FOUR YEARS? No wonder she's asking you to give up custody! Man up and be a father, there is zero reason to ever, EVER go that long without seeing your own baby. That took my breath away.
He lives one state away! should be able to drive to his child in one day. I wonder if he supports his child especially since he doesn't visit her. Let her go but no matter what you do she will contact you and ask you WHY didn't you love her when she needed love the most as a child.
If he really wants to be in his daughter's life, there shouldn't even be a question. He's acting like Alabama isn't literally the next state west of Florida.
Heey I’m your subbie lol I love you channel. You’re so right. If he isn’t even there he needs to let his child be embraced by her family and be adopted by what is basically her dad
My bf (a tradesman) used to fly 4 hrs to see me every 3 wks while I was pregnant just to be with me, and this guy was struggling to drive a few hrs to see his daughter! 😐🤦🏽♀️
Rescue that little girl from what?? A stable home and a loving father? All he would be trying to do is rescue himself from his shame. Not ok. It sucks that the only thing that made him want to potentially be his daughter’s life is because the request to terminate his parental rights, not because he actually cared or missed her this whole time. It’s 100% about him his ego.
When she wants to give up child support just to give her child a more solid family, you know it's been too long to save. Let that girl be loved by the only dad she's ever known, and that's not you.
He never says he loves her. He doesn't even know her. He knows the stepfather adores her and wants to claim her. He sees her as an object. A possession he doesn't want near him but he doesn't want anyone else to have. This one made me want to vomit.
John nailed it on the head with the ego comment. This guys is comfortable with not seeing his baby girl for four whole years in the next state over but suddenly doesn’t have the guts to put pen to paper and make it official? Fragile ego and fragile masculinity strike again
Remember what Dr Deloney always say "behaviour is a language". If you wanted to be in your daughter's life it would've been from day 1, and then not even seeing her in 4 yrs, making that effort to 'be in the area'. Excuses. Give custody to the responsible parent. Don't be a father if you can only be one when it's convenient for you. AND you abandoned your daughter while you have a son from a new marriage who you are raising and being present for. Get over yourself and give custody to the only father your daughter knows.
A point that is missed here is that the caller now has a child with his current wife....his daughter's (half) sibling. Think it's messy now? Wait until these children are old enough to discover that they've had a sibling who has been kept from them by the trusted adults in their lives. It's never too late to wrap your arms around your estranged child and say "I love you and I'm so sorry that I didn't do better. " Now....go and do better.
In the video he says that he’s talked about the situation with his son. So he knows he has a sister somewhere. As for the daughter, I doubt her mom tells her anything.
As a child raised in the situation that the first caller has presented...do NOT sign over your rights ..be her dad. No excuses ! Be her father !!! Your daughter will feel the pain of your abandoning her every day of her life! You are her father , now be her dad !!!!
He gave up his parental rights a long time ago, he’s simply holding on because he’s a coward and doesn’t want to accept the stamp of guilt that would come with legally forfeiting his rights…
You don't know that. He said he had attempted to visit his daughter and she basically made it difficult to do so. My parents divorced when I was 3 years old, and I didn't see my father again until I was 8, When I went out to Arizona to spend a month with him and the woman he had married by then. I remember him telling me that he had tried to call on occasion to talk to me, and my mother never let him talk to me. It was always how I wasn't there and to "call back tomorrow." Once we were back in touch, he was going to make sure he never lost touch with me again, and he never did. He was in the same county well after I had left the nest. I don't doubt that he loves his daughter, or he wouldn't be reeling over this. Even if he did make poor choices in the past maybe he actually wants to make right what was wrong from this day forward. Like John says, it's going to be extremely difficult for him no matter what he chooses to do from here on out.
As someone who raised my now 7 year old completely on my own, please give up your rights. The only thing I can thank my child’s sperm donor for is that he bailed when I was pregnant but has left us alone. He wasn’t in and out. He didn’t drag my son along. He literally went MIA. It was hard when my son was really young, but there’s no father on the birth certificate so I didn’t have anyone else to answer to. He’s never wanted to meet him. And honestly I’m grateful because he would have caused so much heartache and pain to my son and he is worth so so much more. Now we have a little family of four and my partner loves him like his own. My son only knows love. I completed two degrees and now work at a law firm. We didn’t need him and we are happier. Do your daughter a favour and give up your rights. It is better to have a consistent male in her life than one that makes empty promises and doesn’t show up for her. Also - I would NEVER be with a man that was a deadbeat. Shame on the wife as well, honestly.
The last part of your response is what I was thinking. I could never be with a man who knows he has a child & doesn't parent he/she properly having a real relationship- pathetic horrible man.
it's not too late for the caller to form a relationship. I didn't find out that i had a daughter until she was 8 years old due to stuff withheld from me by the mother who I barely knew at the time. We've been on lots of fun vacations with each other and she visits me frequently. She hates going back to her mother and stepdad's home after spending time with me, so I'm the winner lol. A kid instinctively respects their REAL dad more. I hope the caller fought for his kid
@@williamjohn8633He chose to not be in his own daughters life. The circumstances he is describing, is bs. If he wanted to be there, he would have been there. If he cared about her, he would have gone to see her or moved closer. This man is not a father worth having, he is just gonna give her more trauma and abandonment issues....he needs to let her go. A kid respects the person who has been there for them, stood by them, taken care of them while they were sick, clothed them, comforted them, and has never left them. Not someone who had a couple phones calls and never once made any effort to see them. The real dad is the stepdad.
@@williamjohn8633I doubt that he did! He has a new family now, so he seems uninterested in having a meaningful relationship with his daughter, where he actually goes to see her! Video chatting is ok, for weekly contact, but he should’ve taken the time & effort to go see her, at least 2 to 4 times a year. You’re a great guy for being involved in your child’s life! That’s SO important!!!
I felt sorry for him up until he said he hasn't seen his daughter in a very long time. There's more to the story than he's telling. Tired of both men and women neglecting their children because they have beef with their EX partner. This is about the child dammit. Tired of people procreating that should not be.
The mom said early on she thought the daughter should “only have one dad”. To me, she sounds like the type to try to unnecessarily keep the kid away from her dad until the dad just gets so discouraged and ground down. Maybe he’s apathetic and sucks, OR maybe he just hasn’t had the energy, bandwidth, or tools to fight for it. Yes, it’s his child; but I know firsthand it’s possible to get to a point where you don’t even have the energy to fight for the things you want most.
Children start forming memories around age 4. It's not too late to bridge the daddy-daughter gap and make her know she is loved, honored, and WORTH YOUR TIME. Make your daughter a priority!!!
Not really.. I have memories since I was two. But even now in my late 20s I hope to have a relationship with my dad. I keep reaching out, so it's on him when he declines, not on me.
Memory might start at age 3, but children start forming strong attachments around 3-6 months. They can be affected by abandonment that they may not remember but could still feel emotionally
@@WillIam79-c7fsex is a priority for men, not women. If a woman cheats it’s because she is feeling neglected or abused in the relationship. It’s a small chance she is just selfish like most of male cheaters.
It’s cause it’s a guy, the women who called saying she don’t wanna be a mom and hated being her mom he says “that kid deserves you@ no she don’t the kid deserved better
@@xsgtxbigboy1655 hey sure if it was a man he would tell him the same things I’ve seen him tell man this but you wouldn’t admit it because you want to be a victim
As an adoptive mom of a child with a birth father who was given the option to be part of her life but chose to walk away….for the sake of the child…Do Not Walk Away. Even with a good step dad, she needs you…even with a great stable family, she needs you. Even with a step dad that loves her so much, she will always wonder why you chose not to be in her life….
John is correct, this is an ego thing. Alabama is a drive away. Moving to Alabama wouldn’t be a big deal or at least going every other weekend. He doesn’t want to make time for his daughter and now he’s mad that someone else is stepping up. Geez 4 years.
Totally agree. But, depending on where in AL it's probably more like an 8hr drive based on where he said he lives. FL is a big state! But yes, he 100% should have made the effort.
His daughter is five years old. He's five years too late. She's got a secure, safe, loving family, with a daddy who's actually in the home and there for her, loving her mommy and providing what she needs. This guy should have moved his ass to Alabama and filed for joint custody or at LEAST visitation the moment she was born. Instead he sat around feeling sorry for himself. I disagree with all the comments saying, "It's never too late, you should always be in her life," etc, etc. Being biologically related to someone does not mean you will be a good, healthy presence in their life, and that goes doubly so for an innocent child. It is FAR BETTER to have a deadbeat parent OUT of the picture - especially if that child has a loving, solid, devoted stepparent. Having a wishy-washy, inconsistent, come-and-go mom or dad is extremely damaging to a child. This guy made his choice to effectively abandon his daughter and move on. Leave her alone. Let her reach out to you when she's 18 if she chooses to.
Couldn't have said it better. He was gone before she was even born, so never established a relationship. Not as if they had lived together for a while, then gotten divorced. He doesn't really know her, nor she him. She is in a good family with a Dad who wants her fully. She is a lucky little girl, and should grow up happy with parents that love her. Not the worst thing that can happen to a child. He went on with his life for 5 years, and should just leave it that way. Let her grow up as she is. Let her Dad adopt her. She will not suffer from it. She will be better off.
@@JayP-kd5rcAs John said it, hes not said because of the loss of his daughter. His ego was hurt. Many men want to be a father just on a paper, but do not participate in the child's life. His doesn't like the idea he's replaceable.
How do you do it? He should do the same when he’s speaking to her I don’t understand how you people have a problem with women, making sure that they have proof but don’t have a problem with men not doing the same since their post to be so logical commonsense would tell you to make sure that you have everything you need for proof as well
This! I like how John called him out about how he would have handled that phone call, and it was safer to text. That ego.... and if they had ZERO relationship, how was she to know that it was the day of his brother's funeral?!
I struggled while listening to this call. I am the adult daughter that has work on my mental and emotional health more because of a non present father. I would have rather have had my father living in another state growing up than being around me but not present. So the impact is there. I hope he makes the right choice for his daughter's sake.
I've been the daughter in this situation. And I can say from experience at the worst thing that you can do is be in and out of that child's life. Especially if the only times you're in is when you think she's moving on. This was a relationship I had with my father until I finally decided I wasn't interested in that anymore. And when I thought about it I knew that if I wanted a relationship with him all the effort would be on my shoulders. And I had experienced that as a child I wasn't interested in continuing to carry that heavy load as an adult. So I put it down, relax my shoulders, and lived my life. I don't hate him, or ignore him, but I don't trust that any relationship building will be consistent. I'll add that that side of my family very much made it seem as if the burden of keeping the relationship going was on the children. We didn't call him enough, we didn't see him enough. They enabled him to be at best a half-assed dad. And praised him when he made any efforts no matter how half-hearted or minuscule. And the best thing I can say about that is he has eight children, three of which are men who are now fathers. In all three of them are more involved and better fathers than he ever attempted to be.
This is why somebody that has kids already is kind of a big deal breaker for me in a relationship. I would hate to be in this scenario. Please be careful who you have kids with, you can leave a relationship but a child can never leave who their parents are.
Unfortunately you could end up being a single mother and your ex husband can abuse you while you're pregnant then you'll leave him. So will you want men thinking you're just a nutcase and not a worthy woman to be a wife again and have other kids?. Just don't talk when you have no clue of all the scenarios. Sometimes you don't know people until it's too late.
@@alb7727 It's true, there are all kinds of scenarios that can leave someone as a single parent (mother or father, with or without custody), each should be evaluated based on the merits of their case.
@@alb7727 ummm, ok? We all make choices in life and we get the consequences that come with those choices. I'm doing my best , I'm sure you are too. No need to take things so personally 🙂
To be fair you and your partner could have your first child together split then your husband remarry have more children with new wife then treat his current kids better than yours. But young people definitely nothing wrong with not getting involved with a partner that has kids, I would say its usually older people that date that have this problem
@@jc_80 yeah for sure. So many scenarios that could happen. And sometimes you do your best to keep a marriage and family together, but your partner doesn't have the same commitment 😔
My dad ditched and ran. He was scared. I wasn't lucky enough to have a man want to adopt me. I feel for that poor little girl because abandonment by one's father is a wound that runs deep. Like John, I am struggling to have compassion on the caller.
there’s not much to have. these are the types of men youll see online crying about parental rights. they’ll use cases where good fathers get screwed over to pretend everything is unfair
And the difference is that this little girl has a man worthy of being her dad. The caller is not worthy. Sperm donation does not make you a father. I’m so sorry that happened to you.
The idea of a parent knowing there is a child out there that is theirs and not fighting tooth and nail to be a part of that child’s life is just mind blowing to me. I will NEVER be able to understand that. At first, I wanted this guy to have a relationship with his kid. But there’s something about his hesitation that doesn’t sit well with me. He has a new life, and she doesn’t seem to be worth the hassle of relocating his new family to be closer to her and to have a relationship with her. Very sad. She is worth so much more than how she has been treated.
Caller, do anything you need to do to be in your daughter’s life. I don’t think you’d ever regret it. Would you rather regret trying and failing? or would you rather regret missing her whole childhood or life? And even if you fail once, couldn’t you get up and try again until you get through to her?? Just do it man, think of how much you love your little boy, and know that there is that same love and relationship that might be possible with your little girl! She needs you. Don’t think for a second that her stepdad is a perfect replacement for you. Yes, it is amazing that he is in her life. But YOU need to be there for her too, first and foremost!! Don’t let your baby girl go.
“depends on what time of day” ???? he admits to wanting to sign over the rights but is waiting for someone to tell him to fight, to fight FOR him instead of him doing the work himself. what a loser.
This is not easy. Hell couldn't keep me from my daughter. Since this guy doesn't seem to want to make much of an effort to be her dad, might be best to give her to the guy who has been her dad for four years. His baby momma would tell a much different story than what he is telling us.
I was 💯 at hell couldn't keep me from my children, but you kinda lost me after that. It's not about him or his ex it's about the child, and absent violence no one will convince me it's in the child's best interest to cut out a biological parent, even if there is a step parent stepping up. I've seen what it does to a child that becomes an adult in that situation and it's not good. It leads to resentment, trust and abandonment issues, trouble with relationships and sometimes suicide. (I've seen each of those because of this.) PARENTS BE INVOLVED IN YOUR KIDS LIVES TO THE FULLEST EXTENT POSSIBLE.
@@DanielArthur_profile "absent violence" is not the only factor that could do harm to a child. This guy could go back into dad mode and still cause resentment, trust and abandonment issues.
@@cheifhughw9349 well we agree to disagree then. I think that's foolish and dangerous. He SHOULD be in "dad mode" since he IS the dad. The mom and step- dad doesn't change that.
@@cheifhughw9349 just because stepdad is involved now, doesn't mean that will always be the case. He could die, the mom and him could divorce and stepdad never be seen or heard from again, anything. People make mistakes, we sometimes make bad decisions but that doesn't mean we can't look inward to reflect on our decisions and make a concerted effort to rectify those poor choices. It happens everyday. No person or situation is perfect. This dad should start in the here and now to establish and maintain a relationship with his daughter. I'm not convinced this isn't a case of parental alienation, either.
He jumped into a marriage and had another kid and let this relationship go so fast? That is just nuts. Another, why would another woman want to marry a man who abandoned his child? I would go and give the step dad a big hug and say thank you, that is just amazing.
Dr. John made the most important question: "Why haven't you seen your daughter for 4 years?" And like Dr John always says: behavior's a language.... A true father would have fought more ...
He doesn't want to be in her life, because he's moved onto another family. This pisses me off so much. He's a total selfish coward. This needs to 100% be about this child.
You missed the part where he said "We split before the first ultrasound, and at the time we didn't know who the father was" He has a son, it's not like he's terrified of kids. There's a lot to this story we're not hearing on youtube.
@@jtyearsley I didn't miss anything. He's wrong period! Idgaf what logistics you're talking about. He's not putting her first, and that's all that I care about.
@@amandadymen She's 🗑️ too. There's no way I could be with a man who neglected one of his children. That's a major character flaw, that would be a deal breaker for me.
The letters will NEVER be read to the child. Maybe, they'll give them to her when she's an adult but I think the mother wants to pretend that he doesn't exist. He really messed up.
Gosh, I’m not sure why we’re pushing a father on this little gal that seems to be basically okay not being involved… 🤔 Stepdad may very well be a winner!
My dad abdicated his responsibility as a father and it spiritually broke me for a long time. My mom did the best she could to be there for me but it wasn’t a void that she could fill. I felt rejected, unimportant, and not worthy of protection. It shaped how I engaged in relationships. I never could quite be vulnerable or open my heart to love. I spent a lot of time having to do inner work, repair my self esteem. I had to understand that my value was not inextricably linked to his absence. I’m beautiful, and deserving, and amazing. Now that I’m almost 30, I accepted that he was undeserving of me. I haven’t seen him for years. He doesn’t understand the harm that he is doing to his daughter. The way that she will look for him in other men, the way that she will doubt her value. My heart breaks for his little girl. I just hope that her step dad can give her the love that she needs. This caller is selfish and he has no qualms about not being in her life
My advice will be go down to Alabama and meet the daughter and her family. Signing the paternal rights will be of convenience for the girl's mom, the new wife, this guy. The question he needs to ask is what is best for his daughter, not what is most convenient for everybody else.
Eh, she’s better off knowing her real father even if only very part time. She’ll have questions about herself she will only learn through him. He just needs to quit this all or nothing mentality. A couple days or weeks of visits each year is way better than giving up on her
@@chief5981that’s not true at all. The poor girl will be more damaged from a half ass dad that doesn’t show up than a man that has been there for as long as she can remember. She will have questions regardless. She will be impacted regardless. However at least she will only know consistency and not feel the constant disappointment of “will my dad show up for me today?”
@@chief5981btw there’s nothing stopping him from still visiting but have no rights. He doesn’t deserve rights to this poor girl. She deserves someone to step up for her, and yes being a parent is all or nothing. You can’t be a half assed parent and also a good parent.
@@chief5981She will know it from her paperwork. There is nothing worse for children than empty promises. She has stepdad who loves her, she already has a dad.
@@SamanthaURenI completely agree with you. Children need full, all-in parenting or never show up and relinquish those rights. Some people are so ridiculously selfish and make so many awful excuses. There are no excuses when a child is brought into this world.
It sounds like he wouldn't ever tried seeing his daughter again if the mom didn't ask him to sign over rights. Now he needs to make a decision and deal with looking like the bad guy
I feel for the dad but if unless he does something, if it’s even possible in this late of the game, he has to do it now and be prepared for whatever. He can’t have his cake and eat it too
It's not too late. That little girl would welcome another loving father figure in her life. Two grown men who adore her and want only the best for her? How can it ever be too late for that?
It doesn’t matter how the child was conceived. What matters is the dad not being in her life. It does not matter why. I have three children and my oldest sons Dad eventually seen our son less and less after court deciding our custody schedule. I fought for his dad to be in his life and as my son got older it was his choice when he didn’t want to be around him in his teens. There is no way should this man stay out her life because of another man raising her. He is her father by blood and if he doesn’t make the effort no matter the situation she will always feel unwanted and I know from experience with my older son. If this man wants to be her father he needs to change his life and make his daughter a priority. I agree with John I would never want to be married to a Man who does not put their child/children first! He needs to just admit he’s been absence and make a choice to be there going forwarded. Talk to his ex and make the choice to be her father. What if this lady and her husband divorced and he doesn’t take responsibility for her anymore then what happens to her. This is sad for the little girl all the way around. The mom is only saying that because it will hurt her daughter but no matter it’s going to hurt when a parent is absent. The advice should of been get down there talk to the two parents and make a plan to move in a year and build a relationship with her. He has time she’s 5!
Sometimes it's best for him to permanently disappear because they cause more damage than good.let the man who is willing to be a dad fulfill that role because he cannot be a dad when he feels like it.
@@0seve291 nope, the step dad is here father. This caller was the sperm donor. That's cool, he can still have a role in her life, but he should give the step dad the right to legally be the father role he's stepped in to be. If you'd listen to this, you heard how he's impressed with the way the step dad parents
@@0seve291The girl sees the man who's rasing her up as a dad. Children don't care about paperwork but relationship. Her biological father is a stranger to her.
Yep, ego, is this guy's problem. I'm sad for his baby girl. This is so freakin AWFUL!!! What kind of person gives up their child when they don't have to? He has rights but is not exercising them. I, as his wife, would have never married him, knowing he has a child he does not see but could. Absolutely NO WAY!
Your comment made me remember something. I used to work for a big company. A couple who met there dated and got married. He had a boy when he was really young and before he met her. But she wouldn’t go out with him unless he agreed to not have anything to do with his son again. I thought it was the most despicable thing.
@DanielArthur_profile i mean, he already has a kid he stepped up for... idk why hes scared to be there for his daughter...kids are so forgiving as long as the parent puts genuine effort
If he truly want to be in her life he will find a way. We are not talking about different country or continent. I feel terrible for the daughter. Good luck!
I feel like the push is coming from his wife and not himself. He sees the mess and doesn’t want to fight for his daughter. His wife sees the mess and she wants to fix the mess her husband made by abandoning his daughter.
John mentioned the level of stress the caller has put mother through without considering the callers stress; the mother has moved on and now just wants him gone. There are many instances when people move on to new adult relationships without terminating their parental behavior rights. He should fight to stay in his daughters life.
@@KS-cl8br She's his daughter by blood. I wouldn't allow anyone to convince me to give up my child to be adopted, not if that's what didn't want. In fact I'd move heaven, hell and earth to be part of my child's life. Calling, writing, visiting, getting a court order established for child support, sending birthday and Christmas gifts, I would do anything and everything to build a relationship with my child. None of this requires an interruption to the girl's life, simply an integration.
He knew about her existence from the beginning and from the beginning he has never cared enough to get involved. Now that she has a real Father he wants to step in? He'll no he is selfish. He should have done that five years ago. Maybe he can be better but he should let her real Father adopt her. If something happens to the Mom is the daughter better off with step Dad or him? What is best for the child?
@@veracityhunter7777exactly. He called to get permission to sign over rights because he’s fine where he is with his new wife and son and he doesn’t want to bother.
I firmly believe if you decide you don’t want to be an active parent from the day you find out… you should not be allowed to come back years later and decide you want the child. She needs to do a single parent adoption and terminate his rights entirely
Can’t he still see her a couple times a months while living in Florida? It’s not a far drive or flight from Alabama. Just saying. Also, he can plan ahead to talk to them, look forward a job, consult a lawyer, etc.
The fact that he told Dr. John that it depends on what time of day and his mind changes means he doesn’t give a crap about his daughter. Let her go and let the stepdad and mom have their family.
My dad left me at four. Came back when I was 9. Left when I was 10. I called him at 23 after 13 years with no contact. He then told me - after 6 mo ths with contact - that he did not know what use to make of a daughter. We said goodbye. He died 5 years later.....I always did and still do miss my dad.
That is his loss, his trauma, his decisions. I’m sure you’re a beautiful person. Some people struggle (or fail) as parents because of their own issues. Hope you are able to see this for what it is and move forward in love.
Why does this have to be all or nothing? Love can be multiplied. Mature adults can allow others into a childs life to love. It doesnt need to be hard. This guy is sensitive, seems. He may have been young, there may have been difficulty in communicating with his ex, more..he wants to do the best thing for his daughter, and himself/spouse/son. Children can be raised by some and loved by others....there can be compromise.
I had to break this up into two comments, sorry. I never ever wanted to replace My adoptive parents in my life. I mean there was about 5 minutes when I was 13, but what kid wouldn't like to have stand in parents for 5 minutes at 13? I was a good girl; I didn't want to hurt them. I still don't, my birth mother can't replace my parents. She never could and never will, but now I feel like I can't reach out to my birth mother because it will be perceived as though I am trying to replace my parents from other people in my life, which I don't want. Suffice to say growing up without your genetic parents, even when you were only 4 months old when the switch took place leaves scars. But there are little scars and there are big honking disfiguring ones. I hope this guy did his best to minimize the scarring for his little girl.
Let’s be clear, the only victim here is this child. There are two adults in this situation. This guy is obviously just looking for someone to okay his decision of giving up his kid without feeling guilty. John said everything right, and didn’t let him off the hook… this guy made it clear from this child’s conception that he wants nothing to do with her. She will be fine but this guy being in and out of her life will not be good for her.
Go after your daughter no matter the costs. There will be no regrets. My daughters mom was a terror and begged me to sign her over because she hated me. I didn’t and have no regrets. I love my kids
Wow I didn’t think this would hit me the way it did. My mother and father had a conversation on the phone (I was listening in, they didn’t know it) about if he was going to take me or if I would be in foster care. The fact that his answer wasn’t an immediate yes is so hurtful. I thought I was over it, apparently I’m not. He did take me and I’m very grateful but… I heard him consider giving me up and that scared me forever even after he did the right thing. To think this little girls dad let her go…. That must be so much worse. Even if he does do the right thing and be in her life, it’s still a scar.
The girl doesn't even know him anymore. He has been completely absent. You can't just send a child to spend the holidays with a stranger. It's not fair for the child.
Staying in touch by letter and photos is a great idea. Children can understand that a parent was not in a place to be able to properly care for them at a certain time, but made sure they were well cared for. That is also love.
If Alabama Fam. Law is like California Fam. Law, after 12-months w/out contact or paid child support, even if he objects and obtains an attorney, the court will most likely grant stepfather's petition of adoption. Unfortunately, father didn't have the opportunity to bond with his daughter because of his lack of action, mother's actions, or other issues.
Sometimes the most loving thing a parent can do is relinquish rights to their child. In this case I think it is clearly in the best interest of the child to be raised by a man who obviously loves her and treats her as if she were his own child. Dad KNOWS this but is bogged down by worrying about what people will think of him for doing what he knows he should do. He stated that the stepfather is a good man who treats his daughter well so this decision should not be as painful as it might have been. He actually has moved on with another wife and another child and he needs to allow his daughter to move on also.
Ok there is a lot of judgement in these comments and we don’t know the full story. I’ve known a handful of women who have deliberately or conveniently pushed their child’s bio dad out of the picture, especially when they have a new man in the picture. It sounds like this woman has 2 children from 2 different men aside from her current husband and not a good relationship with either one. It could be a case where she just wants her picture perfect family without having to deal with exes and custody arrangements.
When you really really want something you'll do whatever it takes to get it. There are things this guy definitely could have done. Nothing was really stopping him. Nothing but excuse after excuse.
Yeah, sad to see. I'd rather encourage, kick him in the butt, or whatever it takes to be a part of his child's life. All too often fathers (since women often get custody) give up on their children because it's easier. And we wonder what's wrong with society when the family unit is broken down. DON'T EVER GIVE UP ON YOUR CHILDREN. FIGHT (LEGALLY) HARDER THAN ANYTHING YOU'VE EVER FOUGHT FOR IN YOUR LIFE.
Well, he doesn't really want her, so that's why he hasn't made an effort to see her. He should call a spade a spade and sign over rights to someone who does care
I really don’t think his new wife would leave him. She’s already seen him not interact with his daughter in years. She knows he has zero involvement. She might be the type to want him to sign it and move on. Not even saying this is bad. She might just believe like many here that the daughter will be better off fully immersed in a new family.
He doesn't want the daughter. He never wanted the daughter. If he had ever cared about her he would have been there. Right now he only cares about how it makes him look. He doesn't want to admit to people that he abandoned his own daughter for his own incredibly selfish reasons.
Brutal call. I agree with John - I think he cashed out and moved on a while ago and now that he’s being asked to actually come out and commit to and admit that he made a choice that causes him shame, he’s faltering. To me, the fact that he would even consider signing over parental rights never even having met the baby momma’s husband is telling. How could you have so little concern for your daughter’s well-being that you don’t even want to do a gut check over lunch with the guy you would give the privilege of raising her? Completely bonkers. I think he should sign over rights. Daughter will need therapy regardless of what he picks, she’s going to have a lot of knots to untangle, poor girl.
He needs a family lawyer firstly. Also, she's documenting conversations with him that will be used against him. He's looking at an uphill battle but if he cares he has to be willing to walk this hard path.
One thing blew my heart away. Through the entire phone call he never mentioned his own daughter's name!. That says a lot. John is right. It is a ego issue more than he stepping in and be a dad. What would happen if one bright sunny day those two siblings meet meet and unknowingly fall in love. I know I jumped into a totally different subject. But it has happened in the past. If he really honors his daughter by letting the only dad who's been in her life sign over his name. Then build up a relationship with her and let her know that you fathered her and she means a lot to him and is loved by both parents and step-parents and half brother. Step up and do things right before you ruin her identity.
I'd move mountains to get to my kids. Move, do what you need to...new wife seems open enough so it really boils down to him not wanting to. All I can think about is the betrayal his daughter will feel knowing that his new kid is more valuable to him.
If you want to be in your daughter's life then you will! Don't let these pansies smash your chances, you made a mistake and now have grown up. Fight for what's yours, if you love her. Your daughter will thank you one day when she has a family of her own, she will Thank You for fighting to be in her life again and forever. This will make her an even better parent. ☺
And here I was thinking how crazy my then bf (now husband) used to fly to overseas every 3 wks to see me when I was pregnant with our baby girl, up until I was 7 months and travelled back home with him to have our baby. My husband is a tradesman and got fired from 1 of his jobs bc of that! I’m not encouraging doing something that nuts but this guy genuinely didn’t want to go see his daughter and now has an issue bc another man has stepped in to raise her, and from the sounds of it, is doing a bloody good job! His actions (or lack of) speaks louder than words!
@@DanielArthur_profile People will find a way to be with the people they care about and not make excuses. Many people drive in and out of state all the time! This guy just didn’t prioritise it and hey if he has a family of his own now then he can’t be in 2 places at once if he doesn’t want to travel to visit her. He has to let his biological daughter have a better life than his absence.
I agree the situation isn’t easy. But my problem with this guy is making all the excuses in the world to NOT be in his daughter’s life. Doesn’t drive or go visit (excuse: she’s in another state 🤡). He doesn’t take his ex to court (excuse: the mother cut me off 🤡). Bro just be real. You don’t want to be bothered with the drama for your daughter. And if you don’t want to deal with it then sign your rights away. You don’t even know her anymore. You all are basically strangers. 🤷♀️
Exactly!! I fully believe the mother is probably fighting him every step of the way but that doesn’t give him an excuse to stop fighting. He’s being lazy.
My sister was in an abusive relationship and she was so desperate to stay near her daughter she stayed near her abusive husband (he had custody - it’s a long story of lies and the corruption of a particular island nation’s court system). I begged her to come home to us on the mainland US and heal and get therapy and get safe, but she couldn’t do it. Even when she wasn’t permitted to SEE her daughter she HAD TO BE in the same area as her. It screwed her up massively and delayed her healing by over a year, but that’s how strong a maternal instinct can be. This guy gave up his daughter. Thats so incredibly sad. He needs to own it. It’s heartbreaking.
#1) because he admitted he hasn't seen the child in person in 4 years. Sounds like the first time he spent time with her in person was when she was around 2yrs old when DNA proves he was the dad. He even stopped doing the 3x/weekly video chat interactions that happened from ages 2-3. Girl is now 5. #2) even if the new wife is some extreme abuser who has manipulated the caller into believing he can't make his own choices (which this call gives no indication of), he's a freaking adult. He is responsible for his choices.
![ไลฟ์สุ่ม iPhone 295 บาท... โกงมั้ย?[ โกงมั้ยครับ ep.97 ] | DOM](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/gdstHEE4UUE/mqdefault.jpg)
FOUR YEARS? No wonder she's asking you to give up custody! Man up and be a father, there is zero reason to ever, EVER go that long without seeing your own baby. That took my breath away.
As soon as he said that I realised he never cared enough and probably never will
He lives one state away! should be able to drive to his child in one day. I wonder if he supports his child especially since he doesn't visit her. Let her go but no matter what you do she will contact you and ask you WHY didn't you love her when she needed love the most as a child.
Don’t do it my ex wanted the same and now she’s not even married anymore to husband number three
@@marthal8862 if you support abortion then you are incredibly hypocritical
@@marthal8862 but then you support abortion 😂
If he really wants to be in his daughter's life, there shouldn't even be a question. He's acting like Alabama isn't literally the next state west of Florida.
He doesn't really want to do it. He won't say it that directly because he doesn't want to come off worse than he already has.
@@veracityhunter7777 I agree with you
Heey I’m your subbie lol I love you channel. You’re so right. If he isn’t even there he needs to let his child be embraced by her family and be adopted by what is basically her dad
My bf (a tradesman) used to fly 4 hrs to see me every 3 wks while I was pregnant just to be with me, and this guy was struggling to drive a few hrs to see his daughter! 😐🤦🏽♀️
Thank you @@cutietae247! And I agree.
Rescue that little girl from what?? A stable home and a loving father? All he would be trying to do is rescue himself from his shame. Not ok. It sucks that the only thing that made him want to potentially be his daughter’s life is because the request to terminate his parental rights, not because he actually cared or missed her this whole time. It’s 100% about him his ego.
When she wants to give up child support just to give her child a more solid family, you know it's been too long to save. Let that girl be loved by the only dad she's ever known, and that's not you.
Not always
@@jennifernunya909 yes, always. That's not a dad. That's a sperm donor
I’m late to this. Did he say he was paying child support?
He never says he loves her. He doesn't even know her. He knows the stepfather adores her and wants to claim her. He sees her as an object. A possession he doesn't want near him but he doesn't want anyone else to have. This one made me want to vomit.
John nailed it on the head with the ego comment. This guys is comfortable with not seeing his baby girl for four whole years in the next state over but suddenly doesn’t have the guts to put pen to paper and make it official? Fragile ego and fragile masculinity strike again
and she will wonder for the rest of her days how dad could love his son but not her.
Yup
Exactly!
Sounded like the kids had different dads.
@@kateruterbories2692same dad different moms
Sadly true.
Remember what Dr Deloney always say "behaviour is a language".
If you wanted to be in your daughter's life it would've been from day 1, and then not even seeing her in 4 yrs, making that effort to 'be in the area'.
Excuses.
Give custody to the responsible parent. Don't be a father if you can only be one when it's convenient for you.
AND you abandoned your daughter while you have a son from a new marriage who you are raising and being present for.
Get over yourself and give custody to the only father your daughter knows.
He already made up his mind before he called. Im betting he signed over his rights.
Me too. Just saw this older video. I bet he did too.
I hope he does because now he wants it both ways. Doesn't want to be her dad but doesn't want her to have another dad.
A point that is missed here is that the caller now has a child with his current wife....his daughter's (half) sibling. Think it's messy now? Wait until these children are old enough to discover that they've had a sibling who has been kept from them by the trusted adults in their lives. It's never too late to wrap your arms around your estranged child and say "I love you and I'm so sorry that I didn't do better. " Now....go and do better.
100% yes!!
Great response. I wish Delony would've said that.
In the video he says that he’s talked about the situation with his son. So he knows he has a sister somewhere. As for the daughter, I doubt her mom tells her anything.
This is the best comment. 10/10
As a child raised in the situation that the first caller has presented...do NOT sign over your rights ..be her dad. No excuses ! Be her father !!! Your daughter will feel the pain of your abandoning her every day of her life! You are her father , now be her dad !!!!
He gave up his parental rights a long time ago, he’s simply holding on because he’s a coward and doesn’t want to accept the stamp of guilt that would come with legally forfeiting his rights…
He could literally fly out there twice a year and spend a weekend with her.. wtf
@@chief5981 if he wanted too he would and it’s really that simple unfortunately, he doesn’t give damn about that little girl😔
You don't know that. He said he had attempted to visit his daughter and she basically made it difficult to do so. My parents divorced when I was 3 years old, and I didn't see my father again until I was 8, When I went out to Arizona to spend a month with him and the woman he had married by then. I remember him telling me that he had tried to call on occasion to talk to me, and my mother never let him talk to me. It was always how I wasn't there and to "call back tomorrow." Once we were back in touch, he was going to make sure he never lost touch with me again, and he never did. He was in the same county well after I had left the nest. I don't doubt that he loves his daughter, or he wouldn't be reeling over this. Even if he did make poor choices in the past maybe he actually wants to make right what was wrong from this day forward. Like John says, it's going to be extremely difficult for him no matter what he chooses to do from here on out.
@@justusrobin83That depends on how much his wife stands in the way, which it looks like she will as much as she can.
@@chief5981he doesn’t even have to fly. He is a state away, he could drive that in less than a day.
As someone who raised my now 7 year old completely on my own, please give up your rights. The only thing I can thank my child’s sperm donor for is that he bailed when I was pregnant but has left us alone. He wasn’t in and out. He didn’t drag my son along. He literally went MIA. It was hard when my son was really young, but there’s no father on the birth certificate so I didn’t have anyone else to answer to. He’s never wanted to meet him. And honestly I’m grateful because he would have caused so much heartache and pain to my son and he is worth so so much more.
Now we have a little family of four and my partner loves him like his own. My son only knows love. I completed two degrees and now work at a law firm. We didn’t need him and we are happier.
Do your daughter a favour and give up your rights. It is better to have a consistent male in her life than one that makes empty promises and doesn’t show up for her.
Also - I would NEVER be with a man that was a deadbeat. Shame on the wife as well, honestly.
The last part of your response is what I was thinking. I could never be with a man who knows he has a child & doesn't parent he/she properly having a real relationship- pathetic horrible man.
it's not too late for the caller to form a relationship. I didn't find out that i had a daughter until she was 8 years old due to stuff withheld from me by the mother who I barely knew at the time. We've been on lots of fun vacations with each other and she visits me frequently. She hates going back to her mother and stepdad's home after spending time with me, so I'm the winner lol. A kid instinctively respects their REAL dad more. I hope the caller fought for his kid
@@williamjohn8633He chose to not be in his own daughters life. The circumstances he is describing, is bs. If he wanted to be there, he would have been there. If he cared about her, he would have gone to see her or moved closer. This man is not a father worth having, he is just gonna give her more trauma and abandonment issues....he needs to let her go.
A kid respects the person who has been there for them, stood by them, taken care of them while they were sick, clothed them, comforted them, and has never left them. Not someone who had a couple phones calls and never once made any effort to see them. The real dad is the stepdad.
@@williamjohn8633I doubt that he did! He has a new family now, so he seems uninterested in having a meaningful relationship with his daughter, where he actually goes to see her! Video chatting is ok, for weekly contact, but he should’ve taken the time & effort to go see her, at least 2 to 4 times a year. You’re a great guy for being involved in your child’s life! That’s SO important!!!
Apparently you were with a deadbeat …..
I felt sorry for him up until he said he hasn't seen his daughter in a very long time. There's more to the story than he's telling. Tired of both men and women neglecting their children because they have beef with their EX partner. This is about the child dammit. Tired of people procreating that should not be.
Dr. John read that straight away and hit that question early. Four years wow.
Women need to get better by vetting before bringing a child to term with a deadbeat.
@@jeradkiester698 Absolutely, and men need to stop being deadbeats. Both sides need to do better.
The mom said early on she thought the daughter should “only have one dad”. To me, she sounds like the type to try to unnecessarily keep the kid away from her dad until the dad just gets so discouraged and ground down. Maybe he’s apathetic and sucks, OR maybe he just hasn’t had the energy, bandwidth, or tools to fight for it. Yes, it’s his child; but I know firsthand it’s possible to get to a point where you don’t even have the energy to fight for the things you want most.
@@DannyD-lr5yg Yup, seen it too many times. Sad.
Children start forming memories around age 4. It's not too late to bridge the daddy-daughter gap and make her know she is loved, honored, and WORTH YOUR TIME. Make your daughter a priority!!!
He doesn’t want to. So sad.
Not really.. I have memories since I was two. But even now in my late 20s I hope to have a relationship with my dad. I keep reaching out, so it's on him when he declines, not on me.
Memory might start at age 3, but children start forming strong attachments around 3-6 months. They can be affected by abandonment that they may not remember but could still feel emotionally
@@AliciaMcIntire Yes, this is absolutely proven to be true.
Definitely not too late. It's a great age for him to come back.
I’m glad John isn’t afraid to voice the truth and not just side with the caller.
Until it's a cheating wife. "Do you feel safe"? "What isn't he providing"? Cheating husband: "dude, grow up."
I like Delony, but he's a SIMP.
@@WillIam79-c7fsex is a priority for men, not women. If a woman cheats it’s because she is feeling neglected or abused in the relationship. It’s a small chance she is just selfish like most of male cheaters.
@@MommasPeachCobbler lol, no
It’s cause it’s a guy, the women who called saying she don’t wanna be a mom and hated being her mom he says “that kid deserves you@ no she don’t the kid deserved better
@@xsgtxbigboy1655 hey sure if it was a man he would tell him the same things I’ve seen him tell man this but you wouldn’t admit it because you want to be a victim
As an adoptive mom of a child with a birth father who was given the option to be part of her life but chose to walk away….for the sake of the child…Do Not Walk Away. Even with a good step dad, she needs you…even with a great stable family, she needs you. Even with a step dad that loves her so much, she will always wonder why you chose not to be in her life….
She may need him, but he chose not to be there for her. He's not going to change.
Unfortunately I think grieving that loss might be more healing.
150%
He needs to be in his daughter’s life .
Well said.
John is correct, this is an ego thing. Alabama is a drive away. Moving to Alabama wouldn’t be a big deal or at least going every other weekend. He doesn’t want to make time for his daughter and now he’s mad that someone else is stepping up. Geez 4 years.
Or even make it a once a month thing
Totally agree. But, depending on where in AL it's probably more like an 8hr drive based on where he said he lives. FL is a big state! But yes, he 100% should have made the effort.
@@proud2batj87Surely , there are flights .
Flying every other weekend would have been feasible. Dude didn't want to be a parent.
It's feasible. My guy has 3 jobs and drives/flies down (4 states over) to see his kids once a month for couple days. If they want to, they will.
This story hurts my heart big time. I have a 5 year old daughter and I’ll lose my mind if I can’t be in my daughter’s life 😢
Good man!
You are awesome 👏🏽
That’s because you’re raising her. He’s not attached to the daughter cus he hasn’t seen her
@@jasondima1411 his body his choice :) don’t shame others for choosing bodily autonomy
His daughter is five years old. He's five years too late. She's got a secure, safe, loving family, with a daddy who's actually in the home and there for her, loving her mommy and providing what she needs. This guy should have moved his ass to Alabama and filed for joint custody or at LEAST visitation the moment she was born. Instead he sat around feeling sorry for himself. I disagree with all the comments saying, "It's never too late, you should always be in her life," etc, etc. Being biologically related to someone does not mean you will be a good, healthy presence in their life, and that goes doubly so for an innocent child. It is FAR BETTER to have a deadbeat parent OUT of the picture - especially if that child has a loving, solid, devoted stepparent. Having a wishy-washy, inconsistent, come-and-go mom or dad is extremely damaging to a child. This guy made his choice to effectively abandon his daughter and move on. Leave her alone. Let her reach out to you when she's 18 if she chooses to.
Couldn't have said it better. He was gone before she was even born, so never established a relationship. Not as if they had lived together for a while, then gotten divorced. He doesn't really know her, nor she him. She is in a good family with a Dad who wants her fully. She is a lucky little girl, and should grow up happy with parents that love her. Not the worst thing that can happen to a child. He went on with his life for 5 years, and should just leave it that way. Let her grow up as she is. Let her Dad adopt her. She will not suffer from it. She will be better off.
@@JayP-kd5rcAs John said it, hes not said because of the loss of his daughter. His ego was hurt. Many men want to be a father just on a paper, but do not participate in the child's life. His doesn't like the idea he's replaceable.
This man doesn’t want to be a father, period.
She probably sent it in a text so that everything could be in writing.
Yup, a sad litigious society
@@DanielArthur_profile Sadly, some people are dishonest enough to make getting things in writing a necessity.
@@DanielArthur_profile it’s called proof men should do the same and stop bithing
How do you do it? He should do the same when he’s speaking to her I don’t understand how you people have a problem with women, making sure that they have proof but don’t have a problem with men not doing the same since their post to be so logical commonsense would tell you to make sure that you have everything you need for proof as well
This! I like how John called him out about how he would have handled that phone call, and it was safer to text. That ego.... and if they had ZERO relationship, how was she to know that it was the day of his brother's funeral?!
I struggled while listening to this call. I am the adult daughter that has work on my mental and emotional health more because of a non present father. I would have rather have had my father living in another state growing up than being around me but not present. So the impact is there. I hope he makes the right choice for his daughter's sake.
I've been the daughter in this situation. And I can say from experience at the worst thing that you can do is be in and out of that child's life. Especially if the only times you're in is when you think she's moving on. This was a relationship I had with my father until I finally decided I wasn't interested in that anymore. And when I thought about it I knew that if I wanted a relationship with him all the effort would be on my shoulders. And I had experienced that as a child I wasn't interested in continuing to carry that heavy load as an adult. So I put it down, relax my shoulders, and lived my life. I don't hate him, or ignore him, but I don't trust that any relationship building will be consistent. I'll add that that side of my family very much made it seem as if the burden of keeping the relationship going was on the children. We didn't call him enough, we didn't see him enough. They enabled him to be at best a half-assed dad. And praised him when he made any efforts no matter how half-hearted or minuscule. And the best thing I can say about that is he has eight children, three of which are men who are now fathers. In all three of them are more involved and better fathers than he ever attempted to be.
This is why somebody that has kids already is kind of a big deal breaker for me in a relationship. I would hate to be in this scenario. Please be careful who you have kids with, you can leave a relationship but a child can never leave who their parents are.
Unfortunately you could end up being a single mother and your ex husband can abuse you while you're pregnant then you'll leave him. So will you want men thinking you're just a nutcase and not a worthy woman to be a wife again and have other kids?. Just don't talk when you have no clue of all the scenarios. Sometimes you don't know people until it's too late.
@@alb7727 It's true, there are all kinds of scenarios that can leave someone as a single parent (mother or father, with or without custody), each should be evaluated based on the merits of their case.
@@alb7727 ummm, ok? We all make choices in life and we get the consequences that come with those choices. I'm doing my best , I'm sure you are too. No need to take things so personally 🙂
To be fair you and your partner could have your first child together split then your husband remarry have more children with new wife then treat his current kids better than yours. But young people definitely nothing wrong with not getting involved with a partner that has kids, I would say its usually older people that date that have this problem
@@jc_80 yeah for sure. So many scenarios that could happen. And sometimes you do your best to keep a marriage and family together, but your partner doesn't have the same commitment 😔
My dad ditched and ran. He was scared. I wasn't lucky enough to have a man want to adopt me. I feel for that poor little girl because abandonment by one's father is a wound that runs deep. Like John, I am struggling to have compassion on the caller.
there’s not much to have. these are the types of men youll see online crying about parental rights. they’ll use cases where good fathers get screwed over to pretend everything is unfair
And the difference is that this little girl has a man worthy of being her dad. The caller is not worthy. Sperm donation does not make you a father. I’m so sorry that happened to you.
The idea of a parent knowing there is a child out there that is theirs and not fighting tooth and nail to be a part of that child’s life is just mind blowing to me. I will NEVER be able to understand that.
At first, I wanted this guy to have a relationship with his kid. But there’s something about his hesitation that doesn’t sit well with me. He has a new life, and she doesn’t seem to be worth the hassle of relocating his new family to be closer to her and to have a relationship with her.
Very sad. She is worth so much more than how she has been treated.
@@wijcik his body his choice :)
@@wijcik you’re a clump of cells remember
Caller, do anything you need to do to be in your daughter’s life. I don’t think you’d ever regret it. Would you rather regret trying and failing? or would you rather regret missing her whole childhood or life? And even if you fail once, couldn’t you get up and try again until you get through to her?? Just do it man, think of how much you love your little boy, and know that there is that same love and relationship that might be possible with your little girl! She needs you. Don’t think for a second that her stepdad is a perfect replacement for you. Yes, it is amazing that he is in her life. But YOU need to be there for her too, first and foremost!! Don’t let your baby girl go.
This! Yes, yes and yes again!!!
Thank you, thank you, thank you for your perspective. I think it's spot-on.
“depends on what time of day” ???? he admits to wanting to sign over the rights but is waiting for someone to tell him to fight, to fight FOR him instead of him doing the work himself. what a loser.
This guy is a disgrace. If I were his new wife I would be disgusted and leave him.
This is not easy. Hell couldn't keep me from my daughter. Since this guy doesn't seem to want to make much of an effort to be her dad, might be best to give her to the guy who has been her dad for four years. His baby momma would tell a much different story than what he is telling us.
I was 💯 at hell couldn't keep me from my children, but you kinda lost me after that. It's not about him or his ex it's about the child, and absent violence no one will convince me it's in the child's best interest to cut out a biological parent, even if there is a step parent stepping up.
I've seen what it does to a child that becomes an adult in that situation and it's not good. It leads to resentment, trust and abandonment issues, trouble with relationships and sometimes suicide. (I've seen each of those because of this.)
PARENTS BE INVOLVED IN YOUR KIDS LIVES TO THE FULLEST EXTENT POSSIBLE.
@@DanielArthur_profile "absent violence" is not the only factor that could do harm to a child. This guy could go back into dad mode and still cause resentment, trust and abandonment issues.
@@cheifhughw9349 well we agree to disagree then. I think that's foolish and dangerous. He SHOULD be in "dad mode" since he IS the dad. The mom and step- dad doesn't change that.
@@DanielArthur_profile He's only ever been the child's biological dad. He's never been her father. John and this dude even agreed on that.
@@cheifhughw9349 just because stepdad is involved now, doesn't mean that will always be the case. He could die, the mom and him could divorce and stepdad never be seen or heard from again, anything. People make mistakes, we sometimes make bad decisions but that doesn't mean we can't look inward to reflect on our decisions and make a concerted effort to rectify those poor choices. It happens everyday. No person or situation is perfect. This dad should start in the here and now to establish and maintain a relationship with his daughter. I'm not convinced this isn't a case of parental alienation, either.
He jumped into a marriage and had another kid and let this relationship go so fast? That is just nuts. Another, why would another woman want to marry a man who abandoned his child? I would go and give the step dad a big hug and say thank you, that is just amazing.
You'd be surprised as long as they and their own kids are fine they don't care about the other children's suffering
More than likely She was the one who broke it off. Since paternity was in question, she probably monkey branched.
why should he have to put his life on hold ?
@@AGirlNamedVan I don’t know maybe the same reason other parents have to do it
@@AGirlNamedVanbecause he should be looking after the kid he has before making more.
As Dave Ramsey would say, "Paint or get off the ladder!" It's a child for Godsakes!!! Be there for her or let someone else continue to do the job.
WRONG!
Damn, I would never ever ever give up...to my dying breath.
Dr. John made the most important question: "Why haven't you seen your daughter for 4 years?"
And like Dr John always says: behavior's a language....
A true father would have fought more ...
He doesn't want to be in her life, because he's moved onto another family. This pisses me off so much. He's a total selfish coward. This needs to 100% be about this child.
Agree. And I have a feeling his new wife is all for it!
You missed the part where he said "We split before the first ultrasound, and at the time we didn't know who the father was" He has a son, it's not like he's terrified of kids. There's a lot to this story we're not hearing on youtube.
@@jtyearsley I didn't miss anything. He's wrong period! Idgaf what logistics you're talking about. He's not putting her first, and that's all that I care about.
@@amandadymen She's 🗑️ too. There's no way I could be with a man who neglected one of his children. That's a major character flaw, that would be a deal breaker for me.
@@veracityhunter7777 I'm not talking about logistics. You clearly didn't even watch the whole conversation.
The letters will NEVER be read to the child. Maybe, they'll give them to her when she's an adult but I think the mother wants to pretend that he doesn't exist. He really messed up.
Yup, seen it. Don't give up rights EVER. Be an ACTIVE part of your daughter's life!!
Write the letters and keep copies. Give them to her when she's grown.
Can you blame her? I would hope he lets the step dad adopt her.
Or she messed up.
Gosh, I’m not sure why we’re pushing a father on this little gal that seems to be basically okay not being involved… 🤔
Stepdad may very well be a winner!
Be in your daughters life. Don’t give up because you’re giving up on her.
My dad abdicated his responsibility as a father and it spiritually broke me for a long time. My mom did the best she could to be there for me but it wasn’t a void that she could fill. I felt rejected, unimportant, and not worthy of protection. It shaped how I engaged in relationships. I never could quite be vulnerable or open my heart to love. I spent a lot of time having to do inner work, repair my self esteem. I had to understand that my value was not inextricably linked to his absence. I’m beautiful, and deserving, and amazing. Now that I’m almost 30, I accepted that he was undeserving of me. I haven’t seen him for years. He doesn’t understand the harm that he is doing to his daughter. The way that she will look for him in other men, the way that she will doubt her value. My heart breaks for his little girl. I just hope that her step dad can give her the love that she needs. This caller is selfish and he has no qualms about not being in her life
My advice will be go down to Alabama and meet the daughter and her family. Signing the paternal rights will be of convenience for the girl's mom, the new wife, this guy. The question he needs to ask is what is best for his daughter, not what is most convenient for everybody else.
1000 times this! Forget what's "convenient" for the adults, do what's right for the CHILD.
FOUR YEARS HAVE COME AND GONE AND YOU DADDY HAVE NOT SEEN YOUR LITTLE GIRL!!! Actions speak louder than words!!
I’m gonna say what Delony can’t… this guy is a looser and a coward and the girl is better off being adopted by him, a real man that stepped up 💯.
Eh, she’s better off knowing her real father even if only very part time. She’ll have questions about herself she will only learn through him.
He just needs to quit this all or nothing mentality. A couple days or weeks of visits each year is way better than giving up on her
@@chief5981that’s not true at all. The poor girl will be more damaged from a half ass dad that doesn’t show up than a man that has been there for as long as she can remember.
She will have questions regardless. She will be impacted regardless. However at least she will only know consistency and not feel the constant disappointment of “will my dad show up for me today?”
@@chief5981btw there’s nothing stopping him from still visiting but have no rights. He doesn’t deserve rights to this poor girl. She deserves someone to step up for her, and yes being a parent is all or nothing. You can’t be a half assed parent and also a good parent.
@@chief5981She will know it from her paperwork. There is nothing worse for children than empty promises. She has stepdad who loves her, she already has a dad.
@@SamanthaURenI completely agree with you. Children need full, all-in parenting or never show up and relinquish those rights. Some people are so ridiculously selfish and make so many awful excuses. There are no excuses when a child is brought into this world.
It sounds like he wouldn't ever tried seeing his daughter again if the mom didn't ask him to sign over rights. Now he needs to make a decision and deal with looking like the bad guy
Thats like 1300 days of making bad choices and betraying this daughter. Wtf
I feel for the dad but if unless he does something, if it’s even possible in this late of the game, he has to do it now and be prepared for whatever. He can’t have his cake and eat it too
It's not too late. That little girl would welcome another loving father figure in her life. Two grown men who adore her and want only the best for her? How can it ever be too late for that?
That's a good point!
Exactly
It doesn’t matter how the child was conceived. What matters is the dad not being in her life. It does not matter why. I have three children and my oldest sons Dad eventually seen our son less and less after court deciding our custody schedule. I fought for his dad to be in his life and as my son got older it was his choice when he didn’t want to be around him in his teens. There is no way should this man stay out her life because of another man raising her. He is her father by blood and if he doesn’t make the effort no matter the situation she will always feel unwanted and I know from experience with my older son. If this man wants to be her father he needs to change his life and make his daughter a priority. I agree with John I would never want to be married to a Man who does not put their child/children first! He needs to just admit he’s been absence and make a choice to be there going forwarded. Talk to his ex and make the choice to be her father. What if this lady and her husband divorced and he doesn’t take responsibility for her anymore then what happens to her. This is sad for the little girl all the way around. The mom is only saying that because it will hurt her daughter but no matter it’s going to hurt when a parent is absent. The advice should of been get down there talk to the two parents and make a plan to move in a year and build a relationship with her. He has time she’s 5!
Sometimes it's best for him to permanently disappear because they cause more damage than good.let the man who is willing to be a dad fulfill that role because he cannot be a dad when he feels like it.
Unless a person is in the military, there’s no reason to not see your kid that long. Let her have a real dad
He’s not a good dad at all but there’s nothing wrong with her having a step dad even if he adopts he will be seen as such by the child
Amen
@@0seve291 nope, the step dad is here father. This caller was the sperm donor. That's cool, he can still have a role in her life, but he should give the step dad the right to legally be the father role he's stepped in to be. If you'd listen to this, you heard how he's impressed with the way the step dad parents
She has a real dad. The step dad.
@@0seve291The girl sees the man who's rasing her up as a dad. Children don't care about paperwork but relationship. Her biological father is a stranger to her.
Yep, ego, is this guy's problem. I'm sad for his baby girl. This is so freakin AWFUL!!!
What kind of person gives up their child when they don't have to? He has rights but is not exercising them. I, as his wife, would have never married him, knowing he has a child he does not see but could. Absolutely NO WAY!
Your comment made me remember something. I used to work for a big company. A couple who met there dated and got married. He had a boy when he was really young and before he met her. But she wouldn’t go out with him unless he agreed to not have anything to do with his son again. I thought it was the most despicable thing.
He wants to give up his rights because it's easier then to keep trying. What a chicken.
Agreed. He needs to step up regardless of his fears.
This
@DanielArthur_profile i mean, he already has a kid he stepped up for... idk why hes scared to be there for his daughter...kids are so forgiving as long as the parent puts genuine effort
Nope. Far too late for that
But…he hasn’t been trying.
If he truly want to be in her life he will find a way. We are not talking about different country or continent. I feel terrible for the daughter. Good luck!
Dude this is not him doing it out of love, he wants to do it out of ego.
The now wife will divorce him and ask him to give up his son
I feel like the push is coming from his wife and not himself. He sees the mess and doesn’t want to fight for his daughter. His wife sees the mess and she wants to fix the mess her husband made by abandoning his daughter.
I feel like I need an update on this one!
I feel like there are some missing pieces to the story.
John can barely hold back is disgust is this case. I can fully understand.
John mentioned the level of stress the caller has put mother through without considering the callers stress; the mother has moved on and now just wants him gone. There are many instances when people move on to new adult relationships without terminating their parental behavior rights. He should fight to stay in his daughters life.
No he shouldn't, he left so he needs to do best for the girl. He shouldn't have walked away but now that he did he shouldn't disrupt the girls life
@@KS-cl8br She's his daughter by blood. I wouldn't allow anyone to convince me to give up my child to be adopted, not if that's what didn't want. In fact I'd move heaven, hell and earth to be part of my child's life. Calling, writing, visiting, getting a court order established for child support, sending birthday and Christmas gifts, I would do anything and everything to build a relationship with my child. None of this requires an interruption to the girl's life, simply an integration.
I think he was talking about the effect of the stress on the little girl.
He knew about her existence from the beginning and from the beginning he has never cared enough to get involved. Now that she has a real Father he wants to step in? He'll no he is selfish. He should have done that five years ago. Maybe he can be better but he should let her real Father adopt her. If something happens to the Mom is the daughter better off with step Dad or him? What is best for the child?
NO!!! Don't do it!! 😞 Instead get back involved in her life.
He doesn't want to
@@veracityhunter7777exactly. He called to get permission to sign over rights because he’s fine where he is with his new wife and son and he doesn’t want to bother.
This guy takes no accountability.
This poor child.
😥
5 years is nothing compares to the next 60 if you move, plant the seeds now, and start being in your daughter’s life.
Hell NO to that!! You shouldn't have even allowed her to take her out of state and away from you!
This hits home in my life. My backpack still holds this brick...
I firmly believe if you decide you don’t want to be an active parent from the day you find out… you should not be allowed to come back years later and decide you want the child. She needs to do a single parent adoption and terminate his rights entirely
Can’t he still see her a couple times a months while living in Florida? It’s not a far drive or flight from Alabama. Just saying. Also, he can plan ahead to talk to them, look forward a job, consult a lawyer, etc.
He could but he's not done it in 5 years. Actions speak louder than words.
@@vaska1999 Yes but if he wants to change now, he CAN do that.
I just drove 13 hours to see my adult daughter. If he wanted to, he would.
Such a sad call 😢..
The fact that he told Dr. John that it depends on what time of day and his mind changes means he doesn’t give a crap about his daughter. Let her go and let the stepdad and mom have their family.
On the positive side, she’s only 5 and it could be a great time to get back in his baby girl’s life!
They could start by saying he's a "family member". Or "godfather" or something. Don't have to go into the whole adoption thing straight away.
My dad left me at four. Came back when I was 9. Left when I was 10. I called him at 23 after 13 years with no contact. He then told me - after 6 mo ths with contact - that he did not know what use to make of a daughter. We said goodbye. He died 5 years later.....I always did and still do miss my dad.
Weird.
That is his loss, his trauma, his decisions. I’m sure you’re a beautiful person.
Some people struggle (or fail) as parents because of their own issues. Hope you are able to see this for what it is and move forward in love.
@@firefly9838 Sounds like some weird "cultural" thing. Sorry, I don't know how else to put it.
Sorry. Big hugs.
Why does this have to be all or nothing? Love can be multiplied. Mature adults can allow others into a childs life to love. It doesnt need to be hard. This guy is sensitive, seems. He may have been young, there may have been difficulty in communicating with his ex, more..he wants to do the best thing for his daughter, and himself/spouse/son. Children can be raised by some and loved by others....there can be compromise.
I had to break this up into two comments, sorry. I never ever wanted to replace My adoptive parents in my life. I mean there was about 5 minutes when I was 13, but what kid wouldn't like to have stand in parents for 5 minutes at 13? I was a good girl; I didn't want to hurt them. I still don't, my birth mother can't replace my parents. She never could and never will, but now I feel like I can't reach out to my birth mother because it will be perceived as though I am trying to replace my parents from other people in my life, which I don't want. Suffice to say growing up without your genetic parents, even when you were only 4 months old when the switch took place leaves scars. But there are little scars and there are big honking disfiguring ones. I hope this guy did his best to minimize the scarring for his little girl.
So it takes a threat to terminate your parental rights to remind you that you have a child, and you don’t want to sign your rights away? 🙄
Let’s be clear, the only victim here is this child. There are two adults in this situation. This guy is obviously just looking for someone to okay his decision of giving up his kid without feeling guilty. John said everything right, and didn’t let him off the hook… this guy made it clear from this child’s conception that he wants nothing to do with her. She will be fine but this guy being in and out of her life will not be good for her.
No, there are 4 adults in this situation.
He needs to just get out.
He doesnt know what his new wife would want to do. Hes probably terrified to tell her anything as well.
Go after your daughter no matter the costs. There will be no regrets. My daughters mom was a terror and begged me to sign her over because she hated me. I didn’t and have no regrets. I love my kids
You are a good man, at least in the eyes of your kids. More men need to do this!
Good for you!! ❤
Wow I didn’t think this would hit me the way it did. My mother and father had a conversation on the phone (I was listening in, they didn’t know it) about if he was going to take me or if I would be in foster care. The fact that his answer wasn’t an immediate yes is so hurtful. I thought I was over it, apparently I’m not. He did take me and I’m very grateful but… I heard him consider giving me up and that scared me forever even after he did the right thing. To think this little girls dad let her go…. That must be so much worse. Even if he does do the right thing and be in her life, it’s still a scar.
I’m so sorry!
Isn't there a third option? I had a friend who lived in the South with her mother but spent Christmas and summers with her father up North.
That's better than him not being involved at all. 🙂
The girl doesn't even know him anymore. He has been completely absent. You can't just send a child to spend the holidays with a stranger. It's not fair for the child.
Staying in touch by letter and photos is a great idea. Children can understand that a parent was not in a place to be able to properly care for them at a certain time, but made sure they were well cared for. That is also love.
If Alabama Fam. Law is like California Fam. Law, after 12-months w/out contact or paid child support, even if he objects and obtains an attorney, the court will most likely grant stepfather's petition of adoption. Unfortunately, father didn't have the opportunity to bond with his daughter because of his lack of action, mother's actions, or other issues.
Texas won't let you drop your parental responsibilities like 98% of the time
Sometimes the most loving thing a parent can do is relinquish rights to their child. In this case I think it is clearly in the best interest of the child to be raised by a man who obviously loves her and treats her as if she were his own child. Dad KNOWS this but is bogged down by worrying about what people will think of him for doing what he knows he should do. He stated that the stepfather is a good man who treats his daughter well so this decision should not be as painful as it might have been. He actually has moved on with another wife and another child and he needs to allow his daughter to move on also.
Ok there is a lot of judgement in these comments and we don’t know the full story. I’ve known a handful of women who have deliberately or conveniently pushed their child’s bio dad out of the picture, especially when they have a new man in the picture. It sounds like this woman has 2 children from 2 different men aside from her current husband and not a good relationship with either one. It could be a case where she just wants her picture perfect family without having to deal with exes and custody arrangements.
Happens all too often. Seen it several times first hand. Just sad.
No conflict here. The new wife said she was down to move. That was the end of the conversation. Move to Alabama.
Kinda want to listen again to try to figure out what y’all cut out.
Again - I’d move to Alabama and pick up aluminum cans if I had to.
So would I! I would move my whole family
That assumes the producers have some sort of agenda. What is your theory of what they choose to edit out?
@@NeuroSeasoned No idea. That’s why it was intriguing
No you wouldn't. That's not enough to support a family. Gonna let one kid starve to see another? Very ethical.
Lmao he has a wife and kid what about them? This makes no sense.
When you really really want something you'll do whatever it takes to get it. There are things this guy definitely could have done. Nothing was really stopping him. Nothing but excuse after excuse.
Yeah, sad to see. I'd rather encourage, kick him in the butt, or whatever it takes to be a part of his child's life. All too often fathers (since women often get custody) give up on their children because it's easier. And we wonder what's wrong with society when the family unit is broken down. DON'T EVER GIVE UP ON YOUR CHILDREN. FIGHT (LEGALLY) HARDER THAN ANYTHING YOU'VE EVER FOUGHT FOR IN YOUR LIFE.
Well, he doesn't really want her, so that's why he hasn't made an effort to see her. He should call a spade a spade and sign over rights to someone who does care
@@AliciaMcIntire I completely disagree. Bad decisions shouldn't be followed by more bad decisions.
I really don’t think his new wife would leave him. She’s already seen him not interact with his daughter in years. She knows he has zero involvement. She might be the type to want him to sign it and move on. Not even saying this is bad. She might just believe like many here that the daughter will be better off fully immersed in a new family.
God bless that stepdad!
He doesn't want the daughter. He never wanted the daughter. If he had ever cared about her he would have been there. Right now he only cares about how it makes him look. He doesn't want to admit to people that he abandoned his own daughter for his own incredibly selfish reasons.
He cares that his wife gives him side-eye because she knows he’s capable of abandoning a child.
Brutal call.
I agree with John - I think he cashed out and moved on a while ago and now that he’s being asked to actually come out and commit to and admit that he made a choice that causes him shame, he’s faltering.
To me, the fact that he would even consider signing over parental rights never even having met the baby momma’s husband is telling. How could you have so little concern for your daughter’s well-being that you don’t even want to do a gut check over lunch with the guy you would give the privilege of raising her? Completely bonkers.
I think he should sign over rights. Daughter will need therapy regardless of what he picks, she’s going to have a lot of knots to untangle, poor girl.
If he moves down there , his daughter can’t lose . She can only win…
He needs a family lawyer firstly. Also, she's documenting conversations with him that will be used against him. He's looking at an uphill battle but if he cares he has to be willing to walk this hard path.
If I had a husband who had a child and would do that, I’d leave.
Right, don’t think I could marry someone with a child they had abandoned.
A true parent wants what is best for their child. If her current family situation is what is best for her then the decision is already made for you.
She's not a car that you can just trade in
Exactly!!
One thing blew my heart away. Through the entire phone call he never mentioned his own daughter's name!. That says a lot. John is right. It is a ego issue more than he stepping in and be a dad. What would happen if one bright sunny day those two siblings meet meet and unknowingly fall in love. I know I jumped into a totally different subject. But it has happened in the past. If he really honors his daughter by letting the only dad who's been in her life sign over his name. Then build up a relationship with her and let her know that you fathered her and she means a lot to him and is loved by both parents and step-parents and half brother. Step up and do things right before you ruin her identity.
I'd move mountains to get to my kids.
Move, do what you need to...new wife seems open enough so it really boils down to him not wanting to.
All I can think about is the betrayal his daughter will feel knowing that his new kid is more valuable to him.
Yup
So the old kid is not more valuable?
If you want to be in your daughter's life then you will! Don't let these pansies smash your chances, you made a mistake and now have grown up. Fight for what's yours, if you love her.
Your daughter will thank you one day when she has a family of her own, she will Thank You for fighting to be in her life again and forever. This will make her an even better parent. ☺
But he doesn't want too. He has never care enough.
And here I was thinking how crazy my then bf (now husband) used to fly to overseas every 3 wks to see me when I was pregnant with our baby girl, up until I was 7 months and travelled back home with him to have our baby. My husband is a tradesman and got fired from 1 of his jobs bc of that!
I’m not encouraging doing something that nuts but this guy genuinely didn’t want to go see his daughter and now has an issue bc another man has stepped in to raise her, and from the sounds of it, is doing a bloody good job!
His actions (or lack of) speaks louder than words!
😥
@@DanielArthur_profile People will find a way to be with the people they care about and not make excuses. Many people drive in and out of state all the time! This guy just didn’t prioritise it and hey if he has a family of his own now then he can’t be in 2 places at once if he doesn’t want to travel to visit her. He has to let his biological daughter have a better life than his absence.
If you have to ask the question, you’re already gone.
Big respect for how John handled this.
I agree the situation isn’t easy. But my problem with this guy is making all the excuses in the world to NOT be in his daughter’s life. Doesn’t drive or go visit (excuse: she’s in another state 🤡). He doesn’t take his ex to court (excuse: the mother cut me off 🤡).
Bro just be real. You don’t want to be bothered with the drama for your daughter. And if you don’t want to deal with it then sign your rights away. You don’t even know her anymore. You all are basically strangers. 🤷♀️
Exactly!! I fully believe the mother is probably fighting him every step of the way but that doesn’t give him an excuse to stop fighting. He’s being lazy.
It sounds like there is more to this story that’s not being heard or understood.
My sister was in an abusive relationship and she was so desperate to stay near her daughter she stayed near her abusive husband (he had custody - it’s a long story of lies and the corruption of a particular island nation’s court system). I begged her to come home to us on the mainland US and heal and get therapy and get safe, but she couldn’t do it. Even when she wasn’t permitted to SEE her daughter she HAD TO BE in the same area as her. It screwed her up massively and delayed her healing by over a year, but that’s how strong a maternal instinct can be. This guy gave up his daughter. Thats so incredibly sad. He needs to own it. It’s heartbreaking.
How do we know his new wife is not actually pushing for him to give up another woman's child??
#1) because he admitted he hasn't seen the child in person in 4 years. Sounds like the first time he spent time with her in person was when she was around 2yrs old when DNA proves he was the dad. He even stopped doing the 3x/weekly video chat interactions that happened from ages 2-3. Girl is now 5. #2) even if the new wife is some extreme abuser who has manipulated the caller into believing he can't make his own choices (which this call gives no indication of), he's a freaking adult. He is responsible for his choices.
@@NeuroSeasoned Absolutely agree he's responsible for his choices. I just think Dr Delony may be giving her too much credit...
@@amandadymenBut you don’t know that to be true you are just assuming lol