This video touches on the very reason why mindfulness didn’t work for me in the first instance. I was so fixated on getting thirty minutes practice in per day that I excused and overlooked the other ways distraction plays an important role in my life. I like the way you frame distraction as a practice.
It is so useful to see that everything is practice time throughout the day. We're always getting better at skills. So what skill do I want to get better at in this moment?
I've been aware of this behaviour and I haven't been able to make changes yet. When I try to focus on one thing and be present, my anxiety level increases to a level I feel I can't handle and I end up coming back to distractions. Which is not great since it also feels unproductive and unsettling but somehow more manageable.
I want to thank you so much for your help you are honestly the biggest guide and help in the toughest time of my life you are literally helping so many people I’m reading your book to and it’s amazing. you have been through this and I can’t find anyone who helps make sense of my mind and world then you do and your guidance is helping me make the right steps and changes to better mental health. Thank you for sharing with others and helping people.❤️
My therapist always tried to make me come up with an answer from the heart that told me what to do in life and study. So I spent years trying to find out my vocation always finding a flaw and ending up with nothing. Everytime I think I might try this, I quit, because I think it's not what I want. My friends are now lawyers and doctors already whil e I spent years moving back and forth having nothing to show, seeing through nothing. And I'm despairing over what to do. I know it'S a function of OCD and I'm still not sure if it's right to just do something even if it feels wrong. I'm asking you and I know it's a question for reassurance. Or is it?! How do you decide when your body gives you no clue what's right... always doubts, always comes up with reasons why it's wrong. An example would be "Oh I could study law. That seems good. -- but then again buddhists say thinking a lot is bad... and also in law you have to think all the time and find flaws so that might make the region in my brain that is OCD-y bigger... Also I'm too old already.. so let's keep studying History... but then again what if you earn no money with that.. it's a badly-paid job to be a historian.. also you're too old...." It's like running into an open knife without wanting it... I keep trying to find the spot in the vicious circle where I can intervene and break out .
+1Kilili I can't tell you how many questions are ok because I've never considered that. I'm totally fine with telling people when I can't answer a question. As for the topic of vocations: If it bothers you that you would have a badly-paid job, perhaps you value money. That's totally fine. If that's what's most important to you, then do things that would make you money. Personally, rather than look to a vocation, I always look to what I value and then I find something that helps me achieve that. But if you don't value having a particular amount of money, then it would likely make you unhappy to build your life around that. However, if you do value having a particular amount of money, then it would likely make you unhappy not to have that.
Hi kilili! Just to let you know that I struggle with the exact same thing you described here, it’s cool to find someone with the same experience. I don’t see much content regarding OCD and decisions like this. How’s it going nowadays?
When I'm ridding the public bus do I like to look outside but there are triggers everywhere do I just keep being aware not judging that seems to kind of work but what is judging because we know when someone is taller then someone else we know what a bus is what kind of animal it is etc...
Thank you but it seems like everything I value I do it for praise instead of doing it because I want to like playing guitar and singing. But I realize when I sing in front of people I turn my face away so I don't have to look at them and I feel like that can be a compulsion and also what is your definition of a value thanks
Hey mark if one has ocd can they do a lot to help those moves while waiting for a psychiatrist. Such as going out more and building a resistance to those intrusive thoughts?
Fred Johnson I'm not sure what "building a resistance" would mean but it sounds like it would be unhelpful. OCD is all about trying not to experience thoughts and feelings. So if you mean you're going to try to resist experiencing those intrusive thoughts, then that's just going to involve more OCD. But if you're going to stop reacting to those thoughts with compulsions, then that's useful. Getting over OCD is all about learning how to experience thoughts and feelings, accepting those experiences, and then making healthy decisions that align with your values and where you want to go in life. There are many workbooks to help with learning to accept intrusive thoughts and overcome OCD. When people are most bothered by their intrusive thoughts, I often recommend any books by Steven C Hayes on Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT).
Fred Johnson Well, judging is a compulsion. So if you're judging your OCD symptoms as worse than others and that's making you feel bad, that's totally normal because compulsions make people feel bad. As far as themes go, I don't find that they're useful. I did a video on that you might want to check out: th-cam.com/video/5FNkLhVd5KY/w-d-xo.html AND, just from your messages, it's clear you don't only struggle with "harm OCD" symptoms so I'm not sure that it's going to help you to believe your OCD is confined to such a narrow category. Often what people refer to as "themes" are just the symptoms that bother them the most. OCD is much broader and more pervasive than that. Try to look beyond what's bothering you at the complete problem.
Constant thoughts you may have hurt someone or will in the future when you know your a good person. Just scary thoughts that my doc said was compulsions. Funny cause I never really think I did anything or else someone would have reacted by now?
Fred Johnson I think they your doc meant intrusive thoughts?? and beating your self up or anxiously trying to get these thoughts out of your head is a compulsion hope this helped :)
Thanks a lot for the video, you just described the person I am. I had trouble paying attention to the video, because my mind wandered a couple of times. What I hate also about thinking a million things at once, is that it drains you of energy and anxiety symptoms set in and you hardly get anything accomplised. Any suggestions on how to manage my thoughts?
It is draining! It helps to recognize that thinking a million things is a practice. The more you do it, the better you'll get at it. So if you want to focus, you need to practice focusing. You can't have an ability you don't practice. At first it'll be difficult. Try to pay attention to things. When you notice your mind wandering off, recognize that without judgment and bring it back to what you want to focus on. The more you practice focusing your thoughts where you want them, the better you'll get at it.
***** Thanks, I will try to follow through, I use to be able to distract my self and concentrate on something, but now it's nearly impossible to break free from my thoughts
It does sound like you might be looking at it backwards. Your thoughts are the distraction. You don't have to distract yourself from them. Distracting yourself is the problem, not the solution. Returning your awareness to the present and being mindful of what's around you isn't a distraction. It might help to see mindfulness as your natural state instead of something you have to add on.
***** Yes that's what I want, to be mindful and present. I am never present, I'm always travelling in my mind everywhere except being present. How can I start to recover from this, it has really prevented me from being the person I want to be. Any suggestions would be great, thank you.
Being mindful is something we have to practice. Nobody can be mindful and present unless they practice being mindful and present. When I teach mindfulness workshops, we start with very simple exercises, like trying to pay attention for five breaths. That can be very difficult at first. So that could be something to try. Start with one breath and pay attention to breathing in, then pause when your lungs are full, and then breathing out, and the pause when your lungs are empty. Once you get five breaths down, try moving on to something a bit longer. Here's a guided meditation that's about 3 minutes long: soundcloud.com/mindfulnesswithoutborders/tuza-practice It can be a useful next step. Try practicing these exercises every day and keep building a practice from there.
i dont get the examples. but one thing i know. distraction is what all kind of fear becomes stronger when they comeback again. the only key to defeat fear is ACCEPTANCE, AWARENESS and OBSERVATION. and learn not to control by our emotions. because emotions are feeding anxiety too. Just learn how to get Comfortable being uncomfortable to the state of being Anxious. thats the only answer. thats the number 1 only solution to defeat fear.
This video touches on the very reason why mindfulness didn’t work for me in the first instance. I was so fixated on getting thirty minutes practice in per day that I excused and overlooked the other ways distraction plays an important role in my life. I like the way you frame distraction as a practice.
It is so useful to see that everything is practice time throughout the day. We're always getting better at skills. So what skill do I want to get better at in this moment?
I've been aware of this behaviour and I haven't been able to make changes yet. When I try to focus on one thing and be present, my anxiety level increases to a level I feel I can't handle and I end up coming back to distractions.
Which is not great since it also feels unproductive and unsettling but somehow more manageable.
I want to thank you so much for your help you are honestly the biggest guide and help in the toughest time of my life you are literally helping so many people I’m reading your book to and it’s amazing. you have been through this and I can’t find anyone who helps make sense of my mind and world then you do and your guidance is helping me make the right steps and changes to better mental health. Thank you for sharing with others and helping people.❤️
Thank you! Happy to be part of the adventure!
Pretty much sounds like my brain throughout the day...
YOU ARE A GENIUS
Wow amen this was really helpful. Will try and put this into practice. Thank you 🙏🏼
Enjoy the practice!
Such valuable information, thank you
You're welcome!
Makes perfect sense! I like the puppy analogy! Thanks Mark!
LOL I actually had a whole reddit account for looking at pictures of goats instead of ruminating.
:D
👍🏼👍🏼
Thank you so much for this video !
Thank you for the video. This really helps me !
awesome video
Im laughing because this is me. It seems so stupid!!!! I’m glad i’m going to get help.
Enjoy the steps ahead with therapy!
Wow this was super super helpful thanks again mark
Shawn Myers You're welcome, Shawn!
My therapist always tried to make me come up with an answer from the heart that told me what to do in life and study.
So I spent years trying to find out my vocation always finding a flaw and ending up with nothing.
Everytime I think I might try this, I quit, because I think it's not what I want. My friends are now lawyers and doctors already whil e I spent years moving back and forth having nothing to show, seeing through nothing.
And I'm despairing over what to do. I know it'S a function of OCD and I'm still not sure if it's right to just do something even if it feels wrong. I'm asking you and I know it's a question for reassurance. Or is it?!
How do you decide when your body gives you no clue what's right... always doubts, always comes up with reasons why it's wrong.
An example would be "Oh I could study law. That seems good. -- but then again buddhists say thinking a lot is bad... and also in law you have to think all the time and find flaws so that might make the region in my brain that is OCD-y bigger... Also I'm too old already.. so let's keep studying History... but then again what if you earn no money with that.. it's a badly-paid job to be a historian.. also you're too old...."
It's like running into an open knife without wanting it... I keep trying to find the spot in the vicious circle where I can intervene and break out .
+1Kilili How many questions are cool for you anyway ? Asking how many questions a year is still polite and conducive to the whole thing?
+1Kilili I can't tell you how many questions are ok because I've never considered that. I'm totally fine with telling people when I can't answer a question. As for the topic of vocations: If it bothers you that you would have a badly-paid job, perhaps you value money. That's totally fine. If that's what's most important to you, then do things that would make you money. Personally, rather than look to a vocation, I always look to what I value and then I find something that helps me achieve that. But if you don't value having a particular amount of money, then it would likely make you unhappy to build your life around that. However, if you do value having a particular amount of money, then it would likely make you unhappy not to have that.
Thank you !
Hi kilili! Just to let you know that I struggle with the exact same thing you described here, it’s cool to find someone with the same experience. I don’t see much content regarding OCD and decisions like this. How’s it going nowadays?
Can you help me?
Is trying to be mindful all the time not just another mental compulsion?
I read the title and the description and already I know that this video is aimed at people like me. Oops...
When I'm ridding the public bus do I like to look outside but there are triggers everywhere do I just keep being aware not judging that seems to kind of work but what is judging because we know when someone is taller then someone else we know what a bus is what kind of animal it is etc...
michael caldwell Recovery isn't about avoiding triggers, it's about learning how to experience them while doing things you value.
Thank you but it seems like everything I value I do it for praise instead of doing it because I want to like playing guitar and singing. But I realize when I sing in front of people I turn my face away so I don't have to look at them and I feel like that can be a compulsion and also what is your definition of a value thanks
Hey mark if one has ocd can they do a lot to help those moves while waiting for a psychiatrist. Such as going out more and building a resistance to those intrusive thoughts?
Fred Johnson I'm not sure what "building a resistance" would mean but it sounds like it would be unhelpful. OCD is all about trying not to experience thoughts and feelings. So if you mean you're going to try to resist experiencing those intrusive thoughts, then that's just going to involve more OCD. But if you're going to stop reacting to those thoughts with compulsions, then that's useful. Getting over OCD is all about learning how to experience thoughts and feelings, accepting those experiences, and then making healthy decisions that align with your values and where you want to go in life. There are many workbooks to help with learning to accept intrusive thoughts and overcome OCD. When people are most bothered by their intrusive thoughts, I often recommend any books by Steven C Hayes on Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT).
Awesome is harm OCD something to be ashamed of. Cause it sounds way worse then the other ones?
Fred Johnson Well, judging is a compulsion. So if you're judging your OCD symptoms as worse than others and that's making you feel bad, that's totally normal because compulsions make people feel bad. As far as themes go, I don't find that they're useful. I did a video on that you might want to check out: th-cam.com/video/5FNkLhVd5KY/w-d-xo.html AND, just from your messages, it's clear you don't only struggle with "harm OCD" symptoms so I'm not sure that it's going to help you to believe your OCD is confined to such a narrow category. Often what people refer to as "themes" are just the symptoms that bother them the most. OCD is much broader and more pervasive than that. Try to look beyond what's bothering you at the complete problem.
Constant thoughts you may have hurt someone or will in the future when you know your a good person. Just scary thoughts that my doc said was compulsions. Funny cause I never really think I did anything or else someone would have reacted by now?
Fred Johnson I think they your doc meant intrusive thoughts?? and beating your self up or anxiously trying to get these thoughts out of your head is a compulsion hope this helped :)
sounds so familiar
Thanks a lot for the video, you just described the person I am. I had trouble paying attention to the video, because my mind wandered a couple of times. What I hate also about thinking a million things at once, is that it drains you of energy and anxiety symptoms set in and you hardly get anything accomplised. Any suggestions on how to manage my thoughts?
It is draining! It helps to recognize that thinking a million things is a practice. The more you do it, the better you'll get at it. So if you want to focus, you need to practice focusing. You can't have an ability you don't practice. At first it'll be difficult. Try to pay attention to things. When you notice your mind wandering off, recognize that without judgment and bring it back to what you want to focus on. The more you practice focusing your thoughts where you want them, the better you'll get at it.
***** Thanks, I will try to follow through, I use to be able to distract my self and concentrate on something, but now it's nearly impossible to break free from my thoughts
It does sound like you might be looking at it backwards. Your thoughts are the distraction. You don't have to distract yourself from them. Distracting yourself is the problem, not the solution. Returning your awareness to the present and being mindful of what's around you isn't a distraction. It might help to see mindfulness as your natural state instead of something you have to add on.
***** Yes that's what I want, to be mindful and present. I am never present, I'm always travelling in my mind everywhere except being present. How can I start to recover from this, it has really prevented me from being the person I want to be. Any suggestions would be great, thank you.
Being mindful is something we have to practice. Nobody can be mindful and present unless they practice being mindful and present. When I teach mindfulness workshops, we start with very simple exercises, like trying to pay attention for five breaths. That can be very difficult at first. So that could be something to try. Start with one breath and pay attention to breathing in, then pause when your lungs are full, and then breathing out, and the pause when your lungs are empty. Once you get five breaths down, try moving on to something a bit longer. Here's a guided meditation that's about 3 minutes long: soundcloud.com/mindfulnesswithoutborders/tuza-practice It can be a useful next step. Try practicing these exercises every day and keep building a practice from there.
i dont get the examples. but one thing i know. distraction is what all kind of fear becomes stronger when they comeback again. the only key to defeat fear is ACCEPTANCE, AWARENESS and OBSERVATION. and learn not to control by our emotions. because emotions are feeding anxiety too. Just learn how to get Comfortable being uncomfortable to the state of being Anxious. thats the only answer. thats the number 1 only solution to defeat fear.
I’m trying to practice acceptance, not easy. Any tips?