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They are diabolical.

Well i am a mom who left my entire life to escape my children they made my life unbearable i lost everything to escape my adult children goes both ways

I owe my abusive daughter in law nothing

Yes - once cognitive dissonance is gone and we quit trying to understand why they act abusively we can begin to protect ourselves.

Yup

Sounds exactly like my Mum. Smile in your face while stabbing you in the back. One particular instance was when I was on a call with her being upset about something she’d done, I heard my Aunt listening in on the other line (landline). Another time I had voice message from her that she’d sent to my phone of her and my sister talking rubbish about me, my husband and my other sister. But I was berated for listening to the message. It was betrayal trauma for me at that time.

Yes! I've come to realise we lived in different houses. If i acted the way my older brother does, I would be punished for it. When he treats me like crap, it's my fault 😂 i love to be told how selfish i am by him 🩷 when he tells me to go F myself. All out of love, they say. I wonder what they would say if i said the same things.

It is ao unnatural, but these relationships were the basis of a LIFETIME of unreciprical, unstable, unfulfilling associations. We deserve much more. Godspeed 🙏✝️🩷

I got 2 older brothers of those. Like I'm the piece of dirt, for everybody and it's me who's overreacting. it's normal to sexual abuse your 1 and half year old younger brother while your older brother is already 7... They not only in a different plane they on a whole other dimension

Contact with my mother has been harmful to me, since I was a child. My father saw it, after they divorced, and tried to protect me from it, which I fiercely resisted. As an adult, I see that mere contact with her is damaging to me, even as an adult. I have no doubt she is a narcissist. And as for my stepfather...I think he's a decent person. But he won't oppose her...and I cannot have anyone defending her to me, or failing to actually acknowledge that her behavior is, in fact, abusive. Never, ever reconcile with a narcissist, period. Especially if that narcissist is your parent. And don't consort with any enablers, defenders, or flying monkeys...or anyone who downplays their behavior, even a little, for the sake of "peace". Tolerate no less than open acknowledgment.

Very true, pretty cat

My mother was (very obviously) disappointed when I recovered from a serious illness. That was the icing on the cake. She died a few years ago, and I didn't go to her funeral.

This was extremely helpful and insightful

Sometimes it's impossible to function around certain people, you have no choice but to get certain out of your life: it has nothing to do with forgiving, it has to do with functioning in the world.

Uhhh yes 💔 My mother does the same. I learned not to share anything. If only they would be honest with us. Where you live looks so beautiful! I love all the trees 🩷

It’s the biggest heartbreak of my life

Narcissists love to make you feel like you owe them. Very toxic manipulation.

Absolutely

I know your pain😔 its such a hard pill to swallow realizing you dont have the standard support system most people start out with. Then you'll get people that make it harder by siding with them. "You only get one"... yeah i know...and that hurts me. 😪

Yes, it's really tough Bess. God bless you. It does get somewhat better. For me, the cutoff was over a very long time and took up so much of my emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual bandwidth that I feel I have lost nearly two decades of my life and my identity. Rebuilding at over 60 is definitely challenging.

I have a communal narcissist older sibling who s3xually harassed me my whole life and her abuse lead to me developing severe mental illness and the results have been catastrophic for me while she has her life together with no remorse for causing me horrible trauma and ptsd and she's never faced any consequences for what she's put me through and how badly she damaged me.

Its so hard to accept this! Seems like a sick thing to do - they know they're damaging you but dont care enough about you to change things

That is pure evil behaviour, the fact you couldn't even trust your mother, how can someone be like that? I used to put my mother on a pedestal and thought it was just my dad who was a nasty person, but I am very careful what I say to her now after realising she will tell others even when I ask her not to. Thank you so much for your channel and for sharing your experiences.❤

This perfectly sums up the situation with my older sister and family - no matter what I do, she is sarcastic when I talk to her, manipulative, acts entitled to my time and doesn't respect boundaries, tries to make out I'm a horrible person and stirs stuff about me with my other family members, making things out to be far bigger than they are. She asks me to do things for her and if I ever say I can't, or no, instead of accepting my answer, she argues with me about it and doesn't let it go. She treats me like I should be doing favours for her all the time, even when I have plans or I don't want to. She uses her health problem and is able to get away with a lot of poor behaviour because of it. She will then cry to my mother, who assumes I've done something terrible. I'm told she was "quite upset" about something I've done and I have to fight my case, and only THEN will my mother understand my side. But when it happens again she takes my sister's side, and the cycle goes on. It's exhausting to deal with

Abuse is when she acts cruelly to cause harm as in narc mom and scapegoat. Tells everyone who will listen what a bad daughter you are and you are always the baddie as everything is always your fault. Hence no contact

You Nailed it !!! Every thing you said, was my life. My narc mother has passed, but my sister is the narc, I have to deal with now. I am 70 and she is 80. But, I have as little contact as possible with her. I confided in her with a lot of personal things going on in my life years ago, and she ended up telling my narc mother everything. I will never, ever trust her and she showed me that she inherited her attributes from our "Mother".

I don't want them back. Sure they feel the same about me. I am ok with it.

as bad as my mother was, the most verbally and emotionally abusive person i have ever met is my younger sister

i needed to hear this soooooooooooooooooooo bad

My daughter wants me to “ hurry up and die so that she move to Colorado with her inheritance “ …… so she’s really excited about it.

The guilt and self-doubt keep seeping back in! I just can't seem to escape the bad daughter role. I have cptsd and i feel like I'm a nightmare to live with. I keep thinking, "Oh god, im like them now!" I feel bad for my reactions all the time. I feel terrible that my fiance and kitties have to deal with me and all of this. A video for supportive loved ones might be useful 🩷 I keep shutting down and dissociating. Sometimes, i can't communicate. I think my guilt is healthy? Because i don't want to distress them 😢 My mother used to always tell me as a child to stop being upset because i was affecting the family. Maybe these feelings are from that? But also what if i am a monster?? I have hate for her 😢 so that makes me as bad as her?

You explain it so well! When my mother put her hands on me around 5 years ago.. I realised that I'm still not safe with her. It's taken me so long to wake up and see what's been happening. I was never looking for perfection. Just looking not to be abused any further. The power dynamic is always there. They will always see me as less than them. Like I'm weak for not putting up with their BS. Uhhh exhausting!

Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, real c recognize real.and all I know and see is fakery

Thank you for this great information!

I have no anger toward my adult child. He broke the trust bond. I have moved on. After 6 years he now acts like nothing ever happened and wants to bring his family to visit at Christmas. I no longer want a relationship with him. I do not trust him. He lives thousands of miles away and couldn’t call, text or FaceTime in the past. No, I don’t want it now. The trust is gone.

My son is narcissistic. I believe this came from my parents. My son never wanted to talk on the phone, text, face t8me etc through his marriage and having a baby. Now, my parents have passed away about 3-6 months ago and he now wants in my life and to bring his wife and child. I don’t want this. It was hurtful from the beginning and I see no reason to start a relationship now. Any thoughts?

Seems if I want to find a friend, find someone who was the scapegoat of a probably narcissistic family. They are all really considerate souls in my experience in cluding you, Miss Chess! I am an English Scapegoated FSA survivor, too!

Thank you Chess 🩷 I really needed to hear this. Your cat is so adorable 🥰 My mother has continued to be abusive. The problem I had before was I didn't see it as abuse because it was normal.

There's a sound issue around minute 5..X

I relate

My view is there are narcissist that only care about what they want and don't give a crap about the consequences for others who mean nothing to them but disposable supply. And there are those who do actually understand what they are doing to others. Out of the latter group you have people who are sort of aware but just can't change their behavior even if they wanted to because of their own mental issue's, and the very devious narcissists who do know all to well how to intentionally play people and think their very smart having studied these dynamics for probably a long time. Like a bit of a sliding spectrum. My guess is that for and outsider it's very hard to distinguish the difference. Even people inside a narcissistic system probably have a hard time as the N usually slithers around the spectrum as they go to soothe their needs. Suddenly I'm thinking it's like heroin or crack addicts trying to get their fix, only with narcissist is the natural dopamine fix they seek and crave and will do anything to get it. Haven't thought this trough yet but what I've learned about brain chemistry is that taking drugs mimics the same "pleasurable" chemical response in the brain. It's a kinda scary thought to me thinking that narcissists have found some way to trick their brains into releasing that natural dopamine. LIke junkies they will grovel and smile, act nice and all if they think they can get some cash to buy dope, or steal it from you, and if they don't get their dope they rage in anger.... yea, makes sense to me..🤔 Ahh, Chess's weekly food for thought, tnx Chess !! 💖 But in the end all mentioned above are bad news that nobody should expose themselves to without a good reason regardless if their aware of their own behavior or not. As long as WE are aware of it, that's the most important thing.

You start weighing the benefits and costs. My Dad has never been there for me when I needed him and his criticising, blaming, gaslighting, DARVO behaviour is detrimental to my wellbeing so in simple terms what have I lost by going no contact? He's never been there for me anyway.

Ah, this is so true. I feel your pain💔 It's so hard to break out of this type of thinking. I gave up on myself around age 10 After the csa i lost interest of all the things i once loved. Apart from animals 🩷 That painting behind you is so beautiful 😍 it's mesmerising

This is the ultimate statement they make before they leave to make you "know" you never been welcome in their "family". I never taught about inheritance because I'm an inherently good , pure man. I also wanted to give my share to my sister and I noticed nobody was happy about that at that time, now I have an epiphany: that's because I never had a share anyway. We will inherit the Kingdom of God, God is real, I know and he showed himself to me in unmistakable ways. I chose my peace of mind and let God deal with everything else.

My idea of forgiveness is that 1. It is much harder to forgive my narcissistic mother since she does not take any responsibility on herself, therefore she doesn't feel like she needs to ask for forgiveness 2. I can and do forgive her without letting her back in the place where she will be able to keep abusing me.

I've just realised, last week I commented that to have a relationship with them would leave me feeling potentially erased! So my level of resilience fluctuates from hour to hour 😅 ❤

Very true. The cure for the pain of estrangement is the pain, to slightly modify a rumi quote. After nearly 5 years I feel I could have that fake surface level relationship where I reflect back their view of themselves, but although I could (now), also now I feel strongly WHY??? And 4 and a half years ago it seemed like a must. That I HAD to fix things. Slowly over time you realise, I can bear this pain that there is nothing to fix. Still healing though!! I'm not out of the oven here's one I made earlier kind of fixed

So true. They do.

Thank you

Thanks Chess. Hope you are having a lovely day!