AITA for wanting to break up with my gf after she rejected my wedding proposal? Dusty & Candy React!
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AITA for wanting to break up with my gf after she rejected my wedding proposal
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Simple: she doesn’t want an engagement, she wants a proposal. I also foresee her being a batshit crazy bridezilla because she doesn’t want a marriage, she wants a wedding. She showed OP what she really wanted when she said “don’t do it now, it’s not like I imagined it.” If it’s the right person, the question itself will be the only thing that matters.
I saw a comment on a similar story, and someone commented that she wants the big shows of affection, not the actual relationship. This GF is like that. Give her the shows of affection, the clicks, the veneer of a happy life, not the happy life itself.
One of the sweetest proposal stories I ever read was a gal whose GI condition acted up & her flare-up meant the romantic evening was now constrained to the bathroom. He was there for her during her episode & she felt bad having guessed he was intending to pop the question. She made a lil quip about _ in sickness & health huh?_ and he took her hand to ask right then.
That's love, that's partnership, that's real. OP's ex doesn't want a marriage: she just wants to be a bride. Y'all aren't a team, she just wants a groom doll
I remember that one, too! I'm almost positive it was a Reddit story, or in a Reddit comment. I have Crohn's, so I felt kinship with her.
My husband of twenty-two years proposed by saying, "I'm serious this time." We had agreed that we hadn't been together long enough to get engaged, but we both knew that's where the relationship was heading. So, we joked about getting married. Hence, him being serious about it that time.
We went back to the same spot after having rings made for each other. It wasn't because I'd demanded it, or anything. We just wanted that moment of exchanging engagement rings (he wanted one, too, which seemed fair to me) at a place which was special to us. He got down on one knee and did the whole romantic speech thing before asking me to marry him. I can't remember a single word he said, and neither can he. 😆 I didn't get down on one knee, as I was wearing a dress, but, I'm pretty sure I asked him to marry me, too. 🤷🏻♀️
I forgot to finish my point . . . There's no way either of us would have wanted some big hoopla when we got engaged. We were more focused on the marriage, even though we were very young. We've stuck by each other through some pretty rough times--me becoming disabled and us going no contact with his parents, for context. I wouldn't want our proposal or our wedding to have been anything other than what it was. It would be nice if a few things had been easier . . . but, I _know_ how strong we are in part _because_ of those moments. So, I guess I wouldn't change those times, either. 💙
I was going to leave a comment about this one. This IMO is one of the sweetest proposals I've ever read about.
It was raining. Star Trek: TOS was on the UHF channel in his living room. We were eating graham crackers. The question was so from his heart in that moment, that he hadn't even procured a ring yet. Our marriage lasted 36 years before cancer took him. Social media didn't exist way back then. Live your lives the way you like, not for "likes".
My husband proposed to me in front of a dumpster. We still laugh about it. But it was really sweet, spur of the moment thing.
I would rather have a dumpster proposal with someone I love than whatever monstrosity she envisioned for clout
I cannot even imagine how she'd be during wedding planning...
My hubby asked me over the phone. He was in Florida for military training and I was in Virginia. A few days later he came for a long weekend visit and we went ring shopping. After we got back to my house he asked again, down on one knee, in the hallway of my house. 🤷🏻♀️ It worked for us. We've been married for 21 years. ❤️
She had her ideal proposal in mind but did not care one bit about what he wanted, or how emotionally vulnerable proposing is for him.
In her mind, she’s BEEN communicating. He didn’t have requirements. She doesn’t feel listened to for a moment that’ll only happen once.
@@jameegarland and he didn’t care about what she wanted. They both suck.
@@catrinasmith3487 I don't think either of them suck. I think they both leaned that they each have different relationship expectations and maybe they aren't suited for marriage to each other.
I never even got a proposal. 😂 We both just assumed it was going to happen, then eventually picked a date.
ESH He admits this isn’t what she wanted and reads that as a rejection of everything to do with him. She ran away and threw a fit when something wasn’t 100% her vision. Neither of these people are mature enough for marriage.
If she truly loved him, she wouldn't care about the esthetic just about the man who asked for her hand. Selfish and stupid. Break it off, you deserve better OP.
I think it's fair to break up after a rejected proposal. Which...yeah, she did. She knew he was going to propose and stopped him. That's the same as a no. Then, she threw a hissy fit and went to her parents house instead of talking this through.
I want to say "he's so young" and there'll be other chances, but she's young too. This obviously isn't the lifetime relationship for her either if she's more interested in how it all looks to others than how it all feels for her.
She doesn't deserve op! I really hope he walked away from her.
She doesn't want a marriage, she wants a tik tok wedding.
We don't know her tone, we can only assume. But why couldn't he wait until he could plan and include some of the elements she had always dreamed of.
This guy took her to HAWAII and it still wasn’t enough! NTA break up and dodge that bullet.
Lol the way people are defending him… like you wanna marry the woman, get to KNOW WHAT SHE WANTS. Also, she is an ah too but y’all assuming way too much coz she wants something many people do. If she sees him as the only ONE then yeah, makes sense she wants to have the way she wants it. But also when generation after generation tells you women are more meant to be the ones most involved with weddings.
2:37 at that point, you are definitely NTA. I don't even know why she wants such a specific setup for a marriage proposal in the first place?
The way she stopped him was a red flag in and of itself, and I'm glad you picked up on it, OP
Why? Social media attention
"You want to do it in a memorable way" When my husband proposed to me we were on our way to meet his parents. We'd planned a trip on the train because I love train travel. He waited until the train started moving, I was all excited because train!! He picked up my hand and very quietly said "will you marry me?" When I stopped laughing, I said yes. It was a proposal that matches our relationship to a tee. (Also, it meant that he mom got to hear about the wedding first since my mom had met him first).
My husband proposes with a Christmas ornament 😳 its not about how or where!! Its about WHO and why!! Plus, I do not believe the lady should have any real say in the proposal! It's a time for your partner to show you how you make them feel and how they wanna show their love to you. You can not dictate that! Share an idea sure but nothing else 😭
My husband proposed to me over the phone because he was on a navy cruise at the time.😂
Haha. I just posted a similar comment. My hubby was at USMC training.
Engagement in the moonlight on an ocean beach is 🤌
I live in Barbados if a man propose yo me that way
I can't even imagine being this picky about a proposal!!! I'd be perfectly fine if my bf proposed in our pj's at home!!!!!!
My husband called me and said do you want to get married on Fri or Mon? That was it no ring no nothing we are married for 36 years.
I think both OP and his GF are too young and immature to be considering marriage. The girlfriend needs to get off social media so that she can reconnect with who she is as a person, but OP also knows what she is like right now and then is upset that she is acting accordingly.
Obviously the GF has a lot of maturing to do, but give her props for consistency. It isn't fair to yourself to be with someone who is preoccupied with optics, and it isn't reasonable to expect them to just magically change when they've given you zero indication that they will.
Break up. This is ridiculous behavior.
Proposals work both ways in a heterosexual relationship. While the woman is evaluating the proposal, the man is evaluating her response to it.
In this case, OP did not appreciate her ungrateful response towards his proposal. He has just as much right to reevaluate the relationship within the context of her proposal response. In this case, he found her wanting.
trying to live her life "instagram perfect" will only continue for everything in your life going forward.
My husband and I got married at 22 and 24. 18 years later, we're still married. He asked me to marry him after we built a build-a-bear. He built a regular bear ai built a Hello Kitty. He then bought them to the register dressed them. His in a tux mine in a wedding dress. I teases him. He got down on one knee and peoposed with ring. That was it. Simple, so personal, and so US. That's all an engagement needs to be.
My husband didn't propose to me. We talked about marriage and stuff, then we started ring shopping. We have been married for 3 years now and I can't imagine my life without him.
My nephew is not a trust fund baby, just extremely intelligent. At 21 he could afford to do this is he wanted to.
How can someone be so cruel-she doesn’t love him.
She only wants to brag to her friends and online. He will forever be caught having to do things for the look and likes. He just needs to break up with her and move on. She is not going to appreciate anything he does.
There's a second update. Apparently her therapist talked some sense into her and told her what Dusty and Candy were saying - that something as superficial as the proposal doesn't matter if she loves him and wants to spend the rest of her life with him. She's come around and apologized, but OP isn't having it and they've broken up.
My husband asked me over the phone and we have the best relationship. Been married a year and a half now.
My husband proposed when I was laying on the couch watch a movie in my pajamas. It was perfect.
My fear is what happens if they have a kid, and that kid is not "worthy of the Gram" in her eyes?
NTA. He took her to freaking Hawaii for crying out loud. She doesn't care about him, just the proposal. She's to immature to get married
I'm a moth, I love light and sparkles. That said, if I met the right person, I would happily accept a proposal in the lighting section of Home Depot.
YTA . You know how she’s wants it done and didn’t do anything remotely close. Her reaction was OT
Edit: after watching more shes TA not you. She changed what she wanted and is being dramatic, I see why you’re reconsidering.
My husband proposed on the couch, I had no idea it was coming, it was perfect 😍
My husband proposed in the parking lot of the bank after we closed on our first house together and I was so excited I cried... It's about the person and this girl is going to learn some hard lessons someday...
Neither of these people is mature enough to be getting married. Everyone sucks.
Why does he suck?
This woman sounds impossible. I'm exhausted just hearing about her.
NTA there's only one person in the relationship as far as she's concerned and its her, this relationship is over.
When my husband propose to me, we we at the Santa Cruz Beach, both in jeans and sweatshirts and he just said “I have something for you” before getting down on one knee and asking me to marry him. My right hand was also broken. I wouldn’t have it any other way
Candy brings a mature perspective to the topic.
Sounds like you have a new merchandise idea. “Love fades, Insta likes last forever”
I think I sat on the ring box when I got in my boyfriend/future husbands car! 😂 That was my proposal, pretty much. It’s a great memory.
When I proposed to my wife it was Christmas morning and she wouldn't stop and sit down when I asked her to multiple times so I tossed her the ring and told her to open it when she wanted to. That was 30 years ago.
My husband proposed at my surprised graduation party that he had for me. My friends and family were there and honestly, I would have wanted something intimate, just us.
I guess I’m the only one who feels as though she set precedent of what she wanted. I’m pretty sure she feels it’s once in a lifetime and prefers it being a certain way. I don’t believe it is for clout or anything. I think she just wanted that moment to be special. If it’s a birthday and someone actively doesn’t do it the way the birthday person wants, and they communicate what they want, then it’s a red flag. Why is it not a red flag here? A birthday comes every year, a proposal once.
If she’s given indicator to do everything for clout, then yea it’s a personality. If she was specific about something that’s going to happen 1 day in her life, then NTA. She communicated, he did the opposite. I’m sure she prioritises the relationship, but she wanted a specific moment
Run boy run!
Oh my God, she is only 21 and not really a fully formed adult. THEY SHOULD NOT BE MARRYING!!!!
If she expressed the type of proposal she wanted why didn’t he do it??? Men always give women what they DONT WANT then act surprised 🙄
He should run! What that’s going to be is a nagging wife who is all about money . She should be building him up, supportive , caring and kind . This is a nightmare
Nahhh he defo needs to leave her 😮😮😮😮
Run man run. Don't look back.
The wedding does not make a marriage! Just like the proposal is not about the “looks” but about the LOVE!!
Don’t marry her!! Move on. She’s too superficial. Much love and peace to you! 🫶🏼
My now husband proposed with cake 😂 ❤
Just be lucky someone is in love with you enough to propose. Who cares what it "looks" like. As they say, it's the thought that counts. If you want a shallow relationship, I guess you're on the right track. Hopefully this experience will help her grow up and realize how shallow she was being.
She's high maintenance...Run!
have you talked about getting married and agreed that you will get married in the foreseeable future? Yes - Then you are engaged regardless of what beach you knelt on.
I doubt any proposal you come up with will match the frippery she has in her head so.
NTA. I think I would end an relationship as well, if my partner cares more about getting a "vision" realized,than gettin married to whom she is supposed to love that much, that the surrounding won't matter that much. And Hawaiian beach in the moonlight with the sparkling ocean ...damn that's f*ing romantic!
Her insisting on having it her way,eads me to the conclusion, that she is either immature or totally self- centered or both. And that's not the kind of person you want to marry
No OP knew exactly what she wanted and refused to do it. This is like that guy who bought the cruise tickets. Just because you put money into something that doesn't mean you deserve credit. Some things GF said were concerning like the proposal only being about the bride, but he sucks majorly. They are too young to get married, but good she's not with him anymore.
I don't think he refused, I think he just thought Hawaii would be just as good which with the right person it would have.
Marriage is not an aesthetic. I would not want to wade through the muck of life with someone too focused on the shallow and ultimately meaningless. Sounds like GF did OP a favor showing him her true colors before the wedding. I feel for kids these days growing up with social media warping their sense of reality and what actually matters
We knew each other at school and lost touch for 9yrs when i left for college. 3 weeks after we found each other again and started dating he woke me up asking if i wanted coffee, i said yes. He asked me to marry him, i said yes. . I thought i was still agreeing to coffee 😂 i went for a cig (i quit yrs ago now don’t come for me lol), came back to bed and asked if he just proposed cause i thought id imagined it. His poor face he looked so worried when he said he had, i just started smiling and told him i just needed to check and im saying yes. I asked him why so soon after we started dating and he said “i lost you once before, im not loosing you again”. Turned out he’d had a crush on me the entire time we were at school and i never knew 😅 I never want that proposal to change, inc the fact i had full on bed head and morning face 😂 we’ve been married 10 years, together for 14. Hes a pain in my arse, my best friend and my world ❤
Over the 1000s of ideas and desires I sent my now fiance NONE of them was him getting caught trying to hide the ring I already knew existed and him saying "kcuf it" and proposing to me in our PJs in our loungeroom. Yes I was a little disappointed more thought didn't go into it but I certainly didn't reject him because I love him and want to be married to him 🤦♀️
She's gonna end up divorced. How does that look? How does being divorced look?
My husband told me when he was going to propose.
damn! what she did is worse than a rejection…
I’m very excited for you to meet your next girlfriend.
She sounds insufferable
A proposal does not a marriage make. These people have watched too much TikTok and Instagram and yes, TH-cam and TV if you love someone it doesn’t matter how they ask just that they do.
Ungrateful young woman
She ruined it.
they both in the wrong her. Her for not accepting it at the moment and she can do it again the next day at the sunset. and op for nit listening for what she wants
Sounds like a girl with a dream to me
Please don't judge the girl and her priorities now. She is soooo young and the frontal lobe for both needs more development. Also they know for years they will get married.
This gal is ridiculous. It's only about what the female wants? Gross, no its not. It's about the relationship, not the aesthetic.
This woman needs to go out and touch grass. Stop living in the fantasy of the internet, 9 times out of 10 the proposal videos like that is pre-meditated and fake. The trip to Hawaii would make me want to marry him with no proposal!! She would deffo exclude people who don’t look good from wedding photos.
He didn’t take a single one of her requests into consideration. Not even as simple as AT SUNSET! Why is she not allowed to have a big moment at least incorporate parts of how she has pictured it?! She was VERY clear to him what she wanted and he steam rolled right over it!!!
Found the girlfriend's mom!😅
@@aprilsnow2817 🙄🙄
It sounds like she gave him a road map, and he chose to ignore it. Can you imagine marrying someone that heard what you wanted and did the complete opposite? I’m not saying she’s in the right but isn’t this moment about both of them? He gave her none of what she wanted. And now he’s embarrassed. 🤷♀️
@catrinasmith3487 it's not that he wasn't trying to give her any of it, but they missed sunset because they were having fun and the other activities ran over. If you keep waiting for the perfect moment, you will miss the moment.
hot take, but she told him exactly how he wanted the proposal and he PLANNED not to incorporate any of the the elements she’d been dreaming of. It’s kind of a red flag for his ability to listen and respect her wants…
It’s not like anything he did is more sentimental. And like why is he saying he did what he said they’d both enjoy when he didn’t consider what she wanted
Probably because what she's asking for is way too specific and scripted. Like the Thunders said, she just wants the aesthetic. When somebody's trying to ask for your hand in marriage, none of that stuff should really matter, in all honesty.
@@esther3237 100% a red flag on his part! It’s a big moment and he didn’t take ANY of her wishes into consideration. Even the most simple wish of it just simply being at sunset!! Why is she not allowed to want that moment she’s dreamed of??
I was looking for this! This is a view into her future of never getting anything she asks for from gifts to huge life decisions and not being listened to or considered by her partner.
It's the way she went about it. They had a romantic moment (on a trip he took her on btw) and the second he drops on one knee she starts berating him. What baffles me is that she didn't get carried away with the moment. That's very calculating....
Leave op run far away.
🖤🤎💜
I live in barbados if man propose by atlantic ocean at sunset or moinlight are you kidding me
" UPDATE 2
We had the breakup talk.
My girlfriend has always been a bit self centered. I’ve known that and have been able to put up with it. About 4 months ago she started having therapy sessions. I don’t know how long they last, what days they are, or what they talk about. I do know that she has become an entirely different person. She’s been more compassionate and cooperative with me(the things I’ve always wished for her to be more)- this caused me to be fully ready to commit to a life with her, hoping this new mentality is permanent.
Anyway, she talked to her therapist and told me that she asked her one question: “do you like surprises?”. She tells her of course she does. She explains to her that as her boyfriend, I most likely know that, and was trying to do something heartfelt and unscripted. No mariachi, glamorous dress or big letters, just us 2. She further tells her that if she truly felt in her heart that she wants to live a life with me, all of the other superficial stuff shouldn’t matter.
She’s apologizing to me, telling me she really regrets doing that and assuring me she would’ve said yes anyway. My biggest regret is i’ll never really know what she would’ve said, though in my gut I’m not 100% sure she would’ve said yes. Her first thoughts when that was happening was completely dismissive of me and disrespectful, something that for once I feel like I can’t take anymore. I’m standing my ground, telling her i’ve swallowed my pride way too many times in the past, and we should go through with it. I’ll be sleeping on the couch, she’ll be packing her things tomorrow and going to live with her parents.
This girl complaining about proposal not being right while I'm sitting here about to hit year 7 with my bf still waiting 🫠