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Being disinherited by your toxic family
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 ส.ค. 2024
- Being disinherited by your toxic family #narcissism #childhoodtrauma #abuserecovery #scapegoat
Check out my new blog @ www.thescapegoatclub.com!
Thank you for watching. If you are dealing with a toxic relationship, please look after yourself and get professional help if you are able.
Please drop me a line below to tell me what you think, what your experiences are and if there is anything you’d like me to cover. I can’t do this without your support. Please like and subscribe if you enjoy the content. And if you can make a financial contribution towards making the videos, no matter how small, please check out www.patreon.com/thescapegoatclub.
Much love, Chess xxx
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This is a personal account of my experiences. I am not diagnosing anybody in my family as narcissistic. If you are in danger of physical abuse & harm, from others or yourself, please contact your local emergency services immediately.
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DISCLAIMER: The information contained within the TH-cam channel 'The Scapegoat Club' is not a substitute for professional advice such as a doctor, psychologist, psychiatrist, or other therapist. The information provided by the TH-cam channel 'The Scapegoat Club' does not constitute legal or professional advice nor is it intended to be. Only a trained medical professional can diagnose psychological or medical conditions.
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My mental health is more important than money 🤷♀️
yes!!! 100%.
I was disinherited and didn't care. Using money to manipulate me was a big failure. I am totally capable of taking care of myself.
I love this! Thank you for saying this so straight up.
So you have a guaranteed income that will grow when the dollar shrinks plus every emergency is covered. You state "Using money to manipulate me was a big failure" which means you were manipulated and it failed! huh? Stay healthy since it sounds like your family hates you too. Inheritance is received when someone dies and I doubt anyone has died so as to manipulate you. The next comment thinks you say this "so straight up" so obviously we have one person more mixed up than you are.
Well, you chose to not let it affect your life but, on some level, it cannot help but affect you. Good you could stay strong!
@@kennethedwards1677not so sure about that! I have always said life was the great equalizer. It has been nearly 2 years since my cluster B mother died, and our business future has never been brighter!
Amen
It’s stunning and crushing when you realize that you’re not participating in your “family “ legacy.Some of us never did and had a notion that we wouldn’t. It’s still very disappointing and excommunicating. I know how it feels.
100%. Thank you for being here. Hope you’re doing ok. ❤️🩹
@nickroth7446 are you for real ! You expect to be financially rewarded for walking away from your parents 😂😂😂
There is no greater hurt and betrayal than this. The lying and gaslighting is something I will never get over. 😢
Thinking of you xx
Financial abuse is no joke, having narc parent will use that to keep you by their side to keep abusing you and then guilt you for daring to look out for yourself and not their needs. Having grown up with a vulnerable narc father I can tell you fighting that guilt was so tough to go against at first but so worth it. Stay safe fam ❤
Thanks so much for your comment. So glad you got through it ❤️❤️
I never expected anything. It was obvious for years that I wasn't wanted. My mom was poor and had nothing to give. If she had been a billionaire, I would not have expected anything. All I ever wanted was to matter to her and my brother.
So true, and so sad. Totally. Love would have been priceless. ❤️🩹
Remember, All the money in the world can't bring their sanity back while you, troubled as you may be, can still have yours.
so true!
I’m weeping. I can’t believe this is a video…. I was cut completely out of my family like I don’t exist. My older sister took everything when my dad died over 20 years ago. My step dad recently passed and deja vu. She swooped in on her broom and took over again. It’s really painful cause I was the one who took care of her children. I always loved her and looked up to her and she’s basically just shit on me my whole life…. May God forgive my family
Betty I am so sorry. I hope you are ok ❤🩹. what they did reflects their worth not yours. sending support to you.
Take that witch to court!
Thank you for sharing. I know this pain personally. There are no easy answers to why or what this means today, yesterday or in the future. I have come to a place of where I can move on with my life as best I can in loving and healthy way. I know I carry this with me, it never leaves me, and grief attacks come and go, I do not dwell in them as I have in the past. I am so grateful for the blessing of time, love, and healing. I wish that for you and all that have or will know this is terrible pain.
Thank you for sharing this perspective. I hear the wisdom form your experience. I think that what you describe is the best outcome a lot of us can hope for. Wishing you well.
I just went to the PVA office and found a copy of my fathers will. Kept from me after his death. He cut me out of the will totally. My brother took a 4 BR house, a car, a bunch of money and stopped talking to me. Did not tell me about the funeral. My mom enabled all this and never told me anything. I have no recourse at all. 4 decades of abuse and my dad on the way out was like I do not care if my kid starves and dies by the side of the road. Holy sht. Like the hate is beyond human. I was nice to these people (family) for 4 years. I will not be playing nice with these people any more.
I'm so sorry. I can hear how hard this is for you. I hope you can find a way to support yourself going forwards. They are obviously not people you can rely on.
Your brother will not be happy with that money. Deep down it will gnaw at him. If he turns out like your cruel parents, that will be it's own punishment. Probably knowing this is of little comfort, but no amount of money is worth losing your soul over.
Similar with my sister. There is indeed no recourse, and so many people will tell you to "fight for it, and not let them get away with it." They don't get it. I sort of figured I would be written out, but when it actually happened, it was still a gut punch. I am sorry. You aren't alone in that.
When I stopped contact with my mentally ill, abusive mother after I developed PTSD six years ago, I realised she might disinherit me one day because that would be exceptionally hurtful and therefore a really good move in her eyes. Just this week, she disinherited my brother and wrote to me asking if I would like to be too and to let her know! I’m glad I considered that in advance, so it was less of a shock. It’s awful but weirdly freeing too. Now I feel no obligation to visit her at the end, clear her property or attend her funeral. That’s good for me and my mental health. She is also showing her true colours, which is pleasing. I am remaining silent while she wreaks havoc as usual. She will not drive my brother and I apart, we will not play her games.
Oh wow, your mother sounds like quite the bully. Asking you if you wanted to be disinherited?! When you are already estranged. Talk about passive aggressive. Good for you for sticking with what you know and keeping well away. Stay well!
My mother told me yesterday that she is leaving everything to my brother's children when up to this point she always said things were to be split evenly between us. I was greatly depending on it, I have struggled my entire life. My parents are responsible for causing me to have bipolar disorder and it really put things into perspective that she doesn't give a shit about me.
Yes I am dealing with the possibility of this happening right now. STAND UP AND BE YOURSELF YOU ARE STRONG WILLED AND GOOD VALUES But I can remember saying I’m not going to put up with the few years left of punishment and abuse for the inheritance. It is a lot but I also knew that this was developing years ago. I decided to make my own preparations so that they couldn’t hold the money over my head later on. It’s a sad state of affairs. It’s mean, hollow and disgusting.
Yes! 100% to all you said. 💕
Same here. I went no contact wih dad then 80. I love my peace more than the money he stole from my starved to death and tortured then deceased mother. Disinheriting me is going to be his last faul trick I expect. I am prepared and it will not affect my wellbeing.
Glad you’re looking after you. 🤛🏻
@@thescapegoatclub no fight for your share
I met another scapegoat a few years sgo who got stuck in the large family house nursing her narc parents to the deaths. Only to find out that the house and all the family money had been left to her absent siblings. Her parents were strict Christians and basically used religion to blackmail her into caring for them. The siblings took the money and the scapegoat was left with nothing. Not even a house to live in. But what I found really hard to understand was how she refused to see her parents as anything but toxic???
You raise such a great point that sometimes we have been so conditioned or are so confused, we can’t see the truth that is staring us in the face. And when religion is used as a cover or leverage to further a false narrative, it gets ugly. I’m so sorry to hear this story and hope this person is doing ok. It’s heartbreaking that she was overlooked for her siblings.
It’s called trauma bonding.
What I can't understand is when, knowing the narcissistic parent is threatening to disinherit a sibling, why the other sibling(s) who acknowledge the parent's disordered behaviour don't say, we'll give you your share whatever the will actually says.
Greed
My thoughts exactly its been 3 years Im still grieving and dont speak to4 of them just devastated by their actions each got $500,000 to me as social worker that's a lot of money greed😢
The siblings are usually pitted against each other and raised to hate the scapegoat. The siblings then feel justified in keeping the money.
Oh my goodness, I don't have words enough to express how relieved i am to have found your channel, this particular short talk resonates so painfully in an incredibly powerful way..
For so many years since managing to escape in the early 2000's geographically away from my manipulative, narcissistic but ever so 'perfect' (as declared by my father so many times) parents, I have spent decades awkwardly lurching between elation(at getting away), guilt (as they aged) and wincing in my own skin with shame and self loathing at being publicly known by all in the family as the black sheep/scapegoat/shame of the family. Then, just as I was starting to feel that maybe I was beginning to get some kind of a handle on all the stinking thinking and ugly emotions, Mum was killed suddenly abroad in a horrendous incident in 2018 and Dad was hospitalized for many months critically ill... and so, when he was repatriated to hospital in the UK a few weeks later I travelled to visit him, naively hoping that this tragedy might have changed him somehow....but honestly I could kick myself hard in the guts for being so naive. My youngest brother came straight out as soon as he saw me before going into the hospital that Mum did not want me at her funeral, her wishes specifically apparently, which was baldly reiterated right away by Dad. I had to accept this of course although it was a horrid dark and complicated time and to be honest I've still not really come to terms with any of it it all.. Dad however, even though he was in a shocking state, with almost every bone in his body broken and being sick into paper cups because he'd contacted some superbug still somehow managed to land really hurtful putdowns and jibes at me and i just stood there like a lemon in silence, lost for words not knowing how to respond. Fast forward to last Xmas day, after 5 years of keeping away from him after the hospital episode, i softened and phoned him..i could kick myself again.., he told my brother afterwards that he'd had a really wonderful call with me.., but the ugly reality was it was an uninterruptible monologue of him speaking At me...the usual put downs and snide comments while crowing how incredibly well him and my 2 younger brothers and their families are all doing eg flashy holidays, both brothers magically paid off their mortgages etc...and then in the next breath he began boasting about how much capital wealth and jewels (of Mums) he's bequeathed them all. Before managing to get a word in edgeways to get away from that call, he came out with 'if my eyesight was better I would come up here, get me and bring me home' like I'm some sort of inanimate possession 🤬to which i replied 'I Am home, bye' and ended the call. I've ignored his pretendy, nicey emails since even the last one from last week which said 'have you fallen out with me', errr seriously? Should i respond or just block him and my enabling brothers? Any kind words of wisdom would be so welcomed. Love to all x
Oh my, I'm sorry you're dealing with all this. I think it is incredibly hard navigating narcissistic parents, and then when illness, accident and death come into the picture it gets even harder. Your comment says clearly that every time you try to resume contact you could 'kick yourself' for doing so. I truly believe we have to go with that. When we know that nothing is changing and it's a manipulative, unhealthy, difficult relationship for us, we need to keep ourselves safe, first and foremost. Having our lives constantly turned upside down by people who can't support us isn't good. If you can keep some contact, feel it's worth it, and can do so without your life going sideways- great. If you have to give up a lot to keep the relationship going, and the payoff isn't there, I would question is it worth it? Wishing you all the best! Thanks for being here.
Being disinherited is the ultimate betrayal. My dad told me "I don' t like your attitude, and unless you change, I am legally separating you from the family." He ended up not doing it, but my GC sister had him re-write his Will and wrote me out. If your narc parents do not do it, your narc sibling will. Someone will find a way to make sure you get zero.
I am so sorry to hear your experience. So much manipulation and control there. I hope you are doing ok and finding your own way forwards.
My godfather left me out of his will but included only a couple of nephews. I treated him like a father. Gave him equal to what dad got. He gladly took took took, but I wasn’t good enough to be an inheritance. The oddest thing is I expected it. The women in our family are simply not good enough. I especially wasn’t because of being the scapegoat. I am sad, but now am happy to go no contact with people who were in on it! I’m also saving more for my retirement knowing that I won’t get a cushion. I’m fine without them. It just hurts to not be loved. That hurts. I didn’t ever ask first money, even when very sick with hefty medical bills. So at least I wasn’t a mooch!
I can completely relate. My father and my sister deceptively cut me out despite my mother's wishes. He managed to use some legal maneuverings. It's a very sick thing and you have to decide whether to go the legal route or just let it all go. I do think letting it go is better for your mental health. But it's such a struggle because there's so much anger. It's hard because it's not only a dead parents, but it's a betraying sibling as well. I don't know how people could be so horrible. I can't imagine doing this to anybody. It's a shock. I feel for you because I know how hard this is to take and it's going to take a lifetime. I'm not even sure if a lifetime is enough to get over it.
Thank you so much for commenting. I feel like our experience parallels in so many ways. That decision of whether to take legal action or not is so hard, isn’t it? But I agree, for me anyway, that letting go is the better. I think the mental freedom, or at least not having to constantly revisit battle lines is worth way more than money. And the hurt and betrayal seem to fade with the knowledge that the people who are doing it just aren’t wired in a way that I have any interest in. Wishing you all the best. Thanks again. ❤️🩹
My narcissistic father used to "joke" he would write one or another of his children out of the will (not his will but THE will). I have been excommunicated I believe in preparation for being removed. I know that being the scapegoat, it is very likely to happen to me, but I also know it has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with me. They do not even know me and cannot.
You’re so right that it is no reflection on you. How can it be when they see their version of who you are, not the real person. Hope you’re doing ok. Welcome to the club!
A "scapegoat"is the creature the others follow to the slaughter and slips away to gather more. And what is THE will? And why is "narcissist" such a popular word now?? An inheritance is not yours until the judge decrees it to be after someone dies and even then there might be stipulations. You all talk like it is available to you all day. Nope. Plus the dollar loses value everyday.
My estranged narcissist mother disinherited me, and my narcissistic dad often threatened to if I ever displeased him, despite me having chronic illnesses and not being able to work. He knew full well how that money would help me. I never gave him a reaction, as I knew that's what he wanted.
Luckily he never actually took action on it, and the money has helped massively, but I still have the chronic illnesses caused by the stress of such a toxic family.
I always felt materialistic about not being included in my mother's will, but you explained it so well - it's a financial version of worth, and mine was nothing.
I'm glad you got something in the end, although it never makes up for the loss of love. Wishing you well with your health and future.
Don't discuss disinheritance with those who haven't experienced it they will not understand or, worse, blame you for it.
Thank you for discussing this important topic -covered it well, with a real insiders understanding. I am dealing with this now. After the first parent died, the second parent was passive and feigned being incapable of taking care of all the unfinished issues. So like the good daughter that I am, they were all settled by me. I settled real estate holdings, rentals, legal problems, financing issues, re-investing…you name it - to great and profitable success. The dust hadn’t settled, when the significant financial abuse began (mostly by my siblings, and particularly a toxic sister), on multiple levels (gaslighting, ostracizing, excluding, smear campaigns, bullying, etc). The surviving parent remained “passive”, tho I suspect she played a larger part than she let on. It appeared to be undue influence, or perhaps some other financial abuse, but I can’t say for sure. I kept records and think I have a good case with substantial evidence, But I am struggling on an emotional level. The thought of going to court against any member of my family is just so heartbreaking, deeply triggering. There is a lot of money on the line, much of it (which I made possible for the family) that can now be used against me to hire lawyers, drag things out. On one level, it seems I should do the sensible thing and hire a lawyer and pursue what is rightfully mine, but the thought simply puts my head in a spin. When I let go this idea of taking the legal path, good things just seem to flow to me, land on my lap. The more distance I have from my family, the happier I am. The truth is, it never was about the money. It took me awhile to see that. I just wanted a healthy relationship with them (separate from all the money/business/triangulation drama). That is and was impossible. I see that now. This fairly recent separation from the family system has helped me to bring awareness of some of my issues, work towards modification and healing. Thank you so much again for covering this topic. Well done.
I’m so sorry to hear this. There are similarities between our experiences and I feel a lot of your pain. The injustice of it all, the fear of a drawn out legal dispute. It’s nasty. As you say, so much of it isn’t about money, it’s about fairness and decency. I hope you can follow your heart and gut on this, and do what most aligns with what you need. Sending 💓💓
Yes, that’s it exactly! I struggle sometimes to find the right words, get to the crux. I appreciate how you manage to describe these situations so succinctly and eloquently. It helps tremendously. Thank you for all you do ❤️
My situation is similar, except that it was my grandparents who raised me and therefore when my grandfather (who I adored,and the feeling was mutual)not a narcissistic bone in that man's body got diagnosed with dementia, my grandmother couldn't cope so I took care of him,when he passed away my grandmother (the narcissist) started a smear campaign,recruiting other family members mainly my half sister and her husband to lie,and abuse me so much so that my grandmother changed her phone number,changed her locks,set up a LPA (my half sister)and made a will in a week?the woman was 93 years of age was deaf,and cognitively wasn't in full capacity I believe.she passed away last month I hadn't spoken to her for a year,no doubt i have been disinherited,it's sad that the woman that raised me chose to discard me.
Pauline, that is a horrible way to treat you, very sad. When the N dies, the awareness that they really did it, disinherited us, it can bring up all that old trauma again (even if we knew it was coming). Such a betrayal. For me all of it has felt so isolating, none of my friends seem to really get it (and now friends are all I have. N family has influenced every family member to think the worst)).. I hate to think of anyone else having gone through something similar to this, but it helps tremendously to know we are not alone. The more distance we have fro m the situation, the more clarity we receive. So sorry you are dealing. I wish you strength and solidarity 🥰
@leila noorani thank you so much for your kind words,they mean alot. Absolutely the family and friends I have now are of my own choices and hurtful though it is to have other family members think bad of me,there's not a thing I can do about it,but your kind words and knowing we are not alone helps a great deal.blessings and sunshiny days for you.xxxx
My mom died. My family is wealthy. I have nothin I am homeless and I was left nothing and I was promised a new life me and my kitty were going to have a good life. But it didn't happen. I don't think I want to live.
I'm so sorry. Stay strong for you and your cat. It will get better. You are worthy of having loving people in your life.
Please reach out for help if you are feeling suicidal. No crappy family is worth ending it all over. You are not alone. Take care.
Surely, people in the position of having a toxic family would refuse their money,if not why not?
I was disinherited. My father did it secretly, but I found out. He didn’t know what to do when I found out that I didn’t care.
Right. I've seen some disinheritance moves being played like a power trip- they want a reaction. When they don't get it I can imagine it throws them completely. How could they relate to someone not caring about their money?
@@thescapegoatclub It’s the ultimate reverse uno card.
It could also be the deceased narcissist leaves another person/sibling that's not estranged in charge of the inheritance. Possibly even somebody who's still in the narcissist cycle or a narcissist themselves.
Then you get in the cycle they don't believe your entitled to anything because you left and were ever around or even just simply for taking revenge. At least things will be missing, they could even take it to the point you have to consider legal steps against them to get your legal fair share. They could fight you all the way even if the deceased narcissist wanted the inheritance divided to their wishes.
It's curious when you had to walk away because they were always about themselves and never there for you. But yea, I guess many narcissist future fake people with some inheritance and will use the financial abuse vice in some sort of way.
Personally I think it's the final proof of exactly how mentally ill they actually are.
But yea, i'm guessing the golden child who's been allowed to prosper get's the enchilada and the scapegoat who was always to blame and could use some extra finance to just even get along in life gets nothing much but a pittance and kick in the guts.
Talking from personal experience i'dd say the scapegoat should brace themselves for this..
I've talked to several lawyers who specialize in these cases and it's very common it seems.
Perhaps getting some insurance for legal aid could be recommended.
Where I live they even have a TV show about it. Overhere they even adopted a law for this and inheritance fraud could sent people to jail.
But honestly, these are not the types of things you need while trying to deal with loss and complex grieve. It's sicko mental abuse. Plain and simple.
Also i'm thinking this belongs to the very dark side of narcissism. The kind of psychopath that would enjoy seeing you starve to death from poverty while they gloat.
And then you get comments like you must be stupid depending on an inheritance to save your ass and you should have managed yourself and bla bla blame shame.
It's a tough one, try to take care and don't fall for the grand finale future fake.
Thankyou for bringing up this topic 🙏
you're welcome. I sorry it is needed, but glad it was useful. 💟
It's hard to do it where I live because the cost of a property dispute is taken out of the estate by law, which is about a quarter of a million dollars for both sides. So even if the estate is not divided equally, things like houses have to be sold to pay the legal bills of both sides.
expectations vs reality. If things were not right to begin with why expect anything from them? AS we grow older and stronger it is us that can choose if we can afford to give love in any way possible maybe a call or birthday card whatever the action . I believe ,it is important to build ourselves up to the point that we are able to forgive them for their inability to love and reciprocate.Their handicap does not need to define us. We can choose to be different even to them. It is important to heal as to not become rejection junkies . bitter, self obsessed, unable to use our days and mental real state to live a fulfilled life. Mind you safety first. If the case is such as to be dangerous in any way then choosing to forgive and move on is the only option available.
True!
I agree. Except not telling someone they are disinherited denies that person the right, well earned right, to have an honest reaction and dialogue.
She talks about the pain and rejection which is very real. But she is forgetting that we always need to consider the source. Disinheritance does not happen in the context of healthy families. The trauma that we feel with disinheritance actually began years before the disinheritance. Disinheritance is a very Cluster B act, and people suffering with that disorder have endured a lifetime of struggle, of not being good enough, of being broken.
We can always earn money on our own terms, but with the death of the Cluster B parent, we are free to truly heal from their dysfunction, and learn from it. If we understand this disorder, we can work on ourselves to be better people, and build better families. And you cannot put a price on that.
Exactly what kind of therapy, therapist, would I ask for? one that helps incest suvivors, cult, trafficking, family dysfunction.... my parents died, both were on hospice, I am youngest of 6 children I took care of them thru their deaths...I am truthteller, scapegoat, the 1 victim for all of my siblings & their friends... & I found out I was disinherited after they died. NO ONE TOLD ME! I LET THEM ALL GET AWAY WITH RAPE "TO PROTECT THE FAMILY NAME" WHEN I WAS FORCED INTO THIS SINCE BIRTH? PLEASE REPORT EARLY! DO NOT BE MANIPULATED TO believeTHAT THE Family incest, dysfunction, religious abuse,physical abuse, sexual abuse is normal. I am 60 y.o. In devastating pain...still.
❤ Thank you ! I know exactly what you're saying happens 💯
SUBSCRIBED
Welcome to the club! ❤️🩹
@@thescapegoatclub 💪 Thanks 🫶
My mother stole from me then kicked me out and disinherited me... So I stopped paying electricity ect and disinherited her... Woops 😂
It says i dont and never cared
No excuses
I know a bloke who unalived a person he was guilty did time
Whos parents left him everything house car Winnebago
❤🙏
Add being evicted by family from the house my father was applying for a mortgage to buy his dad's house he died I was living with him rebuilding myself they came the next day for his life insurance policy filed a claim all while denying it exists even tho I had proof it was current she said my dad cashed it in lie she said he told her to take it for herself when he died I had s because me and Sister were on drugs which he was on drugs secretly told her we'd spend it all on drugs the rage and flip was instant once I called em out every single sibling of my dad's flipped on me and my sister after he died and we found the proof
‘Me too’
Waited for my dad's death for so long. Dont think he left any money. He lived in a council house. Their was nothing to inherit. But if there was i would want ny share going to my little sister.
Stingy AND generous plus wasting your life waiting for someone else to die so you can give nothing to little sister!
No not like that at all. My sister will get my pension when I die. She will also get a percentage of my life insurance policy.
I cant speak to anyones experience but my own as a parent making these kinds of estate decisions. My son went no contact with me years ago. They suffer with mental health issues, and while I wish we could have a relationship I respect that they feel it is best for them to have nothing to do with me. Holidays, graduations, weddings, births and even deaths come and go - we are strangers. I have a sizable estate, most of which will go to my nephews and charity. My son will get only 10% - not because I don't love him, or because I value him less, or because I am punishing him. I am leaving him something because I love him unconditionally and he is my son. I am leaving him less than I originally planned because I have no value to him - I am not worthy of his kindness, his love, or his forgiveness. I don't understand why it would be wrong to leave my chosen family, rather than my biological family my estate?
hi- I am not sure it is wrong to leave your estate to who you want to (though I know in some jurisdictions there are legal requirements for leaving some to family). I really appreciate your honesty and candidness. Although I would say that it could be that you do have value to your son- perhaps even a great deal. For someone with mental health needs, your son may not be able to show that value in a way that you would like or is recognisable. Sometimes we love and forgive people at a distance. They still have a place in our hearts, but complex dynamics means it may not be seen or shown in the way it could be.
"unconditionally" is a condition. Sounds like mental health is not being source of suffering but you are the master of who suffers... you think you have a big fat estate but actually that is your ass. Control freak needs freaks to control but they say NO! Nobody wants your "love".
Sorry, Not putting someone in your will is not financial abuse. Your parents don't OWE you!! I have a narcissistic daughter who will not be left anything. She cuts us out of her life anytime we stand up to her for treated US like dirt. Shes walked away from me and her father and her sister in the past. Shes done it several times. And now this time that she walked away she caused problems between me and her sister as well. And she cut off all family including her aunts/uncle because they finally stood up to her too. So ya.. She wont get anything in our will. I owe her NOTHING!!
Of course Cindy, this is your choice.
you're a horrible person, I'm sorry for your daughter
Can you think of one thing that may have caused your daughter to walk away from you? That one thing maybe isn't her fault. If you can think of one thing that you can take accountability for and ask her for forgiveness, you might be able to heal your situation. Because if the last message you leave her is that she is worthless to you, I think your legacy is a black one.
Why do you think that you shouldn't be "worth less" for your parents than the other siblings who stayed with them until the end, helped them in their infirmities, sacrificed their personal (and their own families') time to fulfil their duties? You probably have left your parents years ago, didn't want to have anything to do with them because you were concentrating on your own well being. Only God knows the real value of each person, and (who knows?) maybe you were right in your decision, but to your parents an absentee child is definitely not equal to those who took care of them until the end.
You are so right, that my family puts financial value on relationships in a way I just don’t. They feel they need to pay for those acts of love and support that I would freely give if it were safe (and did for many, many years). Thank you for seeing that leaving these relationships is done for welfare and not for reasons of punishment or revenge. Your comment really helps me see that relationships in my family are paid for, conditional and transactional. Whereas I have been wanting love and connection. This difference is really at the heart of it all.
@@thescapegoatclub You are trying to distort my words. Your parents didn't put "financial value" on anything. They valued the humanistic and responsible side of their other children and they gave them the GIFT of inheritance. Yes, inheritance is just a gift, a gesture of appreciation. They may have given them the gifts of love and gratitude also.
I think she described it perfectly. Sorry you don't get that part. I love what she said.@@victoriator8863
@just to say this also happens to those who stood by their parents in their sickness. The care you give to them is seen as "pay back" for the care that gave you - this type of love/care is not the love any child wants or needs. Such relationships are built from obligation and transactionional. These types of parents might as well log down each kind gesture on receipts because it will be easier for the child to pay back in monetary coinage than the sweat, tears and blood they end up giving.