The 6 Symptoms of Social Anxiety that Complicates Borderline Personality Disorder
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 20 ก.ย. 2024
- Please watch: "How You Can Control Your Emotions with Dr. Fox - Affective Regulation"
• How You Can Control Yo... -~-
Pre-order my latest BPD workbook at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
In this video I discuss the 6 symptoms of social anxiety and how it adds to feelings and behaviors that promote isolation, fear, uncertainty, and paranoia which makes managing BPD symptoms harder. This video will help you gain understanding into aspects of social anxiety to help recognize, manage and control it.
You can get a copy of the ACE Anxiety worksheet at: www.drdfox.com...
Anxiety disorders have been found to make it harder to experience a remission of borderline personality disorder symptoms over time and they actually increase the risk of suicide and self-injury.
Social Anxiety symptoms are commonly comorbid with BPD. Although these symptoms are common and cause problems, they can be managed. The best technique is to build skills to manage both BPD and the social anxiety using anxiety reduction techniques, emotional regulation skills, and building insight into your triggers and emotional buttons that make it harder to functioning in social settings and around others.
Symptoms of Social Anxiety include:
• Intense fear or anxiety about one or more social situations in which the individual is exposed to possible evaluation by others. Such as social interactions (e.g., having a conversation, meeting unfamiliar people, job interview), being observed (e.g., eating or drinking, working out), and performing in front of others (e.g., giving a speech).
• Fear that you’ll act in a way or show anxiety symptoms that will be negatively evaluated (i.e., will be humiliating or embarrassing: will lead to rejection or offend others).
• Avoid or endure situations with intense fear or anxiety.
• Fear or anxiety is out of proportion to the actual threat posed by the social situation and to the sociocultural context.
• The fear, anxiety, or avoidance is persistent, typically lasting for 6 months or more.
• The fear, anxiety, or avoidance causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and award winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 15 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available May 1, 2019, but you can pre-order it now at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children: goo.gl/sZYhym
The Clinician’s Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders: goo.gl/ZAVe9v
Dr. Fox has given numerous workshops and seminars on ethics and personality disorders, personality disorders and crime, treatment solutions for treating clients along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum, emotional intelligence, managing mental health within the prison system, and others. Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
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Thank you for your attention and I hope you enjoy my videos and find them helpful and subscribe. I always welcome topic suggestions and comments.
Citation:
Harned, M. S., & Valenstein, H. R. (2013). Treatment of borderline personality disorder and co-occurring anxiety disorders. F1000prime reports, 5, 15.
The ironic thing is social anxiety prohibits me from interacting well with others and yet then I feel abandoned when others don’t engage with me
That's me, too. And then I'm too embarrassed by my avoidant behavior to try to reconnect with people I've avoided or to meet new people. So I'm alone.
You just explained why someone I love with BPD is avoiding me. Thank you so much. I feel a lot better now and I know it’s not my fault
@Anna Breithaupt This is exactly me. I resented a lot of people for not reaching out to me, even though it was my actions that were keeping me isolated.
Anna Breithaupt
Same, however i feel abandonded by myself 👉😎👉
Omg yes exactly
I'm scared of walking. I always think someone is judging how I walk. How I drive. How I pronounce things. Its a fear of judgment and as a result I'll be rejected. I always think someone is laughing at me. I got laughed at a lot as a child. Sometimes I knew sometimes I didn't know until I was older. It makes me feel like everyone will figure out I'm really a loser to be laughed at.
It may help to remind yourself that most people are self-focused and into their phone screens. Develop a mantra for yourself to walk your walk, and you do you. Be well and thanks for the comment!!
I feel this aswell. But whenever I get into action I feel that I get rid of this. Until then I feel tortured...
I totally agree and feel the same anxiety. Mine was more while driving. Red lights and stop signs were/are the worst. My windows are tinted very dark. That sincerely helps. I tell myself they can’t see me. I’m good. I’ve had to pay a few tickets for that security, but it’s worth it.
When I was younger I wished I lived on my own on a desert island. Now I have many friends and love socialising. I'm still over-sensitive to criticism, judgement and conflict. I feel angry with myself for being so sensitive, and try to reason situations out with logic to overcome it. I am envious of people who don't care what others think of them.
@@SarahMilton64 we all think what others think to differing degrees
I have been isolating for the past 8 months, unemployed and dropped out of school due to the combination of both bpd and social anxiety. I’m so over dealing with it. But! It finally feels like I’m getting better each day, best of luck to anyone else struggling. 💕one day we will develop a better way of life and live without this overwhelming fear and anxiety.
YES!! Be a signal for others to grow beyond this disorder and build yourself up. I wish you well and stay strong!!
Ive been isolating myself to mood disorder unimployed self harm but im getting better
Alisha Macaulay that’s amazing! ☺️ I wish you the best
How did you start getting better?
It all started once I accepted the fact that there was a problem, that I wanted to fix it and I truly felt deserving of recovery. That's the only way the rest of this works.
But I kind of do a lot: I have a DBT workbook for my BPD. My boyfriend and family force me to leave the house and they try to make it fun for me(helps social anxiety), I make healthier decisions around food (not overeating or undereating), I try to work out as many days a week as I can, I practice self-care (showering even when I can't get out of bed, getting my nails done, whatever makes you feel good). It's really best to just start loving and caring about yourself. Show up for yourself every day, or as many as you can do. Don't make yourself feel bad if you can't go outside one day. It gets easier every time, but don't expect a linear path. You will have bad days just don't let the bad ones get in the way of your good ones :) hope this makes sense and is helpful! it's definitely not a quick fix, I actually had a panic attack yesterday about leaving my house and couldn't go. but the amount of panic attacks I have now is nowhere near what it was before I started.
I am surrounded by kind people that want to spend time with me, but I avoid them because every time I have a conversation, I can't stop talking. When the conversation is over, I overthink everything I said to the person and feel so embarrassed. It gets to the point where I whisper mean things to myself, (such as "I'm a bad person") but I've started following it up with the opposite phrase to try and force those negative feelings about my self out of my mind. It's comforting to know that those feelings are caused by the disorder and not as legitimate as they seem to me. I try to remember that others don't think as far into what I say as I do. Understanding the root of these fears is so helpful. Thanks for another great video, Dr.Fox.
Thank you! I am just the same.
Maybe these nice people actually LIKE what you have to say. Even if you talk a lot, they still want to spend time with you, right? 💝
I do the exact same thing, I get into these huge conversations which I think have some sort of deep meaning, afterwards I sit at home regretting everything I said thinking about my every comment and how it makes that person feel about me. I feel that when I speak to them they saw the true me and they didn’t like that. Afterwards I will mutter to myself under my breath that you’re a piece of shit or you’re no good or what a loser you are…
Sounds like me 👍
This sounds like ADHD.
It's a never ending circle in my head.
I can be walking through town and it starts
1. Feelings of walking really slowly, chest feels heavy, sinking
Then I try to speed up to stop the sensations.
2.Then the thoughts: everyone else sees me walking fast, I look weird , I look like I'm on drugs or something , I'm acting weird , I look crazy.
3. Try to act normal by scratching head, face.
4. Everyone is watching ...I feel robotic.
Back to number 2 and on goes the ducking circle .
Try to reverse the focus. Instead of focusing on yourself, try to focus on the people around you. How they look like? What are they doing or talking? What is your impression about somebody? Watch your enviroment, look at other people, or just the surroundings (dogs, trees, houses etc.) or start to thinking something interesting: for example psychology. :)
“I look like I’m on drugs.” Thank goodness you said that in addition to the others listed. You’re not alone.
Try to over compensate and then just look uncoordinated as f***😅
Just interacting with like cashier at gas station for example. ANYTHING.
@@jazon85k I pick a color to notice while I'm walking. Count all the pink things I see on my walk today....or count all the squirrels I see on my walk...
It helps. I often have to re-focus.
My therapist says I think too much about how I interact with people, but there's been times where I've said or done things that I later regret and the humiliation from it makes me feel like I can't be completely open and relaxed with people.
You are so kind and compassionate about this subject, and it's such a breath of fresh air. Thank you for educating people about bpd!
I've been watching and studying
Many other's who speak about bpd
And also narcissism for many years.
But with so much information out there
I was only ever able to understand
A percentage of what they were saying
Only several days ago I found this guy
And I understand every word that he says
Because every meaning he explains
Is about me and it has shocked me
While waking me the hell up.
For that I am very grateful.
Kindest of regards
Right !! ^^^^ Even I don’t understand what’s going on with me, so how would I be able to educate loved ones 😂😂. Yeah BRB just going to sit in my car and dissociate for six hours ✌️ 🤣🤣
Now I understand why I'm a loner with BPD.
Every time I have conversations with anyone, I’m always unsatisfied with the conversation afterwards and overthink every thing I said. Drive-thrus? Pfttt...not happening. I think I try to read people too much.
It’s so interesting to read how anxiety affects other people differently.
I am always attracted to partners who have the potential to abandon me. Someone I think I think is better that I idealize, and has more going for them. It's a set up for failure. Self defeating. I have massive social anxiety as well and attract more outgoing friends and partners.
I do appreciate this information. Recently a therapist in my DBT class stated that staying inside all day is an unacceptable way to live. He made me feel guilty about this problem I have and that I should just get outside like it's nothing. But for me I feel safe in my room, there is no fear of being triggered by another and I don't have to worry about having an anger or anxiety attack that pushes me to the edge. This is why I stay secluded, not because I want to but because I have to. I wish it didn't have to be me to teach my psychiatrist and therapists about important BPD information that they should already know. Yet once again I feel compelled to coach the therapists who are caring for me and other BPD patients that this issue with social anxiety is real and it is also a deeply difficult disorder to get through. Condemning this upon us who suffer with BPD goes against helping with the problem. I think what I should do is just forward your videos to them :)
Daisygirl1217 I also experience avoidance of triggers, consciously and subconsciously. It’s really hard to break this kind of habit as it is literally a defense mechanism. Vulnerability seems to come harder when one has anxiety. I hope that you find peace with your thoughts ♥️
ive been struggling with a very similar situation where ive been isolating myself for a long time now,, but i have to say, it definitely is healthy for us to get out! like.. we can use bpd to explain why we have this behavior, but not to excuse it and just never work towards overcoming it.. we arent our disorder! we can heal and grow so much but first we have to believe we can.. i have a job now and its very hard for me sometimes but i know that it is healthy for me to see people even if it can be painful.. because there are good days too! i heard once from another psychologist on youtube that what we dont want to do, is often what we should be doing.. because the reason we dont want to do it is because we are comfortable in whats familiar, not necessarily because were better off never trying to fix the things that cause us pain 💜 i totally get where you are coming from and ive been in this situation now for years and only just recently realized i had the power to work through it to heal 💜 i wish you so much luck on your journey with this disorder, i know its not easy but ur already doing amazing just by watching videos like these 💜💜💜
Yes forward to them HOW unprofessional to tell YOU how you should FEEL there's assistance for your Disability ssdi eligible
You know what im starting to realize is people like that dont want to help you on the first place. Stop working so hard to train someone that should be helping you, you are paying them to help you, you do not owe them training. They dont come from a place of good faith. Most people, therapists included, are garbage just trying to make other people feel like garbage and control them
And I am a Capricorn so we enjoy our own company, I keep telling my therapist that.
This video was released a year ago, I regularly re-watch it. Honestly I do feel that social anxiety is way more impairing that BPD. Well, at least when I'm not into a BPD 'crisis'... Only from my experience, of course. Social anxiety makes every step difficult, unreachable, whereas BPD makes things and relationships painful. Social anxiety whispers constantly that people are harmful and I'm flawed, and BPD cries because I'd finish all alone and despaired, empty.
‘Some people are harmful.’
It does make it all worse you want to be around people badly, but then get social anxiety that's so bad
. Emotions are so hard to regular
I didn’t use to have social anxiety when I was younger but I’d say since I turned 19 (I’m 22 now) I’ve suffered from it and I’ve lost nearly all of my friends because of it. I’ve noticed that I avoid people because I think they’ll hurt/leave me, they won’t be as big of a part of my life as I’d like them to be, or I’ll somehow hurt my fp if I make friends with someone else so I just avoid the pain altogether but it’s hard because I do crave connection with other people and I know that I need friends to be truly happy and I hate being by myself all the time
I am diagnosed BPD with several Anxiety disorders including Social Anxiety. Dr Fox has identified an area that requires more attention, especially from our Health professionals. I was incorrectly diagnosed with Schizophrenia 10 years ago by a Psychiatrist who only considered the dissociation symptoms, failing to investigate the history my childhood, relationships or even the aspects of my auditory and visual hallucinations AND belief systems of these hallucinations. I do not understand this world but every now and then a snippet of crucial data is presented to me. Thank you Dr Fox. Having said, Mental Health awareness is better than it was 10 years ago and I have a team of Health Professionals assisting me.
I've had BPD, anxiety, agoraphobia all my life. I'm now 54. My trouble is I dont like the world. I dont like society or people but I'm empty lost and have no clue where I fit in. All doctors have given up or I've been too triggered yo carry on as I hide from people. I'm petrified of interaction. Please can you point me to a video for people like me who are people avoidant but unhappy too
We love you and you are safe.
Dear Mr. Fox, Thank you for not cluttering up your videos with distracting music or forced jokes , i really appreciate that you Know your Audiance! I can barely get thru thirty secs of other peoples videos that try too hard to be “entertaining”. I hope i get the chance to meet you someday
This is the only video I've seen that I feel accurately describes what is happening to me. It makes me feel more confident about seeking help for a bpd diagnosis
I have much respect for you and your work. It blows my mind to see professionals, like yourself, helping your patients all day and still finding time to put out valuable videos for us. Thank you so much. It exhausts me just thinking about how you do it. I can't seem to do the smallest daily tasks. BPD & anxiety has taken over my life. I've shut myself off from the world. I've noticed it's getting worse with age. I got off of Facebook and Instagram about 9 months ago ( I don't miss it) quit talking to friends & family, don't leave the house unless I absolutely have to.. I use TH-cam for insightful information to help understand myself and learn how to change for the better. I'm thankful I found you here.
+Amy Bowman Thank you so much for your kind words and appreciation. It’s always great to know that I’m helping and that is a big motivator for me to keep doing it.
This is exactly the cycle that i go through whenever im confronting a situation or a person that threatens to invalidate me or makes me uncomfortable
Thank you for normalizing my behavior for me as someone with bpd it’s incredible how much you get “us”
I find it extremely hard to put my struggles into words, which them makes it hard to actually work on said struggles. This perfectly explained how I feel on the matter. Your videos help me so much, thank you for doing what you do! 💕
I haven’t been on a date in 15 years. Rejection is more painful to me than getting stabbed. Now it feels like it’s too late. I did ketamine treatments for the depression associated with the disorders and that did wonders, but I still have the issues of rejection. I can talk to females just fine. It’s when it comes to asking them out that I can’t.
It's never too late, I know it's just some words from stanger online, but I believe in you and you deserve love
I cannot begin to thankyou for these videos. Every word makes so much sense, esp the disproportionate response to situations and avoidance strategy. Its a strange behaviour to live with. Its like living with an unpredictable volcano and then ...thin invisible air .
Do they know they do this
Thanks for your videos. I especially find it difficult to manage my anxiety when meeting one-on-one with a friend. It’s easier when there are three or more of us.
Farzaneh Vahabi -wow. I feel the exact opposite: can we meet one-on-one?? I get super shy (or “looking bad”) when more than one person is there.
@@LindseyLeighAR I relate to your discomfort in groups very well- I cannot show the right persona for multiple people at once. This may seem duplicitous but these are aspects of me, not fictions or other personalities. God, I hate sounding crazy...
@@michellenroth8167 You don't sound crazy at all. It could be looked upon as a blessing... Artists, comedians,actors and a lot of people who are socially adaptable have this ability. I think for myself, the more I strengthen my connection with my Self- then exploring the range of different aspects of my persona can be fun because there is choice involved- not obligation.
You do not sound the slightest bit crazy :)
Im both depending on the people. In some situations blending into a crowd is comforting, but sometimes you feel like u stand out like a sore thumb. Depends
@@michellenroth8167 This is SO me. I get REALLY uncomfortable if multiple people are in one place with me, as I don't know which persona to show. It's...really awkward. Usually I end up showing a diluted version of the "me" I show with the person I'm closest to.
I was ALWAYS that quiet kid, and I cried every day at school. but with family and close friends (once I finally had some), I was very extroverted and adventurous. In social anxiety support groups, I felt like the odd one out because I'd done so many things the others would consider ambitious. I'd end up being the loud leader in those groups haha. it's like my personality changed in extremes and I didn't know why. my BPD diagnosis explains sooo much of this, esp this video
I‘m always scared that people will find ne annoying. When I was younger it was much much worse but over the years I could managed it a bit.
I have a job, but a lot of the time, I don't want to go to work because of my anxiety. The bumper car comment reflected how I felt at work tonight, it would get quiet and I'd try to avoid people, but customers would come along and want stuff, at one point, I was hit with multiple customers, I Was frustrated because my anxiety has been really high lately, but I manage to hide it and put a smile on my face and make the customers happy, I don't know how I do it but I do, but yes, I have fear of people in my life abandoning me and that gives me anxiety too. This is another great video and I feel less anxiety as a result of this video. Thank you again Dr.Fox!
There is a risk. being different in this way often will prompt negative or condescending reactions. The negative reactions (sometimes warranted, sometimes just a bad environment or unhealthy relationships), if or when they occur, are likely only to reinforce the negative self beliefs. So you go blank, you put up a hyper-modified personality, you say as little as possible and guard yourself or, you beat yourself up and force yourself to try and be as unfeeling and tough as possible (obviously not a good option). All of this drains all your energy and happiness. Your never really you, and what worse is that people actually CAN tell there's something off about you. They can tell you are "distant", "difficult to read" or "hard to get close to". Getting through these reinforced and learned thought processes is a huge ordeal, and even after improvement, one bad encounter or trigger can cause you to relapse unintentionally. Personally, the worst state I can be in is not experiencing these things, rather the worst state is when these things cause enough confusion to obscure my sense of self. Becoming confused about who or what you are opens a window for all kinds of potential abhorrent or self deprecating actions that tend to leave long term consequences. I find that for myself, autonomy and a strong sense of independent responsibility is crucial for my mental health and social tolerance. I get away and stay the hell away from people who have known me well in the past, because those people never saw the work I put in to grow and improve, and the last thing I need is to be dragged back down to square one
This is f'ing crazy how accurate this is. Like is he in my brain?
Thank you for what youre doing. I honestly could go on and on about how much this series on bpd is helping me understand myself but just thank you. the worksheets your providing. How long and in depth the videos are. and especially the positive and hopeful messages at the end. whenever I see a new one is up, I save it for the end of the day, when shit gets reeeeeally really hard. im unable to get myself into therapy currently/cant find anyone willing to help..it Kind of broke my heart that I found these after moving out of texas. anyways these have been a life saver on more than few occassions. I just cant express how greatful I am for these.
+Jordan Something thank you for your kind words and I’m so glad the videos are helpful for you!
Jordan Something -the key is NEVER mentioning you have a BPD dx :-(
Once a healthcare professional hears or sees that, all bets are off.
Fear of further trauma big factor for me. So many social interactions have caused trauma that I continue ruminating over and even lose sleep over years and years after the interaction😢
I've been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder and borderline personality disorder and I agree with your statements it makes life even more overwhelming. Thank you for caring
I visited Mexico City with my cousins and had some sort of Anxiety Attack While ordering at a Subway. It was so bad that one of my cousin had to order for me, and afterwards I was so ashamed of myself that I couldn’t eat of make eye contact with them. It was like my self-esteem switched off and self-hate took over my mind. I thought I over on my Social Anxiety, but something inside me felt like there was something else going on... Now I know it’s BPD. I’ve been researching things, but all the puzzle pieces show me with certainty it’s this!Thank you, I will try to work at it by watching more of your videos and getting the workbook.
this man just spit facts for 15 minutes and 17 seconds straight
I just sort of stumbled upon this video a couple of days ago, and so many things in my past fell into place afterwards. It's hard to overstate what an eye opener it was. The stigma around BPD is incredibly more weird and powerful than I thought if a person like me had that big of a blind spot to it. I'm 33, undiagnosed, and incredibly lucky to have picked up enough of tools for mindfulness on my own to survive a lot of these symptoms without knowing quite what was going on. This has lifted so much shame and guilt, I can't thank you enough, Dr. Fox. I have to also compliment you on your understanding and soothing presence; you have exact kind of attitude I wish all doctors had.
I had social anxiety, depression and bpd for more then 10 years and I find your videos very helpful Dr. Fox. Thank you. I am an artist and struggling day to day. It is hard to find the right help in my area. I really hope someday I can fully recover or at least learn to manage my symptoms better. Thank you again so much!
Moderate borderline with intense specific social anxiety handling delicate tea or coffee cups in front of others. My SA is so specific and tea obsessive that I am totally opposite in rest of the social situations. So as an extrovert and a social butterfly it is extremely painful for me to miss out on whole things out of the nonsensical fret of possibly having to handle those stupid tea cups. My ridiculous mind will inevitably make me shake my hands when lifting to sip the drink, then I freeze, get stiff, shakes transfer to neck, head, legs, then voice, then blush, in short I invite all the attention to the point where I force people to look away. Then I feel awful for weeks. This whole thing is the exact example of making mountain out of molehill, cooking it all in the head.
What helps
Coping methods and experience of 20 years with the condition
1. Get rid of all drugs, smoking, alcohol
2. When entering shop, don't leave, fight
3. Start is important, you enter confidently, head high, slowly and breathing deep and calm, make eye contacts, act confidently
4. Begin going alone, as BPD have susceptiblity to interference, you may loose focus, calmness by getting distracted
5. When you sit don't look down or pretend to use cellphone, look up, forward, to the ceiling, pay attention to attractive things
6.what to think
Your condition is not your fault, you didn't even come to life on your own. You didn't choose your environment or genes or both This reduces entire mental baggage and self expectation.
It's OK to shake a lil, then deliberate the shake a lil, you will realise not being perfectly steady or lil bodily movements are not embarrassing at all, it is all in the head.
With age you will also realise control panel is the anxiety inside not the exhibition outside, you have to control and calm the mind. Don't fall into the mistake of fighting shakes or blushes
What really helps is to see things while comparing their size with your own size e.g if you struggle with handling small things, just make it a habit to sort of charge at them with a dominant body language telling yourself how comical it is to shy away from something so tiny and benign. You are a big boy/girl, you have large hands, it is so simple.
Handle things with minimum effort, the more energy you put into it the messy it gets
Facial expression is important, act confident and at ease. Don't frown or squint your eyes. Keep your lips together and act wise and calm.
Remember we are all in the same side in the restaurant or on the table with the purpose to enjoy food, it is not a performance event.
Get through first two minutes, half life of negative emotions is so short, that if you start well, as soon as the anxiety subsidies the natural instincts will take over and you will finish the drink in enjoyment.
More power to BPDs and SAD sufferers 👍👍👍
Dr Fox I believe when I first started watching your videos I said that I thought that they were primarily geared towards the sufferer and not toward the victims,but thanks to all of the good advice that you and others have been providing I am able to see by the responses of your many viewers You are Helping them also,Blessings,Thanks,I’m still surviving!👏🏽👍🏽💐💪🏽❤️🌈
I really like how you use "core content" to describe the deeper inner person. There was a psychiatrist at a university I go to who within 2 hours diagnosed me with "acute anxiety with high potential to be lifelong due to other mental illness as made aware from client and clinician [name of my former therapist] - I'd signed an ROI so they had talked before my first appointment 3 months ago.
Constantly I feel judged almost every where I go to the point I lied about other plans for a late Thanksgiving celebration because 12+people asking me how work and school is would be overwhelming. I've decided to go elsewhere for the second Thanksgiving (tomorrow), because self care. I don't want to stand in a crowd of people and lie about still having a job, or about facing suspension from a second college. Every part of me would want to scream I'm not okay, I got two more mental health diagnosis I'm trying to navigate life, and I'm going to go inpatient please stop talking. Yes I'm avoiding my mom/sister but I'm going to self care with my friend and her husband and daughter who are calmer and nicer.
You make so much sense that it exhausts me and I want to leave your videos sometimes because I get so overwhelmed that someone understands.
I cannot begin to tell you how on point you are in this video... as always. You give hope because I know things sound like “excuses” to those who don’t deal with BPD much less, GAD, Social Anxiety, Severe ADHD, MDD, and... much more.
Oh! Thanks for explaining the difference between paranoia and the embarrassing aspect. Whenever I go to my med mgt appt, they ask on the questionnaire if I have felt paranoia. Now I know I can use this instead. Thanks!
Thanks for your compassion. Many other expert portray us as lunatics that people should stay away from at all cost. I have high functioning borderline and my anger is turned inward. There is a huge distinction.
I have both BPD and Social Anxiety and this video has made me feel so seen. It’s so refreshing to hear explanations for things I experience everyday. It’s hard not to feel like these symptoms will be permanent but your videos have been educational and transformative. I see small changes in my behaviour and those small steps once felt impossible. Thank you. Truly.
Thank you for explaining this to me. I now have Social Anxiety due to living with in laws. After almost 2 years now, I have such anxiety that I do not leave my room when I am home. I avoid as much human simulation as possible and even though my eating has changed some my stomach health has great declined. My over all health has declined and I've gained a total of 30lbs during this time. I used to be the social butterfly with my BPD but now I am a different creature. These in laws are passive aggressive, abusive mentally and emotionally but sadly we have nowhere else to go. Knowing is half the battle and BPD will not ruin my life, I refuse to let it.
Stay strong and try to build positive and encouraging connections outside your current situation. Hopefully you and your spouse are working together to help one another get into a better situation. Stay strong in your BPD battle. Don't let it sneak into your mind and determine where you go and how you live. You do you!!
You're an honest angel, haha. Really, my anxiety has gotten so bad, I can barely communicate coherently. All the things you talked about were spot on for me. Thank you so much for helping us feel like we can overcome bpd ☺❤
+Acotas Thornhaugh you’re welcome and you can!!!
OCD,BPD,Social Anxiety ☹
Is there hope for me? 😭💔
I'm the same and yes there is hope
same here, and i hope there are hope
I agree with some other comments and you dr Fox, I absolutely understand everything you are saying. It’s so accurate and applicable. I honestly am tearing up right now hearing you describe exactly how I feel so much of the time. It’s so defeating and isolating and nobody seems to understand. Thank you so much dr fox
thank you for making so many videos on bpd, it's really nice to be able to learn more about myself and why I am the way that I am through someone who is empathetic and truly understands how this disorder affects people. it makes me sad that so many videos on TH-cam demonize us.
Have only just subscribed because in the past I've been anxious that someone recognises me, but your videos are super knowledgeable, empathic without being patronising, and practical, i.e. allowing people to have a role in their own evolution. It's also such a blessing that you emphasis that everyone's BPD is different, as I'm tired of seeing negative articles and comments on social media about people with this condition. Don't get me wrong, I'm working on myself and most of the time, it's three steps forward, two steps back, but hopefully I'm still on the right track now. Keep it up Doc and I'll keep watching x
thank you sooososososos much i have no words for the comfort and understanding your videos give me
I think this is a part of why I have been through so many jobs. That little voice in my head has constantly whispered that people are talking about me. The voice tells me that they are making fun of me and they don't like me. So I do my job, I keep to myself and I get by. But the pressure builds to a point that I have to get out so I quit. Go find another job and it starts all over again. Things have been changing though. Thanks to a Twelve Step Program, these videos and other books I am becoming aware. Last week I was ready to leave town, move on AGAIN. But I didn't. I stopped. Instead I started using mindfullness. I do this at work when I feel afraid or nervous. I do it in my car when I become depressed or sad for no apparent reason. I do it when that voice says that I am a worthless POS and should just put a gun in my mouth. I do it in the moment and no one even knows. It's like a reset button for my emotions. I think I might be recovering. Thank you Dr. Fox.
I am the same way at every job I've had
This is severely effecting me in school ... I am afraid that my Psychology University will tell me I'm not cutting it ... so I'm falling behind because I can't seem to understand APA ... I know all about psych. for the last 5 1/2 yrs. studying something psych based daily since ... & now I'm in my bachelor's for Psychology ... ADHD mixed severe as well as my GAD, depression, & my Protectionism from probably all (BPD included)
I hide.
I'm scared to check my email, write my professors especially since what my last said to me ... (you think a clinical psychologist would understand disorders) I hate this about myself... all severe disorders ... feel like scaling MT. Everest in flip flops with everything I do ... where normal nuerotypical people barely move ... that causes a whole sluuu full of not good enoughs, & your a failure at all you do ... inside it feels like I am a strict adult, trying to make a toddler do as they should ... it's near damn impossible 😢😭
Callie Parker I am not trying to minimize your concerns, but for myself, I did NOT seek help and dropped out of school many times and my confidence in my abilities has taken a beating. It doesn't get any easier... Believe in yourself, in your end goal, and hang in there... You are proving to yourself and to everyone out here that struggles with a mental health issue(s) that it is possible to move beyond where any theoretician/doctor thinks is possible for us.
Not trying to heap any pressure on you, just hang in there and block everyone else's noise and do you!
I wish you health,happiness and good luck on your degree- the Psychology community needs more undercover agents!! Lol :)
Yes! And having the anxiety about the situation be so “disproportionate” to “reality” can be very exhausting. I find myself having all this stored up energy from situations where I was “making a mountain out of a grain of sand”......which creates inner turmoil because it may leave the person struggling with borderline feeling like there are issues unresolved. Haha idk if that made ANY sense. 😀
great vid
".......feeling like there are issues unresolved." This. All the time, this. If I could just explain myself, explain everything, then everyone would understand, everything would be clear and make sense and I wouldn't feel so crazy and unlovable. But it doesn't. The more I try to explain, the more frustrated I feel. There are no words to express what's going on inside and I see the expressions on my loved ones faces, they don't understand me, they are judging me, they think im pathetic, im making excuses. Then I feel ashamed. Feel the need to explain that too. Explain so I can understand, so they can understand, so it can all finally be resolved.......
My goodness.. I've never had all of it laid out in front of me so clearly like that. I've always considered myself a socially gregarious hermit... never quite comfortable, but able to bend and adapt to each situation so long as I could make it through. I am definitely less embarrassed to say what's on my mind as I've grown older, but I only recently really began to realize what I had and actually have the self-discipline (most of the time) and the support around me to actually begin to find ways to adapt that are HEALTHY. It's really hard to do when you've lived behind the looking glass all your life. Thanks, Dr. Fox!
I swear when I was in the cafeteria someone was talking about how I walk. They were like, "why cuz walk like that?!" From another table, so I just assumed they laughing at me. Shit wasn't the worst, but wasn't the best.
It's the codependent bpd stuff in me that makes me feel like this, but someone else having compassion and understanding toward bpd holds a space for me to access those same feelings toward it/myself
Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge with us. The videos you make about BPD make me feel at ease and provide so much comfort for me. It's incredible how much you understand it.
+Samantha Nemeth thank you for your kind words.
Thank you for this video. I'm eternally grateful for all these videos. This channel is a goldmine and a lovely supportive place.
This video made me more aware of how I talk to everyone differently. How I'll try to sense/know what someone likes and dislikes, because I do not want them to judge me in some way and want to be liked. I will withhold saying certain things and say/do other things. And also often mold my sentences in such a way that it wouldn't offend/hurt someone. It's this game of chess in my head constantly predicting the outcome. And actually this is manipulative I guess. No wonder I feel suffocated, social contact tires me and that I can't be myself anywhere.
It's weird how it's all connected: the loose boundaries, social anxiety, mindreading, disassociation and trauma. I'm going to try be more mindful of it now during conversations. If I can catch myself doing it, then I can choose to act differently. Even now, I catch myself editing this message, because I'm worried I might come across as selfish by talking about myself too much. What the hell hahaha. If you're reading this and recognize yourself.. how do you deal with it?
You just explained why someone I love with BPD is avoiding me. Thank you so much. I feel a lot better now and I know it’s not my fault
I'm on the same boat as you. I actually got severe anxiety for 3 weeks because of it! 2 months later, i still can't sleep at night, even knowing it's not my fault. I honestly don't know what to do sometimes. It really hurts knowing I can't help ;c
She knows she has social anxiety, I don't think she has any idea that she has BPD though, which really sucks because I feel like she hates me
Update: I'm over all the anxiety now, she can stay away from me. I'm still feeling the toxic shame that she has left me with. What matters is that I should have listened to my gut when I was in the relationship. My needs were not being met and i didn't shout it out enough. Borderlines are very good at diverging conversation so I always struggled to talk about it. Put yourself first everyone. It's what I've learnt, you don't want to get back with someone who is just using you, even if you enjoy being there for them, you just think you enjoy it. What you actually need is someone who will love you for you; someone who will be more understanding and will not throw you under the bus the moment you don't meet their unrealistic needs.
Edit: I know not all borderlines are the same, I am aware of this. She is still responsible for her actions, as I am for mine. You are responsible for your own emotions and also how you respond t the external world around you. I chose to feel upset by my situation. I was so engulfed into her world that I forgot about my own. When I was left to fend for myself; i forgot how to love myself and how to make myself happy. It definitely gets easier though.
Dr fox nails it again! I have described to people about feeling like a bumper car or like a ball in a pinball machine. You really do understand it as a professional like no-one else. Thank you so much for putting these videos on here.
Just.. wow.. always thankful for your existence.
Is It possible for people with social anxiety to feel as if they’re being replaced/abandoned when they’re really not and then lash out and feel depressed? Because that’s what’s happened to me a lot in the past. Due to toxic friendships and emotional abuse, I had a very hard time figuring out who my real friends were. I didn’t know if someone was actually toxic or if it was just in my head. So I constantly assumed that I was being abandoned and/or abused whenever a friend would ignore me or show affection for the other. Obviously in some cases, I wasn’t being abandoned. But I was so afraid of being abandoned by my friends again that I assumed I was, and I would lash out and have fights with people and the both of us would wind up being hurt. Nowadays, I have a more open perspective. I’ve stopped assuming I was being abandoned whenever my friends hung out with other people, I stopped starting fights and accusing them of things. But at the same time, that fear of abandonment and replacement is still present. Just not to an extreme and I’m able to think it through clearly. On the other hand, sometimes thinking I’m being abandoned doesn’t bother me because I expect it to happen bc my self esteem is so low. So it’s like not a surprise. But of course, my anxiety makes me fear rejection and negative evaluation. And I’m still scared of being abandoned. But I no longer lash out on people and I’ve realized what a toxic person is and isn’t, and I’m ashamed to admit that I was sorta toxic to my best friend. Thank god we’re past that now and I stopped.
This is messing up my life so bad and I see it but I don't know how to fight it sometimes ...
Shut down ... Won't go to work ...
Won't go to appts ..
Then feel like a idiot ...
Then come back to reality and get overwhelmed because I put so much off ... Get half way caught up then something happens again ... Fear stress anxiety... Repeat
Worse before my menstrual cycle ...like a lot worse
One moment want to die
An hour later I'm ok
Next day grateful I'm alive
Scarey .
I have busted my butt to get where I am and at this " level" ....my poor coping skills if I don't get more adaptive ones ... I won't be able to sustain
Dr fox thank you
Please keep making videos. You are very knowledgable and add great content in an area which youtube is lacking information in.
I take medication for anxiety. It saved my life!!!!! I would not be able to function in life without it.
Same. My anxiety is through the roof.
Doctor Fox, you really are such a blessing. Thank you so very much for all that you do. You have been my guiding light in so much of my confusion. I value your presence on TH-cam so much.
Thank you very much for your kind words and I’m glad that you’re finding my videos helpful. I wish you all the best.
I like your analogy about bumper cars. The workplace, specifically bosses, triggers me more than anything. When I have a job I try to spend my days skillfully dodging coworkers and supervisors to avoid getting triggered and wanting to quit, but it seems like supervisors and coworkers insist on bumping into me and making it to where it doesn't feel like a choice for me to angrily quit and burn my bridges with them. Criticism hurts me to the core and it seems like no matter what I do or how hard I work I'm always criticized.
You are a life saver. To have this free on the internet is just amazing for people like me. Its making me want to get treatment and get help now that I can identify and have the language for some of what I'm going through.
I hope showing this to my fiance... helps him understand my social anxiety that is tied into my BPD... it is very hard to manage and amazing that you can explain it so well and simply put it into words... thats just something I could never imagine describing to someone else no matter how hard I tried to. Thank you for uploading this video.
I went to the movies with my girlfriend the other day and was so uncomfortable that I could barely watch the movie. I feel people are judging me on the way I stand, the way I walk and the way I carry my body if that makes sense. It’s to the point now that I rather stay at home than to go out in public.
My biggest fear is walking past a group of people. And actually even worse would be walking across a pedestrian crossing by myself with lots of people in cars looking at me ...... awful. I just can't do it.
Thank you so much! It is so helpful to know there is understanding to who I am out there
You're not alone!
Would you be willing to do a video about what life can look and feel like for those with BPD who put in the dirty work and maybe no longer meet diagnostic criteria after developing healthier, more adaptive strategies? Like the before and after weight loss pictures for diets, but for BPD. We know that attachment styles can change - what does it look like if/when people with BPD experience significant improvements?
That's my next video!!
Woohoo! Thanks! 😊
I wish there were more doctors like you. My daughter could really use someone like you.
dr fox ur great, when you speak abt bpd's it like you really do understand how it feels inside
Can confirm..this describes my entire experience
i've never felt more understood...
It's blowing my mind how much I relate to BPD, may have it,
This describes my anxiety issues better than I could!! It's on point
Thank you Dr Fox for the detailed and accurate description and information you provide in every video. Not only you demonstrate empathy towards us BPD folks, but you are also very knowledgeable and have an exceptionally deep understanding of this disorder. I wish you were my therapist. I do not live in the US but I have had a number of inaccurate diagnoses and even been diagnosed as being within the spectrum, before I self diagnosed and eventually found a good enough therapist. I just wanted to add that I got laughed at and shamed on a daily basis as a child, in addition to having been abused physically and emotionally by a narcissistic and psychopath mother. It reassures me to know is that I am not alone and that my experience of social anxiety is validated by an expert and is shared by others.
I'm getting to the point where I'm not leaving the house anymore. Only go out once a week to pick up groceries and I take my 21 year old daughter for support lol. I hate people looking at me because I have a ankle injury that causes me to walk weirdly. And if I'm walking by myself I tend to drift off to the side a bit lol looks like I'm drunk. So just better to stay inside at home. No judgement. No embarrassment.
Thank you so much for your videos. I just found you today. I'm too scared to see a therapist because I'm unsure if they treat BPD and it makes me nervous talking to a stranger about my life and these feelings and thoughts I have. It's information like this that make me feel heard and I can start taking steps towards improving. Thank you!
I am so glad that you connected with this video. I think finding the right therapist can be challenging sometimes but the payoff can be really worth it. I wish you all the best.
All of this is "Yes! I resonate with what you are saying!"
I often have anxiety attacks in the shower before work 😖 I feel like I can't het enough oxygen and I'm going to pass out. If I take a shower the night before then I'm fine. I went to the doctor because I thought something was physically wrong with me. She said I was having anxiety attacks. I have them even when I'm not consciously anxious. It's like my subconscious is freaking out.
Your videos are extremely helpful and this one in particular resonates. Learned a lot about what’s going on in relation to my BPD that is causing the additional and unnecessary stress that keeps the cycle going. Thank you so very much for the work you do. Just ordered your workbook on Personality Disorders and am looking forward to working through it.
Thank you so much for all of the helpful worksheets on your website! And thank you for allowing us to access them for free. Your videos help me so much.
You are so welcome!
Thank you Dr Fox for being so kind and understanding. And thank you for all the work you put in your videos they have helped me a lot. THANK YOU! 😊
You are very welcome
This resonates with my experience so much! It wasn't until I was diagnosed that I learned this isn't everyone's experience.
I love your videos they help me understand my condition so much better. I also got your workbook thanks again
I just ordered the work book! I'm looking forward to checking it out.
Thank you for another enlightening video
+Josephine Sipple you’re welcome. I’m glad it’s helpful.
I deal with these daily, yet I want to be seen, heard, and understood. I obsess over possible negatives of putting myself out there, yet I've been clearing my mind through meditation, acupuncture, and mindfulness. Not to mention using my negative qualities as a chance for improvement.
My BPD has gotten better, but my anxiety and social anxiety have gotten worse.
I've been screwed over so many times by people that I don't even want to interact with others any longer.
I'm scared they will do me dirty or become bonkers like usual.
I have bad luck when it comes to meeting genuine people.
I've learned that it's better to be safe than sorry.
Try building up your “social scanner” so to speak. Learning to assess various aspect of relationship may help. I wish you well.
I just want to thank you for what you are doing. Your education has made a very significant difference in my life and I really really appreciate you. I have not been in a good place for about a year or more. And something about the way you present the material that you provide on TH-cam is very soothing and comforting to me. Thanks again!
Wow, thank you! I'm glad it was helpful.
Lol this is why I gave up on going to church, next minute the pastor talks about the very thing your afraid of doing, and he's calling you out,just a illusionary story I make up in order to avoid being embarrassed. 😒😪 Help!
Thank you thank you thank you for this video. god. it makes so much more sense. thank you so much. it's so so so hard to put it into words
The only thing stopping me from breakdowning in public is social anxiety lol
One compliments the other unfortunately but another great video
it's cyclical for sure.
💯 such great videos such help
Subscribed thank you so much for your channel 🙏🏽