As a Singaporean Chinese, we call the last piece of food the "paiseh piece" which means too embarrassed to take the last piece even if you want it. Usually we leave it for someone important like an elder or the elder will offer it to someone young.
Sound healthier than Thailand. We used to have a culture of leaving the last piece on the plate and call it "Manner piece". To be fair, it's sometimes a signal the host to refill your guest plate when they eat the whole plate clean. I personally think it's a wasteful culture and glad that we don't practice that anymore.
as a Singaporean Chinese i always take the paiseh piece , because limpeh buay paiseh , but i ask loudly WHO WANTS THIS ? LAST CALL ! WHO WANTS ? NO ONE ? I TAKE AH !
13:45 THis happens in Spain but in our culture we also have a tie-breaker: if there is a last portion for sometime without anyone picking it, someone can declare "the shameful one" ("el último de la verguenza") meaning that the portion is there because nobody wants to incur in shameful behavior. Once said, the shame of picking that portion goes away as it's been established that people have been polite enough to keep the portion on the table long enough, and that keeping it for longer would probably mean throwing food away. So yes, maybe in the future we may hear Chinese people saying something like "Even Kong Rong would eat it" to dispel the shame of taking that last portion ... who knows?
I'm a Spaniard from birth, lived here my whole life and it's the first time I hear that. I've always been the one eating the last portion and never thought anything of it. AFAIK, the concept meant "it's a shame to not end it", hence why I always gladly took that offer since I'm of strong appetite. What does happen every time you eat out in a group, is people fighting over who treats the rest, almost like an auction(to the point that people often use any bathroom breaks you take towards the end to pay for you). I never understood it, and age just taught me how easy it is to cheat such social nonsense: just throw your attempt alongside the others, pull just a little and let someone get the satisfaction of "winning". Then give some thanks and there you go. Free meal. (En inglés para que lo entiendan los demás)
@@Gabriel_PL Me too Spaniard from birth. Go to Sevilla and you'll hear that expression quite a lot. I've heard it in other places not only in Andalusia so I assumed it was common throughout the country. Regardinng treating others, it's similar to what she explained in the sense that we in Spain assign "utility" to treating friends/family/coworkers, but unlike in China age isn't that important. Careful with "cheating such social nonsense" though: some people catch up on who never pays and it can have social consequences (not being invited, friends suddenly being unable to help, etc.)
In Belgium it's common for people to either offer the piece to someone (host to the guest for instance) or for someone to ask if anyone else want the last piece. People will then typically say "No, you can have it" even if someone else does want it, because it would be considered impolite. Same thing with people fighting over who pays the bill at a restaurant, but I feel like that is much more prevalent in the "older" generations (Gen X for instance). But here too, if someone caves in everytime and never pays, it will be seen badly.
I think this idea of understanding worth and value separately could be very helpful to a lot of people. I think a lot of us are deluded into thinking that more value is always more worth and we harm our mental health pursuing certain goals
If you are interested, I recommend looking into Pierre Bourdieu's theory of social fields, where he goes into much more detail about how individuals navigate the "real", economic dimension and the many "fictional", social dimensions, and how these dimensions interact with each other.
@@bleuet3897 Pretty much everything has a connection with mental health, but here the most obvious example is a poor work-life balance. Oftentimes we sacrifice our personal time for increased productivity when we would probably be happier had we kept our leisure time intact. Though, for most people, we don't really get to choose in the first place
As the oldest sister of Chinese family, I hate this idea of yielding. One of earliest negative labels I heard about myself was ‘selfish.’ This had me being a ‘people-pleaser’ all throughout my childhood and teen years because I want to be seen as having a big heart or ‘大度’😂 Let’s just say horrible for mental healthwise. What’s even worse is I was always compared to my younger sister over this yielding thing. Since she pretty much gets what she wants, she’s just more willing to yield because I guess there’s less of attachment to a possession. Became one of the biggest beefs as young children 😂. Good thing we talked out this yielding matter as adults and are now are closer than ever. Funny thing my mom was also the oldest sister and went through the same thing as me. Yet, this pattern still repeated with me. Shows how deep this ideology runs in the culture
I'm from Eastern Europe and as a youngest child I was always labeled as selfish because I didn't want to share with my older siblings, what is funny is that I was always supposed to share with them everything I got and being the youngest kinda means you get more things from than your older siblings so I think the train of thought of my mom was that 'you get more than your siblings so share with them so you all have the same amount'. Funny thing is, except for maybe sweets, my siblings never really cared about that and always were willing to give at least part of their share to me.
Maybe you are selfish tho? This moral value is taught early to cultivate modesty and humility. That said, some people are more selfless than other, like the in the example of the graph, maybe you value the biological dimension more than social dimension. So i dont think you should see selfish as a negative label. Rather just something to be aware about
well I did feel the same thing at first. but hey I love my siblings and I realized that as long as he didn't annoy me I was more than willing to yield. 😂 key point is that the parents should maintain that the one who yields get the respect that they deserve. if they ignore the mental state of the one who yield and let the siblings annoy or disrespect him/her of course they will feel repulsed to yield.
@@KaruHart you can't expect someone who doesn't regularly get what they want to constantly yield to someone who does, like you can't expect someone with less income to pay for someone with more income. and being siblings also make them feel like they aren't treated/loved equally by the parents if the parents always use the "your sister is younger" as an excuse to give more to the younger sibling while not giving enough to the older one. It's about fairness. Obviously, outside of the context of civilization, being selfish is generally good because it means you're more likely to get what you need and benefit yourself. Siblings in animals are always left alone by the parents to fight and sometimes kill each other because resources are scares and it's better to have the stronger sibling survive and focused on.
I didn’t know this was called “yielding”! I’ve been so frustrated being around people who have no qualms “taking the last piece” not just literally but figuratively. Now I realize my frustration stems from constantly yielding while others don’t have a concept of this.
I thought this kind of thing was a pretty common idea. Many people might have learned that selfishness has certain advantages, but most have been exposed to ideas of selflessness aswell. It's pretty typical to ask if it's okay to have the last piece or to leave it in case.
@@justincain2702Yeah, my family works where you wait a bit, ask everyone if they want the last piece. Usually only 1 or 2 people want it, so it’s either given to that one person or split between the 2 people.
My family did this subconsciously And now I tend to give up something I know others like, even if I also like it Though if it is something that is my absolute favorite then I might not But unless it's my absolute favorite then I will usually do so I am the oldest daughter so I was always expected to give up things and be selfless for my younger brother. Now, my brother only does the most overt versions of this, like when there are other people watching, like the last piece of food. But he doesn't think about whether a person wants it, he just does it obnoxiously, bothering people insisting, asking several times, making sure everyone knows he means it. He doesn't do the silent types of giving up things, like leaving someone's favorite food, even if you also like it. It's annoying when my brother doesn't do any giving up, without announcing it
As a Malaysian Chinese, I picked 516 and the blue lantern. 516 was an easy choice for me because I am not superstitious (I deliberately chose a number with 1,5 and 4 for my phone number due to how cheap it was), but I chose the blue lantern because I understood that it would be meant to be shown in public, and I really wouldn't like the looks people would give (nor do I want to make them uncomfortable) if they saw someone holding a white lantern during festive seasons. I am surprised however that people would choose the August 18th date when it cost "four" thousand yuan. And when it comes to the last piece of food, I always ask: "Last piece, anyone?", and 9 times out of 10 everyone at the table yields, and I always get the last piece~ Also, the car number plate 888 is very expensive, while the car number plate 8888 is very cheap, because there are FOUR 8s.
that’s crazy how superstition can go as far as avoiding four 8s, there’s layers to these decisions 😮i would have chosen the four 8s bc i would have thought they’d be lucky but i’d be v wrong
Being a Cantonese speaking Chinese Malaysian, and a banana of sorts, both the number 6 and 8 have auspicious homonyms and 5 in Cantonese sounds like NOT while 1 sounds like daily. So I was confused as to why I would choose to pay more for equally inauspicious numbers.
I love inviting my chinese friends to my house because its the number 4. I get my entertainment by looking at their expressions seeing the number. Because I'm a M'sian Chinese too.
Interesting (and sad) how this positive value has been utilised by companies in the UK to encourage employees to work overtime/for free. "We're like a family"...
That's certainly not a common thing in the UK, where people would feel obligated to work overtime. Instead you tend to see senior colleagues answering emails over on weekends or out of office hours etc.
It was a common thing when I used to work in retail. Always so much pressure to work when you were sick, or else your friends/coworkers would have to struggle
The decision making model was so well-explained. Recently i was trying to explain to a younger friend how it gets easier to do things you don’t want to do when you get older - like how making your bed and doing dishes and completing work is sooo hard when you’re in your first apartment. But it becomes easier because you learn about those dimensions and the costs of not completing them, plus you develop that internal sense of morality that is motivating in itself
There's also the individual versus system effect where sacrificing small things can have a virtuous multiplier effect. Pass if forward if you will. The one I remember is that if you want to reduce traffic you need to let more people out.
13:43 In Sweden there is a cultural custom of offering atleast 7 different forms of cookies or pastries whenever you have a guest over for "fika" or dinner. And the same social rule applies where you are supposed to offer the last piece to the other person, otherwise you are seen as greedy or self indulgant. The last piece is usually given either to children who dont have a good cultural understanding yet or the guest/younger person after a lot of back and forth of "no, you take it" Kind of funny that the rules are so similar across cultures lol
@@sirvinter if u invite someone over for our version of a tea party you are expected to serve 7 types of cookies, its a thing going back to atleast the 1800 A fika is more informal, idk i wrote the first comment badly
sju sorters kakor @@sirvinter . Det har du säkert hört nån gång. Vi gör det inte så ofta längre men för fina hemmafruar var det en stapel vid tepartyn eller fikor :3
As a Filipino, I totally relate to the last example regarding the Yumcha scenario. Whether I'm with friends or family for lunch, dinner, potlucks, etc, there is always ONE piece of food leftover for each dish, 'cause for whatever reason, it seems to be ingrained in our minds to leave the last bite for someone else.. And then we all just end up packing the leftovers in ziploc bags and taking them home anyway.
When I first went to the Philippines some years ago, my girlfriend (now wife) was laughing at my reaction to just how much people take food home. By about the 5th time I was there I didn't even think about it and even encouraged it. And I do the same in the UK when possible. Because you know you may need your baon.
At least it's not going in the garbage! My Polish family is constantly giving food away. Actually, the first question you get asked after all the "hello's" is if you've had anything to eat today, and regardless of the answer you get food anyway. Then if you don't eat it we pack it up in a little take home container or bag. You might not be hungry now, but what if you wake up in the middle of the night? You'll be glad you took that kielbasa home with you then!
or none eats it and rot eats it? we need to go between , not extreem end of the other. greed is bad, kindness is good, but what when so "not greedy" that dont eventake a blessing and leave it to rot and decay,? take it and give to who needs it, pride sucks, but what about NO PRIDE at all, that also sucks its called "self loathing"
I'm curious if taking home leftovers in ziploc bags is influenced from America... i don't think I've ever seen any gathering at all where there wasn't a debate over who gets to take what leftovers home.
As a former Asian Studies major who then went to live 6 years in China and Taiwan, it's so satisfying to find an English-language TH-camr who is creating Asia-focused content that is actually informative and deep! Usually I'll stumble across stuff that is more shallow/introductory, and I love the different looks you're taking. I'm more on the political side nowadays, but understanding the aspects you cover on your channel is really important for understanding China as a whole, rather than just reading the actions of the elites. 谢谢你！
This is very relatable to older - still practiced - customs in Scandinavia as well. Society was highly collective and trust-based. Much of this trust comes from the fact that displaying complete trust towards society and individuals - for example lending away valueable items or avoiding locking the house or car, you would not put yourself above them. You wouldn't steal from someone else - so you should not think that anyone else would! This practice is only alive in smaller places in the countryside. Still - being a braggard, showoff or overtly displaying wealth is low-status, while modesty and deflecting praise onto others is high status. It's also shown for example in that people hate negotiating salaries individually, and prefer to use collective bargaining through labor unions and trade unions.
I can't thank you enough for your videos, you have mastered the skill of putting behaviours in their cultural context and explaining them to people who lack it.
great video!! the yum cha dilemma reminded me of its opposite, the fighting for the bill that goes to great lengths such as sneaking cards wayyy before everyone is even there, physically fighting to place down your card before the others etc. it’s interesting noting how a lot of the time, in east asian (and for me specifically, chinese) cultures, fighting for the bill is the norm and something that you are almost expected to do while in the west (specifically america), splitting bills or paying back someone for paying the bills is what is common
I don't know if it's the same everywhere in America, but at least where I'm from it's the expectation that at dinner everybody offers to pay, but generally the person who earns more money or whoever is the oldest will put their foot down and insist that they pay. Typically this is in relation to parents taking their children out to eat, and it's often a point of pride when the child is earning enough money to be able to treat their parent to a meal, while the parent still wants to spoil their baby. When in a group of peers (friends, coworkers, etc...) then you generally split the bill unless it's a special occasion and somebody insists on paying.
Aini, Thank you for the video. It is very important to understand that it is not always appropriate "to use this yielding behavior" in exchange with people from Western Countries, especially in a work context As an immigrant to a foreign western country, this is a very important lesson. The "yielding" concept is a part of Chinese culture acting as a form of social lubricant. Chinese immigrants will be bitter there is not a yielding reciprocity with westerners and become frustrated (and deem westerners as rude). In Aini's graph, the western social dimension are different. The Western values (I think) are candor, clear responsibilities and rules. From a Westerner eyes, the Chinese values will be seem as wishy-washy and ineffective, and at worst - manipulative (opposite of a western value of being candid in your communication)
I think you've got the Western Value of "live and let live" spot on! As long as you aren't actively harming others, everyone should be free to pursue their own self-interest, because no-one knows you better than you and no-one knows me better than me.
I remember as a child that I always have the habit of yielding to others and as a result, it's easy for others to trample over me, which was a concern a teacher had for me. When I didn't know about the concept of bullying and people likely took advantage of such nature to take things first such as toys and books and sometimes excluding me from certain topics
Westerns value frankness and honesty. If you yield not because you don't want the item but because you think it makes you look better, then you will be looked upon negatively and considered fake. It's also important to clarify your boundaries, because as individuality is prized, the assumption is generally speaking the things we agree on that 'nobody wants you to do' are much less, and if we don't all agree on it and you don't say anything, it's on you if someone doesn't follow that. Furthermore, practicality is prized and superstition, although it exists, is mocked. Doing things, especially things that are economically negative, for superstitious reasons will be considered foolish.
@@ThedarkbunnyrabbitAnd even in Western countries there's a spectrum. Older, more homogenous societies - like those in Scandinavia - are more likely to have these kinds of idiosyncratic etiquette rules. Younger societies that have had generations of high immigration levels - like the USA - tend to put more value on straightforward communication. Because it's difficult to develop intricate social rules when you constantly have to encorporate new people into your communities. People have to abandon these rules and superstitions because otherwise everyone will just offend eachother all the time.
I feel like when it comes to collectivism vs individualism most cultures just forget context, like shouldn't we just talk to each other and come to an agreement? Like the last example about not taking the last bit of food for themselves, sounds altruistic but it devolves into a kind of annoying dance of everyone pushing others to take it for who knows how long, a situation that benefits nobody, in that specific example isn't everyone selfishly ruining it for everyone else by continuing this annoying deadlock? Couldn't they just come to the conclusion that someone has to eat it and it might as well be the closest person to the food, and no one should think anything less of them, afterall they are in a way making a sacrifice? What I'm trying to say is that there's a huge difference between being altruistic in a formulaic way, where you just behave in well established conforming patterns which not always suit the situation and not always make life easier for those around you and being altruistic in a proactive way where you try to understand the uniqueness of the situation and everyone you are interacting with in order to cather your action specifically to them (and on the flip side you are being honest about what you like and don't like so others can do the same for you). Maybe it's cause I'm italian, where it kinda feels like we took the worst of both collectivism and individualism but this thing is kinda getting tiring, in both it feels like we are running away from maximizing happiness.
@@8qk67acq5 I agree, it's almost instinctive, I try to express my view on these kind of things with those around me over time so that everyone can slwoly start to think about it a bit more (damn, I sound like I think I have everything figured out, I just know that the status quo is a bit annoying and I try to reason about it with people)
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I'm not Chinese but Kong Rong's story is relatable. As a rare middle child I yield to my younger sibling because they always deserve more. However, I yield to my older sibling because if they don't get more, they would complain and fuss at the expense of literally the entire family. Annoying🙃
I tell my Chinese friends: I will offer to pay twice. If you keep insisting that you pay, I will let you pay. I don’t want to play games like that. Accept my offer, going once, going twice, gone!
Dunno, if these kinda values are really so common, then what do you suppose explains the phenom of the infamous 'aunties' and other Chinese tourists exhibiting such 'bad manners' when traveling abroad?
It's easy to give up $5 to a friend because it's only $5. I wonder what the results would be with a large amount of money. Would you choose $5000 instead of $10000? What if you are poor and that money would change your life? Do you still want to give your friend half the money if they are already better off than you?
I wonder if we could draw a line of what the dollar amount, at which level of financial security the results flip. I think you are only partially understanding the concept of this, as the whole point is that the stakes are low enough for the person choosing the lower ground of volution. It's not as if a smaller pear is going to make or break anything, nor $5 vs $10.
We have a saying in latam for the last slice of pizza scenario: "whoever takes the last slice is not getting married" And I have a follow-up saying: "I volunteer as sacrifice"
Omg that dimsum table was so relatable hahahahaha 💀In Singapore, that last dimsum piece is sometimes called "the paiseh piece". "Paiseh" is sometimes used like "Sorry" (e.g. "Paiseh, I leave this meeting first, I need to pick my kids up from school") and is generally used to express a kind of sheepishness / embarrassment / not wanting to do something for fear of not appearing socially graceful. Everyone is paiseh to eat the last piece 🥲
Being Chinese this video is natural to me. I will always feed others before me even if I get nothing. Knowing a lot of Asian parents don't really offer praises to your face it at least got an awkward "you're not a greedy person" from my mum. To solve the last piece dilemma, I'm already placing food on people's plates all through dinner with the last couple all at once. No one refuses unless I've stuffed them so much they give it to me which I'm happy to take as they know I'm not greedy. However to answer your question in the description, as an ABC, I DO NOT yield in like 95% of cases in countries like America/Australia. In very personal relationships for networking, business, or close friends, sometimes. Every other case it's either not understood or not respected. Sometimes even misinterpreted as weakness. It's why I always feel like I'm "fighting", existing in a 6/10 confrontational state instead of a 2/10 somewhere in Asia.
Yes, thissss!!! I’m learning that there are times and people with whom I can yield, instead of doing it all the time in the western context I’m in. I’m often exhausted because of that “ fighting” energy you describe
I like the “fighting energy” and honesty and bluntness of the US specifically though, and I’m Chinese. I hate all those expectations and customs and fake face politeness in Chinese and Japanese culture.
The yielding the younger has a correponding expectation the younger expects superiority in decision making from the older. It's a hierarchical thing. I give a similar story about employees and bosses. An employee cannot give an expensive gift to a boss if the boss gave the employee a 10 dollar gift. It's ok for a boss to give an employee an expensive gift but the other way around would be embarassing. This superiority inferiority relationship also exists in male female dynamics where if a female pays, it also indicates a more equal relationship compared to cultures where the female is expected to be subservient. The same dynamic exists in every culture just in different ways. This is just a trade-off.
You recognizing the Subway Surfers OST in the Khan Academy section makes it all the more serious an allegation. 💀 Now I'm gonna have to rewatch that part. Thank you.
What, that she's played it, or she thinks it works well for the bit? Or are you merely associating the memefication of what subway surfers means towards young peoples attention spans. Because whats her choosing that here really saying about this generation? I didnt even know that was the Subway surfers theme, so whats that say about you? lol. I really dont think it means anything. lol
I'm ngl as someone with adhd the music actually made it harder to pay attention to the graph explanation bc it clashes with her voice and makes it harder to hear
If I ever befriended a group of Chinese I'd probably attempt to play the meta and argue that I am the most virtuous for taking of the last dumpling as it resolves the yumcha dilemma thus preventing everyone else from yielding in perpetuity. You're welcome.
Don’t want to put your hopes down, but Chinese people are very insular. I say this from experience. If a group of them quickly get attached to you, it’s not because you ate the last dumpling for them
the 516-518 comparison didn't work for me, because in Cantonese culture they're both lucky! 6 sounds like 'smooth', meaning things will go smoothly in life, and 8 has the meaning you described. If a choice between the two is offered, it's considered shallow to pick 8 over 6 in my experience, so I went with 6 (my relatives usually say "I don't need a fortune, as long as I'm healthy/everything goes smoothly I'm content").
I was going to say, no one in South China will EVER choose August 18 as their wedding date bc it's smack in the middle of the ghost festival. Some of these can be very region specific.
Cool video! I'm not East Asian but I know a lot about the cultures and immediately caught onto the thing you were doing with choosing based on superstition. The value of giving something up to appear more generous and humble is something I struggled with for a long time as I'm an only child who grew up poor so any time I could have something I took the best option for myself.
Engaging title, well-researched content, sensible structure, great conclusions, so articulate and thorough - Aini is my favourite TH-cam essayist out there! Such interesting topics I've never even heard of! Slaaayy
my Cambodian chinese dad would make me give up things I won, and give up things that made me happy for others. It shaped me into a push-over and a people pleaser that ppl could trample on throughout middle school - especially growing up in the U.S. I eventually learned to set boundaries, but I'm still learning to set myself first instead of seeking to give up things or give up my time and energy to please others.
Interesting video theses values are definitely something I respect and seen around me growing up. Makes me appreciate these values especially since moving to the West. Great video. 👍
I wasn't expecting a full explainer video on all kinds of Chinese culture and philosophy and sociology studies. This was very interesting as a fairly educated American that didn't know much about the reasons behind these behaviors that I associate with East Asia.
The intro beautifully sums up one of my life values. I give up anything, seek and do what is best for my younger sibling, and I will give up anything to prolong my parents livlihood. Selfishness, ignorance, and irritation do settle in quite a bit, but it is something I continue to fight with (self vs self)
Great video! I did want to add some context to the story of Kong Rong yielding pears because it has changed over time - the version Aini told is the more modern and common version today, teaching the importance of yielding to others. However, the more classic version of the story did not have the second part of Kong Rong yielding pears explicitly to his younger brothers, and rather only states his older brothers should have the larger pears. This is because the moral here is NOT yielding, but rather Confucian propriety. That is to say, Kong Rong would have taken the largest pear if he had been the eldest child. Confucian values state the younger should yield to the eldest and there is a natural way about things. Indeed, Kong Rong is a 20th generation descendant of Confucius and his whole family was dedicated to his teachings, even so many generations later and were held in great esteem during the late Han Dynasty. As time has passed, the idea of yielding to others as a sign of good will and humility became more important and the strict rules and hierarchy of Confucianism became more flexible, which is why I believe the story changed.
I need to say this: I fucking love the style of the videos. Fast paced but still understandable with cool visuals and deep and thought provoking content. Keep it up!
I remember my dad telling me this exact story. I feel this video as a middle child, seeing both the benefits I reaped, and everything I didnt get because I wasnt youngest
I live in the American Midwest (Wisconsin), and here it's polite to make sure you don't take the last bite of food too, especially at a pot luck. Except, there will be one brownie left, and say I want a brownie. So I'll cut it half and take half a brownie. But the next person wants a brownie too, so they will then cut it in half again to take half of what was left. And this continues until you have ridiculously small portions of almost exactly one bite. But there's ALWAYS one sad bite left in every dish. It's so common we joke about it here, so I laughed when I saw it in your video too.
For a lot of Americans, the social axis is actually inverted. For those people, yielding the better option to someone else makes you weak and stupid, so for those people they definitely wouldn’t yield if they were told the unchosen option will be gifted to someone else. This definitely isn’t all Americans, probably about 20% of them in my experience. But those 20% have enough power to unfortunately be a detriment to society.
Man, these are really great video essays. I can really see the time invested in review and editing both in content and in presentation. These are impressive skills!
Korean-American here. Whenever my family went to a restaurant with a group - at the end, instead of splitting the bill, the adults/household each insisted that they will pay entire bill. Does that happen in Chinese culture?
Leaving the last bite of food definitely happens all the time in my house, not even consciously, everyone has just been raised to consider the fact that someone else might still want some of a certain dish and leaves a bit behind. But, since this leaves the potential for wasted food, which we were also raised to never do, my siblings and I have come up with a “code” that when it comes to finishing a dish, we state our intention/desire for the food. If both want some, we split it. If one wants it and the other is just eating it to finish it, it goes to the one who wants it. And if both would just be eating it to finish it, we split it again. It’s worked really well at resolving such conflicts really fast.
it's practical philosophy, to view yourself as more valuable than the whole undermines your reason for being in the pair. Choosing less to share, practices awareness of environment vs person, most importantly it allows 'peace of mind', which has it's own value. If those around you do well you are theoretically more likely to succeed as well. Good video.
As a Brazilian, I picked 516 and the white lamp. The first was just because it's cheaper, and the lamp because I didn't think about festivals or anything like that, just as a regular light source, so I would prefer to have a white light instead of a blue light. If some background about festivals were given, I would choose blue, because I think it fits more to a festival have something colorful.
I'm surprised how many parallels there are between Japanese, and Chinese culture! But I suppose we are neighbors after all. Fantastic video, great job aini!
I thought the $5 and $10 element was about the begger that choose $5 over the $10 and people made fun of him but he ended getting more money because more people offered him the option of choosing the between the 5 and 10 dollars out of entertainment
dang...this whole thing is literally so wholesome...and the way she explains is like an expert teachers or professors...she also talk nonstop...she didnt even pause ones...i literally learn a whole new culture in just 15 minutes..anyways...tysm for the clear explanation! ;))
2:04 This video put a smile on my face. Those kids will go places😭😭 That Yumcha dilemma at the end, so that's why my uncles, aunties, etc never take the last bite. Instead telling me or other kids to take it 🤣
This is so interesting! Every cultural value system has good and bad parts, but what I do like about Confusionism is that sense of humility and to treat others with respect and not be so selfish like here in the west. Thanks for explaining the study, love your videos!
@@DavidCruickshank that's funny, historically westerner have been the one who commit the most atrocities regarding human right violation, and now they're pointing finger toward China as if they somehow have the moral high ground after every thing they have done to other people, hell the natives American, an entire ethnicity almost go extinct due to western invasion and colonization of north america, and their number still far from recovered till this day.
@roro4787If you can, go to a few different countries, and stay there for more than 6 months. Yes, we have the best human rights in the West. It’s scary to think about, isn’t it?
@@tashajoykin5192 exclude all of americas and eastern Europe and I will agree with you. Western Europe is definitely without a doubt the best place to live in terms of human rights.
the story is so interesting! I remember a story when I was young about a father offering his son 5 nickels or 3 quarters (or smth, I don't remember the exact quantaties), but I remember the moral was basically "the son chose the 5 because it was bigger, and he's stupid, you want the most money, even if the number is smaller". The difference in these morals is very interesting to me.
I think even in the US you would probably see about 50/50 yielding in the money test. $5 is a relatively small amount to pay to signal how virtuous you are for letting someone else be a little better off. I would be shocked if even in China people would give up life changing amounts though. Offer $50k vs $100k and the amount of yielders would likely become vanishingly small.
In Galicia (part of Spain) we have the same steuggle to eat the last bite when in company, it's commonly called "Galician's shame" (although the reason it's the same as in China, we don't want to deny others the chance to eat it, it has nothing to do with shame really)
This is one of the greatest youtube videos of all time. Really had me critically think about yielding. Reminds me of my Japanese grandmother, who when in a hospital got angry at a similarly aged (~85 at the time, 5 years ago) service worker for only giving her one scoop of rice (One scoop is for the dead), and said something along the lines of "Hey, I'm not dead yet." She also owned a funerary flower shop with my grandfather for 40+ years, so maybe that had a bit to do with the weight of funerary traditions and superstitions. Otherwise she isn't very superstitious, which is why this story jumped out so much and stood in my memory. I think the concept of yielding also exists in Japan, although I can't remember a specific folk tale. My mom always complained about being the middle child, yielding to her older sister due to seniority, and her younger brother due to him being male, and the youngest. She was expected to wear hand-me-downs, but also give up luxuries to her younger brother. I could be wrong, but I think Japan has a higher weight on "social rank" than the vast majority of other countries, including China (I can only think of Korea getting close).
Love your video, really informative! I have to admit I felt a bit cheated by the clickbaity title, though. When I saw the video in my recommendations, I thought "What? Chinese people would prefer $5 to $10?". But when I started watching it, I went "Oh, it's when the extra $5 goes to a friend that they choose $5 over $10, i.e. when there's a social benefit... And that's much less of a cultural difference than I thought, the results might not be that different where I live". Still, I get that with the TH-cam algorithm and all that, it might be hard to make it as a TH-camr without making a thumbnail+title people want to click on, and after all since the content is interesting, I can't really blame you for baiting a bit your audience!
As a Sociologist your videos are incredible interesting! Thank you for sharing! In Greece, you are supposed to help older people cause it's polite, such as giving your seat etc. A the same time, younger siblings are maybe more in favor of the parents (maybe?) and older siblings always have to share things etc (I'm a younger sibling myself). If I knew that the $10 would go to someone else, I would choose the $5 dollars as well, since sb else would maybe need the $10 more. I voted when you posted the polls and I chose the 518 number, even though it's more expensive. I simply like the number 8 more than the number 6. Idk if there is a reason, maybe deep deeeep down we automatically kinda connect the number 6 with Satan (666)? I dont really know. As for the lanter, I would go with white. No superstision there for us.
Brazil doesn't have exactly a culture or a ritual for the last portion of something, but I do like this: I first offer to each one personally to see if they want it. First to children, then to the adults, with strangers and visitors taking the preference over family since they know my second intentions. If no one wants it, I eat it myself and nobody can judge me since I offer it to everyone first. I guess I wouldn't do well in many asian cultures, since I'm not particularly a people-pleaser or caring about what people think of me, including family. If the person yields, I'm gonna take it.
“None of you believes until he desires for his brother what he desires for himself” in another words “Love for your brother what you love for yourself”
That diagram looks so insanely confusing but actually made sense once you explain it lol. I think this stuff happens outside of China too, it's just the specifics that vary. I would definitely take 5$ and give my friend the 10$ because I want my friend to be happy, yielding definitely happens, but just it's more related to closeness of relationship than age. And the similar idea also applies in a lot of other ways, like people buying a more expensive product because the brand has some social value. That crazy graph can definitely be used for tons of things.
there's another explanation to Kongrong's action, he did it to gain favor from his parents and he lied about not wanting the smaller pear. Unfortunately, due to human nature, lots of kids learned to lie to gain the adults' favor instead of being generous and respectful. btw i picked 516 because 6 means 顺 and i need this more than being rich
I have no idea where you came from in my algo, but this was fascinating. When I was a kid, I moved long distance (inside the US) and was adopted by the pool of recently-immigrated East Asian kids at my new school. This adds such interesting context to a lot of childhood memories. I fell out of touch with the mainland Chinese kids in high school, but I still think about them often.
loved this video! i realised that the concept of yielding has been engrained into me, even for small things such as giving a guest or younger family member the nicer plate or nicer looking food
My psychology teacher actually did an experiment with us the other day about the 5 or 10 dollars to pick from. It was for extra credit, basically if you pick 10 points then everyone else would get 5, if you picked 5 you got 5 bonus points, the trick was that if 3 or more picked 10 points then no one would get points. Out of 20 students only 4 picked the 10 points. I didn’t get bonus points that day 😔 I picked 5 points, but I’m so disappointed in those 4 classmates.
13:24 this happens here in Canada too even among non-Asians. No one wants to be the one to finish something off in case someone else wanted it. I think yielding is something common around the world in some form or another, it's just applied in many different ways
In Germany we call the leftovers the "decency bits" 🤭 The phoen number thing made me realise studying Chiense a few years back still has an impact because I thought "as long as it doesn't have 4 in it, I'll take the cheapter option". I wouldn't pay extra for the 8 though, jsut avoid bad luck haha.
Can confirm. Being an older sibling sucks. The expectations are wild for things that aren’t even expected of my sibling later on. Things like yielding has always happened in my family and the youngest sibling takes all lol
I feel like there's a whole economic influence, as opposed to just cultural, that I felt you could have gone further into. Although, I'm sure there's a lot of evidence to show that Chinese economic choices were based off of previously existing cultural preferences. But either way, I would've been interested in learning about it.
This is really interesting! You do see this a little in Western culture. For example, when a person who views themself as more powerful holds the door for someone less powerful or says "after you" when leaving the elevator.
in Nigerian culture its somewhat different while we have this principle to a degree its far more towards seniority demanding respect which has its own benefits and drawbacks as im first generation american and seeing first generation American the sentiment in the us seems to cater more towards the younger. Personally i would say as a core tenant its a good philosophy however, because i understnad how childrens minds work while theolder siblings need to practice this. The younger should be instilled whit a sense of gratitude and respect.
can we talk about how good the little details and delivery of the first 10 seconds of this video are?? i know it's not the point, but I'm very impressed! from the way you held/revealed/dropped the bill, to the little colorful outlines, i just thought it was really neat artistically and worth complimenting
Was mildly concerned when the video started with me having to share my pear 😡 but came away with such a fun video!!! And ayo did someone say America Vlogs 👀👀👀
In my family, on large gatherings it was common to have a food table separate from the eating table. No one would want to take the first bite because they didn't want to be seen as greedy, and similarily no one wanted to take the last bite either. I have learned to not mind. Many in my family want to eat, so me getting food first makes them feel like it is now okay for them to take some too. I guess it is kind of a way for me to yield as well, whenever I break the cycle of "no you go first". I have also begun to enjoy the last bite. If I just ask if anyone wants to share, they usually tell me I can take it, and if not, I share with whoever else wants it. Afterall, I only take the last bite once everyone else has already taken a portion, meaning everyone has had the chance to take what they feel they need/ want.
I really enjoy your explorations of all these different kinds of social topics. Watched a few videos over the last months and today i felt convinced to subscribe to your channel. Keep up the good content :)
now that you mentioned it, i realized i make these subconscious thinking too. i thought it was just my family raising me to have decency and such. oh also, im like 1/4 or 1/8 chinese (if that even counts). we do celebrate cny and p much all international holiday! thailand is just like that haha
That clip near the start of your video, with the little boy and girl sharing "back" food, end with her kissin him on the cheek, is the loveliest thing I've seen in a long time.
In the Kansai region of Japan, the last remaining portion on a shared plate of food is called 「遠慮の塊」（"Enryo no Katamari", or "The manifestation of modesty"). I don't know how widespread the expression is outside of Kansai (though I'm not from Kansai, and I've heard it, so it must have some legs) but the phenomenon it describes is definitely common enough. Great video. If you want, I'll like this video on two accounts. Or I could like the video on just one account, and that other like I'll use on a TH-camr of your choice.
You did a good job on this video all around. your title and thumbnail got me, and your script and delivery had me going all the way through finish the video. truly a good job
I was in Japan recently, and still have a bunch of yen leftover. 😄 I hope you had/are having fun in the USA. Will we get a recap of your experience? Or perhaps a review of the fast food?
In super markets in some parts of America, people are too modest to take the last item on the shelf, and so the employees writing truck orders don't see it empty and are paid too little to look closer and see that there is only 1 left. So practically no one gets the item because only one "less modest" person actually gets the item until it is restocked, which will now take longer because it wasn't written on the order for the next day (or, depending on what warehouses are carrying the item, up to 4 days EXTRA wait time)
Can someone explain why Kong Rong's story isn't a catch 22? If it's polite to yield to both his older and younger siblings then why isn't it also polite for his siblings to yield to him?
Because Kong Rong is a Chinese historical folk hero and the person in this story you’re suppose to emulate if you want to follow greatness. The idea is that you should do things out of generosity and respect towards both those in higher and lower positions than you. Maybe they will pay it forward later but that’s not the point.
Leaving the last bite untouched if someone else wants it is a very spanish thing too. After 2 or 3 minutes without anyone taking it, you can say "el de la vergüenza" (the shame one) and take it, so as to making clear that you only take it because nobody wanted it. I don't remember two people saying it at the same time, but I think the world would explode.
3:10 Small pet peeve: is freedom of expression really a "western" value? It irks me a bit because it seems to imply that "eastern" people didn't originally have/understand freedom of expression until it was "introduced" by "the west.
Well, at least in the medieval Sinosphere there is no record of a like-concept existing, and imo would have likely been considered ludicrous, antisocial, and a roundabout way of asking to be executed.
in most asian countries it was considered a virtue to not speak when someone more elder (whether by status or family hierarchy) is around. heck when I grew up in the 1990's the same thing was taught and the quiestest kids were always considered the most obedient and preferred over the active ones.
@@acudaican is that not true of most of Europe and the Middle East in the medieval period as well? Enlightenment ideals were present in England and such, but that's a trend that took off later. And a trend (at least when it comes to things like freedom of expression/speech) that is pretty global in the modern era, not just in "the west". But perhaps I'm thinking of it more in a political and not cultural sense
It seems a bit of a stretch to go from something being a more western value (meaning relative to some baseline it’s valued more in those cultures) and the assertion you’re making here
We have a similar thing in Islam, it’s "احترام الكبير و العطف على الصغير" which means respect to the older and kindness to the younger. Although العطف means kindness it does not have the exact same meaning of kindness in English, it is kindness but it just doesnt have the same meaning of “kindness” in the ways its usually used in englsih
As an autistic hoarder who is deeply attached to certain items (mainly because they give me comfort for many years. Ex: Stuffed toys, my jacket, my iPad, my arm and leg warmers, one of my pants, etc.), the idea of having siblings and being forced to give up my valuable possessions to other people without having the words to describe my extreme discomfort with it sounds traumatizing. I'm already traumatized from my parents throwing stuff out that I clearly cared about without them even consulting me first, so coming home to see something of mine completely missing or ruined would actually cause me to have a meltdown. I'm not even against sharing, it's just this culture of being expected to give up things for other people just because of roles in a system. Like, my comfort should be valued to.o, right? I have explicit boundaries, especially relating to my comfort items, so I'm afraid of being trapped in a culture that doesn't approve of communication or respecting people's boundaries or treating every person in the family with respect or etc. (the west has this to.o, I see it fucking everywhere, which is why it's so distressing for me). Sorry, that was probably really disjointed. Hope you have fun with the fast fo.od, tho. It's fast fo.od, so it's not gonna be great, but you probably already know that, and it'll definitely be a new experience ^w^
I'm also an autistic hoarder but I'm the opposite. I still have attachment to things that are mine but I feel better making people happy by giving them something of my own. I love my siblings so its easier to give things up. Though it was difficult sometimes when I was younger. It could be because my grandma would give me her knick-knacks if I she didn't exactly need it and I loved them, who knows. Also I'm sorry your parents did that to you
Yeah, I'm with you guys. Undiagnosed but definitely on the spectrum somewhere. Mine owes to a mix of personal sentiment, memory, waste-not-want-not, and most poignantly a fear of irreproducibility. This flyer that I got from a school concert? I can't ever throw it out because once I do, it's gone forever. The odds of me seeing another one for that event ever again? Slim-to-none. Odds of it ever being reprinted? Even less so. It might as well be the last one in the world. And presumed scarcity is a hard one to overcome.
Interesting pov…maybe that’s why people are really sad/regretful when someone is autistic. They cannot participate in the social dynamics of the community. I think recent generation is more accepting of autism but older generations felt really sad for the kid and the parents. Just an observation…but then previous generations just hide mental disabilities behind quirks/habits. “He’s just like that” “that’s how she is”
Oh finally the concept of yielding is discussed. I’ve been wondering why is it that I would always offer food to others even if I really wanted to finish it all.
As a french person with a Vietnamese grandpa and not only the big sister but the first of my generation, I just realised I've been taught to yield all my life. I'm not in any way related to China (that I know of) but it was still a really introspective video for me. Thank you for giving me thought!
I really don't know how much stock I'd put in Experiment 1... A part of refusing the $10 is going to be because all they've done is a brief survey, so they may feel they haven't earned the higher value. That's avoiding shame for being greedy, rather than showing kindess to another. Kong Rong's siblings also hadn't done anything to earn larger pears, so how you value your time would have an effect on which you chose. Maybe you think your time was worth $10. As you started the video, I wouldn't choose the $10 because it would be greedy of me, as it's _your_ money. Offering any money is kind, and I wouldn't abuse that kindness. Kong Rong's story would have you choosing to _give_ me the $10, rather than me choosing to _take_ it from you. And unlike in the Kong Rong story - where he owned all of the pears - the participants don't own either of the money notes. Opting out of choosing, and actively giving, are different actions: one is passive, while the other is active. If you said to someone that the money not chosen would go to charity, then I'd expect more people to choose the smaller value. But that isn't the same as actively donating money to charity; you'd just be donating someone else's money. You haven’t sacrificed anything - you simply didn't gain as much. Equally, someone could rationalise choosing $10 by saying that someone else is still gaining $5, so everyone wins. The genuinely kind thing to do is to refuse the money entirely. Experiment 3 is much better, and it'd be interesting to see Experiment 1 done in that way. To expand on it, you could increase the values offered: if you offer $10 and $20; $50 and $100; or even $100 and $200, how do the results change? At what point do we want the greater amount of money, and feel that our friend is still getting a good amount of money anyway? Would you take $1,000,000 if your friend got $500,000, or would you give them the $1,000,000, while you receive $500,000? How much does their financial situation matter to your decision - as in Kong Rong's story, he didn't consider how much everyone had previously eaten? This way, you could see evidence of if this kind morality always holds.
1. What's wrong with you? Literally 1 second in, and the issue you found is super minor. 2. You're wrong. She said "Choice between" not "Choice of", and 'and' is the correct term to use after a "Choice between". All you did is just change the sentence... You didn't correct shit.
As a Singaporean Chinese, we call the last piece of food the "paiseh piece" which means too embarrassed to take the last piece even if you want it. Usually we leave it for someone important like an elder or the elder will offer it to someone young.
and sometimes the elder dosent take it and the ultimate elder father time gets it?, and he shares with NONE!
Sound healthier than Thailand. We used to have a culture of leaving the last piece on the plate and call it "Manner piece". To be fair, it's sometimes a signal the host to refill your guest plate when they eat the whole plate clean. I personally think it's a wasteful culture and glad that we don't practice that anymore.
as a Singaporean Chinese i always take the paiseh piece , because limpeh buay paiseh , but i ask loudly WHO WANTS THIS ? LAST CALL ! WHO WANTS ? NO ONE ? I TAKE AH !
We also have this in Germany: "Anstandsbissen" means "manner bite" - so maybe this is one of the few transcultural things that people just do?
that only happens when u order too little dishes to feed everyone
13:45 THis happens in Spain but in our culture we also have a tie-breaker: if there is a last portion for sometime without anyone picking it, someone can declare "the shameful one" ("el último de la verguenza") meaning that the portion is there because nobody wants to incur in shameful behavior. Once said, the shame of picking that portion goes away as it's been established that people have been polite enough to keep the portion on the table long enough, and that keeping it for longer would probably mean throwing food away. So yes, maybe in the future we may hear Chinese people saying something like "Even Kong Rong would eat it" to dispel the shame of taking that last portion ... who knows?
I'm a Spaniard from birth, lived here my whole life and it's the first time I hear that.
I've always been the one eating the last portion and never thought anything of it. AFAIK, the concept meant "it's a shame to not end it", hence why I always gladly took that offer since I'm of strong appetite.
What does happen every time you eat out in a group, is people fighting over who treats the rest, almost like an auction(to the point that people often use any bathroom breaks you take towards the end to pay for you). I never understood it, and age just taught me how easy it is to cheat such social nonsense: just throw your attempt alongside the others, pull just a little and let someone get the satisfaction of "winning". Then give some thanks and there you go. Free meal.
(En inglés para que lo entiendan los demás)
@@Gabriel_PL Me too Spaniard from birth. Go to Sevilla and you'll hear that expression quite a lot. I've heard it in other places not only in Andalusia so I assumed it was common throughout the country.
Regardinng treating others, it's similar to what she explained in the sense that we in Spain assign "utility" to treating friends/family/coworkers, but unlike in China age isn't that important. Careful with "cheating such social nonsense" though: some people catch up on who never pays and it can have social consequences (not being invited, friends suddenly being unable to help, etc.)
Sipasa
In Belgium it's common for people to either offer the piece to someone (host to the guest for instance) or for someone to ask if anyone else want the last piece. People will then typically say "No, you can have it" even if someone else does want it, because it would be considered impolite.
Same thing with people fighting over who pays the bill at a restaurant, but I feel like that is much more prevalent in the "older" generations (Gen X for instance). But here too, if someone caves in everytime and never pays, it will be seen badly.
In my region in Italy (veneto) we usually say "l'ultimo/a dea vergogna" that litterally mean the same thing
I think this idea of understanding worth and value separately could be very helpful to a lot of people. I think a lot of us are deluded into thinking that more value is always more worth and we harm our mental health pursuing certain goals
If you are interested, I recommend looking into Pierre Bourdieu's theory of social fields, where he goes into much more detail about how individuals navigate the "real", economic dimension and the many "fictional", social dimensions, and how these dimensions interact with each other.
what connection does it have with mental health?
@@bleuet3897 Pretty much everything has a connection with mental health, but here the most obvious example is a poor work-life balance. Oftentimes we sacrifice our personal time for increased productivity when we would probably be happier had we kept our leisure time intact. Though, for most people, we don't really get to choose in the first place
@@doublerucan you link a PDF file? also what happens if you link a pirate one instead where have to effing pay? since fictinal and non fictinal^^
This is an interesting distinction! Hm.
As the oldest sister of Chinese family, I hate this idea of yielding. One of earliest negative labels I heard about myself was ‘selfish.’ This had me being a ‘people-pleaser’ all throughout my childhood and teen years because I want to be seen as having a big heart or ‘大度’😂 Let’s just say horrible for mental healthwise. What’s even worse is I was always compared to my younger sister over this yielding thing. Since she pretty much gets what she wants, she’s just more willing to yield because I guess there’s less of attachment to a possession. Became one of the biggest beefs as young children 😂. Good thing we talked out this yielding matter as adults and are now are closer than ever.
Funny thing my mom was also the oldest sister and went through the same thing as me. Yet, this pattern still repeated with me. Shows how deep this ideology runs in the culture
I'm from Eastern Europe and as a youngest child I was always labeled as selfish because I didn't want to share with my older siblings, what is funny is that I was always supposed to share with them everything I got and being the youngest kinda means you get more things from than your older siblings so I think the train of thought of my mom was that 'you get more than your siblings so share with them so you all have the same amount'. Funny thing is, except for maybe sweets, my siblings never really cared about that and always were willing to give at least part of their share to me.
Maybe you are selfish tho? This moral value is taught early to cultivate modesty and humility.
That said, some people are more selfless than other, like the in the example of the graph, maybe you value the biological dimension more than social dimension.
So i dont think you should see selfish as a negative label. Rather just something to be aware about
well I did feel the same thing at first. but hey I love my siblings and I realized that as long as he didn't annoy me I was more than willing to yield. 😂
key point is that the parents should maintain that the one who yields get the respect that they deserve. if they ignore the mental state of the one who yield and let the siblings annoy or disrespect him/her of course they will feel repulsed to yield.
@@KaruHart you can't expect someone who doesn't regularly get what they want to constantly yield to someone who does, like you can't expect someone with less income to pay for someone with more income. and being siblings also make them feel like they aren't treated/loved equally by the parents if the parents always use the "your sister is younger" as an excuse to give more to the younger sibling while not giving enough to the older one. It's about fairness. Obviously, outside of the context of civilization, being selfish is generally good because it means you're more likely to get what you need and benefit yourself. Siblings in animals are always left alone by the parents to fight and sometimes kill each other because resources are scares and it's better to have the stronger sibling survive and focused on.
I was selfish and didn't care
I didn’t know this was called “yielding”! I’ve been so frustrated being around people who have no qualms “taking the last piece” not just literally but figuratively. Now I realize my frustration stems from constantly yielding while others don’t have a concept of this.
I thought this kind of thing was a pretty common idea. Many people might have learned that selfishness has certain advantages, but most have been exposed to ideas of selflessness aswell.
It's pretty typical to ask if it's okay to have the last piece or to leave it in case.
Get a load of this spineless goober
@@justincain2702Yeah, my family works where you wait a bit, ask everyone if they want the last piece. Usually only 1 or 2 people want it, so it’s either given to that one person or split between the 2 people.
My family did this subconsciously
And now I tend to give up something I know others like, even if I also like it
Though if it is something that is my absolute favorite then I might not
But unless it's my absolute favorite then I will usually do so
I am the oldest daughter so I was always expected to give up things and be selfless for my younger brother.
Now, my brother only does the most overt versions of this, like when there are other people watching, like the last piece of food. But he doesn't think about whether a person wants it, he just does it obnoxiously, bothering people insisting, asking several times, making sure everyone knows he means it.
He doesn't do the silent types of giving up things, like leaving someone's favorite food, even if you also like it.
It's annoying when my brother doesn't do any giving up, without announcing it
I get really tired of nobody claiming the last piece and seeing it slowly going to waste lol
As a Malaysian Chinese, I picked 516 and the blue lantern. 516 was an easy choice for me because I am not superstitious (I deliberately chose a number with 1,5 and 4 for my phone number due to how cheap it was), but I chose the blue lantern because I understood that it would be meant to be shown in public, and I really wouldn't like the looks people would give (nor do I want to make them uncomfortable) if they saw someone holding a white lantern during festive seasons.
I am surprised however that people would choose the August 18th date when it cost "four" thousand yuan. And when it comes to the last piece of food, I always ask: "Last piece, anyone?", and 9 times out of 10 everyone at the table yields, and I always get the last piece~
Also, the car number plate 888 is very expensive, while the car number plate 8888 is very cheap, because there are FOUR 8s.
that’s crazy how superstition can go as far as avoiding four 8s, there’s layers to these decisions 😮i would have chosen the four 8s bc i would have thought they’d be lucky but i’d be v wrong
@@abejavoladooraacommon Prosperity
Being a Cantonese speaking Chinese Malaysian, and a banana of sorts, both the number 6 and 8 have auspicious homonyms and 5 in Cantonese sounds like NOT while 1 sounds like daily. So I was confused as to why I would choose to pay more for equally inauspicious numbers.
I love inviting my chinese friends to my house because its the number 4.
I get my entertainment by looking at their expressions seeing the number.
Because I'm a M'sian Chinese too.
The red lanterns clips were sunway pyramid too hehe
Interesting (and sad) how this positive value has been utilised by companies in the UK to encourage employees to work overtime/for free. "We're like a family"...
In the UK? IN THE UK?! Is that not American my dear, I have never heard of such a thing!
That's certainly not a common thing in the UK, where people would feel obligated to work overtime. Instead you tend to see senior colleagues answering emails over on weekends or out of office hours etc.
It was a common thing when I used to work in retail. Always so much pressure to work when you were sick, or else your friends/coworkers would have to struggle
Although, after leaving retail it was much nicer
You should see how bad it is in China
The decision making model was so well-explained. Recently i was trying to explain to a younger friend how it gets easier to do things you don’t want to do when you get older - like how making your bed and doing dishes and completing work is sooo hard when you’re in your first apartment. But it becomes easier because you learn about those dimensions and the costs of not completing them, plus you develop that internal sense of morality that is motivating in itself
There's also the individual versus system effect where sacrificing small things can have a virtuous multiplier effect. Pass if forward if you will. The one I remember is that if you want to reduce traffic you need to let more people out.
13:43 In Sweden there is a cultural custom of offering atleast 7 different forms of cookies or pastries whenever you have a guest over for "fika" or dinner. And the same social rule applies where you are supposed to offer the last piece to the other person, otherwise you are seen as greedy or self indulgant. The last piece is usually given either to children who dont have a good cultural understanding yet or the guest/younger person after a lot of back and forth of "no, you take it"
Kind of funny that the rules are so similar across cultures lol
Sweden has a kind of polite collectivism similar to Japan I’ve observed, very different from the in-your-face straightforward German behavior
wait 7 types of cookies/pastries for fika?? im swedish and i usually dont encounter that unless its for celebrations...?
@@sirvinter if u invite someone over for our version of a tea party you are expected to serve 7 types of cookies, its a thing going back to atleast the 1800
A fika is more informal, idk i wrote the first comment badly
sju sorters kakor @@sirvinter . Det har du säkert hört nån gång. Vi gör det inte så ofta längre men för fina hemmafruar var det en stapel vid tepartyn eller fikor :3
Swear Sweden don't feed friends of their kids when they come over 😂😭
As a Filipino, I totally relate to the last example regarding the Yumcha scenario. Whether I'm with friends or family for lunch, dinner, potlucks, etc, there is always ONE piece of food leftover for each dish, 'cause for whatever reason, it seems to be ingrained in our minds to leave the last bite for someone else.. And then we all just end up packing the leftovers in ziploc bags and taking them home anyway.
When I first went to the Philippines some years ago, my girlfriend (now wife) was laughing at my reaction to just how much people take food home. By about the 5th time I was there I didn't even think about it and even encouraged it. And I do the same in the UK when possible. Because you know you may need your baon.
At least it's not going in the garbage! My Polish family is constantly giving food away. Actually, the first question you get asked after all the "hello's" is if you've had anything to eat today, and regardless of the answer you get food anyway. Then if you don't eat it we pack it up in a little take home container or bag. You might not be hungry now, but what if you wake up in the middle of the night? You'll be glad you took that kielbasa home with you then!
or none eats it and rot eats it? we need to go between , not extreem end of the other. greed is bad, kindness is good, but what when so "not greedy" that dont eventake a blessing and leave it to rot and decay,? take it and give to who needs it, pride sucks, but what about NO PRIDE at all, that also sucks its called "self loathing"
teka, I have to?
I'm curious if taking home leftovers in ziploc bags is influenced from America... i don't think I've ever seen any gathering at all where there wasn't a debate over who gets to take what leftovers home.
As a former Asian Studies major who then went to live 6 years in China and Taiwan, it's so satisfying to find an English-language TH-camr who is creating Asia-focused content that is actually informative and deep! Usually I'll stumble across stuff that is more shallow/introductory, and I love the different looks you're taking. I'm more on the political side nowadays, but understanding the aspects you cover on your channel is really important for understanding China as a whole, rather than just reading the actions of the elites. 谢谢你！
As a whole?
Taiwan is very different from China. They didn’t experience the humiliation, of the four olds.
Taiwan is awesome.
This is very relatable to older - still practiced - customs in Scandinavia as well. Society was highly collective and trust-based. Much of this trust comes from the fact that displaying complete trust towards society and individuals - for example lending away valueable items or avoiding locking the house or car, you would not put yourself above them. You wouldn't steal from someone else - so you should not think that anyone else would! This practice is only alive in smaller places in the countryside. Still - being a braggard, showoff or overtly displaying wealth is low-status, while modesty and deflecting praise onto others is high status. It's also shown for example in that people hate negotiating salaries individually, and prefer to use collective bargaining through labor unions and trade unions.
yep.
I can't thank you enough for your videos, you have mastered the skill of putting behaviours in their cultural context and explaining them to people who lack it.
you’re too sweet! thank you for watching :)
great video!! the yum cha dilemma reminded me of its opposite, the fighting for the bill that goes to great lengths such as sneaking cards wayyy before everyone is even there, physically fighting to place down your card before the others etc. it’s interesting noting how a lot of the time, in east asian (and for me specifically, chinese) cultures, fighting for the bill is the norm and something that you are almost expected to do while in the west (specifically america), splitting bills or paying back someone for paying the bills is what is common
I don't know if it's the same everywhere in America, but at least where I'm from it's the expectation that at dinner everybody offers to pay, but generally the person who earns more money or whoever is the oldest will put their foot down and insist that they pay. Typically this is in relation to parents taking their children out to eat, and it's often a point of pride when the child is earning enough money to be able to treat their parent to a meal, while the parent still wants to spoil their baby.
When in a group of peers (friends, coworkers, etc...) then you generally split the bill unless it's a special occasion and somebody insists on paying.
Aini, Thank you for the video. It is very important to understand that it is not always appropriate "to use this yielding behavior" in exchange with people from Western Countries, especially in a work context As an immigrant to a foreign western country, this is a very important lesson. The "yielding" concept is a part of Chinese culture acting as a form of social lubricant. Chinese immigrants will be bitter there is not a yielding reciprocity with westerners and become frustrated (and deem westerners as rude). In Aini's graph, the western social dimension are different. The Western values (I think) are candor, clear responsibilities and rules. From a Westerner eyes, the Chinese values will be seem as wishy-washy and ineffective, and at worst - manipulative (opposite of a western value of being candid in your communication)
I think you've got the Western Value of "live and let live" spot on! As long as you aren't actively harming others, everyone should be free to pursue their own self-interest, because no-one knows you better than you and no-one knows me better than me.
I remember as a child that I always have the habit of yielding to others and as a result, it's easy for others to trample over me, which was a concern a teacher had for me. When I didn't know about the concept of bullying and people likely took advantage of such nature to take things first such as toys and books and sometimes excluding me from certain topics
Westerns value frankness and honesty. If you yield not because you don't want the item but because you think it makes you look better, then you will be looked upon negatively and considered fake. It's also important to clarify your boundaries, because as individuality is prized, the assumption is generally speaking the things we agree on that 'nobody wants you to do' are much less, and if we don't all agree on it and you don't say anything, it's on you if someone doesn't follow that. Furthermore, practicality is prized and superstition, although it exists, is mocked. Doing things, especially things that are economically negative, for superstitious reasons will be considered foolish.
@@ThedarkbunnyrabbitAnd even in Western countries there's a spectrum. Older, more homogenous societies - like those in Scandinavia - are more likely to have these kinds of idiosyncratic etiquette rules.
Younger societies that have had generations of high immigration levels - like the USA - tend to put more value on straightforward communication. Because it's difficult to develop intricate social rules when you constantly have to encorporate new people into your communities. People have to abandon these rules and superstitions because otherwise everyone will just offend eachother all the time.
If someone tells me to eat the extra portion, I'm just going to. If they didn't want me to, they shouldn't have told me to.
I can't lie I’m the kinda mf to eat all the snacks I don't even know why lol
We certainly don't have these problems here because we can typically drive a few miles and get a crap load more of anything and everyone gets plenty.
I feel like when it comes to collectivism vs individualism most cultures just forget context, like shouldn't we just talk to each other and come to an agreement? Like the last example about not taking the last bit of food for themselves, sounds altruistic but it devolves into a kind of annoying dance of everyone pushing others to take it for who knows how long, a situation that benefits nobody, in that specific example isn't everyone selfishly ruining it for everyone else by continuing this annoying deadlock? Couldn't they just come to the conclusion that someone has to eat it and it might as well be the closest person to the food, and no one should think anything less of them, afterall they are in a way making a sacrifice?
What I'm trying to say is that there's a huge difference between being altruistic in a formulaic way, where you just behave in well established conforming patterns which not always suit the situation and not always make life easier for those around you and being altruistic in a proactive way where you try to understand the uniqueness of the situation and everyone you are interacting with in order to cather your action specifically to them (and on the flip side you are being honest about what you like and don't like so others can do the same for you).
Maybe it's cause I'm italian, where it kinda feels like we took the worst of both collectivism and individualism but this thing is kinda getting tiring, in both it feels like we are running away from maximizing happiness.
Couldn't agree more.
@@8qk67acq5 I agree, it's almost instinctive, I try to express my view on these kind of things with those around me over time so that everyone can slwoly start to think about it a bit more (damn, I sound like I think I have everything figured out, I just know that the status quo is a bit annoying and I try to reason about it with people)
Babe wake up another aini video just dropped
Okay babe. 😅
*Breaks through wall* Say less boi
😅😂
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Okay BABE I just woke up after u did me in the arsssseeee all niggghhhttttt baaaabee
I'm not Chinese but Kong Rong's story is relatable. As a rare middle child I yield to my younger sibling because they always deserve more. However, I yield to my older sibling because if they don't get more, they would complain and fuss at the expense of literally the entire family. Annoying🙃
That dim sum table is so true. And of course this extends to the bill paying battle.
I tell my Chinese friends: I will offer to pay twice. If you keep insisting that you pay, I will let you pay. I don’t want to play games like that. Accept my offer, going once, going twice, gone!
Dunno, if these kinda values are really so common, then what do you suppose explains the phenom of the infamous 'aunties' and other Chinese tourists exhibiting such 'bad manners' when traveling abroad?
It's easy to give up $5 to a friend because it's only $5. I wonder what the results would be with a large amount of money. Would you choose $5000 instead of $10000? What if you are poor and that money would change your life? Do you still want to give your friend half the money if they are already better off than you?
Hence the 'Worth'
I wonder if we could draw a line of what the dollar amount, at which level of financial security the results flip. I think you are only partially understanding the concept of this, as the whole point is that the stakes are low enough for the person choosing the lower ground of volution. It's not as if a smaller pear is going to make or break anything, nor $5 vs $10.
Isnt this the point of the story?
We have a saying in latam for the last slice of pizza scenario: "whoever takes the last slice is not getting married"
And I have a follow-up saying: "I volunteer as sacrifice"
Omg that dimsum table was so relatable hahahahaha 💀In Singapore, that last dimsum piece is sometimes called "the paiseh piece". "Paiseh" is sometimes used like "Sorry" (e.g. "Paiseh, I leave this meeting first, I need to pick my kids up from school") and is generally used to express a kind of sheepishness / embarrassment / not wanting to do something for fear of not appearing socially graceful. Everyone is paiseh to eat the last piece 🥲
Being Chinese this video is natural to me. I will always feed others before me even if I get nothing. Knowing a lot of Asian parents don't really offer praises to your face it at least got an awkward "you're not a greedy person" from my mum. To solve the last piece dilemma, I'm already placing food on people's plates all through dinner with the last couple all at once. No one refuses unless I've stuffed them so much they give it to me which I'm happy to take as they know I'm not greedy.
However to answer your question in the description, as an ABC, I DO NOT yield in like 95% of cases in countries like America/Australia. In very personal relationships for networking, business, or close friends, sometimes. Every other case it's either not understood or not respected. Sometimes even misinterpreted as weakness. It's why I always feel like I'm "fighting", existing in a 6/10 confrontational state instead of a 2/10 somewhere in Asia.
Yes, thissss!!! I’m learning that there are times and people with whom I can yield, instead of doing it all the time in the western context I’m in. I’m often exhausted because of that “ fighting” energy you describe
I like the “fighting energy” and honesty and bluntness of the US specifically though, and I’m Chinese. I hate all those expectations and customs and fake face politeness in Chinese and Japanese culture.
The yielding the younger has a correponding expectation the younger expects superiority in decision making from the older. It's a hierarchical thing. I give a similar story about employees and bosses. An employee cannot give an expensive gift to a boss if the boss gave the employee a 10 dollar gift. It's ok for a boss to give an employee an expensive gift but the other way around would be embarassing. This superiority inferiority relationship also exists in male female dynamics where if a female pays, it also indicates a more equal relationship compared to cultures where the female is expected to be subservient. The same dynamic exists in every culture just in different ways. This is just a trade-off.
The subway surfers music in khan academy section says lot about this generation
You recognizing the Subway Surfers OST in the Khan Academy section makes it all the more serious an allegation. 💀
Now I'm gonna have to rewatch that part. Thank you.
3:40
there’s WHAT
What, that she's played it, or she thinks it works well for the bit? Or are you merely associating the memefication of what subway surfers means towards young peoples attention spans. Because whats her choosing that here really saying about this generation? I didnt even know that was the Subway surfers theme, so whats that say about you? lol. I really dont think it means anything. lol
I'm ngl as someone with adhd the music actually made it harder to pay attention to the graph explanation bc it clashes with her voice and makes it harder to hear
Other than communal cultural values, this can also apply to individual ethics, such as people chosing to donate or recycle trash for personal reasons
If I ever befriended a group of Chinese I'd probably attempt to play the meta and argue that I am the most virtuous for taking of the last dumpling as it resolves the yumcha dilemma thus preventing everyone else from yielding in perpetuity.
You're welcome.
I was thinking the same thing! I'd be like "YOINK! There, now none of you need be conflicted." 😆
Don’t want to put your hopes down, but Chinese people are very insular. I say this from experience. If a group of them quickly get attached to you, it’s not because you ate the last dumpling for them
I just wait a bit, then say "Does anybody want this? If not I'm taking it", then if nobody says they want I'll take it.
@@AttaBek1422what does "insular" mean?
or do you mean to say "insecure"
@@RatchetRorschach Inward looking. They only ever talk with other Chinese people
the 516-518 comparison didn't work for me, because in Cantonese culture they're both lucky! 6 sounds like 'smooth', meaning things will go smoothly in life, and 8 has the meaning you described. If a choice between the two is offered, it's considered shallow to pick 8 over 6 in my experience, so I went with 6 (my relatives usually say "I don't need a fortune, as long as I'm healthy/everything goes smoothly I'm content").
I was going to say, no one in South China will EVER choose August 18 as their wedding date bc it's smack in the middle of the ghost festival. Some of these can be very region specific.
Cool video! I'm not East Asian but I know a lot about the cultures and immediately caught onto the thing you were doing with choosing based on superstition. The value of giving something up to appear more generous and humble is something I struggled with for a long time as I'm an only child who grew up poor so any time I could have something I took the best option for myself.
Engaging title, well-researched content, sensible structure, great conclusions, so articulate and thorough - Aini is my favourite TH-cam essayist out there! Such interesting topics I've never even heard of! Slaaayy
my Cambodian chinese dad would make me give up things I won, and give up things that made me happy for others. It shaped me into a push-over and a people pleaser that ppl could trample on throughout middle school - especially growing up in the U.S. I eventually learned to set boundaries, but I'm still learning to set myself first instead of seeking to give up things or give up my time and energy to please others.
Interesting video theses values are definitely something I respect and seen around me growing up. Makes me appreciate these values especially since moving to the West. Great video. 👍
I wasn't expecting a full explainer video on all kinds of Chinese culture and philosophy and sociology studies. This was very interesting as a fairly educated American that didn't know much about the reasons behind these behaviors that I associate with East Asia.
The intro beautifully sums up one of my life values. I give up anything, seek and do what is best for my younger sibling, and I will give up anything to prolong my parents livlihood.
Selfishness, ignorance, and irritation do settle in quite a bit, but it is something I continue to fight with (self vs self)
Great video! I did want to add some context to the story of Kong Rong yielding pears because it has changed over time - the version Aini told is the more modern and common version today, teaching the importance of yielding to others. However, the more classic version of the story did not have the second part of Kong Rong yielding pears explicitly to his younger brothers, and rather only states his older brothers should have the larger pears. This is because the moral here is NOT yielding, but rather Confucian propriety. That is to say, Kong Rong would have taken the largest pear if he had been the eldest child. Confucian values state the younger should yield to the eldest and there is a natural way about things. Indeed, Kong Rong is a 20th generation descendant of Confucius and his whole family was dedicated to his teachings, even so many generations later and were held in great esteem during the late Han Dynasty.
As time has passed, the idea of yielding to others as a sign of good will and humility became more important and the strict rules and hierarchy of Confucianism became more flexible, which is why I believe the story changed.
I need to say this: I fucking love the style of the videos. Fast paced but still understandable with cool visuals and deep and thought provoking content. Keep it up!
I see aini posts, I click
I remember my dad telling me this exact story. I feel this video as a middle child, seeing both the benefits I reaped, and everything I didnt get because I wasnt youngest
I live in the American Midwest (Wisconsin), and here it's polite to make sure you don't take the last bite of food too, especially at a pot luck. Except, there will be one brownie left, and say I want a brownie. So I'll cut it half and take half a brownie. But the next person wants a brownie too, so they will then cut it in half again to take half of what was left. And this continues until you have ridiculously small portions of almost exactly one bite. But there's ALWAYS one sad bite left in every dish. It's so common we joke about it here, so I laughed when I saw it in your video too.
The “cut it in half” move! I knew someone in the comments had to have brought it up. This, I think, is the classically American solution.
For a lot of Americans, the social axis is actually inverted.
For those people, yielding the better option to someone else makes you weak and stupid, so for those people they definitely wouldn’t yield if they were told the unchosen option will be gifted to someone else.
This definitely isn’t all Americans, probably about 20% of them in my experience. But those 20% have enough power to unfortunately be a detriment to society.
Man, these are really great video essays. I can really see the time invested in review and editing both in content and in presentation. These are impressive skills!
Korean-American here. Whenever my family went to a restaurant with a group - at the end, instead of splitting the bill, the adults/household each insisted that they will pay entire bill. Does that happen in Chinese culture?
Yes, from a Chinese Malaysian.
Absolutely
Leaving the last bite of food definitely happens all the time in my house, not even consciously, everyone has just been raised to consider the fact that someone else might still want some of a certain dish and leaves a bit behind. But, since this leaves the potential for wasted food, which we were also raised to never do, my siblings and I have come up with a “code” that when it comes to finishing a dish, we state our intention/desire for the food. If both want some, we split it. If one wants it and the other is just eating it to finish it, it goes to the one who wants it. And if both would just be eating it to finish it, we split it again. It’s worked really well at resolving such conflicts really fast.
I’m always so fascinated to learn about other cultures, and I loved how eloquently but approachably you explained everything!
it's practical philosophy, to view yourself as more valuable than the whole undermines your reason for being in the pair. Choosing less to share, practices awareness of environment vs person, most importantly it allows 'peace of mind', which has it's own value. If those around you do well you are theoretically more likely to succeed as well. Good video.
Its like i would pick 69 dollars over 75 dollars...
But not at all
Oh absolutely
real question is $69 vs $420
@@BlackQuest575 ill take 420 since i read the book
As a Brazilian, I picked 516 and the white lamp. The first was just because it's cheaper, and the lamp because I didn't think about festivals or anything like that, just as a regular light source, so I would prefer to have a white light instead of a blue light. If some background about festivals were given, I would choose blue, because I think it fits more to a festival have something colorful.
I'm surprised how many parallels there are between Japanese, and Chinese culture! But I suppose we are neighbors after all.
Fantastic video, great job aini!
Collectivist cultures in general do this.
Japanese culture and language was mostly based on China's back then
I thought the $5 and $10 element was about the begger that choose $5 over the $10 and people made fun of him but he ended getting more money because more people offered him the option of choosing the between the 5 and 10 dollars out of entertainment
dang...this whole thing is literally so wholesome...and the way she explains is like an expert teachers or professors...she also talk nonstop...she didnt even pause ones...i literally learn a whole new culture in just 15 minutes..anyways...tysm for the clear explanation! ;))
2:04 This video put a smile on my face. Those kids will go places😭😭
That Yumcha dilemma at the end, so that's why my uncles, aunties, etc never take the last bite. Instead telling me or other kids to take it 🤣
This is so interesting! Every cultural value system has good and bad parts, but what I do like about Confusionism is that sense of humility and to treat others with respect and not be so selfish like here in the west. Thanks for explaining the study, love your videos!
Of cause that "selfishness" is the reason why many western countries have the best human rights.
@@DavidCruickshank that's funny, historically westerner have been the one who commit the most atrocities regarding human right violation, and now they're pointing finger toward China as if they somehow have the moral high ground after every thing they have done to other people, hell the natives American, an entire ethnicity almost go extinct due to western invasion and colonization of north america, and their number still far from recovered till this day.
@roro4787If you can, go to a few different countries, and stay there for more than 6 months. Yes, we have the best human rights in the West. It’s scary to think about, isn’t it?
@@tashajoykin5192 exclude all of americas and eastern Europe and I will agree with you. Western Europe is definitely without a doubt the best place to live in terms of human rights.
the story is so interesting! I remember a story when I was young about a father offering his son 5 nickels or 3 quarters (or smth, I don't remember the exact quantaties), but I remember the moral was basically "the son chose the 5 because it was bigger, and he's stupid, you want the most money, even if the number is smaller". The difference in these morals is very interesting to me.
I think even in the US you would probably see about 50/50 yielding in the money test. $5 is a relatively small amount to pay to signal how virtuous you are for letting someone else be a little better off. I would be shocked if even in China people would give up life changing amounts though. Offer $50k vs $100k and the amount of yielders would likely become vanishingly small.
The very very cruical part is that the bigger amount goes to someone else, otherwise everyone would pick $10, otherwise it makes sense.
Such a great video! Thanks for making such insightful videos 👏👏
thank you Cheyenne!!! 🤍🤍
In Galicia (part of Spain) we have the same steuggle to eat the last bite when in company, it's commonly called "Galician's shame" (although the reason it's the same as in China, we don't want to deny others the chance to eat it, it has nothing to do with shame really)
This is one of the greatest youtube videos of all time. Really had me critically think about yielding. Reminds me of my Japanese grandmother, who when in a hospital got angry at a similarly aged (~85 at the time, 5 years ago) service worker for only giving her one scoop of rice (One scoop is for the dead), and said something along the lines of "Hey, I'm not dead yet." She also owned a funerary flower shop with my grandfather for 40+ years, so maybe that had a bit to do with the weight of funerary traditions and superstitions. Otherwise she isn't very superstitious, which is why this story jumped out so much and stood in my memory.
I think the concept of yielding also exists in Japan, although I can't remember a specific folk tale. My mom always complained about being the middle child, yielding to her older sister due to seniority, and her younger brother due to him being male, and the youngest. She was expected to wear hand-me-downs, but also give up luxuries to her younger brother. I could be wrong, but I think Japan has a higher weight on "social rank" than the vast majority of other countries, including China (I can only think of Korea getting close).
Love your video, really informative!
I have to admit I felt a bit cheated by the clickbaity title, though. When I saw the video in my recommendations, I thought "What? Chinese people would prefer $5 to $10?". But when I started watching it, I went "Oh, it's when the extra $5 goes to a friend that they choose $5 over $10, i.e. when there's a social benefit... And that's much less of a cultural difference than I thought, the results might not be that different where I live".
Still, I get that with the TH-cam algorithm and all that, it might be hard to make it as a TH-camr without making a thumbnail+title people want to click on, and after all since the content is interesting, I can't really blame you for baiting a bit your audience!
As a Sociologist your videos are incredible interesting! Thank you for sharing!
In Greece, you are supposed to help older people cause it's polite, such as giving your seat etc. A the same time, younger siblings are maybe more in favor of the parents (maybe?) and older siblings always have to share things etc (I'm a younger sibling myself).
If I knew that the $10 would go to someone else, I would choose the $5 dollars as well, since sb else would maybe need the $10 more.
I voted when you posted the polls and I chose the 518 number, even though it's more expensive. I simply like the number 8 more than the number 6. Idk if there is a reason, maybe deep deeeep down we automatically kinda connect the number 6 with Satan (666)? I dont really know.
As for the lanter, I would go with white. No superstision there for us.
Brazil doesn't have exactly a culture or a ritual for the last portion of something, but I do like this: I first offer to each one personally to see if they want it. First to children, then to the adults, with strangers and visitors taking the preference over family since they know my second intentions. If no one wants it, I eat it myself and nobody can judge me since I offer it to everyone first.
I guess I wouldn't do well in many asian cultures, since I'm not particularly a people-pleaser or caring about what people think of me, including family. If the person yields, I'm gonna take it.
“None of you believes until he desires for his brother what he desires for himself” in another words “Love for your brother what you love for yourself”
That diagram looks so insanely confusing but actually made sense once you explain it lol. I think this stuff happens outside of China too, it's just the specifics that vary. I would definitely take 5$ and give my friend the 10$ because I want my friend to be happy, yielding definitely happens, but just it's more related to closeness of relationship than age. And the similar idea also applies in a lot of other ways, like people buying a more expensive product because the brand has some social value. That crazy graph can definitely be used for tons of things.
there's another explanation to Kongrong's action, he did it to gain favor from his parents and he lied about not wanting the smaller pear. Unfortunately, due to human nature, lots of kids learned to lie to gain the adults' favor instead of being generous and respectful.
btw i picked 516 because 6 means 顺 and i need this more than being rich
I have no idea where you came from in my algo, but this was fascinating. When I was a kid, I moved long distance (inside the US) and was adopted by the pool of recently-immigrated East Asian kids at my new school. This adds such interesting context to a lot of childhood memories. I fell out of touch with the mainland Chinese kids in high school, but I still think about them often.
ngl my inner child was slightly healed hearing u appreciate me on behalf of younger siblings LMAO
loved this video! i realised that the concept of yielding has been engrained into me, even for small things such as giving a guest or younger family member the nicer plate or nicer looking food
My psychology teacher actually did an experiment with us the other day about the 5 or 10 dollars to pick from. It was for extra credit, basically if you pick 10 points then everyone else would get 5, if you picked 5 you got 5 bonus points, the trick was that if 3 or more picked 10 points then no one would get points. Out of 20 students only 4 picked the 10 points. I didn’t get bonus points that day 😔
I picked 5 points, but I’m so disappointed in those 4 classmates.
13:24 this happens here in Canada too even among non-Asians. No one wants to be the one to finish something off in case someone else wanted it. I think yielding is something common around the world in some form or another, it's just applied in many different ways
In Germany we call the leftovers the "decency bits" 🤭
The phoen number thing made me realise studying Chiense a few years back still has an impact because I thought "as long as it doesn't have 4 in it, I'll take the cheapter option". I wouldn't pay extra for the 8 though, jsut avoid bad luck haha.
Sorry, I am german but I have never heard of "deceny bits". Could you please let me know what the german word / translation for it is?
@@user-on6xw7cu9j Anstandsrest ☺ I don't know if it's a regional thing though.
Can confirm. Being an older sibling sucks. The expectations are wild for things that aren’t even expected of my sibling later on. Things like yielding has always happened in my family and the youngest sibling takes all lol
I feel like there's a whole economic influence, as opposed to just cultural, that I felt you could have gone further into.
Although, I'm sure there's a lot of evidence to show that Chinese economic choices were based off of previously existing cultural preferences.
But either way, I would've been interested in learning about it.
This is really interesting! You do see this a little in Western culture. For example, when a person who views themself as more powerful holds the door for someone less powerful or says "after you" when leaving the elevator.
in Nigerian culture its somewhat different while we have this principle to a degree its far more towards seniority demanding respect which has its own benefits and drawbacks as im first generation american and seeing first generation American the sentiment in the us seems to cater more towards the younger. Personally i would say as a core tenant its a good philosophy however, because i understnad how childrens minds work while theolder siblings need to practice this. The younger should be instilled whit a sense of gratitude and respect.
can we talk about how good the little details and delivery of the first 10 seconds of this video are?? i know it's not the point, but I'm very impressed! from the way you held/revealed/dropped the bill, to the little colorful outlines, i just thought it was really neat artistically and worth complimenting
Was mildly concerned when the video started with me having to share my pear 😡 but came away with such a fun video!!! And ayo did someone say America Vlogs 👀👀👀
In my family, on large gatherings it was common to have a food table separate from the eating table. No one would want to take the first bite because they didn't want to be seen as greedy, and similarily no one wanted to take the last bite either. I have learned to not mind. Many in my family want to eat, so me getting food first makes them feel like it is now okay for them to take some too. I guess it is kind of a way for me to yield as well, whenever I break the cycle of "no you go first". I have also begun to enjoy the last bite. If I just ask if anyone wants to share, they usually tell me I can take it, and if not, I share with whoever else wants it.
Afterall, I only take the last bite once everyone else has already taken a portion, meaning everyone has had the chance to take what they feel they need/ want.
I really enjoy your explorations of all these different kinds of social topics. Watched a few videos over the last months and today i felt convinced to subscribe to your channel. Keep up the good content :)
just found your channel yesterday and haven't stopped binging you're everything to me
now that you mentioned it, i realized i make these subconscious thinking too. i thought it was just my family raising me to have decency and such. oh also, im like 1/4 or 1/8 chinese (if that even counts). we do celebrate cny and p much all international holiday! thailand is just like that haha
That clip near the start of your video, with the little boy and girl sharing "back" food, end with her kissin him on the cheek, is the loveliest thing I've seen in a long time.
In the Kansai region of Japan, the last remaining portion on a shared plate of food is called 「遠慮の塊」（"Enryo no Katamari", or "The manifestation of modesty"). I don't know how widespread the expression is outside of Kansai (though I'm not from Kansai, and I've heard it, so it must have some legs) but the phenomenon it describes is definitely common enough.
Great video. If you want, I'll like this video on two accounts. Or I could like the video on just one account, and that other like I'll use on a TH-camr of your choice.
You did a good job on this video all around. your title and thumbnail got me, and your script and delivery had me going all the way through finish the video. truly a good job
I was in Japan recently, and still have a bunch of yen leftover. 😄
I hope you had/are having fun in the USA. Will we get a recap of your experience? Or perhaps a review of the fast food?
In super markets in some parts of America, people are too modest to take the last item on the shelf, and so the employees writing truck orders don't see it empty and are paid too little to look closer and see that there is only 1 left.
So practically no one gets the item because only one "less modest" person actually gets the item until it is restocked, which will now take longer because it wasn't written on the order for the next day (or, depending on what warehouses are carrying the item, up to 4 days EXTRA wait time)
Can someone explain why Kong Rong's story isn't a catch 22? If it's polite to yield to both his older and younger siblings then why isn't it also polite for his siblings to yield to him?
Because Kong Rong is a Chinese historical folk hero and the person in this story you’re suppose to emulate if you want to follow greatness. The idea is that you should do things out of generosity and respect towards both those in higher and lower positions than you. Maybe they will pay it forward later but that’s not the point.
Leaving the last bite untouched if someone else wants it is a very spanish thing too. After 2 or 3 minutes without anyone taking it, you can say "el de la vergüenza" (the shame one) and take it, so as to making clear that you only take it because nobody wanted it. I don't remember two people saying it at the same time, but I think the world would explode.
3:10 Small pet peeve: is freedom of expression really a "western" value? It irks me a bit because it seems to imply that "eastern" people didn't originally have/understand freedom of expression until it was "introduced" by "the west.
Well, at least in the medieval Sinosphere there is no record of a like-concept existing, and imo would have likely been considered ludicrous, antisocial, and a roundabout way of asking to be executed.
in most asian countries it was considered a virtue to not speak when someone more elder (whether by status or family hierarchy) is around. heck when I grew up in the 1990's the same thing was taught and the quiestest kids were always considered the most obedient and preferred over the active ones.
@@acudaican is that not true of most of Europe and the Middle East in the medieval period as well? Enlightenment ideals were present in England and such, but that's a trend that took off later. And a trend (at least when it comes to things like freedom of expression/speech) that is pretty global in the modern era, not just in "the west". But perhaps I'm thinking of it more in a political and not cultural sense
It seems a bit of a stretch to go from something being a more western value (meaning relative to some baseline it’s valued more in those cultures) and the assertion you’re making here
I loved the length and overall density of the info! You found a way to make this fun! Great content :)
the last time I heard about 孔融让梨 was 20 years ago
We have a similar thing in Islam, it’s "احترام الكبير و العطف على الصغير" which means respect to the older and kindness to the younger. Although العطف means kindness it does not have the exact same meaning of kindness in English, it is kindness but it just doesnt have the same meaning of “kindness” in the ways its usually used in englsih
No one cares about your taqiyya
As an autistic hoarder who is deeply attached to certain items (mainly because they give me comfort for many years. Ex: Stuffed toys, my jacket, my iPad, my arm and leg warmers, one of my pants, etc.), the idea of having siblings and being forced to give up my valuable possessions to other people without having the words to describe my extreme discomfort with it sounds traumatizing. I'm already traumatized from my parents throwing stuff out that I clearly cared about without them even consulting me first, so coming home to see something of mine completely missing or ruined would actually cause me to have a meltdown. I'm not even against sharing, it's just this culture of being expected to give up things for other people just because of roles in a system. Like, my comfort should be valued to.o, right? I have explicit boundaries, especially relating to my comfort items, so I'm afraid of being trapped in a culture that doesn't approve of communication or respecting people's boundaries or treating every person in the family with respect or etc. (the west has this to.o, I see it fucking everywhere, which is why it's so distressing for me). Sorry, that was probably really disjointed.
Hope you have fun with the fast fo.od, tho. It's fast fo.od, so it's not gonna be great, but you probably already know that, and it'll definitely be a new experience ^w^
I'm also an autistic hoarder but I'm the opposite. I still have attachment to things that are mine but I feel better making people happy by giving them something of my own. I love my siblings so its easier to give things up. Though it was difficult sometimes when I was younger. It could be because my grandma would give me her knick-knacks if I she didn't exactly need it and I loved them, who knows. Also I'm sorry your parents did that to you
@@VMageQueen
awe, that's super sweet! :0 It makes me super happy to hear that you found something that spreads positivity and makes you happy /
Yeah, I'm with you guys. Undiagnosed but definitely on the spectrum somewhere. Mine owes to a mix of personal sentiment, memory, waste-not-want-not, and most poignantly a fear of irreproducibility. This flyer that I got from a school concert? I can't ever throw it out because once I do, it's gone forever. The odds of me seeing another one for that event ever again? Slim-to-none. Odds of it ever being reprinted? Even less so. It might as well be the last one in the world. And presumed scarcity is a hard one to overcome.
@@normanclatcher
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Interesting pov…maybe that’s why people are really sad/regretful when someone is autistic. They cannot participate in the social dynamics of the community. I think recent generation is more accepting of autism but older generations felt really sad for the kid and the parents. Just an observation…but then previous generations just hide mental disabilities behind quirks/habits. “He’s just like that” “that’s how she is”
Oh finally the concept of yielding is discussed. I’ve been wondering why is it that I would always offer food to others even if I really wanted to finish it all.
i love getting educated by pretty women
In learning and otherwise?
As a french person with a Vietnamese grandpa and not only the big sister but the first of my generation, I just realised I've been taught to yield all my life.
I'm not in any way related to China (that I know of) but it was still a really introspective video for me. Thank you for giving me thought!
Quick version: $5 = +social credit, $10 = - social credit.
This was interesting and informative. My wife is from Vietnam, and I've sometimes encountered such situations.
That’s a very clickbaity thumbnail.
I really don't know how much stock I'd put in Experiment 1...
A part of refusing the $10 is going to be because all they've done is a brief survey, so they may feel they haven't earned the higher value. That's avoiding shame for being greedy, rather than showing kindess to another. Kong Rong's siblings also hadn't done anything to earn larger pears, so how you value your time would have an effect on which you chose. Maybe you think your time was worth $10.
As you started the video, I wouldn't choose the $10 because it would be greedy of me, as it's _your_ money. Offering any money is kind, and I wouldn't abuse that kindness. Kong Rong's story would have you choosing to _give_ me the $10, rather than me choosing to _take_ it from you. And unlike in the Kong Rong story - where he owned all of the pears - the participants don't own either of the money notes. Opting out of choosing, and actively giving, are different actions: one is passive, while the other is active. If you said to someone that the money not chosen would go to charity, then I'd expect more people to choose the smaller value. But that isn't the same as actively donating money to charity; you'd just be donating someone else's money. You haven’t sacrificed anything - you simply didn't gain as much. Equally, someone could rationalise choosing $10 by saying that someone else is still gaining $5, so everyone wins. The genuinely kind thing to do is to refuse the money entirely.
Experiment 3 is much better, and it'd be interesting to see Experiment 1 done in that way. To expand on it, you could increase the values offered: if you offer $10 and $20; $50 and $100; or even $100 and $200, how do the results change? At what point do we want the greater amount of money, and feel that our friend is still getting a good amount of money anyway? Would you take $1,000,000 if your friend got $500,000, or would you give them the $1,000,000, while you receive $500,000? How much does their financial situation matter to your decision - as in Kong Rong's story, he didn't consider how much everyone had previously eaten? This way, you could see evidence of if this kind morality always holds.
0:01 Should be "the choice of five dollars _or_ ten dollars"… not "and".
Nope, and works better here because of the word "between"
1. What's wrong with you? Literally 1 second in, and the issue you found is super minor.
2. You're wrong. She said "Choice between" not "Choice of", and 'and' is the correct term to use after a "Choice between".
All you did is just change the sentence... You didn't correct shit.