Exactly what I came here to type! Every relationship has an expiration date so even though it’s over doesn’t mean it didn’t have it’s good successful times!
The problem is when getting a man is your only priority in life and if you don’t get that it can be very tricky, you have to learn to be happy on your own and alone
I don't know if I would be the woman that I am today, without Allison being as authentic and real as she is on the internet. Thank you, Allison. We are all hurting with you
yes its not love... I have the kind that doesnt end.. he says he doesnt love me anymore. I didnt even know that was possible. I thought we loved each other the same. its a sudden shock.
Alison said she’s scared she won’t find anyone as good as Jake - someone who made her extremely comfortable, loved and felt truly compatible. I wanna say that perhaps, this is the first time she felt such love because she’s been taking such good care of herself mentally. When we’re mentally unhealthy, we tend to be drawn to people who aren’t good for us. So Alison, maybe there’s nothing to worry about because you’ve just finally gotten out of that toxic relationship cycle and can be happy with whoever you end up choosing later!
This is such a good point! I love that! Had that same revalation a year ago, if the grow happend internal, not smth just external, it gives me safety inside or outside a relationship :)
Been there. My fiancé just said “I’m done.” And then blocked me on everything the next day as if he just died, but without the support from family or friends. Worst feeling in the world, still haven’t really recovered from it. Which is why I’m probably going to nope out of this video early because it’s a little triggering. I think broken engagements are a weird spot to be in - people don’t treat it as seriously as a divorce, but it’s more emotional than just a dating breakup, because you have to grieve the life you were planning on having for the rest of your life at the same time. It’s sucks big time. Wish you the best Allison.
That's so horrible, I'm so sorry you're going through that. Do you have any idea why the person just dumped everything one day? I always wonder why some people commit to something, and then decide not to go through with it. Why do they even do that? I don't understand and it scares me that some people go that far only to break it off. It makes me think you can never trust people or their intentions even if they say they love you and want a future with you.
@@mmmissmiss3356 I don’t really know. He never really told me. We were talking to realtors one day, and the next day he was “done.” I think he got scared of losing his financial freedom and he met another woman at work. He would complain and rant to his friends and family when it got stressful, (which, to be fair, I think is necessary in a relationship, you need to vent sometimes) and because they only ever heard his complaints they told him to just break it off and walk away. To be clear, things he was stressed about were things like “we can’t find a *cheap* dog friendly place for her dog and she refuses to leave her dog behind.” Like I’m the asshole for not willing to literally give my dog away to a shelter so we could live in his cheap, shitty roommate situation.
"This version of me has never dated before" 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 iam experiencing exactly the same situation. Lets sail through together. Let's stay strong 👍
this is so true! I went through the worst break up last year and really did not think I could ever find a match like him again but then I started working on myself and growing and I realised that he could never be a good match for me now. Not saying he's not good enough, just not a match anymore, I would never choose that kind of man or relationship again.
wow, the power of just accepting the explanation you were given and not trying to dissect it further is huge. i've definitely tried seeking answers that i was never gonna get and that prolonged my healing, so hearing you accept it and give yourself closure is a sign of strength sending you all the strength and grace to process the grief 💕
This is such an important point. I've been there from the other side. I have broken up because I fell out of love, got older and didn't see the way the relationship would develop as making me happy in the future. I've felt the pain I caused but it felt worse to be asked "why" again and again, when that was my honest reason. I didn't feel strongly enough to continue this, move for this, shape my life around the relationship. But that explanation wasn't enough and I couldn't deal with getting asked again and again, as if my ex wanted me to tell them it was their fault. It wasn't. I just couldn't. That's all.
Allison is absolutely NOT a loser! The fact that she is willing to share this story with us and be open and honest about it (and her mental health in general) makes her an incredibly strong, capable, resilient, admirable, inspiring, and beautiful human being.
"Someone can be madly in love with you and still not be ready. They can love you in a way you have never been loved and still not join you on the bridge. And whatever their reasons you must leave. Because you never ever have to inspire anyone to meet you on the bridge. You never ever have to convince someone to do the work to be ready. There is more extraordinary love, more love that you have never seen, out here in this wide and wild universe. And there is the love that will be ready. Nayyirah Waheed...her book Salt is amazing! Got me through my worst heartbreak. Sending you love. We see you and we love you Allison
"The most important relationship you have is with yourself and so you wanna nurture that relationship, and you're also just so much more resilient than you think that you are." Allison
You both are so beautiful inside and out! Being 22 i feel like i grew up with you (way back from the buzzfeed days). Love to watch you both grow and learn and help so many girls like me become strong women!
I'm 20 and I feel exactly the same! I rewatched alot of old JBU episodes and I forgot how much of their videos really influenced my own personal outlook
@@happyfungirl100 same here! I recently binged all their old videos and realized, damn, my viewpoints on everything I care about were directly shaped by points of wisdom from the show!
The thing I keep thinking is that no one made him propose. He chose to do that then decided he didn’t really mean it. That kind of flip flopping and easy betrayal is just such a show of weak character. You deserve better and I’m sorry you’re in this pain.
It's better than him going through with the marriage. Honestly, I wish more people would be like this the moment they feel themselves slipping away from relationship. Most people try to stick it out - which leads to cheating or getting divorced years later. I'm not saying he's a great guy... but it does take balls to literally call it off abruptly.
It's ok for things to change. What's not ok is marrying someone when you aren't really committed to the relationship anymore, just because you don't want to seem "weak" and "wishy-washy". That's not betrayal. It's ok to change your mind.
yes that's the worst part of it... anyone can date and then decide they're not invested anymore, but to move in together and then ask her parents if they would approve if he proposed, then proceeding to propose... i just don't understand that at all, it's a mystery to me how one can commit to something like that and then go "nope" anyway..
@@mmmissmiss3356 How is it a mystery lmao. Y'all talk like feelings are constant. Feelings can change. And like someone else said, it's better to opt out as soon as you realize you don't feel the same anymore, instead of wasting someone's time. His feelings changed. That's it. Anyone can go through that one day. You can be married to someone for decades and then realize your feelings are gone. I understand that this is heartbreaking and hurtful for the other person, but in the long run, it is better. And it's not that he didn't mean it, he probably meant it all during the flow of things. But you can't do anything about feelings leaving your body. Or realizing further down the line that you aren't as happy as you want to be. Feelings change. That's it. There's no mystery.
I've been following you guys since the very beginning and when I first found out that Allison was engaged, I was so happy! Learning that you were basically ghosted to the WORST degree, Allison, is horrible. But from all of these years watching you - I mean, I don't know you personally, but it's obvious to see how wonderful you are, and you deserve someone that is honoured and obsessed with loving you. I'm so sorry for your loss - and it IS a loss, and has to be grieved in order to get over. I wish you luck in getting through everything
I literally cannot explain how much I needed to listen to this. I’m dealing with a shocking/no explanation break up that also happened in November, after being with him for 4 years, and every single thing you said is something I am feeling. I cannot wait to read your book.
I'm so very sorry you're going through this too. I hope you find healing and freedom from this pain. I know it can really take your breath away like a gut punch.
Fellow shocking/no explanation [pandemic] break-up survivor here. Mine was in August. But though it seems like that would leave me with more time to heal, and have me be in a better place by now... I am still pretty much completely shattered. Taking it day by day. I'm sending lots of warm energy and good wishes your way. This sucks so badly. Life will be sunnier one day. It must be.
Her nervous laughter breaks my heart. So raw and relatable , I respect her so much for being so vulnerable. You don't know how many people you've touched.
Thank you all so much this unbelievable outpouring of support! I am truly moved by it and it means so much that sharing my experiences has helped other people. I've documenting my day to day healing over at instagram.com/emotionalsupportlady if you're looking for a mental health community. I don't know if I would be strong enough to get through this without all of you xoxo A
I know I'm a whole week late to this video, but there's a very important thing to say here. There's one comedian I'm following, he also went through a serious break up recently. And what he said is they'd break up just as bad as Alisson, if not famiy therapist. When they realised that it's over they went to him to actually realise understand the problem, forgive each other and move on. Had to end a few relationships myself, it never felt good and you're in a constant scare to ruin someone's life. But some things should be done, so it's very important to end it on a positive note
I broke off an engagement after I discovered my partner was cheating on me, and what followed was the hardest year of my life. People who knew me from that time have told me since that it was like I died. It's an incredibly traumatic thing to walk through, but eventually, things do get better. You're not alone. Virtual hugs
This happens to me right now and it sucks to go on this journey he is bipolar 2, and have also arthritis that lead to depression, he is bisexual too and he cheated with both genders so it sucks and it’s so much to understand, ( I knew he was bisexual) but why he chooses People so different from me, and the worst is this girls new about our engagement ! It’s terrible, we are a community as you said, life happens and I continue to heal and try to understand what I have to learn from this! Btw I blocked him everywhere 👀no regrets on that !
So after 7 years my ex broke up with me with no explanation too. He said something like "uh someone told me you gotta be sefish sometimes". Now i laugh about it and tell it as a funny story to my friends, but back then (9!!! Years ago) I was crushed for like two years. I felt every single thing you mentioned. I randomly cried in public places. I was hoping that we would see each other in the middle of the street and I would look beautiful and he would tell me how he missed me and that he still loved me, but obviously it didn't happen. We hooked up a few times after some time and then he ghosted me 😂 which actually helped me heal. Now I live with a man who is a million times better and more mature and i couldn't be happier. I am SO glad my ex broke up with me
This is literally everything I went through. I literally would burst in tears while driving. Haha but its only been a year and I still once in a while wish he could see me and regret leaving... at the same time knowing that I am better off cause he was unkind to me.
I've been talking to my therapist about how I'm heartbroken over someone in a really really bad way. She told me "you deserve to be with someone who is as crazy about you as you are for them" . That really stuck.
I recently went through something like this. We weren’t engaged, but he checked all my boxes and made promises about us, and then randomly shut me out and broke it off because he made some major life decisions without me. This was very healing to hear. Thanks ladies. :)
It's so crazy to think that this things happen. I was in a relationship for 6 years, we went a year long distante bc of the pandemic and yesterday he decided that he doesn't want us anymore. I used to think we were the type of couple who could overcome anything and now I'm really struggling to understand that we were not
Just so you know before you said "I hope people don't think what a loser". I was thinking how can I be like you? That was so brave, thanks for sharing.
I know it feels like you will think of him every day for the rest of your life, but I promise you won't. The first time his birthday passed without me realizing was such a blessing, and eventually I heard he was engaged to someone else and truly didn't care. Time is your friend. I'm sorry that everything feels like death right now.
I've had a lame-no-real-explanation breakup dropped on me after 6 years together, and a big cross-country move, the day after I threw him a birthday party. He just packed up all his things and left. I had nightmares about him being kidnapped for a while before I could find any sense of my own humanity. I feel for you, sis
You have nothing to be ashamed about. This wasn't anybody's fault, per se. Down the road, after all the heartbreak and the dust has settled, you'll realize that he did you a favour. That this could have been much, much worse, should he have gone through with it, or left you further down the road in the same fashion he's done so now. Stay strong, girl.
I'm beyond ecstatic every time they upload an actual video. Also Allison's cooking clips are truly making my day. But if Allison reads this, I've followed you for almost a decade now and I know somewhat about the journey you've been through to get to this point, and you being left was a shock even to me so I can't imagine what you're going through. Thank you for being so strong and speaking about this and providing a space for people to share their own similar experiences. I'm so excited for your future and respect you a lot ❤️
I am very impressed with Alison's capability to grieve and hurt while going back to school. To me, having any stressor next to school is really rough, so you are an inspiration.
I can’t imagine the strange and heavy grief of this certain situation. My heart’s with Allison. How can someone go through all the choices of deciding they want to marry someone.... going and picking a ring, planning and engagement... then decide nah I don’t actually love you??? Huh?
When Alison said "I don't think I can get that lucky twice" I was like "the thing is, it was not LUCK ??? It's never LUCK ??? It's someone falling in love with you because you are amazing and you deserve to be loved!!!" I'm not saying love is necessarily connected to merit but honestly it was not "chance" or "luck" or "random and will never happen again" !!! I wish she knew that
As you said "the most important relationship is with yourself" my cat walked in front of my face, and he kept crying for attention this whole video, so I think he's saying his relationship is the most important
wow I did not know.... that is truly terrible Allison. The way you speak about it though indicates to me that you are going to move on from this and healthily. I love that for you and I wish you the best. I always love your videos! Been here from day 1 too and I enjoy your YT more than the podcast stuff. Youre the only channel I turn on notifications for. Sending lots of love
lol i cringe to the meme "xyz cured my depression" but this is SO. SPOT. ON. I replay this part of the video everyday in my mind and it feels just great cackling along 😂
I'm glad you spoke about how this shouldn't be a shameful thing. People don't bat an eye at divorce, so why should a break up in an engagement be shameful! Love you Allison!
@@wallflora I’m ok! I’m 25 so it doesn’t feel like the world is somehow ending and I’m about to finish my doctorate, just trying to be busy and not think about it Very sweet to ask tho
"insights I wish I did not have, but insights that I will use" got a laugh out of me because I feel the same way - I seperated from my spouse in February last year. It really does feel like the ground opens up beneath you.
He was clearly not right for you. To say you hope you find someone just as loving...his actions proved him to not be loving. The right man isn't going to leave because he is "missing" something, and leave you high and dry. You are so beautiful, and inspiring. I am so sorry for the pain you are enduring, but to see the growth you have gone through is truly astounding and awe inspiring. You are the definition of resiliency.
When someone truly wants to be with you, they'll endure the pain of growth and even adjustment because they see who you are and your worth. I wish everyone had the intestinal fortitude to be honest with themselves and each other from the jump. Lots of people delude themselves for the sake of attraction or more superficial qualities that check a box. Can't speak to this situation but that's my general axe to grind at literally any given time lol. I hope Allison finds the empowering relationship she seeks, its okay to be whole and to want love.
I was thinking the same! I strongly believe most people know from jump if they're strongly committed or not-- it's one of the things that's kept me from dating certain people, because I *know* it might be fun in the meantime but I'm not in it for the long haul
I haven't watched jbu since their sketch days...but this popped up and it makes me sad, Allison always wanted that married life and the fact it was snatched away so unexpectedly is do sad. It's sad for everyone but I don't think I've meet someone that wanted it more than her :(
This was such a tribute to Allison's strength and emotional skills. As terrible as you having to get through this is, I know you'll look back at these insights and be so proud of how far you've already come. And your book will be amazing, considering the depth of emotion you portrayed and were able to reflect on in this video alone. You deserve the world, Allison.
Breaking off before engagement is a blessing in disguise. I know this isn’t what you want to hear but if his heart wasn’t in it, this would be the best thing he could do. Divorce is much more messy, painful and a horrible experience. I don’t want to come off as so practical but it’s true. I’ve seen people get divorced soon after.. So sorry for what you are going through. I hope in time things heal and mend and that you will find someone who truly appreciates you and loves you.
Its weird, but I've followed Allison for years and I'm not worried about her at all! This is definitely an unexpected and tragic setback, but she seems so fucking comfortable in her body and herself that I know she'll get over this and come out shining! I trust Allison, and I trust the love and care she and her loved ones invariably give to her, because she is a wonderful human being. We're all here for her, and we know she will lead a happy healthy self sufficient life as she always has!!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
my partner broke up with me very suddenly during quarantine as well and i'm still trying to heal from it. a lot of what allison said in this video deeply resonated with me. i felt the exact feelings she was describing - the rejection, the grief, the thinking i wasn't good enough, the fear of never finding someone that made you as happy as they did... this video really helped validate my feelings and made me feel more optimistic about the future ♥️
Pretty similar thing same thing happened to me this last summer. After an 8+ year relationship and 2 weeks before the wedding she decided I wasn't worth trying to make life work with anymore. Now this was also 3 days after she graduated medical school, throughout which I made meals for the week, drove her to classes and did any and everything I could to support her dream coming true, so It was all a big blindside to and really rough. But now I get to learn who I am as a person and as an adult on my own for the first time. It has moments where it sucks and it's difficult, but I feel so much better being on this journey where I'm living for me and putting my own happiness first (for the first time ever) rather than having gotten married to someone who didn't think I was worth trying for. Allison's an incredible person and I know she'll find a way to come out so much stronger on the other side of all of this.
Hey Allison, I’ve been watching you ever since 2015, and based on every video and interview I’ve seen of you where you talked about your struggles with OCD, depression and anxiety you are a very strong person, and you always get back up. No one would think you are a loser, people give up for way less than what you’ve been through, and like you said life happens. You will get through this and you will have your happily ever after because you deserve it. It can’t rain all the time. Stay safe!
I am stunned that Alison has been able to handle this so well, and continue to share these things in the hope that she can help others. I know her stability in the video must have come after so many bouts of emotion and pain. It is incredible that she can talk about her mental state in such a compassionate and wise way. I really hope the best for her.
I don't think the whole diamond in the rough thing exists, everyone is a diamond but sometimes they take time to become polished. You're just becoming more polished with each obstacle you overcome! You'll be someone elses diamond and your forever diamond is probably overcoming their own stuff too right now!
"How to not give up" will help so many more people than "how do you maintain [something outside of anyone's control]" ever will. This is an awful thing to have happen to you, and you are a hero for sharing how you go about living through it. Much respect.
a couple of weeks ago my partner of 4 years decided that he couldn't be with me anymore and needed to 'find himself.' it has been incredibly hard to just describe all of the layers of hurt and grief, but you were able to do it. I really needed this video. Thank you so much for being so vulnerable and honest.
Allison, you are one of the most resilient women I've ever come across. Your journey and willingness to show up in the hard moments and be fully vulnerable has added so much value to my life. Thank you and my heart is truly with you, I'm sending you ALL the love ❤️
My husband left me in November as well, I resonate with telling people it was mutual so much. I definitely tell people that to avoid questions, and although it was a decision we made together I definitely did not want it to happen. Listening to such a similar tory has helped me realise I shouldnt feel shame about it, no one did anything wrong, life just happened and thats often hard to get your head around.
Alison - if anything, when I hear your story, I think, "what a fucking baby man." Wtf kind of person asks someone to marry them then, a few months later, breaks it off because 'something was missing'!? That is a person who does NOT handle or address their feelings at all. I earnestly think you can do better and that, at some point, you probably would have looked at him and thought, "I deserve better". He would have been an inadequate partner.
I just found this video as I’m going through the experience of my fiancé leaving me abruptly while he left for work for 3 months. It’s only the first couple days and it’s still very fresh, but seeing this video gives me hope on the reality of what the process will be. I’m still in shock and it’s hurt so much, but thank you for sharing your story. You are still a success story 💛
me also living with my parents in westchester county as a new post-grad dealing with my first breakup...... love you girl you've always been such an inspiration to me. coming out here and talking about your experience just shows me how fucking powerful you are like jesus christ, i dont even feel comfortable talking about my breakup on my anonymous tiktok! you're amazing, excited to see you continue this growth
Crazy It’s been almost 2 years getting dumped from an 8 year relationship and I still miss her, everything on this episode is stuff I’ve gone through and currently am going through I’m glad I found people that know what it’s like.
5 minutes in and I'm already crying! I experienced my first huge breakup in november after a 4 year relationship, and it hit me like a train ramming into my chest. Thank you allison for being open about your experience and healing process, because it has definitely helped mine too.
Thank you for sharing this experience, it has helped me feel less alone and I completely get how intense the contrast is due to quarantine... locked together in a tiny apartment then suddenly they are gone. I think the fact that so many people believe they have found someone so special and believe it is unique , there are many of those kind people out there. We knew each other six years as friends and four years in relationship but when I get worried I will be alone forever and no one will make me feel the same, I remember the beginning of our relationship was not the same as after four years... time nurtures the connection and intimacy and understanding. So it will come again.
I’m going through my first break up at 22 years old now. My ex and I were together for two and a half years and that relationship had been one of the most beautiful things I’ve had the luck to experience in life. Now learning how to navigate these feelings of loss, rejection and sadness, and it’s so helpful to hear someone opening up about the struggle. Heartbreak is awful but it helps to remember it happens to everyone and time heals. Thank you for being real Allison ❤️
Allison is so self aware and honest, you can tell she has really done the work to be able to process such a painful experience. You both are very inspiring women.
I am so sorry this happened to you allison. I just can't get my head around how "something was missing" yet he still asked you to marry him. so awful..
Listening to this conversation was like letting out a sigh. Just, so refreshing and affirming. Allison is amazing. Oh and Gabi quoting the lyrics to survivor was so cute
Hate this for Alison. I don’t know how to expect how much this sucks or what to say but Alison you are truly amazing and someone just as amazing will see just how true that is. One day you will look back at all this trauma after becoming this even more resilient strong woman! 💕💕💕
I’m married to a woman that I know will never leave me, so here are my thoughts on feeling more prepared to be alone than you thought you were: when you’re with someone you think you will be with forever, you know one of you has to die first. I find that I constantly think about one of us dying and having to move on when we’re old ladies.
My therapist always has to remind me to sit with the pain whenever I'm able to in order to process it. It's so great you're able to sit with your pain this soon after the horrible event, that's an amazing place to be! This video was very inspiring, thank you for sharing with us! This makes me really glad that at least my divorce wasn't a surprise. We knew our relationship was doomed for a while and it was still incredibly painful for years after the breakup.
You said "Will that luck happen twice". Babe, you are lucky he is not in your life anymore. Anyone will be lucky to have you in their lives. The lucky one was him and he messed it all up. Sending hugs. You are an inspiration.
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Alison is still a success story
+
Exactly what I came here to type! Every relationship has an expiration date so even though it’s over doesn’t mean it didn’t have it’s good successful times!
She doesn't stop being a success story. ❤️
The problem is when getting a man is your only priority in life and if you don’t get that it can be very tricky, you have to learn to be happy on your own and alone
Especially hearing how she’s trying to cope, that is a success story. I’m so impressed by what she’s saying this whole video.
I don't know if I would be the woman that I am today, without Allison being as authentic and real as she is on the internet. Thank you, Allison. We are all hurting with you
This is so incredibly kind. Thank you so much -A
@@emerymarcus3710 I know you're just advertising scam software. Please no one fall for the program that gets mentioned here in a few days
Nearly 3 years later and she's married to the man of her dreams. What an inspiration girlie ❤
"He left me because he doesn't love me enough, and that happens".
I feel devastated from that sentence.
yes its not love... I have the kind that doesnt end.. he says he doesnt love me anymore. I didnt even know that was possible. I thought we loved each other the same. its a sudden shock.
Allison's growth is astounding and inspiring. I am so, so sad that she's had to go through this, but her strength and knowledge is just *cheff's kiss*
I want to screenshot this! Thank you! -A
Have you read her book? It’s terrific.
She deserves so much better than this. Virtual hugs to Allison
Gaby is such a good listener. She doesn't interrupt, acknowledges the trauma of her friend and is so uplifting.
God fucking damn it.i was so happy for her. She deserves so much more than the shit she gets. Hope she bounces back quickly enough for her
Damn you too listen to dayglow
@@gautamdesai7648 how did you know
I'm doing my best!! Thank you so much for the support! It makes it all easier - A
2 years later and she is engaged again to a much better man who is perfect for her. This is a success story in every sense of the term.
"You loved the wrong person so much, think about how much you're going to love the right person"
Alison said she’s scared she won’t find anyone as good as Jake - someone who made her extremely comfortable, loved and felt truly compatible. I wanna say that perhaps, this is the first time she felt such love because she’s been taking such good care of herself mentally. When we’re mentally unhealthy, we tend to be drawn to people who aren’t good for us. So Alison, maybe there’s nothing to worry about because you’ve just finally gotten out of that toxic relationship cycle and can be happy with whoever you end up choosing later!
This is such a good point! I love that! Had that same revalation a year ago, if the grow happend internal, not smth just external, it gives me safety inside or outside a relationship :)
@Rachel Forshee 👏👏👏👏👏
Oh man I really needed this today
Been there. My fiancé just said “I’m done.” And then blocked me on everything the next day as if he just died, but without the support from family or friends. Worst feeling in the world, still haven’t really recovered from it. Which is why I’m probably going to nope out of this video early because it’s a little triggering.
I think broken engagements are a weird spot to be in - people don’t treat it as seriously as a divorce, but it’s more emotional than just a dating breakup, because you have to grieve the life you were planning on having for the rest of your life at the same time. It’s sucks big time. Wish you the best Allison.
sending you some virtual kindness. :-)
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
That's so horrible, I'm so sorry you're going through that. Do you have any idea why the person just dumped everything one day? I always wonder why some people commit to something, and then decide not to go through with it. Why do they even do that? I don't understand and it scares me that some people go that far only to break it off. It makes me think you can never trust people or their intentions even if they say they love you and want a future with you.
Sending you lots of love. I wish you healing, and if you do love again, to do so fearlessly in the knowledge that you are enough 🤗
@@mmmissmiss3356 I don’t really know. He never really told me. We were talking to realtors one day, and the next day he was “done.” I think he got scared of losing his financial freedom and he met another woman at work. He would complain and rant to his friends and family when it got stressful, (which, to be fair, I think is necessary in a relationship, you need to vent sometimes) and because they only ever heard his complaints they told him to just break it off and walk away. To be clear, things he was stressed about were things like “we can’t find a *cheap* dog friendly place for her dog and she refuses to leave her dog behind.” Like I’m the asshole for not willing to literally give my dog away to a shelter so we could live in his cheap, shitty roommate situation.
"This version of me has never dated before" 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 iam experiencing exactly the same situation. Lets sail through together. Let's stay strong 👍
Yesss I really needed to hear that
we got this xoxo A
Same here! We all got thisn
"this version of me has never dated before" is FUCKING GOLD.
this is so true! I went through the worst break up last year and really did not think I could ever find a match like him again but then I started working on myself and growing and I realised that he could never be a good match for me now. Not saying he's not good enough, just not a match anymore, I would never choose that kind of man or relationship again.
*internet hug*
wow, the power of just accepting the explanation you were given and not trying to dissect it further is huge. i've definitely tried seeking answers that i was never gonna get and that prolonged my healing, so hearing you accept it and give yourself closure is a sign of strength
sending you all the strength and grace to process the grief 💕
This is such an important point. I've been there from the other side. I have broken up because I fell out of love, got older and didn't see the way the relationship would develop as making me happy in the future. I've felt the pain I caused but it felt worse to be asked "why" again and again, when that was my honest reason. I didn't feel strongly enough to continue this, move for this, shape my life around the relationship. But that explanation wasn't enough and I couldn't deal with getting asked again and again, as if my ex wanted me to tell them it was their fault. It wasn't. I just couldn't. That's all.
Sweet parents. I’m glad you have a supportive family to turn to.
dad: "wanna play tennis?". Dads: clumsily trying to help from the beginning.
Allison is absolutely NOT a loser! The fact that she is willing to share this story with us and be open and honest about it (and her mental health in general) makes her an incredibly strong, capable, resilient, admirable, inspiring, and beautiful human being.
"Someone can be madly in love with you and still not be ready. They can love you in a way you have never been loved and still not join you on the bridge. And whatever their reasons you must leave. Because you never ever have to inspire anyone to meet you on the bridge. You never ever have to convince someone to do the work to be ready. There is more extraordinary love, more love that you have never seen, out here in this wide and wild universe. And there is the love that will be ready.
Nayyirah Waheed...her book Salt is amazing! Got me through my worst heartbreak. Sending you love. We see you and we love you Allison
"The most important relationship you have is with yourself and so you wanna nurture that relationship, and you're also just so much more resilient than you think that you are."
Allison
You both are so beautiful inside and out! Being 22 i feel like i grew up with you (way back from the buzzfeed days). Love to watch you both grow and learn and help so many girls like me become strong women!
I'm 20 and I feel exactly the same! I rewatched alot of old JBU episodes and I forgot how much of their videos really influenced my own personal outlook
@@happyfungirl100 same here! I recently binged all their old videos and realized, damn, my viewpoints on everything I care about were directly shaped by points of wisdom from the show!
Completely same here 🤗 am 20 now and watched since the start - love their journey
I'm 21 and this channel helped my a lot really, it helped my grow and accept who I am.
Same! 22! They answered my question once and I was SOO excited
The thing I keep thinking is that no one made him propose. He chose to do that then decided he didn’t really mean it. That kind of flip flopping and easy betrayal is just such a show of weak character.
You deserve better and I’m sorry you’re in this pain.
It's better than him going through with the marriage.
Honestly, I wish more people would be like this the moment they feel themselves slipping away from relationship. Most people try to stick it out - which leads to cheating or getting divorced years later.
I'm not saying he's a great guy... but it does take balls to literally call it off abruptly.
It's ok for things to change. What's not ok is marrying someone when you aren't really committed to the relationship anymore, just because you don't want to seem "weak" and "wishy-washy". That's not betrayal. It's ok to change your mind.
yes that's the worst part of it... anyone can date and then decide they're not invested anymore, but to move in together and then ask her parents if they would approve if he proposed, then proceeding to propose... i just don't understand that at all, it's a mystery to me how one can commit to something like that and then go "nope" anyway..
@@mmmissmiss3356 How is it a mystery lmao. Y'all talk like feelings are constant. Feelings can change. And like someone else said, it's better to opt out as soon as you realize you don't feel the same anymore, instead of wasting someone's time.
His feelings changed. That's it. Anyone can go through that one day. You can be married to someone for decades and then realize your feelings are gone.
I understand that this is heartbreaking and hurtful for the other person, but in the long run, it is better.
And it's not that he didn't mean it, he probably meant it all during the flow of things. But you can't do anything about feelings leaving your body. Or realizing further down the line that you aren't as happy as you want to be.
Feelings change. That's it. There's no mystery.
I've been following you guys since the very beginning and when I first found out that Allison was engaged, I was so happy! Learning that you were basically ghosted to the WORST degree, Allison, is horrible. But from all of these years watching you - I mean, I don't know you personally, but it's obvious to see how wonderful you are, and you deserve someone that is honoured and obsessed with loving you. I'm so sorry for your loss - and it IS a loss, and has to be grieved in order to get over. I wish you luck in getting through everything
Sounds like she's on the fringe of crying a lot of times... yet you can clearly see her trying to heal and grow. All the best to this girl
Don’t underestimate the healing powers of “thank you, next”
Legitimately. I'm completely a proponent of that mindset.
I literally cannot explain how much I needed to listen to this. I’m dealing with a shocking/no explanation break up that also happened in November, after being with him for 4 years, and every single thing you said is something I am feeling. I cannot wait to read your book.
I'm so very sorry you're going through this too. I hope you find healing and freedom from this pain. I know it can really take your breath away like a gut punch.
Fellow shocking/no explanation [pandemic] break-up survivor here. Mine was in August. But though it seems like that would leave me with more time to heal, and have me be in a better place by now... I am still pretty much completely shattered. Taking it day by day.
I'm sending lots of warm energy and good wishes your way. This sucks so badly.
Life will be sunnier one day. It must be.
I feel you... mine was after 9years together. He was an asshole though, we are better off without ppl who aren’t invested in us. Stay strong ♥️
We will make our way through this bullshit and hurt slowly but surely! xoxox
A
Mine was shocking to me as well and happened in December. Hugs to y'all 💜
Her nervous laughter breaks my heart. So raw and relatable , I respect her so much for being so vulnerable. You don't know how many people you've touched.
Thank you all so much this unbelievable outpouring of support! I am truly moved by it and it means so much that sharing my experiences has helped other people. I've documenting my day to day healing over at instagram.com/emotionalsupportlady if you're looking for a mental health community. I don't know if I would be strong enough to get through this without all of you xoxo A
❤❤❤
You are now free to find someone who will cherish you the way you deserve.
I know I'm a whole week late to this video, but there's a very important thing to say here. There's one comedian I'm following, he also went through a serious break up recently. And what he said is they'd break up just as bad as Alisson, if not famiy therapist. When they realised that it's over they went to him to actually realise understand the problem, forgive each other and move on.
Had to end a few relationships myself, it never felt good and you're in a constant scare to ruin someone's life. But some things should be done, so it's very important to end it on a positive note
I broke off an engagement after I discovered my partner was cheating on me, and what followed was the hardest year of my life. People who knew me from that time have told me since that it was like I died. It's an incredibly traumatic thing to walk through, but eventually, things do get better. You're not alone. Virtual hugs
You deserve better. Wishing you healing and blessings.
This happens to me right now and it sucks to go on this journey he is bipolar 2, and have also arthritis that lead to depression, he is bisexual too and he cheated with both genders so it sucks and it’s so much to understand, ( I knew he was bisexual) but why he chooses People so different from me, and the worst is this girls new about our engagement !
It’s terrible, we are a community as you said, life happens and I continue to heal and try to understand what I have to learn from this!
Btw I blocked him everywhere 👀no regrets on that !
So after 7 years my ex broke up with me with no explanation too. He said something like "uh someone told me you gotta be sefish sometimes". Now i laugh about it and tell it as a funny story to my friends, but back then (9!!! Years ago) I was crushed for like two years. I felt every single thing you mentioned. I randomly cried in public places. I was hoping that we would see each other in the middle of the street and I would look beautiful and he would tell me how he missed me and that he still loved me, but obviously it didn't happen. We hooked up a few times after some time and then he ghosted me 😂 which actually helped me heal. Now I live with a man who is a million times better and more mature and i couldn't be happier. I am SO glad my ex broke up with me
This is literally everything I went through. I literally would burst in tears while driving. Haha but its only been a year and I still once in a while wish he could see me and regret leaving... at the same time knowing that I am better off cause he was unkind to me.
I've been talking to my therapist about how I'm heartbroken over someone in a really really bad way. She told me "you deserve to be with someone who is as crazy about you as you are for them" . That really stuck.
I recently went through something like this. We weren’t engaged, but he checked all my boxes and made promises about us, and then randomly shut me out and broke it off because he made some major life decisions without me. This was very healing to hear. Thanks ladies. :)
It's so crazy to think that this things happen. I was in a relationship for 6 years, we went a year long distante bc of the pandemic and yesterday he decided that he doesn't want us anymore. I used to think we were the type of couple who could overcome anything and now I'm really struggling to understand that we were not
@@maisapereiradomingues8851 So sorry you’re going through this. Feel your feelings my friend
Just so you know before you said "I hope people don't think what a loser". I was thinking how can I be like you? That was so brave, thanks for sharing.
"The edges of the pain won't be as sharp." Very well said.
I know it feels like you will think of him every day for the rest of your life, but I promise you won't. The first time his birthday passed without me realizing was such a blessing, and eventually I heard he was engaged to someone else and truly didn't care. Time is your friend. I'm sorry that everything feels like death right now.
It’s the audacity of him to like her tweets, for me
I've had a lame-no-real-explanation breakup dropped on me after 6 years together, and a big cross-country move, the day after I threw him a birthday party. He just packed up all his things and left. I had nightmares about him being kidnapped for a while before I could find any sense of my own humanity. I feel for you, sis
You have nothing to be ashamed about. This wasn't anybody's fault, per se. Down the road, after all the heartbreak and the dust has settled, you'll realize that he did you a favour. That this could have been much, much worse, should he have gone through with it, or left you further down the road in the same fashion he's done so now. Stay strong, girl.
Even though it's not really the "couch show" I missed it SM, stay strong Allison we love you
I'm beyond ecstatic every time they upload an actual video. Also Allison's cooking clips are truly making my day.
But if Allison reads this, I've followed you for almost a decade now and I know somewhat about the journey you've been through to get to this point, and you being left was a shock even to me so I can't imagine what you're going through. Thank you for being so strong and speaking about this and providing a space for people to share their own similar experiences. I'm so excited for your future and respect you a lot ❤️
I am very impressed with Alison's capability to grieve and hurt while going back to school. To me, having any stressor next to school is really rough, so you are an inspiration.
I can’t imagine the strange and heavy grief of this certain situation. My heart’s with Allison.
How can someone go through all the choices of deciding they want to marry someone.... going and picking a ring, planning and engagement... then decide nah I don’t actually love you??? Huh?
When Alison said "I don't think I can get that lucky twice" I was like "the thing is, it was not LUCK ??? It's never LUCK ??? It's someone falling in love with you because you are amazing and you deserve to be loved!!!" I'm not saying love is necessarily connected to merit but honestly it was not "chance" or "luck" or "random and will never happen again" !!!
I wish she knew that
As you said "the most important relationship is with yourself" my cat walked in front of my face, and he kept crying for attention this whole video, so I think he's saying his relationship is the most important
wow I did not know.... that is truly terrible Allison. The way you speak about it though indicates to me that you are going to move on from this and healthily. I love that for you and I wish you the best.
I always love your videos! Been here from day 1 too and I enjoy your YT more than the podcast stuff. Youre the only channel I turn on notifications for. Sending lots of love
Hearing Gaby say she doesn't even care about Garrett cured my depression.
lol i cringe to the meme "xyz cured my depression" but this is SO. SPOT. ON. I replay this part of the video everyday in my mind and it feels just great cackling along 😂
ooh what happened between them?
@@krislove1167 Nothing bad! I've just tried to be friends and he's not interested so I had to let it go and move on even from our friendship.
@@nofungabydunn Why did you guys break up? If you don’t mind me asking.
"This version of me has never dated before." That's some grade A insight
Two of my favourite quotes:
"Life is tough, but you're tougher."
and
"Grief is the price we pay for love."
I'm glad you spoke about how this shouldn't be a shameful thing. People don't bat an eye at divorce, so why should a break up in an engagement be shameful! Love you Allison!
:'D my fiance left me 4 days before christmas, after a 6 year relationship..its so weird how videos like this would pop up at the right time
that's horrible. are you doing all right? sending internet love and luck
@@wallflora I’m ok! I’m 25 so it doesn’t feel like the world is somehow ending and I’m about to finish my doctorate, just trying to be busy and not think about it
Very sweet to ask tho
"insights I wish I did not have, but insights that I will use" got a laugh out of me because I feel the same way - I seperated from my spouse in February last year. It really does feel like the ground opens up beneath you.
"I'm trying to use that pain to become someone that I appreciate and like even more, instead of closing myself off from the world." So beautiful.
I’m so grateful she shares so much, as someone who was dumped in the middle of a pandemic
When I grow up I wanted to be like Allison.
Signed,
a 30 year old man.
_I can't put it in words how heartbroken I am right now_
He was clearly not right for you. To say you hope you find someone just as loving...his actions proved him to not be loving. The right man isn't going to leave because he is "missing" something, and leave you high and dry.
You are so beautiful, and inspiring. I am so sorry for the pain you are enduring, but to see the growth you have gone through is truly astounding and awe inspiring. You are the definition of resiliency.
Damn. That’s the verbal equivalent of the “I’m sorry. I can’t-“ post-it. That sucks, but you’re gonna get through this, girl.
When someone truly wants to be with you, they'll endure the pain of growth and even adjustment because they see who you are and your worth. I wish everyone had the intestinal fortitude to be honest with themselves and each other from the jump. Lots of people delude themselves for the sake of attraction or more superficial qualities that check a box. Can't speak to this situation but that's my general axe to grind at literally any given time lol. I hope Allison finds the empowering relationship she seeks, its okay to be whole and to want love.
I was thinking the same! I strongly believe most people know from jump if they're strongly committed or not-- it's one of the things that's kept me from dating certain people, because I *know* it might be fun in the meantime but I'm not in it for the long haul
I am truly so sorry Allison. I’ve been watching JBU for years and to see this breaks my heart.
Seeing this and knowing where Allison is at now makes me so happy, she’s come so far 😊
I haven't watched jbu since their sketch days...but this popped up and it makes me sad, Allison always wanted that married life and the fact it was snatched away so unexpectedly is do sad. It's sad for everyone but I don't think I've meet someone that wanted it more than her :(
This was such a tribute to Allison's strength and emotional skills. As terrible as you having to get through this is, I know you'll look back at these insights and be so proud of how far you've already come. And your book will be amazing, considering the depth of emotion you portrayed and were able to reflect on in this video alone. You deserve the world, Allison.
Breaking off before engagement is a blessing in disguise. I know this isn’t what you want to hear but if his heart wasn’t in it, this would be the best thing he could do.
Divorce is much more messy, painful and a horrible experience. I don’t want to come off as so practical but it’s true. I’ve seen people get divorced soon after.. So sorry for what you are going through. I hope in time things heal and mend and that you will find someone who truly appreciates you and loves you.
Its weird, but I've followed Allison for years and I'm not worried about her at all! This is definitely an unexpected and tragic setback, but she seems so fucking comfortable in her body and herself that I know she'll get over this and come out shining! I trust Allison, and I trust the love and care she and her loved ones invariably give to her, because she is a wonderful human being. We're all here for her, and we know she will lead a happy healthy self sufficient life as she always has!!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
my partner broke up with me very suddenly during quarantine as well and i'm still trying to heal from it. a lot of what allison said in this video deeply resonated with me. i felt the exact feelings she was describing - the rejection, the grief, the thinking i wasn't good enough, the fear of never finding someone that made you as happy as they did... this video really helped validate my feelings and made me feel more optimistic about the future ♥️
Pretty similar thing same thing happened to me this last summer. After an 8+ year relationship and 2 weeks before the wedding she decided I wasn't worth trying to make life work with anymore. Now this was also 3 days after she graduated medical school, throughout which I made meals for the week, drove her to classes and did any and everything I could to support her dream coming true, so It was all a big blindside to and really rough. But now I get to learn who I am as a person and as an adult on my own for the first time. It has moments where it sucks and it's difficult, but I feel so much better being on this journey where I'm living for me and putting my own happiness first (for the first time ever) rather than having gotten married to someone who didn't think I was worth trying for. Allison's an incredible person and I know she'll find a way to come out so much stronger on the other side of all of this.
Man that sucks. You dodged a bullet.
I feel so optimistic summer will come, the sun will shine, and by then Allison and the whole world might feel a little or a whole lot better.
"Oh wow that's a really good way of putting it,"
"Yeah my therapist told me to do that."
the way alison expresses herself is so unique and special
Hey Allison, I’ve been watching you ever since 2015, and based on every video and interview I’ve seen of you where you talked about your struggles with OCD, depression and anxiety you are a very strong person, and you always get back up. No one would think you are a loser, people give up for way less than what you’ve been through, and like you said life happens. You will get through this and you will have your happily ever after because you deserve it. It can’t rain all the time. Stay safe!
Alison is so eloquent. I can't wait to read the book.
I am stunned that Alison has been able to handle this so well, and continue to share these things in the hope that she can help others. I know her stability in the video must have come after so many bouts of emotion and pain. It is incredible that she can talk about her mental state in such a compassionate and wise way. I really hope the best for her.
The being afraid of being alone transforming into I don’t want to settle, that spoke to me. Big hugs!
I don't think the whole diamond in the rough thing exists, everyone is a diamond but sometimes they take time to become polished. You're just becoming more polished with each obstacle you overcome! You'll be someone elses diamond and your forever diamond is probably overcoming their own stuff too right now!
"How to not give up" will help so many more people than "how do you maintain [something outside of anyone's control]" ever will.
This is an awful thing to have happen to you, and you are a hero for sharing how you go about living through it. Much respect.
a couple of weeks ago my partner of 4 years decided that he couldn't be with me anymore and needed to 'find himself.' it has been incredibly hard to just describe all of the layers of hurt and grief, but you were able to do it. I really needed this video. Thank you so much for being so vulnerable and honest.
Sending so much love!
Allison, you are one of the most resilient women I've ever come across. Your journey and willingness to show up in the hard moments and be fully vulnerable has added so much value to my life. Thank you and my heart is truly with you, I'm sending you ALL the love ❤️
My husband left me in November as well, I resonate with telling people it was mutual so much. I definitely tell people that to avoid questions, and although it was a decision we made together I definitely did not want it to happen. Listening to such a similar tory has helped me realise I shouldnt feel shame about it, no one did anything wrong, life just happened and thats often hard to get your head around.
allison is one of the strongest women ive ever followed in media. i have so much love and admiration for her.
Alison - if anything, when I hear your story, I think, "what a fucking baby man." Wtf kind of person asks someone to marry them then, a few months later, breaks it off because 'something was missing'!? That is a person who does NOT handle or address their feelings at all. I earnestly think you can do better and that, at some point, you probably would have looked at him and thought, "I deserve better". He would have been an inadequate partner.
"you should date pete davidson"
"yuh"
Allison, we’re all here for you, girl. You have a whole internet family behind you 💖
I just found this video as I’m going through the experience of my fiancé leaving me abruptly while he left for work for 3 months. It’s only the first couple days and it’s still very fresh, but seeing this video gives me hope on the reality of what the process will be. I’m still in shock and it’s hurt so much, but thank you for sharing your story. You are still a success story 💛
I feel so proud of and impressed by Allison’s growth trajectory since the beginning of this channel
me also living with my parents in westchester county as a new post-grad dealing with my first breakup...... love you girl you've always been such an inspiration to me. coming out here and talking about your experience just shows me how fucking powerful you are like jesus christ, i dont even feel comfortable talking about my breakup on my anonymous tiktok! you're amazing, excited to see you continue this growth
Crazy It’s been almost 2 years getting dumped from an 8 year relationship and I still miss her, everything on this episode is stuff I’ve gone through and currently am going through I’m glad I found people that know what it’s like.
5 minutes in and I'm already crying! I experienced my first huge breakup in november after a 4 year relationship, and it hit me like a train ramming into my chest. Thank you allison for being open about your experience and healing process, because it has definitely helped mine too.
Alison's parents are the parent I want to be to my one year old.
Thank you for sharing this experience, it has helped me feel less alone and I completely get how intense the contrast is due to quarantine... locked together in a tiny apartment then suddenly they are gone. I think the fact that so many people believe they have found someone so special and believe it is unique , there are many of those kind people out there. We knew each other six years as friends and four years in relationship but when I get worried I will be alone forever and no one will make me feel the same, I remember the beginning of our relationship was not the same as after four years... time nurtures the connection and intimacy and understanding. So it will come again.
I’m going through my first break up at 22 years old now. My ex and I were together for two and a half years and that relationship had been one of the most beautiful things I’ve had the luck to experience in life. Now learning how to navigate these feelings of loss, rejection and sadness, and it’s so helpful to hear someone opening up about the struggle. Heartbreak is awful but it helps to remember it happens to everyone and time heals. Thank you for being real Allison ❤️
Allison is so self aware and honest, you can tell she has really done the work to be able to process such a painful experience. You both are very inspiring women.
allison is so loved by so many people
I am so sorry this happened to you allison. I just can't get my head around how "something was missing" yet he still asked you to marry him. so awful..
Listening to this conversation was like letting out a sigh. Just, so refreshing and affirming. Allison is amazing. Oh and Gabi quoting the lyrics to survivor was so cute
Hate this for Alison. I don’t know how to expect how much this sucks or what to say but Alison you are truly amazing and someone just as amazing will see just how true that is. One day you will look back at all this trauma after becoming this even more resilient strong woman! 💕💕💕
ALLISON IS A SUCCESS STORY. IM SO PROUD OF YOU. YOU BOTH HAVE HELPED ME SO MUCH IN MY REAL LIFE ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS (or lack thereof).
A JBU VIDEO SPONSORED BY HELLO FRESH!? A CLASSIC ALREADY (been here since day 1 lmao)
I’m married to a woman that I know will never leave me, so here are my thoughts on feeling more prepared to be alone than you thought you were: when you’re with someone you think you will be with forever, you know one of you has to die first. I find that I constantly think about one of us dying and having to move on when we’re old ladies.
My therapist always has to remind me to sit with the pain whenever I'm able to in order to process it. It's so great you're able to sit with your pain this soon after the horrible event, that's an amazing place to be! This video was very inspiring, thank you for sharing with us!
This makes me really glad that at least my divorce wasn't a surprise. We knew our relationship was doomed for a while and it was still incredibly painful for years after the breakup.
Thank you for being so vulnerable with us, Allison!
You said "Will that luck happen twice". Babe, you are lucky he is not in your life anymore. Anyone will be lucky to have you in their lives. The lucky one was him and he messed it all up. Sending hugs. You are an inspiration.