Ep: 027 How to Meet the Needs Your Mother Couldn't Meet
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 3 ส.ค. 2024
- How we can stay connected and work together!
1. Download my FREE Black Mother Wound Healing Guide: bit.ly/bmwhealingguide
2. Sign-up for my Mother Wound Group course waitlist: bit.ly/resolvewaitlist
3. Work with me one on one: bit.ly/bmwcoachingsession
4. Order my book on Amazon: bit.ly/theftc-book
5. Listen to the Podcast: https: jenniferarnise.com/podcast/
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How do you meet the needs your mother never met? There is no perfect parent, just as there is no perfect human. Some parents were unable to provide for their children materially and financially. However, there are needs that surpass those things, which we often neglect and set aside. Every person has emotional needs such as tenderness, patience, grace, understanding, and acceptance. When emotional needs are left unmet, they can significantly impact our behavior toward others and, especially, toward ourselves. Most people in this situation tend to mirror the rejection they received from others, being hard on themselves, and even neglecting the healing they truly need.
Healing from the needs your mother never met is never easy. It takes small, committed steps of self-care and self-control. It means letting go of and unlearning the habits you have become accustomed to. It involves spending time with yourself and seeking quietness to hear yourself clearly and understand your needs. It can also mean trusting yourself and being patient and appreciative of your progress. Remember, it's not your fault for what happened to you, but it's your responsibility to fix it. Stop blaming your parents, even if you have the power to, because healing cannot prosper there.
In this episode, I will guide you through the essential steps of recognizing and addressing your unmet needs.
“You're only healing if your life is changing and your life can only change when you take different actions." - Jennifer Arnise
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:02:29) The unmet emotional needs
(00:05:05) The role of quietness in nurturing unmet needs
(00:06:39) The inability to advocate for oneself
(00:08:43) Getting honest about self-treatment
(00:10:06) The habit of self-tenderness
(00:11:58) Create a habit of appreciation
(00:13:32) Healing work takes time
(00:15:07) Building self-trust through budgeting
(00:16:38) Take small actions that build up your life
(00:17:23) What does it mean to reparent yourself?
(00:20:19) Through the Battleground to Freedom
(00:22:12) Commit to yourself
(00:23:19) Healing work can be lonely
(00:24:12) The benefit of meeting your unmet needs
Key Takeaways:
“Healing your mother wound is not about you and your mother, it's about you and you." - Jennifer Arnise
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
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Visit www.jenniferarnise.com to join my Mother Wound Group Coaching Program TODAY!
“As long as you are being hard on yourself, you are in the act of abandoning and rejecting yourself..”
A WORD!
My mother wound is so deep I opted out of having kids of my own. The thought of the slightest chance of passing on my trauma to my imaginary babies was paralyzing.
I am so glad I live in a time where I have bodily autonomy and financial freedom to opt out of what I don't believe my nervous system can handle. Now I am focused on parenting myself, and the work is daunting.
Then Ms. Jennifer came along. Look at God, y'all ❤
I ALMOST DID THE SAME THING BECAUSE I DIDN’T WANT TO MESS MY CHILD UP.
BUT GOD HAD OTHER PLANS. PREGNANT 🤰🏽 AND DID NOT KNOW IT FOR ALMOST 2 MONTHS.😅
NOW I HAVE A 13 YEAR OLD SON. AND HE IS THE BEST THING THAT HAS HAPPENED TO MY LIFE. HE IS THE ONLY ONE AND I DON’T WANT ANYMORE CHILDREN AT THIS POINT.
I HAD HIM AT AGE 35.
I HEAR YOU SIS. 💯💯💯👍🏾
I never wanted kids until I got older. I had my last one at 39. And they are the best thing I’ve done with my life. It’s kinda selfish but I love knowing a piece of me will be here when I’m gone. And forever if I have grand kids one day.
Same
Thank you for sharing that. My story exactly. And you worded it so beautifully with clarity. I'm 63 years old and made the decision at age 15 to not reproduce for the reasons you mention. I consider it to be the most responsible decision of my young adult life and I have zero regrets. In fact, I now know I could not have developed into the functional adult that I am had I not invested my resources in my own healing. This healing was guided, in part, by the reparenting of two amazing psychotherapists over a period of 20 years. I started that journey when I was 32. I'm living my best life, in part, because I did not let society pressure me into giving birth to children I didn't want or otherwise might have traumatized. The cycle of intergenerational trauma ends with me. Amen.
Adore this!!!! 🤘🏽💕🏆
You’re not responsible for how your parents treated you. You are responsible for healing from it. There’s a difference if you try and make them responsible for the healing portion, you will forever be broken. Yes you’ll be able to carry that around and point your finger and blame them and yes, they will be wrong. But you will still be broken. You’re going to have to make a choice. Continue to blame or heal. You can’t do both.
And you will be waiting forever.😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮
65 year old parenting myself! Starting a new career, adding more pleasure and play to my life!
Congratulations on starting a new career! What field are you going into? Sounds like you're on the right path.
Yesss❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥go you!!!!
That's wonderful!!! Congrats on your new journey
Congrats on the new career path and all the best. On the same path at 49. Realized I lived my whole waiting to be validated by my parents
Yess yess!!! I’m just learning to do this at 56!!! Better late than never… we got this!! 🎉🎉🎉
“good people will want to come around you”
They will!!
Ms. Jennifer you are one of these good people. 🙏🏿 Thank you!!! God bless you.
I’m a 24 years young black woman, navigating through this world and healing from a lot of mental abuse, thank you for your sweet voice and message ❤❤❤❤
And I’m 34🥹 learning to receive genuine love and breaking generational way of thinking ways and healing daily 💪🏾we gone get through this 🧘🏾♀️🌻
@@nursebeauchamp7060 yes we will!!🫶🏽🫶🏽
Same queen
I am definitely in the loneliness phase of my healing journey. The loneliness makes me feel like I’m wrong for wanting better for myself 😂 crazy . Thank you for your guiding words of wisdom
You got this keep going.
my mantra for a couple months was “the bus ain’t coming, start walking to your destination ”.
Everytime I had thoughts that something was gonna magically heal me or my mom is gonna magically change I would repeat it.
It resulted it me taking full responsibility for everything going wrong, everything.
this will be my new mantra...
......likewise. 💜💜💜💜
Good one! Thanks for sharing 🙏🏾 ❤
Thank you.. I'm going to have to borrow that❤
When I accepted this mantra the universe started sending me help:
Older Black women would stop me to compliment me, offer me career support,life advice my mama never taught me and hugs.
one lady I met at work bought me a bag I really wanted, just to be kind 🥹 I kid you not!!
I pray I get to return the favor to young black girls one day 💗!
You have touched on a very sensitive topic in the Black community, and I applaud you for it. The veil is being lifted on a lot of our traumas. Thank you for your podcast! ❤
I am awestruck by your words, “If I was really here, surely someone would see me, surely someone would hear me”.
Whew! Thank YOU for seeing me❤
I am completely overwhelmed with how much this resonates with me.
Same . It’s terrifying at times. Crying out to see if anyone else can hear me
@@Shaa-Belle this was the kicker for me too; I’m personally in a year/era of trying to address all of my shadow work and wounding before my baby comes into needing the rest of her parenting needs that come with her getting older. I’m 27 and I totally refuse to let this trauma pass down to her. Neither of us deserve to have to deal with this, but it’s certainly moreso for me than it is her at this point
@@ase2129GOOD FOR YOU SIS👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽. IT IS GREAT THAT YOU ARE RECOGNIZED THIS SO EARLY.
I APPLAUD YOU 💯💯💯💯
"Am I even here?"
Ohhh, I'm in the right place. This woman GETS it ‼️
You in the right place boo!!
Thank you dear one 😢 I never thought I would hear words of understanding like these. I am not alone ... I am not alone.
Right!
❤❤❤❤ I am a white woman, 69 years old and this podcast was the best message I've yet to hear about healing the mother wound.
There are six generations of incest, child abuse and spouse abuse in my family (that I can trace).
I've been working on healing my own spirit as well as breaking the generational curse so that my children and their children's children inherit a legacy of love, respect and nurturing.
Thank you for your "Drill Sargeant" energy that reinforces the need for self-discipline and continuity which creates new cellular memories.
You are a healer and a lightworker whose own painful journey and dedicated mission of recovery is a blessed example for the millions of wounded people who are seeking a path to their authentic selves.
I stumbled across this video, definitely divine timing. Nuggets taken away “ Be committed to bettering myself, showing myself grace patience and tenderness. Thankyou
Perfect!
Woah… this conversation shook me! …I dropped to the floor of my kitchen and found myself balled up crying until finally I said “I will keep you safe” “I am here for you Asha” “I love you”…. Guess I have some work to do! 😅😊❤ thank you for the work you do 🙏🏽🌞🌞🌞🌞
GOOD FOR YOU ASHA🤗🙏🏾💯👍🏾
I'm wrapped up in my comfy blanket, fetal position, stopping the vid after every 2 minutes, coz it's a lot... I so desperately need to give myself a hug but I can't bring myself to do it.
So it wasn’t just me?! I paused this video too many times……..oowwee. I have to take this in piece by piece ❤
Me Too!
@@ThePinkMic yes!!! This hard to swallow. Jennifer is brilliant.
I’m sorry if this offends anyone but for some reason this popped up in my feed and while I’m not a black women and do t want to invade the space. But I watched because I relate to the content and let me just say this video was amazing and so so helpful. The words you out it into are so crystal clear and enlightening as well as compassionate but helping us take our healing journey into our own hands. Thank you so much!
This information can help all of us 🤍
This message found me at the right time. I just turned 30, & had a conversation with my parents on our relationship. Like u said, it's our responsibility to heal ourselves, but also making peace with the fact that my parents aren't able to give me wht I needed unfortunately.
It is sad but making peace with this and learning how to hold your own heart is going to take you so far in this world
Lord, I pray that you would give me the strength to be the best mother I can be for my children. I know that being a single parent is not always easy, but with your help, I am confident that I can do it. I also ask for your help in providing for my sons emotionally, and physically so that they may always know that they are loved. Lord I struggle every month to provide for my sons. Give me strength. Thank you Heavenly father for your grace and loving tender care, and for always being there for me and my children.❤️💕
Amen 🙏🏽💙
IN JESUS NAME AMEN 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
It’s so hard to find quality content about healing the mother wound.Thank you for this.
I’m so glad you found my page ❤
It is impossible for a parent to meet their child’s every need. A parent can’t give you something that they themselves didn’t possess. It is important to parent our adult selves & heal. Also realize for those of us who are now parents we too will need to face the parenting missteps one day of our now dependent children. May our healed selves parent better than the previous generation.
Within the first few minutes, I knew you got it. Because as soon as you started saying you were questioning your existence I finished your sentence.
I was out in the woods walking as an avid walker, & came across another walker. We started chatting & we started talking about why we love you walking. I said the main thing is because it makes me feel like I’m here. The wide open space with no one around surely means I must exist. He looked at me like 😵💫🤣
Trust me. I get it. We really are here! ♥️
I look back on my childhood and my Mother was toxic to me and my sister and it affects my self esteem and over spending to compensate for emotional spending. I forgive myself and my Mother, it's A healing journey 🙏
Finally, someone has verbalized everything that I’ve been feeling for 58 years. I got to hear more of you and I am going to put in the work, because I need freedom from myself, correction, from my old self.
Crazy right! I couldn’t ever just fully explain to anyone what is bothering me and this is literally it in a nutshell.
You said exactly what I was thinking…. Beyond refreshing to receive this message and truly RIGHT ON TIME🙌🏾💯
One important need I've been giving myself is compassion! Compassion and care is fundamental during a healing process 💕
It’s so important to practice compassion
Yeah my existence has felt more like suffering and trying to survive. I’ve definitely found it difficult to accept my worth and validating myself. I literally don’t feel like I know how to be a functioning adult emotionally mentally physically. It’s like being in panic anxiety all the time. Everything you’ve described is exactly what I feel. Absolutely terrified of life and unsupported. I’m going thru this process of working thru my emotional needs. I usually isolate and withdraw so I gotta make an effort to actually connect with ppl.
I see how I’ve been parenting myself in a harsh way like my parents treated me. So that awareness helps me see how to be more nurturing. I’ve never felt commitment or been put first so that does feel uncomfortable
Thank you for this. I remember when my mom complimented a friend about something she had that I didn’t. After the: anger, sadness, and feeling betrayed I decided to do something about it. I did the work I needed to accomplish it. I said positive affirmations about it and it’s coming true. I subscribed.
You’re so welcome and I’m proud of you!
I’m so happy the AL showed this, I’ve been looking for black therapists that speak on this topic
I’m glad you’re here! Just for clarification, I’m not a therapist. I am a woman who grew up with a mother wound and learn how to heal it and now I teach other black women how to do the same thing.
Grateful black sheep here 🙆🏾♀️🙇🏾♀️
As a expecting new mother to be…this was so needed
Im in England its 3.20am in the morning. Had a argument with my 'mother' last night. Cant sleep, was scrolling and came across this. I need inner peace so that no one, especially my mother can shake me emotionally. Im upset that I allowed her to do that again. Im going to have surgery soon and she she shared her disaproval without ask any questions about it.I told her that anything she wouldnt do herself or thinks is wrong she condemns and judges. She got angry and told me thats why she doesnt like talking to me and she ended the conversation. Thank you for this podcast.
You are so welcome. I'm sending you big hugs!!
@@Jenniferarnise Thank you.
God is truly directing me to heal all my past traumas and allowing me to heal my wounds, I was directed right to your page this morning while I'm staying with my mother during the hurricane in Houston. Lord help me 😭.. thank you for the things you do WE NEED THIS
Sending you lots of hugs and love! I’m so glad you found my channel and are dedicated to the healing work.
@@Jenniferarnise that's all I ask for is hugs and love from those who come around me. I will bring myself here every Friday to heal the right way
No one is coming to save you. It’s time to save yourself. -- I felt that, thanks for sharing.
Philippians 4:19 NLT
[19] And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.
The first 8 minutes of this video I was like, is she me, has she been reading my journals, has she been living my life the past 28 years because you described me to a T. People always say "do the work, do the work" I get stuck because what the hell is the work? I don't even really know what that means 😅
I hope you keep listening to the episodes and go back and listen to old episodes so you can really know what the work is because it is your responsibility to do it. And of course I’m always here to help and support.❤
The work comes down to developing self love, trusting your own thoughts and intuition above everyone else's opinions and working through self limiting beliefs that are holding you back.
I never realized how deep my mother wound went until I had my daughter. It’s has been actually healing to grant her grace, patience and shower her with love for the last 3 years. Looking at how happy, independent and confident she already is, lets me know I’m on the right track but it also makes me sad that I wasn’t given the same. So happy I was able to find this video. It’s time I started doing the work on myself.
I’ve been parenting myself for the past 4 years. Though my mother and I were close growing up, I now realize the lack. I didn’t have emotional support and a sense of vulnerability from my mother. It made me tough, on myself but now, I’ve softened up and I give myself so much grace and mercy. ❤🙌🏼
It's so real and so sad how much people in the world are connected by the mother wound. It's such a hard pill to swallow. We honor our mothers like they are God. I had to see my mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother as unemotional hurt women. My mother wound goes back 5 generations before me. Now, since I am healing, my whole family on my mother's side abandoned me. All the family knows what has happened and is happening. But i know God got me. I am safe, I am healing, and I am grateful. Thanks for sharing.
Similar situation😢 just remember Jesus was hated for trying to bring love and healing too!!!❤
They are not ready to heal, and your healing is reflecting that truth back to them. Healing from trauma can be hard to face if you don't how to deal with it. Thank you for your story.
As adults we can see that they are also wounded people. Don't live your life under their wounds. Live your life and get the help you need to free your mind!
So beautifully said! This is hardly said but I am patiently parenting myself and only over 30yrs I'm unapologetically kind to myself more today than ever! Sending healing to all beautiful Queens.
I sooop needed this! I am ready to FULLY heal. It is urgent and long overdue. Thanks for being a blessing!
It’s time!!
Subscribed, liked and leaving a comment. I’m healing from a family full of narcissists and marrying one as well. I left after 9 years and a child and I’m no contact with everyone. It was an excruciating rebirth but so worth it. This new me and the amount of self love, discernment and high boundaries I have! Whew, only God.
Im proud of you!
❤ this hit home, from a Nordic white girl! Only shows how deep this goes in all humans. Thank you, new follower!
Thank you, Jesus, and thank Jennifer! You have a lot of Christian women listening to you right now! God is so good!
Thank you for this community!!!
It’s top tier and we are all in this together!
Dope profile picture.
New subscriber! Time ALONE is key. MONTHS! ! If you can sit in it Alone, yo u begin to build courage, self pride and more confidence. Never give up on yourself! You are Love, you are Accepted, you are a whole person seperate from your Mother! ...Go build your life as you want it to be! Many of us are out here with you cheering you on
Hi, I just came across your podcast and have subscribed. Thank you.
Around a year ago or so I asked my mother how her mother grew up. My grandmother was "taken" (kidnapped?) from her mother by her father and made to live with him and his wife with their children in their village. My grandmother was not allowed to learn to read, while the other children got their education. It just occurred to me while watching your podcast that she was probably the product of an affair. I don't know if my grandmother was ever reunited with her mother.
My mother lost her mother at the age of 16. My grandparents weren't married. My grandfather had lots of mistresses, and lots of kids.
So the mother wound that I have, and am working on healing, has long roots. I've been doing inner work for years but the "mother wound" only recently became obvious to me. I'm grateful for your channel which speaks exclusively on this. Thank you.
I’m Asian but I really resonated w everything u said. Thank you so much for spreading your wisdom strength and hope
My family are immigrants from the former USSR and I identified so much with what you were saying. Growing up, there was no tenderness, patience, grace, second chances, or anything like that. It reflects how my parents were raised (more harshly than I was, for sure!) and the tough culture they came from. I never learned how to be nice to myself, or supportive to myself - there was only "you're not measuring up, do better."
Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for your message. Developing (and holding on to) self-compassion is definitely a habit and I'm still working on it. So thank you for the support 💪❤
I don’t know what to even say to emphasize how spot on the wisdom in this video is. Oh my God
I’m a man..and I absolutely love this…I found this video very helpful….thank you 🫂
I’m so glad to see you here! I believe this information is valuable for men and women who’ve had similar experiences.
Fr
I am so glad ur back. I missed listening to you and getting it for real. So glad ur back
Facts
❤🙏🏾
I am not black, sorry for crushing your party, but I can 1000% relate. Thank you for making this.
I needed to hear this, I honestly thought I was alone. Which has caused me to become depressed and with high anxiety , I was the same in the workforce , I didn’t know and my mom just really couldn’t help me . And thinking of the future fuels my anxiety … omg i so needed to hear this
Your authenticity is beautiful, even down to the profanity because if I’m being honest, it made me more receptive to your message and I felt welcomed and heard because I myself use profanity in my dialogue sometimes. Thank you for your platform and creating a space for the wounded to be healed.
And I hope it encourages you to be YOU! And to think I used his who I was. No more!🎉
Just found your Channel a few days ago. I really do want to heal and do the work. My mother was horrible when I was a child. Emotional neglect, physical abuse, abandonment and childhood trauma is real for me. Thank you for your hard work and for Sharing❤
My God, my heart jumped looking at this title. Gotta save for later 😂
Great video with wonderful advice!
Let’s see… quick summary and punctuation rules bypassed: My parents separated when I was 2, father had full custody & my mother only saw me sporadically despite living less than 2hrs away in same state. Many reasons, including her not showing interest, but also my father not allowing her because she kept me once and registered me for school instead of returning me at the rendezvous spot. Anyway. By the time I was about 15, I moved to TN (now 17hrs away). But I was the one reaching out to her (sporadically). was vocal to my Gma that I felt no emotional ties to her & only called her “mom” because everyone else expected me to. I would go 3-4yrs without reaching out when she’d sabotage the decent relationship we were building. Oh! Didnt know until late teens that my parents remained married until I was 10yrs old! 🤦🏽♀️
by 22 I was married with a daughter of my own who she’d met once. we still had off and on relationship, but I accepted her as a product of her environment… someone who grew up with generations of un-nurturing women, left their children with their mothers. her own unhealed mother wound was due to just that, but by the time her mother decided to take over, she was nearly grown & had become hyper independent… the other kids were still young and weren’t as bothered by her late arrival!
Anyway. By 30, I was divorced mother of 2… now out of the military & officially no longer speaking to her. Finally accepting her only purpose was to get me here, not participate in my life nor that of my children (can’t sit in my audience).
Final straw…
Despite her having multiple strokes and open heart surgery in my mid 20s (me and my family drove some hrs & visited her in the hospital night before and stayed up to a week after), she had the audacity to say, “B*tch, I will outlive you” during a disagreement! 😮 Typically, “parents” claim they’d never want to outlive a child, but she told me that she too had no motherly tie to me.
Ah… I also found my mother’s father she’d never met after she asked me to. She was a preacher’s kid through her stepfather, but finally wanted to meet her biological father who was in the Army and divorced her mother when she was young. -For years I did cold-calls off and on like Antwon Fisher, until one Christmas Eve my first cousin hit me back on Facebook saying his father (her brother she’d never met) wanted to talk to me! -one of the Best gifts an adult child could give, and she says, “what do you want… a ticket tape parade?!” 😅.
I can laugh about that now, but It was unreal at the time!
So yup. I’ve had to learn to console and nurture myself through things I wouldn’t want any young girl to experience!
"You'll find a way to neglect yourself..." Whew a whole damn word. Feeding myself has been such a chore as an adult and I have never been able to figure out why. Now I know. And I'm gonna work hard in therapy to finally conquer this challenge.
Hello Jennifer, my daughter shared this with me and I am so grateful that she did. I will continue to follow you for your help and insight on re-parenting myself. Thank you and I thank my daughter for sharing.💜
I’m so glad she shared it with you too love! I’m happy you’re here
The timing of this popping up is so crazy, because I was second guessing myself recently about if I'm doing the right thing by putting me first and why it feels so difficult at times, as if I'm scolding myself for not doing everything all at once. This was a reminder that I have to continue to give myself grace and have tenderness for myself. This is all new to me and I'm not going to ace it on the first try, but like with everything, it takes practice.
After decades of work- this explanation of HOW to Love yourself, has all the puzzle pieces falling into place😮
Recognising and honouring my feelings
/ gut instincts/ intuition and putting my needs first,- is self- care and self- responsibility. It's turning my 'trained child' who was responsible for adults feelings and putting them first- on her head.🙃 Self- love is NOT selfishness.
New guilt- free boundaries 🎉
WOW! Thanks, Jennifer❤ Go Me!!😊
ohh my god, when baby you poped up on the screen a squealed, you were absolutely adorable!!! still are... don't forget it!! xx
LOL! Thanks boo!
Please do the work. It truly is the only way.
The only way
She’s back 🎉❤
Ayyyyyyye! Sorry I been gone but it all be worth it. So many good things on the way!
Real talk!! The fact of you incorporating the realness with the curse words makes you unapologetically and authentic in your message! New subbie!
Same!
I can't be nobody but me lol!! shame used to make me believe I was wrong but healing brought so much freedom. We're changing the face of what's acceptable. Im glad you're here!
This is the best video on mother wound. Everything you said is true. My mother was a strict overprotective Colombian mother. No father. This video is on point! Thank you Jennifer! ❤
Thank you for this! As an abandoned child I half the time don’t even know where to start. I don’t know what a mom feels like.
same
Wow. Every word resonated with me. I’ve never been more moved by a podcast than I was by this one.
Every nail was hit on the head here for me. Never feeling seen, so questioning if I even existed. Feeling like the invisible woman. Found you on Instagram happy I ran across your TH-cam. I'm ready to heal, learn and grow. Thank you.
Giiiirrrllll I am sharing you with all of us that I know!! Thank you 😊 💓
Yayyy!! Please share with everyone you believe needs to hear this message. It’s our time!
Omg the part about not feeling trusted- yes. Now I’m fickle, anxious and lack executive decision-making skills. Also I am very critical and hard on myself, due to not receiving a lot of patience and grace growing up. And WOW the bit about not feeling like I even exist, due to not feeling seen/ understood/ accepted. Whew. I’ve been perpetuating all of these wounds with how I treat/ perceive myself. I’m working on these things but I am so grateful to have someone unpack this outloud. You’re amazing, thank you. 👉🏾
Wow! Too realize I’ve been doing the work not knowing it, not knowing it was needed, not knowing it was even a work to do. God spirit surely leads us into righteousness (right frame of being). Thank you Lord!!! ❤🎉❤
I literally just got done journaling about being the voice and protection I needed when I was a little girl. And vowing to myself to give myself the childhood I deserved.
Thank you for sharing your life! I just came across this. It's my life too. I m 63. Like you say I'm realizing I need to do my own work. Nobody is coming to rescue me. I'm a Christian woman, I pray, I try to keep obeying God's word to honor but I realize I need to help myself and God will meet me where I am. Then I can make a difference to others like you are. Fix me 1st! I've got to go back and catch up on your videos from the beginning. God Bless you❤️🙏🏽!
You know how TH-cam is sometimes a mindreader...I got suggested this video from your channel without having looked for mother wound videos for some time. I am so so happy I found your channel and will start consuming all your content ❤ cause it's better than therapy ! Even though I do not fit the target demographic, the channel helps tremendously and I am happy that there is such targeted content out there, because each community and culture has its particularities, some of them sadly not very helpful for us growing into healthy adults. But channels like yours give me hope that we can overcome our challenges 🙏
Wow I’m not sure why this was recommended to me but I’ve spent the last 2 hours at work binging your content. Thank you so very much for what you do. A lot of what’s been said is very validating. As you stated, it’s not our fault but it’s our responsibility to start taking the steps towards healing ourselves. Sending you much love and appreciation ❤
-a black girl with a mother wound in healing
This entire video spoke to me. Felt this through my soul. Cried ugly tears.
Thank you for your content.
You are so good! Everything you said is REAL! I've been working through my traumas for 4 years now and every word you say is TRUE. And BTW this is cross- cultural y'all! I'm a Caucasian female and have unresolved mother issues, and this hit me so hard. Thank you!
i'm turning 20 in 2 days and i feel like a lost child most of the time, i feel like i cant make decisions and a part of me really hopes one day someone would come. My childhood years were horrible, my teen years i gave up completely. I feel im working from scratch but i promised to myself, my 20's will be different and so it shall.
Your video comes at the right time for me.
Exactly the daily work i need to do right now.
And now Im ready.
Im 39 yo now being in therapie on and of since Im 18.
But now sober since 5years and 7 months.
Getting closer to the beliefe that there can be a loving, trusting, patient world out there when Im open for it.
I long for attention from my Mom but she may not be able to give me that rn. I’m also fully 24. I had an epiphany that I can find my mom in other ways in other people that love me. My older cousin, she told me “as long as you enjoy doing it that’s all that matters” about something I was working on and it felt so nice to hear those simple words and I came to the realization that it’s not about my mom and I had a huge cry of relief I was on a walk and just started crying out of relief it was amazing.
Wow, it felt like you were sitting in front of me and speaking directly to me. Felt every word, and feeling lots of feelings but mostly grateful. Thank you!
This was therapy for me!! Thanks for pouring into us!! 🙏🏾
Youre so welcom! We're all in this together!
Beautiful talk you help ppl you can’t afford therapy you are doing gods work
I SAW YOU COME UP IN MY FEED AND I CLICKED AND YOU JUST HELPED ME TO FIGURE OUT WHAT HAS BEEN THE ISSUE MY WHOLE LIFE!
I HAVE MOTHER WOUNDS AND I DARE SAY FATHER WOUNDS AS WELL. I FEEL LIKE A LIGHT 💡 BLUB HAS BEEN TURNED ON FOR ME TODAY AND NOW I NEED TO BITE THE BULLET AND DO THE WORK. BECAUSE WHAT YOU SAID IS TRUE I DON’T WANT TO DO THE WORK. BUT I AM TIRED OF GOING THIS MOUNTAIN AND I THINK THIS IS IT.
THANK YOU SIS
MORE ANON…
Thank you for this, I’ve been on my healing journey and now that I have children of my own working on not repeating the same generational patterns. Re-parenting myself has definitely been a challenge but I love the nurturing spirit that I have now towards myself and prayerfully towards my children. This is definitely needed and the divine timing of this video is beautiful. 💗✨
My story is similar to yours. My mom was not able to provide a safe place as a child or adult. But the more I researched our family line....the more I realized how she was abused....scapegoated....left unsafe. It taught me if it has to be it's up to me. I lost hope of trying to please them and have been trying to economically and physically detach for 16 years. I learned what patience and my reasons of self sabotaging economically and socially....Suicidal thoughts. Thanks for sharing.
This video is so helpful on so many levels and stages of life. I love you deeply as well and I appreciate you and God dropping your video in my view. I am grateful, take care😘💪🏾🙏🏾✌🏾🥰🔥♥️ LETS GOOOOOO
Let's GET IT!!!!
Wax on...wax off...wax in...wax out....that's apart of what healing is about. Thank you for imparting this valuable information as I work on doing 'the work' of healing.
First time here. Valuable information on how to begin working on ourselves. I'll be watching all your videos.
I'm "SPEECHLESS" SIMPLY AMAZING...... ❤💜💙🙏 May "God" continue to "Bless" you while you"Bless " "US."🙏
They way I hit the counter when you said "No one is coming to save you" !!!
Subscribed INSTANTLY.
I dont know how the algorithm new I needed you and your content but, Im thankful. ❤
Much love, blessings to you Ms Jennifer
I don’t know how I got connected to the podcast but I loved this episode. I don’t have mother issues but I am on a journey to healing myself. The journey of healing is the same. My mom was not perfect but was great. I grew up with an abusive step dad and my natural dad was not interested. I did not know him and I have lived with the wound of rejection from that. Keep up the great work! This was an authentic podcast. I am subscribed. ❤
Im so glad you found me and that you subscribe. Healing our wounds around rejection/abandonment/shame are our real life's work!
@@Jenniferarnise Yes! I shared your podcast as a resource. I think one of the best things people can get from what you said you can not just listen you have to do! That's the hard part but so worth it!
I’m in tears and this video is everything my heart needed to hear. This work is all mine and I own that and I’m really ready to do the necessary evaluation of my mind that’s been programmed to work against me, not my fault, but mine to soothe and love back into a healthy place. Thank you so very much for this message!!
When you started cussing . I opened my blinds to my office cleared off my desk started rolling up and i listened REAL good . Lol!
Lord Jesus thank you for leading me here❤
I didn’t even realize how much I needed this
This is needed so heavily, thank you for sharing your experience with the world
You are so welcome and thank you for being here
Thank you for the topic. ❤
The title alone speaks volumes. My daughter and son hate my guts. As a single mom, if I never received a hug growing up, I didn't understand how to give the affection that was desired by my children. I sent this to my daughter and pray that she hears the message. God Bless❤
God Bless you, Mrs. Arnise, God's Love is Powerful, he will meet your needs and you are right we have to do the work, but He got your back! Jesus is Lord! He Loves You.
I’m crying so bad.. I needed this.
This touched me in such a loving way. Often times you need consistent reminders of these words to steer you back where you want to be. So this touched me deeply and reminded me that I can trust myself and that I’m doing a good job and I may “lose myself” here and there but that’s okay baby.
OMGOODNESS.. I just found you today!! I have been reparenting my inner child. Baaayyybeee!!! I feel seen already in the first 8 minutes!!😮Thank you for being willing to bring your platform to TH-cam!! AAANNNNNDDD to be. Black woman in this work is a whole other lane…I am so grateful for you and this platform!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
Awwwe! You made my day🎉❤
Wow, thank you for sharing such meaningful, rich and thoughtful reflections. I need time to fully digest it all. Hard work is definitely a key to change, rewiring and growth. Again, thank you.