The Mental TRAP every 30 Year Old Falls Into.
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 ก.ค. 2024
- Have you seen those videos or articles that tell you what you SHOULD have achieved before 30 years old? The idea of 'should' is a mental trap that we get ourselves into. We choose how we live our lives, and even if we have pressure from others, we are the ones buying into it. where should you be at 30? Wherever you want to be!
0:00 The idea of 'should' is total B.S.
0:30 Why do we feel should pressure in our 30s?
1:20 Most of the pressure is coming from the inside
1:45 Develop an internal locus of control
4:03 Is Your Life Progressing?
4:33 Are you taking responsibility?
5:09 Do You have a plan or goal?
6:25 There is no scorecard in life
Hopefully this video gives you a better perspective on where you should be at 30, and what you should have accomplished by 30. Remember that you are on your own path at your own pace. Be proud of your own progress and the person you are becoming.
About me: I am a professional speaker, writer, and run my own business. You can read my blog or learn more about my work here: midsonshort.com/ - แนวปฏิบัติและการใช้ชีวิต
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I’m going to be 29 in a couple months, so I’m loving these videos that give advice for 30s. I feel more ready than ever to enter that stage of life, but I’m savoring my 20s while I’m still here. I’ll tell you why I love this video so much. I am disabled due to my chronic illnesses, and while I’ve gotten over feeling like I "should" be somewhere else in life, so many other chronically I’ll people I’ve met have a hard time with this. They see where other healthy, able-bodied individuals are at and wish they were there too. Your advice can be applied to even those who are like me, "behind" according to society. Every life has its own set of adventures, and I think that’s a beautiful thing. Thank you for posting this, Daniel. I’ve been a fan for at least a year now, but never think of leaving comments. Hope you’re doing well!
Wow, this brought a tear to my eye! Thank you so much for sharing Rose! You sound like you are an incredible person and have an amazing outlook for life. I have so much respect for you. It’s so rewarding for me to know that my videos help in some small way. Wishing you all the best and please do stay in touch here in the comments! We’re all behind you 😊🙏🏻❤️
@@midsonshort Thank you!!! 💕 And I will!
At 38 I succumbed to this pressure I put on myself to be at a better place financially. I quit my job, trained for a new career. 16 years later it's the best thing I ever did for myself. Sometimes you want this kind of pressure, it's not always a "trap" if it's pushing you toward something you don't want (like marriage and family, in my case) and don't know it yet.
If you hate the outside pressure from people, move away from them. I have cut out many people in my life who gave me those pushy "You need to do this" or "You should do this" and my mental wellbeing has thanked me for doing so.
Amazing video. im 33 single student..got another year atleest left to study veterinary medecine. Not sure what i really want to do with my life but i know animals is what im best at. I quit my office job back when i was 28 and started studying again and ye it was hard and still is financially living off inheritance etc.
Major things ive learned: Nothing is worse than being bored, life is too shirt for that.
- It better to be alone than to be with the wrong person
- you cannot change other people
-everyon climbs their own ladder
Just turned 30 this year and it actually made me realize how arbitrary timelines are! Right now I'm just trying to practice gratitude for everything I have done and make sure I understand what I want to do without the pressure of "shoulds" getting in the way.
That’s so awesome to hear Deidre! It’s so freeing when you realize there are no timelines and that ‘shoulds’ don’t have to dictate who you become! 😊🙏🏻
There’s pressure to be at a certain level in your 30s because if you’re not, it’s likely that you didn’t make wise life decisions in your 20s. Now you’re having to play catch up at a time when other people have already finished. That’s not good. No matter how you slice it.
The reason there is societal pressure on 30 somethings is because if there wasn’t, everyone would be a bum. Nobody is coming to save you. You either figure out what you want to do, or you’re fucked
I unfortunately had to breakup with my ex because she wanted to settle down, buy a home, get married before she hits 30. I’ve only dated her for a year 1/2 and I felt she was rushing things too quickly while my timelines were a bit slower. I learned I am the only person that can make my own happiness and I don’t need to conform to societies expectations when I need to do life changing events.
Thanks Daniel for your videos! I'd like to share a mindset that has helped me through this issue to add your concepts if I may. It's a little more dry, but bear with me haha
I look at all of this in the frame work of "Social Tokens".
There is maybe an another term for this in sociology, but my definition of a social token is > An advantage that a person has, ascribed or earned, that allows them to be reacted to in a favorable way in social situations, among peers, and/or receive preferential treatment and/or leeway others may not receive.
For example, if you're 17 years old, and you get into college early and get a bachelors degree in Computer sciences, there are many social tokens in this situation that will get positive reactions and perceptions of you from peers and people around you, making it easier to feel confident, and even receive preferential treatment in certain social situations.
In this situation, the social tokens would be the persons age (17 years old, which is younger than most university students), getting in to college early (which implies you are above average intelligence), and Computer science (which is complex, and is thought of to be complicated and valuable by the public).
If we changed this situation, and made the person 27 years old, and they got into college to get a bachelor degree in liberal arts, there are many social tokens in this situation that may not get that favorable of a reaction from peers and those around you, because of the perceived value ascribed to these things. ie: You got into college late.. Do you struggle with academics, or are you a "slacker"? > Liberal arts? That's a useless degree today because it's not in STEM, and etc...
So to wrap out this long winded explanation, how does this play into having a good mindset?
Life is like a game, and the older you get, you will lose, and gain certain social tokens, but that doesn't mean you Can't Play and Win at a game where youthful social tokens are thought to be valuable...
This is more of a "political" issue if you really think about it. Politics is a lot about perception.
There is what you are actually capable of, which in certain cases your age has no bearing on your ability (ie: education, knowledge, talent), and then there's What People Think you're capable of... (In certain cases, it's even what people are Willing to accept you're capable of too...)
ex: You're 40? You're too old to go back to school and get a degree. > In reality there is no age limit in many institutions, so can't you do it? > Yes you could, but you not receive the same positive social feedback a young person would for it, because you have lost the social token associated with Youth and intelligence. > In this situation, you literally could be smarter than the 17 year old or get higher grades than them, but people will react to their story more favorably than yours.
So in short, your age is just a token that allows you to get positive feedback from others, and in certain cases preferential treatment.
Preferential treatment and positive reactions doesn't equate to winning in and of itself.
If you have an advantage, capitalize on it. If you have disadvantages, stack your advantages the best you can.
You can still play the game, for however much longer you have on earth, so by all means, PLAY the GAME!
The comforting thing is my answer to each of those 3 questions is yes
I have dreadful memories of turning 30. Panic mode 😅 I totally felt i wasted my 20's is not wrecked... I was so tense and arguing about everything--- Anyway, I spent my 30's catching up. Reaching 40 was just great. I had done pretty much everything i hoped from life and the rest was bonus. Turning 30 is hard since you wake up and realise you've been living at age 20 for 10 years and now it is over, for ever.
That’s so awesome to hear my friend! I had a similar road in my early 30s - it was a tough time as I found myself but it was worth it in the long run! 😊🙏🏻 So glad we are sharing this journey together!!
@@midsonshort I wish i had watched your video at my 30's, it would have helped for sure :)
The development of an internal locus of control is so important. The first 4-5 years out of college, I went down the "expected" path and felt stuck in a bad corporation. I decided to change that, and I have been in settings, personally and professionally, where others harshly criticized the path I was choosing and tried to pressure me into other choices. I stuck to my plans. I am 33, and when I compare to age 28 and age 23, I can see so much growth over those 5 and 10 years. It has not been easy or a straight path, and I still have room to grow and learn every day. But, I have gone after goals that I did not want to say in two or three decades, "I wonder if . . " or "I regret not doing. . . ".I have accomplished some and am working on developing the skills to pursue others. A good friend told me back when I decided to go after my goals, "Live life to minimize regrets, not risks." I think about his advice all the time. It made a huge difference in my life, even just in making smaller decisions such as booking a trip to Orange County, CA next month to visit a friend. Every decision has risks, but the regrets can be far more devastating. Your videos are fantastic and I love how much they make me think and continue to improve my life. Thank you.
Thank you so much for sharing that! It’s so inspiring to hear that you chose to do things that made your life unique to you! I agree about the living not to regret! I’ve also lived by that mantra!! 😊🙏🏻 appreciate your support as always, my friend!
Its crazy cause in my case I "live life" and things went south and as a result i have major regretsn and now I'm scared to "live life" again
Thank you Dan
Danny, I wish all the success and happiness that satisfies you
THANK YOU BRO!! I’m 32 and definitely think that same way.
You got it! So glad it was useful for you!
this video is really great, I'm 10 years off 30 lol but from a production and a delivery perspective, this video is excellent. You get straight to the points, and you're passionate about what you talk about, feels like a breath of fresh air compared to other content on this platform.
Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. I am trying to be as useful and helpful as possible without all the typical hype! Glad to hear this was valuable and insightful for you. 😊🙏🏻
Perfect video
Glad it resonated for you! 😊🙏🏻
Im Daniel thank you Daniel 😀♥️
Great to meet another Daniel! 😊🙏🏻
🤙🏾
I'll be turning 30 this year and my oh my.
For the most part I have done almost everything I wanted, the major thing that threw me off course was having a baby by a narcissist, cause i wanted to wait til marriage but I failed myself.
Yes, i had a baby before turning 30 (which was a goal of mine)
But it didn't happen as I planned it (which is in a marriage)
Well all that to say. I'm still happy.
Glad to hear that you are finding your way , and that you achieved what you wanted! Wishing you best for your 30s! 😊🙏🏻
@@midsonshort thank you.
You ahould have controlled your lust and urges and used contraceptives.
My takeaway is that I SHOULD not worry about these shoulds? Yes? Now I con fuse.
Haha, fair point! 😆
This does not sound like an advice, it sounds like something you are telling yourself to make yourself feel better after a realization that you are not going to make it there on time. It's what we call PROJECTION in psychology!!!
You’re probably right!
@@midsonshort Keep making more videos Dan, they are amazing and honest and very open!!!
I'm 33 now, single no kids. I did a career switch last year to pursue my passion, which is fitness. I was in the energy sector before that. Currently living of my new independent services. Also I quit alcohol 1 year and 5 months ago. In a way, I feel like a big part of my life is just starting.