Kati, you continue to attack such difficult topics with such expertize and empathy. Invaluable input from you is making the difference. Thank you so much! You da bomb!
I was sexually abused for 17 years.. watching this video was very hard for me to do but at the same time i got so much out of it... i went through a lot of bad therapist too whom told me i chose to have the ptsd and ither issues i have which have been so damaging and i am finally with a therapist whom has worked very hard with me and been extremely supportive. But even though i have that now i struggle to let the therapy work. But then i found your videos and it has been like an extra tool i can use in my therapy and in my own time..
I hope you overcome whatever you are going through, Pg.Perry. Messed up stuff happens and the shame is on the person who comitted the violence, not (at all) on you. I really hope you allow therapy to help you overcome any struggle you are going through. You are not alone!
Kati Morton when i first found your videos i was in such a dark place, i was thinking i was to damaged for therapy to help me when in reality i just wasnt working on the right things. I was able to send a link of your video about complex ptsd to my therapist and because of that we were able to work together to get me to a better place. Im far from healed but i am on my path to healing again. Your videos also helped me to realize that sometimes i may fall off of my path and that's okay as long as i can tell my therapist and we can work on it. Because of that I've been far healthier mentally than i think i ever have been. So please dont stop what your doing. Im one person you have helped from your videos. And i will never be able to thank you enough!
I literally bawled my eyes out at the title. The first 6 years of my life consisted of a little bit of physical abuse but mostly emotional abuse from being tossed around in the foster care system. I am now 16 going on 17 soon. I have been through school counseling, therapists, mental hospitals, and even a group home and sure, I got better, but I don't think I ever recovered from the past because I still fear a lot and feel dark thinking about the things that happened. This video was so amazing, thank you so much Kati!
Hi Kati, I appreciate your videos. They not only help me understand myself, but also help me empathize with others around me who might be in recovery or experiencing trauma. Thanks!
Kati. I can’t thank you enough for this information. I’ve never heard or seen this articulated this way. I have been diagnosed with BPD and I don’t self harm but I realized I actually self harm by sleeping with random people. for like 10 years I’ve been doing this to myself. I was abused as a 7 year old and again by a boyfriend at 13. I just feel so validated and it’s like everything makes sense.
As a survivor of sexual abuse, I understand the importance of having difficult conversations about the past with your partner. I agree with Kati, if you’re with someone who loves, empathizes, and cares for you, they will listen and attempt to help you in your healing process whether that be through your sex life or daily life. It’s sometimes hard to START talking, and I find it’s because of the shame for me.. but after discussing with my therapist about my trauma with EMDR, it’s so much easier to talk... but just know your partner should stand by your side and allow you to share your story without any judgement. Good luck everyone ! x
You really helped me today. This really explains why in relationships i cant seem to be physically affectionate.. sometimes id force myself to just to make my partner happy and once i found my “no” I just couldnt stop saying it. Or can’t stop I should say.
I was physically and sexually abused by a boyfriend a few years ago. I am the side that I have no sexual interest at all. I kind of emotionally shut down and i don't like people touching me or being too close to me. Thank you for making me feel like im not alone or the only person who struggles with this.
Rajesh Kumar she has already made a couple videos on that and touched on it in some of her katiFAQ videos. Try searching for it by typing “Kati Morton college” in the search bar
This covers a lot of excellent topics in a short time. In terms of who is abusive or not, and who is worthy of being in your support system or not, my tip is is to look at what the person does, not what they say or how they are on their best behavior. How do they act when you are at your worst? Do they frequently say one thing and do another? Sometimes people are completely two-faced. Others are outright hurtful. Just thought I'd mention this since trust can be so hard.
This vid made SO MUCH sense, and made a lot of the things I am doing and experiencing seem more validated. The hypersexuality, the self injuring, the not being able to process my own sexuality right now because I have horrific flashbacks and lots of dissociation. THANK YOU KATI SO MUCH
i’ve been in horrible denial about a lot of abuse and a youtuber i subscribe to recommended this video and i literally just cried the whole way thru...
I appreciate your commentary. You delivering the message very well. It took me a very long time to realize how much my childhood sexual abuse has affected as a adult
Oh my God Kate thank you, thank you so so much. I’m tearing up as I heard this video it’s unbelievable how accurate you are, I feel understood, finally. Thank you 🙏
I just found your channel and this video is very helpful. I'm ready to revamp my healing process and get back into counseling and this was really good for me to watch. I think I'm going to call my counselor and move up my appointment because I finally feel really ready to tackle this after all these years. This is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you for posting it. I'll definitely subscribe and watch the rest of the series.
I’m so glad I’ve been brave and watched this series. It’s so helpful. I can’t handle with people touching me, not even safe people. I had a daughter when I was 17 because of abuse but talking about it is hard because she is special and I don’t want her to be associated with that horrible stuff. I’ve just got the courage to heal workbook. I don’t blame my step-dad at all. Honestly it was all my fault. Thanks for the tips!! I’m glad you’re talking about this though. Thanks Kinions and Kati for bringing it up and making the videos. I’m just worry that you guys have been through this too 💕
Please do not blame yourself. Think about the situation - did you with all of your power make him do that? Probably not. I’m not saying you have to blame him but take some time to think about it. I don’t know your situation personally but it’s not your fault. And you can heal from that. Much love!!
I second what Ericka Ahener says. Regardless of how you feel/think about what happened, you didn't make his decisions; he acted based on his own choices. It helps me to think about something Kati's said before, and it might help you too: your thoughts and feelings are valid (meaning you're entitled/allowed to have them), but that doesn't make them true. Maybe it's worth exploring that in relation to this topic?
Kati great video. I was not sexually abused but my mom called me dirty a lot and threatened me if i touched myself. I feel like this has caused me a lot of issues but it seems like counselors haven't really taken me seriously
I was wondering if it's possible for you to do a video about dealing with a family member or friend who has died from suicide and the effects of it has on ones past suicide attempts?
Hey Kati! If you haven't already, could you do a video on BDSM and kink culture specifically? Many healthy people for whom those are interests wonder if they are okay or if those behaviors are healthy, even when they know better.
Yes, I have thought there was something wrong with me. I am pretty sure something did happen to me as a child sexually, and one lingering effect is a subconscious shame and avoidance of sexual pleasure, unless the other person in control is giving me pleasure (something within the kink and minor bdsm categories). I have struggled with my embarrassment about this. Also, I’m not saying everyone into BDSM has been abused. Thank you
@@orchidsrising7910 In my case, even if im alone I need to be under the blankets, door shut and if anybody is awake its very uncomfortable; me and my bf are long distance so I feel bad for trying to initiate but then having to retract cus nobody will give me privacy. Or just cus im so tired and miserable and cant go through with it... And honestly i cant get off alone or with someone else. Legit never had an orgasm... I tense up and im so hyper aware or everything. The other person (if there is one), myself and position, if i make noise (i literally just cant. I feel so uncomfortable if i make noise i cant enjoy anything...). I feel like im being watched even when im alone, and its gross and weird and distracting... Realizing more and more how many little things that I do subconsciously that. Really tie back to childhood and my mother's suspicions... Like. Im lucky my bf is understanding but hes got his own shit that contradicts my own. So. We really have a lot of work to do to both get past it... cus. Me recoiling triggering him feeling creepy when its nothing hes done at all. Its. Kinda shitty anf stressful
Can you have these symptoms without sexual abuse and/or can they also be triggered by emotional abuse? As you were explaining some of these symptoms I realised that actually that's a lot of the thought processes I used to have around sex. I've only really recently (this year) realised that I have huge issues around sex and have finally realised & accepted my sexuality. Through my late teens & early 20s I had many of the symptoms that you mention in this video, but the thought processes & symptoms began before I'd actually ever had sex.
I thought I was asexual for ages but turns out I'm just not interested in men & & hadn't realised. A lot of the other things mentioned though just made me wonder, could well just be a part of my BPD but I've not heard those symptoms mentioned before as BPD traits or things a lot of people with it experience.
Your videos help me so much this was a hard video for me to watch but at the same time helped and was very informative. I love how you continue to address difficult topics with such empathy and understanding. I love your videos so much you help me understand myself and what im dealing with. Keep it up.💖💖💖💖
thank you for that part about support systems. i feel bad for trying to keep my mum at a distance (she has also emotionally abused me in the past), but based on that definition, she isn't and doesn't deserve to be a part of mine. it's quite reassuring.
I really really wish you were my therapist. It feels like you get me even though I never talked to you. You're so smart! Thank you for the lovely videos!
Thank you Kati I was a bit nervous to watch this, but it was great. Amazing information and suggestions. Also, thank you for spending the time on this video and topic. It's definitely a difficult one for a lot of us Kionions, always you come through with so much amazing information.💛💛
I want to thank you for the videos you have been putting out recently I just got out a relationship with alot of red flags that I either chose to ignore or didn't realize were bad because we were dating and I trusted him. But when I told my friends they kept saying Nat I'm glad you're out because that was abuse. I have a therapist and we will be working on getting past the trauma. I still have to see him every day, were both theatre majors, but he's an actor I'm a design major. I just want to say thank you this holiday season has been rough as it hasn't even been a month since it happened and these videos have helped make it easier so thank you
Oh Kati, thank you so much for this one. I am learning so much from you and I love your energy. Your videos give me confidence to open up more towards my therapist. Thank you
Your videos on this topic are much needed for me right now. I am only beginning to let myself admit that I was sexually abused by a physical therapist when I was a child, though I've felt deep down that there was something truly inappropriate about it for a while now. It could have been far worse than it was, but it still hurts so much to start acknowledging my memories of it as legitimately abusive(especially since doing so makes the vaguer memories of it, like how he touched me, more clear). It's incredibly powerful to think that I could properly heal from this, and that I'm not the only person to have gone through this process. Thank you.
Hi kati.thanks for all that you do.you have no idea how much you have helped me personaly and i know that there are other people out there that you have helped.
I avoid sex and physical contact at all cost as a direct result of sexual abuse. Before I started therapy I used to think I was really weird because I didn't want sex or even anyone to touch me in a none sexual way. I'm trying really hard to work on it now, but its not easy. This is an amazing series, so helpful. Thank you Kati. x
Hey, I appreciate this. This has given me some into what my partner may be feeling. I've felt hurt because I didn't understand her actions. This gave me some more to think about.
Could you make a video about complex post traumatic stress disorder as a result of child abuse. In the last video you referred mostly to veterans and child abuse is a very common cause. Could you please talk about how trauma in early childhood impacts the formation of personality or identity. I'm in therapy now and I struggle with the idea that some parts of my personality feel as if they are a direct result of abuse ( for example being overly agreeable due to not feeling I deserve to take up space) thank you
I watched this a couple times and it was so needed. I've been avoiding this topic for 34 years and I think I'm ready to address it...pretty scary though.
Came here after you mentioned it in your answer to my question in the livestream. I’ve decided to go ahead and order the book.. thank you Kati. Hopefully this will at least help a little bit.
Hey kati can you please do a video on how to heal from physical and/or emotional abuse? I know you've done videos on what emotional and physical abuse is and the signs of it, but what about how to heal from it?
Thanks so much for this video Kati, so informative and helpful and makes me feel a little less weird/ashamed 💜 I am often in situations where I have to be around the person in my family who abused me when I was a child, and while on the surface I feel like I’m ‘over it’, I’m constantly angry and/or dissociating when around him, is that my body/mind trying to protect me even though it’s not conscious?
Thank you so much! Super important. Started supporting you through Patreon! Not much, but at least it is something. Thank you for continuing to fight the stigma of mental health too!!!!
Hi all. I saw someone on Facebook mentioned that they wished there were more captions on videos. I am going to try to caption this one. This is my first attempt so should be interesting. If anyone has already started please tell me so I can stop...and maybe work on one of the others. If anyone has tips that would be great. I can already tell one thing I’m going to have trouble with...Kati talks as fast as I do and has important content. Going to have to figure out how to get it all in. I have the time to try this at the moment which is why I’m going to try.
Can you do a video going more in depth about not being able to have sex after abuse. I have someone come to me and talked me about how she was abused as a child and now being an adult in a long term relationship and still can't seem to have sex. She wants to but panics when it gets to a certain point. I'm trying to help her but I don't know how. Please help?
Literally cried through all of the videos of this series.. crying right now lol. But anyways, at 9 years old my 14 year old cousin r*ped me, and I tried keeping it out of my mind until I was 16, but then I started therapy and I couldn’t keep it in anymore, so I was diagnosed with PTSD June 2021 and I really struggled with it until February 2022, and then it felt like things had gotten better. I did realize that whenever the thoughts of my assault came into my mind, I completely raged at myself. I would beat my head until I got a migraine, or get a huge bruise on my forehead. I could use my hands or bottles of water or anything else really hard, like my remote or a book or anything hard. I would even take a bunch of sleeping pills to try to get away from the thoughts right away. And after doing this for a while my flashbacks decreased SO MUCH. I felt like I had overcome my PTSD. But still whenever the topic of r*pe and assault came up I would zone out completely, or sink into my thoughts. But being really depressed and suicidal at the moment I decided to watch multiple of kati’s videos, and then I ended up in this series. And normally I would avoid it, but I didn’t and god it made me realize that the reason I have felt like my PTSD had gone was just because I had avoided it so much. Just like I did before I was diagnosed with ptsd. As I didn’t start therapy because of my sexual trauma, but anxiety and depression. And as weird as it sounds it felt kind of good finally being able to cry about this again, and empty out that bottle a little. It wasn’t a full on PTSD attack, but definitely a very mild one. I also know that coming up in my treatment soon of tf-cbt I’ll have to tell my whole assault story. I am really terrified that I have to do that. I have done it to the police before, as my parents pressured me into reporting it this January (2022). The whole case was dismissed, and I had to go through that traumatic experience for nothing. It was all a waste of time and vulnerability. But having to tell my therapist and my parents about this story scares the shit out of me. I really don’t want to. I don’t want them to know what happened. I don’t like thinking about it at all, I just want to kill myself. It’s all I ever think about lately, and as that part of my treatment is coming up soon, I feel like it’s time for me to end it…
I have many symptoms of sexual abuse but I can't recall it ever happening. I don't even know how to know if I just lost the memory of when it happened. If it did happen I just don't know what to do. Any helpful comments?
i'm in the same boat. i recommend establishing a good relationship with a therapist (gauge their reaction/make sure they're a good fit) and then bring it up to them. it's possible you were abused, it's possible you've invented the memory, it's possible that you've been traumatized through exposure to the abuse of others, and it's possible that it's none of these or a combination of all of them, and a therapist might not be able to get you solid answers but they'll help you cope with and heal from the symptoms you do have
I know this is an old video but it’s one that is meaningful to me and content that I need to be reminded of. I was with someone (I was 17, he 27) on and off for 7 years and I think he was probably emotionally abusive and definitely controlling, and it was very sexually charged. But the thing is as much as I know it’s not healthy to go back to him, and how disappointed my friends/ therapist would feel if they knew I went back to him, but I miss him so much lately. Sometimes I think that I gave up having a person for trying to be something I’m not because of what my friends/ therapists say I deserve. I know it’s probably trauma history and attachment issues from my past, but what can I do if I want to be with him again but also don’t want to regress as I have been in therapy. This doesn’t even have to do with sex necessarily but I really resonated with healing first, I started emdr for trauma and I’m slowly learning that having sex is not a good idea for me, because I disassociate every time and pick people who are not really respectful. Sorry this is just word vomit, but this video got me emotional today.
I’ve been trying to overcome negative thoughts and feelings for years and just want someone to talk with. I’m not necessarily comfortable talking in person about what happened.
Excellent , thank you Kati , a great explanation , well spoken , clear and concise as always , Thank you , again , for the efforts you and Sean put into this work to help us all. Remember 2018 , we take MI out of the shadows for good !!
Looking back in my childhood I always wanted my family’s acceptance of me. Photos showed my father doing stuff with my siblings. There were none with me, only on my birthday and Christmas. My only memories from childhood are of my father punching me or my parents arguing. I have always told myself I wasn’t to blame for his drinking but a small part believed he started around the time of my birth. I always felt like I ruined things for them. Everything I did as a child was to gain their acceptance. When I left to go to college I found I couldn’t make friends or relationships unless I was doing something for someone like cleaning up after them, running errands things like that. When I started having sex I then realized this was another thing I could do for others. It eventually became the only thing I knew to do to make other like me if only for that instance. I never felt bad or dirty, it actually made me happy and I felt needed. I have been in a 22 year relationship where after 10 years my charms wore off. Now I feel useless. My fears of being abandoned are ever present.
Wow this hits home. Someone in my immediate family who raised me used to abuse me and Iampretty certain my other parent knew, and I am now getting help for it. Unfortunately I am too pussy to tell my other family members. It's tearing me apart. This video makes me feel less alone. Thanks!!
Firstly, Thank you for your videos they really help me ground between therapy. I have started therapy and have a great therapist but I keep freezing up and I'm finding it really hard to open up. Can you advise the best way to talk about childhood abuse? Is it usual to find it too hard to talk about it during therapy?
Do u have a blog where I could read these things? I don't always have fast WiFi so sometimes I'm unable to watch ur videos and I feel like this one could really benefit me. Thanks Kati!
Harley Sin she does have a blog on her website, however, it doesn’t have all of what she says in her videos. It is basically the description for the videos and a link to them. Sorry!
@harley sin - have you tried adjusting the settings on the video? Click on the gear symbol and choose the smallest number. (The audio will be there, the video will just be less sharp)
My therapist told me that I like to punish myself , which includes being with people I know will tear me down or hurt me , running into relationships with guys I know are rough and borderline abusive , self harm ...I'm still a virgin , but after almost being assaulted and just because I don't like myself in general , I always find myself having to fight myself on getting hurt . I always let go of good guys because I felt they weren't rough enough . One guy that I was with would hit me all the time , pull my hair , push me into stuff , snatch me up , etc. and I tolerated it . At one point I looked forward to the pain and smiled , which made him think it was a game .
Kati can you talk about having an emotional unavailable father, my father has never spent much time with me or my siblings not even before my parents divorced cause he traveled a lot from work... i literally don't know him, like don't know what he likes or not and that kinda stuff
thank you for making this video kati. it really sparked a lot of questions in myself & i think i’ll write down a list of things that make me feel good & what makes me feel bad so that my partner & i can talk better about our sex life.
Hey Kati! I’m super curious about sex. I masturbate a lot and I find that when I do, it’s because I feel lonely and unloved. I was sexually assaulted when I was 10 years old, but anyways, I think this video’s great for all the info. The other thing is that I feel like my parents are wanting me to hurry through my healing. I started going to therapy back in March 2018 and it’s now December and my parents, especially my dad, want me to get out of therapy. I feel so rushed because it’s not going at my pace. I wish I had the courage to tell them, but I’m scared to. Anyways, thanks for the video :0)
Also - Quick question, I have a bigger question I'd like to ask you. Where do I go to ask that question? I'd rather not have it out in public on Twitter tbh.
Kati, people always say for you to tell about your sexual abuse and I was molested from 9 to 16 years and It only stopped because I told my sister but she didn't believe me she only made sure I wouldnt get alone with him but she never said she believes me and since then I started telling everyone what used to happen to me and I cant stop talking about It, I want everyone to know what happened to me but then I get really sick with myself because at the same time I dont want people to know, I dont want It to be true, I dont know If I do that because my family didnt believe me and I want someone to say I understand you and I started telling lies because no one believed in me anyway, so How do I Deal with It and heal for completely from what happened to me?
Miolando cristão there are people in this world who *do* believe you, and *know* that you aren’t lying. what happened to you and your feelings as a result of it are valid and i wish you all the strength and happiness
I have got a question.how am I supposed to take control over my life if I have several mental illness like depression,anxiety,an eating disorder,ocd and being traumatized,being a parentified child,low self esteem etc.thanks for all that you do ❤️
I just found you through Shane and I'm loving this series-- it's so so helpful and healing. Thank you for this.
Omg hiiii illlyyy!
I found her because of you.
4:59 into this and I’m crying... thank you for sharing this video
Hi i am doing animation cuss of you love you soo much😚😚😚😚
Hey! Loved your video on your ex-bf. Really got me through a lot ❤️❤️
22 Minutes of Kati and mental health? I FEEL BLESSED thank you, that's a great start into the day ☀️
Awe yay! I am so glad you didn't mind the length! I was worried it was too long. xoxo
Kati, you continue to attack such difficult topics with such expertize and empathy. Invaluable input from you is making the difference. Thank you so much! You da bomb!
Awe thanks Billy! I am so glad you found the video helpful :) xoxo
I was sexually abused for 17 years.. watching this video was very hard for me to do but at the same time i got so much out of it... i went through a lot of bad therapist too whom told me i chose to have the ptsd and ither issues i have which have been so damaging and i am finally with a therapist whom has worked very hard with me and been extremely supportive. But even though i have that now i struggle to let the therapy work. But then i found your videos and it has been like an extra tool i can use in my therapy and in my own time..
Pg. Perry that’s so awesome that you got a therapist and reached out! Just remember you aren’t alone! Much love!!
💜
I hope you overcome whatever you are going through, Pg.Perry. Messed up stuff happens and the shame is on the person who comitted the violence, not (at all) on you. I really hope you allow therapy to help you overcome any struggle you are going through. You are not alone!
I am so sorry that you had to go through all of that :( But I am glad that I can be here and be a helpful resource when you need it :) xoxo
Kati Morton when i first found your videos i was in such a dark place, i was thinking i was to damaged for therapy to help me when in reality i just wasnt working on the right things. I was able to send a link of your video about complex ptsd to my therapist and because of that we were able to work together to get me to a better place. Im far from healed but i am on my path to healing again. Your videos also helped me to realize that sometimes i may fall off of my path and that's okay as long as i can tell my therapist and we can work on it. Because of that I've been far healthier mentally than i think i ever have been. So please dont stop what your doing. Im one person you have helped from your videos. And i will never be able to thank you enough!
I literally bawled my eyes out at the title. The first 6 years of my life consisted of a little bit of physical abuse but mostly emotional abuse from being tossed around in the foster care system. I am now 16 going on 17 soon. I have been through school counseling, therapists, mental hospitals, and even a group home and sure, I got better, but I don't think I ever recovered from the past because I still fear a lot and feel dark thinking about the things that happened. This video was so amazing, thank you so much Kati!
Hi Kati, I appreciate your videos. They not only help me understand myself, but also help me empathize with others around me who might be in recovery or experiencing trauma.
Thanks!
Of course! Glad I can be a helpful resource :) xoxo
Wow! Just last night I had a dream you were my therapist and today you upload the exact video I need. Thank you so very much! xx
Kati. I can’t thank you enough for this information. I’ve never heard or seen this articulated this way. I have been diagnosed with BPD and I don’t self harm but I realized I actually self harm by sleeping with random people. for like 10 years I’ve been doing this to myself. I was abused as a 7 year old and again by a boyfriend at 13. I just feel so validated and it’s like everything makes sense.
As a survivor of sexual abuse, I understand the importance of having difficult conversations about the past with your partner. I agree with Kati, if you’re with someone who loves, empathizes, and cares for you, they will listen and attempt to help you in your healing process whether that be through your sex life or daily life. It’s sometimes hard to START talking, and I find it’s because of the shame for me.. but after discussing with my therapist about my trauma with EMDR, it’s so much easier to talk... but just know your partner should stand by your side and allow you to share your story without any judgement. Good luck everyone ! x
You really helped me today. This really explains why in relationships i cant seem to be physically affectionate.. sometimes id force myself to just to make my partner happy and once i found my “no” I just couldnt stop saying it. Or can’t stop I should say.
I am so glad that this video was helpful :) xoxo
A video on fighting with your parents/family a lot?
Katie Gagnon she has already partially touched on that. Try going up to the search bar and typing Kati Morton family. It should come up
Ericka Ahener Okay thanks ! 😊
Katie Gagnon of course! ❤️❤️
Yes! I have one from last year around this time.. I think it's called "dealing with toxic family" see if that helps you find it :) xoxo
thanks a lot, that is something I also am interested in
I was physically and sexually abused by a boyfriend a few years ago. I am the side that I have no sexual interest at all. I kind of emotionally shut down and i don't like people touching me or being too close to me. Thank you for making me feel like im not alone or the only person who struggles with this.
Katie you're awesome , I have request can you make a video on surviving college when struggling with mental illness and medication
Rajesh Kumar she has already made a couple videos on that and touched on it in some of her katiFAQ videos. Try searching for it by typing “Kati Morton college” in the search bar
Thanks for posting this. It hit fairly close to home.
Of course. I am so glad I can help :) xoxo
I wasn't a child, but 18-21 when I went through abuse, but I still found most of this video really helpful and relevant
Kati! Thank you! You are so good at what you do. You are a gift to the people! Keep doing your thang, girl~!
You are so well spoken and always so well prepared. Thank you. It really helps.
I watched this entire video without fast forwarding. I’ve been waiting for this video for so long.
Thanks! ❤️
This covers a lot of excellent topics in a short time. In terms of who is abusive or not, and who is worthy of being in your support system or not, my tip is is to look at what the person does, not what they say or how they are on their best behavior. How do they act when you are at your worst? Do they frequently say one thing and do another? Sometimes people are completely two-faced. Others are outright hurtful. Just thought I'd mention this since trust can be so hard.
Wow - this really resonated when you spoke about religion/sex and how often there's a feeling of shame surrounding the topics together. Great video!
This vid made SO MUCH sense, and made a lot of the things I am doing and experiencing seem more validated. The hypersexuality, the self injuring, the not being able to process my own sexuality right now because I have horrific flashbacks and lots of dissociation. THANK YOU KATI SO MUCH
i’ve been in horrible denial about a lot of abuse and a youtuber i subscribe to recommended this video and i literally just cried the whole way thru...
I appreciate your commentary. You delivering the message very well. It took me a very long time to realize how much my childhood sexual abuse has affected as a adult
I feel like I'm learning SO much, thanks Kati!!!❤❤❤
Oh my God Kate thank you, thank you so so much. I’m tearing up as I heard this video it’s unbelievable how accurate you are, I feel understood, finally. Thank you 🙏
I just found your channel and this video is very helpful. I'm ready to revamp my healing process and get back into counseling and this was really good for me to watch. I think I'm going to call my counselor and move up my appointment because I finally feel really ready to tackle this after all these years. This is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you for posting it. I'll definitely subscribe and watch the rest of the series.
I’m so glad I’ve been brave and watched this series. It’s so helpful. I can’t handle with people touching me, not even safe people. I had a daughter when I was 17 because of abuse but talking about it is hard because she is special and I don’t want her to be associated with that horrible stuff. I’ve just got the courage to heal workbook. I don’t blame my step-dad at all. Honestly it was all my fault. Thanks for the tips!! I’m glad you’re talking about this though. Thanks Kinions and Kati for bringing it up and making the videos. I’m just worry that you guys have been through this too 💕
Please do not blame yourself. Think about the situation - did you with all of your power make him do that? Probably not. I’m not saying you have to blame him but take some time to think about it. I don’t know your situation personally but it’s not your fault. And you can heal from that. Much love!!
I second what Ericka Ahener says. Regardless of how you feel/think about what happened, you didn't make his decisions; he acted based on his own choices.
It helps me to think about something Kati's said before, and it might help you too: your thoughts and feelings are valid (meaning you're entitled/allowed to have them), but that doesn't make them true. Maybe it's worth exploring that in relation to this topic?
Kati great video. I was not sexually abused but my mom called me dirty a lot and threatened me if i touched myself. I feel like this has caused me a lot of issues but it seems like counselors haven't really taken me seriously
Thank you for explaining this in such a simple and sensible way. Thank you also for the trust to share it. We will get better.
I'm going through the healing process for this right now and it helped me so much, thank you.
I was wondering if it's possible for you to do a video about dealing with a family member or friend who has died from suicide and the effects of it has on ones past suicide attempts?
Bryony-Rebekah McKenzie th-cam.com/video/Tj8DXLnURZE/w-d-xo.html
I have one on that. Just search "kati morton losing someone to suicide" and it should come up. xoxo
I wish I could find a therapist like you. Your videos have helped me along my journey of healing so much just with your videos!
Hey Kati! If you haven't already, could you do a video on BDSM and kink culture specifically? Many healthy people for whom those are interests wonder if they are okay or if those behaviors are healthy, even when they know better.
TheHouseElf this is an amazing thing to ask! Thanks for this!
I can definitely talk about that more! I will put it on my list for when I film next! xoxo
Thank you so much! This is such an important topic, and it's extremely important for the kink community.
Yes, I have thought there was something wrong with me. I am pretty sure something did happen to me as a child sexually, and one lingering effect is a subconscious shame and avoidance of sexual pleasure, unless the other person in control is giving me pleasure (something within the kink and minor bdsm categories). I have struggled with my embarrassment about this. Also, I’m not saying everyone into BDSM has been abused. Thank you
@@orchidsrising7910 In my case, even if im alone I need to be under the blankets, door shut and if anybody is awake its very uncomfortable; me and my bf are long distance so I feel bad for trying to initiate but then having to retract cus nobody will give me privacy. Or just cus im so tired and miserable and cant go through with it...
And honestly i cant get off alone or with someone else. Legit never had an orgasm... I tense up and im so hyper aware or everything. The other person (if there is one), myself and position, if i make noise (i literally just cant. I feel so uncomfortable if i make noise i cant enjoy anything...). I feel like im being watched even when im alone, and its gross and weird and distracting...
Realizing more and more how many little things that I do subconsciously that. Really tie back to childhood and my mother's suspicions... Like. Im lucky my bf is understanding but hes got his own shit that contradicts my own. So. We really have a lot of work to do to both get past it... cus. Me recoiling triggering him feeling creepy when its nothing hes done at all. Its. Kinda shitty anf stressful
I had a hard time telling my therapist so I wrote it down and handed it to her. I felt so relieved
I love the courage to heal workbook. Would highly recommend to anyone dealing w life after abuse
Can you have these symptoms without sexual abuse and/or can they also be triggered by emotional abuse?
As you were explaining some of these symptoms I realised that actually that's a lot of the thought processes I used to have around sex. I've only really recently (this year) realised that I have huge issues around sex and have finally realised & accepted my sexuality. Through my late teens & early 20s I had many of the symptoms that you mention in this video, but the thought processes & symptoms began before I'd actually ever had sex.
I thought I was asexual for ages but turns out I'm just not interested in men & & hadn't realised. A lot of the other things mentioned though just made me wonder, could well just be a part of my BPD but I've not heard those symptoms mentioned before as BPD traits or things a lot of people with it experience.
Your videos help me so much this was a hard video for me to watch but at the same time helped and was very informative. I love how you continue to address difficult topics with such empathy and understanding. I love your videos so much you help me understand myself and what im dealing with. Keep it up.💖💖💖💖
thank you for that part about support systems. i feel bad for trying to keep my mum at a distance (she has also emotionally abused me in the past), but based on that definition, she isn't and doesn't deserve to be a part of mine. it's quite reassuring.
I really really wish you were my therapist. It feels like you get me even though I never talked to you. You're so smart! Thank you for the lovely videos!
Thank you Kati
I was a bit nervous to watch this, but it was great. Amazing information and suggestions.
Also, thank you for spending the time on this video and topic. It's definitely a difficult one for a lot of us Kionions, always you come through with so much amazing information.💛💛
I want to thank you for the videos you have been putting out recently I just got out a relationship with alot of red flags that I either chose to ignore or didn't realize were bad because we were dating and I trusted him. But when I told my friends they kept saying Nat I'm glad you're out because that was abuse. I have a therapist and we will be working on getting past the trauma. I still have to see him every day, were both theatre majors, but he's an actor I'm a design major. I just want to say thank you this holiday season has been rough as it hasn't even been a month since it happened and these videos have helped make it easier so thank you
Kati, this video is amazing, I can’t even think straight after listening to you.. it resonates so much here. Thank you so much!
Oh Kati, thank you so much for this one. I am learning so much from you and I love your energy. Your videos give me confidence to open up more towards my therapist. Thank you
Your videos on this topic are much needed for me right now. I am only beginning to let myself admit that I was sexually abused by a physical therapist when I was a child, though I've felt deep down that there was something truly inappropriate about it for a while now. It could have been far worse than it was, but it still hurts so much to start acknowledging my memories of it as legitimately abusive(especially since doing so makes the vaguer memories of it, like how he touched me, more clear).
It's incredibly powerful to think that I could properly heal from this, and that I'm not the only person to have gone through this process. Thank you.
This is so helpful...if only i would of know this years ago. Years ago this was all hush hush. Lots of tears as i listened. Thank you Kati.
Hi kati.thanks for all that you do.you have no idea how much you have helped me personaly and i know that there are other people out there that you have helped.
thank you for this series, perfect timing.
I avoid sex and physical contact at all cost as a direct result of sexual abuse. Before I started therapy I used to think I was really weird because I didn't want sex or even anyone to touch me in a none sexual way. I'm trying really hard to work on it now, but its not easy. This is an amazing series, so helpful. Thank you Kati. x
This is a wonderful resource. It's not (thankfully) been a part of my life but I know how much it will help people. Gosh you're a marvel. :)
Hey, I appreciate this. This has given me some into what my partner may be feeling. I've felt hurt because I didn't understand her actions. This gave me some more to think about.
Could you make a video about complex post traumatic stress disorder as a result of child abuse. In the last video you referred mostly to veterans and child abuse is a very common cause. Could you please talk about how trauma in early childhood impacts the formation of personality or identity. I'm in therapy now and I struggle with the idea that some parts of my personality feel as if they are a direct result of abuse ( for example being overly agreeable due to not feeling I deserve to take up space) thank you
Thank YOU Kati! I needed this.
Thank you for all the various reasons and issues tangled into the work of recovery. It really helped
I watched this a couple times and it was so needed. I've been avoiding this topic for 34 years and I think I'm ready to address it...pretty scary though.
Thank you for giving hope!
Thank you, Kati! It's very needed to talk about these problems and how to recover from them. Best regards and be well!
Came here after you mentioned it in your answer to my question in the livestream. I’ve decided to go ahead and order the book.. thank you Kati. Hopefully this will at least help a little bit.
Thank you Kati for this video. You have given me some tools to use and think about.
This was such a great summary and starting place! I hope a lot of people find it so they can get the help they need. ❤
Hey kati can you please do a video on how to heal from physical and/or emotional abuse? I know you've done videos on what emotional and physical abuse is and the signs of it, but what about how to heal from it?
Thanks so much for this video Kati, so informative and helpful and makes me feel a little less weird/ashamed 💜 I am often in situations where I have to be around the person in my family who abused me when I was a child, and while on the surface I feel like I’m ‘over it’, I’m constantly angry and/or dissociating when around him, is that my body/mind trying to protect me even though it’s not conscious?
The name of the video doesn’t match up w the topic. I wish it would’ve said something specific like sexual abuse.
This is a really great video
I am so glad you think so :) xoxo
This is a hard topic. Thank you for actually talking about things.
Shout out to Kati Morton! WHAT WHAAT (Y)
woot woot!! xoxox haha!
Is it normal to act out sexually/use sex as a harming mechanism even if the original abuse wasn’t sexual? Like if someone were emotionally abused
Kati, you are an amazing person who I look up to, keep up with the amazing work!!!
This channel is so helpful. Thank you for sharing with us and educating us Kati
Thank you so much! Super important. Started supporting you through Patreon! Not much, but at least it is something. Thank you for continuing to fight the stigma of mental health too!!!!
Hi all. I saw someone on Facebook mentioned that they wished there were more captions on videos. I am going to try to caption this one. This is my first attempt so should be interesting. If anyone has already started please tell me so I can stop...and maybe work on one of the others. If anyone has tips that would be great. I can already tell one thing I’m going to have trouble with...Kati talks as fast as I do and has important content. Going to have to figure out how to get it all in. I have the time to try this at the moment which is why I’m going to try.
Welp. I'm crying now. This really hit home.
Thanks for a year of interesting and helpful videos Kati, have a great 2018.
Can you do a video going more in depth about not being able to have sex after abuse. I have someone come to me and talked me about how she was abused as a child and now being an adult in a long term relationship and still can't seem to have sex. She wants to but panics when it gets to a certain point. I'm trying to help her but I don't know how. Please help?
lalacameron170 hey there, she may have to be referred to a pelvic floor physiotherapist
Literally cried through all of the videos of this series.. crying right now lol.
But anyways, at 9 years old my 14 year old cousin r*ped me, and I tried keeping it out of my mind until I was 16, but then I started therapy and I couldn’t keep it in anymore, so I was diagnosed with PTSD June 2021 and I really struggled with it until February 2022, and then it felt like things had gotten better. I did realize that whenever the thoughts of my assault came into my mind, I completely raged at myself. I would beat my head until I got a migraine, or get a huge bruise on my forehead. I could use my hands or bottles of water or anything else really hard, like my remote or a book or anything hard.
I would even take a bunch of sleeping pills to try to get away from the thoughts right away. And after doing this for a while my flashbacks decreased SO MUCH. I felt like I had overcome my PTSD. But still whenever the topic of r*pe and assault came up I would zone out completely, or sink into my thoughts. But being really depressed and suicidal at the moment I decided to watch multiple of kati’s videos, and then I ended up in this series. And normally I would avoid it, but I didn’t and god it made me realize that the reason I have felt like my PTSD had gone was just because I had avoided it so much. Just like I did before I was diagnosed with ptsd. As I didn’t start therapy because of my sexual trauma, but anxiety and depression.
And as weird as it sounds it felt kind of good finally being able to cry about this again, and empty out that bottle a little. It wasn’t a full on PTSD attack, but definitely a very mild one. I also know that coming up in my treatment soon of tf-cbt I’ll have to tell my whole assault story. I am really terrified that I have to do that. I have done it to the police before, as my parents pressured me into reporting it this January (2022). The whole case was dismissed, and I had to go through that traumatic experience for nothing. It was all a waste of time and vulnerability. But having to tell my therapist and my parents about this story scares the shit out of me. I really don’t want to. I don’t want them to know what happened. I don’t like thinking about it at all, I just want to kill myself. It’s all I ever think about lately, and as that part of my treatment is coming up soon, I feel like it’s time for me to end it…
❤
I have many symptoms of sexual abuse but I can't recall it ever happening. I don't even know how to know if I just lost the memory of when it happened. If it did happen I just don't know what to do. Any helpful comments?
i'm in the same boat. i recommend establishing a good relationship with a therapist (gauge their reaction/make sure they're a good fit) and then bring it up to them. it's possible you were abused, it's possible you've invented the memory, it's possible that you've been traumatized through exposure to the abuse of others, and it's possible that it's none of these or a combination of all of them, and a therapist might not be able to get you solid answers but they'll help you cope with and heal from the symptoms you do have
I know this is an old video but it’s one that is meaningful to me and content that I need to be reminded of. I was with someone (I was 17, he 27) on and off for 7 years and I think he was probably emotionally abusive and definitely controlling, and it was very sexually charged. But the thing is as much as I know it’s not healthy to go back to him, and how disappointed my friends/ therapist would feel if they knew I went back to him, but I miss him so much lately. Sometimes I think that I gave up having a person for trying to be something I’m not because of what my friends/ therapists say I deserve. I know it’s probably trauma history and attachment issues from my past, but what can I do if I want to be with him again but also don’t want to regress as I have been in therapy. This doesn’t even have to do with sex necessarily but I really resonated with healing first, I started emdr for trauma and I’m slowly learning that having sex is not a good idea for me, because I disassociate every time and pick people who are not really respectful. Sorry this is just word vomit, but this video got me emotional today.
I’ve been trying to overcome negative thoughts and feelings for years and just want someone to talk with. I’m not necessarily comfortable talking in person about what happened.
Excellent , thank you Kati , a great explanation , well spoken , clear and concise as always , Thank you , again , for the efforts you and Sean put into this work to help us all. Remember 2018 , we take MI out of the shadows for good !!
Looking back in my childhood I always wanted my family’s acceptance of me. Photos showed my father doing stuff with my siblings. There were none with me, only on my birthday and Christmas. My only memories from childhood are of my father punching me or my parents arguing. I have always told myself I wasn’t to blame for his drinking but a small part believed he started around the time of my birth. I always felt like I ruined things for them. Everything I did as a child was to gain their acceptance. When I left to go to college I found I couldn’t make friends or relationships unless I was doing something for someone like cleaning up after them, running errands things like that. When I started having sex I then realized this was another thing I could do for others. It eventually became the only thing I knew to do to make other like me if only for that instance. I never felt bad or dirty, it actually made me happy and I felt needed. I have been in a 22 year relationship where after 10 years my charms wore off. Now I feel useless. My fears of being abandoned are ever present.
Thank you-this is exactly what I needed.
You forgot the links for the other videos. But this one does help.
You are amazing GIRL!💆🏼❤️🍷
Wow this hits home. Someone in my immediate family who raised me used to abuse me and Iampretty certain my other parent knew, and I am now getting help for it. Unfortunately I am too pussy to tell my other family members. It's tearing me apart. This video makes me feel less alone. Thanks!!
Kati, you are the best
Firstly, Thank you for your videos they really help me ground between therapy. I have started therapy and have a great therapist but I keep freezing up and I'm finding it really hard to open up. Can you advise the best way to talk about childhood abuse? Is it usual to find it too hard to talk about it during therapy?
This did help me. Thank you 🥰❤
Do u have a blog where I could read these things? I don't always have fast WiFi so sometimes I'm unable to watch ur videos and I feel like this one could really benefit me. Thanks Kati!
Harley Sin she does have a blog on her website, however, it doesn’t have all of what she says in her videos. It is basically the description for the videos and a link to them. Sorry!
@harley sin - have you tried adjusting the settings on the video? Click on the gear symbol and choose the smallest number. (The audio will be there, the video will just be less sharp)
My therapist told me that I like to punish myself , which includes being with people I know will tear me down or hurt me , running into relationships with guys I know are rough and borderline abusive , self harm ...I'm still a virgin , but after almost being assaulted and just because I don't like myself in general , I always find myself having to fight myself on getting hurt . I always let go of good guys because I felt they weren't rough enough . One guy that I was with would hit me all the time , pull my hair , push me into stuff , snatch me up , etc. and I tolerated it . At one point I looked forward to the pain and smiled , which made him think it was a game .
Kati can you talk about having an emotional unavailable father, my father has never spent much time with me or my siblings not even before my parents divorced cause he traveled a lot from work... i literally don't know him, like don't know what he likes or not and that kinda stuff
Everything about the sexual abuse.. I can relate to so hard. Thank you for this.
thank you for making this video kati. it really sparked a lot of questions in myself & i think i’ll write down a list of things that make me feel good & what makes me feel bad so that my partner & i can talk better about our sex life.
Hey Kati! I’m super curious about sex. I masturbate a lot and I find that when I do, it’s because I feel lonely and unloved. I was sexually assaulted when I was 10 years old, but anyways, I think this video’s great for all the info. The other thing is that I feel like my parents are wanting me to hurry through my healing. I started going to therapy back in March 2018 and it’s now December and my parents, especially my dad, want me to get out of therapy. I feel so rushed because it’s not going at my pace. I wish I had the courage to tell them, but I’m scared to. Anyways, thanks for the video :0)
Thank you Katie
Why does this video have dislikes? Like what the heck?!!
Also - Quick question, I have a bigger question I'd like to ask you. Where do I go to ask that question? I'd rather not have it out in public on Twitter tbh.
EmziiZemzii you can direct message her on Twitter, or go on her website under Kati’s videos, submit a video idea
You can ask it here!! That's honestly the best, or on my website :) xoxo
can you do episodes like these but about emotional abuse?
can you please make a video about self-regulatory skills?
Kati, people always say for you to tell about your sexual abuse and I was molested from 9 to 16 years and It only stopped because I told my sister but she didn't believe me she only made sure I wouldnt get alone with him but she never said she believes me and since then I started telling everyone what used to happen to me and I cant stop talking about It, I want everyone to know what happened to me but then I get really sick with myself because at the same time I dont want people to know, I dont want It to be true, I dont know If I do that because my family didnt believe me and I want someone to say I understand you and I started telling lies because no one believed in me anyway, so How do I Deal with It and heal for completely from what happened to me?
Miolando cristão there are people in this world who *do* believe you, and *know* that you aren’t lying. what happened to you and your feelings as a result of it are valid and i wish you all the strength and happiness
I have got a question.how am I supposed to take control over my life if I have several mental illness like depression,anxiety,an eating disorder,ocd and being traumatized,being a parentified child,low self esteem etc.thanks for all that you do ❤️
This is really helpful for me, thanks