The Untold Truth about Being Gifted: The Very Real Challenges
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 11 ก.ค. 2024
- Procrastination, loneliness, imposter syndrome, and social issues are just of few of the challenges I cover in this video. While not every gifted person will experience all of these challenges, it's important that we stay informed so that we can better help our kids!
Resources
Websites:
www.sengifted.org/
www.giftedness.online/
intergifted.com/
www.davidsongifted.org/prospe...
Podcasts:
neurodiversitypodcast.com/
intergifted.com/conversations...
Books:
Living With Intensity edited by Susan Daniels, Ph.D. and Michael M. Piechowski, Ph.D.
Parenting Gifted Kids by James R Delisle, Ph.D.
Helpful TH-cam Videos:
CAGT on Perfectionism • Conversation with CAGT...
the experience of giftedness • Conversation with CAGT...
Chapters:
00:00 Intro
01:17 Disclaimers
02:57 The Dreadful Duo
04:43 I'm an Alien
05:12 Social Issues
09:47 I'm Friendless
11:42 Existentiality
12:50 Depression Etc.
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Hi Guys!
I am Kathleen S. Lewis, a homeschool graduate and former public accountant career woman turned homeschool mom. I love all things learning and would love to help you with your own learning journey. My own experience being homeschooled throughout my childhood greatly impacts my choices for my kids' homeschool journey, so you'll see some frequent references to how I felt about things as a homeschooled kid. I have also been on a journey myself with my recent discovery of my own giftedness as well as my 4 year old son's, so I hope what I share about that encourages and inspires you as well!
For business inquiries, contact me at kslewislearning@gmail.com
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What is giftedness? Checkout this playlist for answers to that question and more: • Giftedness
Books on Giftedness:
Living With Intensity edited by Susan Daniels, Ph.D. and Michael M. Piechowski, Ph.D.
Parenting Gifted Kids by James R Delisle, Ph.D.
I wish there were more content directed at gifted adults rather than just children.
I started crying violently in public while watching this because it validates so much of my experience especially the difficulty finding people who match you, think like you, feeling alien, masking etc :( thanks so much for this
Good ol ugly cry in the starbucks is good for the character ;D
It's easy to end up being the leader of a group... And then kind of seen as a parent. Almost like you're there to ruin their good time. When you're the voice of reason. Doesn't matter if you have a wild streak too. You're just seen as a wet blanket. Then years later, some folks come back to apologize You're just like yeah... I saw this train wreck going in slow motion. What can you do.
Sometimes I wonder if giftedness can be mistaken for autism because of the difficulty with communication. Add being Introverted and Intuitive (IN...MBTI type), and that adds to the social disconnect. This really makes it hard to explain myself in a conversation. I can name a few pieces of evidence for my opinion, but then I have to painstakingly show, one by one, how each piece of the puzzle fits with all the others. Other people think in a straight line. I think in a zig zag. I can get lonely by myself, but it's even lonelier being around people I can't connect with.
Oh yeah. Deeply knowing that you're on some right track but it's so hard to show to others and it feels like they think you just didn't think things through. I often just want to discuss things so that some creation and new visions happen because I really love that feeling of synergy, but I experience that people want to win the discussion rather than expand and explore.
I've heard one psychologist call it "eating a snack" when a gifted person socializes with typical people. We know we're not satisfied, but we know that we need to eat something to be a healthy and functioning person. Then we get together with another gifted mind and it feels like we're finally "eating a feast."
Yes, I've actually chosen to tell a few people that I'm "neurodivergent," and they immediately jump to the conclusion that I'm autistic because they see the socialization differences.
@@KSLewisLearning I do wonder whether I'm gifted or high functioning autistic. I know I'm gifted, so that's most likely the case.
Giftedness does share traits with both adhd and autism, which can lead to misdiagnosis if an individual is twice exceptional. I was shown to be gifted about 6th grade and many of my behaviors also mimic the autism spectrum, but some traits also mimic adhd. The big thing to be aware of is how others will perceive you if you adopt the gifted label.
Actually Its quite common for women to be diagnosed much later in life due to the way autism presents differently. It can present differently in males too then the stereotypical presentation.
There is quite an overlap. Feeling alien, social struggles, giftedness are big markers of undiagnosed Autistic adults. I got to know I was gifted later in life along with a mild form of Autism I did not know I had which explained social struggles and unusual intensity in interests etc. I had a friend who thought he was just very introverted, I spoke about being diagnosed with Autism at one stage, he must of researched it because I found later that he had been diagnosed as Autistic.
I identify with everything said, except no substance abuse but get addicted to challenging puzzle games and constantly have to delete the games. Also I have a good self esteem thanks to my parents and all Glory to God! I struggle with feelings of depression, wishing and praying that Jesus can come for His Church because this life feels so meaningless...
Hi Kathleen, I'm from Brazil, and I just want to say that you described me in great detail in this video! I've been going through a lot recently, and then I discovered giftedness. Your video helped me realize I'm not alone. Thank you for sharing your story with us! God bless you.✨
You are not alone. I'm also from Brazil.
I'm from Brasil as well, you're definitely not alone. Pq eu tô falando em inglês? Eu só gostaria de conhecer mais pessoas por perto de mim, pra ter um grupo de amigos que me entendessem
Th is me. It’s hard to find friends who share my interests, who I don’t have to backtrack and explain to. And I Hate banal conversations.
Thank you for sharing this. Super validating.
Thank you and God bless you... It's not only about the accuracy of the giftedness challenges description. It's also about all your compassion that is a true gift for us who listen. This video moved me to tears as I am once again in my life at that point where I need to figure out how to make the best and overcome the challenges of giftedness...
This is my son, who is now in college, 100 %!!! I shared this with him.
I was confused for a Neurodiviergent student because of my intelligence.
Hi there. I am a brazilian gifted, and I found out it only a few months ago, since my 10 years-old son started having lots of problems at school, until we took him to a psychologist and discovered he is gifted.
Since then, I watched literally all the videos about giftness in Portuguese, and now I am watching in English and French. And each video I find something new that I didn't know.
I had the very same bad experiences as you did, and I am not happy for that, but it's a relief knowing the reason, and also I am not alone.
Yes! You are not alone. I'm so glad I can share what I'm learning so that others can find support and healing.
I was recently tested at the 99th percentile at Mensa Singapore, and have an estimated IQ of 150+. I agree with many things you've said, just that a few points I think you were being vague or couldn't pinpoint. The instinct, gut feeling is really more of our superior logic, we've assessed the situation/methods that someone else says and we know it doesn't make much sense and that it wouldn't work, or we have already worked out a better plan with fewer, more efficient steps. Being intelligent can be so lonely, not having anyone to relate to and having to navigate around people's feelings. Having to constantly filter your words and avoid stating your opinion because it would upset people as your opinion is very different from the popular one, it requires critical thinking and logic that the average person is simply incapable of.
Intelligence is basically one's degree of logic. When one possess superior logic, one has superior intelligence. Having superior logic grants better critical thinking skills, reasoning ability, fluid reasoning which allows one to evaluate better, weigh the pros and cons, compare the options and make the optimal choices. Logic is the building block of intelligence. Logic is intelligence itself.
I appreciate your clarification help! I believe our thinking patterns go a little beyond logic though based on some of the things I've been reading about the neurology of a gifted brain. Yes, we have a greater capacity for logic, but there is an extremely large creative component that pure logic doesn't account for in my opinion.
Sometimes it's so hard to describe our experiences to someone who doesn't have the same viewpoint. It's like one of those rare people that can see ultraviolet light explaining what they see to the rest of us!
Isn’t it weird to talk about your iq on the internet? I am married to someone with likely that iq and he couldn’t care less about having that iq, never mentions it.
@@di3486 It's likely that you assume I'm boastful or lying about my IQ. I've stated it as a reference point despite what you might think. Higher IQ correlates with degree of logic, allowing one to see things clearer and with better understanding. That's the point that I'm driving at.
@@kaidestinyz No, I am not assuming anything. I just said blasting the number is unnecessary, but you do you honey.
@@di3486 Given the context, it isn't. And I hope that my previous explanation made that clear.
I can relate to this. People tell me I’m like beavis all the time.
Omg…you summed it up perfectly! All 15minutes and the one second explained what it’s like to a T.
I wonder if there a place besides the typical spaces to meet other folx organically
The only group for the gifted adult that I'm aware of is through the organization Intergifted. I've not tried it myself, but I've read the testimonies that say it's amazing.
@@KSLewisLearning thank you so much for even acknowledging my question and I will look it up
Yup. Pretty much. That’s me. I’d LOVE LOVE to find other gifted people to interact with! Hard to find here in the UK😢
Nice channel! I can relate to everything you say.
Everyone thought I had adhd, did the very lengthy tests, turns out Im on the 1% of IQ curve, dont have adhd and the neuropsychologist applying the test arrived at the conclusion that im gifted. They way I like to describe what you said about the gut feeling is by an analogy of texture and taste of food. While the person is talking, their arguments have a "texture", just like an apple, so I feel the texture of the apple in my mouth at the beginning of their argument, while they are talking I analyse, by the taste, to see if it is indeed an apple or something very similar, by the end of their point I know it is an apple and can deliver my point of view if the apple is a good or bad pathway.
That's an interesting illustration!! From what I've read, gifted people tend to be excellent at creating illustrations about a concept to help others understand it... and we tend to create a lot of illustrations.
Also, have you heard of synesthesia? Your illustration just made me think you might be one of those amazing people who experience it! 🙂
Wow. I can really relate. I am curious about what to do about it so I’ll check out the resources you mentioned in the description next.
Same. My sister and I are gifted. My sister has trouble making friends because of her demeanor and attitude but also thinks she's frustrated because of her intelligence.
Thank you for your video. It's comforting to know we are not alone, but understanding myself in this way doesn't seem to make things any easier and I continue to find life (relations with people) incredibly painful. One area in particular is the gifted curse of have a heightened and more nuanced perception of fairness and justice - it's out of sync with most people who, for example, would choose to defend one person who is a friend over righting something that is unfair to others at the expense of the friend that has been benefiting from the injustice thus far. It leads to being ostracized by peers who cannot see or refuse to acknowledge the inequity. It leads to being bullied. In one instance, this characteristic almost became an asset, as I was recruited for a job that fought for social justice...but one jealous person in a position of power managed to convince a whole committee of people to oust and vilify me to sabatoge my chance of getting the job. Though the job description called for social justice, I realized later that the politics of getting and keeping the job did not, and in fact required quite the opposite. One way to deal with this curse would be to just not care anymore and give up or let go; go with the flow. However, the cognitive dissonance of witnessing and letting inequities persist is like a shredding of the soul and leads to feeling like a coward just too chicken to do the right thing - which lowers my sense of self worth and makes me feel miserable. There is no winning. Anyway, I don't know if you have an answer for this, or if you can relate, but I wouldn't mind hearing your thoughts. If I'm so gifted and smart, why can't I find a solution? All I can find is perpetual frustration, anger, and deep sadness.
I hear you. I've not had trouble to the extent you have with social injustice, but I think that's mostly because I've intentionally chosen to disengage after a few experiences in highschool. I don't have a solution, but I think there is peace in understanding that our reality is different from those with the typical brain. We need to choose to accept and honor that some people have different viewpoints than we do just as we wish typical people could understand and respect our different experiences.
I hope you can find a safe space to express your need to improve social injustice! Or maybe just a specific person who can defend and advocate for your perspective.
Same here! It's really telling that so many gifted people just give up and become entrepeneurs. It would be one thing if people just didn't understand us, but the small-minded jealousy and cruelty are too much.
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences!! Is it is true for me conversations are super slow!! I also need retreat time to reflect upon what I have been doing!! I also feel that I am not contributing ( as you mention) in the big picture problems in the world that I can see there are lots of things to solve or improve in the big scale like politics, social and economic issues but I am not taking a part on them! The individual life of work, family, sleep is not enough for me!
Yes, the "thinking" time is so important for us!
I gave up masking. I realized it is a waste of time and energy. When you find people that you can trust, it is kind to you and authentic and enjoy your company, you don’t need to mask, you are free to be yourself. Awful people will still be awful even if you mask so, who cares about what they think about you?
Exactly
I'm always the leader of my friend group unless my other friends are more gifted than I.
I was placed in remedial classes in school because I was unruly or distracted by daydreams.
I have trouble with the difference of being gifted and being on the spectrum. I was diagnosed with being on the spectrum with a splinter skill. I feel like everything you mention is what I described in my assessment to being on the spectrum. I really feel like the spectrum is not divided enough yet to differentiate both.
I agree. I believe most psychologists are uninformed about giftedness, so there are a ton of misdiagnoses or non-identification of gifted individuals. I have heard multiple people express a desire to see more research on the overlaps between autism, giftedness, and ADHD because we notice many similarities between these groups of neurodivergent people especially since "twice exceptionalities" are common.
I was diagnosed ADHD inattentive a few months ago, after my son was diagnosed ADHD and gifted. I was diagnosed gifted yesterday. I struggle to find resources for adults.
Yes, finding resources for the newly diagnosed gifted adult is hard, but I'm also learning that practical resources are also scarce for gifted kids as well because most literature focuses on academic needs rather than social/emotional/psychological. Intergifted is really the best organization I've found so far for us adults, so be sure to check them out!
I am mildly gifted and my old community college friends were moderately gifted and my old highschool buddy from cross country was profoundly gifted. My community college and college friends I don't know. But they may be mildly gifted to moderately gifted. My parents are gifted in one area each so maybe they are savants? I don't know.
I don't know if I'm gifted, but I have been accused of it by a few people. I have always doubted my own intellect. I have a tendency to feel inferior to others, particularly in my field, and it drives me insane. My field: I am infatuated with theoretical physics. My appreciation for the subject may seem superficial, because I am seduced by the mathematical beauty and elegance, even more so than the truth itself. I find data analysis and experimental science to be boring and dull. I can't stand it. I find the depth that comes with theoretical and foundational analysis much more stimulating, often, again, because it is accompanied by a pseudo-aesthetic appeal.
And idk what it is about small talk, but it feels very mechanical. I have a list of algorithms on how it should proceed in every conversation, and it's painfully banal to employ it every time. There is also a level of unpredictability in conversations. I don't know if it's due to ADHD, but the fact that I cannot always predict certain things (not what the other person is going to say, but how they may react) drives me insane.
Some of my role models are/were gifted people. Isaac Newton, Mozart, Richard Feynman, Elon Musk, etc.
"Accuse" is an interesting word choice! I get your implication though. Yes, it is crazy that though we may excel in our chosen professions, we the gifted can be so negative about our own capabilities.
Many people I've interacted with are convinced that there is a strong unproven connection between giftedness, autism, and ADHD, so it's possible you could fall into a combination of the 3 somewhere. I encourage you to find true answers using the resources I list in the description because I personally felt such relief to finally have a framework of my brain and psychology that makes sense!
The irony!
you are describing autism
No, I'm describing a person with a high IQ. There are many autistic people that are also gifted, and the neurodivergent community refers to them as "twice exceptional." This label can also apply to a gifted and ADHD person. I've personally taken self-administered quizzes on both autism and ADHD and come up completely negative for either, and I also know a few other gifted people that definitely have no autistic tendencies/experiences. Checkout the resources I've listed at the bottom of the description if you're interested in learning more.
@@KSLewisLearning interesting.
Autism and giftedness share many traits.
@@KSLewisLearning Out of curiosity have you looked at Embrace Autism online? It specifically looks at Autistic presentations in females, as most Autism assessments are geared to the typical male presentations. I feel that there is a higher link in those with high IQ who tend to be on the spectrum, The spectrum itself is so broad and has been very misunderstood through the years. I was diagnosed at 29 in 2018.
I agree.
@K.S. Lewis Learning: I love that (1) you're sitting on the floor and (2) your video is 𝘦𝘹𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘭𝘺 15 minutes long. As someone in the 99.997 percentile with a daughter in the 99.9997 percentile (weird about the "7" in both cases) I got to both experience and also watch someone else's experiences, from infancy to adulthood. One thing my wife and I encountered is that our daughter became 𝘴𝘰 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘧𝘶𝘭 early on that she had to work extra hard to develop the ability to pursue things she was not immediately successful with. I also recall when I was around eight or so that I became overtly frustrated with others who didn't "get it" quickly. What's wrong with them, I thought. It took time to realize 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 was wrong with them. They were normal.
Full disclosure: the 15 minutes was entirely accidental! 🙂
You put your own experience and your daughters so eloquently. That's exactly what I've been observing myself.