Agreed. That said, I don't do "absolutely nothing." I read (a lot), spend time on the net, play a computer game or two, and exercise almost daily. Being a loner, a recluse, and a full-scale introvert, what more could I want?
I go for a walk in the morning for a minimum of 45 minutes and have not missed a single day (since Sept 2019) no matter what the weather is like. I live on the East coast of the US, so in the warmer months, I have an extensive garden that takes about 1.5 hours a day to water and tend (three times a week). For indoor entertainment, I have a vast collection of music [records, tapes (cassette/reel to reel), CDs, and high-res digital downloads] that I either listened to on multiple headphones or tube stereo gear. For a few hours a day I will watch media on my computer through a 32-inch 4k monitor. If and when I have something go wrong or need general maintenance on my house, I fix everything myself. I truly hope for your continued success.
@@markritacco270 Thanks, and the same to you. =) I too have a large music recordings collection, in my case all classical (800ish LPs, 800ish CDs, a small amount of classical music videos on LaserDisc and DVD, acquired before such things were available on platforms like YT). My hearing is now such that I don't listen nearly as much as I used to, which is why I didn't mention it in my initial post, but I "do" still listen.
The reality is, it is first now that you have begun to work, after what I call The Upgrade - when people were changed so they could no longer be forced to be slaves, and would thus work mostly for 5 hours each day, 3 days a week.
I've always struggled with my worklife....I never had a clear wish to be anything. I liked history, but didn't want to a be a historian. After working as a gardener for some years, I am now a custodian at a small renaissance castle. I feel I have found my place. My job is well-defined; I work in a historical setting and provide visitors with guidelines and historical anecdotes. Those are things that really fit me ❤
Oh my goodness, that sounds like paradise to me. I was very happy with my professional life and yet I didn't really sit down and think very carefully about it all. I am retired now and even happier with that.
Having children is no guarantee that you will get along with those children. Many parents are estranged from their children, so having children is not a guarantee that you will not be alone when you're old.
Having children is not for everybody. In fact there are many people who shouldn't have children at all because of their goals and their psychological makeup. Many men, for example (I am a man, for context). Don't have children just because society, your parents etc believe that you should have them. As well, don't have children to make yourself happy. They're not some kind of toy or plaything, they're another human being. If you can't live a happy fulfilled life yourself and provide the foundational things for any children to lead the same kind of life, you probably shouldn't have children. We do not need to produce more children as Elon Musk and the right wing keep telling us. We need to produce more happy and fulfilled children.
It's a duty for parents to love their children , it's not a duty for children to love their parents. Parents will be loved if they deserve it... (I have 3 kids)
If every couple in the world who didn't actually want children/have no maternal/paternal inclinations didn't have children, the world would be a lot better off. So many children in the world are the product of irresponsibility or people grossly underestimating the responsibilities of being a parent.
@@yellowblanka6058 Those things but I think an even bigger issue might be the trauma/lack of skills that many people bring to parenting. Many potential parents are simply not set up to do a good job.
One big untruth imo that I hear people say is, "I can't help who I fall in love with." BS. IF he's/she's married, stay the heck away. "I can't help who I am," is another cop out.
I mean, the statement as stated is true. Nobody can choose to simply stop loving someone, just ask most divorcees. But yeah, they can definitely choose to avoid toxic people & doomed relationships that they know full well they shouldn't be pursuing. Claiming to apparently be unable to control themselves around others (because of "love") seems indicative of deeper psychological problems. It gives "Boys will be boys" apologia energy.
1. Being attracted to someone is a natural, normal human thing to do. Don't beat yourself up for that. But acting on that feeling is another issue. The person may be in a relationship, as is pointed out here. The person may be a type that you have found from experience to be toxic to you. We all tend to pick the same kind of person, time after time. Someone we are comfortable with. Someone who likely resembles one or both of our parents. Sorry. 2. It is extremely difficult to change oneself. We should all be trying to become the best person that we can be but we have to be aware that personal change is very difficult. Some of who we are is hardwired, genetic, built in. Some of who we are is based on programming which we were fed from birth and typically aren't even aware of. Religion is an example. Racism is another. A starting point for anyone is to understand the good aspects of their personality and behavior and the bad aspects and to work to increase the good and the use of the good and to decrease the bad and the use of the bad. It's a daily process and every day there will be wins and losses.
Excellent comment. Falling in love always entails a decision. As does falling out of love. Saying "I can't help who I am" is a sign of a personality disorder. These people can learn to better mentalize.
You learn about the lies of old age when you get old. Young people (I was one once) may think a "successful elder" is constantly playing sports, running, dancing, skiing or windsurfing with a stupid grin on his or her face. In other words, you're supposed to want to do the same things you did when you were young. To a young person, old age looks sad. For this old person, old age does not make you "feel" as old as you look. You grow progressively less energetic but not necessarily sad. To this old man, the fear of "regrets" proved a false concern. The fear of approaching death is also a young person's concept projected onto their imaginary old selves. People and mindless activity grow tiresome. Living forever sounds like an endless prison sentence. Death sounds like the Great Escape. Just live one day at a time and your imagination will gradually give way to the facts of life.
@@FullCircleTravis There have been plenty of communists and there has even been somewhat socialist nations, but communism has never been achieved in modern history, so you have no basis for your claim.
Smashing the like button after hearing only the first truth. Fortunately the younger generation seems to have cottoned on to this truth. Good things do not always accrue to hard-working good people. Keep on speaking your truths Ana; you empower us all.
Thank you for your graceful and gentle approach on the subject. After being in Holland for 5 years, I left my husband and decided to follow my heart and go to England to be with a man that proved to be a narcisist. After suffering for a few years with not being loved, not finding a good job to secure a visa,I returned to my country and found my father very ill and was with him when died. Had a turbulent and difficult experience with a managerial position that I had to give up as well, and now I find myself with a court case regarding a house that my mother should have shared with her sister, like an alien in my country, not knowing if I want to stay, being also a bit afraid to leave again, on my own. So I find myself a bit shredded. And now, almost 40, need to put myself back together and start again. Of course I am scared and a bit confused but your video soothed my essence and gave me a bit of hope 😊
Yes, maintain hope! In the year 2000, I had a crisis in my life, and I had to reevaluate everything. I determined to direct myself to the service and advocacy of others, and that had a twofold positive effect: I was not self pitying or self absorbed, and I had more respect for myself. Do what gives your life deeper meaning, and do not worry about money.
Yes, and they also may be trying to justify their choices. I’ve noticed that when I was younger I had stronger opinions about how to have a good life. Age has taught me that there are many paths for different people.
In my autobio, I describe how I lived. I do not force my plan on anyone. My life may NOT be a success in your opinion. Hopefully you can learn from someone else’s mistakes. Good luck to you.
@@Jewelmind nice. This could be a kind of mentoring. Saying "this could be like when x happened for me..." Is much more respectful than "what you need to do, is..."
Finally! Someone says it like it is, not everyone should be a parent for starters. Working hard doesn't mean didly squat, the world is full if hard working people who gave very little to show for it. As for higher degrees, I've got two if them sitting in storage gathering dust. Neither of them have anything to do with ny current line of work. I've become aware of quite a few fallacies myself, in no particular order: Work hard Get an education Keep your nose clean Keep your personal affairs and business under control Meritocracy is completely justified Consumerism will make you happy The social contract will look after you Relationships will nake you happy ie marriage.
I just love your comments about the ten thousand hours!! It is such a dangerous belief that negates the idea that each of us has aptitudes or talents. Also, that hard work may be futile, as your analogy of the the pumpkin and apple seeds demonstrates. Such solid , hard-earned advice.💜
Hello. I dropped out of high school at the age of 17. I kept trying to get my GED, but took a different type of course online. I got my high school diploma with Honors at the age of 34. This was in 2000. Then in 2011 I graduated from college. Became a member of Delta Epsilon Tau Honor Society in 2011. Since then I have accomplished many things, but I do it for the joy of it. 😊
My mother had 5 children. Her life was sad and dark. Motherhood brought her no joy because she wanted to be in complete control and could never understand why her only daughter couldn't be a clone of her.
Mine too. In the end my mother always said, “don’t have children!” She meant it. She didn’t even want grandchildren. She would have enjoyed being the head of a business and she would have been good at it. But she wasn’t a maternal person. She was a good mother in her way, but not very loving.
Hello Ana 😃! Good to see you! I've found that people who dole out unsolicited advice always know exactly how you "should" be living your life and what you're doing "wrong". I cannot imagine meeting someone, and presuming I had the authority to tell them they are not living their life to my own standards, but maybe that's just me....
I'm currently at Split airport waiting for my flight back home. It was as always a joy to watch your video. These so called "truths" are not always true. As mentioned most people project their problems/fears on to others. Society has some expectations, but thank god we don't always have to do what others want us to do. Nobody knows what is good for us. And yes, sometimes situations are not under our control. I absolutely agree with all you said. Thank you for covering this topic dear Ana 😘
A big one that people say to me is that you HAVE to have two children, they act like the worst thing I could do as a parent is to have "only" one child. While I'm confident in my decision that it is the right one, it does really hurt when strangers get insistent because they don't know the struggle it was to finally have one child, and I don't feel that I should have to reveal that to people to get them to leave me alone about this.
This was such a sensitive and raw topic for me that I cried daily because people most casually threw judgements on the regular, and it wasn't a situation I had a control over. People should really mind their business. Other mothers especially.
I enjoyed the path I choose and I am retired and looking back the worst part of my work life was doing hair 😵 I did it for several years to one day hate it so much I threw down my brush and walked out never to return to doing hair. I realized my enjoyment was administrative work in offices until I retired. Telling someone you’d be good at that doesn’t know you and only you can decide for yourself ❤
I have raised a child as a single mother and have always driven myself to be completely altruistic. As a result I've been very successful; my daughter is a straight A student has nice friends, a nice boyfriend, scholarships and is a creative musician. However because for me it's just work (I don't use her as a friend, I don't count on her as a retirement plan) I'm just as alone as before I had her. When she leaves for college soon ill actually feel relieved and finally young again. I know this because she worked at a camp last summer and I enjoyed it. So people who tell you that there is more fulfillment with kids are probably not altruistic and will have problems with those kids down the road.
About having/not having kids. In my opinion is a selfish thing to want to have kids "just because" nowadays with all what is happening (and is goin to happen ) in the world. Better adopt the ones that are already here without parents or family.
I agree the world needs more adoptive parents but having your own child comes from the drive to continue your bloodline. That is missing with adoption which is primarily focused on empathy and altruism. Which are higher levels of functioning.
Having children is a result of deep programming that human beings have been subjected to since the beginning... It is not true that once you become a parent you will be fulfilled and never lonely... I am a parent, and due to life circumstances have been separated from my child for a long time now. My soul is destroyed because of that, and the sorrow never leaves my heart. If I only knew what lies ahead, I would never become a mother!
"You have to have a higher education diploma"... worst regret of my financial life. I don't use the education that I got from it because I'm pigeon-holed in my career path. I do think, though, that being a Creative is better than having a diploma. Being able to add value wherever you are is a good way to get ahead.
I like the once heard idea that after reaching 18 years old age we need additional 18 years of freedom to learn how to live OUR lives. It's actually so true. I am 33 years old now and sometimes it really seems that I am still learning how to thrive in this world. I really do like your way of expressing ideas, Ana. I would call your videos realistically optimistic. 🙂 Actually those ideas of "just work hard" and "next better step" seems somehow old-fashioned to me, because everyone keeps repeating them.
I like the term second adolescence when it comes to this. People act like we are more and more "immature" yet I think a quick perspective shift and you realise we managed to preserve a lot of our innocence and free spirited natures for maybe one of the first times in history. We can see this through the creativity explosion that never seems to let up. They say the creative is the child that survived. Who "they" are still eludes me though 😂
Love your sweater! I think you're making "truth" with these points today. I wish we could all just get along without trying to judge one another and apply our own biases to other people.
This is a call to just be yourself. It's so hard with all the 'noise' that surrounds us every moment of every day advising us of the 'right' way to act/be. Your thoughts help, Ana, to clarify the words we need to hear.
Your videos always come at the right moment. And i love your energy ,as an introvert myself. I am 29 childfree argentinian woman, living abroad with my partner (30m, also argentinian and childfree). I am an Spanish freelance teacher. Sometimes I feel really anxious, about life , deal with my adult students. I have ptsd also. I am doing group therapy, but your videos are like a therapy too.
Excellent advice! (1) I can play guitar and clarinet, but I can't play music. No matter how much time I spend. I've accepted that. (2) Education is learning how to learn. Absolutely. (3) Happiness is not getting what you want but wanting what you get! Best wishes!
My 59 year old aunt is a childless, family-free, and deeply depressed woman. She really regrets not starting a family, and it's just heartbreaking to see. She seems like a shell of herself. :/ I used to feel that way too, influenced by modern media, but now, at 38, I'm so glad my wonderful wife and I decided to have kids. I'm so unffffknbeleviebly happy :D
Love this, Ana! Too many people are being sucked in to a mindset that doesn't fit! And you express things with such kindness. From children to degrees. I had to learn that a degree doesn't make me a musician anymore than it would make me an artist. One truth I have found is that if anyone goes to a hairdresser to get their hair washed, once a week, the world would be a more peaceful place! Lol!
Parenting is not for everyone. It’s wonderful that we have a choice. Parenting takes over your life. You have an extreme love for your child. For me that meant constant anxiety and attention. If you do it well, your child becomes independent. You can’t guarantee that your adult child will be able to help you or be near you. You can’t be sure that they won’t have physical or mental health problems. If you want to be a parent and accept all that comes with it, that’s fine. If you want to do other things in your life, that’s fine too. The idea that parenting is essential comes from a time when we didn’t have a choice and had to make the best of it.
So many times I hear older people say , my children never come to visit me. The mothers and fathers spend their life trying to support and make their children happy, and children then consider them a burden later on. Not all but many. You wear yourself out raising them and they then just turn their back on you. Some people just don’t want to play that game in their life.
Not in all cultures, but certainly in the US, we were all told the American dream was to move out, buy your home and never look back. Capitalism relies on infinite growth in a finite system.
You don’t see the dichotomy in what you’ve written? Lotsa parents do not “try to make their children happy”. Historically, it’s not the norm. In agricultural societies, parents had lots of kids in order to obtain a work force. Some children are born and raised to be “mini me”, to carry on the name and the family business. Others are slated to fulfill all their parents’ failures. If your child “turns his (her) back on you” as an adult, be assured that you did not try to help that child to be who they are - but instead tried to mold them into what you wanted them to be.
@@Gk2003m the dichotomy is, those that lack and have struggled build empathy and compassion and those that have been given abundance can never be satisfied and cannot feel for another. Such is the way with human beings, if the OP did too much for her children because she maybe felt lack in her childhood, the children haven’t had the tough times that build bonds , unknowingly they will continue the cycle in their own children’s lives, by not having the ability to easily form bonds their children will feel unseen and unheard and grow up determined to dedicate most of their time and energy on their children. And round and round we go. @terrydillon It’s a tough thing to go through, my thirty-something daughters and I are very close now but that wasn’t always the case. And I have a younger still at home that is really struggling with the difficulties we are all facing today, perhaps that trauma/struggle is building resilience in her but it’s at the cost of a carefree childhood. My older daughters and I are breaking the cycle of generational trauma, it’s hard work, but it’s been so worth it! Have a peaceful day.
Oh, I love these and agree very much with all of them! Two I have been told many times that are untrue for me: You will know when you are ready. This has repeatedly turned out to be false for me, as a highly sensitive, cautious person. Time heals all wounds. I wish this one were true, but again, it has not been for me.
Yes, time alone isn't enough for the deeper woundings like trauma... the statement of time healing all wounds kind of suggests you should just wait it out, which sounds like very toxic advice
Excellent collection of 'Truths'. Totally agree. The world is full of people who work hard every day, and striving to improve their circumstances but never get anywhere. Hard work does not equal success. No, you absolutely do not have to have kids to make your life meaningful. I never got that. When I met my wife about 30 years ago, one of the first thing she asked was whether I wanted kids or not, and how relieved and happy she was when I said I did not, under any circumstances, want kids, not now, not ever. And we've had a perfectly happy and fulfilled life, and looking back, we know we made the right decision. Don't like 'em, don't want 'em. One other thing that most people don't know is how little control they actually have over their lives. At any time, the rug can be pulled out from under you and there's nothing you can do about it. It's happened to me three times - boom! That section of your life is now over! Academic qualifications? Meaningless. Don't have a college degree, but I've done several jobs that listed a degree as a requirement, to a world-class level for blue chip companies and never got questioned about my lack of a degree. People say things. Mostly wrong. But they're just opinions, and you're free to ignore them and do your own thing. You might get disowned by your family, or end up with no friends, or fail at things, but that's OK. We don't live in the Hallmark Channel.
Life is like the Ocean, ebb and flowing in the Present. Slow down and enjoy and engage with every moment. Books, Music, Art and Nature is where I'd start.
You've given the best prescription on how to live life for eternity to the end. I'm headed back to VA after coming back to the place I was born in Miami. My mother had a massive stroke last year and unfortunately she passed this May. I'll be returning back home to VA of 20 years and now as a 60 year I'm going back with a different look on life engaging myself in books, music, art, nature, culture, and the list goes on and on. Love Renee, Florida
Hi Ana, 1) I was taught this from a very young age, plus that I needed to be the best. The intentions were good, and pushed me a step further when needed. The downside was it took me a while to embrace my imperfections. 2) My friend said to me that what surprised her is that having a child doesn't change YOU. You still have the same vulnerability and 'flaws'. I don't think my kids 'complete' me. I think I have a privilege to be in their life for a while, before they go on their journey of unraveling themselves. I am just trying hard no to screw it up! 3) Better next step... This made me think about immigration, the pressure of being successful ( financially). This isn't always the case, it creates unrealistic expectations in some cases. I try no to waste my time on comparing life in different countries anymore. 4) Happiness - again lyrics from my favourite polish singer - Anna Maria Jopek - Because happiness is a fleeting guest Happiness is a feather on a palm That appears when it wants to And when it is not being pursued. ( Sounds better in Polish of course 😉) 5)Higher education...I remember the first social meeting at my Uni, this professor told us that after 3 years we will see world differently, we will question newspapers, things we took for granted, public figures, in short we were on the journey of discovering critical thinking. Am I political correspondent for BBC? No. Would I want to go to Uni again to do the same subject? Absolutely! Would I pay the 9,000 per year to study(it was free when I was a student)....? Not so sure...
As usual, such a thoughtful and insightful comment from you, dear Bogusia! I especially love the Polish song quote, very true and beautiful ❤️ Thank you
When writing this post, I was wondering when was the last time I saw a feather dancing in the air, and I couldn't remember... Guess what happened - Today during the relaxing lunch in a lovely restaurant it landed on our table ❤️
I was born in 1949 so I think I have a different view on working hard to achieve anything in life. People had to physically work hard at that time, and as I grew up , along with the other children I knew, there wasn't the option of further education. We went out to work at 16. My mother eventually taught herself to type and was able to have a good office job to help feed her five children. Today working hard seems to mean that if you do not study hard you will not get anywhere in life. I'm sure that is true, but it does make young people feel a failure at quite a young age, leaving them not able to see a clear future for themselves.
Back then one still had options if you weren't College material or lacked the financial wherewithal to go that route. Join the army, join a union - carve out a respectable future from sweat equity. It's not so easy now, not so respected either.
At the schools they are forcing the kids to believe this is the best path. So, it makes teens uncomfortable. But, also have a thought of failure too, if they don't feel like going to school
1. You usually do have to work hard to get what you want, but just like a college degree, there are no guarantees of success. 2. There can be social pressures to date, get married, and have kids. It is ironic that certain people egging you on to do these things, tell you how great they are until you do them, then complain about their lives to you. While I did all of this, I feel I got relatively lucky. 3. I never heard the next step has to be better, but that would be a lie, the goal is to take the next step and not avoid it, even if it causes you to go two steps back. Movement is the key and is necessary to not stagnate out of fear. 4. Again never heard about fighting for happiness, but that would be a lie. Happiness is not something you seek or fight for, it is a state of being and like all emotions based on our thoughts. 5. You don't need higher education to succeed in life and most people will continue to educate themselves on the things they care about rather than taking courses they have no interest in but is required to pay the professor for his useless degree. Certainly certain fields desire a degreed person but if none are available, they will take what they can get, that is just how supply and demand works.
You could spend your whole life looking for happiness and never find it. You don’t find happiness, happiness finds you, when you seek out what you need, rather than the things you want.
Every once in awhile I become aware that decisions I'm making or things I'm doing are based on old beliefs that when examined don't make any sense! Your lying truths 🙂are spot on. Also, I'm glad you were able to hear the unsolicited advice for what it was. Anytime I hear some one "shoulding" all over another whether in person or in comments online, I'm kind of sad for them. I don't think I would presume to think I know best for another especially when I'm still figuring out what's best for me in some scenarios! Please, keep doing you! (You inspire me to wonder if I could create such beautiful knitted creations! I love thae sweater you're wearing.)
Oh, thank you so much, Marilyn! And trust me, you can make this type of sweater/cardigan - it's super simple and is called "hexagon shirt", there are free crochet tutorials on YT and paid on Ravelry 🤗 Lying Truths - love the new term!
😳 this comments section is a veritable gold mine. How refreshing this video is. 🤗 and I can’t agree more that a day of doing nothing is absolutely absolute unadulterated bliss. I don’t need to achieve anything or prove anything to anybody. A good meal, a good book, a walk, a conversation, a good nap … the list goes on.
That's great that so many people feel complete without children. For me, my life was incomplete without my daughter. I was an addict, I was suicidal, I had mental health problems that I could not find the will power to rectify. When I had my daughter, even though it was to a man that 'wasn't meant for me', I suddenly felt all that darkness start to disappear, my purpose became clear, to not only do something good with my life, but to be a good mother to my child, and to be a good role model. With this in mind, I started to change and the depression/the addiction lifted. Without my daughter I would be dead now. I could not imagine a life without her unconditional love and when I die, I won't die alone, because she will either be there with me or she will be my final memory. I can't think of anything more sad than to die alone.
I can't think of anything more peaceful. Stop projecting your ugly emotions on people who are ok with their state of mind. How's that supposed to make infertile people feel? How am I supposed to feel knowing I quit my addictions for nothing, for nobody, because I'm sad and alone. I was never allowed a child. I will die sad and alone, I guess. Aren't you lucky?
It didn't lift though, did it? You just became dependent on her. You can't fathom life without a child because you had severe issues, that people like the youtuber in this video don't have. They have learnt how to regulate themselves independently.
I feel like I’m just beginning my life after enduring a career in the tech field. I quit at 58 and now am blissfully happy spending all day, every day learning how to make crafts from nature. I remember being telling me I would be bored if I quit working. I didn’t know what I’d do with my time when I quit working, but I knew they were wrong. I knew I was meant to work with my hands. The fact that I was born to learn easily didn’t mean I was meant to use my abilities in a traditional way. Follow your instincts. Other people are wrong.
I agress with those 5 points. Throught time I discover that we all are different and goals and happiness is different for everybody. Thanks for sharing those stories.
I have recently (last couple of decades) thought that in the Western world, at least schooling especially early years is used to indoctrinate children into the world of plebs and slavery for the oligarchs.
Mindful living and minimalist living had been life changing for me, thank you Ana I hope you and Brian are still doing well! It's amazing what you notice in life when you slow down and give yourself space or allow yourself to not feel guilty for living how you feel best. It flies in the face of modern living to a degree but videos like yours as milestones on my journey have been invaluable. Finding the perfection in the imperfections of life is key agreed. On the kids side of things this is very personal I know how frustrating it can be when we go against conventional thinking. Hope you have much peace and loving harmony going forward. Bless you and this channel Ana :)
To be successful requires that you not just work hard, you have to work crazy hard and never stop. You need to be in the right place at the right time and be lucky. That’s all
You come across as a very wise, balanced, sensible young woman. People blunder into life lessons every day of their lives but most don't recognise them for what they are, sad to say. You are definitely learning yours. I am very impressed. It took me to get into my seventies before I started to look around me, at family, people, society, the world. Your calm wisdom would be helping people out there in these troubled times. You are an amazing person. Keep up the good work. ❤
‘It’s the dumbest thing ever.’ Haha!! 😊Hearing you say this made me laugh out loud, Ana. I so agree (with everything you speak about here!) (Btw, I also agree about translation-I don’t have any work now whatsoever, either! Definitely not the end of the world…) 🤗
Another "truth" which was a lie for me was, "You won't find that the grass is greener on the other side ... Everything will be the same wherever you go!" UNTRUE! I have fit in better in certain places better than others. Circumstances have been far more favorable in some places than others. Opportunities have been more abundant in some places than others. I could go on and on.
I am mid 70's, I dad achieve a child hood dream, nothing great but it was satisfying, there were also many failures, like marital break up, but I have three adult children I lave and still have a close relationship. On the mater of getting better results, it is my experience and belief that everything in the universe happens in waves, from big, like the snow ball earth to the tropical, is a cycle. So I greet life's ups and downs the same way. My father was a first gen. Canadian his family came from Ukraine in 1923. I was called names in my Anglo Saxon community, and did not get the breaks others got in my job choice, but I was not phased.
Thank you Ana I totally agree you don’t have to be a parent just because this is what people think is normal and a degree or corporate life is not everything I believe being your true authentic self is very important I’ve lived many years of my life to fit in with Micky mouse world but now I live as I please regardless of what anyone may think or say thank you for your wisdom
- Wow that woman giving her opinion on having children should consider first that some people may not be able to physically have children . Love your thoughtful mindset.
I was told higher education was my ticket to employers knocking on my door. I finally paid off my student loans and now I do not assume my children will go to college. We're helping them think outside that expensive box.
I sincerely adore being a mother and would recommend it to anyone else who was interested; but if that’s not you, that should remain well respected. Parenting well is a huge commitment. ❤
For most people, relationships and kids and school and employment all contribute to a worthwhile life. They may not be for everyone, but they are certainly for most people.
Especially the first one, "working hard yields results" I can tell you in my career I have been overlooked by colleagues who didn't do much work, and on top of that were less qualified. Also this thing with "you can be anything you want" is complete bull, I know my limitations!
Never is DNA memory taken into account even though it plays a huge role in everything. We must remain centered to change as we should. Happiness is easy, simply do your duty and you get to decide what your duty is and cut the bullshit. Never allow your schooling to interfere with your education. Great rant. Always listen to people who say they are searching for truth, never those who say they have found it. Of course, life is unfair but it is how we deal with the unfairness that determines our spiritual growth. Life is always about struggle by design because it pushes us out of our comfort zone, you know, the place where we actually learn something. Break a leg Ana.
truth! we have been lied to generation after generation. i've been blocked so many times. i'm old now and i owe nothing to anyone. not having children was the BEST decision of my life. hubby and my pets and gardens were enough.
Being retired and doing absolutely nothing all day is completely BETTER than the best day I ever had when working.
Agreed. That said, I don't do "absolutely nothing." I read (a lot), spend time on the net, play a computer game or two, and exercise almost daily. Being a loner, a recluse, and a full-scale introvert, what more could I want?
I go for a walk in the morning for a minimum of 45 minutes and have not missed a single day (since Sept 2019) no matter what the weather is like. I live on the East coast of the US, so in the warmer months, I have an extensive garden that takes about 1.5 hours a day to water and tend (three times a week). For indoor entertainment, I have a vast collection of music [records, tapes (cassette/reel to reel), CDs, and high-res digital downloads] that I either listened to on multiple headphones or tube stereo gear. For a few hours a day I will watch media on my computer through a 32-inch 4k monitor. If and when I have something go wrong or need general maintenance on my house, I fix everything myself. I truly hope for your continued success.
@@markritacco270 Thanks, and the same to you. =) I too have a large music recordings collection, in my case all classical (800ish LPs, 800ish CDs, a small amount of classical music videos on LaserDisc and DVD, acquired before such things were available on platforms like YT). My hearing is now such that I don't listen nearly as much as I used to, which is why I didn't mention it in my initial post, but I "do" still listen.
The reality is, it is first now that you have begun to work, after what I call The Upgrade - when people were changed so they could no longer be forced to be slaves, and would thus work mostly for 5 hours each day, 3 days a week.
I have had some really great days at work, certainly better than doing nothing at home. When you enjoy your work, life is good.
"If you work hard, you can achieve whatever you want." I flapped my arms as hard as I could, but I never seemed to achieve lift.
I've always struggled with my worklife....I never had a clear wish to be anything. I liked history, but didn't want to a be a historian. After working as a gardener for some years, I am now a custodian at a small renaissance castle.
I feel I have found my place. My job is well-defined; I work in a historical setting and provide visitors with guidelines and historical anecdotes. Those are things that really fit me ❤
Over time, if you are true to yourself, you’ll find your place in life. I did as well.
Oh my goodness, that sounds like paradise to me. I was very happy with my professional life and yet I didn't really sit down and think very carefully about it all. I am retired now and even happier with that.
That's awesome! I'm so glad you found your place.
@vanefreja86 What a wonderful outcome. If someone wrote a children's book about your life, I would buy it!
Children can easily become a major burden, family happiness is not guaranteed, especially if your child goes rogue to cause utter misery.
Having children is no guarantee that you will get along with those children. Many parents are estranged from their children, so having children is not a guarantee that you will not be alone when you're old.
Illnesses, disabilities, accidents also happen to children, a child is not guaranteed to outlive a parent.
Having children is not for everybody. In fact there are many people who shouldn't have children at all because of their goals and their psychological makeup. Many men, for example (I am a man, for context). Don't have children just because society, your parents etc believe that you should have them. As well, don't have children to make yourself happy. They're not some kind of toy or plaything, they're another human being. If you can't live a happy fulfilled life yourself and provide the foundational things for any children to lead the same kind of life, you probably shouldn't have children. We do not need to produce more children as Elon Musk and the right wing keep telling us. We need to produce more happy and fulfilled children.
It's a duty for parents to love their children , it's not a duty for children to love their parents. Parents will be loved if they deserve it...
(I have 3 kids)
If every couple in the world who didn't actually want children/have no maternal/paternal inclinations didn't have children, the world would be a lot better off. So many children in the world are the product of irresponsibility or people grossly underestimating the responsibilities of being a parent.
@@yellowblanka6058 Those things but I think an even bigger issue might be the trauma/lack of skills that many people bring to parenting. Many potential parents are simply not set up to do a good job.
One big untruth imo that I hear people say is, "I can't help who I fall in love with." BS. IF he's/she's married, stay the heck away. "I can't help who I am," is another cop out.
I mean, the statement as stated is true. Nobody can choose to simply stop loving someone, just ask most divorcees.
But yeah, they can definitely choose to avoid toxic people & doomed relationships that they know full well they shouldn't be pursuing.
Claiming to apparently be unable to control themselves around others (because of "love") seems indicative of deeper psychological problems. It gives "Boys will be boys" apologia energy.
@@NightsReignNobody can choose what their heart loves,but it's still not an excuse to not practice selfcontrol
1. Being attracted to someone is a natural, normal human thing to do. Don't beat yourself up for that. But acting on that feeling is another issue. The person may be in a relationship, as is pointed out here. The person may be a type that you have found from experience to be toxic to you. We all tend to pick the same kind of person, time after time. Someone we are comfortable with. Someone who likely resembles one or both of our parents. Sorry. 2. It is extremely difficult to change oneself. We should all be trying to become the best person that we can be but we have to be aware that personal change is very difficult. Some of who we are is hardwired, genetic, built in. Some of who we are is based on programming which we were fed from birth and typically aren't even aware of. Religion is an example. Racism is another. A starting point for anyone is to understand the good aspects of their personality and behavior and the bad aspects and to work to increase the good and the use of the good and to decrease the bad and the use of the bad. It's a daily process and every day there will be wins and losses.
I also think people in general have difficulty distinguishing between love and lust.
Excellent comment. Falling in love always entails a decision. As does falling out of love.
Saying "I can't help who I am" is a sign of a personality disorder. These people can learn to better mentalize.
You learn about the lies of old age when you get old. Young people (I was one once) may think a "successful elder" is constantly playing sports, running, dancing, skiing or windsurfing with a stupid grin on his or her face. In other words, you're supposed to want to do the same things you did when you were young. To a young person, old age looks sad. For this old person, old age does not make you "feel" as old as you look. You grow progressively less energetic but not necessarily sad. To this old man, the fear of "regrets" proved a false concern. The fear of approaching death is also a young person's concept projected onto their imaginary old selves. People and mindless activity grow tiresome. Living forever sounds like an endless prison sentence. Death sounds like the Great Escape. Just live one day at a time and your imagination will gradually give way to the facts of life.
The first rule is propaganda from people with success and money. There are billions of hard working people in the word - working for survive.
Because if we have to work so hard to survive, it can stop us from questioning the matrix. Mental exhaustion through overwork
You're both making a critical analysis of capitalism.
@ProleDaddy
It's not just capitalism. Communism never works because most people need a power hierarchy.
@@FullCircleTravis A profoundly handicaped society by capitalism needs that.
@@FullCircleTravis There have been plenty of communists and there has even been somewhat socialist nations, but communism has never been achieved in modern history, so you have no basis for your claim.
Smashing the like button after hearing only the first truth. Fortunately the younger generation seems to have cottoned on to this truth. Good things do not always accrue to hard-working good people. Keep on speaking your truths Ana; you empower us all.
Dearest Ana, you are a thought-provoking blessing to your audience. You bring honesty and inner peace to me every week. Thank you dear friend. ❤
Thank you for your kind presence here, I feel it ❤️
Exactly! There are many truths we are told that are not really true. Thanks for the thoughtful chat.
Thank you for your graceful and gentle approach on the subject. After being in Holland for 5 years, I left my husband and decided to follow my heart and go to England to be with a man that proved to be a narcisist. After suffering for a few years with not being loved, not finding a good job to secure a visa,I returned to my country and found my father very ill and was with him when died. Had a turbulent and difficult experience with a managerial position that I had to give up as well, and now I find myself with a court case regarding a house that my mother should have shared with her sister, like an alien in my country, not knowing if I want to stay, being also a bit afraid to leave again, on my own. So I find myself a bit shredded. And now, almost 40, need to put myself back together and start again. Of course I am scared and a bit confused but your video soothed my essence and gave me a bit of hope 😊
Don't give up, you can have a great path forward
Yes, maintain hope! In the year 2000, I had a crisis in my life, and I had to reevaluate everything. I determined to direct myself to the service and advocacy of others, and that had a twofold positive effect: I was not self pitying or self absorbed, and I had more respect for myself. Do what gives your life deeper meaning, and do not worry about money.
@@rescuingmodernity thank you!
You left your husband to follow your heart and got burned sounds like Karma to me.
You are only 40, that's not old. You can do this!
You are a very wise young woman. And it's always such a pleasure to hear your always gentle, inclusive, non-judgemental take on things.
Advice is autobiographical. When people give advice they are saying "other people should be more like me"
Or from what they regret not doing.
Yes, and they also may be trying to justify their choices. I’ve noticed that when I was younger I had stronger opinions about how to have a good life. Age has taught me that there are many paths for different people.
In my autobio, I describe how I lived. I do not force my plan on anyone. My life may NOT be a success in your opinion. Hopefully you can learn from someone else’s mistakes. Good luck to you.
Or, this is how I have seen it happen
@@Jewelmind nice. This could be a kind of mentoring. Saying "this could be like when x happened for me..." Is much more respectful than "what you need to do, is..."
Finally! Someone says it like it is, not everyone should be a parent for starters. Working hard doesn't mean didly squat, the world is full if hard working people who gave very little to show for it. As for higher degrees, I've got two if them sitting in storage gathering dust. Neither of them have anything to do with ny current line of work. I've become aware of quite a few fallacies myself, in no particular order:
Work hard
Get an education
Keep your nose clean
Keep your personal affairs and business under control
Meritocracy is completely justified
Consumerism will make you happy
The social contract will look after you
Relationships will nake you happy ie marriage.
I just love your comments about the ten thousand hours!! It is such a dangerous belief that negates the idea that each of us has aptitudes or talents. Also, that hard work may be futile, as your analogy of the the pumpkin and apple seeds demonstrates. Such solid , hard-earned advice.💜
It is just one of those American philosophies that blames people that do not excel or stand out for their own situation
Hello. I dropped out of high school at the age of 17. I kept trying to get my GED, but took a different type of course online. I got my high school diploma with Honors at the age of 34. This was in 2000. Then in 2011 I graduated from college. Became a member of Delta Epsilon Tau Honor Society in 2011. Since then I have accomplished many things, but I do it for the joy of it. 😊
A comment to help the algorithm. A lot of people need to hear this message.
My mother had 5 children. Her life was sad and dark. Motherhood brought her no joy because she wanted to be in complete control and could never understand why her only daughter couldn't be a clone of her.
How awful for both of you.
Mine too. In the end my mother always said, “don’t have children!” She meant it. She didn’t even want grandchildren. She would have enjoyed being the head of a business and she would have been good at it. But she wasn’t a maternal person. She was a good mother in her way, but not very loving.
Just have to tell her, she will slowly catch on
Hello Ana 😃! Good to see you! I've found that people who dole out unsolicited advice always know exactly how you "should" be living your life and what you're doing "wrong". I cannot imagine meeting someone, and presuming I had the authority to tell them they are not living their life to my own standards, but maybe that's just me....
Ya, maybe they grew up an only child
I'm currently at Split airport waiting for my flight back home. It was as always a joy to watch your video. These so called "truths" are not always true. As mentioned most people project their problems/fears on to others. Society has some expectations, but thank god we don't always have to do what others want us to do. Nobody knows what is good for us. And yes, sometimes situations are not under our control. I absolutely agree with all you said. Thank you for covering this topic dear Ana 😘
Thank you for resonating and supporting, dear Anita ❤️ Wishing you safe travels!
@@anagoldberg ❤️
A voice of sanity - and wisdom. Thank you.
A big one that people say to me is that you HAVE to have two children, they act like the worst thing I could do as a parent is to have "only" one child. While I'm confident in my decision that it is the right one, it does really hurt when strangers get insistent because they don't know the struggle it was to finally have one child, and I don't feel that I should have to reveal that to people to get them to leave me alone about this.
This was such a sensitive and raw topic for me that I cried daily because people most casually threw judgements on the regular, and it wasn't a situation I had a control over. People should really mind their business. Other mothers especially.
@rhosymedra6628 Smile sweetly at them and say "Well, thank you for YOUR opinion".
Aw, that's a tough one for you. Bless you
The most sensible and level headed video i have seen on TH-cam in years. 🌹👍
I enjoyed the path I choose and I am retired and looking back the worst part of my work life was doing hair 😵 I did it for several years to one day hate it so much I threw down my brush and walked out never to return to doing hair. I realized my enjoyment was administrative work in offices until I retired. Telling someone you’d be good at that doesn’t know you and only you can decide for yourself ❤
46 yr old childless lady here. I agree wholeheartedly with everything you say! I've just subscribed.
I have raised a child as a single mother and have always driven myself to be completely altruistic. As a result I've been very successful; my daughter is a straight A student has nice friends, a nice boyfriend, scholarships and is a creative musician. However because for me it's just work (I don't use her as a friend, I don't count on her as a retirement plan) I'm just as alone as before I had her. When she leaves for college soon ill actually feel relieved and finally young again. I know this because she worked at a camp last summer and I enjoyed it. So people who tell you that there is more fulfillment with kids are probably not altruistic and will have problems with those kids down the road.
“Each next step should be better than the previous one”. It’s the word should that I reject.
About having/not having kids. In my opinion is a selfish thing to want to have kids "just because" nowadays with all what is happening (and is goin to happen ) in the world. Better adopt the ones that are already here without parents or family.
I agree the world needs more adoptive parents but having your own child comes from the drive to continue your bloodline. That is missing with adoption which is primarily focused on empathy and altruism. Which are higher levels of functioning.
Having children is a result of deep programming that human beings have been subjected to since the beginning... It is not true that once you become a parent you will be fulfilled and never lonely... I am a parent, and due to life circumstances have been separated from my child for a long time now. My soul is destroyed because of that, and the sorrow never leaves my heart. If I only knew what lies ahead, I would never become a mother!
Well, the government needs more and more people born to keep up the tax rate
Pokapoka! ; ) Your essays help me live a more authentic life. Thank you!
Thank you so much for your kind support 🌸
"You have to have a higher education diploma"... worst regret of my financial life. I don't use the education that I got from it because I'm pigeon-holed in my career path. I do think, though, that being a Creative is better than having a diploma. Being able to add value wherever you are is a good way to get ahead.
I like the once heard idea that after reaching 18 years old age we need additional 18 years of freedom to learn how to live OUR lives. It's actually so true. I am 33 years old now and sometimes it really seems that I am still learning how to thrive in this world. I really do like your way of expressing ideas, Ana. I would call your videos realistically optimistic. 🙂 Actually those ideas of "just work hard" and "next better step" seems somehow old-fashioned to me, because everyone keeps repeating them.
I like the term second adolescence when it comes to this. People act like we are more and more "immature" yet I think a quick perspective shift and you realise we managed to preserve a lot of our innocence and free spirited natures for maybe one of the first times in history. We can see this through the creativity explosion that never seems to let up. They say the creative is the child that survived. Who "they" are still eludes me though 😂
Love your sweater! I think you're making "truth" with these points today. I wish we could all just get along without trying to judge one another and apply our own biases to other people.
This is a call to just be yourself. It's so hard with all the 'noise' that surrounds us every moment of every day advising us of the 'right' way to act/be. Your thoughts help, Ana, to clarify the words we need to hear.
Thanks for sharing your reflections at 41! I recently turned 40 and honestly I’m a little lost, but I feel like you are a kindred spirit.
Your videos always come at the right moment. And i love your energy ,as an introvert myself. I am 29 childfree argentinian woman, living abroad with my partner (30m, also argentinian and childfree). I am an Spanish freelance teacher. Sometimes I feel really anxious, about life , deal with my adult students. I have ptsd also. I am doing group therapy, but your videos are like a therapy too.
Excellent advice! (1) I can play guitar and clarinet, but I can't play music. No matter how much time I spend. I've accepted that. (2) Education is learning how to learn. Absolutely. (3) Happiness is not getting what you want but wanting what you get! Best wishes!
My 59 year old aunt is a childless, family-free, and deeply depressed woman. She really regrets not starting a family, and it's just heartbreaking to see. She seems like a shell of herself. :/
I used to feel that way too, influenced by modern media, but now, at 38, I'm so glad my wonderful wife and I decided to have kids. I'm so unffffknbeleviebly happy :D
She failed to find an alternative to raising children, to satisfy her happiness.
Love this, Ana! Too many people are being sucked in to a mindset that doesn't fit! And you express things with such kindness. From children to degrees. I had to learn that a degree doesn't make me a musician anymore than it would make me an artist. One truth I have found is that if anyone goes to a hairdresser to get their hair washed, once a week, the world would be a more peaceful place! Lol!
Parenting is not for everyone. It’s wonderful that we have a choice. Parenting takes over your life. You have an extreme love for your child. For me that meant constant anxiety and attention. If you do it well, your child becomes independent. You can’t guarantee that your adult child will be able to help you or be near you. You can’t be sure that they won’t have physical or mental health problems. If you want to be a parent and accept all that comes with it, that’s fine. If you want to do other things in your life, that’s fine too. The idea that parenting is essential comes from a time when we didn’t have a choice and had to make the best of it.
So many times I hear older people say , my children never come to visit me. The mothers and fathers spend their life trying to support and make their children happy, and children then consider them a burden later on. Not all but many. You wear yourself out raising them and they then just turn their back on you. Some people just don’t want to play that game in their life.
Not in all cultures, but certainly in the US, we were all told the American dream was to move out, buy your home and never look back. Capitalism relies on infinite growth in a finite system.
You don’t see the dichotomy in what you’ve written? Lotsa parents do not “try to make their children happy”. Historically, it’s not the norm. In agricultural societies, parents had lots of kids in order to obtain a work force. Some children are born and raised to be “mini me”, to carry on the name and the family business. Others are slated to fulfill all their parents’ failures.
If your child “turns his (her) back on you” as an adult, be assured that you did not try to help that child to be who they are - but instead tried to mold them into what you wanted them to be.
@@Gk2003m the dichotomy is, those that lack and have struggled build empathy and compassion and those that have been given abundance can never be satisfied and cannot feel for another. Such is the way with human beings, if the OP did too much for her children because she maybe felt lack in her childhood, the children haven’t had the tough times that build bonds , unknowingly they will continue the cycle in their own children’s lives, by not having the ability to easily form bonds their children will feel unseen and unheard and grow up determined to dedicate most of their time and energy on their children. And round and round we go. @terrydillon It’s a tough thing to go through, my thirty-something daughters and I are very close now but that wasn’t always the case. And I have a younger still at home that is really struggling with the difficulties we are all facing today, perhaps that trauma/struggle is building resilience in her but it’s at the cost of a carefree childhood. My older daughters and I are breaking the cycle of generational trauma, it’s hard work, but it’s been so worth it! Have a peaceful day.
Oh, I love these and agree very much with all of them! Two I have been told many times that are untrue for me: You will know when you are ready. This has repeatedly turned out to be false for me, as a highly sensitive, cautious person. Time heals all wounds. I wish this one were true, but again, it has not been for me.
Ugh, yep, I agree with you here...
Yes, time alone isn't enough for the deeper woundings like trauma... the statement of time healing all wounds kind of suggests you should just wait it out, which sounds like very toxic advice
Excellent collection of 'Truths'. Totally agree. The world is full of people who work hard every day, and striving to improve their circumstances but never get anywhere. Hard work does not equal success. No, you absolutely do not have to have kids to make your life meaningful. I never got that. When I met my wife about 30 years ago, one of the first thing she asked was whether I wanted kids or not, and how relieved and happy she was when I said I did not, under any circumstances, want kids, not now, not ever. And we've had a perfectly happy and fulfilled life, and looking back, we know we made the right decision. Don't like 'em, don't want 'em.
One other thing that most people don't know is how little control they actually have over their lives. At any time, the rug can be pulled out from under you and there's nothing you can do about it. It's happened to me three times - boom! That section of your life is now over!
Academic qualifications? Meaningless. Don't have a college degree, but I've done several jobs that listed a degree as a requirement, to a world-class level for blue chip companies and never got questioned about my lack of a degree.
People say things. Mostly wrong. But they're just opinions, and you're free to ignore them and do your own thing. You might get disowned by your family, or end up with no friends, or fail at things, but that's OK. We don't live in the Hallmark Channel.
I'm small and daft and seldom fit in any societal mold. YAY! ^_^ Being a small little freak is fun!
Hello Ana. Your video topics are always so thought provoking & interesting. Thanks so much❤ Enjoy your week 🙏😘
Thank you, Sharon! You too, have a beautiful week ❤️
Life is like the Ocean, ebb and flowing in the Present. Slow down and enjoy and engage with every moment. Books, Music, Art and Nature is where I'd start.
You've given the best prescription on how to live life for eternity to the end. I'm headed back to VA after coming back to the place I was born in Miami. My mother had a massive stroke last year and unfortunately she passed this May. I'll be returning back home to VA of 20 years and now as a 60 year I'm going back with a different look on life engaging myself in books, music, art, nature, culture, and the list goes on and on. Love Renee, Florida
Hi Ana,
1) I was taught this from a very young age, plus that I needed to be the best. The intentions were good, and pushed me a step further when needed. The downside was it took me a while to embrace my imperfections.
2) My friend said to me that what surprised her is that having a child doesn't change YOU. You still have the same vulnerability and 'flaws'. I don't think my kids 'complete' me. I think I have a privilege to be in their life for a while, before they go on their journey of unraveling themselves. I am just trying hard no to screw it up!
3) Better next step... This made me think about immigration, the pressure of being successful ( financially). This isn't always the case, it creates unrealistic expectations in some cases. I try no to waste my time on comparing life in different countries anymore.
4) Happiness - again lyrics from my favourite polish singer - Anna Maria Jopek - Because happiness is a fleeting guest
Happiness is a feather on a palm
That appears when it wants to
And when it is not being pursued. ( Sounds better in Polish of course 😉)
5)Higher education...I remember the first social meeting at my Uni, this professor told us that after 3 years we will see world differently, we will question newspapers, things we took for granted, public figures, in short we were on the journey of discovering critical thinking. Am I political correspondent for BBC? No. Would I want to go to Uni again to do the same subject? Absolutely! Would I pay the 9,000 per year to study(it was free when I was a student)....? Not so sure...
As usual, such a thoughtful and insightful comment from you, dear Bogusia! I especially love the Polish song quote, very true and beautiful ❤️ Thank you
When writing this post, I was wondering when was the last time I saw a feather dancing in the air, and I couldn't remember...
Guess what happened - Today during the relaxing lunch in a lovely restaurant it landed on our table ❤️
What I hear at work from people with children: "He's got the kids this weekend! YYYYEEEESS!!"
I was born in 1949 so I think I have a different view on working hard to achieve anything in life. People had to physically work hard at that time, and as I grew up , along with the other children I knew, there wasn't the option of further education. We went out to work at 16. My mother eventually taught herself to type and was able to have a good office job to help feed her five children. Today working hard seems to mean that if you do not study hard you will not get anywhere in life. I'm sure that is true, but it does make young people feel a failure at quite a young age, leaving them not able to see a clear future for themselves.
Back then one still had options if you weren't College material or lacked the financial wherewithal to go that route. Join the army, join a union - carve out a respectable future from sweat equity. It's not so easy now, not so respected either.
At the schools they are forcing the kids to believe this is the best path. So, it makes teens uncomfortable. But, also have a thought of failure too, if they don't feel like going to school
Thank you. Your voice is so calming and your ideas full of kindness ❤
1. You usually do have to work hard to get what you want, but just like a college degree, there are no guarantees of success.
2. There can be social pressures to date, get married, and have kids. It is ironic that certain people egging you on to do these things, tell you how great they are until you do them, then complain about their lives to you. While I did all of this, I feel I got relatively lucky.
3. I never heard the next step has to be better, but that would be a lie, the goal is to take the next step and not avoid it, even if it causes you to go two steps back. Movement is the key and is necessary to not stagnate out of fear.
4. Again never heard about fighting for happiness, but that would be a lie. Happiness is not something you seek or fight for, it is a state of being and like all emotions based on our thoughts.
5. You don't need higher education to succeed in life and most people will continue to educate themselves on the things they care about rather than taking courses they have no interest in but is required to pay the professor for his useless degree. Certainly certain fields desire a degreed person but if none are available, they will take what they can get, that is just how supply and demand works.
You could spend your whole life looking for happiness and never find it. You don’t find happiness, happiness finds you, when you seek out what you need, rather than the things you want.
I agree completely- the most important questions in life can only be answered by yourself-well put!
Every once in awhile I become aware that decisions I'm making or things I'm doing are based on old beliefs that when examined don't make any sense! Your lying truths 🙂are spot on. Also, I'm glad you were able to hear the unsolicited advice for what it was. Anytime I hear some one "shoulding" all over another whether in person or in comments online, I'm kind of sad for them. I don't think I would presume to think I know best for another especially when I'm still figuring out what's best for me in some scenarios! Please, keep doing you! (You inspire me to wonder if I could create such beautiful knitted creations! I love thae sweater you're wearing.)
Oh, thank you so much, Marilyn! And trust me, you can make this type of sweater/cardigan - it's super simple and is called "hexagon shirt", there are free crochet tutorials on YT and paid on Ravelry 🤗 Lying Truths - love the new term!
😳 this comments section is a veritable gold mine. How refreshing this video is. 🤗 and I can’t agree more that a day of doing nothing is absolutely absolute unadulterated bliss. I don’t need to achieve anything or prove anything to anybody. A good meal, a good book, a walk, a conversation, a good nap … the list goes on.
That's great that so many people feel complete without children. For me, my life was incomplete without my daughter. I was an addict, I was suicidal, I had mental health problems that I could not find the will power to rectify. When I had my daughter, even though it was to a man that 'wasn't meant for me', I suddenly felt all that darkness start to disappear, my purpose became clear, to not only do something good with my life, but to be a good mother to my child, and to be a good role model. With this in mind, I started to change and the depression/the addiction lifted. Without my daughter I would be dead now. I could not imagine a life without her unconditional love and when I die, I won't die alone, because she will either be there with me or she will be my final memory. I can't think of anything more sad than to die alone.
I can't think of anything more peaceful. Stop projecting your ugly emotions on people who are ok with their state of mind. How's that supposed to make infertile people feel? How am I supposed to feel knowing I quit my addictions for nothing, for nobody, because I'm sad and alone. I was never allowed a child. I will die sad and alone, I guess. Aren't you lucky?
It didn't lift though, did it? You just became dependent on her. You can't fathom life without a child because you had severe issues, that people like the youtuber in this video don't have. They have learnt how to regulate themselves independently.
This is really inspiring ❤
We all individuals, be yourself. Life will take care of it self. Thank you for your honesty, it is refreshing.
I feel like I’m just beginning my life after enduring a career in the tech field. I quit at 58 and now am blissfully happy spending all day, every day learning how to make crafts from nature.
I remember being telling me I would be bored if I quit working. I didn’t know what I’d do with my time when I quit working, but I knew they were wrong.
I knew I was meant to work with my hands. The fact that I was born to learn easily didn’t mean I was meant to use my abilities in a traditional way.
Follow your instincts. Other people are wrong.
Oh Anna, this was so nice. I found myself relating and smiling the whole time I was listening to you. Succinct insights as always. ✨
You make very good points. Sorry for the censorship you mentioned. 🙏🏻
I agress with those 5 points. Throught time I discover that we all are different and goals and happiness is different for everybody. Thanks for sharing those stories.
Focus on your strengths. Primary school always focused on weaknesses. Be good at and enjoy your thing. Practice that for 10,000 hrs💪
I have recently (last couple of decades) thought that in the Western world, at least schooling especially early years is used to indoctrinate children into the world of plebs and slavery for the oligarchs.
The answer to give to people who say these "have to do things" to you is, "Actually, No I don't."
Mindful living and minimalist living had been life changing for me, thank you Ana I hope you and Brian are still doing well!
It's amazing what you notice in life when you slow down and give yourself space or allow yourself to not feel guilty for living how you feel best. It flies in the face of modern living to a degree but videos like yours as milestones on my journey have been invaluable. Finding the perfection in the imperfections of life is key agreed.
On the kids side of things this is very personal I know how frustrating it can be when we go against conventional thinking.
Hope you have much peace and loving harmony going forward. Bless you and this channel Ana :)
Thank you ,You are very wise!
To be successful requires that you not just work hard, you have to work crazy hard and never stop. You need to be in the right place at the right time and be lucky. That’s all
Your videos often comfort me so much. Thank you for that, Ana ❤
Your words are so warm and reassuring.Thank you so much.
Such a reassuring chat. Thank you 😊
Thank You! I needed that To Get Out Of My Head!
Thank you for these wonderful reminders about what really matters to me. My life is beautiful without having many of these "truths" come true.
poetry! (also that sweater is poetry also)
❤️
I think your video is spot on. You’re so wise to have thought so deeply about these things and forge your own authentic path.
Wonderful, wise video!! Every single second of it! Thank you!
You come across as a very wise, balanced, sensible young woman. People blunder into life lessons every day of their lives but most don't recognise them for what they are, sad to say. You are definitely learning yours. I am very impressed. It took me to get into my seventies before I started to look around me, at family, people, society, the world.
Your calm wisdom would be helping people out there in these troubled times. You are an amazing person. Keep up the good work. ❤
To fight for happiness is to fight oneself, because happiness is a choice...
Thank you, Ana. ❤ What a refreshment you are. Please keep sharing.
Hi Anastasia (beautiful name), thank you for the video. I totally agree with everything! ❤
You’re very wise and I enjoyed listening to you. You’re a born teacher. Many thanks
‘It’s the dumbest thing ever.’ Haha!! 😊Hearing you say this made me laugh out loud, Ana. I so agree (with everything you speak about here!) (Btw, I also agree about translation-I don’t have any work now whatsoever, either! Definitely not the end of the world…) 🤗
Indeed, Polly! Not the end of the world ♥️🤗
Another "truth" which was a lie for me was, "You won't find that the grass is greener on the other side ... Everything will be the same wherever you go!" UNTRUE! I have fit in better in certain places better than others. Circumstances have been far more favorable in some places than others. Opportunities have been more abundant in some places than others. I could go on and on.
I love your videos, so much wisdom
You are very beautiful person from inside and outside. It feels like you've arrived at your own place. One of the biggest challenges we face in life.
Have a great day Ana
Thanks, Liam! You too.
Thank you, Ana. I'm newly subscribed. I like your thoughtfulness, your ideas and your soothing voice.
This is a much needed video.
I am mid 70's, I dad achieve a child hood dream, nothing great but it was satisfying, there were also many failures, like marital break up, but I have three adult children I lave and still have a close relationship. On the mater of getting better results, it is my experience and belief that everything in the universe happens in waves, from big, like the snow ball earth to the tropical, is a cycle. So I greet life's ups and downs the same way. My father was a first gen. Canadian his family came from Ukraine in 1923. I was called names in my Anglo Saxon community, and did not get the breaks others got in my job choice, but I was not phased.
Thank you Ana I totally agree you don’t have to be a parent just because this is what people think is normal and a degree or corporate life is not everything I believe being your true authentic self is very important I’ve lived many years of my life to fit in with Micky mouse world but now I live as I please regardless of what anyone may think or say thank you for your wisdom
- Wow that woman giving her opinion on having children should consider first that some people may not be able to physically have children . Love your thoughtful mindset.
Wise word with humility and honesty. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you my loveliest Ana for this amazing video, I couldn't agree more♥️♥️ Thank you for your kindness and optimistic vibes always ✨✨
I was told higher education was my ticket to employers knocking on my door. I finally paid off my student loans and now I do not assume my children will go to college. We're helping them think outside that expensive box.
I sincerely adore being a mother and would recommend it to anyone else who was interested; but if that’s not you, that should remain well respected. Parenting well is a huge commitment. ❤
For most people, relationships and kids and school and employment all contribute to a worthwhile life. They may not be for everyone, but they are certainly for most people.
Especially the first one, "working hard yields results" I can tell you in my career I have been overlooked by colleagues who didn't do much work, and on top of that were less qualified. Also this thing with "you can be anything you want" is complete bull, I know my limitations!
Never is DNA memory taken into account even though it plays a huge role in everything. We must remain centered to change as we should. Happiness is easy, simply do your duty and you get to decide what your duty is and cut the bullshit. Never allow your schooling to interfere with your education. Great rant. Always listen to people who say they are searching for truth, never those who say they have found it. Of course, life is unfair but it is how we deal with the unfairness that determines our spiritual growth. Life is always about struggle by design because it pushes us out of our comfort zone, you know, the place where we actually learn something. Break a leg Ana.
truth! we have been lied to generation after generation. i've been blocked so many times. i'm old now and i owe nothing to anyone.
not having children was the BEST decision of my life. hubby and my pets and gardens were enough.
Very thought provoking, thanks for the content. Cheers Anna
You spoke my mind! Very few people have such a wisdom. Thanks for sharing this