Avoidant Personality Disorder | The Signs
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 พ.ค. 2024
- In this video, clinical psychologist, Dr. Ramani Durvasula, and MedCircle host, Kyle Kittleson, discuss 8 signs of avoidant personality disorder, also known as, APD and how to identify them.
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Topics:
00:00 Intro
00:22 What is APD?
00:57 1. Avoids significant social activity
01:13 2. Sticks to social groups they know
01:47 3. Restraint in intimate relationships
02:26 4. Ruminates on fear of criticism
03:12 Inhibited in new social situations
03:52 6. Severe fear of embarrassment
04:30 7. "Gives in" to social situations
05:31 8. Holds back from opportunities
06:04 APD in Dr Ramani's practice
07:17 How to watch more
#Avoidant #MentalHealth #MedCircle #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #personalitydisorder #psychology
Avoidant personality style = survival skill that I developed from the bullies/mean people
Ugh! Right!? ....keep pushin!
bullies and mean siblings
THIS
Same
Yes and unstable parents 😭
That’s totally me in a nutshell.
I used to be very outgoing and didn’t care what people thought of me when I was younger. Then in adulthood, many negative experiences (embarrassment by others, betrayal by friends and family, being left out, prolonged exposure to people with narcissistic tendencies) caused me to withdraw. Now it’s at a point where I don’t even know how to be around people anymore. I constantly feel like I’m saying, doing or even wearing the wrong thing. I just don’t fit in anymore.
The investment of time and effort that ends up in betrayal, disrespect or plain discard is just too much to handle.
Narcissists are really good at conditioning their victims to feel like they're always wrong, punishing and insulting you whenever you're outgoing, independent, or putting genuine effort into something you care about. After a while, you begin to internalize their abusive programming and experience strong feelings of guilt, rejection, and helplessness whenever you try to do certain things (at least that's been my experience). Narcs make you feel rejection and embarassment so intensely that you end up feeling it even when the narc isn't present, and you end up delusionally believing that the people around you don't like you or are rejecting you even when they aren't. Again, just IME.
The problem with those intrusive people is that they are inmoral, always smelling the kindest people to pull them down for no justifiable reasons. They can't stand seeing others be prosperous and they want to be protagonists in nasty ways.
You're into unsafe sexual practises too ?
Same as you stephanie
So true
The problem: The anxiety is based on past experience. It's not always irrational.
Depression is the past. Anxiety is the future.
@@bribella7239 not for those with avoidant personality.
@@bribella7239 i cannot understand your point.
true
@@attheranch4876 maybe
Because of my fear of rejection, I tend to push others away and reject them before they get a chance to reject me.
Adding on my personal experience... In high school, I was good friends with a guy who was my classmate in a couple of my classes and we hung out together quite a lot. Later on when I found out through someone else that the guy had a crush on me, I instantly shunned him. I never understood why I did this; it was very unlike me. He was a kind person who always respected my boundaries, and to this day I still feel immense guilt because he was confused and depressed and did not deserve this. All I knew back then was that I did not reciprocate his feelings and flinched whenever I saw him. Now I think I'm finally beginning to understand why.
Thank you x100 Dr. Ramani. I can never thank you enough for your videos. I've watched so many trying to understand why I am the way I am. I am hoping to see a psychiatrist soon, so that I can officially be diagnosed. Haha I am very anxious and scared though. Wish me luck guys
@@lexitao3022 Lexi! My heart is breaking for you two!
@Karina A I have actually considered it. My biggest concern however is by reaching out to him what if I dredge up those memories and emotions he had already long forgotten and he preferred to keep it that way. It's been 11 yrs.. I wouldn't blame him if he hates me and wants nothing to do with me anymore. I'm not seeking forgiveness; I just want to give him closure (if he still needs it) and genuinely wonder how he's doing now, but I worry I'd just be a nuisance at this point.
That’s just taking a shortcut to a reality you’re afraid of… while not giving yourself a chance at the possibility that things might go well.
same
This has ruined my life. My doctor misdiagnosed me to have social phobia and I didn't really get the proper help. In many years I've been isolating myself from people. It got so bad that I have painful fears just by thinking of getting a jobb. It hurts bc I do enjoy to be with people
most doctors are complete fools and idiots, the internet might not make them look like that but remember the GOOD ones that actually share their experience and help people (even for free) like this channel here, are a very small minority. So if you don't have the luck to have them as your therapists, at the very least always check for a second opinion... and even a third. And if feasible, try to study some psychology and psychotherapy by yourself, it helped me immensely to avoid bad apples (+90% and not even kidding, wish I were)
1.Avoid larger group social activity.
2.Stick to social groups of people that they know will accept them.
3.They restrain themselves in intimate relationships due to fear of receiving negative judgment.
4.They ruminate about fear of criticism before a social event.
5.Feel inadequate in social situations.They become quiet.
6.Severe fear of embarrassment.
7.May "give in" in social situations rather than assert & properly protect themselves.
8.They hold themselves back from opportunities.
Thanks a lot for this list
@@deejames1st I'm glad you could make use of it DJ.
I write a list down while I'm listening to Dr.Ramani so as it will sink into my consciousness better & if people like yourself can benefit from that as well, then that's great.
I can relate to a lot of these, but not all of them. I'm an introvert, and I think a lot of this applies.
I love and appreciate the person in the comments section who always writes the list! 🙌🏾💗
I’m most of these but then I’m happy being a loner. What others think is none of my business.
I was bullied horribly in elementary and junior high school. Those bullies really destroyed my life and the way I feel about myself forever.
I still hear their voices and see their faces and I'm in my 60's now! Why is our world so unkind and harsh? I have a MS in psychology and I'm an elementary school counselor, yet I struggle everyday with this.
Same here. 1st-7th grade, relentless bullying by multiple people. It destroyed me, and left scars for the rest of my life.
@@nightingale1207there definitely needs to be guidelines in place to help protect people against emotional abuse
The problem isn't necessarily the abuse but how we process and grow from it. At the end of the day, how can there be good in the world without bad. There is always some sort of balancing act going on in everything in the cosmos!
I've been a victim of bullying for a considerable part of my early life, and I thought I was very unlucky; then I got the Internet and found out SO many ppl had it SO MUCH WORSE than me (and I was scarred for life too, so go figure).
Not gonna lie, the mere fact there's such an high tolerance and even lowkey appreciation of bullies in our society damaged me WAY MORE than bullies themselves. Like, why even stand for this bs? I just hope to see the world die under nuclear fire before I die, as it clearly deserves, and am pretty sure to see that happening
Am 51..... same boat, first ten years of school, beatings and everything else, gaslighting in relationships and marriage and divorce..... so hard to get excited or enjoy anything..... i hear ya. just heard of this topic today while looking up the word gaslighting... that was very revelationary.... then this topic came up... so makes past 44 yrs a lot more understandable in behaviour patterns as a result. Am very angry about the whole damn thing, but ach.... whatever. At least I know now where I was perhaps sabotaging myself by not knowing how to define what ws goin on. have a good day, glad i saw your post.
Here’s an exercise: Look at every one you see, even strangers you don’t interact with and think to yourself, “What you think of me doesn’t matter. Only what I think of me matters and I get better every day.” Do it until you’re convinced. You may even try mentally going back to a time when childhood embarrassments happened and say, “I view this incident as an adult now and can see a higher truth to this.” ( find one and speak it) “I let go of this embarrassment and my soul is healed.”
“ chat shit get banged “
Thanks
thanks for the tip. Just found this topic today. makes past 44yrs make a lot more sense.
My boyfriend is this. I'm one of the few people he trusts 100% and I advocate for him all the time, through seeing me stand up for him, he's learned over time, that he can do it too. He's slowly gaining more confidence. Speaking up, of course I'm always there backing him up. I'm a ride or die with him but it is hard dealing with this. I have my own issues as well....compounded with his, it's a lot. I love him though, so its worth it.
how did you guys get together?
I think no man would do that for me... lol I will be alone forever.
@@nightingale1207probably not, guys who want a serious relationship like it when a woman is open to them. My ex gf was an avoidant and it drained all my energy. I loved her and I tried for a long time but I gave up and she seemed happy while I was depressed…. Months after I finally get over it and guess who comes back, my avoidant ex saying she’s sorry and blah blah… I tried three times with her, she likes me when I act like I don’t care. Very toxic but it’s finally done…. I’m not happy but I’m at peace. I can be myself again
@@joev7014 Thanks for sharing your story. I'm sorry for what you've been through, it must have been really painful. I never realized avoidance could persist in a relationship like that and become so destructive. It is eye-opening for me as I'm an avoidant who struggles everyday to overcome this. I want to be fully attentive and devoted to my partner.
@@nightingale1207 you know what, you’re doing great. At least you realize it and you’re trying. That’s a huge step. My ex doesn’t even acknowledge it. If you were my ex I’d be happy you’re trying haha
Thank you for using the term "asocial" instead of "antisocial". It burns me up when people are telling me that I'm being "anti-social." I immediately correct them. I'll say, "No. Not wanting to socialize is being _asocial._ Now, if I were to kick you in the shin for telling me I'm being anti-social, _then_ I would be 'anti-social.' Want a demonstration?"
Lol @ "kick you in the shin"
No need to be this aggressive about it
@@ViralVibes_01 Being told I'm being "anti-social" when I'm being "asocial" is _bullying._ And...as an INFP...I have every right to self-advocate, and give them _exactly_ what they are giving me. If their "feelings get hurt," then they are the very snowflakes they accuse introverts of being. Extroverts are _not_ the victims here.
You're hilarious
@@profbeamer7436 Maybe your aggressiveness made them think you are antisocial.
I've spent the best part of 37 years feeling this way. A day doesn't go by when it's not a problem.
A strange thing I've noticed is that I find conversations with people at work somewhat doable IF it's about work (it also depends _who_ I'm talking to). Anything more personal and I clam up. Even saying good morning is difficult! Sometimes I just want to kill myself, but don't have the balls to do it.
It's life consuming. Never been in an intimate relationship. No friends any more. And still living with parents.. at 37! 😰
Did you ever get therapy??? It would really help
Very close
You mention you have a job, if possible maybe you could try to rent a place on your own and with that autonomy it might help lots with building you up in how you view yourself. Please know you are valid and it might help to try something new to feel you are capable. Someone above my comment mentioned therapy, is that something you can try or perhaps continue to try? I’m happy you got to see this video with Dr. Ramani because it’s often very helpful and validating to hear that the things we struggle with we aren’t alone in struggling with those things. Sometimes it can also help to scroll the commentary section (even if you don’t contact others), to read their experiences too, it will often create a connection and ground us a bit and not make us feel as alienated. Living at home can be complicated when we’re adults, because the parent/child dynamic is often still there which can make things complicated, and how we view ourselves might also be impacted by that. It is a real thing, and it feels so tough, but know it can and will get better (like Dr. Ramani said small steps)! There are already things in life that you might have thought you would never be able to do, but you are doing them (like speaking to people at your job and being able to handle that)!💛
Same, I can talk about work but I get anxious if is something more personal. I feel suicidal too
@@nancyinthegarden3160 Yeah, I've been for CBT twice now, and going back soon I hope.
First time I didn't notice any changes. Maybe they didn't explain it properly.
I have made some progress, but I think the next big thing is to get my own place to live. I have epilepsy too, so I can't drive myself anywhere.
That fits me completely. I feel like a sixty-five year old child, afraid of the world.
I want to send you a hug!
I think this is me. I was bullied mercilessly both physically and verbally in elementary school to the point where I considered suicide. Kids would pretend to be my friend but then join in the bullying in a group. Often bullying would happen right in front of teachers and they would do nothing. My parents didn't seem to care either. That was the 80's for you. There have been other experiences in my life along the way where I don't feel like I'm ever part of the group. I don't trust that people really want me there. My husband, the love of my life, was a very social person and I felt like I belonged when I was with him. He gave me confidence. Since he died after a long horrible battle with ALS I feel lost. I do have a few close friends I can really talk to. I have been stepping out of my comfort zone but I really just want to stay home alone.
Wow, Sandy. Your story is very similar to mine. My husband died 8.5 years ago. He was my world and I was his. When he died, I did too. He made me feel safe, cared for, valued, respected, loved, and like I mattered. I miss him so much. I have one good friend and I am very thankful for her. I'm also very thankful for you and your comment because I didn't think there was someone in a similar situation. I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband. Sending you a big hug. ❤
I am very sorry for everything that happened. You seem like a very courageous person. Have you considered counseling?
im so sorry that happened to you. youre beautiful and didn't deserve it.
im deeply sorry you lost your husband.
I pray for you peace, and placement.
bless your heart and your way forward.
Omg your story about your childhood bullying sounds a lot like mine. It’s so hard to trust after being harmed in so many social interactions I can definitely relate. Stay strong and know your a beautiful person, much love from my heart to yours, peace ☮️💕✨💗✨
My heart goes out to you, Sandy. You are not alone. Isolate and hibernate when you need to, but also know when to clean your teeth, get washed and dressed, get outside and kick some ass!!
This describes me so well. I'm 26 years old and I have absolutely no true friends, there are a few people I keep in touch with but I rarely talk to them and practically never share anything with them. I have never been in a romantic relationship before, I do get lonely sometimes so I use dating apps, but as soon as someone tries talking to me, I get scared and stop responding. I don't know if this could be related, but I have a unique first name that almost nobody pronounces correctly, but I NEVER correct anyone about it, I respond to any variation of my name because I think people might get annoyed trying to remember the right way to say it. When I was a little girl, I let my dance teacher call me by the wrong name for three years and she only learned my real name when another girl's mom told her.
I was nodding my head so hard to this. I remember as a kid thinking at parties that I would eat to look "normal" because I didn't know how to interact with the other kids.
For example, they may do the following: They may refuse a promotion because they fear coworkers will criticize them.
Saddest thing is that they are 99% right.
@@mindaugasstankus5858 How is it sad? Who the hell would give a promotion to such insecure and problematic person?
I have dealt with avoided personality since my earliest memories. From the time I was a child, I have been so afraid of being judged and found lacking. Not being pretty enough, not being smart enough, not being funny enough, etc. As a child, I was also hyperactive. My nerves would cause me to break out in hives quite often and it would happen in social situations especially. Back in the 60s, very few people even considered that children could have a mental disability. I am now almost 60 years old and go out socially only with my parents. When I am not at work, I seldom leave my apartment. I have never married because I self sabotaged all of my relationships before we got very serious. I have a niece that is now dealing with this and is being home schooled by my brother because she can't handle going to school. At least, they recognize she has problems and she is getting counseling. I hope so much she can avoid all of the pain and anguish that I have gone through all my life.
If you ever want to chat, message me, and I’ll give you my phone number. I can really relate. I’m 31 years old and would love to know what it was like growing up in the 1960s. Love that Era.
A big hug!! ❤️🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️
It's not about the fears, it's because the social experience give too many unpleasant feelings because of anxiety. It's an unconscious response, we are not thinking "oh I'm afraid of being rejected"
Maybe not true for all people. I have been clinically diagnosed with anxiety disorder and I do relate a lot with these "symptoms" because for me i feel there is such a tremendous amount of effort needed for social interactions among friends/coworkers, that may or maynot reciprocate, that is just better to just chill yourself down to the point of giving up all of it. Even though anxiety happens at a subconsious level it is often rationalized back, making you actively try to avoid it.
I was diagnosed with Avoidant Personality disorder. I couldn't talk to people comfortably. I started drinking heavily when in social situations and it seemed to fix it. But then I drank too much. I have since stopped drinking but now live completely isolated outside of my two kids and wife. My wife has been amazing. She stuck by me through two institutionalizations. I still have anxiety when interacting with her though and am terrified of making her angry or even irritating her.
I have an Avoidant-Dependant Personality Disorder, along with Depression and ADHD. It's a real struggle. I've been getting a little bit better, but I still struggle with a lot of these things, such as advocating for myself and entering new and unfamiliar social situations. I also have a huge struggle with rejection. This list really did describe so many things I struggle with.
I was bullied a lot by my peers, and had no friends when I was in the sixth grade, so I think a lot of it stems from that.
Hey Raven
😶
avoidant 'dependant' personality disorder?
never heard of it.
how does that work exactly?
@@happymess3219 I am honestly not sure. That is what the Psychologist told me after I did some personality disorder test ... he didn't really explain it thoroughly though. I understand the avoidant part because I can recognize that in myself a lot... I think the dependent is more based on my having rejection sensitivity dysphoria. After talking to a few more doctors and psychologists though, I was officially diagnosed with ADHD so it could be more related to that than a Personality disorder.
This is me. I’m afraid of enmeshment and abandonment. And humiliated and embarrassed. Cause my parents abused me so bad I’m scared of people.
“A person with avoidant personality disorder ain’t gonna do karaoke”….😂😂😂. True that. I believe this entire segment describes me. Too accurate.
One of my best friends died, and her celebration of life is occurring as I write this. I couldn’t even bring myself to go. And I feel like a ginormous sh*t bag for not going and knew I would feel this way. YET, I still couldn’t bring myself to go. Anyway….
I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. I'm sure she understands why you're not there and doesn't think you're feces. Big hugs to you. ❤
I love karaoke 😭 I think there is a spectrum!
I don’t even talk to family. I wish I had someone to talk to though. When someone does talk to me I don’t want to talk to them. Seems my symptoms don’t fit avoidant or schizoid personality disorder. Guess I’m just super special then and not in a good way. The loneliness makes me feel dead inside and not care about anything.
As a kid i developed avoidance personality, particularly talking to girls that I liked. 50 years later, after a lot of counscious effort, I feel much better. No regrets. There is always a light when one puts in the effort to improve.
Love this message. Thanks for sharing
I'm like that now. i had a lot of bad experience with women so i tend to stay away from women and dont feel comfortable around them. which sucks because im heterosexual and want to date but afraid of getting hurt again.
The problem is that a lot of the things you're afraid of being embarrassed about is valid. I've definitely stretched my comfort zone, in full awareness of doing so, and still got criticized or judged in some way, no matter how small. Because people know if you're stretching yourself or lacking confidence.
You will get judged either way, by others if you engage in activities, or by yourself if you indulge in avoiding behavior.
I remember as a kid and young adult being surrounded by covert narcissistic people, emotional abuse from shameful parents and some physical abuse. This definition is accurate for my fearful avoidant tendencies
I have vivid memories of being humiliated/judged. Even the idea of social interactions make me overthink and feel very self-conscious. As I grew up, I had more freedom and increasingly avoided social settings. Interactions in uni, especially during group work, were traumatizing. Since I keep to myself, people have gotten so mad at me for not talking much. When covid came, I felt so relieved that I didn't have to face people physically and could communicate online instead 🙃
I am shocked to see how many of these speak to me. I think it is down to my anxiety though as I love meeting new people, but always have in my mind the fear of people making fun of me, not liking me etc and it is actually worse with people I know as I don't want to be rejected from somebody, who already accepted me into their life. I do engage a lot with new people and speak a lot due to ADHD, so I forget these fears, but they always creep in every time I interrupt somebody or see I have been talking way too much about a specific topic. Even as an older child I was already very aware of embarrassing situations and even now I fear embarrassment in various situations. Always love watching medcircles and especially dr ramanis videos as
If we ever meet I promise not to make fun of you.
I wish you the best.
I have avoidant personality disorder (among other things). I rarely leave the house and people often mistake it for agoraphobia.
Ironically, I was a chef and a bartender most of my adult life, fueled by alcohol and later drugs before I was diagnosed. There were a lot of issues throughout my childhood and because of my self-medicating, more and more just piled up on top of that before I traumatized myself into living basically a shut-in. It took nearly 5 years to find the right combinations of meds, therapy and daily routine but now, even though I still don't leave my home often, I'm mentally/emotionally in a much better (safer) place than I have ever been.
Going back to the precariousness of the old me is a terrifying thought but luckily I have no problem expressing myself through the veil of the metaverse. I feel like suddenly, the world has gone in a direction custom-fit for someone like me. I've found so much kindness on the internet that the trolls don't even bother me because they've become so insignificant. Also I feel like I've created a comfort zone of virtual society that will never (or should never) pressure me into meeting IRL and I do worry about getting too comfortable. But for the first time in my life I can say that I'm reasonably safe in a stable environment without the constant worry that someone is going to pull the rug out from under me.
That said, the number one thing that's helped me more than meds, professional help and willpower combined: the accidental adoption of a dog. He's the best thing that could have ever happened to me. If you're a nonviolent person struggling with the same issues, I strongly suggest you look into that yourself. There's really no end to the benefits he's brought to my well-being even though at the time a dog was the last thing I wanted. What he wants in return is simple, and requires such a small effort. He ain't cheap though. It doesn't matter; he's worth it. He's the dog of my life, and he saves my life every day.
@@cleoharper1842 Hello there I was curious what you mean by the anger thing? And if I may ask how did you approach therapy if you don’t leave the house? And I have similar things as you and I was just curious about a dog someone told me that they can make you feel so much more comfortable any reply would be appreciated thank you
@@ricka0917 I'm unsure of what you meant as the 'anger thing." If you're referring to the nonviolent thing I mean that if someone has a proclivity towards violent outbursts a pet may not be for them. If that's not what you meant I'm going to need a little help to answer you.
I do leave the house sometimes: when I myself have a doctor's appt, or my dog goes to his 6 month wellness check, or in the case of emergencies. Also, I didn't just wake up one day and refuse to leave the house. It built up over a couple years, with me finally ending up where I am. It also took a couple traumatic events. I had a therapist I went to every 2 weeks -- I was supposed to see him every week but I clearly have a problem keeping appts. I stopped seeing him for various reasons (let's just say he was not the right fit) and my insurance did not cover anyone else in my area. For awhile I was without therapy (and not everyone needs to go to therapy for life anyway; it's meant to be temporary).
When the pandemic hit lots of things opened up to people like me. Delivery services, online therapists through zoom, etc. I'd love to lie and said I took full advantage of this but honestly I'm only just getting back into therapy, online. I'm checking out Better Help and waiting on a reply back as we speak.
As far as my doggo goes, he's become my right hand. Taking care of him IS taking care of me: I'm forced to get out of bed every morning. By forced I mean there's the cutest dog I've ever seen sticking his cold nose in my eye socket to wake me up. It's actually quite endearing and not as gross as it sounds. I'm forced to go on walks several times a day. I live in a retirement community however so we never actually have to venture out into the street on our walks. We're disturbed by surprisingly few people and when we are I hide behind talking about my adorable dog. I don't think I'd be able to walk him without having the setup we do. I used to cook for a living and now I cook for him every day...but this is more advanced care. You really have to understand nutrition for dogs. Also, every morning we have our "coffees" together on the porch. He has a puppaccino (a bowl of crushed ice with a treat in it). He had 5 owners in 13 months prior to me and at least one was abusive. As he's a rescue he's got some issues too. So whether I like it or not we're together 24/7. I also get to learn all these little things about him, such as he has to put his bones, etc at each corner of his rug and when he lies on his rug his nose must be lined up with the corner facing me. Dogs are *in there* and have as much personality as a human if you're willing to get to know them. He has to take meds every day because like I said, he has a few issues. While I may forget to take my own meds I never forget to give Cooper his (nor would he let me). This in turn reminds me to take mine, and so on. He sleeps next to me, sneezes in my face and smells like popcorn when he needs a bath (but only to me, not to my mother). I was terrified to get a dog because I thought I can't even take care of myself, how will I take care of a completely dependent animal? You don't have to worry about that; they will tell you. And their needs are so simple: feed them, groom them, make them feel safe, fuss over their ouchies when they happen and you will have their undying love. What no one tells you is that you love them back just as much.
I hope this has helped answer some of your questions. Let me know if you have any others and I'd love to help any way I can.
I wish you all the healing and self-understanding which may alleviate these conditions. Dr. Ramani's videos,esp about personality disorders are life saving.
Seems like a painful existence, full of worry, and at the mercy of what they fear others’ opinions of them will be.
Yes thats exactly how it is
pretty sure i have this, or at least i have the traits maybe from a neurodevelopmental cause. living this way literally feels like being mentally trapped in a cage. like i know there are jokes i want to make in a group, i want to sing at karaoke, i want to take on leadership roles at my job... but its as if something is paralyzing me and physically holding me back. its not always a conscious fear of criticism or embarrasment, it's usually quite repressed so we go through life not even understanding why we can't be as open and social as everyone else. it can feel like a curse sometimes. i;ve made huge improvements over the years, so i do think it's a treatable PD, but i still have a long way to go
I did feel like this sometimes.. And i think i have found ways to live with it and eventualy overcome it...first,dont compare, because not everyone is perfect as well.. Everyone is at different stage in life. Second, welcome mistakes and doing mistakes or even embarassing yourself as a part of being awesome. Third, other peoples opinions still arent the most accurate description of you, so every opinion is just a limited perception od you, so if you know that, its easier to let go of thinking or over thinking what others think..
And also, its always the most important to be your own leader, to be a leader. Your own friend, do that no one can bring you down in any way.. When things are repressed its important to look at your life as a play ground for self improvment and have bravery to listen, open your ears and mind to hear guidance or advice. Also giving yourself time helps.. You arent chasing anyones level or anything. It helps a lot to be at a student seat, and rather than trying to be something you would want and pressure yourself, you learn all the time and show your skills in lets say, more subtle ways without fear you wont be agnoleged for whatever you do.. You are unique and a work in progress. School sytem, Jobs, work environemnets very often make you feel like you arent enough because they always want more.. So many of us have that in our programing, to always prove ourselves and then it takes over our free time as well..we have to be good at everything to be socialy aceptable, but Thats not true at all. We are allowed to just be, im perfect and silly and even dumb or whatever. You are free to express and no express.. You are also free to be weird and silent when everyone is talking etc... You dont have to follow anyones opinion, standard or expectation. You are living your life, ntt others, so they dont get a say when you should feel a certain way or do a certain thing. If you feel uncomfortable, that means you dont like the environment or people, and listening to yourself is good actualy. Not every place is for everyone and not every person is.. And sometimes anxiety comes because we dont feel good for a good reason. I would sugest being in places that make you feel like you can be yourself and feel safe with all that you are.. And be with people who make you feel good about yourself.
I never knew there was a name for this. I called it anxiety, I guess anxiety is just a sign. I’m dealing with this much better these days. The drinking for me was definitely a crutch and used to “loosen up”. I’m so happy that I recognized this and I can work on this.
I relate. Drinking was my social crutch from 18 to 35. Glad I dumped that monkey! Took work, worth it.
I just found out
I seriously need to get assessed for AVPD. Every point in this video is sadly, intensely true. It's been like this all my 30 years.
Has your family ever told you, you were a stoic child?
Good luck getting a diagnosis
SO true! I’ve always been quiet and anxious, and people assume I’m incompetent. I’ve noticed at every job Ive had the people who are loud and competitive are always viewed as good at their job, while the quiet ones who prefer to not steal the spot light are viewed as stupid and treated like a child. Why is that?
This is so me. I have the hardest time talking to strangers. It gives me the biggest anxiety. Very sad to be this way
Ive had a degree of this, which stemmed from prolonged bullying and racism as a child that was so severe it affected my social development. The difficulty is when you’ve experienced bullying or predatory behaviour in the past, you tend to become a magnet for bullies and predators in social groups - in the same way that people sexually abused as children tend to attract sexual predators in adulthood. This creates ongoing cumulative trauma that is added to whenever you try to integrate into a new social group.
There's more at stake for us, avoidancy is about survival, and that's why we can't simply "not care" what people think.
I experienced a lot of childhood trauma and a certain amount of bullying. The point is that if you associate seeing a group of people heading towards you with being beaten up, you are not exactly going to be attracted to social gatherings. I'm fine with smaller groups, and I have interacted with larger groups as part of some of my jobs, but they're still not something I would choose to be part of. Another factor that is never mentioned in these discussions is that in a large group talking at once I simply can't keep track of what people are saying -- add in ridiculously loud background music and it becomes impossible to remain there!
That's totally true it's like you experience bullying everywhere you go but to break the cycle we must pursue active healing and forgive them it's the only way to break the cycle and be free
I've been diagnosed with this. I think it stems from constant and severe bullying during my school years. It's tough... I'm in therapy, but yeah... it's still something I struggle with every day for 17 yrs now.
I've been a victim of some of these horrendous things. I'm only turned 56 now, been through certain types of bullying, sexual abuse by grandfather, recent narcissism from employers in the last few years. The latter since I was about 13/14. You can survive this, it's a long hard fight, through certain types of counselling. But when you stand up for yourself in your own discreet way, you're still declared the wrong one! BULLYING WILL HAVE ITS CONSEQUENSES one day. End of!!
This is very interesting to listen to. I was diagnosed with APD last month and listening to explanations of this disorder has been very eye-opening to me and I feel more understood and seen than ever before. All my life I've been told that "nothing's gonna happen" or "you're overreacting to your irrational fear" but my APD didn't just manifest out of nothing. It's something that's been drilled into my brain as a kid/teenager. Whenever I was anxious about a social something, I was told "the worst thing they say is no". That is absolutely not true. "No" is not the worst answer or reaction I've gotten. I've been met with disgust and ridicule. Not just once or twice. That hurt. That stuck. That's hard to forget.
@Iline Cuty gotcha, didn't realize the abbreviation was different... but my point stands.
Society is the sickness. People just try to survive this sick system. But we’re not ready for that talk!
Agreeee
I wish this aspect of avoidant personality disorder was discussed more. What if ppl with this disorder are more in tune with the sick world around them? 🤷🏿♂️. Personal experiences...I don't feel rejection, I just value my peace. Most ppl are ignorant & inconsiderate...I don't tolerate it well. Idk...
Yes absolutely. How are you supposed to want to be around people in this insane world?
I'll screw up the quote but it goes something like this: "It is no sign of mental well being, to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society".
@@thebolb that's exactly why it happens it becomes a protective cover from the world
As a child, my stepmother, sister and stepbrother would bully, shame and humiliate me. I became so scared of the negative attention that I stopped speaking around people. I'd let my stepmother and sister speak for me. I avoided being anywhere near my stepbrother. When we were out in public, people would say that I was shy. However, I really was terrified of getting made fun of in public. Also, I acquired a bad habit of apologizing all the time (I'd say, "I'm sorry" so many times it was embarrassing). When I got older, I'd avoid going out in public. I used to joke that I'd join a therapy group if it weren't for my avoidant personality disorder. Haha.
One problem with the DSM is that it looks at these disorders as either unmitigated or mitigated in predictable ways. I am reminded of a quote by a friend "What doesn't kill you gives you a lot of weird coping mechanisms and a really dark sense of humor." How you have learned to cope, life path and a host of other issues impact outcomes. There are a lot of ways to be different.
A lot of the anxiety they feel is due to a history of abuse. If your whole life is surrounded by mean people who are cruel, you will naturally learn to defend yourself. Not all of the world is fortunate enough to have loving family and friends. Is it a personality disorder? I dont think it is at all.
Good point. There are some disorders that are very aberrant & harmful to others. APD seems more like a natural reaction to recognizing early in life that a large portion of the human race is comprised of jerks but being unable to stop caring about others at the same time, possibly due to an unusually low level of narcissism.
you're right, I find it also disconcerting that too many people love to receive psychiatric labels, when it's a subtle form of victim blaming (as if the fear of being criticized, abused etc is completely unfounded and therefore must be a "disorder") and makes them less than attractive. This is not helpful. What's helpful, is to diagnose the abusers, because they are the disordered.
@@Dippmip yes! so very true. I dont plan on allowing any other narcissistic abusers into my life and it doesnt mean I am "avoidant" - just learned my lesson to be cautious.
In my childhood growing up it was very dysfunctional and stressful. There was alot of fighting, arguing etc. There was no peace. It was depressing. Wasnt taught how to communicate with ppl and was taught to leave school, drink, smoke, watch tv, be on goverment payments, not to work etc. Preety much be a hermit inside. As a way of escape i would take drugs and go to raves and it was then that i felt i could express myself with dancing and talking with people. After i quit drugs i had to quit the so called friends that i had and the scene and i just dont know how to be around ppl again.
I just feel really awkward and try to avoid all birthdays and social settings. I feel like i need to drink in order to feel more able to talk with people otherwise i just feel judged cause i know i look as awkward as i feel to ppl around me.
I have also been used alot in my life cause i wasnt taught how to be assertive but passive aggresive. I have changed alot since id moved out of home but to this day i still have crap coping mechanisms and ways of thinking.
This is why its so important to have supportive and encouraging parents!
If i ever become a parent i will be doing the total opposite of how i was raised.
My kids will not suffer.
Peace and love to all you out there in the comments section where you also have gone through some crazy things. I hope that you would find the inner happiness that you long for! 💙
My experiences were very similar, apart from the fact that my family expected me to go to college, even though I didn't have the social skills to succeed. I was cripplingly shy and self conscious and couldn't talk to anyone. Now, many years later, I'm taking a drug called Effexor which has helped my social anxiety a lot. I find myself talking to people more and asking questions which I never would have done in the past. I realise they're just people and it doesn't really matter what they think.
@@eimearmcmanus372 A drug does all that? Didn't realise it could change your thoughts
@@eimearmcmanus372 glad you have found something that is helping you.
I take avanza, it helps me to have an appetite, sleep and keep my weight normal. Mellows racing thoughts.
@@Black.Sabbath a drug can help but I also became less shy with time and experience. The drug is useful in that it helps me to sleep and makes me feel calmer. I don't feel as panicked or exhausted all the time, which makes me more inclined to be sociable. I have also had some therapy, but I would say the drug made a bigger difference.
Quite frankly , i don t mind being an avoidant anymore. i gave too many chances and the result people take advantage and trigger my cptsd ! so yes i prefer staying like this and focusing on myself. Enough being retraumatized !
This is me!!! I was terribly bullied as a child and although loved within the family there was quite a bit of ridicule went on within it. This has blighted my life to the point I have avoided decent jobs and friends. I only have one friend and I have known her since school and she is more like family. I only socialise with her and my children and no one else. I've never revealed anything of myself to any partner and my husband and I are virtual strangers. It's way too late for me to change now but it's interesting to know my condition has a name and a reason. I can't imagine being different or feeling differently but oh how I wish I did. I envy the easy way other people are and their easy interactions. I'm so bound up with anxiety and worthlessness that I can't even speak amongst strangers and if I ever do and manage to find something to say (rare!)I know it's so forced everyone can tell I don't fit in. So much wasted potential which is sad.
@temet nosce Bless you ♥
This sounds like me. I remember feeling very anxious as a child when it came to class presentations or even participating in class. This followed me all the way to university. Making new friends has always been a challenge.
I wonder how common it is for people with this personality type to get drawn into relationships with narcissistic people.
Narcissists thrive on people like us, because they look on us as being gullible easy targets.
I imagine a lot of us. We're easy targets for Narcs.
I was so terrified after being assigned a talk about my beloved job in a major art gallery, that after bringing home files to work up my presentation, I actually quit my job rather than do the talk!
Also, part of my work as an educational dept member was to give occasional tours. I just couldn't, so opted to order materials for the gift shop and sometimes work there advising people. One on one I was fine.
Having aced an HonBA in Art History at Uni wasn't enough to ensure me I could enthrall a group of gallery patrons.
I was a product of a very dysfunctional family with a critical, belittling mother and 3 much older sister's.
Same experience exactly and I married an abusive controlling narcissist 17 years my senior, my first real boyfriend even though I was 28. No experience marked me as a perfect victim, and he spotted that.
Typos: 2 sisters
I thought I had this, but then realized I only avoid narcissists. I enjoy the company of good people,in medium doses.
This. We’re all narcissists to a certain extent. But you’re right, extreme narcissism is one of the personality traits I avoid.
@@_boof I don't think survival is narcissism but fucking someone up just for the sake of it is A FAT NO and those are the kind of people I avoid..
That's awesome! I wish I knew how to recognize narcissists so I could avoid them too!
Finally found what describes me best. I always knew it wasn't anxiety or anti social because I AM social and I don't suffer from anxiety so much that it completely takes over my life....this disorder is a bit of both.
Hi Krystal
It feels then don’t overthink, just flow...
I have 100% had this condition and still to this day am not fully comfortable in social situations, especially when people are there I don’t know. I have never been able to hold a job down, I couldn’t even go out and meet friends without having a lot to drink before hand just to boost my confidence levels, the list goes on and on. Luckily for me I’m no where near as bad as I once was but it literally was a prison sentence when I was at my worst and I often felt suicidal! My heart goes out to anyone suffering this condition and I know first hand that it does rule your life. I didn’t even know this was a condition until just stumbling over this video and I’m now going to research the shit out of it as I just thought I was an odd sort of person who just couldn’t interact even though I desperately wanted to but fear of embarrassment prevented me from doing so!
I cannot believe this 53 years old and I am just now learning this is me 100% I have always wanted to know what was wrong with me and this is me down to a tee ,I have so much more to say I'm from Sydney Australia is there anyone I can talk to about this I feel the most part of my life is over and now I discover there is and was a reason for my behavior, please help please
Hey I’m from England here to chat should you want
@@manandhispoohbear9994 whenever you want
Hit me up
I haven't left the house without a carer for 12 years. My anxiety is through the roof. I also have severe depression and ptsd. I have tried everything going I just have no control of the anxiety, even when I tell myself I am safe. Full body shakes, palpitations, dry mouth, panic attack. imagine been told we cant help you.
Exactly the same, how are we supposed to enjoy life with that shit, antidepressants do nothing, high dose of xanax kind of work for an hour or two...
i don't know what we did but seems like the devil play with us
This is so me. I didn't realise it was a personality disorder though, I just thought it was a lack of confidence and self esteem. OMG, I've just Googled it and it is in the DSM 5 ! I guess I've just established what has been wrong with me. Brought up by narcissistic Father and co-dependent Mother and then being married to a covert narcissist completely drained my identity / personality. Luckily I am two years into recovery from a lifetime of narcissistic abuse. At least I now know what other work I need to accomplish. It's a massive light bulb moment "Ah ha, that's what's wrong with me".
Which part made you realize it was a personality disorder? I also am wondering because I lack self-confidence and feel insecure and I’m not sure what it actually is.
@@ricka0917 The fact that Dr Ramani described it as a personality disorder. The title of the video is that it is a personality order. The description within the DSM 5 also.
All the best
@@ricka0917 it could be just social anxiety
@@JJ-io9dr Hello Andrea thanks for your reply just curious what makes you say that and how I can learn more about it?
I'm so glad you talked about this!my niece is 13, and a few yrs ago she started whispering, and now has every symptom that was mentioned, she can hardly go to school. She just started intense therapy, but I wonder why not one Dr, or therapist has mentioned this?! She suffers from this so bad she says she doesn't even want to be here anymore. I'm so thankful this was talked about!! 😰
I have this. Enjoy social interactions a lot but anxiety prevents me from engaging. And I miss social interactions most of the time. Sometimes I wish I’d lose ability to feel anxiety altogether. It blocks so much potential.
Thank you for explaining this Dr. Ramani. I have been diagnosed with APD, but I don't think it quite fits. I do avoid, but not for fear of rejection in the normal sense. I fear strong negative reactions. I'm a survivor of long-term narcissistic abuse. I also have issues with solid and certain decision making too.
love your name/ verse. Isaiah41:10 one of my fav.
@@leeannsoda9182 thank you. Isaiah 41:10 is so reassuring. I love that there are 365 "fear nots" in the Bible. My favorite is Isaiah 43:1 :)
That's me too
i struggle with decision making as well, and i also have the same fear. rather than feeling rejected i fear most is negative reactions. i don’t know if this changes anything or if this still fits with AVPD. same symptoms just slightly different reasonings?
I can do one on one, like a blind date. No anxiety at all. I can do standing on a stage and giving a lecture or a speech in front of hundreds of people. A tiny bit of anxiety but very normal and its gone the moment I start, because my brain is focused on what I’m doing, not what people are thinking.
What I struggle with, is small groups. Get togethers. You know, the kind where people have fun? I get very defensive, or I shut down.
I have been told so many times that I am cold, stoic, or after people get to know me......they explain that they found me intimidating at first. I’m 5’8” 165#. Nothing about my physical being screams intimidation at all.
I have worked on this for over 20 adult years. I’m starting to accept that this is just who/how I am.
I have PTSD since I was 15, though not diagnosed for a long time, as I was the victim of an unprovoked attack by a group of young men sending me to the hospital for a week. I’m grateful that I’m at least capable of intimacy with a single person. I still feel like I’m missing so much in my life though. I’m very close with my family. I have zero close male relationships. Lots of acquaintances, but nobody I would actually reach out to or try to make plans with. I’m a serial steady monogamous sexual partner type of guy. They often get frustrated by my lack of social circle outside of family and work people. I simply don’t trust any man besides my father.
Before I was attacked, I was friends with everyone, played every organized sport, was voted class clown, and was class president. That single moment not only changed my life forever, but it somehow changed me. It was the death of my innocence. Finding out how cruel the world can be with first hand experience, can be rough.
I’m literally down to experimental illicit drugs (ketamine/mdma) with a therapist. I just need to make the call and write the big check, and i’ve looked into jungle psychedelic (ayahuasca/peyote) experiences. I’m willing to try ANYTHING to change the way my brain sees that trauma, and uses it to keep me safe, but make me miserable.
I have been a success in every way possible in life, but when it comes to people and relationships, I’m an abysmal failure.
I think you should consider the nature of God, the Cosmos, your place in it, etc. and go to the jungle and face your fears with the help of Ayahuasca. For many people, the spiritual door is the last house on the block, because we have been blocked thru identification with our Egos, but that door actually leads someplace whereas none of the others do. Just my opinion of course!
I was diagnosed with CPTSD after years of severe anxiety and avoiding most social situations..Like cinema, sports centres, shopping centres, public transport..shared public restrooms..and many others! Iwas never diagnosed with APD..The reaon I always had this issue is because I was targeted by people, from a young age for being ''GAY''...and a few other reasons..Having to justify your existence and be a target for violence or other forms of abuse can have a detremental affect on someone for life!
Wait what? How was being labeled as gay prevent or delay your diagnosis?
up until 5th grade i had no trouble socializing and making friends but then the bullying started and every person around me; friends and family even teachers started bullying me about my weight and appearance. i developed anxiety and i thought everyone around me was judging me no matter where i went. im in college now and i still feel the same way. i did an internship last year and it was so hard to even say goodmorning to my co workers. i thought i was gonna go crazy bc my family doesn't believe in therapy and there's no way for me to get any help other than venting to my 2 friends. but even they are sick of my shit and stopped listening. i don't like drinking that much but thats the only thing that helps me losen up to ppl and have a normal conversation. idk what I'll do once i graduate and have to start looking for jobs. it stresses me out everyday.
I love every single video you put out, whether it’s on MedCircle or on your own channel. I feel like I’ve learned sooo much. it’s so valuable to uncover and begin to finally understand the confusing/painful dynamics of all the relationships I’ve carried in this life. But this is a video I’ve been most excited about, because I feel this is something I may have. I just wanna feel free and create healthy and happy relationships. thank you for everything you do.
Last year my therapist told me I had this (I thought it was social anxiety) and therapy is working less slowly now that we know the truth. It gets better 💪🏻
I know that this wasn't mentioned but I have started this strange behaviour of completely ignoring texts and calls from most of the people I know except my family and my partner. Few of these people even told me that I was being rude. But I didn't know what was happening and how to deal with it. I did try to actively work on it by engaging in conversations. But I am somehow finding myself going back to such behaviour.
Also, I do think that I have some points that were mentioned in the video. Like avoiding large get togethers. Avoiding something that might grab attention to me. I have a very small group of friends but I sometimes do not wish to engage with them also. It's not like they are bad, I just don't feel like. It feels like so much responsibility sometimes, to talk to everyone, to reply back to everyone.
To add this, I have found myself giving in regarding the sexual relationship you have mentioned. Honestly, it was very traumatic. I am glad, I was able to pull myself out of it. That was the worst thing I did to myself.
I think I have always been like this. In elementary school I always had bad anxiety during the "unstructured" school time like recess, lunch and the occasional free time in the classroom. This is when you were almost forced into social interaction. Recently I lost a lot of weight (80 pounds) and one of the things I didn't expect is how differently people treat me, with respect to strangers just starting up conversations with me. I never expected this at all. It never used to happen when my waist was 44 inches! So it's kind of stressful to be in so many more daily social interactions than I used to have, but I'm getting used to it. I'm probably a better person for it too.
I’m not afraid of being made fun of but I don’t trust people. People are not trustworthy, so to think anxiety has to do with it for me is a stretch. I protect me at all cost.
Yeah same
I have understood people
I live in a third world patriarchal country
I will never get married
So much domestic violence
@@Traumatised311 a lot of men don’t understand that women do not belong to them. We’re not sexual objects that only produce kids and cook their food. Once men realize that we are truly a partner and not a possession, the world would be a better place for all.
Also, the toxic social dynamics in some school systems teaches vulnerable students that if you stick your neck out in any way, the bullies are going to verbally and socially chop it off for you. Over and over, and over and over again :(
Well. She just explained me perfectly. 😳
For me, it kind of relates to a fear that started in my school years when i would genuinely get bullied and isolated from my peers for my behavior. Post high school graduation, this issue is borderline irrational, but I personally still have a hard time getting past that. I think this is very very common because there was a lot more people that didn’t fit in as kids than we think.
I was bullied by my older sister and brother after I turned 12. And because of that I am 47 years old and Still shy quiet and have social anxiety. I don't get on easily with people either. I have no friends my age because I don't have social skills. I reject people before they have a chance to reject me. And 80 percent of the time I am rejected first so I just keep to myself.
why is everything in this video so accurate and it was randomly just recommended in my youtube
Is it possible that people with this disorder will consciously, or unconsciously, be rude, or even embarrassingly goofy to their family’s friends in the hopes that the friends will stop coming over?
Absolutely my husband does it constantly to make people uncomfortable
Dr. Ramani . . .yes yes yes,
Thank you for speaking to other topics
other than narcissism. As such does not
pertain to self. I am so thankful when you
cover other areas thank you.
Narcasism is paying the bills. Although I like your observation 🤣
No wonder I'm a little withdrawn sometimes, but it does HAPPEN to people. I have to try and stay strong, live the rest of our lives the best we can.
I can't believe how much this hit the nail on the head for me.
Thanks Dr. Ramani. Based on this definition I would say I used to have this disorder. I still have some residual reactions but I feel more secure now.
You’re awesome Dr. Ramani! Thanks!
i was just diagnosed with avpd, gad and mdd a few months ago. these videos are so insightful and helpful. i always thought i would never feel understood or never understand what was 'wrong' with me.
the way she got me in every point, clearly this vid didn't appear in my recommendations by accident.
I think this video was very accurate
My life is a lost opportunity.
OMG.. thank you for sharing this. This is my life on a nutshell. Basically whenever I interact with humans.. I play over and over the conversations in my head to check if I was awkward or if I was politically correct. It is exhausting!
This one ticks so many boxes for me. So helpful. Thank you.
Great explanation of treatment for this disorder. The source of this disorder may require grieving for the way you were raised. You could find out that you were abused but you never realized that it rose to the level of abuse.
I really enjoyed this video, and found it very interesting. I personally find that the fear of being perceived and found wanting gives me severe anxiety when interacting with work friends and family (past generic, shallow everyday catching up/chit chat). I obsess and pick apart what I said afterwards if I got overinvolved in the conversation and gave too much away, and this leaves me with a lot of regret, and dreading having to face them again, wondering if I should apologise or try to act more normal in future. But I really enjoy having more involved conversations (and sometimes oversharing) with strangers, because I don't fear the repercussions of that as much - I will probably never see them again! Even if they do think I'm odd or awkward I would not have to anticipate an uncomfortable follow meeting with them afterwards. Its freeing.
Nailed it! It sounds exactly like my youngest granddaughter. I never realized that there was a name for it. Thank you doctor.🙏🏻
There are people, like myself, who avoid others because they find them selfish, greedy, disrespectful, and frankly their relationships with others are a constant power struggle. Some of us avoid because it's just easier being alone. I don't care about being criticized, I avoid people because they're always trying to control me, tell me who to be, and they're always looking for ways to exploit me, like for money or because I can do something for them. It used to be you made friends because you liked someone, now you make friends with people because they have something you want them to give you. That's exploitative. It's easier being alone than to come across another person with the wrong values. You feel drained always giving to others and never getting anything back in return.
I totally relate to this
as a pedophile victim from 7-12 years old. it took toll on me as an adult. i strived perfection, wanted always be on top of my game. graduated top from class from grade school to med school and even top d medical board but still aint enough. i cannot advocate my self for promotion at work, i do avoid social groups and night outs - stressing me out thinking i might do somethign stupid and get rejected in d end. in as much as i want to attend events as i like fashion, i keep my dream outfits for my own consumption, i try to stay low key so i wont get noticed if out on public. i want to have relationship but i keep pushing away my suitors. something is off about myself. i want to be my own self without fear of being rejected and act naturally wihtout ruminating on things. all i want is to be accepted without d anxiety and paranoia of rejection. im already 35 years old and still prefer flings over commitments.
I’m so sorry you’ve gone through that. You might be punishing yourself for the trauma you went through( I’m no expert just something I’ve heard) and obviously it’s not your fault but it’s a way that people deal with it. I don’t know what you believe but Jesus loves you and I hope you can heal and be free from what’s holding you back.
Avoidant personality disorder is the exact same thing as low self esteem. Late in life I realized that I have little self esteem and what you describe is just that. My self esteem was destroyed early in life so I've just had to learn to live with it.
You just gave one of the best descriptions of an introvert I've ever heard. What we need to understand as a society is, don't shame the introvert, be friendly and don't reject. There are many leaders that are introverts. If there's one piece of advice about avoidant personalities and or introverts, don't tick them off, and why? If you don't know them, chances are you're not going to like the result whether it's going to be verbal or physical.
I am 64 years old and I have been struggling with having an avoidant personality all of my life. I am not able to socialize in a healthy manner and when I feel hurt or disrespected I run. I also live a isolated life, I take car of my mom, I still wear mask, so I always feel like here she comes intruding on our free space with her mask, except at the grocery store. I also have health issues as a result of sexual engagements, so I feel extremely sad that my romantic life is over and when I am around couples, I feel my depression setting in. I fear rejection, but my problem has been sharing too openly when I have felt like the pain of my life was killing me. However, no, I am choosing to change that because people use what I tell them to put me down and call me weak. I have been in therapy for 37 years if not more. Learning about the diagnosis is one thing but putting it into practical application is another. I feel stuck, broken, sad, and unloved.
How about avoidant personality disorder while trying to heal from CPTSD from narcissistic abuse? It gets real lonely or real anxious lol what to do...
Dealing with the same. Together they are crippling.
Thank you for all your great information! Having parents who have AVP and NPD traits, it is truly painful just attempting to have purposeful interaction! The insecurity is screaming so loud nothing else gets through! The victim appropriation makes it incredibly difficult to maintain conversation!
You have NPD too
I only hang out with my family due to a very traumatic experience with my exe’s friends. I don’t plan on making new friends because I will always fear that people are not who they say they are and that’s fine with me.
Thank you so much!! This free offering of information has helped me right away !
Is there a possibility of mixed attachment styles? For instance: anxious + avoidant. Would love to receive your feedback, Dr Ramani. And thank you for all the work you have been doing.
Curious if there's a significant overlap or possible connection between avoidant personalities & selective mutism, or avoidant personalities and ADHD with rejection sensitive dysphoria?
Yes
Good observation. I think it all boils down to insecure attachment, probably disorganized attachment style.
Rejection sensitive dislhoria? Explain please?
I realized about 6 years ago that I had life criplling ADD, but didn't know about this associated condition being related. Fits, if it is what I think you mean.
@@clairecarscallen2925 Yes! One aspect of AD(H)D that isn't acknowledged much is the impact it has on our ability to regulate our emotions appropriately. Rejection sensitive dysphoria is one of the many ways that emotional dysregulation can play out.
It is exactly what it sounds like -- intense fear, shame, and emotional pain as a result of feeling rejected or inadequate; and often an exaggerated sense of, or very low threshold in terms of, what is perceived as rejection in the first place. For people who have RSD it can be one of the most difficult aspects of having AD(H)D.
AdditudeMag, CHADD, and Psychology Today all have some great articles available online that talk more about rejection sensitive dysphoria, its symptoms, and how to cope with them. :)
Im so grateful to have found you and your channel
This is pretty much most people, I can’t believe most don’t people feel this way, it’s human nature.
How do I distinguish this from social anxiety? I’ve had social anxiety stemming from childhood trauma that has led to severe depression and more, my old therapists and psychiatrists have all said that I have a social anxiety disorder but nothing about this and I have every single one of the symptoms in this video
I think she begins to address this at about 6:07, stating the treatment is very similar. Hope you get more information.
After dating for 18 months and then getting married I felt I could trust my S.O. ..... my mistake. I shared ALOT within our firsy few years of marriage, not too much but the things I shared that were personal or things that made me personally uncomfortable or scared of prior to our own relationship. Those things have since been used against me or brought up at inappropriate times AND I found out, shared with other's (some are people I dont even know but found out from others gossip) over the last 20+ years of my marriage. So as I learned of this, I have 'clammed up' and I WONT share with my S.O. anymore. I'm not the one with the problem. I trusted them and those Couple Boundaries were broken. Im still married to them I just dont share anything anymore. Its nothing to get divorced over but its still just sad 😥👎
Not a good marriage for you. You cant trust the very person you should be able to. Prayers for you, sweetheart.
@@caroann
Thank you. Needed.
Have a good holiday weekend
Thanks for this info Dr. Romani. My son's father must be avoidant...he doesn't ever want to go anywhere, he will spend weeks dreading a certain event/holiday/etc. He tells me I give him anxiety. In the past lots of things gave me anxiety, but I slowly unpacked why that was & worked through it with different books & techniques.
This has been me for my entire life so far...I started going to therapy now, at 23. Fingers crossed!