You're a good person, and not at all a failure. You can't base where you think you should be in your own life off of where others are in theirs. Keep the positivity going, you're kind and resilient, and I'm rooting for you!
Thanks for the video, Aaron. You've got some good trails around you. I just got back from Washington state and did some good hiking at Olympic and Rainier. Just putting yourself out there is amazing - I have thought for far too long about trying to do what you do with your videos whether it is talking about your life or your music and I just can't bring myself to do it. Shy I guess. Hope you know you've got a lot of people in your corner. Wishing you the happiest of birthdays, man.
My dad at 30 (my age) was married, had a house, and was looking forward to my younger brother being born. Flashforward to me, living with my parents still and no dating prospects whatsoever...I've failed in life
2 minutes in. Yes, you are being too hard on yourself, but I totally get it. You're helping a lot of people purely by documenting these thoughts and you're doing good with pretty much everything else. You're also putting yourself out there, so more people get to know you. Im pretty optimistic that you'll find someone as long as you give people an opportunity to learn who you really are. You're on the right track and everyone is rooting for you.
I think Aaron will find someone if he dials his energy up a notch or two. Seriously, women like an Upbeat positive guy. I get that Aaron has autism but his energy is low and he seems down .. that will repel many women as they don’t want to be a therapist
No, I don’t think he’s being too hard on himself. I understand where he is coming from. After years and years of not having successes, it’s totally understandable why he’s feeling the way he is.
@@tigerbear3038 I'm not saying that I don't understand , but it's also important not to be too hard yourself for stuff that was mostly outside of your control.
I gave up at 40. I figured 25 years of trying, with zero results, was good enough. No more grueling workouts, or wasting weekends trying to meet women. I just do what I want. I consider myself retired from humanity.
Dating to me seems like baggage. I don't see the appeal of standing next to someone and talking about rubbish, sports, comedy, food etc... its just boring and a waste of time in my opinion. I think you're on the right path. Gym prs, work, friends and an open mind to dating Aaron.
I’m hitting the 45 mark too. I’d said I’d try in vain to find someone till I’m 45. I’ve officially retired from dating, officially gave up the idea of having kids. I’m pretty much came to the conclusion that I’ll most likely be alone the rest of my life.
Yeah there’s many people in his shoes. What he has to remember though is there’s many people that are married that think like him .. and others that are now divorced(sometimes twice divorced) that have similar thoughts. I just think Aaron puts too much stock in being in a relationship as if it will solve his unhappiness . Life isn’t that simple
@@brianmeen2158 you have to look at it from the point of. He's never had one or how ever you see it. But point being its a right of passage for every single guy.
@@SandTguyI do see it from his point of view because I’m just like him! I’m 39 and on the spectrum and I stay in shape and am above average looking. I have good social skills as well but relationships seem like an impossible task. Yes I do agree that all young men should be in a few relationships but if they aren’t - it’s important to remember that having the opposite of what you have does not mean you will be any happier .. with every scenario there are positives and negatives. Had Aaron pursued relationships earlier in his life he may be one of the guys that is divorced at 44 and having to pay alimony. I could have 3 men tell him right now that they truly regret getting married but they are now stuck in it and just have to deal with it as best they can. At least Aaron has freedom ..yin and a yang That’s all I’m saying - try to get perspective on each situation.
I turn 41 this month as well. I’m gonna have to watch this later. I got to run some errands but I’m already liking this layout of you walking a path talking, so I’m gonna have to watch and listen at the same time. I get the feeling this is going to be meaningful to me especially as my birthdate approaches.
I’m glad you got approved for the repairs (I commented on your IG when you posted about the accident). Sounds like you’re physically OK, which I am glad to see. Love this walk and talk. Please do more of them!
Hi Aaron thinking of you and just wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday Month🎉🎂 .. Awesome hike serene, beautiful. I’m 51 and I totally understand your feelings and frustration as much as you’ve heard this we just got to stay positive and just keep going. Your not alone Aaron but you are doing the best you can just keep going. 🤗
Haven't hit the milestones and limited experiences .... most that have lived, have lost/divorced and have horror stories. From my experiences, I'd rather be alone in solitude than miserable,
Happy birthday Aaron! I’ll be turning 27 tomorrow and, like you, I’m reflecting on life so far. I’ve had dates in the past, all of whom have asked me out, but I never escalated because I was afraid of my own feelings back then. Looking back I’d like to beat the shit out my past self for doing that. I’m happy for you that you have a partner prospect. Don’t give up, just give it time for the feelings to grow, you can do this!
I have learned never to compare yourself to other people. But if you do, always remember that there will always be people above you AND below you. Perspective is everything.
If I've learnt anything in this life ( I'm 47) it's not worth over analysing things - live for each day and what possibilities it brings, as it can surprise even the most seasoned of people - if love is to happen it will, have faith in the magic of this World. Do things for you - not for the outcome particularly when it appears for others approval - be proud you look good, you've put the work in these past months, to keep well and look after yourself. I get it - loneliness is a big thing, we are social creatures at our core, but as with so much in human nature this also is 'on a spectrum ' some people need others to validate them constantly, others are overwhelmed by this and prefer solitude for the most part. To be truly content is to feel whole within, without any real need of others to verify it. Do you have much spare time? Do you like animals? If so you could volunteer at a shelter for example to meet like minded souls or maybe join a walking/ hiking group. Similar interests to share common ground. You get the idea. I personally think love grows don't always expect the electricity - do 10 dates and become friends first - even if it doesn't work out friendship often leads to other people crossing our paths - try not to limit yourself - its a great foundation for a future. Sorry for the essay hope you're doing ok - HAPPY BIRTHDAY 🎂 ,
Aaron has joined meetup groups but hasn’t had much luck in finding people that he vibes with. I’m on the spectrum and around his age and can share his experience - it’s very difficult to meet others and feel any sort of connection or vibe. The “social demands” of relationships tend to be extremely difficult for people like us to meet
“Some people need others to validate them constantly” Ahh yes I’ve heard friends like this in the past - they were exhausting!! Why do many need that constant validation? Is it a lack of self confidence or self worth? Something else?
Happy belated birthday Aaron. Too bad I don't live in Nevada or else I (another straight mid age guy) will definitely be your walk and talk buddy for LIFE! Unfortunately one of things you cannot plan is when to get married and life is not fair. At least you are trying to do something about it and I admire that.
Hi Aaron I was watching some of your videos back in march-may and with months going by I recently thought of you and this channel. Just wanted to leave a comment to say that im cheering for you and wish you all the best in life. Remember, for some you might be the inspiration to keep them going thru their day. Keep it up, and don`t stop pushing. Never stop!
Hello Aaron, going to the gym is good for fitness but obviously not helpful to meet women. One of the best things I did to meet new people was joining a Toastmasters club, its fun and people are very kind and have the same spirit.
Or a dog park. Amy decent Looking guy that wants to meet women should get a dog and walk him/her. Take it to a dog park and you will meet women. A dog is always happy to see you too
Loved this format bro, so cool to see these landscapes... I'm from Brazil so it's foreign to me, aside from the movies The sounds of your footsteps crunching the ground and wind blowing is one hell of an ASMR treat too
I can relate to everything your saying. I am going through similar situations also . Some days are a struggle to get through,and can be very draining on the body.
I have been listening to a lot of your videos. The reason I am so attached to your story is that I have an autistic son of my own who is currently 4 years old. My wife and I have another son who is just over 1 now as well. I need to share some perspective with you. I don't want to minimize your experiences that are very important and impactful in your own mind and in the minds of so many others who are following, however, I do think that what you have is what you would be missing if you had what you always wished you wanted. Your siblings and parents have lived completely different lives. The reason comparison is the thief of joy is because when you compare yourself to anyone else, you never consider the downsides of being that person. The downsides of being another person, regardless of their perceived success, absolutely degrade the current happiness you have in your life and the experiences YOU have had that ARE positive. In other words, your life would be completely different, you wouldn't be who you are if you didn't experience what you have through today. You speak of making things happen or actions you wished you would have taken that have passed you by, but you NEVER acknowledge the things you have accomplished that you otherwise wouldn't have if you had all of the things you claim you would have wanted in the past. You are 45 and have accomplished a LOT and you have a large presence if even just on youtube with so many people! Imagine meeting your perceived soulmate when you were 18 and having 2 kids, then getting divorced and struggling to provide for your two kids. Well at least you would have 2 kids! Unless they resented you for not being with their mother and providing enough for them (thats a huge theme of today). The last thing on your mind would be yourself and your own well being for 18 years, but instead... you focus on the downsides of being able to have a focus on yourself instead of others. There is no magical happy ending or beginning for anyone. There is one thing you can control, and it is the present. What happens after you have everything you've "always wanted"? Imagine you met someone 5 years ago and you have a family and are happy. How do you think you would honestly feel day to day? Human nature says we all become complacent with who we are and what we have achieved, leaving us wanting more in the future. You are an absolute inspiration to so many people including me and my family. If it weren't for the things that you have experienced, so many people would never receive the benefit of watching your videos and trying to understand your perspective.
My birthday was on the 18th. Happy belated . I can only wish one thing for you , that you find the deepest meaning that life has to offer. Even if it means finding it alone. People are generally over rated. Truly. Keep being an exceptional human. There are too few.
7:57 But Aaron its true how else you wanna meet people you have to put yourself out there otherwise it wont happen. New people dont walk through your door at home
Happy Birthday Aaron 🎉…. Believe your life will change soon! Last 3 yrs have sucked for me and I try to stay positive to manifest my dreams! I’m enjoying this video .. the steps on the gravel and your voice are very calming:)
Might as well, right? Dude wears his age well and most of us in the first-world will be living well into our 80s,90,or 100s assuming we don't get nuked...
I turn 41 tomorrow and got diagnosed as autistic a few weeks ago. I feel you man. It's hard not to contemplate where you are at in life and compare yourself to others. Thanks for the great videos and all the best from Australia!
Glad you enjoyed it! I will do more like this. It's high desert where I live and there is a lot of landscape like this, and I'm close to mountains too.
@cameronwaelchli6319 eh, sorta. It's still mostly cheaper than CA here, but rents and home prices have gone up. I lucked out when I found my apartment and I'm only paying 749 plus electric.
Looks like a great place for a walk. I've been going through something similar, and I constantly find myself aching for a place to go, somewhere in nature that's calming to the soul, where there's nobody around. You're very lucky to have such a place. You also appear to have the freedom to make decisions based, primarily, on your own wants and needs, and isn't your career something that you can do from anywhere? What is it that's stopping you from chasing happiness?
I gave up at 51. There are millions of us out there. I’ve accepted this and have become content and at peace with it. I still feel lonely sometimes but the fear and pain of it has greatly gone.
How is the pain gone? What’s the trick? I have given up too, and I feel so empty. There are a lot of great advice on how to cope, and some of them even work, but I just don’t see the point of living. Like, what for?
Nice scenic walk and talk. I usually get your new video's on my feed but not this one. I just realised that hadn't seen you in a while so went looking for your channel. Strange. Happy Birthday by the way!
It is completely normal to compare your situation with that of those that you know, your parents and siblings, completely normal. Try with all your might not to make it a negative thing as that can just sap your strength. Also the "missing the signs" thing. Holy moly when I think back, there were several times when to say that I just dumbly missed the cues is embarrassing to remember. At the time I was completely oblivious to the signals and this is not a rare phenomena. There is nothing wrong with you, you just have to find your way through and just saying that pretty much sucks as it is easy to say but one of the hardest things to do. It took me until I was 21 before I found my first girl friend and that was only because she literally threw herself into my arms as we were out walking - she just go sick of me missing all the signals she was clearly giving out. Up until then I used to stress myself out daily about not finding someone and on and on. I thought there was something wrong with me, people thought I was gay and all that stuff, it was not pleasant. I would steer away from the long distance thing, that can seriously mess with your mind in all kinds of negative ways. It just about ripped my heart out. Fundamentally, keep putting yourself out there, keep doing your reflective videos and chats. All of this is helping you bit by bit and then finally things will come together. It is just like pushing a boulder up a hill. You are going to make it!
Handsome fit guy, seems like you just need help with some social skills stuff. Maybe work with a therapist or coach to continue to improve on the nuances of dating/relationship skills.
Lot of people in the same boat. Take some time to look at people around you in relationships and analyze their life ( like daily routine, obligations etc. ) and ask yourself if you'd trade places. Likely you'll find that you might want some small part of what they have but probably not all of it... But sometimes people are happy in relationships, that does exist and it's a higher state of happiness than being alone. But being trapped with bad / difficult / annoying people is worse...
Plus people like Aaron don’t think of the people out there his age that have been divorced once or twice and dealing with that fallout. That or the people currently Married and the love is long gone and they are at the point where the best they get is just tolerating the other
Congrats on the weightloss. Im working on that myself. i'm 39, have autism and severe clinical depression and have been without a relationship for 10 years. It sucks, but i think about what i can try next rather than think about how my situation is hopeless.
I'm at the point in my life where I would rather have a broken arm or leg over being mentally ill anyday of the week I'm tired of feeling like a 12 year old child that can't do anything or be a fully functioning adult it's exhausting I wish there was a cure for it tbh.
Autism and severe clinical depression? That’s quite the terrible cocktail - I have to believe autism feeds into the depression which creates a tsunami of bad.. The nagging question I have is how does a depressed/autistic person attract a mate and keep them? I have autism and I learned over the years that I have to really dial up the energy and mood in order for women to stay attracted. I can attract women fairly easily just on appearance but everything that comes after that is just hard work and quite confusing. I think you and Aaron can understand . Basically what my question is: we are told to be ourselves yet for those of us with disorders this simply doesn’t work in terms of starting and developing relationships. So we “mask” and that works pretty well in the short term but simply cannot work long term without burnout .. so it’s a tough spot and I don’t have the answers . Thoughts?
@@brianmeen2158the autism actually doesnt cause me too much problem because i am a masking master. I'm really good at making people feel comfortable and loved, but my biggest problem is is that I can't keep up the energy. It's so exhausting to do this that once I get into a relationship I'm just chronically exhausted trying to live up to the other person standards. I have no problem, attracting people, but either I can't keep up or the people end up dating eventually become jobless and are looking for somebody to just care for them financially. I definitely don't want to be mothering a man child.
You don't "owe" us content, I mean you're not trying to actively grow your channel or anything, this is just the platform for your thoughts and expression, isn't it? I for one am perfectly OK with receiving an update just when and IF you feel like it.
i would prefer updates only when he feels like it. as soon as a creator starts feeling obligated to make content, there is always some loss of genuineness in the channel, or repeat of the same content.
I notice many of you guys are doing the gender war stuff and it’s only going to make you much unhappier .. besides I don’t get your point? Do you expect all women to care about you and coddle you? Do you think most men care about Most women? Of course not, we all have a limited supply of “caring” to go around and most of that is used on family and friends
@@brianmeen2158 same feeling here. I definitely do care, but that doesn't mean that I would match up with just any guy to make them feel better. That would help them, and it certainly wouldn't help me. I think guys need to be a little bit more picky about the people they choose to match themselves up with. If both sides were more picky, then you'd have a group of people that are much more closely matched for each other. When I had my Tinder profile, active, I would get 100 match is a Day, and I would get like messages from five or six of them. It made me feel like a piece of meat… That I had no real value because they didn't care to be more picky about matching up with me.
@@MissNebulositygive us average guys a chance instead of always looking for the hottest guy on the app which nearly all women are doing exactly the same.
“There just aren’t that many Opportunities anymore” True and that’s a big problem . It’s not like we are teenagers and every girl we see is an available option. Pretty much 80% of women we come across now will be married with kids .. btw does Aaron want kids? I’m assuming he is like me and doesn’t. This only Makes it even harder as good luck trying to find a somewhat attractive woman in her 30s that does not have any kids! For autistic people - I see the lack of mental energy to be a big roadblock to relationships. With work and other responsibilities I find I put most of not all of my mental energy into those things. What little energy I have left is not enough to motivate me to approach and talk to women. I can carry brief conversations just fine but anything more than that and I feel extreme tiredness .. I have no idea how to fix this problem
@@GoldBold563I’m pretty sure it’s related to my autism. I can do heavy manual labor for hours and feel fine(not tired) but if I go shopping or have to interact with a few people for a short period of time(1-2 hours) then I’m very drained afterwards. I can start to feel tired after 15 minutes of socializing if the conversation is dull .. it’s a mix of introversion + autism - quite the nasty combo of you want any sort of relationship or social life. Basically I totally get where Aaron is coming from in terms of feeling like he’s handicapped or crippled socially
Yeah, sometimes you gotta wonder if you're doing ALL you can... for example I really don't like dancing but I thought I would give dancing classes a try... not least of all because some of the people I know found their partner through dancing, lol. And who knows, maybe I will grow to actually like it?
Hey man, if you're down about turning 45, just think when you turn 60 for example. A lot of men are very active in that age. And 45 then will seem to have been very young :D
Comparison is the thief of joy. Everyone goes through life at a different pace, I think we are all under so much pressure to do things when we think society expects it of us but its OK to just do things at your own pace or accept that things will happen at the right time for you ❤
Im 44 and in the same boat...altho i think in a lot of ways guys like us have dodged a few bullets.I didnt have a girlfriend till i was 28...that only lasted 2 weeks...soon as she heard i didnt want kids she just switched off like a light and dumped me.Then followed 8 years of pointless internet dating that went nowhere.Last date was 2016,then gave up internet dating.I dont socialise or drink,or go anywhere anymore.I am considering hitting some bars tho in the near future...if i can find the energy for it.I dont know what the future holds,i just know i didnt follow the same time lines as everyone else seemed to.
Have you considered learning how to code? There are tons of resources online on how to learn programming and I think it could really be something for you. You said you previously wanted to design things which is basically coding, just that you make and design things digitally. Lots of programmers are autistic since it involves logic, problem solving and creativity. You can look up guides on youtube on resources and stuff like that and just spend some time doing it on your free time. You don't have to have a degree so long as you're good at it, which I think you could be. It's obviously a well paying, fullfilling career. But it can also just be a cool hobby.
@@aaronsjournal139 You should definitely check it out! I know people who have started learning in their 30s and 40s with no previous experience/education and are now high earning full-time programmers. Lots of info about the best resources on youtube
@@apolloniusbeitsman5444 When did I say that? I just said that I think it can be a good fit since a lot of programmers are autistic and autistic people also tend to like solving logical problems as well as thinking creatively which coding can be a mix of
I hope you find someone someday. I think I accepted that I am alone at 31 years, lady. I just wish i had money to travel. Anyways I hope you find your other half. Don't lose hope.
People DO NOT have the answers. Everything is inward … ending in ourselves. Keep your path. Keep trying . Many people do nothing and may seem to have “something” from nothing . But … we all have our own paths and few seldom lead to true fulfillment. It’s very hard to see other peoples delusions and the worlds created therein. Therefore… what appears as a life, may only be an illusory and immaterial world. That which is true sometimes can remain unseen .
"im middle aged, is there anything i can do at this point?" Wow. It's almost as if you think your life is over. 45 is young. Im 39. You have 30-40 more years of life left. if you treat your situation as if it's over and wont improve, then that is what will be manifested.
As of this post, just over half of all adult Americans are single. That number is significantly lower for American females. Aaron is correct, It’s hard to not compare yourself with others given that society endlessly dictates where we should be at which is anything that’s normal and anything beyond or below is frowned upon. I’m not against neither do I support this person, but South Carolina Senator Tim Scott constantly gets criticized and told that he should be the president because he is single. I understand you shouldn’t care what other people think but it’s also hard not to when you’re repeatedly going through it unlike many others.
If it helps, you've gotten farther than me. Just turned 34 a couple days ago, been on a single date, and I don't think any women have ever been attracted to me. It's rare to even be considered attractive. Last time I went anywhere with a friend... sometime in grade school, maybe 6th grade. Had a couple friends at college, but we didn't really go anywhere, nor did we stay in contact afterward. That was almost 15 years ago. I've been trying to change my circumstances, go out more, but it can be brutal, especially when a social mistake can have such brutal consequences. Like... nearly getting myself into a fistfight or a joke at the wrong time leading to a budding friendship going "Poof!" with any apology met with: "Fuck you, we're done, get out of my life!" Much as I work to keep my spirits up, it's damned hard.
Think about this... some people never even grow up and get a chance to love someone. Some get abused. Some have horrific longterm relationships and wasted years. My best friend was my polar opposite, incredibly charismatic. Girls (and guys) naturally LOVED him. He wasn't a supermodel, he just had an incredibly infectous and enjoyable social personality. It was just by pure chance we became best friends day 1 in school before we diverged and he grew up so much quicker than me. It felt quite unfair in my head. He got himself killed trying to drive home drunk in his early 20s. He got laid early on and validated quickly, but he still hated his life at the time, working in a factory. He never had a long-term SO, he never had a kid. He never completed the primary objective, continuing your bloodline. You never know in this life. You cannot pre-determine the future unless it is just a future of destroying yourself. Better late than never. There is still time on the game clock, the buzzer hasn't gone off yet. That autopiloting is the fear taking over again, fight it.
Happy Birthday! 18 mins into your video... You're definitely being WAY to hard on yourself. I understand feeling like the age or circumstance is not what you thought it would be. But it is certainly not over. You need some examples of people that bloom later in life. That get married and have their first kid in their 50's or 60's. Start new businesses and buy property well after 40. The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. Evenings are not romantic when raising school age kids, 2 dog and a spouse. Working for the weekends and holidays, the feelings of inadequacy are still present...an maybe louder since you have more things to feel like you're failing with 😎. May the rest of your life be the best of your life.
Fellas, even when you get the girl you never really GET the girl. When youre a decent looking guy, you always start out as the Alpha to her. Then she is with you and you start to relax. You may even become vulnerable. You maybe move in together and you spend more time together. She starts to shut test you. She starts to nagg and complain more. She starts arguments then blows off to her mothers or friends. She goes to her job where there is a new guy who just got hired. He is new and fresh in her life and day to day. She starts enjoying the new attention for hours throught the day. She cheats on you and breaks up with you in a txt. She is cold and indifferent. She has swung the branch and you are nothing. All the laughs, the cute moments, the memories, the adversity... nothing. Buh bye loser. Thats trying to love in 2023 and beyond.
Nice relaxing walk video, happy birthday bro! Btw nice stabilization, what phone is that? Have you thought about cross-country or trail mountain biking? I live in similar surroundings. You have the perfect environment for this type of recreation and relaxation. I'm thinking seriously about it after 20 years of not riding a bike. After work I want to relax my mind and not think about nonsense like women and loneliness. 39:53 Oh Yes, high tier normie especially for a 45 year old. You can easily pass as a 30-year-old, at least have some benefit from the spectrum. You see, that's where the biggest problem lies, almost certainly it would be easier if you were ugly. Like you said, your life is like a mental prison. Mentalcel like me. You know it's up to you not them but you can't help it, personality is not malleable, especially for someone on the spectrum. You constantly beat yourself up about the way you are, for which it is not your fault, some mutation in the genes simply happened and you were born that way and it was in your genetic code. Life on the spectrum sucks. Like you said, your siblings didn't have to do anything what you do, and what other people advise you to do, and they have a so-called normal life. You have to have a perfect life, and they only have to exist to have what you don't have..
Thank you. My phone is a Galaxy Z flip 5 and I hadn't even used the camera all that much since upgrading from the Galaxy A71 I had. Yeah, I've entertained the idea of getting a mountain bike- it's definitely a popular activity around here. Life on the spectrum does suck. It's 100% the reason for my situation.
Hey Aaron, was wondering if you were going to post again. My birthday is this month too, 48 on the 29th. You need a break from being so hyper focused and obsessed with this one issue.
Please don’t compare yourself to past generations, or others, even if it is your own dad lol. We are living in very different times economically, relationship/dating/companionship wise. As they say, comparison is the thief of joy. Happy to hear about your positive new developments! Life is worth living!
You spend so much energy thinking about what you dont have. No wonder youre depressed. If you want to attract a woman, holding on to this mindset is definitely not going to get you one. In fact, you are going to actively drive them away.
This is correct, we must practice gratitude to improve our mental health and this will make people feel more attracted to us in life. Nobody wants to be around negative energy.
Aaron, there's nothing wrong with considering moving overseas as an option. Doesn't have to be SE Asia, you could try a European country, South or Central America. There are so so many vibrant cultures where life isn't all about the 9 to 5 slog and socialising isn't just going out and getting pissed for the sake of it. I'm 52, have always been an introvert and a bit shy, but just being in some of these places does wonders for your confidence. You can almost reinvent yourself, and socialising is a lot easier, you have the icebreaker of being from somewhere else. Somehow I've found people are just more open to engaging socially and it tends to happen more organically. I'd urge you to consider it mate, I don't want to see you doing the same vids in 10 years! Just try somewhere for three months, I'm begging you!
Moving abroad is not reasonable for me. I can't handle big changes like that especially as a high functioning autistic. I've addressed this in other videos. Upending my entire life, leaving behind my stability, family, the few friends I've managed to make, and going somewhere where I don't know the language, customs, or how to support myself, plus the cost, it's too much for me.
@@aaronsjournal139 I understand Aaron, I would struggle leaving family and the few close friends I have behind too. Perhaps as an alternative you could try extended breaks (if you can afford them) just to test the waters. I know travel could be challenging in some ways for you. A few years ago I spent a few weeks at a place called School Of The World in Jaco Beach, Costa Rica. The cost wasn't onerous, you have your own very nice room, and can learn Spanish, surfing, yoga, photography or a combination of those. You can stay a few days, a few weeks, or a month or more! It's very relaxed, and you have an immediate social group as there are people from all over staying for different lengths of time. Shared kitchen, common areas etc but as much private time as you need. You can eat very cheaply there too, the roadside food stalls are great. I went when I was your age, I was one of the older people there but I'm youthful like you and didn't feel out of place at all. It was a great way to reset and improved my confidence. Hell I'm an introvert and ended up teaching two French girls to surf. I promise you would enjoy yourself regardless, it's a very safe spot too.
giving up on dating apps was your biggest mistake. Just get someone to take good pics of you.. If it wasnt for dating apps I would've been alone. At one point was going on dates almost every day
"i get attention from girls, but theyre thousands of miles away." .... why are you making so many excuses? make friends and go visit them. Dont worry about the money. if right now I told you that if you spent a couple thousand dollars meeting a few people far away would get you the love of your life, would you say that those thousands of dollars was too expensive for that?? don't make excuses. Capitalize on those opportunities. You said that you never capitalized on opportunities that you should have capitalized on. Why are you not doing it now? It's like you learned the lesson and then you still refuse to act on that learned lesson.
@@terrorsquadlith sometimes i feel like he just wants everything to come to him for free, without effort. If it's going to be a challenge to make something work, he gives up before he even tries.
My dear brother in Christ. Let me explain a few things. First of all, their are people who earn three times more than your dad ever did and they will never be able to afford a house. Secondly; Marriage is becoming less and less common. Mainly because of the cost of living and because people can't afford a home. Not to mention most of the good jobs, which people could get out of high school with no experience have been shipped over seas. Women now out earn men on average, and guess what; girls don't want to marry someone who makes less than them. Plus I don't think your dad had to deal with being on the spectrum. Your parents lived in a different time. Don't try to understand the past, it is a foreign continent. People did things differently there.
@@judgeholder8112it certainly wouldnt hurt, and i do think it would help if he takes their advice. if he gets dating Coaching, and then just ignores all the advice, that's given to him, then it would not work.
Watched first 13 minutes. What’s not addressed is the fact that you might find personal interaction tedious and strenuous. I do. We’re both good looking guys, but we value our own company and interior life more than we might realize.
If you want to get moving in the dating scene and don't want to have long distance, find the places locally single and divorced women gather. I'd hit the most liberal churches first, AA, the local dating scene via match, okcupid, volunteer work, animal shelter etc. and settle for someone local. There's a lot of women looking for committment out there with a guy who is not an energy vampire. Good luck, my friend. Clubs and bars are a waste of time and money. And take the lead if you like someone. Don't wait for them.
I’d heard the saying “Comparison is the thief of joy” for most of my adult life. Only in my late 40s did I truly embrace it.
You're a good person, and not at all a failure. You can't base where you think you should be in your own life off of where others are in theirs. Keep the positivity going, you're kind and resilient, and I'm rooting for you!
Thanks for the video, Aaron. You've got some good trails around you. I just got back from Washington state and did some good hiking at Olympic and Rainier. Just putting yourself out there is amazing - I have thought for far too long about trying to do what you do with your videos whether it is talking about your life or your music and I just can't bring myself to do it. Shy I guess. Hope you know you've got a lot of people in your corner. Wishing you the happiest of birthdays, man.
My dad at 30 (my age) was married, had a house, and was looking forward to my younger brother being born. Flashforward to me, living with my parents still and no dating prospects whatsoever...I've failed in life
Welcome to the club! 😎
I can relate
Maybe because you are still living with your parents, just guessing
As a woman I probably wouldn’t date a guy who lives with parents
@@lenajazuk4231 That's one of the main reasons I can't date. No reason for me to even ask her out if I can't even afford my own place
@@lenajazuk4231 I dont think it was his plan to live with his parents ;)
Good to hear from you again.
Enjoyed the walk 🚶♂️
Happy birthday, Aaron. Stay sharp, healthy, and happy. ❤🎉
@@coiledsteel8836 I can't, we are thousand miles apart, but thanks for your suggestion.
@@coiledsteel8836 Aaron already said he doesnt want a long distance relationship, right?
@@coiledsteel8836 Due to my work in a military institution, I can't go on vacation to another country. "you look nice" wow, I'm flaterred😊
@@MissNebulosity Yeah, that's true.
@@coiledsteel8836 Good advice, I'm gonna think about that😉🙏
2 minutes in. Yes, you are being too hard on yourself, but I totally get it. You're helping a lot of people purely by documenting these thoughts and you're doing good with pretty much everything else. You're also putting yourself out there, so more people get to know you. Im pretty optimistic that you'll find someone as long as you give people an opportunity to learn who you really are. You're on the right track and everyone is rooting for you.
Right on!!!
Well said
I think Aaron will find someone if he dials his energy up a notch or two. Seriously, women like an
Upbeat positive guy. I get that Aaron has autism but his energy is low and he seems down .. that will repel many women as they don’t want to be a therapist
No, I don’t think he’s being too hard on himself. I understand where he is coming from. After years and years of not having successes, it’s totally understandable why he’s feeling the way he is.
@@tigerbear3038 I'm not saying that I don't understand , but it's also important not to be too hard yourself for stuff that was mostly outside of your control.
Thank you for sharing your life ❤
I gave up at 40. I figured 25 years of trying, with zero results, was good enough. No more grueling workouts, or wasting weekends trying to meet women. I just do what I want. I consider myself retired from humanity.
Dating to me seems like baggage. I don't see the appeal of standing next to someone and talking about rubbish, sports, comedy, food etc... its just boring and a waste of time in my opinion. I think you're on the right path. Gym prs, work, friends and an open mind to dating Aaron.
I vividly remember giving up at 27.
BS lol.. Having someone is the BEST thing @@mulimulifaavae7246
You should try therapy and maybe it’ll help you in someway.
@@judgeholder8112 tried therapy. it's a joke.
I’m hitting the 45 mark too. I’d said I’d try in vain to find someone till I’m 45. I’ve officially retired from dating, officially gave up the idea of having kids. I’m pretty much came to the conclusion that I’ll most likely be alone the rest of my life.
Happy Birthday Aaron! Work with what attributes you've got!
@GeneralAlek Long time no see!
I would love to see more videos like this. Man I hear everything your saying and it just hits home to me.
Yeah there’s many people in his shoes. What he has to remember though is there’s many people that are married that think like him .. and others that are now divorced(sometimes twice divorced) that have similar thoughts. I just think Aaron puts too much stock in being in a relationship as if it will solve his unhappiness . Life isn’t that simple
@@brianmeen2158 you have to look at it from the point of. He's never had one or how ever you see it. But point being its a right of passage for every single guy.
@@SandTguyI do see it from his point of view because I’m just like him! I’m 39 and on the spectrum and I stay in shape and am above average looking. I have good social skills as well but relationships seem like an impossible task. Yes I do agree that all young men should be in a few relationships but if they aren’t - it’s important to remember that having the opposite of what you have does not mean you will be any happier .. with every scenario there are positives and negatives. Had Aaron pursued relationships earlier in his life he may be one of the guys that is divorced at 44 and having to pay alimony. I could have 3 men tell him right now that they truly regret getting married but they are now stuck in it and just have to deal with it as best they can. At least Aaron has freedom ..yin and a yang That’s all I’m saying - try to get perspective on each situation.
Love this video. What a beautiful landscape. More videos like this please. And remember Aaron, comparison is the end of joy!
I turn 41 this month as well. I’m gonna have to watch this later. I got to run some errands but I’m already liking this layout of you walking a path talking, so I’m gonna have to watch and listen at the same time. I get the feeling this is going to be meaningful to me especially as my birthdate approaches.
How would you like to be "life mogged" by a bunch of elitist negros? Enjoy life in spite of it!
I’m glad you got approved for the repairs (I commented on your IG when you posted about the accident). Sounds like you’re physically OK, which I am glad to see. Love this walk and talk. Please do more of them!
Hi Aaron thinking of you and just wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday Month🎉🎂 .. Awesome hike serene, beautiful. I’m 51 and I totally understand your feelings and frustration as much as you’ve heard this we just got to stay positive and just keep going. Your not alone Aaron but you are doing the best you can just keep going. 🤗
Haven't hit the milestones and limited experiences .... most that have lived, have lost/divorced and have horror stories. From my experiences, I'd rather be alone in solitude than miserable,
Agree at least for those of us in solitude and childless - we have breathing room to do things
Happy birthday Aaron! I’ll be turning 27 tomorrow and, like you, I’m reflecting on life so far. I’ve had dates in the past, all of whom have asked me out, but I never escalated because I was afraid of my own feelings back then. Looking back I’d like to beat the shit out my past self for doing that. I’m happy for you that you have a partner prospect. Don’t give up, just give it time for the feelings to grow, you can do this!
Happy birthday Aaron, all the best to you mate!
I have learned never to compare yourself to other people. But if you do, always remember that there will always be people above you AND below you. Perspective is everything.
If I've learnt anything in this life ( I'm 47) it's not worth over analysing things - live for each day and what possibilities it brings, as it can surprise even the most seasoned of people - if love is to happen it will, have faith in the magic of this World. Do things for you - not for the outcome particularly when it appears for others approval - be proud you look good, you've put the work in these past months, to keep well and look after yourself. I get it - loneliness is a big thing, we are social creatures at our core, but as with so much in human nature this also is 'on a spectrum ' some people need others to validate them constantly, others are overwhelmed by this and prefer solitude for the most part. To be truly content is to feel whole within, without any real need of others to verify it. Do you have much spare time? Do you like animals? If so you could volunteer at a shelter for example to meet like minded souls or maybe join a walking/ hiking group. Similar interests to share common ground. You get the idea. I personally think love grows don't always expect the electricity - do 10 dates and become friends first - even if it doesn't work out friendship often leads to other people crossing our paths - try not to limit yourself - its a great foundation for a future.
Sorry for the essay hope you're doing ok - HAPPY BIRTHDAY 🎂
,
Aaron has joined meetup groups but hasn’t had much luck in finding people that he vibes with. I’m on the spectrum and around his age and can share his experience - it’s very difficult to meet others and feel any sort of connection or vibe. The “social demands” of relationships tend to be extremely difficult for people like us to meet
“Some people need others to validate them constantly”
Ahh yes I’ve heard friends like this in the past - they were exhausting!! Why do many need that constant validation? Is it a lack of self confidence or self worth? Something else?
Happy Birthday!
Welcome back buddy. Echo all you are saying. You are not alone, thanks for sharing
Happy belated birthday Aaron. Too bad I don't live in Nevada or else I (another straight mid age guy) will definitely be your walk and talk buddy for LIFE! Unfortunately one of things you cannot plan is when to get married and life is not fair. At least you are trying to do something about it and I admire that.
Hi Aaron
I was watching some of your videos back in march-may and with months going by I recently thought of you and this channel. Just wanted to leave a comment to say that im cheering for you and wish you all the best in life.
Remember, for some you might be the inspiration to keep them going thru their day. Keep it up, and don`t stop pushing. Never stop!
Hello Aaron, going to the gym is good for fitness but obviously not helpful to meet women. One of the best things I did to meet new people was joining a Toastmasters club, its fun and people are very kind and have the same spirit.
dungeons and dragons, DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS.. That's the best way to meet people
Yes!! Great idea!
@@terrorsquadlith 100%!!! Most girls who are into dnd often have autism too!
Or a dog park. Amy decent
Looking guy that wants to meet women should get a dog and walk him/her. Take it to a dog park and you will meet women. A dog is always happy to see you too
Loved this format bro, so cool to see these landscapes... I'm from Brazil so it's foreign to me, aside from the movies
The sounds of your footsteps crunching the ground and wind blowing is one hell of an ASMR treat too
I can relate to everything your saying. I am going through similar situations also . Some days are a struggle to get through,and can be very draining on the body.
Today is my 24th birthday, happy birthday to you!
Happy Birthday broski 🤙
I have been listening to a lot of your videos. The reason I am so attached to your story is that I have an autistic son of my own who is currently 4 years old. My wife and I have another son who is just over 1 now as well. I need to share some perspective with you. I don't want to minimize your experiences that are very important and impactful in your own mind and in the minds of so many others who are following, however, I do think that what you have is what you would be missing if you had what you always wished you wanted. Your siblings and parents have lived completely different lives. The reason comparison is the thief of joy is because when you compare yourself to anyone else, you never consider the downsides of being that person. The downsides of being another person, regardless of their perceived success, absolutely degrade the current happiness you have in your life and the experiences YOU have had that ARE positive. In other words, your life would be completely different, you wouldn't be who you are if you didn't experience what you have through today.
You speak of making things happen or actions you wished you would have taken that have passed you by, but you NEVER acknowledge the things you have accomplished that you otherwise wouldn't have if you had all of the things you claim you would have wanted in the past. You are 45 and have accomplished a LOT and you have a large presence if even just on youtube with so many people! Imagine meeting your perceived soulmate when you were 18 and having 2 kids, then getting divorced and struggling to provide for your two kids. Well at least you would have 2 kids! Unless they resented you for not being with their mother and providing enough for them (thats a huge theme of today). The last thing on your mind would be yourself and your own well being for 18 years, but instead... you focus on the downsides of being able to have a focus on yourself instead of others. There is no magical happy ending or beginning for anyone. There is one thing you can control, and it is the present.
What happens after you have everything you've "always wanted"? Imagine you met someone 5 years ago and you have a family and are happy. How do you think you would honestly feel day to day? Human nature says we all become complacent with who we are and what we have achieved, leaving us wanting more in the future.
You are an absolute inspiration to so many people including me and my family. If it weren't for the things that you have experienced, so many people would never receive the benefit of watching your videos and trying to understand your perspective.
My birthday was on the 18th. Happy belated . I can only wish one thing for you , that you find the deepest meaning that life has to offer. Even if it means finding it alone. People are generally over rated. Truly. Keep being an exceptional human. There are too few.
7:57 But Aaron its true how else you wanna meet people you have to put yourself out there otherwise it wont happen. New people dont walk through your door at home
Happy Birthday Aaron 🎉…. Believe your life will change soon! Last 3 yrs have sucked for me and I try to stay positive to manifest my dreams! I’m enjoying this video .. the steps on the gravel and your voice are very calming:)
Manifesting stuff is nonsense.
@@ModelJames13 what would you call TAKING CHARGE and not just not let Life “happen” to you? That’s manifesting
Then why don't you date Aaron instead of commenting on his video? Oh right...
@@Kanendd I would! But I’m older and across the state. Aaron has lots to offer!
Happy birthday BROTHER!
What is stopping you from going back to school and change your career?
Might as well, right? Dude wears his age well and most of us in the first-world will be living well into our 80s,90,or 100s assuming we don't get nuked...
I turn 41 tomorrow and got diagnosed as autistic a few weeks ago. I feel you man. It's hard not to contemplate where you are at in life and compare yourself to others. Thanks for the great videos and all the best from Australia!
We make plans and the gods laugh! Don’t be too hard on yourself man. ❤
It's really nice to hear from you I'm sorry about your accident hopefully things get better for you from here on out really did enjoy the hike.
I'm 36. I'm done. i want to just "deactivate my account" to life like I did on Facebook
I get it, man. I get it.
The scenery on your walk was so beautiful! I'm from Michigan and haven't been out west yet.
Glad you enjoyed it! I will do more like this. It's high desert where I live and there is a lot of landscape like this, and I'm close to mountains too.
@@aaronsjournal139that’s gotta be so expensive
@cameronwaelchli6319 eh, sorta. It's still mostly cheaper than CA here, but rents and home prices have gone up. I lucked out when I found my apartment and I'm only paying 749 plus electric.
Looks like a great place for a walk. I've been going through something similar, and I constantly find myself aching for a place to go, somewhere in nature that's calming to the soul, where there's nobody around. You're very lucky to have such a place.
You also appear to have the freedom to make decisions based, primarily, on your own wants and needs, and isn't your career something that you can do from anywhere? What is it that's stopping you from chasing happiness?
Massive happy birthday
I gave up at 51. There are millions of us out there. I’ve accepted this and have become content and at peace with it. I still feel lonely sometimes but the fear and pain of it has greatly gone.
How is the pain gone? What’s the trick? I have given up too, and I feel so empty. There are a lot of great advice on how to cope, and some of them even work, but I just don’t see the point of living. Like, what for?
Happy Birthday Arron 🎉
There is one big bonus of your situation. You can do WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT! No one can say shit and you answer to no one.
Nice scenic walk and talk. I usually get your new video's on my feed but not this one. I just realised that hadn't seen you in a while so went looking for your channel. Strange.
Happy Birthday by the way!
I am 51 and think i will die with just a dog at my side . thats a nice walk by the way x
Im 39 and will probably die with a bird and a cat at my side. 😕
@@MissNebulosity I have 4 cats and 3 dogs . pets are better then people and in my case better than family. they are my family ☺
It is completely normal to compare your situation with that of those that you know, your parents and siblings, completely normal. Try with all your might not to make it a negative thing as that can just sap your strength.
Also the "missing the signs" thing.
Holy moly when I think back, there were several times when to say that I just dumbly missed the cues is embarrassing to remember. At the time I was completely oblivious to the signals and this is not a rare phenomena.
There is nothing wrong with you, you just have to find your way through and just saying that pretty much sucks as it is easy to say but one of the hardest things to do. It took me until I was 21 before I found my first girl friend and that was only because she literally threw herself into my arms as we were out walking - she just go sick of me missing all the signals she was clearly giving out. Up until then I used to stress myself out daily about not finding someone and on and on. I thought there was something wrong with me, people thought I was gay and all that stuff, it was not pleasant.
I would steer away from the long distance thing, that can seriously mess with your mind in all kinds of negative ways. It just about ripped my heart out.
Fundamentally, keep putting yourself out there, keep doing your reflective videos and chats. All of this is helping you bit by bit and then finally things will come together. It is just like pushing a boulder up a hill. You are going to make it!
Handsome fit guy, seems like you just need help with some social skills stuff. Maybe work with a therapist or coach to continue to improve on the nuances of dating/relationship skills.
You think that’ll help him and why?
Lot of people in the same boat. Take some time to look at people around you in relationships and analyze their life ( like daily routine, obligations etc. ) and ask yourself if you'd trade places. Likely you'll find that you might want some small part of what they have but probably not all of it... But sometimes people are happy in relationships, that does exist and it's a higher state of happiness than being alone. But being trapped with bad / difficult / annoying people is worse...
Plus people like Aaron don’t think of the people out there his age that have been divorced once or twice and dealing with that fallout. That or the people currently
Married and the love is long gone and they are at the point where the best they get is just tolerating the other
Congrats on the weightloss. Im working on that myself. i'm 39, have autism and severe clinical depression and have been without a relationship for 10 years. It sucks, but i think about what i can try next rather than think about how my situation is hopeless.
I'm at the point in my life where I would rather have a broken arm or leg over being mentally ill anyday of the week I'm tired of feeling like a 12 year old child that can't do anything or be a fully functioning adult it's exhausting I wish there was a cure for it tbh.
@@sadieadler4383 I am literally in the exact same position. I feel like I haven't gotten past 16 years old.
Autism and severe clinical depression? That’s quite the terrible cocktail - I have to believe autism feeds into the depression which creates a tsunami of bad.. The nagging question I have is how does a depressed/autistic person attract a mate and keep them? I have autism and I learned over the years that I have to really dial up the energy and mood in order for women to stay attracted. I can attract women fairly easily just on appearance but everything that comes after that is just hard work and quite confusing. I think you and Aaron can understand . Basically what my question is: we are told to be ourselves yet for those of us with disorders this simply doesn’t work in terms of starting and developing relationships. So we “mask” and that works pretty well in the short term but simply cannot work long term without burnout .. so it’s a tough spot and I don’t have the answers . Thoughts?
@@brianmeen2158the autism actually doesnt cause me too much problem because i am a masking master. I'm really good at making people feel comfortable and loved, but my biggest problem is is that I can't keep up the energy. It's so exhausting to do this that once I get into a relationship I'm just chronically exhausted trying to live up to the other person standards. I have no problem, attracting people, but either I can't keep up or the people end up dating eventually become jobless and are looking for somebody to just care for them financially. I definitely don't want to be mothering a man child.
@@MissNebulosity are you on Reddit? I’d like to ask you a few questions as we are basically in the same spot in terms of our age and issues
You don't "owe" us content, I mean you're not trying to actively grow your channel or anything, this is just the platform for your thoughts and expression, isn't it? I for one am perfectly OK with receiving an update just when and IF you feel like it.
i would prefer updates only when he feels like it. as soon as a creator starts feeling obligated to make content, there is always some loss of genuineness in the channel, or repeat of the same content.
Do you have any pets?
Pets are great company
No he doesn’t have pets. He lives in the apartment complex so he’s not allowed to have any.
A lot of women do know how hard it is for guys on dating apps, they just don’t care
what are we supposed to do about it?
I notice many of you guys are doing the gender war stuff and it’s only going to make you much unhappier .. besides I don’t get your point? Do you expect all women to care about you and coddle you? Do you think most men care about
Most women? Of course not, we all have a limited supply of “caring” to go around and most of that is used on family and friends
@@brianmeen2158 same feeling here. I definitely do care, but that doesn't mean that I would match up with just any guy to make them feel better. That would help them, and it certainly wouldn't help me. I think guys need to be a little bit more picky about the people they choose to match themselves up with. If both sides were more picky, then you'd have a group of people that are much more closely matched for each other.
When I had my Tinder profile, active, I would get 100 match is a Day, and I would get like messages from five or six of them. It made me feel like a piece of meat… That I had no real value because they didn't care to be more picky about matching up with me.
@@MissNebulositygive us average guys a chance instead of always looking for the hottest guy on the app which nearly all women are doing exactly the same.
@@brianmeen2158 Most men do care about women. Why do you think it's in men's innate nature to protect them?
If you own your appartment you're doing better than most!
I rent
“There just aren’t that many
Opportunities anymore”
True and that’s a big problem . It’s not like we are teenagers and every girl we see is an available option. Pretty much 80% of women we come across now will be married with kids .. btw does Aaron want kids? I’m assuming he is like me and doesn’t. This only
Makes it even harder as good luck trying to find a somewhat attractive woman in her 30s that does not have any kids!
For autistic people - I see the lack of mental energy to be a big roadblock to relationships. With work and other responsibilities I find I put most of not all of my mental energy into those things. What little energy I have left is not enough to motivate me to approach and talk to women. I can carry brief conversations just fine but anything more than that and I feel extreme tiredness .. I have no idea how to fix this problem
@@GoldBold563I’m pretty sure it’s related to my autism. I can do heavy manual labor for hours and feel fine(not tired) but if I go shopping or have to interact with a few people for a short period of time(1-2 hours) then I’m very drained afterwards. I can start to feel tired after 15 minutes of socializing if the conversation is dull .. it’s a mix of introversion + autism - quite the nasty combo of you want any sort of relationship or social life. Basically I totally get where Aaron is coming from in terms of feeling like he’s handicapped or crippled socially
I really enjoyed the hike while talking to us! Do you ever see snakes on your hike? ***Edited to add: Happy Birthday 🙂
We’re all hard on ourselves sometimes....I understand how you feel though comparing your life to your parents at your age
Yeah, sometimes you gotta wonder if you're doing ALL you can... for example I really don't like dancing but I thought I would give dancing classes a try... not least of all because some of the people I know found their partner through dancing, lol. And who knows, maybe I will grow to actually like it?
I totally recommend aaron try these things
Happy Birthday month, Aaron🎉🙌🏼🎊🎂🥂… such a somber upload this was😔… I hope today you’re doing much better🩵🫶🏼.
Hey man, if you're down about turning 45, just think when you turn 60 for example. A lot of men are very active in that age. And 45 then will seem to have been very young :D
Comparison is the thief of joy. Everyone goes through life at a different pace, I think we are all under so much pressure to do things when we think society expects it of us but its OK to just do things at your own pace or accept that things will happen at the right time for you ❤
We were lied to Aaron. Plenty of men feel cheated as a result.
You cant compare your life to your parents. They lived in the riches of the economy compared to you and me.
That's not completely true. For the 20 year olds of today: yes. But he's 45. He had quite a few years where the economy was not as bad! Be Honest!
Economy was shit 20 years ago. He went through 2008
@@apolloniusbeitsman5444 did you forget the world economy completely crashed in 2008??
42 here.
Im 44 and in the same boat...altho i think in a lot of ways guys like us have dodged a few bullets.I didnt have a girlfriend till i was 28...that only lasted 2 weeks...soon as she heard i didnt want kids she just switched off like a light and dumped me.Then followed 8 years of pointless internet dating that went nowhere.Last date was 2016,then gave up internet dating.I dont socialise or drink,or go anywhere anymore.I am considering hitting some bars tho in the near future...if i can find the energy for it.I dont know what the future holds,i just know i didnt follow the same time lines as everyone else seemed to.
Have you considered learning how to code? There are tons of resources online on how to learn programming and I think it could really be something for you. You said you previously wanted to design things which is basically coding, just that you make and design things digitally. Lots of programmers are autistic since it involves logic, problem solving and creativity. You can look up guides on youtube on resources and stuff like that and just spend some time doing it on your free time. You don't have to have a degree so long as you're good at it, which I think you could be. It's obviously a well paying, fullfilling career. But it can also just be a cool hobby.
Yeah, I've been thinking about coding.
@@aaronsjournal139 You should definitely check it out! I know people who have started learning in their 30s and 40s with no previous experience/education and are now high earning full-time programmers. Lots of info about the best resources on youtube
Not all people with autism are good at coding. 😂 I hate the way they stereotype us
@@apolloniusbeitsman5444 When did I say that? I just said that I think it can be a good fit since a lot of programmers are autistic and autistic people also tend to like solving logical problems as well as thinking creatively which coding can be a mix of
Software engineers are not as in demand as you think especially if you’re not young and don’t have a lot of experience
I hope you find someone someday. I think I accepted that I am alone at 31 years, lady. I just wish i had money to travel. Anyways I hope you find your other half. Don't lose hope.
One must be tough on oneself. One must hold the burden to truly feel the unbearable lightness of being.
People DO NOT have the answers. Everything is inward … ending in ourselves. Keep your path. Keep trying . Many people do nothing and may seem to have “something” from nothing . But … we all have our own paths and few seldom lead to true fulfillment. It’s very hard to see other peoples delusions and the worlds created therein. Therefore… what appears as a life, may only be an illusory and immaterial world. That which is true sometimes can remain unseen .
"im middle aged, is there anything i can do at this point?"
Wow. It's almost as if you think your life is over. 45 is young. Im 39. You have 30-40 more years of life left. if you treat your situation as if it's over and wont improve, then that is what will be manifested.
Please date my boy Aaron.
@@dearestbrotherfrankare you getting my replies? they keep disappearing for me
yea, he keeps visiting those incel forums and gets bad energy from losers.. He must stop doing that
@@MissNebulosity I've gotten a few.
@@dearestbrotherfrank any time i mention i n s t a g r a m, the comments are disappearing
walking on the spectrum
Looks like some awesome mountain bike trail there. Perhaps pick up a bike and join a MTB club to go on group rides?
Something I have just learned at 38, say yes to everything and give others the opportunity to say yes and things happen.
45 is a good age, BUT DONT WASTE ANY MORE OF YOUR TIME.. In 20 years you'll be 'oh if only I tried something 20 years ago'
Yes!!!
As of this post, just over half of all adult Americans are single. That number is significantly lower for American females. Aaron is correct, It’s hard to not compare yourself with others given that society endlessly dictates where we should be at which is anything that’s normal and anything beyond or below is frowned upon. I’m not against neither do I support this person, but South Carolina Senator Tim Scott constantly gets criticized and told that he should be the president because he is single. I understand you shouldn’t care what other people think but it’s also hard not to when you’re repeatedly going through it unlike many others.
If it helps, you've gotten farther than me. Just turned 34 a couple days ago, been on a single date, and I don't think any women have ever been attracted to me. It's rare to even be considered attractive. Last time I went anywhere with a friend... sometime in grade school, maybe 6th grade. Had a couple friends at college, but we didn't really go anywhere, nor did we stay in contact afterward. That was almost 15 years ago.
I've been trying to change my circumstances, go out more, but it can be brutal, especially when a social mistake can have such brutal consequences. Like... nearly getting myself into a fistfight or a joke at the wrong time leading to a budding friendship going "Poof!" with any apology met with: "Fuck you, we're done, get out of my life!" Much as I work to keep my spirits up, it's damned hard.
do you have an instagram?
Dam if you're single then I'm screwed lol. Luckily it doesn't bother me as much.
Happy early Birthday 🎶 I think your being too hard on yourself.
Think about this... some people never even grow up and get a chance to love someone. Some get abused. Some have horrific longterm relationships and wasted years. My best friend was my polar opposite, incredibly charismatic. Girls (and guys) naturally LOVED him. He wasn't a supermodel, he just had an incredibly infectous and enjoyable social personality. It was just by pure chance we became best friends day 1 in school before we diverged and he grew up so much quicker than me. It felt quite unfair in my head. He got himself killed trying to drive home drunk in his early 20s. He got laid early on and validated quickly, but he still hated his life at the time, working in a factory. He never had a long-term SO, he never had a kid. He never completed the primary objective, continuing your bloodline. You never know in this life. You cannot pre-determine the future unless it is just a future of destroying yourself. Better late than never. There is still time on the game clock, the buzzer hasn't gone off yet. That autopiloting is the fear taking over again, fight it.
Happy Birthday! 18 mins into your video... You're definitely being WAY to hard on yourself. I understand feeling like the age or circumstance is not what you thought it would be. But it is certainly not over. You need some examples of people that bloom later in life. That get married and have their first kid in their 50's or 60's. Start new businesses and buy property well after 40.
The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. Evenings are not romantic when raising school age kids, 2 dog and a spouse. Working for the weekends and holidays, the feelings of inadequacy are still present...an maybe louder since you have more things to feel like you're failing with 😎.
May the rest of your life be the best of your life.
Fellas, even when you get the girl you never really GET the girl. When youre a decent looking guy, you always start out as the Alpha to her. Then she is with you and you start to relax. You may even become vulnerable. You maybe move in together and you spend more time together. She starts to shut test you. She starts to nagg and complain more. She starts arguments then blows off to her mothers or friends. She goes to her job where there is a new guy who just got hired. He is new and fresh in her life and day to day. She starts enjoying the new attention for hours throught the day. She cheats on you and breaks up with you in a txt. She is cold and indifferent. She has swung the branch and you are nothing. All the laughs, the cute moments, the memories, the adversity... nothing. Buh bye loser. Thats trying to love in 2023 and beyond.
Nice relaxing walk video, happy birthday bro!
Btw nice stabilization, what phone is that? Have you thought about cross-country or trail mountain biking? I live in similar surroundings. You have the perfect environment for this type of recreation and relaxation.
I'm thinking seriously about it after 20 years of not riding a bike. After work I want to relax my mind and not think about nonsense like women and loneliness.
39:53 Oh Yes, high tier normie especially for a 45 year old. You can easily pass as a 30-year-old, at least have some benefit from the spectrum.
You see, that's where the biggest problem lies, almost certainly it would be easier if you were ugly. Like you said, your life is like a mental prison. Mentalcel like me. You know it's up to you not them but you can't help it, personality is not malleable, especially for someone on the spectrum.
You constantly beat yourself up about the way you are, for which it is not your fault, some mutation in the genes simply happened and you were born that way and it was in your genetic code.
Life on the spectrum sucks.
Like you said, your siblings didn't have to do anything what you do, and what other people advise you to do, and they have a so-called normal life.
You have to have a perfect life, and they only have to exist to have what you don't have..
Thank you. My phone is a Galaxy Z flip 5 and I hadn't even used the camera all that much since upgrading from the Galaxy A71 I had.
Yeah, I've entertained the idea of getting a mountain bike- it's definitely a popular activity around here.
Life on the spectrum does suck. It's 100% the reason for my situation.
@@aaronsjournal139 I think depression is also a large chunk of it.
@MissNebulosity I'd say depression is more a result, caused by my difficulties of being on the spectrum.
Hey Aaron, was wondering if you were going to post again. My birthday is this month too, 48 on the 29th. You need a break from being so hyper focused and obsessed with this one issue.
How the hell am I almost 40
Please don’t compare yourself to past generations, or others, even if it is your own dad lol. We are living in very different times economically, relationship/dating/companionship wise. As they say, comparison is the thief of joy. Happy to hear about your positive new developments! Life is worth living!
The entire planet needs a reset.
You spend so much energy thinking about what you dont have. No wonder youre depressed. If you want to attract a woman, holding on to this mindset is definitely not going to get you one. In fact, you are going to actively drive them away.
Just be happy bro.
@@dearestbrotherfrank just being happy is hard, but dwelling on things makes it harder.
@@MissNebulosity it's a meme bro. I agree, I do exactly the same thing. I'm working on not doing so.
@@dearestbrotherfrank❤
This is correct, we must practice gratitude to improve our mental health and this will make people feel more attracted to us in life. Nobody wants to be around negative energy.
“The Menu” is a book by Aaron Clarey about how to enjoy life without the opposite sex in the modern era. It has good tips
Aaron, there's nothing wrong with considering moving overseas as an option. Doesn't have to be SE Asia, you could try a European country, South or Central America. There are so so many vibrant cultures where life isn't all about the 9 to 5 slog and socialising isn't just going out and getting pissed for the sake of it.
I'm 52, have always been an introvert and a bit shy, but just being in some of these places does wonders for your confidence. You can almost reinvent yourself, and socialising is a lot easier, you have the icebreaker of being from somewhere else. Somehow I've found people are just more open to engaging socially and it tends to happen more organically. I'd urge you to consider it mate, I don't want to see you doing the same vids in 10 years! Just try somewhere for three months, I'm begging you!
Moving abroad is not reasonable for me. I can't handle big changes like that especially as a high functioning autistic. I've addressed this in other videos. Upending my entire life, leaving behind my stability, family, the few friends I've managed to make, and going somewhere where I don't know the language, customs, or how to support myself, plus the cost, it's too much for me.
@@aaronsjournal139 I understand Aaron, I would struggle leaving family and the few close friends I have behind too. Perhaps as an alternative you could try extended breaks (if you can afford them) just to test the waters. I know travel could be challenging in some ways for you. A few years ago I spent a few weeks at a place called School Of The World in Jaco Beach, Costa Rica. The cost wasn't onerous, you have your own very nice room, and can learn Spanish, surfing, yoga, photography or a combination of those. You can stay a few days, a few weeks, or a month or more! It's very relaxed, and you have an immediate social group as there are people from all over staying for different lengths of time. Shared kitchen, common areas etc but as much private time as you need. You can eat very cheaply there too, the roadside food stalls are great. I went when I was your age, I was one of the older people there but I'm youthful like you and didn't feel out of place at all. It was a great way to reset and improved my confidence. Hell I'm an introvert and ended up teaching two French girls to surf. I promise you would enjoy yourself regardless, it's a very safe spot too.
45 isn't old!
giving up on dating apps was your biggest mistake. Just get someone to take good pics of you.. If it wasnt for dating apps I would've been alone. At one point was going on dates almost every day
Dating apps isn’t for everyone. Good it worked for you. But that’s not the only way
"i get attention from girls, but theyre thousands of miles away." .... why are you making so many excuses? make friends and go visit them. Dont worry about the money. if right now I told you that if you spent a couple thousand dollars meeting a few people far away would get you the love of your life, would you say that those thousands of dollars was too expensive for that?? don't make excuses. Capitalize on those opportunities. You said that you never capitalized on opportunities that you should have capitalized on. Why are you not doing it now? It's like you learned the lesson and then you still refuse to act on that learned lesson.
Don't make excuses and go out with Aaron.
@@dearestbrotherfrankId be glad to!
@@MissNebulosity you look pretty in your profile picture, get in touch with him and make it happen!
yep, dude needs to stop worrying about money, he needs a different job, something more social.
@@terrorsquadlith sometimes i feel like he just wants everything to come to him for free, without effort. If it's going to be a challenge to make something work, he gives up before he even tries.
My dear brother in Christ.
Let me explain a few things. First of all, their are people who earn three times more than your dad ever did and they will never be able to afford a house.
Secondly; Marriage is becoming less and less common. Mainly because of the cost of living and because people can't afford a home. Not to mention most of the good jobs, which people could get out of high school with no experience have been shipped over seas. Women now out earn men on average, and guess what; girls don't want to marry someone who makes less than them.
Plus I don't think your dad had to deal with being on the spectrum.
Your parents lived in a different time. Don't try to understand the past, it is a foreign continent. People did things differently there.
Even if all of those things are true, it's only a consolation that it's out of our control. Life as an aging autistic man is still terrible.
Have you considered getting a dating coach (David Meessen, Elsa Moreck)?
Will that work for him?
@@judgeholder8112the first coach I mentioned helped a 50 year old find the one. Doesn’t hurt to try reaching out.
@@judgeholder8112it certainly wouldnt hurt, and i do think it would help if he takes their advice. if he gets dating Coaching, and then just ignores all the advice, that's given to him, then it would not work.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Focus on your musical projects, man.
Distance doesn't have to be a barrier, my parents are literally from opposite ends of the globe. They met on a plane.
Turn to God Aaron. He has the answers you’re looking for
Watched first 13 minutes. What’s not addressed is the fact that you might find personal interaction tedious and strenuous. I do. We’re both good looking guys, but we value our own company and interior life more than we might realize.
If you want to get moving in the dating scene and don't want to have long distance, find the places locally single and divorced women gather. I'd hit the most liberal churches first, AA, the local dating scene via match, okcupid, volunteer work, animal shelter etc. and settle for someone local. There's a lot of women looking for committment out there with a guy who is not an energy vampire. Good luck, my friend. Clubs and bars are a waste of time and money. And take the lead if you like someone. Don't wait for them.