Hey folks - Dr. K’s Healthy Gamer Coaching is a cutting-edge program tailored for the unique mental health needs of the internet generation. It can help with issues like lack of motivation, excessive procrastination, missing life purpose, repairing/building relationships, and more! Sessions start at just $30. You can learn more here: bit.ly/3FDSSDm
I love him so much, you were such an amazing podcast or/psychiatrist/just everything. I just watched your episode on Chris Williamson and I’m just completely floored at how brilliant you are.
Don't use tech first thing in the morning Allow yourself to grieve and don't try to fix the problem when you're feeling terrible. You can't fix problems in the wrong mindset Avoid alcohol, narcotics first thing in the morning Clean or walk first thing in the morning Assign a time to think negatively and deal with it when you're clear-headed
I had periods in my life when I woke up already half dead. I had such bad mood that only weed could bring be back to life. When I used my gravity bong I had two rivers of tears on both cheeks. So I find such pieces of advice without context absolutely delusional.
I know the "no technology/social media" advice gets old but it's so accurate in this case. I have found an EXTREME difference in my day's overall mood when I choose to start my day (go to bathroom, stretch, feed pet, whatever) before touching my phone/laptop. Then again, I'd probably notice an even bigger positive difference if I cut it out all together. But I'm an internet addict so...
It's like night and day with how different I feel. I'm much happier and things that stress me out are easier to bounce back from. But the call of the black screen is very strong. 😳
My brother doesn't believe in therapy cause a lot of problems are obvious, but I think he doesn't get the point after being clouded from bad experience. People won't disagree social media leads to a lot of potential problems, and a lot of people go so far as to cope by constantly joking about their own, but K has a tendency to explain all the facets of psychology in a way that makes the problems make more sense and be actionable
Failure doesnt mean you're worthless, it means you must look for another route to achieving worth wide goals, a GOOD morning routine is the best start.
Takeaways: → Ask yourself, when you feel the negative emotions? → Don’t use tech or substances when your in a negative mood and Use tech and substances in moderation. → Go for a walk, clean something, … the idea is to not engage with them at the moment and let other thoughts to fill it. → Assign a time to deal with negative thoughts with a clear head. This is compartmentalizing.
@@JohnSmith-mu8fx directions unclear! 3 week binge and I can no longer afford all the substances 😆🤪 But… haven’t thought of my crippling depression in weeks either 🥴
As of this week, I've finally found a morning routine that works for me, and I've stuck with it and haven't been late to work at all. I'm very proud, as this hasn't been the case (on a reliable basis) for years, and upon hearing you talk about those negative thoughts that debilitate you in the morning, I can see that was what was going on with me
I have been having difficulty with this most of my life, so to hear that there can be a solution even after years with little success is encouraging. Thanks for sharing and well done!
The faster i get to my walk, the better. I wake wishing i was dead. But the walk convinces me to keep going. The walk itself is great....and I'm doing something that makes my dog happy. Making someone else happy is a good feeling.
It isnt you, but the person you see in your mind that you wish dead :) your body knows...else you wouldnt enjoy the walks. This person you think you are is in the past, youre holding onto memories.
Thank you for sharing. For me, the moment I open my eyes, I read a note that says, “Today it's going to be an amazing day! I expect great things to happen today!” It has helped SO MUCH! I am bombarded by negative thoughts, but this mantra every day is convincing my brain that something extraordinary is going to happen if we get going. I hope this helps. After that mantra, I get to my walk and do some cleaning. :)
For years I'd always start the day with a morning walk. Whenever I was feeling down I'd walk and walk, it's no panacea however looking back it has been a major tool for me mentally. As for cleaning I realized a lot of times when feeling angry, ragecleaning would be an automatic go to tool. Years ago someone introduced me to 'pondertime', instead of spiraling uncontrollably in a bad mindset into thoughts and ideas of solution, pondertime would be in a better mindset where you would actively dedicate time to thinking through whatever was going on and look to improve it there. The concept also extended into conversations where me and others would dedicate x amount of time to talking through the bad, then the rest would be about other stuff. Basically, as you say, compartmentalization of these ideas. It has been difficult picking those pieces of the puzzles along the way as a lay woman, compartmentalizing them, and then actively be mindful of acting accordingly. Thanks for being the big brother/father sharing with and looking out for us :)
Interesting fact: When going for walks our eyes move. The lateral eye movements occurring in a higher quantity on the walk suppress the amygdala. This is the basis of EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) therapy.
@@langreeves6419 I was thinking today I want to start going to the greenway to workout because doing it at home isn’t doing what running use to do. This would put the pieces together 🤔
I did this when I had a bunny. I made her salad first thing. She passed six months ago and I wanted to do some house repairs and travel before I get another one, but this time without a pet sucks. Hopefully soon, I will get one.
I love that! that was me with dogs, I would be in bed like 😭 and then I’m like wait …. let me get my ass up before this dog goes potty in the house lol 🤭
As soon as I wake up, I sit in silence with my eyes closed for an hour. My mind processes thoughts and chews on things for a while but gets tired and surrenders into peace. By the end of the hour, I feel still and peaceful. I do this 1 hour sitting morning and evening. Sometimes I sit longer and don’t time it. I sit for 1.5-2 hours at times. Been doing this consistently for a year. Sitting in silence has completely transformed me and my mind. Healed a codependent addictive relationship breakup and other addictions with this simple practice. Best thing I ever did in my life P.s: if I feel very agitated about something, I go out for a walk for 30 minutes in silence, no distractions. Same thing- my mind chews on something but the body is also working and using up that energy from the mind so it lets go quicker. It’s like a walking meditation. By the end of the walk I feel so clear and peaceful. Consistent practice of these has brought me to a wonderful realm of silence and peace
my therapist saw i was beating myself up over past failures and told me "each of your past attempts contributes to your success". it resonated with me a lot. good luck, everyone! start slowly, gradually, and be consistent 🖤
It’s so weird how perfectly timed this video was for me. Just this morning I was in that negative thought loop and kept beating myself up for not doing better. I really needed this! I’m gonna start working on having a morning routine again. Thank you Dr. K!!!!
Hey dude, you’ll never really know how your day will go until you taste it. Today I was feeling the same way “oh no, school, and I hate going there and the people” but then I came to school and realized it’s not as bad as I always make it out to be and I actually really love my peers and the different personalities they all have. For you, I hope you get better with this. Sometimes all you need is a bubble bath.
So three weeks later, how is your morning routine going? :) More importantly, how is your evening routine going? Any preparations for a good morning wakeup?
@@puddincakes1005 My name is Yoshikage Kira. I'm 33 years old. My house is in the northeast section of Morioh, where all the villas are, and I am not married. I work as an employee for the Kame Yu department stores, and I get home every day by 8 PM at the latest. I don't smoke, but I occasionally drink. I'm in bed by 11 PM, and make sure I get eight hours of sleep, no matter what. After having a glass of warm milk and doing about twenty minutes of stretches before going to bed, I usually have no problems sleeping until morning. Just like a baby, I wake up without any fatigue or stress in the morning. I was told there were no issues at my last check-up. I'm trying to explain that I'm a person who wishes to live a very quiet life. I take care not to trouble myself with any enemies, like winning and losing, that would cause me to lose sleep at night. That is how I deal with society, and I know that is what brings me happiness. Although, if I were to fight I wouldn't lose to anyone.
Great question. Not only negative thoughts but low moods when I wake up so my challenge is trying to combat those negative thoughts for the first hour of the day so my low mood doesn't get any lower.
Wish my mental health team had given or even understood guidance like this. Instead, my mental health team just gave me a diagram with a bucket filling with water (stress) and said the only way to create holes in the bucket was to do things hobbies and things I enjoyed - basically distractions. Of course that didn't work because nothing got solved, and because my problems involved a time limit, I felt even worse than before. I felt I had to explain to them how it was just sticking a plaster over a wound and making things worse, but I didn't attempt to because I didn't have the authority that their training had (and even then they wouldn't have told me actual useful advice like this).
I understand what you said about not having authority - I get feeling that way. And also, you are the authority of your own experience and whether something is working for you or not. For example, several years ago I was seeing a psych-arnp for treatment of depression and anxiety. At one point, I wanted to explore new meds because I didn't feel what I was on was helping. She told me to stop taking my current meds cold turkey to prove to me they were indeed helping. I knew that was a dangerous idea, so I didn't do that. I just stopped seeing that provider. Couple years later, I finally found a proper psychiatrist and therapist who both told me I was way over-medicated and sedated. The point of this story is that the most important metric for guiding treatment is how it impacts you, and no matter how many degrees or years of practice a psychiatrist/therapist/etc has you're still the only one with authority on your experience. There are many types of therapy because none works for everyone, and the only one who can say a type of therapy isn't helping (and then change treatment) is the patient/client (if they're an adult/independent). The provider can help you figure that out, but if they insist you continue treatment that is either not helping or making things worse then they're not acting in your best interest. Ideally in that case you could transfer care, but I know that's not always practical or possible. Also, I'm not trying to blame you for not trying to explain how their strategy was making things worse, and I don't assume that this will help your current situation (if it does help); I just want to share this perspective in case it could help you feel more empowered in future circumstances; a provider who does not respect the authority you have over your own experience is not a good provider.
Why do all of them say the same things.. its only like the highest educated psychologists for me who has actually understood mental unwellness. all the lower educated people have told me that bucket thing
Something that helps enourmsly with my anxiety is sharing my thoughts with close friends. Just talking about them helps me to relax, my anxiety isn't away but I feel more confident with handling the situation cause I know, that someone knows what I'm going through and I can text them for help without having to explain the entire situation.
also if you are anxious at a party (avoiding distractions like going on ur phone) if you can communicate that you feel like nobody wants to talk to you someone may talk to you and calm your anxiety vs holding and putting away those thoughts with distractions like phone
I think friend don't want to hear any of that. They usually say, if you're not happy, move. Go find a new job. You let yourself be too affected by the environment. You should get some achievements, that will make you happy.
@@hufficag It must be rough. It sucks when you're really trying to get something off your chest and the people around you are quick to try and fix you but slow to listen. I hope you find more friends that listen when you need them to. I've recently realized, some people's first reaction when you talk about a problem is to try and fix it. But I don't always want a solution. I just want to vent. I've been telling my friends this before I vent and they're pretty good at holding their advice to themselves.
You have to be careful and not burden your friends. It can affect their mental health too. I like when I'm been told before that they want to vent so we can set time limits. It really drains me and can put me off for the next days (unable to work, cope, etc). It works both ways tho. I know its heathy to have safe net of people to count on. Even though I too have anxiety I don't like to share anything with noone (maybe beacuse of my autism). I've started to do that reacetly and seldom but I'm going against many years of not doing so because I have never wanted them to carry that weight.
@@my_unexpected_journey exactly. Most people aren't equipped for truly alleviating others' emotional pain, incl "educated" pros. Hoping for, or worse, expecting friends or partners to take on a sounding board role is unfair to you both, and quite possibly agitating.
Makes a lot of sense. I use to start my mornings with a cup of coffee while I cleaned. Getting my body up and moving felt like it helped me propel forward to accomplish other tasks. Soon after I started a workout routine. Lost weight. Then as my mental and physical health got better I started tackling life goals. Each step got easier the more I fell into my routine and it all started by deciding to get up and clean every morning.
Thank you so much. My every morning is a deep and heavy angst full of guilt, but I'm a fucking russian so i can't afford a quality psychotherapy. All i wanted since 15y.o is to become a neuroscientist or a psychiatrist, and i (maybe) convinced myself that no other joy in life is accessible to me. Only scientific curiosity. So it became reality and at 26 i'm a sad philosopher with a bad adhd and immense disappointment and resentment towards everything, not only myself. Now i struggle to convince myself that deep inside i want all the same things as other people, but it's so only when I'm on illegal psychostimulants or empathogens, once in a while. Only this things are able to give me a pure healthy desire to communicate with people and listen music. Your channel and psilocybin are my only hopes now, i take notes and treat them almost like prayers lol, so thanks a lot
26 is not too late to go back to school and achieve those things, or anything else that you want. I went back at 28 and changed everything, while working. I know there’s a million reasons you think it can’t work, but I think the empowerment you’d feel from chasing it would blow away anything that therapy could do for you. I hope you pursue it. All the best to you.
I went back to school at 25 and studied science. I regret now because of the disapproval from my family and now I am 35 and alone because I had to remove myself from that environment. The negative comments I have are the criticisms from my family for changing my life. I dislike my new career because of how they make me feel about it. I wish I had the wisdom to avoid such pain.
Exercise. I have not been on social media for a year and o still have negative thoughts. Usually from work or other issues. It’s hard to push away thoughts. What if people don’t have friends to have out with? What if people do not drink? I would love to really have a solution than looking for people to hang with. I like to practice TKD, or Thai Chi. How do we fix this? Go for a walk, clean whatever. They thoughts are still there. Music is key as long as it’s not triggering.
I think journaling is a good practice for this, you get to know the negative thoughts and understand them on a deeper root level and once you understand them, you can kind of slowly change the direction they're headed towards, for example after journaling a long time I think the root cause of my negative thoughts were that I felt I was a piece of shit, then further journaling got me to a point where 'why do I think I'm a piece of shit' and I started to make some changes like exercise if I felt I was a POS cause I was lazy etc, and starting accepting certain things I couldn't change but my perspective on them changed and it slowly became lighter day by day.
Lord yes, or if they do vanish those thoughts come right back when my head hits the pillow. I learned to really listen to them. Lots of fears, some can be general anxiety. Lots of trauma. I'm trying to sit with these feelings and downplay them now so they won't have so much hold on me. I think this will help. I kind of fell into listening to validating reiki videos to help me sleep. Now I'm kind of wondering if my mind is looking foe validation before bed. Weird thought, but that might be it.
due to my ptsd and living in a triggering environment, I've really struggled with this negativity in the morning and subconsciously avoiding the things that would calm me down in anticipation of 'the fall' or the negativity I would return to in the environment. having these stratagies explained to me is so releaving, i really hope some counselors and therapists find your videos and start using your way of explaining things to describe stratagies to their patients. I feel like if this was explained to me like this, I would have understood it a lot better. thank you Dr. K, your videos are always such a world of insight
There’s a Dutch verb called ‘uitwaaien’, which describes “going out for a walk (or bike ride) and feeling the wind around you to clear your head”. You described the construct and the benefits of ‘uitwaaien’ perfectly.
This is why I love lofi and working out in the morning, I’ve gotten better but my anxiety can run wild especially if I didn’t get enough sleep from disturbances lately. I have to slowly quiet my mind and wake my body up. But I can focus my energy onto something better and if I can’t rid my thoughts I’ll journal and write them and rereading them I’m like huh? I have to put that energy into something else otherwise it throws off my day.
This advice makes so much sense… don’t engage while experiencing a negative mindset. Also, I love the tip to write down how you’re feeling and then take the note to therapy so you can address the issue when you have a clear mind. Mostly every time I went to therapy I felt good. We always started with that and then talked about whatever came up. I wish I would’ve known to write down the negative things I experienced during the week so we could talk about them. That could’ve been super helpful.
I prefer "Wake me up inside," though I favor the Synthesis version (the duet makes no sense with the context of the song, but companies got to contract.)
Cleaning has been my go to for a long time, I struggled motivating myself to get work done but cleaning before I start working has helped me push any negative thought away and just get to work lol
My morning routine is hopping on YT with breakfast and coffee! If I feel negative a particular morning I'll actually watch Dr. K and by the end of a video or two, I all the sudden am in a positive state of mind! Thank you to you and your team for sharing your content and wisdom (:
Building a functional morning routine that works for me has been my primary self care goal for the past two months. I’ve never been a morning person, and I don’t just mean that I’m groggy and grumpy; I’m literally can’t think straight and am physically clumsier. What I used to do was snooze until I couldn’t anymore, then rush around in a panic complaining about being late. (I also used to struggle with serious morning anxiety that this routine exacerbated.) Over the past two months, I’ve worked on accepting the fact that I don’t wake up well and building it into my routine. My full morning routine now takes about 2.5 hours, but I’m calmer and by the time I walk out the door, I’m fully awake and ready for the day. And even though I’m waking up earlier, I actually feel more awake and alert throughout the day.
this video was so impactful as someone who experiences anxiety and depression on a regular basis. i am always trying to find better ways to live with these problems, and this was really helpful
You're great! I had to get rid of social media. It makes sense now why I love my routines that I established this year (age 37, for reference) so much. Makes my brain focus on something else. Some weeks I still get overwhelmed and do nothing but I'm at least able to recognize it and ask for an assist.
I have the opposite problem, generally starting strong in the morning but amassing negative thoughts throughout the day until I'm spent by mid-afternoon. The main thing which stops this onset is going to work, but they'll start right back up after; if I work later rather than right after waking up, I'll have a worse work day because I had time for these thoughts to gather. By the end of the day, I'll have very bad insomnia because of these thoughts unless I take some sort of sleep supplement. So I don't know what kind of routine I need in order to prevent that.
I absolutely LOVE how most of the technics Dr. K tells us about are just so utilitarian and you can start working on your problems right away and they'r working 🤧 saving us so much time, thank you so much!!
Thank you for posting this topic, because this haunts me. I like how there was emphasis put on the flood of thoughts that have been avoided throughout the day/life - invading upon wake up! I wouldn't wish this on my narcissistic, triangulating, older covert sibling, that sabotaged development, and life well into adulthood (once you are dependent on family narcs they try to own you, you fight back as viciously as they try to control, and mental health takes a major nosedive). I 100% recovered from over a decade of alcoholism, coping with controlling family (the only way I legally could do it back then). So, I really struggle ruminating when I wake up 3 to 4 am (getting like 5 1/2 hours, and doing a lot of hard work both mentally, and physically + a toddler). The more intelligent malignant/machiavellian narcissists aren't having fun at your expense, (they are but) they are trying to kill you slowly, because they would get busted doing it any other way, because they would be the first to be looked at by cops! When I look at things like this pathologically, with my education in psychology, it's hard for me to let the learned extremes - go! Wanting vengeance for the endless boundary violations before I knew how to put them firmly in place. I did almost 6 months of full-time outpatient therapy, I learned a ton! Meditation has worked wonders, I'm usually able to center myself with mindfulness (I'm no longer in fight mode, pacing around, cracking my knuckles. I called out the family narcs with so much scientific detail, I basically lost all battles, but won the war against them. Now that I'm over the big four oh age, infj type, ba in psych, I just feel like I've been through a never ending war, and now I have to battle the aftermath, imposter syndrome feelings (never had a support system to begin with, my parents made few friends, and my friends often would split after the bad behavior of family life (often wide eyed). So, now it's really hard for me to make new friends, despite being able to socialize with just about anyone, and life is moving in warp speed (I'm going through aspects of a spiritual awakening, and I actually want to be alone for the foreseeable future!) I'll have to get the DSM out, and see if I qualify for a mood disorder, with the ptsd). Ending the generational curse of narcissism by raising a healthy thinking child (might end up being the best thing I can do for anyone in life).
Dr K, just wanna say thanks to you, I've learn to know myself better than ever be, Like truly understand myself and feeling better everyday is all because of listening to your video like this, I've listen motivator like Jordan Peterson, Andrew Huberman but it always didn't work for me, and then I know you from youtube recommendation, and I felt it become one of my lucky day for knowing you. I really meant it, Thanks a lot.
wow it really just comes down to making a normal daily routine again. it was a solution when i was in therapy and it still is a solution for me. although i have a very hard time being on schedule. so hard
This is phenomenal advice especially for people with anxiety disorders. I've recently started taking morning walks and it's helped a lot. That said, fundamentally, it's still just distracting yourself. You're just doing it in a different, somehow healthier way. What I really want to know now is why emotions/negative thoughts are programmed to behave like this in our brains. In other words, why do our brains do this or let this happen? It makes it seem like removing emotions is actually the next logical step in evolution? Sort of like Vulkans from Star Trek.
we wouldn't have evolved to have them if they were useless. Some people's environments or internal chemistry or combination of the two sometimes just don't give them healthy thoughts and feelings. I think a better goal for our future would be a classless society that's better at meeting people's needs or providing a healthy environment like the one Vulkans help humans develop
I also think it's important to remember, emotions and thoughts are ultimately a compass for us to guide us away from harmful situations. The brain uses it as a protection mechanism to increase our chances of survival. In dangerous or toxic situations you feel scared or sad/ upset because your body is warning you. If you didn't have negative emotions or thoughts you would have nothing keeping you away from things that aren't good for you. It's just that in this situation, what Dr. K is talking about, is when negative emotions and thoughts become too overpowering and overactive. I've noticed this was super helpful with my own anxiety, is to realize that anxious thoughts mean well: they're trying to protect me. But sometimes theyre being triggered for the wrong reasons or in harmless situations, and that im actually not in danger, where maybe something similar happened in the past where I was in danger, so the brain goes "oh no its happening again, be careful!!" and it overreacts. Realizing that and catching myself helps dispell the thought or remove the power from the negative emotion.
If you read the deep lore of Vulcans or even watched "Amok Time," you see that it results in Pon Farr. A moment where people are out of control, and try to kill and rape each other. I mean this is an old fashioned theory that if you surpress your emotions for too long they go out of control. Maybe its my Star Trek nerd brain itching me, and seems a basic misinterpretation of the story. The way I see it is that emotions are temporary, and build thoughts. Sorry Logicians you always interpret your facts and data through your emotions, otherwise you wouldn't even care about what you care about. Information is meaningless without some form of analysis. That's how we get conservatives and liberals, and other divisive groupings. Emotions form your thoughts. Thoughts create thinking patterns and thinking patterns produce your personality. If you take enough stones out of the wall, the whole thing is weak. But if you take the time to make bricks instead of just chucking stones at it, shaping them and making sure they are solid... then we get a stronger wall. Not that you can control your emotions, but they are the building blocks, so you have to make sure they are real. The point is they are temporary. You can feel all kinds of horrible things, and still be relatively mentally healthy. Because you just feel them and let them go away. And actually feel them. Which is so weird and might not be recommended. But it just works for me.
I remember my psychologist tell me exactly this during pandemic, to take a walk because I was so depressed. I dismissed and scoffed at that idea. I knew well that working out would help you get distracted, but since I'm already very self aware, I knew that it would meant nothing and it couldn't help my current situation and just distracting myself from it. It's always a constant cycle for me, depressed, distracted, depressed, distracted, and whenever I'm at that depressive cycle I would just think what's the point to suppress this emotion because the root problem is never fixed. I'm pretty okay right now because I have so many things to distract me, but I know someday it would comeback. It's like playing cat and mouse that never ends.
You're not depressed you just don't have goals or ambitions. Existentialism and purpose can disguise themselves as the thing what people who don't actually know shit call "depression"
this use to work for me until i realised i was neglecting my negative thoughts by pushing them to the side for opposing ones, work short term but felt like i was lying long term
I see so many videos that say stuff like, " get up and take a walk, get up and do blank." Am I the only person on the planet who had to get up... and go straight to my job? Feels like that should be pretty common. What about those situations, and please don't say get up earlier. I already get up waaaaay to early for work as is. Night owls are at a disadvantage in society when it comes to work hours.
i've been waking up at 3am and immediately start reading, usually for about 5 hours. also, i'm about 2 weeks into cutting out as many external/artificial sources of dopamine as possible also, I haven't been eating fast food. I've been skating a lot too. I'm not necessarily feeling "better" than before, still feeling anxiety/adhd/depression, but i am feeling MUCH more disciplined. I know it can only lead to a more positive future state.
When I wake up early I see a reel in my head of every stupid or embarrassing thing Ive ever done in my adult life so I hate going to bed. I find playing podcasts as soon as I wake helps or getting up out of bed.
Literally had a (pyscho) therapist flat out say that I didn’t have to wake up at 4:00a.m. right after I told her that I did. Everyday after that, when I got up at 4:00a.m. I remembered how she gaslighted me by denying reality. And that was in addition to my depression.
Kinda late,but this video just came up for me- some things that have helped me,bc I’ve been struggling with this a lot lately - knowing that first thing in the morning cortisol levels (stress hormones) are highest, they wake us up. For some, they’re abnormally high, but knowing this helps me realize- hey, 1st 30 minutes of the day my brain is super groggy, & I feel like crap/negative/anxious. Just expect it. Caffeine/coffee makes it worse btw. (Warm lemon water & getting outside & getting 10 minutes of sunshine helps with this! And like Dr K says, a walk is even better.) Also, something Dr Amen talks about is ANTS- Automatic Negative Thoughts. Don’t believe the first thoughts you have, realizing they aren’t true can help dispel their power. BUT what I’ve found when I’m in a particularly low mood & can’t shake it- actually leaning into the negative thought like “I’m alone, no one really cares about me” etc- play that out- live out your worst fear. what if I AM really alone, I have literally no one. I’m going to choose that, embrace being completely alone.. I can survive that & I won’t die. It’s weird but it loses its power, it’s like you experienced the WORST thing your mind can conceive of & it didn’t kill you. It’s all in your head, & once you realize you’re actually ok, the anxiety goes away & It releases the hold on you to see it for what it is & then think better thoughts. Most of the time we fight it so hard bc it feels bad but that makes the anxiety & depression worse . “What you resist persists.”
Negative thoughts are associated with shallow breathing and reduced levels of oxygen in the brain. If you wake up with negative thoughts, that's your body and mind telling you to breath and increase your bodies oxygen levels. This also means, you have a poor or not ideal sleep breathing pattern. The routine I use to help with my depression and ADHD is 30-60 minutes of Wim Hof Breathing in various positions (Including sleep positions) first thing when I wake up, along with yoga and ice baths. A weighted blanket used during sleep allows for a slight ribcage/diaphragm workout while you sleep as well. Finally, when I breath I take a big inhale through my nose and try to relax my ribcage around my completely filled lungs and hold until my body tells me to exhale and then repeat. I am still working on being able to do this without think about it. I want my body and brain to have as much oxygen as possible at all times. Since I have started doing this, my mood and energy levels have increase dramatically.
If you look at all of the solutions in the video through the lens of improving your breathing and oxygen levels. Walking - full body movement, the average persons best breathing pattern. Cleaning - full body movement, cleaning chemical smells (result in taking deep breaths)
How does this bs get upvotes? No. Mental Health isn't about bad breathing. A lot has to be wrong with a persons health to impact brain oxygen levels in negative ways. This is as unscientific as the esoteric crap about detoxifying your body via diets. If your body has significant levels of toxines or your brain lacks oxygen you aren't just having some small issues, you'll be actively dying. If you aren't having major issues a healthy body will take care of all related problems. You simply can't breathe not enough by accident.
I woke up like this and wanted a solution - worrying to find a solution. I found this aaand ur told me to stop doing that. Thank you, I’m going to go make some food then go out and see some friends!
15:33 don’t engage with your negative thoughts when you’re in a negative frame of mind other notes: -don’t try and fix the problem until you have a clear head -assign a time to deal w/ the problems (huge one for me!) -walk and/or clean; let the thoughts fizzle out, but don’t try and fix anything
I live in the American Gardens building on West 81st street. My name is Patrick Bateman. I'm 27 years old. I believe in taking care of myself, and a balanced diet and a rigorous exercise routine. In the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I'll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now. After I remove the ice pack, I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower, I use a water activated gel cleanser. Then a honey almond body scrub. And on the face, an exfoliating gel scrub. Then apply an herb mint facial mask, which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an aftershave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion. There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real me. Only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our life styles are probably comparable, I simply am not there.
Now i understand why journalling in the morning has been making me feel worse! When I start writing, the thoughts just keep spilling out and out and out and get worse and worse
Something that has helped me is to recognize whenever I feel worried or anxious about something. I state the facts and adjusted myself to understanding that if I don’t have all the information, I won’t assume. It helps me by not creating that self doubt unless it has been proven that what I feel is correct. At that point I then evaluate… is this thing that is causing me so much distress even valuable in my life? What does it do positively for me? If I can’t answer the question, I remove it from my life.
That go for a walk explanation clicked in my brain. I have always heard don’t push down thoughts when grieving or dealing with trauma. But to feel the the emotions/thoughts to get though it. What you explained made it click.
What i found very helpful is reading a book first thing i wake up. I have it by my nightstand, I open my eyes and start reading, i get very focused, somehow i get in optimal state I could say and furthermore i become motivated because ir stimulates curiosity i suppose. But if i start watching anime or tv series I become less motivated less alive, and other activities dont seem so interesting
Wake up at 5am, put my phone/alarm in a place I have to physically get up and walk across the room to shut off. make a cup of coffee while going through what I have to do today for about 30min, go work out for about an hour(while listening to a Japanese lesson for whatever topic I'll study later that morning). Eat+shower(no work during meals), study a Japanese for about 60min, study or read for today's class for about 90min, clean my apartment for about 30min(dishes, desk, sweep/vacuum, etc rotated throughout the week). This is pretty much my morning routine, keeps me busy enough to not think about much negative thoughts. It kinda makes sure that I have the basics of what I need to do everyday, gives me a ton of social interaction and exercise, and at minimum gives me the minimum steps to the overall goals I have with learning Japanese and getting my class work done. Plus taking only 30min a day to clean parts of my apartment kinda just makes it so that my apartment is never unsightly/unclean. For the rest of the day I'm usually going to classes and/or work until like 4-6pm monday-friday. then going to do some Brazilian Jiu-jitsu(for about 90min) so that by the time I get home, shower, eat, write a journal entry(in Japanese) it's 9-10pm and I'm exhausted and just go to sleep
When I wake up in the morning the first thing I do it play standup comedy. I don’t really have to pay attention to it. But when I do ‘tune in’ I end up laughing. It can really set the mood for the day, or at least distract me from the negative thoughts stream.
Being able to recognise instantly when you go into that cognitive overload is the biggest thing for just moving on and actually healing in my opinion, though there's a lot to it obviously
Imagine waking up and going to work with this everyday. But I can't change how much a failure I am so it's hard to be negative when truth is absolute, at least at this point in time.
This makes sense, my ex who lives with me drank over the weekend, got aggressive towards me, and shattered the back of my phone. I giess the anxiety of the situation hasn't left my body yet. I need out of this so bad. I did have a lot of caffeine later in the day. I think I should also stay away from caffeine until this trauma clears my body. 😞
I handwash dishes with cold water in the morning just after I wake up. I leave dishes for the morning on purpose for this. It helps me a lot. If I walk 1 bus stop after that before taking the bus or train it is even better.
Waking up with negative thoughts is nothing new to me, it's been happening for so many years, but what always trips me up is when I also wake up feeling overwhelmingly anxious. I've always told people that I just need to wait till I'm awake enough to put up my barrier and not panic so much. Finally decided to go see a psychiatrist, so hopefully I can figure out wtf is wrong
That cool effect with therapy works with me too. I wish I had my therapist at the time I'm feeling terrible. But the nice thing is I deal with those emotions alone and with loved ones. Then after waiting for a week, I'm clear-headed and can address the issues pragmatically with my therapist.
Sometimes walking helps, but for me, it often makes it worse. It’s like the energy I get from walking goes to my brain, and just gives more energy to my negative thoughts. Cleaning though, that’s a good one. You need just enough focus on cleaning that you can’t get as stuck in your head.
I turn off my alarm, set a timer for 10 mins and go to bed. In that 10 mins I will try to think what will happens if I do get out of the bed. Works most of the time
I love almost all the gems that come out of this channel, but I think my eyes rolled all the way back in my head at another 'go for a walk'. I don't think there's anything that depresses me more than a pointless trudge to nowhere, when I occasionally have to walk into town or to the post office I try to tell myself it'll be good for me, I'm always a thousand percent more miserable during and after. Cleaning or doing something else productive is a nice twist on it though, I'll keep that in mind.
Since growing up, i have an intense fear of letters asking for money. It began with me paying all my bills but i suddenly have less money for my grocery shopping. I began skipping meals, forcing diets on myself, becoming more fearful of letters which could potentially be asking for more. One day i stopped opening the letters, i let them build up. I cant handle them anymore. Every morning the heap grows bigger as i throw the unopened letters at it. I cant even physically touch the letters. I cant bear the weight
I struggle with this, and I have an unsustainable solution. I've noticed that when I wake up with doom and gloom, if I just allow myself to drift back to sleep, I'll have a pleasant dream and wake up the second time cheerful. The problem is, usually there's no time for a second sleep. I've wanted to ask someone about this for ages!
Hey folks - Dr. K’s Healthy Gamer Coaching is a cutting-edge program tailored for the unique mental health needs of the internet generation. It can help with issues like lack of motivation, excessive procrastination, missing life purpose, repairing/building relationships, and more! Sessions start at just $30.
You can learn more here: bit.ly/3FDSSDm
I love him so much, you were such an amazing podcast or/psychiatrist/just everything. I just watched your episode on Chris Williamson and I’m just completely floored at how brilliant you are.
Don't use tech first thing in the morning
Allow yourself to grieve and don't try to fix the problem when you're feeling terrible. You can't fix problems in the wrong mindset
Avoid alcohol, narcotics first thing in the morning
Clean or walk first thing in the morning
Assign a time to think negatively and deal with it when you're clear-headed
got it, alcohol and narcotics later in the day
@@JohnSmith-mu8fx real shit 😂😂😂
It’s not bad for you as long as you do it 12.01pm or later /s
How do you deal it when you already assign a time?
I had periods in my life when I woke up already half dead. I had such bad mood that only weed could bring be back to life. When I used my gravity bong I had two rivers of tears on both cheeks. So I find such pieces of advice without context absolutely delusional.
I know the "no technology/social media" advice gets old but it's so accurate in this case. I have found an EXTREME difference in my day's overall mood when I choose to start my day (go to bathroom, stretch, feed pet, whatever) before touching my phone/laptop.
Then again, I'd probably notice an even bigger positive difference if I cut it out all together. But I'm an internet addict so...
I’m trying this tomorrow morning. Really need a positive start to my day
But I got nothing better to do!
So true. In the moment, I'm like I really want to use my phone and then I do, for hours. Then the rest of the day I'm just feeling down and exhausted.
It's like night and day with how different I feel. I'm much happier and things that stress me out are easier to bounce back from. But the call of the black screen is very strong. 😳
My brother doesn't believe in therapy cause a lot of problems are obvious, but I think he doesn't get the point after being clouded from bad experience. People won't disagree social media leads to a lot of potential problems, and a lot of people go so far as to cope by constantly joking about their own, but K has a tendency to explain all the facets of psychology in a way that makes the problems make more sense and be actionable
Failure doesnt mean you're worthless, it means you must look for another route to achieving worth wide goals, a GOOD morning routine is the best start.
Takeaways:
→ Ask yourself, when you feel the negative emotions?
→ Don’t use tech or substances when your in a negative mood and Use tech and substances in moderation.
→ Go for a walk, clean something, … the idea is to not engage with them at the moment and let other thoughts to fill it.
→ Assign a time to deal with negative thoughts with a clear head. This is compartmentalizing.
got it, use substances
@@JohnSmith-mu8fx good luck with your humor. And life
@@MykhailoMarkin come on bro, this shit isn't easy. some of us need humor to deal with stuff
@@JohnSmith-mu8fx directions unclear! 3 week binge and I can no longer afford all the substances 😆🤪
But… haven’t thought of my crippling depression in weeks either 🥴
@@MykhailoMarkinI laughed when I read that. Dark humor helps some of us. 😅
As of this week, I've finally found a morning routine that works for me, and I've stuck with it and haven't been late to work at all. I'm very proud, as this hasn't been the case (on a reliable basis) for years, and upon hearing you talk about those negative thoughts that debilitate you in the morning, I can see that was what was going on with me
Congrats, my dude! Being able to conquer a challenge you have been struggling with for a long time is a hell of an accomplishment.
@@xMartyZz thanks 🙏
I have been having difficulty with this most of my life, so to hear that there can be a solution even after years with little success is encouraging. Thanks for sharing and well done!
@@cheezball3327 its okay daddy
Can you pls share it with us kind sir?
The faster i get to my walk, the better.
I wake wishing i was dead.
But the walk convinces me to keep going.
The walk itself is great....and I'm doing something that makes my dog happy. Making someone else happy is a good feeling.
It isnt you, but the person you see in your mind that you wish dead :) your body knows...else you wouldnt enjoy the walks. This person you think you are is in the past, youre holding onto memories.
This healthy routine is a helpful way to cope with depression.
Thank you for sharing. For me, the moment I open my eyes, I read a note that says, “Today it's going to be an amazing day! I expect great things to happen today!”
It has helped SO MUCH! I am bombarded by negative thoughts, but this mantra every day is convincing my brain that something extraordinary is going to happen if we get going.
I hope this helps. After that mantra, I get to my walk and do some cleaning. :)
Chin up soldier, glad ur fighting through that.
For years I'd always start the day with a morning walk. Whenever I was feeling down I'd walk and walk, it's no panacea however looking back it has been a major tool for me mentally. As for cleaning I realized a lot of times when feeling angry, ragecleaning would be an automatic go to tool.
Years ago someone introduced me to 'pondertime', instead of spiraling uncontrollably in a bad mindset into thoughts and ideas of solution, pondertime would be in a better mindset where you would actively dedicate time to thinking through whatever was going on and look to improve it there.
The concept also extended into conversations where me and others would dedicate x amount of time to talking through the bad, then the rest would be about other stuff.
Basically, as you say, compartmentalization of these ideas.
It has been difficult picking those pieces of the puzzles along the way as a lay woman, compartmentalizing them, and then actively be mindful of acting accordingly.
Thanks for being the big brother/father sharing with and looking out for us :)
Interesting fact: When going for walks our eyes move. The lateral eye movements occurring in a higher quantity on the walk suppress the amygdala. This is the basis of EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) therapy.
Wonder if thats why treadmills don't provide me what a real walk does.
@@langreeves6419 I was thinking today I want to start going to the greenway to workout because doing it at home isn’t doing what running use to do. This would put the pieces together 🤔
That makes me wonder if not moving our eyes around because we stare at screens all day is making things worse for our mental health too.
@@hope-cat4894 damn bro good point, definitely. I think in that case, VR is better lol. But also going outside obv.
Getting cats helped me, my first thought in the morning is that I need to feed, water them and clean their litterbox. Also cuddle and loving them ❤
I did this when I had a bunny. I made her salad first thing. She passed six months ago and I wanted to do some house repairs and travel before I get another one, but this time without a pet sucks. Hopefully soon, I will get one.
Even though this helps, this counts as distraction so isnt very helpful
@@Kajlaurenti was thinking this too
I love that! that was me with dogs, I would be in bed like 😭 and then I’m like wait …. let me get my ass up before this dog goes potty in the house lol 🤭
What does your name mean love
As soon as I wake up, I sit in silence with my eyes closed for an hour. My mind processes thoughts and chews on things for a while but gets tired and surrenders into peace. By the end of the hour, I feel still and peaceful. I do this 1 hour sitting morning and evening. Sometimes I sit longer and don’t time it. I sit for 1.5-2 hours at times. Been doing this consistently for a year. Sitting in silence has completely transformed me and my mind. Healed a codependent addictive relationship breakup and other addictions with this simple practice. Best thing I ever did in my life
P.s: if I feel very agitated about something, I go out for a walk for 30 minutes in silence, no distractions. Same thing- my mind chews on something but the body is also working and using up that energy from the mind so it lets go quicker. It’s like a walking meditation. By the end of the walk I feel so clear and peaceful. Consistent practice of these has brought me to a wonderful realm of silence and peace
my therapist saw i was beating myself up over past failures and told me "each of your past attempts contributes to your success". it resonated with me a lot.
good luck, everyone! start slowly, gradually, and be consistent 🖤
It’s so weird how perfectly timed this video was for me. Just this morning I was in that negative thought loop and kept beating myself up for not doing better. I really needed this! I’m gonna start working on having a morning routine again. Thank you Dr. K!!!!
Hey dude, you’ll never really know how your day will go until you taste it. Today I was feeling the same way “oh no, school, and I hate going there and the people” but then I came to school and realized it’s not as bad as I always make it out to be and I actually really love my peers and the different personalities they all have. For you, I hope you get better with this. Sometimes all you need is a bubble bath.
I swear Dr. K is a mind reader
@@4xzx4 as well as yt algorithms xd
Same bro
So three weeks later, how is your morning routine going? :) More importantly, how is your evening routine going? Any preparations for a good morning wakeup?
The fact that taking walks and cleaning are two of my favorite things to do. Makes sense now lmao
i love to iron clothes and to filter clean water. both actiities are very zen like
I think y’all might be serial killers…😂jk
@@puddincakes1005 My name is Yoshikage Kira. I'm 33 years old. My house is in the northeast section of Morioh, where all the villas are, and I am not married. I work as an employee for the Kame Yu department stores, and I get home every day by 8 PM at the latest. I don't smoke, but I occasionally drink. I'm in bed by 11 PM, and make sure I get eight hours of sleep, no matter what. After having a glass of warm milk and doing about twenty minutes of stretches before going to bed, I usually have no problems sleeping until morning. Just like a baby, I wake up without any fatigue or stress in the morning. I was told there were no issues at my last check-up. I'm trying to explain that I'm a person who wishes to live a very quiet life. I take care not to trouble myself with any enemies, like winning and losing, that would cause me to lose sleep at night. That is how I deal with society, and I know that is what brings me happiness. Although, if I were to fight I wouldn't lose to anyone.
@@boi3458 OOOIII JOSUKE!!!!!
Funny how that works!
The irony is that I'm watching this first thing in the morning to distract myself...
@@liampriestman4090 this has been in my watch later for over a year lol ,finally watching this morning
@liampriestman4090 Late, but thats a good sign. You have identified that this is an issue! Wishing you the best
Great question. Not only negative thoughts but low moods when I wake up so my challenge is trying to combat those negative thoughts for the first hour of the day so my low mood doesn't get any lower.
Wish my mental health team had given or even understood guidance like this.
Instead, my mental health team just gave me a diagram with a bucket filling with water (stress) and said the only way to create holes in the bucket was to do things hobbies and things I enjoyed - basically distractions. Of course that didn't work because nothing got solved, and because my problems involved a time limit, I felt even worse than before.
I felt I had to explain to them how it was just sticking a plaster over a wound and making things worse, but I didn't attempt to because I didn't have the authority that their training had (and even then they wouldn't have told me actual useful advice like this).
The mental health “care” system is so deeply broken. It honestly makes things worse more than it ever helps.
It's fine, just keep drinking all day to distract from being homeless and hungry, best advice ever
I understand what you said about not having authority - I get feeling that way. And also, you are the authority of your own experience and whether something is working for you or not. For example, several years ago I was seeing a psych-arnp for treatment of depression and anxiety. At one point, I wanted to explore new meds because I didn't feel what I was on was helping. She told me to stop taking my current meds cold turkey to prove to me they were indeed helping. I knew that was a dangerous idea, so I didn't do that. I just stopped seeing that provider. Couple years later, I finally found a proper psychiatrist and therapist who both told me I was way over-medicated and sedated. The point of this story is that the most important metric for guiding treatment is how it impacts you, and no matter how many degrees or years of practice a psychiatrist/therapist/etc has you're still the only one with authority on your experience. There are many types of therapy because none works for everyone, and the only one who can say a type of therapy isn't helping (and then change treatment) is the patient/client (if they're an adult/independent). The provider can help you figure that out, but if they insist you continue treatment that is either not helping or making things worse then they're not acting in your best interest. Ideally in that case you could transfer care, but I know that's not always practical or possible.
Also, I'm not trying to blame you for not trying to explain how their strategy was making things worse, and I don't assume that this will help your current situation (if it does help); I just want to share this perspective in case it could help you feel more empowered in future circumstances; a provider who does not respect the authority you have over your own experience is not a good provider.
Why do all of them say the same things.. its only like the highest educated psychologists for me who has actually understood mental unwellness. all the lower educated people have told me that bucket thing
this is literally what dr k is telling us in this video though lmao, he's just saying it differently
Something that helps enourmsly with my anxiety is sharing my thoughts with close friends. Just talking about them helps me to relax, my anxiety isn't away but I feel more confident with handling the situation cause I know, that someone knows what I'm going through and I can text them for help without having to explain the entire situation.
also if you are anxious at a party (avoiding distractions like going on ur phone) if you can communicate that you feel like nobody wants to talk to you someone may talk to you and calm your anxiety vs holding and putting away those thoughts with distractions like phone
I think friend don't want to hear any of that. They usually say, if you're not happy, move. Go find a new job. You let yourself be too affected by the environment. You should get some achievements, that will make you happy.
@@hufficag It must be rough. It sucks when you're really trying to get something off your chest and the people around you are quick to try and fix you but slow to listen. I hope you find more friends that listen when you need them to.
I've recently realized, some people's first reaction when you talk about a problem is to try and fix it. But I don't always want a solution. I just want to vent. I've been telling my friends this before I vent and they're pretty good at holding their advice to themselves.
You have to be careful and not burden your friends. It can affect their mental health too. I like when I'm been told before that they want to vent so we can set time limits. It really drains me and can put me off for the next days (unable to work, cope, etc).
It works both ways tho. I know its heathy to have safe net of people to count on. Even though I too have anxiety I don't like to share anything with noone (maybe beacuse of my autism). I've started to do that reacetly and seldom but I'm going against many years of not doing so because I have never wanted them to carry that weight.
@@my_unexpected_journey exactly. Most people aren't equipped for truly alleviating others' emotional pain, incl "educated" pros. Hoping for, or worse, expecting friends or partners to take on a sounding board role is unfair to you both, and quite possibly agitating.
Makes a lot of sense. I use to start my mornings with a cup of coffee while I cleaned. Getting my body up and moving felt like it helped me propel forward to accomplish other tasks. Soon after I started a workout routine. Lost weight. Then as my mental and physical health got better I started tackling life goals. Each step got easier the more I fell into my routine and it all started by deciding to get up and clean every morning.
Thank you so much. My every morning is a deep and heavy angst full of guilt, but I'm a fucking russian so i can't afford a quality psychotherapy. All i wanted since 15y.o is to become a neuroscientist or a psychiatrist, and i (maybe) convinced myself that no other joy in life is accessible to me. Only scientific curiosity. So it became reality and at 26 i'm a sad philosopher with a bad adhd and immense disappointment and resentment towards everything, not only myself. Now i struggle to convince myself that deep inside i want all the same things as other people, but it's so only when I'm on illegal psychostimulants or empathogens, once in a while. Only this things are able to give me a pure healthy desire to communicate with people and listen music. Your channel and psilocybin are my only hopes now, i take notes and treat them almost like prayers lol, so thanks a lot
26 is not too late to go back to school and achieve those things, or anything else that you want. I went back at 28 and changed everything, while working. I know there’s a million reasons you think it can’t work, but I think the empowerment you’d feel from chasing it would blow away anything that therapy could do for you. I hope you pursue it. All the best to you.
I went back to school at 25 and studied science. I regret now because of the disapproval from my family and now I am 35 and alone because I had to remove myself from that environment. The negative comments I have are the criticisms from my family for changing my life. I dislike my new career because of how they make me feel about it. I wish I had the wisdom to avoid such pain.
Exercise. I have not been on social media for a year and o still have negative thoughts. Usually from work or other issues. It’s hard to push away thoughts. What if people don’t have friends to have out with? What if people do not drink? I would love to really have a solution than looking for people to hang with. I like to practice TKD, or Thai Chi. How do we fix this? Go for a walk, clean whatever. They thoughts are still there. Music is key as long as it’s not triggering.
I think journaling is a good practice for this, you get to know the negative thoughts and understand them on a deeper root level and once you understand them, you can kind of slowly change the direction they're headed towards, for example after journaling a long time I think the root cause of my negative thoughts were that I felt I was a piece of shit, then further journaling got me to a point where 'why do I think I'm a piece of shit' and I started to make some changes like exercise if I felt I was a POS cause I was lazy etc, and starting accepting certain things I couldn't change but my perspective on them changed and it slowly became lighter day by day.
Lord yes, or if they do vanish those thoughts come right back when my head hits the pillow. I learned to really listen to them. Lots of fears, some can be general anxiety. Lots of trauma. I'm trying to sit with these feelings and downplay them now so they won't have so much hold on me. I think this will help. I kind of fell into listening to validating reiki videos to help me sleep. Now I'm kind of wondering if my mind is looking foe validation before bed. Weird thought, but that might be it.
due to my ptsd and living in a triggering environment, I've really struggled with this negativity in the morning and subconsciously avoiding the things that would calm me down in anticipation of 'the fall' or the negativity I would return to in the environment. having these stratagies explained to me is so releaving, i really hope some counselors and therapists find your videos and start using your way of explaining things to describe stratagies to their patients. I feel like if this was explained to me like this, I would have understood it a lot better. thank you Dr. K, your videos are always such a world of insight
There’s a Dutch verb called ‘uitwaaien’, which describes “going out for a walk (or bike ride) and feeling the wind around you to clear your head”.
You described the construct and the benefits of ‘uitwaaien’ perfectly.
I need more dutch verbs like this.
I guess the English word wold be "unwind?"
This is incredible. I never knew why I wanted to clean or go for a walk every day when I first wake up, but this makes total sense.
This is why I love lofi and working out in the morning, I’ve gotten better but my anxiety can run wild especially if I didn’t get enough sleep from disturbances lately. I have to slowly quiet my mind and wake my body up.
But I can focus my energy onto something better and if I can’t rid my thoughts I’ll journal and write them and rereading them I’m like huh? I have to put that energy into something else otherwise it throws off my day.
This advice makes so much sense… don’t engage while experiencing a negative mindset. Also, I love the tip to write down how you’re feeling and then take the note to therapy so you can address the issue when you have a clear mind. Mostly every time I went to therapy I felt good. We always started with that and then talked about whatever came up. I wish I would’ve known to write down the negative things I experienced during the week so we could talk about them. That could’ve been super helpful.
'Wake up' -System of a Down
"Grab a brush and put a little makeup" might unintentionally be good mental health advice :D
I prefer "Wake me up inside," though I favor the Synthesis version (the duet makes no sense with the context of the song, but companies got to contract.)
Rage against the machine buddy
What a about Sammy Davis Jr. 'Gingerbread Man'
🍪
Chop suey!
Cleaning has been my go to for a long time, I struggled motivating myself to get work done but cleaning before I start working has helped me push any negative thought away and just get to work lol
Omg no wonder I've started routinely cleaning before I study. I guess the mess outside makes a mess inside too
Mind you, I leave a bit of cleaning for the night for the exact same reason. Sleeping after a little chore is so easy!
My morning routine is hopping on YT with breakfast and coffee! If I feel negative a particular morning I'll actually watch Dr. K and by the end of a video or two, I all the sudden am in a positive state of mind! Thank you to you and your team for sharing your content and wisdom (:
Building a functional morning routine that works for me has been my primary self care goal for the past two months. I’ve never been a morning person, and I don’t just mean that I’m groggy and grumpy; I’m literally can’t think straight and am physically clumsier. What I used to do was snooze until I couldn’t anymore, then rush around in a panic complaining about being late. (I also used to struggle with serious morning anxiety that this routine exacerbated.)
Over the past two months, I’ve worked on accepting the fact that I don’t wake up well and building it into my routine. My full morning routine now takes about 2.5 hours, but I’m calmer and by the time I walk out the door, I’m fully awake and ready for the day. And even though I’m waking up earlier, I actually feel more awake and alert throughout the day.
Can you share what you do part of your 2.5hour routine
Congrats!
this video was so impactful as someone who experiences anxiety and depression on a regular basis. i am always trying to find better ways to live with these problems, and this was really helpful
You're great!
I had to get rid of social media. It makes sense now why I love my routines that I established this year (age 37, for reference) so much. Makes my brain focus on something else.
Some weeks I still get overwhelmed and do nothing but I'm at least able to recognize it and ask for an assist.
I have the opposite problem, generally starting strong in the morning but amassing negative thoughts throughout the day until I'm spent by mid-afternoon. The main thing which stops this onset is going to work, but they'll start right back up after; if I work later rather than right after waking up, I'll have a worse work day because I had time for these thoughts to gather. By the end of the day, I'll have very bad insomnia because of these thoughts unless I take some sort of sleep supplement. So I don't know what kind of routine I need in order to prevent that.
Byron Katie might help you.
I absolutely LOVE how most of the technics Dr. K tells us about are just so utilitarian and you can start working on your problems right away and they'r working 🤧 saving us so much time, thank you so much!!
Thank you for posting this topic, because this haunts me. I like how there was emphasis put on the flood of thoughts that have been avoided throughout the day/life - invading upon wake up! I wouldn't wish this on my narcissistic, triangulating, older covert sibling, that sabotaged development, and life well into adulthood (once you are dependent on family narcs they try to own you, you fight back as viciously as they try to control, and mental health takes a major nosedive). I 100% recovered from over a decade of alcoholism, coping with controlling family (the only way I legally could do it back then). So, I really struggle ruminating when I wake up 3 to 4 am (getting like 5 1/2 hours, and doing a lot of hard work both mentally, and physically + a toddler). The more intelligent malignant/machiavellian narcissists aren't having fun at your expense, (they are but) they are trying to kill you slowly, because they would get busted doing it any other way, because they would be the first to be looked at by cops! When I look at things like this pathologically, with my education in psychology, it's hard for me to let the learned extremes - go! Wanting vengeance for the endless boundary violations before I knew how to put them firmly in place. I did almost 6 months of full-time outpatient therapy, I learned a ton! Meditation has worked wonders, I'm usually able to center myself with mindfulness (I'm no longer in fight mode, pacing around, cracking my knuckles. I called out the family narcs with so much scientific detail, I basically lost all battles, but won the war against them. Now that I'm over the big four oh age, infj type, ba in psych, I just feel like I've been through a never ending war, and now I have to battle the aftermath, imposter syndrome feelings (never had a support system to begin with, my parents made few friends, and my friends often would split after the bad behavior of family life (often wide eyed). So, now it's really hard for me to make new friends, despite being able to socialize with just about anyone, and life is moving in warp speed (I'm going through aspects of a spiritual awakening, and I actually want to be alone for the foreseeable future!) I'll have to get the DSM out, and see if I qualify for a mood disorder, with the ptsd). Ending the generational curse of narcissism by raising a healthy thinking child (might end up being the best thing I can do for anyone in life).
This is some of the best advice i‘ve ever heard and it all seems so logical and obvious
I just snooze 5 times until I’m late for work.
Bruh be fucking positive sometime man
Godamn
Same, then I lie to myself and promise I won't do it again the next day.
Man sometimes even if I wake up on time I will fuck around until exactly the point where I will be late to work 💀
you've avoided technology tho, that's great
@harshitrathee9045 yeah you're not a natural motivator, go sit in the corner let the professionals work
Dr K, just wanna say thanks to you, I've learn to know myself better than ever be, Like truly understand myself and feeling better everyday is all because of listening to your video like this, I've listen motivator like Jordan Peterson, Andrew Huberman but it always didn't work for me, and then I know you from youtube recommendation, and I felt it become one of my lucky day for knowing you. I really meant it, Thanks a lot.
wow it really just comes down to making a normal daily routine again. it was a solution when i was in therapy and it still is a solution for me. although i have a very hard time being on schedule. so hard
it's insane to have this stuff for free on YT. Blessed t find you
This is phenomenal advice especially for people with anxiety disorders. I've recently started taking morning walks and it's helped a lot. That said, fundamentally, it's still just distracting yourself. You're just doing it in a different, somehow healthier way. What I really want to know now is why emotions/negative thoughts are programmed to behave like this in our brains. In other words, why do our brains do this or let this happen? It makes it seem like removing emotions is actually the next logical step in evolution? Sort of like Vulkans from Star Trek.
we wouldn't have evolved to have them if they were useless. Some people's environments or internal chemistry or combination of the two sometimes just don't give them healthy thoughts and feelings. I think a better goal for our future would be a classless society that's better at meeting people's needs or providing a healthy environment like the one Vulkans help humans develop
I also think it's important to remember, emotions and thoughts are ultimately a compass for us to guide us away from harmful situations. The brain uses it as a protection mechanism to increase our chances of survival. In dangerous or toxic situations you feel scared or sad/ upset because your body is warning you. If you didn't have negative emotions or thoughts you would have nothing keeping you away from things that aren't good for you. It's just that in this situation, what Dr. K is talking about, is when negative emotions and thoughts become too overpowering and overactive. I've noticed this was super helpful with my own anxiety, is to realize that anxious thoughts mean well: they're trying to protect me. But sometimes theyre being triggered for the wrong reasons or in harmless situations, and that im actually not in danger, where maybe something similar happened in the past where I was in danger, so the brain goes "oh no its happening again, be careful!!" and it overreacts. Realizing that and catching myself helps dispell the thought or remove the power from the negative emotion.
If you read the deep lore of Vulcans or even watched "Amok Time," you see that it results in Pon Farr. A moment where people are out of control, and try to kill and rape each other. I mean this is an old fashioned theory that if you surpress your emotions for too long they go out of control. Maybe its my Star Trek nerd brain itching me, and seems a basic misinterpretation of the story.
The way I see it is that emotions are temporary, and build thoughts. Sorry Logicians you always interpret your facts and data through your emotions, otherwise you wouldn't even care about what you care about. Information is meaningless without some form of analysis. That's how we get conservatives and liberals, and other divisive groupings. Emotions form your thoughts.
Thoughts create thinking patterns and thinking patterns produce your personality. If you take enough stones out of the wall, the whole thing is weak. But if you take the time to make bricks instead of just chucking stones at it, shaping them and making sure they are solid... then we get a stronger wall.
Not that you can control your emotions, but they are the building blocks, so you have to make sure they are real.
The point is they are temporary. You can feel all kinds of horrible things, and still be relatively mentally healthy. Because you just feel them and let them go away. And actually feel them. Which is so weird and might not be recommended. But it just works for me.
I remember my psychologist tell me exactly this during pandemic, to take a walk because I was so depressed. I dismissed and scoffed at that idea. I knew well that working out would help you get distracted, but since I'm already very self aware, I knew that it would meant nothing and it couldn't help my current situation and just distracting myself from it. It's always a constant cycle for me, depressed, distracted, depressed, distracted, and whenever I'm at that depressive cycle I would just think what's the point to suppress this emotion because the root problem is never fixed. I'm pretty okay right now because I have so many things to distract me, but I know someday it would comeback. It's like playing cat and mouse that never ends.
You're not depressed you just don't have goals or ambitions. Existentialism and purpose can disguise themselves as the thing what people who don't actually know shit call "depression"
This makes so much sense. I always try to fix my problems and find a solution to be in a better mood, but I just wear myself out. Thank you Dr. K.
For every negative thought, find the opposing/ challenging view, always works for me
this use to work for me until i realised i was neglecting my negative thoughts by pushing them to the side for opposing ones, work short term but felt like i was lying long term
Wouldn’t that cause spiralling like he said in the vid? When I oppose them they loop back around and don’t really go anywhere
Toxic positivity to combat negativity, love it
I felt this, also really appreciate putting the coaching ad at the end of the video and not in the middle where its annoying
I'm up at 6:30 watching this after waking up at 5:00 AM to negative thoughts and being unable to fall back asleep.
Dr. K is a prophet!
the worst is when not even the distractions help anymore
Thank you Dr. K!!!
I see so many videos that say stuff like, " get up and take a walk, get up and do blank." Am I the only person on the planet who had to get up... and go straight to my job? Feels like that should be pretty common. What about those situations, and please don't say get up earlier. I already get up waaaaay to early for work as is. Night owls are at a disadvantage in society when it comes to work hours.
i've been waking up at 3am and immediately start reading, usually for about 5 hours.
also, i'm about 2 weeks into cutting out as many external/artificial sources of dopamine as possible
also, I haven't been eating fast food.
I've been skating a lot too.
I'm not necessarily feeling "better" than before, still feeling anxiety/adhd/depression, but i am feeling MUCH more disciplined.
I know it can only lead to a more positive future state.
How much sleep are you getting?
Just try to get in a few cycles of REM not just one or two.
When I wake up early I see a reel in my head of every stupid or embarrassing thing Ive ever done in my adult life so I hate going to bed. I find playing podcasts as soon as I wake helps or getting up out of bed.
Any chance some effort could be put into focusing only on one sound and one image in your mind? To possibly help not getting attached to the thoughts?
How is Dr. K's ad read for his guides the most wholesome thing I've ever seen?
Morning depression…so relatable. Crying before my feet hit the floor almost daily. I wake at 5:30😮
Literally had a (pyscho) therapist flat out say that I didn’t have to wake up at 4:00a.m. right after I told her that I did.
Everyday after that, when I got up at 4:00a.m. I remembered how she gaslighted me by denying reality.
And that was in addition to my depression.
Kinda late,but this video just came up for me- some things that have helped me,bc I’ve been struggling with this a lot lately - knowing that first thing in the morning cortisol levels (stress hormones) are highest, they wake us up. For some, they’re abnormally high, but knowing this helps me realize- hey, 1st 30 minutes of the day my brain is super groggy, & I feel like crap/negative/anxious. Just expect it. Caffeine/coffee makes it worse btw. (Warm lemon water & getting outside & getting 10 minutes of sunshine helps with this! And like Dr K says, a walk is even better.)
Also, something Dr Amen talks about is ANTS- Automatic Negative Thoughts. Don’t believe the first thoughts you have, realizing they aren’t true can help dispel their power. BUT what I’ve found when I’m in a particularly low mood & can’t shake it- actually leaning into the negative thought like “I’m alone, no one really cares about me” etc- play that out- live out your worst fear. what if I AM really alone, I have literally no one. I’m going to choose that, embrace being completely alone.. I can survive that & I won’t die. It’s weird but it loses its power, it’s like you experienced the WORST thing your mind can conceive of & it didn’t kill you. It’s all in your head, & once you realize you’re actually ok, the anxiety goes away & It releases the hold on you to see it for what it is & then think better thoughts. Most of the time we fight it so hard bc it feels bad but that makes the anxiety & depression worse . “What you resist persists.”
Having a dog also probably really helps with this cause you'll be inclined each morning to take them out on a walk
I love the way my dog comes to the side of my bed and licks my elbow once to let me know she’s awake.
Woah, shorter content. I like it. This and longer content is much apreciated. Having some bite sized content is nice for a buzy schedule.
New subscriber here. I have adult ADHD after I went through sudden severe menopause. You are great ! I am learning a lot and I appreciate you.
Negative thoughts are associated with shallow breathing and reduced levels of oxygen in the brain.
If you wake up with negative thoughts, that's your body and mind telling you to breath and increase your bodies oxygen levels.
This also means, you have a poor or not ideal sleep breathing pattern.
The routine I use to help with my depression and ADHD is 30-60 minutes of Wim Hof Breathing in various positions (Including sleep positions) first thing when I wake up, along with yoga and ice baths.
A weighted blanket used during sleep allows for a slight ribcage/diaphragm workout while you sleep as well.
Finally, when I breath I take a big inhale through my nose and try to relax my ribcage around my completely filled lungs and hold until my body tells me to exhale and then repeat.
I am still working on being able to do this without think about it.
I want my body and brain to have as much oxygen as possible at all times.
Since I have started doing this, my mood and energy levels have increase dramatically.
If you look at all of the solutions in the video through the lens of improving your breathing and oxygen levels.
Walking - full body movement, the average persons best breathing pattern.
Cleaning - full body movement, cleaning chemical smells (result in taking deep breaths)
@@WeKnowWhatWeAreAimingAt Good points
How does this bs get upvotes? No. Mental Health isn't about bad breathing. A lot has to be wrong with a persons health to impact brain oxygen levels in negative ways. This is as unscientific as the esoteric crap about detoxifying your body via diets. If your body has significant levels of toxines or your brain lacks oxygen you aren't just having some small issues, you'll be actively dying. If you aren't having major issues a healthy body will take care of all related problems. You simply can't breathe not enough by accident.
I woke up like this and wanted a solution - worrying to find a solution.
I found this aaand ur told me to stop doing that. Thank you, I’m going to go make some food then go out and see some friends!
15:33 don’t engage with your negative thoughts when you’re in a negative frame of mind
other notes:
-don’t try and fix the problem until you have a clear head
-assign a time to deal w/ the problems (huge one for me!)
-walk and/or clean; let the thoughts fizzle out, but don’t try and fix anything
I live in the American Gardens building on West 81st street. My name is Patrick Bateman. I'm 27 years old. I believe in taking care of myself, and a balanced diet and a rigorous exercise routine. In the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I'll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now. After I remove the ice pack, I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower, I use a water activated gel cleanser. Then a honey almond body scrub. And on the face, an exfoliating gel scrub. Then apply an herb mint facial mask, which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an aftershave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion. There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real me. Only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our life styles are probably comparable, I simply am not there.
Ah the Rat Tube Guy
This is exactly what I have been wondering about for at least a year now and I couldn't thank you enough!
Now i understand why journalling in the morning has been making me feel worse! When I start writing, the thoughts just keep spilling out and out and out and get worse and worse
Something that has helped me is to recognize whenever I feel worried or anxious about something. I state the facts and adjusted myself to understanding that if I don’t have all the information, I won’t assume. It helps me by not creating that self doubt unless it has been proven that what I feel is correct. At that point I then evaluate… is this thing that is causing me so much distress even valuable in my life? What does it do positively for me? If I can’t answer the question, I remove it from my life.
That go for a walk explanation clicked in my brain. I have always heard don’t push down thoughts when grieving or dealing with trauma. But to feel the the emotions/thoughts to get though it. What you explained made it click.
What i found very helpful is reading a book first thing i wake up. I have it by my nightstand, I open my eyes and start reading, i get very focused, somehow i get in optimal state I could say and furthermore i become motivated because ir stimulates curiosity i suppose. But if i start watching anime or tv series I become less motivated less alive, and other activities dont seem so interesting
Wake up at 5am, put my phone/alarm in a place I have to physically get up and walk across the room to shut off. make a cup of coffee while going through what I have to do today for about 30min, go work out for about an hour(while listening to a Japanese lesson for whatever topic I'll study later that morning). Eat+shower(no work during meals), study a Japanese for about 60min, study or read for today's class for about 90min, clean my apartment for about 30min(dishes, desk, sweep/vacuum, etc rotated throughout the week).
This is pretty much my morning routine, keeps me busy enough to not think about much negative thoughts. It kinda makes sure that I have the basics of what I need to do everyday, gives me a ton of social interaction and exercise, and at minimum gives me the minimum steps to the overall goals I have with learning Japanese and getting my class work done. Plus taking only 30min a day to clean parts of my apartment kinda just makes it so that my apartment is never unsightly/unclean.
For the rest of the day I'm usually going to classes and/or work until like 4-6pm monday-friday. then going to do some Brazilian Jiu-jitsu(for about 90min) so that by the time I get home, shower, eat, write a journal entry(in Japanese) it's 9-10pm and I'm exhausted and just go to sleep
When I wake up in the morning the first thing I do it play standup comedy. I don’t really have to pay attention to it. But when I do ‘tune in’ I end up laughing. It can really set the mood for the day, or at least distract me from the negative thoughts stream.
As someone who wants to become a psychologist/counselor, Dr K is truly an inspiration.
just wanted to say I found the part about clearing your head instead of trying to fix things when you're upset to be really helpful, so Thankyou
I was having negative thoughts and this video showed up on my feed. Thank you sir for the good work.
One Love!
Always forward, never ever backward!!
☀️☀️☀️
💚💛❤️
🙏🏿🙏🙏🏼
Doing the dishes actually really helped. It was a huge pile so it took a while to get through and I really do feel less anxious.
Such straightforward, practical. knowledgeable, immediately implementable counsel. Thank you!
Yep this is me. 3:33 talking down to myself and Ive tried falling asleep 5 times. Need to break the cycle.
Note to self: watch this vid once a day. Dr K you are amazing!!
This channel is awesome. Never have I watched a video and felt like the information wasn’t helpful. This video came at a perfect time. Thank you Dr.K
Being able to recognise instantly when you go into that cognitive overload is the biggest thing for just moving on and actually healing in my opinion, though there's a lot to it obviously
Thank you dr. K.
Imagine waking up and going to work with this everyday. But I can't change how much a failure I am so it's hard to be negative when truth is absolute, at least at this point in time.
This makes sense, my ex who lives with me drank over the weekend, got aggressive towards me, and shattered the back of my phone. I giess the anxiety of the situation hasn't left my body yet. I need out of this so bad. I did have a lot of caffeine later in the day. I think I should also stay away from caffeine until this trauma clears my body. 😞
I never comment on anything but this might have just saved my life thank you Dr.k
Now I have one more reason to clean. I used to wonder I feel more energetic on the day when I do some cleaning work. It's therapeutic!
I handwash dishes with cold water in the morning just after I wake up. I leave dishes for the morning on purpose for this. It helps me a lot. If I walk 1 bus stop after that before taking the bus or train it is even better.
Waking up with negative thoughts is nothing new to me, it's been happening for so many years, but what always trips me up is when I also wake up feeling overwhelmingly anxious. I've always told people that I just need to wait till I'm awake enough to put up my barrier and not panic so much. Finally decided to go see a psychiatrist, so hopefully I can figure out wtf is wrong
You're such a positive influence to the world man, love your videos!
OMG. I am not alone. I felt so stupid but all this feelings are normal and there is a WAY OUT! 😢❤
Dr.K, this has been so helpful! Life saving even!! Thank you!!
Great advice!
Unleashing from the phone, especially in the morning has made wonders.
That cool effect with therapy works with me too. I wish I had my therapist at the time I'm feeling terrible. But the nice thing is I deal with those emotions alone and with loved ones. Then after waiting for a week, I'm clear-headed and can address the issues pragmatically with my therapist.
Sometimes walking helps, but for me, it often makes it worse. It’s like the energy I get from walking goes to my brain, and just gives more energy to my negative thoughts.
Cleaning though, that’s a good one. You need just enough focus on cleaning that you can’t get as stuck in your head.
I love your passion when you explain those things❤
Wow this is an amazing mental tool. I wish I knew this years ago. Thank you so much Dr K
My negative thoughts cleared when I left my job.
I turn off my alarm, set a timer for 10 mins and go to bed. In that 10 mins I will try to think what will happens if I do get out of the bed. Works most of the time
I love almost all the gems that come out of this channel, but I think my eyes rolled all the way back in my head at another 'go for a walk'. I don't think there's anything that depresses me more than a pointless trudge to nowhere,
when I occasionally have to walk into town or to the post office I try to tell myself it'll be good for me, I'm always a thousand percent more miserable during and after. Cleaning or doing something else productive is a nice twist on it though, I'll keep that in mind.
I wish i can speak like dr K for 16 mins when the end was 'take a walk'. This is genius 😂
Since growing up, i have an intense fear of letters asking for money. It began with me paying all my bills but i suddenly have less money for my grocery shopping. I began skipping meals, forcing diets on myself, becoming more fearful of letters which could potentially be asking for more. One day i stopped opening the letters, i let them build up. I cant handle them anymore. Every morning the heap grows bigger as i throw the unopened letters at it. I cant even physically touch the letters. I cant bear the weight
I struggle with this, and I have an unsustainable solution. I've noticed that when I wake up with doom and gloom, if I just allow myself to drift back to sleep, I'll have a pleasant dream and wake up the second time cheerful. The problem is, usually there's no time for a second sleep. I've wanted to ask someone about this for ages!