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My husband asked if I would be willing to care for his mother I said no, does this make me the...
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 3 ก.ค. 2024
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Story: My husband asked if I would be willing to care for his mother I said no, does this make me the A-hole?
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He should quit working to look after his mom then OP can work 12 hour days. Everyone wins
And her own mother, he’s willing to look after her too?
@@eh1702 Sure, OP will be too busy 12 hours out of the day working rather than the husband so he will have lots of time.
Geeze at first I was like it isn’t your responsibility to take care of someone who hates you. But she doesn’t even need to do that. Her husband should take any extra income that isn’t going towards bills to go to his mother. And she is still against that.
As someone who was a caregiver to a family member who did not like me and was passive agressive it was the most emotionally taxing and draining thing I’ve ever had to do. I joined college after I was done care giving I couldn’t imagine doing both. There’s a reason that’s a job everyday ppl are not meant to do that. She knows herself and knows the resentment would be overkill. Also he has a job where he has to work 80 hours to make a comfortable amount that’s his issue. That’s the career he chose.
All she has to say for an example of her MIL being a pos is that she was critical of her (passive aggressive and judgmental) and that op doesn't automatically get MIL's respect; I think MIL smelt a rat and while she respected her son's right to make his own decisions didn't approve of someone who is now proving to be an ah that will take and take but never give back in her relationshit.
So he can look into programs for OPS schooling, but he can’t look into programs for his mother’s care?
Folks in the comments clearly have no concept what “care for” really entails. Can YOU imagine being dressed and undressed, helped with bathing and toileting, all the intimate stuff - by someone you have disliked and only grudgingly tolerated for 16 years?
People find it hard enough to accept it from those they love. And as inhibitions lower, what was once passive-aggression just becomes aggression.
And she is right, it is not an equivalent with her father: she took care of her dad. She did not ask HIM to do that stuff.
Oh God No. a NO is a NO. I did this for about 2.5 years, it is a thankless job. I hate my MIL and by the end of the time, I had panic attacks and anxiety. I had to say enough was enough and stop caring for her. She is still alive and doing well.
Yeah I get that she wasn’t the only caretaker for her dad thanks to her siblings and others. But it doesn’t sound like she would be the only caretaker for mil either. She goes to a day program. I’ll admit I don’t know how long those last, it’s probably a decent amount of time considering it’s for caretakers with time constraints. Also, he would hire a CNA. That person would probably do most of the work at home. They might even be willing to meal prep or other things that take up more time. So what’s the problem? I’ll let the schooling pass because engineering is a tough degree, but she’s far from alone in this.
She doesn't deserve to be a wife or a daughter after what she said 9:51
Yes you are. When you married him, she became your family too.
And just because they are family does not mean your are obligated or capable of taking care of them. You also owe nothing to people who don’t like you
You’re the… AAAAAHHHHH!
How selfish do you have to be to not want your spouse to have NO ONE BUT YOU around to help with things? Damn is op selfish for all the bullshit in that post.
Caretaking full time and full time school is too much HOWEVER it seems it won't be full time? The MIL is in a day program and the husband is willing to hire a CNA for like baths and help with turning pt over and stuff like that... so OP would have meal prep, meds and making sure MIL is comfortable? I wouldn't be happy to deal with passive aggressive MIL but I would do it for my husband. That is husbands mother who raised him you can't expect him not to resent you for not helping at all. OP is not working while husband is working 80+ hours a week to support her getting an education. She says she never asked him to help...that's the point of a marriage to uplift your partner when they don't even need to ask and to ESPECIALLY step up when they do ask. You didn't ask and he stepped up to make it easier on you and uplift you. Meanwhile he did ask you for help and you said nah. Not only that you are refusing to help with anything be it part time job, him working less (because you need to save for a house 🙄) etc. Just admit you are not ride or die because you are immediately looking for divorce to get the most money and screw over your husband.
Yes you are, a selfish one at that.
I feel sorry for the husband I hope that he finds this and protects hisself before she she does take him to the cleaner
NTA. I have an elderly relative that is sickly, and being a caretaker is very difficult. I feel as though a everyone underestimates it.
The OP is also in school full time, and I completely understand why she wouldnt want to put her career on hold for several years, especially for a hostile MIL.