@sheilaally9490 Yup, agreed! I'm 'just friends' currently with my FA (we live together atm) and christ the way he leans on me now surprised the shit out of me. Always want my attention, constantly wants to hang out, suddenly asking for my help with stuff he should easily be able to manage by himself 🤷♀️
My FA would completely shut down if he was upset about something. Eventually he opened up and told me it's because as a child his mom would never allow him to have a differing opinion and would essentially argue him down until he 'agreed' with her side. So he learned to just stay quiet and never argue about anything. It's actually quite sad. But what's important to remember, which Ryan says as well in his other videos, it's up to the avoidant to choose to try and heal and get better. As much sympathy as I have for my FA, it's damn near impossible to have a relationship with someone who just shuts down and shuts you out instead of trying to work things out together. (And it's painful as well to be shut out and ignored)
@@teenoush7489This is true for FAs as well! My FA actually told me early on "I'm not as confident as I seem" as well as admitting he doesn't love himself but that I helped him get better with that 🤷♀️
I understand everything you're saying and believe it but it also seems so bizarre that because she had such strong feelings that she pushed me away in fear that I would do it to her? I know she had strong feelings, it was obvious and now we're just strangers again and we both lost. It doesn't make sense
They break their own hearts
I'm aware of these fears but because of self awareness and self improvement, we can move towards secure attachment
I’ve ultimately seen a lot of so called Avoidants have codependency issues when they do decide they want someone. A lot like an anxious person.
only fearful avoidant
@sheilaally9490 Yup, agreed! I'm 'just friends' currently with my FA (we live together atm) and christ the way he leans on me now surprised the shit out of me. Always want my attention, constantly wants to hang out, suddenly asking for my help with stuff he should easily be able to manage by himself 🤷♀️
Great insight, Ryan. You're on a good "flow".
Thank you, coach❤
My FA would completely shut down if he was upset about something. Eventually he opened up and told me it's because as a child his mom would never allow him to have a differing opinion and would essentially argue him down until he 'agreed' with her side. So he learned to just stay quiet and never argue about anything. It's actually quite sad.
But what's important to remember, which Ryan says as well in his other videos, it's up to the avoidant to choose to try and heal and get better.
As much sympathy as I have for my FA, it's damn near impossible to have a relationship with someone who just shuts down and shuts you out instead of trying to work things out together. (And it's painful as well to be shut out and ignored)
Excellent summation. Thank you.
If a DA has low self esteem how come an AP sees them as very self assured and confident people and gets attached to them ?
They put on their hyper independent persona forward to gain external attention and validation.
@@teenoush7489This is true for FAs as well! My FA actually told me early on "I'm not as confident as I seem" as well as admitting he doesn't love himself but that I helped him get better with that 🤷♀️
I understand everything you're saying and believe it but it also seems so bizarre that because she had such strong feelings that she pushed me away in fear that I would do it to her? I know she had strong feelings, it was obvious and now we're just strangers again and we both lost. It doesn't make sense
He's scare you figure out not that he cant express hes feeling but he doesnt have any!