting chicken strips at a restaurant. For most of my life it had a huge impact on my self worth, and fed into my depression. It never got any better until I was with someone that knew how to gently encourage me to try new things, without judging me for not or for hesitating.
Yes!! The way to help picky eaters and people with ARFID is to gently encourage them and not force them to eat something they don't want to! Forcing them only makes us hesitate and hate the food more in my experience. I'm so glad you found someone who is kind to you about this!
I'm the same way. Growing up with then-undiagnosed autism, I got shit from *everyone,* especially family about how I ate. That I was being too gross, using my hands too much, that I was too slow, that I was too picky, etc etc.
When I moved in with my dad, that started to change, because I can name one instance where he ever criticized how I eat. And we'd cook together a lot, and I got to trying more things. And it especially got better when I moved in with my best friend and current s/o, where I discovered a love not just for *tasting* new things, but cooking itself, because we have a culture in our house of encouraging the others to taste stuff, even weird stuff. I do still have a lot of weirder preferences, but I also cook whole meals for the three of us just for my own love of it.
It's almost like when people are patient with you, you tend to come out of your bubble more, or something like that.
Tbh for this exact reason op and girlfriend sound incompatible, he clearly has a issue with her food preferences yet doesn’t seem to be doing anything to help her, just expects her to one day magically not be picky anymore
But that's the difference between you and OPs girlfriend. You are trying new thing, at your own pace, maybe a very slow pace, but you are moving forward. From the sound of it OPs GF is on a complete standstill. And that's a big difference.
But of course we don't know how OP handled all of this in the past and how GF reacted.
For you, I wish for you to find a lot of new things over time, that are tasty for you.
@@crizmeow8394 From the sounds of it he's been taking her to expensive restaurants for a long time. He literally said he's soent $20 on chicken strips for her before. Sounds like she just isn't interested in at all and OP is, rightfully, just not interested in spending lots of money on cheap food
Imagine if the dad actually agreed to never celebrate the daughter's birthday. Then imagine if she gets invited to a friend's bday party, she would be so confused and then probably angry
Right! The daughter is definitely gonna grow to resent her mother, her mom’s family, and her dead uncle if this continues! And honestly, I wouldn’t blame her
Not only that she will hate her family good idea to ruin your relationship with your children like that
Chances are her mom won’t even want her to go to any.
@@superphantom100 and that’s utterly disgusting
Not really? Why are y'all acting like that means her birthday would never be acknowledged ever. You do know you can do something other than a huge party and celebration on a birthday, right?
In the restaurant story, Rslash, you're missing the fact that he's not refusing to go out with her anywhere, just not to pricey food places. There's plenty of other places they can go without wasting money. I disagree, I think OP is NTA
OP is the a-hole for talking down on his partner like that, though
My maternal uncle, who I'm named after, died on my Mum's 25th birthday a few months before I was born. Even with that awful memory she still celebrates her own birthday. She also remembers her brother on that day as well and celebrates his life. That story is nuts, who cancels everyone's birthday celebration over someone's death?
My grandpa died 2 days before my 16th birthday, and the funeral was 2 days after, and even worse my younger cousin's birthday is the day grandpa died although she was really young when he dide so I don't know how much she remembers him. The point is we still celebrate our birthdays. The only birthday I skipped was my 16th, but that's kinda fair I think.
Apparently OP and her delusional family! 🙄
I once ended up going to a family friend's memorial service on my birthday. Then went out to dinner to celebrate her wonderful life and my birthday.
It wasn't the end of the world, but someone else once told me that his mother considered her birthday as "the day of hell" after losing someone on her birthday.
I've got a friend whose mother passed from Covid a couple years ago. The day before that happened was the friend's girlfriend's birthday, and the day AFTER was their brother's birthday. They still celebrate both, and celebrate the mom's life as well around that time of year. Cancelling it does seem WAY off to me.
For story 2 I'd say NSH, simply because OP's girlfriend can't help being like that if she hasan eating disorder, and to be honest, I kind of agree with OP in one point: it sucks to pay a ridiculous price for a cheap item that's expensive just because of the restaurant name.
And no, this shouldn't be a matter of "oh, if you don't think she's worth the money spent then you don't love her". That's logic can be so easily turned around to favor the boyfriend.
It's something they both have to talk about.
I say that the GF is the AH because she's just a picky eater, vs eating disorder. If it was an eating disorder, then OP would be the AH. But yeah, what's the point in going to a fancy restaurant if she's not going to sample the cuisine that they make them who they are? (Red Lobster, Longhorn Steakhouse, etc.)
I could agree with a NTA here. I feel like this may just be one of those comparability moments for OP and his gf.
I also have many food aversions and rarely try new things, so I simply just wouldn’t date someone who is super enthusiastic about trying new foods and wants me to do the same.
Sometimes people just aren’t compatible and that doesn’t necessarily make anyone the bad guy. But I do think how OP could have approached it more gracefully lol
Right?!? If she next said, “I want a new Jaguar roadster” and OP didn’t buy it for her, would she still be “unworthy”? No!! Of course not! And there are plenty of ways to buy tenders and enjoy a date. Make 15 bucks worth of them and go to the park for instance. Not just throw money away for the sake of throwing it away
@@Wolfie713 To be fair to the gf, a lot of people think they're just picky eaters who actually have eating disorders or some other external reason. I thought I was just a picky eater until I found out I was autistic lol
@@ivilrat If she has a medical condition which prevents her from eating certain foods, that's one thing. But she's choosing to not drink plain water and such. From what OP described, she's not allergic to anything, she just lacks a cultured tongue. If she was allergic to certain things then she'd be restricted on places she could eat at based on those allergies. She's not allergic to water, she just wants it to have flavor. I've known people who are like that, where they insist that plain water tastes bad. Well to them it tastes bad because they are so used to liquids being artificially flavored. I know the experience first hand as well, as at one point I rarely drank water so that when I did, it seemed weird tasting to me. Now I mostly drink water with an occasional soda (like Canada Dry's Bold Ginger Ale or other caffeine free sodas) or other type of drink. She's just like an overgrown spoiled kid who is either afraid to try new foods, or doesn't want to "give in" because her pride won't let her. I had an allergy, sort of. As a small kid, I remember throwing up a few times after eating mashed potatoes. Because of that, I avoided eating it because I didn't want to throw up. After many years of avoiding it, I had discovered I had actually eaten it without realizing it because of eating a shepherd's pie. So then I tried it more directly and was just fine. So I had spent many years avoiding it even though I love potatoes (like baked potatoes). But it was based on experience that I avoided it rather than just being a picky eater.
If she has a medical condition then she needs to inform her bf so that he can be more accommodating towards her. Otherwise, she should quit complaining unless she's going to try new foods OR pay for her own meals herself. If she's had bad experiences with certain foods when she was younger, then depending on how long ago, she might need to give them another try, just to see if her body couldn't handle it when she was a little kid (if that's when, but if a teenager, maybe not risk it).
I really appreciate you taking time to learn about EDs and food sensitivity. It’s a real issue for some of us, but people don’t take it seriously when it can be absolutely debilitating at times. Also the maturity it takes to acknowledge you don’t know something and then go learn about it
Question..... I don't know much about it either, but isn't there a point when it becomes ridiculous? Not liking something, I get. Not liking anything that isn't American food? Really?
@@lexischannel544 that part is probably genuine pickiness rather than an ED, yes. But at the same time, she may have some associated trigger that we don’t know about, so it’s tricky.
With mine, it’s not so much that I refuse to eat things that are from certain cultures, it’s more that the foods that are generally safe (things my brain allows me to eat without purging or starving myself) tend to be foods I grew up with. Because of that, I gravitate towards foods I know I can eat without triggering anything. But I also don’t refuse to try things that aren’t American in origin or association
That being said though, while it may just be her being picky, the word “ridiculous” probably isn’t the best way to phrase it, especially since if it is borne from a genuine issue in her brain, it can be triggering to essentially call her stupid/crazy
Thank you for asking your question so genuinely! This is exactly the type of knowledge seeking we need more of :)
@@danaevelyn7384 I can see I might have phrased that like a jerk lol
Yeah this boyfriend is an AH. He’s embarrassed by his girlfriend. Which is fine, then breakup. 🤷🏻♀️ Stop pretending this is her problem. Also, people go out to eat food they could cook at home all the time. That’s not why people go to restaurants. And maybe if he was less of an AH she might try other things.
@@Janjones7735
Most foods tend to take more time and effort to actually prepare than make it at home. Depending on the ingredients, it can even be more expensive. Chicken tenders are not fancy restaurant worthy. It's something that is extremely cheap and can be thrown in an oven being upsold 100%.
The fact that she was insistent on going and had no intentions to pay screams volumes.
First Story: NTA. This is YOUR house. Which means - your rules. AND you've also signed the lease with your in-laws. So you are 100% in the right.
Whats the saying? My house my rules. If you do not like it then there is the door.
Morons on Reddit: Your house your rule? I’m triggered. My father said the same thing and I hate him. Why won’t people enable my entitled behavior?
Story 2: NTA
@@MrDoverfield Because the private kindergarten is 5 blocks down
The girlfriends food pickiness does need to be addressed, but separate from the conversation in the post.
Edit:
Just to be clear folks, I wasn’t saying op isn’t in the wrong. He absolutely is.
True, but in my opinion OP is still NTA.
My nest friend's wife is the same way. There is a reason no one invites them out to est anywhere that isn't a McDonalds. He's not wrong, but he also could have handled it better
OP is YTA. This is America, you have the legal right to eat whatever the hell you want within reason. Plus who the hell eats air fried chicken nuggets. That sounds really disgusting. I would rather spend $15 on chicken nuggets at a restaurant than eat air fried versions of them. Also, the OP in the story sounds snobby as hell.
Honestly, as somebody who is a picky eater, I don’t understand why she wants to go to fancy places. You learn to eat within your boundaries and explore at your own place. Why does she want to put herself on a very uncomfortable position when she can just ge the same thing at home or on a restaurant that doesn’t charge a bunch of money for chicken or burgers.
I’m trying to find it but someone reported that there is an update. OP and his gf had a talk. They broke up after gf confided to OP that she will never change her diet and if she has kids, she expects them to eat only what she likes.
For the Eating story, as someone who has an older sibling that acts the same way, and for myself to have an ED, the boyfriend is NOT the bad guy. The girlfriend is being completely unreasonable for asking to go to expensive places, then proceed to order chicken tenders, she may have an ED and for that to be a safe food, but it doesn’t change the fact that she’s asking to go to expensive restaurants
Story 4 honestly gave me strong Coco vibes with how the family bans birthdays and music respectively because of one family member dying.
OP's daughter should seek out her late uncle in the afterlife and heal the family in the process
Story 1: Really? She really said OP tricked them into signing the lease, they literally just signed it and didn't say anything! It's OP's house, and OP has all the rights. These in-laws needs to pull their weight, contribute more and not be lazy, or else they'll have to leave. NTA OP.
Rslash, the birthday story is even more insane because the brother didn't even die on that child's birthday. He died on his OWN birthday, and the family refuses to celebrate ANY birthdays in general because of it.
Story 4: imagine how much you’d have to hate someone to give them the legacy of “birthday ender”
Story 3: they have their own shampoo why are they even touching yours? There is an easy solution to this though, banned them from keeping their stuff in the bathroom and get them those bathroom baskets so they can have all their stuff separate from yours. It's your house so you get tired of your stuff in the bathroom, boom problem-solved.
It sounds like they push and knock over OPs shampoo to make room for their stuff. I do like your solution that the kids have their owns baskets. They should be thankful OP hasn’t at least started charging the oldest rent
@@lorilancaster5917 what's up with americans charging their OWN CHILDREN with rent?
@@chopie7 it depends on where that rent money is going. If the money is going towards helping paying the light bill, electric bill, mortgage/rent, I can understand. But if you're charging them just to charge them, it's wrong. There's nothing wrong with helping pay the bills of the home.
@@Slushiii6804 yes, helping the bills, buying groceries and if there's an actual rent pay a part of it, yes. But is we assume the parents have their own home and not in a difficulty money wise, why should their child pay rent? They can help at home with the bills, but paying rent that goes straight to parents pockets is outrageous.
How is the person expected to pay rent and save money to move out?
If the parents are charging rent and then taking those money and setting them aside for the kid to have a savings for later on, then that's wonderful. But otherwise it's just cruel to make your kids pay.
@@chopie7 you mean OP shouldn’t charge her oldest child whose a college graduate and should have a job rent in order to teach responsibility? They aren’t children! Even the younger is a junior in college
I've had not one, but two close family members die or be buried on MY birthday. My grandpa, and a cousin that I loved like a brother. I hated my birthday because of it, and I proposed no longer celebrating it. Out of all of the people I told this to, I expected the uncle who was that cousin's father to agree the most. But he blew me away with his answer: it sucks that I lost my son, and I'd love it if we remembered him on this day, but it shouldn't stop us from celebrating you and your life.
It was an important lesson: we can remember and celebrate both those who passed away as well as those who are still here. It feels to me like the family in the birthday story hasn't learned this lesson yet.
The picky eater girlfriend story really reminds me of that one story where the guy has a really refined palette and his in-laws do not so whenever he would buy expensive steak they would cook it well done! I feel like we're in a similar situation here
Story 4: Forcing all family in perpetuity to never have birthday celebrations because of one tragic event is absolutely idiotic. I get that this is painful for them, but...forcing everyone around them to share their pain forever is a butthole move. I'm with the husband.
Hey rSlash! I’ve been listening to you for a while and I wanna say that I absolutely love how you have listened to your community as time goes on! About your break, about eating disorders, it’s very refreshing and very much appreciated!
I wanted to add what I know about EDs and food repulsión specifically. While yes some EDs are about having “safe” foods. There is a documentary here on yt of this one guy who could only eat Mac and cheese and it is just as difficult as more “typical” Eds like Bulimia and Anorexia. However like with all things, being a picky eater doesn’t mean you have an ED. Take me for example I 100% still eat like a kid (veggies are a no in most contexts ti the point that I pick then out, refuse sodas, generally afraid of food I don’t know) but I don’t have an ED. It is more of a habit to me and if I really wanted to, I could eat those things (I might gag but I can). So while yes it is very, *very* important that we are considerate to those with reservations about eating and not being harsh, we should also use our judgement. In this case, I feel like the gf is more so on my end of things where it’s a preference. She could put in the effort to try something similar and if she really needs to pick it apart to get rid of what she doesn’t want. Idk about what the A-hole score for this would be, but I just wanted to add my own 2 cents!
Even if she could physically make herself eat something other then chicken tenders at a nice restaurant, doing so would be even more of a waste of money than the chicken tenders. Right now OP feels like $15 on chicken tenders is a waste of money, which I get. But they’re still enjoying each other’s company and a nice night out. But how is spending $15 (probably more) on food someone hates better than $15 on chicken tenders? And on top of money being wasted, she’s going to be miserable all night and probably resenting him making her get something else. The only positive in that situation is the boyfriend feeling like the money spent on the food is worth the food, even though he’s not the one eating it. I’m an incredibly picky eater as well-being I hate it and I want to like a wider variety of food but I just don’t. When I go out to eat, I’m going to spend that money on food I know I’ll like. If it’s childish compared to what everyone else gets I’ll feel embarrassed but I’m not going to spend money on food I hate and ruin my night out to appease societal standards of acceptable food for adults.
@@sabrinaheizenrader5635 I was so embarrassed about my eating habits that I tried to find a "safe option" at every restaurant so I don't look like an idiot in front of others. Eventually, though, I started realizing that it's a bigger waste to try all of the menu and never finish/enjoy a single meal than it is just sticking to safe options and getting a simple grilled cheese or something, regardless of how childish it looks. So, I relate heavy.
@@slimeball2765 Same for me. I have a lot of texture issues that sadly act up with the way that a lot of vegetables work (very grateful that ordering machines have become more common in fast-food places so I don't have to tell a human being that I don't want any salad, pickle or tomato on a burger, previously only ate the bacon king at Burger King cause there are no vegetables on it anyway), but I've learned with time that making vegetables into a purree or something like that helps. Trying new things is always a cool idea, but I know I have textures that are absolute no-gos and avoid them like hell. If that means that I get the fries, or the grilled cheese when nothing else on the card seems like I'd be able to eat it without issue then so be it. When I am out with friends and family who understand my issues I might be more experimental when I know that someone else is ordering something I could definitely eat and we talk about being willing to change beforehand. That helped me learn that I actually can tolerate a little carrot if everything else in a bun is both tasty and has non-horrible textures.
I have really grown to love curry in recent years as well, but I also really don't wanna know if the people at the only curry place I go to recognise me now when I go grab the order because I always get the butter chicken thali as in: I get the same meal every one or two weeks there (and yes, it's the autism lol). Might have to see if they also have Aloo Palak sometimes cause I know I like that too from the year when I thought being a pescetarian would be fun because I was too lazy to spend like 10 minutes looking up how to properly cook meat.
@@sabrinaheizenrader5635 and they can't enjoy each other's company at home after throwing some tenders in an air fryer?
For me I think she is being unreasonable. Like why not just save the money on the chicken, have it at home then go out and spend the money you saved on a different date that isn't having dinner at a fancy place that you can't eat anything at
I have autism and with it, ARFID, and I think the second story is NTA. I'm aware of my eating habits and actively work on them because I know it's causing me to lose out on delicious food and agreed, what a waste of money to go to a fancy place full of quality food and get.... fries?? and make someone pay a ton for.... fries??
And idk, it's not on him to address her ED, and she's the one who needs to learn too navigate it AND its effects on others
If you aren't the one getting fries how do you know if it's a waste of money?
She doesn't have an eating disorder, she has a "I can't live with races other than my own" disorder, i.e. she's racist.
@RRW it really all depends on how expensive the place you're going, if I'm spending like 10-15$ for tenders, cool whatever, but once it gets past that nah fam you're paying.
@@RRW359 it’s a waste of money cuz u could’ve got them same fries from mcds for 2$ instead of 10$
I think what people are missing is it’s not really about the money. If it was about the money, he could have just asked her to start paying for her own meals.
He doesn’t want to stop going to restaurants because of the money, it’s because he’s embarrassed to be seen with her because of how she chooses to eat. He says so himself in the story.
_ Grandma, why doesn't our family celebrate birthdays like everyone else?
_ There was this guy who died 70 years ago...
Hey RSlash, thanks for working to be more understanding and open minded about eating disorders. It means a lot to me as a viewer and person with eating disorder history. I know a lot of it can seem really wild to an outsider but that just shows all the more what it can feel like to struggle with it. I carry a lot of shame for not liking things, especially out at restaurants and such, I feel so guilty about ordering something and not liking it, so I only ever order "safe" options.
As for the water, imo there isn't really such a thing as "unflavored water" (tho I know OP means water without added flavoring. Depending on where you live, water tastes different. I grew up in a house with well water, and the water was so crisp and clean and delicious, but literally anywhere I've lived since has city water, and it's always disgusting. Water will always have trace amounts of minerals, and depending on the chemical makeup of your particular water, it will taste different. For people who have not had consistent access to GOOD plain water, I totally understand "hating water". And I know a lot of NON-ED people who won't drink plain water. Cuz yea, the tap water at home is gross.
Edit to add: I don't wanna crap on the picky girlfriend because obviously I relate, but at the same time, I'm on the bfs side. Going to fancy restaurants makes me super anxious because of how picky I am. I always fear people are watching me and judging me. Sometimes I have very strong reactions to foods I try, and can't help my gag reflex. For example the first time I tried champagne was at a wedding and it made me gag. My mom looked at me horrified, and I felt horrified because I just openly gagged on the fancy champagne but I can't help it! Currently, my bf (who is also an adventurous eater like OP) suggested going to a fancy Japanese restaurant for our birthdays. I want to go to make him happy, but I'm so scared to be judged about not liking the top tier chef made food. And then I feel even worse that we will pay a lot of money for a meal I tried and didn't like, and therefore didn't eat.
Idk where the gf is coming from, wanting to go to fancy places, knowing how picky she is. Maybe she feels less shame than I do, which honestly congrats because this much shame about picky eating sucks.
TLDR: thank you RSlash for trying to better understand/learning more about Eating Disorders, and also OP is NTA, but maybe could work to be more understanding.
Edit edit: I tend to use the language of "disordered eating" over Eating Disorder, when talking about people I don't know. Because that level of pickiness often is part of disordered eating, but it may not be enough to be a diagnosis, or I don't know if it's a diagnosis. The eating is disordered, whether or not it is an "Eating Disorder".
My shampoo cost $90 each. Every time we have a guest I hide my shampoo cuz I know my old roommate used to have guests that used to walk straight into my bathroom and steal high end makeup and skincare like I’m a freakin free store. I am SO PROTECTIVE of my shampoo and conditioner 😂 I would be fuming if the same person spilt my shampoo over and over again
Story 2:
I have a general thought floating around this, mainly around the reactions to this story, so here goes
Although I really love and appreciate that people are finally starting to consider physical health issues, medication and EDs when talking about being "picky", a thing I'd like to bring up is sensory issues (and related things like autism, adhd, so on)
I know this is still a very stigmatized topic for no good reason but
I think people should take into account that sensory issues are part of what makes certain conditions disabilities. While it can get frustrating for one's surroundings, it's also extremely frustrating for someone with sensory issues to be so often faced with others being mad at them for having these issues.
The same way most people can't make themselves stick an arm into an open flame and would hit fight or flight if it was forced, sensory issues can be bad enough to trigger the same response, just from things that are often more common and less objectively dangerous.
So uh yeah, I'd say some of these "picky" people might just have sensory issues or something similar, and the repeated types of food they gravitate towards are likely some of the only things their brain accepts as safe.
Additionally, sometimes people suffer from food allergies or sensitivities without knowing. I discovered I'm allergic to melon a few years ago, until then I assumed my reaction was normal. Since then, I have started to suspect I might have a sensitivity to raw tomatoes due to a cross reaction with my grass allergy. No wonder I don't want to eat stuff I'm not familiar with.
@@Ikajo Oh yeah! That's an important point as well, thanks for adding it.😄
I mainly spoke on those issues as that's personally my struggle, but yeah.
Honestly the more a person looks, the more they realize that the case of someone lying or being malicious is far more rare than someone having genuine issues and not the tools to express it or deal with them effectively.
@@alexanderkinzel3371 I mean, I am fairly picky, but realising I have allergies/sensitives gave another dimension to it.
This was a really well thought out comment, thanks for making it😊
This exactly! I'm autistic, and my sensory issues make me an extremely picky eater. My parents took every small victory they could with me, and even now I'm a big factor in choosing what restaurants we go to. If there isn't a comfort food for me to fall back on, I will often just skip the meal altogether.
I feel guilty for my habits, but these things aren't easy to control.
Story 5 - It's his hot tub, if he thinks there will be a hygiene issue (wrong or right) that is his prerogative. But wanting you to buy new sheets when the sheets are clean with no stains that even he could find, is nuts.
I would say for story 2. I would say that he’s NTA. She is absolutely not OPs problem. If she wants to go to that restaurant, she can pay for herself. Why should OP be obligated to pay every time
And for the same food everytime no matter what with different prices
Yeah…the fact that he’s generally the one that pays changes things quite a bit
He does come off as rather judgmental, but that’s not what the post is about
If anyone says YTA, they better have a damn good answer on why OP should be obligated to pay for this
I think it's a NAH story I get that OP finds it annoying that she is a bit more picky than him but there are plenty of reasons why someone is picky with food like having ED, cancer, autism or food trauma so they only eat what they know is comforting
@@dragonriderabens9761 Cause the post and main reason given wasnt about the money, it was about him being embarrassed to take her out cause he finds her eating habits as "childish" and that's why he's an asshole.
He's obsessed with the image presented when they go out over taking a person he supposedly loves out for a meal. If you actually love and care about someone, you don't give a shit about stuff like that.
He should have talked to her about it instead of saying "I'm not taking you out but you eat childishly" my husband has an ED where any other food than his comfort foods make him sick. We're working on it but the point is I ask we did research and got him diagnosed. OP should have been nicer to the one he Supposably loves.
"It's insane how much grip a company has on us, which is why I use this company!"
Not dissing you in any way rslash, I'm happy for you and your sponsorships, that was just a hilarious way of transitioning
The birthday story reminds me of the plot of Coco where the great great grandmother (or something i forget) bans music from the house bc she thought her husband had left her to pursue a career in music. Its not only ridiculous but its just punishing everyone for something that was no ones fault to begin with.
Story 2. My issue is that the BF pays every single time. At that point, it seems like she views him as a meal ticket seeing as she requests to go to super fancy/expensive places and just expects him to pay.
Just like when Mr. Redder covered this, no one even bothered to address the "no non-American food" part of it on his thread about it, either.
@@kespeth2 You can like non-american food. That's a preference. I don't see an issue. Some people don't like certain foods. I don't like Cajun food, it's too spicy for me. I don't like the flavors, but that doesn't mean anything deeper than that.
Exactly! It’s not just about her not being open minded about new foods. It’s about the fact she expects OP to be open walleted
@@kespeth2yeah. I think if she actually said those words specifically that's a bit of a red flag. But given the comments I read of this guy, I don't think she actually said anything offensive. I just think he takes a lot of pride in the fact that the food he eats is "non American".
Additionally "american" food like chicken nuggets has a consistent texture/flavor (unlike some meals from other cultures), and is likely something she grew up eating and is used to. If it is a food sensitivity, then that would probably be why, as things like ARFID are heavily dependant on food textures and flavors remaining consistent
Altho if she is just being racist/xenophobic screw her
@@toothless3835 I'm a picky eater, and I've been trying to expand my horizons.
7:15 no bro, he's saying it's not worth it to go out to eat when he can just buy what she wants for an 1/8th of the price.
It means so much to me that rSlash is learning more about stuff like ARFID :) so many times I'll see stories where the person called the asshole is someone who has the same eating issues as me. Such a big creator addressing it makes me very happy
See, I really appreciate people like rSlash, willing to learn and grow as a person when given the opportunity (talking about things like the eating disorder things). It's really nice to see, and I appreciate rSlash a lot for it!
Except now he doesn't know the difference between genuine eating disorders and just a picky, probably xenophobic, eater.
Nah je a hypocrite
Story 2: the issue is that it's not worth the extra price for her only eating basic food that costs more because of the restaurant. If I'm gonna eat basic stuff, I wouldn't enter a special restaurant.
In theory that would be the issue, but the guy doesn't even suggest splitting the bill. The entire post is about her restrictive eating, with 1 line about money, and a ton of people are focusing on the money part. He doesn't even seem concerned about how her restrictive eating might be affecting her, he just says he's embarrassed about how he looks in a nepalese restaurant.
He even seems fine to pay more if she orders something else. That's his perogative I suppose, but I think we can acknowledge its weird that he wants to choose what meal she eats, even if what she chose would be way cheaper than what he would. And having this much pride in what someone else eats seems like a setup for disaster
agreed like everyones skipping over his actual point which is: why would u go to xyz restaurant if u literally dont want the food? im autistic and completely understand food aversions but genuinely if ur not gonna eat the food then what exactly are u going to that place, even moreso when its expensive to be there? the boyfriends right, and its understandable that hes frustrated. hes not saying he doesnt wanna go out with her at all, but if she only wants chicken tenders, they should just go to a cheaper place with food she actually likes to eat, instead of insisting on the places that serve things shes not at all interested in
@@stormkive4356 Maybe she should get help and stop making her mental illness everyone else's problem? Just like any illness, mental or not, it may not be your fault you have it, but it's your responsibility to treat it as well.
Why pay more for vanilla gelato when you can just have a glass of cold milk?
@@twistysunshine I don’t find it weird at all. It’s weird that she wants to go to these places, and know that that’s all she’s going to get. That is what I find extremely weird. What’s the thought process? I’m really having trouble with that. For example I’m a pescatarian. I do not go to Korean barbecue restaurants here (or steak houses). Sure they probably have something there. I could probably get a salad. What is the point? Now if I’m with a group of people, and they all want to go. Sure I’ll go I’ll eat a salad. If I insisted I’m going to Korean barbecue with my SO, only because I want to. Just to get a salad. Everybody in that restaurant should look at me very strangely, because that makes no sense.
14:35 i think the husband is an AH aswell for posting his daughter online, when its not mutually agreed, especially if he has an open account. OP is definetly a bigger AH for not wanting her daughter to have a birthday. Husband gets 0,5 on the AH score, OP gets 2.
First Story, NTA: The opportunity SIL and family have is the type that people would kill for. All she has to do is help around the house here and there and she can live in OP's house rent free?! Bro lmao, she is about to screw herself and her family over just because she is lazy
Second Story, NTA: I get there are preferences but I wouldn’t spend like $15-20 on chicken tenders and white rice. Literally all of this can be made at home, why should OP have to spend $15-20 on something that can be bought from a supermarket for way less and can be made at home? I would agree rSlash but the thing is, she isn’t paying for any of the dinners; OP is.
Third Story, NTA: $80 for shampoo is insane lmao. That being said, OP tried to talk to them about it but they refused to listen
Fourth Story, YTA: I understand grieving but trying to make everyone not celebrate birthdays because a family member died is absolutely insane. The kid isn’t even born yet and OP's husband celebrating the birth of his child is a problem? These expectations are insane; what if their kid wants to celebrate their birthday as they grow up? Are they just suppose to skip her birthday like it never happened because OP's brother died?
Fifth Story, NTA: OP got the stain out and cleaned the sheets. This man is acting like periods is something go be afraid of, its a natural process all women go through. I really hope he doesn’t have a daughter because this guy seems like he would charge his own daughter if she unexpectedly have her period and it gets on something
Here before the edits :)
@@honoredtigeryup, good to see ya
Story 2: Even if you wouldn't spend $15-$20 on chicken tenders, I do think the dining out experience is part of the cost. An extreme example of this would be Benihana. You're paying $20, easily almost double the asking price of the foods from anywhere else, as well as being on the lower end of complexity. But, part of it is for the show that comes along with the food.
@@ohnosmoarlulcatz Besides, maybe $15-20 chicken tenders taste better than the ones you could buy for $5 to heat at home. Why would she turn down something that probably tasted better for the price?
Yeah, I agree with you on the fourth story. OP, you and your parents need MAJOR therapy!
4th story: WTF? The family puts a stop to ALL birthdays bc of his death? I highly doubt the brother would want that.
i know a handful who wont drink any water, just sodas and tea and coffee. Just won't touch plain water
Story 2: NTA. If gf wants to get the same basic McDonald's chicken tenders at a pricey restaurant, she should pay for it at least.
Story 2: I'm no expert on Food Aversion and Eating Disorders, and I don't know if this is a good approach, but I probably would've just ordered something that the GF might like and give her a little bit to try (heck, that's what my parents did).
I don't know, maybe the GF just doesn't feel like trying new things, whether it's the result of an ED or not.
Thank the hell out of you for using "would've" instead of would of.
I'm a fairly picky eater. If I'm going out to eat, I go for the safe option. Simply because eating at a restaurant is expensive. So rather than wasting money in case I don't like something, I pick something I'm going to like.
One thing to keep in mind, sometimes food aversions can be caused by unknown food allergies or sensitivities. Or they have a more sensitive sense of taste, noticing things most people don't.
I have ARFID and this is a good approach to the situation! Offer her something she might like, tell her what's in it, and don't freak out if she refuses. ARFID's difficult to live with and I'm incredibly grateful whenever people without it are understanding like this :)
my partner was just about as picky as OP's GF when we first got together, but with the main thing she would eat being chicken burgers and would not touch red meat or any form of fish. (at least she drank water and was ok with vegetables)
I slowly managed to get her to try new things and now if anything she is more adventurous than I am, some of her favourites are now things like Indian curries, sushi (including sashimi) and Thai curries. she will try pretty much anything once. She even likes muttonbirds, I have never known a woman that likes them (my mother would not even let them be cooked in the house, dad had to cook and eat them outside)
@@Ikajo Same here. I also have ADHD so some of my aversions are just a texture thing.
Picky eater story: as someone with extreme food sensitivities (with some allergies and stomach issues mixed in) (i eat one meal a day consisting of chicken, a starch or grain side, and sugary drink or flavoured water) OP was definitely NTA. Insisting to go out to eat at fancy restaurants when you can’t/won’t actually eat the fancy food doesn’t make much sense. If it’s just the posh atmosphere she enjoys, maybe her and OP could find a fancy activity they both enjoy for dates that doesn’t involve food
I was a very picky eater in the past, it took me a long time to get over it.
The thing that helped me especially initially was cooking things that had maybe only one or two new ingredients that I hadn't eaten before hand. That way I got to know those ingredients and when I didn't like it I usually could pick them out of the meal without remaining hungry.
The story with the birthday, that woman and the family is horrible, "the kid won't remember anyway" wtf? Yeah that will go over great when the kid finds out that all her friends have birthday parties while she doesn't get parties because of someone she never even met.
(About eating) Oh, that's a good idea! I'll have to try that.
@@the-chicken-mafia Hope it helps.
Two more tipps that helped as well:
Adding a new ingredient to something that already has a strong flavor (for example curry), you'll still notice a difference, but it's easier to ignore if you don't like it.
If you don't like the way something feels when chewing it, then taking the time to cut that ingredient into really small bits helps as well.
As someone whose picky, I've decided that I'd rather be comfortable eating the things I know I like than spend and ruin a good thing (going out with someone) by getting something I'm unsure if I'd even like.
Is it childish? Sure.
Weird? Yep
Looked down on? Absolutely
But I am not changing for the sake of someone else.
It is only seen as "childish" and "weird" because it's not very common. Sadly, humanity will never shy away from that fallacy.
The picky eater story actually reminds me of one story way back. OP didn't want to go out to fancy restaurant because "my girlfriend makes better food anyways, so it's just a waste of money" and completely failed to see that it wasnt really about the food or wasting money, but that his girfriend just wanted to be taken out and not having to cook for once. I understand OPs view about what's the point of going to a fancy restaurant if you'll just order fries anyways, but he was very condecending in the way he said it. It's not always about getting the most value for your buck that matters, sometimes just going on a date is the point. It might be worth having a conversation about at least tasting new foods and trying to expand her menu a little bit, but it needs to be positively focused. Pushing or trying to guilt someone into eating new foods is not going to make them want to eat new things
He isnt guilt tripping them.
I think he wouldve been fine if she was paying her half.
It is about money the moment it starts stacking up.
If she wants to go just to eat chicken tenders thats completely FINE, just dont make him pay for it all.
@@ninjdraw8305 yeah, OP is the one paying for the chicken. Its his money his choice. And i kinda agree with him. I love giving and Buying things for people but i dont want it to feel like a bit of a waste
@@ninjdraw8305 it’s one day out of the year maybe even the month, it is not that big of a deal, if he wants to be selfish with his money that’s his propagative but he doesn’t need to belittle his girlfriend over something she has no control over it. If he can’t handle being with a picky eater and sometimes going out to expensive places even if she only eats something stupid he doesn’t need to be dating her and shouldn’t be surprised if the relationship ends
@crybabygames9333 If its not that big of a deal, why doesnt she pay her half? Why is it considered selfish when he doesnt want to spend only his money? Why isnt she selfish for not paying her half, or thinking about how he feels about eating at these places? Why do her feelings matter in this scenario more than his?
@@ninjdraw8305 because the whole point is it’s a date? I mean yeah I guess she could pay for her own self but who even lets women pay for their meals on dates usually anyway like yeah that sounds bad but it usually is the man paying for the date, again it comes back to he shouldn’t be with a picky eater if he’s not going to deal with her being a picky eater, it’s the fact that he DOESNT want to take her out somewhere nice and fancy, I have autism, there are many foods I can’t eat and not being able to go out somewhere nice to eat on a date with my amazing bf would break my heart, especially because it’s something I can’t control, if he gets broken up with than that’s his own fault, yeah he may not be entirely wrong but he definitely is an asshole for not wanting to take her out on a nice date despite what she eats, and I bet if he asked her she WOULD take him out without even hesitating despite what he eats
No birthdays? My Maternal great grandmother died on the 6th October, 2 years later my brother was born the same day... then 20(something) years later my Maternal grandad died on the SAME day... we STILL celebrate my brother birthday and always will... my mum just had to take a moment :S
The second story reminds me of how I used to eat at Subway. The bread, cheese, and ham. But mom said that she won’t pay for a sandwich that she can make herself for cheaper at home. Meaning that I didn’t get subway with everyone else. I’d have to eat at home. Leading to me now having lettuce, tomato and mayo on my sub now
I feel like an asshole for being annoyed at the gf in story 2
Dude, hearing you get confused while reading a story always makes me smile lol, like "im glad he's questioning this too"
Totally agree with Rslash on story 2. Its interesting that OP is arguing that it's not worth going out for chicken tenders- there are many foods you can get at the freezer at home that are done better or differently at fancy restaurants. Hell, chicken tenders from KFC are different than tenders from Tyson. Its not unusual to pay more for a better quality (and more authentic) taco than what you'd get at taco johns... So it sounds to me like OP mentions the money, but money isn't really the point. On top of that, it sounds like gf always finds something to eat on the menu, and doesn't make a scene.
It seems like this guy takes a lot of pride in the way he eats. Weird, but okay, whatever. Seems harmless. The issue is when he lets that pride spill over onto other people's meals. Taking pride in what your gf eats, and having that pride able to be affronted is just plain invasive. Like even if she didn't have an eating disorder... Why do you place so much moral value in the way she eats? That's not really cool dude.
If she really does have food sensitivity (seems impossible for it not to be at this point), then you putting weird amounts of pride or moral judgements on her eating habits is actually only going to add pressure, and make the disordered eating worse. And with things like ARFID, a common part of the treatment is to eat your safe foods in new situations, in public, around the smells and sights of other food, so you can adjust to the sensations, and hopefully get to the point where you can try them out.
So my ruling on story 2 is: dude probably back off and get ur gf some help if she's amenable. Also be aware that while you enjoying new and varied foods is totally fine, you are not morally superior to anyone just bc you eat paella, and you only think of it as adventerous bc of where you were born
(Side note: both my husband and i have food sensitivities, and he also has the water thing! Water's never bothered me but it does him. He's branched out to unflavored water if its sufficiently cold recently tho)
To me, if it was really about money, he would be happy she orders the cheapest thing on every menu rather than something more expensive like salmon.
I also used to hate all unflavored water. I like now it if it's on the verge of frozen though (cause then I can't taste it lol)
Food sensitivity refers to physiological responses. If you have an aversion to water, it isn't a sensitivity. It's behavioral, though there are places where it's adaptive. In the US, it tends to be maladaptive. Food aversion is classical conditioning. ARFID is clinical.
It isn't moral at all. No one said it was. It is viewed in society as juvenile because picky eating is a normal phase for children they grow out of. People place social pressure to advance that. It is a more advanced pallete though.
Also, fancy resteraunts aren't bothering to do something different. They are using a friar, and it's on the menu for kids. Pubs, southern resteraunts, especially dedicated spots, will have the best of those.
@@danielmorton1606 Fancy restaurants rarely have a kids menu at all as they don't encourage children to attend. It's there for adults that want it.
@mariposa9506 Fancy is in the eye if the beholder. To me, a resteraunt with chicken tenders isn't fancy.
That last story is proof that basic human anatomy (including sex ed) is an incredibly important subject.
Yeah, but so is the fact that pads and tampons expand in water and an hour in the hot tub will result in a bloody water nightmare where they wouldn’t pay for the cleaning cause you don’t just drain the water
I'm a woman and I wouldn't want to be in that hot tub either. Body fluids from someone else should all be treated the same because it could be unsanitary. You don't know what kind of illness that person might have. That's why the bil wasn't comfortable with it.
the food story. so i totally get op's frustration, but then again, dining out isn't just about the food either. it's about the experience and atmosphere and the fact that someone else will bring you food and do the dishes! if i'm going out with friends who are a bit pickier in eating, i make sure that where we're going will have something for everyone. gotta know your audience, so to speak.
It's more about going to an expensive restaurant and ordering from the kids' menu.
@@aelminiatures doubt high ends have a kids menu. If spaghetti or burger is on the menu it's acceptable to order.
That's fine, but OP's point was he didn't want to go to EXPENSIVE restaurants if he's paying for cheap food jacked up in price that you could get in the freezer section for the same quality.
If they were at more common cheaper prices restaurants it sounds like he wouldn't have such a problem with it. It's the fact she wants to go to fancy expensive places and order not fancy but still pricey things and never tried anything new. And since no mention of eating disorders was brought up id assume this is just a case of unwillingness to try new things. I used to be the same way but forced myself to change to open my options up and boy I'm glad I did. So unless she has a disorder causing it then she's just being unreasonable about all this.
Otherwise meet in the middle and just do happy hour/ just get drinks and maybe an appetizer instead of a full course meal if you're not even gonna eat the specialties of the food places.
food story: Why can't SHE pay for the date then? Why does OP have to subsidize the cost of her crappy diet?
this is coming from someone with food sensitivity.
Yeah..... I'm a picky eater some what but, I wouldn't be like op's girlfriend. If we go to a foreign restaurant, I'm not ordering the same old burger and fries, I'm eating a new kind of food.
@@Twinklethefox9022 i eat chicken schnitzel everywhere. It’s my comfort food. *I pay for myself*
I'd be genuinely upset if I found out that my boyfriend spent over quintuple the price of something I already have at home "just cuz" and then tried to gaslight me by starting an argument where he tries to make me believe that I don't think his gift is good enough.
Story 2: My now wife was also a bit of a picky eater. It's a lot better now, but in the beginning it was difficult to find a restaurant that was both accomodating and exciting. But that was it. You find a restaurant you'd both enjoy and then you go and have fun! Price should not be an issue. You budget for a night eating out, it doesn't matter what that money is spent on. What matters is that you enjoy yourselves.
ED and food sensitivity is difficult but important subject to discuss. You should be understanding, but possible health risks need to be discussed as well. If someone has a crippling alcohol addiction, they need help. If your ED or food sensitivity means that you deprive your body from certain essential vitamins and proteins, that is bad for you and you should try to do something about it.
If you have a few aversions that don't impact the healthiness of your diet (I get nauseous from tomato based soups from a can for example), then that's fine.
Yeah and food aversion remains classical conditioning and as such can be dealt with. Rice, fries, and chicken tenders don't bode well for health long term.
@@danielmorton1606 food aversion is not just classical conditioning. You wouldn’t say that PTSD or trauma is classical conditioning as well right?
But if the way you deal with PTSD or trauma is killing you, you should do something about it. The same thing goes for ED and food aversion
@DanielVuijk It is absolutely not like trauma or PTSD. So I should be clear, the treatment follows classical conditioning. The source can vary. Conditioned aversion is classical. Unconditioned aversion, not brought on by physiological changes like pregnancy or disorders like autism, may even be akin to xenophobia, then ptsd.
Trauma can could result in a food aversion, but that's few and far between. Illness caused aversion is not trauma.
EDs are just not all the same. I specifically talked about food aversion, not EDs in general.
Story #2: As a person myself who suffers from ARFID which is a subset of ASD, the pickiness isn't by choice. It's just who we are so don't diss us. Plain and simple? you're just not compatible move on, save the girlfriend the heartache.
It could also be a situation where the parents only fed their child chicken nuggets and chips because they were lazy or they tried to get them to try something else but they threw a tantrum until they gave up and got the child what they wanted. I know that situation all too well.
@@owenfautley happened to me and my sis where my dad just gave in and made us simple meals for most of our childhoods and then wonders why we don't like certain foods. Hell I used to be like the girl where I didn't eat most things even hated ketchup. Now I'll try (unless it smells horrible) basically anything at least once. And first time at a new place I'll usually stick to a comfort food to gauge what there is like in comparison then branch out from tbere.
@@owenfautley this is 100% my father and brother. They both only ever ate chicken nuggets / basic pasta / tv dinners. They thought the asian takeout down the road was too exotic for them.
I’m autistic, texture and taste is a big deal for me. I never really try anything new. Chicken tenders is all I get at any restaurant. Maybe certain soups or fruit bowls or steamed veggies, but that’s it. If taste and texture don’t match, I gag and spit it out. I can’t help it.
@@TheDemonAscended yep exact same issues
I'm not sure if OP is the butthole in story 2. The girlfriend's eating habits probably need to be discussed in a separate conversation though. She could be dealing with an eating disorder that needs to be addressed.
Consensus says YTA, but consensus are racist incels whose opinions don't matter. FACTS are OP is NTA and the girlfriend is Racist AF.
It’s not an eating disorder - it’s childishness. 1000% NTA. Gotta grow up sometime. 🤷🏻♂️
@@awinn3rism3 and what do you know about eating disorders 😂
@@awinn3rism3 I'm on the Autism Spectrum. I don't eat a lot of foods because of texture or smell. Because I don't like it. I Physically can't bring myself to eat foods outside of my fairly small palette because it causes sensory issues or meltdowns in some autistic people😐.
@KomaedasOneHope Assuming she has that kind of issue or something similar then that's one thing. But there's also a lot of people who just simply refuse to try new things because they're childish. A girl I dated years ago was the same way, and ultimately it's one of the reasons I broke it off. Depending on WHY the girlfriend won't eat so many foods kinda determines who's the AH
In story 2, I agree with the boyfriend. Why would I spend $25 or more on chicken strips when I can buy and make them from home. I can understand wanting a change of scenery or a night out, but he even looked at the prices and saw it was way too pricey.
Also I would like to point out that rSlash is once again putting words in OP's mouth. OP did not say his girlfriend wasn't worht a night out, he just said that he didn't want to spend all that money on chicken strips.
yeah that was such a stretch by rslash. He's frustrated he's having to pay so much money on something that fundamentally isn't worth that much and what's more she's insisting he pay even more for it just so she can experience the vibe of another restaurant
@Crickets there is a win, the win is to continue to do what they are doing. It is perfectly reasonable to not want to spend an insane amount of money on chicken strips and french fries. They should just eat at restaurants that are cheaper until she is ready to try something outside of her comfort zone. The BF could always eat it if she doesn't and then she could eat chicken strips afterwards.
The bf only mentioned the money after in detail explaining his gfs restrictive eating and how he was embarrassed to be seen with her at restaurants. I agree they should probably split the meal, but Rslash isn't wrong to point out how the bf is acting like she wasn't worth the night out- he explicitly says he finds her embarrassing and calls her childish.
He doesn't even seem concerned about her health, more about how she doesn't look good in a nepalese restaurant. Its not about the money to him, that was just the moment he decided to bring it up
@@DayKiyokkifrom the post and the bfs comments it seems like he really likes restaurants and food as a bonding activity. It sounds like the gf is trying to do something with him that's relevant to his interests, and he's upset that she isn't doing it exactly like him. He also broke up with her in an update bc she said she "wasn't changing how she eats" so to me this is clearly not about the expense of the restaurant.
@@twistysunshine While yes he is wrong for being embarrassed over her eating habits, the points he made are correct. Why would I want to spend $25+ on chicken strips. Going to a local cheap restaurant is fine, but if she wants to go out to a fancy/ more expensive restaurant then she should either eat something else or offer to pay for her share.
Also as an adult she should try to learn how to not be such a picky eater because this doesn't sound like an ed unless OP is leaving stuff out.
I'm an adult ARFID patient and when I go out on dates I tell the person I'm going out with that I don't eat a lot of foods and overall I'm a relatively cheap date and I have nothing wrong with getting fast food over going to a fancy restaurant. I dated a guy who understood my eating disorder quite well and never took me to a place where I couldn't eat things. Sometimes when he wanted to go to a fancy restaurant, we would decorate his dining room and dress up absurdly fancy and then order whatever food we wanted. OP sucks for telling her she eats like a kid, but his gf also sucks for demanding he pay $15 for french fries or chicken tenders. I 100% agree with needing to use kindness and understanding with people who live with eating disorders, but those people who have eating disorders shouldn't feel entitled to $15 french fries or chicken tenders (that are probably soggy because fancy resturant chefs don't usually perfect their frying skills). If she wants $15 chicken tenders at a fancy resturant, she can pay for them.
Finally a result I can 100% agree with. OPs words were harsh and unnecessary, however the gf is just being wasteful ordering the same cheap item at fancy restaurants that Jack up the prices for no reason. In their own ways they’re right for how they feel but they’re also very wrong if they think how they treat each other is ok. OP shouldn’t have said what he said and the GF shouldn’t expect to be taken to expensive places just for chicken tenders and fries. ESH.
"Go out? What would I do that? Freezer burnt chicken nuggets should be good enough."
As a picky eater, here is the thing. for someone who is picky, it becomes easier to try new things if you don't feel judged or shamed for it. Feeling comfortable to eat what you want and also to try things at your own pace without feeling pressured is key to actually trying new things!
Also she might not just have a potential eating disorder, she could also be neurodivergent with ADHD (hi) or Austism, or even depression which can make it harder to try new things because they are different and unfamiliar.
The key here really is trust, and he just threw any trust she had in him not judging her eating habits in the bin.
I actually find going out to eat really difficult, because I don't like the way I am with food and don't like exposing other people to it, but she did want to go out to eat and I wouldn't be surprised if she no longer felt comfortable doing that.
This exactly! I was a picky eater when I was younger, i was also only able to drink flavoured water. I’m autistic. Still am a bit picky- but since my family were mostly understanding about my food aversions it was easier to try, and like, new things.
Shaming people for their food aversions really doesn’t help anyone
I'ma have to disagree. If it's so bad that you refuse unflavored water, food therapy is probably necessary. I personally wouldn't pay 15 dollar for chicken tenders if someone doesn't show signs of improvement. Dates can happen at less expensive places.
@@00Tottr would you variations of chicken and rice in a restaurant? Steak? Tacos? BBQ? ALMOST EVERYTHING PEOPLE ORDER IN A RESTAURANT CAN BE COOKED AT HOME. Even with food therapy some people can never change their aversions. I have a cousin who could only eat a handful of food. And that was after years of food therapy. Are you saying he’s not worthy of a restaurant? What BS.
@@Janjones7735 I'm saying not a fancy restaurant for high price chicken tenders 💀
Story 1: As someone who's had multiple eating disorders through my life, OP is NOT TA, we need to stop enabling people's behavior because of disorders and conditions, it's part of a relationship to let your partner know IF you even have an eating disorder, it's very easy to say "just go for the experience" when you're not the one paying, you need to have a very serious lack of self awareness to not realize what you're doing and in any case if her response was "you think you're better than me" it's very clear the issue is not an eating disorder but someone who never knew when to stop being a child
R slash needs to stop justifying this. .
Its a waste of money
Yes this
I know this wasn't his acting more childish than me and I'm a child who still thinks poop jokes are funny
Yeah this guy's girlfriend is just a child. She doesn't have an eating disorder.
Doubt there's many picky eaters in the 3rd world.
Imagine thinking that just because someone died on their birthday that no one is allowed to have birthdays anymore.
Its gonna make the kid resent the dead uncle for sure if they keep it up, what logic makes them think that is honering their memory...
Story 2: I can totally understand OP here on not wanting to go to the restaurant when his girlfriend is going to order the same plain food. It is a waste of money and time at the place where you don't enjoy the dishes they serve. It's like going to an authentic Japanese ramen restaurant and ordering a hamburger there.
4:40 I'm confused what you mean by brush your teeth with water. I use water to clean off my toothbrush after using it but I don't think the taste of the water would have any implications on that, otherwise it brings up questions of how someone showers, how they wash their clothes, how they wash their dishes, how they wash their car, etc.
Wanted to say absolutely love how open minded and caring you are love ur channel and please never stop
There is a difference between pickiness and an aversion. People who are picky often act entitled about it
Story 1 is me when I lived with my sister. Babysat my nephew whenever needed and got a free place. I also was able to work and make my own money as well bc I wasn’t a lazy bum and my nephew was under partial custody by my sister at the time. Still got kicked out for calling her boyfriend a dumbass for letting my dogs go out the front door the 10th time that week
Story 2: speaking as someone else who is an extremely picky eater who also hates unflavored water and many of the things on her list of hated foods... OP is NTA. His gf has likely been coddled her whole life, allowed to keep up this behavior. Difference between me and her is as simple as if my family goes somewhere nicer, like say an Irish pub restaurant, I will try to step out of my comfort zone.
Also, this is gonna sound really weird, but is it possible gf is neurodivergent? I know that kind of food stubbornness is often a byproduct (see me and my ex-roommate, who only eats chicken, fries, and pizza) and that sometimes it's a matter of food texture.
Yeah for me it's either the taste or texture of a food. I can't handle beans of any kind because of the texture.
I’m not quite as picky as the GF, but comparable, 100% neurodivergent, and I’m right there with ya
The big problem here is who’s paying
OP is not obligated to pay $15 for chicken nuggets for the GF
Now see, the issue is his attitude towards his gf
That birthday story is literally the Pixar movie Coco. No happiness for generations because of one family member
Story 2: It's completely reasonable that OP doesn't want to spend $15+ on something you could get from Wendy's for less than $5. There are plenty of nice chain restaurants that OP could take his girlfriend to which will serve food that she likes. Friday's, Olive Garden, more family style restaurants.
The problem is his girlfriend wants to go to these expensive specialist restaurants but not tried the specialist foods. Do you think she would want to go to those restaurants if she was the one paying for the meals? No way.