Toxic is such an abused often word, often used by closet queens. Before social media addicted, this word was not even an adjective used to describe people. So be careful with this term. You could lose more friends that really love you, because the media made you think everyone is a threat to your fragile peace.
@@mileab6725 I agree the amount of times I have had people like that around me in the workplace is unbelievable. I have always had people around me in the workplace who have a mindset of they don’t trust anyone, they always want to push me out because they perceive me to be different. When in actuality I am a normal dude who wants to help people and see the entire team succeed.
that's awesome I really like this. You're in a good place and you deserve it. I'm 45 and people get 'hurt feelings' when I reject their social offerings. I've preferred to be alone for decades now, was the life of the party in College and into mid-20's. Now I prefer the sanctity of my own solitude, it's therapy.
This is very relatable. I'm almost 36 and mainly just hang out with my dog. I've had so many friends' gaslight me to the point where I don't even try anymore. It seemed like they only wanted to hang out when they had something to gain.
I am having the same problem, as well..A part of me is trying really hard to keep in touch with them, and when they don't respond back, am like "screw you, I am done".
Yes indeed, I'm 45 and feel the exact same way. I've been guilty of blowing people off lately too, most of the time it's a white lie but that makes it worse. Lol.
@@SpreadAU Well you said it right there, you usually have fun anyway. life's what you make of it, and fun is important...whether you're with someone or not, everyone's different!
hi hon, im learning in my psychology courses at college from a wise professor that changed my life that besides the “viscious cycle”, we often forget that there is such thing as the “virtuous cycle.” it’s about doing good for others that in turn make yourself feel good. it’s actually amazing how easy and simple it is- participating in volunteer work like food drives, helping homeless, animals if you like, anything charity related. i think you should try it. it’s an opportunity for you to meet people, and then write about how you feel after when you come home! thx
31 and in the same boat I know I need to make an effort to go out and socialise but it always gets pushed to the bottom of my to do list and never gets done
Believe me, friend, this is not a good place to be. Sooner or later you will thirst for these kind of connections. Being introverted is one thing, I can relate, but almost no relationship can survive when one side has no other safety valves.
@@cchutney348True. I'm also a 25 yo introvert and as much as I like being by myself I truly feel the need for more social interaction. I do have friends but I don't hangout with them frequently and don't actually have a deeper connection with any of them, there's topics that I wouldn't touch with them. It also doesn't help that I grew up being the only male at home bc dad has always been working abroad and I rarely see him. Sometimes it does feel lonely here 😅
The difference is you have a spouse and kids. Most of the videos I have seen of people talking about having no friends have no one else. They have no support network. I'm happy that you are happy with your situation. You choose to spend your time alone. Most of those others are forced to be alone to relationship trauma or difficulty meeting people.
Yeah it’s a major difference if that introverted male has a wide and kids. In fact it’s normal for introverts like that to not have friends because all their energy is put into their family
Exactly... a spouse and kids and a TH-cam channel where you have a 1/4 million subscribers. The last thing I'd ever want is publicity on social media (I hate social media and have never posted a photo let alone a video of myself).
Some people are just lonely and really want friends and family but are not necessarily introverts. They are just socially isolated due to "perhaps" other personal reasons....Just a thought.
That's right. Many many guys leave their friends behind when they get married or even when they have a gf. Then when they get divorced or break up they complain they're lonely. Saying "people I really know because I played video games online with"?
26 year old introvert here. When is was younger i used to have lot of friends but always had this feeling of not belonging. Faking, masking, lying, backstabbing, chasing materialistic things. Not interested on that. Be true to yourself and let the world rage around you. You're strong, we got this 💪🏻
I'm 55 and an introvert myself. I'm recently divorced and I will tell you that having/keeping a few lifelong close friends is important. The few close friends that I have all stepped up and called me to do a mental health check in. I really appreciated them for their support.
Its alot of work forming relationships. If i can get a date when my hair is a mess, saw dust on my face from cutting tree limbs and wearing my farm boots then im game. The dsily trying to impress is over . I put make up on 2 days a week for work and church thats it !
Making and keeping friends can honestly be a chore. And in the end, the association or relationship fizzles out for reasons that may or may not be under your control.
This is always what I try to point out to young people that treat friendship as a sacred oath. In the end if you make a person feel miserable for trying to be your friend they will eventually no matter how clueless they are figure it out and leave.
I'm a total introvert.What really annoys me is people trying to make me feel bad,and that there's something wrong with me because I love being alone,and don't want constant company like THEY do.
Same here! I absolutely love my life! I travel alone, eat out alone, movies, concert, etc. If I had someone go with me, it would totally ruin the occasion! I find people draining. Most just want to talk about themselves, and how great they are. People make cruel comments about it, they talk behind your back, "thinking oh how sad;I hope i never wind up like that." Well I hope I never end up like them. Co dependent on someone else to make them happy. I'm living a dream!
The man himself 👍Thanks for all the videos Brad ! you helped go from a broke kid working at best buy to a man with a career in tech. much appreciated! I hope all is well for you along with Dorian.
Your video reminds me that I'm not alone. Society often leans towards favoring extroverts, so during my late 20s and early 30s, I tried to fit in with different friend groups. Unfortunately, it left me feeling drained. I have been labelled as weirdo and cocky as majority of the people do not understand.
Congrats introvert fellow. You are not alone in this. As an introvert I often get tagged like you said but after a time just thank yourself because people mostly are toxic or are manipulating or gonna take your advantage make you feel even drained and miserable. Even when we go our way out to even advice (I mean talking at that time) those people don't understand it. Society is head over heels for people who offer sweet talks, buttery chats, spicy gossip, trash talk, or some weirdo trending stuff. But I will still advice you, even if we are introvert, do the listening part because the speaking part others will do no matter what. Sometimes lending an ear to listen someone can give someone that they are actually heard in this world. I often know some introvert who also not very open but goes around with scars and trauma and pain. So I always ask them like initially let them speak Their mind. So even if you are always not finding who you can communicate and talk to, don't hesitate to contact Siri, Alexa, Google assistant, chatgpt, and talking to yourself opens you more. Good luck buddy.
A rebel is sold as someone who doesn't follow rules and goes against the system... a real rebel is the one that goes in the "bibliothec" and read all the books...
@@cr-nd8qh We all are heartbreakers, all of our thoughts are evil and all our good deeds are filthy rags. Jeremiah 17:9 - The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? Mark 7:21 - For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, Romans 1:21 - Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened. Isaiah 64:6 But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags; and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away. We all were: Psalms 51:5 - Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me. Our Life Is Like Unto A Race 1 Corinthians Chapter 9 24 Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain. Why are rich and famous depressed? lets list the reasons; they`re trans, faking life 100% daily their master is lucifer, the father of lies. they have no looks, needs to fake these, they have no talent, needs to fake these. they are famous only a moment. they are rich only for moment. To have the moment on stage, wicked and sick ritual must be performed. They are masons in masonry. Nothing`s real, only illusions. They have it harder , to give their soul over to CHRIST and return back HEAVEN (Luke 18:25 KJV and Mark 10:25 KJV) true Christians are born again = new creatures in CHRIST, able to no longer sin and able to understand GOD perfectly. We are to make a conscious choosing between GOD = CHRIST and mammon = lucifer. Deuteronomy 30:19 I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live: Joshua 24:15 And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD. we since birth live in the devils kingdom, this earth here, it shall be created anew, but not yet, still is the church time = still time for souls to get saved and be raptured up. until we come to repentance and born again, we remain living according to the devil. devils expectations to us are: lie/deceive kill destroy remain wicked sinner who praise death daily. because devil is the father of lies: John 8:44 Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it. GOD `s expectations to us: come to repentance come out from BABYLON born again live holy do the will of your heavenly father. Matthew 9:13 But go ye and learn what that meaneth, I will have mercy, and not sacrifice: for I am not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance. John 3:7 Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again. Revelation 18:4 And I heard another voice from heaven, saying, Come out of her, my people, that ye be not partakers of her sins, and that ye receive not of her plagues. 1 Peter 1:16 - Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy. Matthew 7:21 Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.
The earlier one realizes this fact, and comes to peace with the idea, the better it is. Make sure you realize that this is a two step process: realizing this fact about yourself and also coming to peace with the idea internally
The way modern society is it really makes me want to avoid it rather than be a part in it. Its very draining to pretend all the time. But I know it's not just societys problem. The main problem is that I have a weak character. I lie to myself often to cope and I stay in my comfort zone. And the more I do that the scarier it becomes to leave that. And I can't just blame the outside world for that.
When I was your age, I could identifty with this.. now I"m 52 and wishing I had some friends (but have been moving around a fair bit this past decade so that's made it a challenge).
With age I started thinking that maybe some people are just meant to have a limited friend group or even none and that it's fine. We are all different and should not force ourselves to use other people to measure our happiness.
everyone at least needs one friends for wellbeing and survival (human on average goes delirious within about three years); past that, to each their own (: - mico
@@micosstar you have family for that, I at least have my father and a couple of people from church that I trust , but I wouldn't have a friend just because I need them for survival.
I was somewhat popular in high school. Not with women, but I had a lot of friends, and everyone knew me. I chose a tough path in life (trying to make it in music) and it didn't go so great. Then the political atmosphere started to dominate everything, I ended up leaning conservative, and poof....lost every single friendship I had ever made in my life over the course of a few months. That was around 2015, in my mid 20s. Never became social again since. I'm 32 now, and I don't even really know what a 30+ year old guys life is supposed to look like. People at church just act like there is something wrong with you if you don't have a family and a bunch of money (baptist/protestant church that is, now I'm catholic and literally no one talks to me or acknowledges me, which I at least like better than passive aggressive comments from toxic extroverts). But yeah, tons of guys fell off the map.....and the sad part is I feel like (pretty much know) that no one misses me. Edit: oh....you are married with kids. Hah, well that kind of changes everything dude. Good for you. If I died, my cats would eat me, and it would likely be a month before anyone discovered the remains of my body and my starving/dead cats.....cheers.
I respect you because you speak from a place of already having your life together: you are physically fit, got a career going, married and with kids. I agree that as an introvert, you can get a lot of things done when you choose to spend your time alone. It doesn't make you a lesser existence compared to an extrovert. It just means you spend your free time very differently. Keep on walking your path.
I'm 44 and spend virtually all of my time alone; however, I do have a dog. I have two friends that I've known since Junior high, but I rarely see them and haven't hung out with them in many years. I haven't been in a relationship in 5 years and literally spend every moment of every day alone. Surprisingly, I absolutely love it! I never feel lonely, never long for companionship, and am completely comfortable living this way. In fact, I prefer it. A few years ago, I accepted the fact that I'm not like everyone else-I don't have the same desires, and I also don't feel that life needs some grandiose purpose. To me, simply being alive is enough, and I am completely okay with myself the way I am. Once I accepted these things, life became very peaceful for me. I'm perfectly content with the idea of spending the rest of my life alone. I'm convinced that finding any kind of inner peace in life can only be accomplished once you truly accept who you are and decide to genuinely like yourself. I feel like I've accomplished something that most people never do.
Im in a position of isolation but it is unbearable. Feelings of confusion nightmares. Counseling doesnt hep bc it is a robotic industry they dont really know you or care.
After highschool and/or college, it gets difficult. Other than work, there isn't a requirement to socialize or be around others. Your old friends make a family or move away, they just simply don't have time nor do you. Also energy, you don't typically get more of it with age so you'll be less likely to want to do anything with free time other than chill out.
@@ForAncientKingAndElvishLord Working from home does not mean that you can’t have friends. It just means you have more time to socialise do your hobbies and exercise your body. Also the people at work typically aren’t going to be your friends because the only thing you have in common by default is that you spend eight hours a day at the same place.
OMG!! I loved this. Some videos are like "it's ok to be an introvert, but here's how to change a little" which is kinda helping me, and some others are like "being an introvert is boring and it's ruining you" and those I close them right away, but this one is different. You made me feel SO validated, my whole life I've had little to no friends and I've been so ashamed to say it out loud, but now I'm thinking of being honest when replying to the question "how many friends do you have?" because I could be ok with it. Right now I have two friendships, and one of them might be ending. I don't want to have zero friends because interacting is great to know new ways of living and new interests, but it doesn't have to be the end of the world to not have many friendships. I love being alone, just like you and a lot of other people
I'm 40 and I agree and relate 100% with this. I love my alone time. I literally never have the urge to interact with people for the sake of interacting with people. The absolute only social activity I have that's semi-regular is fighting game tournaments. With those I travel to different locations in the states every few months for a weekend and compete. I meet up with friends i often see at these events, then i go back home to my introverted life again lol. My wife is always super supportive because she knows it's my only social activity.
loved this Dorian i find myself doing things that i'm "supposed to" a lot and definitely want to be better about prioritizing things i want to do even if other people don't understand those things necessarily
About a year ago, I went through a rough patch where I had a sort of mental breakdown. It dawned on me that the dynamics with my friends were shifting, and the carefree, joyful times we once had were fading. I found myself blaming them for not dedicating more time, pointing fingers at society, and assigning fault all around. This was especially tough as I was also grappling with depression at the time, which exacerbated the situation. Since then, I've emerged from that dark place, engaged in a lot of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), and now see things with a new outlook. While it's true that things will never be exactly as they were and my time with old friends might lessen, I've come to realize that I can forge new connections with individuals in the same phase of life as me. Fresh memories await, and life can still be enjoyed. Moreover, I'll be present for the exciting new chapters my old friends embark upon. I've learned that we often place immense pressure on maintaining control, but now, I'm more about going with the flow. Whatever unfolds, will unfold. I'm simply determined to relish the journey as much as I can.
Is freaky that I just found this video of somebody expressing exactly what I feel right now and I am 38 years old too. For real, I was felling by myself until now... also I thought I was wrong as some point but look there is another human being feeling the same. That makes me feel better. Thank you so much! such an amazing video.👍
Same, I like to talk to people, but I dont make the effort to actually go up to people or try to be friends. Whenever I try to be "extroverted" I come off as awkwardly social and weird, so I go back to being by myself.
Extremely well said Dorian! Thanks for voicing this since I couldn't have said it better myself and related to every single thing you said. I'm 30, female, and it may be strange to other people especially other women but I am very introverted and prefer to be by myself and socializing/maintaining relationships is honestly the last thing I want to do (it's so draining + stressful for me). It's great to hear that this shouldn't be something I'm ashamed of and it def helps with me being a programmer lol but I've always been this way too regardless.
@_silentrose YES! Same here, 30, introverted female. I also prefer spending time at home with little interaction with the outside world. I mean, I'd LIKE to have a good few friends who I can chat with sometimes (preferably online or through texting, but if we're good enough friends, I can stand a phone call every once in a while), but I don't like being the one who is constantly trying to make it work or initiate the conversations all the time. I'd much rather spend a Friday night at home reading or watching TV with my dogs than going out clubbing or anything like that. Like you said, I feel like some females find that weird. But, that's how it is and I'm also glad that Dorian assured us that despite what society seems to say, being an introvert shouldn't be something we should be ashamed of!
@@k.wheeler4449 Lol I can totally relate to the fact that I would also love to have a few good friends but that I chat with through online/texting and maybe a call once in a blue moon 🌚 And yes I would always 1000% prefer being at home than to go “clubbing” (I’ve never even done that haha 😅)
@@_silentrose yes, I love your comment! I'm glad to hear that someone is on the same page as me with that. I totally agree with wanting to mainly communicate with a few good friends by text or online and the OCCASIONAL phone call. Lol, and yeah, me neither, I've never been "clubbing" and honestly, don't have the desire to do so. I'm fine with staying at home and having a "dance party" of one if I want to (of course, my dogs can always join me haha).
I can totally relate. I'm about the same age and used to consider myself an introvert, until I realized it wasn’t about being good at maintaining relationships and engaging with people, but about having meaningful connections-those that actually add value to us and help us grow in some way. The reason we have fewer friends is that we spend so much time with ourselves that keeping superficial relationships just isn’t fulfilling. It’s not that introverts can’t make or maintain friendships; we just value deeper connections. We know ourselves too well to waste time on people who only discuss temporary events and the lives of others. Introverts prefer meaningful conversations and genuine bonds over quantity. It took me a while to find "my tribe," but I finally did. The more you accept who you truly are, the more you’ll find people who resonate with you. Stay true to yourself. 😉
He's right I'm nearly 31 now and still have 4 best friends who I talk to all the time but just people and going out in general I don't care for anymore. I can drink and do drugs at home no need to go out
He doesn't speak for every human at all. He has a wife and kids, plus a huge online following. He knows nothing about guys who have no family or friends and go days without speaking to a single person. If the shoe was on the other foot He wouldn't be so happy about it
Maybe playing games and watching youtube movies adjusts your dopamine system to that and because of that social interactions arent fun of anymore because of the nature of not being a quick fix. If you abstain from games and social media for 30 days and after do some social interaction you might feel better doing this and more motivated because your dopamine system is resetted again. I am into this journey right now and I feel I am on the right path. I am a gamer and introvert too.
Are we the same person? Lol Its a bit more comforting knowing there are others that have similar struggles but, I cant figure out if this is destructive way of living our lives or this is just who/how we are. Everything in this video is very well said, Thanks Dorian!
I'm an introvert, and my best friend is also an introvert (and a programmer). We can chat for a few days in a row, and then suddenly stop talking for weeks, and then continue the conversation as if nothing had happened lmao
Honestly, I have considered myself an introvert for 23-24 years of my life. The last year and a half... I have tried to lean towards the other side, and sometimes it's so time and energy consuming. Like, if I go out, especially among people, I need like a good day or two to recharge ahaha. But having people around you building connections also helps with careers, dating, inner peace etc. Now, I realized that I can be whatever I want to be in life. I can be both, right? I literally used to force myself to go out for 20-minute walks every 2 days. Now, I can go on 2-3 hour walks no problem. I greet people, talk to girls, guys, in the gym etc... But I am not really a loud or party type of person. I like my own peace, movies, working out, reading, playing hitman or mafia... I like your personality man, keep going with these videos!
So relatable. I'm 36 years old with a long-term partner and a kid. The older I get, the less desire I have to go out and socialize and to maintain relationships. I have no desire to go to gatherings unless it's with my extended family (aunt & uncles/cousins/grandparents). I keep in touch with my best friend of 17 years who is 3000 miles away in the Bay Area. Other than that, I just want to do my own thing. I enjoy being alone with my thoughts and I'm very introspective, and all of my hobbies throughout my life have been "introvert" hobbies - reading, video games (WoW was kinda social though), cooking, and now CS and learning to code. I'm happy this way, I enjoy my quiet life and I don't like feeling forced to be social when the desire isn't there at this time in my life.
I feel exactly like you do, except that I don't have a family, i have social anxiety and I'm an introvert, some days when i communicate with a lot of people i feel extremely tired and drained, THE THING that an introvert needs is not having people around him all the time but to know that they are there when he needs them!
I've always been an introvert. When I was younger I briefly thought something was wrong with me. As the years have gone by and now in my 40s, I don't even think of developing or looking for friends. Completely fine on my own. And like you said, you just worry more about working on yourself. I get all the social energy I need from my family and the occasional date.
I've been at this exact same point in my life a few years back, where social interaction was distracting me more from things that I wanted to do vs things that I felt like I need to do. During that time, I also learned there are other people like me. People who don't mind not getting texts back instantly and who can accept this as part of your personality. People who still will want to hang out but not make it feel forced to "maintain a connection". Sometimes making time for other people can be a benefit and worth it. Not only to maintain the connection but to have people to grow with, learn from or just talk to on the worst possible scenario's in your life (you never know what may happen). Your wife goes a bit overboard with how she handles her relationships. My gf is extraverted (me introverted) and she does none of those things, she does have her own challenges but I don't think leaning into either extreme is beneficial for your life.
I'm not much younger than you and definitely introverted, but I've spent way too much time alone and I'm trying to change that. I love being alone but it's too easy for me to fall into periods of isolation. However, I can see how someone who's already been there /done that with the whole social scene would find less enjoyment in the company of others as the years go on.
I used to have a lot of friends, but as I grew older and now in my late 30s, I honestly don't have any friends anymore. I used to have a really good friend I had known since I was 6 years old and just before the pandemic, we stopped hanging out, but every year before that we would get together on most weekends and just hangout. Things changed, he found new friends, he would hang out with them instead of me and would constantly ditch me and he started to hang out with them more until we stopped communicating and hanging out completely. He stopped answering my phone calls, my text messages and it kind of affected me and took me a while to accept it, but now I've learned to move on and realized that things happen for a reason and you have zero control of.
Great video and I can relate! According to a study from Oxford University, men and women start losing friends around the age of 25. Making new friends and maintaining friendships gets harder each year we get older.
Exactly that’s the truth because after college and high school people will be moving states and/or moving out of the country for college or doing a career
I needed to see this. I’ve struggled my whole life sustaining friendships. I hate phones but love chatting in person; however I have anxiety suggesting a meetup even though I’m happy when I’m invited to a function (albeit it’s rare). I’m in my 40’s and I have two kids so I get the chance to chat with parents through the kids but no one invites me to the (adult ) parties yet I hear about them. I live in a very social community too so it stings to be an outsider. I see though that I don’t have the right personality to put myself out there. Too much anxiety getting to the point of suggesting a meetup or committing to a day to hang out. I miss my 20’s/early 30’s where I had a small group of buddies to hang out with. It was the only time in my life that I had that.
I'm 60 and never married with no kids. I'm also an introvert. As an older single person, it's almost impossible to meet new friends. It's a "couples" world. Luckily, I have some married friends from decades ago. Otherwise, I would have no friends. I can't imagine being in my situation without friends. Even introverts need to connect with other humans. Luckily, you have your own family.
I have a single friend who moves from place to place. He joins meet up groups like its nothing. Hiking etc. Lots of other single people join too just to make friends and do something. It really does not seem that hard. At least he makes it not seem hard.
So comforting to know there are people like me. Sometimes I feel lonely but then its mostly coming from me comparing my social life(or lack thereof) to others but then I realise its just conditioned beliefs about what an ideal social life/ balanced life should look like. I have a hermit personality and I’ve come to own it and be ok with having no friends. This video was validating, thanks a lot! Super relatable and glad to know m not the only one wired this way ;) Big hello to fellow hermits out here🫶🏻
You are appreciated. Im also 38. I feel the same. I also dont care for social interaction. However i feel STUCK. I fear for not being able to take care of my family. Has me paranoid. Long story short, wish i made better financial decisions in my 20's😢
Remember, friends don't put you down, they lift you up. Follow that rule and you will know who to distance yourself from. Sometimes they are in your own family.
My introverted ass loves my introverted ass. Movies, music, gym time on occasions, home body weight work outs. Drawing. Meditation. Cleaning my apartment. Dancing around in my boxers. My world. My self. Nobody to judge me or make fun of me
Thank you! I feel better about myself now. Somebody finally said it haha. I feel like introverts always feel or get shamed into going along with the extroverts of the world when we really don't have to. Don't need to. We are the thinkers, philosophers and dreamers of the world. We can enjoy the world at a distance and enjoy it close up when we want to. We don't need to conform to the "norm". What's healthy for extroverts isn't always healthy for an introvert. So great video. I agree 100%.
if you want a human connection without commitment or the need to catch social cues, try charity work, not giving money but hands on charity work I'm an introvert like you and with little free time that i can't match my schedule with friends. i signed up at an orphanage to teach kids at times i decide and it filled that hole for me without needing to sacrifice my time flexibility for whatever time my friends decide to hang out.
I agree with a good amount of this. I could explain my whole situation in much more detail, but I'll condense it like this: I recently turned 30 (ugh) and I've been an introvert and shy for most of my life and I feel that it's gotten "worse" as I've gotten older. I also have very few friends. I live with my parents and honestly, I feel like if it wasn't for them and my pets, I likely would pretty much be alone. I mean there are several people that I'm "cool with" or are "friendly with", but I'm not really sure I'd call them friends. I've tried trying to make friends and trying to maintain my friendships, but as Dorian pointed out, that takes quite a bit of work and can be exhausting, especially when it seems like you're constantly the one trying to reach out and don't get any response. I used to (and admittedly sometimes still do) feel bad about my introvertedness and lack of friends (yes, I can get a little jealous of those who have BFFs that they've known for decades) and sometimes think it would be nice to be a little more outgoing or have a good group of friends that I know understand me and accept me for me (introverted and all) and that I can rely on if I need some friendly non-family member interaction. But, it seems as you get older, friendships are harder to make and harder to maintain, especially as someone who is introverted. On the other hand, I relate with Dorian that most of the time, I shy away from a lot of social events (not all of them) and don't always feel like I need that much social interaction outside of hanging out with family, including my dogs. I work well on my own and am mostly ok being by myself without much other human interaction. During the pandemic, I was someone who was perfectly fine staying at home (after all, I was already a homebody), chilling with family between my me time, and I thrived in my remote WFH environment. When it came to work, I was just fine with collaborating with my coworkers via email, texts, and Teams chat or Zoom. Being an introvert in an extroverted world can make a person feel like an outsider for sure, so it's nice to hear from others that I'm not alone in my feeling this way and that it's not wrong or a bad thing to be an introvert. I'm not quite as comfortable with the notion of being alone as Dorian...yet, but I feel like I'm getting there. My saving grace again are my family members and pets. If I didn't have any of them AND had no friends, then, right now, I think that I would be quite lonely. Funny enough, I'm also actually interested in programming and working in tech. The concepts interest me, plus it does sound like a good occupation for introverts!
I'm 54, always lived alone, and I like it!!! I also do EVERYTHING to get out of social situations. I've lost a dear friend by not going to her wedding but she has her reasons for cutting me off because of that but...20 years later ..I still dont go to weddings or any social gathering. It makes me so uncomfortable
If you have no friends but you have a family of your own (wife/husband & kids), then being an introvert is NO problem. However, if you have no friends and no family, then it is a problem.
Yeah it is irritating to here people talk about how introverted they are and how they don't need friends and how they don't need social connections and can always be alone with no problems, but then they mention they have a spouse and kids they are around a lot. I then think that their lives aren't so alone and they are lying about not needing social support. If someone has a spouse, they are like a best friend to that person, so of course they would not necessarily need any friends. I am someone who not only has no friends, but has no family either. I have absolutely no one in this world.
What you described is me...or was me. When your kids reach the phase of having friends and then work as teens...then they can drive themselves... you really do see them less. It's hard that the little babies that NEED YOU eventually grow up and are too busy for you. I am only 46 years old. We still eat together as a family when we can and have a good family relationship, but the kids start having their own lives to live. My wife and I are BFF who drive around and run errands together....or simply window shop to kill time. I consider myself a good husband since I have no idea how many Ross Dress For Less I have taken her to and watch her spend 45 mins inside and walk out not buying anything at all (I still don't understand how women not get tired of shopping and not buying anything)
I think the saying " it's one thing to feel lonely because you are alone but it's worse to surround yourself with people that make you feel lonely " is one that resonates with me and one of the reasons why my circle is almost non existent. Nontheless, feeling lonely sucks sometimes...
I can relate to this so much. My girlfriend is the outgoing type and I prefer to be by myself at home 95% of the time. I've tried in the past to be more extrovert but I felt uncomfortable and I know my friends and others could tell. It's okay to be an introvert, a lot of successful people are introverted.
Thanks for making this. I'm the same way. I have friends and people who express interest in being socially involved with me, but to me, it's just too much energy. Only difference is I'm 26 and I truly might regret not building social connections during this time. I'd much rather be alone most of the time though. Maybe it's my comfort zone. But the same can be said for people who can't spend time alone. Their comfort zone is around people 24/7. I think the ability to be comfortable with yourself is a super power in today's environment tbh.
This is why people get married, start families, become part of larger communities, when we don’t do this we wonder where all of our friends went. I still hangout with four of my buddies online, but I’m ready for that next stage of my life.
Hi I’m 53 have no friends. I’m an introvert. Your video has been the only one that I can relate to. My husband is an extrovert. Every time he says he’s invited friends to stay for the weekend I give him the stink eye and my anxiety sets in. He’s taken over the cooking because when I have to cook for guests my anxiety sky rockets.
My mom shared a story about someone at her church who had only two people show up to their funeral. She said I don’t want to be like that. I told my mom, I don’t care who shows up or not to my funeral because I will not be in my body anyway. I would just want my family around to say their goodbyes. That’s the people who will suffer more because I am not around anymore.
Strangely enough that is a thought that floats around in my mind from time to time. I like being alone. Much of my life is spent making excuses to be alone. It just seems like a terrible though. A few people showing up at my funeral and thinking that I must have been a very unpopular dude😂
Also an introvert and have 3 good friends (one is my cousin (I’m adopted)but we’ve re connected) and I’m ok with that. I’ve always had shallow/fake relationships so dogs/horses took most of my time. Glad I found someone who is open to talk about this, it’s not easy some days.
Great video Dorian. I've spent my whole life as an introvert. I spend a lot of time on my computer and it does allow you to achieve much more. In the ebook early years I got into writing books and I wrote 76 short stories, novellas and novels. One of my novellas, "The House on Mars" had a movie scouting company in Paris and another in the US both requesting copies. I didn't get a movie out of it but most authors never even get that far. When I was 15 and living in the UK I decided that I wouldn't allow my shyness to get in the way of anything and so I probably did things that a lot of guys wouldn't have dared to do. I always thought in my early years that being an introvert was a handicap but it's not, it allows you to live a much fuller, more rewarding life. Right now I decided to learn web development so I got a 100 website deal with Hostinger and I'm learning to build sites. It turns out I had about 7 websites I wanted to have for me so I'm building those out. I honestly don't have enough time in the day and I don't miss not socializing. I socialize at church, which is a good place to meet people if you are an introvert. I'm married and we have two grown up children. I was a single father for six years in the UK before I married my American wife, again very rewarding years. If you are an introvert and are on your own too much then pick something to go after like coding or writing or something else that will challenge you - watching TV all day will depress you. When I started writing I got 88 rejections from magazines before someone published one of my short stories. Then it turned out there was a time lag and that I was actually getting one story in every 7 submissions published. I agree with Dorian, you achieve far more if you are an introvert and being alone with your thoughts is something we all need. I walk two miles every night and I don't listen to anything when I walk, I just think and I get a lot out of that. If I could change things and be an extrovert with a lot of friends I quite frankly just wouldn't want that life. I think introverts have better lives. So if you are an introvert, I hope my comments help.
Wow! This really hit home! I also feel good to be alone. My partner is the extrovert one and I always struggle with gatherings. My introverness got worse as I got older too but hey, I'm glad we are all different. It's ok! 🙏
@@Kuroganemk2 Lets avoid the "no true Scotsman ". Everything is on a spectrum. You can be introversion dominant but still want social connection. It's not a binary categorization.
@@TherapywithDaniel That's just people projecting their values onto yourself. People forget that extroverts usually form shallow relationships, cos think about it, if you have 20 friends, how much time to you realistically have for them? Almost none, those type of people are not really your friends.
I'm 38 and pretty much keep to myself now. I was in the Marine Corps was married twice. Ex wives tried to get Alimony out of me but didn't get it. In my younger 30s I dated but the past few years now at 38 I just keep to myself and I'm single and don't care.
I'm 22 and spent most of my late teens and early twenties in a pandemic, I went from a decently sociable individual who hung out with others almost every single day to losing all my childhood friends. However, I'm grateful with the experience because I realize I'm at peace most of the time with far less anxiety and drama surrounding me. It's all about what you prioritize as you grow older.
Its just hard to relate for people who like having friends, spending time with new people etc. Dont be harsh on your wife for trying to do what she thinks is the best for you. At your age surely you figured out that you hate social connections, but dont hate other forms of social connections like having wife and kids
My biggest regrets are not caring and loving more, and i think ppl use interversion as an excuse not to engage with others when they are actually terrified of rejection or getting burned or used by others. I need to work on being more responsive and available to others myself, big time, but at least im not trying to rationalize it to myself and claiming im ok with it. I know for sure ppl have died bc i dident care enough and they are gone now, and it is my fault. Bc i was scared of getting hurt they are now dead, so that is how serious it can be, and you never know when that is going to be the case. So dont be selfish by withholding yourself and isolating, everyone loses, especially you. You wont remember all the days you were alone playing video games, but you will remember the adventures you and your friends get into. Never hold back love, even when it hurts, bc that is usually when ppl need you the most, when they are sick or dying, you will regret holding back, I promise you, you cannot avoid the pain of loss, so love freely and dont hold back, its so lazy and destructive. Dont use introversion as an excuse to turn into ebenezer scrooge, unless you want the ghosts of regret to haunt you to the end of your days. Reach out to your old friends and loved ones, we take them for granted until its too late usually, do not wait or use excuses, you could save a life, maybe even your own!
I am so introverted with so few friends and I am sick with it. Everyone asks me why don't you go outside and people really find it strange whereas I find it normal. I have been desperately trying to change but nothing seems to work. hope I will be able to change and come out of my shell soon
You are not alone. Mostly people misunderstood introverts as a stigma. Because even in silence we can be active others cannot process this because human beings are often inclined towards interactions, getting attached, being the centre, being famous, being liked. So when we people like snail inside shell other people cannot understand it. Spend your energy on better things
Accept this and move on. You might need to change to a degree where it doesn't affect your professional objectives, but that should be enough, or reorient them as for your current personality. We as humanity are the definition of diversity in many aspects, as much as we look and work alike.
Have you considered that you cannot change yourself on your own? Maybe you should seek psychological help or seek spiritual guidance and philosophical wisdom. What you don’t need to do is give up the fight. I hope you will achieve your goals.
this s so relateable, I had to search this cause this is what I feel atm. this is really comforting.I feel like I am enjoying being alone and yes, it does make me feel like I am such a loner and I can't really find friends, but every time I try, people just disappoint me. thanks for this video!
I am so with you, I have always been this way and I love it, it’s actually addictive being alone and having peace, I only love being either with my daughter or alone, also why I enjoy being a programmer, it’s just between me and my computer
Bro, I'm 37 and introvert too. I'm pivoting to Tech in my 30s thanks to some previous exposure while working in Localization projects and content marketing projects I got to know of the role Tech plays in these areas. That's when I stumbled upon your vids and today I'm learning a great deal from resources like Codecademy, Udemy and Edx. Hope to get a full time op as SD over the next 6 months. Thanks for this post. Could relate so much with your POV on things.
Guys you don't need to have a huge circle of Friends. You just need one or two Good Friends. Besides, when you get married. You can't really give everyone the time of day. This is coming from someone who loves nothing more in this world than playing video games. It's just a nice plus to have someone who you can just vibe with. That doesn't mean I don't like going out of my House or engaging in social activities. I do, I just prefer to stay at home and, play my video Games.
Hi Dorian. I'm a late diagnosed Autistic woman with ADHD from the UK. I've watched a couple of your videos and I feel like you might also be Autistic w/ADHD too - it would certain explain the reason for your TH-cam channel and videos like this. I'm sure you probably won't read this, but I spent most of my life looking for purpose, trying to understand why I felt so lost and lonely all the time, even when I had friends. The answer had gone under the radar for so long, when I got my diagnosis I honestly rejected it immediately. I did not relate at all to my Autism diagnosis, I wasn't like the people I'd seen in the street with carers or on TV trying to date. Then I began to understand what the spectrum part of 'Autism Spectrum' actually meant. This condition is an umbrella term for a whole bunch of traits and when you're born, your parents genetics roll the dice and you get the lottery result of the kind of Autism you get. I got the kind where I struggle socially and with relationships, I hyper-fixate on things I enjoy, I'm not good at being surprised or having my routine interrupted, I do experience sensory issues but my ADHD does a good job of covering all of that up and more. My brand of Autism won't be the same as hardly anyone else's brand of Autism because it's a lottery as to the traits you get. The stereotype of Autism as a severe disability only represents a small percentage of the people who are Autistic - and is why so many people get missed in school. I won't keep typing more, but I wanted to write this out in case you see it - because I genuinely believe that you may have these conditions (Autism and ADHD) and if my message manages to help you, then that's one less lost person in the world wondering what the point of being alive is and why they feel so different and separate.
I’m about to hit 30. I was raised in the country and difnt have many friends except my cousins which we’ve drifted apart now. I loved to socialize as a young kid but trauma from bullying and me being a trouble maker i became an introvert going into junior high. I developed ocd, depression and that introverted me more. I escaped into video games and music. When that didn’t work I turned to drugs by high school. I used alcohol to become extroverted and not give a f about anything. Well I got addicted for 3 years. I dropped out. I recovered (7.5yrs sober today). At around 24 I realized playing video games wasn’t working as a coping mechanism because no matter what gsme I played I just wasn’t happy doing it no matter if I forced myself to play. I quit and now I exercise and am perusing a career in peer support to help other addicts recover but I need that social aspect which I believe I’m socially awkward/inept to the point I feel I may have some form of undiagnosed autism. I will practice though by going to aa meetings. I truly want to help others recover from addiction and mental health issues. I honestly have a 50/50 love hate relationship with myself when I’m alone. I want to be around people and have friends but idk I’m going to keep at this life
I have to say, as a 23-year-old introvert male, this is really my concern these days. I literally feel burnt out and I'm starting to see no value in what I'm pursuing. Like, where am I going with this? Without friendship and connection, there is no point in becoming successful, even for introverts. Life is meant to be shared, and humans are social creatures. Everyone who tells you otherwise is psycho. Yes, you might be okay without them at this moment (I've spent over five years chasing what I thought were dreams, neglecting any social opportunities), but mark my words, the day will come, and when it comes, it will affect your life. So have balance and remember “If you want to go fast, go alone, if you want to go far, go together”
@@thetest8777 Don't feel desperate, my friend. I suggest finding hobbies (if you don't have any) and joining clubs with people who share the same interests. Think of it this way: even if you don't make friends, you can at least gain acquaintances and improve your social status.
@@fij715 I don't think we are talking about total isolation. I am an introvert working from home for most of the time, I am having the required communication with collegues, boss and clients during working hours, but after the working hours I am totally on my own and I think it is fine. I fulfill the communication required in works and support myself and at the same time, maintaining the least amount of interactions with people to become the introvert outside of work. It's not like totally isolation, no job, no family, no friends thing, it's just we are trying to keep the interactions as less as possible.
Feeling no need for friends, acquaintances or relationships and no need to share things does not automatically make you a psycho. You can very well lead a fulfilling life without any people knowing a damn thing about it,.
This totally relates to me big time. I was an introvert when growing up. But so-called friends and a ex-girlfriend forced me to become an hardcore introvert. And you know what, I'd rather remain an hardcore introvert than to kiss people's asses and get played by them.
I'm tired of the toxic on social masses. I'd love cozy blanket and popcorn and watching old old movies or reading a real book. I love silence..no phone no texting.. I go out i will eat and put on my head phones and watch a movie while I eat.
I wish it was more commonly understood that being introverted or extroverted is influenced by genetics. Introverts are more sensitive to stimuli which means dealing with a lot of people is possible, but can definitely be overwhelming for some. Extroverts are less sensitive to stimuli which means being alone with their thoughts is possible, but can definitely feel boring (not stimulating enough). Nothing is wrong with either group of people, but it is probably the strongest influence we have in our lives. Extroverts are typically seen as "normal" (which is somewhat true considering humans are social by nature), while introverts are usually seen as abnormal. This is less true with recent years as introvertedness is becoming more common or at least more talked about, which is good, but people still don't commonly understand that introvertedness and extrovertedness is not simply a choice, but a preference based on how our "brains are wired", so to speak. I believe introverts should definitely attempt to put themselves in social situations sometimes. It can help us understand things from other people's perspectives, and is just healthy in general. I believe extroverts should definitely attempt to take time to sit with their thoughts (meditate). It can help us understand ourselves more and helps us better regulate our emotions amongst other things. In my opinion, it is healthier to not fall too far on any extreme. Introvertedness-Extrovertedness is a scale and we should try to push ourselves around the middle. Hope this comment helps somebody :) -21 year old introvert with no friends
My advice would be to not let science dictate your thinking. Research has its limitations and cannot fully comprehend the complexities of the human mind. Take notes, but don't allow it to define who you are. For example, don't let a personality test define you; instead, use the results to identify your weaknesses and work on improving them.
I see your point and I completely agree. Even though my comment is speaking on the science of introvertedness and extrovertedness the point of it was moreso: we are who we are; people shouldn’t be judged for their personality. We are who we are, but also we are able to shape ourselves. As you said: we can use things like personality tests to evaluate ourselves, but the results are temporary, and indeed it is within our hands to change those results.
@@t3ntube357 I think reasoning has a lot to do with preferences. Are you talkative? do you have a dependency to entertain and engage? Do you have the capacity to engage, despite your mood, and entertain in a gathering constantly? Is the benefit of engagement worthwhile/pleasurable? The you answer these questions will dictate who you are and weather or not you should expand your horizons.
Trust me, having no friends is better than having toxic friends
Toxic is such an abused often word, often used by closet queens. Before social media addicted, this word was not even an adjective used to describe people. So be careful with this term. You could lose more friends that really love you, because the media made you think everyone is a threat to your fragile peace.
Right 🙌
correct. Even if it's simply 1 toxic friend, it'll ruin your lifestyle maybe even your entire life. Gotta cut them off.
I agree it’s better to have no friends, than to have people around who constantly complain and moan.
@@mileab6725 I agree the amount of times I have had people like that around me in the workplace is unbelievable. I have always had people around me in the workplace who have a mindset of they don’t trust anyone, they always want to push me out because they perceive me to be different. When in actuality I am a normal dude who wants to help people and see the entire team succeed.
Im 70 and I have met everybody I wanna meet! I love being alone. As long as I have my animals I'm good
that's awesome I really like this. You're in a good place and you deserve it. I'm 45 and people get 'hurt feelings' when I reject their social offerings. I've preferred to be alone for decades now, was the life of the party in College and into mid-20's. Now I prefer the sanctity of my own solitude, it's therapy.
I'm 73
2 cats and happy alone
Same
Sometimes worry though what if
@@rogergardner7740what if what ?
*what
You’re my inspiration. I’m turning 36 this September 22nd and I’m taking care of myself to reach your age gracefully 😁.
This is very relatable. I'm almost 36 and mainly just hang out with my dog. I've had so many friends' gaslight me to the point where I don't even try anymore. It seemed like they only wanted to hang out when they had something to gain.
You must always try. Giving up is not an option.
I am having the same problem, as well..A part of me is trying really hard to keep in touch with them, and when they don't respond back, am like "screw you, I am done".
Friends are users
@@fij715factssss
@@paulstewart238 you attract the energy you give into the world. Only out for yourself? Everyone around you will be too. (Generally speaking)
I am now 44 and feel the exact same way. Every year that passes you even feel more like you don't want to do anything that involves other people.
Yes indeed, I'm 45 and feel the exact same way. I've been guilty of blowing people off lately too, most of the time it's a white lie but that makes it worse. Lol.
I feel the same way. Im 44 I actually love ppl from a humanitarian aspect but I don't like them or like being around them.
They say you will look back on it and wish you went or met up with someone. And I usually have fun but I’d rather not 😂
@@SpreadAU Well you said it right there, you usually have fun anyway. life's what you make of it, and fun is important...whether you're with someone or not, everyone's different!
hi hon, im learning in my psychology courses at college from a wise professor that changed my life that besides the “viscious cycle”, we often forget that there is such thing as the “virtuous cycle.” it’s about doing good for others that in turn make yourself feel good. it’s actually amazing how easy and simple it is- participating in volunteer work like food drives, helping homeless, animals if you like, anything charity related. i think you should try it. it’s an opportunity for you to meet people, and then write about how you feel after when you come home! thx
Hi, I'm a 25 year old introvert with no friends. 👋
You and Dorian should become friends
31 and in the same boat I know I need to make an effort to go out and socialise but it always gets pushed to the bottom of my to do list and never gets done
Believe me, friend, this is not a good place to be. Sooner or later you will thirst for these kind of connections.
Being introverted is one thing, I can relate, but almost no relationship can survive when one side has no other safety valves.
@@cchutney348True. I'm also a 25 yo introvert and as much as I like being by myself I truly feel the need for more social interaction. I do have friends but I don't hangout with them frequently and don't actually have a deeper connection with any of them, there's topics that I wouldn't touch with them. It also doesn't help that I grew up being the only male at home bc dad has always been working abroad and I rarely see him. Sometimes it does feel lonely here 😅
shame
The difference is you have a spouse and kids. Most of the videos I have seen of people talking about having no friends have no one else. They have no support network. I'm happy that you are happy with your situation. You choose to spend your time alone. Most of those others are forced to be alone to relationship trauma or difficulty meeting people.
Yeah it’s a major difference if that introverted male has a wide and kids. In fact it’s normal for introverts like that to not have friends because all their energy is put into their family
Exactly... a spouse and kids and a TH-cam channel where you have a 1/4 million subscribers. The last thing I'd ever want is publicity on social media (I hate social media and have never posted a photo let alone a video of myself).
A civilization of mindless robots will never have true friendship or love. This is all part of the grand plan for the new man.
Some people are just lonely and really want friends and family but are not necessarily introverts. They are just socially isolated due to "perhaps" other personal reasons....Just a thought.
That's right. Many many guys leave their friends behind when they get married or even when they have a gf.
Then when they get divorced or break up they complain they're lonely.
Saying "people I really know because I played video games online with"?
26 year old introvert here. When is was younger i used to have lot of friends but always had this feeling of not belonging. Faking, masking, lying, backstabbing, chasing materialistic things. Not interested on that. Be true to yourself and let the world rage around you. You're strong, we got this 💪🏻
same thing shit is crazy. we stayin sucka free tho
same dude. i got tired of fake friends. ghosted all of them 3 years ago. i am free and happy
I'm 55 and an introvert myself. I'm recently divorced and I will tell you that having/keeping a few lifelong close friends is important. The few close friends that I have all stepped up and called me to do a mental health check in. I really appreciated them for their support.
Yes, this is what I was thinking, as well. If his wife divorced him, surely he'd want someone to talk to for emotional support.
I'm 55 and off the market
Its alot of work forming relationships. If i can get a date when my hair is a mess, saw dust on my face from cutting tree limbs and wearing my farm boots then im game. The dsily trying to impress is over . I put make up on 2 days a week for work and church thats it !
Good for you. Some of us can't find people worth being lifelong friends with.
@@itsdey6358 You raise a good point.
Making and keeping friends can honestly be a chore. And in the end, the association or relationship fizzles out for reasons that may or may not be under your control.
That is life. People come and go but the only thing that remains a constant in your life is yourself.
@@fij715some people’s self involves connection to many friends; but each self is different, and that’s okay!
This is always what I try to point out to young people that treat friendship as a sacred oath. In the end if you make a person feel miserable for trying to be your friend they will eventually no matter how clueless they are figure it out and leave.
@@fij715Facts
Always
I'm a total introvert.What really annoys me is people trying to make me feel bad,and that there's something wrong with me because I love being alone,and don't want constant company like THEY do.
Same here! I absolutely love my life! I travel alone, eat out alone, movies, concert, etc. If I had someone go with me, it would totally ruin the occasion! I find people draining. Most just want to talk about themselves, and how great they are. People make cruel comments about it, they talk behind your back, "thinking oh how sad;I hope i never wind up like that." Well I hope I never end up like them. Co dependent on someone else to make them happy. I'm living a dream!
Same here
If you’re ever in New England, we should really get a beer (or a few lol) This shit is so relatable.
The man himself 👍Thanks for all the videos Brad ! you helped go from a broke kid working at best buy to a man with a career in tech. much appreciated! I hope all is well for you along with Dorian.
A multiverse where Brad and Dorian are friends 👍🏼
Thank you both for sharing. I've learned a lot watching your videos.
FTFY a multiverse where Brad and Dorian are friends but avoid actually doing anything because they're introverted.
@@LoftwahTheBeatsmiff 😂😂😂
Count me in
I love being an introvert!! Theres no better feeling than putting your feet up and watching TV alone after a hard days work
Yeah, we all need our own time and space.
Your video reminds me that I'm not alone. Society often leans towards favoring extroverts, so during my late 20s and early 30s, I tried to fit in with different friend groups. Unfortunately, it left me feeling drained. I have been labelled as weirdo and cocky as majority of the people do not understand.
Congrats introvert fellow. You are not alone in this. As an introvert I often get tagged like you said but after a time just thank yourself because people mostly are toxic or are manipulating or gonna take your advantage make you feel even drained and miserable. Even when we go our way out to even advice (I mean talking at that time) those people don't understand it. Society is head over heels for people who offer sweet talks, buttery chats, spicy gossip, trash talk, or some weirdo trending stuff. But I will still advice you, even if we are introvert, do the listening part because the speaking part others will do no matter what. Sometimes lending an ear to listen someone can give someone that they are actually heard in this world. I often know some introvert who also not very open but goes around with scars and trauma and pain. So I always ask them like initially let them speak Their mind. So even if you are always not finding who you can communicate and talk to, don't hesitate to contact Siri, Alexa, Google assistant, chatgpt, and talking to yourself opens you more. Good luck buddy.
A rebel is sold as someone who doesn't follow rules and goes against the system...
a real rebel is the one that goes in the "bibliothec" and read all the books...
Yeah me too
@@cr-nd8qh We all are heartbreakers, all of our thoughts are evil and all our good deeds are filthy rags.
Jeremiah 17:9 - The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?
Mark 7:21 - For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders,
Romans 1:21 - Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened.
Isaiah 64:6
But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags; and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away.
We all were:
Psalms 51:5 - Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.
Our Life Is Like Unto A Race
1 Corinthians Chapter 9
24 Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain.
Why are rich and famous depressed?
lets list the reasons;
they`re trans, faking life 100% daily
their master is lucifer, the father of lies.
they have no looks, needs to fake these,
they have no talent, needs to fake these.
they are famous only a moment.
they are rich only for moment.
To have the moment on stage, wicked and sick ritual must be performed.
They are masons in masonry.
Nothing`s real, only illusions.
They have it harder , to give their soul over to CHRIST and return back HEAVEN (Luke 18:25 KJV and Mark 10:25 KJV)
true Christians are born again = new creatures in CHRIST, able to no longer sin and able to understand GOD perfectly.
We are to make a conscious choosing between GOD = CHRIST and mammon = lucifer.
Deuteronomy 30:19 I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live:
Joshua 24:15 And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.
we since birth live in the devils kingdom, this earth here, it shall be created anew, but not yet, still is the church time = still time for souls to get saved and be raptured up. until we come to repentance and born again, we remain living according to the devil.
devils expectations to us are:
lie/deceive kill destroy remain wicked sinner who praise death daily.
because devil is the father of lies:
John 8:44 Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.
GOD `s expectations to us:
come to repentance
come out from BABYLON
born again
live holy
do the will of your heavenly father.
Matthew 9:13 But go ye and learn what that meaneth, I will have mercy, and not sacrifice: for I am not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.
John 3:7 Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again.
Revelation 18:4 And I heard another voice from heaven, saying, Come out of her, my people, that ye be not partakers of her sins, and that ye receive not of her plagues.
1 Peter 1:16 - Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy.
Matthew 7:21 Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.
I'm 40 years old and it's so nice hearing someone explain exactly how i am. I appreciate what you talked about.
I'm 37 and it is very similar here. It is definitely not a problem and I'm enjoying the time on my own.
It only becomes a problem if you see it as a problem or start to cope.
@@fij715 you nailed it.
For me the problem is having nothing to do all the time
Having nothing to do is also a blessing as compared to spending time with someone toxic or insane, loud-mouthed.
You've got a wife and kids. They are your friends.
:) at least they should be! in theory....
No, that is family. That means he is a father and husband, which comes with all it entails.
I don't get it isn't Wife your friend? someone to talk, share your emotions and be with you till you die.
Besides most of us die alone.
@@daym8Right he has a friend for life 🤷♂️🤦♂️
"I'm at a point in my life where I don't care to have friends."
I know how you feel. That's exactly what I said right when I was born.
The earlier one realizes this fact, and comes to peace with the idea, the better it is.
Make sure you realize that this is a two step process: realizing this fact about yourself and also coming to peace with the idea internally
The way modern society is it really makes me want to avoid it rather than be a part in it. Its very draining to pretend all the time. But I know it's not just societys problem. The main problem is that I have a weak character. I lie to myself often to cope and I stay in my comfort zone. And the more I do that the scarier it becomes to leave that. And I can't just blame the outside world for that.
90% are fake friends
me 2 i dun told muh doc dat i dont need no frens n walked outta hosspital
When I was your age, I could identifty with this.. now I"m 52 and wishing I had some friends (but have been moving around a fair bit this past decade so that's made it a challenge).
@OldManCodes: How do you deal with the boredom/loneliness of moving to a new area and not know anybody or anything in the area?
90% are fake friends
With age I started thinking that maybe some people are just meant to have a limited friend group or even none and that it's fine. We are all different and should not force ourselves to use other people to measure our happiness.
everyone at least needs one friends for wellbeing and survival (human on average goes delirious within about three years); past that, to each their own (: - mico
@@micosstar you have family for that, I at least have my father and a couple of people from church that I trust , but I wouldn't have a friend just because I need them for survival.
I was somewhat popular in high school. Not with women, but I had a lot of friends, and everyone knew me. I chose a tough path in life (trying to make it in music) and it didn't go so great. Then the political atmosphere started to dominate everything, I ended up leaning conservative, and poof....lost every single friendship I had ever made in my life over the course of a few months. That was around 2015, in my mid 20s. Never became social again since. I'm 32 now, and I don't even really know what a 30+ year old guys life is supposed to look like. People at church just act like there is something wrong with you if you don't have a family and a bunch of money (baptist/protestant church that is, now I'm catholic and literally no one talks to me or acknowledges me, which I at least like better than passive aggressive comments from toxic extroverts).
But yeah, tons of guys fell off the map.....and the sad part is I feel like (pretty much know) that no one misses me.
Edit: oh....you are married with kids. Hah, well that kind of changes everything dude. Good for you. If I died, my cats would eat me, and it would likely be a month before anyone discovered the remains of my body and my starving/dead cats.....cheers.
I respect you because you speak from a place of already having your life together: you are physically fit, got a career going, married and with kids. I agree that as an introvert, you can get a lot of things done when you choose to spend your time alone. It doesn't make you a lesser existence compared to an extrovert. It just means you spend your free time very differently. Keep on walking your path.
I'm 44 and spend virtually all of my time alone; however, I do have a dog. I have two friends that I've known since Junior high, but I rarely see them and haven't hung out with them in many years. I haven't been in a relationship in 5 years and literally spend every moment of every day alone. Surprisingly, I absolutely love it! I never feel lonely, never long for companionship, and am completely comfortable living this way. In fact, I prefer it. A few years ago, I accepted the fact that I'm not like everyone else-I don't have the same desires, and I also don't feel that life needs some grandiose purpose. To me, simply being alive is enough, and I am completely okay with myself the way I am. Once I accepted these things, life became very peaceful for me. I'm perfectly content with the idea of spending the rest of my life alone. I'm convinced that finding any kind of inner peace in life can only be accomplished once you truly accept who you are and decide to genuinely like yourself. I feel like I've accomplished something that most people never do.
Im in a position of isolation but it is unbearable. Feelings of confusion nightmares. Counseling doesnt hep bc it is a robotic industry they dont really know you or care.
After highschool and/or college, it gets difficult. Other than work, there isn't a requirement to socialize or be around others. Your old friends make a family or move away, they just simply don't have time nor do you. Also energy, you don't typically get more of it with age so you'll be less likely to want to do anything with free time other than chill out.
Exactly, I quit college in my early 20s, and it impacted my social life. I also worked from home. So now I'm almost 30, and I don't have friends.
@@ForAncientKingAndElvishLord Working from home does not mean that you can’t have friends. It just means you have more time to socialise do your hobbies and exercise your body.
Also the people at work typically aren’t going to be your friends because the only thing you have in common by default is that you spend eight hours a day at the same place.
so then why not make friends at work?
@stevo6891 who is your profile photo?
Thank you for making this video. Getting close to 50, and STILL discovering things about myself. This video makes SO much sense to me though....
Same, I just don't really have a desire to meet people irl for some reason.
OMG!! I loved this. Some videos are like "it's ok to be an introvert, but here's how to change a little" which is kinda helping me, and some others are like "being an introvert is boring and it's ruining you" and those I close them right away, but this one is different. You made me feel SO validated, my whole life I've had little to no friends and I've been so ashamed to say it out loud, but now I'm thinking of being honest when replying to the question "how many friends do you have?" because I could be ok with it. Right now I have two friendships, and one of them might be ending. I don't want to have zero friends because interacting is great to know new ways of living and new interests, but it doesn't have to be the end of the world to not have many friendships. I love being alone, just like you and a lot of other people
I'm 40 and I agree and relate 100% with this. I love my alone time. I literally never have the urge to interact with people for the sake of interacting with people. The absolute only social activity I have that's semi-regular is fighting game tournaments. With those I travel to different locations in the states every few months for a weekend and compete. I meet up with friends i often see at these events, then i go back home to my introverted life again lol. My wife is always super supportive because she knows it's my only social activity.
Reads like a woman's post: "Teehee I am alone so much...with my live-in Bf and friends."
It’s easy to feel this way when you have a spouse. I see this a lot on here. If you’re married-you also have a best friend.
I'm a man and my best friend was male, so this doesn't apply to me.
And that is not necessarily a good thing. Men need support outside of marriage as well.
@@residentjessyou don’t need that when your marriage is good
If you're married you have a best friend, with benefits. 😎
loved this Dorian i find myself doing things that i'm "supposed to" a lot and definitely want to be better about prioritizing things i want to do even if other people don't understand those things necessarily
About a year ago, I went through a rough patch where I had a sort of mental breakdown. It dawned on me that the dynamics with my friends were shifting, and the carefree, joyful times we once had were fading. I found myself blaming them for not dedicating more time, pointing fingers at society, and assigning fault all around. This was especially tough as I was also grappling with depression at the time, which exacerbated the situation. Since then, I've emerged from that dark place, engaged in a lot of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), and now see things with a new outlook. While it's true that things will never be exactly as they were and my time with old friends might lessen, I've come to realize that I can forge new connections with individuals in the same phase of life as me. Fresh memories await, and life can still be enjoyed. Moreover, I'll be present for the exciting new chapters my old friends embark upon. I've learned that we often place immense pressure on maintaining control, but now, I'm more about going with the flow. Whatever unfolds, will unfold. I'm simply determined to relish the journey as much as I can.
Wow ,you are me ,you are, exactly, our best days and memories have yet to come, do me a favour pal enjoy today, 🏴 happy healthy peace ✌️
Is freaky that I just found this video of somebody expressing exactly what I feel right now and I am 38 years old too. For real, I was felling by myself until now... also I thought I was wrong as some point but look there is another human being feeling the same. That makes me feel better. Thank you so much! such an amazing video.👍
"Friends" are just there to use you. Everyone is hustling now. Stay on your path.
Exactly. Most of the time They dont call you if they dont need you.😂
I’m a 26 year-old extroverted introvert - love making new friends but it’s hard keeping connections and tend to stay indoors
Same, I like to talk to people, but I dont make the effort to actually go up to people or try to be friends. Whenever I try to be "extroverted" I come off as awkwardly social and weird, so I go back to being by myself.
Your an ambivert
Me too
ENFJ perhaps?
@@grego4835 Honestly, I would love to know. Where do/did you take that test?
I'm a 36 year old introvert with no friends. I've always been this way. Solitude suits me well.
Extremely well said Dorian! Thanks for voicing this since I couldn't have said it better myself and related to every single thing you said. I'm 30, female, and it may be strange to other people especially other women but I am very introverted and prefer to be by myself and socializing/maintaining relationships is honestly the last thing I want to do (it's so draining + stressful for me). It's great to hear that this shouldn't be something I'm ashamed of and it def helps with me being a programmer lol but I've always been this way too regardless.
@_silentrose YES! Same here, 30, introverted female. I also prefer spending time at home with little interaction with the outside world. I mean, I'd LIKE to have a good few friends who I can chat with sometimes (preferably online or through texting, but if we're good enough friends, I can stand a phone call every once in a while), but I don't like being the one who is constantly trying to make it work or initiate the conversations all the time. I'd much rather spend a Friday night at home reading or watching TV with my dogs than going out clubbing or anything like that. Like you said, I feel like some females find that weird. But, that's how it is and I'm also glad that Dorian assured us that despite what society seems to say, being an introvert shouldn't be something we should be ashamed of!
@@k.wheeler4449 Lol I can totally relate to the fact that I would also love to have a few good friends but that I chat with through online/texting and maybe a call once in a blue moon 🌚 And yes I would always 1000% prefer being at home than to go “clubbing” (I’ve never even done that haha 😅)
@@_silentrose yes, I love your comment! I'm glad to hear that someone is on the same page as me with that. I totally agree with wanting to mainly communicate with a few good friends by text or online and the OCCASIONAL phone call. Lol, and yeah, me neither, I've never been "clubbing" and honestly, don't have the desire to do so. I'm fine with staying at home and having a "dance party" of one if I want to (of course, my dogs can always join me haha).
I can totally relate. I'm about the same age and used to consider myself an introvert, until I realized it wasn’t about being good at maintaining relationships and engaging with people, but about having meaningful connections-those that actually add value to us and help us grow in some way. The reason we have fewer friends is that we spend so much time with ourselves that keeping superficial relationships just isn’t fulfilling. It’s not that introverts can’t make or maintain friendships; we just value deeper connections. We know ourselves too well to waste time on people who only discuss temporary events and the lives of others. Introverts prefer meaningful conversations and genuine bonds over quantity. It took me a while to find "my tribe," but I finally did. The more you accept who you truly are, the more you’ll find people who resonate with you. Stay true to yourself.
😉
that's woow exactly how i think
I'm 27 but it sounds like you're speaking for every human, this is probably just how we develop. Love the content!
Yeah i love dorian. How is it possible everything he says resonates with me?
He's right I'm nearly 31 now and still have 4 best friends who I talk to all the time but just people and going out in general I don't care for anymore. I can drink and do drugs at home no need to go out
He doesn't speak for every human at all. He has a wife and kids, plus a huge online following. He knows nothing about guys who have no family or friends and go days without speaking to a single person. If the shoe was on the other foot He wouldn't be so happy about it
Maybe playing games and watching youtube movies adjusts your dopamine system to that and because of that social interactions arent fun of anymore because of the nature of not being a quick fix. If you abstain from games and social media for 30 days and after do some social interaction you might feel better doing this and more motivated because your dopamine system is resetted again. I am into this journey right now and I feel I am on the right path. I am a gamer and introvert too.
Are we the same person? Lol Its a bit more comforting knowing there are others that have similar struggles but, I cant figure out if this is destructive way of living our lives or this is just who/how we are. Everything in this video is very well said, Thanks Dorian!
Same age and status here, and I also can't figure out the same thing lol
@@NyneIX9 it’s so awesome i got Dorian’s video off from TH-cam recommend!
I'm an introvert, and my best friend is also an introvert (and a programmer). We can chat for a few days in a row, and then suddenly stop talking for weeks, and then continue the conversation as if nothing had happened lmao
Thats the best kind of friends there are. Those who need their space, and respect you need your space too.
Friendship goals, dude!!
I thought that was normal lol
This is so damn relatable. I'm 35 and I feel more or less like you feel.
Honestly, I have considered myself an introvert for 23-24 years of my life. The last year and a half... I have tried to lean towards the other side, and sometimes it's so time and energy consuming. Like, if I go out, especially among people, I need like a good day or two to recharge ahaha. But having people around you building connections also helps with careers, dating, inner peace etc. Now, I realized that I can be whatever I want to be in life. I can be both, right? I literally used to force myself to go out for 20-minute walks every 2 days. Now, I can go on 2-3 hour walks no problem. I greet people, talk to girls, guys, in the gym etc... But I am not really a loud or party type of person. I like my own peace, movies, working out, reading, playing hitman or mafia... I like your personality man, keep going with these videos!
So relatable. I'm 36 years old with a long-term partner and a kid. The older I get, the less desire I have to go out and socialize and to maintain relationships. I have no desire to go to gatherings unless it's with my extended family (aunt & uncles/cousins/grandparents). I keep in touch with my best friend of 17 years who is 3000 miles away in the Bay Area. Other than that, I just want to do my own thing. I enjoy being alone with my thoughts and I'm very introspective, and all of my hobbies throughout my life have been "introvert" hobbies - reading, video games (WoW was kinda social though), cooking, and now CS and learning to code. I'm happy this way, I enjoy my quiet life and I don't like feeling forced to be social when the desire isn't there at this time in my life.
I feel exactly like you do, except that I don't have a family, i have social anxiety and I'm an introvert, some days when i communicate with a lot of people i feel extremely tired and drained, THE THING that an introvert needs is not having people around him all the time but to know that they are there when he needs them!
I’m 45 introvert with no friends. At least I have a family.
Same here
Ditto
I've always been an introvert. When I was younger I briefly thought something was wrong with me. As the years have gone by and now in my 40s, I don't even think of developing or looking for friends. Completely fine on my own. And like you said, you just worry more about working on yourself. I get all the social energy I need from my family and the occasional date.
Introvers of all around the world, let's be friends :)
I’m a 35 year old with one friend! Great video and great topic, thank you! ❤
same here
I've been at this exact same point in my life a few years back, where social interaction was distracting me more from things that I wanted to do vs things that I felt like I need to do.
During that time, I also learned there are other people like me. People who don't mind not getting texts back instantly and who can accept this as part of your personality. People who still will want to hang out but not make it feel forced to "maintain a connection".
Sometimes making time for other people can be a benefit and worth it. Not only to maintain the connection but to have people to grow with, learn from or just talk to on the worst possible scenario's in your life (you never know what may happen).
Your wife goes a bit overboard with how she handles her relationships. My gf is extraverted (me introverted) and she does none of those things, she does have her own challenges but I don't think leaning into either extreme is beneficial for your life.
I'm not much younger than you and definitely introverted, but I've spent way too much time alone and I'm trying to change that. I love being alone but it's too easy for me to fall into periods of isolation. However, I can see how someone who's already been there /done that with the whole social scene would find less enjoyment in the company of others as the years go on.
I used to have a lot of friends, but as I grew older and now in my late 30s, I honestly don't have any friends anymore. I used to have a really good friend I had known since I was 6 years old and just before the pandemic, we stopped hanging out, but every year before that we would get together on most weekends and just hangout. Things changed, he found new friends, he would hang out with them instead of me and would constantly ditch me and he started to hang out with them more until we stopped communicating and hanging out completely. He stopped answering my phone calls, my text messages and it kind of affected me and took me a while to accept it, but now I've learned to move on and realized that things happen for a reason and you have zero control of.
Great video and I can relate! According to a study from Oxford University, men and women start losing friends around the age of 25. Making new friends and maintaining friendships gets harder each year we get older.
Exactly that’s the truth because after college and high school people will be moving states and/or moving out of the country for college or doing a career
I needed to see this. I’ve struggled my whole life sustaining friendships. I hate phones but love chatting in person; however I have anxiety suggesting a meetup even though I’m happy when I’m invited to a function (albeit it’s rare). I’m in my 40’s and I have two kids so I get the chance to chat with parents through the kids but no one invites me to the (adult ) parties yet I hear about them. I live in a very social community too so it stings to be an outsider. I see though that I don’t have the right personality to put myself out there. Too much anxiety getting to the point of suggesting a meetup or committing to a day to hang out. I miss my 20’s/early 30’s where I had a small group of buddies to hang out with. It was the only time in my life that I had that.
I'm 60 and never married with no kids. I'm also an introvert. As an older single person, it's almost impossible to meet new friends. It's a "couples" world. Luckily, I have some married friends from decades ago. Otherwise, I would have no friends. I can't imagine being in my situation without friends. Even introverts need to connect with other humans. Luckily, you have your own family.
I have a single friend who moves from place to place. He joins meet up groups like its nothing. Hiking etc. Lots of other single people join too just to make friends and do something. It really does not seem that hard. At least he makes it not seem hard.
@@1Jason Thanks for the tip Jason. I'll look into these meet-up groups.
So comforting to know there are people like me. Sometimes I feel lonely but then its mostly coming from me comparing my social life(or lack thereof) to others but then I realise its just conditioned beliefs about what an ideal social life/ balanced life should look like. I have a hermit personality and I’ve come to own it and be ok with having no friends. This video was validating, thanks a lot! Super relatable and glad to know m not the only one wired this way ;) Big hello to fellow hermits out here🫶🏻
i read the comment just to know im not a lone😅
You are appreciated. Im also 38. I feel the same. I also dont care for social interaction. However i feel STUCK. I fear for not being able to take care of my family. Has me paranoid. Long story short, wish i made better financial decisions in my 20's😢
Remember, friends don't put you down, they lift you up. Follow that rule and you will know who to distance yourself from. Sometimes they are in your own family.
My introverted ass loves my introverted ass. Movies, music, gym time on occasions, home body weight work outs. Drawing. Meditation. Cleaning my apartment. Dancing around in my boxers. My world. My self. Nobody to judge me or make fun of me
Thank you! I feel better about myself now. Somebody finally said it haha. I feel like introverts always feel or get shamed into going along with the extroverts of the world when we really don't have to. Don't need to. We are the thinkers, philosophers and dreamers of the world. We can enjoy the world at a distance and enjoy it close up when we want to. We don't need to conform to the "norm". What's healthy for extroverts isn't always healthy for an introvert. So great video. I agree 100%.
if you want a human connection without commitment or the need to catch social cues, try charity work, not giving money but hands on charity work I'm an introvert like you and with little free time that i can't match my schedule with friends.
i signed up at an orphanage to teach kids at times i decide and it filled that hole for me without needing to sacrifice my time flexibility for whatever time my friends decide to hang out.
You are like a hero without a cape. You do good=good will comeback to you. Have a good time.
I sent this video to people who felt bad because i don't reply to their messages or avoid meet ups 😊 thank you for explaining our side of story
I agree with a good amount of this. I could explain my whole situation in much more detail, but I'll condense it like this: I recently turned 30 (ugh) and I've been an introvert and shy for most of my life and I feel that it's gotten "worse" as I've gotten older. I also have very few friends. I live with my parents and honestly, I feel like if it wasn't for them and my pets, I likely would pretty much be alone. I mean there are several people that I'm "cool with" or are "friendly with", but I'm not really sure I'd call them friends. I've tried trying to make friends and trying to maintain my friendships, but as Dorian pointed out, that takes quite a bit of work and can be exhausting, especially when it seems like you're constantly the one trying to reach out and don't get any response. I used to (and admittedly sometimes still do) feel bad about my introvertedness and lack of friends (yes, I can get a little jealous of those who have BFFs that they've known for decades) and sometimes think it would be nice to be a little more outgoing or have a good group of friends that I know understand me and accept me for me (introverted and all) and that I can rely on if I need some friendly non-family member interaction. But, it seems as you get older, friendships are harder to make and harder to maintain, especially as someone who is introverted. On the other hand, I relate with Dorian that most of the time, I shy away from a lot of social events (not all of them) and don't always feel like I need that much social interaction outside of hanging out with family, including my dogs. I work well on my own and am mostly ok being by myself without much other human interaction.
During the pandemic, I was someone who was perfectly fine staying at home (after all, I was already a homebody), chilling with family between my me time, and I thrived in my remote WFH environment. When it came to work, I was just fine with collaborating with my coworkers via email, texts, and Teams chat or Zoom. Being an introvert in an extroverted world can make a person feel like an outsider for sure, so it's nice to hear from others that I'm not alone in my feeling this way and that it's not wrong or a bad thing to be an introvert. I'm not quite as comfortable with the notion of being alone as Dorian...yet, but I feel like I'm getting there. My saving grace again are my family members and pets. If I didn't have any of them AND had no friends, then, right now, I think that I would be quite lonely.
Funny enough, I'm also actually interested in programming and working in tech. The concepts interest me, plus it does sound like a good occupation for introverts!
I'm 54, always lived alone, and I like it!!! I also do EVERYTHING to get out of social situations. I've lost a dear friend by not going to her wedding but she has her reasons for cutting me off because of that but...20 years later ..I still dont go to weddings or any social gathering. It makes me so uncomfortable
If you have no friends but you have a family of your own (wife/husband & kids), then being an introvert is NO problem. However, if you have no friends and no family, then it is a problem.
Exactly
it's only a problem if you're a female. men can be alone, woman can't.
Yeah it is irritating to here people talk about how introverted they are and how they don't need friends and how they don't need social connections and can always be alone with no problems, but then they mention they have a spouse and kids they are around a lot. I then think that their lives aren't so alone and they are lying about not needing social support. If someone has a spouse, they are like a best friend to that person, so of course they would not necessarily need any friends. I am someone who not only has no friends, but has no family either. I have absolutely no one in this world.
Only a problem if you see it’s a problem . Earn and buy things you like and go out . Have 2 to 3 jobs . And love yourself
What you described is me...or was me. When your kids reach the phase of having friends and then work as teens...then they can drive themselves... you really do see them less. It's hard that the little babies that NEED YOU eventually grow up and are too busy for you. I am only 46 years old. We still eat together as a family when we can and have a good family relationship, but the kids start having their own lives to live. My wife and I are BFF who drive around and run errands together....or simply window shop to kill time. I consider myself a good husband since I have no idea how many Ross Dress For Less I have taken her to and watch her spend 45 mins inside and walk out not buying anything at all (I still don't understand how women not get tired of shopping and not buying anything)
This is true for many people. My parents are extremely sociable and outgoing, so they have overflowing of friends. Same cannot be said for us.
I think the saying " it's one thing to feel lonely because you are alone but it's worse to surround yourself with people that make you feel lonely " is one that resonates with me and one of the reasons why my circle is almost non existent. Nontheless, feeling lonely sucks sometimes...
Same, up to mid 30's I had all kinds of friends. At 52, I am alone and very happy, enjoying my own company.
I can relate to this so much. My girlfriend is the outgoing type and I prefer to be by myself at home 95% of the time. I've tried in the past to be more extrovert but I felt uncomfortable and I know my friends and others could tell. It's okay to be an introvert, a lot of successful people are introverted.
Great video, I really needed to hear this right now as I'm still in my 20's working in software as well, and I feel the exact same way.
I learned early that the more you get to know people, the more you hate them and/or society because people are awful… and life goes on 👍
Thanks for making this. I'm the same way. I have friends and people who express interest in being socially involved with me, but to me, it's just too much energy. Only difference is I'm 26 and I truly might regret not building social connections during this time. I'd much rather be alone most of the time though. Maybe it's my comfort zone. But the same can be said for people who can't spend time alone. Their comfort zone is around people 24/7. I think the ability to be comfortable with yourself is a super power in today's environment tbh.
This is why people get married, start families, become part of larger communities, when we don’t do this we wonder where all of our friends went. I still hangout with four of my buddies online, but I’m ready for that next stage of my life.
Hi I’m 53 have no friends. I’m an introvert. Your video has been the only one that I can relate to. My husband is an extrovert. Every time he says he’s invited friends to stay for the weekend I give him the stink eye and my anxiety sets in. He’s taken over the cooking because when I have to cook for guests my anxiety sky rockets.
My mom shared a story about someone at her church who had only two people show up to their funeral. She said I don’t want to be like that. I told my mom, I don’t care who shows up or not to my funeral because I will not be in my body anyway. I would just want my family around to say their goodbyes. That’s the people who will suffer more because I am not around anymore.
Strangely enough that is a thought that floats around in my mind from time to time. I like being alone. Much of my life is spent making excuses to be alone. It just seems like a terrible though. A few people showing up at my funeral and thinking that I must have been a very unpopular dude😂
Also an introvert and have 3 good friends (one is my cousin (I’m adopted)but we’ve re connected) and I’m ok with that. I’ve always had shallow/fake relationships so dogs/horses took most of my time. Glad I found someone who is open to talk about this, it’s not easy some days.
Great video Dorian. I've spent my whole life as an introvert. I spend a lot of time on my computer and it does allow you to achieve much more. In the ebook early years I got into writing books and I wrote 76 short stories, novellas and novels. One of my novellas, "The House on Mars" had a movie scouting company in Paris and another in the US both requesting copies. I didn't get a movie out of it but most authors never even get that far. When I was 15 and living in the UK I decided that I wouldn't allow my shyness to get in the way of anything and so I probably did things that a lot of guys wouldn't have dared to do. I always thought in my early years that being an introvert was a handicap but it's not, it allows you to live a much fuller, more rewarding life. Right now I decided to learn web development so I got a 100 website deal with Hostinger and I'm learning to build sites. It turns out I had about 7 websites I wanted to have for me so I'm building those out. I honestly don't have enough time in the day and I don't miss not socializing. I socialize at church, which is a good place to meet people if you are an introvert. I'm married and we have two grown up children. I was a single father for six years in the UK before I married my American wife, again very rewarding years. If you are an introvert and are on your own too much then pick something to go after like coding or writing or something else that will challenge you - watching TV all day will depress you. When I started writing I got 88 rejections from magazines before someone published one of my short stories. Then it turned out there was a time lag and that I was actually getting one story in every 7 submissions published. I agree with Dorian, you achieve far more if you are an introvert and being alone with your thoughts is something we all need. I walk two miles every night and I don't listen to anything when I walk, I just think and I get a lot out of that. If I could change things and be an extrovert with a lot of friends I quite frankly just wouldn't want that life. I think introverts have better lives. So if you are an introvert, I hope my comments help.
I got so much love and respect for you. This gives me the encouragement to keep going. Thanks :)
Wow! This really hit home! I also feel good to be alone. My partner is the extrovert one and I always struggle with gatherings. My introverness got worse as I got older too but hey, I'm glad we are all different. It's ok! 🙏
Would it still feel good to be alone if you did not have a partner?
I'm a 29 year old introvert with no friends no family and really sad
If you are an introvert you shouldn't be sad.
@@Kuroganemk2 Lets avoid the "no true Scotsman ". Everything is on a spectrum. You can be introversion dominant but still want social connection. It's not a binary categorization.
@@Kuroganemk2 But sometimes I think that I could have done a lot more if I was an extroverted person and that makes me sad
haha same age and similar situation. it can be quite lonely but can be a powerful weapon to achieve goals if you use it wisely
@@TherapywithDaniel That's just people projecting their values onto yourself. People forget that extroverts usually form shallow relationships, cos think about it, if you have 20 friends, how much time to you realistically have for them? Almost none, those type of people are not really your friends.
Thank you for this video. Knowing there are people like me out there really helped.
I'm 38 and pretty much keep to myself now. I was in the Marine Corps was married twice. Ex wives tried to get Alimony out of me but didn't get it. In my younger 30s I dated but the past few years now at 38 I just keep to myself and I'm single and don't care.
I'm 22 and spent most of my late teens and early twenties in a pandemic, I went from a decently sociable individual who hung out with others almost every single day to losing all my childhood friends. However, I'm grateful with the experience because I realize I'm at peace most of the time with far less anxiety and drama surrounding me. It's all about what you prioritize as you grow older.
Its just hard to relate for people who like having friends, spending time with new people etc. Dont be harsh on your wife for trying to do what she thinks is the best for you. At your age surely you figured out that you hate social connections, but dont hate other forms of social connections like having wife and kids
My biggest regrets are not caring and loving more, and i think ppl use interversion as an excuse not to engage with others when they are actually terrified of rejection or getting burned or used by others. I need to work on being more responsive and available to others myself, big time, but at least im not trying to rationalize it to myself and claiming im ok with it. I know for sure ppl have died bc i dident care enough and they are gone now, and it is my fault. Bc i was scared of getting hurt they are now dead, so that is how serious it can be, and you never know when that is going to be the case. So dont be selfish by withholding yourself and isolating, everyone loses, especially you. You wont remember all the days you were alone playing video games, but you will remember the adventures you and your friends get into. Never hold back love, even when it hurts, bc that is usually when ppl need you the most, when they are sick or dying, you will regret holding back, I promise you, you cannot avoid the pain of loss, so love freely and dont hold back, its so lazy and destructive. Dont use introversion as an excuse to turn into ebenezer scrooge, unless you want the ghosts of regret to haunt you to the end of your days. Reach out to your old friends and loved ones, we take them for granted until its too late usually, do not wait or use excuses, you could save a life, maybe even your own!
I am so introverted with so few friends and I am sick with it. Everyone asks me why don't you go outside and people really find it strange whereas I find it normal. I have been desperately trying to change but nothing seems to work. hope I will be able to change and come out of my shell soon
Me too
You are not alone. Mostly people misunderstood introverts as a stigma. Because even in silence we can be active others cannot process this because human beings are often inclined towards interactions, getting attached, being the centre, being famous, being liked. So when we people like snail inside shell other people cannot understand it. Spend your energy on better things
Accept this and move on.
You might need to change to a degree where it doesn't affect your professional objectives, but that should be enough, or reorient them as for your current personality.
We as humanity are the definition of diversity in many aspects, as much as we look and work alike.
Try joining communities & club that interests you
Have you considered that you cannot change yourself on your own? Maybe you should seek psychological help or seek spiritual guidance and philosophical wisdom.
What you don’t need to do is give up the fight. I hope you will achieve your goals.
this s so relateable, I had to search this cause this is what I feel atm. this is really comforting.I feel like I am enjoying being alone and yes, it does make me feel like I am such a loner and I can't really find friends, but every time I try, people just disappoint me. thanks for this video!
19 and a half years old with no friends. Gonna get admitted into college and hope I can make some!
Plenty of opportunities in college
You will find your people. Just be open.
ALL of that shit is going to change in college!!! ENJOY!!! (but don't forget your education)
I am so with you, I have always been this way and I love it, it’s actually addictive being alone and having peace, I only love being either with my daughter or alone, also why I enjoy being a programmer, it’s just between me and my computer
Bro, I'm 37 and introvert too. I'm pivoting to Tech in my 30s thanks to some previous exposure while working in Localization projects and content marketing projects I got to know of the role Tech plays in these areas. That's when I stumbled upon your vids and today I'm learning a great deal from resources like Codecademy, Udemy and Edx. Hope to get a full time op as SD over the next 6 months. Thanks for this post. Could relate so much with your POV on things.
Guys you don't need to have a huge circle of Friends.
You just need one or two Good Friends.
Besides, when you get married. You can't really give everyone the time of day.
This is coming from someone who loves nothing more in this world than playing video games. It's just a nice plus to have someone who you can just vibe with. That doesn't mean I don't like going out of my House or engaging in social activities. I do, I just prefer to stay at home and, play my video Games.
Hi Dorian. I'm a late diagnosed Autistic woman with ADHD from the UK. I've watched a couple of your videos and I feel like you might also be Autistic w/ADHD too - it would certain explain the reason for your TH-cam channel and videos like this. I'm sure you probably won't read this, but I spent most of my life looking for purpose, trying to understand why I felt so lost and lonely all the time, even when I had friends. The answer had gone under the radar for so long, when I got my diagnosis I honestly rejected it immediately. I did not relate at all to my Autism diagnosis, I wasn't like the people I'd seen in the street with carers or on TV trying to date. Then I began to understand what the spectrum part of 'Autism Spectrum' actually meant. This condition is an umbrella term for a whole bunch of traits and when you're born, your parents genetics roll the dice and you get the lottery result of the kind of Autism you get. I got the kind where I struggle socially and with relationships, I hyper-fixate on things I enjoy, I'm not good at being surprised or having my routine interrupted, I do experience sensory issues but my ADHD does a good job of covering all of that up and more. My brand of Autism won't be the same as hardly anyone else's brand of Autism because it's a lottery as to the traits you get. The stereotype of Autism as a severe disability only represents a small percentage of the people who are Autistic - and is why so many people get missed in school. I won't keep typing more, but I wanted to write this out in case you see it - because I genuinely believe that you may have these conditions (Autism and ADHD) and if my message manages to help you, then that's one less lost person in the world wondering what the point of being alive is and why they feel so different and separate.
Thank you for this. Helped lift my spirits.
There is nothing wrong with being selective with your time. You invest in what is important to you.
I’m about to hit 30. I was raised in the country and difnt have many friends except my cousins which we’ve drifted apart now. I loved to socialize as a young kid but trauma from bullying and me being a trouble maker i became an introvert going into junior high. I developed ocd, depression and that introverted me more. I escaped into video games and music. When that didn’t work I turned to drugs by high school. I used alcohol to become extroverted and not give a f about anything. Well I got addicted for 3 years. I dropped out. I recovered (7.5yrs sober today).
At around 24 I realized playing video games wasn’t working as a coping mechanism because no matter what gsme I played I just wasn’t happy doing it no matter if I forced myself to play. I quit and now I exercise and am perusing a career in peer support to help other addicts recover but I need that social aspect which I believe I’m socially awkward/inept to the point I feel I may have some form of undiagnosed autism.
I will practice though by going to aa meetings. I truly want to help others recover from addiction and mental health issues.
I honestly have a 50/50 love hate relationship with myself when I’m alone. I want to be around people and have friends but idk I’m going to keep at this life
I have to say, as a 23-year-old introvert male, this is really my concern these days. I literally feel burnt out and I'm starting to see no value in what I'm pursuing. Like, where am I going with this? Without friendship and connection, there is no point in becoming successful, even for introverts. Life is meant to be shared, and humans are social creatures. Everyone who tells you otherwise is psycho. Yes, you might be okay without them at this moment (I've spent over five years chasing what I thought were dreams, neglecting any social opportunities), but mark my words, the day will come, and when it comes, it will affect your life. So have balance and remember “If you want to go fast, go alone, if you want to go far, go together”
True I regret not joining them when I had the chance
@@thetest8777 Don't feel desperate, my friend. I suggest finding hobbies (if you don't have any) and joining clubs with people who share the same interests. Think of it this way: even if you don't make friends, you can at least gain acquaintances and improve your social status.
@@124xhappeleshows No human can thrive in total isolation.
@@fij715 I don't think we are talking about total isolation. I am an introvert working from home for most of the time, I am having the required communication with collegues, boss and clients during working hours, but after the working hours I am totally on my own and I think it is fine. I fulfill the communication required in works and support myself and at the same time, maintaining the least amount of interactions with people to become the introvert outside of work. It's not like totally isolation, no job, no family, no friends thing, it's just we are trying to keep the interactions as less as possible.
Feeling no need for friends, acquaintances or relationships and no need to share things does not automatically make you a psycho. You can very well lead a fulfilling life without any people knowing a damn thing about it,.
I am 20 and felt this video with every atom of my body
This totally relates to me big time. I was an introvert when growing up. But so-called friends and a ex-girlfriend forced me to become an hardcore introvert.
And you know what, I'd rather remain an hardcore introvert than to kiss people's asses and get played by them.
I'm tired of the toxic on social masses. I'd love cozy blanket and popcorn and watching old old movies or reading a real book. I love silence..no phone no texting.. I go out i will eat and put on my head phones and watch a movie while I eat.
I wish it was more commonly understood that being introverted or extroverted is influenced by genetics. Introverts are more sensitive to stimuli which means dealing with a lot of people is possible, but can definitely be overwhelming for some. Extroverts are less sensitive to stimuli which means being alone with their thoughts is possible, but can definitely feel boring (not stimulating enough).
Nothing is wrong with either group of people, but it is probably the strongest influence we have in our lives. Extroverts are typically seen as "normal" (which is somewhat true considering humans are social by nature), while introverts are usually seen as abnormal. This is less true with recent years as introvertedness is becoming more common or at least more talked about, which is good, but people still don't commonly understand that introvertedness and extrovertedness is not simply a choice, but a preference based on how our "brains are wired", so to speak.
I believe introverts should definitely attempt to put themselves in social situations sometimes. It can help us understand things from other people's perspectives, and is just healthy in general.
I believe extroverts should definitely attempt to take time to sit with their thoughts (meditate). It can help us understand ourselves more and helps us better regulate our emotions amongst other things.
In my opinion, it is healthier to not fall too far on any extreme. Introvertedness-Extrovertedness is a scale and we should try to push ourselves around the middle.
Hope this comment helps somebody :)
-21 year old introvert with no friends
My advice would be to not let science dictate your thinking. Research has its limitations and cannot fully comprehend the complexities of the human mind. Take notes, but don't allow it to define who you are. For example, don't let a personality test define you; instead, use the results to identify your weaknesses and work on improving them.
I see your point and I completely agree. Even though my comment is speaking on the science of introvertedness and extrovertedness the point of it was moreso: we are who we are; people shouldn’t be judged for their personality.
We are who we are, but also we are able to shape ourselves. As you said: we can use things like personality tests to evaluate ourselves, but the results are temporary, and indeed it is within our hands to change those results.
@@t3ntube357 I think reasoning has a lot to do with preferences. Are you talkative? do you have a dependency to entertain and engage? Do you have the capacity to engage, despite your mood, and entertain in a gathering constantly? Is the benefit of engagement worthwhile/pleasurable? The you answer these questions will dictate who you are and weather or not you should expand your horizons.
Im 19 years old introvert with 0 friend, 0 girlfriend, 0brothr, sister none literally alone but i still feels im King 👑
Your Majesty... You're the king 😘
@@aliciawilliams9605 damn i used to do comment's like this 🤦🏼😭😭
@@aliciawilliams9605 ❣️❣️
Still feeling like a king😭
100% relate :-) Greetings from Ireland!