Never lend from the beginning. Then no one will bother you ever. But if you started letting them, it keeps coming. And then you are bad if you don't. I suggest move and start a new life and learn your lesson.
I hear ya. I am constantly fending off request for this or that and it is endless. I have gotten very good and I need to get better at saying NO. I’m in tampo with my girl because I told her no to a 1500PHP Xmas party request for her work. I told her that she would need to shoulder that and “crickets”. She’ll get over it.
Dude, I’m way too familiar with that very scene. She tries to please her whole family so they go through her to get to me. Some request are just ridiculous like beer for her dad and uncles, loans for her cousins and Jollibee for just because … all declined on the spot. We need to band together for mutual support.
@ I agree 100%. I’m leaving in 3 days for the Philippines where I will be there for a month. We are spending Xmas with her parents. She floated a trial balloon the other day of how nice it would be to give her parents each a $100 bill. Of course I said No way and then asked if she knew what it actually cost to get there and to get her and her 2 children an island away to spend Christmas with her parents. They don’t get it.
Don’t let frustration get the better of you. This quote is very Filipino, "Keep your face always toward the sunshine, and shadows will fall behind you."
Love it!!!!!😊 Thanks-my frustration is for future expats to be ready for. I’m all good-I talk out loud and it becomes my personal therapy session. lol Thanks for the quote. Take care
I moved here 7 years ago and married my filipina wife. After a 2 year adjustment and several defaulted family loans, I had 6 t- shirts printed up "ATM OFFLINE" I wear them around her family!
I printed up "Take me down win P1000".....I won a national medal in freestyle wrestling (USA) and a state championship in judo while in my prime. I get a release and it sure is a pleasure to drive them into the ground, undefeated, and I am 63, lol.
@ OH-MAN!!! Lol That’s hilarious,😆 😂 Now that’s having a good time in life. Making the best of it for sure. Thanks for the laugh and keep on keeping on!!!! Take care
Take a deep breath, exhale and clear your mind. Never build or live next to your wife’s relatives. Be a minimum of two hours driving distance. If you don’t stand your ground, they will bleed you. All you are going to do is complain and become miserable!
Lived in Philippines for 1 year ,21 to 22 and can relate 100 % to your experiences, frustrations began soon after the move, crazy dangerous drivers, family lying about repaying " loans ". Basic common sense near non existent. Live and learn or lose your mind is only thing you can do. Adapt or crash.
Been here 5 years now. I feel your pain. The word NO increases every year. No concept of "it all adds up". I don't think it will ever sink in. Her family is 4+ hours away. 6 would be better. You're renting so you have options in the future. Build a house and you're stuck (remember that). MOST importantly , get a handle on the money outflow or it will be a constant stressor. Ask me how I know. The kids have been easy for me , but the two girls I inherited are luckily very good , so no problem there. Your neighborhood is noisey. Consider moving if you get the chance ? Not the easiest to find a quieter place. Looks like you and Mau have a good foundation :)
@@JMgmkh Great comment, and advice. We are working together for a quality of life. She enjoys silence and relaxing to natural nature sounds. We have our finances in tact and very little goes out-mostly emergency items or doctor visits. I care for her families health and that the line I drew in the sand. Thank you for your comment. Take care
I'm Filipino born and raised in the US but moved back here about 2 years ago to be with my mother after my father passed away (They retired and moved back here from the US). I can relate with a lot of the topics you mentioned. So many people here have no social etiquette and lack discipline about touching other people's things but it seems to be the norm. It may not be as bad for me since I tend to blend in until I start to speak so I just let my local friends do all the talking but I understand what you're saying. I also hear you about the noise pollution. you can be in the middle of the jungle and there will be someone there signing along to karaoke. lmao With all that said, I still love being here.
@@DHcycling I wouldn’t trade the Philippines for anywhere else. I truly love it here. I want westerners to realize and be prepared so they don’t get into any trouble. Preparation is the key to success. Thank you so much for your kind comment. Take care
Good video Dave - I’m a senior married to a senior philippino lady in Canada 🇨🇦 I can relate to everything you say , I’m too far for relatives to drop by , so that’s out , but you’re very right that we were raised differently. Thanks
That can be settle before you get marry try to talk about it.its better to stay in the u.s instead here it's hard to understand Filipino toxic culture I'm a Filipina but I hate also that culture that even they have their own family they live together with siblings and old ones .for me having own family means it's a separate obligations go on with your life so with them they are not dis able théy can work for their needs. It's my opinion sir ✌️✌️✌️
Hit the nail on the head. They were living just fine before we got here. My favorite is complaining about no money while laying in a hammock playing with the phone instead of looking for work. There is no such thing as a loan so stop asking to borrow 😂.
Great video! No truer words were ever spoken. I just discovered your channel and this is the first video of yours that I’ve watched. Don’t get your Irish up there 😂. I had an 43 year age gap LDR hat started during Covid lock down. Under the circumsances I went with it and booked the cost to entertainment. But I did love her. However I don’t see how that can work for me in any case. It was essentially another child support payment (and I already have one of thse). Kind of defeats the purpose of the Philippines. The family was always behind the scenes using her to get to my wallet. I visited the family and stayed with them for a month in December 2022. They are lovely. And I tried to make it work but could not transcend the manipulation, lack of understanding, lack of integrity, and dishonesty. They save face rather than tell the truth. They are nice people by and large but prejudice towards us (i.e. skin tax, etc.). In the end I found the whole experience toxic and detrimental to my health so I decided to break it off while she’s still young and can find someone else who can afford her. But they don’t want to let go. Anyway, you might want to wear long sleave shirts there and a wide brim hat. I bought some lightweight polyester, white, long sleeve shirts from EPIC Sports here in the states - don’t know if you can get them there but if you can’t maybe I can help you out. Also, wear sunglasses to guard against glaucoma. And watch your diet. There’s an epidemic of diabetes and metabolic syndrome diseases there from the food and polution.
When Maita and I got married, I did help put her two daughters through College. It wasn't much money and I knew it would help them. One of our daughters married her classmate who became a civil engineer. He worked for the Transportation Dept and helped us find the house we ended up buying. He had started building houses and ended up working for a House building Company and was making very good money. His sister is an accountant for a company in Makati. Between them, they take care of any needs of the family. So I am never asked to help with family issues. They always respect me and I am welcomed by all of them. When they come over for a visit, I can just read my news or watch videos and nobody cares. If it gets noisy, I can sit ourside and enjoy the cool breezes and the sounds of nature. So if your girl has kids, help with the education. You will be paid back many times over.
@@barryinthepi390 Yes indeed, we have a son in private school and help out with her brother’s college/living expenses. Thanks for your comment. Take care
That is exactly the way I approach it too. I will help out with some education expenses and from there I have contributed to others in the family who can help with family needs if they desire to.
Well.... education doesn't always produce benefits because some people are impractical and will choose the wrong degree that does not result in job. Of course this is true of both the U.S. and the Philippines. So if you're going to pay for someone's education, make sure there are actually jobs in their chosen career field. And yeah, engineering and accountancy are usually slam dunks. Medical occupations are also good but most will have to become OFWs to make any real money. Ask around in the Philippines. A high percentage of degree holders are working at Robinson's and Jollibee.
@ Most service jobs are college required. I’m not paying for college-I’m paying for the boarding house. College is covered by scholarships. Her brother is going for masters in teaching. Who knows what it’ll pay, hopefully enough to support his mom in the future. Take care
And dont let anyone know where you are going to move. But you have to be in the same boat with your wife. Hope that helps as an advice from a filipina.
I am listening to a down to earth sort of man. I have been here for six years now and have every thing worked out. My partner come from Mindanao and she insisted we buy a house central Luzon it is good here. The problem I have lots of stupid people here, stupid on the road stupid with there mouth always loud. My favourite now they call out HEY JOE I reply HEY PUNOY. But life is good here for me. Asking money is not a big issue for us but we help the family on occasion.
lol I always reply with “HEY FRED” when I hear “Joe” 😆 The driving and lack of law on the roads is scary. Driving I find manageable when you can take your time and be extremely defensive. Appreciate your comment and support. Take care
Married 11 yrs to a filipina here, she's 45, and she is old school, which was, "the kids take care of ageing parents" and that's what we do, and she sends enough to get food for the month... and fish and rice isn't much.. Her two brothers and sisters she won't help{unless emergency}. And because she does this, they have all gotten jobs, and are all productive members of society.... We help them for school supplies, and maybe end of year... But I'm glad she is strict with them.... We were just in Bohol for a month in Dec. and had a great time.. Planning on moving there in 6 months. we have a 8 yr old... You on the right track.... Great Videos...
Heres the thing...in Philippines family runs on a godfather system. Everyone looks up to the one big boss in the family who calls the shots and takes care of all the problems. It can be the oldest, the richest, smartest or most successful. Basically the big chief of the clan. As the foreigner, its defacto because you have the big bucks and its expected to cover (aka "help") and be responsible for everyone. In the US, the ritual is to be independent and fend for yourself. In Philippines 3 generations will live in the same house hold and even include inlaws simply bec they can't afford to buy their own houses which is true if their work can't pay enough. That is why the people who buy houses are more likely those who work overseas than those who are stuck in Philippines earning lower salaries. In western eyes we think why don't they be independent like you did. But the infrastructure isnt there in the provinces. There is no high paying job they can earn to be independent in provinces. Instead, everyone just sticks together as a matter of survival and look for the one to breakthrough and be the "godfather". As for accountability, no one wants to admit fault or not know things because its a fear of being looking down as weak, poor, and stupid. Its pride, insecurity, and shame. Nobody wants to take blame for mistakes bec that makes them think people will label them as failures. There is no learn from your mistakes or ask if you dont know. Its if you make a mistake you are not reliable, if you don't know you must be stupid. You can at best slowly change this attitude within your immediate family but you cant change generations or a population of this mentality. Philippines isnt the US. Not China. Not Thailand. It is what it is. You take the good and the bad like any other place.
I should send you my scripts-your writing is better than my speech. Lol I agree, it won’t change, that’s why I’ve put in boundaries. That’s for my sanity, and keeping distance. I’ve watched family members work on the highway project “next to their house”and still need money. It’s not that they aren’t working it’s that they choose to ask and then take a few days off if they receive money. It’s a learning process and I have figured out my roll in it. The answer is “NO”. Appreciate your comment, makes great sense. Take care
You are so right . There is so much poverty there in many places of the Philippines,it’s not lije they can go and get a real job. I guess they just don’t feel bad about asking fior money from us.
While all your points are valid, the last one kinda hit home: the problems there pale to the ones in the U.S. In year four here in China with the full intent to be in PH full-time after retirement, but am contemplating going back to the states for a while here in a year or two to be closer to my mom, who's 78 now. A car, insurance, food costs, internet, crazy high rents, all that sprang to mind. Makes PH look like a walk in the park, despite the annoyances.
This mentality is generally a lower class Filipino mentality as is the relatives moving in and borrowing money, with my Filipina(modern city professional) partner of 7 years ..I’ve had none of these issues. But your doing the right thing ..I personally would not let people move in etc. But good luck to you guys.
My wife and I moved here after we both retired in the states. She did 20+ years of work to earn her pension, I got gimped up by the military to earn my disability. Her family nonstop tries to take advantage of us by appealing to her loyalty. If they assist us in finding or arranging a purchase, inevitably they want a finders fee. If they don't outright say so, it's already worked into the price with the seller. They literally screw over their own family to make a few pesos. If you can't trust family you can't trust anyone. If you are a foreigner here you will absolutely have people try to take advantage of you. They will bleed you dry and leave as soon as the money dries up. If you say something or complain about it publicly expect them to tell you to go home or hold a grudge.
I think some of your points are true-to add to your comment I would also state that good families do exist-we have had very little issues. I’m comparing my issues with time in the PI-we had 4 days and the wife had straightened that up quickly. Can’t blame families if the individual continues to give. That would fall on the individual. Then latter hear him complain about them taking his money. No one is in control of the finances other than the individual. If he gives then don’t complain later. I can say that no one will ever pressure me to give what I’ve earned to anyone. Unless I feel it justified. Lots of fools all over the world. Thanks for your input. Take care
absolutely correct. That is the saddest part. If you sell a house here, a family member will offer to help and he will say "I only ask 100,000 pesos and I will certainly sell your house", then if you agree he will go away and speak to someone he knows who knows someone who knows someone etc. Then when the house is finally sold and you arrive at the bank to get the cash, 5 extra people whome you have never met, turn up at the bank all demanding their "100,000 pesos". I kid you not about this. This is completely legal here.
Nice info. Thanks for your take. Ponder this, PHP doesn't have a middle class. In 1950s ours USA was almost 60% Survival mode is 90% of the population's mentality. I learned that if I feed the birds, they keep coming back for a free meal. It's mother nature. Set firm realistic boundaries or you'll be upside down. God bless
I believe it is the embedded culture of "save face" that makes it difficult for filipino's to admit that they don't know what they are doing. And like you, I am willing to make the adjustments to their ways, but it doesn't necessarily mean I have to compromise my values. I like it here, so I will continue to remind myself that I am the guest in their country.
true. What I have noticed is that they wont take advice or learn something from a foreigner even if they are a mechanic for instance, and you give them some excellent pointers to make their job easier and more remedial. Its like they are ashamed that they have to take on a better method.
Thats why i always protect my husband from situations like this. I thank God i have all the knowledge what to do. I dont want any burning bridges because it is not a good reputation. My husband and my family are in good terms at all times. it all really depends on the woman to be honest. Most of us are so show off that we allow them to let our husbands pay or lend. Nope, heck to the NO, NOT ME! If I want to help, i take it from my pay but very seldom. I give on my terms😂. Selfish to most but i need respect for me and my husband. But most of all, PEACE. Grear video. Keep it up
@@fenderbend3r Appreciate your comment- It’s mostly me with a big heart and always helped out in the states. My wife is a great protector. She has put her foot down before I had 2. She is done with the excuses. Thank you so much for your input. Take care
💯% right, the whole thing. The family is asking for money 2 to 3 times a week, it’s constant. Sisters, Mom and Dad and even her 12yo. brother. He’ll, her 3 yo daughter knows to ask for toy, playground or Jollybee on the regular. It’s very tiresome and it has me on the fence … I do decline a lot of requests but the asking is relentless. Like you I refuse to go broke helping so once the monthly budge is reached, the rejection starts. There is also no desired to teach the kids anything about life, they wanna give them everything so the kid comes to expected and go into tantrums when they don’t get their way, so I see the tantrums a lot since I say no in an instant. Not sure how much longer I’ll be willing to deal with this. BTW, we are in Cebu 2 islands away but the requests come in regardless. Today on my walk a grown ass man pass me, I said, good evening (in visas), his response … “give me money” WTF??? I shrug 🤷🏻 and kept on walking, didn’t even look back. I usually get this from young kids. This shit gets old man … jussayin’
@@Philibusting Understand, I don’t have bad family issues, they just arise occasionally and the answer is no. Walking around it’s a hit and miss-mostly kids that have been taught no morals and out begging because they don’t know any better. It’s tough, hang in there. Take care
@ Thanks man… I do use an emphatic No often enough and the watch go into seclusion for a few hours which, I’ve gotten sort of used to. It’s just that at 64, sometimes I don’t feel like dealing with the whole scenario for the rest of my days. Not sure a lonely existence in the US would be much better tho …
@@Philibusting I think your existence in PI is much better than the states. Just remember people here don’t know any better. It’s easier to accept that way. Take care of yourself.
I think also consistency helps. Also communicate with your spouse or GF that you expect them to send a consistent message to the family. I won’t tolerate my GF not supporting me on these issues. That would be a relationship ender for me.
LOL ... my wife had some friends stop by the other day. After they left, she told me "they came by to borrow money". Oh, really? "Yes, she said it was only 10k ... when I said no, how about 5k, only? How about 200 pesos? No, no, no." Of course, my wife has lived in the US for the past 38 years and she's well aware of the ATM for Expats and herself (Balikbayan). I am very confident in my wife's ability to handle money in the Philippines. Not so much in the US, but here she does great. We live in the province on a small island and there are no shopping malls or things to spend money on other that basics and essentials. If we visit the City, she is still pretty frugal , and though we have several credit cards, we don't utilize credit. If we charge on it, it's paid off within days. Even though I'm the financial guy back in the USA, I told her, she's the one in charge here. She just has to stay within her monthly allotment and so far, I'm very happy with the way she handles things here.
@@PandemicPvE Absolutely, my wife always puts her foot down gently. I voice my opinion and then I’m done with it. It’s all good, never gets my temper up. Thanks for your comment. Take care
As many foreigners that have been in involved with a Filipina have experienced. Despite your resistance you’ll be looked upon as a source of loans or revenue for other family members. Now of course that all depends on the economic situation of her family, I don’t won’t to be stereotypical. However many guys I know have been surprised because they didn’t know what they were getting themselves into. But in all honesty let’s be fair this is not just unique to 🇵🇭 families, from my experience it’s just more emphasis placed on it. Thanks for sharing a great topic👏🏾👌🏾👍🏾!
@@skip2it426- My wife has been thru the ringer with her family-worked in Manila and sent money home. Nothing to show for it. It is the norm for most, I personally am not worried about. Nothing compares to my ex America wife. lol Thanks for the comment Take care
I'm more than happy to help out others in time of need, but I'm not supporting anybody's family either man.Learning how to say "No" is powerful. Stay well man!
Been here 10 years - I Don pay for school and rice but in return I give them tasks - weed yard , wash clothes , trim trees - etc I have a washing machine but ask them to wash delicate items by hand
Dave I’m glad you have a forum to vent here on TH-cam. I am glad I subscribed to your channel. I do feel your pains and you are helping me with the stress of it all. Thank you for posting this so my wife can watch with me and understand how we were raised
@ Truly appreciate your comment. I hope something I say hits home with individuals that are planning on living or already living in the Philippines. Take care
i dread running into the many issues you mentioned. i really hate when people touch or take my stuff. right to private property and free speech are prob the 2 most American thing
@@JTW3159 Understandable, some choose that. I was single for 23 years. Each individual has a choice of their individual life. Glad you found happiness single. I’ve chosen being married, and it was a great choice for me. Thanks for the comment. Take care
Excellent video. I wish more youtubers would get the message out concerning these issues. You're just being honest with yourself and the family. The rest of us just try to make it from day to day without getting into feuds with our Filipino spouse. Maybe you can use your channel to help get the American/Filipino culture adjusted. We shouldn't be an ATM for the entire family. Like you said, they got along without us before, so why can't they get along without us now? Thanks for the video
@@ronniecupstid9955 I truly appreciate your comments. That’s what the channel is heading for-pure honest relationship/inter twinning family ties. And a culture that needs to be addressed for expats. Thanks again Take care
I met this woman online from Cebu... Already she wants me to stay with her in the province and I already said no. I'm living in the city take it or leave it. I already told her I'm only responsible for her and her son. If she gives her money to her family than she's broke. If the family starts stressing me I'm moving without notice and I'm gone. Like I told women in Jamaica. Do what you did before I met you. If she can't work than her son's education won't be great. She's already puzzled why I only see family on long weekends and holidays. I told her, us white people like our peace and quiet. Generally she's a great person and her family seems nice.
@@glorygodpromotion It’s when you say it’s my life also- I did tell the family “what did you do before I came here” That stopped all the BS.. My wife and son will move in a heart beat if her family ever interrupts my peace again. It’s a learning curve for everyone but I have the say because it’s “MY” money,. Thanks for your input- Take care
I hear you on culture differences. We were building a house and after the roof was on the neighbour’s started hanging clothes lines in my house to dry their clothes. To me I was like what is this. But my wife it’s ok it’s normal. I really need to adapt.
Sometimes family have to be kept close enough to be far enough. It's tough with the whole cultural change, but as long as clear boundaries can be established then everything should be grand (as we'd say in Ireland)
The resort/farm you mentioned is that Bukid ni manang? Elyn my fiancé said she was going to have an excursion out there one of these days, but was unsure regarding public transportation out there? Any ideas? Or is it possible to go out in a tricycle or centrecar?
Definitely no public transportation, we left at 6:30pm and no access to any transportation. Scooter or vehicle.🚗. It’s a great resort and beautiful views. I hope she can make it someday. Take care
Any foreign man who has been in the Phils for two plus years has these kinds of stories. Between the crabpotting and the "Gimme culture", my girlfriend (who has a successful career) is so conflicted abut her family that she cries about having to deal with them. I am constantly pointing out various passive-agressive acts, and "I need money for the doctor" schemes, that her red pill moment has come, and she seriously wants to leave just to get away from it. I already told her some time ago that I won't marry her because of her parasitical family and the river of BS that comes with them...Not all Filipino families are like this - your Class A, B, and some C's are pretty much like foreigners. But these are your stable, educated, and often well-traveled upper, upper middle, and middle class families. Out in the provinces and in the poorer barangays it is dog eat dog...
Welcome to the Philippines. LOL My fiancee has never asked for any money.... but has passes on requests from her family members. It started they wanted just enough for some rice and it has gradually increased. In that past it was a few hundred pesos, and I always said ok.. But now its increased to today, her brother asking for 1500 pesos. Today was my fist time saying no. And I said I'm done helping. Like you said, they always got by before I was here. I may still periodically help a little, but if you let it get out of control they will take all your disposable income.
@@douggilmore6355 Agree 💯 We just went shopping for groceries and 500 psp per immediate family, mom/dad 4 brothers and 1 sister. 10,000 psp budget and that’s it. Once a year. It’s not hard to get control, after all it’s our money. Just preparing some individuals that hopefully won’t fall victim. Thanks for your comment. Take care Merry Christmas 🎄🎁
Having old fashioned values being English and having a pinoy wife for ten years my advise is not to complain after the event ….but to make it very clear at the beginning of the relationship that English values will be the core of the relationship,the protection then starts at home,IF SHE NOT THERE TO PROTECT YOU SHE IS THE WRONG ONE,this is important as it will give you more tolerance for all the rip off events you will face as a white man in general life when in the Philippines,and at the end of the day it is far cheaper to live there than in England or USA
I’m in a relationship with a woman right now who has a nine-year-old child. He eats like a feral child that was found in the woods. His face in the plate shoveling rice in with his fingers. I have tried to politely teach him that one day he will have to join civilization and use a fork. His mother seems oblivious..
Our son-I’ve been father for 2 years is enjoying the teachings. He eats proper western style with us and when at the farm he reverts back to, we’ll “farm ways” I don’t want him to loose his past and he will be sent to the farm during work season. Never forget your roots is what I’m teaching him. He has slowed down shoveling food down-and is an incredible smart fast learner- Just enjoy it while you can-teaching critical thinking is a plus here for sure. Take care
@@maudave Absolutely! Also, pick your battles wisely. My GF has helped me understand that eating with your fingers is widely accepted here so I try not to collide with cultural norms. Like you said though, teaching him in your house to eat with manners is understandable. 😊
I remember when I used to live in south America as a foreigner it was common or understood that since I was better off than the usual person, it was ok for them to take / borrow from me. To me that was stealing to them it wasn't.
@@jorgejunco4907 Agree, It is stealing with no remorse. Don’t give what you can’t afford to loose. I choose-not loosing a dime. Lol Thanks for the comment. Take care
Hey man. Thanks for the video. This is something that I am trying to deal with now too. Its so frustrating. I have an understanding with my Filipina that I will only help with emergency situations for family. I am also very aware of not wanting to create a dependency on me and my finances. I do know that my Filipina has a lot of pressure from others for help now that they see her with a foreigner. Like I said to my Filipina. I don't have an endless supply of money. I have those same feeling though. "what did you do before I was here?" I also see that my Filipina doesn't get as much work now because the locals thinks that she now has money and doesn't need it so it's a double edge sword. I am lucky that my Filipina does want me for my money and would rather go without than ask for assistance. I don't have her on an allowance. We are not married. I think that open communication is important. Set those financial boundaries early in the relationship. Let them know that if your money gets too low you will have to leave to work and they will get nothing. I know you were joking about the leaving to another island to stop that badgering for money but I think that is a valid answer to the problem. I don't know man. I don't like to think that my Filipina is getting asked for financial assistance and having to put up with that sort of thing. Keep up the good work man. Love your comments and videos.
@@troycoate6746 Appreciate it….. My wife and I communicate very well-she tells me everything. And who and when people ask-I always ask back “what did you tell them”. Her reply is I’m not working either, figure it out. She is very aware of what’s going on and I feel sorry portions of her family put stress on her. She does handle it well. Take care
@ I don’t hand over money. We will go and pay the doc or prescription. No money will ever be passed other than the bill collector services, hospital/docs/or emergency weather food. Once you have been played it’s easy to see thru the bullshit. Lol Take care
I don't really have any problem with people here asking for money or help.. I only say hi and bye ... keep it simple and chat with some foreigners who are like minded like me
Hi Dave, I do understand you frustration with this situation and this is a concern I have about potentially moving to the PH or any other place what is poor in comparision to the US. This may or may not help but people have been studying the psychology of the poverty and if you grow up poor, are poor you think differently than either of us. Here in the US, I'm assuming you have seen the Check Cashing Services, for years I thought you would be crazy to use one, but I read a artical a few years back and guess what, if you are poor a check cashing service is your best option. So the people using check cashing services here in the US are not just lazy or stupid it is just their best option and it is not a great option. The phrase I liked is "the behaviors of poor people reflect the best choices they can make in unfavorable circumstances." There is a bunch of stuff about this online if you want to read more. My issue is if I move any place that is much cheaper than the US, most of the world, I'm going to have to deal with this in some form or another. Also, just because you understand something doesn't mean that you will find it any less frustrating to deal with. Good luck with everything.
Your correct about the difference in attitude,and skill set of the kids there vs. the kids of our generation. Ok .. I’ll just say it ; The kids ,and young adults there have no discipline 😩..I have seen it with my own eyes. About the asking 😩..dude! They think all Americans are rich ,we are so wealthy that money just flows out of our pockets 😂🥴. I have learned to jyst day no, but be prepared fir tempo or the cold shoulder for a while . I learned a lot about the culture there. It’s sad that lieing is engrained in their culture. Sad to say,you are correct about things there,I have experience d the same things !
Sorry to hear that you are having this experience I've heard other's have the same experience Three years here I've never been ask for anything I did pay my mother inlaw hospital bill One time lol there maybe some truth about moving to a different Island I live in cabuyao laguna southern Luzon her family lives 12 hrs northern Luzon I haven't even met half of them
This is coming as kind of a shock - Mike and Old Dog Phil vloggers try and skirt around talking about how everyone is on the take in Phil - They'll bring it up every now and then - The girlfriends uncle or cousin who approaches you for money for a new cel phone - Or he needs to repair his motorbike - I'd be like - Do I know you - Get the he'll outta here !
Don’t ever forget! In PH family culture, it’s all for one and one for all, especially if you are the Fort Knox wealthy foreigner husband or boyfriend. Might be time to move to a distant PH island. Sorry you having hard time. No is no. I can no longer afford the whole clan. My funds are limited, the golden goose has died.
@@garyricky6297 Agree I just step in on emergencies now. Things they think are not serious and I find serious I step in and make sure things are taken care of. For the kids usually- Take care of
Hi Dave, Thank you for the knowledge...I hope to one day find a Filipina and move there as I am tired of American culture. Hopefully things get better now that Trump will be back in office, however I don't think Trump can help bring American women back to reality. Thank you for helping us future Passport Bro's out!
Because you look like Ryan O'neal I'll call this the "Love Story" syndrome. You are at Phase III of the Expat Philippine experience. You will have to consider a drastic relocation with wife & child - must be longer than 7 hour journey by motorbike over heavy terrain. Only then shall you continue your Philippine experience and reach Phases 4,5,6, and the almost unattainable Phase 7 = end of Life package. You seem wise enough to realize a change must be made, soon.
@@Karma52 lol-great humor… Changes have been made-our next video is explaining it. Some run and move far away without thinking about their spouse. I consider that selfish, I have more respect for her and her feelings. Never run, face issues face on. Adjust accordingly and rule your nest. Testing the water is part of life- Thanks for the comment. Take care
I understand what you’re experright now, you seem to be carrying the “ton” attitude of your wife’s extended family. My question is why you didnt saw it before? In my place in Bulacan it doesn’t have to be like that as you’re saying. My advice is move somewhere far from your wife’s family (parasites) maybe some of them. Good luck.
@eduardogonzales2405 I didn’t express my whole family is taking, I was expressing to others to be prepared. I only deal with a couple members and I won’t allow them to interfere with our life. It’s easy-but when you’re new over in the PI it’s hard to understand their thinking. Take care
@@amowatt01 Don’t assume.. She does a very good job as protector. Watch a few videos and you’ll see. She says no all the time. She has warned me that a few siblings don’t understand boundaries- Appreciate the concern Take care
@@liamstone3437 That doesn’t solve people sitting on or touching your things. Appreciate the comment. A few family members won’t ruin my life, just making future expats aware of things. Take care
I think your situation is similar to many who make the mistake of not bringing their wife to the states so she can learn first hand 1) how expensive it is to live in the states 2) how you basically get up, go to work, come home to eat, sleep and repeat. 3) not every American is rich. Once she see this with her own eyes, you won’t even have to worry about getting asked for money because she will know what to say. I’ve been married 8 years now and have never been asked for money by a family member. My wife works a job and has her own money. I don’t tell her what to do with it and she helps me out when I need some help. She has learned that money doesn’t grow on trees and you have to bust your butt to make a dollar and save a quarter.
@@angelsantana3001 The video is of “A” situation not something that happens everyday. She tried to educate her siblings. Didn’t work out-Mau-has worked and understands the value of money without stepping foot in the U.S. My situation lasted 4 days-I let my wife handle things her own way. It’s a learning curve for her-can’t teach everything for her. I appreciate your comment- One video does not represent our whole life. Just a video to help others not fall victim of their own doing. Take care
@@angelsantana3001 Mau has stated to me from the beginning, no to the U.S. Visiting yes, living no. Honestly, I’m good with her decision. Appreciate your views Thanks again. Take care
Im a filipino expat here in the West been living abroad for sometime and i do understand where youre coming from. I was born and raised in a "middle class" family in the province my mom was a professor and my late father was then an engineer. Our culture really separates the "Poor" uneducated "bad mannered"(most majority) from literate "well cultured" filipinos. But then progress in the economy has changed (hopefully) the information technology i.e social media like your channel is very informative for these upcoming generations to ponder and assimilate western culture that are beneficial and for a change
I "loaned " money to a few family members and it was never used for the purpose for which it was requested. Bank is closed.
@@Dwayne_Kelley
Indeed-Lol
“Bank Is Closed” love it!!!!!
Take care
Been there
@
As long as most of us learn fast, we should be ok.
I’ve met several that have lost it all for being 2 kind/irresponsible.
Take care
It usually never is used what it’s asked for 😊😅😅😊
Never lend from the beginning. Then no one will bother you ever. But if you started letting them, it keeps coming. And then you are bad if you don't. I suggest move and start a new life and learn your lesson.
I hear ya. I am constantly fending off request for this or that and it is endless. I have gotten very good and I need to get better at saying NO. I’m in tampo with my girl because I told her no to a 1500PHP Xmas party request for her work. I told her that she would need to shoulder that and “crickets”. She’ll get over it.
Dude, I’m way too familiar with that very scene. She tries to please her whole family so they go through her to get to me. Some request are just ridiculous like beer for her dad and uncles, loans for her cousins and Jollibee for just because … all declined on the spot. We need to band together for mutual support.
@ I agree 100%. I’m leaving in 3 days for the Philippines where I will be there for a month. We are spending Xmas with her parents. She floated a trial balloon the other day of how nice it would be to give her parents each a $100 bill. Of course I said No way and then asked if she knew what it actually cost to get there and to get her and her 2 children an island away to spend Christmas with her parents. They don’t get it.
@@papadougpapadougsadventuresbelieve me they get it the think you are a ATM 100%
@@papadougpapadougsadventuresif she has two kids that are not even your kids She should be treating you like a King for sure 😊😮
I hear you.. but 1500 pesos is like 25$. I would give her the 25 and then reap her rewards later😅
Don’t let frustration get the better of you. This quote is very Filipino, "Keep your face always toward the sunshine, and shadows will fall behind you."
Love it!!!!!😊
Thanks-my frustration is for future expats to be ready for.
I’m all good-I talk out loud and it becomes my personal therapy session. lol
Thanks for the quote.
Take care
I moved here 7 years ago and married my filipina wife. After a 2 year adjustment and several defaulted family loans, I had 6 t- shirts printed up
"ATM OFFLINE"
I wear them around her family!
@@MartinShumard
😂 LOL
That’s awesome…..👏
Got a giggle out of me. Ha
Agree 💯%.
Thanks for the laugh and comment.
Take care
I love that 🤭👌🏾👏🏾
Awesome 👍 I'd love to have one. Funny but it's the best statement shirt
I printed up "Take me down win P1000".....I won a national medal in freestyle wrestling (USA) and a state championship in judo while in my prime. I get a release and it sure is a pleasure to drive them into the ground, undefeated, and I am 63, lol.
@
OH-MAN!!! Lol
That’s hilarious,😆 😂
Now that’s having a good time in life. Making the best of it for sure.
Thanks for the laugh and keep on keeping on!!!!
Take care
Take a deep breath, exhale and clear your mind. Never build or live next to your wife’s relatives. Be a minimum of two hours driving distance. If you don’t stand your ground, they will bleed you. All you are going to do is complain and become miserable!
Agree, I did the video as a counseling session for myself. Lol
Take care
After hearing "no" so many times, people stopped asking. The only Filipinos I spend money on out here are my kids.
@@AFAMunplugged
Yes, perfect.
My wife and child is my responsibility.
Appreciate your comment
Take care
Family will absolutely take advantage
If you let them-for sure…
Take care
Lived in Philippines for 1 year ,21 to 22 and can relate 100 % to your experiences, frustrations began soon after the move, crazy dangerous drivers, family lying about repaying " loans ". Basic common sense near non existent. Live and learn or lose your mind is only thing you can do. Adapt or crash.
they will often sit on the hood of your car! ................... SUBSCRIBED.......... You speak alot of sense.
Appreciate it.
Merry Christmas 🎁🎄
Take care
Been here 5 years now. I feel your pain. The word NO increases every year.
No concept of "it all adds up". I don't think it will ever sink in. Her family is 4+ hours away. 6 would be better. You're renting so you have options in the future. Build a house and you're stuck (remember that). MOST importantly , get a handle on the money outflow or it will be a constant stressor. Ask me how I know. The kids have been easy for me , but the two girls I inherited are luckily very good , so no problem there. Your neighborhood is noisey. Consider moving if you get the chance ? Not the easiest to find a quieter place.
Looks like you and Mau have a good foundation :)
@@JMgmkh
Great comment, and advice. We are working together for a quality of life. She enjoys silence and relaxing to natural nature sounds.
We have our finances in tact and very little goes out-mostly emergency items or doctor visits. I care for her families health and that the line I drew in the sand.
Thank you for your comment.
Take care
I'm Filipino born and raised in the US but moved back here about 2 years ago to be with my mother after my father passed away (They retired and moved back here from the US). I can relate with a lot of the topics you mentioned. So many people here have no social etiquette and lack discipline about touching other people's things but it seems to be the norm. It may not be as bad for me since I tend to blend in until I start to speak so I just let my local friends do all the talking but I understand what you're saying. I also hear you about the noise pollution. you can be in the middle of the jungle and there will be someone there signing along to karaoke. lmao With all that said, I still love being here.
@@DHcycling
I wouldn’t trade the Philippines for anywhere else. I truly love it here. I want westerners to realize and be prepared so they don’t get into any trouble. Preparation is the key to success.
Thank you so much for your kind comment.
Take care
Good video Dave - I’m a senior married to a senior philippino lady in Canada 🇨🇦
I can relate to everything you say , I’m too far for relatives to drop by , so that’s out , but you’re very right that we were raised differently. Thanks
I can relate, after 25 yrs of marriage it never ends!
@@fil-amjourney4746
It’s sad, but won’t change.
Take care
That can be settle before you get marry try to talk about it.its better to stay in the u.s instead here it's hard to understand Filipino toxic culture I'm a Filipina but I hate also that culture that even they have their own family they live together with siblings and old ones .for me having own family means it's a separate obligations go on with your life so with them they are not dis able théy can work for their needs. It's my opinion sir ✌️✌️✌️
@
Appreciate it.
Take care
Amen. It's a learning curve here.
Hit the nail on the head. They were living just fine before we got here. My favorite is complaining about no money while laying in a hammock playing with the phone instead of looking for work. There is no such thing as a loan so stop asking to borrow 😂.
lol
Exactly-
Somehow money shows up for a bottle of rum but not for food.
Take care
Great video! No truer words were ever spoken. I just discovered your channel and this is the first video of yours that I’ve watched. Don’t get your Irish up there 😂. I had an 43 year age gap LDR hat started during Covid lock down. Under the circumsances I went with it and booked the cost to entertainment. But I did love her. However I don’t see how that can work for me in any case. It was essentially another child support payment (and I already have one of thse). Kind of defeats the purpose of the Philippines. The family was always behind the scenes using her to get to my wallet. I visited the family and stayed with them for a month in December 2022. They are lovely. And I tried to make it work but could not transcend the manipulation, lack of understanding, lack of integrity, and dishonesty. They save face rather than tell the truth. They are nice people by and large but prejudice towards us (i.e. skin tax, etc.). In the end I found the whole experience toxic and detrimental to my health so I decided to break it off while she’s still young and can find someone else who can afford her. But they don’t want to let go. Anyway, you might want to wear long sleave shirts there and a wide brim hat. I bought some lightweight polyester, white, long sleeve shirts from EPIC Sports here in the states - don’t know if you can get them there but if you can’t maybe I can help you out. Also, wear sunglasses to guard against glaucoma. And watch your diet. There’s an epidemic of diabetes and metabolic syndrome diseases there from the food and polution.
the diabetes is from the rice and sugar.
When Maita and I got married, I did help put her two daughters through College. It wasn't much money and I knew it would help them. One of our daughters married her classmate who became a civil engineer. He worked for the Transportation Dept and helped us find the house we ended up buying. He had started building houses and ended up working for a House building Company and was making very good money. His sister is an accountant for a company in Makati. Between them, they take care of any needs of the family. So I am never asked to help with family issues. They always respect me and I am welcomed by all of them. When they come over for a visit, I can just read my news or watch videos and nobody cares. If it gets noisy, I can sit ourside and enjoy the cool breezes and the sounds of nature. So if your girl has kids, help with the education. You will be paid back many times over.
@@barryinthepi390
Yes indeed, we have a son in private school and help out with her brother’s college/living expenses.
Thanks for your comment.
Take care
That is exactly the way I approach it too. I will help out with some education expenses and from there I have contributed to others in the family who can help with family needs if they desire to.
Well.... education doesn't always produce benefits because some people are impractical and will choose the wrong degree that does not result in job. Of course this is true of both the U.S. and the Philippines. So if you're going to pay for someone's education, make sure there are actually jobs in their chosen career field. And yeah, engineering and accountancy are usually slam dunks. Medical occupations are also good but most will have to become OFWs to make any real money. Ask around in the Philippines. A high percentage of degree holders are working at Robinson's and Jollibee.
@
Most service jobs are college required.
I’m not paying for college-I’m paying for the boarding house.
College is covered by scholarships. Her brother is going for masters in teaching. Who knows what it’ll pay, hopefully enough to support his mom in the future.
Take care
@ That still helps them. Most Filipinos will not be hired by a business unless they have a degree of some sort, even clerk type positions.
And dont let anyone know where you are going to move. But you have to be in the same boat with your wife. Hope that helps as an advice from a filipina.
Always good to hear different views on topics.
Appreciate your thoughts.
Take care
Blindfold the wife on the way to a different island. 😂
I am listening to a down to earth sort of man. I have been here for six years now and have every thing worked out. My partner come from Mindanao and she insisted we buy a house central Luzon it is good here. The problem I have lots of stupid people here, stupid on the road stupid with there mouth always loud. My favourite now they call out HEY JOE I reply HEY PUNOY. But life is good here for me. Asking money is not a big issue for us but we help the family on occasion.
lol
I always reply with “HEY FRED” when I hear “Joe” 😆
The driving and lack of law on the roads is scary. Driving I find manageable when you can take your time and be extremely defensive.
Appreciate your comment and support.
Take care
Married 11 yrs to a filipina here, she's 45, and she is old school, which was, "the kids take care of ageing parents" and that's what we do, and she sends enough to get food for the month... and fish and rice isn't much.. Her two brothers and sisters she won't help{unless emergency}. And because she does this, they have all gotten jobs, and are all productive members of society.... We help them for school supplies, and maybe end of year... But I'm glad she is strict with them.... We were just in Bohol for a month in Dec. and had a great time.. Planning on moving there in 6 months. we have a 8 yr old... You on the right track.... Great Videos...
@@onagoodknight
Appreciate it-Congrats on finding a great partner.
Thanks for the comment
Take care
Heres the thing...in Philippines family runs on a godfather system. Everyone looks up to the one big boss in the family who calls the shots and takes care of all the problems. It can be the oldest, the richest, smartest or most successful. Basically the big chief of the clan. As the foreigner, its defacto because you have the big bucks and its expected to cover (aka "help") and be responsible for everyone. In the US, the ritual is to be independent and fend for yourself. In Philippines 3 generations will live in the same house hold and even include inlaws simply bec they can't afford to buy their own houses which is true if their work can't pay enough. That is why the people who buy houses are more likely those who work overseas than those who are stuck in Philippines earning lower salaries. In western eyes we think why don't they be independent like you did. But the infrastructure isnt there in the provinces. There is no high paying job they can earn to be independent in provinces. Instead, everyone just sticks together as a matter of survival and look for the one to breakthrough and be the "godfather". As for accountability, no one wants to admit fault or not know things because its a fear of being looking down as weak, poor, and stupid. Its pride, insecurity, and shame. Nobody wants to take blame for mistakes bec that makes them think people will label them as failures. There is no learn from your mistakes or ask if you dont know. Its if you make a mistake you are not reliable, if you don't know you must be stupid. You can at best slowly change this attitude within your immediate family but you cant change generations or a population of this mentality. Philippines isnt the US. Not China. Not Thailand. It is what it is. You take the good and the bad like any other place.
I should send you my scripts-your writing is better than my speech. Lol
I agree, it won’t change, that’s why I’ve put in boundaries. That’s for my sanity, and keeping distance. I’ve watched family members work on the highway project “next to their house”and still need money. It’s not that they aren’t working it’s that they choose to ask and then take a few days off if they receive money. It’s a learning process and I have figured out my roll in it.
The answer is “NO”.
Appreciate your comment, makes great sense.
Take care
You are so right . There is so much poverty there in many places of the Philippines,it’s not lije they can go and get a real job. I guess they just don’t feel bad about asking fior money from us.
@@billkeller3083 No they don’t and the perception is you have plenty and can help.
very well said and accurate.
While all your points are valid, the last one kinda hit home: the problems there pale to the ones in the U.S. In year four here in China with the full intent to be in PH full-time after retirement, but am contemplating going back to the states for a while here in a year or two to be closer to my mom, who's 78 now. A car, insurance, food costs, internet, crazy high rents, all that sprang to mind. Makes PH look like a walk in the park, despite the annoyances.
It’s a great country once you accept it.
Take care
"crazy high rents"? try Australia!
This mentality is generally a lower class Filipino mentality as is the relatives moving in and borrowing money, with my Filipina(modern city professional) partner of 7 years ..I’ve had none of these issues. But your doing the right thing ..I personally would not let people move in etc. But good luck to you guys.
Thanks for your comment.
Take care
My wife and I moved here after we both retired in the states. She did 20+ years of work to earn her pension, I got gimped up by the military to earn my disability. Her family nonstop tries to take advantage of us by appealing to her loyalty. If they assist us in finding or arranging a purchase, inevitably they want a finders fee. If they don't outright say so, it's already worked into the price with the seller. They literally screw over their own family to make a few pesos. If you can't trust family you can't trust anyone.
If you are a foreigner here you will absolutely have people try to take advantage of you. They will bleed you dry and leave as soon as the money dries up. If you say something or complain about it publicly expect them to tell you to go home or hold a grudge.
I think some of your points are true-to add to your comment I would also state that good families do exist-we have had very little issues. I’m comparing my issues with time in the PI-we had 4 days and the wife had straightened that up quickly. Can’t blame families if the individual continues to give. That would fall on the individual. Then latter hear him complain about them taking his money. No one is in control of the finances other than the individual. If he gives then don’t complain later.
I can say that no one will ever pressure me to give what I’ve earned to anyone. Unless I feel it justified. Lots of fools all over the world.
Thanks for your input.
Take care
absolutely correct. That is the saddest part. If you sell a house here, a family member will offer to help and he will say "I only ask 100,000 pesos and I will certainly sell your house", then if you agree he will go away and speak to someone he knows who knows someone who knows someone etc. Then when the house is finally sold and you arrive at the bank to get the cash, 5 extra people whome you have never met, turn up at the bank all demanding their "100,000 pesos". I kid you not about this. This is completely legal here.
Nice info. Thanks for your take. Ponder this, PHP doesn't have a middle class. In 1950s ours USA was almost 60%
Survival mode is 90% of the population's mentality.
I learned that if I feed the birds, they keep coming back for a free meal. It's mother nature.
Set firm realistic boundaries or you'll be upside down.
God bless
Absolutely-
Appreciate your comment.
Boundaries is a must.
Take care
I believe it is the embedded culture of "save face" that makes it difficult for filipino's to admit that they don't know what they are doing. And like you, I am willing to make the adjustments to their ways, but it doesn't necessarily mean I have to compromise my values. I like it here, so I will continue to remind myself that I am the guest in their country.
@@oahuguy3918
Agree,
Appreciate your comment.
Take care
You are higher than a guest if you are paying. Guests are not expected to pay.
Who’s paying?
true. What I have noticed is that they wont take advice or learn something from a foreigner even if they are a mechanic for instance, and you give them some excellent pointers to make their job easier and more remedial. Its like they are ashamed that they have to take on a better method.
Thats why i always protect my husband from situations like this. I thank God i have all the knowledge what to do. I dont want any burning bridges because it is not a good reputation. My husband and my family are in good terms at all times. it all really depends on the woman to be honest. Most of us are so show off that we allow them to let our husbands pay or lend. Nope, heck to the NO, NOT ME! If I want to help, i take it from my pay but very seldom. I give on my terms😂. Selfish to most but i need respect for me and my husband. But most of all, PEACE. Grear video. Keep it up
@@fenderbend3r
Appreciate your comment-
It’s mostly me with a big heart and always helped out in the states. My wife is a great protector. She has put her foot down before I had 2. She is done with the excuses.
Thank you so much for your input.
Take care
Very good way to be. You are truly a diamond in a field of stones.
My experience is that there is ALWAYS a sad story and it can be corrected if they can "borrow you" a few hundred or thousand pesos.
@@southbound1969
I let the wife weed thru the stories, she is wise to family temptations.
Appreciate your input.
Safe holidays.
Take care
💯% right, the whole thing. The family is asking for money 2 to 3 times a week, it’s constant. Sisters, Mom and Dad and even her 12yo. brother. He’ll, her 3 yo daughter knows to ask for toy, playground or Jollybee on the regular. It’s very tiresome and it has me on the fence … I do decline a lot of requests but the asking is relentless. Like you I refuse to go broke helping so once the monthly budge is reached, the rejection starts. There is also no desired to teach the kids anything about life, they wanna give them everything so the kid comes to expected and go into tantrums when they don’t get their way, so I see the tantrums a lot since I say no in an instant. Not sure how much longer I’ll be willing to deal with this. BTW, we are in Cebu 2 islands away but the requests come in regardless. Today on my walk a grown ass man pass me, I said, good evening (in visas), his response … “give me money” WTF??? I shrug 🤷🏻 and kept on walking, didn’t even look back. I usually get this from young kids. This shit gets old man … jussayin’
@@Philibusting
Understand, I don’t have bad family issues, they just arise occasionally and the answer is no.
Walking around it’s a hit and miss-mostly kids that have been taught no morals and out begging because they don’t know any better.
It’s tough, hang in there.
Take care
@ Thanks man… I do use an emphatic No often enough and the watch go into seclusion for a few hours which, I’ve gotten sort of used to. It’s just that at 64, sometimes I don’t feel like dealing with the whole scenario for the rest of my days. Not sure a lonely existence in the US would be much better tho …
@@Philibusting
I think your existence in PI is much better than the states.
Just remember people here don’t know any better. It’s easier to accept that way.
Take care of yourself.
@ Thanks again man. That’s a very. good point … I’ll keep it in mind.
I think also consistency helps. Also communicate with your spouse or GF that you expect them to send a consistent message to the family. I won’t tolerate my GF not supporting me on these issues. That would be a relationship ender for me.
LOL ... my wife had some friends stop by the other day. After they left, she told me "they came by to borrow money". Oh, really? "Yes, she said it was only 10k ... when I said no, how about 5k, only? How about 200 pesos? No, no, no." Of course, my wife has lived in the US for the past 38 years and she's well aware of the ATM for Expats and herself (Balikbayan). I am very confident in my wife's ability to handle money in the Philippines. Not so much in the US, but here she does great.
We live in the province on a small island and there are no shopping malls or things to spend money on other that basics and essentials. If we visit the City, she is still pretty frugal , and though we have several credit cards, we don't utilize credit. If we charge on it, it's paid off within days. Even though I'm the financial guy back in the USA, I told her, she's the one in charge here. She just has to stay within her monthly allotment and so far, I'm very happy with the way she handles things here.
@@PandemicPvE
Absolutely, my wife always puts her foot down gently. I voice my opinion and then I’m done with it.
It’s all good, never gets my temper up.
Thanks for your comment.
Take care
Consider yourself lucky because your wife's ability to manage money is RARE for a Filipina.
@
Very well aware of this.
And yes, her and I are lucky to have each other.
Take care
As many foreigners that have been in involved with a Filipina have experienced. Despite your resistance you’ll be looked upon as a source of loans or revenue for other family members. Now of course that all depends on the economic situation of her family, I don’t won’t to be stereotypical. However many guys I know have been surprised because they didn’t know what they were getting themselves into. But in all honesty let’s be fair this is not just unique to 🇵🇭 families, from my experience it’s just more emphasis placed on it. Thanks for sharing a great topic👏🏾👌🏾👍🏾!
@@skip2it426-
My wife has been thru the ringer with her family-worked in Manila and sent money home. Nothing to show for it. It is the norm for most, I personally am not worried about. Nothing compares to my ex America wife. lol
Thanks for the comment
Take care
Thanks man some good information l feel the same way you do
I'm more than happy to help out others in time of need, but I'm not supporting anybody's family either man.Learning how to say "No" is powerful. Stay well man!
Appreciate your comment.
Agree 💯
Take care
Been here 10 years - I Don pay for school and rice but in return I give them tasks - weed yard , wash clothes , trim trees - etc I have a washing machine but ask them to wash delicate items by hand
@@rayintoledocebuphilippines5517
I agree, it’s all about teaching the value of money and work.
Take care
I can not count the time I said how did y’all survive before I came along
@@michaeljulietfilam
Exactly, entitlement is everywhere.
Dave I’m glad you have a forum to vent here on TH-cam. I am glad I subscribed to your channel. I do feel your pains and you are helping me with the stress of it all.
Thank you for posting this so my wife can watch with me and understand how we were raised
@
Truly appreciate your comment.
I hope something I say hits home with individuals that are planning on living or already living in the Philippines.
Take care
i dread running into the many issues you mentioned. i really hate when people touch or take my stuff. right to private property and free speech are prob the 2 most American thing
@@ronaldtrunk7944
Yes in America, not so much here.
Build a wall around your house here, and they won’t enter.
Merry Christmas 🎄🎁
Take care
Ive lived in Thailand and the Philippines and the number one rule to live by is STAY SINGLE.
@@JTW3159
Understandable, some choose that. I was single for 23 years. Each individual has a choice of their individual life.
Glad you found happiness single. I’ve chosen being married, and it was a great choice for me.
Thanks for the comment.
Take care
Excellent video. I wish more youtubers would get the message out concerning these issues. You're just being honest with yourself and the family. The rest of us just try to make it from day to day without getting into feuds with our Filipino spouse. Maybe you can use your channel to help get the American/Filipino culture adjusted. We shouldn't be an ATM for the entire family. Like you said, they got along without us before, so why can't they get along without us now? Thanks for the video
@@ronniecupstid9955
I truly appreciate your comments.
That’s what the channel is heading for-pure honest relationship/inter twinning family ties. And a culture that needs to be addressed for expats.
Thanks again
Take care
I met this woman online from Cebu... Already she wants me to stay with her in the province and I already said no. I'm living in the city take it or leave it. I already told her I'm only responsible for her and her son. If she gives her money to her family than she's broke. If the family starts stressing me I'm moving without notice and I'm gone. Like I told women in Jamaica. Do what you did before I met you. If she can't work than her son's education won't be great. She's already puzzled why I only see family on long weekends and holidays. I told her, us white people like our peace and quiet. Generally she's a great person and her family seems nice.
@@glorygodpromotion
It’s when you say it’s my life also-
I did tell the family “what did you do before I came here”
That stopped all the BS..
My wife and son will move in a heart beat if her family ever interrupts my peace again.
It’s a learning curve for everyone but I have the say because it’s “MY” money,.
Thanks for your input-
Take care
@@maudave Her family has always looked after her so I do understand to some extent.
I hear you on culture differences. We were building a house and after the roof was on the neighbour’s started hanging clothes lines in my house to dry their clothes. To me I was like what is this. But my wife it’s ok it’s normal. I really need to adapt.
@@jakeandmahal5951
Brutal awakening for sure. The adaptation is a real beast to adjust.
Thanks for sharing
Take care
Sometimes family have to be kept close enough to be far enough. It's tough with the whole cultural change, but as long as clear boundaries can be established then everything should be grand (as we'd say in Ireland)
Good evening, Dave. You are on point!
@@Elvin6219
Appreciate it Alvin.
Take care
You and I are in the same spot with the cultural differences
The resort/farm you mentioned is that Bukid ni manang? Elyn my fiancé said she was going to have an excursion out there one of these days, but was unsure regarding public transportation out there? Any ideas? Or is it possible to go out in a tricycle or centrecar?
Definitely no public transportation, we left at 6:30pm and no access to any transportation. Scooter or vehicle.🚗.
It’s a great resort and beautiful views.
I hope she can make it someday.
Take care
Any foreign man who has been in the Phils for two plus years has these kinds of stories. Between the crabpotting and the "Gimme culture", my girlfriend (who has a successful career) is so conflicted abut her family that she cries about having to deal with them. I am constantly pointing out various passive-agressive acts, and "I need money for the doctor" schemes, that her red pill moment has come, and she seriously wants to leave just to get away from it. I already told her some time ago that I won't marry her because of her parasitical family and the river of BS that comes with them...Not all Filipino families are like this - your Class A, B, and some C's are pretty much like foreigners. But these are your stable, educated, and often well-traveled upper, upper middle, and middle class families. Out in the provinces and in the poorer barangays it is dog eat dog...
Appreciate your views.
Take care
Welcome to the Philippines. LOL
My fiancee has never asked for any money.... but has passes on requests from her family members. It started they wanted just enough for some rice and it has gradually increased. In that past it was a few hundred pesos, and I always said ok.. But now its increased to today, her brother asking for 1500 pesos. Today was my fist time saying no. And I said I'm done helping. Like you said, they always got by before I was here. I may still periodically help a little, but if you let it get out of control they will take all your disposable income.
@@douggilmore6355
Agree 💯
We just went shopping for groceries and 500 psp per immediate family, mom/dad 4 brothers and 1 sister.
10,000 psp budget and that’s it. Once a year.
It’s not hard to get control, after all it’s our money.
Just preparing some individuals that hopefully won’t fall victim.
Thanks for your comment.
Take care
Merry Christmas 🎄🎁
nobody's fiance EVER asks for money. This is what blows my mind. That does not mean that they wont ask for it later on!
I feel for you, but glad I solved that problem 24 years ago -- I've stayed single.
@@TB-xx4gc
lol
Understandable…
Take care
Having old fashioned values being English and having a pinoy wife for ten years my advise is not to complain after the event ….but to make it very clear at the beginning of the relationship that English values will be the core of the relationship,the protection then starts at home,IF SHE NOT THERE TO PROTECT YOU SHE IS THE WRONG ONE,this is important as it will give you more tolerance for all the rip off events you will face as a white man in general life when in the Philippines,and at the end of the day it is far cheaper to live there than in England or USA
I’m in a relationship with a woman right now who has a nine-year-old child. He eats like a feral child that was found in the woods. His face in the plate shoveling rice in with his fingers. I have tried to politely teach him that one day he will have to join civilization and use a fork. His mother seems oblivious..
Our son-I’ve been father for 2 years is enjoying the teachings. He eats proper western style with us and when at the farm he reverts back to, we’ll “farm ways”
I don’t want him to loose his past and he will be sent to the farm during work season. Never forget your roots is what I’m teaching him. He has slowed down shoveling food down-and is an incredible smart fast learner-
Just enjoy it while you can-teaching critical thinking is a plus here for sure.
Take care
@@maudave Absolutely! Also, pick your battles wisely. My GF has helped me understand that eating with your fingers is widely accepted here so I try not to collide with cultural norms. Like you said though, teaching him in your house to eat with manners is understandable. 😊
I like the feral child comment. I may have to steal that. 😂 🤣😅
I remember when I used to live in south America as a foreigner it was common or understood that since I was better off than the usual person, it was ok for them to take / borrow from me. To me that was stealing to them it wasn't.
@@jorgejunco4907
Agree,
It is stealing with no remorse.
Don’t give what you can’t afford to loose. I choose-not loosing a dime. Lol
Thanks for the comment.
Take care
well said bud .... you got me thinking 😉
A few home truths here. Thanks. Liverpool uk. Now based in the sticks in Balatan south Luzon
Thanks for listening.
Happy New Year.
Take care
well said im here for 6 months and i know i have to go home to reset then come back .
Exactly-it’s nice to relax in life.
Take care
Hey man. Thanks for the video. This is something that I am trying to deal with now too. Its so frustrating. I have an understanding with my Filipina that I will only help with emergency situations for family. I am also very aware of not wanting to create a dependency on me and my finances. I do know that my Filipina has a lot of pressure from others for help now that they see her with a foreigner. Like I said to my Filipina. I don't have an endless supply of money. I have those same feeling though. "what did you do before I was here?" I also see that my Filipina doesn't get as much work now because the locals thinks that she now has money and doesn't need it so it's a double edge sword. I am lucky that my Filipina does want me for my money and would rather go without than ask for assistance. I don't have her on an allowance. We are not married. I think that open communication is important. Set those financial boundaries early in the relationship. Let them know that if your money gets too low you will have to leave to work and they will get nothing. I know you were joking about the leaving to another island to stop that badgering for money but I think that is a valid answer to the problem. I don't know man. I don't like to think that my Filipina is getting asked for financial assistance and having to put up with that sort of thing. Keep up the good work man. Love your comments and videos.
@@troycoate6746
Appreciate it…..
My wife and I communicate very well-she tells me everything. And who and when people ask-I always ask back “what did you tell them”. Her reply is I’m not working either, figure it out. She is very aware of what’s going on and I feel sorry portions of her family put stress on her. She does handle it well.
Take care
Be careful.. Lots of emergencies crop up.
@
I don’t hand over money. We will go and pay the doc or prescription. No money will ever be passed other than the bill collector services, hospital/docs/or emergency weather food.
Once you have been played it’s easy to see thru the bullshit. Lol
Take care
@@maudave That is the key, your Filipina needs to handle it well! I expect that of mine.
Black T Shirt with. NO. Printed on it..... Works a treat👍
@@tracebuk
Looks like I’ll open up an expat
t-shirt company. 😆 lol
Thanks for the giggle.
Take care
@@maudave 🤣
I don't really have any problem with people here asking for money or help.. I only say hi and bye ... keep it simple and chat with some foreigners who are like minded like me
you are so right
@@badhabit9696
Take care
Relate. Lot's of subtleties in your presentation
Appreciate it.
Take care
Hi Dave, I do understand you frustration with this situation and this is a concern I have about potentially moving to the PH or any other place what is poor in comparision to the US. This may or may not help but people have been studying the psychology of the poverty and if you grow up poor, are poor you think differently than either of us. Here in the US, I'm assuming you have seen the Check Cashing Services, for years I thought you would be crazy to use one, but I read a artical a few years back and guess what, if you are poor a check cashing service is your best option. So the people using check cashing services here in the US are not just lazy or stupid it is just their best option and it is not a great option. The phrase I liked is "the behaviors of poor people reflect the best choices they can make in unfavorable circumstances." There is a bunch of stuff about this online if you want to read more. My issue is if I move any place that is much cheaper than the US, most of the world, I'm going to have to deal with this in some form or another. Also, just because you understand something doesn't mean that you will find it any less frustrating to deal with. Good luck with everything.
Some things you just can’t wrap your head around-even being understanding still frustrates.
Agree
Take care
Your correct about the difference in attitude,and skill set of the kids there vs. the kids of our generation.
Ok .. I’ll just say it ; The kids ,and young adults there have no discipline 😩..I have seen it with my own eyes. About the asking 😩..dude! They think all Americans are rich ,we are so wealthy that money just flows out of our pockets 😂🥴. I have learned to jyst day no, but be prepared fir tempo or the cold shoulder for a while . I learned a lot about the culture there. It’s sad that lieing is engrained in their culture. Sad to say,you are correct about things there,I have experience d the same things !
You are telling my story! All true.
@@AmMixDog
Hopefully it’ll help someone not make the mistakes and showing all their cash to the family.
You didn’t retire to take care other people’s and you shouldn’t sir!!! I hear and see the frustration. Hang in there
@@dannymckenzie3676
It was self therapy-the video.
I’m doing very well and I am a problem solver.
Thanks for the comment
Take care
@ enjoy your channel, look forward to the next video
Different nations different culture and laws
That’s what I was explaining.
Take care
@@maudave thank you❤️🙏
Sorry to hear that you are having this experience I've heard other's have the same experience Three years here I've never been ask for anything I did pay my mother inlaw hospital bill One time lol there maybe some truth about moving to a different Island I live in cabuyao laguna southern Luzon her family lives 12 hrs northern Luzon I haven't even met half of them
@@jamesgilbert2181
Life is good, my bad experience lasted 4 days. The wife put her foot down.
Take care
Lucky you … 😂
This is coming as kind of a shock - Mike and Old Dog Phil vloggers try and skirt around talking about how everyone is on the take in Phil - They'll bring it up every now and then - The girlfriends uncle or cousin who approaches you for money for a new cel phone - Or he needs to repair his motorbike - I'd be like - Do I know you - Get the he'll outta here !
Yep, I’m not holding back, issues that most expats will encounter.
Take care
Don’t ever forget! In PH family culture, it’s all for one and one for all, especially if you are the Fort Knox wealthy foreigner husband or boyfriend. Might be time to move to a distant PH island. Sorry you having hard time. No is no. I can no longer afford the whole clan. My funds are limited, the golden goose has died.
Appreciate the comment,
Nothing I can’t handle-just takes a moment to process some of the actions.
Take care
Im the same now.. a few knocks hardens you up here... any building work, plumbing, etc, I do myself... zero money up front now for anything
If I do the work myself, I’ll know it’s done correctly and to last.
Take care
Yuuuup they grow kids here they don't raise kids here‼️😉👌🏽🤗🥰
Fact…
Take care
Never give away money find them a job around the house for them 9 out of 10 times they will disappear
@@garyricky6297
Agree
I just step in on emergencies now.
Things they think are not serious and I find serious I step in and make sure things are taken care of. For the kids usually-
Take care of
I don’t understand, you knew this before you went to the Philippines. You created this situation and you know the solution.
@@arnoldjohnson3317
Knew what?
Created what?
Solution is?
You tell me-
What don’t you understand?
Let me know. lol
Take care
Hi Dave, Thank you for the knowledge...I hope to one day find a Filipina and move there as I am tired of American culture. Hopefully things get better now that Trump will be back in office, however I don't think Trump can help bring American women back to reality. Thank you for helping us future Passport Bro's out!
@@IGMOW
No problem, 😉
Make your plan and follow thru-you’ll love it here. Just be ready to adjust.
Thanks for your comment.
Take care
Because you look like Ryan O'neal I'll call this the "Love Story" syndrome. You are at Phase III of the Expat Philippine experience. You will have to consider a drastic relocation with wife & child - must be longer than 7 hour journey by motorbike over heavy terrain. Only then shall you continue your Philippine experience and reach Phases 4,5,6, and the almost unattainable Phase 7 = end of Life package. You seem wise enough to realize a change must be made, soon.
@@Karma52
lol-great humor…
Changes have been made-our next video is explaining it.
Some run and move far away without thinking about their spouse. I consider that selfish, I have more respect for her and her feelings. Never run, face issues face on. Adjust accordingly and rule your nest.
Testing the water is part of life-
Thanks for the comment.
Take care
I understand what you’re experright now, you seem to be carrying the “ton” attitude of your wife’s extended family. My question is why you didnt saw it before? In my place in Bulacan it doesn’t have to be like that as you’re saying. My advice is move somewhere far from your wife’s family (parasites) maybe some of them. Good luck.
@eduardogonzales2405
I didn’t express my whole family is taking, I was expressing to others to be prepared. I only deal with a couple members and I won’t allow them to interfere with our life. It’s easy-but when you’re new over in the PI it’s hard to understand their thinking.
Take care
ur partner needs to help to protect u.....imho
@@amowatt01
Don’t assume..
She does a very good job as protector. Watch a few videos and you’ll see. She says no all the time.
She has warned me that a few siblings don’t understand boundaries-
Appreciate the concern
Take care
You should move to another island
@@liamstone3437
That doesn’t solve people sitting on or touching your things.
Appreciate the comment.
A few family members won’t ruin my life, just making future expats aware of things.
Take care
Skin tax will get you
You gotta loosen up
lol
I’m having the time of my life-this video was my personal therapy session.
I’m loose, and living the dream.
Take care
this video sucks?
@@paulmackie5622
That’s all you got?
“This video sucks”
At least have a personality, basement, keyboard hack. lol
😂Paul Mackie 5622
@
😂
@@paulmackie5622 And so do you! 🤣
I think your situation is similar to many who make the mistake of not bringing their wife to the states so she can learn first hand 1) how expensive it is to live in the states 2) how you basically get up, go to work, come home to eat, sleep and repeat. 3) not every American is rich. Once she see this with her own eyes, you won’t even have to worry about getting asked for money because she will know what to say.
I’ve been married 8 years now and have never been asked for money by a family member. My wife works a job and has her own money. I don’t tell her what to do with it and she helps me out when I need some help. She has learned that money doesn’t grow on trees and you have to bust your butt to make a dollar and save a quarter.
@@angelsantana3001
The video is of “A” situation not something that happens everyday. She tried to educate her siblings. Didn’t work out-Mau-has worked and understands the value of money without stepping foot in the U.S.
My situation lasted 4 days-I let my wife handle things her own way. It’s a learning curve for her-can’t teach everything for her.
I appreciate your comment-
One video does not represent our whole life. Just a video to help others not fall victim of their own doing.
Take care
@@maudavecopy that. I still believe bringing a Filipina to the states is a benefit in more ways than one.
@@angelsantana3001
Mau has stated to me from the beginning, no to the U.S. Visiting yes, living no.
Honestly, I’m good with her decision.
Appreciate your views
Thanks again.
Take care
Im a filipino expat here in the West been living abroad for sometime and i do understand where youre coming from. I was born and raised in a "middle class" family in the province my mom was a professor and my late father was then an engineer. Our culture really separates the "Poor" uneducated "bad mannered"(most majority) from literate "well cultured" filipinos. But then progress in the economy has changed (hopefully) the information technology i.e social media like your channel is very informative for these upcoming generations to ponder and assimilate western culture that are beneficial and for a change