I related so much to Adam's description of his vacation or "trip." I have had similarly crushing epiphanies on trips and I've come to some new conclusions about happiness. A few months ago I went on a last-minute trip to Belgium with my partner. After several meals, museums, and walks through the city, there was a moment when we were seated at a bar and said to each other in exasperation: "We aren't having fun." This trip was supposed to be an amazing experience, to bond us, to make us feel young and alive again. We had spent so much on our tickets, hotels, and the like. Instead, it made us feel old, boring, stagnant. The fantasy of spontaneity, of possibility, and then the realization that we couldn't achieve it, that we couldn't achieve "happiness"... That was crushing. Multiple long and difficult discussions ensued, we considered splitting up even... In the end, we sorted it out, although we came home thinking there may be little hope left for us, and in turn, for our happiness... Fast forward to now, we are somehow still together: two nights ago I broke my ankle and spent the evening in the ER. It was terribly painful, and one could have expected it to be a terrible night. TALK about physical discomfort! In that dismal waiting room, hearing the screams of a burn victim, the violent vomiting of a woman with severe food poisoning, the sobs of an injured Ukranian who didn't speak our language, I sat there, ice melting on my ankle, and yet, despite it all, I found myself feeling oddly.... Happy? My girlfriend had her hand on my ankle, holding the ice pack there. It was her arm that held my leg up. She was the one speaking to the doctors, reassuring me, supporting my body as we hobbled between reception desks, metal chairs, and doctor's offices, despite being half my weight. In that painful moment, surrounded by the even greater pain of others, we were surprised. We weren't at all brought down by the circumstances. In fact, we simply could not stop laughing. We joked and joked all through the night, hushed cackles erupting from us as we made fun of each other, the situation, the world at large. We began to become embarrassed by our joy. How could we appear so blatantly "happy" amidst such sorrow? But we didn't care: we WERE happy. And by the end of the night, after I'd been treated, I said to my partner: "I never want to leave this emergency room." In that moment, that unanticipated moment of deep and pure love, the emergency room was my happy place, it was OUR happy place. And we were happy because we didn't expect to be. And it was then that I realized that happiness is never where you expect to be. Happiness is never a destination or an object that can be planned for or purchased: happiness is the stars serendipitously aligning in some highly unexpected way and you walking out under the night sky at just the right moment, perhaps alone, or perhaps with just the right person, to catch a glimpse. And we must live for those glimpses.
That's an awesome story, I'm glad you worked everything out. I think your medical system is broken though, nobody in that condition (burn victims etc) should be in a waiting room.
Damn Adam, you have no idea how much this hits home. I graduated with a STEM degree from an elite university and landed a cushy yet prestigious job in the federal government in my exact field when I was 22. It was the golden handcuffs. I was blessed with two perfect children soon after with a wonderful partner. Yet I still find myself regretting my life path and feeling like my life sucks more often than I'd like to admit. Thank you for this reality check and sage life advice.
There are people who are just naturally sad, I am one. I can have everything and I'd still have something to be sad about. We just have to be aware of this and not let this spill over into real life. 'Don't believe everything that you think'
Life is weird, you can have everything set up to live a successful life yet meanwhile lack the very fundamental thing of humanity, happiness. Wishing u wellness 💞
Admittedly, I am horribly irresponsible with my mental health, but I find some solace in the fact that it all comes in waves. When I’m horribly miserable, I know there will be a time when I’m not miserable, and maybe even happy here or there. Just gotta roll with the punches, I suppose.
Kurt Vonnegut (who struggled with PTSD and heavy clinical depressions for most of his life) said that one of his uncles taught him to say, out loud, "If this isn't nice, I don't know what is" when he was feeling good. I don't think human beings are necessarily acutely aware of calm, beauty, and well-being as they are of danger, stress, or boredom for obvious evolutionary reasons - we have to tell ourselves when things are good to truly recognize it. I live alone and did during the pandemic, and in lockdown I lost a lot of what gave me happiness and gave my life meaning, and to some extent I still haven't recovered it. But I did say "ITIN, IDKWI" when I had an endorphin high from a bike ride, or after "happy hour" (beer on a picnic table at my local park, talking to a friend on speaker phone) or something similar. I've tried to keep it up!
Two things I have to say: 1) I especially loved this episode of the podcast. Thanks Adam for giving us your thoughts on happiness, life, and the journey. 2) I really love your speaking style. Your cadence and timing is impeccable. It's so easy to focus on what you're saying, you're a very effective communicator.
Adam talking about his constant state of discomfort and how working or other things help to distract made me feel a whole lot less alone in the world as someone who has the exact same experience, relaxing is almost harder than doing something.
Adam, This was one of my favorite episodes. I’m 65 and like all retirees, had to suddenly decide a few years ago how to live without going to work. On one of my last days as a school teacher, instead of making lesson plans for school, I made them for my new life on the retirement “balcony”. I quickly learned that it was the journey that gave purpose, not the destination. So….I went back to school as a substitute teacherat a small private school geared for special needs kids and loved every minute. I did this until Covid hit in March 2020. So here’s the fun part. I recently found my “balcony” plans that I had misplaced for the past five years. Out of the 20 or so dream retirement ideas, only 2 or 3 really materialized. Things like going to a different coffee shop each week with my wife are still a fun thought, but hardly realistic. Others like gardening more and cooking more were half realized. The most successful idea that has come to fruition was to become fluent in Spanish. And wouldn’t ya know, it’s once again a journey to learn a language, not a destination per se. I’m glad you are realizing all this at age 41 instead of 65. Your retirement will now be a lot easier. LOL. So…Make a plan before you do your last podcast so that it won’t be so scary. One last thing…with such gloominess, are you certain you are from Italian heritage? Instead, you should be like my ancestors and from the gloomy regions of 😢northern Germany. They have a reputation for taking gloominess to an art form. They can also find a way to complain on even the happiest of occasions. ( just kidding)🫢🤫🫣
David, I think you nailed it. With maybe one caveat, because we can't know about others. Are we simply missing a close relationship with God? Is that what is missing? Adam, if you see this, could it be? Great response David.
This might be my favorite episode. I had a baby last year and am probably the happiest I have ever been but I'm so exhausted and always say I just need a break. Well today I am sick and left work early because I felt so bad but when I got home rather than resting I made a big fancy dinner ahead of time because while normally dinner is a chore, I actually love cooking.
I found you because of a chocolate chip cookie recipe you posted on Reddit/TH-cam and look at you now. I appreciate how you've expanded your commentary and content beyond food.
I know this comment will probably get buried, but I want to thank Adam for his efforts. This channel has helped me so much in my life as I listen to it while working. His honesty and humility seems unmatched on youtube, part father figure with great advice, part close friend. Thank you for acknowledging neurodivergent people like myself, and thank you for covering topics like this one for all of us struggling with confusing and chronic unhappiness that is difficult to find the root of. Also your recipes are awesome
I just wanted to stop by to say that you are one of the people I admire most on the internet. Probably my favorite creator on that platform. You are not only a great professional, but you are also very real and honest, I will always admire that. I got here 5 years ago from food videos, but I stayed for the deep thoughts, your wisdom and humility. I know that I am not necessarily your target audience, as I live in the south of our continent and am immersed in a reasonably different sociocultural context, but anyway, I learn a lot from you. That's it, I liked being able to talk about it here. - From a brazilian fan.
As somebody who works, and has worked since 1999, in the video game industry I say “amen” to jobs where lots of people want to work in your industry and many of them would do it for free. I also recently purchased some LMNT and I was SUPER EXCITED to see they have an unflavored, uh, flavor. Big brain move there LMNT.
As a moderated successful professional in my area, coming from a poor background and having a family, I can relate almost too much. But a thing helped me though: to *decide* to be happy. We're very good to work on challenges but just hope happiness will follow. No, those are necessary, but not suficient. Happiness is a challenge in itself! So, if I feel unhappy, I work on whatever makes me unhappy at that moment. Often if is to solve some problem, to sleep or drink water or whatever, but surprisingly often I need to look around and decide that, yeah, I'm happy, it's joy time, let's just enjoy it. Not sure applies to you, of course, but what I needed was to think of happiness not as a payment that's deposited at my account after I work. It is more like an apple in the orchard: we work hard, but to enjoy it we have to grab it and bite it. And it may even be a bit sour, but it is always good.
I really feel that the counter phrase "make your hobby your job and you will hate your hobby" is very accurate. We do the things we like because we can do them at any time, for any time, just because we want. As soon as you take that "free will" from the activity you like, it becomes something else. I am also fortunate enough to be doing what at some point thought it will make my life fulfilling, and I still constantly think about the what ifs (what if I had chosen Y instead of X). I guess most humans are just hoarding machines, we always want more, we want to try every option, we want what others have, we are never satisfied. A good survival instinct for past times maybe, not so useful in modern society where most of our basic and non-basic needs are taken care of. We quickly get used to "new normals" and then fell stagnant.
“Nothing is worth more than this day. You cannot relive yesterday and tomorrow is beyond reach” - Goethe. By the way, can we have a tour of your greenhouse?
Wow I simply love when you talk so earnestly about what’s going on with you mentally. I’m not saying I’m nearly as successful as you but as someone that is pretty comfortable and has all his essential needs met I too wonder why I’m not more happy. Just hearing someone with more success ask the same questions is comforting.
This episode really resonates with me. Hearing you talk about all these things has made me feel more "normal" I guess. Last year I experienced all of these things you have mentioned on the video: I graduated in college, studying my dream career I had been dreaming since I was 8. I worked during the pandemic on my own project with my best friends and the moment we finished it I managed to get a job in the industry exactly in the position I had always wanted. And there I was, 23 years old and all I could feel was emptyness. Neither happy nor bad, just existing, or at least that what I felt and told myself. The reality is that I thought I knew a lot of things, I had heard that the journey is the important part, that a brave person is not the one who doesn't fear but the one who has fear and still acts, that a life with only hapyness doesn't make sense and even with that I had to go through a lot of pain, effort and almost 1 year of therapy to really learn it. Literally my favorite book revolves around this idea, and still it took me a personal crysis to learn it, but at least I get it now "Life before death, strength before weakness, journey before destination"
i had a similar epiphany just the other day. i think our brain chemistry just naturally makes us unhappy eventually regardless of how good we have it, and that unhappiness gets channeled into whatever is happening at the moment... and then imprinted so that unhappiness slightly returns to the surface when that focus is brought back up
I worked for Disney for 10 years in FL. I got tired of being poorly treated by locals, the company and horrible tourists. So I quit, packed up and headed West. I’m living my best life doing what I love. Happiest I’ve been in a very long time.
I always like listening to Adams videos on the way home just because of content like this. He sounds like your favorite community college professor that is still way into his job before he becomes jaded and just waiting for his tenure. Never change Adam
I have a hard time with the horrible things people do to each other and also fear that it'll happen to me/my child. I'm not sure how happy I'll ever be knowing the kinds of horrible things happening to other people out there.
I love all your podcasts (and videos in general) but this one in particular was I think the best one. I never make comments on anything but this one really hit home and during a time I needed it. Thanks Adam.
Good conversation. I have two inputs: 1) Putting your pack down CAN be possible for a good while but, I suspect, rarely when you are self employed or have no “clocking out” option in your work. In my current position I can almost entirely forget about work when not on time. I do not have to (and emphatically do NOT) check my emails or field work calls outside business hours. That’s the key to be able to relax from intrusive work thoughts, I think. In positions where it has been expected that I did, I would be the same as you on that balcony. 2) While I agree in general about the journey, it can be better if you experience destinations well - it’s just that your destinations might not be what you planned them to be. You can practice enjoying “perfect” moments for what they are, get the most of them, and let those be a “reward”. Don’t necessarily try to engineer them too hard; but look for them and vocalise them. It’ll likely help you internalise them. Example of one such moment recently, on my way too short holiday: I was sitting outside a friends summer home, under the roof. I was in the company of my girlfriend and two friends, heavy summer rain was pelting the roof, with a warm but comfortable breeze and thunder rolling in the distance. We were listening to some very relaxing music, while playing Heroes of Might & Magic III together, and looking out at the rain on the small natural woodland area on the property, and drinking hot chocolate. I made it a point to say all this out loud at the time, and it cemented the moment in my mind, as a drop of peace I can return to. Moments like that are my reward.
This episode really resonated with me. For years my life was going "great" but it didn't feel like it at all. I loved how Adam put into words his experiences and elaborated his findings. Adam, my personal journey is much better with you and your work. I wish the best for you and your family.
It's all about the choice for me. We choose to do our hobbies, but we cannot choose to work (unless we are extremely fortunate). Even if that choice is something as amazing as playing video games for a living, when you HAVE to do it to pay the bills, suddenly it isn't as fun. Sure, I'll take it any day over going back into Graphic Design or construction, but it is still work. My brain still doesn't want to do it, because it isn't a choice, but a necessity - a chore. Just a very fortunate chore. Edit: 13:55 ah, I see you have touched on that!
This pod definitely resonated with me. I have this awful habit of ruminating when I get time alone with my thoughts. Also, if he's comfortable with it, you gotta have your brother on the podcast sometime.
This was really appreciated. I've definitely had that thought saying "Maybe I'm just fundamentally unable to be happy" as a result of not being satisfied with my objectively good job, especially after switching from one that was making me miserable. I like your solution of saying that *everybody* needs some amount of discomfort or dissatisfaction in their life, rather than believing that it must be something specifically wrong with me.
Glad I pushed through... it bogged down at around 40 minutes in but you had a good conclusion. Enjoy the journey. I would add on... practice focusing on the good stuff. If you start to notice the Rolo's are not as frozen... force your brain to focus on the melty goodness. If your butt hurts, force your brain to focus on the breeze coming in from the ocean, cadences of Paul's voice, the images of the story... etc. Our brains have an unfortunate habit of focusing on the negative if we allow them to... we're evolved to search for discomfort so this is natural. But focus is like a muscle... we have to work out that muscle. Practice shining the flashlight of our mind where we want it to and not where it would go naturally. There are some great meditations and exercises for this online. P.S. I'm ADHD, so believe me, I know the difficulty and am not saying, "just focus"... it's hard work and sometimes impossible without medication depending on the diagnosis... but there is definitely an element in it that can be strengthened with practice.
This episode has got me thinking for awhile. The pursuit for happiness is complicated journey, but it's what you do to make the journey less of a pain so it'll be smooth sailing. The same can be say about the thrill of getting rather than having (if that make sense). This is quite insightful.
Thank you for your comments. As someone who considers themselves fortunate (and shares your pursuit of luck), I feel exactly the same way. I am deeply grateful for what I have, and the irony is that I am fully aware of how fortunate I am and lack any significant problems. Happiness is a peculiar thing... I wish you well in your therapy sessions.
I have been working at a farm on the weekends doing some intense physical labor. 8-12 hour days in a barn that is between 90 and who knows how hot in the rafters where I was working some of it. At the end of each day I felt completely drained. I picked up LMNT last week because of your ad reads and I must say... phenomenal stuff. I finished my work day tired and sore but not completely exhausted and cramping all over. I turned around and bought a big pack today.
Adam this was a really interesting introspection, but so heartbreaking. I related to a lot of it, and I hope you find new ways to heal yourself and find peace! I think you’re right that it won’t come from any amount of achieving external goals.
Thanks for the talk, I found much relief in you talking out loud a lot of the things that spiral in my mind and drag me down so often. My solidarity :)
Sincere thank you! I love literally all the episodes that appear on the channel, from nerdy sciency to personally emotional. However, as in the case of the episode about G.Ramsay, I consider this particular one the same as important. People with views like yours (among the older generations) are rare and at the same time a critical need for society, because only sincerity and honesty among new rolemodels can shed light in a world of darkness of chauvinism, misogyny and toxic masculinity. I think that's what metamodern should look like. Disclaimer: I express the opinion of a person who has not achieved the same success in life as the author (both for reasons depending on me and beyond). My point of view expresses only my feelings and understanding of what the author voiced in the video. I do not think that financial independence (even if it were available to me) is the "finish of the marathon". Rather, it is a tent with LMNT, allowing you to run further, constantly maintaining energy. However, in order to run, not only the energy is necessary, but also the meaning - why continue to run. It is the meaning, its search that haunts in a commodity society, where everything strives to replace itself with images - fetishes hanging like carrots on a stick. After all, "success" measured in units of currency and/or social status based on consumption is not capable of undoing the alienation, done by decades of inhumane pursuit for making profit. Nor can it take away the unconcious fear of loosing all, either to financial circumstances or savaging masses of a poorly treated majority. As much I, as audience, know you mr.Ragusea - you are one awesome human being, bringing us the top tier content that we want and need! And let no self-doubt caused by many reasons (as the products of society we live in) tell you, or who ever happens to read this somewhy, otherwise. ❤❤❤
Wow, I just discovered Ali Abdaal's channel, and binged some of his channel, and then this is your pod topic, similar to the kinds of things he says, having been subbed to you for years now. And this is how I felt as a kid- I loved reading, but hated reading books for school; I knew even then that once it became an obligation, the joy disappeared. And at the end of summer break, I looked forward to the year starting again. Also, this pod makes me think of Star Trek economics.
this is something i think about a lot. pretty much through my entire schooling (which is almost over) ive asked myself if working sucks or if i just hate for no reason. making myself okay with doing some boring/hard shit is something ive been trying to do for a couple years now
As a kid, we were taught the basics of a few different major religions. The one that stuck with me most was Buddhism’s First Noble Truth. At the time I interpreted it as physical suffering, because that was all I knew. You can't avoid scraping your knee forever. Eventually you'll stub your toe - so suffering is unavoidable. I came to realize it means much more than that, and the truth of it. Along with that I also realized that happiness is a temporary state. You can't exist there forever. The satisfaction and joy you feel when first doing something you love fades after that initial wave of emotion, and is a little less intense every time you do it again. I personally think that the true key to "happiness" is to stop pursuing it and instead seek contentment. Contentment is a pleasant state that you can feel for a long time, and realistically achievable. If you're not able to achieve contentment in every aspect of your life, well, that's to be expected. Enjoy the individual moments. Be present mentally for them. When you're sitting down in the morning and drinking your coffee, enjoy the moment of contentment.
Adam, I thank you for talking about this. I have been struggling with this same issue. I know it is hard to talk about because it only manifests itself when you have cared for all your basic needs. (There are a shocking amount of people who are not cared for their basic needs, I would guess over 99% of the world) So really, worrying about it can only come from a place of privilege. Acknowledging that goes a long way to understanding from other people. I do not know if there is an answer, I think that at this point it really is just that when everything is taken care of you start looking into incredibly minute details that really don't matter. I don't think there is anything we can do to get rid of that obsession.
Possibly your most entertaining podcast, a lot of self deprecating humour and I learned a lot about myself. Nice to hear some one else have these thoughts. 😂 I have to paraphrase Denis Leary from those short clips on MTV in the 80:s: It is the small things, a cigarrette, a piece of chocolate and so on that makes you happy.
For me, the goal was the start of depression. I had to change, by always being in the journeys to new goals. I retired in my late 30's, and was gifted depression. I then found happiness in learning, doing, and building. The people, the experiences, all of it, that is living...for me happiness.
Just wanted to stop by and say your recent podcast twists and turns have been really awesome and impressive, at this rate I feel we are on the way to an end of evangelion moment where you just finish with some grand masterpiece that leaves us all speechless.
Man, just 4 minutes away from starting work, walking through a cold winter morning, and hearing Adam so beautiful describe that evening overlooking the beach…
« Where is the unmitigated pleasure I have purchased with a lifetime of pain? » is not the kind of line I have subscribed for but it’s definitely why I keep coming back.
Stumbling On Happiness, Daniel Gilbert, 2006. It won’t fix anything, but is a valuable dataset in your continuing exploration, your hunt for meaning, and maybe exploring the utility of happiness as a goal. Much peace to you, Adam. ✌️😌
I appreciate Adam sharing with us his gifts of charisma, eloquence and deep thinking while simultaneously bringing us along on his journey. Though we can't escape the hedonic treadmill, maybe finding and fulfilling one's purpose as such is the true source of happiness.
My wife and I got to the "good place" a couple years ago. Still finding unhappiness, and the question "Is there something fundamentally wrong with me?" that is begged, hit like a truck when you mentioned it. Thanks for putting this out there.
Practice gratefulness and you will feel happy. Be thankful for what you have, and don't fixate on what you don't have. Consumer culture has us always thinking about what we don't have.
Gratefulness and patience are two virtues that I find very helpful to cultivate. I'm a recovering perfectionist and as time goes on and I practice habits that cultivate those two things (with mediation and journaling), I have found myself less restless and more content.
There is a Japanese saying that encapsulates this exact thought - 吾唯足知 (Ware tada taru wo shiru), literally meaning "I only know what is enough" but is usually translated as something like "What I have is enough and I'm grateful for it". Also Shintoism (Japanese tradition/belief system) and Buddhism are all about being grateful and enjoying the little things while they last. I've been trying to apply those concepts in my everyday life and I agree, it helps
This was a really good podcast. I appreciate that you were honest and vulnerable. For me, explaining why work still seems like work is probably different than yours. For me, my faith in God is what keeps me centered and not feeling like going insane from monotony. I believe that work was initially designed for us to be pleasurable, but the way we have designed it is not the natural way, and thus is misery. It is just something we have to accept while we live here and try to make it better in any way that we can by being kind to each other and trying to be fair in the way we design how our workplaces our. Of course, the people who design these systems are corrupted by, as you mention greed. When man tastes power, he is resistant to releasing it. Nothing will ever feel completely right, but I have a community of people in my church who love me and we all support each other and help build the community around us through volunteering and actually caring about people. For me, life is now, not some future moment waiting to happen. If you aren't happy right now, that's a problem. Living life for some great event is a recipe for a let-down. Taking pleasure in day-to-day life has been the only way I have ever found happiness.
Also, your podcasts are such a joy to listen to - thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. I've been struggling with much of what you discussed today.
Thanks, lots of things to think about! One thing just stuck out to me as soon as I heard it: "Travel [with kids] can never be fun". Please for the love of god get trains into your country. Some of the best moments in my life are travel! Sitting comfortably in a spacious seat of trans European trains, zipping silently past wonderful countryside, even if you're there for hours, you just take a walk, go to the restaurant car for a coffee,... People around are working, families with kids are playing with them, people are happing. When I'd be listening to a podcast there, it feels as pleasant as the "destination" you're describing but still whilst during the journey! It is so interesting how robbed of imagination one can be by a particular status quo. When travel equals cars and airports, no wonder you can never imagine it to be fun. Of course, this isn't in any way jab at you, we probably have many other blindspots of happiness unique to us and it is just amazing how many possibilities evade our imagination.
The last chapter of this podcast was really, jawdroppingly cathartic for me. I feel like your podcast is the closest thing to the best you could hope for in a life coach: someone who doesn't intend to be while doing so, well.
I love how Adam carries himself compared to other content creators. No backpedaling or explaining himself to the endless torrent of internet criticism.
Really enjoyed this ep Adam and I really relate to your experiences, but I believe that our brains evolved this way in order to protect us; early humans had a lot more to gain from focusing on what might harm them than from what was pleasant. The human brain, therefore, is not designed to be generally happy.
Definitely not losing my patience! I find this very relatable! I had a big issue with this in undergrad, which I had always looked forward to, as well as being a teacher
“I leave Sisyphus at the foot of the mountain! One always finds one’s burden again. But Sisyphus teaches the higher fidelity that negates the gods and raises rocks. He, too, concludes that all is well… The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man’s heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.” -Adam Ragusea, 2023
Enjoy the small things along with the big things. I am enjoying spending some time listening to Adam in his lovely greenhouse. I let Adam’s podcast wait until the weekend, so I have a nice treat to look forward to each Saturday.
I feel better when I’m able to mitigate low quality problems(inconveniences) and use my time to tackle high quality problems that, if solved or at least better understood, will improve my life. I think both types of problems should always be present, but shouldn’t always be acknowledged and given attention
Willfully creating something, having the resources for it or to support it, and having a interest in learning about and how to do something in-depth would be happiness. For some people, variety is the spice of life. Doing something with no time-pressure is nice, especially if it is a learning experience (which is why some people do things, they are lifelong learners), but sometimes time-pressure is one of those spices. Logistics of pulling something off is the thrill, for some. Some people want to work hard, with their hands, putting their whole body into it, or it doesn't feel like anything was accomplished. But I think you hit on something about enjoying the results of the work. Maybe not necessary to enjoy the results directly, but to see and know that one was a part of getting something done and following through, through problem-solving to a satisfying, grand, and/or celebrated result would be a dopamine hit. These various ways might follow along with the various kinds of intelligence that people have. People may want to improve their intelligence, crossover with another form of intelligence, trying to expand on and improve themselves. Some people will do one thing, obsessively searching for the essence of it, and being one of the few that can do it with excellence. It sucks when you don't get that dopamine (I'm sure I'm using neuropsychology simplistically) or some other kind of return for your work. It sucks when one's only motivation is being made to feel guilty by others for not working hard and proudly for little return, or the voices of those from formative years that one still hears in their head. Or, as you mention, it's the best one can do in their situation; pittance for drudgery or nothing. Maybe you're an HSP, a highly sensitive person. Or maybe you're made to feel like you can never set the pack down. With your wealth, maybe you could afford a tiny bit of luxury of finding a way to get to a place of optimal sensory stimulation. Especially before bedtime. When I started hearing people use "carrots and sticks," I immediately thought (and still do) think of the cartoon image like in The Looney Tunes. Journeys are great, especially when there is hope. I'll endure discomforts and the possible run-ins with danger if I have hope for some kind of gain. I never expected some great gain, just a little foot hold, then I would try to make the best of it.
As someone in a similar financial situation as yourself I reframed my existence around contentment and wonder not happiness. It's easy to be in awe of the world. It's reasonably easy to be content with where you are in the moment and be thankful for the hard work and circumstances that brought you to the point where you're at. It's *hard* to just be happy for no reason. Because it's not natural or healthy thing to be happy constantly for no reason. While I myself was never a drug user many of my friends were. They found sobriety to be torture even before they started their recreational drug usage. They find it torturous now that they're drug free again. Heck one in particular got pissed at me for being "happy" because he confused contentment with happiness. I still don't think he gets the difference even though he's clean now. Finding contentment is achievable, happiness is reserved for drug users and religious fanatics.
Life is a series of mandalas. You weave something beautiful, enjoy it, and let it go. Something terrible occurs, but you must process it and let it go. When you are comfortable in the passage of finite things, and take pleasure in the process of constructing them, you will always find new ways to motivate yourself and enjoy your life, because when one thing ends another begins. Positive and negative; always the mantra will be nothing lasts forever, everything ends.
Awesome, My wife and I like to say friendships have seasons. I suppose life has ever changing seasons as well. Change is the constant. If we can accept the changes..., then we can be well.
The amount of insight about life I have received from you this podcast is mind boggling. Its to the point that I think I will need to re-evaluate my outlook on my own life and decisions and will dig deeper into the subjects mentioned here. The concept that resonated with me the most was about how there is a limit to how much pleasure or suffering, carrots and steaks we can have at a given time. Your point about rich people being assholes made me rethink my opinion about people who live in a completely different environment then I do. This also similiar to your point about thick and thin skin people and celebrities. Very insightful. Thank you.
Douglas Adams wrote about this in the Hitchhiker's Guide where they built entire new planets: "either the climate wasn't quite right in the later part of the afternoon, or the day was half an hour too long, or the sea was exactly the wrong shade of pink." Even the wealthiest people in the galaxy are unhappy with their existence. Douglas knew some things.
I find it increasingly difficult to feel real joy as I get older, despite being more comfortable overall. I just want to experience that intense feeling of fun and adventure that you feel when you’re young.
Hey Adam, I've watched you for a while. Enjoyed your uniqueness, to say nonetheless. I do however want to say you reminded me of myself, because maybe in around 2017-2018 I had generated a LOT of wealth fairly quickly and suddenly had life changing money. I had never, ever been more miserable in my life at that point and it all felt so isolating and confusing. I ended up losing everything a few years later, but the lesson that always stuck with me was that the money and the stress were never, ever worth it. Putting off your happiness today for tomorrow is never going to amount to anything, because the future never comes. Therapy has been fairly beneficial for me (without drugs), hope this helps and always enjoy your content.
Love the moon landing t-shirt during the anniversary of the mission. The only problem I think Adam has, is an addiction to learning. I applaud that unique outlook as I also experience it. Love this episode
Very good! Your point about what people think they understand about you and your relations with others! All I get when you are pudding with Lauren is what a blessed family and a beautiful wife you have. We don’t get to visit with your dear kids but they are blessed to have such a Father!
I've recently come out of a long period of my life that was defined by struggle and a constant state of "survival mode". When I look at my life now, knowing how difficult it used to be just to exist, I am pretty content with every single day that is not that. Maybe happiness beyond the hormones of young adulthood is more about having the experience of something to compare it to. A good way to put a bad day in perspective is: can you go outside and walk among the trees and have the sunlight on your face? Can you eat and enjoy a delicious meal? If it's a yes to both of those questions, then to me it's going to be okay. There are people I've known who weren't able to say that. It's a whole different level of problem. I haven't always been happy, I've had a long stretch of many years where I was truly miserable. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But I love being happy. I love laughing. So I endured. Some things in my life I was able to change. Some things I had to accept and grieve. Some people I had to set clear boundaries with. Some things I just had to be patient and let them pass. I am a naturally happy person. It feels good to be back at my baseline. I've thought a lot about happiness, particularly my happiness because that's pretty important to me. My conclusion is that it doesn't get any closer to heaven on earth than eating good food with good people (and some good drink is an added bonus). Beyond the basic needs, it really is that simple for me.
When you solve problems in your life, the best thing you can hope for is that the next problem is a little more fun to solve than the last one. Hoping for the moment when there will be no more problems to solve is a recipe for sadness because it will never happen
There is no commandment that you must enjoy life either in part or in whole, I think that is a burden we can let go from, it might work to let enjoyment come to you and be grateful for when it does, rather than try to force it at certain times. It's very brave to share such intimate details, thank you for that. I think that the privileged position you mentioned which allows you to reflect about such intricacies of life is great and you are reaching a deeper understanding of what our existence is, that not everyone gets or cares to.
I think one of the main reasons why a job will never be fun, is because it's involuntary. Contrarily a desired "job" in your spare time, can always be fun and enjoyable. Even if it's otherwise "undesirable".
Another delightful podcast from the guy who seasons his journey instead of his destination
Journey before destination Radiant
Bro what a quote
One of us, one of us
that's a fucking good one lol, gonna remember that
Very poetically phrased, for those who know the channel.
I related so much to Adam's description of his vacation or "trip." I have had similarly crushing epiphanies on trips and I've come to some new conclusions about happiness. A few months ago I went on a last-minute trip to Belgium with my partner. After several meals, museums, and walks through the city, there was a moment when we were seated at a bar and said to each other in exasperation: "We aren't having fun." This trip was supposed to be an amazing experience, to bond us, to make us feel young and alive again. We had spent so much on our tickets, hotels, and the like. Instead, it made us feel old, boring, stagnant. The fantasy of spontaneity, of possibility, and then the realization that we couldn't achieve it, that we couldn't achieve "happiness"... That was crushing. Multiple long and difficult discussions ensued, we considered splitting up even... In the end, we sorted it out, although we came home thinking there may be little hope left for us, and in turn, for our happiness... Fast forward to now, we are somehow still together: two nights ago I broke my ankle and spent the evening in the ER. It was terribly painful, and one could have expected it to be a terrible night. TALK about physical discomfort! In that dismal waiting room, hearing the screams of a burn victim, the violent vomiting of a woman with severe food poisoning, the sobs of an injured Ukranian who didn't speak our language, I sat there, ice melting on my ankle, and yet, despite it all, I found myself feeling oddly.... Happy? My girlfriend had her hand on my ankle, holding the ice pack there. It was her arm that held my leg up. She was the one speaking to the doctors, reassuring me, supporting my body as we hobbled between reception desks, metal chairs, and doctor's offices, despite being half my weight. In that painful moment, surrounded by the even greater pain of others, we were surprised. We weren't at all brought down by the circumstances. In fact, we simply could not stop laughing. We joked and joked all through the night, hushed cackles erupting from us as we made fun of each other, the situation, the world at large. We began to become embarrassed by our joy. How could we appear so blatantly "happy" amidst such sorrow? But we didn't care: we WERE happy. And by the end of the night, after I'd been treated, I said to my partner: "I never want to leave this emergency room." In that moment, that unanticipated moment of deep and pure love, the emergency room was my happy place, it was OUR happy place. And we were happy because we didn't expect to be. And it was then that I realized that happiness is never where you expect to be. Happiness is never a destination or an object that can be planned for or purchased: happiness is the stars serendipitously aligning in some highly unexpected way and you walking out under the night sky at just the right moment, perhaps alone, or perhaps with just the right person, to catch a glimpse. And we must live for those glimpses.
That's beautiful, thanks for sharing
I aspire to feel like you do someday
Profound
That's an awesome story, I'm glad you worked everything out.
I think your medical system is broken though, nobody in that condition (burn victims etc) should be in a waiting room.
this is absolutely amazing. thank you for sharing!!
Damn Adam, you have no idea how much this hits home.
I graduated with a STEM degree from an elite university and landed a cushy yet prestigious job in the federal government in my exact field when I was 22. It was the golden handcuffs. I was blessed with two perfect children soon after with a wonderful partner. Yet I still find myself regretting my life path and feeling like my life sucks more often than I'd like to admit.
Thank you for this reality check and sage life advice.
There are people who are just naturally sad, I am one. I can have everything and I'd still have something to be sad about. We just have to be aware of this and not let this spill over into real life. 'Don't believe everything that you think'
Life is weird, you can have everything set up to live a successful life yet meanwhile lack the very fundamental thing of humanity, happiness. Wishing u wellness 💞
Admittedly, I am horribly irresponsible with my mental health, but I find some solace in the fact that it all comes in waves. When I’m horribly miserable, I know there will be a time when I’m not miserable, and maybe even happy here or there. Just gotta roll with the punches, I suppose.
I'm in quite a similar boat, and I'm still pretty early in my career, yet I'm having a lot of these same realizations. Amazing video, Adam!
Seattle huh? Are you the dude 3 doors down on the corner?
Never know if Adam's gonna teach us tips about seasoning steaks or managing mental health
You mean seasoning the cutting board
Probably food and happiness are closely related
Do not take advice from Adam on mental health if you value your own.
Why not both?
Or in last weeks case how to inseminate a dairy cow
Kurt Vonnegut (who struggled with PTSD and heavy clinical depressions for most of his life) said that one of his uncles taught him to say, out loud, "If this isn't nice, I don't know what is" when he was feeling good. I don't think human beings are necessarily acutely aware of calm, beauty, and well-being as they are of danger, stress, or boredom for obvious evolutionary reasons - we have to tell ourselves when things are good to truly recognize it.
I live alone and did during the pandemic, and in lockdown I lost a lot of what gave me happiness and gave my life meaning, and to some extent I still haven't recovered it. But I did say "ITIN, IDKWI" when I had an endorphin high from a bike ride, or after "happy hour" (beer on a picnic table at my local park, talking to a friend on speaker phone) or something similar. I've tried to keep it up!
I looked into Kurt Vonnegut and I'm going to order slaughter house 5 because of your comment! Seems very interesting. Thanks
Two things I have to say: 1) I especially loved this episode of the podcast. Thanks Adam for giving us your thoughts on happiness, life, and the journey. 2) I really love your speaking style. Your cadence and timing is impeccable. It's so easy to focus on what you're saying, you're a very effective communicator.
right? thats one of the reasons I could probably listen to him all day xd
Adam talking about his constant state of discomfort and how working or other things help to distract made me feel a whole lot less alone in the world as someone who has the exact same experience, relaxing is almost harder than doing something.
Adam, This was one of my favorite episodes. I’m 65 and like all retirees, had to suddenly decide a few years ago how to live without going to work. On one of my last days as a school teacher, instead of making lesson plans for school, I made them for my new life on the retirement “balcony”.
I quickly learned that it was the journey that gave purpose, not the destination. So….I went back to school as a substitute teacherat a small private school geared for special needs kids and loved every minute. I did this until Covid hit in March 2020. So here’s the fun part. I recently found my “balcony” plans that I had misplaced for the past five years. Out of the 20 or so dream retirement ideas, only 2 or 3 really materialized. Things like going to a different coffee shop each week with my wife are still a fun thought, but hardly realistic. Others like gardening more and cooking more were half realized. The most successful idea that has come to fruition was to become fluent in Spanish. And wouldn’t ya know, it’s once again a journey to learn a language, not a destination per se. I’m glad you are realizing all this at age 41 instead of 65. Your retirement will now be a lot easier. LOL. So…Make a plan before you do your last podcast so that it won’t be so scary. One last thing…with such gloominess, are you certain you are from Italian heritage? Instead, you should be like my ancestors and from the gloomy regions of 😢northern Germany. They have a reputation for taking gloominess to an art form. They can also find a way to complain on even the happiest of occasions. ( just kidding)🫢🤫🫣
David, I think you nailed it. With maybe one caveat, because we can't know about others. Are we simply missing a close relationship with God? Is that what is missing? Adam, if you see this, could it be? Great response David.
This might be my favorite episode. I had a baby last year and am probably the happiest I have ever been but I'm so exhausted and always say I just need a break. Well today I am sick and left work early because I felt so bad but when I got home rather than resting I made a big fancy dinner ahead of time because while normally dinner is a chore, I actually love cooking.
I found you because of a chocolate chip cookie recipe you posted on Reddit/TH-cam and look at you now. I appreciate how you've expanded your commentary and content beyond food.
you are genuinely a great person and I hope you remain that way. having a loving family is a blessing.
The most surprising thing I learned from this episode is that Adam hasn't bought each of his kids their own Switch.
This is why it's bad that the game boy / DS line is gone.
@@JetstreamGW I mean the switch lite still exists ...
You can't deny the kids the experience of fighting over who gets to play. It's good for them 😄
Consider that he took an 8 hour drive rather than a flight
@@ZacharyBittner I'll take an 8 hour drive over an airport day any day
I know this comment will probably get buried, but I want to thank Adam for his efforts. This channel has helped me so much in my life as I listen to it while working. His honesty and humility seems unmatched on youtube, part father figure with great advice, part close friend.
Thank you for acknowledging neurodivergent people like myself, and thank you for covering topics like this one for all of us struggling with confusing and chronic unhappiness that is difficult to find the root of.
Also your recipes are awesome
I love these kinds of Adam videos, they really resonate with me, even more than the cooking videos!
I just wanted to stop by to say that you are one of the people I admire most on the internet. Probably my favorite creator on that platform.
You are not only a great professional, but you are also very real and honest, I will always admire that. I got here 5 years ago from food videos, but I stayed for the deep thoughts, your wisdom and humility.
I know that I am not necessarily your target audience, as I live in the south of our continent and am immersed in a reasonably different sociocultural context, but anyway, I learn a lot from you.
That's it, I liked being able to talk about it here.
- From a brazilian fan.
Agree with you 👌
I feel so called out, knitting my socks and sweaters here. 😂 I love these life podcasts more than the cooking ones. Cheers, Adam.
In fact, Adam's podcast is one of my favorite things to listen while knitting lmao.
Congratulations, Adam! The opening monologue of this podcast, proves you have graduated from a mere Anglophile, to an actual British person.
Some of the best 60 minutes I've ever found on the internet
As somebody who works, and has worked since 1999, in the video game industry I say “amen” to jobs where lots of people want to work in your industry and many of them would do it for free. I also recently purchased some LMNT and I was SUPER EXCITED to see they have an unflavored, uh, flavor. Big brain move there LMNT.
As a moderated successful professional in my area, coming from a poor background and having a family, I can relate almost too much.
But a thing helped me though: to *decide* to be happy. We're very good to work on challenges but just hope happiness will follow. No, those are necessary, but not suficient. Happiness is a challenge in itself!
So, if I feel unhappy, I work on whatever makes me unhappy at that moment. Often if is to solve some problem, to sleep or drink water or whatever, but surprisingly often I need to look around and decide that, yeah, I'm happy, it's joy time, let's just enjoy it.
Not sure applies to you, of course, but what I needed was to think of happiness not as a payment that's deposited at my account after I work. It is more like an apple in the orchard: we work hard, but to enjoy it we have to grab it and bite it. And it may even be a bit sour, but it is always good.
this is a cool comment
I really feel that the counter phrase "make your hobby your job and you will hate your hobby" is very accurate. We do the things we like because we can do them at any time, for any time, just because we want. As soon as you take that "free will" from the activity you like, it becomes something else. I am also fortunate enough to be doing what at some point thought it will make my life fulfilling, and I still constantly think about the what ifs (what if I had chosen Y instead of X). I guess most humans are just hoarding machines, we always want more, we want to try every option, we want what others have, we are never satisfied. A good survival instinct for past times maybe, not so useful in modern society where most of our basic and non-basic needs are taken care of. We quickly get used to "new normals" and then fell stagnant.
“Nothing is worth more than this day. You cannot relive yesterday and tomorrow is beyond reach” - Goethe. By the way, can we have a tour of your greenhouse?
Wow I simply love when you talk so earnestly about what’s going on with you mentally. I’m not saying I’m nearly as successful as you but as someone that is pretty comfortable and has all his essential needs met I too wonder why I’m not more happy. Just hearing someone with more success ask the same questions is comforting.
This episode really resonates with me. Hearing you talk about all these things has made me feel more "normal" I guess. Last year I experienced all of these things you have mentioned on the video: I graduated in college, studying my dream career I had been dreaming since I was 8. I worked during the pandemic on my own project with my best friends and the moment we finished it I managed to get a job in the industry exactly in the position I had always wanted.
And there I was, 23 years old and all I could feel was emptyness. Neither happy nor bad, just existing, or at least that what I felt and told myself. The reality is that I thought I knew a lot of things, I had heard that the journey is the important part, that a brave person is not the one who doesn't fear but the one who has fear and still acts, that a life with only hapyness doesn't make sense and even with that I had to go through a lot of pain, effort and almost 1 year of therapy to really learn it.
Literally my favorite book revolves around this idea, and still it took me a personal crysis to learn it, but at least I get it now "Life before death, strength before weakness, journey before destination"
i had a similar epiphany just the other day. i think our brain chemistry just naturally makes us unhappy eventually regardless of how good we have it, and that unhappiness gets channeled into whatever is happening at the moment... and then imprinted so that unhappiness slightly returns to the surface when that focus is brought back up
I worked for Disney for 10 years in FL. I got tired of being poorly treated by locals, the company and horrible tourists. So I quit, packed up and headed West. I’m living my best life doing what I love. Happiest I’ve been in a very long time.
I always like listening to Adams videos on the way home just because of content like this.
He sounds like your favorite community college professor that is still way into his job before he becomes jaded and just waiting for his tenure.
Never change Adam
That was honestly one of the most inspiring and insightfull hours of my life. Thanks Adam!
I have a hard time with the horrible things people do to each other and also fear that it'll happen to me/my child. I'm not sure how happy I'll ever be knowing the kinds of horrible things happening to other people out there.
I love all your podcasts (and videos in general) but this one in particular was I think the best one. I never make comments on anything but this one really hit home and during a time I needed it. Thanks Adam.
Good conversation. I have two inputs:
1) Putting your pack down CAN be possible for a good while but, I suspect, rarely when you are self employed or have no “clocking out” option in your work.
In my current position I can almost entirely forget about work when not on time. I do not have to (and emphatically do NOT) check my emails or field work calls outside business hours. That’s the key to be able to relax from intrusive work thoughts, I think.
In positions where it has been expected that I did, I would be the same as you on that balcony.
2) While I agree in general about the journey, it can be better if you experience destinations well - it’s just that your destinations might not be what you planned them to be.
You can practice enjoying “perfect” moments for what they are, get the most of them, and let those be a “reward”. Don’t necessarily try to engineer them too hard; but look for them and vocalise them. It’ll likely help you internalise them.
Example of one such moment recently, on my way too short holiday:
I was sitting outside a friends summer home, under the roof. I was in the company of my girlfriend and two friends, heavy summer rain was pelting the roof, with a warm but comfortable breeze and thunder rolling in the distance.
We were listening to some very relaxing music, while playing Heroes of Might & Magic III together, and looking out at the rain on the small natural woodland area on the property, and drinking hot chocolate.
I made it a point to say all this out loud at the time, and it cemented the moment in my mind, as a drop of peace I can return to.
Moments like that are my reward.
THIS! I think you hit the nail on the head on how to experience happiness, especially your second point.
This episode really resonated with me.
For years my life was going "great" but it didn't feel like it at all.
I loved how Adam put into words his experiences and elaborated his findings.
Adam, my personal journey is much better with you and your work.
I wish the best for you and your family.
It's all about the choice for me. We choose to do our hobbies, but we cannot choose to work (unless we are extremely fortunate).
Even if that choice is something as amazing as playing video games for a living, when you HAVE to do it to pay the bills, suddenly it isn't as fun.
Sure, I'll take it any day over going back into Graphic Design or construction, but it is still work. My brain still doesn't want to do it, because it isn't a choice, but a necessity - a chore. Just a very fortunate chore.
Edit: 13:55 ah, I see you have touched on that!
This pod definitely resonated with me. I have this awful habit of ruminating when I get time alone with my thoughts.
Also, if he's comfortable with it, you gotta have your brother on the podcast sometime.
I like how this has gone from a cooking pod to just Uncle Adam giving life advice.
This was really appreciated. I've definitely had that thought saying "Maybe I'm just fundamentally unable to be happy" as a result of not being satisfied with my objectively good job, especially after switching from one that was making me miserable. I like your solution of saying that *everybody* needs some amount of discomfort or dissatisfaction in their life, rather than believing that it must be something specifically wrong with me.
Glad I pushed through... it bogged down at around 40 minutes in but you had a good conclusion. Enjoy the journey.
I would add on... practice focusing on the good stuff. If you start to notice the Rolo's are not as frozen... force your brain to focus on the melty goodness. If your butt hurts, force your brain to focus on the breeze coming in from the ocean, cadences of Paul's voice, the images of the story... etc. Our brains have an unfortunate habit of focusing on the negative if we allow them to... we're evolved to search for discomfort so this is natural. But focus is like a muscle... we have to work out that muscle. Practice shining the flashlight of our mind where we want it to and not where it would go naturally. There are some great meditations and exercises for this online. P.S. I'm ADHD, so believe me, I know the difficulty and am not saying, "just focus"... it's hard work and sometimes impossible without medication depending on the diagnosis... but there is definitely an element in it that can be strengthened with practice.
This episode has got me thinking for awhile. The pursuit for happiness is complicated journey, but it's what you do to make the journey less of a pain so it'll be smooth sailing. The same can be say about the thrill of getting rather than having (if that make sense). This is quite insightful.
Thank you for your comments.
As someone who considers themselves fortunate (and shares your pursuit of luck), I feel exactly the same way.
I am deeply grateful for what I have, and the irony is that I am fully aware of how fortunate I am and lack any significant problems.
Happiness is a peculiar thing...
I wish you well in your therapy sessions.
I have been working at a farm on the weekends doing some intense physical labor. 8-12 hour days in a barn that is between 90 and who knows how hot in the rafters where I was working some of it. At the end of each day I felt completely drained. I picked up LMNT last week because of your ad reads and I must say... phenomenal stuff. I finished my work day tired and sore but not completely exhausted and cramping all over. I turned around and bought a big pack today.
Listened on Spotify. Thank you for your unmitigated accuracy and honesty and wisdom.
Adam this was a really interesting introspection, but so heartbreaking. I related to a lot of it, and I hope you find new ways to heal yourself and find peace! I think you’re right that it won’t come from any amount of achieving external goals.
Thanks for the talk, I found much relief in you talking out loud a lot of the things that spiral in my mind and drag me down so often. My solidarity :)
as someone who is going blind, working on a channel in my spare time, I appreciate this conversation. Thank you Adam for making this.
Sincere thank you!
I love literally all the episodes that appear on the channel, from nerdy sciency to personally emotional. However, as in the case of the episode about G.Ramsay, I consider this particular one the same as important. People with views like yours (among the older generations) are rare and at the same time a critical need for society, because only sincerity and honesty among new rolemodels can shed light in a world of darkness of chauvinism, misogyny and toxic masculinity. I think that's what metamodern should look like.
Disclaimer: I express the opinion of a person who has not achieved the same success in life as the author (both for reasons depending on me and beyond). My point of view expresses only my feelings and understanding of what the author voiced in the video.
I do not think that financial independence (even if it were available to me) is the "finish of the marathon". Rather, it is a tent with LMNT, allowing you to run further, constantly maintaining energy. However, in order to run, not only the energy is necessary, but also the meaning - why continue to run.
It is the meaning, its search that haunts in a commodity society, where everything strives to replace itself with images - fetishes hanging like carrots on a stick. After all, "success" measured in units of currency and/or social status based on consumption is not capable of undoing the alienation, done by decades of inhumane pursuit for making profit. Nor can it take away the unconcious fear of loosing all, either to financial circumstances or savaging masses of a poorly treated majority.
As much I, as audience, know you mr.Ragusea - you are one awesome human being, bringing us the top tier content that we want and need! And let no self-doubt caused by many reasons (as the products of society we live in) tell you, or who ever happens to read this somewhy, otherwise. ❤❤❤
Wow, I just discovered Ali Abdaal's channel, and binged some of his channel, and then this is your pod topic, similar to the kinds of things he says, having been subbed to you for years now. And this is how I felt as a kid- I loved reading, but hated reading books for school; I knew even then that once it became an obligation, the joy disappeared. And at the end of summer break, I looked forward to the year starting again. Also, this pod makes me think of Star Trek economics.
this is something i think about a lot. pretty much through my entire schooling (which is almost over) ive asked myself if working sucks or if i just hate for no reason. making myself okay with doing some boring/hard shit is something ive been trying to do for a couple years now
As a kid, we were taught the basics of a few different major religions. The one that stuck with me most was Buddhism’s First Noble Truth. At the time I interpreted it as physical suffering, because that was all I knew. You can't avoid scraping your knee forever. Eventually you'll stub your toe - so suffering is unavoidable.
I came to realize it means much more than that, and the truth of it. Along with that I also realized that happiness is a temporary state. You can't exist there forever. The satisfaction and joy you feel when first doing something you love fades after that initial wave of emotion, and is a little less intense every time you do it again.
I personally think that the true key to "happiness" is to stop pursuing it and instead seek contentment. Contentment is a pleasant state that you can feel for a long time, and realistically achievable. If you're not able to achieve contentment in every aspect of your life, well, that's to be expected. Enjoy the individual moments. Be present mentally for them. When you're sitting down in the morning and drinking your coffee, enjoy the moment of contentment.
Adam, I thank you for talking about this. I have been struggling with this same issue. I know it is hard to talk about because it only manifests itself when you have cared for all your basic needs. (There are a shocking amount of people who are not cared for their basic needs, I would guess over 99% of the world) So really, worrying about it can only come from a place of privilege. Acknowledging that goes a long way to understanding from other people. I do not know if there is an answer, I think that at this point it really is just that when everything is taken care of you start looking into incredibly minute details that really don't matter. I don't think there is anything we can do to get rid of that obsession.
Possibly your most entertaining podcast, a lot of self deprecating humour and I learned a lot about myself. Nice to hear some one else have these thoughts. 😂 I have to paraphrase Denis Leary from those short clips on MTV in the 80:s: It is the small things, a cigarrette, a piece of chocolate and so on that makes you happy.
For me, the goal was the start of depression. I had to change, by always being in the journeys to new goals. I retired in my late 30's, and was gifted depression. I then found happiness in learning, doing, and building. The people, the experiences, all of it, that is living...for me happiness.
Just wanted to stop by and say your recent podcast twists and turns have been really awesome and impressive, at this rate I feel we are on the way to an end of evangelion moment where you just finish with some grand masterpiece that leaves us all speechless.
thank you so much for making this video! honesty it makes me feel less bad about where i am. I was judging myself so harshly
thank you for this. im 21 and it helps me a lot. puts things in perspective
Man, just 4 minutes away from starting work, walking through a cold winter morning, and hearing Adam so beautiful describe that evening overlooking the beach…
« Where is the unmitigated pleasure I have purchased with a lifetime of pain? » is not the kind of line I have subscribed for but it’s definitely why I keep coming back.
I think I'll make this episode a ritual of my own. This is listen/viewing #2 and I've once again come away reassured and entertained.
Stumbling On Happiness, Daniel Gilbert, 2006.
It won’t fix anything, but is a valuable dataset in your continuing exploration, your hunt for meaning, and maybe exploring the utility of happiness as a goal. Much peace to you, Adam. ✌️😌
You know this is incredibly refreshing i appreciate the effort you put into your show and remember that you help us confused youths find a path
I appreciate Adam sharing with us his gifts of charisma, eloquence and deep thinking while simultaneously bringing us along on his journey. Though we can't escape the hedonic treadmill, maybe finding and fulfilling one's purpose as such is the true source of happiness.
My wife and I got to the "good place" a couple years ago. Still finding unhappiness, and the question "Is there something fundamentally wrong with me?" that is begged, hit like a truck when you mentioned it. Thanks for putting this out there.
anybody else got teary-eyed too when Adam started tearing up at the end? :') Thank you Adam.
I’m from the future, I watched all of this. And everything shit but this podcast is good
This was one heck of a podcast Adam, I ended up trying to hit the like button every ten minutes or so before remembering that I already liked it
I choose to believe that Adam is seeing a therapist. As a therapist patron myself, I know it would probably be helpful for him.
Why I Enjoy My Journey, NOT My Destination
In all seriousness, this was a very insightful episode. Loved it.
Practice gratefulness and you will feel happy. Be thankful for what you have, and don't fixate on what you don't have. Consumer culture has us always thinking about what we don't have.
Gratefulness and patience are two virtues that I find very helpful to cultivate. I'm a recovering perfectionist and as time goes on and I practice habits that cultivate those two things (with mediation and journaling), I have found myself less restless and more content.
There is a Japanese saying that encapsulates this exact thought - 吾唯足知 (Ware tada taru wo shiru), literally meaning "I only know what is enough" but is usually translated as something like "What I have is enough and I'm grateful for it". Also Shintoism (Japanese tradition/belief system) and Buddhism are all about being grateful and enjoying the little things while they last. I've been trying to apply those concepts in my everyday life and I agree, it helps
This was a really good podcast. I appreciate that you were honest and vulnerable. For me, explaining why work still seems like work is probably different than yours. For me, my faith in God is what keeps me centered and not feeling like going insane from monotony. I believe that work was initially designed for us to be pleasurable, but the way we have designed it is not the natural way, and thus is misery. It is just something we have to accept while we live here and try to make it better in any way that we can by being kind to each other and trying to be fair in the way we design how our workplaces our. Of course, the people who design these systems are corrupted by, as you mention greed. When man tastes power, he is resistant to releasing it. Nothing will ever feel completely right, but I have a community of people in my church who love me and we all support each other and help build the community around us through volunteering and actually caring about people. For me, life is now, not some future moment waiting to happen. If you aren't happy right now, that's a problem. Living life for some great event is a recipe for a let-down. Taking pleasure in day-to-day life has been the only way I have ever found happiness.
Also, your podcasts are such a joy to listen to - thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. I've been struggling with much of what you discussed today.
This is such a great episode. Being open and honest and wondering aloud what everyone's wondered before. Thank you, Adam.
Thanks, lots of things to think about!
One thing just stuck out to me as soon as I heard it:
"Travel [with kids] can never be fun". Please for the love of god get trains into your country.
Some of the best moments in my life are travel! Sitting comfortably in a spacious seat of trans European trains, zipping silently past wonderful countryside, even if you're there for hours, you just take a walk, go to the restaurant car for a coffee,...
People around are working, families with kids are playing with them, people are happing.
When I'd be listening to a podcast there, it feels as pleasant as the "destination" you're describing but still whilst during the journey!
It is so interesting how robbed of imagination one can be by a particular status quo. When travel equals cars and airports, no wonder you can never imagine it to be fun.
Of course, this isn't in any way jab at you, we probably have many other blindspots of happiness unique to us and it is just amazing how many possibilities evade our imagination.
Happiness comes from remembering where you came from, not where you are or where you are going. And remembering to be thankful.
The last chapter of this podcast was really, jawdroppingly cathartic for me. I feel like your podcast is the closest thing to the best you could hope for in a life coach: someone who doesn't intend to be while doing so, well.
I love how Adam carries himself compared to other content creators. No backpedaling or explaining himself to the endless torrent of internet criticism.
Really enjoyed this ep Adam and I really relate to your experiences, but I believe that our brains evolved this way in order to protect us; early humans had a lot more to gain from focusing on what might harm them than from what was pleasant. The human brain, therefore, is not designed to be generally happy.
Definitely not losing my patience! I find this very relatable! I had a big issue with this in undergrad, which I had always looked forward to, as well as being a teacher
“I leave Sisyphus at the foot of the mountain! One always finds one’s burden again. But Sisyphus teaches the higher fidelity that negates the gods and raises rocks. He, too, concludes that all is well… The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man’s heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.”
-Adam Ragusea, 2023
"Reporting to you from the frontiers of happiness"
Adam quit flexing on me
Learning that Adam was in my state and in my (general) area through this video on vacation.
listening to your podcast and watching your videos always gives me this feeling that I am listening to a long poem.
Enjoy the small things along with the big things. I am enjoying spending some time listening to Adam in his lovely greenhouse.
I let Adam’s podcast wait until the weekend, so I have a nice treat to look forward to each Saturday.
I feel better when I’m able to mitigate low quality problems(inconveniences) and use my time to tackle high quality problems that, if solved or at least better understood, will improve my life. I think both types of problems should always be present, but shouldn’t always be acknowledged and given attention
Willfully creating something, having the resources for it or to support it, and having a interest in learning about and how to do something in-depth would be happiness. For some people, variety is the spice of life. Doing something with no time-pressure is nice, especially if it is a learning experience (which is why some people do things, they are lifelong learners), but sometimes time-pressure is one of those spices. Logistics of pulling something off is the thrill, for some. Some people want to work hard, with their hands, putting their whole body into it, or it doesn't feel like anything was accomplished. But I think you hit on something about enjoying the results of the work. Maybe not necessary to enjoy the results directly, but to see and know that one was a part of getting something done and following through, through problem-solving to a satisfying, grand, and/or celebrated result would be a dopamine hit. These various ways might follow along with the various kinds of intelligence that people have. People may want to improve their intelligence, crossover with another form of intelligence, trying to expand on and improve themselves. Some people will do one thing, obsessively searching for the essence of it, and being one of the few that can do it with excellence.
It sucks when you don't get that dopamine (I'm sure I'm using neuropsychology simplistically) or some other kind of return for your work. It sucks when one's only motivation is being made to feel guilty by others for not working hard and proudly for little return, or the voices of those from formative years that one still hears in their head. Or, as you mention, it's the best one can do in their situation; pittance for drudgery or nothing.
Maybe you're an HSP, a highly sensitive person. Or maybe you're made to feel like you can never set the pack down. With your wealth, maybe you could afford a tiny bit of luxury of finding a way to get to a place of optimal sensory stimulation. Especially before bedtime.
When I started hearing people use "carrots and sticks," I immediately thought (and still do) think of the cartoon image like in The Looney Tunes.
Journeys are great, especially when there is hope. I'll endure discomforts and the possible run-ins with danger if I have hope for some kind of gain. I never expected some great gain, just a little foot hold, then I would try to make the best of it.
i keep coming back to this one episode its so comforting
46:25 its been a long time since i heard someone talk about this feeling, thank you.
As someone in a similar financial situation as yourself I reframed my existence around contentment and wonder not happiness. It's easy to be in awe of the world. It's reasonably easy to be content with where you are in the moment and be thankful for the hard work and circumstances that brought you to the point where you're at. It's *hard* to just be happy for no reason. Because it's not natural or healthy thing to be happy constantly for no reason. While I myself was never a drug user many of my friends were. They found sobriety to be torture even before they started their recreational drug usage. They find it torturous now that they're drug free again. Heck one in particular got pissed at me for being "happy" because he confused contentment with happiness. I still don't think he gets the difference even though he's clean now. Finding contentment is achievable, happiness is reserved for drug users and religious fanatics.
Life is a series of mandalas. You weave something beautiful, enjoy it, and let it go. Something terrible occurs, but you must process it and let it go. When you are comfortable in the passage of finite things, and take pleasure in the process of constructing them, you will always find new ways to motivate yourself and enjoy your life, because when one thing ends another begins. Positive and negative; always the mantra will be nothing lasts forever, everything ends.
Awesome, My wife and I like to say friendships have seasons. I suppose life has ever changing seasons as well. Change is the constant. If we can accept the changes..., then we can be well.
The amount of insight about life I have received from you this podcast is mind boggling. Its to the point that I think I will need to re-evaluate my outlook on my own life and decisions and will dig deeper into the subjects mentioned here. The concept that resonated with me the most was about how there is a limit to how much pleasure or suffering, carrots and steaks we can have at a given time. Your point about rich people being assholes made me rethink my opinion about people who live in a completely different environment then I do.
This also similiar to your point about thick and thin skin people and celebrities.
Very insightful. Thank you.
Douglas Adams wrote about this in the Hitchhiker's Guide where they built entire new planets: "either the climate wasn't quite right in the later part of the afternoon, or the day was half an hour too long, or the sea was exactly the wrong shade of pink."
Even the wealthiest people in the galaxy are unhappy with their existence. Douglas knew some things.
As I was commuting home after a long day, the last 5 minutes were a really nice moment, thanks adam!
I find it increasingly difficult to feel real joy as I get older, despite being more comfortable overall. I just want to experience that intense feeling of fun and adventure that you feel when you’re young.
Hey Adam, I've watched you for a while. Enjoyed your uniqueness, to say nonetheless. I do however want to say you reminded me of myself, because maybe in around 2017-2018 I had generated a LOT of wealth fairly quickly and suddenly had life changing money. I had never, ever been more miserable in my life at that point and it all felt so isolating and confusing. I ended up losing everything a few years later, but the lesson that always stuck with me was that the money and the stress were never, ever worth it. Putting off your happiness today for tomorrow is never going to amount to anything, because the future never comes. Therapy has been fairly beneficial for me (without drugs), hope this helps and always enjoy your content.
Love the moon landing t-shirt during the anniversary of the mission. The only problem I think Adam has, is an addiction to learning. I applaud that unique outlook as I also experience it. Love this episode
Thank you for keeping me sane through my nightshift with this one
Very good! Your point about what people think they understand about you and your relations with others! All I get when you are pudding with Lauren is what a blessed family and a beautiful wife you have. We don’t get to visit with your dear kids but they are blessed to have such a Father!
I've recently come out of a long period of my life that was defined by struggle and a constant state of "survival mode". When I look at my life now, knowing how difficult it used to be just to exist, I am pretty content with every single day that is not that. Maybe happiness beyond the hormones of young adulthood is more about having the experience of something to compare it to.
A good way to put a bad day in perspective is: can you go outside and walk among the trees and have the sunlight on your face? Can you eat and enjoy a delicious meal? If it's a yes to both of those questions, then to me it's going to be okay. There are people I've known who weren't able to say that. It's a whole different level of problem.
I haven't always been happy, I've had a long stretch of many years where I was truly miserable. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But I love being happy. I love laughing. So I endured. Some things in my life I was able to change. Some things I had to accept and grieve. Some people I had to set clear boundaries with. Some things I just had to be patient and let them pass. I am a naturally happy person. It feels good to be back at my baseline.
I've thought a lot about happiness, particularly my happiness because that's pretty important to me. My conclusion is that it doesn't get any closer to heaven on earth than eating good food with good people (and some good drink is an added bonus). Beyond the basic needs, it really is that simple for me.
When you solve problems in your life, the best thing you can hope for is that the next problem is a little more fun to solve than the last one. Hoping for the moment when there will be no more problems to solve is a recipe for sadness because it will never happen
This episode just confirmed to me again that Adam is the best human ever
There is no commandment that you must enjoy life either in part or in whole, I think that is a burden we can let go from, it might work to let enjoyment come to you and be grateful for when it does, rather than try to force it at certain times.
It's very brave to share such intimate details, thank you for that. I think that the privileged position you mentioned which allows you to reflect about such intricacies of life is great and you are reaching a deeper understanding of what our existence is, that not everyone gets or cares to.
I think one of the main reasons why a job will never be fun, is because it's involuntary. Contrarily a desired "job" in your spare time, can always be fun and enjoyable. Even if it's otherwise "undesirable".