my ex used to say this- my how sweet it sounded early in the marriage. He went on to become a serial cheater... and now only has supervised visits with our kids. smh
Yep. I cannot tell you how completely giddy my children become when I love my wife, their mother! They are a result of our love and that has to continue for them to grow into loving, productive members of society.
That's why I will maintain most men don't love their kids, because look at how often men kill their partners statistically. You don't kill ppl you love, and you don't kill people that the people you love, love.
He's cheating with a dude. Notice how he never says it's another woman. The wife isn't leaving him because that's a confusing situation... she's waiting on him to get it out of his system then choose her, or choose to be gay and leave.
People think affairs just hurt the spouse but it also affects the kids. They remember the school events you didn’t attend, the holidays and birthdays that you weren’t fully present for because you were constantly checking your text messages. They also remember the tears they watched the other parent cry. You are very much hurting your children as well.
I just question if the wife knew he was dating a man wouldn’t that prompt a divorce? but also Delony brought up a could of times that “you don’t have to live with her and he never once corrected John on calling the affair partner a woman so I wonder if he would of even said on air if it were true?
Agreed!!! That comments was NUTS!!! He only regrets the fact that he got “careless” or caught. His regret has nothing to do with his actions. This guy makes me so mad.
Funny how he puts it on the same level of negligence. No this is blatant disregard for your wife and your family. He knew exactly what he was doing. He didn’t accidentally fall into a naked woman’s vagina while fully erect for three years straight. What an idiot.
Sympathy 🤣😂 I have zero empathy for this pitiful piece of trash. Hopefully this woman leaves him and keeps her little boy as far away from this piece of trash.
The caller sounds homosexual. So did he trick his wife into thinking he was straight, and now he’s worried that his son knows what he’s done? He’s just so evil and doesn’t even care. He only cares for himself and his own needs. The wife is staying for the kid to have a father. SMH.
This caller only cares about losing his son because its his only chance to have a biological child. I'd bet that his male lover left him because he was tired of waiting for him to come out of the closet. Now he is settling for his wife but could care less about her. It's amazing how when a person is gay, they show no remorse when they cheat on their spouses and feel they are the victim. Instead of coming clean and telling them that they are gay, they would rather cheat on them, then justify it.
@@anonymousarab8226No one knows for sure. It’s just speculation. His use of non-gendered verbiage in reference to the “affair partner” was a bit suspicious and people picked up on that.
So you know EVERY gay person? Heterosexuals cheat like nobodies business and then they want to “ save my marriage”. The tons of heterosexual stories of infidelity I’ve heard on this podcast makes it hard to believe in marriage.
@@anyagee9467 yes! He was so carefully to say “partner”, “the other person”. He never once referred to the persons gender he cheated for THREE YEARS with. It seemed very intentional and very controlled the way he talked about his “cheating partner”
He called the partner "he" once. I think the gay angle allows him to justify the affair since he is being his "authentic self" now. Our culture seems to justify cheating when the cheater "discovers" a different sexual identity.
This morning my husband hugged me for more than 30 seconds before he left for work. I even started to pull away after about 10 seconds and he pulled me in closer. I've never been more grateful for him then after listening to this call.
Let me tell you something from experience. My husband cheated on me 16 years ago. And an emotional affair three years ago. Do you know what both of my grown children have told us over and over and over again. That it didn’t help them one bit by us staying together. It hurts the children so much. And I regret staying.
At an emotional level that's no.doubt true, but they may not realize the financial implications of divorce. Depending on what.kind of income the wife is able to earn, it can be devastating for her and for the kids. When two incomes is just barely enough to support one household, supporting two is almost impossible.
So sorry. I'm sure that was rough to hear. But as a fellow parent, we know hindsight's 20/20 and it's hard to know what the right choices are at times. I was always told to "stay and work it out for the sake of the kids" but a lot of times it's better not to. Tough, unfair and life-changing decisions. A silver lining is that life goes on, so there's always a chance to try to make it up.
@@SarahR2D2 because children aren’t stupid. They pick up on tension and emotions. Their parents were probably not in a good space and the kids recognized it. Not sure if they knew about the cheating, but it’s clear they knew something was off if they are able to say it didn’t help them. That means it inadvertently affected them some how.
This guy referred to the person as "he". He slipped up while he was talking at the beginning. He's clearly gay or bisexual. This cheater isn't even taking responsibility for his actions fully. I hope this woman left him!!
Absolutely got that feeling. It's the way he talks about her too! Like she is insignificant, a separate person totally removed from him, or like a thing. He does not sound like someone who loves or was ever attracted to his wife. He doesn't even care what she thinks, he just cares about his son.
This “man” should have never had kids. He should go back to his “affair partner” aka boyfriend. It’s really disgusting how you could lie to a woman like that.
After you have cheated on your partner for 3 years, I don't think there can possibly be enough respect left for your partner for you to rebuild that relationship.
This guy needs to come out already, live his life and try to maintain the best relationship he can with the wife and kid…..he doesn’t feel bad at all… and his family is suffering
Interesting that the husband wasn’t really worried about mending fences with his wife as much as his son and really didn’t sound that broken over it. I’d bet money the ‘relationship’ was with another man and this marriage should be over.
I love John for this one. He called him on his stuff so hard. Absolutely amazing. This is what a person of character looks like. She's not a sweetheart, she's a doormat. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
This made me cry :/ Dr. Delony was spot-on with his advice. This caller obviously has no integrity, and the 5-year old son and his mom are suffering for it.
I grew up with my dad having a 2 year affair, and it affected my younger sister and I to where now I have trust issues and am fighting for my sanity and marriage . Please if you are reading this and having an affair just leave your spouse it's not fair for anyone. Be a parent and owe up to your mistakes, talk to your kids come clean. Because kids know, no doubt about it. I understand why mom left my dad but then she got with my stepdad who physically abused her and was a drunk. That I couldn't wrap my mind around.
Because mom has a cheat and then picked an abusive drunk. There is something going on in mom. Infidelity affects your self esteem. May have played a big part on picking stepdad
Men like your step dad know vulnerable women and they rush them into a relationship because they’re the only ones who deal with their abuse. A smart strong woman wouldn’t.
This guy just called to have another therapy appointment for free. He feeds off the attention. Telling the story and getting eyes on him and ears ready to listen is his real reward, and it’s more rewarding than a fulfilling relationship with his wife or kid. It’s not about them at all, except to use as pawns in his interactions with others that he can’t get any other way. This is a person starved of attention and doesn’t think he can capture any unless he sacrifices his dignity and the dignity of his family to get it. Damn sad.
Divorce so she can move on with her life is the best way forward. Though it won't be enough, he can offer her a sincere apology. It's up to her as to whether or not she accepts. He can go do whatever he does once the divorce is completed.
@@dewilew2137The lack of caring in his voice was a shock compared to the usual callers having remorse. Sadly I have come across enough of these types.
Thinks he is entitled. Thinks he is better than his wife. Thinks his kid should take care oh HIS feelings. Wants to have a family to hide who he really is. Lies to everyone about who he is. Lies to his wife. Lies to his kid. He wanted HELP? He is not the victim.
A message to all the cheaters out there; if you use the "I slipped and fell getting out of the shower" defense, just know you immediately lose all the credibility you've ever had. Doctors don't believe these words and neither should women.
@@Austenfan177 no men and women are different. When men cheat they are exercising an option they worked hard to have the opportunity to get. When a woman cheats she is cheating herself and her children out of better resources
@@Austenfan177 the more men a woman sleeps with the more woman want him. The more men a woman sleeps with less men will be willing to put up with her baggage and pay for her bs because men are disgusted by tramps at a biological level
@@nly4607 You're being ridiculous. If a man wants to have many lovers, please, he can do what he wants. But then why get married or have kids or be in supposedly committed relationship? Just do all that stuff honestly and openly if you want that, but don't get married to one person and lie about being faithful. The asshole part comes when there's a need to gain and break someone's trust. Other than that, please you can have a million superficial affairs rather than one deep relationship. Some people are just shallow and that's ok, explain the lack of depth and maturity with animal biology all you want.
True. My husband and his sister both resent their father for his 25 years of infidelity to their mother. He had so many affairs, it ruined their entire childhood. In the end, they don't really have a fond memory of him, at least his daughter doesn't.
This is such a tragic situation. The husband needs to come clean with the truth of who he really is. He is lying to himself. So unfair on his wife and kid. They don’t deserve this. Cheating on your partner is the worse crime you can commit to that person. The dude knows it’s wrong and years of leveraging of his partner’s forgiveness is finally coming to a reckoning with guilt, shame? Etc.
Because of family, religious, social adverse implications he probably can't really be who he is. He should divorce her so she can move on with her life and potentially find someone who values, appreciates and loves her.
Parents who maintain toxic marriages under the guise of protecting the kids never recognize how much more harmful that is. Your kids aren’t fooled and even worse sometimes they see your toxic mess as what marriage is.
I know a middle-aged man that STILL has trauma because Dad spent the whole marriage cheating on Mom with other men until they divorced when he was 5yr. The damage was done by then. Unfortunately because Mom had no self worth she jumped into a relationship with another jerk. The only thing that fixes this is Mom kicking this guy out, doing whatever it takes to fix her own self esteem and then make sure her next relationship is a healthy one to a man who shows this little boy what a dad should look like.
I have a feeling this guy is in the same situation and he is not taking responsibility for any of his actions. He is just wanting attention here, not help.
@@texan903 Not true at all. There are plenty of amazing step-dads up there stepping up and showing their kids what real fathers do (ie everything in their power to make the world a safe place for their kids). And the minute the child recognizes that they have this in their step-father, they’ll have a father.
His 5 year old son will grow up and hold him accountable, probably way more than he can imagine. He needs to decide what he's going to do, like now and do it!
@@Plooky1969 Even that’s a form of accountability. If this man loves his son at all, watching him self destruct the way he did will be pure punishment.
This guy isn’t going to change. He does want to live a double life. He is such a liar. His wife deserves so much better. I’m sure she threatened to leave him and he cried “I’ll change”
The guy is married and is cheating with another man. He said it right before the one minute mark. Per the comments it seems a lot of people missed that. So John's advice is NOT going to help this guy at all. The only way this guy is gonna make it right for his son is first be honest with himself that he's gay. It's ok but at least be honest about it. Then he needs to come clean with his wife.
I divorced such a creature. It’s hell finding out you are the only straight spouse in the relationship. The abuse is on levels most cannot comprehend. I hope she finds out and leaves before her son learns to disrespect her and all woman as his “father” does. Absolutely disgusting.
I was in a serious relationship with a man who was closeted and it broke me. Everyone should be concerned w male partners who are homophobic. He's been married with kids for years and probably cheating on her. Disgusting!
No.. He says I would push him back he's talking about his son. He's saying that in the time he's cheating he throws everything away and doesn't care about anything else including his son. He only focused on the affair partner. Yes I will leave this affair partner is a man. But it was not sad that it was a man within this video like you are alleging
showing affection is so powerful. Since my husband and got intentional about showing affection towards each other in front of our toddler, she has become a sweeter, softer, little human. She gets the biggest smile on her face :)
Wow! I don't always agree with DeLony, but he did a great job giving advice here!! Humble, respectful and overall balanced delivery. For the caller: If you choose your wife, do it completely or let her go. The thread she is holding unto is ripping her to shreds.
I'm not sure why TH-cam put this on my feed, but it actually brought me a lot of peace. I've been divorced for six years after I finally caught my ex-husband cheating. I had panic attacks every day for years when I was married. My son is disabled, autistic and nonverbal. I will never be in a relationship again because of my age, looks, etc, but at least I have peace. We never had that when I was married. It always felt like the world would end at any moment. I'm glad I got away from that.
I had the same experience, the looks, the age, etc. It felt like time bomb. When he left me for another woman, i looked around dazed, got up and dusted myself and then begon living. Iam at a much beter place now thanks to God.
Looking at your picture. There is nothing wrong with your looks and you don't appear old either. Peace o er anything yes, but don't sell yourself short. ❤
Dr John is visibly affected with the same shock at this guy’s worldview and no expression of remorse or even love for his wife. By midway through the call, Deloney’s whole body is figuring w the energy required to stay calm, cool & collected. To NOT tear into this guy. No doubt he’s worked with soooo many suffering women & children at the hands of men with this lack of integrity. It seems personal for him. Go Dr John- you kept it positive yet let him know clearly how wrong he still is in his thinking. Excellent self control and pen twirling 😂
People who cheat compulsively might not have the ability to love truly. People like that aren't that deep and may only start to change when things backfire.
John, I appreciate your answers and the things you said to him, they were spot on! This was my story with my former spouse. The only thing that was different was that I didn’t know about all of his affairs until 22 years and 4 kids later. He was a master at not telling the truth and he was the “perfect spouse to me and father to the kids”. I know that seems hard to believe that I didn’t know but he was so good at cheating that I could never figure it out. I knew that something was wrong but I couldn’t figure it out. He was never gone at night and he was always loving and helpful around the house. He was always affectionate toward me and always kind. We never fought or disagreed on much of anything. It wasn’t always perfect but it was good. He went to church every Sunday and did small group bible studies with me and he sang in the choir and was a music minister for one of the churches we went to. He read the kids bible stories and prayed beautiful prayers with me and the kids. It’s a long story about how I finally figured it out. After the divorce, I asked him if he was ever going to confess or tell me and he said no he wasn’t. Oh how I wish I had a counselor back years ago that could have help me figure out what he was doing and leave him before he ruined my life and the kids. Anyway, I’m so glad you give such great advice to those that call you up and your ability to see right through them. Keep up the good work! Your values are very honest and good! Thank you!
I'm sorry Dr John. You wasted your words with this guy. He shows no remorse. The most worrying thing is his voice didn't change one iota when you called him out.
This guy sounds like he has been cheating with another man. He keeps calling his affair partner another "person" Can you guys not hear the homosexual spirit in his voice?
Yes! Knew he was gay THE SECOND he opened his goddamn mouth. He's not fooling anyone. She needs to divorce his ass, take him for everything he has, tell everyone they know he cheated on her with another man, then take her son and go.
I love how honest and straight forward Dr John was to this guy. This guy is trying to say all the things he thinks people want to hear. He's disingenuous and makes a totally mockery out of marriage and has had 0 consequences for his behavior. Marriage isn't for everyone, and you're just hurting the mother of your child and your child at this point. Calls like these are so frustrating especially to those of us who've experienced the pain of infidelity in a marriage/relationship. This guy isn't equipped and doesn't deserve to be married. Live your actual truth and be single and do what you want, so you're not hurting people in the process. Slipping up isnt consciously making a chocie for years. It seems like the 5 year old is far wiser and more compassionate than than the father is.
Usually the threat of permanently damaging relationships with your spouse and children keep people from cheating. When it doesn’t keep you from cheating, I don’t know why people think those consequences bite them.
Normal people also just have no desire to cheat, so there's no need for any kind of threat. There's no need to keep them from cheating, they just don't want to. Your statement implies that everyone wants to cheat but some are scared enough of the consequences and others- not enough. Maybe you meant something different, but to me it sounded to as this implication.
@@marianemashkalo4182 I agree. Its not the threat of them leaving, it's the desire to not hurt your family. The desire to cheat means there is something very, very wrong. And to not address it is a mark on your own character. It's not your family's responsibility to keep you in check. They CAN'T keep you in check. Ultimately if you don't see your partner as an equal, and don't love them like you love yourself, then of course you'll do whatever you want. This is a heart issue.
@@marianemashkalo4182what is your definition of normal? If it means “average,” i would guess that plenty of people, on average, have had the desire to be with someone else. Evebn if that is just for a kiss or emotional connection.
At first, he focused on the son yet then explained the real reason for the son's behavior. The male deserves all the pain from pushing his wife and son Away from him. 3 years? His son doesn't know him and he has seen his mother's pain. Why would he want to know his bio father?
You only hear of the chaotic ones. My spouse and I are happily married and stronger together. There are many of us around. It's the rotten marriages that get the most talked about though.
Like many things it's the disasters that get the most attention so it can be easy to become biased, especially if you listen to these a lot. Tragedies make great press. My husband has been one of the biggest blessings I've ever had. Marriage is what you make of it. Family, through a married couple (man and woman), is the foundation upon which society is built.
I (woman, late 20s) grew up absorbing a really unhealthy perception of relationships as I witnessed my father abusing my mother and sibling. Listening to JD’s videos has helped me learn about building healthy expectations and habits.
That poor child & his mother , wow this is so,so sad . And he said he’s been living a lie for 3 years… Your entire existence on this planet thus far, has been a lie.
He mentioned a couple weeks ago on IG live that the calls are starting to effect him emotionally and he thinks it may be due to so much exhaustion, not being able to be with friends, and traveling all over the country. Also this call would piss of most people though and the language this guy is using doesn’t have any regret or remorse in his voice.
@@flashthecorgi2053 oh totally. I got a soft spot for kids and the fact that kid is only five and he’s already having to live in that situation pisses me off.
“It’s been tearing ME down”. It’s all about me me me. When John said you’re “that’s just pissing at your wife man”. All Patrick could think about was Patrick. Bro you’re tearing YOUR WIFE AND YOUR CHILDREN DOWN! This isn’t something his wife can fix this is something only God can fix and cause him to repent and realize he’s not only sinned against his wife and kids but he’s sinned against the Holy Lord. I pray he finds true repentance.
This guy just wants to know how much longer he has to endure his wife’s suspicion before he can go back to cheating. That’s “the best me” he can imagine. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. He’s a love addict. He has no thought at all for her, for what she’s gone through, for how destabilizing that is, especially with a young kid in the mix - especially.
She just needs to start counseling if she already hasn't. Furthermore, she needs to file for a legal separation immediately with the intent to divorce.
Dave Ramsey must be influencing Dr. John, cause he went in with this caller; and I'm here for it! Tell it like it needs to be told Dr. John!!! And hold this dude accountable!
My grandma once told me that if ever find your man cheating and you want to confront him but not leave him… you then become the other woman. That’s why he got “sloppy” and stopped caring because she already knew he was and didn’t leave. We teach people how to treat us.
Whoa, thank you Dr. John for keeping it 💯 I love that you tell the straight truth in love. I also appreciate that you don't pander to women. I'm a woman and I see a lot of podcasts pander to women and not hold them accountable. Thank you for your podcast! New subbie here!
So to sum up robs call he’s trying to find out what to say so his wife won’t divorce him and take everything from him. Rob has zero self reflection and will absolutely repeat these actions. I feel sorry for this dude. He’s a victim of his own ego. His wife should show him the ✌️ so this dude can try and fix himself internally or he’ll will die alone whether he’s surrounded by people or not.
I needed this. I’ve left 2 long term relationships when the excitement and passion faded (when I was younger). I thought it meant I wasn’t meant to be with them. As I’ve gotten older and in my second marriage (14 yrs) I saw the pattern and knew I have to learn ways to bring that excitement back. It’s a process but I didn’t want to repeat the pattern with my husband who I’m blessed to have. I love him tremendously and he loves me the same even without that crazy passion. I completely relate to when Dr. Delony said he feels antsy when sitting and needs to get up and play or be active with the kids. I get bored quick and as much as I love my husband and kids, it’s hard to be still. Thank you sharing your insight. I’d love for you to share more tools for intimate relationships struggles or if you can recommend one of your books. 🙏
Thank you for your comment. I too also liked when Dr.John said that something "rattles" inside him. I think that we have to continually re evaluate what excitement looks like for us and what we need.
"If you want him back, tell the truth". Yep, come clean about all of it to your wife. She deserves honesty. Especially if it's that you're gay.....don't ruin the rest of her life by pretending
Anyone else thinking the same thing I am about who he had the affair with? This guy is like an iceberg with this story…guaranteed there is much, much more beneath the surface.
Leaving his phone around makes him careless but screwing around on his wife is not careless. His wife should kick him where it hurts every day and act like it's not happening for a year and see if he stays and puts up with it.
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"she's not a sweetheart, she's a doormat "💗
Exactly, hopefully she will wake up and move on!!
I was like dang 😮
but so true
Yes I am guess she would been overwhelmed by having a baby and toddler. Hope she has or will leave this moron
Period
Not to mention a disappointing role model… Teaching your kids to except crappy behavior!
This dude has no remorse at all, sounds like a piece of work
A Pos with a beta voice
A real knucklehead even!
Just being honest. Better than trying to play it off
He regrets only that he got.caught.
@A 7108 he is a homsexual and has been cheating on his wife with a man.
He's been affair-less for 3 weeks and he thinks he's cured 🤦♀️
It must be a real achievement for this POS to stop cheating for 3 weeks.
😂😂😂😂
LOL😂 WHAT AN IDIOT, NO WONDER HIS SON CAN'T STAND HIM.
Exactly
Pos! Seriously what a loser. I hope the wife leaves him!!
He doesn’t sound like he’s honest about his sexuality with his wife.
He sounds like he a little sweet!
I agree. I wonder if he's same sex attracted.
How is everyone picking up on this?? 😮
How do you know that?
@@thabsmkhize2481 OMG, I wrote the same thing before I even saw these comments!
When he basically said his wife is a sweetheart for staying with him after three years of cheating I almost lost it
Same
It's like beating a dog and thinking it cute how the dog doesn't leave.
I almost couldn't believe my ears!
She's more like a door mat.
Completely cringe!
@@gehmangang8006 🤣🤣🤣
The greatest gift a father can give his children is to love their mother.
my ex used to say this- my how sweet it sounded early in the marriage. He went on to become a serial cheater... and now only has supervised visits with our kids. smh
@@deeh5126 Action always speak louder than words.
Yep. I cannot tell you how completely giddy my children become when I love my wife, their mother! They are a result of our love and that has to continue for them to grow into loving, productive members of society.
That's why I will maintain most men don't love their kids, because look at how often men kill their partners statistically. You don't kill ppl you love, and you don't kill people that the people you love, love.
I'm sorry but if someone makes a vow and has kids with you, giving your love and loyalness should be the minimum
He's cheating with a dude. Notice how he never says it's another woman. The wife isn't leaving him because that's a confusing situation... she's waiting on him to get it out of his system then choose her, or choose to be gay and leave.
I also thought he was talking about a man too. I don’t believe it was a woman either.
Ya, definitely a dude. That was a great catch.
Interesting theory
He even said it in the beginning,… that it was a guy
Yep. He said it at the beginning. Freudian slip.
"if you want your little boy back, treat his mom right." That one hit me. There's so much truth in that statement I can almost weep 🙏🏾
People think affairs just hurt the spouse but it also affects the kids. They remember the school events you didn’t attend, the holidays and birthdays that you weren’t fully present for because you were constantly checking your text messages. They also remember the tears they watched the other parent cry. You are very much hurting your children as well.
Go ahead and let it on out 🤗
@@dewilew2137 🤣
Sounds as if he never had him in the first place.
I am honestly shocked that Dr. D didn’t ask if he was seeing another man. Like that is the biggest elephant in the room……
I just question if the wife knew he was dating a man wouldn’t that prompt a divorce? but also Delony brought up a could of times that “you don’t have to live with her and he never once corrected John on calling the affair partner a woman so I wonder if he would of even said on air if it were true?
@@flashthecorgi2053 good point he probably wouldn’t!
Lol Agree
It's totally a dude
@@ashtonelvismusic you’re so handsome 😍
“I got careless” says it all. Choices have consequences. Really hard to feel sympathy for someone like this dude.
Agreed!!! That comments was NUTS!!! He only regrets the fact that he got “careless” or caught. His regret has nothing to do with his actions. This guy makes me so mad.
He doesn’t care at all. I feel so bad for his wife. I hope she finds her confidence soon n she will
Sounds like the Elliot Page type of “dude”.
Funny how he puts it on the same level of negligence. No this is blatant disregard for your wife and your family. He knew exactly what he was doing. He didn’t accidentally fall into a naked woman’s vagina while fully erect for three years straight. What an idiot.
Sympathy 🤣😂 I have zero empathy for this pitiful piece of trash. Hopefully this woman leaves him and keeps her little boy as far away from this piece of trash.
The caller sounds homosexual. So did he trick his wife into thinking he was straight, and now he’s worried that his son knows what he’s done? He’s just so evil and doesn’t even care. He only cares for himself and his own needs. The wife is staying for the kid to have a father. SMH.
I thought this was a woman's voice at 1st
😂😂😂
This caller only cares about losing his son because its his only chance to have a biological child. I'd bet that his male lover left him because he was tired of waiting for him to come out of the closet. Now he is settling for his wife but could care less about her.
It's amazing how when a person is gay, they show no remorse when they cheat on their spouses and feel they are the victim. Instead of coming clean and telling them that they are gay, they would rather cheat on them, then justify it.
You are absolutely right.
So very true. You don't have to lie to kick it, just be honest.
Wait is he gay
@@anonymousarab8226No one knows for sure. It’s just speculation. His use of non-gendered verbiage in reference to the “affair partner” was a bit suspicious and people picked up on that.
So you know EVERY gay person? Heterosexuals cheat like nobodies business and then they want to “ save my marriage”. The tons of heterosexual stories of infidelity I’ve heard on this podcast makes it hard to believe in marriage.
"No, she's a doormat!"
John is on fire today 🔥
I ran to the comments once he dropped that line
Yes he was blazin today!
the best doctors are the ones that just tell you how it is
I literally said she's a doormat exactly when John did
“The affair partner”? Was this with another man? I’ll bet there’s a lot more to the story than he’s letting on
yes, most likely. And it is strange that John didn't pick up on it.
@@anyagee9467 yes! He was so carefully to say “partner”, “the other person”. He never once referred to the persons gender he cheated for THREE YEARS with. It seemed very intentional and very controlled the way he talked about his “cheating partner”
Gay
He called the partner "he" once. I think the gay angle allows him to justify the affair since he is being his "authentic self" now. Our culture seems to justify cheating when the cheater "discovers" a different sexual identity.
@@eurekahope5310 It's because the victim status cancels out the cheater status.
This man is not going to be able to forget about his boyfriend. He is still hooked.
I was thinking the same 😂 “this other person”
I was wondering😢
This morning my husband hugged me for more than 30 seconds before he left for work. I even started to pull away after about 10 seconds and he pulled me in closer. I've never been more grateful for him then after listening to this call.
Haha
Beautifully put
So cute! 😍
You are so lucky. I finally found a man like that too. I feel lucky every day.
he's cheating
Yh he ain't done cheating lol. He's not sad he cheated, he's sad he got caught and has to live with the consequences.
@@wordsalad01 very
Let me tell you something from experience. My husband cheated on me 16 years ago. And an emotional affair three years ago. Do you know what both of my grown children have told us over and over and over again. That it didn’t help them one bit by us staying together. It hurts the children so much. And I regret staying.
How would they know?
Amen. We lie and tell ourselves we are staying for the kids because we want to be comfortable.
At an emotional level that's no.doubt true, but they may not realize the financial implications of divorce. Depending on what.kind of income the wife is able to earn, it can be devastating for her and for the kids. When two incomes is just barely enough to support one household, supporting two is almost impossible.
So sorry. I'm sure that was rough to hear. But as a fellow parent, we know hindsight's 20/20 and it's hard to know what the right choices are at times.
I was always told to "stay and work it out for the sake of the kids" but a lot of times it's better not to. Tough, unfair and life-changing decisions.
A silver lining is that life goes on, so there's always a chance to try to make it up.
@@SarahR2D2 because children aren’t stupid. They pick up on tension and emotions. Their parents were probably not in a good space and the kids recognized it. Not sure if they knew about the cheating, but it’s clear they knew something was off if they are able to say it didn’t help them. That means it inadvertently affected them some how.
He feels bad about the consequences, not what he does or who he is. The word narcissist comes to mind.
Yes cares hardly about his son but wants his son to meet his needs for love . So yep narcissist
@@vv8134Agreed. He's only thinking about himself & his needs. I hope that the wife wises up & takes care of herself & her son.
Did anyone get the feeling that other person is not a "her"?
This guy referred to the person as "he". He slipped up while he was talking at the beginning. He's clearly gay or bisexual. This cheater isn't even taking responsibility for his actions fully. I hope this woman left him!!
Absolutely got that feeling. It's the way he talks about her too! Like she is insignificant, a separate person totally removed from him, or like a thing. He does not sound like someone who loves or was ever attracted to his wife. He doesn't even care what she thinks, he just cares about his son.
We all got that feeling
This “man” should have never had kids. He should go back to his “affair partner” aka boyfriend. It’s really disgusting how you could lie to a woman like that.
After you have cheated on your partner for 3 years, I don't think there can possibly be enough respect left for your partner for you to rebuild that relationship.
I think he never respected her. Because he is not honest about his sexuality
This guy needs to come out already, live his life and try to maintain the best relationship he can with the wife and kid…..he doesn’t feel bad at all… and his family is suffering
Yeah that is the problem. The affair is with a man. I wonder if that part was told to the wife.
@@semosancus5506 😱😱😱 I didn't get to that part yet
I didn't hear that in the interview are you implying from his voice???
@A 7108 😱😱😱
@A 7108 I guess Dr. John missed it to because he told him not to call her anymore. My Goodness 😱😱😱
Im going to take a wild guess and say the affair partner left him.
Hard to imagine anyone with low enough standards to be with him
100%
I was thinking the same thing.
Absolutely
He might've given the affair partner an STD. Wifey better go have herself checked out.
I literally said "No she's a doormat!" at the exact same time John did.
Interesting that the husband wasn’t really worried about mending fences with his wife as much as his son and really didn’t sound that broken over it. I’d bet money the ‘relationship’ was with another man and this marriage should be over.
Guaranteed he's gay
Usually when they don't specify the sex of the affair partner, that's exactly what it means.
I love John for this one. He called him on his stuff so hard. Absolutely amazing. This is what a person of character looks like. She's not a sweetheart, she's a doormat. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
@amelia-620Most definitely. That goes without saying.
This made me cry :/ Dr. Delony was spot-on with his advice. This caller obviously has no integrity, and the 5-year old son and his mom are suffering for it.
I grew up with my dad having a 2 year affair, and it affected my younger sister and I to where now I have trust issues and am fighting for my sanity and marriage . Please if you are reading this and having an affair just leave your spouse it's not fair for anyone. Be a parent and owe up to your mistakes, talk to your kids come clean. Because kids know, no doubt about it. I understand why mom left my dad but then she got with my stepdad who physically abused her and was a drunk. That I couldn't wrap my mind around.
"we accept the love we think we deserve."
But why are you advising people to leave? They should stop cheating instead. ( then your mom wouldn't have endorsed up with a drunk)
Ended
Because mom has a cheat and then picked an abusive drunk. There is something going on in mom. Infidelity affects your self esteem. May have played a big part on picking stepdad
Men like your step dad know vulnerable women and they rush them into a relationship because they’re the only ones who deal with their abuse. A smart strong woman wouldn’t.
This guy just called to have another therapy appointment for free. He feeds off the attention. Telling the story and getting eyes on him and ears ready to listen is his real reward, and it’s more rewarding than a fulfilling relationship with his wife or kid.
It’s not about them at all, except to use as pawns in his interactions with others that he can’t get any other way. This is a person starved of attention and doesn’t think he can capture any unless he sacrifices his dignity and the dignity of his family to get it. Damn sad.
The marriage is done.
Right, when the wife finally wakes up she’s gonna leave.
Well..now hold up wait a minute! Jus lemme explain!
Not yet😏
Yup. Has been dead for 3 years.
I hope she has the courage to finally leave
You can hear in his voice that he's got no remorse. His wife is a complete doormat. I feel bad for him, but I don't see a real solution here.
Divorce so she can move on with her life is the best way forward. Though it won't be enough, he can offer her a sincere apology. It's up to her as to whether or not she accepts. He can go do whatever he does once the divorce is completed.
@A 7108Only Joh n says the other person is a woman. He just says "the other person"
You feel bad for him?? What about the wife and kid.
I don’t feel bad for him at all. He’s a POS.
Why is no one talking about the, “I’m sorry what?” That is hysterical 😂
Bc we are all having the same reaction 😶
Daaaaaamn. Deloney calling things out for what they are.
a good therapist should do this. They aren't your friend, they should tell you what it looks like from an outside perspective.
I laughed throughout this call from the audacity of this guy. I'm mean jeeze dude this is insanity
@A 7108 why? A lot,of guys are just like this.
@@dewilew2137The lack of caring in his voice was a shock compared to the usual callers having remorse. Sadly I have come across enough of these types.
@@dewilew2137 which is a SERIOUS SERIOUS problem. It’s no excuse if ‘’a lot’’ are like this. It’s not ok.
Thinks he is entitled.
Thinks he is better than his wife.
Thinks his kid should take care oh HIS feelings.
Wants to have a family to hide who he really is.
Lies to everyone about who he is.
Lies to his wife.
Lies to his kid.
He wanted HELP? He is not the victim.
A message to all the cheaters out there; if you use the "I slipped and fell getting out of the shower" defense, just know you immediately lose all the credibility you've ever had. Doctors don't believe these words and neither should women.
Men can't cheat lol
@@Austenfan177 no men and women are different. When men cheat they are exercising an option they worked hard to have the opportunity to get.
When a woman cheats she is cheating herself and her children out of better resources
@@Austenfan177 the more men a woman sleeps with the more woman want him. The more men a woman sleeps with less men will be willing to put up with her baggage and pay for her bs because men are disgusted by tramps at a biological level
@@Austenfan177 this is false. A woman who has slept with 5 men will more than likely get a divorce. You are just a 304 and have 304 friends lol
@@nly4607 You're being ridiculous. If a man wants to have many lovers, please, he can do what he wants. But then why get married or have kids or be in supposedly committed relationship? Just do all that stuff honestly and openly if you want that, but don't get married to one person and lie about being faithful. The asshole part comes when there's a need to gain and break someone's trust. Other than that, please you can have a million superficial affairs rather than one deep relationship. Some people are just shallow and that's ok, explain the lack of depth and maturity with animal biology all you want.
He' totally came clean and admitted everything'. That's another lie. This never, ever
happens.
Feb 2024 as I'm watching this. Hope the wife has gotten help and left this jerk.
He will loose his boy if he keeps mistreating his mother. A child will resent you for the rest of their life if you don't fix things now.
True. My husband and his sister both resent their father for his 25 years of infidelity to their mother. He had so many affairs, it ruined their entire childhood. In the end, they don't really have a fond memory of him, at least his daughter doesn't.
This is such a tragic situation. The husband needs to come clean with the truth of who he really is. He is lying to himself. So unfair on his wife and kid. They don’t deserve this. Cheating on your partner is the worse crime you can commit to that person. The dude knows it’s wrong and years of leveraging of his partner’s forgiveness is finally coming to a reckoning with guilt, shame? Etc.
Because of family, religious, social adverse implications he probably can't really be who he is. He should divorce her so she can move on with her life and potentially find someone who values, appreciates and loves her.
Parents who maintain toxic marriages under the guise of protecting the kids never recognize how much more harmful that is. Your kids aren’t fooled and even worse sometimes they see your toxic mess as what marriage is.
Exactly! I divorced from a 23 year marriage when I learnt ex was cheating. My kids and I.are happy with out the lies and cheating.
Then they eventually leave and blame their kids because they decided to stay in the marriage for years.
I know a middle-aged man that STILL has trauma because Dad spent the whole marriage cheating on Mom with other men until they divorced when he was 5yr. The damage was done by then. Unfortunately because Mom had no self worth she jumped into a relationship with another jerk. The only thing that fixes this is Mom kicking this guy out, doing whatever it takes to fix her own self esteem and then make sure her next relationship is a healthy one to a man who shows this little boy what a dad should look like.
No future man can show the son what a real dad looks like but the replacement guy can be a good role model.
@@texan903 Exactly 💯
I have a feeling this guy is in the same situation and he is not taking responsibility for any of his actions. He is just wanting attention here, not help.
Amen
@@texan903 Not true at all. There are plenty of amazing step-dads up there stepping up and showing their kids what real fathers do (ie everything in their power to make the world a safe place for their kids). And the minute the child recognizes that they have this in their step-father, they’ll have a father.
His 5 year old son will grow up and hold him accountable, probably way more than he can imagine. He needs to decide what he's going to do, like now and do it!
Or become him.
He might grow up to be like his toxic father
@@Plooky1969 Even that’s a form of accountability. If this man loves his son at all, watching him self destruct the way he did will be pure punishment.
He will hold his mother accountable for being weak too
This guy isn’t going to change. He does want to live a double life. He is such a liar. His wife deserves so much better. I’m sure she threatened to leave him and he cried “I’ll change”
This poor little boy in the middle of all this really breaks my heart. 💔 I’m so glad Dr. John held this guy to the fire.
And the wife, jeez no one deserves what he’s done to her.
The guy is married and is cheating with another man. He said it right before the one minute mark. Per the comments it seems a lot of people missed that. So John's advice is NOT going to help this guy at all. The only way this guy is gonna make it right for his son is first be honest with himself that he's gay. It's ok but at least be honest about it. Then he needs to come clean with his wife.
Yeah he sounds gay I wasn't surprised.
I divorced such a creature. It’s hell finding out you are the only straight spouse in the relationship. The abuse is on levels most cannot comprehend. I hope she finds out and leaves before her son learns to disrespect her and all woman as his “father” does. Absolutely disgusting.
I was in a serious relationship with a man who was closeted and it broke me. Everyone should be concerned w male partners who are homophobic. He's been married with kids for years and probably cheating on her. Disgusting!
It's not ok.
No..
He says I would push him back he's talking about his son. He's saying that in the time he's cheating he throws everything away and doesn't care about anything else including his son. He only focused on the affair partner. Yes I will leave this affair partner is a man. But it was not sad that it was a man within this video like you are alleging
showing affection is so powerful. Since my husband and got intentional about showing affection towards each other in front of our toddler, she has become a sweeter, softer, little human. She gets the biggest smile on her face :)
Wow! I don't always agree with DeLony, but he did a great job giving advice here!! Humble, respectful and overall balanced delivery.
For the caller: If you choose your wife, do it completely or let her go. The thread she is holding unto is ripping her to shreds.
Why did you change his last name? 😅
How can some people be so cruel to their partner. I feel so bad for the child and the wife smh
Problem #1- he's gay. He needs to be honest with himself and then with his wife and son...sad situation...
This is devastating. I don't wish this to anyone.
Powerful words from you today, Dr. John.
💯💯💯
Thank you for laying into this dude. He sure as hell deserves it.
I'm not sure why TH-cam put this on my feed, but it actually brought me a lot of peace. I've been divorced for six years after I finally caught my ex-husband cheating. I had panic attacks every day for years when I was married. My son is disabled, autistic and nonverbal. I will never be in a relationship again because of my age, looks, etc, but at least I have peace. We never had that when I was married. It always felt like the world would end at any moment. I'm glad I got away from that.
I had the same experience, the looks, the age, etc. It felt like time bomb. When he left me for another woman, i looked around dazed, got up and dusted myself and then begon living. Iam at a much beter place now thanks to God.
Looking at your picture. There is nothing wrong with your looks and you don't appear old either. Peace o er anything yes, but don't sell yourself short. ❤
Don't sell yourself short. You can find someone if that's what you want.
Dr John is visibly affected with the same shock at this guy’s worldview and no expression of remorse or even love for his wife. By midway through the call, Deloney’s whole body is figuring w the energy required to stay calm, cool & collected. To NOT tear into this guy.
No doubt he’s worked with soooo many suffering women & children at the hands of men with this lack of integrity. It seems personal for him.
Go Dr John- you kept it positive yet let him know clearly how wrong he still is in his thinking. Excellent self control and pen twirling 😂
Listening to John try to explain basic morality to this person
He has no remorse… you can hear it in his voice… he is tricking himself and his wife into thinking he is ready to be faithful.
People who cheat compulsively might not have the ability to love truly. People like that aren't that deep and may only start to change when things backfire.
John, I appreciate your answers and the things you said to him, they were spot on! This was my story with my former spouse. The only thing that was different was that I didn’t know about all of his affairs until 22 years and 4 kids later. He was a master at not telling the truth and he was the “perfect spouse to me and father to the kids”. I know that seems hard to believe that I didn’t know but he was so good at cheating that I could never figure it out. I knew that something was wrong but I couldn’t figure it out. He was never gone at night and he was always loving and helpful around the house. He was always affectionate toward me and always kind. We never fought or disagreed on much of anything. It wasn’t always perfect but it was good. He went to church every Sunday and did small group bible studies with me and he sang in the choir and was a music minister for one of the churches we went to. He read the kids bible stories and prayed beautiful prayers with me and the kids. It’s a long story about how I finally figured it out. After the divorce, I asked him if he was ever going to confess or tell me and he said no he wasn’t. Oh how I wish I had a counselor back years ago that could have help me figure out what he was doing and leave him before he ruined my life and the kids. Anyway, I’m so glad you give such great advice to those that call you up and your ability to see right through them. Keep up the good work! Your values are very honest and good! Thank you!
Just why ?!?
Thanks for sharing. Covert narcissists are great pretenders.
I experienced almost the same thing
The Audacity Of These Cheaters🤨. Why Won't You Continue Believe My Deception And Lies. 🥴
I'm sorry Dr John. You wasted your words with this guy. He shows no remorse. The most worrying thing is his voice didn't change one iota when you called him out.
I noticed that, and he also sounded like he was waiting for Dr. John to take a breath so he could jump in with his excuses again.
This guy sounds like he has been cheating with another man.
He keeps calling his affair partner another "person"
Can you guys not hear the homosexual spirit in his voice?
Stevie wonder could see that lol
I kept listening to figure out if this a guy or girl
Yes! Knew he was gay THE SECOND he opened his goddamn mouth. He's not fooling anyone. She needs to divorce his ass, take him for everything he has, tell everyone they know he cheated on her with another man, then take her son and go.
At the very beginning he slipped and said “him”. John seems to be ignoring that aspect.
I love how honest and straight forward Dr John was to this guy. This guy is trying to say all the things he thinks people want to hear. He's disingenuous and makes a totally mockery out of marriage and has had 0 consequences for his behavior. Marriage isn't for everyone, and you're just hurting the mother of your child and your child at this point. Calls like these are so frustrating especially to those of us who've experienced the pain of infidelity in a marriage/relationship. This guy isn't equipped and doesn't deserve to be married. Live your actual truth and be single and do what you want, so you're not hurting people in the process. Slipping up isnt consciously making a chocie for years. It seems like the 5 year old is far wiser and more compassionate than than the father is.
Usually the threat of permanently damaging relationships with your spouse and children keep people from cheating. When it doesn’t keep you from cheating, I don’t know why people think those consequences bite them.
Normal people also just have no desire to cheat, so there's no need for any kind of threat. There's no need to keep them from cheating, they just don't want to. Your statement implies that everyone wants to cheat but some are scared enough of the consequences and others- not enough. Maybe you meant something different, but to me it sounded to as this implication.
@@marianemashkalo4182 I agree. Its not the threat of them leaving, it's the desire to not hurt your family. The desire to cheat means there is something very, very wrong. And to not address it is a mark on your own character. It's not your family's responsibility to keep you in check. They CAN'T keep you in check.
Ultimately if you don't see your partner as an equal, and don't love them like you love yourself, then of course you'll do whatever you want.
This is a heart issue.
@@marianemashkalo4182what is your definition of normal? If it means “average,” i would guess that plenty of people, on average, have had the desire to be with someone else. Evebn if that is just for a kiss or emotional connection.
This person has no remorse...Wtf! I hope the wife packed all her bags and is out the door. Wow!
Pack HIS bags !
At first, he focused on the son yet then explained the real reason for the son's behavior. The male deserves all the pain from pushing his wife and son Away from him. 3 years? His son doesn't know him and he has seen his mother's pain. Why would he want to know his bio father?
I am Praying for his wife and children..
He needs serious prayers as well
Man, these calls make marriage sound so unappealing..
You only hear of the chaotic ones. My spouse and I are happily married and stronger together. There are many of us around. It's the rotten marriages that get the most talked about though.
Like many things it's the disasters that get the most attention so it can be easy to become biased, especially if you listen to these a lot. Tragedies make great press. My husband has been one of the biggest blessings I've ever had. Marriage is what you make of it. Family, through a married couple (man and woman), is the foundation upon which society is built.
Cheating is never worth it.
What a piece of work this dude is but at least he called in hopefully out of guilt and shame .
I (woman, late 20s) grew up absorbing a really unhealthy perception of relationships as I witnessed my father abusing my mother and sibling. Listening to JD’s videos has helped me learn about building healthy expectations and habits.
Unbelievable. Wait until your son is older and hears this…it’s going to stab his heart again. 😢
What a great guy.
My spouse's father cheated for 23 of the 30 years he was married. We can never trust anything he says. It's almost always a lie.
@@Austenfan177 for real. We will probably never know!
Sad on so many levels.
That poor child & his mother , wow this is so,so sad .
And he said he’s been living a lie for 3 years… Your entire existence on this planet thus far, has been a lie.
Thank you, John, for calling him out on all the excuses!
Seems like there’s been an uptick in calls that are really pissing Dr Delony off.
He mentioned a couple weeks ago on IG live that the calls are starting to effect him emotionally and he thinks it may be due to so much exhaustion, not being able to be with friends, and traveling all over the country. Also this call would piss of most people though and the language this guy is using doesn’t have any regret or remorse in his voice.
True America starting to come out of the woodwork 😏
@@flashthecorgi2053 oh totally. I got a soft spot for kids and the fact that kid is only five and he’s already having to live in that situation pisses me off.
He says he knows it was wrong, but I don’t think he has any idea why it’s actually wrong lol
“It’s been tearing ME down”. It’s all about me me me. When John said you’re “that’s just pissing at your wife man”. All Patrick could think about was Patrick. Bro you’re tearing YOUR WIFE AND YOUR CHILDREN DOWN! This isn’t something his wife can fix this is something only God can fix and cause him to repent and realize he’s not only sinned against his wife and kids but he’s sinned against the Holy Lord. I pray he finds true repentance.
This guy just wants to know how much longer he has to endure his wife’s suspicion before he can go back to cheating.
That’s “the best me” he can imagine. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. He’s a love addict. He has no thought at all for her, for what she’s gone through, for how destabilizing that is, especially with a young kid in the mix - especially.
She just needs to start counseling if she already hasn't. Furthermore, she needs to file for a legal separation immediately with the intent to divorce.
My god you're right. The "best me" he can imagine. What a desperate inner life this guy must be leading.
His affair or his actions ruined the relationship? Boy these men don’t ever take accountability do they
They sure don’t.
Dave Ramsey must be influencing Dr. John, cause he went in with this caller; and I'm here for it! Tell it like it needs to be told Dr. John!!! And hold this dude accountable!
Cheaters lack everything that makes a person worth respecting.
My grandma once told me that if ever find your man cheating and you want to confront him but not leave him… you then become the other woman.
That’s why he got “sloppy” and stopped caring because she already knew he was and didn’t leave.
We teach people how to treat us.
Whoa, thank you Dr. John for keeping it 💯 I love that you tell the straight truth in love. I also appreciate that you don't pander to women. I'm a woman and I see a lot of podcasts pander to women and not hold them accountable. Thank you for your podcast! New subbie here!
He's from the streets, and to the streets he should return
That last part 🔥🔥
Words never teach.
It happens. You get out of the shower, slip, fall inside someone else. I'm sure this can be explained
3:22 John’s face when the caller said he “got care less” 😂
Yes. Sex gets so much better in marriage over time. You have to choose your spouse everyday.
So to sum up robs call he’s trying to find out what to say so his wife won’t divorce him and take everything from him. Rob has zero self reflection and will absolutely repeat these actions. I feel sorry for this dude. He’s a victim of his own ego. His wife should show him the ✌️ so this dude can try and fix himself internally or he’ll will die alone whether he’s surrounded by people or not.
I needed this. I’ve left 2 long term relationships when the excitement and passion faded (when I was younger). I thought it meant I wasn’t meant to be with them. As I’ve gotten older and in my second marriage (14 yrs) I saw the pattern and knew I have to learn ways to bring that excitement back. It’s a process but I didn’t want to repeat the pattern with my husband who I’m blessed to have. I love him tremendously and he loves me the same even without that crazy passion. I completely relate to when Dr. Delony said he feels antsy when sitting and needs to get up and play or be active with the kids. I get bored quick and as much as I love my husband and kids, it’s hard to be still. Thank you sharing your insight. I’d love for you to share more tools for intimate relationships struggles or if you can recommend one of your books. 🙏
Are you going to break your husband's heart by having an affair? Don't be shallow.
Thank you for your comment. I too also liked when Dr.John said that something "rattles" inside him. I think that we have to continually re evaluate what excitement looks like for us and what we need.
"If you want him back, tell the truth". Yep, come clean about all of it to your wife. She deserves honesty. Especially if it's that you're gay.....don't ruin the rest of her life by pretending
"I may not be a very smart man, but I think I know what love is."--Forrest Gump
I feel SOOO bad for his wife and son.
John is not having any of it!!
Anyone else thinking the same thing I am about who he had the affair with? This guy is like an iceberg with this story…guaranteed there is much, much more beneath the surface.
"ive been living a lie" "this person" yeah....
:ahem: Yeah.
Yes
Oui.
Sí
Leaving his phone around makes him careless but screwing around on his wife is not careless. His wife should kick him where it hurts every day and act like it's not happening for a year and see if he stays and puts up with it.
Damn 3 years of cheating. He might as well just go be with the other person.
I loved this. John handled this well.