The Christians Guide to Guarding Your Heart with Toxic People
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ก.ค. 2024
- Are you realizing that you finally need to make "No" a regular part of your vocabulary, but don't know where to start? In today's episode, we start with the basics and talk about how to set Biblical boundaries if you're a beginner. (or need a refresher ;)
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Thank you ⭐️☀️✨️🕊
Thank you!!❤
I must REMEBER “ I’m a God pleaser not people pleasure 🙏🏼
Yes 👍
Love this! Gold!
I agree 👍 and with God's help 🙏 I'm now a GOD 🙏 pleaser, and not a people pleaser.
@@amandapryar4675 Amen!!🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌
Best comment that!
It's what I repeat to myself when dealing with people cant see the vision, many try to stop me even so called religious types, I just do it anyway ...
Such a great framework! “Givers need to set limits as takers don’t have any.”
True.
I like that one
Your teaching should be a course available in middle school, high school, college, and churches (although narcissistic pastors would not allow it). So much damage could be avoided. So many destinies fulfilled.❤
Agreed!
All the way back from the kindergarten 🙏
Yes
I agree
That's an excellent idea. School Course. I've got to 76 and don't know how I've managed in life. I really need this. Kris is the best on TH-cam.
It’s just hurts at times when being who we are gets trampled on.
Outstanding strategy.
I set my boundaries way late in life but they are quite firm.
I set them and she left. Very thankful. Covert narcissists are no fun to live with or be in any relationship with at all.
no they're not
Don't you wish you would have known to set boundaries at the start of the relationship? It would have saved you so much heartache, sadness and grief.
May I ask what boundaries you set with a narcissist? My husband is a narcissist, and I have no idea how to deal with him.
I was the victim of childhood abuse, but my victim-hood status ended the day I took 100% responsibility for my life & choices. Victim status privileges are nothing compared to the freedom that radical responsibility gives you!!
Think "I'm a survivor," not "I'm a victim!'
Jesus saves! 🙏 thank God for being not only great but GOOD
I must be like u
I’ve started practicing Biblical boundaries for awhile now and boy it’s amazing how people don’t like it, but I’ve also seen some great progress too! It’s been a journey not over reacting, but learning how to respond in a Biblical manner. You are so right! Knowing ourselves is so important, knowing our likes and dislikes and setting those healthy boundaries is so important. I love all your teachings!! They’ve helped me a lot along with a strong prayer life and Bible study, which I have done for years, my biggest fault was thinking if I didn’t give in I wasn’t a good Christian, I’m so thankful these videos has cleared up that misconception. I’m no doormat!! God bless!
I’m so glad they’ve been a blessing to you. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for saying " I didn't think I was being a good Christian if I didn't give in". I didn't think I was being a good wife if I didn't give in to what my narc husband wanted. I didn't ever think I could or SHOULD say " no". I'm very happy for this video- it's so helpful!!
Why did I surrender my values for their approval😳 Wow so true
This is something amazing since I accepted Christ after been in a narcistic relationships today I know myself more then EVER! I praise God 🙏🏼🕊️✝️
I’m so glad. Thanks for watching 😊
Same here.
A humble request from UK please please please kindly make videos on How, what and why narsistic parents play narcissism from religious point of view not to hand over inheritance to other ?
@@lifecoloursviralot Shalom from Germany 🌼 i don't really understand your question, but maybe 'Shaneen Megji' (on TH-cam) or Shanon from 'narc free living' (on TH-cam) have already spoken about the topic you're asking about.
You are a brilliant psychologist. I love that you use real life examples . They really help me. I also learn well from your awesome biblical references. I thank you for helping me so much. God bless you! I also recognize that you must work very hard to help us. Again a huge thanks 👍👏🙏😍
Boundary oldie here, checking how I've done everything right with these toxic people, also in my close family. May they eat from their own fruit! 🙏
I agree. Boundaries are all about knowing and respecting yourself. Be prepared to flex those self-control muscles when they try to use every trick in the book to manipulate your boundaries to what better suits them. Proverbs 25:28 comes to my mind. "He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls." ❤
Amen to that!
But thats not what the verse is saying, its implying that he who has a spirit of kindness to give and no rules is broken . Without walls means that the carrier who has a good spirit is locked without walls. The bible teaches us to that god is the holy spirit in us and we walk humble with rules hes truth to tell others about hes faith. We walk in the valley of shadow of darkness my heart should not fear, no walls not broken, but in good spirit. Walls are intentions your city in the ground you always walk in, not your mind or your guard but you only carry your spirit.
Your "I feel _ when you do _ ..."-method is also a good narcissist-identifier - because they will not get the subtle difference, still feel attacked and go into raging defence! I have tried for over 2 years communicating my feelings to a narcissist without success.
❤❤Boundary Newbie❤❤
I must remember daily that I am a God Pleaser And Not A People Pleaser. And giving it to God daily.
This lady is a straight GOD SEND 💯❗️🎯🥹😌👍🙏🤍🕊️
Oh how I wish my brother in law could hear this!
He is the henchman of my narcissist mother in law, the favorite son who is just like her.
He loves to say that honoring your mother and father means that they get to do as they please, when they please, and boundaries put in front of them are sinful and dishonoring of their role.
I know he is wrong, but…🙄
Praise God you know he's wrong!
So blessed by your wisdom, Kris. Be blessed!❤
Hi Kris, I found you here about 2 weeks ago, and now I cannot stop listening to your amazing Godly advice! Wow. Unfortunately, I am still in this relationship that is so exhausting. I am a Christian, he says he is, but he "bucks" everything that I say about how I want to follow God. We do not live together, but we used to. This drag-on relationship has continued for nearly 8 years. I had NO IDEA what a narcissist was until 5 years ago. Call me naïve, but that's me. Yes, I sure have thought that if I "love him enough", this would change. wow am I wrong. I have no idea how to fully step away from this, and don't know why it's taking me so long to "just go", but I have to do something other than lay down and keep being walked all over.
Thank you for all the education you give us!
After watching your short video “If Jesus was codependent “, I always have that image in my head😊
Jesus would never be able to accomplish anything… he would worry about hurting other people feelings, afraid of getting beat up by crowd… and consistently anxious.
Thank you for clarifying omit the "I feel ___ when you do ___ so". My difficult person does not care about my feelings. Thank you as well for all your help! ❤
I must be honest and say that I will say my boundaries in my head and show them with action, because I have noticed alot of the time people will just defend them selves, I feel if the person truly cares about you they will notice your shift in behavior and then stop. Iv just been so burnt expressing my boundaries before. Or I will just say no. I think the most important thing is to not attach to the outcome because 9 out of 10 times they will get upset and or angry anyway... so I just expect and accept this now... and it has freed alot of baggage I was carrying... I call it. Incubating my peace. I was in a Narcisstic abusive relationship for 6 years.. My question is. Is that OK to have that period while you are healing? To just observe and set boundaries in one's own head and act on it.. rather than putting yourself out there and communicating it??? Thank you for all your work ❤❤❤❤❤
3:42😊 yes, I'm guilty of co creating the abuse I endured. I felt entitled, expectations, blame shifted, resentment, & woe is me 😭. That's how I got mis treated. I was receiving certainty & familiarity from the abusive relationship 😊
As a shamanist, thank you for your sincere take on bible. A christian friend of mine has been guilted by her religious family for not taking bullshit bc apparently as a christian you are not allowed to set boundaries to anyone who claims to be christian.
You are not my enemy, I respect your faith . Keep up the good work.
Kris,
“Mind-reading is not a spiritual gift”.
Those words stabbed me in the heart. I agree, minding-reading is certainly not a spiritual gift. But in a toxic Narc relationship, it becomes a developed coping skill that is almost 💯 ineffective or beneficial. You’ll never be enough, you’ll never get it right and even when you do the script will be flipped on you, because that’s how the Narc plays the game. What’s more, the Narc dangles a carrot of false hope to get you to continue trying so that you continue to serve them. My current post trauma motto is,
“Who is your God?”
When you feel like you have to assess the room in each new environment in an attempt to fit in, you’re a people pleaser. And when you’re willing to adapt yourself and serve any random opinion, you don’t know who you are, you don’t know who God created you to be or how He sees you. And His opinion is the only one that matters. Everything else is a distraction by the enemy. Post trauma - lose the toxic drama - lock eyes on God.
So I don’t have to feel bad or afraid when I post a pretty picture of myself bc it’s not pride! I’m learning to love my self ❤
Kris May God continue to bless you your family and ministry in Jesus name Our God sent me right to your page I’m crying tears of joy I can hear our God speak to me through your videos especially this one!!! Hugs
Amazing teaching. Thank you
You're videos are so helpful. Can't help but binge watch them. Thank you Kris ❤
Love the script that it's not just blaming them for my feelings, heavy with expectations they might change, but with the continuation of "so, when you do [the thing that bothers, devalues, or hurts me blank], I'm going to manage my negative feelings that brings up by: [xyz, self soothing, finding safety, leaving the room, leaving the house, exciting the building... Exiting the relationship if it becomes a deal breaker, call your mother or sister to ask advice about how to handle you, and so on or what have you]"
Something like that so I can lay out a feelings management plan for myself for when I'm flooding about something they say or do that I don't like.
Because they're allowed to do or say things I disagree with even if it makes me feel bad... Hopefully they'll be concerned enough about my feelings to reign in the difference but if they're not as a pattern over time, that's a clue to their true level of regard for me and our relationship or it's value in their life.
Just as I can expect reciprocity if I respect them and their different point of view. And if I don't receive reciprocal respect, then I can accept they are either unwilling or incapable - for whatever reason - and move on from expecting that from them.
Well said. thanks for sharing.
I NEEDED THIS TODAY! MY LOVELY SPIRITUAL SISTER SENT THIS TO ME!
Thank you Kris! I love your channel and thank you for sharing your wisdom. My eyes have opened up and I feel better equipped to deal with the family and friends who have narcissistic tendencies. 🙏🙏
Thank you. Thank youuuuuu.
This is absolutely excellent advice. To please God not man and that there are always two sides to every relationship.
This is amazing thank you so much, dealing with this with a family member and it’s already so tough setting boundaries, God bless you✨🤎
I'm glad I found this, I recently had to call off an engagement because of boundary setting. I was living a very sexually charged lifestyle and practically been this way for most of my life, for it created a warped identity. I met this woman in this lifestyle but I connected with her, I saw more of who she is and wanted to be that guy for her because she has gone through sexual trauma and other trauma as well. I realize people are going to see what they want to see whether good or bad. I created boundaries due to what hurt has gone on in my life that she wasn't matching, so I ended it. The guilt of co habitation, having sex before marriage, etc. has been an achilles heel in my life and I wanted something more fufilled, which led me to leave the household I was co habitating at. Now, she thinks I abandoned her like others simply because I want to walk in the right order from what God has called. I know she isn't there spiritually or mentally. In all of this I realized my own shortcomings in how she doesn't respond to me making me think this is what I too have done to Jesus. I have come full circle with life and looking for Christ to change me. I pray for her because I am in love with her.
Why did you call off the engagement? Of course that makes her feel used and abandoned. You can leave the house or simply stop sleeping with her until you’re actually married, if you want to do right by her and God, but calling off an engagement is cruel and simply shows that maybe you never intended to do right by her anyway.
@@marthapopova8084 I called it off because she didn't want to wait till marriage, plus it was other things that led to my decision, and one of them was not being cooperative. It's about making strides together for the better, revealing what's right versus what's wrong and getting on board together. She didn't want together, so I canceled the engagement, because if you not willing to come together for the right reasons in which is going to benefit us in the long run, then I can't continue and be tied with you.
Recently i was unloading a truck along with a toxic co-worker. Many times this co worker would drop off a load of cartons and leave extras in my way and i would have to pick them up before parking the cartons i brought over causing me to restack his load. After a while i realised i was being too accomdating, and the holy spirit stepped in to suggest i deliberately stop helping and set a new boundry to park my load of cartons in front of the two left in front of me. The co worker was so amazed that i demonstrated my boundry to quit “helping” and be independant of what they were doing. Got the attention of the right people to place thr responsibility on them to help each one participating in unloading the truck and restacking the cartons unloaded instead of them expecting me to cover for them. Has changed my out look and prayer in Jesus name set new boundaries in motion from now on. Everything you said to do is true.
I ❤ your content and i absolutely agree!! especially for us living in a Christian community and oftentimes we become "toxic spiritual guides " to each other !!!!
a big trap!
i would love to listen to other speeches on this , just now i am finding your videos , keep up the good work !!!!✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️
I love beautiful Sister in Jesus Christ truth Belieferin. Thank you and be blessed. ❤
Fantastically well said! ❤
Do you have any videos on narcissist siblings? I am also wondering if you have advice on how to protect the children from a narcissist uncle when have to be around him?
So succinct ❤
I absolutely love this - so much great and helpful information!! Thank you 🙏 ❤
Thk you so much. I am learning and understanding a lot about myself. May Lord bless me in my walk with him
Amen
I love you ma'am 😢❤
Loving your ease and application of biblical quotes
Thank you so much for the free ebooks🙏
I love this!
You are true a friend🎉🎉🎉🎉
Brilliant and witty too!
You're a blessing to me.
Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!.
Thank you so much. For all your videos. I wrote down the homework!
THANK YOU Kris! SO HELPFUL!!! you are a blessing :D keep up the great work!
A very important video!!! THIS IS HOPE.
I love your videos, they are downright assertive and you can be hilarious!!! Thank you for helping the masses.
Self pity and victim mentality finally gone today. Coveting gone. Life gets better 😌
Thank you so much for your biblical messages. I cut them all off.
Thank you great videos!
Excellent video. Thank you 🙏
BTW: You are a wonderful & knowledgeable teacher. TYVM
I came across a book about boundaries by Cloud and Townsend when I was younger, and although I couldn't apply it or understand it then (and perhaps I still am not able to as I would like), I recognized a wisdom I had never heard of but deeply desired. Thank you for this video.
Yes I’ve been blessed thanku
Thank you!
Blessed by this
Psalm 119:45 I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out, your precepts.
God used this verse to deliver me from wrong perceptions on my Christian life.
I was putting people before God till the point that I sacrificed my spiritual needs. Thinking that it would be selfish of me if I put my needs before others.
It got me sick and didn’t understand why . Till I went for a fast and God gave me the word that I don’t rest in Him and put people before Him . I repent and He started to heal me . He is a truly amazing Father . And actually now I am able to sever God much better and more productive. I am still working on some weakness but the weakness holds me to Him closer. I learned never think that compressing obedience to God is serving God. He would never want me to serve someone by the price of disobedience.
This is excellent!
I love you, and thank God for you
Thanks!
Great content Great godly woman thanks for your ministry ❤🎉
I really love your contents! You have a new subscriber 😁😁
thank you o your work
Thank you 💜✞
Thanks Kris
i dont want to be selfish, i just need to protect me..
Thought this might be a refresher “course”, it’s like relearning instead. Wow.
Thnxs for sharing 👍
It seems to me that most religions encourage codependency & enabling. The responsible "normal" one in the relationship is the one the church directs the load to, to make it work. Its instilled in you from early on that divorce is such a sin that YOU must make it work. Then you are pegged as the enabler & co-dependent. Im a Christian but something's not right with a lot of churches teachings.
Do narcissists try to make a person Jealous by bringing someone elses name up all the time or mentioning their name to get an emotional reaction?
Temperance, Preference, Needs.
Never expected to have to guard myself from other Christians.... I thought that would come from another angle.
They are not Christian and legalistic
@@vickimann3262 maybe it's a sign.
@@TheSeaOfAsher 100
Super helpful!! 🙏🙌
Hahaha communicate with clunkiness 😂😂 that’s brilliantly hilarious! I love it dear sister thank you for this tidbit of humour whether it was intended or not❤️🙏
Love it ❤
Love the intro lol! hey Boundary Newbie ❤
The best boundaries of all is to remain single and celibate! Do not date, get into a relationship or engagement. Simply live by yourself and serve the Lord.
I acknowledge that this way of life may be right for you and for some people. But if everyone adopted this way of life, then the human race would fail to procreate and we would die off as a species and become extinct. So thank God not everyone thinks like you do, because if we did, we would cease to exist. Every species needs some of its members to copulate and procreate. And its ok that some people, like yourself, stay celibate and have no offspring. Thank you for doing your part in population control.
@@LowCostVideoI was not saying that the human race should live without reproduction. I simply meant if you are looking for good boundaries celibacy is the best way to achieve this. I know not everyone is capable of remaining celibate, but for me at this time I prefer it in my life.
@@hamilton9651 You have an absolute right to celibacy. and if that is your preference, of course, I respect that. But I do not agree with your statement: "if you are looking for good boundaries, celibacy is the best way to achieve this"
No, celibacy is only one way to acheive that, but not necessarily the best way. One does not need to go that far. You don't need to give up sex just to have good boundaries.
One can simply declare their boundaries, maintain and enforce those boundaries, and still enjoy sex. I think its a bit draconian to give up sex just to have good boundaries. But hey, to each his own.
@@LowCostVideo I did not give up sex to have good boundaries. I am most likely asexual as I have never wanted to have sex and the few times I tried to experience it I felt miserable. Trying to establish relationships was agony and very uncomfortable! I learned, that for me, celibacy and solo living was best as I found that to be a comfortable way of living. I practice a faith that honors celibacy as a good and profitable lifestyle. I am not telling others how to live. I am simply sharing my thoughts and feelings. And btw population control was not even on my mind. Since world population is increasing exponentially I doubt there is any chance of the extinction of the human race. To the rest of humanity have sex as often and with whomever you desire.
@@hamilton9651 Ah ok i see. I respect your decisions and I respect that you are asexual. But most people are not asexual, so when you simply share your thoughts and feelings on this matter, they do not apply to most people, as most people are sexual. If you would have started off saying that you are asexual, this conversation wouldn't even have happened, as I would have understood that you are an exception (being asexual) , and do not represent most of society. Have a wonderful day.
At first it may seem hard but if you really put the effort you realise that template for a boundary actually applies to maybe every situation
something that works for the framework,
I feel DISRESPECTED
When you do CALL
so from now on...
I won't RESPOND when you CALL
Welcome
*out of the heart, the mouth speaks
I had a narcissistic mother, eldest brother and sisters. From a young age, i am not allowed to speak, to express myself, to voice out my feelings. I have always been scolded, beaten, criticised. So i always feel i am in the wrong. So i don't even know the meaning of setting boundaries is to say "No" at all. Worse is i have narcissistic friends. I wonder where is God in my life.
I have always expressed to my spouse how something makes me feel and what I will or will not do. He always chooses to go on the defensive. He was raised to believe that when someone expresses their feelings about an action they are attacking the individual. Growing up he was taught that he was bad not that the action was bad. He blames me for every bad choice he has made. I am tired and don't see how we can move forward.
Self accountability.
"I have always" , "He always" , " for every" .
These are absolute statements.
It's sunny in California, but not always.
I would be exaggerating if I said "It's always sunny in California".
This is it😊
Wow your good! Like really good
My precious sister in Christ coming from Canada coming from a dysfunctional home at the age of 21 that's where I learned to have boundaries and a number of other life skills no means Yes means yes and when you say to a person let me think about that and I'll get back to you in a couple of days in which couple is 2 days you need to get back to that person and if you haven't made a decision ask them for an extension in a couple more days to get back to them but make sure you get back don't leave them hanging because that breaks trust I love that you're doing this on no that's not acceptable and don't go say what you mean and mean what you say take pen and paper and sit down and write things is what is acceptable to you and what is not acceptable fast example I'm a born-again Christian and a Deliverance Minister I do not allow anybody to come into my home who swears and the minute that you were to swear I'm going to tell you one time don't do it again and if you do it again and that means saying the lord's name in vain I'm going to ask you to leave and I'm going to the door and I'm holding the door open and you will leave immediately I don't want to hear it no best of luck to everybody and I mean it was so much major major and compassion so that you do not have to go through any sort of mental or emotional stand firm by your decision do not compromise your integrity in any way and teach the other person if need b e
I am not a Christian but a good teacher you are. But I do believe that Yahsu/ Jesus is the Messiah
How can you use "boundaries", though, when you are too ill to totally take care of yourself? For instance, how can you enforce any of your "directives" with your family member who is your "caretaker" when you literally don't have the ability or resources to do anything different?
New subscriber
I have tolerance , but when your sick i don't tolerate i say what i mean right away .