What is really infuriating is that even things that did not matter he made a rigid opinion on. I cleared a space to temporarily lean a new bed frame where it would be out of the way and not scratch the wall. When I told him that as he brought it in he deliberately ignored me, and leaned it against a chair against a window. The heavy bed frame went straight through the window. And I got cross because he had ignored me three times so he accused me of distracting him. He had his plan or no plan but he was still going to go with it, not listen or collaborate. I just don’t get why anyone would do that. And I am so glad I left that self centred jerk.
That is so true. In the beginning there might be a little flags, but I personally noticed, but ignored them, and give them the benefit of the doubt, but in time true colors will show.
My ex covert narcissist used to ask me why I just couldn't "have his back" whenever I voiced an opinion different from his. I guess he took it as an attack on him vs my having thoughts and perspectives of my own. He often told me that I shouldn't feel a particular way. So aggravating when he'd invalidate my thoughts and feelings.
Yep, any failure to agree with my ex always turned into him feeling personally attacked. "Why are you always against me" "Why do you always take someone else's side (even when there were no sides). It didn't matter if I didn't agree, there was always a fight. I eventually lost myself gave up even trying. After 25 years of his way or the highway, I am finally finding myself again, I use to be quite sassy and becoming free. It's a battle but I'm getting there. Thank you for the videos. They help to understand what been happening.
Great analysis of dominating, controlling narcissists. My question is what do you do when your “husband” whittles you to silence or withdrawal? I’m learning gray rocking to redeem myself-self-esteem, self-protection, etc. However, I’m a person worthy of respect, dignity, and to be heard. I appreciate your answer.
My family definitely felt the wrath of a narcissists who tried with all his mite to avoid otherness and undervalue our opinions/ beliefs. He was extremely passive - aggressive (only saw his way of thinking). This man had a position of authority and abused that authority he was given. I am very glad that we have gone no contact and finally getting our situation resolved in civil court. This was the only way to resolve the problem.
Excellent video. It put a lot into perspective for me. A narcissist (my opinion) will always show his/her true colors the second you disagree with them. They can't see anyone else's point of view because no one else's point of view matters. Wanna know a great way to tell if you're dealing with a narcissistic individual (my opinion)? Disagree with something they say and watch the cuss words flow out of their mouths 😊
It’s interesting you say cuss words because my narcissist swears like a sailor when some thing isn’t going right. It is shocking. You can flip on a dime if you smile wrong.
This helped me so much. I have a covert narcissist friend who is so set in her thoughts. You can’t get her to budge or see from another perspective. I wasn’t sure if this was a narc trait. You helped me to realize it is.
Au contraire, they're not welded to any perspective, only to being right. My narc ex constantly flip flops between one CERTAINTY and an opposite CERTAINTY and each time he is right and godly. The only constancy is his ego.
I experience the same , can have a conversation on a topic ; if I or even sometimes children ( now in their low twenties) about something and we say dogs should rule and he says cats should. I sometimes feel he deliberately chooses to side against me/ them / us. If a debate arises- and Carries on - which can be a long one if it is with my 23 year son who studies law , so he can talk 😂and has the ability to motivate his standpoint and opinions logically. Then suddenly my husband will totally manage to swing discussion around, attack another opinion along the track and later end up saying the same thing -- dogs not cats ?? He managed over years to let me doubt myself , going insane, thus I mostly walk away- I struggle to manage to have normal social chats by now. And if someone says but that is where we started, he will deny that… and say that HE said dogs and we said cats.
May I ask a further question? My covert narcissistic husband USES “agree to disagree” so he will not have to change! He is SO rigid in his beliefs and views that he refuses to even consider that I or my children might be right in something. What makes a narcissist OPEN to change? Or illicit curiosity to learn? AND…I was wondering if your team would be open to making a video on sexual coercion? It is a real epidemic especially in Christian marriages. They don’t understand it, much less see it as assault. We really need more voices on this❤ Thank you
You dare not disagree with a narcissist. They see everything as a criticism; a personal attack against their way of life, their thinking, their behavior, etc. They may also fly into s rage because they can't handle anything that differs from what seems normal to them. These things I had to learn the hard way. I once expressed a different opinion to my narcissistic sister. She responded by throwing a plate at me which nearly hit me in the head!
Sometimes a narcissist will say, “let’s agree to disagree”. But they way it comes across is more like a slogan they are just repeating because they heard it somewhere. I never could figure out why when he would say that why something still didn’t feel right. It was like once again being dominated and dismissed with a new slogan from him. It does get him off the hook to take responsibility and have a relationship. But you describe it well, since they are not interested in celebrating another point of view, or curious, they have baggage that comes along with them no matter what the encounter.
Well I’ve had a covert narcissist in my life for 10 years as a distant friend who I call upon because he’s tall and strong but he’s impossible to get an agreement on anything. He’s always telling me how to do things in my own home. He’s homeless and I told him until he pays my rent his opinion does not come before mine. But he just seems to argue with me no matter what I suggest if I tell him the box is damaged too much to use for stacking he’ll tell me there’s parts of there still good if I tell them part of the box is good he’ll say no it’s damaged over here anything I say he’ll say the exact opposite or argue with me no matter what it is and he’s never satisfied. Very rarely does he say he likes anything. He always wants something else to make it a little bit better I had a little of this and a little of that as if I’m a restaurant when I make food for him an exchange for his helping me lift and move things. He also eats enough food for four people so when I make food for him I have to make food for four people because he’ll eat all that and then he’ll drink enough for four people on top of it and then he would say something like well that man’s gotta have his protein. And then if you want something else he’ll say something like well if you could spare it or if you have an extra. I see nothing in my home is extra or something I spare if you want another drink just say you want another drink it’s not extra and it’s not spare. He also is never on time is either early or way late. And he very rarely responds to my messages and that is I guess the ghosting aspect. He is very very difficult to deal with but since I don’t have anybody else to come and lift heavy things and move heavy things since he’s pretty much spending all this time in the public library on Twitter or at the public park on Twitter and the rest of the time he’s a place where I can get free food even though he gets about almost $300 on his EBT card. I am the oven and get 95 or $96 a month. And I pay rent and electric and gas in the car and all kinds of other things that he doesn’t pay and I love him very small money. And of course he acts like he’s ever so busy when he’s not like he’s got this important script that he’s got to get done and I haven’t seen it yet in 10 years and he says he’s writing songs when I see him as posting words that no one understands in other languages that no one knows unless they’re from India or China or Egypt. And I tell him you need to have an audience and need to know who your audience is and you need to have followers in order to get successful and then he acts like I don’t need anybody I can do it myself and they believe in me or not. He doesn’t understand any of it and I think it’s all BS anyhow. Cause soon as he hears the truth he goes off and it was dreamworld about how he’s going to be rich and famous and successful in London and how he’s going to be able to go to this place in that place and everybody’s gonna adore his work and it’s gonna be so rich and famous you’ll have women on his arms and all that nonsense and Harry is in his late 50s and early 60s years old homeless without a dime in his pocket losing his teeth getting fat and not looking as good as he once did. He really pisses away most of his time from 10 am till 8 pm 6 days a week at the public library Typing things to total strangers who are rich and famous and successful and not getting anybody responding or reacting to his posts at all. I’m probably the only person to send some messages and they’re not about his postings because I don’t understand them their nonsense but more about when he could come over and help move some things and get free food and free drinks and exchange for his help. I even offered to pay him 17.25 an hour. And he was not interested in it. I figured out why because that would mean it have to be on time you have to be responsible and it would be like a real job and he couldn’t jerk my chain like he does when he’s not being paid to work for me he just gets for the free food in the free meals. He gets hot meals for me or she does not get usually as a homeless person he gets one meal it’s kind of hot in the morning but that’s it.
I would like to know with the agree to disagree is that my husband has cheated on me multiple times and continues to do so. He takes off his wedding ring and tells women he's single. I've seen the text messages he has sent to these women and I also have seen the messages when he invites them over when I'm not home. I have accused him of cheating on me and that he is a disgusting person and what he says to me is, we need to agree to disagree because he doesn't believe he's being unfaithful.
My narc had to put down anything he didn't like. Religion or spirituality was stupid. Certain foods, stupid. We had similar interests, but when we didn't, boy was my preference stupid. I left feeling like he was the most boring, stubborn narrow minded twat ever.
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Narcissists are immature. They seldom intellectually and emotionally grow past toddlerhood. Now we are six.
What is really infuriating is that even things that did not matter he made a rigid opinion on. I cleared a space to temporarily lean a new bed frame where it would be out of the way and not scratch the wall. When I told him that as he brought it in he deliberately ignored me, and leaned it against a chair against a window. The heavy bed frame went straight through the window. And I got cross because he had ignored me three times so he accused me of distracting him. He had his plan or no plan but he was still going to go with it, not listen or collaborate. I just don’t get why anyone would do that. And I am so glad I left that self centred jerk.
It is so true! My sister gets mad at the mist ridiculous things because my husband and I think differently.
It only takes a matter of time until they show their true colors... beware.
That is so true. In the beginning there might be a little flags, but I personally noticed, but ignored them, and give them the benefit of the doubt, but in time true colors will show.
I agree
The narcs philosophy is that it's their way or the highway. They don't do compromise because it requires some give and take. And they don't give.
My ex covert narcissist used to ask me why I just couldn't "have his back" whenever I voiced an opinion different from his. I guess he took it as an attack on him vs my having thoughts and perspectives of my own. He often told me that I shouldn't feel a particular way. So aggravating when he'd invalidate my thoughts and feelings.
OMG that is exactly what I’m dealing with. You are my wife and you should have my back!!!!! And on and on and on it goes…..
Sadly, me, too. WWIII every time!
Often narcissists disagree in order to disregard, denigrate and degrade rather than agreeing to disagree.
Yep, any failure to agree with my ex always turned into him feeling personally attacked. "Why are you always against me" "Why do you always take someone else's side (even when there were no sides). It didn't matter if I didn't agree, there was always a fight. I eventually lost myself gave up even trying.
After 25 years of his way or the highway, I am finally finding myself again, I use to be quite sassy and becoming free.
It's a battle but I'm getting there. Thank you for the videos. They help to understand what been happening.
Thanks for voicing YOU! I’m learning to get my voice and self-esteem back after 35+ years of being bullied into silence.
Great analysis of dominating, controlling narcissists.
My question is what do you do when your “husband” whittles you to silence or withdrawal?
I’m learning gray rocking to redeem myself-self-esteem, self-protection, etc.
However, I’m a person worthy of respect, dignity, and to be heard.
I appreciate your answer.
My family definitely felt the wrath of a narcissists who tried with all his mite to avoid otherness and undervalue our opinions/ beliefs. He was extremely passive - aggressive (only saw his way of thinking). This man had a position of authority and abused that authority he was given. I am very glad that we have gone no contact and finally getting our situation resolved in civil court. This was the only way to resolve the problem.
Excellent video. It put a lot into perspective for me. A narcissist (my opinion) will always show his/her true colors the second you disagree with them. They can't see anyone else's point of view because no one else's point of view matters. Wanna know a great way to tell if you're dealing with a narcissistic individual (my opinion)? Disagree with something they say and watch the cuss words flow out of their mouths 😊
Great perspective and very true. Thanks for sharing.
It’s interesting you say cuss words because my narcissist swears like a sailor when some thing isn’t going right. It is shocking. You can flip on a dime if you smile wrong.
@@Liz-in8lu That's not as shocking as the pouting/sulking that can follow an episode. Childish!
This helped me so much. I have a covert narcissist friend who is so set in her thoughts. You can’t get her to budge or see from another perspective. I wasn’t sure if this was a narc trait. You helped me to realize it is.
Au contraire, they're not welded to any perspective, only to being right. My narc ex constantly flip flops between one CERTAINTY and an opposite CERTAINTY and each time he is right and godly. The only constancy is his ego.
I experience the same , can have a conversation on a topic ; if I or even sometimes children ( now in their low twenties) about something and we say dogs should rule and he says cats should. I sometimes feel he deliberately chooses to side against me/ them / us.
If a debate arises- and Carries on - which can be a long one if it is with my 23 year son who studies law , so he can talk 😂and has the ability to motivate his standpoint and opinions logically. Then suddenly my husband will totally manage to swing discussion around, attack another opinion along the track and later end up saying the same thing -- dogs not cats ??
He managed over years to let me doubt myself , going insane, thus I mostly walk away- I struggle to manage to have normal social chats by now.
And if someone says but that is where we started, he will deny that… and say that HE said dogs and we said cats.
My X felt a sense of Entitlement mindset that he own the right to lie and betray with financial, legal and intimacy
May I ask a further question? My covert narcissistic husband USES “agree to disagree” so he will not have to change! He is SO rigid in his beliefs and views that he refuses to even consider that I or my children might be right in something. What makes a narcissist OPEN to change? Or illicit curiosity to learn?
AND…I was wondering if your team would be open to making a video on sexual coercion? It is a real epidemic especially in Christian marriages. They don’t understand it, much less see it as assault. We really need more voices on this❤
Thank you
I second this question and inquiry into sexual coercion.
Me too 😢
I’ll add a fourth to that question as well
And if it goes beyond coercion?
Mutuality, Reciprocity and Freedom
You cannot celebrate a narcissists point of view. Their point of view results in harming others….
You dare not disagree with a narcissist. They see everything as a criticism; a personal attack against their way of life, their thinking, their behavior, etc. They may also fly into s rage because they can't handle anything that differs from what seems normal to them. These things I had to learn the hard way. I once expressed a different opinion to my narcissistic sister. She responded by throwing a plate at me which nearly hit me in the head!
That sounds about right. Thanks for sharing.
Yes, I experenced it. 😢
Is it possible for a narcissist to grow?
She WILL NOT have the intelligent conversation.
I don’t celebrate his lies or deception or Shenanigans
Sometimes a narcissist will say, “let’s agree to disagree”. But they way it comes across is more like a slogan they are just repeating because they heard it somewhere. I never could figure out why when he would say that why something still didn’t feel right. It was like once again being dominated and dismissed with a new slogan from him. It does get him off the hook to take responsibility and have a relationship. But you describe it well, since they are not interested in celebrating another point of view, or curious, they have baggage that comes along with them no matter what the encounter.
I have gotten, let’s agree to disagree many times now, and I know he thinks he’s right and dismissing my opinion by saying that
Well I’ve had a covert narcissist in my life for 10 years as a distant friend who I call upon because he’s tall and strong but he’s impossible to get an agreement on anything. He’s always telling me how to do things in my own home. He’s homeless and I told him until he pays my rent his opinion does not come before mine. But he just seems to argue with me no matter what I suggest if I tell him the box is damaged too much to use for stacking he’ll tell me there’s parts of there still good if I tell them part of the box is good he’ll say no it’s damaged over here anything I say he’ll say the exact opposite or argue with me no matter what it is and he’s never satisfied. Very rarely does he say he likes anything. He always wants something else to make it a little bit better I had a little of this and a little of that as if I’m a restaurant when I make food for him an exchange for his helping me lift and move things.
He also eats enough food for four people so when I make food for him I have to make food for four people because he’ll eat all that and then he’ll drink enough for four people on top of it and then he would say something like well that man’s gotta have his protein.
And then if you want something else he’ll say something like well if you could spare it or if you have an extra. I see nothing in my home is extra or something I spare if you want another drink just say you want another drink it’s not extra and it’s not spare.
He also is never on time is either early or way late.
And he very rarely responds to my messages and that is I guess the ghosting aspect.
He is very very difficult to deal with but since I don’t have anybody else to come and lift heavy things and move heavy things since he’s pretty much spending all this time in the public library on Twitter or at the public park on Twitter and the rest of the time he’s a place where I can get free food even though he gets about almost $300 on his EBT card. I am the oven and get 95 or $96 a month. And I pay rent and electric and gas in the car and all kinds of other things that he doesn’t pay and I love him very small money.
And of course he acts like he’s ever so busy when he’s not like he’s got this important script that he’s got to get done and I haven’t seen it yet in 10 years and he says he’s writing songs when I see him as posting words that no one understands in other languages that no one knows unless they’re from India or China or Egypt.
And I tell him you need to have an audience and need to know who your audience is and you need to have followers in order to get successful and then he acts like I don’t need anybody I can do it myself and they believe in me or not. He doesn’t understand any of it and I think it’s all BS anyhow.
Cause soon as he hears the truth he goes off and it was dreamworld about how he’s going to be rich and famous and successful in London and how he’s going to be able to go to this place in that place and everybody’s gonna adore his work and it’s gonna be so rich and famous you’ll have women on his arms and all that nonsense and Harry is in his late 50s and early 60s years old homeless without a dime in his pocket losing his teeth getting fat and not looking as good as he once did. He really pisses away most of his time from 10 am till 8 pm 6 days a week at the public library Typing things to total strangers who are rich and famous and successful and not getting anybody responding or reacting to his posts at all. I’m probably the only person to send some messages and they’re not about his postings because I don’t understand them their nonsense but more about when he could come over and help move some things and get free food and free drinks and exchange for his help. I even offered to pay him 17.25 an hour. And he was not interested in it.
I figured out why because that would mean it have to be on time you have to be responsible and it would be like a real job and he couldn’t jerk my chain like he does when he’s not being paid to work for me he just gets for the free food in the free meals. He gets hot meals for me or she does not get usually as a homeless person he gets one meal it’s kind of hot in the morning but that’s it.
😂I know someone who couldn't see anything but their point of view. Tiring. Why can't society change the person asked? Hmmm...😂❤ Thanks for sharing
I would like to know with the agree to disagree is that my husband has cheated on me multiple times and continues to do so. He takes off his wedding ring and tells women he's single. I've seen the text messages he has sent to these women and I also have seen the messages when he invites them over when I'm not home. I have accused him of cheating on me and that he is a disgusting person and what he says to me is, we need to agree to disagree because he doesn't believe he's being unfaithful.
If he is cheating, it doesn’t matter what he says, only what he does.
If you’re a Christian, you have every right to divorce the jerk!
My heart breaks for you.
😢💔😢💔
✅ good video.
My narc had to put down anything he didn't like.
Religion or spirituality was stupid. Certain foods, stupid. We had similar interests, but when we didn't, boy was my preference stupid. I left feeling like he was the most boring, stubborn narrow minded twat ever.