Hebrews 4 13And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account. James 1 5If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.
Song of Solomon 2 10-14 10My beloved spoke, and said to me: “Rise up, my love, my fair one, And come away. 11For lo, the winter is past, The rain is over and gone. 12The flowers appear on the earth; The time of singing has come, And the voice of the turtledove Is heard in our land. 13The fig tree puts forth her green figs, And the vines with the tender grapes Give a good smell. Rise up, my love, my fair one, And come away! 14“O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, In the secret places of the cliff, Let me see your face, Let me hear your voice; For your voice is sweet, And your face is lovely.” Matthew 24 32,33
I was married for 17 years to an abusive narcissist & there was no intimacy on any level. Just control through emotional, physical, mental & financial abuse. We cohabited until I finally filed for divorce. Then, the church people all blamed me & looked down at me & I left that church. He put on excellent display for the public eye. We had children so I waited for 17 years. I had planned it all out for years. Never regretted leaving. I’ve had peace from God. Very difficult decision. But, my marriage was a farce & a lie.
You sound exactly like like me. A lot of people in the church didn’t understand. I waited til my youngest was 18 years old. The abuse was horrible. I prayed and Prayed, God told me to leave! The church world said God would never tell me that!
Unbelievable that the church members told you both that ! It is horrible. God never want us to stay with someone and to be unhappy. Those people are fanatic they have no idea who God is and make you suffer by their words. I am glad you are happy now !
Repetitive lying is the person need help which maybe spiritual. We as human constantly judge persons by their physical action but we much get to the source of their actions through prayer to the Lord and you maybe surprise. It can be generational sins and that person need deliverance. 😊
@@ericmckenzie6994 Exactly. I have been praying for my lying husband and binding the evil powers, and God showed me the source of his lies, and exposed all this, and gave me the will and ability to understand and forgive. He gave me my husband, so I took it to God, and He helped. Time will show if things have changed for good. God is good. Lies may result from the insecurities and narcissist cycles, even with a good person that still needs healing or deliverance.
You are 100% correct. Forgiveness is NOT reconciliation either. And getting away from toxic people is a must if you're to ever heal. A book called Invisible: When Fear and Shame Cause You to Hide explains exactly why that's critical
@@Frank00 DON'T DO THAT! If you can't be empathetic, then leave be! Your opinion is not necessary or needed in the personal experiences a person is willing to air, it is not an invitation to come flaunt your opinion or a public polls arena for the elections. If the concept of FELLOW FEELING is alien to you, then dignify yourself and keep silent. BE DECENT IN HOW YOU CHOOSE TO TREAT PEOPLE.
My ex narcissist cheated, had orgies, called me delusional etc. He was verbally abusive. I prayed, fasted for a year and God released me from the marriage.
@@joeywalton905 in the Bible it’s clear you were free to leave once he had cheated. It seems like the fasting and praying was spiritually helpful to you, and that’s great, but you already had clear Biblical rights to leave.
This is a subject that I think the church really neglects. Abuse in any form is a covenant breaker. For thirteen years I put up with too much, And I was told by my church that God hates divorce, but he also hates abuse. I gave God the chance to fix my marriage, and I was discarded by my narcissist wife. Scripture says If an unbeliever wants to leave let them leave for your call to live in peace. I probably should have acted sooner to leave the marriage.But I didn't have the confirmation that I could from council. But I can honestly say that I'm a better person because God made me a better person. Thank you for your insight on this matter, Because many counselors and pastors would but touch this subject. Yes God hates divorce, but he also hates abuse
When the author of Invisible: When Fear and Shame Cause You to Hide submitted the manuscript to the publisher. They accepted it saying: "The Church needs to see this." The church does neglect abuse and some pastors often enable and defend the abuser.
You hit the nail on the head when you said abuse is a covenant breaker. In some cases, there is no covenant at all, but just a contract. And yes, most people in church leadership don’t have a clue, as they are governed by a religious spirit. Like the Pharisees of old, they read the letter of the law but ignore the Spirit of the law, God Himself.
Unfortunately "counseling" with or for a narcissist cannot work. They already believe they are smarter than the person helping. They already believe they are either God's chosen child or actually equal to or above God
I left!! No adultery but I left!! So glad I did!! Found a wonderful man and married for 31 years until the Lord took him home. Yes ! The silent treatment IS abuse !! Especially when 6 months he pouted !! Bye. 👋
I read this quote in a book I used to own on divorce from a pastor's perspective: " God cares more about the 2 individuals in the marriage than he cares about the marriage itself." The explanation went on to say that the abuser needs God's intervention to see their sin and repent and be made whole and the victim of abuse needs safety, healing and comfort from God to be made whole. The husband and the wife are both in need of God's touch, but if one of them is not able to let God in, Satan wins. That was the story of my "Christian marriage".
Finally after 18 years of his adultery. I divorced the narcissist. I felt guilty and struggled but once he started bringing women to our home and our marriage bed I could no longer deal with the deliberate disrespect. Narcissists will continue in their infidelity and exploiting your kindness. I’m so happy now that God has healed me. I know it was the right thing to do. Praying for those who feel stuck. You do not have to tolerate infidelity from your spouse. Leave these demonic toxic relationships and don’t look back!
Thank you for addressing the people out there who are abusing the word abuse. I am one of the ones who is being falsely accused of abuse. It’s a challenging situation, and many friends and family members have turned against me without asking me any questions. I have let it hurt me, I have retaliated in anger. But, I am beginning to understand that if God is all I have, then I have all I need. I can’t expect things from other people to benefit me. We are all fallen human beings. I cannot hold any grudges or resent anyone. I simply choose my response, now as I am responding to God alone. I can treat my surroundings as though it is a simulation and a test from God. Not taking anything personally. When people treat me badly, or say harsh things about me, or make assumptions, or reject me - I simply regarded as a test, and renew my strength in the Lord. I choose to respond with kindness and love. Not every situation, because God does call us to rebuke certain things. But overall, I would say if you let an abuser get you all broken up, then you play into the enemy’s hand. Don’t allow it. Just respond as God directs you to respond. Then, take no offense. Then live in spiritual peace, and according to God‘s will.
God knew I would have never left. I didn't know what a narcissist was because the therapists for 25 years said it was me, fed me 20,000 POISON PILLS, and years of therapy where they ignored TRAUMA......giving my narc the ammo to blame me because "they said its you!" BUT HEY, IT WAS ONLY 43 YEARS! So God literally raptured me out of bed 3 years ago and saved me. I had 17 physical issues including malnutrition that was killing me! The onset of 2 eating disorders, autoimmune disease, many things. I did NOT know I was being abused because they sad it was me....bipolar! Took every pill, showed up for every session that he would never attend to help or learn how to help me! He cheated on me with my BFFs and probably others, drug abuse, financial catastrophe, controlling me by stonewalling, and gaslighting! I have endured flying monkeys and victim blaming. I've lost everyone because they chose him. So 3 years ago, I was ready to start the circular argument again! My husband was even angry that i was seeking God for help. God literally picked me up and said "ENOUGH!" I threw him out the next day! Today, God has given me peace and contentment. I'm still in my wilderness healing mind, body, and soul. It's me, Jesus, and my kitten in my RV! It is the best! I'm so grateful to God for rescuing me because I would have died had HE not told my to leave! I thought I was supposed to stay for God......He said,"ENOUGH!" AND now my life is His! It's faith and obedience!!! Oh, how I love God! Thank you for your channel. You have helped me learn! I appreciate you!👑🙏💜
@@ohsocoolmitali I've been in counseling for over a year with an awesome Christian counselor. My criteria was....you must believe I should live my life for Jesus because He rescued me from this! I will not take 1 poison pill because I'm not bipolar! Narcissistic Abuse can not and is not my fault! I've made great progress! Thank you for your kindness! Be blessed!👑🙏💜
@@ohsocoolmitali well, if you mean counceling with my narcissist....I tried that! When he realized I was really done, because he never participated in any of my therapy that fed me the poison and bad therapy......he made flying monkeys of the "church counceling team" so it was 5 against 1! Was that your point?
@@Mikaiah72 I'm so sorry.....my brother's narc wife destroyed our family! It is so difficult to see.......then you can't unsee it! May God bless you and heal your heart & spirit!👑🙏💜
I needed to hear that..... is also Jesus stated if your donkey fell in dog, you get them out on the Sabbath.....so 'break' the Sabbath, cause of Love for the donkey........I AM MORE VALUABLE THEN a DONKEY...NOT GUILTY OF DIVORCE CURSES IF DIVORCE MEANS LOVE FOR WHST JESUS LOVE, MY PEACE OF MIND
@@danielmiller1302 You know, I've been raised to believe divorce is wrong not just because God hates divorce (which is addressed well above), but because the marriage relationship is supposed to be a type of the marriage of Christ and the church-bride. (From a woman's perspective but I think it can be applied in reverse as well...just etymology doesn't fit as well with "wife")....That said, "husband" is from "husbandman" ~ a husbandman was a gardener and did the things gardeners do...watered, fertilized, waited patiently, weeded, prayed, etc. He didn't manipulate the plants, lie to them, refuse to care for them, give them the opposite of what they needed, etc. SO...if there can be a real shepherd and a hireling...I think there can be a real husband (or wife) and a false one. And the false one would be like the false god systems. God didn't ask us to stay attached to these gods, he told us to smash them, leave, come to Him, marry the true husband. SO....I've been taught NO divorce, and if you do...definitely NO remarriage until they're dead. Which means that I'm supposed to pray for an Abigail-Nabal situation? For God to bring about his death? I think not... Surely in cases where there is a false husband that's no husband at all (or wife remember)...you can divorce him and marry the true husband (or wife) when you find him...wouldn't that make sense? Maybe I'm just justifying what I would like to do...but hard for me to believe that my current marriage is a type of Christ and the church in any way (unless Christ is abusive, manipulative, gaslighting, triangulating, and smear campaigning his church). Hard for me to think God wants that example to my kids and the world to continue... Or that I'd be an "adulturer" if I found the true husband, and married him... Just some thoughts. I'm curious for people to poke holes in it, if I'm just justifying what I'd like. Or to tell me that makes sense if that's the case.
I mean it states in Ecclesiasticus if the wife isn’t in alignment to just get a divorce…. Narcissism is demonic it’s real we have to let it go separate bind and burn and be renewed after surviving it taking the lesson and knowledge for what’s it has taught us so we may conquer the things we are truly wrestling with in this day and age as we suffered from days of old from the beginning of man’s time on this plane!
Where are soul ties in the Bible? Jesus is your intercessor from Heaven! But, yes, these crazy people should go sleep in graveyards outside town…more in line with where their souls are.
Thank you Kris, your understanding of God, the scriptures and reality, gives you this Biblical approach to divorce. Many churches are dogmatic on divorce, putting people in bondage and making their abused life of no effect. God is love, anything outside of love, is not of God. The scriptures state: "Turn away from evil and do what is good; seek peace and pursue it" Psalm 34:14 🙏🙏♥
Yes. My mother stepped outside of God's will and married my father. God gave her innumerable times to leave, but she stayed until it got extremely extremely bad. My dad had an affair their 1st night home as a married couple.
If any of you reading this are not married but engaged and are seeing red flags, please get out of it while you can! If you're feeling pressured into it, please speak to someone! I almost married someone that Not only was I not in love with but thought I was supposed to give him a chance because he was in love with me, but who turned out to be controlling and possessive. The closer our would-be wedding day got, the more stressed I was feeling. I finally confided in one of my aunts and she asked me, "Then why are you getting married?" I told her my situation and that I was trying to make it work for his sake, and she helped me get up the courage to stand my ground, and I called it off. He didn't make it easy, but I managed to break it off. And if you do manage to call it off, whatever you do, do not give in to his request to speak to you alone because he will try to pressure you back in to it! That was done to me as well, and I gave in, but I still managed to pull out before we would have married! Once you call it off, one-on-ones are completely out of the question... _for _*_your_*_ sake!_ ...I've been there.
God bless you 🙏🏼. Father opened my eyes and told me last year to legally get out. My divorce was finalized last August. Bless you 🙏🏼❤️. Freedom in Jesus name
Experienced the same thing except narc husband won't file for divorce because he says we don't need one and now he has a new "wife". The level of delusion is ridiculous.
A captivating video summary, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
Im dating a beautiful woman who was 23 years abused and narcissistic relationship with her ex husband when she told all her life I got shocked 😳 and really sad 😞 what she have been through… I give all my my love , comfort, respect heart and I will make her happy and I will treat as princess 👸
As a family law attorney and advocate for divorcing people and a Christian, I appreciated your video. Abandonment includes emotional abandonment, which can be considered abuse. If any pastor or priest condemns you for leaving a toxic, abusive spouse, they are giving you advice contrary to scripture. I wish more people knew this. This would save many lives.
I believe in Corinthians Paul is clearly speaking of abandonment as a situation where your partner physically leaves and refuses to live with you. Emotional abandonment is a vague term and can mean nearly anything. I went through a severe illness for some months and was severely depressed and not adequately attentive to my ex’s needs. Somehow that situation became grounds for a divorce in what was a previously happy marriage with two young children.
@@ItsNomadScientist clearly what you went through is not what is meant by emotional abandonment. Being inattentive due to illness is not what I’m talking about. Being married to an emotionally absent spouse (married but having no emotional support, as in the spouse is physically present but that’s all there is) is in fact sufficient for a spouse to walk away. Here’s the truth: it is not God’s desire to be married and miserable. When your spouse is only physically present in the relationship, that is not a true marriage. That’s not God’s design for marriage. Physical presence is enough to sustain a relationship.
@@GracefulStrengthCoaching Thank you for your response. I agree physical presence isn’t sufficient for a good, happy, healthy marriage. But if we examine scripture, I believe the teachings on marriage and divorce are clear, and I don’t think we see support for the idea we can leave a marriage because we aren’t receiving adequate emotional support. See 1st Corinthians 7:10-11 for a specific example. I sympathize with people in emotionless marriages and I believe they ought to do everything they can to fix that. But when we rely on our feelings over scripture, I think that is a bad precedent, and ultimately will only increase our sorrow and suffering in this world.
❤ Thank you Kris! This is something I needed to hear from my church when I was still married. My narcissistic spouse cheated on me, lied to me, talked badly about me behind my back, verbally emotionally and financially abused me. I went to several different people in the church and was told to stay, to forgive, go home and pray for him. it’s time churches open their eyes and stop condoning abuse because I can tell you no amount of praying will change someone that does not want to change.
I thought the abuse I endured was 'a normal part of life' and tried healing on my own Having God has allowed me to finally start healing after my own efforts Thank you for this video, I needed it.
If your spouse is dealing with you treacherously according to Malachi 2, get a divorce. The Lord has been a witness to how your spouse has dealt with you. If there is financial abuse, emotional abuse, etc. divorce. The Lord doesn't want you to be chained because of the Law.
I'd agree. I left for those reasons. The stress was making me extremely sick. If you're not growing with God and your marriage together it is attacks of satan!
I think you just know when you have outgrown a relationship. Biggest red flag is there is nothing left to say that is positive because there is no respect.
My ex was verbally abusing me for 26 years. When I realized that he was a narcissist , I prayed for God to deal with him because it got too hard for me. Watching these videos really helped. I stopped taking his bait , and quit giving him his supply then after a few months of this he just came in the house and out of the blue decided to divorce me. The day I dropped him off he filed. I told him to his face that he was a narcissist and I believe that set it in motion. He never loved me . He told me many lies over the years and I’m sure he cheated. Can’t prove it but there were times that he said he can’t tell me where he was over night . He has a security job so he got away with those lies. He needs God’s saving grace . I do pray for him and his salvation.
Yes. I believe so. No one gets to destroy your life and abuse you. That is a covenant breaker. No one should stay with an abusive spouse, regardless of what kind of abuse. It’s evil and destructive.
Kris, your content is SO good and so biblically sound. Thank you. I was wondering if you could do a video on how narcissism manifests in women and/or addressing the deficit in resources for men who are in these kinds of relationships. It seems like it’s a default in the Christian and counseling space that the man is always at fault and responsible
You speak the truth. My father is an evil narcissist who abused my kind and devoted mother and us for decades. My mother hanged on until her dementia kicked in. I dont know whether she should have left, but it is truly cringe worthy to see people lightly throwing the word "abuse" around when they are the entitled ones. It takes an abused to identify abuse of the term abuse.
I was miserable and broke trying to keep my narcissistic wife happy I consulted an excellent family therapist. He asked me why I stayed. I said “I made an oath before God” He replied “But God wants you to be happy”. I had not thought of that. I tried to get her into therapy, but she refused and commenced divorce proceedings In retrospect, God saved me. I was being let out of jail. I am living very happily now. Thankyou God🙏😊
Infidelity can also mean - very little love for you. And excessive love for their past friends, people of opposite sex, extreme interest in sports of some sort neglecting all marital duties and family chores etc.
Hello I am so sorry if this sounds weirds but you wrote such a nice and wonderful comment. I can tell your very positive person, if it's . Okay with you l'd love to be friends❤
Wonderful video. So many great answers here, and churches need to remember that divorce (whether justifiable or not) is NOT an unforgivable sin and NO sin should make anyone a second class citizen. God loves you more than he loves your sin and he knows that we struggle with normal relationships, let alone abuse. Repent, make an effort to do better next time, get counseling, move on.
I prayed and waited for many years for things to change, but finally realized that God cannot change a person’s free will. I have no guilt about leaving because I did everything I could, but it takes two. My husband blames a relative for my departure when he himself is the cause. I hope to provide a place of refuge and safety someday for wounded women who have no hope and no place to go. To those who can leave such a toxic situation, I say go, especially if you feel suicidal like I did. I do not believe a loving God wants His sons and daughters to suffer. Marriage should be a refuge - place of love, kindness and safety, and never abuse. Thanks for all you do and for all you have been through, Kris. I appreciate you!
The Lord recently brought me to your channel in answer to prayers regarding my failed marriage. I can't thank you enough for the biblical wisdom, and sound counsel.
I divorced supposedly Christian narcissist 10 months ago, after 21 years of marriage. And I can tell that the worst day after the divorce is better that the best day with her. Yes, I have problems, the life is difficult as it should be, but I regained confidence, trust, happiness, joy, peace of mind. I'm not being poisoned anymore. That's priceless.
I prayed some years ago, for God to let me catch my narcissistic husband in an affair, so I could leave "in His good graces"...I was a believer, but not a seeker in His Word/word. Well, He said "no"..., to which I replied "that's not nice. You know how dysfunctional this is and wrong...". I then heard "he isn't right, but he doesn't deserve the anger from your whole life either..." 🤐 I began to seek Him through His word and trust Him, one area at a time. Received deliverance from 4 oppressive spirits and dove in the deep end like never before. This is about eternity and it may have taken a while, but I'm so grateful now that I obeyed and continue to seek and obey. It's not as "good" as it could be, but it's nowhere as bad as it used to be. The gaslighting and verbal putting down is near minimal where it was daily before. Doing it His way works best every time and I'm definitely a better person for it. With God I was strong enough to become the strong woman of God He designed me to be! ❤❤❤ Praying for all us ladies!!
@@marysaelidor7692 Considering I had no idea about oppressive spirits or deliverance at the time, I've prayed and asked the Lord that question. Codependency, rejection, abandonment and complacency.
So many of the stories in the Bible reflect narcissistic abuse. Jacob and Laban, Jezebel, many of the Kings. The fact is that the abusers who didn't love and honor God, their life didn't end well for them. Demons are controlling the narcs mind and as in 1 Peter 5:8 devouring their peace and lives. I'm single, but do hope to be married someday and one must is that she genuinely loves Jesus, because if we both love Jesus I believe we can make it and make it well. Blessings Mrs Reece!
Thank you for articulating everything so clearly. I’ve been told so many times to stay in this abusive marriage. That it’s better to be together And it’s no grounds for separation.
I so appreciate this. I haven't told anyone at all about my struggles, not even my closest friend. Somehow I'm scared to put it into words. In November I finally gave up all hope for my marriage, and since then I've been struggling to pray. Thank you Kris for your sound biblical perspectives and guidance.
That piece about separating first is golden. When I asked for it, I was told it's not an option. Stay or leave for good. Also, as soon as I asked for it, things just got worse. I have found mercy and grace in the healing hands of God. I have also discovered the power of forgiveness. For myself and for him. I see now that this was always the path, to get me to where I am today, in conversation with the Almighty. Listening to one's heart is truly a divine adventure. I was a luke warm believer before and today I am all about serving our God, by example and by staying close to the word. Thank you for this video. It's been 2,5 years of separation (yes, these types take that long). The process is physical, emotional and spiritual. I found the physical to be of least influence in healing. God wants healing for all, no matter where you are, in a good or bad situation, He just wants us close, and when you are close, you will know in your heart and through his voice what you need to do in every single step. ♥🌹🌈
I needed this 😢 I’ve been in a narcissist marriage for 20years . I’m thankful for testimonies that are being shared thank you all for giving me hope 🙏🏽😞
Just found your channel after praying for a Christian woman’s perspective on this very topic. I’ve been researching Narcissism for some time now. Watching Dr. Les Carter and trying to understand it and just today I was praying about hearing from a Christian woman’s perspective and I thank God for finding you! I hope you will help stop the static in my head about how I’m supposed to feel and react as a Godly woman. Everyone has advice but no one and I mean no one understands me and what I’ve gone through and continue to go through. The monkey wrench is that I know I’m a sinful person and I know how I want to be treated but it gets real hard when the person who is supposed to love you the most in this world can so utterly destroy you with little or no remorse and carry on like you’re the problem. It can make a person question themselves!
I was the narcissist. My wife did not leave me and at year 24 of 25 years of our marriage, I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder type 1. She dealt with me until my sickness was diagnosed and I am now a normal person and treat her kindly. In her words, she is looking forward to the next 25 years.
Mine started a smear campaign with several women he had emotional affairs with and met with them every day. We've gone to many Christian Marriage Counselors which state that he groomed them. He coerced me to sign a premarital Prenup about to expire. Since I won't sign any more papers, he went to another lawyer to pass our Marital Estate to his kids. The Cortisol level went up to 333 and I lost 50 lbs. He caused me a Broken Heart Syndrome Heartattack with 196/126 blood pressure and ALL my left side went numb. Surgery was done to put a wire mesh into my heart to check what was wrong. He filed for divorce saying that I am the controlling one (since I won't sign any legal paperwork without a lawyer). I feel like he has broken the Marriage Covenant. I feel so ashamed with this breaking of the Marriage Covenant.
He broke the marriage covenant, but not you. Narcissistic abuse has ruined your health but he broke the marriage contract🤔. I watched my mother have a heart attack 2 strokes mental abuse but she stay for the marital covenant. She's dead now! You are correct on one thing, she's dead from broken hearted syndrome! yes.
Thank you for your courage and kindness to talk about this very complicated subject. Those who have never experienced narcissistic abuse don't even know these kinds of people exist. And when these narcissists go to church, are charismatic and giving to the public, it's even harder for people to comprehend. I was fortunate to have a counsellor who had the same experience I did, so that he could speak honestly and frankly about my wife's condition and the fact that it likely is a lost cause. It's just heartbreaking that our friends can add insult to injury over these situations. Thank you for your kindness and understanding Kris. God bless you!
I have been married for nearly 25 years to a narcissistic man who has never consummated our marriage and there has never been any intimacy, companionship, or resolve of anything. Just control through silence, gaslighting, and denial of any of my emotional needs. We cohabitate, as roommates with no respect. I am still here because I made a commitment to and before God to stay where he put me. But, I have been less than cordial in my fulfillment of the commitment. Thank you for this video, I needed to hear your wisdom.
With no physical abuse & adequate financial security, maybe stay? It could be ur life ministry 🤷🏼♀️ U certainly sound calm & know ur worth! U may be a warrior! U have been a warrior till now, surely-with the Lords grace ofc.
Thank you Kris. You are absolutely right. I divorced 3 years ago. I was emotionally abuse and abandoned near the end. I was more than time. God is faithful and He looks after us.
I was in a 29-year marriage with an extremely narcissistic man. I was also unequally yoked. I had been with him since I was 15. I stayed because I had 4 children with him, and also due to pressure from others about what a "Christian woman" was supposed to be. I had it in my mind that I "MUST KNOW" that I did everything I could think of to make it work, and it completely destroyed me. When I finally got the nerve to file for divorce, my ex-husband started spreading lies about me "having sex" with every man at his work. I don't even know those men. To this day he still tells our adult children, and anyone else he can, that he doesn't feel comfortable at his job because he knows all those men laugh at him because they have all had his wife. I must admit, that still kills my heart to this day because I AM NOT that kind of woman. And he actually believes his own lies. Anyhow, immediately after my divorce, like within months, I remarried. I had found a man that loved the LORD and preached the gospel. One that prayed with me, cried with me, made me tear down my walls and trust him and let him in. He actually forced me to trust him, and though I felt forced, I did make the decision to believe him. He told me I could be vulnerable with him, and that's what GOD wanted. Within months, so much changed. And I was scared. He started gaslighting me every time I had to go home (we lived 2 1/2 from each other). He started shredding me, telling me I didn't truly want a Godly man, I wanted to be in control, and how Genesis says the woman will always desire to control. He started telling me love was a "verb" and my actions would show my love, and that "if I loved him" I would... . And I felt like I had to prove to him he was wrong. Something didn't set right with me. But he was SO WONDERFUL out on the streets. So compassionate, so loving, had such a desire to share the WORD of GOD with people, and he was loved by his entire community. It really confused me. He would tell me preachers go through such severe spiritual warfare, way more than almost anyone else, and it looks ugly, and theor women need to have patience with them and support them no matter what. I do know some of this to be true, being that I am a pastors daughter, but still something didn't sit right. I ALWAYS second guess myself. I have become so untrustworthy with my own thoughts that I just don't know what is right or wrong anymore. Fast forward a bit, my Daddy suddenly fell extremely ill, and I had to take him to the hospital. This started a GREUSOME and long battle for my Daddy's life. During covid, I couldn't be with my Daddy. He did not have covid, but this happened during covid. They literally tortured my Daddy to death. All he'll was breaking lose and the LORD told me not to travel anywhere, but to stay and fight for my Daddy, and help give my children support. My Daddy and Mama had both lived with us, Mama passed from cancer, and Daddy was heavily grieved and lonely, so we all stayed together. My Dad was the only true father my children knew. So, my conviction was "stay here, no traveling." I was severely gas lit for that. My Daddy passed, and a couple of months later my sister was murdered, and my (now) husbands Mama passed. Needless to say, there was massive grief from all angles. He pushed me a couple of months later to marry him. I did want that, but I felt in my heart we should wait. When I said that to him, I was gaslit again, saying I was faking my love for him, how I never truly wanted him, how GOD wants us married, etc etc. So what did I do? I conceded. Do you know what I got? A courthouse wedding with no one to celebrate with us. I felt so small. A couple month's later he moved from. The town he lived i and came to live with me. Ever since then, life has been pure hell. He took everything from me. I used to sing for the LORD, but not anymore. Because he told me many times, "some songs women just shouldn't sing" and how women have no place in ministry outside of their home. How women are to support theor husband's even if he is wrong, being wrong, doing wrong, no matter what, he cones first. How I was supposed to listen to him, and he would relay what GOD wants from m because he is my head. He yanked every single ounce of my value, my self esteem, my unique qualities, my sense of humor, my dreams, my desires, my simple opinions, from me and mostly told me how stupid they all were. He thinks I am supposed to look like a female version of him. Literally. I don't even know who I am anymore. I am TRYING to cling to the LORD and see my value through HIS eyes, and figure out what HE wants of me. I just can't do this anymore. I know it's all my fault, but I can't live like this anymore. I get NO spiritual guidance, leadership, prayer, encouragement, love, NO intimacy WHATSOEVER. Not physically, not emotionally, not spiritually, not mentally. All he does is feel sorry for himself, dialect, point out everyone else's flaws, except for his people of choice.They can do no wrong. And those are ONLY people who either pat his back, or that he gets things from. They are "good people." Anyone connected to me? From his mouth they are "pieces of sh**." He tells me all about how no one else is ever there for me but him. Look where they all are, none of them care about you. Etc. Etc. I am not allowed to listen to other preachers because not only are none of them "spiritual enough" but I am to learn strictly from him and no other man. Yet, we don't go to church because "everyone is fake." While I do agree there is a lot of fake, there are also many whom aren't. And as I point out to him "we're fake too. We put on fake smiles and tell everyone we are fine, when we AREN'T. " He cries at the drop of the hat. He apologizes when he sees in ready to leave and starts telling me how sick he is, and how he needs my encouragement. And says "you're so quick to encourage others, and have so much patience with everyone but me." Talks about how he doesn't want to live. Etc. Etc. Same thing every time. He initiates a talk that seems like it's actually going somewhere, and tosses everything I tell him from my heart the next day. To be honest, in both marriages, what has HARMED me the most... is the lack if intimacy. It really torments me, and quenches the SPIRIT so bad. I am a VERY loving woman. I am a servant. The love of GOD compels me. When I don't get love from my HUSBAND, my LEADER, my PROTECTOR, ETC. THAT MAKES ME HATE MYSELF, MY LIFE, LOSE HOPE, AND WONDER WHY I DESERVE TO BE HATED SO MUCH. I say to myself, "You're vile. You're wretched. How can the LORD ever be proud of you? Yes, HE does love all... but YOU are an exception. You are putred. You have NO value." I can tell you that a withdrawal of intimacy IS ABUSE, and it IS a violation of the covenant made before GOD ALMIGHTY. HE HAS BROKEN HIS VOWS TO THE LORD, AND TO ME. AND ANYONE WHOM WILL EVER TELL A WOMAN GOING THROUGH THIS THAT WHAT I JUST SAID ISN'T TRUE... THEY ARE LIARS! LADIES, I BEG YOU... DON'T LISTEN TO ANYONE BUT TYE LORD! YOU DON'T HAVE TO STAY IN THIS! HE DIDN'T CREATE YOU TO BE ABUSED! EVEN THOUGH I OFTEN TELL MYSELF OTHERWISE. THAT IS NOT COMING FROM OUR GOD! DON'T LISTEN TO THE WRING VOICES. JESUS SAID "MY SHEEP HEAR MY VOICE!" LISTEN TO HIM! 😭😭😭
I listened to this...after stopping it a few times, for validation. I left a really abusive marriage after 11 years, we had 2 children, there was physical abuse, infidelity on his part, gas lighting, and honestly I believe he is more than narcissistic, he's psychotic, as he tried to kill me when inwas pregnant with our youngest son. I thought wveryrhing was up to me, but I was so young. As I grew up, I grew wiser and closer to God. I did none of these things you described. If only I had this to listen to 25 years ago. I could have gotten real help, but everything worked out as I moved on with my life.
If he tries to kill you, RUN! CHOOSE LIFE! You and your children choose to live and serve The Lord. People, including Pastors, condemned me for divorcing a adulterous narcissist that tried to kill me. I am now happily married to the man God chose for me. In God's eyes and in my own mind, I have only been married once, to my now husband.
My ex and I met today for a few hours, discussing our divorce. She apologised, i forgave her. She wanted me to sign the papers with no questions asked. Under duress i signed them four months ago. Where it goes from here is up to us and God. We had a good time reminiscing in the park and at Taco bell. It was nice to see her smile again, even though she is going through some awful issues. I pray for her comfort and peace, having family issues over the situation she got herself into. My heart aches for her. We hugged each other, quite long 2 times before we parted today. I hope to treat her again in the future.
Amen on the abuse I was physically and mentally abused for over 10 years and when I tried to get help it was hard.This do to false claims from a lot of people and had to prove and I did get help and got a restraining order finally but please never say false abuse because women like me have really been threw this trauma.
I asked God in prayer this morning if I should continue to stand for my marriage having been abused by a covert narcissist who left me with all the bills and ran back to his narcissistic mother who hates me after i started to call him out on his manipulation and intimidating moves and mind games.. Thank you Yahweh for confirmation 5/19/24
I've been divorced from my abusive narcissistic for 12 years. I've cut off all contact with his flying monkey's as well. I'm still struggling with trying to get past the 26 years of neglect, financial (money i generated) gas lighting, dismissing, and at times physical abuse. I keep replying these things in my mind. I've prayed that God would set my mind straight. I've prayed for all these people including my ex. When we separated he had a girlfriend within the first month. I can't help but think this was going on while we were still living in the same house. Once he had the new girlfriend the neglect of our daughters was worse than when we were together. I'm very grateful for this video. Thank you.
Thank you for this view on being married to a narcissist. Most don’t admit this and say just leave u deserve better. They don’t seem to understand that it’s not that simple when you are truly trying to follow God
Wish I had this info 46 years ago! Divorced after 28 long arduous years of marriage-held in by the dogma of til death do you part. Ironically was major-league manipulated because of my faith. Perfect push button. Happy now, praise God! Thank you for your good work.
This is a perfect example of women are not allowed to be HEAD PASTORS but are VERY MUCH Permitted to preach and share the Gospel. You broke this down better than any pastor or mentor I have ever heard.
In Cor. it says if she leaves not to remarry. This tells me I can leave but not remarry until death. Not that I ever want to remarry after my narcissistic (Christian) marriage. But as for now I stay, my children are better for now. If the Lord doesn’t come back soon, I am leaving when my youngest is older. My oldest says it is pretty bad, but most of it is text book narcissistic mental behavior. I told her if he used money as a weapon like he does everything else I probably wouldn’t have able to last as long as I have. But through my 24 year relationship I sure have stayed close to God. I is just nice knowing that he doesn’t love me so I don’t have to expect it anymore.
You are taking that scripture out of context. Jesus clearly states that divorce is permitted because of the hardness of our hearts preventing us from finding true love. The Bible is just making clear that it's not supposed to be this way. It's just like Jesus raising the standard to perfection only to show us how far we fall short.
@@GeraldJacobsTH-cam the Bible makes it clear never to divorce. If you remarry it is adultery. Always. But “IF” she leaves not to remarry. Leave, but never remarry until there is death involved. Every scripture verse talks of upholding Gods view of marriage. True love doesn’t trump that fact. She can leave. The husband still has a responsibility for sustaining her, but remarriage is off the table. In this day and age, though, I would not expect my husband to still provide a roof over my head after I leave. No contact would have to be the way to go has he has gotten pretty pissed just because I have gone out to the store without him. I first pointed this out because I have had scripture thrown in my face in regard to a woman’s role in the marriage, completely ignoring his role altogether. She can’t fulfill her role if she is gone??? Well 1 Cor states IF she leaves. I will never remarry, or commit sexual immorality, and my conscience will still be intact before God. I will not be sinning because I left a Narcissist. If he divorces me; I am still not to remarry until death is involved. So if we are both healthy that may never happen. Marriage is a serious commitment.
@@thewhatsup we are meant to marry in the will of God, unfortunately because of our fallen nature we are prone to deception. Marriage and children take precedence over our mistakes. We are not to take marriage lightly and cannot divorce for just any reason, but falling in love with a psychopath who pretends to be a angel of light is no small matter. That marriage isn't valid in the eyes of God as it is a scam and it's better to divorce that fall prey to legalism. Remember men also had rules for the sabath, but the sabbath was made for man, not man for the sabbath
My ex-spouse was trying to kill me. He cheated on me with men and women. He abused me in every way possible. Lied to my friend, so I lost her friendship. I met his lover-girlfriend. My marriage was almost 20 years. Now, I need to do the work of forgiveness. I will probably have to do all the "leg work".
I didn’t even know what a narcissist was, but God showed me. Being with a narcissist is the worst torment I ever experienced in my life. Especially the silent treatment and not to mention he found a different Pastor and manipulated the Pastor to say I was the problem.
Thank you for your videos. This is the first time I have seen anyone else who use scriptures to help me understand how to look at my situation with scriptures and explained how I should handle it. I've been trying to save My marriage. Knowing that God hates divorce.and never saw it the way it was explained. Thank you so very much and I will be praying for anyone else who's going through this. I have had some terrible things happen in my life.death of my 3 siblings and my mother. And it was every two years that I lost one of them. I endured it for 8 years and I believe that what I am going through now is the most depressing and devastating thing I have ever have to go through..God bless all who will have to go through divorce. know that you are not alone and you are being prayed for.even by some you have never met. Thank God for the body of Christ sincerely Nelson
My counselor did a check in and asked how the area of depression was going, I said I'm okay I don't have someone screaming at me anymore and putting me down!
I have spent 32 years trying so hard through prayer, three different counselors, pastors etc. to get my husband to change to work on his narcissism but he did not now that I have finally had it. I’m sick of being abused alone hurt and abandoned in my marriage I am leaving, all of the sudden he’s become a Christian anybody that has lived with a narcissist of any length of time know that this is a ploy to keep me from leaving that I am just his narcissistic Supply and he doesn’t want to have to find another one now that I have gotten Attorney and our divorce date is soon he’s back to drinking I was not wrong when I chose to start the divorce procedure I am determined to live in peace I’ve had enough
Because the 2 years I got to know him the gas lighting the stuff you hat goes on with it. Wow. It might have been going on for years. So grateful for finding your channel.
🪙🪙🎀Absolute Gold🎀🪙🪙🙏Thank you so much Mrs. Reece!!🙏 I've been wondering where the fine line is. I have been putting my faith in Christ and THIS is exactly what I've been lead to believe. Just nice hearing and getting validation. Now just to watch my scenario unfold
He has cursed me, gaslighted me, lied, cheated (no physical evidence) but for sure emotional. Told me he wanted a yes woman. Nasty at times of disagreements, tore me down. Stonewalling and contempt is definitely there. Hoover only became I left. I’m afraid of him. He hasn’t gone to therapy for any help. Continuously told me to leave but when I said I was done, now he doesn’t want me too. Emotionally exhausted. Negative comments. Negative person. Negative towards me. I’m tired. Separated and trying to figure out what are my next steps. It can’t stay the way it is 😢
Sorry, just do not remarry until death. I am glad you left. I am still in my rollercoaster. I just cling to God that much more. The way I see it I either have 5 more years until my youngest is older, Jesus comes back, or we die. Either way I can handle 5 more years I just don’t want to, but my kids are better off with a two parent household (my situation). My kids are smart and see through him. My son has 0 respect for him. He definitely doesn’t want to be anything like him. My daughters don’t trust any thing he says, but at least they are learning to forgive. Please enjoy your coming peace and don’t go back.
@@lizh4817 you’ll want to read what Jesus and Paul had to say about marriage. 1Cor 7, Matt. 5, Luke 16. Of course your relationship to God is proof you know Him, but the Bible makes it clear; as long as the spouse is living and the other remarries, it is sin (Matt. 19). God holds marriage in a high regard. That is why it is under attack. He calls Israel His wife and the church Jesus’ bride. He wanted one man one woman until death, but the Bible says if she is to leave she is not to remarry 1Cor. 7:11.
@@lizh4817 it is death that frees the contract of marriage not divorce. I have wanted to know because of my marriage, so I looked into what God had to say and not man/denominations since it is His standard in which I am judged. I know we will all ways sin as long as we are on this earth, but I do not want to purposely sin against Him; for my relationship concerning my kids and God. I am just glad He lets us leave, because my husband has said to me that if I am not a “wife” I am sinning, completely overlooking everything he does to hurt our marriage.
Definitely agree if I stay, he cannot stay the same and I have already said that because I can’t endure it anymore abuse, and he doesn’t know he’s doing it.
I fear loneliness and abandonment from my narcissistic husband. We live in separate houses and he doesn’t want me around. I know it’s time to leave. My fear is holding me in. I’ve been alone before.
I’m a Christian and felt forgiveness is a strong aspect of are faith, but after numerous act of infidelity. I had to tell her it’s time to end it. Did want too. Had too.
I'd just like to add its not just women being abused... I'm a male that has been abused and manipulated... So would be good if you could include men in your perspective... Thanks
Women and men who live for the world will claim irreconcilable differences. My wife used that as the reason for divorce instead of being honest about her infidelity and adultery. I could challenge the reason; but I know the Lord will take her selfishness in His time. People like my wife hurt others with no remorse. It’s better to let them go instead of keeping them around. Pray for them but don’t have nothing to do for them. You stay with Lord and don’t repay evil with evil.
Yes you can. People use that line to keep people miserable. God wants us in companionship. It wasn’t your fault the person was abusive and broke the marriage covenant. We are in the age of grace. God loves you greatly and will give you your heart desires.🙏🏾
@@shirlspark_stardust Unfortunately that scripture has been misinterpreted. "Fornication" or "sexual immorality" in the Greek is "porneia". Jesus was referring to sexually immoral marriages according to Leviticus 18:6-23. You can divorce and remarry if you married someone listed in Leviticus 18 because the marriage is not lawful in God's eyes. John the Baptist told Herod it was not lawful to marry his brother's wife (according to Leviticus 18). Herod should have divorced his brother's wife because it was a sin to be married to her. His marriage was sexually immoral. This is the exception for divorce and remarriage, not when your spouse is unfaithful. If a person needs to leave their spouse who is abusive, they are to remain single or reconcile with their spouse. The scriptures are clear--if you remarry after divorce you are in adultery.
@@bernicefomunung9547 God does not give us grace to live in adultery. Jesus said a lawful marriage covenant cannot be broken. What God has joined together let not man separate. That's why he said a person who is divorced and remarried is in adultery. Paul said in 1 Corinthians 7:40 a woman is happier, or more blessed if she remains single. Marriage is beautiful but it should not be our source of happiness. This is idolatry. Jesus is all we need. I pray he is enough for you.
Am I a People Pleaser Quiz? Discover Your Type.
krisreece.com/am-i-a-people-pleaser/
Psalm 139 1-16 awesome.
Hebrews 4 13And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account.
James 1 5If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.
Song of Solomon 2 10-14 10My beloved spoke, and said to me:
“Rise up, my love, my fair one,
And come away.
11For lo, the winter is past,
The rain is over and gone.
12The flowers appear on the earth;
The time of singing has come,
And the voice of the turtledove
Is heard in our land.
13The fig tree puts forth her green figs,
And the vines with the tender grapes
Give a good smell.
Rise up, my love, my fair one,
And come away!
14“O my dove, in the clefts of the rock,
In the secret places of the cliff,
Let me see your face,
Let me hear your voice;
For your voice is sweet,
And your face is lovely.”
Matthew 24 32,33
I'd like to recommend a book for you: Invisible: When Fear and Shame Cause You to HIde.
Do you offer personal counseling?
I was married for 17 years to an abusive narcissist & there was no intimacy on any level. Just control through emotional, physical, mental & financial abuse. We cohabited until I finally filed for divorce. Then, the church people all blamed me & looked down at me & I left that church. He put on excellent display for the public eye. We had children so I waited for 17 years. I had planned it all out for years. Never regretted leaving. I’ve had peace from God. Very difficult decision. But, my marriage was a farce & a lie.
I am so proud of you!!! That was the right thing to do !! Bravo !!
You sound exactly like like me. A lot of people in the church didn’t understand. I waited til my youngest was 18 years old. The abuse was horrible. I prayed and Prayed, God told me to leave! The church world said God would never tell me that!
@@marlenehellmann8223 My heart goes out to you. Although, I know once you left you never looked back, I didn’t!!
Unbelievable that the church members told you both that ! It is horrible. God never want us to stay with someone and to be unhappy. Those people are fanatic they have no idea who God is and make you suffer by their words. I am glad you are happy now !
Same here...planning my way out now. Will leave him in about two years. After accumulating enough money
Betrayal is not just about infidelity. Repetitive lying is also betrayal.
Repetitive lying is the person need help which maybe spiritual. We as human constantly judge persons by their physical action but we much get to the source of their actions through prayer to the Lord and you maybe surprise. It can be generational sins and that person need deliverance. 😊
For sure!! Especially one who lives a double life!!
@@ericmckenzie6994 Exactly. I have been praying for my lying husband and binding the evil powers, and God showed me the source of his lies, and exposed all this, and gave me the will and ability to understand and forgive. He gave me my husband, so I took it to God, and He helped. Time will show if things have changed for good. God is good. Lies may result from the insecurities and narcissist cycles, even with a good person that still needs healing or deliverance.
Narcissist will never admit they need help
Exactly. My ex wife is the same way
Forgiveness does not mean enabling. God tells us to get away from toxic people and forgive them from afar.
AMEN!!!
You are 100% correct. Forgiveness is NOT reconciliation either. And getting away from toxic people is a must if you're to ever heal. A book called Invisible: When Fear and Shame Cause You to Hide explains exactly why that's critical
It's not your job to forgive when there is no sorrow, no repentance. It's your job to learn and grow
I agree
God tells us this where pls?
I was with my narcissistic husband for 30 years. If I didn’t divorce I would not be alive today. Thank You JESUS for Your deliverance.
Why 30 years?
@@Frank00 DON'T DO THAT!
If you can't be empathetic, then leave be!
Your opinion is not necessary or needed in the personal experiences a person is willing to air, it is not an invitation to come flaunt your opinion or a public polls arena for the elections.
If the concept of FELLOW FEELING is alien to you, then dignify yourself and keep silent.
BE DECENT IN HOW YOU CHOOSE TO TREAT PEOPLE.
26 years for me. He left me two months ago…and convinced the kids to turn against me, too. I’m only alive today because of God.
30 years too long!
@@jgg3701 same. They do so much damage and they couldn’t care less
My ex narcissist cheated, had orgies, called me delusional etc. He was verbally abusive. I prayed, fasted for a year and God released me from the marriage.
Godbless you JESUS is so good pleased you got freedom 🙏
@@joeywalton905 what prayer???
What fasting schedule???
@@nmc1859 isn't that personal?
@@AmandaCoates-x1e yes! Fasted for a week. Prayed,praised Him and let Him lead me
@@joeywalton905 in the Bible it’s clear you were free to leave once he had cheated. It seems like the fasting and praying was spiritually helpful to you, and that’s great, but you already had clear Biblical rights to leave.
This is a subject that I think the church really neglects. Abuse in any form is a covenant breaker. For thirteen years I put up with too much, And I was told by my church that God hates divorce, but he also hates abuse. I gave God the chance to fix my marriage, and I was discarded by my narcissist wife. Scripture says If an unbeliever wants to leave let them leave for your call to live in peace. I probably should have acted sooner to leave the marriage.But I didn't have the confirmation that I could from council. But I can honestly say that I'm a better person because God made me a better person. Thank you for your insight on this matter, Because many counselors and pastors would but touch this subject. Yes God hates divorce, but he also hates abuse
When the author of Invisible: When Fear and Shame Cause You to Hide submitted the manuscript to the publisher. They accepted it saying: "The Church needs to see this." The church does neglect abuse and some pastors often enable and defend the abuser.
I'm just waiting on the green light from God so I can finally divorce my narcissist husband
Seems that men are always the ones classed as narcissist and the abuser. Thank you for the words in your comment.
@@jimmy031408 I agree with and relate to your comment/experience 💯💯💯
You hit the nail on the head when you said abuse is a covenant breaker. In some cases, there is no covenant at all, but just a contract. And yes, most people in church leadership don’t have a clue, as they are governed by a religious spirit. Like the Pharisees of old, they read the letter of the law but ignore the Spirit of the law, God Himself.
Unfortunately "counseling" with or for a narcissist cannot work. They already believe they are smarter than the person helping. They already believe they are either God's chosen child or actually equal to or above God
Yes! He said God told him that when I don’t speak to him I wasn’t speaking to Him (God). Because he is God’s child.
Oh my days, I thought I was the only one that experienced this. My estranged one thinks he's a god.
@@gringotaxis2296 you hit the nail on the head
I left!! No adultery but I left!! So glad I did!! Found a wonderful man and married for 31 years until the Lord took him home. Yes ! The silent treatment IS abuse !! Especially when 6 months he pouted !! Bye. 👋
I read this quote in a book I used to own on divorce from a pastor's perspective: " God cares more about the 2 individuals in the marriage than he cares about the marriage itself." The explanation went on to say that the abuser needs God's intervention to see their sin and repent and be made whole and the victim of abuse needs safety, healing and comfort from God to be made whole. The husband and the wife are both in need of God's touch, but if one of them is not able to let God in, Satan wins. That was the story of my "Christian marriage".
And then…? So they’re both condemned to hell because one spouse won’t receive God?
@@ashleynicole9423 who said getting a divorce condemns you to hell?
Thank you sooo very much for sharing this 🙌
Finally after 18 years of his adultery. I divorced the narcissist. I felt guilty and struggled but once he started bringing women to our home and our marriage bed I could no longer deal with the deliberate disrespect. Narcissists will continue in their infidelity and exploiting your kindness. I’m so happy now that God has healed me. I know it was the right thing to do. Praying for those who feel stuck. You do not have to tolerate infidelity from your spouse. Leave these demonic toxic relationships and don’t look back!
One adulterous relationship breaks the marriage vows. You don’t have to put up with any more.
Thank you for addressing the people out there who are abusing the word abuse. I am one of the ones who is being falsely accused of abuse. It’s a challenging situation, and many friends and family members have turned against me without asking me any questions. I have let it hurt me, I have retaliated in anger. But, I am beginning to understand that if God is all I have, then I have all I need. I can’t expect things from other people to benefit me. We are all fallen human beings. I cannot hold any grudges or resent anyone. I simply choose my response, now as I am responding to God alone. I can treat my surroundings as though it is a simulation and a test from God. Not taking anything personally. When people treat me badly, or say harsh things about me, or make assumptions, or reject me - I simply regarded as a test, and renew my strength in the Lord. I choose to respond with kindness and love. Not every situation, because God does call us to rebuke certain things. But overall, I would say if you let an abuser get you all broken up, then you play into the enemy’s hand. Don’t allow it. Just respond as God directs you to respond. Then, take no offense. Then live in spiritual peace, and according to God‘s will.
@@wyattbrule12688 Beautiful 🙏🏼
This is a profound level you have acheived brother
God knew I would have never left. I didn't know what a narcissist was because the therapists for 25 years said it was me, fed me 20,000 POISON PILLS, and years of therapy where they ignored TRAUMA......giving my narc the ammo to blame me because "they said its you!" BUT HEY, IT WAS ONLY 43 YEARS!
So God literally raptured me out of bed 3 years ago and saved me. I had 17 physical issues including malnutrition that was killing me! The onset of 2 eating disorders, autoimmune disease, many things.
I did NOT know I was being abused because they sad it was me....bipolar! Took every pill, showed up for every session that he would never attend to help or learn how to help me!
He cheated on me with my BFFs and probably others, drug abuse, financial catastrophe, controlling me by stonewalling, and gaslighting! I have endured flying monkeys and victim blaming. I've lost everyone because they chose him.
So 3 years ago, I was ready to start the circular argument again! My husband was even angry that i was seeking God for help. God literally picked me up and said "ENOUGH!" I threw him out the next day!
Today, God has given me peace and contentment. I'm still in my wilderness healing mind, body, and soul. It's me, Jesus, and my kitten in my RV! It is the best! I'm so grateful to God for rescuing me because I would have died had HE not told my to leave! I thought I was supposed to stay for God......He said,"ENOUGH!" AND now my life is His! It's faith and obedience!!! Oh, how I love God!
Thank you for your channel. You have helped me learn! I appreciate you!👑🙏💜
Congratulations! I can relate! U glow girl!!😊❤
The Lord Jesus is all we need Sister ✝️👑🥰💖
@@ohsocoolmitali I've been in counseling for over a year with an awesome Christian counselor. My criteria was....you must believe I should live my life for Jesus because He rescued me from this! I will not take 1 poison pill because I'm not bipolar! Narcissistic Abuse can not and is not my fault! I've made great progress! Thank you for your kindness! Be blessed!👑🙏💜
@@ohsocoolmitali well, if you mean counceling with my narcissist....I tried that! When he realized I was really done, because he never participated in any of my therapy that fed me the poison and bad therapy......he made flying monkeys of the "church counceling team" so it was 5 against 1!
Was that your point?
@@Mikaiah72 I'm so sorry.....my brother's narc wife destroyed our family! It is so difficult to see.......then you can't unsee it!
May God bless you and heal your heart & spirit!👑🙏💜
Will God let you divorce a Narcissistic spouse? Yes. He does not like divorce, but He LOVES YOU more than he hates divorce.
THANK YOU. Needed to hear this.
Nice
I needed to hear that.....
is also Jesus stated if your donkey fell in dog, you get them out on the Sabbath.....so 'break' the Sabbath, cause of Love for the donkey........I AM MORE VALUABLE THEN a DONKEY...NOT GUILTY OF DIVORCE CURSES IF DIVORCE MEANS LOVE FOR WHST JESUS LOVE, MY PEACE OF MIND
@@danielmiller1302 You know, I've been raised to believe divorce is wrong not just because God hates divorce (which is addressed well above), but because the marriage relationship is supposed to be a type of the marriage of Christ and the church-bride.
(From a woman's perspective but I think it can be applied in reverse as well...just etymology doesn't fit as well with "wife")....That said, "husband" is from "husbandman" ~ a husbandman was a gardener and did the things gardeners do...watered, fertilized, waited patiently, weeded, prayed, etc. He didn't manipulate the plants, lie to them, refuse to care for them, give them the opposite of what they needed, etc.
SO...if there can be a real shepherd and a hireling...I think there can be a real husband (or wife) and a false one. And the false one would be like the false god systems. God didn't ask us to stay attached to these gods, he told us to smash them, leave, come to Him, marry the true husband. SO....I've been taught NO divorce, and if you do...definitely NO remarriage until they're dead. Which means that I'm supposed to pray for an Abigail-Nabal situation? For God to bring about his death? I think not... Surely in cases where there is a false husband that's no husband at all (or wife remember)...you can divorce him and marry the true husband (or wife) when you find him...wouldn't that make sense?
Maybe I'm just justifying what I would like to do...but hard for me to believe that my current marriage is a type of Christ and the church in any way (unless Christ is abusive, manipulative, gaslighting, triangulating, and smear campaigning his church). Hard for me to think God wants that example to my kids and the world to continue... Or that I'd be an "adulturer" if I found the true husband, and married him...
Just some thoughts. I'm curious for people to poke holes in it, if I'm just justifying what I'd like. Or to tell me that makes sense if that's the case.
I mean it states in Ecclesiasticus if the wife isn’t in alignment to just get a divorce…. Narcissism is demonic it’s real we have to let it go separate bind and burn and be renewed after surviving it taking the lesson and knowledge for what’s it has taught us so we may conquer the things we are truly wrestling with in this day and age as we suffered from days of old from the beginning of man’s time on this plane!
THANK YOU JESUS FOR RELEASING ME FROM UNHOLY SOUL TIES!!!!❤❤❤❤
Amen, amen!
Amen
Halajuah AMEN ❤🎉❤
Where are soul ties in the Bible? Jesus is your intercessor from Heaven! But, yes, these crazy people should go sleep in graveyards outside town…more in line with where their souls are.
Thank you Kris, your understanding of God, the scriptures and reality, gives you this Biblical approach to divorce. Many churches are dogmatic on divorce, putting people in bondage and making their abused life of no effect. God is love, anything outside of love, is not of God. The scriptures state: "Turn away from evil and do what is good; seek peace and pursue it" Psalm 34:14 🙏🙏♥
Truth about the enemy attempting to put people in bondage & making their abused life of no effect.
Did God let you marry him in the first place ?
Because not all marriages are okayed by God although he blesses all his children .
Facts
Yes. My mother stepped outside of God's will and married my father. God gave her innumerable times to leave, but she stayed until it got extremely extremely bad. My dad had an affair their 1st night home as a married couple.
No I didn't listen to God I take accountability this marriage wasn't from God at all I repented
@@shirlspark_stardust the good news is that our God is a forgiving God
God's commandment, Christians are to yolk with other Christians... AKA...Marry only Christians. 🙏🏻✝️
"Search me oh God, and know my heart..." ❤
If any of you reading this are not married but engaged and are seeing red flags, please get out of it while you can! If you're feeling pressured into it, please speak to someone! I almost married someone that Not only was I not in love with but thought I was supposed to give him a chance because he was in love with me, but who turned out to be controlling and possessive. The closer our would-be wedding day got, the more stressed I was feeling. I finally confided in one of my aunts and she asked me, "Then why are you getting married?" I told her my situation and that I was trying to make it work for his sake, and she helped me get up the courage to stand my ground, and I called it off. He didn't make it easy, but I managed to break it off.
And if you do manage to call it off, whatever you do, do not give in to his request to speak to you alone because he will try to pressure you back in to it! That was done to me as well, and I gave in, but I still managed to pull out before we would have married! Once you call it off, one-on-ones are completely out of the question... _for _*_your_*_ sake!_
...I've been there.
Thank you for sharing your story to hopefully keep others from years of torment!
@@hisloveisreal-lookup1711 you're certainly welcome, whatever helps spare someone else what thankfully I was spared.
My narc husband abandoned the marriage. I took it as God telling me it's time to get out. In the beginning stages of divorce now.
Best of luck to you. You deserve to be happy and the narc's abandonment was a gift.
God bless you 🙏🏼. Father opened my eyes and told me last year to legally get out. My divorce was finalized last August. Bless you 🙏🏼❤️. Freedom in Jesus name
Experienced the same thing except narc husband won't file for divorce because he says we don't need one and now he has a new "wife". The level of delusion is ridiculous.
A captivating video summary, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
@@elladonaldson-lh6ncSpiritual as in Godly? Or spiritual as in “put a spell on you?”
Im dating a beautiful woman who was 23 years abused and narcissistic relationship with her ex husband when she told all her life I got shocked 😳 and really sad 😞 what she have been through… I give all my my love , comfort, respect heart and I will make her happy and I will treat as princess 👸
You are a real man
Go's bless you foe loving your wife
She's the victim.
As a family law attorney and advocate for divorcing people and a Christian, I appreciated your video. Abandonment includes emotional abandonment, which can be considered abuse. If any pastor or priest condemns you for leaving a toxic, abusive spouse, they are giving you advice contrary to scripture. I wish more people knew this. This would save many lives.
This! I don’t believe God desires for his children to live in misery in a marriage that doesn’t honor Him.
I believe in Corinthians Paul is clearly speaking of abandonment as a situation where your partner physically leaves and refuses to live with you. Emotional abandonment is a vague term and can mean nearly anything. I went through a severe illness for some months and was severely depressed and not adequately attentive to my ex’s needs. Somehow that situation became grounds for a divorce in what was a previously happy marriage with two young children.
@@ItsNomadScientist clearly what you went through is not what is meant by emotional abandonment. Being inattentive due to illness is not what I’m talking about. Being married to an emotionally absent spouse (married but having no emotional support, as in the spouse is physically present but that’s all there is) is in fact sufficient for a spouse to walk away. Here’s the truth: it is not God’s desire to be married and miserable. When your spouse is only physically present in the relationship, that is not a true marriage. That’s not God’s design for marriage. Physical presence is enough to sustain a relationship.
*isn’t enough to sustain a marriage.
@@GracefulStrengthCoaching Thank you for your response. I agree physical presence isn’t sufficient for a good, happy, healthy marriage. But if we examine scripture, I believe the teachings on marriage and divorce are clear, and I don’t think we see support for the idea we can leave a marriage because we aren’t receiving adequate emotional support. See 1st Corinthians 7:10-11 for a specific example.
I sympathize with people in emotionless marriages and I believe they ought to do everything they can to fix that. But when we rely on our feelings over scripture, I think that is a bad precedent, and ultimately will only increase our sorrow and suffering in this world.
❤ Thank you Kris! This is something I needed to hear from my church when I was still married. My narcissistic spouse cheated on me, lied to me, talked badly about me behind my back, verbally emotionally and financially abused me. I went to several different people in the church and was told to stay, to forgive, go home and pray for him. it’s time churches open their eyes and stop condoning abuse because I can tell you no amount of praying will change someone that does not want to change.
I left and divorced. My ex was manipulating, cheating, using, and I am praising God for the peace and freedom.
I thought the abuse I endured was 'a normal part of life' and tried healing on my own
Having God has allowed me to finally start healing after my own efforts
Thank you for this video, I needed it.
If your spouse is dealing with you treacherously according to Malachi 2, get a divorce. The Lord has been a witness to how your spouse has dealt with you. If there is financial abuse, emotional abuse, etc. divorce. The Lord doesn't want you to be chained because of the Law.
I'd agree. I left for those reasons. The stress was making me extremely sick. If you're not growing with God and your marriage together it is attacks of satan!
This is the single best video on narcissistic marriage I have ever seen and i have been watching this type of content for 5 years
I think you just know when you have outgrown a relationship. Biggest red flag is there is nothing left to say that is positive because there is no respect.
My ex was verbally abusing me for 26 years. When I realized that he was a narcissist , I prayed for God to deal with him because it got too hard for me. Watching these videos really helped. I stopped taking his bait , and quit giving him his supply then after a few months of this he just came in the house and out of the blue decided to divorce me. The day I dropped him off he filed. I told him to his face that he was a narcissist and I believe that set it in motion. He never loved me . He told me many lies over the years and I’m sure he cheated. Can’t prove it but there were times that he said he can’t tell me where he was over night . He has a security job so he got away with those lies. He needs God’s saving grace . I do pray for him and his salvation.
Yes. I believe so. No one gets to destroy your life and abuse you. That is a covenant breaker. No one should stay with an abusive spouse, regardless of what kind of abuse. It’s evil and destructive.
Kris, your content is SO good and so biblically sound. Thank you.
I was wondering if you could do a video on how narcissism manifests in women and/or addressing the deficit in resources for men who are in these kinds of relationships. It seems like it’s a default in the Christian and counseling space that the man is always at fault and responsible
You speak the truth. My father is an evil narcissist who abused my kind and devoted mother and us for decades. My mother hanged on until her dementia kicked in. I dont know whether she should have left, but it is truly cringe worthy to see people lightly throwing the word "abuse" around when they are the entitled ones. It takes an abused to identify abuse of the term abuse.
I was miserable and broke trying to keep my narcissistic wife happy
I consulted an excellent family therapist.
He asked me why I stayed.
I said “I made an oath before God”
He replied “But God wants you to be happy”. I had not thought of that.
I tried to get her into therapy, but she refused and commenced divorce proceedings
In retrospect, God saved me. I was being let out of jail.
I am living very happily now.
Thankyou God🙏😊
Infidelity can also mean - very little love for you. And excessive love for their past friends, people of opposite sex, extreme interest in sports of some sort neglecting all marital duties and family chores etc.
Thank you! I no longer feel any shame. I know it was Justified Divorce, per God. ❤🙏
Hello I am so sorry if this sounds weirds but you wrote such a nice and wonderful comment. I can tell your very positive person, if it's . Okay with you l'd love to be friends❤
Thank you for this video I have been thinking about divorce and I've just been praying and seeking for answers. Thank you.
Wonderful video. So many great answers here, and churches need to remember that divorce (whether justifiable or not) is NOT an unforgivable sin and NO sin should make anyone a second class citizen. God loves you more than he loves your sin and he knows that we struggle with normal relationships, let alone abuse. Repent, make an effort to do better next time, get counseling, move on.
Omgosh thank you ! Whew
I prayed and waited for many years for things to change, but finally realized that God cannot change a person’s free will. I have no guilt about leaving because I did everything I could, but it takes two. My husband blames a relative for my departure when he himself is the cause. I hope to provide a place of refuge and safety someday for wounded women who have no hope and no place to go. To those who can leave such a toxic situation, I say go, especially if you feel suicidal like I did. I do not believe a loving God wants His sons and daughters to suffer. Marriage should be a refuge - place of love, kindness and safety, and never abuse.
Thanks for all you do and for all you have been through, Kris. I appreciate you!
The Lord recently brought me to your channel in answer to prayers regarding my failed marriage. I can't thank you enough for the biblical wisdom, and sound counsel.
I divorced supposedly Christian narcissist 10 months ago, after 21 years of marriage. And I can tell that the worst day after the divorce is better that the best day with her. Yes, I have problems, the life is difficult as it should be, but I regained confidence, trust, happiness, joy, peace of mind. I'm not being poisoned anymore. That's priceless.
For the last time, yes! Leave the preditor. Leave. Don't look back. Do yourself!
I prayed some years ago, for God to let me catch my narcissistic husband in an affair, so I could leave "in His good graces"...I was a believer, but not a seeker in His Word/word. Well, He said "no"..., to which I replied "that's not nice. You know how dysfunctional this is and wrong...". I then heard "he isn't right, but he doesn't deserve the anger from your whole life either..." 🤐
I began to seek Him through His word and trust Him, one area at a time. Received deliverance from 4 oppressive spirits and dove in the deep end like never before. This is about eternity and it may have taken a while, but I'm so grateful now that I obeyed and continue to seek and obey. It's not as "good" as it could be, but it's nowhere as bad as it used to be. The gaslighting and verbal putting down is near minimal where it was daily before. Doing it His way works best every time and I'm definitely a better person for it. With God I was strong enough to become the strong woman of God He designed me to be! ❤❤❤
Praying for all us ladies!!
Thank you for sharing your testimony. I can relate to what you shared. Which oppressive evil spirits were you delivered from?
You had an out if he was adulterous.
@@marysaelidor7692
Considering I had no idea about oppressive spirits or deliverance at the time, I've prayed and asked the Lord that question. Codependency, rejection, abandonment and complacency.
So many of the stories in the Bible reflect narcissistic abuse. Jacob and Laban, Jezebel, many of the Kings. The fact is that the abusers who didn't love and honor God, their life didn't end well for them. Demons are controlling the narcs mind and as in 1 Peter 5:8 devouring their peace and lives. I'm single, but do hope to be married someday and one must is that she genuinely loves Jesus, because if we both love Jesus I believe we can make it and make it well. Blessings Mrs Reece!
Narcissist are reprobates
Thank you for articulating everything so clearly. I’ve been told so many times to stay in this abusive marriage. That it’s better to be together And it’s no grounds for separation.
AMEN AND AMEN 🙏 I KNOW THAT I KNOW THAT I KNOW I HAVE WALKING RIGHTS!!❤
I so appreciate this. I haven't told anyone at all about my struggles, not even my closest friend. Somehow I'm scared to put it into words. In November I finally gave up all hope for my marriage, and since then I've been struggling to pray. Thank you Kris for your sound biblical perspectives and guidance.
That piece about separating first is golden. When I asked for it, I was told it's not an option. Stay or leave for good. Also, as soon as I asked for it, things just got worse. I have found mercy and grace in the healing hands of God. I have also discovered the power of forgiveness. For myself and for him. I see now that this was always the path, to get me to where I am today, in conversation with the Almighty. Listening to one's heart is truly a divine adventure. I was a luke warm believer before and today I am all about serving our God, by example and by staying close to the word. Thank you for this video. It's been 2,5 years of separation (yes, these types take that long). The process is physical, emotional and spiritual. I found the physical to be of least influence in healing. God wants healing for all, no matter where you are, in a good or bad situation, He just wants us close, and when you are close, you will know in your heart and through his voice what you need to do in every single step. ♥🌹🌈
Thank you Minister Reece God Bless you ♥️🙏🏾😇
I needed this 😢 I’ve been in a narcissist marriage for 20years . I’m thankful for testimonies that are being shared thank you all for giving me hope 🙏🏽😞
Just found your channel after praying for a Christian woman’s perspective on this very topic. I’ve been researching Narcissism for some time now. Watching Dr. Les Carter and trying to understand it and just today I was praying about hearing from a Christian woman’s perspective and I thank God for finding you! I hope you will help stop the static in my head about how I’m supposed to feel and react as a Godly woman. Everyone has advice but no one and I mean no one understands me and what I’ve gone through and continue to go through. The monkey wrench is that I know I’m a sinful person and I know how I want to be treated but it gets real hard when the person who is supposed to love you the most in this world can so utterly destroy you with little or no remorse and carry on like you’re the problem. It can make a person question themselves!
I was the narcissist. My wife did not leave me and at year 24 of 25 years of our marriage, I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder type 1. She dealt with me until my sickness was diagnosed and I am now a normal person and treat her kindly. In her words, she is looking forward to the next 25 years.
Mine started a smear campaign with several women he had emotional affairs with and met with them every day. We've gone to many Christian Marriage Counselors which state that he groomed them. He coerced me to sign a premarital Prenup about to expire. Since I won't sign any more papers, he went to another lawyer to pass our Marital Estate to his kids. The Cortisol level went up to 333 and I lost 50 lbs. He caused me a Broken Heart Syndrome Heartattack with 196/126 blood pressure and ALL my left side went numb. Surgery was done to put a wire mesh into my heart to check what was wrong. He filed for divorce saying that I am the controlling one (since I won't sign any legal paperwork without a lawyer). I feel like he has broken the Marriage Covenant. I feel so ashamed with this breaking of the Marriage Covenant.
HE broke the marriage covenant, NOT YOU.
He broke the marriage covenant, but not you. Narcissistic abuse has ruined your health but he broke the marriage contract🤔.
I watched my mother have a heart attack 2 strokes mental abuse but she stay for the marital covenant. She's dead now! You are correct on one thing, she's dead from broken hearted syndrome! yes.
❤🩹
My mother was treated like you and she died of pancreatic cancer at 58. But she stayed married😢
@@ladyofthecreek279 How?
Thank you for your courage and kindness to talk about this very complicated subject. Those who have never experienced narcissistic abuse don't even know these kinds of people exist. And when these narcissists go to church, are charismatic and giving to the public, it's even harder for people to comprehend. I was fortunate to have a counsellor who had the same experience I did, so that he could speak honestly and frankly about my wife's condition and the fact that it likely is a lost cause. It's just heartbreaking that our friends can add insult to injury over these situations. Thank you for your kindness and understanding Kris. God bless you!
I have been married for nearly 25 years to a narcissistic man who has never consummated our marriage and there has never been any intimacy, companionship, or resolve of anything. Just control through silence, gaslighting, and denial of any of my emotional needs. We cohabitate, as roommates with no respect.
I am still here because I made a commitment to and before God to stay where he put me. But, I have been less than cordial in my fulfillment of the commitment.
Thank you for this video, I needed to hear your wisdom.
Leave! You’re in a one sided commitment
You really need to leave.
With no physical abuse & adequate financial security, maybe stay? It could be ur life ministry 🤷🏼♀️
U certainly sound calm & know ur worth! U may be a warrior! U have been a warrior till now, surely-with the Lords grace ofc.
It will just get worse. I know. I've been there.
You have a piece of paper not a marriage and you are confused. You need to betterment yourself spiritually, financially and leave
Thank you so much for addressing this topic so wisely and sensibly. God bless you.
Thank you Kris. You are absolutely right. I divorced 3 years ago. I was emotionally abuse and abandoned near the end. I was more than time.
God is faithful and He looks after us.
I was in a 29-year marriage with an extremely narcissistic man. I was also unequally yoked. I had been with him since I was 15. I stayed because I had 4 children with him, and also due to pressure from others about what a "Christian woman" was supposed to be. I had it in my mind that I "MUST KNOW" that I did everything I could think of to make it work, and it completely destroyed me. When I finally got the nerve to file for divorce, my ex-husband started spreading lies about me "having sex" with every man at his work. I don't even know those men. To this day he still tells our adult children, and anyone else he can, that he doesn't feel comfortable at his job because he knows all those men laugh at him because they have all had his wife. I must admit, that still kills my heart to this day because I AM NOT that kind of woman. And he actually believes his own lies. Anyhow, immediately after my divorce, like within months, I remarried. I had found a man that loved the LORD and preached the gospel. One that prayed with me, cried with me, made me tear down my walls and trust him and let him in. He actually forced me to trust him, and though I felt forced, I did make the decision to believe him. He told me I could be vulnerable with him, and that's what GOD wanted. Within months, so much changed. And I was scared. He started gaslighting me every time I had to go home (we lived 2 1/2 from each other). He started shredding me, telling me I didn't truly want a Godly man, I wanted to be in control, and how Genesis says the woman will always desire to control. He started telling me love was a "verb" and my actions would show my love, and that "if I loved him" I would... . And I felt like I had to prove to him he was wrong. Something didn't set right with me. But he was SO WONDERFUL out on the streets. So compassionate, so loving, had such a desire to share the WORD of GOD with people, and he was loved by his entire community. It really confused me. He would tell me preachers go through such severe spiritual warfare, way more than almost anyone else, and it looks ugly, and theor women need to have patience with them and support them no matter what. I do know some of this to be true, being that I am a pastors daughter, but still something didn't sit right. I ALWAYS second guess myself. I have become so untrustworthy with my own thoughts that I just don't know what is right or wrong anymore. Fast forward a bit, my Daddy suddenly fell extremely ill, and I had to take him to the hospital. This started a GREUSOME and long battle for my Daddy's life. During covid, I couldn't be with my Daddy. He did not have covid, but this happened during covid. They literally tortured my Daddy to death. All he'll was breaking lose and the LORD told me not to travel anywhere, but to stay and fight for my Daddy, and help give my children support. My Daddy and Mama had both lived with us, Mama passed from cancer, and Daddy was heavily grieved and lonely, so we all stayed together. My Dad was the only true father my children knew. So, my conviction was "stay here, no traveling." I was severely gas lit for that. My Daddy passed, and a couple of months later my sister was murdered, and my (now) husbands Mama passed. Needless to say, there was massive grief from all angles. He pushed me a couple of months later to marry him. I did want that, but I felt in my heart we should wait. When I said that to him, I was gaslit again, saying I was faking my love for him, how I never truly wanted him, how GOD wants us married, etc etc. So what did I do? I conceded. Do you know what I got? A courthouse wedding with no one to celebrate with us. I felt so small. A couple month's later he moved from. The town he lived i and came to live with me. Ever since then, life has been pure hell. He took everything from me. I used to sing for the LORD, but not anymore. Because he told me many times, "some songs women just shouldn't sing" and how women have no place in ministry outside of their home. How women are to support theor husband's even if he is wrong, being wrong, doing wrong, no matter what, he cones first. How I was supposed to listen to him, and he would relay what GOD wants from m because he is my head. He yanked every single ounce of my value, my self esteem, my unique qualities, my sense of humor, my dreams, my desires, my simple opinions, from me and mostly told me how stupid they all were. He thinks I am supposed to look like a female version of him. Literally. I don't even know who I am anymore. I am TRYING to cling to the LORD and see my value through HIS eyes, and figure out what HE wants of me. I just can't do this anymore. I know it's all my fault, but I can't live like this anymore. I get NO spiritual guidance, leadership, prayer, encouragement, love, NO intimacy WHATSOEVER. Not physically, not emotionally, not spiritually, not mentally. All he does is feel sorry for himself, dialect, point out everyone else's flaws, except for his people of choice.They can do no wrong. And those are ONLY people who either pat his back, or that he gets things from. They are "good people." Anyone connected to me? From his mouth they are "pieces of sh**." He tells me all about how no one else is ever there for me but him. Look where they all are, none of them care about you. Etc. Etc.
I am not allowed to listen to other preachers because not only are none of them "spiritual enough" but I am to learn strictly from him and no other man. Yet, we don't go to church because "everyone is fake." While I do agree there is a lot of fake, there are also many whom aren't. And as I point out to him "we're fake too. We put on fake smiles and tell everyone we are fine, when we AREN'T. " He cries at the drop of the hat. He apologizes when he sees in ready to leave and starts telling me how sick he is, and how he needs my encouragement. And says "you're so quick to encourage others, and have so much patience with everyone but me." Talks about how he doesn't want to live. Etc. Etc. Same thing every time. He initiates a talk that seems like it's actually going somewhere, and tosses everything I tell him from my heart the next day.
To be honest, in both marriages, what has HARMED me the most... is the lack if intimacy. It really torments me, and quenches the SPIRIT so bad. I am a VERY loving woman. I am a servant. The love of GOD compels me. When I don't get love from my HUSBAND, my LEADER, my PROTECTOR, ETC. THAT MAKES ME HATE MYSELF, MY LIFE, LOSE HOPE, AND WONDER WHY I DESERVE TO BE HATED SO MUCH. I say to myself, "You're vile. You're wretched. How can the LORD ever be proud of you? Yes, HE does love all... but YOU are an exception. You are putred. You have NO value." I can tell you that a withdrawal of intimacy IS ABUSE, and it IS a violation of the covenant made before GOD ALMIGHTY. HE HAS BROKEN HIS VOWS TO THE LORD, AND TO ME. AND ANYONE WHOM WILL EVER TELL A WOMAN GOING THROUGH THIS THAT WHAT I JUST SAID ISN'T TRUE... THEY ARE LIARS!
LADIES, I BEG YOU... DON'T LISTEN TO ANYONE BUT TYE LORD! YOU DON'T HAVE TO STAY IN THIS! HE DIDN'T CREATE YOU TO BE ABUSED! EVEN THOUGH I OFTEN TELL MYSELF OTHERWISE. THAT IS NOT COMING FROM OUR GOD!
DON'T LISTEN TO THE WRING VOICES. JESUS SAID "MY SHEEP HEAR MY VOICE!" LISTEN TO HIM! 😭😭😭
Yes, leave and get healing so you do not attract another narc.. good lord I am so sorry you had to endure this. :(
I listened to this...after stopping it a few times, for validation. I left a really abusive marriage after 11 years, we had 2 children, there was physical abuse, infidelity on his part, gas lighting, and honestly I believe he is more than narcissistic, he's psychotic, as he tried to kill me when inwas pregnant with our youngest son.
I thought wveryrhing was up to me, but I was so young. As I grew up, I grew wiser and closer to God. I did none of these things you described. If only I had this to listen to 25 years ago. I could have gotten real help, but everything worked out as I moved on with my life.
Thank you for sticking to Biblical teachings.
God bless you for your help.
Thank you Kris! I have felt God’s nudgings in my experience and you are right. I was miserable when I didn’t follow through, at peace when I did.
If he tries to kill you, RUN! CHOOSE LIFE! You and your children choose to live and serve The Lord.
People, including Pastors, condemned me for divorcing a adulterous narcissist that tried to kill me. I am now happily married to the man God chose for me. In God's eyes and in my own mind, I have only been married once, to my now husband.
my ex husband told me to my face, i was easy to manipulate. divorced 7 months now after 9 years. thank God for the way of escape
Thank you for clarifying the truth and helping others to understand! God Bless!!
My ex and I met today for a few hours, discussing our divorce. She apologised, i forgave her. She wanted me to sign the papers with no questions asked. Under duress i signed them four months ago. Where it goes from here is up to us and God. We had a good time reminiscing in the park and at Taco bell. It was nice to see her smile again, even though she is going through some awful issues. I pray for her comfort and peace, having family issues over the situation she got herself into. My heart aches for her. We hugged each other, quite long 2 times before we parted today. I hope to treat her again in the future.
Does she have narcissistic traits
Amen on the abuse I was physically and mentally abused for over 10 years and when I tried to get help it was hard.This do to false claims from a lot of people and had to prove and I did get help and got a restraining order finally but please never say false abuse because women like me have really been threw this trauma.
I asked God in prayer this morning if I should continue to stand for my marriage having been abused by a covert narcissist who left me with all the bills and ran back to his narcissistic mother who hates me after i started to call him out on his manipulation and intimidating moves and mind games.. Thank you Yahweh for confirmation 5/19/24
I'm on the same boat as you... I'm married to a narcissist man and I want to know if God wants me to finally file for divorce.
I've been divorced from my abusive narcissistic for 12 years. I've cut off all contact with his flying monkey's as well. I'm still struggling with trying to get past the 26 years of neglect, financial (money i generated) gas lighting, dismissing, and at times physical abuse. I keep replying these things in my mind. I've prayed that God would set my mind straight. I've prayed for all these people including my ex. When we separated he had a girlfriend within the first month. I can't help but think this was going on while we were still living in the same house. Once he had the new girlfriend the neglect of our daughters was worse than when we were together. I'm very grateful for this video. Thank you.
Thank you for this view on being married to a narcissist. Most don’t admit this and say just leave u deserve better. They don’t seem to understand that it’s not that simple when you are truly trying to follow God
Wish I had this info 46 years ago! Divorced after 28 long arduous years of marriage-held in by the dogma of til death do you part. Ironically was major-league manipulated because of my faith. Perfect push button. Happy now, praise God! Thank you for your good work.
Yes he will my ex was Narcissist and a cheater for many years when we where married
Not only did He give permission,He helped me on every leval.Kris what if infidelity means turning their backs on the faith,running to the world?
Thank you soooo much! You’ve been an esencial help in my healing process. God bless you brave woman of God. 👏🏻
THANK YOU FOR THIS INFORMATION!! Blessings to you!!❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
This is a perfect example of women are not allowed to be HEAD PASTORS but are VERY MUCH Permitted to preach and share the Gospel. You broke this down better than any pastor or mentor I have ever heard.
In Cor. it says if she leaves not to remarry. This tells me I can leave but not remarry until death. Not that I ever want to remarry after my narcissistic (Christian) marriage. But as for now I stay, my children are better for now. If the Lord doesn’t come back soon, I am leaving when my youngest is older. My oldest says it is pretty bad, but most of it is text book narcissistic mental behavior. I told her if he used money as a weapon like he does everything else I probably wouldn’t have able to last as long as I have. But through my 24 year relationship I sure have stayed close to God. I is just nice knowing that he doesn’t love me so I don’t have to expect it anymore.
You are taking that scripture out of context.
Jesus clearly states that divorce is permitted because of the hardness of our hearts preventing us from finding true love. The Bible is just making clear that it's not supposed to be this way. It's just like Jesus raising the standard to perfection only to show us how far we fall short.
@@GeraldJacobsTH-cam the Bible makes it clear never to divorce. If you remarry it is adultery. Always. But “IF” she leaves not to remarry. Leave, but never remarry until there is death involved. Every scripture verse talks of upholding Gods view of marriage. True love doesn’t trump that fact. She can leave. The husband still has a responsibility for sustaining her, but remarriage is off the table. In this day and age, though, I would not expect my husband to still provide a roof over my head after I leave. No contact would have to be the way to go has he has gotten pretty pissed just because I have gone out to the store without him. I first pointed this out because I have had scripture thrown in my face in regard to a woman’s role in the marriage, completely ignoring his role altogether. She can’t fulfill her role if she is gone??? Well 1 Cor states IF she leaves. I will never remarry, or commit sexual immorality, and my conscience will still be intact before God. I will not be sinning because I left a Narcissist. If he divorces me; I am still not to remarry until death is involved. So if we are both healthy that may never happen. Marriage is a serious commitment.
@@thewhatsup "the bible makes it clear to never divorce".
Jesus: "for the hardness of your hearts divorce was permitted".
@@GeraldJacobsTH-cam yes, but not remarriage.
@@thewhatsup we are meant to marry in the will of God, unfortunately because of our fallen nature we are prone to deception.
Marriage and children take precedence over our mistakes.
We are not to take marriage lightly and cannot divorce for just any reason, but falling in love with a psychopath who pretends to be a angel of light is no small matter.
That marriage isn't valid in the eyes of God as it is a scam and it's better to divorce that fall prey to legalism.
Remember men also had rules for the sabath, but the sabbath was made for man, not man for the sabbath
My ex-spouse was trying to kill me. He cheated on me with men and women. He abused me in every way possible. Lied to my friend, so I lost her friendship. I met his lover-girlfriend. My marriage was almost 20 years. Now, I need to do the work of forgiveness. I will probably have to do all the "leg work".
I didn’t even know what a narcissist was, but God showed me. Being with a narcissist is the worst torment I ever experienced in my life. Especially the silent treatment and not to mention he found a different Pastor and manipulated the Pastor to say I was the problem.
Thank you. I had my issues yet I wasn’t lying cheating running up debt gaslighting be lazy telling others stories
Thank you for your videos.
This is the first time I have seen anyone else who use scriptures to help me understand how to look at my situation with scriptures and explained how I should handle it.
I've been trying to save My marriage.
Knowing that God hates divorce.and never saw it the way it was explained. Thank you so very much and I will be praying for anyone else who's going through this.
I have had some terrible things happen in my life.death of my 3 siblings and my mother. And it was every two years that I lost one of them. I endured it for 8 years and I believe that what I am going through now is the most depressing and devastating thing I have ever have to go through..God bless all who will have to go through divorce. know that you are not alone and you are being prayed for.even by some you have never met. Thank God for the body of Christ sincerely Nelson
I try to help people understand this as an adult with abusive parents/family. Even knowing details, people have told me to 'go back'. No thanks.
So ..... what about a spouse who "says" he's "sorry" but actual repentance is NOT happening?????
My counselor did a check in and asked how the area of depression was going, I said I'm okay I don't have someone screaming at me anymore and putting me down!
We live under the convent of GRACE, not the Law of Moses... Thank you for the share. Give Gods Grace, do not let yourself be abused!
I have spent 32 years trying so hard through prayer, three different counselors, pastors etc. to get my husband to change to work on his narcissism but he did not now that I have finally had it. I’m sick of being abused alone hurt and abandoned in my marriage I am leaving, all of the sudden he’s become a Christian anybody that has lived with a narcissist of any length of time know that this is a ploy to keep me from leaving that I am just his narcissistic Supply and he doesn’t want to have to find another one now that I have gotten Attorney and our divorce date is soon he’s back to drinking I was not wrong when I chose to start the divorce procedure I am determined to live in peace I’ve had enough
God bless you. Comfort you.
Extremely wise, godly advice. Thank you for validating victims and giving sound direction
If we start asking God questions BEFORE we get married, we won't have to ask Him if or whether we can get divorced. Hindsight is ALWAYS 20/20.🧐👀
Still repeating for marrying a narc
Sure, in a perfect world, where young ladies actually have that type of guidance.
Because the 2 years I got to know him the gas lighting the stuff you hat goes on with it. Wow. It might have been going on for years. So grateful for finding your channel.
I likenhow all the comments are one sided, and everyone is so perfect and righteous 😊
Thank you for this video, I know that I was meant to see it. ❤️🙏
🪙🪙🎀Absolute Gold🎀🪙🪙🙏Thank you so much Mrs. Reece!!🙏
I've been wondering where the fine line is. I have been putting my faith in Christ and THIS is exactly what I've been lead to believe. Just nice hearing and getting validation. Now just to watch my scenario unfold
Thank you I think that was a helpful video. My husband worls out of town and it is as if God is allowing this separation for our good
He has cursed me, gaslighted me, lied, cheated (no physical evidence) but for sure emotional. Told me he wanted a yes woman. Nasty at times of disagreements, tore me down. Stonewalling and contempt is definitely there. Hoover only became I left. I’m afraid of him. He hasn’t gone to therapy for any help. Continuously told me to leave but when I said I was done, now he doesn’t want me too. Emotionally exhausted. Negative comments. Negative person. Negative towards me. I’m tired. Separated and trying to figure out what are my next steps. It can’t stay the way it is 😢
Sorry, just do not remarry until death. I am glad you left. I am still in my rollercoaster. I just cling to God that much more. The way I see it I either have 5 more years until my youngest is older, Jesus comes back, or we die. Either way I can handle 5 more years I just don’t want to, but my kids are better off with a two parent household (my situation). My kids are smart and see through him. My son has 0 respect for him. He definitely doesn’t want to be anything like him. My daughters don’t trust any thing he says, but at least they are learning to forgive. Please enjoy your coming peace and don’t go back.
@@thewhatsupI can’t remarry even if cheated?
@@lizh4817 you’ll want to read what Jesus and Paul had to say about marriage. 1Cor 7, Matt. 5, Luke 16. Of course your relationship to God is proof you know Him, but the Bible makes it clear; as long as the spouse is living and the other remarries, it is sin (Matt. 19). God holds marriage in a high regard. That is why it is under attack. He calls Israel His wife and the church Jesus’ bride. He wanted one man one woman until death, but the Bible says if she is to leave she is not to remarry 1Cor. 7:11.
@@lizh4817 it is death that frees the contract of marriage not divorce. I have wanted to know because of my marriage, so I looked into what God had to say and not man/denominations since it is His standard in which I am judged. I know we will all ways sin as long as we are on this earth, but I do not want to purposely sin against Him; for my relationship concerning my kids and God. I am just glad He lets us leave, because my husband has said to me that if I am not a “wife” I am sinning, completely overlooking everything he does to hurt our marriage.
Definitely agree if I stay, he cannot stay the same and I have already said that because I can’t endure it anymore abuse, and he doesn’t know he’s doing it.
I fear loneliness and abandonment from my narcissistic husband. We live in separate houses and he doesn’t want me around. I know it’s time to leave. My fear is holding me in. I’ve been alone before.
I’m a Christian and felt forgiveness is a strong aspect of are faith, but after numerous act of infidelity. I had to tell her it’s time to end it. Did want too. Had too.
I'd just like to add its not just women being abused... I'm a male that has been abused and manipulated... So would be good if you could include men in your perspective... Thanks
Married?
Women and men who live for the world will claim irreconcilable differences. My wife used that as the reason for divorce instead of being honest about her infidelity and adultery. I could challenge the reason; but I know the Lord will take her selfishness in His time. People like my wife hurt others with no remorse. It’s better to let them go instead of keeping them around. Pray for them but don’t have nothing to do for them. You stay with Lord and don’t repay evil with evil.
I think of the song from the Titanic movie soundtrack, “Unable to Stay, Unwilling to Leave”. That is where I think I am at right now.
yes god dont allow anykind of abuse
My question isn't whether it's ok to leave a spouse that is abusive. It's whether that person can remarry.
Jesus said those who divorce and remarry commit adultery. If you are divorced, you are to remain single or reconcile with your spouse.
Yes you can. People use that line to keep people miserable. God wants us in companionship. It wasn’t your fault the person was abusive and broke the marriage covenant. We are in the age of grace. God loves you greatly and will give you your heart desires.🙏🏾
@sanctifiedintruth you left out unless its for fornication who would want to stay with a narcissist I left after he committed adultery several times
@@shirlspark_stardust Unfortunately that scripture has been misinterpreted. "Fornication" or "sexual immorality" in the Greek is "porneia". Jesus was referring to sexually immoral marriages according to Leviticus 18:6-23. You can divorce and remarry if you married someone listed in Leviticus 18 because the marriage is not lawful in God's eyes. John the Baptist told Herod it was not lawful to marry his brother's wife (according to Leviticus 18). Herod should have divorced his brother's wife because it was a sin to be married to her. His marriage was sexually immoral. This is the exception for divorce and remarriage, not when your spouse is unfaithful. If a person needs to leave their spouse who is abusive, they are to remain single or reconcile with their spouse. The scriptures are clear--if you remarry after divorce you are in adultery.
@@bernicefomunung9547 God does not give us grace to live in adultery. Jesus said a lawful marriage covenant cannot be broken. What God has joined together let not man separate. That's why he said a person who is divorced and remarried is in adultery. Paul said in 1 Corinthians 7:40 a woman is happier, or more blessed if she remains single. Marriage is beautiful but it should not be our source of happiness. This is idolatry. Jesus is all we need. I pray he is enough for you.