In order to try and win them back, is to stop trying to win them back. Focus on yourself, and take all of your focus that you were putting on them, and put it on yourself!
YES! Truthfully No contact is a contradiction - It's you proving your worthy of them by proving you're capable of living without them - which is the best way to get the chance to live with them. As ridiculous as that sounds it really is sound and it does make sense. It comes down to being overly pursued/worshipped/meaning of life is NOT as attractive as someone living a strong, vibrant, meaningful life they can be a part of, NOT the center of.
The "no contact" approach should be seen as a deliberate step towards honoring one's emotional independence and recognizing the importance of detachment at certain stages of life. It stems from an acceptance of the absence of reciprocity or harmony in a relationship and a desire to understand oneself more deeply. This does not necessarily mean shutting down communication, but acknowledging that at times, focusing on personal growth is more beneficial. When dialogue is not possible or does not contribute to our well-being, stepping back can be an act of self-care, an opportunity to fortify one's emotional and mental independence.
I feel you on that one. It’s been about 3 months and my ex just found a new rebound. All looks good from the outside but know it won’t last. Not holding my breath but don’t think she’ll come back being bpd. Good luck
5 months NC here. I’m still broken like it’s day 1. I’m doing everything I can to get my head out of the water but there is nothing I want but her. My company is booming, I’m fit and sexy, I’m smart, I’m funny, I’m talented, I’ve already achieved a lot in life yet it doesn’t mean anything anymore to me. It feels like it’s all for nothing without her. I just wish my brain would stop this. I know she’s not perfect, we hurt each other, but I don’t care, I still think she’s the one, and I don’t know how to change things, either way. Your videos are so helpful, I listen to them every time I feel down, which is multiple times a day. Thank you Coach Ken ❤
Hang in there, im right there with you. God I love her so much and I'm only 1 month NC! She messaged me 2 days ago with a funny meme and I left it on read. Omfg do I want to lol it or say hi, but no....too early. But I'd be lying if I didn't look at the message daily and yearn to say hi can we talk....UUUGH. She hasn't felt the loss quite yet I feel because she's DA and broke up with me because I honestly f'd up as AP and begged soooo hard till she called me "exhausting". 😢 I just recently learned about attachment styles and see all I did wrong as well as what to do NOW! Got a new job making WAY more than I did, working on myself, and God do I miss her, but it needs to cook a lot more before her OR I am ready to really come together and be happy. I feel I can't live without her....but she needs to feel the same too 🤷
@SpyOnDeck ooooh boy do I have quite the update! About a month ago I met the most amazing woman I could've ever imagined. We share almost everything in common and she's also AP and studied attachment theory because she also had a terrible experience with her ex who was also DA just like mine. She's funny, gorgeous, outgoing, and we message DAILY for HOURS and it never gets old. I guess I'm hoping I can convince everyone here to keep looking, your dream person is right around the corner. I'm embarrassed reading my original post now lol I was so pathetic begging for this woman who could care less about me. The last time she contacted me I told her I found someone and oh noooow she's wanting to have lunch or inviting me to her art shows. PFFFT! I wish her the best, I really do, but what she offered in our 3 year relationship can't even come close to what I have now just in the past 3 weeks. My girlfriend now is bubbly and full of life, silly just like me, whereas my ex was stone faced, looked annoyed if I cracked a joke, and was just BORING 😂 I had to move on to discover what real happiness can be, now I wonder why I chased her for so long. Those rose tinted glasses are crazy, but when you go no contact and really start processing your own life, taking them off the pedestal and breaking down what makes that ex so damn great anyway....You'll realize they're probably not worth it. Hope everyone keeps their heads up, but please don't be like me chasing one cold person for a whole year! It's despicable now when I think back on me before studying stoicism and attachment theory. Laughable even 😅
@@gokuwufei99 that's great 🙌 love to hear the changes and that everything worked out for the better 👊 I'm sure I'll be looking back at some of my desperate comments and shake my head. We do and say crazy things when we're hurt
I personally have not had any ex I wanted, not come back at some point in time. And I’ve had a lot of ex’s. They always come back. Usually when you no longer care. Stay strong.
I'm on third time with my Dismissive Avoidant (2 yr relationship). Don't make the mistake I have. Twice. Don't take them back. It trains them you'll be their doormat. You'll have to go thru this all over again. Remember, don't depend on the one who broke you to be the one to repair you. They're broken. They're not capable.
I met this beautiful lady, we spent 6 months of real passion together, then she decided it was too heavy for her and left me. I reacted very emotional until I wrote her a farewell letter recognizing the good time together and stating now it is my turn to think on myself and since then NC. Let's see whether she reaches me again or not but I needed to recognize the nice person who I am.
I'm over 90 days no contact without any indication that anything is happening on her end. It does feel like staring at dirt, the hope does feel more painful than useful. I've started dating again but the field is incredibly frustrating and every failure there just knocks me back. I have leveled myself up significantly though so theres that at least. Her birthday is this month and I can't wait to give her the gift of silence
Same here, hope was starting to do more harm than good. I find that accepting that its over and they may not be coming back is liberating, because if they come back, you’ll have the right mindset and emotional self control to deal with that. I just dont see how clinging on to hope is good for the attraction. Good luck!
Yea man i stopped counting the days and now im counting the months, sooner rather than later I’ll stop counting anything at all. I graduate from trade school next week and i go to the gym 6 days a week. I’ve made strides since the beginning but im afraid I’ll have to admit that im still in this obsessive state of mind with her. It’ll get worse some days it’ll get better other days but it doesn’t really go away, i know that someday it will but today isn’t the day. You won’t see the light at the end of the tunnel but it doesn’t mean that you should stop traveling through the tunnel just because you can’t see the light. On the plus side I can tell my ex is getting anxious because she’s made pretty obvious attempts to make me jealous I try not to think about it to much and continue to live my life the way I have been since the break up.
@@VENADO_MAZISO You have the right mindset! I am at 100th day and yes shes reached out a couple of times, met me at work, flirt etc. but hoping that will translate them wanting you back is far fetched. Such a hope is dangerous. For me, I plunged in a hole of pain one last time before I realised, I have to let them go to move on. Have I met someone special as her since? No. But I have a purpose to chase, an exciting life ahead of me, so do you. Trust me, it will get better if you keep doing what you do.
It’s been about 4 months NC with my Bpd ex. She’s in a rebound with someone and letting the world know how happy she really is. I started working out and landed a good job since then. I even started to date (nothing serious) I’m still not over her. I tend to compare my ex to everyone. I will continue with NC but don’t think she’s going to turn around. 😢 Update 09/11/23 Still holding my ground. Got a amazing job and started to work on myself. The pain is less however some days it does creep up. I don’t think she will come back at this stage. I learned a lot from this person. I will never let it happen again. Update 07/09/24 Haven’t heard back from her and do not think I will ever hear from her again. Her pride/ego is why too high. I sense she’s has done this with many other men. It was never meant to be from the start. I can honestly say I am glad she’s out of my life. I’ve fully moved on and don’t think I’d respond if she did respond in the future.
I continued to work out after our break up and it has helped me feel better. Watching your videos has helped me within 24 hours to realize no contact is my best option to show them that I can move on. And will have them puzzled. I don't want him back as a boyfriend but I would like to be friends. He has urges to have an open relationship and I won't take part of that. No thanks. And though I want him back I know I don't want that. And he won't change so at this point... I am broken but I want a man that is focused on monogamy. I am embarrassed that I chased him for 2 days and now I feel better that I stopped. I feel strong.
I am one month in no contact today. Was doing good but today is hitting me heavy. I start my boxing next week so I’m excited to be more focused on that.
It's been 5 months now... I rise a bit from despair and fall again... Time and time again... When I'm at the bottom, I watch your videos and it helps me to rise a bit again.... Thank you! I still hope for her coming back a bit, but I'm kind of close to be ready to move on. It's crazy... I'm a Doctor, I look good.... but I don't want anyone else for now.....
@@Startpixie12 No contact "didnt work" after 6 months for me.... but at the same time, it worked! I began to rebuild myself, workout, lost weight, got in shape... And now, I'm in a new relationship with a amazing and beautiful woman who wants me in her life. So, i guess nothing happens for nothing in life. Coach Ken is right; no contact works.... Even if your ex doesnt come back, someone better can come into your life if you give yourself some love!
Damn dude. You’re the best there is at this. I’m very experienced with watching and dealing with this bullshit. Please don’t stop. I’m not hopeless, I’m not relying on you to get my ex back. I’m saying you’re the best there is at this on TH-cam. Highly underrated. You’re providing a real service regardless of human outcomes.
It's been nearly 5 months NC for me now. I haven't put him on a pedestal, I know he wasn't that great to me. I would've moved on by now, but I truly cannot get him out of my head.. I wish I could. I had this KNOWING that we were meant to be together and it won't budge. I've tried to focus on myself, but that's difficult too given my current circumstances I won't go into. It's easy for people to say just move on, when they aren't the ones going through it.... My AuDHD and his ADHD probably play into it too.
@@maximemichel6246definitely NC, as in zero contact!! No birthday wishes, etc. IMO, all women always believe the grass is greener on the other side and are also hypergamous. Unfortunately they aren’t yours, it was just your time. As long as you didn’t treat them horribly during the relationship, I find they will return at least once. That being said, you need to make sure you, yourself, are always pursuing excellence! Being in the best shape you can be, working towards lofty financial goals, becoming more interesting. BE THE PRIZE!!!! Have that mindset and women will come to you, guaranteed. And when she returns, you need to know, that it is just your time again, and don’t forget that. Maintain that mindset and your mental frame, being an alpha and not a beta, and next time she walks, good riddance. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out!!! Watch Rich Cooper’s videos related to his book “The Unplugged Alpha”. It has helped me, believe it will help you also. Just remember “YOU ARE THE PRIZE” and are going to become even more of the prize everyday!!!! Hope this helped!!!!?
It's day two and this is some of the toughest moments of my life that I have gone through. We only dated for two years, but the majority of those two years we spoke almost daily. She was the person I spoke to about everything. I allowed insecurities to rule my mind. I should have been more confident. However I wasn't, I was also way too present, clingy, and dependent. No wonder she lost interest over time.
Another Great Video Ken! In NC at the moment only two weeks after brutal and out of nowhere breakup up 6 weeks ago but no way breaking NC (with quiet untreated BPD). One thing I realised that might be useful for anyone in NC, is that it really is the only logical thing to do. If they don't do some self-reflection, or change their behaviors, then you would just be going back to the same old circus! If someone has decided that they don't want you, or aren't 100% sure, you'd just be walking around with a loaded gun to your head anyway, begging them not to pull the trigger and back living in a constant state of anxiety. That's no way to live. THEY need to 100% realise your worth and act accordingly or it's just another S&*T show. Good luck to all and I hope you're getting through it!!
I finally healed my broken heart. What I did was I wrote everything down arrow Limerence I wrote the term analogy used in the video about my mental health, and with me having ADHD arrow all that down on a paper, I prayed, and as I was praying, I ripped the paper up and I threw it away. Some people can burn it, but I decided to just rip it up and let me tell you at the end of the day we can have mental issues but if you believe in God, God has the power to heal us. We still have to do the work, but we have to be able to be specific on what we are trying to release and God still wants us to realize that we need to consistently work on those moons like Limerence and so much more I hope this helps. I did this last night and I feel so much better today. I can literally see the persons name and I feel nothing. I feel like myself again I hope this helps.
I use his two most impacting messages as my lock screen and screensaver. It's a reminder that what he felt wasn't as deep as mine and didn't see me as an equal. Despite giving him genuine love that I thought he deserved, he settled for scraps and no respect from his ex. I can't heal or fix someone who doesn't want to help themselves. But it's so hard to let go. It's so hard to just switch off hope or love.
@@headzox thanks it wasn’t easy at all but I keep reminding myself no matter how much you love someone you have to love yourself more which means no allowing anyone to hurt you or disturb your peace. ✌️
I can’t wait until my coaching session next week. The pain is crippling, anytime I think about her I write in a journal and write a letter but don’t actually send it. It’s been helping a bit, but I can’t wait to tell my situation so I can move Forward. You always have the best advice, because I always listen to your videos whenever I think about reaching out and breaking no contact and then it helps reassure myself.
I dont really care if they come back or not. I wouldnt know how i could take them back tbh. But im hitting that "finding someone else thats comparable?" question hard. Cause the dating market is so f*/ked.
Thanks coach Ken! Your videos have made a world of difference. My situation is a bit difficult, the woman I’ve been with for almost two years broke up with me last month and got back together with her previous ex who is abusive and toxic we had a great relationship but she was never fully over him I guess. After a few weeks of trying to get back out of desperation I went into no contact, currently 24 days in, still difficult but staying the course.
Currently in no contact after she ghosted me in February. I reached out on June just for her to tell me that she's been with another man for quite a while. That reachout earned me an instant block from her social media, although I can see their picture uploads with her new partner. Having that orchestrator mentality, it really really seems that she won't ever reach out to me again. So, thank you for this video.
Give her time to let that relationship play out and in the meantime do your best not to look because it only torments and drains you even though you can't possibly know this new relationship will last
Hi guys! Not my first breakup. Used a NC in my previous relationships. It did not work but I am very happy for her. Now I find myself again in NC. It has been 3 months..... no hope... but I am still believing in a NC... but it is hard. Stay strong
Can you do a video for people that have been in no contact after 90 days and those odds? Or talk about some successful situations where they came back after 90 days?
Man... everything in your videos is so spot on true (at least to my logical mind), I've seen many of your videos and others. But since I can't take her back if she's been with someone, I tried and failed many times in the first months. Now it's been about 10-11 months, and I've tried no contact a while now. Many months. I've leveled up so much it's night and day, but she'll probably see it too late (maybe it's already is) I would love to book sessions with you, but since it probably won't work now when everything seems too late. I'm 99,9% sure that she will regret her decision, I truly do. But if she's too late, there's nothing I or anyone can do about it
Not only informative but motivating Ken. Three months ago I had the shortest non paying job in history. I was the dumper, had huge regret after a few days, reached out and lost my job title to my ex who assumed the position. She is worried about what her family might think if she were to reconsider working at it together in counselling. No contact is excruciating.
If that's truly the reason then with more time and you showing you can live without her then eventually her family's opinion can shift over into her seeing you as "forbidden" and it actually adds to the attraction - but in the meantime don't try to talk her out of it
Almost 3 months have passed since she broke up with me and maybe a month since we spoke last time just for her to tell me that we should stop following each other on social media and me to try and fight one more time for what we had. The problem is that it is so painful to see her everyday at work so it feels like I can’t really apply NC for anything , neither to get her back nor heal myself and move on, it’s getting to a point where it feels physically painful and I don’t know what to do anymore, I can’t really afford to leave my job.
Very painiful position to be in - but if you can handle the hurt it does give her an up close view of how strong you are and how focused on the future you can be without her. It can help but it usually hurts enough emotionally to make it more of a challenge
Coach Ken speeches fit the most to my feelings, to my situation. 3 months since i have monkey branched. Day after day i realized that day is spent without any signs from my ex. All of our relationship is getting seems that it was just a dream of mine. I can not image my future now. Scares me the chance, my pain stay the same for a long time.
Why would it work? People break up and that it. You’re amazingly intuned to my pain. But, NC is not a reality and it gives me false hope. He left me for younger women. He’s not going to come back and I’m dying
I made the mistake of talking to him after 3 weeks of no contact. All it did was break my heart again and set me back. I think, at least, I didn’t make him think I’ll be his safety net, so maybe not a total loss.
I was left by a girlfriend of 5 years. I never saw it coming. We hadn't been talking for about 3 weeks after an argument, then she brought me some belongings I had left at her apt, in a new car that I had never seen before. She called once after that on her lunch break a couple of days later. Then, after two weeks of no contact. She called me on 12-23-23 acting kind of nervous and asked to see me for a moment. I said sure! I come out to see her and was greeted to a cheesy Christmas card with $100.00 in it. Then I was told how much I hurt her about 5 weeks prior and she would like to be friends and needs to work on herself. I protested and asked why so suddenly...what happened? I said you don't throw away 5 years over an argument!!!! She then says I am just not ready to continue in a relationship. I then got angry and asked why? I pushed my head through the open car window and deep kissed her for about 12 seconds. She wasn't fazed, I then asked is there someone else? She then says " I am talking to someone "! She left me standing in the street. I called after I was sure she made it home. I told her I loved her, she is all I have. Please don't leave. Please don't do this to me. I don't want to loose you. She said "I can't". I said WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T? She said I just can't, it's too late. I got more angry and emotional and said things I should not have. I texted an apology Christmas eve morning and wished her the best, she replied thank you and merry Christmas, I responded in kind. After thinking about the above conversation. It would seem she has been talking to this other guy while she was still with me. Plus she told me she has work to do and not wanting a relationship right now. But, in the same conversation.....she says I am talking to someone else? I wish I could take back all the time, money and jewelry I wasted, but I still LOVE her. Well, I haven't said broke the no contact rule since, but it has only been barely two weeks. I hope to speak with her at sometime. I hope no contact works.
@migzm14 Well, the no contact rule worked like a charm! Her rebound relationship fell apart she came back. I didn't run right back with her immediately and made it clear. I am not interested in playing games if she wants to try and repair the damage. It has been a few months, and things are going well. I also made sure she severed all ties with the other guy. Thank you for your prayers.
June 8 today August 1st . Didnt realize she had her “shared location” until July 1st. I moved 3,000 miles away. Still no contact. Seeing the texts how she say” You are 1 for me” then she disappeared.
Over half a year now and they were still triying to chat in public (but not in private) before I shut them out a few days ago, even though they are still dating others. I believe they were trying to use public attention to force me staying in their life, not sure if they truly wanted me to stay or just for show. Likely fearful avoidant and quite BPD/vulnurble NPD.
Don't even check it - move forward like you know its over, knowing that its your best chance for them to actually come back - as confusing as that sounds
You gotta accept that it's over to move forward. Thinking any day now they'll come back for you keeps you like chuck on castaways stranded out on the island. They are not coming and if they do you could've been off that island by now finding someone better than that h,e or healed and thriving solo tbh
No contact is extremely challenging when you have children and a home together I have moved out and am staying with a friend but we still have to communicate multiple days a week and see each other for the kids
I went on no contact for almost 2 weeks and my ex got so mad He tried the reach out but I didn’t reply neither his texts no calls Then he showed up on my door He deleted all the memories all the pictures All the chats During this 1 year and 3 months He told me as you behave as if I’m not existed anymore I’ll delete you in all the apps as well What’s this behavior He cheated on me That was the reason of break up even though he never accepted it and denied it
What does it mean to focus on yourself... 1st plant the seed and live in the end . How would you act and feel if you had everything you wanted... You have to maintain that mindset and behaviors. Take on a project ....Example your health and fitness like really invest in a planner specifically for that and get very detailed and make appointments for workout and meal prepping. Basically, begin taking on projects in different aspects of life .
You are dead on. She loves live music and this guy she’s liking his stuff and he’s liking hers is a singer……it’s her perfect match…. Best to focus on yourself so when and she will…. Come back you are the best version of yourself and makes her say wow I really messed up and lost the best thing that ever happened to me…. What the hell was I thinking and I wonder if I can even get him back. ? What will also happen is you will meet some new bad ass chick you didn’t think could even exist and she will be so drawn to you it will blow your mind ❤ you can’t coast uphill… never stop working on yourself and never give up what you love for someone else
Why would you take an ex back? Because there has been a reason to come together, live years together while you grow almost to one person, even thinking the same way and growing and leaning together... why shouldnt I give that a second chance?
Starting no contact today! We broke up a month ago but we have been in almost daily communication since then. Her rebound cheated on her and now she’s trying with someone else. I’m hoping no contact is going to work, other than God it’s all I have!
And I know people are going to say “move on” but this girl genuinely is the love of my life. I know everybody has one but the way they view their loves are all different. I do have hope for us, somehow. And I finally have the time to focus on bettering myself.
Sorry to hear that bud. Regardless how you feel about this person no contact is the best you can do. Not gonnna say move on, but the fact that you know about their rebound is a bad position to be in. You dont want to remain convenient for her. She doesnt do it to be mean, it just happens naturally if your desperation allows that. You have no idea how hard it was to tell my ex I am not interested in friendship. A few weeks later though we met up and I was in a different frame, it was flirty etc. just like before, not sure if that would happen if I was going along what ever she wanted at the time. She hasnt hinted wanting a relationship back, but the point is you have to come from a position of strenght.
I actually talked to you back in May, fast forward to now it's been 5 months and nothing. She left me for another guy and finally last night I decided to give in and tried to reach out to her only to find out she still has my number routed straight to voicemail and I can't help but feel absolutely hopeless. 6-year relationship infer about the last year she was pulling away and totally uninvested
I'm in the middle of one of the worst breakups ever had in my life oh, she won't give me a new my personal belongings back, took out a temporary restraining order on me because I tried to go speak to her, you know the classic mistakes. Now she's constantly posting on social media, about how happy she is and how I'm the worst after a two-year relationship. Haven't spoken to her since July 18th and have a hearing on August 25th, I'm doing the best I can to project strength and stay in no contact. This video has definitely helped me feel a little better
Please don't reach out - I understand the urge and fear and anxiety and everything else you're feeling but trust me, reaching out in your spot deeply reinforces the idea that you are not only strong enough to rebuild attraction it gives plenty of ammo to pain you as a dangerous person
@@CoachKen thank you I really appreciate the response, yes I'm doing everything in my power to just stay quiet and away, I know inevitably things will come to a resolution
For me its been no contact for nearly 2 months. Wasnt the best ending but i still love her. Its my birthday on Sunday and im not expecting any wishes from her but if i don't get any i think ill be gutted still.
Women can be incredibly cruel , stay strong, you’re not alone , I think men ( I’m one ) have enabled this behaviour, time to take the power back, focus on yourself
@@CoachKenthanks for the comment. I think you're right but at the same time I'll be sweet if nothing comes. It will only spur me on to get past this even more to be honest. If someone doesn't have the decency to do that then I really have the final nail in the coffin and I can move on.
As a woman with AuDHD and a chronic limerence sufferer, how do I stop my obsessive thoughts? I want to let them go but my brain won't let me. I wake up and they're the first thing on my mind it's torture and makes me feel pathetic
I accidentally broke 3 weeks of NC by accidentally following back them on their socials after unfollowing when we broke up. It was such a dumb mistake and now I’m back to square one 😭 i didn’t reach out or anything but i still so embarrassed 😔
She went out of town with her friends and ignored my text all day and I reached out to her to ask if she was genuinely interested or just wasting time and she said she was over it. Been in NC 3 weeks but I can’t help but think about her. I have a feeling she expects me to reach out but we gon wait it out and see. Been in the gym and getting back in the field so I’m anticipating how everything goes
@Coach Ken We work around each other. Mine love interest still looks at me multiple times a day every day but it's been 15 months of "No Contact". Now she is seeing a guy in the office. They appear VERY happy. i see them all the time now around each other. Have i lost her?
1.5 month of no contact. Not in relationship for 4 months. My bad behaviour, related to substance abuse and lying caused most of the break up. I apologised and currently on professional help few months already and sober. I wonder how should I continue that NC.
I’m almost in an identical boat as u, I’m also a month into no contact stay strong and focus on yourself and don’t reach out, these relationship professionals would have more valuable advice than anybody in a comment section brother.
NC for one week and he called me. That’s well and good but still has someone else. He doesn’t think I know. He’s gauging my interest. I’m not discussing our relationship until I see the commitment
Well, I broke no contact after about 1.5 months. She blocked me. I circumvented that to message her on instagram and she didn't block me there at first. Then I tried to upload some photos to our shared google drive and I guess it emailed her, maybe a bunch of times. She messaged me saying she felt stalked and watched, possibly because I mentioned I knew she went back to her ex. I found that out online by accident, but maybe she thinks I followed her IRL, which I didn't and never would. So now I'm blocked everywhere and can't even do no contact. The only good thing about it is I cant really watch her life now, which reduces the severity of the obsessive pain.
Yeah that word gets thrown around and it has less meaning currently BUT anytime someone mentions stalking then not only pull back - PULL WAY BACK AND DISCONNECT. You're in forced no contact which can suck but it does you the favor of making you not reach out - so live like she isn't coming back and believe if she ever does change her mind she'll find a way to reach out to you and the fact that you have her number blocked isn't going to stop her - if she doesn't, at minimum you get to let her remember you as someone who ultimately was strong enough to walk away
@@remyd1984 Why do you say that? I love her, my actions are guided by severe pain. She always told me she was over him, had no feelings for him, that the love she felt for him was false. She was with me for seven months, with him for four, two years ago.
@@CoachKen Yea at this point I guess it's done for good. Tragic because in my mind she's still there. Every morning and every night I feel like she's still with me, and throughout the day my mind burns with severe pain in awareness of losing her.
@archangelelmo she actually has. Took about 7 months and it's just been small talk for now. I'm not the one to initiate a convocation first. She's been texting small things like memes or funny stuff she thinks I'd like. But little by little we are texting. I'm just taking it for what it is for now. Not going to get my hopes up or be the one to ask to see her. But trust the process and stay in no contact. If you were good to them they'll remember it and miss you. I was nothing but good to her. She was definitely scared of commitment. I'd say she had a aviodant attachment. Think of aviodant girls like cats haha sounds funny but let them go and eventually they'll come back when they're ready and feel the space or absence of you. Not sure what you're going through but no contact works.
Ok Coach I am confused now, 2 videos ago you said we could break no contact to not ask for another chance but to address how they must have felt, I was doing awesome in no contact but broke it to address how she must have felt, I got no response as I suspected, but I sent that one text then went right back into no contact, did I misunderstand did I throw away all the hard work of no contact that I had put in?
I think that other video about breaking no-contact once was applicable if and only if you did objectively something that made your ex break up with you: Being absent due to work, cheating, blatantly neglecting your ex's needs...
I remember seeing a video stating that even if you chased in the beginning, going no contact is still a sudden break in your behavior that it will get their attention eventually. Either way, no contact is an opportunity for you to work on yourself and properly heal after the breakup. You could have chased for 5 years and still at some point you have to stop contacting them and let yourself move on. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.
@ABC321936 in that 6 months, I haven't reached out once. I didnt chase and only said I understand her decision but don't agree with it. I only replied casually and politely when she reached out. I've also been working on myself a lot. I lost close to 50 lbs and workout 5 or 6 days a week and have been working with a therapist for the last 4 months to deal with my own stress and anxiety. We were together for 2 years and I was blindsided by the breakup as there was never any arguments and no signs or conversations that even hinted that she was unhappy in the relationship. So I am doing no contact for me, but it doesn't make it any less hard to deal with the loss of someone just walking away.
Holidays and rebounds are painful for you to witness BUT it also sets a VERY unrealistic expectation for them because the limerence of the new relationship + the holiday + any vacation sets an unrealistic standard - which leads eventually to disappointment
Coach Ken I have a question. I've been talking to this girl since mid May we dated and everything and when she left to vacay on 8th of july I asked her about relationship and us together 2 days before her trip and she said yes that she felt we will end up together. We talked everyday through july, not single minute passed that we didn't talk. From good morning to good night, we had plans where will we go, hang out, go out, go to the beach, everything. 2 days ago I came to her city for vacay where also my mother is born, we met up, kissed, everything else. Everything was perfect. She asked me also how I felt these 20 days when we were in "LDR", I said it was hard but im ok now, she said that she felt weird. The problem is also that she has problems in her family. Their parents can't stand each other, they argue all the time, fight, he is beating her... they dont live together and they will break up the marriage. She said that she is ok but deep down she is fucked up. Everything changed in 3 days, when we linked up 2nd time when I came back. She told me that she is f up, that she found a pefrume in her dads room, she asked whats that he said it was for your mother, a present, and he said you can take it now its yours but dont take it with yourself when you leave when you go to your mom and dont show her because that was for other women not for her mom she thinks. She told me that she doesn't know how to tell that to her mom, she also told me that she doesn't know what to do, she doesn't want relationship rn, she doesn't want anyone to go through that with her cause she "would not give me enough attention because of everything" etc. She said she needs space, she needs no contact to examine things and everything. We agreed to meet up on 21st of August to talk about us and everything when we both come back from vacay. That would be 20 days of no contact for us. My question is should I be radio silent till 20th of August or send her 1 od 2 messages in that period because of ther situation in her family, thats the main problem, that family situation. If everything was perfect and that thing with family didn't exist I would leave her alone but that problem its kills my thinking. "Should I check on her in that period ask about her mom brother if they are good" or leave it alone and go silent till 20th when im gonna ask her where will we meet up. I don't know what to do. She doesn't want me to leave her life forever, thats the thing. She doesn't see us long term in relationship rn and I understand that because she is scared about attachment to (me) because of her parents and their situation. I just don't know, I was fucked up first 2 days, now Im standing still, its hard but I think I will make it. Also in this period of 2 days after she told me that, she was going out with her friend, and uploading pics of herself when she goes out which I have nothing against. Im not her owner or anything. She is going through a phase I dont know. Somebody help. I know its a long text and I know its early and new relationship but everything was perfect until that moment. I know that our relationship has potential because we together work perfectly, im also a believer, she is also, we both go to church, I pray, she prays. Dont know, Im f up Coach
I hear ya! Hard headed,drinks too much and it was easier to monkey branched into another relationship then to fix said problems. I wish this would be a topic. About how you get dumped because of alcohol and other substances and they leave you behind as the problem, and they don't work on themselves. This is the worst way to get dumped!! All that you invested and in the end thats how they left you
Hi coach Ken, If you don’t mind me asking, how long were you and your exes broken up before getting back together? I’ve been in NC for just over 2 months and I’m losing hope even though I know I shouldn’t.
But does the avoidant want you to come back even if they don’t come back? Like if their own guilt or shame is holding them back from reaching out could they maybe deep down want us to break it for the both of us?
Hi Coach Ken, Thanks for your life-saving videos. Would you be able to make a video about how to deal with an ex-wife with a Histrionic personality disorder, she seems to be like a narcissistic character. I am about 4 months no contact with her and she didn't even bother, she seems to be so selfish and avoidant personality. The last time when we had a chat before she leave, she said I'd rather be in various relationships every few months with another guy as I want to enjoy my life and she said she don't care if her future relationships won't last long. what's your thought on this? I wish I got away but the problem is that we have a kid and I am in scarcity as well, can not find a better one at the moment. I am so sad, I don't know what to do.
7 months into NC. Started right after the BU. I didn’t beg or plead, I was just sad. He’s now thriving and doing all the things we were supposed to do together without me (and God knows, maybe with someone else). My thoughts are wild and I’m losing hope. It just feels like he never cared about me
Thank you Coach! He’s in Europe (we were LDR) visiting all our mutual friends even though they haven’t spoken for 3+ years. And I’m being ignored. - he never wanted to visit me. This hurts
I need help with my break up. I’m not going to lay out the complete story as I would need pages after pages. But if you ex changed from losing a parent ( mother ) and her dad turned her against you and then she breaks up with u and believes there’s no other solution, are these types off break ups final. We went in temporary LDR at the time so we broke up while being apart. At first she said she lost feelings but wanted to stay in touch. But afterwords her choice off breaking up was because off country differences. I wanted her to move to me but since it happened she didn’t want to move and that’s why she ended it. We was living together for 7 years but the universe broke us up due to bad timing. Any info appreciated.
My ex and i broke up right before christmas. We were still texting till 15th of Jan, I decided go NC. He reached out after couple of weeks, I responded, then he disapeared on me. Last time he texted me was Feb 1st, then disapeared again, I blocked him untill Feb 14th. Not sure if he ever tried to text me. No idea if he ever going to reach out again.
What about if you're applying no contact with your ex but he is a very determined person and very literal. And if he said it's over, it's over. Ans even worse, if I myself tell him it's over, he takes it literal and has the willpower to not come back? If that makes any sense...
Not the best plan - but now that you're there, understand the concept of pattern interruption and let her notice the pursuit she's grown used to getting from you is gone. It does get their attention
I have been married for 26 years. My wife told me in January that she wanted a divorce. I moved out in Feb. We've had contact a few times but right now it's been 1 month of no contact. But she still hasn't filed for divorce. This seems to make it worse for me. Does she really want a divorce? Is she just needing time apart? I'm so confused and it's getting harder and harder to no to pick up the phone and call her. I'm so lost after 26 years and I'm finding a hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
Hope was actually what tourmented me and didnt allow me to grow. I could not go on, with my heart literally in pain. Yes, shes broken no contact multiple times in last 3 months since, and I have plenty of reasons to think why a relationship that never took off will be revived, but save yourself the pain. Be open to her coming back, but until you see definate signs, i think its far fetched to hope just because they care and check on you, they want to be in a relationship, dont fool yourself. If you “move on” you’ll be in a better position if she ever comes back, if not you will be okay too.
I’ve been broken up since February tried no contact but the longest it has been is 5 days before she reaches out to me. She meets me says how she had a great time still has feelings for me yet we can’t be together because of her family objecting. What am I meant to do?
Hi coach ken I had a diffrent story that my ex broken up with me saying that i have lost feeling for u and also she tried to feel but it doesn't work so she broke up with me i get a promise that when ever u have feelings for me u have to come to me she promised me and also i am very emotional and i started pleading,begging for 3 times then she said ok if u really loved me then u have to success in your life to proof your love and she said even u have succeeded and going to the big place also i wont be feel 'oh no i missed this person' like that and she said i wont be come to u dont be hope after this i am in no contact for 20 days now.Whether i have any chances of getting her back?
Can I even get my ex back when I was the rebound and she went back to her previous boyfriend? Been in no contact for 3 months or so. The struggle is real 😔 is there even any chance? Our relationship was amazing and I'm starting to think it's one sided.. or should i just forfeit and give up?
She’s borderline we have children together; she’s a mess hates me right now in limerance being aside piece to a married man because I broke up with her she chased me for over a year whilst I was messed up from my service after I got out of the army. I exposed her affair she told me she’s happy with him & we are never getting back together it’s over move on never contact me again. Then a week later she reached out to me for help we hung out with the kids then she said this can’t go past friends I just don’t want to see you hurt then starts being old mate side chick again. Argh 💔 now she won’t even respond to anything from me. 😔
Ya my ex is in a relationship which has been longer than 6 months so no contact for me seems like a waste of time (in terms of time frame). 65 days into no contact and nothing. She still watches all of my Instagram stories though which is breaking me coz I know it doesn’t mean anything.
In order to try and win them back, is to stop trying to win them back. Focus on yourself, and take all of your focus that you were putting on them, and put it on yourself!
YES! Truthfully No contact is a contradiction - It's you proving your worthy of them by proving you're capable of living without them - which is the best way to get the chance to live with them. As ridiculous as that sounds it really is sound and it does make sense. It comes down to being overly pursued/worshipped/meaning of life is NOT as attractive as someone living a strong, vibrant, meaningful life they can be a part of, NOT the center of.
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כמה זמן לחכות?
I absolutely agree but it is easier said than done. I am meditating, training, working on myself but it is hard to focus and not to think about her
The "no contact" approach should be seen as a deliberate step towards honoring one's emotional independence and recognizing the importance of detachment at certain stages of life. It stems from an acceptance of the absence of reciprocity or harmony in a relationship and a desire to understand oneself more deeply. This does not necessarily mean shutting down communication, but acknowledging that at times, focusing on personal growth is more beneficial. When dialogue is not possible or does not contribute to our well-being, stepping back can be an act of self-care, an opportunity to fortify one's emotional and mental independence.
We need a video on your past relationships and how you ended up back together!
I'm going on 10 mos. I'm beyond expecting them back. While I had no closure and was ghosted, at least now I've learned that I deserve better.
I feel you on that one. It’s been about 3 months and my ex just found a new rebound. All looks good from the outside but know it won’t last. Not holding my breath but don’t think she’ll come back being bpd. Good luck
Did your ex ever reach out to you????
5 months NC here. I’m still broken like it’s day 1. I’m doing everything I can to get my head out of the water but there is nothing I want but her. My company is booming, I’m fit and sexy, I’m smart, I’m funny, I’m talented, I’ve already achieved a lot in life yet it doesn’t mean anything anymore to me. It feels like it’s all for nothing without her. I just wish my brain would stop this. I know she’s not perfect, we hurt each other, but I don’t care, I still think she’s the one, and I don’t know how to change things, either way. Your videos are so helpful, I listen to them every time I feel down, which is multiple times a day. Thank you Coach Ken ❤
Hang in there, im right there with you. God I love her so much and I'm only 1 month NC! She messaged me 2 days ago with a funny meme and I left it on read. Omfg do I want to lol it or say hi, but no....too early. But I'd be lying if I didn't look at the message daily and yearn to say hi can we talk....UUUGH. She hasn't felt the loss quite yet I feel because she's DA and broke up with me because I honestly f'd up as AP and begged soooo hard till she called me "exhausting". 😢 I just recently learned about attachment styles and see all I did wrong as well as what to do NOW! Got a new job making WAY more than I did, working on myself, and God do I miss her, but it needs to cook a lot more before her OR I am ready to really come together and be happy. I feel I can't live without her....but she needs to feel the same too 🤷
@@gokuwufei99Any updates? How are you feeling now?
@SpyOnDeck ooooh boy do I have quite the update! About a month ago I met the most amazing woman I could've ever imagined. We share almost everything in common and she's also AP and studied attachment theory because she also had a terrible experience with her ex who was also DA just like mine. She's funny, gorgeous, outgoing, and we message DAILY for HOURS and it never gets old. I guess I'm hoping I can convince everyone here to keep looking, your dream person is right around the corner. I'm embarrassed reading my original post now lol I was so pathetic begging for this woman who could care less about me. The last time she contacted me I told her I found someone and oh noooow she's wanting to have lunch or inviting me to her art shows. PFFFT! I wish her the best, I really do, but what she offered in our 3 year relationship can't even come close to what I have now just in the past 3 weeks. My girlfriend now is bubbly and full of life, silly just like me, whereas my ex was stone faced, looked annoyed if I cracked a joke, and was just BORING 😂 I had to move on to discover what real happiness can be, now I wonder why I chased her for so long. Those rose tinted glasses are crazy, but when you go no contact and really start processing your own life, taking them off the pedestal and breaking down what makes that ex so damn great anyway....You'll realize they're probably not worth it. Hope everyone keeps their heads up, but please don't be like me chasing one cold person for a whole year! It's despicable now when I think back on me before studying stoicism and attachment theory. Laughable even 😅
@@gokuwufei99 that's great 🙌 love to hear the changes and that everything worked out for the better 👊
I'm sure I'll be looking back at some of my desperate comments and shake my head. We do and say crazy things when we're hurt
if you don't mind sharing, what happened ?
I personally have not had any ex I wanted, not come back at some point in time. And I’ve had a lot of ex’s. They always come back. Usually when you no longer care. Stay strong.
how long after?😂
how long after? 😂 on average
Worst pain ever. Feels like im losing my mind. Heart coming out my chest no sleep. Terrible times
Same 😢feelings
@@free2bme604 hang in there. Sadly my no contact did not work. I hope the best for you
I'm on third time with my Dismissive Avoidant (2 yr relationship). Don't make the mistake I have. Twice. Don't take them back. It trains them you'll be their doormat. You'll have to go thru this all over again. Remember, don't depend on the one who broke you to be the one to repair you. They're broken. They're not capable.
Definitely hard. Hope things have gotten better for you after a couple months have passed 🙏
@@SpyOnDeck Iv gained my appetite back. But everything still lingers. Just trying to talk to as much women as I can. Helps a little bit
I met this beautiful lady, we spent 6 months of real passion together, then she decided it was too heavy for her and left me. I reacted very emotional until I wrote her a farewell letter recognizing the good time together and stating now it is my turn to think on myself and since then NC. Let's see whether she reaches me again or not but I needed to recognize the nice person who I am.
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I'm over 90 days no contact without any indication that anything is happening on her end. It does feel like staring at dirt, the hope does feel more painful than useful. I've started dating again but the field is incredibly frustrating and every failure there just knocks me back. I have leveled myself up significantly though so theres that at least. Her birthday is this month and I can't wait to give her the gift of silence
Beautiful - yes! The perfect gift for such an occasion
Same here, hope was starting to do more harm than good. I find that accepting that its over and they may not be coming back is liberating, because if they come back, you’ll have the right mindset and emotional self control to deal with that. I just dont see how clinging on to hope is good for the attraction. Good luck!
Yea man i stopped counting the days and now im counting the months, sooner rather than later I’ll stop counting anything at all. I graduate from trade school next week and i go to the gym 6 days a week. I’ve made strides since the beginning but im afraid I’ll have to admit that im still in this obsessive state of mind with her. It’ll get worse some days it’ll get better other days but it doesn’t really go away, i know that someday it will but today isn’t the day. You won’t see the light at the end of the tunnel but it doesn’t mean that you should stop traveling through the tunnel just because you can’t see the light. On the plus side I can tell my ex is getting anxious because she’s made pretty obvious attempts to make me jealous I try not to think about it to much and continue to live my life the way I have been since the break up.
@@VENADO_MAZISO You have the right mindset! I am at 100th day and yes shes reached out a couple of times, met me at work, flirt etc. but hoping that will translate them wanting you back is far fetched. Such a hope is dangerous. For me, I plunged in a hole of pain one last time before I realised, I have to let them go to move on. Have I met someone special as her since? No. But I have a purpose to chase, an exciting life ahead of me, so do you. Trust me, it will get better if you keep doing what you do.
Almost 4 months here
It’s been about 4 months NC with my Bpd ex. She’s in a rebound with someone and letting the world know how happy she really is. I started working out and landed a good job since then. I even started to date (nothing serious) I’m still not over her. I tend to compare my ex to everyone. I will continue with NC but don’t think she’s going to turn around. 😢
Update 09/11/23
Still holding my ground. Got a amazing job and started to work on myself. The pain is less however some days it does creep up. I don’t think she will come back at this stage. I learned a lot from this person. I will never let it happen again.
Update 07/09/24
Haven’t heard back from her and do not think I will ever hear from her again. Her pride/ego is why too high. I sense she’s has done this with many other men. It was never meant to be from the start. I can honestly say I am glad she’s out of my life. I’ve fully moved on and don’t think I’d respond if she did respond in the future.
Hey man keep updating
Btw, were you in long distance by any chance?
Please keep updating no matter how much time passes. And keep your chin up my friend
Same as me. Long distance BPD ex but also both in the adult industry
@@Alchemist_171my last relationship was long distance. That's why she broke up with me. Were you in a long distance relationship?
I continued to work out after our break up and it has helped me feel better. Watching your videos has helped me within 24 hours to realize no contact is my best option to show them that I can move on. And will have them puzzled. I don't want him back as a boyfriend but I would like to be friends. He has urges to have an open relationship and I won't take part of that. No thanks. And though I want him back I know I don't want that. And he won't change so at this point... I am broken but I want a man that is focused on monogamy. I am embarrassed that I chased him for 2 days and now I feel better that I stopped. I feel strong.
I am one month in no contact today. Was doing good but today is hitting me heavy. I start my boxing next week so I’m excited to be more focused on that.
Boxing has been a life saver for me at times - 1 month is still very early although I know it feels like an eternity at times
It’s definitely challenging
Any new updates?
Did your ex ever reach out to you??
It's been 5 months now... I rise a bit from despair and fall again... Time and time again... When I'm at the bottom, I watch your videos and it helps me to rise a bit again.... Thank you! I still hope for her coming back a bit, but I'm kind of close to be ready to move on. It's crazy... I'm a Doctor, I look good.... but I don't want anyone else for now.....
Did she break up with you
@@Startpixie12 No contact "didnt work" after 6 months for me.... but at the same time, it worked! I began to rebuild myself, workout, lost weight, got in shape... And now, I'm in a new relationship with a amazing and beautiful woman who wants me in her life. So, i guess nothing happens for nothing in life. Coach Ken is right; no contact works.... Even if your ex doesnt come back, someone better can come into your life if you give yourself some love!
Did your ex girlfriend break up with you? Or you broke up with her
Damn dude. You’re the best there is at this. I’m very experienced with watching and dealing with this bullshit. Please don’t stop.
I’m not hopeless, I’m not relying on you to get my ex back. I’m saying you’re the best there is at this on TH-cam. Highly underrated.
You’re providing a real service regardless of human outcomes.
It's been nearly 5 months NC for me now. I haven't put him on a pedestal, I know he wasn't that great to me. I would've moved on by now, but I truly cannot get him out of my head.. I wish I could. I had this KNOWING that we were meant to be together and it won't budge. I've tried to focus on myself, but that's difficult too given my current circumstances I won't go into. It's easy for people to say just move on, when they aren't the ones going through it.... My AuDHD and his ADHD probably play into it too.
My last three serious relationships (don’t ask), all came back, including an ex wife after a nasty and bitter divorce and custody battle, doing NC.
That’s some damn good statistics man, thanks for bringing the numbers up. Any opinion on what you think helped the most during NC? Thanks
@@maximemichel6246definitely NC, as in zero contact!! No birthday wishes, etc. IMO, all women always believe the grass is greener on the other side and are also hypergamous. Unfortunately they aren’t yours, it was just your time. As long as you didn’t treat them horribly during the relationship, I find they will return at least once. That being said, you need to make sure you, yourself, are always pursuing excellence! Being in the best shape you can be, working towards lofty financial goals, becoming more interesting. BE THE PRIZE!!!! Have that mindset and women will come to you, guaranteed. And when she returns, you need to know, that it is just your time again, and don’t forget that. Maintain that mindset and your mental frame, being an alpha and not a beta, and next time she walks, good riddance. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out!!! Watch Rich Cooper’s videos related to his book “The Unplugged Alpha”. It has helped me, believe it will help you also. Just remember “YOU ARE THE PRIZE” and are going to become even more of the prize everyday!!!! Hope this helped!!!!?
It's day two and this is some of the toughest moments of my life that I have gone through. We only dated for two years, but the majority of those two years we spoke almost daily. She was the person I spoke to about everything. I allowed insecurities to rule my mind. I should have been more confident. However I wasn't, I was also way too present, clingy, and dependent. No wonder she lost interest over time.
Another Great Video Ken! In NC at the moment only two weeks after brutal and out of nowhere breakup up 6 weeks ago but no way breaking NC (with quiet untreated BPD).
One thing I realised that might be useful for anyone in NC, is that it really is the only logical thing to do. If they don't do some self-reflection, or change their behaviors, then you would just be going back to the same old circus! If someone has decided that they don't want you, or aren't 100% sure, you'd just be walking around with a loaded gun to your head anyway, begging them not to pull the trigger and back living in a constant state of anxiety. That's no way to live.
THEY need to 100% realise your worth and act accordingly or it's just another S&*T show. Good luck to all and I hope you're getting through it!!
I finally healed my broken heart. What I did was I wrote everything down arrow Limerence I wrote the term analogy used in the video about my mental health, and with me having ADHD arrow all that down on a paper, I prayed, and as I was praying, I ripped the paper up and I threw it away. Some people can burn it, but I decided to just rip it up and let me tell you at the end of the day we can have mental issues but if you believe in God, God has the power to heal us. We still have to do the work, but we have to be able to be specific on what we are trying to release and God still wants us to realize that we need to consistently work on those moons like Limerence and so much more I hope this helps. I did this last night and I feel so much better today. I can literally see the persons name and I feel nothing. I feel like myself again I hope this helps.
I use his two most impacting messages as my lock screen and screensaver. It's a reminder that what he felt wasn't as deep as mine and didn't see me as an equal.
Despite giving him genuine love that I thought he deserved, he settled for scraps and no respect from his ex.
I can't heal or fix someone who doesn't want to help themselves. But it's so hard to let go. It's so hard to just switch off hope or love.
No contact for 7 months already. No sign of life. Blocked him everywhere the door is no longer open.
That's honestly really impressive! You should be proud of yourself it's not easy!
@@headzox thanks it wasn’t easy at all but I keep reminding myself no matter how much you love someone you have to love yourself more which means no allowing anyone to hurt you or disturb your peace. ✌️
I can’t wait until my coaching session next week. The pain is crippling, anytime I think about her I write in a journal and write a letter but don’t actually send it. It’s been helping a bit, but I can’t wait to tell my situation so I can move Forward. You always have the best advice, because I always listen to your videos whenever I think about reaching out and breaking no contact and then it helps reassure myself.
@stevo6891 I doubt it helped in the long run. Forgetting is the equivalent to learning nothing. He will learn and grow in his pain
Any updates 9 month later? How are you doing? How did the coaching call go?
I dont really care if they come back or not. I wouldnt know how i could take them back tbh.
But im hitting that "finding someone else thats comparable?" question hard. Cause the dating market is so f*/ked.
Thanks coach Ken! Your videos have made a world of difference. My situation is a bit difficult, the woman I’ve been with for almost two years broke up with me last month and got back together with her previous ex who is abusive and toxic we had a great relationship but she was never fully over him I guess. After a few weeks of trying to get back out of desperation I went into no contact, currently 24 days in, still difficult but staying the course.
Take a deep breath has become my life motto. Shit absolutely works.
Coach, I know it’s a sad time if we are here watching you but you do make me laugh. It lightens it in that moment so thank you 😂 🙏🏻
Currently in no contact after she ghosted me in February. I reached out on June just for her to tell me that she's been with another man for quite a while. That reachout earned me an instant block from her social media, although I can see their picture uploads with her new partner. Having that orchestrator mentality, it really really seems that she won't ever reach out to me again. So, thank you for this video.
Give her time to let that relationship play out and in the meantime do your best not to look because it only torments and drains you even though you can't possibly know this new relationship will last
any update?
Hi guys! Not my first breakup. Used a NC in my previous relationships. It did not work but I am very happy for her. Now I find myself again in NC. It has been 3 months..... no hope... but I am still believing in a NC... but it is hard. Stay strong
Can you do a video for people that have been in no contact after 90 days and those odds? Or talk about some successful situations where they came back after 90 days?
It's been over a year. I have to accept the fact
Fact that you don't know for certain but best move is to move forward without them being the goal
Did your ex ever reach out to you???
Man... everything in your videos is so spot on true (at least to my logical mind), I've seen many of your videos and others. But since I can't take her back if she's been with someone, I tried and failed many times in the first months. Now it's been about 10-11 months, and I've tried no contact a while now. Many months.
I've leveled up so much it's night and day, but she'll probably see it too late (maybe it's already is)
I would love to book sessions with you, but since it probably won't work now when everything seems too late. I'm 99,9% sure that she will regret her decision, I truly do. But if she's too late, there's nothing I or anyone can do about it
This was beautiful. Thank you Coach Ken. I look forward to our next session. I feel a lot better already!
Not only informative but motivating Ken. Three months ago I had the shortest non paying job in history. I was the dumper, had huge regret after a few days, reached out and lost my job title to my ex who assumed the position. She is worried about what her family might think if she were to reconsider working at it together in counselling. No contact is excruciating.
If that's truly the reason then with more time and you showing you can live without her then eventually her family's opinion can shift over into her seeing you as "forbidden" and it actually adds to the attraction - but in the meantime don't try to talk her out of it
@@CoachKen Thanks for your advice, l appreciate your reply 🙏
Almost 3 months have passed since she broke up with me and maybe a month since we spoke last time just for her to tell me that we should stop following each other on social media and me to try and fight one more time for what we had. The problem is that it is so painful to see her everyday at work so it feels like I can’t really apply NC for anything , neither to get her back nor heal myself and move on, it’s getting to a point where it feels physically painful and I don’t know what to do anymore, I can’t really afford to leave my job.
Very painiful position to be in - but if you can handle the hurt it does give her an up close view of how strong you are and how focused on the future you can be without her. It can help but it usually hurts enough emotionally to make it more of a challenge
Did your ex ever reach out to you???
@@archangelelmo nope.
Coach Ken speeches fit the most to my feelings, to my situation. 3 months since i have monkey branched. Day after day i realized that day is spent without any signs from my ex. All of our relationship is getting seems that it was just a dream of mine. I can not image my future now. Scares me the chance, my pain stay the same for a long time.
Why would it work? People break up and that it. You’re amazingly intuned to my pain. But, NC is not a reality and it gives me false hope. He left me for younger women. He’s not going to come back and I’m dying
😢❤
@@Metamorphosis2.0 thanks. It never got better.
But why would you take someone back after they have been with another person ?
Just to be a backup option ? Nah.. im good
I made the mistake of talking to him after 3 weeks of no contact. All it did was break my heart again and set me back. I think, at least, I didn’t make him think I’ll be his safety net, so maybe not a total loss.
Hey there coach! I hope that you’re having a great day!
The MARC in the house! You too!
I was left by a girlfriend of 5 years. I never saw it coming. We hadn't been talking for about 3 weeks after an argument, then she brought me some belongings I had left at her apt, in a new car that I had never seen before. She called once after that on her lunch break a couple of days later. Then, after two weeks of no contact. She called me on 12-23-23 acting kind of nervous and asked to see me for a moment. I said sure! I come out to see her and was greeted to a cheesy Christmas card with $100.00 in it. Then I was told how much I hurt her about 5 weeks prior and she would like to be friends and needs to work on herself. I protested and asked why so suddenly...what happened? I said you don't throw away 5 years over an argument!!!! She then says I am just not ready to continue in a relationship. I then got angry and asked why? I pushed my head through the open car window and deep kissed her for about 12 seconds. She wasn't fazed, I then asked is there someone else? She then says " I am talking to someone "! She left me standing in the street. I called after I was sure she made it home. I told her I loved her, she is all I have. Please don't leave. Please don't do this to me. I don't want to loose you. She said "I can't". I said WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T? She said I just can't, it's too late. I got more angry and emotional and said things I should not have. I texted an apology Christmas eve morning and wished her the best, she replied thank you and merry Christmas, I responded in kind. After thinking about the above conversation. It would seem she has been talking to this other guy while she was still with me. Plus she told me she has work to do and not wanting a relationship right now. But, in the same conversation.....she says I am talking to someone else? I wish I could take back all the time, money and jewelry I wasted, but I still LOVE her.
Well, I haven't said broke the no contact rule since, but it has only been barely two weeks. I hope to speak with her at sometime. I hope no contact works.
I’m sorry man. Praying for you.
@migzm14
Well, the no contact rule worked like a charm! Her rebound relationship fell apart she came back. I didn't run right back with her immediately and made it clear. I am not interested in playing games if she wants to try and repair the damage. It has been a few months, and things are going well. I also made sure she severed all ties with the other guy.
Thank you for your prayers.
I needed this one
June 8 today August 1st . Didnt realize she had her “shared location” until July 1st.
I moved 3,000 miles away. Still no contact.
Seeing the texts how she say” You are 1 for me” then she disappeared.
Thanks coach Ken. I'm not sure if your videos will get me back with my ex, but it certainly helps relieve the pain.
Over half a year now and they were still triying to chat in public (but not in private) before I shut them out a few days ago, even though they are still dating others. I believe they were trying to use public attention to force me staying in their life, not sure if they truly wanted me to stay or just for show. Likely fearful avoidant and quite BPD/vulnurble NPD.
Everyone’s temporary.
I'm at 6.5 months and still going nuts, its a major loss, I'm still blocked
Don't even check it - move forward like you know its over, knowing that its your best chance for them to actually come back - as confusing as that sounds
You gotta accept that it's over to move forward. Thinking any day now they'll come back for you keeps you like chuck on castaways stranded out on the island. They are not coming and if they do you could've been off that island by now finding someone better than that h,e or healed and thriving solo tbh
Great video bro
Coach KEN you are truly amazing so right on ..THANK YOU.. unfortunately it's been over a yr and headed for divorce court,
I'm sorry to hear that! Prayers and thoughts are with you
No contact is extremely challenging when you have children and a home together I have moved out and am staying with a friend but we still have to communicate multiple days a week and see each other for the kids
I went on no contact for almost 2 weeks and my ex got so mad
He tried the reach out but I didn’t reply neither his texts no calls
Then he showed up on my door
He deleted all the memories all the pictures
All the chats
During this 1 year and 3 months
He told me as you behave as if I’m not existed anymore I’ll delete you in all the apps as well
What’s this behavior
He cheated on me
That was the reason of break up even though he never accepted it and denied it
I think you did the right thing
What does it mean to focus on yourself... 1st plant the seed and live in the end . How would you act and feel if you had everything you wanted... You have to maintain that mindset and behaviors. Take on a project ....Example your health and fitness like really invest in a planner specifically for that and get very detailed and make appointments for workout and meal prepping. Basically, begin taking on projects in different aspects of life .
Thank you, coach. This video has been very helpful!
130days in no response, he's right it wasn't all that anyway, she was expensive 😊😮
Great video, Ken! Excellent topic...
Glad you enjoyed it! - Thanks Jann!
You are dead on. She loves live music and this guy she’s liking his stuff and he’s liking hers is a singer……it’s her perfect match…. Best to focus on yourself so when and she will…. Come back you are the best version of yourself and makes her say wow I really messed up and lost the best thing that ever happened to me…. What the hell was I thinking and I wonder if I can even get him back. ? What will also happen is you will meet some new bad ass chick you didn’t think could even exist and she will be so drawn to you it will blow your mind ❤ you can’t coast uphill… never stop working on yourself and never give up what you love for someone else
Are you reading my mind, Coach Ken?
Love what you've done to the place - got some very unique thoughts and concepts in here
Why would you take an ex back? Because there has been a reason to come together, live years together while you grow almost to one person, even thinking the same way and growing and leaning together... why shouldnt I give that a second chance?
Starting no contact today! We broke up a month ago but we have been in almost daily communication since then. Her rebound cheated on her and now she’s trying with someone else. I’m hoping no contact is going to work, other than God it’s all I have!
And I know people are going to say “move on” but this girl genuinely is the love of my life. I know everybody has one but the way they view their loves are all different. I do have hope for us, somehow. And I finally have the time to focus on bettering myself.
Move on is literally the worst thing people can say. Don’t lose hope.
Sorry to hear that bud. Regardless how you feel about this person no contact is the best you can do. Not gonnna say move on, but the fact that you know about their rebound is a bad position to be in. You dont want to remain convenient for her. She doesnt do it to be mean, it just happens naturally if your desperation allows that. You have no idea how hard it was to tell my ex I am not interested in friendship. A few weeks later though we met up and I was in a different frame, it was flirty etc. just like before, not sure if that would happen if I was going along what ever she wanted at the time. She hasnt hinted wanting a relationship back, but the point is you have to come from a position of strenght.
I actually talked to you back in May, fast forward to now it's been 5 months and nothing. She left me for another guy and finally last night I decided to give in and tried to reach out to her only to find out she still has my number routed straight to voicemail and I can't help but feel absolutely hopeless. 6-year relationship infer about the last year she was pulling away and totally uninvested
Did your ex ever reach out to you???
I'm in the middle of one of the worst breakups ever had in my life oh, she won't give me a new my personal belongings back, took out a temporary restraining order on me because I tried to go speak to her, you know the classic mistakes.
Now she's constantly posting on social media, about how happy she is and how I'm the worst after a two-year relationship.
Haven't spoken to her since July 18th and have a hearing on August 25th, I'm doing the best I can to project strength and stay in no contact.
This video has definitely helped me feel a little better
Please don't reach out - I understand the urge and fear and anxiety and everything else you're feeling but trust me, reaching out in your spot deeply reinforces the idea that you are not only strong enough to rebuild attraction it gives plenty of ammo to pain you as a dangerous person
@@CoachKen thank you I really appreciate the response, yes I'm doing everything in my power to just stay quiet and away, I know inevitably things will come to a resolution
For me its been no contact for nearly 2 months. Wasnt the best ending but i still love her. Its my birthday on Sunday and im not expecting any wishes from her but if i don't get any i think ill be gutted still.
Women can be incredibly cruel , stay strong, you’re not alone , I think men ( I’m one ) have enabled this behaviour, time to take the power back, focus on yourself
Try not to look - sometimes blocking her number can be a scary but sanity saving choice to make
@@CoachKenthanks for the comment. I think you're right but at the same time I'll be sweet if nothing comes. It will only spur me on to get past this even more to be honest. If someone doesn't have the decency to do that then I really have the final nail in the coffin and I can move on.
@@laurencegoodwin4047Cheers bro. I've been the gym nearly every day since and continuing to improve myself. This is just a blip
Good video. Thanks!
As a woman with AuDHD and a chronic limerence sufferer, how do I stop my obsessive thoughts? I want to let them go but my brain won't let me. I wake up and they're the first thing on my mind it's torture and makes me feel pathetic
I accidentally broke 3 weeks of NC by accidentally following back them on their socials after unfollowing when we broke up. It was such a dumb mistake and now I’m back to square one 😭 i didn’t reach out or anything but i still so embarrassed 😔
Did your ex ever reach out to you???
She went out of town with her friends and ignored my text all day and I reached out to her to ask if she was genuinely interested or just wasting time and she said she was over it. Been in NC 3 weeks but I can’t help but think about her. I have a feeling she expects me to reach out but we gon wait it out and see. Been in the gym and getting back in the field so I’m anticipating how everything goes
@Coach Ken We work around each other. Mine love interest still looks at me multiple times a day every day but it's been 15 months of "No Contact". Now she is seeing a guy in the office. They appear VERY happy. i see them all the time now around each other. Have i lost her?
Excellent Coach❤
1.5 month of no contact. Not in relationship for 4 months. My bad behaviour, related to substance abuse and lying caused most of the break up. I apologised and currently on professional help few months already and sober. I wonder how should I continue that NC.
I’m almost in an identical boat as u, I’m also a month into no contact stay strong and focus on yourself and don’t reach out, these relationship professionals would have more valuable advice than anybody in a comment section brother.
@@colbygarnett5102 Thanks, bro. Ain't easy but staying strong. Let me know how your thing goes.
NC for one week and he called me. That’s well and good but still has someone else. He doesn’t think I know. He’s gauging my interest. I’m not discussing our relationship until I see the commitment
Well, I broke no contact after about 1.5 months. She blocked me. I circumvented that to message her on instagram and she didn't block me there at first. Then I tried to upload some photos to our shared google drive and I guess it emailed her, maybe a bunch of times. She messaged me saying she felt stalked and watched, possibly because I mentioned I knew she went back to her ex. I found that out online by accident, but maybe she thinks I followed her IRL, which I didn't and never would. So now I'm blocked everywhere and can't even do no contact. The only good thing about it is I cant really watch her life now, which reduces the severity of the obsessive pain.
You did sound like a narc stalker tho lol. How long was you with her? How long was the ex?
Yeah that word gets thrown around and it has less meaning currently BUT anytime someone mentions stalking then not only pull back - PULL WAY BACK AND DISCONNECT. You're in forced no contact which can suck but it does you the favor of making you not reach out - so live like she isn't coming back and believe if she ever does change her mind she'll find a way to reach out to you and the fact that you have her number blocked isn't going to stop her - if she doesn't, at minimum you get to let her remember you as someone who ultimately was strong enough to walk away
@@remyd1984 Why do you say that? I love her, my actions are guided by severe pain. She always told me she was over him, had no feelings for him, that the love she felt for him was false. She was with me for seven months, with him for four, two years ago.
@@CoachKen Yea at this point I guess it's done for good. Tragic because in my mind she's still there. Every morning and every night I feel like she's still with me, and throughout the day my mind burns with severe pain in awareness of losing her.
Putting my commitment here to never reach out to her again until she reaches out to me. May she have peace and find happiness without me.
Nearly 3 months NC and the good days feel short and the bad days feel long
Did your ex ever reach out to you???
@archangelelmo she actually has. Took about 7 months and it's just been small talk for now. I'm not the one to initiate a convocation first. She's been texting small things like memes or funny stuff she thinks I'd like. But little by little we are texting. I'm just taking it for what it is for now. Not going to get my hopes up or be the one to ask to see her. But trust the process and stay in no contact. If you were good to them they'll remember it and miss you. I was nothing but good to her. She was definitely scared of commitment. I'd say she had a aviodant attachment. Think of aviodant girls like cats haha sounds funny but let them go and eventually they'll come back when they're ready and feel the space or absence of you. Not sure what you're going through but no contact works.
Ok Coach I am confused now, 2 videos ago you said we could break no contact to not ask for another chance but to address how they must have felt, I was doing awesome in no contact but broke it to address how she must have felt, I got no response as I suspected, but I sent that one text then went right back into no contact, did I misunderstand did I throw away all the hard work of no contact that I had put in?
I think that other video about breaking no-contact once was applicable if and only if you did objectively something that made your ex break up with you: Being absent due to work, cheating, blatantly neglecting your ex's needs...
It's been 6 months with only a few breadcrumbs...ready to let go but it's hard even with all that time gone
I remember seeing a video stating that even if you chased in the beginning, going no contact is still a sudden break in your behavior that it will get their attention eventually. Either way, no contact is an opportunity for you to work on yourself and properly heal after the breakup. You could have chased for 5 years and still at some point you have to stop contacting them and let yourself move on. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.
@ABC321936 in that 6 months, I haven't reached out once. I didnt chase and only said I understand her decision but don't agree with it. I only replied casually and politely when she reached out. I've also been working on myself a lot. I lost close to 50 lbs and workout 5 or 6 days a week and have been working with a therapist for the last 4 months to deal with my own stress and anxiety. We were together for 2 years and I was blindsided by the breakup as there was never any arguments and no signs or conversations that even hinted that she was unhappy in the relationship. So I am doing no contact for me, but it doesn't make it any less hard to deal with the loss of someone just walking away.
Embrace that hurt as evidence of your depth not as evidence of your unworthiness
She left me got the rebound. On holiday together and that.
Holidays and rebounds are painful for you to witness BUT it also sets a VERY unrealistic expectation for them because the limerence of the new relationship + the holiday + any vacation sets an unrealistic standard - which leads eventually to disappointment
@@CoachKen thanks Ken, what if I drive past her cause we are in the same area and we see each other. What should I do?
@jason2723 from experience I’d advise HIGHLY against this if at all possible
Coach Ken I have a question. I've been talking to this girl since mid May we dated and everything and when she left to vacay on 8th of july I asked her about relationship and us together 2 days before her trip and she said yes that she felt we will end up together. We talked everyday through july, not single minute passed that we didn't talk. From good morning to good night, we had plans where will we go, hang out, go out, go to the beach, everything. 2 days ago I came to her city for vacay where also my mother is born, we met up, kissed, everything else. Everything was perfect. She asked me also how I felt these 20 days when we were in "LDR", I said it was hard but im ok now, she said that she felt weird. The problem is also that she has problems in her family. Their parents can't stand each other, they argue all the time, fight, he is beating her... they dont live together and they will break up the marriage. She said that she is ok but deep down she is fucked up. Everything changed in 3 days, when we linked up 2nd time when I came back. She told me that she is f up, that she found a pefrume in her dads room, she asked whats that he said it was for your mother, a present, and he said you can take it now its yours but dont take it with yourself when you leave when you go to your mom and dont show her because that was for other women not for her mom she thinks. She told me that she doesn't know how to tell that to her mom, she also told me that she doesn't know what to do, she doesn't want relationship rn, she doesn't want anyone to go through that with her cause she "would not give me enough attention because of everything" etc. She said she needs space, she needs no contact to examine things and everything. We agreed to meet up on 21st of August to talk about us and everything when we both come back from vacay. That would be 20 days of no contact for us. My question is should I be radio silent till 20th of August or send her 1 od 2 messages in that period because of ther situation in her family, thats the main problem, that family situation. If everything was perfect and that thing with family didn't exist I would leave her alone but that problem its kills my thinking. "Should I check on her in that period ask about her mom brother if they are good" or leave it alone and go silent till 20th when im gonna ask her where will we meet up. I don't know what to do. She doesn't want me to leave her life forever, thats the thing. She doesn't see us long term in relationship rn and I understand that because she is scared about attachment to (me) because of her parents and their situation. I just don't know, I was fucked up first 2 days, now Im standing still, its hard but I think I will make it. Also in this period of 2 days after she told me that, she was going out with her friend, and uploading pics of herself when she goes out which I have nothing against. Im not her owner or anything. She is going through a phase I dont know. Somebody help. I know its a long text and I know its early and new relationship but everything was perfect until that moment. I know that our relationship has potential because we together work perfectly, im also a believer, she is also, we both go to church, I pray, she prays. Dont know, Im f up Coach
Yeah, staring at rocks. One year, and nothing from her. Dismissive avoidant with a hard as granite head. Not sure what to do at this point.
I hear ya! Hard headed,drinks too much and it was easier to monkey branched into another relationship then to fix said problems. I wish this would be a topic. About how you get dumped because of alcohol and other substances and they leave you behind as the problem, and they don't work on themselves. This is the worst way to get dumped!! All that you invested and in the end thats how they left you
Do they not come back when they are in denial of their very real problems? No contact won't work if this is the case in my opinion. Frustrated 😞 😢😢😢😢
Nothing. Just move on
Lol, the dog was a big reason why it didnt work out. But igeel this pain. We are still trying to stay froends but even thats hard at times.
I just want to remind y’all that if you have to go no-contact, there is a very strong possibility that the two of should not be together.
Hi coach Ken,
If you don’t mind me asking, how long were you and your exes broken up before getting back together?
I’ve been in NC for just over 2 months and I’m losing hope even though I know I shouldn’t.
But does the avoidant want you to come back even if they don’t come back? Like if their own guilt or shame is holding them back from reaching out could they maybe deep down want us to break it for the both of us?
Hi Coach Ken,
Thanks for your life-saving videos.
Would you be able to make a video about how to deal with an ex-wife with a Histrionic personality disorder, she seems to be like a narcissistic character. I am about 4 months no contact with her and she didn't even bother, she seems to be so selfish and avoidant personality. The last time when we had a chat before she leave, she said I'd rather be in various relationships every few months with another guy as I want to enjoy my life and she said she don't care if her future relationships won't last long. what's your thought on this? I wish I got away but the problem is that we have a kid and I am in scarcity as well, can not find a better one at the moment. I am so sad, I don't know what to do.
7 months into NC. Started right after the BU. I didn’t beg or plead, I was just sad.
He’s now thriving and doing all the things we were supposed to do together without me (and God knows, maybe with someone else).
My thoughts are wild and I’m losing hope. It just feels like he never cared about me
No contact can be more complicated if someone else is in the picture or if you're dealing with a manipulator
Thank you Coach!
He’s in Europe (we were LDR) visiting all our mutual friends even though they haven’t spoken for 3+ years. And I’m being ignored.
- he never wanted to visit me. This hurts
Did your ex ever reach out to you???
Nope! 1 year and 7 months of NC and not a peep
Who gives a damn let them go!!!! No one has time to be jumping threw all those hoops!!! Life to short!!! Not doing all that bullshit!!!✌️
Very insightful @obnoxiouswoman!
Day 52 of NC after second break up with the same girl... Idk what's going to happen.. It just hurts
I need help with my break up. I’m not going to lay out the complete story as I would need pages after pages. But if you ex changed from losing a parent ( mother ) and her dad turned her against you and then she breaks up with u and believes there’s no other solution, are these types off break ups final.
We went in temporary LDR at the time so we broke up while being apart. At first she said she lost feelings but wanted to stay in touch. But afterwords her choice off breaking up was because off country differences. I wanted her to move to me but since it happened she didn’t want to move and that’s why she ended it. We was living together for 7 years but the universe broke us up due to bad timing. Any info appreciated.
My ex and i broke up right before christmas. We were still texting till 15th of Jan, I decided go NC. He reached out after couple of weeks, I responded, then he disapeared on me. Last time he texted me was Feb 1st, then disapeared again, I blocked him untill Feb 14th. Not sure if he ever tried to text me. No idea if he ever going to reach out again.
What about if you're applying no contact with your ex but he is a very determined person and very literal. And if he said it's over, it's over. Ans even worse, if I myself tell him it's over, he takes it literal and has the willpower to not come back? If that makes any sense...
Yes but they have to care. Some times they are just done , out for good from the day of the break up.
For 6 months i chased i feel if i go in no contact will do nothing
Not the best plan - but now that you're there, understand the concept of pattern interruption and let her notice the pursuit she's grown used to getting from you is gone. It does get their attention
How about if the ex is dismissive avoidant, does it really work too, coach?
I have been married for 26 years. My wife told me in January that she wanted a divorce. I moved out in Feb. We've had contact a few times but right now it's been 1 month of no contact. But she still hasn't filed for divorce. This seems to make it worse for me. Does she really want a divorce? Is she just needing time apart? I'm so confused and it's getting harder and harder to no to pick up the phone and call her. I'm so lost after 26 years and I'm finding a hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
same here, although we split up already in november last year and still no divorce
been together way less than you but it's killing me
It’s been like 4-5 months no contact broke up bout 10-11 months ago. Together for 4 years. Any advice would be great
More details help - but short of that don't look at 5 months of no contact doesn't mean its hopeless - seen much longer happen many many times
He’s not coming back. He’s racking up a body count and that’s all I was a part of. Feels like he got off Scott free while I got shattered.
Hope was actually what tourmented me and didnt allow me to grow. I could not go on, with my heart literally in pain. Yes, shes broken no contact multiple times in last 3 months since, and I have plenty of reasons to think why a relationship that never took off will be revived, but save yourself the pain. Be open to her coming back, but until you see definate signs, i think its far fetched to hope just because they care and check on you, they want to be in a relationship, dont fool yourself. If you “move on” you’ll be in a better position if she ever comes back, if not you will be okay too.
I’ve been broken up since February tried no contact but the longest it has been is 5 days before she reaches out to me. She meets me says how she had a great time still has feelings for me yet we can’t be together because of her family objecting. What am I meant to do?
Hi coach ken I had a diffrent story that my ex broken up with me saying that i have lost feeling for u and also she tried to feel but it doesn't work so she broke up with me i get a promise that when ever u have feelings for me u have to come to me she promised me and also i am very emotional and i started pleading,begging for 3 times then she said ok if u really loved me then u have to success in your life to proof your love and she said even u have succeeded and going to the big place also i wont be feel 'oh no i missed this person' like that and she said i wont be come to u dont be hope after this i am in no contact for 20 days now.Whether i have any chances of getting her back?
Can I even get my ex back when I was the rebound and she went back to her previous boyfriend? Been in no contact for 3 months or so. The struggle is real 😔 is there even any chance? Our relationship was amazing and I'm starting to think it's one sided.. or should i just forfeit and give up?
She’s borderline we have children together; she’s a mess hates me right now in limerance being aside piece to a married man because I broke up with her she chased me for over a year whilst I was messed up from my service after I got out of the army. I exposed her affair she told me she’s happy with him & we are never getting back together it’s over move on never contact me again. Then a week later she reached out to me for help we hung out with the kids then she said this can’t go past friends I just don’t want to see you hurt then starts being old mate side chick again. Argh 💔 now she won’t even respond to anything from me. 😔
Ya my ex is in a relationship which has been longer than 6 months so no contact for me seems like a waste of time (in terms of time frame). 65 days into no contact and nothing. She still watches all of my Instagram stories though which is breaking me coz I know it doesn’t mean anything.