That's how I feel at the end of 6 years, I kept looking for that person, waiting, got abused, ghosted, stone walked, replaced and then the new supply slandered me. I couldn't believe how drastically different the person was at the end. I'm trting to heal and rebuild 🙏
Just left my husband yesterday after giving him so many chances...too bad it took me almost 15 years to realize the monster I’m dealing with was a narcissist. Extremely sick in the head. We met at 14 years old i was too young to know who i was dealing with and didn’t have enough experience to know that relationships like what we had was not normal. Please keep me in your prayers. I have finally accepted he will never change.
I found out the meaning of Maya Angelou's quote, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." Coming to know the truth with the first covert narcissist in my life was more than enough for a lifetime. I surely hope that I will not need to learn my lesson again!
Yes. That happened to me. I was fighting so hard for him to see what he was doing to me. I became so erratic and enraged because I wanted him to understand his constant cheating and lying over the years affected me negatively.
I had a narcissist gaslight me into believing I was a narcissist. My dad’s fiancé. I thought she was the greatest thing for 2 years before seeing how much of a monster she really is. I was in a deep depression and I didn’t have a positive self image but at the same time I was willing to admit to my faults when they were brought up even though I’d get angry with her. She would tell my dad lies about me behind my back as well as other family members and she’d pretend to be sick all the time and use those things together to keep him from seeing his family and she made me believe some of the things she said about me and she offered to help me after all the things she had said so I could once again view her in a positive light. I’m currently having to fix my life without the support of my father who is my only parent because she controls him 24/7 and recently I believe he’s started to see who she really is but is afraid to admit to it. She verbally spun the depressed rut I was in and used it to make me think I was the bad guy in the situation and it certainly lengthened that rut until I started putting the pieces together.
You know what pisses me off? The project their stuff onto me because their ego is weak. Then when I can't deal the absorbed pain/shame I am too sensitive.
You're taking it on as if it were your own, and at least you can know you handle it better than the narcissist, although it is entirely unfair. You're stronger. Be proud of yourself for carrying the weight that many people can't bare to accept themselves. Compared to the narc you're practically superhuman. Sensitivity is a great thing. ❤
triplekids3 I’m struggling with what to say. I’m truly just scared of the feeling the pain again of not being heard. We’re separated but he refuses to let me go. What did you say to him how did you say it?
triplekids3 Good on you!!! I wish you the VERY best for your future and it's great that you love it already, as it can be painful at first for many people. ❤
I was dealing with one who I thought was a good friend. What a strange little man he is thinking he can insult me and my family. Push your jealousy down bro we're all adults here lol
Listening to this as I am in day 5 of my husbands silent treatment 😔 .. everything you say describes him to well. Update 1/28/2021 I found out he was cheating again..its not the first time so i left him. I feel great to turn the page after 8 years on and off with this man. My daughter still sees him twice at week so thats fine with me. Thank you all for your words 💕
Great presentation. Narcissists and Borderlines have so many traits and defense mechanisms that are similar. Being in a relationship with someone with NPD or BPD is a nightmare roller coaster ride. Stephanie, you are so right when you said the length of a relationship does not define the success and health of the relationship.Thank you for another positive learning experience . Take care.
I genuinely feel my wife has had traits from bpd and npd... Not full blown but during tough times when one should be able to better manage their emotions.. It turns to black anger. And when It comes to projection. All I would hear is how she would have nightmares about me cheating and leaving... Although we have had intimacy difficulties throughout off and on in our marriage. There was always 2 factors my self esteem/insecurities about weight etc. And the second would be her behavior towards me. The manipulation, insults, degradation, vitriol. That's had an effect on me of which I could no longer supress. And when I'd briefly bring it up she would just get more upset or want to focus on what we were fighting about. Which I understand to an extent to separate the 2 but Damn that abuse was taking place even during those times. So it was an avoidance circle. One of which I would avoid as well. Cause it was constantly trying to make things right for her, that she was happy and content. Although she would do the same for me in many ways but struggles during hard times... And now I've unloaded everything and I don't feel she is willing to take responsibility for much of any of it.. Instead wants to just separate...
I can’t believe the accuracy of what you say. My ex girlfriend is in the 90% category of these behaviors. I couldn’t have been a better boyfriend to her but her insecurities and narcissistic behavior destroyed our relationship. Then she blames me for cheating which I never did. She is currently dating a man 10 years younger then her and it did hurt for a few months, but now I’m much much better. To think I tried to get back with her ills me now that I think about it. Would’ve only had a deeper heart ache. Thank you God she is disappearing out of my head!
So fucking true i couldnt understand why this woman kept saying im not beautiful and im telling her you are to me cause it was true. She would always shit on her friends husband and i used to be like what does he have to do with you that was her choice and she loves him stop being negative and nitpicking. If she was so concerned she would have kept focus on us and not others. This is so true its sad for the individual to stoop so low.
I genuinely feel my wife has had traits from bpd and npd... Not full blown but during tough times when one should be able to better manage their emotions.. It turns to black anger. And when It comes to projection. All I would hear is how she would have nightmares about me cheating and leaving... Although we have had intimacy difficulties throughout off and on in our marriage. There was always 2 factors my self esteem/insecurities about weight etc. And the second would be her behavior towards me. The manipulation, insults, degradation, vitriol. That's had an effect on me of which I could no longer supress. And when I'd briefly bring it up she would just get more upset or want to focus on what we were fighting about. Which I understand to an extent to separate the 2 but Damn that abuse was taking place even during those times. So it was an avoidance circle. One of which I would avoid as well. Cause it was constantly trying to make things right for her, that she was happy and content. Although she would do the same for me in many ways but struggles during hard times... And now I've unloaded everything and I don't feel she is willing to take responsibility for much of any of it.. Instead wants to just separate...
Wow! Literally just got of the phone with my sister talking about the very same thing I’ve been experiencing with my fiancé of 2 years /ex-husband of two months. She sent me this link & Im speechless at the exact same things I was saying about my ex that I hear u saying. I walked out of that toxic relationship yesterday, blocked his phone #, (& across all soc med platforms) & checked into a hotel for a month. This is so spot on, & is helping my healing process already just knowing that it wasn’t my fault we could never seem to communicate rationally/logically, just a bunch of screaming matches. I truly wanted him to see his behavior but it was always a bunch of his lies, yelling, deflection, delusions, victim playing & finger pointing. Unbelievable! This has helped me so much, & I’m finding more & more peace with my decision. Thank u 🙏🏽 💜(New sub!;))
I did so much self reflection only asking for a proper communication. Explanation as to why they are treating me so horribly. I was ready to understand apologise. But they stone walked me and ran smear campaigns and got new supply. Who I think too is a narc. Both of them just harassed me and I got so erratic and angry. I still feel like I should have been more calm because then he got to call me crazy and walked away with proving his claims right. I have been so badly hurt I still don't know why I had to go through so much pain when all my intentions were to be there and take care of someone.
Once again you’re right on!!! been with one for 20 years. sounds like you’re talking about my husband. Since I started listening to you the one thing I have learned is not to get emotional. I don’t react when he says something hurtful. i used to cry,Trying to get him to understand he did to me… There’s no point anymore. I save my energy to improve myself. 59 years old, things would be good at this point in your life.
Thank you so much. I recently suffered this, I think I'm still receiving the hurt in installments. Being able to recognize the behavior for what it is really helped to be confident about my sanity. I searched for vindictiveness and got this video.
These people are real. I just went through this. It’s very hard to grasp that your narc significant other didn’t have true feelings for you and only used you for the ego boost. It’s crazy to think, but I’m at the point where I’m accepting it now. Projection is a major tool in the toolbox. I was called “one of the most selfish people” she’s ever met after she stood me up on a Friday night and I called her out on it. I was floored.
I'm sorry Todd, all of that hurts bad. I was with a narc for over 30 years, been single 10 years. Not easy being single but SO much better than being in a one sided relationship. BTW, when I was finally able to admit that he never loved me it brought on an un-explainable heartache. Run while you can!
EstherAnn thank you, Esther. I’m out. I was discarded very cruelly. Was 5 weeks ago. Still really stings. You want answers! But I know we’ll never get them.
EstherAnn and yes, trying to accept that all the love-bombing meant nothing to them is incredibly difficult to accept. She acted so proud to be with me. Then just cut me at my knees with such hatred.
This explains my relationship with my Wife with precision. Even the small details I’ve been saying for the past few years you talk about like the lying and distorting of events and it having me second guess my own sanity.
Getting a narcissist to admit fault when they have done something seriously wrong to harm the relationship or at the very least go into detail about the why they did or said what they said is going to be nearly impossible. It’s guaranteed that narcissist will either go into denial, ignore, or most likely if you push hard enough blame you for their wrong actions.
My ex used to to tell me I could never own up to anything and apologize (I apologized constantly)… which was his way of not having to own up to anything and get out of apologizing! 🤯
Excellent video. This speaks to my ex wife. Recently I was aware 60% of my legal fees due to the arbitrator determining her untruth claims, and down right lies. It was a moment of satisfaction that finally someone else other than me saw through it. The problem now is the gaslighting she is doing to my 2 young boys. I reluctantly have had to address things that they should not have to hear. Thank you for your valuable information.
My brother is the most deceitful and hateful person I have ever met! When the mask came off I was stunned to see who he really is. I don't care if we are related, no one has the right to abuse me. Sadly, he's convinced everyone that he's the victim. Life goes on and I am determined to keep toxic people out of my life. I refuse to waste anymore time on these pointless one-sided relationships. I am done.
I have learned significant takeaways from all your videos. I'm crossing my fingers that my Narc husband for the last 16years will sign the divorce papers this week..and until then, i have to communicate with him on the daily basis. I am holding on the fact that I will move on FINALLY after papers are signed for real and it feels like prolonging the agony :(
i tend to think it is because of their adolescent ego. Projection is an immature defense mechanism. They can't deal with the shame and pain. So the put it onto someone else. And more importantly, IT IS REWARDED BY SOCIETY. People who observe the projection DO NOT do a good job of calling the narc out. And those of us who absorb the projection are blamed for being too sensitive. It really sucks ass.
My narcisst friend found a boyfriend (poor him) and I never heard of her again. Guess she has just found a new project to work with... However, this also shows how much of a real friend she was...
I am so thankful to you for posting this! I recently stood up to a friend and thought I had presented a factual argument to her allegations. I was expecting a response of 'oh OK, I hadn't realised that side of it What I got was a full on attack of lies and now being totally alienated by my other friends because she has bought them into things. I thought I was going crazy, that I was seeing it all wrong. I'd admitted my wrongdoings but couldn't see what else I was to blame for. THANK YOU for saving my sanity
this happened to me, it was clear that he had someone else... but he flipped the story and made me feel like I was the insecure one like I was just seeing stuff. Thank God I found your channel. I am so glad things never worked out with him. I would have been super miserable.
Such a beautiful sadness this community i always read the comments to feel everybodys situations some of you have lived 20 years in this shit its heartbreaking to read
So very true 💯 everyone take this information in its name he only way you can move on from this horrific nightmare of a relationship you are all precious beautiful people like or me 💕
Thank you. Stephanie for your work and sheer ring . waching all the videos. Its .. Soo .. Soory my english. Im from Latvia and since i came this narcissist explains. Its like Nile on the head four last 15 or more years and im 37. So it hard and in the same time like bless and im not insine. Thank you so much!
Unbelievable. Nail on the head...again. Accepting that they were not who you thought they were. Hell, I’d have settled for halfway normal! So covert and so glad to be done with it..., but traumatizing.
that's the most hurtful thing about it not so much of the emotional abuse or the smear campaigning just the fact that they really turn into a completely different person! How they lie, and deceive! How they can hold a facade for so long. One thing I can say is that you do see red flags along the line but when they no longer need your services they change into someone so evil.
My past 2 relationships have been with narcissists...my last one i just figured it out recently..i wasted 10 yrs of my life!! It hurts to realize that he never loved me 4:05 or cared about me...accepting is the hardest part..
Stephanie, I have a favor to ask if you can do a video on this topic that really is bothering me right now. I've recently heard that codependents are worse than narcissists because they are covert with their manipulations and intentions. This is really bugging me as to how can they be worse? What's your take on this? Can you also do a video on Codependency and used manipulation techniques to get your way? This is a tough pill to swallow. I know codependents manipulate, that's a given, but the extent and harm is what I'm trying to explore.
Part of me just doesn’t want to believe my wife to be like that, but after discarding our child and me for someone else I just can’t deny the truth. Especially since it was out of nowhere.. it’s been a week now, but I’m still trying so hard not to try and contact her. It kills me though because I still love her, but I know she doesn’t care about either of us.
You've described my was-band to a T. He's done/doing ALL that you've described and it does hurt. 23 yrs of marriage and everything even his cheating is my fault. 🤔 This video helps me to understand better but his words are stuck replaying in my mind 😫 I just want to be free mentally...
I didn't love them anyway unless I did so in d.i.d and somehow got attached. Their electronic abuse and spiritual abuse electronically effed themselves. No reward for them.
I recently got the "I need to change this in myself". But when I ask how are u going to do this he has no idea and no plan on how to proceed . Is this gaslighting?
My ex NPD GF was an academy award winning actress. She fooled me for a long time with her pathological lying Thank God I'm out and healing. She would apologize tho for her wrongdoings, occasionally, but strategically when needed. Not sincere bc it would happen again, or no change would occure to prevent inthe future. So was just to so I didn't see any cracks in the mask...
Once they've idealised you, you will slowly but surely become their emotional punching bag. Carrying all their toxic shame and resentment for the world. Run as fast as you can! It's so manipulative.
I don’t know if I can call her my ex or not in the relationship. I was the other guy. I figured out she was over flirting with others guys. I told her you can get hurt or worse blackmail. After we agreed to remain friends. So she saw it as me blackmailing her. Why would I blackmail someone I care about 🤷♂️. So in lull of everything going she told everyone I knew I was blackmailing her. Ever since than I refuse to interact with her. Sure, I love her don’t want her back. My self esteem and confidence is all gone. She definitely gaslighted me. I just don’t understand why it’s such a painful healing process this was over 6 months ago.
Chris Wyma yea would be nice to know. All my friends say move on and try again. I don’t even trust myself so how can I trust my friends. Sure it’s been over 6 months but when you’ve feel destroyed from the inside. You can’t just go out there and just date.
Takes time man, but youll get there. I recovered VERY FAST from a female narc, Very hot chick, but I was suffering from this for some years. I ended It, i knew what it was. My piece of advice is that you will get low before going HIGH. Suffering is good, you Will not stay in this state forever
You are correct!!! My ex husband to a t !!! He couldnt self- reflect and see that he was ever wrong!!! I was married for 31 years. I'm disabled from his abuse and he abused me through the court system thanks to legalsheild and I got nothing !!! I'm sooo thankful God woke me up outta that trauma bond!!! Ex husband held me in my car for 16 hours without pain meds and raped me violently before I left him!!! He used both out our adult children against me during the divorce!!! He walks around saying if God is for me who can be against me!!! He committed perjury in court on 3 accounts and has committed insurance fraud and tax fraud and abused our children behind my back!!! God sees all!!!😉 Karma doesnt forget an address!!!
What is it when it seems my ex has so many of these narcissist traits but she is calling me the narcissist and telling me she is my supply.? I didn’t even know what any of it meant. I had to look it up and saw that what she was saying I was doing… in reality that’s what she was doing to me.
Everytime I come to the table with something that he did that hurt me... he will take everything I said and say it back to me as if I DID IT. And say if he's done any wrong it's bc I treat him badly and it's just his bad response to how I treat him "all the time".
They say dont wrestle with pigs. Sometimes a pig needs to be reminded that its a pig. The idea isnt to wrestle its just to make the pig squeel. I was like a toothless hillbilly near the end. I stopped taking it personally and didnt mind the mud. I knew that i could put clean clothes on. The pig will always be a pig. Good luck good people. UK
@@aybaybay5432 That's so true it feel different not having someone bully me anymore on the regular it actually feels awesome to not have a person be negative to me all the time.
Good info… I’m learning at 56 how to live as a Emotionally Sensitive Empath….. Like I’m living an loving for the 1st time… How did you get the Desire to coach? Thanks for sharing 🙂
I just seperated from my husband. I was with him 19 years and we have 3 kids. It's so hard..I have so much I want to say to him but I know he'll never listen to what I have to say. 💔 does anyone know of an online group therapy or something that is free?
Please try Richard Grannon on u tube : practical tools out of this hell. Follow the emotional literacy tools/ guidelines for reducing flashbacks. I hope this helps you as much as it's helped me.
It’s really hard... sadly I can’t find any online groups. Maybe we should just make a discoed group for narcissist abuse and people that have recovered and how they managed. Because I’m struggling after my wife discarded our son and me for a recovering druggy
There are groups on Facebook called Surviving Narcissism and Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse etc ... they are really helpful in moving forward. Love to you ❤
I didn’t do anything to the narcissist he’s just jealous I’m annointed probably idk he’s projecting his anger on me he doesn’t even knooooow me he won’t back offf , I didn’t do anything he project wounds on me because who I am and dislikes me to the fullest for no reason must be jealousy because I didn’t do anything omg
This is crazy, because when my now ex, of 7 years ( yes 7 years of abuse, wnd I didnt know until I opened up about my relationship to my parents and THATS when my mom actually told me that im being abused by HIM aAnd His fsmily ) He used me because i had no friends and i wasn't close to my fsmily at all. But he brought me close to my mom , who has helped me a great deal and it brought me and my mom closer ! But anyways, when we would fight, He would always say "your this and that, your selfish because you hate your life, bla bla bla " he would just say things that are just NOT me the complete opposite , and i didnt know at the time , but now. I realized, that he was saying that stuff, not about ME, he was saying all that stuff wich was actually about HIM , Like he would scream at me im so selfish , I dont do anything for him i never loved him, ( all lies , i loved him so much , but he stopped caring , ) and in reality , he was just twlking about himself , but putting it back on me. To make ME feel like im the bad person, while the whole time, HES THE SELFISH ONE, HE NEVER LOVED ME , and he just used me to make him look good... i did idolize him for a time, and when i stopped, thats when the abuse happened... and the funny thing is, When he would twlk about his " friend" did this, or that, i always got the feeling that his " friend" didnt do those things... that HE did it . And he was feeling so guilty, that he had to find a way to tell me, without saying that it was HIM you know ? So he would say " yeah my friend went to twlk to this girl and she turned him down " when it was MY BF , so, yeah he cheated on me , but i didnt know because he said it was someone else. So. He is one of the most evil people I have ever met, besides his mother.
A guy who I was with used demand from me: honestly and transparency, but he was f* liar; courage, be he’s a extremely coward...Just everything that he couldn’t offer me! And he used to say: “I lie not to hurt u!” It’s was not because of this, he used to lie because he wanted to control me and would never accept someone doing to him the same things he does to others!!!
sooooo good, Thank for your honesty!! You are describing a 25 year relationship with a covert. Thank God thru videos like yours I have set myself free.
You say you cant diagnose someone as narcissistic but then around the 13:30 mark you talk about a client who was in a relationship with someone who is narcissistic for 30 years or so. My question is, are you telling the client this? If you cant diagnose then how can you say they are a narcissist? Or are you telling the client their partner is showing the traits. Its a huge difference. This is an honest question I have because it seems today if someone doesnt get along with their partner or doesnt like something they said or did they are now a narcissist. It just seems to easy to call someone a narcissist today. Again, honest question
That person you thought you loved and loved you.... NEVER EXISTED
Yep! This makes for a lot of grief. Just know that grief is normal and natural. It helps you heal. God bless everyone going through this.
We fell in love with ourselves.
Our own projection. Gotto correct.
Not ever again.
Hurts to know that, but it is true!!
That's how I feel at the end of 6 years, I kept looking for that person, waiting, got abused, ghosted, stone walked, replaced and then the new supply slandered me. I couldn't believe how drastically different the person was at the end. I'm trting to heal and rebuild 🙏
So true
Just left my husband yesterday after giving him so many chances...too bad it took me almost 15 years to realize the monster I’m dealing with was a narcissist. Extremely sick in the head. We met at 14 years old i was too young to know who i was dealing with and didn’t have enough experience to know that relationships like what we had was not normal. Please keep me in your prayers. I have finally accepted he will never change.
Everyone needs to understand that women are narcs too!!!! I’m not bashing women. Just FYI
Yes. I have a narc family member who is a woman. She"s awful and abusive.
Oh yes! 💯
My ex husband was a master narcissist and so is my sister. Narcissism doesn't play favorites when it comes to gender.
She has videos on female narcissism
My sisters in law!
I found out the meaning of Maya Angelou's quote, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." Coming to know the truth with the first covert narcissist in my life was more than enough for a lifetime.
I surely hope that I will not need to learn my lesson again!
Yes. That happened to me. I was fighting so hard for him to see what he was doing to me. I became so erratic and enraged because I wanted him to understand his constant cheating and lying over the years affected me negatively.
I had a narcissist gaslight me into believing I was a narcissist. My dad’s fiancé. I thought she was the greatest thing for 2 years before seeing how much of a monster she really is. I was in a deep depression and I didn’t have a positive self image but at the same time I was willing to admit to my faults when they were brought up even though I’d get angry with her. She would tell my dad lies about me behind my back as well as other family members and she’d pretend to be sick all the time and use those things together to keep him from seeing his family and she made me believe some of the things she said about me and she offered to help me after all the things she had said so I could once again view her in a positive light. I’m currently having to fix my life without the support of my father who is my only parent because she controls him 24/7 and recently I believe he’s started to see who she really is but is afraid to admit to it. She verbally spun the depressed rut I was in and used it to make me think I was the bad guy in the situation and it certainly lengthened that rut until I started putting the pieces together.
as always right on point. I left my narc behind years ago but it took a long time to heal. I still watch these as reminders to never be fooled again.
You know what pisses me off? The project their stuff onto me because their ego is weak. Then when I can't deal the absorbed pain/shame I am too sensitive.
You're taking it on as if it were your own, and at least you can know you handle it better than the narcissist, although it is entirely unfair. You're stronger. Be proud of yourself for carrying the weight that many people can't bare to accept themselves. Compared to the narc you're practically superhuman. Sensitivity is a great thing. ❤
I have had the exact same thing!
Their mind games twist plot it back onto the us...just go no contact! Find a cooler person to cope with. Be Well!
I left my 5 year old husband of 33years I’m out 9 days and I love it
triplekids3 I’m struggling with what to say. I’m truly just scared of the feeling the pain again of not being heard. We’re separated but he refuses to let me go. What did you say to him how did you say it?
@@roxanapio1412 I would love to know that, too.
triplekids3 Good on you!!! I wish you the VERY best for your future and it's great that you love it already, as it can be painful at first for many people. ❤
Demons from hell. My goes out to anyone that has to deal with a narcissist.
Maaan, sounds like my ex-wife.. Manipulative and never admitting what she has done :(
I was dealing with one who I thought was a good friend. What a strange little man he is thinking he can insult me and my family. Push your jealousy down bro we're all adults here lol
I really appreciate you! This came at the perfect time for me to rebalance after my sister gaslighted me AGAIN!👍
Listening to this as I am in day 5 of my husbands silent treatment 😔 .. everything you say describes him to well.
Update 1/28/2021
I found out he was cheating again..its not the first time so i left him. I feel great to turn the page after 8 years on and off with this man. My daughter still sees him twice at week so thats fine with me. Thank you all for your words 💕
Much love, theyre so hurtful.
I’m sorry. I’m in the same boat. It’s emotional abuse and it’s NOT your fault. My silent treatment has last more than 8 weeks.
@@XaibaSal im sorry to hear that ...i know its tough but we def deserve better than this 👏
And you are still married to him why?
@@raccuia1 yes were still married trying to figure out the why part tbh ..
Been dealing with this the last 12+ years & it’s just exhausting!!
Great presentation. Narcissists and Borderlines have so many traits and defense mechanisms that are similar. Being in a relationship with someone with NPD or BPD is a nightmare roller coaster ride. Stephanie, you are so right when you said the length of a relationship does not define the success and health of the relationship.Thank you for another positive learning experience . Take care.
I genuinely feel my wife has had traits from bpd and npd... Not full blown but during tough times when one should be able to better manage their emotions.. It turns to black anger.
And when It comes to projection. All I would hear is how she would have nightmares about me cheating and leaving...
Although we have had intimacy difficulties throughout off and on in our marriage. There was always 2 factors my self esteem/insecurities about weight etc. And the second would be her behavior towards me. The manipulation, insults, degradation, vitriol.
That's had an effect on me of which I could no longer supress. And when I'd briefly bring it up she would just get more upset or want to focus on what we were fighting about. Which I understand to an extent to separate the 2 but Damn that abuse was taking place even during those times. So it was an avoidance circle. One of which I would avoid as well. Cause it was constantly trying to make things right for her, that she was happy and content. Although she would do the same for me in many ways but struggles during hard times...
And now I've unloaded everything and I don't feel she is willing to take responsibility for much of any of it..
Instead wants to just separate...
I can’t believe the accuracy of what you say. My ex girlfriend is in the 90% category of these behaviors. I couldn’t have been a better boyfriend to her but her insecurities and narcissistic behavior destroyed our relationship. Then she blames me for cheating which I never did. She is currently dating a man 10 years younger then her and it did hurt for a few months, but now I’m much much better. To think I tried to get back with her ills me now that I think about it. Would’ve only had a deeper heart ache. Thank you God she is disappearing out of my head!
Amen! 👏🙏 Keep moving forward. It only gets better
Amazing, good for you. Keep going even if it gets hard sometimes! 🙏🏽
that is awesome!!!!!
So fucking true i couldnt understand why this woman kept saying im not beautiful and im telling her you are to me cause it was true. She would always shit on her friends husband and i used to be like what does he have to do with you that was her choice and she loves him stop being negative and nitpicking. If she was so concerned she would have kept focus on us and not others. This is so true its sad for the individual to stoop so low.
I genuinely feel my wife has had traits from bpd and npd... Not full blown but during tough times when one should be able to better manage their emotions.. It turns to black anger.
And when It comes to projection. All I would hear is how she would have nightmares about me cheating and leaving...
Although we have had intimacy difficulties throughout off and on in our marriage. There was always 2 factors my self esteem/insecurities about weight etc. And the second would be her behavior towards me. The manipulation, insults, degradation, vitriol.
That's had an effect on me of which I could no longer supress. And when I'd briefly bring it up she would just get more upset or want to focus on what we were fighting about. Which I understand to an extent to separate the 2 but Damn that abuse was taking place even during those times. So it was an avoidance circle. One of which I would avoid as well. Cause it was constantly trying to make things right for her, that she was happy and content. Although she would do the same for me in many ways but struggles during hard times...
And now I've unloaded everything and I don't feel she is willing to take responsibility for much of any of it..
Instead wants to just separate...
I keep hearing those truths and still am completely in disbelief and confusion.
Thank you. You just described my 21year relationship exactly. Cognitive dissonance is hard work to get over.
Carol A,You deserves better
Wow! Literally just got of the phone with my sister talking about the very same thing I’ve been experiencing with my fiancé of 2 years /ex-husband of two months. She sent me this link & Im speechless at the exact same things I was saying about my ex that I hear u saying. I walked out of that toxic relationship yesterday, blocked his phone #, (& across all soc med platforms) & checked into a hotel for a month. This is so spot on, & is helping my healing process already just knowing that it wasn’t my fault we could never seem to communicate rationally/logically, just a bunch of screaming matches. I truly wanted him to see his behavior but it was always a bunch of his lies, yelling, deflection, delusions, victim playing & finger pointing. Unbelievable! This has helped me so much, & I’m finding more & more peace with my decision. Thank u 🙏🏽 💜(New sub!;))
I did so much self reflection only asking for a proper communication. Explanation as to why they are treating me so horribly. I was ready to understand apologise. But they stone walked me and ran smear campaigns and got new supply. Who I think too is a narc. Both of them just harassed me and I got so erratic and angry. I still feel like I should have been more calm because then he got to call me crazy and walked away with proving his claims right. I have been so badly hurt I still don't know why I had to go through so much pain when all my intentions were to be there and take care of someone.
Once again you’re right on!!! been with one for 20 years. sounds like you’re talking about my husband. Since I started listening to you the one thing I have learned is not to get emotional. I don’t react when he says something hurtful. i used to cry,Trying to get him to understand he did to me… There’s no point anymore. I save my energy to improve myself. 59 years old, things would be good at this point in your life.
Thank you so much. I recently suffered this, I think I'm still receiving the hurt in installments. Being able to recognize the behavior for what it is really helped to be confident about my sanity. I searched for vindictiveness and got this video.
Every word is so true ..really appreciate your understanding and expression 👍🏻
Thanks Stephanie. Didn’t know projections go the other way. I have to think about that, just a little.
His going to be my ex just now , just broke up with him I’m not marrying a person like that .
Congrats girl.
U gave a long nd beautiful life ahead.
💕💕💕
Peace of mind over everything 💕💕💕
Cocob Cuellar Good on you!!! ❤
Right!? And all they talk about is how much they want to marry you
You are so lucky you were able to get away before you had children
Thank you so much! I honestly never really knew about this topic and narcissists so much until I started watching your videos
These people are real. I just went through this. It’s very hard to grasp that your narc significant other didn’t have true feelings for you and only used you for the ego boost. It’s crazy to think, but I’m at the point where I’m accepting it now. Projection is a major tool in the toolbox. I was called “one of the most selfish people” she’s ever met after she stood me up on a Friday night and I called her out on it. I was floored.
I'm sorry Todd, all of that hurts bad. I was with a narc for over 30 years, been single 10 years. Not easy being single but SO much better than being in a one sided relationship. BTW, when I was finally able to admit that he never loved me it brought on an un-explainable heartache. Run while you can!
EstherAnn thank you, Esther. I’m out. I was discarded very cruelly. Was 5 weeks ago. Still really stings. You want answers! But I know we’ll never get them.
EstherAnn and yes, trying to accept that all the love-bombing meant nothing to them is incredibly difficult to accept. She acted so proud to be with me. Then just cut me at my knees with such hatred.
This explains my relationship with my Wife with precision. Even the small details I’ve been saying for the past few years you talk about like the lying and distorting of events and it having me second guess my own sanity.
You're gem for the ppl like us who just discarded by narcissistic without genuine reason or explanations! Thank you! Lots of love❤
Getting a narcissist to admit fault when they have done something seriously wrong to harm the relationship or at the very least go into detail about the why they did or said what they said is going to be nearly impossible. It’s guaranteed that narcissist will either go into denial, ignore, or most likely if you push hard enough blame you for their wrong actions.
This soooo hits home and needed to hear this reinforcement. Thank you!
My ex used to to tell me I could never own up to anything and apologize (I apologized constantly)… which was his way of not having to own up to anything and get out of apologizing! 🤯
Wow that is exactly what I’m going through so glad to hear this
Excellent video.
This speaks to my ex wife. Recently I was aware 60% of my legal fees due to the arbitrator determining her untruth claims, and down right lies. It was a moment of satisfaction that finally someone else other than me saw through it. The problem now is the gaslighting she is doing to my 2 young boys. I reluctantly have had to address things that they should not have to hear. Thank you for your valuable information.
This was so awesome....I needed it 20 years ago....but it feels good to understand it now....
Deborah Martin,I hope you are not with a narc 🙄 cause you are too precious 🌹 🌹🌷 🌷🌺!
My brother is the most deceitful and hateful person I have ever met! When the mask came off I was stunned to see who he really is. I don't care if we are related, no one has the right to abuse me. Sadly, he's convinced everyone that he's the victim. Life goes on and I am determined to keep toxic people out of my life. I refuse to waste anymore time on these pointless one-sided relationships. I am done.
I have learned significant takeaways from all your videos. I'm crossing my fingers that my Narc husband for the last 16years will sign the divorce papers this week..and until then, i have to communicate with him on the daily basis. I am holding on the fact that I will move on FINALLY after papers are signed for real and it feels like prolonging the agony :(
i tend to think it is because of their adolescent ego. Projection is an immature defense mechanism. They can't deal with the shame and pain. So the put it onto someone else. And more importantly, IT IS REWARDED BY SOCIETY. People who observe the projection DO NOT do a good job of calling the narc out. And those of us who absorb the projection are blamed for being too sensitive. It really sucks ass.
Well said, and it does completely suck ass 🤦🏽♀️❣️
i hate flying monkeys.
It is a hell of a lot easier to blame the victim than it is to punish a narc/bully.
My narcisst friend found a boyfriend (poor him) and I never heard of her again. Guess she has just found a new project to work with... However, this also shows how much of a real friend she was...
Yes they simply use others to boost their own egos.
Thanks Stephanie, that was really good, and I still need to hear all of that. Regards
This video was extremely helpful for me. Thank you.
I am so thankful to you for posting this! I recently stood up to a friend and thought I had presented a factual argument to her allegations. I was expecting a response of 'oh OK, I hadn't realised that side of it What I got was a full on attack of lies and now being totally alienated by my other friends because she has bought them into things. I thought I was going crazy, that I was seeing it all wrong. I'd admitted my wrongdoings but couldn't see what else I was to blame for. THANK YOU for saving my sanity
Live Laugh Love Daily,Hope you are not with a narc 🙄 cause you are too precious 🌹 🌹🌷 🌷🌺🌹 🌹!
Stephanie, you nailed it this week!
I wish I had known all of this 37 yes ago,but I endured numerous ifidelities decades of gaslighhting hopefully its never to late to heal
They only accept when they know is the end of the relationship
this happened to me, it was clear that he had someone else... but he flipped the story and made me feel like I was the insecure one like I was just seeing stuff. Thank God I found your channel. I am so glad things never worked out with him. I would have been super miserable.
Such a beautiful sadness this community i always read the comments to feel everybodys situations some of you have lived 20 years in this shit its heartbreaking to read
Thanks for sharing these video's! ..
So very true 💯 everyone take this information in its name he only way you can move on from this horrific nightmare of a relationship you are all precious beautiful people like or me 💕
Thank you. Stephanie for your work and sheer ring . waching all the videos. Its .. Soo .. Soory my english. Im from Latvia and since i came this narcissist explains. Its like Nile on the head four last 15 or more years and im 37. So it hard and in the same time like bless and im not insine. Thank you so much!
Unbelievable. Nail on the head...again. Accepting that they were not who you thought they were. Hell, I’d have settled for halfway normal! So covert and so glad to be done with it..., but traumatizing.
Thank goodness my eyes came open to this person or not...emptyness
Wow this just came at the right time! Thank you so much🙏🏼
that's the most hurtful thing about it not so much of the emotional abuse or the smear campaigning just the fact that they really turn into a completely different person! How they lie, and deceive! How they can hold a facade for so long. One thing I can say is that you do see red flags along the line but when they no longer need your services they change into someone so evil.
yhu & yhur channel r so necessary.... much Love & Light to yhu StephanieLyn!!!
So spot on- thanks
I love this. I needed this 🙏🏾
They do it to find out if you're as empathetic as you want other's to believe you to be or make claim that you are !
My past 2 relationships have been with narcissists...my last one i just figured it out recently..i wasted 10 yrs of my life!! It hurts to realize that he never loved me 4:05 or cared about me...accepting is the hardest part..
Stephanie, I have a favor to ask if you can do a video on this topic that really is bothering me right now. I've recently heard that codependents are worse than narcissists because they are covert with their manipulations and intentions. This is really bugging me as to how can they be worse? What's your take on this? Can you also do a video on Codependency and used manipulation techniques to get your way? This is a tough pill to swallow. I know codependents manipulate, that's a given, but the extent and harm is what I'm trying to explore.
Part of me just doesn’t want to believe my wife to be like that, but after discarding our child and me for someone else I just can’t deny the truth. Especially since it was out of nowhere.. it’s been a week now, but I’m still trying so hard not to try and contact her. It kills me though because I still love her, but I know she doesn’t care about either of us.
thank you coach stephanie!
Hi all your throughts and opinions I am going through those wow I watched all your videos and its all true.
You've described my was-band to a T. He's done/doing ALL that you've described and it does hurt. 23 yrs of marriage and everything even his cheating is my fault. 🤔 This video helps me to understand better but his words are stuck replaying in my mind 😫 I just want to be free mentally...
I didn't love them anyway unless I did so in d.i.d and somehow got attached. Their electronic abuse and spiritual abuse electronically effed themselves. No reward for them.
I recently got the "I need to change this in myself". But when I ask how are u going to do this he has no idea and no plan on how to proceed . Is this gaslighting?
Love this thank you my boyfriend doing this now .
You're young and beautiful, DH, you can find a way better good kind hearted man to enjoy life with! Trust in the process. Be Well.
My ex NPD GF was an academy award winning actress. She fooled me for a long time with her pathological lying Thank God I'm out and healing. She would apologize tho for her wrongdoings, occasionally, but strategically when needed. Not sincere bc it would happen again, or no change would occure to prevent inthe future. So was just to so I didn't see any cracks in the mask...
Thank you.
Thanks 🤎
My ex wife cheated on me and then when we met up after she said in a backhanded way that it was my fault she fucked somebody
This is so me and my ex. I need help letting him go.
Thank you Stephanie 💓💞💖
Once they've idealised you, you will slowly but surely become their emotional punching bag. Carrying all their toxic shame and resentment for the world. Run as fast as you can! It's so manipulative.
Can u give an example?
I don’t know if I can call her my ex or not in the relationship. I was the other guy. I figured out she was over flirting with others guys. I told her you can get hurt or worse blackmail. After we agreed to remain friends. So she saw it as me blackmailing her. Why would I blackmail someone I care about 🤷♂️. So in lull of everything going she told everyone I knew I was blackmailing her. Ever since than I refuse to interact with her. Sure, I love her don’t want her back. My self esteem and confidence is all gone. She definitely gaslighted me. I just don’t understand why it’s such a painful healing process this was over 6 months ago.
Chris Wyma I’m afraid to trust anyone now
Chris Wyma yea would be nice to know. All my friends say move on and try again. I don’t even trust myself so how can I trust my friends. Sure it’s been over 6 months but when you’ve feel destroyed from the inside. You can’t just go out there and just date.
Takes time man, but youll get there. I recovered VERY FAST from a female narc, Very hot chick, but I was suffering from this for some years. I ended It, i knew what it was.
My piece of advice is that you will get low before going HIGH. Suffering is good, you Will not stay in this state forever
This really does make me sad
You are correct!!! My ex husband to a t !!! He couldnt self- reflect and see that he was ever wrong!!! I was married for 31 years. I'm disabled from his abuse and he abused me through the court system thanks to legalsheild and I got nothing !!! I'm sooo thankful God woke me up outta that trauma bond!!! Ex husband held me in my car for 16 hours without pain meds and raped me violently before I left him!!! He used both out our adult children against me during the divorce!!! He walks around saying if God is for me who can be against me!!! He committed perjury in court on 3 accounts and has committed insurance fraud and tax fraud and abused our children behind my back!!! God sees all!!!😉 Karma doesnt forget an address!!!
Yup makes sense
13:55 to 14:02 🎯 period.
What is it when it seems my ex has so many of these narcissist traits but she is calling me the narcissist and telling me she is my supply.? I didn’t even know what any of it meant. I had to look it up and saw that what she was saying I was doing… in reality that’s what she was doing to me.
Everytime I come to the table with something that he did that hurt me... he will take everything I said and say it back to me as if I DID IT. And say if he's done any wrong it's bc I treat him badly and it's just his bad response to how I treat him "all the time".
They say dont wrestle with pigs. Sometimes a pig needs to be reminded that its a pig. The idea isnt to wrestle its just to make the pig squeel. I was like a toothless hillbilly near the end. I stopped taking it personally and didnt mind the mud. I knew that i could put clean clothes on. The pig will always be a pig. Good luck good people. UK
we're the narcs fast/slow food
To gain "dominance"
Thanks for the message it was need I just got out a narc.relationship it was unhealthy for sure.
I hope to right there with you soon. I hope you are happier and healing. Most of all I hope you can be yourself!
@@aybaybay5432 yes it feels different feels like a addiction and is feels horrible right now I'm finding myself know for sure
Tanita Barrow , but it must be nice not having a bully bother you.
@@aybaybay5432 So true I know is not good to let a bully in your life.when your own mother is one
@@aybaybay5432 That's so true it feel different not having someone bully me anymore on the regular it actually feels awesome to not have a person be negative to me all the time.
Good info…
I’m learning at 56 how to live as a Emotionally Sensitive Empath…..
Like I’m living an loving for the 1st time…
How did you get the Desire to coach?
Thanks for sharing 🙂
I just seperated from my husband. I was with him 19 years and we have 3 kids. It's so hard..I have so much I want to say to him but I know he'll never listen to what I have to say. 💔 does anyone know of an online group therapy or something that is free?
I feel your pain.
Please try Richard Grannon on u tube : practical tools out of this hell. Follow the emotional literacy tools/ guidelines for reducing flashbacks. I hope this helps you as much as it's helped me.
It’s really hard... sadly I can’t find any online groups. Maybe we should just make a discoed group for narcissist abuse and people that have recovered and how they managed. Because I’m struggling after my wife discarded our son and me for a recovering druggy
There are groups on Facebook called Surviving Narcissism and Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse etc ... they are really helpful in moving forward. Love to you ❤
Is it possible for both people in a relationship to be a Narc?
I have that capability of doing that. Both my parents and a lot of my family are narcissistic.
I didn’t do anything to the narcissist he’s just jealous I’m annointed probably idk he’s projecting his anger on me he doesn’t even knooooow me he won’t back offf , I didn’t do anything he project wounds on me because who I am and dislikes me to the fullest for no reason must be jealousy because I didn’t do anything omg
I luv this
It make sense a lot of people my friend she using me and it was there she blame me for something I didn’t do then end the friendship I still fill hurt
Excellent 👌👍🙏
So even after a divorce do they come back ?
This is crazy, because when my now ex, of 7 years ( yes 7 years of abuse, wnd I didnt know until I opened up about my relationship to my parents and THATS when my mom actually told me that im being abused by HIM aAnd His fsmily )
He used me because i had no friends and i wasn't close to my fsmily at all. But he brought me close to my mom , who has helped me a great deal and it brought me and my mom closer !
But anyways, when we would fight,
He would always say "your this and that, your selfish because you hate your life, bla bla bla " he would just say things that are just NOT me the complete opposite , and i didnt know at the time , but now. I realized, that he was saying that stuff, not about ME, he was saying all that stuff wich was actually about HIM ,
Like he would scream at me im so selfish , I dont do anything for him i never loved him, ( all lies , i loved him so much , but he stopped caring , ) and in reality , he was just twlking about himself , but putting it back on me. To make ME feel like im the bad person, while the whole time, HES THE SELFISH ONE, HE NEVER LOVED ME , and he just used me to make him look good... i did idolize him for a time, and when i stopped, thats when the abuse happened... and the funny thing is,
When he would twlk about his " friend" did this, or that, i always got the feeling that his " friend" didnt do those things... that HE did it . And he was feeling so guilty, that he had to find a way to tell me, without saying that it was HIM you know ? So he would say " yeah my friend went to twlk to this girl and she turned him down " when it was MY BF , so, yeah he cheated on me , but i didnt know because he said it was someone else.
So. He is one of the most evil people I have ever met, besides his mother.
A guy who I was with used demand from me: honestly and transparency, but he was f* liar; courage, be he’s a extremely coward...Just everything that he couldn’t offer me!
And he used to say: “I lie not to hurt u!”
It’s was not because of this, he used to lie because he wanted to control me and would never accept someone doing to him the same things he does to others!!!
sooooo good, Thank for your honesty!! You are describing a 25 year relationship with a covert. Thank God thru videos like yours I have set myself free.
Although she speaks in absolutes she does make some valid points
Its like someone passing the hot coal over because its too hot to handle.
You say you cant diagnose someone as narcissistic but then around the 13:30 mark you talk about a client who was in a relationship with someone who is narcissistic for 30 years or so. My question is, are you telling the client this? If you cant diagnose then how can you say they are a narcissist? Or are you telling the client their partner is showing the traits. Its a huge difference. This is an honest question I have because it seems today if someone doesnt get along with their partner or doesnt like something they said or did they are now a narcissist. It just seems to easy to call someone a narcissist today. Again, honest question
Brooooo you describing my ex like you know her lmao
Can you do a video on your opinion on the Chris watt's murder?