Biting, Hitting & Throwing | Guide & Grow TV
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 มิ.ย. 2024
- In this video we will talk about understanding the underlying needs for behaviours such as biting, hitting and throwing and teach you strategies to help guide you in those situations and use it as an opportunity to help build the skills for your children on how to self-regulate when they are feeling, angry, frustrated or just need some space.
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Thanks for the tips
The reason why I’ve said “it seems like you’re angry” or “I understand that you are angry” instead of “you’re angry” was because I was worried saying “you’re angry” would sound less compassionate. I will try these techniques and see how it goes.
You can say 'I see your angry' too
Thanks!
Thanks for your support! :)
Thank YOU so much Sylvia!! Your skills for supporting our children are extraordinary!!! I am truly grateful for you!! You are making a huge difference in teaching us how to best guide our children ~ our future generations to come.
Thank you so much Karen! I truly appreciate your kind words and you have inspired me to make some more videos, I have some on Instagram @guideandgrow but haven't uploaded here for a while so I have to get back to it :)
Omg you're amazing thank you this is exactly what I needed to hear and it totally vibes with me 💛 Thank you so much for sharing I am showing this to my husband and we are enacting these immediately...I seriously can't tell you how much I needed to hear this it's really an answer to my prayers to be a more balanced mother for my son 💚💚💚💚
Thanks so much Amanda, really appreciate the feedback, it is so important that we help support parents like yourselves to guide you on this journey. You are definitely not alone, we also have some great reels and short videos on our IG @guideandgrow and also some more in depth info in our Guide & Grow Village: guide-grow-vip.mn.co/
I needed this video thank you🖤🖤🖤
You are welcome!
Thank you! 😭😭😭
You are welcome :)
Thank you, it is sometimes so hard not to feel anger or frustration in those situations 😅
More than "you are angry" or "you are frustrated", I would say to my kid "you are feeling anger" or "you are feeling frustration", so they can dissociate from their emotion. For me, it seems to be important even for adults to learn how to look to their emotions "from the inside", as a witness not affected itself by the current emotion.
Very helpful, thank you.
Thanks this is so important. This video is so helpful.
I'm glad it is helpful, I need to do more of these kind of videos :) You're welcome to give me topic suggestions
We have found that since most children who bite just are at a loss to communicate. So we have tried to find out what they were frustrated with, and redirecting them to another activity lessening the chances for another incident.
Great video. I Learned alot
Glad to hear it :)
This is so helpful, thank you! We have a 15 month old who has ramped up the intensity like crazy and really left us feeling at a loss for how to handle it all. These strategies are gold!
They actually work as well!
Thanks for this video. My son is about two and half years old. He likes to play with children and it is very hard for him to play on his own. Sometimes he even pushes or hits them just to grab their attention. Other times, during having dinner for instance he throws stuff at them. Can you please tell me how to deal with him?
Catharsis is known to not prevent aggression in the long-run, but I see how ripping newspaper can help immediately.
This is really helpful. I have a 2 year old daughter who hits, bites, screaming her head off and telling me no too much. I get so frustrated cause i never know what to do or how to calm her down. She's the only child and she never wants to share her toys with her cousins when they are over. She gets mad at them and pushes them or tries to or will bite them. I could really use some more pointers
It is so hard when your child is having BIG emotions, we have a great video explaining about emotions and acknowledging feelings that will help you further down on the channel! One on engaging cooperation too :)
thank you so much for making these videos
You're most welcome! Any other topic suggestions you are welcome to let us know
thank you i was so worried that my baby will grow into a trouble maker now i have effective ways of talking to her
Yes absolutely! This behaviour definitely does not define your child's character they are just communicating with you!
Super fan here ☺️🙋🏻♀️
Thank you for your feedback :) feel free to share the video with friends & family or even leave a review on our Guide & Grow FB page facebook.com/guideandgrow
Hello Silvia,
Thank you for all your insightful videos. I really enjoy watching them. Would these tips also work for screaming? Our daughter started screaming quite frequently lately. Thank you 😊,
Dodji
Hi there :) Yes absolutely they will work, the underlying principles are the same regardless of what the situation presents. Again she is just trying to communicate something or getting frustrated, so acknowledging this firstly and then going on to help support her through it would be the best idea :)
Guide & Grow TV Thank you 😊
My child is 26 months.He has just started hitting my husband on his face.Sometimes he bites him.I watched many videos but this is the best one so far.I know what to do know and how to tackle this situation. Thankyou very much for making this wonderful video.Love and Respect for your efforts. ❤❤❤❤❤👏👏👏👏👏
This is so wonderful, thank you for reaching out and leaving this comment. It's so hard to find HELPFUL strategies that actually work and help you feel confident on how to approach a certain situation :)
I’m a nanny to a 4 old and two older sisters, she just started hitting and not listening when asked to do a task.I never really thought her to clean up the toys or anything because she was so small, but I’m still not the parent to discipline her. The mom says it’s normal to hit for her age??
Hi Diana, thanks for you question! So it is developmentally normal for young children to hit as they are not sure how else to express their frustrations or just how to communicate whatever emotions they are going through in that moment. So it is so important to acknowledge their emotions and help them process and support them. It is not about disciplining but more so helping them understand what they can do instead. If they don't wish to pack away you can make it a game or offer them a choice. Hope that helps
Ask a teacher of two year olds I find that the children are not hitting, biting or throwing things at me. It is that they are doing it to one another. At times children will approach another child and hurt that child without provocation or retaliation. How does one deal with that. This is a group of 18 children. There are some children who have been doing this for a long time and others who seem to be copying. Suggestions for dealing with this situation in a classroom environment including helping the child who has been hurt.
As an educator myself I understand how these situations typically unfold, especially between non verbal children as well. Sometimes we don't know what has happened but we have to step in and help guide the children. So, when I see two children distressed, I will acknowledge both their feelings and usually the one that seems the most distressed first "You're so upset, that really hurt" - to the other toy "You really just wanted their toy' or 'You needed their attention or you were angry" something to that effect. Then I let them know that toys are not for throwing "Toys are NOT for throwing, they can hurt someone" and then try and make amends or offer them a choice "Let's see if they need a hug or a tissue to wipe their tears" or "You can play with this or this instead". To the child that is upset or has been hurt, you just have to be there for them. Another thing to consider is that children of that age can be going through a trajectory schema meaning they have a 'need' to throw and use and practice developing those muscles so making sure they have lots of 'heavy work' or things they can throw like bean bags and balls outside and you can take them to do those activities. Hope that helped
I see ,,time out" not as much as a punishment but as a ,,way out for mom to calm and collect herself " before something worse might happen. Parents need space and silence to regulate themselves. And even though its not the right way to communicate our needs in this moment its far quicker to tell, i guess.
Hello I am struggling with my 3 year old, he actually just turned, but since he was 2 years in a half, he started throwing things or hitting my 4 year old. Or he throws things
It is really hard when your child is going through big emotions and struggling to communicate their needs. The behaviors are really a cry for help so it's about understanding what is going on for your child in that moment and having strategies to overcome them. We have an amazing 2 hour workshop that will help understand how to do all this, with skills that actually work! guide-grow.myshopify.com/collections/all?page=2
Hi Silvia my son is 2 years and 4 months old the daycare teacher was telling me that he has been hitting other kids on the head with toys and won’t sit still on the Matt on the floor would rather get into everything and breaks things in the classroom he talks but not a lot of words he doesn’t communicate with the teacher and also hits his 4 year old sister with toys I told him you don’t hit other kids or your sister or anyone it hurts it’s not very nice but he stops after I tell him need some advice
Hi Shinae, this is a really difficult situation for you and your child and I feel for you both. The most important thing is that you actually try to understand and observe the behaviour and where it is coming from. He can't help it because that is the reflex action to him feeling upset or maybe just trying to communicate. You have to first acknowledge the feeling because he won't understand "That's not nice" they don't do it on purpose they are just trying to communicate...so verbalise it and say "I see you're upset, people are not for hitting" and then give him a choice on what to do instead, like stomping feet or squeezing a ball - they need the correct way to handle their emotions and that is learnt over time. Understand what triggers the behaviour and try those techniques
Lots of donts yeesh lots of brand value I’m otw to my child’s school now for hitting…
One of my twin baby who just turned 2 years last month started displaying biting habit she bites when the other twin laughs , how will I handle such situation kindly guide?
It is normal to see children communicate through biting sometimes so they are trying to express something, the best thing to say is "Oh you think it's funny, or you think it's exciting!" When we show excitement we can laugh, give your sibling a high five or give them a hug and try and re direct and teach them what they can do instead
Hi I have a 3 year old who doesn’t much speech, she been targeted at school. Three weeks in row teacher has complained she pushes , scratches other kids. How I can help my kid at home.
I have a 4 year old who is biting and hitting myself and other children, timing is random. Can be because he doesn't gt his way or something else. He is speech delayed and other delays due to alcohol related disorder. Great info, I have tried "hands to yourself" I try to watch for triggers but seems to be getting worse.
I think the important thing here is that the child is acknowledged before hands on your own body and then you need to give them the skills on what to do instead - like stomping feet, ripping paper, squeezing fists and repeat that every time so that their go -to response is different than the hitting or biting they are used to
Hello rebecca,can you please tell me thatnow how’s your toodles? I m facing the same problem and its really frustrated me
Hi! I’m a single mom to a 23 month old boy and finding it a bit overwhelming all the stuff we need to teach them 😂 if we go through this scenario and they hit again and laugh like a game, do we start from the beginning and do it over and over until they listen? I like to give my son 2 chances before “punishment” (removing him or object from situation).
There is a great video on what happens in this scenario, so basically you repeat the steps 2 times and then you end up choosing for the child or the item is removed and you make it clear that it is not funny and yes there is the consequence: th-cam.com/video/daFczy6eJN4/w-d-xo.html
Pre-frontal cortex isn’t fully developed until 25 YEARS old - is that correct?! Should that be months? Please confirm as that would be major. Thanks
Yes actually correct! 26 years old!!!!! Scientifically proven
How about the throwing just as a way of playing? My son likes to throw everything on the floor. His toys, kitchen utensils when he is helping me cooking, books. He just throws and smiles at us.
This is a great question! I do address it in my upcoming video but this is a normal stage children go through who love to throw (trajectory schema) as part of developing their gross motor skills. You can use the same skills as in the video for example 'You're having so much fun' then state your expectations 'The toys aren't for throwing' then offer a choice and set up some activities that allow your child to do that throwing motion like bean bags into a basket or balls into a cardboard box. This blog will have more ideas themontessorifamily.com/montessori-parenting-ideas-for-the-child-who-likes-to-throw/
Hi ! I came across your channel today. My 21 years old autistic boy some time very voilent and shoutful. This is specially when me and my old son are out for job. He is often voilent with her mother. Hurt her very badly. Me and my son are really worried for both.
Kindly suggest some therapy for this behaviour and help us. Thanks
Hello! I have a 2yr old who has been struggling with hitting, kicking, smacking and really anything harmful towards his brother. Sometimes its completely random. He will just walk by and smack him. There are times he jumps on top of him. We have tried all types of things and nothing seems to work. I can catch some of them and redirect other times completely unexpected!
Hi Abbie! Thanks for your comment, I wanted to let you know that it is very developmentally normal for a 2 year old to not be able to control their impulse control which means when they feel a certain emotion like sad, frustrated, angry, jealous, they don't know how to control it and you will see it come out in these kinds of behaviours. I am actually doing a talk at a free conference about 'Reframing the terrible twos' and I talk all about this and some strategies on how to cope. The best thing is to let them know, 'The baby is not for hitting, you can touch the baby gently on their hand or foot you choose (or offer them a hug) etc" so in that moment think of it as a learning opportunity, okay how can I teach my toddler to do the right thing, they are going through a lot of emotions especially if it's a new sibling. This is the link to the 60mins lecture I will be doing in November on this topic, you'll get a lot out of it! childhoodpotential.com/?a_box=264wxe83&a_cam=1
@@GuideGrowTV thank you so much!!!
What to do when the toddler continues hitting and bitting?
Hello! My son is 13 months and I am not always sure what is the trigger.
Sometimes it's excitement when he is very happy. Sometimes he just wants attention. What could I offer him to do instead?
Hi Aneta, great question! You could get him to jump up and down, clap his hands if it's excitement. In regards to wanting attention, tapping your leg or hugging you would be a great choice to offer! Throwing bean bags into a bucket too is a good one for lots of energy :)
Hi Silvia, thank you for your video. My toddler son always push and pull other kids in the playground. I always think it’s his way to play but sometimes he did it a little too much. I always said ‘don’t push’ or ‘be gentle’ to him. Should I say ‘I see you wanna play, let’s be gentle to your friend’? Thanks
Hi there Indah! Yes absolutely, I would say "Oh, looks like you want their attention or you wanna play" and then "Let's tap on their shoulder or say excuse me instead" :)
My 14 months keep biting people. He would start off playing nice, then started hugging the other toddler and wanted to buy them. He gets even more frustrated when I remove him from the situation, he would start being more frustrated. I’m worried if I were to hug him at the end of all 3 things, would it make him think it’s rewarding?
To me it really seems that your child really wants to connect and is just trying to communicate with others around them which is why they are getting frustrated being pulled away. The best part of the skills is that you should keep your child in the situation rather than taking them away so you can help them build their skills and model for them how to communicate: So I would say, Oh you just want to say hi or communicate with your friends, they are not for biting, you can pat them or give them a hug instead. If they keep biting you repeat and say if you continue to bite I will have to pull you away - so TELL them what's happening before you pull them away - Just acknowledge their feelings and emotions and don't pull them away until you have spoken to them about what is going on
My baby is 10m and he seems to bite when he gets over-excited
Hi ... Your videos are so helpful! My 16 month old has been biting and hitting me often while she's nursing. I'm struggling to figure out the "why" of the situation. She does have some molars coming in so that could be the biting bit but I'm confused with the hitting. She just repeatedly hits me in the chest ... it starts out softly and then gets harder and harder. I'm not sure what emotion or need I should acknowledge here. Should I just end the nursing session? Any insight or tips appreciated!
Hi Kristin so sorry we must of missed this comment! From what you described it seems as though she is looking to connect and try and communicate with you. You can definitely work through the scenario by acknowledging, stating your expectations and offering a choice in which one of them would be if she continues then you would have to end the session. Hope it was resolved, for more on communication we have a great online workshop www.guideandgrow.com/workshops
Can you please do a podcast??!!
What a great suggestion, I am not really into the world of podcasts but I do lots of FB lives and events will be coming up in our FB group - facebook.com/groups/Montessoriathome0to3years
What would you do in a situation with a child hitting another child? Shouldn’t we be comforting the other child that was hurt? How do you manage that as one adult with two children needing help
I think it's best to acknowledge both the children's feelings first, let them both know that you are ready to listen to both of their sides of the story and talk them through all the alternative action they can take in the future. Ask them to reflect on their actions and if they want to reconcile with their friends at that moment or would they like to wait to calm down first. Model empathy by checking on both of them and encourage but not forcing them to do the same.
This is so very helpful. How do you respond or help a child that has very little words to not grab or interrupt others that are working? 18-2 yr old age group.
You would basically be modelling for them, so "Oh I can see you really want that work, this person is still using it, you can choose x or y instead" and also ask them to hand it back or place it in your hand rather than taking it from them,
Please record in rooms that actually break the echo.
Is there something else to say instead of hands on your own body? I feel like this could lead to hitting themselves or self harm?
You could say 'hands to yourself, but it's really important to model what that looks like, so gently placing hands on the side of their body or people aren't for hitting is another one you can say instead
Hello my baby is 1 yr old and 7 months. When he bump his head in the wall he hit the wall. And when i said "dont touch it" when he is holding something he throw it..
Mine also he’s about to be in a couple days and he’s scratch’s everyone
My child (1.5 years old ) open drawers n kitchen cabinets n throw things or check things in it how to deal ?plz make video
We will make a video for you! The best thing to do is create a dedicated drawer JUST for your child to explore. So select one that is low down and accessible and then re-direct them to THAT drawer only and place things in there they can explore! They will love that, you place boundaries around it and then they have a place to explore. They just want to be involved.
the little one throws a tantrum because all he wants is to eat sweet foods. eg. apples. how do i apply these tips to let him understand that too much is not healthy? he does not think that eating non sweet foods is healthier as a good trade off to stop the tantrums.
Hi there! I would definitely watch the Montessori & Discipline video it has similar tips and yes it will definitely work and help. I would acknowledge "Oh you just want to eat apples! So many!" Then state your expectation "Eating 2 a day is the limit" then offer a choice you can have one now or later you choose. Or if the limit of apples is finished then the expectation is " All the apples are finished for today, you can have (x) instead or have one tomorrow you choose. How old is your child?
Hi! I have an 11 yr old sister who pinches, bites, and hits other ppl and herself whenever she is in a bad mood. Can we still fix this?
Hi there, I think it is so great that you are looking at ways to help your sister and these strategies work with children & adults of all ages. So first is connection and empathizing when she is angry, so making sure she feels heard instead of telling her not to do it. Then letting her know your or her body isn't for hitting and I would then show her some other ways to cope, so if she needs a physical outlet then maybe a punching bag and boxing gloves. I would also revisit the scenario and talk to her about what happened and let her help come up with solutions to manage her anger. It takes time but with the right support it can be helped.
My daughter is 20 months and not talking yet. She is swatting at me, other people, my mom, etc. I feel she is doing it out of frustration but, sometimes it kind of comes out of nowhere. Also she has begun throwing her toys. I think maybe she is at the age where she is just learning to throw. I really don't know how to discipline her in a way she understand. She just taps you in the face, its not hard but its quite often. Please help!
This is such a difficult time especially when your child is non verbal and also learning about their body and movement. If they are interested in throwing make sure you have some great throwing activities for them and then when it comes to discipline it is really about re framing that to 'supporting your child to learn' because they don't know any better until they are taught how to cope with their emotions. Always acknowledge 'I see your frustrated' then state ' this toy isn't for throwing' then offer a choice and teach them what to do when they are frustrated 'If you feel frustrated you can stomp your feet or throw these bean bags'. Try that :) we also have so many other amazing videos to help with this topic
My 20 month old girl bites but she thinks it’s a game and laughs , i don’t think she does it out of frustration .
Even if it is a game, you can use the same steps and acknowledge 'You think it's fun, you just want my attention, you are trying to tell me something' etc then follow the same steps
I’m going thru the same. How is it now?
Thank you so much for the amazing video. But I am still struggling with his hitting and pushing. I tried everything but nothing worked for me. It seems like if he decided he wants to do something he will definitely do that regardless it hurts someone/ something or not. I told him it hurts Mumma even though he doesn't stop. How I can handle him in this situation? He knows we can't hit or push because it hurts still he is doing it
It is a really hard position to be in and the best thing to do is acknowledge the child and then move away and say, 'I won't let you hurt me' so they understand you have to move your body out of the way. It takes time and consistency to implement these skills and often repetition and time works in your favor so keep repeating the steps in the video and find ways to help them self regulate. Hang in there!
@@GuideGrowTV I'm dealing with the same thing. I've tried advice like this for so long that he repeats it back to me, but still is not able to put it into practice on the moment. Have you figured out anything since your post? Any other advice @guideandgrowtv
@@cloudyskiessunnyview This video will have advice if the child does not choose or they are unable to listen to the options: th-cam.com/video/daFczy6eJN4/w-d-xo.html
@@mymontessori3012 thanks so much! I'll give that a try
Hello I have 9 years old very aggressive and when get angry he will run and hit people those make him stop aggression. Often happens at school during PE and playing with his friends. When asked why he became angry seems very little things like PE teacher said he didn’t listen to teacher and talked to friends or friends said words I know you like a girl and he doesn’t From happy 100% then go up to 100% very angry in few seconds. Teachers tried to stop him but this even increases his anger and takes longer to calm downs
Even though your child is outside of the age range in which we specialise in, the most important thing is to give the child an outlet and problem solve with them to understand what they can do when they feel a certain way. Children need to feel supported in a ll emotions, acknowledge them, don't tell them it is wrong and allow them different ways to cope rather than taking it out on others
Hi can u help me please I have toddler boy 5 year old . He is hitting his baby sister he hit every body
That can be a really hard situation and it looks like there is something going on for your boy. Usually children display this kind of behaviour when they are struggling with something internally and they don't know how to respond, also children so young don't have the ability to regulate their emotions so they don't know what else to do. It is our job to help them. The tips in the video will help or if you need a consultation we offer them online just email admin@guideandgrow.com and we would be happy to help
Hello,
what if my kid slaps us in the face for fun (then he laughs). I always say that hands are not por hitting people, you can hit on this pillow. Pillow because that usually happen during bedtime or in the morning when he coosleeps with us. Any helpful ideas?i'd appreciate it. He's 11 months old.
I think before you address that which you have the right language for you have to acknowledge feelings, 'You just want to play, you think it's funny...etc' whatever you may feel it is to connect with him and let him know that you have understood what he is trying to express and then redirect like 'Hitting hurts, it's not funny' 'hands on your own body' and then give him a toy or pillow to hit or cuddle. Essentially it is for connection he is doing this so finding other ways to allow him to express this and consistency will help
@@mymontessori3012 thank you very much
My two year old bites me and throws things at me and laughs what do I do
Hi Karissa, so from what you described it seems as though she is looking to connect and try and communicate with you. You can definitely work through the scenario by acknowledging, stating your expectations and offering a choice in which one of them would be if she continues then you will have to walk away and protect your body. For more on communication we have a great online workshop www.guideandgrow.com/workshops and it will be 50% off with black Friday sales starting on Friday. It is really hard when you feel that they are taking it out on you but it's really about instilling healthy boundaries and giving them alternate ways of coping with their emotions.
How about an 11 month old who actively crawls towards and bites his older brother - it seems more like something he does for fun rather than out of frustration ? Also how do I communicate with a baby this young without using “no biting” ?
Even if they are doing it for fun you can use the same techniques so: "You're having fun or you just want to play, people are not for biting" then redirect them. The older brother can also use the skills too. Children that young absolutely understand the language we use with them so it's about being consistent and helping them understand some other things they can do instead. Also make sure they have enough tethers and things to chew to have that need met.
We also have a great online workshop to go through these scenarios and skills in more detail www.guideandgrow.com/workshops
Hi! My 3 yr old is quite like the child you've been dealing with. It's been more than a year he's doing this. Now my patience is running out, he starts throwing a tantrum for the littlest things and I've started getting scared of his tantrums and meltdown. I really feel I'm not being able to do anything about it
Oh it's such a hard time in their lives! We have a great video on positive discipline and boundaries, also watch the acknowledging feelings video it will give you insights into how to prevent the tantrums from happening in the first place and help to regulate emotions
@@GuideGrowTV Thank you for your reply
Hope there are translate in indonesian.
My daughter is 18 months and I have a 2 month old son. Lately my daughter likes to pinch me or the baby, sometimes she tries hitting and bitting me. What can i do to help her stop. Thanks
25 years old?? No wonder!
Exactly!
The very first thing parents need to accomplish, even before all these wonderful TH-cam videos… No.1 The PARENTS NEED to NOT BITE, HIT, THROW SHIT, OUT OF ANGER and No SELF-CONTROL…Its typically a cultural behavior family lifestyle. Doubt me, look in the mirror..
Yea absolutely you are right, it comes down to the parents, the family and the environment. Children really are a reflection of the parents.
You talked ALOT. I got one thing from this soft hands