thank u so much for ur words. i always feel so guilty for "still" being angry and holding grudges instead of forgiving ppl who hurt me but reframing it like u said feels so helpful already. my anger and grief are justified.
i've seen someone once say, "anger is the part of you who loves you and knows you deserved better." i try to hold fast to that idea. anger leads to healing in its own way. thank you for framing anger as neutral as all other emotions.
i never thought of thinking of it like that me being angry for what i went through as child is me being the adult i so desperately needed in my childhood i think that unraveled some unspoken thoughts in my head. thank you for that
There are two quotes I took from therapy and made into art because they helped me so much with this. "forgiving someone who is not willing to change is called enabling" and "Being the perfect victim is certainly good for your abuser"
the empathy i have for my parents doesn't diminish the anger at all for me - it just means that I'm able to understand why they do what they do, and not have to ruminate on it all the damn time. i have a very hard time letting go of things i dont understand, and 'why are they like this' was the biggest one. now that i know the answer is 'because being a conservative lets them believe the world that rewarded them at others' expense is a good world, and it also requires a lot of doublethink in order to keep considering themselves good people, and that delicately balanced ideology will self-defensively and harshly reject any change' i can go 'well i didnt deserve any of that shit.' honestly, gaining a full understanding makes my emotions (especially anger!) a lot less complicated
I have been realizing how my mother has failed me often as a parent in the past few years and doing my best to distance myself from her. I had anger issues when I was younger and she has her own mental health problems so I don’t feel like I can fully justify being angry or not wanting her company and I needed this today.
This is the first video of yours I've seen, and I was absolutely floored when you said you're 22.. I'm 25 and I wish I had half the maturity, grace and perspective you project. This video was great and insightful, it's very easy to listen to you talk. I've also been struggling with anger a lot lately. I don't want to stop feeling angry for anyone else's sake - I want to stop feeling angry because it's just exhausting to be so angry all the time. The anger makes my life worse, even if I'm fully justified in feeling it. I have no energy at all, or I am literally shaking with rage. There's no middle ground. Most of my anger has nothing to do with my family, even. It's not hard to look at the world and find something to be furious about. It all just feels so inescapable and crushing. I'm afraid I'll feel this way for the rest of my life
I’m still living with my parents at 25 closing in on 26, I’m disabled and currently working thru school with the hope I’ll be able to hold a job on the other side of it, I’m a trans man and have used the label trans from the time I was 15 and I can identify moments and feeling from earlier that solidify that that’s true. My main family member that I have conflict with is one of my sisters. My mom seems to be at least accepting that this is who I am whether she likes it or not. My dad is concerned that my transness is related to my personality disorder and thinks I shouldn’t transition due to it. But my sister is actively transphobic and has really pushed back on me and called me some pretty horrible things related to it. She also is the parent to my nieces. I love my sister but it makes me sick to my stomach whenever I have to be around her, even when she’s not actively saying something hurtful, I guess, unless you’ve talk about it in another video, I would like you to talk about “when do you know it’s time to cut someone off” I can’t do anything about it while living with my parents but maybe for the future
I believe I have commented this before, but one thing that I find really enjoyable about your videos is that the energy you put out feels really comfy. It is like a soft little space that opens up opportunities of self-reflection and feeling seen. That being said, anything you feel like sharing with us, whether it is about gaining new skills or sharing some of the things that inspire you (whether in art or in life), I'd be interested to hear. Thank you for another insightful video. 💚
"if it affects you, that makes it a big deal." whew. deeply relatable and deeply sad how much it needs to be said. this is my first holiday season estranged from my family as a queer adult. i'm still wrapped up in quite a lot of guilt and boundary-chaos being not completely no-contact. it's all just very heavy. but the moments of distance and quiet have been so brilliant, and so full of hope that maybe my life can be held in love instead of couched in shame and apology for my existence. anger has been so scary to feel come up because it's so validating. there's a contradiction there--that i'm okay to be making these choices, and that i am really this scared to love myself more than i feel small and ashamed. terrifying. i am grateful for this video because i will come back to this as a reminder that anger is okay for me to feel, for myself now and for myself as a kid who was deeply affected and was not cared for or seen. i would love to see more of these thoughts and musings not just about difficult topics but also about your life as a young adult. i love your running stories on IG and feel like you would create lovely day-in-the-life vlogs. your voice is so soothing and your perspective is so fresh, so anything you put out would be great. thanks for this video Onyinye
I love when I enjoy a video and tap into a comment that expands that feeling further! your comment has given me so many musings.. "that I am really this scared to love myself" being a grief portal through honouring our sense/feeling/experience(s) of what led us to this fear; anger, depression, hyper vigilance, the whole lot of it the contradiction being we cannot make it through grief, cannot give ourselves the love we need and are worthy of, without letting ourselves be deeply affected by the journey of hurting and healing.
thank u so much for ur words. i always feel so guilty for "still" being angry and holding grudges instead of forgiving ppl who hurt me but reframing it like u said feels so helpful already. my anger and grief are justified.
i've seen someone once say, "anger is the part of you who loves you and knows you deserved better." i try to hold fast to that idea. anger leads to healing in its own way. thank you for framing anger as neutral as all other emotions.
i never thought of thinking of it like that
me being angry for what i went through as child is me being the adult i so desperately needed in my childhood
i think that unraveled some unspoken thoughts in my head. thank you for that
it's okay to stay angry guys, you don't owe forgiveness to *anyone* and it does not make you a bad person.
There are two quotes I took from therapy and made into art because they helped me so much with this. "forgiving someone who is not willing to change is called enabling" and "Being the perfect victim is certainly good for your abuser"
the empathy i have for my parents doesn't diminish the anger at all for me - it just means that I'm able to understand why they do what they do, and not have to ruminate on it all the damn time. i have a very hard time letting go of things i dont understand, and 'why are they like this' was the biggest one. now that i know the answer is 'because being a conservative lets them believe the world that rewarded them at others' expense is a good world, and it also requires a lot of doublethink in order to keep considering themselves good people, and that delicately balanced ideology will self-defensively and harshly reject any change' i can go 'well i didnt deserve any of that shit.' honestly, gaining a full understanding makes my emotions (especially anger!) a lot less complicated
I have been realizing how my mother has failed me often as a parent in the past few years and doing my best to distance myself from her. I had anger issues when I was younger and she has her own mental health problems so I don’t feel like I can fully justify being angry or not wanting her company and I needed this today.
This is the first video of yours I've seen, and I was absolutely floored when you said you're 22.. I'm 25 and I wish I had half the maturity, grace and perspective you project. This video was great and insightful, it's very easy to listen to you talk.
I've also been struggling with anger a lot lately. I don't want to stop feeling angry for anyone else's sake - I want to stop feeling angry because it's just exhausting to be so angry all the time. The anger makes my life worse, even if I'm fully justified in feeling it. I have no energy at all, or I am literally shaking with rage. There's no middle ground. Most of my anger has nothing to do with my family, even. It's not hard to look at the world and find something to be furious about. It all just feels so inescapable and crushing. I'm afraid I'll feel this way for the rest of my life
I’m still living with my parents at 25 closing in on 26, I’m disabled and currently working thru school with the hope I’ll be able to hold a job on the other side of it, I’m a trans man and have used the label trans from the time I was 15 and I can identify moments and feeling from earlier that solidify that that’s true. My main family member that I have conflict with is one of my sisters. My mom seems to be at least accepting that this is who I am whether she likes it or not. My dad is concerned that my transness is related to my personality disorder and thinks I shouldn’t transition due to it. But my sister is actively transphobic and has really pushed back on me and called me some pretty horrible things related to it. She also is the parent to my nieces. I love my sister but it makes me sick to my stomach whenever I have to be around her, even when she’s not actively saying something hurtful, I guess, unless you’ve talk about it in another video, I would like you to talk about “when do you know it’s time to cut someone off” I can’t do anything about it while living with my parents but maybe for the future
I believe I have commented this before, but one thing that I find really enjoyable about your videos is that the energy you put out feels really comfy. It is like a soft little space that opens up opportunities of self-reflection and feeling seen. That being said, anything you feel like sharing with us, whether it is about gaining new skills or sharing some of the things that inspire you (whether in art or in life), I'd be interested to hear. Thank you for another insightful video. 💚
This video was good. I believe anger is importent to let it out and process the trouble in ourselfs.
I really appreciate these videos, your words are very comforting to me
Leaving a comment for the algorithm, great video!
Thank you for your video!
I would love to know how you might spend quiet time with yourself.
"This video would be twice as long" yes please, why isn't it ??
🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵
I desire to scream through song, but testosterone makes my voice hurt haha
"if it affects you, that makes it a big deal." whew. deeply relatable and deeply sad how much it needs to be said.
this is my first holiday season estranged from my family as a queer adult. i'm still wrapped up in quite a lot of guilt and boundary-chaos being not completely no-contact. it's all just very heavy. but the moments of distance and quiet have been so brilliant, and so full of hope that maybe my life can be held in love instead of couched in shame and apology for my existence. anger has been so scary to feel come up because it's so validating. there's a contradiction there--that i'm okay to be making these choices, and that i am really this scared to love myself more than i feel small and ashamed. terrifying.
i am grateful for this video because i will come back to this as a reminder that anger is okay for me to feel, for myself now and for myself as a kid who was deeply affected and was not cared for or seen. i would love to see more of these thoughts and musings not just about difficult topics but also about your life as a young adult. i love your running stories on IG and feel like you would create lovely day-in-the-life vlogs. your voice is so soothing and your perspective is so fresh, so anything you put out would be great. thanks for this video Onyinye
I love when I enjoy a video and tap into a comment that expands that feeling further! your comment has given me so many musings..
"that I am really this scared to love myself" being a grief portal through honouring our sense/feeling/experience(s) of what led us to this fear; anger, depression, hyper vigilance, the whole lot of it
the contradiction being we cannot make it through grief, cannot give ourselves the love we need and are worthy of, without letting ourselves be deeply affected by the journey of hurting and healing.