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I enjoyed watching your video, and I agree with everything you said. I will follow you on Instagram. By the way, I'm a "tight arse" when it comes to money. 😉😊
@@monkeykeeng7699 Which is why the foreigner card exists, it's a buffer that allows room for error out of unawareness. The problem comes when the person doesn't care to make changes after they're told what they did was objectively disrespectful.
The only thing I have a hard time with with many Asians (Japanese, Chinese....) is the overly (IMO) indirect communication. I personally have a hard time with reading people and I have little inhibitions when expressing myself. So, I very much prefer to "say what you mean and mean what you say"... but that's just me... 😄
Même chose pour moi. J'imagine que tu es québécois aussi? On a tendance à être assez direct, et quand quelqu'un ne l'est pas, on l'interprète comme du niaisage...
@@AsagisLifeNoBSJapan And it is interesting because it is often said that Asiens are sooo introvert - and introverts don't do Small Talk and are direct etc.
@@steemlenn8797 I don't want to nitpick; because I totally see what you mean. But I don't think asians are inherently introverts. When I stayed in Japan, I met lots of people who were extroverts. They talked more than me actually. But maybe they are a different kind of extrovert. A more polite type. They don't shout or talk over people like we do in my homecountry(U.S.). They seem to be indirectly sociable, so it might seem like they are "introverts" to us westerners. I'm also half-asian and my asian side of my family talks a LOT. But again, they just communicate differently. Thats just my opinion based on my experiences.
This video is more about cultural differences between Japan and the west. In the end I don't choose my partner by his nationality or race but his personality. Hope it helps you to understand dating culture in Japan, and just enjoy the differences from my perspective!
If I were to date a Japanese woman I would do my best to communicate with her and listen. I feel our cultural differences should enhance us not be a form of separation. I'm glad your partner treats you well and acts respectfully when dealing with differences that he might not understand. He probably asked you to be his girlfriend so soon because he fell in love with you on your first meeting.
I dont believe when people say that they chose partners based purely on personality and that race has nothing to to with it. In my opinion it's just another popular, and 'nice' thing to say, although its far from truth. We all have our prefered types... Body types, face types, personality types... Lets not pretend that race has nothing to do with it. I generaly find some races less attractive than others, I dont see nothing wrong with it. Does that mean that all people of a certain race are attractive? No. Does that mean that all people of a certain race aren' attractive? No. Does that mean that personality doesny matter? No. I'm talking IN GENERAL here. As a GENERAL rule. Neither you, nor anybody else can be separated from their race, it IS us, it is a part of us. I never understood whats so bad to have a type or be phisicaly attracted to a certain race(or nationality) more than the other, because there are more people with physical characteristics you find attractive in that region. A lot of men on the internet like to say that Russian, or easter european women are the most beautiful women in the world. Does that mean they love their Russian girlfriend BECAUSE purely she is Russian? Yes and No! It just means that in Russia there are more women that are his type!! But thats never enough! First we love with our eyes, then with our hearts and minds! No one can be with a shallow but hot person, or relatable, but unatractive. Its all about balance. Gosh, im sorry. But im hearing that dishonest phrase too much lately.
There seems to be some conflicting comments from your previous video about 5 things you like about dating foreigners. For example, you say you like transparency but you don't like being forced to say your opinion (because, by your own admission, you're unlikely to SHARE your opinion, especially if your opinion is negative). You can't have transparency if you can't share what's on your mind. A westerner might start thinking that you're not sharing your opinions because your opinion is always negative. I get the conflict you feel from the differing cultural perspectives but at some point you're going to have to choose which direction to go in any personal relationship. I dated a Japanese girl and she HATED public displays of affection (which I actually like to do). Our compromise was that I would give her a kiss inside the building where no one would see, before I left for work in the morning, instead of kissing outside on the doorstep.
Personally, I'd never be able to give up being direct and blunt with my words. I'm not sure about others, but I value the honesty of a direct approach. It shows who I can trust if that person is willing to be direct.
Word. I can hold myself back in public or with acquaintances in order to not raise a fuss. But if i cant feel like i can be honest with my SO or close friends, what’s the point lol.
So a guy is not liked because he’s not fake. Fake tatemae culture is a killer for me. Maybe that’s why guys were like “I just enjoy hanging out with you but not so serious”
Probably the same - I'll take someone being blunt over someone not expressing themself and then having a go about you behind your back later. I just trust people like that more. That said there is a difference between being assertive and being rude. You can say what you want without being a dick about it, it's a bit of an art form.
It's more like compared to japanese westerners tend to use things like sarcasm. Or jokes like that. That really doesn't work in japanese. I can't say it doesn't work at all, but when I see it happen it feels weird. Even though I know it's a joke, it feel direct
I'm an American guy and every time I run into this train of thought on a Japan-related video, it blows my mind. Why are Americans so obsessed with their own opinions on everything? lol. As an American, I'm very rarely blunt or straightforward with anyone, because if you have a negative or controversial take on something, you have a very small chance of changing anything and are just going to make someone upset or change their perception of you in a negative way. I almost never tell my boss what I really think of him or the crappy aspects of my job, and if I'm the guest and I don't like someone's food, there's no way in hell I'm telling them that I don't like it. All being blunt gets you is more people thinking you're going to bring the mood of the room down, or more people who secretly think you're annoying.
I have seen many youtubers who express their opinion, not before explaining that: "It is only their personal experience, and that they are not generalizing." Something so obvious, but in these times of people so hyper-sensitive and ultra-frustrating, it has unfortunately become mandatory to avoid having a bad time. Too bad.
I actually love the idea of making a confession. Many people in the west and maybe even in Eastern Europe would call it "cheesy", but I dig it. As far as planning for dates - hell yeah, I would fit right in with that. I plan my dates like a military general planning a war (according to my friends at least!), so I say let's bring it on! DAISUKI!!! :)
@@AsagisLifeNoBSJapan Look, I didn't come up with that - my friends did :P But that's how uncommon the concept is here in the western countries (UK in my case) and to a slightly lesser degree (but still) where I grew up (Russia) that they will even make these kind of jokes about it. If for example I got a date say 3-5 days from now I will be planning exactly what to wear (will wash it, iron it and put it safely aside until the date!), making reservations and making sure the weather forecast is good etc and will have a plan B ready in case something doesn't work hence why I "earned" those kind of teases from them haha
As a neurodivergent I avoid a lot of people because of this western tendency to not be clear with others which is so confusing >_< And the plan for dates and knowing where and when and what and who exactly is there - this is a MUST for me, otherwise I won't leave the house, so I always watched Jdramas and thought Japan is actually easier to socialize in my view XD
A lot of these points make sense and are reasonable, but I can think it's possible to add some more nuance, and how some of them can taken too far by Japanese people I've met over the years : 1. Meeting half-way cultural thing : Often, it is hard to say exactly what is "half way". Often, people struggle with confirmation bias and for many women(I don't date men, so I cannot speak to that) I feel as if they have much higher standards in relation to how and what they want their partner to compromise on. When challenged on this, they'll often retort "This is Japan though, so you need to conform for your own benefit.", even though in reality it is only to their benefit(after all, there are also plenty of non-comformative Japanese of many stripes and colors). Most of my male Japanese friends are even less conforming to Japanese culture than I am. 2. Intimidation : While I understand the cultural norm of social sensitivity in Japan, I think this can be an area where it's necessary to actually apply the thinking of point 1. Both foreigners and Japanese, depending on personal background and culture vary greatly in this regard. As a Scandinavian, I find that most of my Japanese male friends are a lot more brash and forward than I am. Especially with women. When it comes to cross cultural dating, I don't know if your temperament in this regard is worth moderating. Just find a person who is okay or comfortable with your level of energy. That being said many Japanese I've met over my 10 years here could be seen as almost too sensitive or indecisive - not as a judgement from my view as foreigner, but as an observation from the perspective of mental health or efficient communication to personal betterment. Only talking about yourself might be a sign of self-obsession, but on the flip side, many Japanese women I have met cannot or will not supply topics for conversation, don't respond actively to questions and show little enthusiasm as conversationalists (many of them citing the reason that previous boyfriends had said they don't like chatterbox girls etc), and in such cases I think many foreign men might end up just talking a lot to fill the silence. Communication is a two way street. Being able to speak is important, and there's not much to do when a person doesn't respond to questions outside of carrying brunt of the conversation on your own. As for critiquing Japan, I think this is another point of interest. I covered this in my Uni courses on jpn social psychology as well, but it was further compounded by experience : Most Japanese people have a latent type of nationalism and a fragile national ego instilled in them through Japanese education and popular media which is uncommon and frankly speaking very unappealing to most westerners from countries with a more critical and introspection educational system. In most northern European countries, not only are we regularly quite critical of our own countries, we also often engage in cross cultural critiques and debates as well. For example, it is not the case that you have to be Norwegian to be critical of Norway. Indeed, we expect people to have critical opinions on matter of culture and society regardless of home country. In my experience, Japanese people tend to have a blind-spot here and so I think their reaction to a foreigner's critique can come off as very defensive and naive. While I agree that a foreigner saying stuff like "Japanese culture is weird" is bad, the reason I flag this point is because I know many Japanese who'll react the same even if you, for example, make a poignant critique of the Japanese education system even though you're being perfectly calm and citing multigenerational and multinational studies on child welfare and psychology. This is worth considering. Jumping to 4. On opinions : It is important to understand that because a lot of Europe, and the English world is so cross-cultural, high context communication simply isn't possible without creating lots of confusion. Stating things clearly for many westerners is merely a necessity for communication, not a better/worse type of deal. While I think, in any relationship, one should respect a partner's wish for time to think, it is good to consider that your partner probably isn't trying to "force you to make a stand", but just really want to know what you think and feel because they literally cannot tell. They are simply worried that since they can't tell, they'll hurt you by mistake or in ignorance. Also, just as an aside : In most of my relationships with Japanese women they have been the ones to try to force me to speak my mind during arguments and not respect my wish to take a time-out to think ┐('～`;)┌ So, I suspect this is more personality than culture. 5. Money-thing Obviously, being responsible with money is important(avoiding debt, failing credit, huge loans for other things than education, housing or car etc), however I think it's important to consider the context of dating as an activity. Many foreign guys in Japan are not looking for a permanent life partner in the first place, might not want to settle down, and especially not in Japan. Japan also have a very different socio-economic structure. In Norway, for examples, savings simply aren't as important because of universal free healthcare and education(from early childcare, including university). In Japan, making a family and suppprting it is expensive so I understand that Japanese women consider this important. But, if you a Japanese woman and you become interested in a western man, you should not walk into the relationship expecting him to be preparing for family-making in Japan. Why would he? If you are a man from say, Germany, Switzerland, Austria, Norway, Denmark, Sweden, Norway or Finland, why would you want to raise children or grow old in Japan? It's a step backwards on almost every axis of human development and happiness. Your pay will be worse, you pension will be worse, your medical coverage in case of heavier diseases might be worse, you'll have less vacation, less time with your children, and you'll probably face occasional work and social discrimination. It's not that these men are irresponsible. They can be spending money or partying and still be. Not having responsibilities and being irresponsible(neglecting your responsibilities) is not the same. They simply aren't living to build a future of family life in Japan. Also worth mentioning, that depending on social class, many foreign men won't even begin to thinking about settling down til their mid 30s. Anways, just some food for thought. Cheers!
Very good points. I think it's also often the case that the foreigner coming to Japan on a longer term stay is pretty well travelled and educated while many Japanese have never left the island or spent any significant time abroad. As such, it would be hard to establish a balanced relationship.
@hian Hi sir very well-structured and objective insights that you shared here, definitely seems like experiences coming from one who have lived in various countries/cultures. But would you share some reasons/motives that keeps you staying in Japan for more than 10 years as of now and do you plan to stay longer as you understand the people/culture/systems more? Since Scandinavia regions sure offer some appealing life qualities such as medical care, social welfare, or other "personal betterment", and many of those countries can easily ranked top best countries to live, but it just seem contradictory that many of the Western European/U.S citizens continuing to try to settle/move to country like Japan, which cultural/social norm is vastly different, like almost to the other end of the spectrum
@@aceent5145 Sometimes it is out of fascination of a country, culture and people. Of course one is more likely to struggle in nother country than in ones own, yet there are people that are looking for experiences, so to call break out of the habit and then there are also many positive aspects about another culture that one might not find in their own etc.. I am from Germany, I have spend a year in the US and I am actually pretty happy with my life in my home country, yet I am also considering to stay away for a longer period again an d learning a new language to see the world with your own eyes so to speak. If you then find ppl (a wife or husband for example), or a very fulfilling job that keep you bound to that place (because you don`t want to miss out on them/leave them), years can pass by.
This was hard to hear but extremely needed. ありがとうあさぎせんせい！ There is a Japanese girl I have been talking back and forth with and I told myself, I would not tell her Kokuhaku until I can converse in a language she understands. Now that it has been about a month of just cramming the language, I've never realized how early I could have said it. I may have screwed up already but this knowledge is vital :) So thank you for sharing it!
Oh dear. I'm from Serbia which is in the Balkans. A lot of people in the Balkans are VERY direct, and emotions are rarely hidden. I am curious as to how many japanese/balkanese relationships exist
Ive dated a Serbian boy but he was race in the US...I’ve met his Serbian parents. I don’t know if they’re very proud people like the Italians which kinda annoys me when his parents talks so much about the negativity of American Culture. When I talk about the positive things about the Philippines (like how cheap it is to live there if you have Dollar Currency) they started to get annoyed. I thought they’re open minded when it comes to cultural difference....I dont mind cultural difference (since I’m Filipino-American) but taking down to other cultures makes me feel off.
I'm a serbian too and I hate the balkan's overall patriotic mentality, racism and ignorance that is confidently expressed with arrogant attitude. Most middle aged serbian people are close-minded and can't even speak English properly yet they believe Serbian language should be globalized simply because they're lazy to learn English.
I’ve played a lot of video games with Serbians... you guys are wild over there. The first thing when they find out that I’m American is say racial slurs... weird place
@@Blue_Nova707 I think the patriotic mentality is a good thing for a country. Being a patriot doesn't mean hating and disrespecting other cultures, it simply means that you love your culture, people, language, values(of a certain group) etc. I do agree that there are quite a few close-minded people here, although seemingly not as many as a few years ago. Now, I've seen/heard a few people who look/sound like they think Serbian should be globalised but I've never really heard anyone just straight up say it like that lol... But yeah I wish people were just more open-minded, respectful, and not so "in your face". I actually think I would fit great in Japan if I knew the language and learned some of their culture, because everything I've learned so far is pretty much what my ideal country would look like(in terms of social structure at least, because I've heard big companies are ruthless to their workers over there). Anyway have a great day :)
@@McfcxEz Well yeah, a lot of us hate the US government and politicians, but yeah they shouldn't have insulted you, that's just stupid and immature. Sorry for their stupidity, hope you have a great day :)
In the US, the man usually pays the bill of the restaurant in the dates. In many countries in Europe, the bill is divided. I do not mind paying for someone else (I do it for friends, I can do it for a date, no problem), but I have a problem with being expected to do it, because somehow it feels like that person is making me a favour or giving me a service for which I have to pay and that is a faux pas. In fact, many women would get offended if you do not even consider splitting the bill or refuse to accept their wish to pay their half of the bill. For them, it is the reverse: They feel like the man is trying to pay for what he thinks that is a service that now they are pressured to do. In other words, in the West, things are radically different depending on where in "the West".
Your openness and directness is above average for any culture, while still being honest and true to your own culture. (And anyone who says your racist is just ignorant.) Good communication and relationships is a lot of work (even within the same culture). I can see how hard you are working. You have the respect of this world traveled old man. The world needs more people like you.
I just can't help but smile and laugh whenever Asagi (or any Japanese person in general) swears in English. There's just something so endearing about it lol.
When my girlfriend let out a string of @#$*! when somebody cut her off on the road, I realized she had picked up things I didn't think about normally. I still insist on walking behind her because I like the way her back pockets move when she walks! 😉
I’m so jealous of young people who have videos like this to guide them. I had to figure all this out for myself, with friends and dates who weren’t used to putting thoughts into words. You basically nailed it, although if you are respectful I think using a foreign card is fine, I try to teach my friends how to make their own foreign cards. Most Osaka friends have already figured it out “oops! I’m from Osaka!”
same here. i grew up in Switzerland and apart from the "kokuhaku" everything here seems very reasonable and should be easy to adapt. i never "played around" with girls like you mentioned, so it was always clear if i wanted to try dating, but those "love confessions" i could never do 😂
You shouldn't have to adapt them because this is UNACCEPTABLE to do to any woman! I'm from America and I find the behavior she talks about disturbing and upsetting.
@@spamcan9208 Must be from a paralel america. What she said is mostly true, but I find the japanese culture in that ascpect to be worse, not better. I rather keep the attitudes americans have rather than what she mentioned, except for the responsibility thing.
@@gabrielov8027 Unless she dated enough men to get a sample size big enough for statistics, I got the feeling she had bad experiences and extrapolated that out to most American males.
If a man is telling you about himself, he’s hoping you will also tell him about yourself. He wants you both to learn about each other. When I meet a girl I’m interested in, I want to learn about her: her life, her personality, her interests, her thoughts about the future. I would like us to learn about each other, equally. I haven’t gone to Japan. I’ve lived in China and Taiwan. I tried to meet and date girls there, because I was a single guy. I found that many of them would be very unwilling to let me learn about them, to get to know them. I would often get to a point where the girl knows much about me while I know little about her. It’s unbalanced, and it’s impossible to develop a good relationship in that way.
There are a lot of dating nuances in Japan that I would so appreciate here in the states. Maybe I spent too much of my youth watching Japanese dramas, but I like that people are purposeful when it comes to romance. 告白 and holding off on physical intimacy would save a lot of people from unnecessary drama and situationships 👀🤔
So, when I was young, I was taught that when seeing someone else, you always ask questions about them because that's how the conversation keeps going. But then when I actually did it, I was told that it almost felt like an interrogation or interview and that it would be better that I talk about myself more often. So then, whenever I talked to a girl that just happened to be from an Asian country, I was told that they get turned off because I talk about myself too much. So now I'm just at a loss about what I should do.
You have to learn how to ask open ended questions. Even if you’re talking about your own experience, invite them to say their opinion. And if they don’t have any thoughts, maybe offer to introduce them (might come off intimidating) or move on to another topic.
I have some advice for you. I like to share stories. So I can tell a story about traveling or school in the west and then you can ask them how it is like in Japan. Most times It will keep the conversation going. If you only ask questions it will be like an interview but I think sharing experiences is something that worked really well in most cases.
The problem with Japanese girls: Need confession = be direct Being to intimidating = don't be direct And it's like this always :D Also, it's really hard not to start to talk about yourself on a date with a Japanese girl because they will NEVER talk about anything else than weather/traveling/your work (salary) etc. while on a date. They are extremely passive to the point when you start to wonder if she really wants to be here. Generally, the best time I had with Japanese girls was while not on a date. The moment this highly official process would start everything went some weird way. But to be fair, while not on a date, most of Japanese girls were adorable, intelligent and super fun to be around. P.S. And jokes aside, down below (or up) there is a comment of a guy called hian. He really dug into the subject, and he made some good points. I recommend reading it :) Interesting video, thank you!
I love talking about traveling and the things I did when I traveled. If you have someone who already was abroad, even better. There is always loads to talk about.
If a girl is looking for some assurances before giving herself up, I don't see anything wrong with that. After a few months, a relation will begin becoming sexual and I can't fault a woman for wanting some assurances.
Western dating is 2 phased: 1st phase is hanging out and testing the waters 2nd phase is serious commitment This is not just something younger generations do. It used to actually be more formal until the 60s or 70s. You would formally ask a girl to go steady. Also, relationships in a lot of situations are often formed mutually rather than a one sided approach.
My grandmother used to talk about that. When she was a young girl you were expected to date different people, but not supposed to go to bed with everyone, the idea was to see who you would like to get married to. But in my generation you're dating once you already hooked up after knowing each other less than 24 hours.
I dated a girl whose family was really traditional and I had to get her father's permission to date her lol Was awkward af but I did it. Turns out her and I weren't compatible and we broke up a month later. I think part of the reason this was a tradition especially in the south was do to social class gating and making sure that daughters didn't date or marry unsavory men.@@RonaldoSanchez-g1y
A lot of these are very universal, i think the "talking about themselves too much" is the most universal of all, and it applies to both men and women. If I'm on a date with a girl and all she talks about is herself, it's no fun, i don't want to talk with her again. It's the most basic and one of the most powerful traits of charismatic people, to elevate the other person, ask about THEIR day, ask how THEY have been, be excited about their stories etc. As for the savings part, I understand that in the context of having debt and spending too much money at the same time. But for me personally, i grew up with very little money and my parents weren't around, starting from late elementary school, if i wanted a bit of money for anything, be it a snack at school or ice cream or whatever, i had to figure it out (even though we weren't actually poor, my parents just weren't around much). And later in life i had times when i had lots of money, and i had times when i had no money. I don't care about money. I'm responsible enough to pay my debts (if i have any) and take care of utilities, if I had a wife and children obviously those would be the priority over anything else, but once that is done, i will spend it on whatever i enjoy. I earn money to spend money. If i want to go on a trip, i might save up, but if not, i might blow up half a thousand euros on bar in a club on satudray, because i wanted to and i could. So whenever i meet a woman that isn't really flexible in her judgment about my savings, it's not gonna work.
I'm Mexican and I live in US, the same points you didn't like from westerners is the same I don't like from American girls. After I listen your video I think I can be a good boyfriend for a Japanese girl. I like planning everything, I like to be clear about my intentions, I don't like talk all the time about me, I'm interested in listen and understand. I'm usually a quiet person and I only talk with the person I consider special in my life. I love order and clean spaces. I love dogs (I know those are expensive in Japan, around 5k US dollars) I love peaceful people. Thanks for your video. Buena suerte amiga!
Honestly the insistence on harmony is something that would make Japan near impossible for me to deal with and makes me less likely to visit. I feel like Japan as a culture needs to embrace and cultivate the idea that conflict is not inherently a bad thing and that tackling a problem head on in the first instance actually leads to more harmony by removing the problem at its' source before it can grow rather than just hiding the symptoms. Personally I could never live around people who believe that giving any kind of negative opinion, even as mild as "I don't like this" or state a fact like "This is wrong" is intimidating or uncalled for, to me that's a sign that you're either a) Weak or b) Untrustworthy.
Being an English teacher in japan I can say for majority of my adult students that want to learn English are not good at communicating. Learning the language is different than having the ability to communicate. If you cant communicate give up on learning English. This goes for the part of westerners talk about themselves too much. If you have little skill in talking about yourself or if you cant then why even talk to you. Talking about the weather work salary basic stuff that can get stale real quick just stop the relationship. theres reasons why Japan needs work parties to talk that talk when drunk. I try to teach that in my lessons. just go home if youre not going to try to actually build a bond or communicate.
A sense of responsabilities is something that depends on the person's personality. Obviously, there will always be some foreigners that spend too much on cars, luxury things and things like that. But you have so many Japanese people who spend endless amount of money in idols, pachinko, hostess and even prostitution behind the back of their wives.
Maybe the statements about western men is based on the people Asagi-san chose to hang out with so far. I know westerners who don't talk about themselves all the time, and who don't force you to formulate your opinions either. I also know western men who confess their love when they go out with a girl. On the other hand, I know Japanese men who said something like "東京の女は簡単に落ちるね" or boast about their romantic conquests in the most childish way. And yes Japanese culture may put a lot of emphasis on harmony, but on the other side that can hinder getting several opinions at the same table since nobody dares to say something that would deviate from the general opinion. In that way, there are two sides to every coin. Even the notion of a "westerner", like "everybody from a culture is the same, right?" may also stem from a Japanese perspective, since Japan has a strongly homogeneous culture even today. Spanish, American, French, German people can all be called westerners but their culture is somewhat different I dare say. So, maybe it is less about culture or race, and more about individual character or maturity as a person that we could talk about here.
Yeah, I was thinking along the same lines, though phrased a little differently; these sound like challenges with sh*theels, not problems with foreigners.
I guess these personality features are more common in foreigners but I see them on Japanese people too. Like you said everyone is different and in the end is not about nationality but personality. I really liked the way you explained everything and I agree with you in sooooo many points LOL I also hate the “me me me” type of conversation and people that talk about the bad in everything!
I'm curious about one thing though. By "the bad", does it also mean talking about personal problems and issues? Does that fall into the "negative" category that is a turn off? Sometimes I'll be talking to someone and we get really close. Close enough where I feel like I can talk about anything and trust them with anything. So one day if I'm having a bad day or going through a tough time I feel the need to be open about it, but when I do I suddenly get ignored, or I get awkward responses that are trying to be reassuring but come out either super awkwardly or half assed. It's really disheartening for me because from my point of view, I feel like I don't matter. But idk maybe for Japanese people or other people from Asia it's like bringing too much negativity or too shocking and they're turned off by it. I'd really appreciate it if someone would clarify this.
@@Naruto-bp6hm I think so my friend. I dated an Asian woman from the Philippines, and after I started feeling comfortable around her and telling her my problems, she gradually got more and more distant. After 1 month I was ghosted
I've never understood not having a DTR (Determining the relationship) talk. It makes no sense to just vaguely go around with no understanding of where two people stand. It makes way more sense to just come out and say you like a person and want to have a different relationship with them instead of just friends. Otherwise, you risk one or both getting hurt. I've personally had separate friends confide in me that they like each other but are pretty sure they messed up the relationship and both of them swore me to secrecy to not tell the other person. And I'm like OMG just talk to each other!
Currently dating Japanese here. I remember stumbling upon this video a couple of years back, and I can confirm these are true. It’s definitely a bumpy ride having to adjust/compromise with both cultures(you won’t always agree and/or in some cases even argue about it) but at the end of the day, you can learn something from one another.
"Look down on Japanese people." Actually I think Japanese look down on foreigners much more. I had these experiences and I heard and read a lot about it. Of course I'm generalising like you did. To be too direct/appears agressive I confirm but actually I think is just a perception due to the different culture. I don't think that necessarly means to be aggressive but of course if we speak with Japanese people we should try to be less direct. But so, Japanese shouldn't try to be more direct and honest when talk with foreigners? Also this for us is percepted as a "bad behaviour". I think In the moment we want to keep in contact with a foreigner, we just should try to understand well the other culture, to accept and respect it, (also if you don't like everything about it) and consequently, have an appropriate behavior. Ps: I'm italian, I had an hafu girlfriend, so half Japanese and I stayed in Japan 3 months and meet others Japanese (and some others I met in Italy or online)
I disagree. I think Japanese have a right to "look down" on foreigners as they don't have a say in who visits the country. Foreigners who go to Japan just to talk down on the people, culture, and society in general are simply fuckheads. I also don't think Japan should be more accommodating to foreigners, as the foreigner card is already a pretty strong tool and they don't like confrontation in the first place... Basically, when you're a foreigner visiting a different country, you're a guest in someone else's house, and you need to respect their rules.
@@chromberries7329 Doesn't give you the right to look down on someone at all, your logic is flawed. Japanese themselves barely leave japan, so they have some insecurities
Well, i think the best thing to do when dating a foreign man/woman is to explain first the difference between their cultures and their basic etiquettes to help them learn and understand more about each other so you both could avoid having too much conflicts in your relationship. Being an observant isn't ALWAYS a good idea to maintain a good and long lasting relationship, 'cause if you always observe or being such an observant partner, it is not healthy for the both of you because you're always waiting for your partner to make a wrong move instead teaching what is wrong and what is right about the law on which ever country they are from. But this is just my personal opinion, I totally agree about what you're saying and I still getting your point.
*Westerners:* "Ugh I can't with all the 空気を読む in Japan! They just expect me to just realize what's going on from mere hints?" *Also westerners:* "Why tf do I have to 告白 I gave you like a million hints"
What many don't tell you is that there is a bridge that you can get to before confessing. Teasing, calling pet names and flirty touching is okay if you increase it bit by bit. She will like it but if you don't eventually confess, she will ghost you. Confessing on the first date is not a good idea either.
Hails from the United States. I truly appreciate having a perspective from a different culture, especially from Japan. To the author of this video, thank you for the insight and explaining what is not acceptable in your culture when dating. However, I would like to mention that some of the situations and rules you explained are very much universal in our society as well. That being said, because our society is more of a cultural melting pot and not a cultural mosaic, some people do not follow the same rules as they were taught differently. Again, thank you for the insight and explanation.
I feel like: 1. Be respectful of each others culture, not just one sides. 2. This is universal. 3. Yea its nice to make it clear what you want. But its fair to say the the other half should be direct too. Ask if your not sure where the relationship is going. 4. Hypocrisy at its finest. Japanese ppl seem very passive-aggressive. 5. This is universal.
I live in the U.S and still never talk or express to avoid trouble. Usually in public or with family im completely silent and sometimes I feel like it wierds people out.
The only time my girlfriend, Sayaka, and I had a disagreement in the three years we've been together was when an airline lost luggage after I spent 20 minutes at the previous airport asking to make sure they'd put it on the airplane only to land and be told 'oh sorry we left it in Jakarta.' I was so frustrated and got ill-tempered, and demanded an explanation since I was promised it would be put on the plane. Sayaka actually got annoyed with me for being annoyed and it felt so strange in my Western brain because to me it is a 'normal reaction' but for her it was breaking harmony
Discuss how she sees the couple after the child is born in details (just in case you plan to have one). Just an advice. Considering the testimonies i read, many westerners have terrible surprises. And... Well i am french, so i would never have made a scandal in the airport. The only time i made a scandal was because of our disastrous administration, when i had to go 13 times to an office for the very same thing and they couldn't understand how to check a box. Threatening to rent a car just to park it inside their office did the job, though. But otherwise, people shouting on others and being noisy just because they are in a bad mood would get on the nerves of anyone in Europe, too. So, i am not surprised your Sayaka would be ashamed by the spectacle you gave. But now... i would get (silently) annoyed by A LOT of things in Japan i think. Seems like a terrible country for me to live in. Kudos for putting up with it. I probably couldn't.
@@autumneagle Oh, if you managed to remain polite, kudos in that case. the "ill-tempered" part made me assume you raised your voice. But anyway, i personally never shout, but i am pretty sure i would get agitated pretty often, too.
If you go to a country, youre expected to adapt in all cases. If you want to spend your time/life with someone from a distant land, you're also expected to adapt. It goes both ways regardless. Although i dont like to generalise, most foreign 'western' men that go to these places, typically are rejects from their own. Not all, but there's a lot out there.
Idk man that’s impossible. You can never fully adapt to a culture you weren’t raised in. Not because you don’t want to, but because it would require you to reform habits and manners learned from birth. It’s easier to compromise ad be flexible rather than do a complete character switch
Usually its the eye contact and whispers carry the seriousness in a relationship. The louder you are about your date the more insincere you are about it. Like your showing of in a crowd.
Respectfully, I find that if Japan was more direct in speaking about "I think that you are wrong," Many of the issues that you (Japan) face in general, could be solved, or at least improved, such as the working people to death, abusive boss practices, the greatest western attribution to society is the recognition of the importance of the individual. Of course, there are many selfish people, but there are many selfish people every where.
I think you're right. But I also believe it might increase tensions which might increase crime quite a bit. It's hard to gauge. But in the end I think it would be a risk worth taking.
You're absolutely right. Also, "I think what you're saying is wrong." certainly exists in the vernacular of bosses in Japan, but workers aren't allowed to defend themselves or explain what happened and/or why.
I'm an American guy and I'll always find it funny how many Western guys get so offended over this, lol. I can't tell if it's just a weeb thing or if most Americans really are so obsessed with themselves and their own often useless opinions that they just can't fathom the concept of not making a scene and knowing when to avoid saying something negative, because it might get you fired, or unnecessarily stir the pot in a situation where you're powerless to actually change anything. Most of the time, "speaking your mind" by letting the world know your super unique and interesting opinion is pure narcissism, and if all it does is let the other person know that you dislike something about them or their organization or their culture or whatever, congratulations, you've changed nothing, and now they KNOW what you're thinking, and are liable to hold it against you or allow it to change how they perceive you. I can totally understand the Japanese thinking this is unnecessary when, for example, you're at dinner and your date says "This is way too salty" when referring to the food you just bought for them, or you're at work and constantly whine about not getting enough time off. All you're doing is making the overall mood more negative, because for whatever reason, we Westerners are taught that our personal opinions are so important that it's okay for them to compromise our social standing or even our livelihoods. If you're not going to change anything other than make someone dislike you more by stating your opinion, you're better off just staying quiet and not epitomizing the stereotype of the loud and opinionated American.
@@juliansmith4295 Who the hell are you and why should I care that you didn't understand my comment? I wasn't even addressing you. Not my problem if you're offended that I think Western people are often loudmouthed idiots or that we'd be better off as a culture if less people spoke their mind in inappropriate situations where it makes people uncomfortable. Go away.
I’m western and i’m used to the intimidation and i’m laid back but still not afraid to share opinion. I don’t like people who talk too much about self. I don’t like conflict, but dam it say something if i am grinding your gears. I can be pretty accommodating. I am a huge saver. It’s saved my rear, because I’m able to be a caregiver right now.
This is a wonderfully entertaining video. I love learning about other cultures and how I can be more respectful and understanding. Thank you for sharing.
Thats curious, that means you do not like direct communication, but when it comes with romantic relationships you do. It's funny because the US is kinda opposite. We talk and pal around and keep social activities active, but with romantic relationships we tend to chill, worry and assume alot. Much less directness.
You get a like just for the fact that you have the Youkai Whisper plushie in the background. In regards to finances and saving, there's such a lack of financial education in public institutions here in the US. To receive any form of financial education we basically have to seek it out ourselves online and here on YT. It's done on purpose imo because they want you to buy, buy, buy. Shiny new thing! Totally better than that one thing last year! Yeah! Buy it! The ads they bombard you with while online can get old really quick.
I womder how they do it in Japan. How can they afford aesthetic modern lifestyle, fashion, kawaii stuff, mangas, travel, and all that AND accumulate savings? Japanese worklife is hard and the cost of living not cheap. Do you have to be a successful streamer for this? My mind is messed by too many influencers I guess. 🙄
I don't think she's my type. She might be cool to have as a friend. You gotta quit simping. There's 8 billion people out there. Be picky. You deserve it.
I respect Japanese people, your culture, if I was younger I'd seek your help how to pursue potential dating. I'm from USA. Thank you for your channel, your opinions are appreciated! What you choose to present in your videos have good content! Thank you! I like your culture is respective!
As an American dude living in Japan... thats 100% fair. You cant expect someone to cater to your culture and needs if you dont do the same to them... its all 50/50.
Really liked the video, I enjoy learning about other country's dating culture, being Irish, I don't think I've ever asked someone out. I just got on really well with someone, and let nature take its course. Have mostly had long-term relationships, Met my Now wife about 5 years ago.
Thank you for this. Your reasons are very valid. Westeners are raised to say it or the other person won't understand. Japanese put more responsibility on the listener to hear and try to understand.I am a reserved American so the Japanese culture (group oriented) fits me better the USA culture (self oriented). So much so, my wife is Japanese and we have been living in Japan for over 30 years.
My main language is Spanish but I agree with the “you’re wrong” statement. Whenever I hear that in an English (American) conversation it really comes across as very aggressive and almost condescending, as what you are really saying is “your opinion is wrong”. In Spanish it’s more common to say “I disagree with that”, where you are still expressing your opinion, but you are expressing it as what it is, an opinion and not a fact. We tend to reserve “you’re wrong” for things that are facts.
Not sure that's entirely it, it's more about the situation. You lose your job, can't support yourself, don't see a future, have nobody to ask for help, etc. Well-adjusted people have others they can confide in and don't need to take out issues on strangers.
Feeling unable to express dissatisfaction ---> feelings of helplessness ---> depression --> suicide. They are an awful lot of unhappy marriages in Japan, and the couples just tend to keep it all in and grind on stoically. That's simply not good for anyone's mental health.
A lot of what is said should just be common sense while dating, and in general as well. I was never a fan of modern western dating culture and how people just don't want to accept responsibility and commit to something, whether it's a relationship or just something in general life. Of course, you have many people who are serious about a relationship and their general life, but it's surprising to see how many just can't wrap their heads around both this and that there's consideration to be taken when dealing with other people in intimate or day to day life. This was incredibly nice to hear and very insightful! Thank you for the video! Edit: Inserted 'modern western' next to dating culture.
I think a good first step is establishing a more thorough knowledge of how Japanese people approach their daily interactions and encounters. Building that understanding creates empathy and makes criticisms like "intimidating" or "too direct" make more sense from a Western perspective. What I've learned to appreciate are the more indirect factors stemming from cultural differences that remain sources of tension even when you think you understand. If I could recommend two books for every western-minded person to read regarding Japan and the Japanese mindset, they would be The Chrysanthemum and the Sword by Ruth Benedict and The Anatomy of Dependence by Takeo Doi. Between the two, you're looking at a 500 page investment, and it's worth every page. I think what these authors have illustrated to me with greatest clarity is the importance to the Japanese of honoring one's obligations in every sphere of life and the immense weight that carries for a Japanese in even the most mundane encounter. It isn't conformity for conformities sake, but ensuring that each aspect of one's life, and the expectations that reside within those spheres, are honored and balanced. With more to consider, one's mode of expression must be that much more reserved. Rebellion against authority or questioning the established order is the not the virtue it is abroad, or, at the least, not undertaken for the same reasons, and this is something that should not be overlooked while honoring the Japanese way of life.
I really like the confession segment. It’s always helpful to let a woman know exactly what you expect or want. I didn’t express that in the early on when I dated. Now I do and it has saved me headaches. So you mentioned money savings. I was told that ATMs in Japan are only open for certain hours instead of western society with 24 hours access. So being that money saving is cultural in Japan, is it something taught in school or at home?
I live in China, but I related a lot to many parts of this video. Personally, I am from Australia, and I have been in a very successful relationship that was mainly based on communication and compromise. I think if you really love someone, you'll be willing to invest the time to learn how to make that person happy and try to actually listen and understand why they are not happy when they aren't. It takes a while to find people that are willing to do those things - because a relationship with someone who shares the same culture as you is already hard enough! But if you do find that person who is willing to communicate, who is open to different ways of living, and perhaps willing to compromise on certain things, then I think that cross-cultural relationships are definitely possible, and can work really well. I think part of the problem is that, when you meet someone from where you are from, or who shares the same culture as you, you can quite quickly spot those nuanced things that tell you that person is not for you, but when you are dating someone from a different culture, sometimes it takes longer. I guess patience and understanding is also important too - but at the end of the day, you need to have love, not lust.
Interesting comment! I met a Japanese lady last year who recently got married to a Western guy and asked me to please speak to her husband because he refuses to learn Japanese and wants her to speak English instead. Sometimes people want to be with you but don't care enough to compromise for you.
I think that humour can be be a very effective tool in bridging the cultural gap. As a Foreigner I lived in Japan for many years and found that behind all the rules and cultural mores that people really are the same and broadly have the same fears, hopes and dreams in life. My favourite saying that made me laugh in Japan from my long time Japanese Partner. was ‘Don’t touch me in the Public’. 😂😂😂 Ps Asagi san…. In the West we use the phrase ‘ He/She spends money like water’ to describe someone who is foolish with money
@@Grandmaster_Sub-Zero Okay I’m genuinely not trying to be rude..but maybe they don’t want to talk to you…? OR you’re talking to way too many introverted and socially awkward girls.
First off, I think all your points were fair. And secondly I am in the same boat as you. I prefer Asian women over western women, because I love Asian beauty and the various cultures. I think the Thai culture is my favorite. And as a consequence I get called all sorts of names.
These are good observations. I’m thinking that Your boyfriend Derek needs to put a ring on your finger quickly! Very interesting video, thank you Asagi.
Since I've been in a relationship with a Japanese girl for well over a year, the concept of Confession was such a refreshing concept to me as a westerner. The messiness of western relationships was always something I never liked, it made it feel like there was much less care put into the relationships from others because no barrier felt like it was ever crossed. Having confession just clicked with me and felt natural and made sense to me. That's just my own experience though.
This is more about the difference between Western and Japanese culture than about 'western men' in general. It's not an attitude of western men but the culture that they've grown up with and has become normal for them.
As for respecting each other's cultures when dating I agree that one should respect other cultures. On the other hand I see it this way: when I travel/move to a different country it is my responsibility to assimilate to where I am. Same goes for when you move to where I am. Its your job to assimilate to your new surroundings.
"Communication is too direct/intimidating" "Direct Confession that establishes level of commitment is needed" ...that's really, serious and sanctifying a relationship when a Japanese girl will ghost and cheat before they directly talk about breaking up? Doesn't really feel gender equitable
Hmmm if I am able to make it to Japan I will keep these in mind. I don’t do any of these things mentioned at least to my knowledge but it’s always good to self reflect regardless. Thanks for the video
Agreed. I think that the girl demands too much understanding without having any at the same time. Speaking English does not mean that she understands the world outside Japan. Placing everybody outside Japan under the term "foreigner" means that she knows nothing about the outside world. And as a girl she is the one who has to be the more "flexible" side and to learn to accept.
@@silafuyang8675 👌🏾 76% of the Japanese population doesn't have passports and they don't have the desire to go out. That says a lot. They see the world only from their perspective. This is why they pigeon hole westerners.
I met my future Japanese wife in San Francisco when she was 21 and married. I was blown away by her extreme beauty and had a crush on her for years. When she told me 6 years later she was getting a divorce I asked her out. We were soon married and after a few years moved to Japan, 36 years ago. Our daughters and granddaughters are also gorgeous.
My girlfriend basically confessed to me kinda indirectly. We are both American so I was a bit surprised she did it the way she did. We were at a restaurant she was talking to a friend who worked there and she introduced me as her boyfriend. Back then she and I where just friends for years and it was kinda surprising.
Don't know how i got to this video. But your arguments are even in a western country very solid. Those foreign guys would be domestic scumbags aswell. The only one that is a cultural difference is the one about forced to say your opinions but that is something both parties need to work on and that is what being committed is all about. Keep up the videos
This is how I feel too. In the US (and I assume other western countries) these type of guys are not acceptable...probably why they are going after "foreign" women in their own countries or moving to other countries to date there. I also know many foreign women who have had Japanese guys do this to them. :(
Married with Japanese lady over 20 years, with two daughters. 1. You marry a Japanese family. 2. Japanese ladies have soft bodies and strong hearts and minds. 3. You need to be the bread winner and serious about money. 4. You must obey your wife about house things and respect her culture and domestic ways. 5. You must keep a good reputation for yourself and the family. 6. Having poor manners or lacking seriousness will not be respected. 7. Same - happy wife = happy life.
It is nice to get all those informations about you / your culture . But I was wondering why don't u explain what is the limit of all these things ? For example I am a brazilian how do u expect me to go out with you and don't say a word ? Don't u want to know about the person you are dating ? Honestly if I go out with you I would let you talk about yourself all night long , that would allow me to see if we can be together or not ,don't you agree ? I think when u make a video like that the only thing u can get is keeping people away from you , foreigners are afraid to talk to japanese because , if we don't sound direct we will sound rude , or we will sound boring . You should explain that a little more
The "confession" remark makes no sense. If a guy sees you as just a friend, of course, the "confession" is never going to happen. You shouldn't expect a guy to want a relationship with you just because he is friends with you.
The only thing I would ask in the end, is to be transparent. I don't like guys insisting we're just friends after being physical. And I think confession makes it easier to avoid those misunderstandings.
4:44 I met a Japanese girl last year. The 1st date I felt like in a job interview! Got to say I enjoyed the experience. She told me “in Japan culture 告白 happens usually in the 3rd date” I did some research (何回目のデートで告白に関するいくつか動画見てっただけ). Anyway in the 5th date I went for it and she told me “I just want a friend” :-( and when I remind her our 1st date conversation she told me that the 告白 thing in the 3rd date is only between Japanese people. It was probably an special case.. well at least I’ve learned how to declare in Japanese..!
Asagi, just wanted to say a couple of things. First, you're a fantastic representative for your country and culture. I'm very attracted to Japanese women and one day hope to meet one like you. Second, in my opinion, anybody who calls somebody else racist, for any reason, are themselves a racist person.
I believe your points are fair and valid. As a Dutch person, I adapt fully to the country I visit and try to follow all the rules society has. It's very important for me to take the girl I'm dating into consideration and feel what she needs and if that's also something that I can provide
I hope you realize that some of the Japanese behaviors are seen as rude to very rude in the Western, some customs that are ok in one country, not ok in another country, this goes both ways. One thing that drives me nuts is not discussing a minor problem, something like a cultural misunderstanding (which I've had a couple of times with Japanese people I've met IRL), in some cases we talked it out, in some cases the person just ignored me and I got the message. At the end of the day, the truth always comes out no matter what, that's why I don't like people just avoiding a subject, to just avoiding the truth and pretending to be something they're not. One thing that I personally really don't like is people pretending to be nice to you, while they don't like you. I know that in Japan that's just being polite, here that is kind of rude and most of all, it's a waste of time. You don't like another person? That is fine, that's just fine, you just politely avoid the person, at the very worst you tell them, in most cases just go your own way. Some of the tatemae & directness really comes off as passive aggressive to Westerners, in the worst cases you can even be seen as a liar and/or hypocrite. The indirectness of Japanese culture makes dating probably harder than it is in the West. As for the kohaku, not being clear, that's mostly an American thing, in most of Europe, in Latin America, you got to be clear. Personally my own form of Kohaku is both parties saying I love you to each other and then kiss to seal the deal, if those 2 conditions are met, we're dating.
As a "Westerner" I can totally understand all of your points and would never disrespect or disregard Japan and its rules and customs, but telling somebody you just met that you want to be in a relationship with them would be considered incredibly weird in "the West" (not trying to hate on your boyfriend, it's sweet that he understood that you would like that). Also: Not saying very early on that you want to commit to a serious relationship is very common in "the West" and done by both men and women because they want to have the freedom to continue or break off a more casual relationship at any point for the first few months of getting to know the potential partner. You usually have to just sit the other person down and ask them directly if they want to have a "real" relationship if you want to know it early. Also: I write "the West" because I think there are a lot of differences between a lot of Western cultures, but some similarities aswell.
I'm not into dating anymore (married) but I want to comment about the money saving point. Please, anyone in normal incoming range concerned, save your money and do not go to Japan unless you >99% absolutely want/have to. There are other places that do not obliterate your wallet the way that Japan does, just check the local prices for e.g. strawberries. There are many countries where you will not be bankrupt by strawberries but people are very nice, probably you live in one already? Sure, Japan has good deals on some things but it takes nothing more than a big sea wave to turn that around. Greetings from Finland.
Yeah, don't try buying any fruits from Japan (besides, perhaps, apples, on rare occasions). They are like 4x overpriced 😭 It's crazy! But the Scandinavian countries are some some of the most expensive countries in the world themselves. It's possible to get by just fine in Japan by consuming their fairly adequately priced products (instead of buying that overpriced stuff). There might be two similar-looking products of the same category (e.g. sausages, fish, bread, etc), yet for some absurd reason, they might easily have a 3x price difference, lol.
Most of these problems such as problems listed such as money, communication, and bloated ego are common problems in western coutries(I can only speak for U.S.) but learning about different culture and meeting each other on the half way is good way to start fixing these problems.
I have a bit of difficulty with the confession. For me, I can’t get to know someone well enough after just 3 dates. I hate to say it but I do better when I am friends with someone first. Though this is against both western and Japanese culture. It’s not that I am indecisive. Its because when dating, more often then not people wear a mask to hide aspects of themselves to make it work. For me, I need to see the whole person before I make a judgement, it’s just easier as friends because they expectations are not as high so people tend to be more open to showing their bad qualities. We are all human, none of us are perfect. I love your advice Asagi but I don’t think I am the type of guy who will do well dating in this culture. I think I’ll stick to just being around people and making friends. I want a romantic relationship, but right now I think just learning to live in the culture and speak the language better is what I should do.
So let me get this straight. You believe Different cultures should be respected as they are. And people shouldn't try to force changes in behaviour. Then you proceed to give a list of "Not to do" based on Your own culture. Hmmm... I believe that's called cognitive dissonance Asagi. I do add that "When in Rome" is imperative for guests of a country. However, that is not the same in Relationships. If you are a Guest in a relationship, you shouldn't be in it.
Hi Asagi , I totally agree with you that when in a relationship with a person from other culture , you need yo meet some where in between and respect each other culture. From this video I was able understand what japanese people like and what they don't like . I love Japan would love to know a Japanese woman and understand her and be a global friend. Thanks for sharing 👍.
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No thanks. Japanese women tend to be too intolerant of cultural differences, as your video suggests.
I will
I. Must apprraste
I would say the thing about commitment isn’t a western thing its just a “certain guys” thing
I enjoyed watching your video, and I agree with everything you said.
I will follow you on Instagram.
By the way, I'm a "tight arse" when it comes to money. 😉😊
Just because you have a "foreigner" card, It doesn't mean you can disrespect an entire culture. I'm looking at you Logan Paul.
That is true but not everyone know what is disrespectful
True.
@@monkeykeeng7699 Which is why the foreigner card exists, it's a buffer that allows room for error out of unawareness. The problem comes when the person doesn't care to make changes after they're told what they did was objectively disrespectful.
Bro , japanese people seem so easily offended.
@@gangswanson8850 compared to Japanese people and Asian People, American People are a lot more offended at a lot of things.
The only thing I have a hard time with with many Asians (Japanese, Chinese....) is the overly (IMO) indirect communication. I personally have a hard time with reading people and I have little inhibitions when expressing myself. So, I very much prefer to "say what you mean and mean what you say"... but that's just me... 😄
seriously its so tough
Même chose pour moi. J'imagine que tu es québécois aussi? On a tendance à être assez direct, et quand quelqu'un ne l'est pas, on l'interprète comme du niaisage...
Yeah this is probably the biggest difference between us 😅
@@AsagisLifeNoBSJapan And it is interesting because it is often said that Asiens are sooo introvert - and introverts don't do Small Talk and are direct etc.
@@steemlenn8797 I don't want to nitpick; because I totally see what you mean. But I don't think asians are inherently introverts. When I stayed in Japan, I met lots of people who were extroverts. They talked more than me actually. But maybe they are a different kind of extrovert. A more polite type. They don't shout or talk over people like we do in my homecountry(U.S.). They seem to be indirectly sociable, so it might seem like they are "introverts" to us westerners. I'm also half-asian and my asian side of my family talks a LOT. But again, they just communicate differently. Thats just my opinion based on my experiences.
This video is more about cultural differences between Japan and the west. In the end I don't choose my partner by his nationality or race but his personality. Hope it helps you to understand dating culture in Japan, and just enjoy the differences from my perspective!
I want to be with Japanese girlfriend but I don't know how to take to here or what I must say for because I don't want here be afraid of me
If I were to date a Japanese woman I would do my best to communicate with her and listen.
I feel our cultural differences should enhance us not be a form of separation.
I'm glad your partner treats you well and acts respectfully when dealing with differences that he might not understand.
He probably asked you to be his girlfriend so soon because he fell in love with you on your first meeting.
I dont believe when people say that they chose partners based purely on personality and that race has nothing to to with it. In my opinion it's just another popular, and 'nice' thing to say, although its far from truth. We all have our prefered types... Body types, face types, personality types... Lets not pretend that race has nothing to do with it. I generaly find some races less attractive than others, I dont see nothing wrong with it. Does that mean that all people of a certain race are attractive? No. Does that mean that all people of a certain race aren' attractive? No. Does that mean that personality doesny matter? No. I'm talking IN GENERAL here. As a GENERAL rule. Neither you, nor anybody else can be separated from their race, it IS us, it is a part of us. I never understood whats so bad to have a type or be phisicaly attracted to a certain race(or nationality) more than the other, because there are more people with physical characteristics you find attractive in that region. A lot of men on the internet like to say that Russian, or easter european women are the most beautiful women in the world. Does that mean they love their Russian girlfriend BECAUSE purely she is Russian? Yes and No! It just means that in Russia there are more women that are his type!! But thats never enough! First we love with our eyes, then with our hearts and minds! No one can be with a shallow but hot person, or relatable, but unatractive. Its all about balance. Gosh, im sorry. But im hearing that dishonest phrase too much lately.
@@tahaadel9185 I'm already afraid of you. And I am not a Japanese girl. ( I am not even a girl. ) Hahaha!
There seems to be some conflicting comments from your previous video about 5 things you like about dating foreigners.
For example, you say you like transparency but you don't like being forced to say your opinion (because, by your own admission, you're unlikely to SHARE your opinion, especially if your opinion is negative). You can't have transparency if you can't share what's on your mind. A westerner might start thinking that you're not sharing your opinions because your opinion is always negative.
I get the conflict you feel from the differing cultural perspectives but at some point you're going to have to choose which direction to go in any personal relationship. I dated a Japanese girl and she HATED public displays of affection (which I actually like to do). Our compromise was that I would give her a kiss inside the building where no one would see, before I left for work in the morning, instead of kissing outside on the doorstep.
Personally, I'd never be able to give up being direct and blunt with my words. I'm not sure about others, but I value the honesty of a direct approach. It shows who I can trust if that person is willing to be direct.
Word. I can hold myself back in public or with acquaintances in order to not raise a fuss. But if i cant feel like i can be honest with my SO or close friends, what’s the point lol.
So a guy is not liked because he’s not fake. Fake tatemae culture is a killer for me. Maybe that’s why guys were like “I just enjoy hanging out with you but not so serious”
Probably the same - I'll take someone being blunt over someone not expressing themself and then having a go about you behind your back later. I just trust people like that more. That said there is a difference between being assertive and being rude. You can say what you want without being a dick about it, it's a bit of an art form.
It's more like compared to japanese westerners tend to use things like sarcasm. Or jokes like that. That really doesn't work in japanese. I can't say it doesn't work at all, but when I see it happen it feels weird. Even though I know it's a joke, it feel direct
I'm an American guy and every time I run into this train of thought on a Japan-related video, it blows my mind. Why are Americans so obsessed with their own opinions on everything? lol. As an American, I'm very rarely blunt or straightforward with anyone, because if you have a negative or controversial take on something, you have a very small chance of changing anything and are just going to make someone upset or change their perception of you in a negative way. I almost never tell my boss what I really think of him or the crappy aspects of my job, and if I'm the guest and I don't like someone's food, there's no way in hell I'm telling them that I don't like it. All being blunt gets you is more people thinking you're going to bring the mood of the room down, or more people who secretly think you're annoying.
I have seen many youtubers who express their opinion, not before explaining that: "It is only their personal experience, and that they are not generalizing." Something so obvious, but in these times of people so hyper-sensitive and ultra-frustrating, it has unfortunately become mandatory to avoid having a bad time. Too bad.
I actually love the idea of making a confession. Many people in the west and maybe even in Eastern Europe would call it "cheesy", but I dig it. As far as planning for dates - hell yeah, I would fit right in with that. I plan my dates like a military general planning a war (according to my friends at least!), so I say let's bring it on! DAISUKI!!! :)
Military general planning! lol
@@AsagisLifeNoBSJapan Look, I didn't come up with that - my friends did :P But that's how uncommon the concept is here in the western countries (UK in my case) and to a slightly lesser degree (but still) where I grew up (Russia) that they will even make these kind of jokes about it. If for example I got a date say 3-5 days from now I will be planning exactly what to wear (will wash it, iron it and put it safely aside until the date!), making reservations and making sure the weather forecast is good etc and will have a plan B ready in case something doesn't work hence why I "earned" those kind of teases from them haha
@A. Septentrional There we go, you totally get how my friends react to this lol
Baby T-Rex has feathers.
As a neurodivergent I avoid a lot of people because of this western tendency to not be clear with others which is so confusing >_< And the plan for dates and knowing where and when and what and who exactly is there - this is a MUST for me, otherwise I won't leave the house, so I always watched Jdramas and thought Japan is actually easier to socialize in my view XD
A lot of these points make sense and are reasonable, but I can think it's possible to add some more nuance, and how some of them can taken too far by Japanese people I've met over the years :
1. Meeting half-way cultural thing :
Often, it is hard to say exactly what is "half way".
Often, people struggle with confirmation bias and for many women(I don't date men, so I cannot speak to that) I feel as if they have much higher standards in relation to how and what they want their partner to compromise on.
When challenged on this, they'll often retort "This is Japan though, so you need to conform for your own benefit.", even though in reality it is only to their benefit(after all, there are also plenty of non-comformative Japanese of many stripes and colors). Most of my male Japanese friends are even less conforming to Japanese culture than I am.
2. Intimidation :
While I understand the cultural norm of social sensitivity in Japan, I think this can be an area where it's necessary to actually apply the thinking of point 1.
Both foreigners and Japanese, depending on personal background and culture vary greatly in this regard.
As a Scandinavian, I find that most of my Japanese male friends are a lot more brash and forward than I am. Especially with women.
When it comes to cross cultural dating, I don't know if your temperament in this regard is worth moderating. Just find a person who is okay or comfortable with your level of energy.
That being said many Japanese I've met over my 10 years here could be seen as almost too sensitive or indecisive - not as a judgement from my view as foreigner, but as an observation from the perspective of mental health or efficient communication to personal betterment.
Only talking about yourself might be a sign of self-obsession, but on the flip side, many Japanese women I have met cannot or will not supply topics for conversation, don't respond actively to questions and show little enthusiasm as conversationalists (many of them citing the reason that previous boyfriends had said they don't like chatterbox girls etc), and in such cases I think many foreign men might end up just talking a lot to fill the silence.
Communication is a two way street. Being able to speak is important, and there's not much to do when a person doesn't respond to questions outside of carrying brunt of the conversation on your own.
As for critiquing Japan, I think this is another point of interest.
I covered this in my Uni courses on jpn social psychology as well, but it was further compounded by experience :
Most Japanese people have a latent type of nationalism and a fragile national ego instilled in them through Japanese education and popular media which is uncommon and frankly speaking very unappealing to most westerners from countries with a more critical and introspection educational system.
In most northern European countries, not only are we regularly quite critical of our own countries, we also often engage in cross cultural critiques and debates as well.
For example, it is not the case that you have to be Norwegian to be critical of Norway. Indeed, we expect people to have critical opinions on matter of culture and society regardless of home country.
In my experience, Japanese people tend to have a blind-spot here and so I think their reaction to a foreigner's critique can come off as very defensive and naive.
While I agree that a foreigner saying stuff like "Japanese culture is weird" is bad, the reason I flag this point is because I know many Japanese who'll react the same even if you, for example, make a poignant critique of the Japanese education system even though you're being perfectly calm and citing multigenerational and multinational studies on child welfare and psychology.
This is worth considering.
Jumping to
4. On opinions :
It is important to understand that because a lot of Europe, and the English world is so cross-cultural, high context communication simply isn't possible without creating lots of confusion.
Stating things clearly for many westerners is merely a necessity for communication, not a better/worse type of deal.
While I think, in any relationship, one should respect a partner's wish for time to think, it is good to consider that your partner probably isn't trying to "force you to make a stand", but just really want to know what you think and feel because they literally cannot tell.
They are simply worried that since they can't tell, they'll hurt you by mistake or in ignorance.
Also, just as an aside :
In most of my relationships with Japanese women they have been the ones to try to force me to speak my mind during arguments and not respect my wish to take a time-out to think ┐('～`;)┌
So, I suspect this is more personality than culture.
5. Money-thing
Obviously, being responsible with money is important(avoiding debt, failing credit, huge loans for other things than education, housing or car etc), however I think it's important to consider the context of dating as an activity.
Many foreign guys in Japan are not looking for a permanent life partner in the first place, might not want to settle down, and especially not in Japan.
Japan also have a very different socio-economic structure.
In Norway, for examples, savings simply aren't as important because of universal free healthcare and education(from early childcare, including university).
In Japan, making a family and suppprting it is expensive so I understand that Japanese women consider this important.
But, if you a Japanese woman and you become interested in a western man, you should not walk into the relationship expecting him to be preparing for family-making in Japan.
Why would he? If you are a man from say, Germany, Switzerland, Austria, Norway, Denmark, Sweden, Norway or Finland, why would you want to raise children or grow old in Japan?
It's a step backwards on almost every axis of human development and happiness. Your pay will be worse, you pension will be worse, your medical coverage in case of heavier diseases might be worse, you'll have less vacation, less time with your children, and you'll probably face occasional work and social discrimination.
It's not that these men are irresponsible. They can be spending money or partying and still be.
Not having responsibilities and being irresponsible(neglecting your responsibilities) is not the same.
They simply aren't living to build a future of family life in Japan.
Also worth mentioning, that depending on social class, many foreign men won't even begin to thinking about settling down til their mid 30s.
Anways, just some food for thought.
Cheers!
Very good points. I think it's also often the case that the foreigner coming to Japan on a longer term stay is pretty well travelled and educated while many Japanese have never left the island or spent any significant time abroad. As such, it would be hard to establish a balanced relationship.
@hian Hi sir very well-structured and objective insights that you shared here, definitely seems like experiences coming from one who have lived in various countries/cultures.
But would you share some reasons/motives that keeps you staying in Japan for more than 10 years as of now and do you plan to stay longer as you understand the people/culture/systems more?
Since Scandinavia regions sure offer some appealing life qualities such as medical care, social welfare, or other "personal betterment", and many of those countries can easily ranked top best countries to live, but it just seem contradictory that many of the Western European/U.S citizens continuing to try to settle/move to country like Japan, which cultural/social norm is vastly different, like almost to the other end of the spectrum
dude you should write an article on medium or something
@@aceent5145 Sometimes it is out of fascination of a country, culture and people. Of course one is more likely to struggle in nother country than in ones own, yet there are people that are looking for experiences, so to call break out of the habit and then there are also many positive aspects about another culture that one might not find in their own etc.. I am from Germany, I have spend a year in the US and I am actually pretty happy with my life in my home country, yet I am also considering to stay away for a longer period again an d learning a new language to see the world with your own eyes so to speak. If you then find ppl (a wife or husband for example), or a very fulfilling job that keep you bound to that place (because you don`t want to miss out on them/leave them), years can pass by.
Thank you for the time you took to give us your opinion. It's well-written and interesting.
This was hard to hear but extremely needed. ありがとうあさぎせんせい！ There is a Japanese girl I have been talking back and forth with and I told myself, I would not tell her Kokuhaku until I can converse in a language she understands. Now that it has been about a month of just cramming the language, I've never realized how early I could have said it. I may have screwed up already but this knowledge is vital :) So thank you for sharing it!
Oh dear. I'm from Serbia which is in the Balkans. A lot of people in the Balkans are VERY direct, and emotions are rarely hidden. I am curious as to how many japanese/balkanese relationships exist
Ive dated a Serbian boy but he was race in the US...I’ve met his Serbian parents. I don’t know if they’re very proud people like the Italians which kinda annoys me when his parents talks so much about the negativity of American Culture. When I talk about the positive things about the Philippines (like how cheap it is to live there if you have Dollar Currency) they started to get annoyed. I thought they’re open minded when it comes to cultural difference....I dont mind cultural difference (since I’m Filipino-American) but taking down to other cultures makes me feel off.
I'm a serbian too and I hate the balkan's overall patriotic mentality, racism and ignorance that is confidently expressed with arrogant attitude. Most middle aged serbian people are close-minded and can't even speak English properly yet they believe Serbian language should be globalized simply because they're lazy to learn English.
I’ve played a lot of video games with Serbians... you guys are wild over there. The first thing when they find out that I’m American is say racial slurs... weird place
@@Blue_Nova707 I think the patriotic mentality is a good thing for a country. Being a patriot doesn't mean hating and disrespecting other cultures, it simply means that you love your culture, people, language, values(of a certain group) etc. I do agree that there are quite a few close-minded people here, although seemingly not as many as a few years ago. Now, I've seen/heard a few people who look/sound like they think Serbian should be globalised but I've never really heard anyone just straight up say it like that lol...
But yeah I wish people were just more open-minded, respectful, and not so "in your face". I actually think I would fit great in Japan if I knew the language and learned some of their culture, because everything I've learned so far is pretty much what my ideal country would look like(in terms of social structure at least, because I've heard big companies are ruthless to their workers over there). Anyway have a great day :)
@@McfcxEz Well yeah, a lot of us hate the US government and politicians, but yeah they shouldn't have insulted you, that's just stupid and immature. Sorry for their stupidity, hope you have a great day :)
This is why conversations are important, to discuss likes, dislikes, issues, and resolve conflict.
In the US, the man usually pays the bill of the restaurant in the dates. In many countries in Europe, the bill is divided. I do not mind paying for someone else (I do it for friends, I can do it for a date, no problem), but I have a problem with being expected to do it, because somehow it feels like that person is making me a favour or giving me a service for which I have to pay and that is a faux pas. In fact, many women would get offended if you do not even consider splitting the bill or refuse to accept their wish to pay their half of the bill. For them, it is the reverse: They feel like the man is trying to pay for what he thinks that is a service that now they are pressured to do.
In other words, in the West, things are radically different depending on where in "the West".
Your openness and directness is above average for any culture, while still being honest and true to your own culture. (And anyone who says your racist is just ignorant.) Good communication and relationships is a lot of work (even within the same culture). I can see how hard you are working. You have the respect of this world traveled old man. The world needs more people like you.
I just can't help but smile and laugh whenever Asagi (or any Japanese person in general) swears in English. There's just something so endearing about it lol.
When my girlfriend let out a string of @#$*! when somebody cut her off on the road, I realized she had picked up things I didn't think about normally. I still insist on walking behind her because I like the way her back pockets move when she walks! 😉
Not really.
I’m so jealous of young people who have videos like this to guide them. I had to figure all this out for myself, with friends and dates who weren’t used to putting thoughts into words. You basically nailed it, although if you are respectful I think using a foreign card is fine, I try to teach my friends how to make their own foreign cards. Most Osaka friends have already figured it out “oops! I’m from Osaka!”
I'm a western guy and your views seem pretty reasonable to me . I don't think they would be hard for a westerner to adapt to.
same here. i grew up in Switzerland and apart from the "kokuhaku" everything here seems very reasonable and should be easy to adapt. i never "played around" with girls like you mentioned, so it was always clear if i wanted to try dating, but those "love confessions" i could never do 😂
You shouldn't have to adapt them because this is UNACCEPTABLE to do to any woman! I'm from America and I find the behavior she talks about disturbing and upsetting.
@@spamcan9208 Must be from a paralel america. What she said is mostly true, but I find the japanese culture in that ascpect to be worse, not better. I rather keep the attitudes americans have rather than what she mentioned, except for the responsibility thing.
@@gabrielov8027 Unless she dated enough men to get a sample size big enough for statistics, I got the feeling she had bad experiences and extrapolated that out to most American males.
@@amarug I mean it's just "would you like to date?" or something like that. Wouldn't you say that to someone you're interested in seeing?
I like Ashton's hair style. Great editing & acting! 👍😁 って内容に触れてないコメントでごめんよ。
頭がデカすぎて、カツラがきつかった😂がんばりました（笑）
I agree with the hair
If a man is telling you about himself, he’s hoping you will also tell him about yourself. He wants you both to learn about each other.
When I meet a girl I’m interested in, I want to learn about her: her life, her personality, her interests, her thoughts about the future. I would like us to learn about each other, equally.
I haven’t gone to Japan. I’ve lived in China and Taiwan. I tried to meet and date girls there, because I was a single guy. I found that many of them would be very unwilling to let me learn about them, to get to know them. I would often get to a point where the girl knows much about me while I know little about her. It’s unbalanced, and it’s impossible to develop a good relationship in that way.
I’m 0% surprised that the same things make both the “what I like” and “what I dislike” lists. Your biggest strength is also your biggest weakness.
"How can my strength my weakness?"
-Kevin hart
There are a lot of dating nuances in Japan that I would so appreciate here in the states. Maybe I spent too much of my youth watching Japanese dramas, but I like that people are purposeful when it comes to romance. 告白 and holding off on physical intimacy would save a lot of people from unnecessary drama and situationships 👀🤔
So, when I was young, I was taught that when seeing someone else, you always ask questions about them because that's how the conversation keeps going. But then when I actually did it, I was told that it almost felt like an interrogation or interview and that it would be better that I talk about myself more often.
So then, whenever I talked to a girl that just happened to be from an Asian country, I was told that they get turned off because I talk about myself too much. So now I'm just at a loss about what I should do.
You have to learn how to ask open ended questions. Even if you’re talking about your own experience, invite them to say their opinion. And if they don’t have any thoughts, maybe offer to introduce them (might come off intimidating) or move on to another topic.
I have some advice for you. I like to share stories. So I can tell a story about traveling or school in the west and then you can ask them how it is like in Japan. Most times It will keep the conversation going. If you only ask questions it will be like an interview but I think sharing experiences is something that worked really well in most cases.
The problem with Japanese girls:
Need confession = be direct
Being to intimidating = don't be direct
And it's like this always :D
Also, it's really hard not to start to talk about yourself on a date with a Japanese girl because they will NEVER talk about anything else than weather/traveling/your work (salary) etc. while on a date. They are extremely passive to the point when you start to wonder if she really wants to be here.
Generally, the best time I had with Japanese girls was while not on a date. The moment this highly official process would start everything went some weird way.
But to be fair, while not on a date, most of Japanese girls were adorable, intelligent and super fun to be around.
P.S. And jokes aside, down below (or up) there is a comment of a guy called hian. He really dug into the subject, and he made some good points. I recommend reading it :)
Interesting video, thank you!
I love talking about traveling and the things I did when I traveled. If you have someone who already was abroad, even better. There is always loads to talk about.
that story is a joke.
If a girl is looking for some assurances before giving herself up, I don't see anything wrong with that. After a few months, a relation will begin becoming sexual and I can't fault a woman for wanting some assurances.
I laughed out loud at the foreigner card bit! Great video Asagi!
Western dating is 2 phased:
1st phase is hanging out and testing the waters
2nd phase is serious commitment
This is not just something younger generations do. It used to actually be more formal until the 60s or 70s.
You would formally ask a girl to go steady.
Also, relationships in a lot of situations are often formed mutually rather than a one sided approach.
My grandmother used to talk about that. When she was a young girl you were expected to date different people, but not supposed to go to bed with everyone, the idea was to see who you would like to get married to. But in my generation you're dating once you already hooked up after knowing each other less than 24 hours.
I dated a girl whose family was really traditional and I had to get her father's permission to date her lol Was awkward af but I did it. Turns out her and I weren't compatible and we broke up a month later. I think part of the reason this was a tradition especially in the south was do to social class gating and making sure that daughters didn't date or marry unsavory men.@@RonaldoSanchez-g1y
A lot of these are very universal, i think the "talking about themselves too much" is the most universal of all, and it applies to both men and women. If I'm on a date with a girl and all she talks about is herself, it's no fun, i don't want to talk with her again. It's the most basic and one of the most powerful traits of charismatic people, to elevate the other person, ask about THEIR day, ask how THEY have been, be excited about their stories etc.
As for the savings part, I understand that in the context of having debt and spending too much money at the same time. But for me personally, i grew up with very little money and my parents weren't around, starting from late elementary school, if i wanted a bit of money for anything, be it a snack at school or ice cream or whatever, i had to figure it out (even though we weren't actually poor, my parents just weren't around much). And later in life i had times when i had lots of money, and i had times when i had no money. I don't care about money. I'm responsible enough to pay my debts (if i have any) and take care of utilities, if I had a wife and children obviously those would be the priority over anything else, but once that is done, i will spend it on whatever i enjoy. I earn money to spend money. If i want to go on a trip, i might save up, but if not, i might blow up half a thousand euros on bar in a club on satudray, because i wanted to and i could. So whenever i meet a woman that isn't really flexible in her judgment about my savings, it's not gonna work.
I'm Mexican and I live in US, the same points you didn't like from westerners is the same I don't like from American girls.
After I listen your video I think I can be a good boyfriend for a Japanese girl. I like planning everything, I like to be clear about my intentions, I don't like talk all the time about me, I'm interested in listen and understand. I'm usually a quiet person and I only talk with the person I consider special in my life. I love order and clean spaces. I love dogs (I know those are expensive in Japan, around 5k US dollars) I love peaceful people.
Thanks for your video. Buena suerte amiga!
Honestly the insistence on harmony is something that would make Japan near impossible for me to deal with and makes me less likely to visit.
I feel like Japan as a culture needs to embrace and cultivate the idea that conflict is not inherently a bad thing and that tackling a problem head on in the first instance actually leads to more harmony by removing the problem at its' source before it can grow rather than just hiding the symptoms.
Personally I could never live around people who believe that giving any kind of negative opinion, even as mild as "I don't like this" or state a fact like "This is wrong" is intimidating or uncalled for, to me that's a sign that you're either a) Weak or b) Untrustworthy.
Preach
Agreed. Its hard for me to wrap my head around this stuff.
And to them, you're rude and aggressive, that's just how the cookie crumbles over there.
@@Goldy01 that's fine, aggression and blunt force get results
@@ReallyTwistedHumor Yup. So does other methods. There's many ways to skin a cat as they say
It bothers me when someone judges anothor person's relationship. As long as you are happy and he treats you right-I wish you all the best.
Being an English teacher in japan I can say for majority of my adult students that want to learn English are not good at communicating. Learning the language is different than having the ability to communicate. If you cant communicate give up on learning English. This goes for the part of westerners talk about themselves too much. If you have little skill in talking about yourself or if you cant then why even talk to you. Talking about the weather work salary basic stuff that can get stale real quick just stop the relationship. theres reasons why Japan needs work parties to talk that talk when drunk. I try to teach that in my lessons. just go home if youre not going to try to actually build a bond or communicate.
A sense of responsabilities is something that depends on the person's personality. Obviously, there will always be some foreigners that spend too much on cars, luxury things and things like that. But you have so many Japanese people who spend endless amount of money in idols, pachinko, hostess and even prostitution behind the back of their wives.
Maybe the statements about western men is based on the people Asagi-san chose to hang out with so far. I know westerners who don't talk about themselves all the time, and who don't force you to formulate your opinions either. I also know western men who confess their love when they go out with a girl.
On the other hand, I know Japanese men who said something like "東京の女は簡単に落ちるね" or boast about their romantic conquests in the most childish way.
And yes Japanese culture may put a lot of emphasis on harmony, but on the other side that can hinder getting several opinions at the same table since nobody dares to say something that would deviate from the general opinion. In that way, there are two sides to every coin.
Even the notion of a "westerner", like "everybody from a culture is the same, right?" may also stem from a Japanese perspective, since Japan has a strongly homogeneous culture even today. Spanish, American, French, German people can all be called westerners but their culture is somewhat different I dare say.
So, maybe it is less about culture or race, and more about individual character or maturity as a person that we could talk about here.
Thanks for sharing!
I agree with you wholeheartedly.
Yeah, I was thinking along the same lines, though phrased a little differently; these sound like challenges with sh*theels, not problems with foreigners.
Man, you spoke facts like no one else
@@kappamiye Fax
I guess these personality features are more common in foreigners but I see them on Japanese people too. Like you said everyone is different and in the end is not about nationality but personality. I really liked the way you explained everything and I agree with you in sooooo many points LOL I also hate the “me me me” type of conversation and people that talk about the bad in everything!
Thanks Tammy! I'm glad we agree with most of the things here 😙
I'm curious about one thing though. By "the bad", does it also mean talking about personal problems and issues? Does that fall into the "negative" category that is a turn off? Sometimes I'll be talking to someone and we get really close. Close enough where I feel like I can talk about anything and trust them with anything. So one day if I'm having a bad day or going through a tough time I feel the need to be open about it, but when I do I suddenly get ignored, or I get awkward responses that are trying to be reassuring but come out either super awkwardly or half assed.
It's really disheartening for me because from my point of view, I feel like I don't matter. But idk maybe for Japanese people or other people from Asia it's like bringing too much negativity or too shocking and they're turned off by it. I'd really appreciate it if someone would clarify this.
@@Naruto-bp6hm I think so my friend. I dated an Asian woman from the Philippines, and after I started feeling comfortable around her and telling her my problems, she gradually got more and more distant. After 1 month I was ghosted
I've never understood not having a DTR (Determining the relationship) talk. It makes no sense to just vaguely go around with no understanding of where two people stand. It makes way more sense to just come out and say you like a person and want to have a different relationship with them instead of just friends. Otherwise, you risk one or both getting hurt. I've personally had separate friends confide in me that they like each other but are pretty sure they messed up the relationship and both of them swore me to secrecy to not tell the other person. And I'm like OMG just talk to each other!
Very insightful video. You explain your thoughts really well!
Currently dating Japanese here. I remember stumbling upon this video a couple of years back, and I can confirm these are true. It’s definitely a bumpy ride having to adjust/compromise with both cultures(you won’t always agree and/or in some cases even argue about it) but at the end of the day, you can learn something from one another.
"Look down on Japanese people." Actually I think Japanese look down on foreigners much more. I had these experiences and I heard and read a lot about it. Of course I'm generalising like you did.
To be too direct/appears agressive I confirm but actually I think is just a perception due to the different culture. I don't think that necessarly means to be aggressive but of course if we speak with Japanese people we should try to be less direct. But so, Japanese shouldn't try to be more direct and honest when talk with foreigners? Also this for us is percepted as a "bad behaviour".
I think In the moment we want to keep in contact with a foreigner, we just should try to understand well the other culture, to accept and respect it, (also if you don't like everything about it) and consequently, have an appropriate behavior.
Ps: I'm italian, I had an hafu girlfriend, so half Japanese and I stayed in Japan 3 months and meet others Japanese (and some others I met in Italy or online)
I disagree. I think Japanese have a right to "look down" on foreigners as they don't have a say in who visits the country. Foreigners who go to Japan just to talk down on the people, culture, and society in general are simply fuckheads. I also don't think Japan should be more accommodating to foreigners, as the foreigner card is already a pretty strong tool and they don't like confrontation in the first place...
Basically, when you're a foreigner visiting a different country, you're a guest in someone else's house, and you need to respect their rules.
@@chromberries7329 just because you're visiting doesnt mean the locals should be rude.
japanese are racists
@@chromberries7329 Doesn't give you the right to look down on someone at all, your logic is flawed. Japanese themselves barely leave japan, so they have some insecurities
@@giannilyanicks1718 xenophobic is the term you're looking for - hatred/fear of people from other countries.
Well, i think the best thing to do when dating a foreign man/woman is to explain first the difference between their cultures and their basic etiquettes to help them learn and understand more about each other so you both could avoid having too much conflicts in your relationship. Being an observant isn't ALWAYS a good idea to maintain a good and long lasting relationship, 'cause if you always observe or being such an observant partner, it is not healthy for the both of you because you're always waiting for your partner to make a wrong move instead teaching what is wrong and what is right about the law on which ever country they are from. But this is just my personal opinion, I totally agree about what you're saying and I still getting your point.
*Westerners:* "Ugh I can't with all the 空気を読む in Japan! They just expect me to just realize what's going on from mere hints?"
*Also westerners:* "Why tf do I have to 告白 I gave you like a million hints"
What many don't tell you is that there is a bridge that you can get to before confessing. Teasing, calling pet names and flirty touching is okay if you increase it bit by bit. She will like it but if you don't eventually confess, she will ghost you. Confessing on the first date is not a good idea either.
Hails from the United States. I truly appreciate having a perspective from a different culture, especially from Japan. To the author of this video, thank you for the insight and explaining what is not acceptable in your culture when dating. However, I would like to mention that some of the situations and rules you explained are very much universal in our society as well. That being said, because our society is more of a cultural melting pot and not a cultural mosaic, some people do not follow the same rules as they were taught differently. Again, thank you for the insight and explanation.
I feel like:
1. Be respectful of each others culture, not just one sides.
2. This is universal.
3. Yea its nice to make it clear what you want. But its fair to say the the other half should be direct too. Ask if your not sure where the relationship is going.
4. Hypocrisy at its finest. Japanese ppl seem very passive-aggressive.
5. This is universal.
cause they are :))
Because they are 4.
I live in the U.S and still never talk or express to avoid trouble. Usually in public or with family im completely silent and sometimes I feel like it wierds people out.
The only time my girlfriend, Sayaka, and I had a disagreement in the three years we've been together was when an airline lost luggage after I spent 20 minutes at the previous airport asking to make sure they'd put it on the airplane only to land and be told 'oh sorry we left it in Jakarta.' I was so frustrated and got ill-tempered, and demanded an explanation since I was promised it would be put on the plane.
Sayaka actually got annoyed with me for being annoyed and it felt so strange in my Western brain because to me it is a 'normal reaction' but for her it was breaking harmony
Discuss how she sees the couple after the child is born in details (just in case you plan to have one). Just an advice. Considering the testimonies i read, many westerners have terrible surprises. And... Well i am french, so i would never have made a scandal in the airport. The only time i made a scandal was because of our disastrous administration, when i had to go 13 times to an office for the very same thing and they couldn't understand how to check a box. Threatening to rent a car just to park it inside their office did the job, though. But otherwise, people shouting on others and being noisy just because they are in a bad mood would get on the nerves of anyone in Europe, too. So, i am not surprised your Sayaka would be ashamed by the spectacle you gave. But now... i would get (silently) annoyed by A LOT of things in Japan i think. Seems like a terrible country for me to live in. Kudos for putting up with it. I probably couldn't.
@@nox8730 well I never said I shouted.
@@autumneagle Oh, if you managed to remain polite, kudos in that case. the "ill-tempered" part made me assume you raised your voice. But anyway, i personally never shout, but i am pretty sure i would get agitated pretty often, too.
I shout alot if the situation calls for it. Who cares. My wife knows i'm hot blooded.
@@Rasputin.Bogard I start with "Please do not make me angry. You would not like it if I became angry."
If you go to a country, youre expected to adapt in all cases. If you want to spend your time/life with someone from a distant land, you're also expected to adapt. It goes both ways regardless. Although i dont like to generalise, most foreign 'western' men that go to these places, typically are rejects from their own. Not all, but there's a lot out there.
Idk man that’s impossible. You can never fully adapt to a culture you weren’t raised in. Not because you don’t want to, but because it would require you to reform habits and manners learned from birth. It’s easier to compromise ad be flexible rather than do a complete character switch
Usually its the eye contact and whispers carry the seriousness in a relationship. The louder you are about your date the more insincere you are about it. Like your showing of in a crowd.
Aloha Asagi.
Thank you for your advice. I like Ashton also and think you make an effective video.
If you come to Hawaii look me up.
Respectfully, I find that if Japan was more direct in speaking about "I think that you are wrong," Many of the issues that you (Japan) face in general, could be solved, or at least improved, such as the working people to death, abusive boss practices, the greatest western attribution to society is the recognition of the importance of the individual. Of course, there are many selfish people, but there are many selfish people every where.
I think you're right. But I also believe it might increase tensions which might increase crime quite a bit. It's hard to gauge.
But in the end I think it would be a risk worth taking.
You're absolutely right. Also, "I think what you're saying is wrong." certainly exists in the vernacular of bosses in Japan, but workers aren't allowed to defend themselves or explain what happened and/or why.
I'm an American guy and I'll always find it funny how many Western guys get so offended over this, lol. I can't tell if it's just a weeb thing or if most Americans really are so obsessed with themselves and their own often useless opinions that they just can't fathom the concept of not making a scene and knowing when to avoid saying something negative, because it might get you fired, or unnecessarily stir the pot in a situation where you're powerless to actually change anything. Most of the time, "speaking your mind" by letting the world know your super unique and interesting opinion is pure narcissism, and if all it does is let the other person know that you dislike something about them or their organization or their culture or whatever, congratulations, you've changed nothing, and now they KNOW what you're thinking, and are liable to hold it against you or allow it to change how they perceive you. I can totally understand the Japanese thinking this is unnecessary when, for example, you're at dinner and your date says "This is way too salty" when referring to the food you just bought for them, or you're at work and constantly whine about not getting enough time off. All you're doing is making the overall mood more negative, because for whatever reason, we Westerners are taught that our personal opinions are so important that it's okay for them to compromise our social standing or even our livelihoods. If you're not going to change anything other than make someone dislike you more by stating your opinion, you're better off just staying quiet and not epitomizing the stereotype of the loud and opinionated American.
@@gadpivs Thank you for the nonsensical, presumptive, run-on sentence, mate. It was greatly appreciated.
@@juliansmith4295 Who the hell are you and why should I care that you didn't understand my comment? I wasn't even addressing you. Not my problem if you're offended that I think Western people are often loudmouthed idiots or that we'd be better off as a culture if less people spoke their mind in inappropriate situations where it makes people uncomfortable. Go away.
I’m western and i’m used to the intimidation and i’m laid back but still not afraid to share opinion.
I don’t like people who talk too much about self.
I don’t like conflict, but dam it say something if i am grinding your gears. I can be pretty accommodating.
I am a huge saver. It’s saved my rear, because I’m able to be a caregiver right now.
This is a wonderfully entertaining video. I love learning about other cultures and how I can be more respectful and understanding. Thank you for sharing.
Thats curious, that means you do not like direct communication, but when it comes with romantic relationships you do. It's funny because the US is kinda opposite. We talk and pal around and keep social activities active, but with romantic relationships we tend to chill, worry and assume alot. Much less directness.
You get a like just for the fact that you have the Youkai Whisper plushie in the background.
In regards to finances and saving, there's such a lack of financial education in public institutions here in the US. To receive any form of financial education we basically have to seek it out ourselves online and here on YT. It's done on purpose imo because they want you to buy, buy, buy.
Shiny new thing! Totally better than that one thing last year! Yeah! Buy it! The ads they bombard you with while online can get old really quick.
I womder how they do it in Japan. How can they afford aesthetic modern lifestyle, fashion, kawaii stuff, mangas, travel, and all that AND accumulate savings? Japanese worklife is hard and the cost of living not cheap. Do you have to be a successful streamer for this? My mind is messed by too many influencers I guess. 🙄
Everybody wants to date asagi 🤔😎🤪
Why wouldn't you? She is an attractive and intelligent person. I'm sure she is fun too.
I don't mind dating Ashton 😊
simp?
Basically
I don't think she's my type. She might be cool to have as a friend. You gotta quit simping. There's 8 billion people out there. Be picky. You deserve it.
I respect Japanese people, your culture, if I was younger I'd seek your help how to pursue potential dating. I'm from USA.
Thank you for your channel, your opinions are appreciated! What you choose to present in your videos have good content! Thank you!
I like your culture is respective!
As an American dude living in Japan... thats 100% fair. You cant expect someone to cater to your culture and needs if you dont do the same to them... its all 50/50.
Really liked the video, I enjoy learning about other country's dating culture, being Irish, I don't think I've ever asked someone out. I just got on really well with someone, and let nature take its course. Have mostly had long-term relationships, Met my Now wife about 5 years ago.
Glad you enjoyed the video 😊
Your outfit looks great! And Ashton's too. :D
Thank you for this. Your reasons are very valid. Westeners are raised to say it or the other person won't understand. Japanese put more responsibility on the listener to hear and try to understand.I am a reserved American so the Japanese culture (group oriented) fits me better the USA culture (self oriented). So much so, my wife is Japanese and we have been living in Japan for over 30 years.
Now I fear that everything I say might sound aggressive.
My main language is Spanish but I agree with the “you’re wrong” statement. Whenever I hear that in an English (American) conversation it really comes across as very aggressive and almost condescending, as what you are really saying is “your opinion is wrong”. In Spanish it’s more common to say “I disagree with that”, where you are still expressing your opinion, but you are expressing it as what it is, an opinion and not a fact. We tend to reserve “you’re wrong” for things that are facts.
Not saying your negative thoughts, could be one of the reasons Japan has such a high spike in suicide rate. Repression is an ugly demon
couldnt agree more
be glad to not live in japan
Not sure that's entirely it, it's more about the situation. You lose your job, can't support yourself, don't see a future, have nobody to ask for help, etc. Well-adjusted people have others they can confide in and don't need to take out issues on strangers.
Feeling unable to express dissatisfaction ---> feelings of helplessness ---> depression --> suicide. They are an awful lot of unhappy marriages in Japan, and the couples just tend to keep it all in and grind on stoically. That's simply not good for anyone's mental health.
@@randyevermore9323 be proud not being japanese or asian
A lot of what is said should just be common sense while dating, and in general as well. I was never a fan of modern western dating culture and how people just don't want to accept responsibility and commit to something, whether it's a relationship or just something in general life. Of course, you have many people who are serious about a relationship and their general life, but it's surprising to see how many just can't wrap their heads around both this and that there's consideration to be taken when dealing with other people in intimate or day to day life. This was incredibly nice to hear and very insightful! Thank you for the video!
Edit: Inserted 'modern western' next to dating culture.
I think a good first step is establishing a more thorough knowledge of how Japanese people approach their daily interactions and encounters. Building that understanding creates empathy and makes criticisms like "intimidating" or "too direct" make more sense from a Western perspective. What I've learned to appreciate are the more indirect factors stemming from cultural differences that remain sources of tension even when you think you understand. If I could recommend two books for every western-minded person to read regarding Japan and the Japanese mindset, they would be The Chrysanthemum and the Sword by Ruth Benedict and The Anatomy of Dependence by Takeo Doi. Between the two, you're looking at a 500 page investment, and it's worth every page. I think what these authors have illustrated to me with greatest clarity is the importance to the Japanese of honoring one's obligations in every sphere of life and the immense weight that carries for a Japanese in even the most mundane encounter. It isn't conformity for conformities sake, but ensuring that each aspect of one's life, and the expectations that reside within those spheres, are honored and balanced. With more to consider, one's mode of expression must be that much more reserved. Rebellion against authority or questioning the established order is the not the virtue it is abroad, or, at the least, not undertaken for the same reasons, and this is something that should not be overlooked while honoring the Japanese way of life.
I really like the confession segment. It’s always helpful to let a woman know exactly what you expect or want. I didn’t express that in the early on when I dated. Now I do and it has saved me headaches.
So you mentioned money savings. I was told that ATMs in Japan are only open for certain hours instead of western society with 24 hours access. So being that money saving is cultural in Japan, is it something taught in school or at home?
I fully agree with everything you say. I'm British.
Get well soon.
I live in China, but I related a lot to many parts of this video. Personally, I am from Australia, and I have been in a very successful relationship that was mainly based on communication and compromise. I think if you really love someone, you'll be willing to invest the time to learn how to make that person happy and try to actually listen and understand why they are not happy when they aren't. It takes a while to find people that are willing to do those things - because a relationship with someone who shares the same culture as you is already hard enough! But if you do find that person who is willing to communicate, who is open to different ways of living, and perhaps willing to compromise on certain things, then I think that cross-cultural relationships are definitely possible, and can work really well. I think part of the problem is that, when you meet someone from where you are from, or who shares the same culture as you, you can quite quickly spot those nuanced things that tell you that person is not for you, but when you are dating someone from a different culture, sometimes it takes longer. I guess patience and understanding is also important too - but at the end of the day, you need to have love, not lust.
This comment is so accurate 👏 I'll share on my Instagram! If you have an Instagram let me know I'll tag you.
@@AsagisLifeNoBSJapan Unfortunately I don't have an Instagram account that I use... I should probably get with the times!
@@Hazza_Harding okay!
Interesting comment! I met a Japanese lady last year who recently got married to a Western guy and asked me to please speak to her husband because he refuses to learn Japanese and wants her to speak English instead. Sometimes people want to be with you but don't care enough to compromise for you.
I think that humour can be be a very effective tool in bridging the cultural gap. As a Foreigner I lived in Japan for many years and found that behind all the rules and cultural mores that people really are the same and broadly have the same fears, hopes and dreams in life. My favourite saying that made me laugh in Japan from my long time Japanese Partner. was ‘Don’t touch me in the Public’. 😂😂😂
Ps Asagi san…. In the West we use the phrase ‘ He/She spends money like water’ to describe someone who is foolish with money
"Don't touch me in the public", indeed funny. 🤣
Much of what you said seems like common sense to me, though thanks for the clarification.
I really liked the Split Personality thing, that was funny.
"Usually conversation is not a one way thing" Tell that to all the girls I've talked to. Carrying conversations by yourself is not worth it at all.
Most girls these days don't know how, or even care to carry a conversation.
@@Grandmaster_Sub-Zero Okay I’m genuinely not trying to be rude..but maybe they don’t want to talk to you…? OR you’re talking to way too many introverted and socially awkward girls.
First off, I think all your points were fair. And secondly I am in the same boat as you. I prefer Asian women over western women, because I love Asian beauty and the various cultures. I think the Thai culture is my favorite. And as a consequence I get called all sorts of names.
When you marry a Asian...you marry the whole family. An older sister can be a pain in the neck.
It's getting to be less like that in Japan, or Tokyo area at least.
Lol
These are good observations. I’m thinking that Your boyfriend Derek needs to put a ring on your finger quickly! Very interesting video, thank you Asagi.
As a life long Ashtyn. I think it's cool that my name has finally become 'basic' :p
Since I've been in a relationship with a Japanese girl for well over a year, the concept of Confession was such a refreshing concept to me as a westerner. The messiness of western relationships was always something I never liked, it made it feel like there was much less care put into the relationships from others because no barrier felt like it was ever crossed. Having confession just clicked with me and felt natural and made sense to me. That's just my own experience though.
This is more about the difference between Western and Japanese culture than about 'western men' in general. It's not an attitude of western men but the culture that they've grown up with and has become normal for them.
Thanks for the insight!
japanese and westerners aren't made to get along each other
@@giannilyanicks1718 That's not true whatsoever
@@drakezen don't joke around. Explain yourself
@@giannilyanicks1718 How are they not made to get along? Anyone can get along with anyone. I don't understand your point.
As for respecting each other's cultures when dating I agree that one should respect other cultures. On the other hand I see it this way: when I travel/move to a different country it is my responsibility to assimilate to where I am. Same goes for when you move to where I am. Its your job to assimilate to your new surroundings.
"Communication is too direct/intimidating"
"Direct Confession that establishes level of commitment is needed"
...that's really, serious and sanctifying a relationship when a Japanese girl will ghost and cheat before they directly talk about breaking up? Doesn't really feel gender equitable
Hmm. A little cynical perhaps.
It was never gender equitable XD
Hmmm if I am able to make it to Japan I will keep these in mind. I don’t do any of these things mentioned at least to my knowledge but it’s always good to self reflect regardless. Thanks for the video
Most of these things are just things you should do as a decent human being.
Agreed. I think that the girl demands too much understanding without having any at the same time. Speaking English does not mean that she understands the world outside Japan. Placing everybody outside Japan under the term "foreigner" means that she knows nothing about the outside world. And as a girl she is the one who has to be the more "flexible" side and to learn to accept.
@@silafuyang8675 👌🏾 76% of the Japanese population doesn't have passports and they don't have the desire to go out. That says a lot. They see the world only from their perspective. This is why they pigeon hole westerners.
@@qaidikramuddin I used to live in China for years. The same there. They have zero understanding of the world outside their holes. Americans - same.
What if I don't want to be a decent human being
I met my future Japanese wife in San Francisco when she was 21 and married. I was blown away by her extreme beauty and had a crush on her for years. When she told me 6 years later she was getting a divorce I asked her out. We were soon married and after a few years moved to Japan, 36 years ago. Our daughters and granddaughters are also gorgeous.
My girlfriend basically confessed to me kinda indirectly. We are both American so I was a bit surprised she did it the way she did. We were at a restaurant she was talking to a friend who worked there and she introduced me as her boyfriend. Back then she and I where just friends for years and it was kinda surprising.
Ashton and the foreigner card bit were hilarious!! ROFL!
Don't know how i got to this video. But your arguments are even in a western country very solid. Those foreign guys would be domestic scumbags aswell. The only one that is a cultural difference is the one about forced to say your opinions but that is something both parties need to work on and that is what being committed is all about. Keep up the videos
This is how I feel too. In the US (and I assume other western countries) these type of guys are not acceptable...probably why they are going after "foreign" women in their own countries or moving to other countries to date there. I also know many foreign women who have had Japanese guys do this to them. :(
Married with Japanese lady over 20 years, with two daughters. 1. You marry a Japanese family. 2. Japanese ladies have soft bodies and strong hearts and minds. 3. You need to be the bread winner and serious about money. 4. You must obey your wife about house things and respect her culture and domestic ways. 5. You must keep a good reputation for yourself and the family. 6. Having poor manners or lacking seriousness will not be respected. 7. Same - happy wife = happy life.
It is nice to get all those informations about you / your culture . But I was wondering why don't u explain what is the limit of all these things ? For example I am a brazilian how do u expect me to go out with you and don't say a word ? Don't u want to know about the person you are dating ? Honestly if I go out with you I would let you talk about yourself all night long , that would allow me to see if we can be together or not ,don't you agree ? I think when u make a video like that the only thing u can get is keeping people away from you , foreigners are afraid to talk to japanese because , if we don't sound direct we will sound rude , or we will sound boring . You should explain that a little more
I feel more japanese then western almost😄 Your English is real good and the content is super intresting, Thanks for that🌻🇸🇪
Your western-assimilated friend is really funny and nails our flaws pretty well......nicely done!
Asagi, you don't have to explain yourself to anybody. Keep doing you pretty girl.
The "confession" remark makes no sense.
If a guy sees you as just a friend, of course, the "confession" is never going to happen. You shouldn't expect a guy to want a relationship with you just because he is friends with you.
I think the issue is with being led on.
The only thing I would ask in the end, is to be transparent. I don't like guys insisting we're just friends after being physical. And I think confession makes it easier to avoid those misunderstandings.
4:44 I met a Japanese girl last year. The 1st date I felt like in a job interview! Got to say I enjoyed the experience. She told me “in Japan culture 告白 happens usually in the 3rd date” I did some research (何回目のデートで告白に関するいくつか動画見てっただけ). Anyway in the 5th date I went for it and she told me “I just want a friend” :-( and when I remind her our 1st date conversation she told me that the 告白 thing in the 3rd date is only between Japanese people. It was probably an special case.. well at least I’ve learned how to declare in Japanese..!
I admire your action though. You did it right and sadly she didn't think the same way.
Can't stop staring at Whisper...
Very honest, and well explained! Thank you for this helpful information.
Asagi, just wanted to say a couple of things. First, you're a fantastic representative for your country and culture. I'm very attracted to Japanese women and one day hope to meet one like you. Second, in my opinion, anybody who calls somebody else racist, for any reason, are themselves a racist person.
I believe your points are fair and valid. As a Dutch person, I adapt fully to the country I visit and try to follow all the rules society has. It's very important for me to take the girl I'm dating into consideration and feel what she needs and if that's also something that I can provide
I hope you realize that some of the Japanese behaviors are seen as rude to very rude in the Western, some customs that are ok in one country, not ok in another country, this goes both ways. One thing that drives me nuts is not discussing a minor problem, something like a cultural misunderstanding (which I've had a couple of times with Japanese people I've met IRL), in some cases we talked it out, in some cases the person just ignored me and I got the message. At the end of the day, the truth always comes out no matter what, that's why I don't like people just avoiding a subject, to just avoiding the truth and pretending to be something they're not. One thing that I personally really don't like is people pretending to be nice to you, while they don't like you. I know that in Japan that's just being polite, here that is kind of rude and most of all, it's a waste of time. You don't like another person? That is fine, that's just fine, you just politely avoid the person, at the very worst you tell them, in most cases just go your own way. Some of the tatemae & directness really comes off as passive aggressive to Westerners, in the worst cases you can even be seen as a liar and/or hypocrite. The indirectness of Japanese culture makes dating probably harder than it is in the West. As for the kohaku, not being clear, that's mostly an American thing, in most of Europe, in Latin America, you got to be clear. Personally my own form of Kohaku is both parties saying I love you to each other and then kiss to seal the deal, if those 2 conditions are met, we're dating.
Thanks for your feedback!
Just my own experience and opinions, don't have to agree with it. Thanks for reading my comment.
As a "Westerner" I can totally understand all of your points and would never disrespect or disregard Japan and its rules and customs, but telling somebody you just met that you want to be in a relationship with them would be considered incredibly weird in "the West" (not trying to hate on your boyfriend, it's sweet that he understood that you would like that). Also: Not saying very early on that you want to commit to a serious relationship is very common in "the West" and done by both men and women because they want to have the freedom to continue or break off a more casual relationship at any point for the first few months of getting to know the potential partner. You usually have to just sit the other person down and ask them directly if they want to have a "real" relationship if you want to know it early. Also: I write "the West" because I think there are a lot of differences between a lot of Western cultures, but some similarities aswell.
I'm not into dating anymore (married) but I want to comment about the money saving point. Please, anyone in normal incoming range concerned, save your money and do not go to Japan unless you >99% absolutely want/have to. There are other places that do not obliterate your wallet the way that Japan does, just check the local prices for e.g. strawberries. There are many countries where you will not be bankrupt by strawberries but people are very nice, probably you live in one already? Sure, Japan has good deals on some things but it takes nothing more than a big sea wave to turn that around.
Greetings from Finland.
Yeah, don't try buying any fruits from Japan (besides, perhaps, apples, on rare occasions). They are like 4x overpriced 😭 It's crazy!
But the Scandinavian countries are some some of the most expensive countries in the world themselves. It's possible to get by just fine in Japan by consuming their fairly adequately priced products (instead of buying that overpriced stuff). There might be two similar-looking products of the same category (e.g. sausages, fish, bread, etc), yet for some absurd reason, they might easily have a 3x price difference, lol.
Most of these problems such as problems listed such as money, communication, and bloated ego are common problems in western coutries(I can only speak for U.S.) but learning about different culture and meeting each other on the half way is good way to start fixing these problems.
Everyone is offended by anything these days.... kinda sucks....
So true.
I have a bit of difficulty with the confession. For me, I can’t get to know someone well enough after just 3 dates. I hate to say it but I do better when I am friends with someone first. Though this is against both western and Japanese culture. It’s not that I am indecisive. Its because when dating, more often then not people wear a mask to hide aspects of themselves to make it work. For me, I need to see the whole person before I make a judgement, it’s just easier as friends because they expectations are not as high so people tend to be more open to showing their bad qualities. We are all human, none of us are perfect.
I love your advice Asagi but I don’t think I am the type of guy who will do well dating in this culture. I think I’ll stick to just being around people and making friends. I want a romantic relationship, but right now I think just learning to live in the culture and speak the language better is what I should do.
So let me get this straight. You believe Different cultures should be respected as they are. And people shouldn't try to force changes in behaviour.
Then you proceed to give a list of "Not to do" based on Your own culture.
Hmmm...
I believe that's called cognitive dissonance Asagi.
I do add that "When in Rome" is imperative for guests of a country.
However, that is not the same in Relationships. If you are a Guest in a relationship, you shouldn't be in it.
Thanks for sharing!
Spot on
Hi Asagi , I totally agree with you that when in a relationship with a person from other culture , you need yo meet some where in between and respect each other culture. From this video I was able understand what japanese people like and what they don't like . I love Japan would love to know a Japanese woman and understand her and be a global friend. Thanks for sharing 👍.