I became a people pleaser after 15 years with a narcissistic husband, and after falling sick. this was just too much to handle and after a while I just gave up. I just gave up. I was thinking I could take the battle for myself on AFTER I break up with him, but the truth is, you need to stand up for yourself at the moment you start the break up. and the more you wait the harder it will be: I forgot how it was to handle every abusive person in a subtle way. I am harsher and more incisive than ever, so I made a lot of mistakes. but I am ok with that because I now think that the friends I had were not real friends and I needed them to leave my life. I need the place for the new ones. but it was very painful. what I mean is, I am in this quest right now. thank you, Gale!
I have suppressed my inner voice and desires all my life. I have adopted other people's desires for me. I have cultivated talents to fit into all categories in order to please all people. I have glimpses of excitement for a few specific areas but I don't know if that is coming from a place of accomplishment of my own goals or those put upon me by others. How in the world am I supposed to weed out this all the way back to childhood? Thank you for helping me realize that the warriors journey is necessary in my own personal life. I have been looking for him, but she was here with me all the time.
We all want to be loved and accepted. When we are born we love ourselves completely, and we are usually loved in return. Even our burps and farts are celebrated. Then as we grow, begin to walk and talk, our caregivers begin unconsciously to project THEIR fears onus. Fears of being a good parent and more importantly being seen to be one. Be a good girl, stop fussing, stop being a crybaby, why can’t you be like the other girls?, etc. Here doubt begins. Limiting beliefs take hold like I’m not good enough to be accepted and loved like this, I’m not lovable, The world is a dangerous place. We begin to lose our innate confidence and trust in life. This can be very destabilising and trauma may ensue. Then we begin to search for love outside ourselves, hence the need for outside validation. This becomes our survival tactic but we become dependent on it and forget our own source of love overtime. Now we are like an addict. We are confused and grapple to find peace but it is always just out of sight. So we become codependent, dépendant on other’s love and focus. We need people to like us so we begin to smile for them, dress for them and eventually prioritise their needs over ours. We get lost in them and forget who we are slowly but surely. We become needy and more confused. Relationships get complicated. Frustrated and confused,either we think we are victims to circumstances somehow out of our hands, or we get angry and righteous, blaming everyone whilst feeling jealous. But we always have a third choice. Recognizing that every situation is an opportunity for growth and asking ourselves “What can I learn from this?” Beginning to take responsibility for our responses and reactions. Learn more about codependency and being honest with ourselves about whether or not this may be how we are behaving. This is a return to self love. Finding compassion for ourselves and those around us recognizing that we are all essentially doing the same thing. Find our way back to loving ourselves and no longer being dependent on others to fill the emptiness that only we can fill. Begin to priorise yourself at least once a day, begin small. Do I want tea or coffee?Am I choosing for the person offering, or am I truly choosing for me? This begins untangling the confusion and should reveal more limiting thoughts learned when we were young and naive. Compassion, understanding and patience, and of course watching lots of great videos on YT. Returning to independence after codependency can take time and be a bumpy ride but there is so much information available to us today, if we are curious enough. And courageous enough. Don’t take it too seriously, try to laugh at yourself and the craziness of it all. Each step forward is deliciously satisfying. So choose, victim, blâmer or warrioress?
This was a funny synchronicity, I've been struggling with writing for 2 years where I had never struggled before, after beginning healing from trauma. I've been do hesitant as to what to say. And then Brigid began popping up in my work recently as I've been owning my art and truth ❤
I've been a (shite) devotee of hers for 5 years now. One of her titles is "exalted one" for a reason. She's magnificent. But so kind, and funny too. Adventurer, poet filì, mad scientist tinkerer, aid of the downtrodden. She is so much. I'm glad she's reaching out to you, she's a good one. If you want to connect with her, light some kind of fire and call her in. Ask for her inspiration.
Yes, mine's an interesting tale that may require a novel some day, but after working in homelessness, youth work, forensics, mental health space.... I wish to pursue my passion in realationship counselling. My heart desires us all to heal regardless of sex, class, identity, and race. And anyone else I've forgotten. And drive us to the utopia we may all one day get to. We all have a story to tell. ❤❤❤
@Betwixt_App I've counselled for many years but have not been in the area of couples counselling. I've been told my entire life that I'm in love with love, so why not support people where my passion lies. I've heard so many different points of views, stories, and if we could just be in the other person's shoes for one moment, people would realise we all want the same thing, which is to be seen and heard. I love your work. It truly inspires me, and it just takes counselling/therapy to a whole new level.
I _so_ absolutely agree with this! I’ve always felt that my core purpose/aim (in basically everything I do) is to help people love themselves so they can love others (and empathise with themselves so they can empathise with others). I’m glad to be in the same business as you! 🖤
I have always been oriented to communication and I mean Arts, writing, languages, teaching and after I left the path of trying to fit into my family and society, so much rejection I got to the point of self isolation and don't know how to get out of it. It's impossible to communicate when there is no one who wants to be receptive and willing to communicate in a reciprocating way back to me without the games. It's like trying to play a team sport by yourself and I didn't use the dancing comparative because I enjoy dancing on my own.
How do you resolve the conflict between the reality of the world and what seems important and the inner desire to stay in awe. For me, I see the state of world, that so many people are suffering to such an extent and under such extreme circumstances that asking themselves questions like these is a luxury, so I feel an obligation to use my time in that way and feel selfish if I start to let in the want to be in nature, to feel the awe, to study nature, to have a creative side. I don't know how you resolve that conflict, I wonder if you have any insight?
See your potential to flourish as a chance to heal the fabric of the world, not as an unfair luxury that impacts only you. No one is truly an island. Every soul that flourishes transforms our world into a better place. Follow your creative dreams!
I’ve been doing daily document the journey videos towards a dream of being creative. Today is day 73. I don’t know other people doing TH-cam and I am definitely feeling out of my depth. I do feel liked I heard a call to this but at least once a day I question it!
A major difficulty in individuation - breaking away - is the dilemma of breaking away from the "ties that bind". I think both loving parents/caregivers AND cold or abusive ones, leave emotional bonds. If I adored my parents, will my separation from their choices, not *also* separate me from our shared love? In the end, it should not; but I think this is what's so hard for some of us to face.
can someone please tell me what it is about physical appearance that so enrages people? i thought it was just something in my extended family but in watching an old "new tricks" episode it was right there - what am i missing? what i mean is, can i not appear in my boxers? can i not go barefoot? can i not sit comfortably in skimpy shorts? i was born in the 50s, and i really don't understand.
I guess it depends of the context. In a beach no one would care but clothes have always been a way to show status, taste or tribe. Do you remember the song "sweet dreams" ... everybody is looking for something but that doesn't mean that those who are not looking for anything can't be bothered by others or just simply ignored. Anyway, I find people's dependency on smart phones an even higher barrier 🚧 to go through. I have seen groups of young people and families together without talking, each one watching their cell phones...sad but real.
@@Betwixt_App As I understand the Call to Adventure, the idea of the Big Truth the Hero believes in is actually the Big Lie, is implicit in the Call. But that the Call itself is the Big Lie adds a dimension of dramatic tension that intrigues me.
![Beyond the Hero: everything you need to know to awaken the wiser guides within [Intro 1]](/img/n.gif)
The whisper to the call to adventure is so real. And inner tension you face for not accepting it feels even realer.
Thank you for making this video.
I became a people pleaser after 15 years with a narcissistic husband, and after falling sick.
this was just too much to handle and after a while I just gave up. I just gave up. I was thinking I could take the battle for myself on AFTER I break up with him, but the truth is, you need to stand up for yourself at the moment you start the break up. and the more you wait the harder it will be: I forgot how it was to handle every abusive person in a subtle way. I am harsher and more incisive than ever, so I made a lot of mistakes. but I am ok with that because I now think that the friends I had were not real friends and I needed them to leave my life. I need the place for the new ones. but it was very painful.
what I mean is, I am in this quest right now.
thank you, Gale!
I have suppressed my inner voice and desires all my life. I have adopted other people's desires for me. I have cultivated talents to fit into all categories in order to please all people. I have glimpses of excitement for a few specific areas but I don't know if that is coming from a place of accomplishment of my own goals or those put upon me by others. How in the world am I supposed to weed out this all the way back to childhood?
Thank you for helping me realize that the warriors journey is necessary in my own personal life. I have been looking for him, but she was here with me all the time.
We all want to be loved and accepted. When we are born we love ourselves completely, and we are usually loved in return. Even our burps and farts are celebrated. Then as we grow, begin to walk and talk, our caregivers begin unconsciously to project THEIR fears onus. Fears of being a good parent and more importantly being seen to be one. Be a good girl, stop fussing, stop being a crybaby, why can’t you be like the other girls?, etc. Here doubt begins. Limiting beliefs take hold like I’m not good enough to be accepted and loved like this, I’m not lovable, The world is a dangerous place. We begin to lose our innate confidence and trust in life. This can be very destabilising and trauma may ensue. Then we begin to search for love outside ourselves, hence the need for outside validation. This becomes our survival tactic but we become dependent on it and forget our own source of love overtime. Now we are like an addict. We are confused and grapple to find peace but it is always just out of sight. So we become codependent, dépendant on other’s love and focus. We need people to like us so we begin to smile for them, dress for them and eventually prioritise their needs over ours. We get lost in them and forget who we are slowly but surely. We become needy and more confused. Relationships get complicated. Frustrated and confused,either we think we are victims to circumstances somehow out of our hands, or we get angry and righteous, blaming everyone whilst feeling jealous. But we always have a third choice.
Recognizing that every situation is an opportunity for growth and asking ourselves “What can I learn from this?” Beginning to take responsibility for our responses and reactions. Learn more about codependency and being honest with ourselves about whether or not this may be how we are behaving. This is a return to self love. Finding compassion for ourselves and those around us recognizing that we are all essentially doing the same thing. Find our way back to loving ourselves and no longer being dependent on others to fill the emptiness that only we can fill. Begin to priorise yourself at least once a day, begin small. Do I want tea or coffee?Am I choosing for the person offering, or am I truly choosing for me? This begins untangling the confusion and should reveal more limiting thoughts learned when we were young and naive. Compassion, understanding and patience, and of course watching lots of great videos on YT. Returning to independence after codependency can take time and be a bumpy ride but there is so much information available to us today, if we are curious enough. And courageous enough. Don’t take it too seriously, try to laugh at yourself and the craziness of it all. Each step forward is deliciously satisfying.
So choose, victim, blâmer or warrioress?
This was a funny synchronicity, I've been struggling with writing for 2 years where I had never struggled before, after beginning healing from trauma. I've been do hesitant as to what to say. And then Brigid began popping up in my work recently as I've been owning my art and truth ❤
Oh, how amazing!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
I've been a (shite) devotee of hers for 5 years now. One of her titles is "exalted one" for a reason. She's magnificent. But so kind, and funny too. Adventurer, poet filì, mad scientist tinkerer, aid of the downtrodden. She is so much. I'm glad she's reaching out to you, she's a good one.
If you want to connect with her, light some kind of fire and call her in. Ask for her inspiration.
Yes, mine's an interesting tale that may require a novel some day, but after working in homelessness, youth work, forensics, mental health space.... I wish to pursue my passion in realationship counselling. My heart desires us all to heal regardless of sex, class, identity, and race. And anyone else I've forgotten. And drive us to the utopia we may all one day get to.
We all have a story to tell. ❤❤❤
Love this!!! Good luck with it! Have you stated/done the training? That’ll be such a fascinating journey in itself.
@Betwixt_App I've counselled for many years but have not been in the area of couples counselling. I've been told my entire life that I'm in love with love, so why not support people where my passion lies. I've heard so many different points of views, stories, and if we could just be in the other person's shoes for one moment, people would realise we all want the same thing, which is to be seen and heard.
I love your work. It truly inspires me, and it just takes counselling/therapy to a whole new level.
I _so_ absolutely agree with this! I’ve always felt that my core purpose/aim (in basically everything I do) is to help people love themselves so they can love others (and empathise with themselves so they can empathise with others). I’m glad to be in the same business as you! 🖤
This was very heartening and well explained. Being over 50 and only recently acting on this ‘call’ it was great also hearing “it’s never too late” 😅
Interesting info ..
Another candidate for this topic might be Grace O'Malley, the Pirate Queen of Ireland
Thank you from
Dublin, Ireland
I hadn’t heard of O’Malley but I just looked her up, and she’s amazing. Thanks so much for bringing her to my attention!
I have always been oriented to communication and I mean Arts, writing, languages, teaching and after I left the path of trying to fit into my family and society, so much rejection I got to the point of self isolation and don't know how to get out of it.
It's impossible to communicate when there is no one who wants to be receptive and willing to communicate in a reciprocating way back to me without the games. It's like trying to play a team sport by yourself and I didn't use the dancing comparative because I enjoy dancing on my own.
How do you resolve the conflict between the reality of the world and what seems important and the inner desire to stay in awe. For me, I see the state of world, that so many people are suffering to such an extent and under such extreme circumstances that asking themselves questions like these is a luxury, so I feel an obligation to use my time in that way and feel selfish if I start to let in the want to be in nature, to feel the awe, to study nature, to have a creative side. I don't know how you resolve that conflict, I wonder if you have any insight?
See your potential to flourish as a chance to heal the fabric of the world, not as an unfair luxury that impacts only you. No one is truly an island. Every soul that flourishes transforms our world into a better place. Follow your creative dreams!
I’ve been doing daily document the journey videos towards a dream of being creative. Today is day 73. I don’t know other people doing TH-cam and I am definitely feeling out of my depth. I do feel liked I heard a call to this but at least once a day I question it!
Ah, yes, I know that feeling!! It’s not easy to walk your own path. Good luck with it, though! It sounds like you’re in the right place to me!
A major difficulty in individuation - breaking away - is the dilemma of breaking away from the "ties that bind". I think both loving parents/caregivers AND cold or abusive ones, leave emotional bonds. If I adored my parents, will my separation from their choices, not *also* separate me from our shared love? In the end, it should not; but I think this is what's so hard for some of us to face.
☮
🖤
This was me.
can someone please tell me what it is about physical appearance that so enrages people? i thought it was just something in my extended family but in watching an old "new tricks" episode it was right there - what am i missing? what i mean is, can i not appear in my boxers? can i not go barefoot? can i not sit comfortably in skimpy shorts? i was born in the 50s, and i really don't understand.
My guess is because people abide by social norms
I guess it depends of the context. In a beach no one would care but clothes have always been a way to show status, taste or tribe.
Do you remember the song "sweet dreams" ... everybody is looking for something but that doesn't mean that those who are not looking for anything can't be bothered by others or just simply ignored.
Anyway, I find people's dependency on smart phones an even higher barrier 🚧 to go through. I have seen groups of young people and families together without talking, each one watching their cell phones...sad but real.
The Call to Adventure as the Big Lie itself? Interesting ...
Interesting! How do you mean??
@@Betwixt_App As I understand the Call to Adventure, the idea of the Big Truth the Hero believes in is actually the Big Lie, is implicit in the Call. But that the Call itself is the Big Lie adds a dimension of dramatic tension that intrigues me.
My automatic response is the construct of the catholic church.
The call to adventure for me is getting out of your comfort zone and also a rite of passage.