I was the day charge RN on a cardiac unit when the term "Broken Heart Syndrome," came into existence. People would present to the E.R. with all the symptoms of a "heart attack," but on heart catheterization, their arteries were clean, and the heart appeared stunned; it could not pump effectively. The first 4 women I cared for with such a diagnosis, were all post-menopausal and in an abusive relationship. The syndrome has now been renamed. I was enduring a divorce from a vindictive, abusive husband, and I started to have chest pain. I took note and calmed myself. My EKG and stress test were normal.
I was 83 (two years ago) when I became aware that I am married to a N. Before that I figured he was just like his dad. Please, please continue to help those of us that are in my shoes. Yes, it is difficult to share this with anyone.
@Darlene Rego you are very welcome! I am 70, and almost 10 months out of a narcissistic, mentally and emotionally abusive relationship. It's been a long road to healing and some days the road looks like it's getting longer, but I know I've made great progress. I'm in therapy 😌 and that helps a lot. May we all continue to heal 🙏🏽
Darlene...I worked assisted living for years. The amount of women in your age group who have made it amaze me every day. You truly had it rough regarding emotional understanding. I thank you for speaking up and paving the path for the next generation.
Not just loss of identity but major damage that takes a very long time to heal from. As a codependent from a narcissistic home I abandoned myself a very long time ago. It was the only way to survive. My sibling the narcissist born out of codependency also abandoned himself. For him to there is no way back. I am on 15 year journey and lots of therapy to undo the deep wounds and damage done. Not to mention my own dysfunction. It’s a lifelong practice!
Kudos to you for committing to your journey of healing! We are all on a lifelong journey to become a better version of ourselves, or at least we should be!
Deep down the narcissist knows exactly what they are doing to their partner, disconnecting and destroying their partner in order to control and feel superior
The covert doesn't tell you anything! Your the one explaining over and over and over.....and not being heard. They walk out of the room, stare empty without blinking. Stone walling you, erasing your existance. Telling you who you are with their silence.
Yes, they want to define you, but don't let them. It's not easy but you can learn to silence the other voices trying to define and diminish you and learn to listen and trust your own voice. For more related content, subscribe to our channel or sign up for our newsletter to get helpful tips and advice delivered directly to your Inbox: marriagerecoverycenter.com/mailing-list/
@@drdavidbhawkins Yes , there was a time that I walked around calling myself "stupid " because he said so over and over...I am so much more intelligent than he is ! All that has stopped a long time ago and the LORD turned things around for me. PRAISE GOD!🌹:
I was deemed the invisible child in my family of origin. Now I have been in relationships where I find the same invisibility. Thank you. I have to work on finding self and codependency and I realize that I have been the woman who became too outer focused. Thank you, I have to find myself.
So glad you have come to this realization. Here is a video you may find helpful to rediscover your voice and identity: Hope for Victims of Emotional Abuse th-cam.com/video/u9XkQuHLEJY/w-d-xo.html
Here it is encapsulated in my life- I am a keen observer of body language and facial cues- if I talk too fast, laugh too much, in public gathering- the subtle signs of disapproval show. I retreat, and am put in place. Long married- am a strong thriver- learning to be free in myself- and when spouse is at work. Could I leave? Yes.. but the time isn’t now.. thank you for all the wonderful support and affirmations.
Leaving is difficult. I get punished if I even mention it. I have gotten 2 cancers since marrying him. I've been beat, strangled, kicked and beat with a speaker while on the floor, shoved, and I can't leave. It's easier to just let him have his way.
He demonized me and blameshifts. I also eat last. He is king. I am not going to be able to make it much longer. My memory is so bad. Short term, adhd, cptsd.
Left the marriage with a narcissistic man. Got tired of the round and round up and down arguments while already chronically ill. Felt trapped,completely unheard and invisible. One can only try to be heard for so long. He's still trying to reel me back into the marriage...not even doing that...I feel better since leaving. There was something off from the start and still to this day I feel there is something hidden..
Going through a divorce now from a narcissist. I've been married for 14 yrs. And was groomed at 15 yrs. Old and he was 29 yrs. Old. I married him at 18 and just now the last 6 months realized what happened to me. I have no experience in any other relationship but ours and thought it was all ok and raised in a Christian home and was submissive. I did try to get help from family and was ignored and told I would go to hell if I got a divorce and it was my choice to marry him. I wish someone would have helped me at 15 yrs old. I've never had a voice and was the invisible wife. I have so much anxiety and very self conscious. I have a hard time sharing my feelings in the healing process. Thank you for this wonderful video, it's thr best I've seen! ❤
More lies out of his ever-flying mouth, smh He's making excuses. The last thing he wants is a professional who will see right through him and then tell you HE is the problem because he needs to continue to delude himself that he is superior to you and flawless. He's a lying coward who knows exactly what he is and that what he is doing is wrong, and he knows a therapist is going to tell him, and he likes having his foot on your neck so that you can thrive and blossom.
Amen, Amen!!!!! I am nodding my head a lot. I have seen all of this in my family. Manipulation, scapegoating, dismissiveness, and even anger over silly things. The dismissiveness is very subtle, pretending not to hear, getting off the subject as soon as possible, even not answering questions like; "what do you think?" They do not share anything in a conversation if they know you want them to share. A husband who feigned wanting to be helpful will begin an argument on "how you asked him." You may say; "would you like to shut that blind for me" and he will say something like; "why don't you just come right out and ask me to shut the blind", in a mean voice as though you were in trouble for not asking the right way. Shaming is the big tactic I see the most over the smallest matters. Everything that is not done perfectly is reason to shame the scapegoat. I am convinced they often know what they are doing because they never reflect and feel bad for what they have caused, this makes me think they know and love the result. I saw a smile come over a man when his wife began to cry, the smile was very subtle but definitely there, as though he was enjoying her pain.
Awareness is the first step to healing. Hope you continue to lean in to learning more about how to heal. Please reach out if you would like more info on how we can help. info@marriagerecoverycenter.com
Realizing your need to be valued as an individual is an important first step towards healing. If you would like help with the next steps to reclaim your identity, please reach out to learn how we can help. (206) 219-0145 or info@marriagerecoverycenter.com
More men would tell their stories but instead of an outpouring of help or empathy or compassion it seems we are laughed at or not taken seriously and expected to just get over it which we know is impossible and totally unreasonable. So a man has to decide if he wants to risk further abuse and no benefits or suffer and deteriorate in silence. The culture needs to change and enough men have told their stories that there ought to be solid laws against this type of abuse regardless of gender and they ought to carry penalties right on par with premeditated murder or attempted murder bc that’s what it boils down too and sometimes leads to, probably more than we realize. Nobody ought to be minimized or retraumatized and forced to live with the associated injustices surrounding a victim of this type of abuse. There have been enough experts and videos and testimonies and court battles for their not to be full blown protections for victims of this regardless of gender. It literally affects every single aspect of a victims being inside and out. I couldn’t think of a form of abuse that is more insidious and all around traumatic or so throughouhly damaging. It’s absolutely horrendous and the courts and society in general needs to start taking this seriously as it is about the most damaging phenomenon in our country. It is a freakin national security threat to be honest bc jt ruins everything jt touched and robs us all of our potiential. It’s worse than any property crime worse than assault and robbery way way worse.
@@dustin1722 Dustin, I thoroughly agree with you. The education of the next generation should begin with their future parents when they are children by promoting the ways of wisdom and spiritual health. Teach people how to get in touch with their conscience and not be destroyed by the assaultive temptations presented in the temporal world via media and misled people whose values consist of dishonesty, selfishness, evil, manipulativeness. This podcast is exceptional and warrants repeated hearing. In
There are plenty of female narcissists and they’re beginning to address that more. Dr. Todd Grande does videos on female narcissists/abusers and what it’s like for the men married to them. But since MOST of them are still male, professionals tend to just use the he pronoun.
After trying everything in the abusive relationship with a covert narcissist, I realised that they are unable of change. They can try to pretend in the process of hoovering you, just to maintain his image and control. I left after 29 years, sadly he is still abusing me after the divorce and I am struggling to get my iden back and to move forward with my life.
9:58 I would love to hear your input about triangulation within the family and the dynamics of the woman being “invisible” to her children, who learn early on to side with the stronger parent, usually the husband, even though they don’t like their father’s abusive, coercive, demeaning behavior toward their mother, and if there is a way to address this with adult children.
This is spot on, and a self perpetuating cycle. Heartbreaking to say the least. You have the children 90 percent of the time when they are smaller like under 12,14 but then when they get older it feels like you are almost being made fun of or disrespected by husband & older kids. Slyly of course. It also is (or was) the cultural norm for the woman to just support her husband, almost blindly, and "a good woman" was just supposed to be happy being mostly invisible.
Yes please! I actually figured out that when my husband stops discussing anything with me and behaves as though he just doesn't have to that he is saying everything to someone else and in a way that he's confirmed. Most of the time it's our now grown kids but they were young when he started. I don't talk to them about their dad unless I reach a true breaking point and only since they moved out and when I do they may let me but it soon to follow that I'm abusing them and crossing boundaries. They've told their dad to stop as well. I actually warned my son when he shut me out this last time that he'd be hearing from him soon and then when I reached the breaking point, having also just lost my brother, they told him I called but kept me in the dark that they were all triangulating again. I'm at wits end. He lies about it and sometimes they do too. It's hard not to feel betrayed by all of them and like I don't have a family.
I was with someone that was so frigging abusive (mentally, emotionally, & verbally) that after years with him, I didn’t know who I was anymore-I truly had become “the invisible woman”. A close friend who hadn’t seen me in years, actually said, “What happened to you? Why do you dress so ‘matronly’ (in big t-shirts) when you have a figure?” I was offended at first, until I got rid of the abuser for good-he died of cancer-and right away, I started styling my hair again, not walking around in giant male t-shirts to hide my “menopausal” body; I’ve been getting therapy and it’s going to be a long process, but I’m getting myself back. It sounds terrible to those who didn’t know him, but him dying saved my life. He was HORRIBLE, a malignant narcissist that was an expert at playing the victim & gaslighting, and when he realized I was onto him, and only around to since no one else would help him & he was dying, he got even more threatening & violent at the end.
This was so good! After almost 30 years I’ve decided to start counseling, my husband has been trying to do some better, right now I’m just watching and making sure the work is being done and that boxes aren’t just being checked. This was a helpful podcast. Thank you for unpacking some things for us.
So glad you found it helpful. Here is a video that might help you understand where he is in the change process and whether his efforts are sincere: th-cam.com/video/v-bKJWYRtFs/w-d-xo.html
So glad you found it helpful! Please reach out if you need guidance on your journey of rediscovering yourself, and what your heart needs to heal and thrive. (206) 219-0145 or info@marriagerecoverycenter.com
Thank you so much. I hope you see how needful this help and ministering is in our world. You are literally saving people. I have walked this path. God bless you.
So glad you found it helpful. For more related content, subscribe to our channel, or sign up for our newsletter for content delivered right to your inbox: marriagerecoverycenter.com/mailing-list/
I am 23 years in losing my individuality to my husband. My physical health went down recently. I quit going to my doctors. I wish not to prolong whomever he proudly shames me to be. I ran away last Summer and he called anyone who knew me which left me with no choice but to come home. He has stopped physically hurting me. The law did nothing to help all the times I called. They would come laugh and talk about mutual friends they have with him. And leave. I beg God to call my name sometimes.
We hope you are able to find ways to create space, if not physical then emotional space, to allow yourself to heal. We have many videos on how to take small, simple steps to heal, even if you cannot leave the relationship. Here's one to get you started: th-cam.com/video/u9XkQuHLEJY/w-d-xo.html
You have other options, being alone outside of this marriage is better than being alone and abused to the point of feeling you want to die in the marriage. If God took him off the planet you would be on your own. What would that look like? You would have to figure out how to support yourself, and there is help out there, food stamps etc., You have an alternative to not being in this horrible marriage. You have a choice, you have choices. Inside, and out of the marriage.
Makes me feel like a kid. Just sit there, keep my mouth shut and gets talked to for over an hour, reminding me how much better I could be if I would only obey and how wonderful they are. People would pay to listen to their wisdom, so I am told!
@@drdavidbhawkins thanks so much for your videos! I have been learning so much. I have literally loss the person I used to be. I am no longer easy going, open, spontaneous…. I walk on eggshells on a daily basis. God is with me and strengthens me. Thanks again!
This type of abuse doesn’t just happen in marriages. I’ve lived with parents who are emotionally abusive my entire life, and because I have chronic health issues and don’t have a way to work a lot of hours and support myself, there is no way out. I expect to be stuck for life. Being invisible definitely affects other relationships. I find that other people aren’t typically interested in having a friendship with me, as I’ve never learned how to have a strong sense of identity.
Yes, this absolutely happens in all types of relationships in and outside the home, with extended family, at work, etc. In situations where "there is no way out" as you say, it's important to create some mental and emotional separation and seek out ways to heal and reclaim your identity. Thanks for your comment
I recently got out of a cult and I love this video. Thanks so much for sharing. Being in a cult is like being in a bad marriage or worse, because many of us survivors have spent almost all our lives being submitted by the narcissist plus leaders…. Thank so much for such a enlightening video….👍👍👍
9:30 yep. That’s the hardest part. What they do to you gets larger than life. Emotional abuse isn’t a couple issue - it’s a personal issue. He needs his own sessions. Every single couples counselor I dragged mine to was a total waste of money and time. His goal was always to get the counselor to see our issues as “it takes two to tango.” It’s not a marriage issue if a man does not see a woman as a person but as a set of services. Why waste her time? Separate counseling with secretly different goals for both. Ps….also, my ex literally did not act that way with other people. He was abusive only with women in close personal relationships, and he smears them to his friends waaayyy in advance. I see this in retrospect with myself and with his ex. With everyone else, he was completely charming and “gentle” according to his best friend lol. My oldest friends were in shock when we he set out to destroy me when I filed for divorce. They all thought I was just too sensitive and dramatic.
14:40 in my experience i feel like my partner didnt hear me because he already knew it all , he was closed minded and judgemental and anything i said or felt was dismissed and did not have any value, they think they are better and devalue me and shame me calling me trash because i dont work because of their stalking harrassment and coercive control. But is very insiduous that my family dont see
I was adopted into a family where there was a mentally challenged child already in their home. As infants, he was 2 years older. He was eventually diagnosed with bpd and schizophrenia. I would have rather been adopted by a pack of wild animals. Ive been studying my past with this family who enabled his behavior as his mother passed a decade ago. What I've eventually come to realize is that he being in my life was only detrimental to it. As my life progressed, I see how Ive only tolerated the people in my inner circle. And sometimes, other people, including your parents are not beyond making very poor choices. This info is more valuable that words can express. People who are stuck in life may be there because of someone elses irreponsibility. Their parents.
he doesn't have to try. he is that way. it is who he is. he/she thinks he is fine and perfect. he wants the others to comply and conform or get counseling from people who tell the others to comply and conform.
Everything you all said was right on with my experience. I was so stuck!! Atleast that is how I felt. I knew my husband would have made my life even more miserable had I left him. He passed away from a heart issue after 20 1/2 yrs.
Definitely causes loss of identity I can testify n tell my story causes illnesses n damages your nervous system so much pain I m severely affected n a victim of narcissism abusive from spouse
Please check out our videos on healing from emotional abuse: Hope for Victims of Emotional Abuse th-cam.com/video/u9XkQuHLEJY/w-d-xo.html Break Free of Emotional Abuse and Heal: th-cam.com/video/u9XkQuHLEJY/w-d-xo.html
50:47 He/the marriage was my "love source", which i feel i need because of not wanting to be alone in this life. The longing to have a man be enduring, wanting me for me.... a friend who just wants to be with my personality.
It felt like it was deliberate effort on my x-husband to derail me and get me confused. To protect himself from having to confront the real issue. And to deliberately cause harm to me. He just wanted me to shut up and not bring anything up. The pain of this has never left me. And now I see the same behavior in my children that my x-husband has.
I have seen with emotional abuse which my mum has gone through, by the way i live in New Zealand, the perpetrator of emotional abuse will never accept that their own actions caused people to leave, also currently going through seperation proceedings where my former father has decided that he will delay the seperation proceedings and the sale of a house which leads to the division of money
❤God Thank You 🙏 for this ministry of helping those of us that are being awaken to the love in truth in Love. 🥰 am thankful for this it validates me in this process! Thank you! Am LET HIM be him and he took the easy way out and Leaving the marriage! Am letting him! No more pleasing! Thank you 🙏
I left my relationship 10 years ago with our infant son. I’ve been with my husband for almost 10 years and we have a son, and I share custody with my ex. I am still in the same dynamic you describe. My ex has taken me to family court 6 times. Every time I try to protect or stand up for my son, he takes to family court again. The court is just never going to believe my ex was abusive-I was on my phone with my mom during an assault that turned physical, and she recorded him attacking me, with the baby in my arms, me begging him to stop, saying I would do whatever he wanted… I called 911 after that assault. But he’s a firefighter, the police were his friends, and they didn’t do anything. He had not physically hurt me yet. I was only with him less than two years, and yet, I still have a physical response just from seeing a notification from him. We are in coparenting counseling together now. The court allowed him to choose the counselor. At first, I tried to speak up, about the way my son says he is being abused, about him coming to my home unannounced, and things like that. He would cut me off, speak over me, change the subject, and eventually start shouting at me, right in front of the counselor. The counselor said I was triggering him. So I just nod and smile, and encourage him to brag about himself during the session. There is just no hope of any king of change here. I am trying to focus on what I CAN control. I am trying to help my son cope with a dad who doesn’t really see him, and becomes enraged at him for tiny things. But when I have to deal with him, he always makes me feel as though I have done something wrong. He makes me feel afraid and small and inferior. I can see intellectually that I am not guilty of anything he accuses me of, and I don’t have to defend myself. But, how do I take care of that feeling? It’s like an emotional infection he keeps transmitting to me.
Your own voice has been squashed for so long, it's time to quiet the lies and listen to your voice, honor what's in your heart. Here is a video to help you heal: th-cam.com/video/I5N5t_mQiTA/w-d-xo.html
This is what I’m went through and am going through with my narcissist family. I’m in my thirties now and educating myself and understanding the gaslighting and abuse cycle. I’d love if you made a video about people who grew up with parents like this and how to deal with them in adulthood as the abuse continues and worsens and their mental illness increases as they age? It’s hard not to feel hurt after they are emotionally abusive. How do I not feel hurt after they are verbally abusive to me? I always feel depressed after and I try to tell myself not to absorb it and remind myself that this is their pain and is because they are psychologically deeply damaged, unhealed and unwell.
34:23 Yes...my ID is gone. All my complaints in my head are wrapped up in all that he has done and that i am affected. Since we are told one flesh, husband is the head, and i have a servants heart (now also know i am a codependent). Like you said, i feel if he got help, and myself, we would be good. But he doesnt believe he has any issues or problems. He believes i am the one with the issues. I have asked myself. What do i want for me? What do i want to do with my life? And i still dont know what i wish, want, and desire. I do know that i do not want this man the way he is. How do i figure out my other questions?
The many counselling we went to did nothing. He acted very superior. A friend did get help for her marriage because the counsellor obviously knew how to corner him and convince him to change. She went back to him and she was happy happy for 1 year and then he died.
In your heart of hearts, and in your conscience, man or woman. Why not listen, how can a man or woman be dishonest with them selves, step back and be honest, stop making excuses. So glad that I live in a time that women can make their own money, we have choices now. I have lived through this kind of problem, I loved my husband dearly, he used my love for him as a weapon. He thought I would never leave, he was wrong, I didn't want our two boys to grow up to think this behavior is normal. They are grown now and are good responsible men. It was worth it.
100% Dr. Hunt the first thing you spoke on! Population of 1 sheww its been a long road, on the path out now I literally just started saying out loud, I'm nonexistent, I don't have a voice...to the same repeated robotic response of "whatever" amd that's were it was always left...
So sorry to hear that. Here's a video that we hope will help you to find your voice, reclaim your identity and discern truth from lies. th-cam.com/video/u9XkQuHLEJY/w-d-xo.html
I was verbally abused for 6 years and recently he physically assaulted me Infront of my 10 months old. I left a day after he physically assaulted me. I am going to counseling to heal myself but somedays are very difficult to understand what has happened to me.
I live in leggings and T shirt. I don’t put make up anymore, I’m just a maid to him. I’m invisible to him, invisible to my family. I pray for god to just take me.
I am told l am stubborn for not listening to what he tells me because what he says will help me. At the same time, he says l can choose to listen to him or not and so l ask, why l'm l being called stubborn if l don't. And there goes the crazy making😮
Do you know anything about "attitude adjustments" How inhumane they are & how they actually push people to suicide via synthetic telepathy & v2k & push & run people out of their hometowns, making them never want to go back? I'm from Kingsport, TN, now in Knoxville, TN. I am still struggling to get by, after at least barely surviving from it from the past 5 yrs
I didn’t hear anything about the N turning things where they themselves are the victim. Ex, making the receiver feel sorry for them (the N). Or saying “Sorry I’m not good enough”.
The problem with couples counseling is that there are also a ton of covert narcissists who will charm the therapist and be perfect behavior in the sessionand then go home and use everything that their spouse said in a vulnerable state against them. And to call them weak and to shame them. And a woman who's already lost her identity. Who's already in brain fog may not even. Be able to remember to share all of the things that is done to her by the time they get to go to the next session. It's great if everyone could afford to go to super trained on narcissism and super trained on abuse counselors. But most marriage counselors that we went to. Were treating abuse like a communication problem and it was horrible. The mental health of both people in the marriage seems like they should be something that's only done with a ton of documentation and only with counselors who are deeply deeply trained in abuse and narcissism.Otherwise, it same dangerous.At least it was dangerous for us. ABUSE IS NOT A COMMUNICATION PROBLEM.
Just starting to listen. . .. so many abuse victims, men and women, have been abused by women, so I think it’s worth taking gender out of these conversations. ( I see you added in the description it can be the man that feels invisible.) In my world - most of the abusers are women! While I’ve had significant abuse by men, women have always both encouraged and capitalised on that. Wives, mothers, female bosses, domineering attention seeking females.. so many bullies. I’d love to hear some conversations about female victims of female abusers. When you are being bullied by someone who is if the same gender and is claiming to be oppressed, there is nowhere for you to go. A lot of ‘WOMEN’S empowerment’ groups are run by female bullies. Thanks so much for challenging the *frightened little boy.. and how it’s far more dangerous for the victims. They are dealing not with the frightened boy, they are dealing with the very dangerous maladaptive response.
I’ve seen this too from women I know. I’ve wondered about a few of the people commenting on here as well. Are they actually the victim, as they claim, or are they are the one inflicting the abuse ( not you btw ). Then again a few words is not really enough to make a good judgment on.
Sometimes they can be very good at appearing concerned, kind and very caring when there is an audience, but not so much if no one else is there to see or hear.
@drdavidbhawkins thank-you, I’d appreciate that. I also believe women play a very significant role in the rape of other women, not as the rapist, but simply being power hungry bullies themselves. Like many predators they experience a thrill or enjoyment from the pain of others. Also another woman being raped, especially a pretty one, removes her from the competition as such. Again seeing the oppressor as male and victim as female, hides many exceptions. It may be more common, but I’ve met many many gentle men in my life and many extremely aggressive women.
I have always been a girls girl . I’ve always thought women should bond together and prop each other up. My bubble of magical thinking that all women felt the same as I did was burst when I got bullied and eventually forced out of nursing school, which I had worked so hard to get into. I was in such shock because I didn’t know what Narcissism was and I just kept trying to be better, do better and figure out what I was doing wrong for the woman in charge of the nursing program to hate me so much. They enjoyed seeing me suffer and took pleasure by seeing me so confused and slowly isolated from classmates who they didn’t want to be associated with me in fear of becoming the next victim of horrific bullying.
And when the woman becomes invisible and looses her voice. The narc constantly asks what are you thinking about. You seem so far away. What it is impossible to have an adult conversation with a narc bully. It's always about their needs therefore the invisible woman better respond though to his breadcrumbing. Or all hell will break loose.
All of our family myself and 7 kids are damaged in more than one way our youngest daughter also commited sucicide .mental heath is questionable for all of us .😅
Is there a sepctrum of narcissism? ie some who are completely oblivious and don't care and others who have moments of awareness and shame but who ultimately seem to be a slave to their own narcissistic traits?
Absolutely, Dr. Hawkins just did a video on the differences between NPD and narcissistic traits that will be coming out shortly. Subscribe to our channel to be notified of new content.
I'm leaving at 8 minutes I am so traumatized by my soon to be ex wife and I can't handle the sexism in this conversation.. I was love bombed and didn't even know what the heck was going on till I started watching video's on yt about narcissism and it has saved my sanity. I always told her "you are against people having feelings" and things like that. And she would flip everything I said around to where I couldn't even get around to my motive and what I was even trying to say. It was a manipulative game she played that kept me in total confusion. I'm glad the marriage only lasted 4 years and only 2 living together. I could go on and on she even grabbed my by the shirt getting physical! I never even hinted at doing that with her and I am 6'2 and work out. But I was pulled through hell with this person. And everytime you good folks talk about "him" and "he" doing the abuse I can't watch it. Why do you do that? Serious question..?
it's good the therapist can hold space in therapy but that does nothing to the situation afterwards that the spouse goes home and continues not holding space for the other person. it just doesn't work. the cart is before the horse.
What if, the way you choose to be heard is done by cheating? And now your abuser wants to do what you’ve been asking for? What if you try to give that chance but no longer want it?
PTSD will make you lose your empathty...but if you don't get it back, you become like them. They are the once who lack empathy for others. I hope you haven't allowed him to destroy your goodness and turn you into a bitter version of a empathy-deficient him. Wishing you well and you continue to heal~
I ran into the man after his marriage to a woman like this. LOL. Thank god, I was onto it, even though he got me out of a bad place, I was paying attention his tactics. No way. I ran.
I was the day charge RN on a cardiac unit when the term "Broken Heart Syndrome," came into existence. People would present to the E.R. with all the symptoms of a "heart attack," but on heart catheterization, their arteries were clean, and the heart appeared stunned; it could not pump effectively. The first 4 women I cared for with such a diagnosis, were all post-menopausal and in an abusive relationship. The syndrome has now been renamed. I was enduring a divorce from a vindictive, abusive husband, and I started to have chest pain. I took note and calmed myself. My EKG and stress test were normal.
I was 83 (two years ago) when I became aware that I am married to a N. Before that I figured he was just like his dad.
Please, please continue to help those of us that are in my shoes.
Yes, it is difficult to share this with anyone.
You did great sharing your story Darlene 👏🏽 ❤️. Prayers for your continued recovery 🙏🏽. God Bless You 🙌🏿
@@tnt4648 Thank you for your encouragement and especially for praying for me.
@Darlene Rego you are very welcome! I am 70, and almost 10 months out of a narcissistic, mentally and emotionally abusive relationship. It's been a long road to healing and some days the road looks like it's getting longer, but I know I've made great progress. I'm in therapy 😌 and that helps a lot. May we all continue to heal 🙏🏽
Darlene...I worked assisted living for years. The amount of women in your age group who have made it amaze me every day. You truly had it rough regarding emotional understanding. I thank you for speaking up and paving the path for the next generation.
@@darlenerego4891 no
Not just loss of identity but major damage that takes a very long time to heal from.
As a codependent from a narcissistic home I abandoned myself a very long time ago. It was the only way to survive. My sibling the narcissist born out of codependency also abandoned himself.
For him to there is no way back. I am on 15 year journey and lots of therapy to undo the deep wounds and damage done. Not to mention my own dysfunction. It’s a lifelong practice!
Kudos to you for committing to your journey of healing! We are all on a lifelong journey to become a better version of ourselves, or at least we should be!
Deep down the narcissist knows exactly what they are doing to their partner, disconnecting and destroying their partner in order to control and feel superior
It's so internally crippling. He leaves as a means to punish me. He blameshifts.
The covert doesn't tell you anything! Your the one explaining over and over and over.....and not being heard. They walk out of the room, stare empty without blinking. Stone walling you, erasing your existance. Telling you who you are with their silence.
Yes, they want to define you, but don't let them. It's not easy but you can learn to silence the other voices trying to define and diminish you and learn to listen and trust your own voice. For more related content, subscribe to our channel or sign up for our newsletter to get helpful tips and advice delivered directly to your Inbox: marriagerecoverycenter.com/mailing-list/
So true! It’s so mind blowing and bizarre to experience. It took me years to “escape” the covert narcissist and it will take time to heal
@@drdavidbhawkins Yes , there was a time that I walked around calling myself "stupid " because he said so over and over...I am so much more intelligent than he is ! All that has stopped a long time ago and the LORD turned things around for me. PRAISE GOD!🌹:
@@Katarina4567 Brava, shofar girl.
The covert narcissist is the most evil and destructive. His abuse continue even after divorce.
I was deemed the invisible child in my family of origin. Now I have been in relationships where I find the same invisibility. Thank you. I have to work on finding self and codependency and I realize that I have been the woman who became too outer focused. Thank you, I have to find myself.
So glad you have come to this realization. Here is a video you may find helpful to rediscover your voice and identity:
Hope for Victims of Emotional Abuse
th-cam.com/video/u9XkQuHLEJY/w-d-xo.html
@@drdavidbhawkins
Thank you so much 💓
“When his leadership is messy, the marriage is messy.” What a word!
Here it is encapsulated in my life- I am a keen observer of body language and facial cues- if I talk too fast, laugh too much, in public gathering- the subtle signs of disapproval show. I retreat, and am put in place. Long married- am a strong thriver- learning to be free in myself- and when spouse is at work. Could I leave? Yes.. but the time isn’t now.. thank you for all the wonderful support and affirmations.
Leaving is difficult. I get punished if I even mention it. I have gotten 2 cancers since marrying him. I've been beat, strangled, kicked and beat with a speaker while on the floor, shoved, and I can't leave. It's easier to just let him have his way.
He demonized me and blameshifts. I also eat last. He is king. I am not going to be able to make it much longer. My memory is so bad. Short term, adhd, cptsd.
Trauma therapists are expensive.
Left the marriage with a narcissistic man. Got tired of the round and round up and down arguments while already chronically ill. Felt trapped,completely unheard and invisible. One can only try to be heard for so long. He's still trying to reel me back into the marriage...not even doing that...I feel better since leaving. There was something off from the start and still to this day I feel there is something hidden..
We wish you all the best in your healing journey
Going through a divorce now from a narcissist. I've been married for 14 yrs. And was groomed at 15 yrs. Old and he was 29 yrs. Old. I married him at 18 and just now the last 6 months realized what happened to me. I have no experience in any other relationship but ours and thought it was all ok and raised in a Christian home and was submissive. I did try to get help from family and was ignored and told I would go to hell if I got a divorce and it was my choice to marry him. I wish someone would have helped me at 15 yrs old. I've never had a voice and was the invisible wife. I have so much anxiety and very self conscious. I have a hard time sharing my feelings in the healing process.
Thank you for this wonderful video, it's thr best I've seen! ❤
Thanks for sharing and we pray you are getting the help you need to heal. Leaving is only the beginning of your healing journey.
Yes. Invisible wife. Invisible child. 🎯
Lisa I hope you are divorced, free, and at peace. Thanks for sharing, I was duped too.
Im in this right now. My husband told me we cant afford for me to get therapy. Yet his expenditures are never a problem.
I understand. ❤ ( too much to tell) Stay close to JESUS..
They may have therapy through government or county for free for domestic abuse that you could benefit from.
More lies out of his ever-flying mouth, smh He's making excuses. The last thing he wants is a professional who will see right through him and then tell you HE is the problem because he needs to continue to delude himself that he is superior to you and flawless.
He's a lying coward who knows exactly what he is and that what he is doing is wrong, and he knows a therapist is going to tell him, and he likes having his foot on your neck so that you can thrive and blossom.
I wrote my story and changed my reality afer years of fear and panic .. finally I got the knowledge and took the bold action... thank you
Amen, Amen!!!!! I am nodding my head a lot. I have seen all of this in my family. Manipulation, scapegoating, dismissiveness, and even anger over silly things. The dismissiveness is very subtle, pretending not to hear, getting off the subject as soon as possible, even not answering questions like; "what do you think?" They do not share anything in a conversation if they know you want them to share. A husband who feigned wanting to be helpful will begin an argument on "how you asked him." You may say; "would you like to shut that blind for me" and he will say something like; "why don't you just come right out and ask me to shut the blind", in a mean voice as though you were in trouble for not asking the right way. Shaming is the big tactic I see the most over the smallest matters. Everything that is not done perfectly is reason to shame the scapegoat. I am convinced they often know what they are doing because they never reflect and feel bad for what they have caused, this makes me think they know and love the result. I saw a smile come over a man when his wife began to cry, the smile was very subtle but definitely there, as though he was enjoying her pain.
Awareness is the first step to healing. Hope you continue to lean in to learning more about how to heal. Please reach out if you would like more info on how we can help. info@marriagerecoverycenter.com
Yes! so true what you said. That's all I can say...
I'm constantly told I don't listen to him when that's all I ever do. I don't get heard. I don't get seen. I don't get valued as an individual.
Realizing your need to be valued as an individual is an important first step towards healing. If you would like help with the next steps to reclaim your identity, please reach out to learn how we can help. (206) 219-0145 or info@marriagerecoverycenter.com
Sounds like it's time to get out
I am a husband abused by a narcissist wife. I wish this video explored that dynamic too. Not all abusers are men.
I'm sorry you went through that. There does need to be more focus on men who are abused. It hurts everyone it happens to.
More men need to tell there stories.
More men would tell their stories but instead of an outpouring of help or empathy or compassion it seems we are laughed at or not taken seriously and expected to just get over it which we know is impossible and totally unreasonable. So a man has to decide if he wants to risk further abuse and no benefits or suffer and deteriorate in silence. The culture needs to change and enough men have told their stories that there ought to be solid laws against this type of abuse regardless of gender and they ought to carry penalties right on par with premeditated murder or attempted murder bc that’s what it boils down too and sometimes leads to, probably more than we realize. Nobody ought to be minimized or retraumatized and forced to live with the associated injustices surrounding a victim of this type of abuse. There have been enough experts and videos and testimonies and court battles for their not to be full blown protections for victims of this regardless of gender. It literally affects every single aspect of a victims being inside and out. I couldn’t think of a form of abuse that is more insidious and all around traumatic or so throughouhly damaging. It’s absolutely horrendous and the courts and society in general needs to start taking this seriously as it is about the most damaging phenomenon in our country. It is a freakin national security threat to be honest bc jt ruins everything jt touched and robs us all of our potiential. It’s worse than any property crime worse than assault and robbery way way worse.
@@dustin1722 Dustin, I thoroughly agree with you. The education of the next generation should begin with their future parents when they are children by promoting the ways of wisdom and spiritual health.
Teach people how to get in touch with their conscience and not be destroyed by the assaultive temptations presented in the temporal world via media and misled people whose values consist of dishonesty, selfishness, evil, manipulativeness.
This podcast is exceptional and warrants repeated hearing. In
There are plenty of female narcissists and they’re beginning to address that more. Dr. Todd Grande does videos on female narcissists/abusers and what it’s like for the men married to them. But since MOST of them are still male, professionals tend to just use the he pronoun.
After trying everything in the abusive relationship with a covert narcissist, I realised that they are unable of change. They can try to pretend in the process of hoovering you, just to maintain his image and control. I left after 29 years, sadly he is still abusing me after the divorce and I am struggling to get my iden back and to move forward with my life.
So grateful that humans like you do this work for so many of us ❤ a heart-felt thank you❤
You've described my life for the past 40 years.
Thanks for your comment. We hope you are in a better place now and on a healing journey.
My opinion was never asked, I was never asked how I feel but his issues was projected onto me.
9:58 I would love to hear your input about triangulation within the family and the dynamics of the woman being “invisible” to her children, who learn early on to side with the stronger parent, usually the husband, even though they don’t like their father’s abusive, coercive, demeaning behavior toward their mother, and if there is a way to address this with adult children.
Interesting perspective. We will pass it along to our clinical staff to see if someone might be interested in doing a video on this topic, thank you.
Yes, this is so true.
This is spot on, and a self perpetuating cycle. Heartbreaking to say the least. You have the children 90 percent of the time when they are smaller like under 12,14 but then when they get older it feels like you are almost being made fun of or disrespected by husband & older kids. Slyly of course. It also is (or was) the cultural norm for the woman to just support her husband, almost blindly, and "a good woman" was just supposed to be happy being mostly invisible.
Thank you for proposing this idea!
Yes please! I actually figured out that when my husband stops discussing anything with me and behaves as though he just doesn't have to that he is saying everything to someone else and in a way that he's confirmed. Most of the time it's our now grown kids but they were young when he started. I don't talk to them about their dad unless I reach a true breaking point and only since they moved out and when I do they may let me but it soon to follow that I'm abusing them and crossing boundaries. They've told their dad to stop as well. I actually warned my son when he shut me out this last time that he'd be hearing from him soon and then when I reached the breaking point, having also just lost my brother, they told him I called but kept me in the dark that they were all triangulating again. I'm at wits end. He lies about it and sometimes they do too. It's hard not to feel betrayed by all of them and like I don't have a family.
I was with someone that was so frigging abusive (mentally, emotionally, & verbally) that after years with him, I didn’t know who I was anymore-I truly had become “the invisible woman”. A close friend who hadn’t seen me in years, actually said, “What happened to you? Why do you dress so ‘matronly’ (in big t-shirts) when you have a figure?” I was offended at first, until I got rid of the abuser for good-he died of cancer-and right away, I started styling my hair again, not walking around in giant male t-shirts to hide my “menopausal” body; I’ve been getting therapy and it’s going to be a long process, but I’m getting myself back. It sounds terrible to those who didn’t know him, but him dying saved my life. He was HORRIBLE, a malignant narcissist that was an expert at playing the victim & gaslighting, and when he realized I was onto him, and only around to since no one else would help him & he was dying, he got even more threatening & violent at the end.
Glad to hear your are becoming you again. Thanks for sharing your story
This was so good! After almost 30 years I’ve decided to start counseling, my husband has been trying to do some better, right now I’m just watching and making sure the work is being done and that boxes aren’t just being checked. This was a helpful podcast. Thank you for unpacking some things for us.
So glad you found it helpful. Here is a video that might help you understand where he is in the change process and whether his efforts are sincere: th-cam.com/video/v-bKJWYRtFs/w-d-xo.html
@@drdavidbhawkins thank you so much!!!
Such a good conversation, feel emboldened to stand up for myself and stop already with the fantasy of what can't be...
Thank you
So glad you found it helpful! Please reach out if you need guidance on your journey of rediscovering yourself, and what your heart needs to heal and thrive. (206) 219-0145 or info@marriagerecoverycenter.com
😭 😭 it's like you all spoke specifically to my story and my soul.
Thank you so much. I hope you see how needful this help and ministering is in our world. You are literally saving people. I have walked this path. God bless you.
Thank you for your feedback and glad you found it helpful!
Thanks this is helping me a lot. I thought I’m losing my mind after all the gas lightning 😢
So glad you found it helpful. For more related content, subscribe to our channel, or sign up for our newsletter for content delivered right to your inbox: marriagerecoverycenter.com/mailing-list/
I am 23 years in losing my individuality to my husband. My physical health went down recently. I quit going to my doctors. I wish not to prolong whomever he proudly shames me to be. I ran away last Summer and he called anyone who knew me which left me with no choice but to come home. He has stopped physically hurting me. The law did nothing to help all the times I called. They would come laugh and talk about mutual friends they have with him. And leave. I beg God to call my name sometimes.
We hope you are able to find ways to create space, if not physical then emotional space, to allow yourself to heal. We have many videos on how to take small, simple steps to heal, even if you cannot leave the relationship. Here's one to get you started: th-cam.com/video/u9XkQuHLEJY/w-d-xo.html
You have other options, being alone outside of this marriage is better than being alone and abused to the point of feeling you want to die in the marriage. If God took him off the planet you would be on your own. What would that look like? You would have to figure out how to support yourself, and there is help out there, food stamps etc., You have an alternative to not being in this horrible marriage. You have a choice, you have choices. Inside, and out of the marriage.
Do not give up, for you have worth.
Makes me feel like a kid. Just sit there, keep my mouth shut and gets talked to for over an hour, reminding me how much better I could be if I would only obey and how wonderful they are. People would pay to listen to their wisdom, so I am told!
One of their characteristics is not having an awareness of "otherness" in other words, no one exists or matters outside of themself.
@@drdavidbhawkins thanks so much for your videos! I have been learning so much. I have literally loss the person I used to be. I am no longer easy going, open, spontaneous…. I walk on eggshells on a daily basis. God is with me and strengthens me. Thanks again!
@@drdavidbhawkins Yes, that is narcness in a nutshell; blind, selfish, cold-hearted. . .
This type of abuse doesn’t just happen in marriages. I’ve lived with parents who are emotionally abusive my entire life, and because I have chronic health issues and don’t have a way to work a lot of hours and support myself, there is no way out. I expect to be stuck for life. Being invisible definitely affects other relationships. I find that other people aren’t typically interested in having a friendship with me, as I’ve never learned how to have a strong sense of identity.
Yes, this absolutely happens in all types of relationships in and outside the home, with extended family, at work, etc. In situations where "there is no way out" as you say, it's important to create some mental and emotional separation and seek out ways to heal and reclaim your identity. Thanks for your comment
My brother felt this way along time..
I recently got out of a cult and I love this video. Thanks so much for sharing. Being in a cult is like being in a bad marriage or worse, because many of us survivors have spent almost all our lives being submitted by the narcissist plus leaders…. Thank so much for such a enlightening video….👍👍👍
Definitely intentional when trained to control conversations.
9:30 yep. That’s the hardest part. What they do to you gets larger than life.
Emotional abuse isn’t a couple issue - it’s a personal issue. He needs his own sessions. Every single couples counselor I dragged mine to was a total waste of money and time. His goal was always to get the counselor to see our issues as “it takes two to tango.” It’s not a marriage issue if a man does not see a woman as a person but as a set of services. Why waste her time? Separate counseling with secretly different goals for both.
Ps….also, my ex literally did not act that way with other people. He was abusive only with women in close personal relationships, and he smears them to his friends waaayyy in advance. I see this in retrospect with myself and with his ex. With everyone else, he was completely charming and “gentle” according to his best friend lol. My oldest friends were in shock when we he set out to destroy me when I filed for divorce. They all thought I was just too sensitive and dramatic.
Excellent discussion. Thank you.
14:40 in my experience i feel like my partner didnt hear me because he already knew it all , he was closed minded and judgemental and anything i said or felt was dismissed and did not have any value, they think they are better and devalue me and shame me calling me trash because i dont work because of their stalking harrassment and coercive control. But is very insiduous that my family dont see
Wow this is a great dialogue about the realities of relationships not just within a marriage but in general... it could be any type of relationship.
Thanks for your feedback, and yes it applies to all relationships.
I was adopted into a family where there was a mentally challenged child already in their home. As infants, he was 2 years older. He was eventually diagnosed with bpd and schizophrenia. I would have rather been adopted by a pack of wild animals. Ive been studying my past with this family who enabled his behavior as his mother passed a decade ago. What I've eventually come to realize is that he being in my life was only detrimental to it. As my life progressed, I see how Ive only tolerated the people in my inner circle. And sometimes, other people, including your parents are not beyond making very poor choices. This info is more valuable that words can express. People who are stuck in life may be there because of someone elses irreponsibility. Their parents.
Good job Dr. Hunt!
Excellent podcast thank you. Love from Albuquerque.
Glad you found it helpful, thanks for your feedback.
Great job guys!
❤thank you so much for your precious love for us! Your words of wisdom thank you ! 😮😢
Insightful and so empowering.
he doesn't have to try. he is that way. it is who he is. he/she thinks he is fine and perfect. he wants the others to comply and conform or get counseling from people who tell the others to comply and conform.
You are spot on! I see this in myself and my mother too..
Awesome convo, I was delighted with this message.
Thanks for your feedback, glad you found value in it.
Thank you sooo much!
Everything you all said was right on with my experience. I was so stuck!! Atleast that is how I felt. I knew my husband would have made my life even more miserable had I left him. He passed away from a heart issue after 20 1/2 yrs.
This video is pure gold. Thank you so much. ❤
Thank you. Timely.
@44:47 knowledge is not power without implementation 👌💯🌻
I love the concept of "implementation !"
Definitely causes loss of identity I can testify n tell my story causes illnesses n damages your nervous system so much pain I m severely affected n a victim of narcissism abusive from spouse
Please check out our videos on healing from emotional abuse:
Hope for Victims of Emotional Abuse
th-cam.com/video/u9XkQuHLEJY/w-d-xo.html
Break Free of Emotional Abuse and Heal: th-cam.com/video/u9XkQuHLEJY/w-d-xo.html
It’s intentional in that what is really going on: They are grooming you to continually cave in to their wants!!
50:47 He/the marriage was my "love source", which i feel i need because of not wanting to be alone in this life. The longing to have a man be enduring, wanting me for me.... a friend who just wants to be with my personality.
You're all making great sense.
It felt like it was deliberate effort on my x-husband to derail me and get me confused. To protect himself from having to confront the real issue. And to deliberately cause harm to me. He just wanted me to shut up and not bring anything up. The pain of this has never left me. And now I see the same behavior in my children that my x-husband has.
I have seen with emotional abuse which my mum has gone through, by the way i live in New Zealand, the perpetrator of emotional abuse will never accept that their own actions caused people to leave, also currently going through seperation proceedings where my former father has decided that he will delay the seperation proceedings and the sale of a house which leads to the division of money
So sorry to hear. It's hard to watch someone go through this
All of this is spot on.
Ohhhhh yesssss whether intentional or not they sure are “trying” to do something!!!
This is mind blowing
❤God Thank You 🙏 for this ministry of helping those of us that are being awaken to the love in truth in Love. 🥰 am thankful for this it validates me in this process! Thank you!
Am LET HIM be him and he took the easy way out and Leaving the marriage! Am letting him! No more pleasing!
Thank you 🙏
This is spot on
I left my relationship 10 years ago with our infant son.
I’ve been with my husband for almost 10 years and we have a son, and I share custody with my ex.
I am still in the same dynamic you describe.
My ex has taken me to family court 6 times.
Every time I try to protect or stand up for my son, he takes to family court again.
The court is just never going to believe my ex was abusive-I was on my phone with my mom during an assault that turned physical, and she recorded him attacking me, with the baby in my arms, me begging him to stop, saying I would do whatever he wanted…
I called 911 after that assault.
But he’s a firefighter, the police were his friends, and they didn’t do anything. He had not physically hurt me yet.
I was only with him less than two years, and yet, I still have a physical response just from seeing a notification from him.
We are in coparenting counseling together now. The court allowed him to choose the counselor.
At first, I tried to speak up, about the way my son says he is being abused, about him coming to my home unannounced, and things like that.
He would cut me off, speak over me, change the subject, and eventually start shouting at me, right in front of the counselor.
The counselor said I was triggering him.
So I just nod and smile, and encourage him to brag about himself during the session.
There is just no hope of any king of change here.
I am trying to focus on what I CAN control. I am trying to help my son cope with a dad who doesn’t really see him, and becomes enraged at him for tiny things.
But when I have to deal with him, he always makes me feel as though I have done something wrong. He makes me feel afraid and small and inferior.
I can see intellectually that I am not guilty of anything he accuses me of, and I don’t have to defend myself.
But, how do I take care of that feeling?
It’s like an emotional infection he keeps transmitting to me.
Your own voice has been squashed for so long, it's time to quiet the lies and listen to your voice, honor what's in your heart. Here is a video to help you heal: th-cam.com/video/I5N5t_mQiTA/w-d-xo.html
This is what I’m went through and am going through with my narcissist family. I’m in my thirties now and educating myself and understanding the gaslighting and abuse cycle. I’d love if you made a video about people who grew up with parents like this and how to deal with them in adulthood as the abuse continues and worsens and their mental illness increases as they age? It’s hard not to feel hurt after they are emotionally abusive. How do I not feel hurt after they are verbally abusive to me? I always feel depressed after and I try to tell myself not to absorb it and remind myself that this is their pain and is because they are psychologically deeply damaged, unhealed and unwell.
Powerful 52:48 willing to come to grips what has happened to her. 😥
34:23 Yes...my ID is gone. All my complaints in my head are wrapped up in all that he has done and that i am affected. Since we are told one flesh, husband is the head, and i have a servants heart (now also know i am a codependent). Like you said, i feel if he got help, and myself, we would be good. But he doesnt believe he has any issues or problems. He believes i am the one with the issues.
I have asked myself. What do i want for me? What do i want to do with my life?
And i still dont know what i wish, want, and desire.
I do know that i do not want this man the way he is. How do i figure out my other questions?
The many counselling we went to did nothing. He acted very superior. A friend did get help for her marriage because the counsellor obviously knew how to corner him and convince him to change. She went back to him and she was happy happy for 1 year and then he died.
Awesome teachings
Glad you found it helpful, thanks for your feedback
That's how I feel like is that I have a hard time expressing how I feel. I can't even go anywhere without him being with me.
In your heart of hearts, and in your conscience, man or woman. Why not listen, how can a man or woman be dishonest with them selves, step back and be honest, stop making excuses. So glad that I live in a time that women can make their own money, we have choices now.
I have lived through this kind of problem, I loved my husband dearly, he used my love for him as a weapon. He thought I would never leave, he was wrong, I didn't want our two boys to grow up to think this behavior is normal. They are grown now and are good responsible men. It was worth it.
100% Dr. Hunt the first thing you spoke on! Population of 1 sheww its been a long road, on the path out now
I literally just started saying out loud, I'm nonexistent, I don't have a voice...to the same repeated robotic response of "whatever" amd that's were it was always left...
So sorry to hear that. Here's a video that we hope will help you to find your voice, reclaim your identity and discern truth from lies. th-cam.com/video/u9XkQuHLEJY/w-d-xo.html
Yes, yes it does!
I live what you are talking about. I need ideas on how to deal with this.
I was verbally abused for 6 years and recently he physically assaulted me Infront of my 10 months old. I left a day after he physically assaulted me.
I am going to counseling to heal myself but somedays are very difficult to understand what has happened to me.
I can answer this question right now!! Yes Yes Yes you lose your complete self😢😢😢😢😢
I live in leggings and T shirt. I don’t put make up anymore, I’m just a maid to him. I’m invisible to him, invisible to my family. I pray for god to just take me.
I am told l am stubborn for not listening to what he tells me because what he says will help me. At the same time, he says l can choose to listen to him or not and so l ask, why l'm l being called stubborn if l don't.
And there goes the crazy making😮
Do you know anything about "attitude adjustments" How inhumane they are & how they actually push people to suicide via synthetic telepathy & v2k & push & run people out of their hometowns, making them never want to go back? I'm from Kingsport, TN, now in Knoxville, TN. I am still struggling to get by, after at least barely surviving from it from the past 5 yrs
The last part was a hard pill to swallow I’m definitely not there yet
I didn’t hear anything about the N turning things where they themselves are the victim. Ex, making the receiver feel sorry for them (the N). Or saying “Sorry I’m not good enough”.
The problem with couples counseling is that there are also a ton of covert narcissists who will charm the therapist and be perfect behavior in the sessionand then go home and use everything that their spouse said in a vulnerable state against them. And to call them weak and to shame them. And a woman who's already lost her identity. Who's already in brain fog may not even. Be able to remember to share all of the things that is done to her by the time they get to go to the next session. It's great if everyone could afford to go to super trained on narcissism and super trained on abuse counselors. But most marriage counselors that we went to. Were treating abuse like a communication problem and it was horrible. The mental health of both people in the marriage seems like they should be something that's only done with a ton of documentation and only with counselors who are deeply deeply trained in abuse and narcissism.Otherwise, it same dangerous.At least it was dangerous for us. ABUSE IS NOT A COMMUNICATION PROBLEM.
Just starting to listen.
. .. so many abuse victims, men and women, have been abused by women, so I think it’s worth taking gender out of these conversations. ( I see you added in the description it can be the man that feels invisible.)
In my world - most of the abusers are women!
While I’ve had significant abuse by men, women have always both encouraged and capitalised on that.
Wives, mothers, female bosses, domineering attention seeking females.. so many bullies.
I’d love to hear some conversations about female victims of female abusers.
When you are being bullied by someone who is if the same gender and is claiming to be oppressed, there is nowhere for you to go. A lot of ‘WOMEN’S empowerment’ groups are run by female bullies.
Thanks so much for challenging the *frightened little boy.. and how it’s far more dangerous for the victims. They are dealing not with the frightened boy, they are dealing with the very dangerous maladaptive response.
Thanks for your feedback! We will pass it along to our clinical staff to see if they might do some videos on females being bullied by females.
I’ve seen this too from women I know. I’ve wondered about a few of the people commenting on here as well. Are they actually the victim, as they claim, or are they are the one inflicting the abuse ( not you btw ). Then again a few words is not really enough to make a good judgment on.
Sometimes they can be very good at appearing concerned, kind and very caring when there is an audience, but not so much if no one else is there to see or hear.
@drdavidbhawkins thank-you, I’d appreciate that.
I also believe women play a very significant role in the rape of other women, not as the rapist, but simply being power hungry bullies themselves. Like many predators they experience a thrill or enjoyment from the pain of others. Also another woman being raped, especially a pretty one, removes her from the competition as such.
Again seeing the oppressor as male and victim as female, hides many exceptions. It may be more common, but I’ve met many many gentle men in my life and many extremely aggressive women.
I have always been a girls girl . I’ve always thought women should bond together and prop each other up. My bubble of magical thinking that all women felt the same as I did was burst when I got bullied and eventually forced out of nursing school, which I had worked so hard to get into. I was in such shock because I didn’t know what Narcissism was and I just kept trying to be better, do better and figure out what I was doing wrong for the woman in charge of the nursing program to hate me so much. They enjoyed seeing me suffer and took pleasure by seeing me so confused and slowly isolated from classmates who they didn’t want to be associated with me in fear of becoming the next victim of horrific bullying.
And when the woman becomes invisible and looses her voice. The narc constantly asks what are you thinking about. You seem so far away. What it is impossible to have an adult conversation with a narc bully. It's always about their needs therefore the invisible woman better respond though to his breadcrumbing. Or all hell will break loose.
Then you can only imagine the damage and impact it has on a partner that lives that day in and day out. 😞
This is my father
He treated me this way as his son
All of our family myself and 7 kids are damaged in more than one way our youngest daughter also commited sucicide .mental heath is questionable for all of us .😅
She keeps trying to matter to him….as a victim I can relate…
Is there a sepctrum of narcissism? ie some who are completely oblivious and don't care and others who have moments of awareness and shame but who ultimately seem to be a slave to their own narcissistic traits?
Absolutely, Dr. Hawkins just did a video on the differences between NPD and narcissistic traits that will be coming out shortly. Subscribe to our channel to be notified of new content.
@@drdavidbhawkins Done! And thank you for your response. I'll be very interested to watch the video.
I'm leaving at 8 minutes I am so traumatized by my soon to be ex wife and I can't handle the sexism in this conversation.. I was love bombed and didn't even know what the heck was going on till I started watching video's on yt about narcissism and it has saved my sanity.
I always told her "you are against people having feelings" and things like that. And she would flip everything I said around to where I couldn't even get around to my motive and what I was even trying to say. It was a manipulative game she played that kept me in total confusion. I'm glad the marriage only lasted 4 years and only 2 living together. I could go on and on she even grabbed my by the shirt getting physical! I never even hinted at doing that with her and I am 6'2 and work out. But I was pulled through hell with this person.
And everytime you good folks talk about "him" and "he" doing the abuse I can't watch it. Why do you do that? Serious question..?
“0kay, I’ve jumped 6 ft. like you told me to”.
“That’s not good enough, jump 8 ft., you lazy slob!”
All of this is true in all relationships….I’ve experienced this with npd sister…..awful
Absolutely, emotional abuse happens in all different contexts - at work, school, team sports. The same concepts apply.
These 2 women are so pretty and the man is handsome .
it's good the therapist can hold space in therapy but that does nothing to the situation afterwards that the spouse goes home and continues not holding space for the other person. it just doesn't work. the cart is before the horse.
I’m going through this now and I’m a man so it’s not just woman being victimized
52:11 the paralysis disallows her from hearing her own pain
What if, the way you choose to be heard is done by cheating? And now your abuser wants to do what you’ve been asking for? What if you try to give that chance but no longer want it?
Those two ladys are 😍
I dont want to hate men, but at this point, I have zero empathy left for them.
PTSD will make you lose your empathty...but if you don't get it back, you become like them. They are the once who lack empathy for others. I hope you haven't allowed him to destroy your goodness and turn you into a bitter version of a empathy-deficient him.
Wishing you well and you continue to heal~
So true. Both parties involved need to want it.
I ran into the man after his marriage to a woman like this.
LOL.
Thank god, I was onto it, even though he got me out of a bad place, I was paying attention his tactics.
No way. I ran.
dismissive men know what they are doing😊