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What Narcissists Hope Happen After Discard
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They want you to mourn them for life and never get over them. It feeds their ego.
Meeting a narcissist is always a loss but if your family is narcissistic; you never were allowed to be yourself and you were programmed to fail in every aspect of your life.
Yep...dating one is waaay different than being raised by one. If you think a year or two as an adult screws you up, try being groomed to be bait for every sociopath out there. Big hugs!!! It's hell and nobody understands
This was so helpful. My programming from my family of origin can get me stuck on the idea that I am bad for not being authentic enough. Your explanation of the protective self makes so much sense. I had to find a way to exist where I was not wanted. I don’t have to fault myself for becoming who they told me I had to be in order to survive.
@@Peaceinmytime
Dropping the coping mechanisms we developed in order to survive it's a way to find out what is yours and what is not.
People's pleasing behavior, over sharing, over explaining, etc. Also finding your trauma response by default. Mine is freeze which also goes with learned helplessness. Take care 💜
@@allywolf9182
It's so common for people to tell you "you attract them" which causes more rage and guilt but there are studies that have been shown that sociopaths and other antisocials can tell who has been previously traumatized by showing them videos of people walking along a hall.
Our own bodies, walks and gestures are the only thing they need to spot us.
If your enemy thinks you will do something, do the complete opposite
Normal is an alien concept following narcissistic abuse. It feels like an endless journey
More like an endless war for me. Covert Narcs don't fight head on. They resort to hitting blew the belt, shame and lies. They'll even do war crimes. "All is fair in and in war".
The narcissist did not succeed in destroying my foundation or self worth. She attacked it covertly over time, pretending to be something she never was. She was insecure down deep. She ran around trying to fill her bucket relentlessly. I felt sorry for her. Yes, it hurt to move on. It hurt to be betrayed and taken from. The lies overshadowed the truth but.. I found myself, I became stronger, I began to see more clearly. I became resolute in my personal values, beliefs and my choices. She lost, she will continue to lose and she will continue to leave a path of destruction in her wake but that does not include me. I called off our marriage plans, I let her go, I dealt with the pain, I absorbed the loss but am worth so much more for it. Good riddance little narcissist, thank you for such a valuable life lesson. There is no value comparison between her and I and that's my victory. I don't need to tell her, share it with her or her family. I am just so glad to be free...and happy again. Good luck to you all!
My first phone call after being discarded was to someone I hadn’t talked to in 15 years. I didn’t know why. Now I know it was to talk to someone who knew me before I entered into the narcissist relationship. I needed to talk to someone who remembered the real me.
I did the same thing, but this time, I'm wide awake and quite frankly, in no mood to enter into any new relationship anytime soon. The freedom is like a breath of fresh air.
Discarded after 13 years, hardest thing I gone through ever.
I'm totally changed aswell. She already secured a new supply and totally blindsided our little family.
Even sader seing her go down what looks like a very self destructive path.
I'm totally broken 💔
You really just have to keep in mind that she isn't better. He isn't going to get the happiness you deserved. She doesn't know how to authentically connect to anybody. You need to stop being heart-broken and get angry at how transactional and shame-inducing this woman was to you. And she knew what she was doing. Stop treating her like a child.
@user-tx1zv2rk1p where did I say anything about stuff being normal ;)
@user-tx1zv2rk1p i didn't say anything about being normal :)
@user-tx1zv2rk1p I didnt say anything about being normal ;) I was on the pedestal for many years, but stuff was always going on. There are people that been married for 50 years plus with narcissists. 13 years ain't really that much in comparison.
@user-tx1zv2rk1p Good people, empathetic people give the people they love the benefit of the doubt, forgive easily and believe they are in a relationship with a human. Narcissists take advantage of every kindness without remorse. Hind sight is always 20/20. Don’t be a dic&.
They want you to curl up under a rock and mourn their loss until you turn to dust and float away in the wind.
The best thing you can do is get on with your life and be the best version of yourself that you can be!
F’em!!!!!
Yeah they suck. Not worth your feelings for one more second.
When my narcissist told me that they were leaving and would never see me again, I laughed and asked if they would sign a notarized affidavit of that. It made them so mad! I turned and walked away, thinking I was free. Little did I know how hard won freedom would be.
When that person died, they reached out from among the dead to continue to torment me, but I refused to allow it. Several times, the scenarios they had set in motion threatened to destroy my fragile peace, but I had learned to be strong and I refused to be drawn into their posthumous web. Though I was vilified for not "going along," I held my ground. I cut all ties that woulf have dragged me back into her version of damnation and I am still learning to live with the damage she caused. One day, I will truly be free!
Thank you for saying that. I detest the fact that I've been a people pleaser for the past few years. It's not who I am. It's not who I was. I'm working very hard to get my boundaries back in places. Protect myself and my space better than I did before. It hurts like hell, but what is life without learning.
Wow ! this protective self idea has really struck a chord with me. I see this so clearly now as who I am after this terrible abusive relationship is not even close to who I am after it. I have been stuck for years years of my life trying to get my self back on track after this person derailed me so completely. Amazing how destructive one relationship can be! I have gone low contact and still struggle to keep the focus on myself hourly at a time sometimes. I began yoga and it is the one thing that has shown me positive steps forward in establishing my authentic self forward progress.
Praying you get free 🙏 and the blessing of no contact soon!
I feel so stuck still. I’m trying to get back to normal, but I can barely get myself to do anything
You are disassociated. You have been split. Your feeling of love is on one side - you need to reconnect to your other side which realizes the contemptuous abuse this person - who clearly wants you destroyed - DELIBERATELY subjected you to.
This is so accurate. I've realised that I constantly look at myself through a critical lens of others because I've been conditioned to self censor after years of constant criticism, humiliation and denigration. It's true that they mock the very attributes that they'll then start to mimic. They're pathologically envious. They really steal someones confidence.
I really internalised the criticism. It's damaged my self esteem so much, I don't know if I'll ever fell good about myself again. I hope that one day I approve of myself again.
This just encouraged me to aim to go back to dancing. Dancing is the way that I know I can connect with my authentic self, express myself, heal and get my confidence back.
I am so stuck, even after being no contact over 4 years. I can't function, I can't go out. I've been abandoned by everyone... She made sure of that.
meditate daily. I'm struggling myself, have never felt so low before ever in my life after the narc last year I was with.
There is a program called Celebrate Recovery and from what I can tell it’s not just substance but relational issues as well. They usually have them at churches. Might be worth looking into. 🙏
@@jamimccormack9220 I have never heard of this. I will try and look into it. Thanks for the info 👍
You are disassociated. You have been split. Your feeling of love is on one side - you need to reconnect to your other side which realizes the contemptuous abuse this person - who clearly wants you destroyed - DELIBERATELY subjected you to.
Youll never move on as long as you are watching YT videos speculating on what your ex is hoping happens after you break up..
You are so right! Thin line between knowledge and obsession!!!
I’m a more lazy version of my past self. I’m exhausted. I have no more energy to dress up or look amazing or go for my dreams. My self esteem has been chipped at for so long.
I’m now afraid to go for the jobs i want because i’ve been rejected so many times.
Fear of rejection is real because people do get rejected A LOT.
But it’s also settled me into a more peaceful reality.
A lesser version of me who doesn’t shoot for the stars.
It’s a more realistic version of reality but see if everyone lived like me no stars would be created no great thinkers would create anything.
They can suck the freaking life out of us, we don’t even realize it’s happening for a long time usually
Go to Reiki Healers, spirit healers, energy healers. It works. You were a bad energy trash can for them, and the healers will take out the trash so to speak. Trust me, it really works. I tried 3 different reiki healers and they all worked in different ways and unlocked trapped memories and traumas and released them.
My narcissist I dated for 11 years. She cheated on me and lied about it for a year and also was abusive asf and when I finally had enough of it instead of taking any accountability for their actions they blocked me and immediately moved on to another person. Lost about $13,000 in moving/living costs after I secured an apartment for us without knowing I was being cheated on. Narcissists are truly dangerous, volatile people. Took me a year to heal. But it was definitely a learning experience.
Needed this. Jesus I seek you everyday. Even when I feel like giving up. I will keep faith. As a single mother. I’m struggling to make ends meet. My husband passed years ago. I have no one to turn to but you Lord JESUS. Both of my sons are special needs and require so much from me. Lord I’m afraid. Every month I struggle trying to provide for my children struggling to pay rent and to buy groceries. God you have provided this far. Lord hear my prayers.💕
It took me to give my life to Jesus to be able to see my true self resurface little by little. And yes it takes time. ❤
Right on. Excellent in every way. Michelle Lee Nieves is beautifully connected, well integrated and correctly informed in her sincere presentation. My delighted concurrence with this video is rooted in 50+ years in the behavioral sciences along with extensive personal experience. She articulates some vital nuanced perspectives. Bravo. Well done. Well said.
Yes, devaluing since day one. See it now, years later. As for "protected self" said to myself "gotta survive this"....
Thank. You Michell.
I’m through with the narcissists. There has been a lot of damage though.
It amazes me how many there are.
Yes. My body doesn’t work anymore.. I am in constant Protection of self
Its much more difficult when these people are ur family.
13:59 we don’t really have to battle the smear campaign and set the record straight, our character speaks for itself overtime. But if they have done so much to destroy our personality, our relationships, our community or our family… Just like the broken legs that you mentioned from accident, it may very well be that these things do need to be rebuilt, very actively later on. And one other scenario. If they have the audacity to create a huge drama through the legal system, family court, etc. then you’re going to have to battle against it. But we can do it calmly with truth on our side, and not from a triggered, reactive, and explosive state when we’re in the middle of rage and being dumbfounded by their evil, that is harder to do. Good to let it rest for a while!
I was enmeshed. I had a rude wake up call after being, as I refer to it "voted off the island" by the former friend and leader of this social circle. Then I started working from home and realized my husband was just as bad, if not worse. I'm 2 years out of the marriage and still struggle with resentment, but gratitude supersedes the moments of anger and life is so much better today
Narcissist's expectations and hope are their most powerful carma... Thank You!!:))!!😊🌷🎁
Great encouragement. It's a deep wound. Especially if you're like me and have repeatedly torn the wound back open.
In the process of healing.
Understanding has been key for me. And prayer. Lots of prayer.
At 54 I finally realized my mother subjected me to N abuse. Raised on guilt, never celebrated, always critical. I feel like much of my life has been wasted thinking about the gaslighting and the nasty emails and demands. I really wonder who I would have become without this taking place. My father and brother also have treated me in similar ways. The funny thing is I have still managed to have glimpses of happiness but it’s rare. The self hatred is real. I can see now they are all very sad, weak people.
Wonderful episode! Thank you so much for your informative, empowering work!
Yeah this is incredible.
Very clear ideas and I am now feeling the discomfort of doing what I’m learning
I’m having EMDT eye movement desensitisation which really helps to improve the nervous system
Thank you so much xxx
Thanks Michele you really have a great way of saying things and giving great advice.
So glad you find my content helpful!!!
@@FromSurvivingToThriving it has been insanely helpful to me since almost a year by now. thank you so much!
but have one point of feedback, take it however you like:
i cant really watch the videos, because looking at your face quickly gets me lost in the sauce of dreaming about meeting someone as insightful, honest, and beautiful as whats on the screen. its so bad, it almost defeats the purpose of the channel for me! :)
this is a serious remark, not a stupid attempt at complimenting you. i am sure i am not the only one feeling that way... ;) anyway, its very much helpful when listening! even though, the voice as well....i can see how that isnt easy for you either! its what i tell my daughter to be careful about, she might just grow up to be just as hopelessly beautiful as you are.
honesty and integrity does that to you, and i hope the same for my daughter!
Even after I leave my narcissist parents, they will have gained the satisfaction that they have sickened me and that I will still be haunted by them and still not live in peace due to illness. You can be psychologically damaged by their abuse and recover, but my narcissistic abuse eventually became illness and now nobody believes me what I went through and my narc parents have a way of erasing memories and even playing with memories and the present and implanting false memories in my head, which was their favorite tactic when I was a child. The lack of empathy and gloating that I am ill and still struggling financially to reestablish myself after failure in my 20s are what got to me to the core, realizing that I fell into the black hole that they created so that they can shape me and my life. I literally see demons behind them when I argue with them or speak with them.
Thank you for your clear explanation and for your good English🎉
I was just friends with one. I can’t imagine being in a romantic relationship with one.
Forgive them. Pray for them. God can heal all things.
He doesn't heal narcissists and don't think for one second that he does!!! That would be like healing Satan. And we both know God is locked into an internal battle with that dude.
It is an injustice to the victims of narcissistic abuse to glibly say: forgive them. I am 74 still trying to heal from the malevolent abuses from my step mother and enabler father. They tried to destroy me and my sister. They succeeded to a great extent. I am convinced both were demon possessed. My job is not to repeat their sins. It doesn’t bother me to imagine them bobbing up and down in the lake of fire. They put themselves there.
@HawthronRose43-fx3rc 64, and still struggling daily. Big hugs.. we are almost home lady.... and I'm pretty certain our abusers will be bobbing in the lake of fire because they surely won't be in heaven, that's for sure!!
@@allywolf9182 God can heal or do anything… he is the lover of mankind. I recommend looking into orthodox Christianity
this can only be the writing of a narcissist...nice try😒..God doesn't forgive Satan
Thank god I’ve not lost self esteem. Or I should say it’s completely back. I just mourn being deceived for such a long time and the beautiful children we have suffer for nothing. It doesn’t make sense and it’s kinda cruel these people exist. Legal battle ahead for I have to protect them and my livelihood.
Sadly all are harmed by a narcissist’s poisonous lies, the target and those fooled to believe those narcissistic lies. We are all on our own journeys I feel so we can only go forward on our journey and see it is up to the fooled to unravel the lies they are enmeshed in on their own journeys. Very hard to do that in now seeing how the narcissist has life long twisted my own now adult child whilst I have always engender good parenting in encouraging regard, love and respect for who I now realise is an unscrupulous sad and pathetic covert narcissist and a shadow of a partner and parent. That is unfortunately the way the world is at this time and I can only love, support and wish my child well on their journey to be free of what the narcissist has done to them… has done to us.
Icing on the cake if they believe you. Doesn't touch you if they don't.
Exactly
One of the most UGLY social interactions I've ever seen is the aging Narcissist walking around the work place having a Narcissistic rant 🥺🌚🤢🤕......
Facts 💯😭
You are such a rockstar 🌟 Had you not experienced the abuse we wouldn’t have you to help us heal. Although I think you would still be in the healing field… there was a point I was trying to make but I don’t really like it. lol thank you so much!
a protective self makes sense
This is a real good channel.
I m in that crucial state....pray for me...😢
Those people is evil 😡
Thankyou Michelle
Beautiful video! Thank you for sharing. 🙏🏻🕉️🪷
I’m a better person after the narcissistic relationship. She would lie to me to manipulate my emotions and empathy.
She thinks I can be Bruce Willis. She is Demi and she lives with her lover Aston. I told her I'm not that guy. Sick
Discarded for 10x within 9 months..seems Im on a right channel ;)
My husband and I were mentally and verbally abused by our evil narcissistic demon of an adult daughter, for years. It got so bad that the stress cause an emotional breakdown for my husband, One day he started crying uncontrollably with him gasping for air ( this is a guy that never cried because of his upbringing of men don't cry ) He was asking what he did wrong on raising her to be so evil then he collapsed and took his last breath 4 years and 7 months ago. She always had anger issues since she was a teen but we chopped it up as just being a teen and hormons since she seemed to be a very well rounded person overall. We noticed the changes in her as she got older and thought she was bipolar. But it was too late for us to get her help because she was over 18. She wouldn't amit that she has mental problems and get help. By the time I learned about narcissism, it was too late. The trauma damage was already done. In those horrible years of walking on eggshells she had us under her control because she was kicked out of her ex husband's home for stepping out on him and the trauma she caused. She ended back with us because she was homeless and 3 months pregnant with another's man child. So of course we took her in. She was lying from the start, telling us her marriage failed because he was abusing her physically. I know different now. We tried to help her, going through her pregnancy and the birth, then she couldn't handle being a mother. She wouldn't do what a mother should do and we ended up raising our grandson until he was 6 years old, She hunted down for a new supply because my husband became disabled and we couldn't give her a free ride anymore. She had to start paying her own way. That pissed her off and it really got bad. We ended up homeless with her stalking us and still messing with our heads. Then my husband died. She destroyed me beyond repair. I have been abandoned by everyone,... She made sure of that.. I went no contact but it is slowly killing me from the inside out. I can't have a relationship with my grandson. I can't function anymore. I'm the one that is at fault somehow. And you know what.. I'm starting to believe I must be. I'm just a failure and a lost cause.. I'm so tired of trying. I quit...
Give your life to Jesus. What do you have to loose?. I have been abused from my mother , sibblingas and know a 30 year old relationship with my husband. God has been my strength. Sometimes I too feel like fiving up, then I turn to God again to keep fighting. Hope you give God the opportunity to become your strength🙏😢
@lissetterivas1192 I keep turning to God.. For years, Seems like he's not listening.
@@terrydyer2490fully submit yourself to God tell him to come into your life and give you eyes to see and ears to hear him. Call on Jesus name ask him to take away all the pain ask him to help you heal. Keep praying keep trying don’t give up. Gods timing is not like ours be patient and have faith please ❤ I will pray for your healing
You're not alone by a long shot. It takes time to heal, recover and achieve recognition of your situation.
However, your decision to have or not have an imaginary friend is all yours.
@@ursamagickmt672 For you it can be an imaginary friend, for me it's been my Savior.
that was such a great explanation
Amen🙏🙂
How to make them out of the house, he won't leave. However, he is doing whatever he wants with his 26th year old son, smoking weed and drinking. I feel humiliated and mocked about this whole situation. We're not a partner anymore he became a BS artist and i feel i am taking to a child teenager in a sense. He is 60th years old man!!!
Where I'm going.....they cannot follow.
Narcs are disgusted
Is “discard” , once, twice? Many times?
Yes its a cycle, Hoover, devalue, discard.
The only true discard is when you do it !! Because they'll keep coming back for narcissistic supply.
Hi Michele, Any chance that I could still sign up for the year subscription to your school of transformation for the 50% offer?
Thanks for considering!
they desire to become a better narcissist 🤣🤣🤣
😊 ❤Thank You
You're welcome 😊
Well its been a couple of years , going through the court system , not divorced yet , but i can say I’m different now , i don’t want her head on a stick now , now its just shake my head think what an idiot, but that is wrong of me , i want her to have a long life , she isn’t worth my time to think. About her , she can say what she wants about me , I don’t care , if it makes her feel better to bash me , have a nut , i have other things to do , best things. She did for me was i disrespect me , and ghost ,, it hurt but now ,, water off a ducks back , I’m soon to be off the chain and ready to go , lots of stuff in this country to do ,and see ,,
How do you look younger??😮❤❤❤❤
❤
🔥😍🔥
🙏🧐🤠
I need you to love me
L9ok at this feed of nastiness. All so you can get your head removed for trying to play savior