💕💕💕💕💕💕💕 I just, you know when there are no words? It’s impossible for me to express . Huge, gigantic hugs Lucy. I completely relate to the anxiety, and SO much of what you say... eg ‘simply existing is a lot’ , being in my brain, the exhaustion, obsessing, loops, drowning , dissociation/ detachment .... it goes on. Desperately wish I could do or say something to help you. I’m so sorry if this doesn’t make sense, and so sorry I can’t help xxxx You are an incredible woman who deserves happiness and you deserve to be confident within yourself 💙HUGS. edit INCREDIBLY important- definitely, absolutely no need for you to feel guilty about anything! And you can do it. Even if you didn't do this on Friday (but you will), everyone will be be and already would be proud of you and you should be proud of yourself!
You're so lovely! Huge hugs to you too, I'm so sorry you can relate to so much of this. I'm not sure when I'm next doing a video because I haven't worked out what to talk about next but I did get to the funeral and I did do my speech. I'd practised the day before with my medication to make sure I wouldn't slur etc and I didn't and it went really well. I did miss a small chunk which I was a bit miffed about but that's just the perfectionist in me, I'm so pleased I was able to do it and honour my Grandad and I'm really proud of that. It was lovely knowing you were all rooting for me! xxxx
Sorry to hear of your struggles. Whether you speak at the funeral or not , know that your family and friends love you without pressure to do anything. Big hugs to you.
Hi Lucy, thank you for sharing! It all made sense....even to me who does not suffer from anxiety. There are aspects that are all too familiar and (although I can't imagine the extend you're going through) I know what you're going through. As the previous commentator said 'many, many virtual hugs', from me, too! What else is there to do for us viewers, except to emphasise and tell you that you'll be fine. Certainly, this may not alleviating the pains you're going through at the moment, but I hope that our compassion shows you that you're not alone. Argh...what to say that isn't said already? I hope that you'll be fine on Friday....that all your preparations help to make your day a little bit (or a lot) less stressful for you. Big, big hugs!
Thank you so much for your lovely comment, they all mean such a lot, especially when I'm feeling so vulnerable. I'm glad it made sense. Thanks for the hugs too! And yes, the compassion from all of you is just lovely, it's so nice knowing I'm not on my own and that you're all rooting for me. I really hope I'll have good news for you all soon!
Oh my... What you are describing sounds extremely similar to what I suffer with. I completely understand the worry, the planning, the exhaustion, the detaching, etc. I think you were wise to make a video of yourself giving the speech. It would be completely understandable if you decided to use it. Mind you, I think it's lovely that you want to do it in person. I spoke at my mother's funeral a few years ago. I can barely remember doing it. I must have been completely detached. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts, I hope you find ways to make the coming days bearable. Oh and I've been watching your videos for a couple years now, I've commented before but my last name was different, so you might not remember or recognize me. I've been married for nearly 24 yrs but never bothered to have my last name changed. I've started using my husband's last name now and plan to change it officially once this blasted pandemic is over. Now look, here's me rambling on! Anyway... Much love to you and yours in these difficult days ahead. ❤
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I'm so sorry to hear that you suffer in the same way, it's just the worst isn't it?! I'm very glad I have the video to fall back on and I'm hoping it'll give me the confidence to do it in person. What was your surname before? I do tend to recognise people, especially with reminders. Thank you for following me for so long! That's lovely that you want to take his name now, it's a very nice name! I hope you get to officially change it soon! Haha my rambling seems to rub off on people! Much love to you too ❤️
@@ColouringInTheMidstOfMadness My last name was Brusina. I understand it will likely be a process to get it changed after waiting all this time. I haven't looked into it yet. It will send me down the familiar "how, what, where, what if, when" spiral of anxiety. One thing at a time, I must get past the pandemic first.❤
Whatever happens you’ll get through it. Being at the funeral is important but if you can’t get there it doesn’t mean you don’t care about your grandad. Everyone who loves you knows that you’re doing your best and that’s all you can do. Have you ever tried diazepam for big events? It’s helped me go to things that I otherwise wouldn’t have been able to face. Will be thinking about you on Friday x
Thanks for being so lovely. Yes I've got diazepam. I really don't like taking it, especially for things I want to be properly present in and able to remember afterwards because it heavily impacts my memory. I've got to take some tomorrow in order to get to the doctors for these tests and I'm going to practice my speech then to see if it impacts how I sound. Sometimes it makes me slur which I really want to avoid. But I do think it might be my only way of getting through this. Today has been a bit calmer and we've practised the drive to the church so I know exactly where we're going and how long it takes etc. Hopefully it'll go OK. Xxx
💕💕💕💕💕💕💕 I just, you know when there are no words?
It’s impossible for me to express . Huge, gigantic hugs Lucy. I completely relate to the anxiety, and SO much of what you say... eg ‘simply existing is a lot’ , being in my brain, the exhaustion, obsessing, loops, drowning , dissociation/ detachment .... it goes on. Desperately wish I could do or say something to help you. I’m so sorry if this doesn’t make sense, and so sorry I can’t help xxxx
You are an incredible woman who deserves happiness and you deserve to be confident within yourself 💙HUGS.
edit INCREDIBLY important- definitely, absolutely no need for you to feel guilty about anything! And you can do it. Even if you didn't do this on Friday (but you will), everyone will be be and already would be proud of you and you should be proud of yourself!
You're so lovely! Huge hugs to you too, I'm so sorry you can relate to so much of this. I'm not sure when I'm next doing a video because I haven't worked out what to talk about next but I did get to the funeral and I did do my speech. I'd practised the day before with my medication to make sure I wouldn't slur etc and I didn't and it went really well. I did miss a small chunk which I was a bit miffed about but that's just the perfectionist in me, I'm so pleased I was able to do it and honour my Grandad and I'm really proud of that. It was lovely knowing you were all rooting for me! xxxx
Sorry to hear of your struggles. Whether you speak at the funeral or not , know that your family and friends love you without pressure to do anything. Big hugs to you.
Thank you so much, I'm trying to keep reminding myself of that.
Many many virtual hugs. This all make complete sense and I watched it all.
Thank you so much for the hugs and for watching all of it and taking the time to comment and boost my confidence.
@@ColouringInTheMidstOfMadness I’ll be thinking of you on Friday.
Hi Lucy, thank you for sharing! It all made sense....even to me who does not suffer from anxiety. There are aspects that are all too familiar and (although I can't imagine the extend you're going through) I know what you're going through. As the previous commentator said 'many, many virtual hugs', from me, too! What else is there to do for us viewers, except to emphasise and tell you that you'll be fine. Certainly, this may not alleviating the pains you're going through at the moment, but I hope that our compassion shows you that you're not alone. Argh...what to say that isn't said already? I hope that you'll be fine on Friday....that all your preparations help to make your day a little bit (or a lot) less stressful for you. Big, big hugs!
Thank you so much for your lovely comment, they all mean such a lot, especially when I'm feeling so vulnerable. I'm glad it made sense. Thanks for the hugs too! And yes, the compassion from all of you is just lovely, it's so nice knowing I'm not on my own and that you're all rooting for me. I really hope I'll have good news for you all soon!
Thank you for sharing and being so honest x
Thank you so much! Xxx
Oh my... What you are describing sounds extremely similar to what I suffer with. I completely understand the worry, the planning, the exhaustion, the detaching, etc. I think you were wise to make a video of yourself giving the speech. It would be completely understandable if you decided to use it. Mind you, I think it's lovely that you want to do it in person. I spoke at my mother's funeral a few years ago. I can barely remember doing it. I must have been completely detached. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts, I hope you find ways to make the coming days bearable. Oh and I've been watching your videos for a couple years now, I've commented before but my last name was different, so you might not remember or recognize me. I've been married for nearly 24 yrs but never bothered to have my last name changed. I've started using my husband's last name now and plan to change it officially once this blasted pandemic is over. Now look, here's me rambling on! Anyway... Much love to you and yours in these difficult days ahead. ❤
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I'm so sorry to hear that you suffer in the same way, it's just the worst isn't it?! I'm very glad I have the video to fall back on and I'm hoping it'll give me the confidence to do it in person. What was your surname before? I do tend to recognise people, especially with reminders. Thank you for following me for so long! That's lovely that you want to take his name now, it's a very nice name! I hope you get to officially change it soon! Haha my rambling seems to rub off on people! Much love to you too ❤️
@@ColouringInTheMidstOfMadness My last name was Brusina. I understand it will likely be a process to get it changed after waiting all this time. I haven't looked into it yet. It will send me down the familiar "how, what, where, what if, when" spiral of anxiety. One thing at a time, I must get past the pandemic first.❤
I’m so so sorry
Thank you. I'll be OK, it's just going to take a while.
Whatever happens you’ll get through it. Being at the funeral is important but if you can’t get there it doesn’t mean you don’t care about your grandad. Everyone who loves you knows that you’re doing your best and that’s all you can do. Have you ever tried diazepam for big events? It’s helped me go to things that I otherwise wouldn’t have been able to face. Will be thinking about you on Friday x
Thanks for being so lovely. Yes I've got diazepam. I really don't like taking it, especially for things I want to be properly present in and able to remember afterwards because it heavily impacts my memory. I've got to take some tomorrow in order to get to the doctors for these tests and I'm going to practice my speech then to see if it impacts how I sound. Sometimes it makes me slur which I really want to avoid. But I do think it might be my only way of getting through this. Today has been a bit calmer and we've practised the drive to the church so I know exactly where we're going and how long it takes etc. Hopefully it'll go OK. Xxx