What is a "Grand Finale" in a Narcissistic Relationship?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 24 พ.ค. 2015
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Thrive After Abuse Block him. Don’t answer phone calls if you are not absolutely sure it’s safe. 1 week. I’m proud of me :)
Being with a narcissist is hell on earth
The terror you feel when you realize you're entire life with them has been a lie, and you don't really know who they are - is paralyzing! Great vid. Thank you.
Narcissist Free I am feeling this way right now, my Narc parent died almost 2 years ago, and I see how I lived in denial all my life.
Narcissist Free i keep waking up in the middle of the night with this horrible terror feeling, its like a panic attack but worse. they seem to be easing off though which is good.
LUVJONZ99 I had a narc parent. It's not about denial. It's about thinking that their BS is normal and not knowing any other way. My life was in effect a tissue of lies and my narc parent and psychopath relative mounted a 10 year smear campaign against me. It cost me a job at one time. Peace and Support to you.
Thank you. A friend of mine said to me, "you did not know better." It's so painful, and when I questioned the BS, I was told I was ungrateful, be glad you have 3 hots and a bed to sleep in.....etc. It is nice to speak with others who understand. I have have NEVER married or had children, my childhood has alot to do with that. Peace, Support, and Blessings to you too, and all of us who are doing the work.
I know the feeling about never marrying. My childhood had a lot to do with it. Questioning the BS was met with accusations of ingratitutude for me as well. The work is the most important thing that we do. Our goal is a normal life and we have earned it.
And to every man who's coping with this, remember it's ok to cry, to grieve, and to seek help (Dana). But bear in mind this: you are grieving the loss of a fictional character. The woman you loved does not exist. Your plans together were a mirage staged for her benefit. Even before I had evidence of her lies and infidelity, I had the suspicion I was living in a Potemkin village. Trust your gut next time. Mine was screaming at me for months and I dismissed it in favor of her lies. Lies lead to evil. No matter how attractive she is or how you once felt (and may still), she is evil. The devil never appears as as he really is.
Mark my words... relationships that start in adultery, end in adultery
totally dodged a bullet. i feel so lucky to be free now.
People would say "You are so lucky for dating X." I was thinking this dude is crazy, and so am I for being here. Got out soon after.
also when i left him my brain was stuck. I would go over in my mind the old conversations over and over again. 100 times a day. maybe not that many but a lot. i would have full conversations with myself trying to figure it out. please do a video about the replaying of memories. and how to get pass it. time really helped me, books, and youtube videos. i felt crazy! but i am here to tell you , you are not crazy! You were asleep and you are just waking up! The Narc is a liar-------r. Hope this helps someone. Thanks for the videos. :)
Grand finale is usually physical abuse
I often tell people, "I found myself in the middle of a Lifetime Movie of the Week, and didn't even know I was one of the main characters, i.e., villian". That's funny, but so true!
My "Grand Finale" was so sweet. I secretly recorded her. Kept a diary as well as documented everything. I made sure that I took the children for all appointments. Doctor, Dentist and all activities. Had witnesses when ever she hit me. Even though I knew she was dirty, I played stupid for three years. It wasn't easy, trust me! You put up a lot when you have two little one's. I never imagined that I would get involved with someone like that. So ruthless, sneaky, cold. The word sorry did not exist. When she left, her new man only lasted one month. Within two weeks she had another man! Since she's gone my children and I have been so happy. I did go immediately to the Doctor for a check-up after she left. ( Venereal disease ). I can't believe it but I was clean! Remember I played stupid for three years. That was fourteen years ago. I did and still let her take the children over night from time to time. She is a good mother. I have stayed totally single all this time concentrating all my efforts on my two children. Not so little anymore, ( University and the other in College.) I denied all financial support from her all these years. I have my pride. My children know nothing. They love their mother and I just want to keep it that way. I've pushed on. They say forgive and forget. It's long been forgiven, but I will never forget. Looking back, it would have been nice to have received just a little bit of closure. Who's fooling who. I realized that wasn't going to happen. Even before she left !!
I wonder how many narcissists think they are victims and make videos about it on youtube...
Christy Mckee narcs have no flaws
Wow! Thank you! It was so hard to figure out what was going on and it drove me crazy. Rational, logical thinking doesn't apply to a breakup with a narc. It was like living in another dimension. The way they think is absolutely crazy! Wish them peace, recover your confidence and stability, and then try to get your life back. Good luck!
There needs to be a different type of lie detector for Narcissist..
she is not bashing men but explaining how narcs behave of either sex
I agree. The pronouns are irrelevant. The pronouns can be adjusted to fit a person's situation. For example. narc abuse happens in same sex relationships just like it does in heterosexual relationships.
I want to reiterate one of the main points she makes here: You will *_NEVER_* know, no matter how hard you try, no matter how much time you spend, no matter what resources you expend... You will *_never, EVER, know the full extent of what went on behind your back after the relationship ends!_*
Using my own "marriage" as an example: I spent more than three years doing little else but trying to examine and determine exactly "what the hell *_was_* that" after ending my relationship (marriage of 5 years) with "the Bitch". The easy discoveries come first - you discover that this "super loyal" person was not just disloyal in name, but disloyal as a way of life. My "monogamist" wife had, in just 5 years of marriage, over 100 other partners! These extras ranged from [mostly] one night stands with *_total_* strangers, to a few dozen ongoing relationships (and each of these ongoing relationships also thought they were involved in a close, monogamous relationship!). This low-hanging fruit was disorienting enough, but as the "investigation" progressed, I discovered the incredibly extensive other-realities that she had painted for all of her friends and acquaintances (and by "acquaintance", I mean anyone she's ever talked to, from some random person on a bus or train, to her closest friends).
I discovered that many people had been convinced that I was an *_incredibly_* abusive *boyfriend* [not husband!], who had been almost literally "holding her hostage" by controlling everything in her life: finances, friends, activities, etc - you name it, I was "_controlling_" it! One of her friends actually started an "escape fund" for her, and raised several thousands of dollars, *_on each of several different occasions_*! Each time she would get the money "to escape with", I would "find the money and confiscate it"! Really - you just can't make this shit up! All told, she managed to jerk around a "small group" (by her standards - it was more like a small *_city_* by normal standards: her ability to "connect" with, and make "friends" with, everyone she ran into in the course of daily events was *_remarkable_*), to the tune of over twenty thousand dollars. Yup, 20 grand! Over three different "escape attempts". *Priceless*!!!
I discovered that her "adoption" wasn't. It just wasn't - she was *not* adopted! Who the fuck makes something like that up??? Someone who sees that her target is adopted, and wants to use that to connect, that's who! This revelation *_really_* fucked with my head: I had a pretty good relationship with my in-laws, and yet, somehow, the topic of her "adoption" never came up (but then, why would it? I accepted adoption with little thought, having been adopted myself!). When I finally ran in to them several years after tossing her out on her ass, I asked if the adoption had seemed to change her in any way - they were *_really_* confused! Adoption??? At first, they thought I was talking about her having adopted a child - without their knowledge, which was very disturbing for them. But when it became clear what I was talking about, is when their own shit hist the proverbial fan. They were *devastated* that she was telling people she was some kind of After-School Special...A kid dropped on their doorstep in the middle of the night, which, as the great people they were [one of the only truths to ever grace her lips!], found herself with a loving and adoptive family. Whew, were they pissed off! Can you blame them? What would you feel/react/etc., if you found out that your 27 year old daughter has told everyone she knows that she was adopted, instead of the carefully planned pregnancy she really was???
I ended my "studies" when I discovered what I consider to be her greatest accomplishment (and a unique one for a young woman in a first world country: she managed to get herself *_run out of town_*!!! Really!!! About a year after I threw her out, she "connected" with a [really nice] guy who lived in an extremely small, extremely rural, "township". The entire town population was less than three thousand people, and the town itself was bordered by a National Forest/Preserve on three sides - essentially, this little township lived in the middle of a huge national forest area. Once she moved in with this poor guy, which as I understand it was about a week after she met him, she *_immediately_* started doing what she does best: fuck every man and woman that would have her, and at the same time start bitching about being "held hostage" by this new, clueless, victim of hers. As the two years of that relationship wore on, she seems to [quite literally] run out of secondary victims! And because of how *_tiny_* this township was, *_EVERYONE_* started to realize that she had been playing them: both jointly and severally as it were. People started trading notes with each other, and all hell broke loose. Unlike a large city (where I live, and where she spent most of her 5 years with me), tiny townships *_gossip_*! When the full scope of what she had accomplished (and was continuing to accomplish) became clearer, her new boyfriend, his friends, families, etc., all managed to hear the individual stories she had concocted to keep everyone centered on her, and her *_plight_*! It didn't take long at all for the people of this township to get together and come up with a solution for their divisive little hanger-on: they literally, like in the old west, ran her out of town - with firm instructions never to return. Even the postal carrier knew about her escapades: *_amazing_* Truly amazing.
I could go on for many hours - literally. But it's unnecessary for the point I'm trying to reinforce...
*You will **_never_**, **_EVER_**, be able to discover, much less sort out, all of the gaslighting, the fantastical, stereoscopic, lies, which your narcissist will have perpetrated upon those around her (occasionally "him). I'm not telling you to not try - knowing the truth - as far as it can actually ***_be_* known, is liberating. But you will *_never_* know the whole truth. There will *_always_* be some details you missed, some action taken right in front of your eyes that was *_totally_* not what it appeared to be... The details are never going to be complete: take what you can get, and when you've discovered enough to realize that none of this was your fault, let it go and move on. There's just no other option...
Whenever I feel down about everything I went through with him...I play this video and or " what to expect after the break up". It really helps and reminds me of what he really was. Thanks again for your help.
I've been attracted to and had relationships with several women that had these red flags/traits - at least three - the entire relationship building up to the 'grand finale' is nothing less than traumatic seriously I feel like I have PTSD from the experiences. I think maybe my family of origin might have set me up a little for this, I know I've had a tendency toward co-dependency - I wonder if I can ever trust myself to ever have a healthy relationship. Thanks for your videos - insightful and helpful.
My "grand finale" happened when the semester ended and I took a plane back to my parents' house (this was when I was 18 and attending a university on the other side of the country). My narc and I cut off all contact. Of course, as soon as I returned for my second semester, my narc called my cell and asked me to come right back. I told him to piss off and never heard from him again.
When my spouse was finally caught red handed and the ruse was found out and my gosh the things I started to find out about all she had been doing over the years of marriage i about died but what killed me the most was this once loving, caring wife I had thought was so real, her true colors came out, no remorse, no empathy to the point that it felt so unreal, shocking to the mind and heart, no tears, just hate...
I am experiencing this now, the smear campaign, and to the flying monkeys. It is very difficult, feeling that 'discard' behavior from them, as if you don't matter, and never did... The devaluing phase usually has you scratching your head, wondering what the heck is going on, why you are being devalued at all, and I am getting it now, the devaluing phase is nothing other than the narcissist setting himself up for the discard phase...and once you understand these phases as cycles, it becomes much easier to 'roll with it' and not take any of what is going on, to heart, for if you do that, you'll find your heart will be left not only on the floor, but smashed into a million pieces...
Anyone going through this, hold onto your heart, the love that you know is real, and is what you offer others, and discard the narcissistic cycles, and know that the narcissistic cycles are part of the pattern of narcissistic behavior, for they just use people to get their needs met in the moment, and then go through an emotional cycle of devaluing that person as a means of more supply, they supply themselves with a person to devalue...
Dana has the narcissists behavior pegged 100%, and the more awareness people have about these cycles, the more the discarding will be on the narcissist and not on those they harm....turning the tables is the best way out...
Diane Donofrio me too it is so CRAZY I am still in shock but IT IS REAL
His grand finale was killing my dog. I didn't put it together at the time but almost a year later i thought about that day and how it went down. i was far from home, he wouldnt let me see him afterwards, cremated as quick as possible, etc. i know he did it. Because knew how much that dog meant to me. And then he initiated divorce proceedings after i started snooping too much and uncovered secret dates, secret bank accounts, etc. His breakdown moment happened during a fight....long story short...if i didn't call the police i probably wouldn't be here today. He had it in his head *I* was the one trying to kill *him*! Infact im thinking of starting my own youtube channel about cheating and narcissists. I know more than i should about both.
I admire you for taking the time to make these videos to try and help others not go through what you did and to see the signs etc.
You are fantastic! Having been tying myself up in knots for months, assuming I was the crazy one and struggling to just get through the day, these videos have taken such a weight off and opened my eyes. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I've been getting anxiety and regularly coming back to these videos somehow calms me down.
My ex did this.I was broken and horrified at all the lies
I made the mistake of letting my narc boyfriend know that our relationship was over. He beat me so bad that I spent several days in the hospital, had blood in both ear canals, the vision in my right eye was affected and has yet to correct and the migraines are nearly unbearable.
What's funny (sarcasm on) is he says I MADE him do it, that I should pay for his lawyer fees, and try to have him reinstated into the club he was thrown out of because of the resulting convictions for his assault on me.
He joined clubs that I was established prior to our relationship and began a smear campaign that was hard to ignore. I was fortunate to have a friend or two that was brave enough to stand up and speak for me but it got ugly and still today nearly a year later things aren't the same. He also had several "flying monkeys" out doing his bidding. To this day I am careful who I allow into my inner sanctum.
If you are involved with a Narc....RUN. Don't look back.
Very well said and so glad you are doing these videos. I hope anyone who was as confused as I was years ago is able to find your videos. I escaped my Narcissist 2.5 years ago and it was nightmare. He made my life a living hell for a long while, but I refused to let him ruin me. Years later his Karma continues to shit down his throat and I couldn't be more pleased. I am now friends with one of his ex's who found me when she needed support as she left him. Yes, I do have some PTSD from this experience. While my Narcissist was not physically abusive he did posture, and said things like "I'm so mad I want to smash your head in." I could tell some stories... thank you for posting.
WOW WOW WOW!! Thank you so much for all of these videos. What an eye opener. I have been dealing with this for almost 1 year now (grand finale) and I am STILL dealing with his N ways. I am going to stay one step ahead by learning more about this disorder. This helped me a lot. I am going to watch the rest of your videos. Wow
OMG! Thank you so much for your videos and for all the knowledge you shared! I have been in a relationship for 2 years with a person and before the everything hit the fan I could never have imagined who that person really was. It all happened so fast and it was really all out of the blue. Everything you say is a match to what I have been through, the previous lies and excuses, the lack of remorse, how the person felt cornered when I pulled a little more to find out the truth. In the very end, when you talk about how the person pretends to be happy and how the person keeps lying to both of the women, that is exactly what happened not once but several times. However, my person was never diagnosed nor have been through counselling and all I have left are the ever increasingly signs that flash bright and clear: it was a narcissistic person. Thank you for sharing, it helps to light the path (and the past)!
Spot-on as usual ! I am all too familiar with the Lifetime Movie Ending (love that analogy, by the way !) Hearing some of these stories makes me very sad for the victims, and simultaneously relieved that I never married or had kids with 'my' narcissist ( although we did try...he was shooting blanks, I'm relieved to say, and I luckily have two beautiful kids from an earlier marriage).
I feel deep empathy for anyone who has to co-parent with a narc...
Your videos are helping a LOT of those who have survived relationships with these monsters - of that I have no doubt whatsoever. Thank you again for being such an invaluable source of support for so many...I just discovered your videos, and you have a new subscriber !
zelie-catherine r I'm so glad this info is helping people. It really gives me a purpose in life that I'd been missing for so long. I'm glad that I can put my pain to work!
The story you told of the colleague at work and her husband could have been my story. It was so similar. My ex-narc used to tell women in bars that I was dead, or that I was some crazy stalker who he needed a restraining order against - that we were never married. It was all so surreal. He was living a double life and just had a baby with the new woman. The way I found out was very similar to the story you told.
There are now three of us exes with three of his children (that he never visits or asks about, let alone supports), and we are awaiting our newest club member, sadly. But we have become good friends and support each other. We don't know the new victim's name or anything about her, but we assume that she is nice (like we all were) and is living in a bubble that hasn't burst yet.
You are such a sweetheart Dana! Thank you for all your videos and your FB page!
Oh I am so happy I found you! I was so in tears!
Thank you so much for posting your videos. I am in the grand finale. I will join the group. I LOVE what you said about "do they go to a convention?" EVERYTHING you said is the web of lies I just uncovered on Monday!!! Thank you! Thank you!
Love your videos! Kudos for your knowledgeable and sincere way of talking about a subject that is maddening and disenfranchising.
You are brilliant. Thank you for your amazing videos. You are a blessing to many.
16 years and I felt very confused all the time
this sounds like my exact story except I kept forgiving him and a year or two later , it would start all over with a New woman. never thought I would allow this and never thought people did this . thank you for these videos. very few people understand what it's like and even fewer if any have similar stories to share...this is truly the best support group , I know. I have been searching for years for answers...blessings :)
Describes the narc who created an online smear campaign filled with lies, gaslighting, vicious harrassment, stalking (he hacked every computer device and mobile phone in my house), provoked me, and turned all of these goddamn strangers against me through manipulating them through all of his character assassination and lies about me to use them for "gang stalking" and "abuse by proxy" towards me. He called his cyberbullying of me his "art project" and kept going on and on about the grand finale -- he is ruthlessly harassing me because he wants a specific result. The result? He will stop at nothing because I am supposed to kill myself...too bad he has messed with the wrong woman. I am much stronger than all of the cowards combined who hid behind a computer screen and have taken his bait to do his sick bidding in mocking, harrasing, and "mirroring" me -- sick people. Narcissists want to be in control and end relationships in the most macabre and devastating way possible for the victim -- they just don't leave you alone until they have received the sick gratification of fulfilling their torture fantasy, and receive confirmation that they have totally wrecked the mental and physical health, career, relationships, and life of their targeted victim(s). I will still survive and thrive -- these blows only make me stronger, and the suspects will pay. Having the authorities handle this.
Thanks for your dedication, wisdom and insights.. Something I've learned is that when we take that step back, often we can see that we aren't the only one to see the truth,,, soooo, look for the person that the narc wants you furthest away from or disliked the most, and you can find the peep that also knows the truth... Don't get traumatized by the flying monkeys, look for your friends....
I thank you soooo much for your videos! I am currently going through what I think is a grand finale... I've realized though it will only be the end if I am strong and ignore him when he starts to come back around. After hearing you I see the cycle. What you describe is exactly what I have dealt with for the past year and a half. Lie after lie, trying to make me believe the other women are liars. Has had me questioning myself if I'm the crazy one. Everything has been my fault. Once again I am so appreciative to hear it's not me, that I'm not the one with mental issues.
On mine the moral abuse was just so much that a year ago I moved out and left my marriage. We do have 4 kids, during our separation my life improved, I went back to school, changing career with plenty of new opportunities. Guess what? I am being love bombarded again, but this time I am too smart and aware.
I am so glad to have stumbled on one of your videos for the first time for a while ago. And I'm currently doing, to see all that I can as you and others have made about these fallen angels as I call them ...for in this way I can help myself to see all the red flags!
They have no souls, I think it is so sick how many actually is out there..both men and women ... I'm injured by several narsasister of what they have done to me. There are devastating and like a tusnarmi!!!
Thousand thanks for doing these videoes dear one..you helps more than I can say
just been through this just had the grand finale thank you for your videos they are helping me recover from such a massive emotional mess, my ex boyfriend did everything you said in this video, my mistake was showing him how much i cared. Trying not to blame myself because hes blaming me to other people saying i treat him badly but he manipulated me and every situation, its been a hell of a hard emotional brain mess to heal from i hope eventually i can learn to trust again, its hard to talk about these things and i wish i could talk to someone properly about it, but then i feel bad as if i shouldn't talk about it.
Yet another way to make you fill "less" than is the most hurtful way. It scare me to think that my nar, will get worse as he gets older. I thought he was a monster, yet it explains how he wasn't that bad 3 years ago. Thank You..you keep my feet on the ground, making me stronger each passing day!
All this is so true, useful and helpful to hear an objective view on these sorts of behaviour. I've met a few of these people-and am preparing how to deal with these people when they are encountered inevitably again in the future in the workplace-the group processes you describe should be flagged up for everyone to be aware of to avoid 'hoovering'!
Wow so well shared my experience was the same as the last example you shared. He's loved by everyone and he made me out to be some crazy sick person who he cared for. When in fact it came out he'd been up to all sorts and then 2 weeks after leaving me was with another woman. I can see the cycle repeating itself all over again it's crazy but I'm glad to be free now 🙏
I promise you that everything you said on this video is true! Great video
Dana, thank You so much for everything! Love Your videos and Your voice is sooooo soothing ))) ♥♥♥
Thanks for this. Just went through a grande finale a month ago. Was better than reality TV!
Hi, I just found your channel tonight and I'm so glad! All your video's I have watched so far are so right on point and now i know what I have been dealing with and going through with my soon to be ex-husband.THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR KNOWLEDGE!!!
+Adell Mobley I'm so glad my videos are helping. If you are interested in joining my support group, here's a link: www.NarcissistSupport.com/forum (there are many out there, so I'd encourage you to join a few and find one that really is a good fit for you.) I wish you all the health and healing in this next chapter.
Very informative - thank you. I am at this point in my relationship and really appreciate your support. I knew early on that something was off with this person, but couldn't figure out how to get away from him. The fake friendship and love for me he cultivated between us was just an excuse to reel me in for more abuse. I finally have him blocked and am watching my back - as he apparently has people "watching" me and seems to have proof of what a "cheater" I am - by accusing me of doing things I never did, What a nightmare. ;(
I just found your videos. I was the victim of an extreme narcissist. She had me believe she had cystic fibrosis for over 14 years and manipulated me/tormented me/emotionally abused me in ways I still can't wrap my mind around. Your videos are amazing and his so close to home. Thank you so much.
This video makes me feel so much better. I was best friends with a narcissist. We had a bad falling out when I started commenting on how abusive she was to her boyfriend, but four months later when they were breaking up she was back calling me telling me how much she missed me, loved me, how sorry she was, ect. ect. Overnight, it seemed we were best friends, again. Well, fast forward a couple months and I realize that she hadn't changed, she's was just doing the exact thing to other people. As soon as I realized this and started suggesting she consider other people more, she completely turned on me, playing on every intimate/ vulnerable thing I had told her. She made me out to be a total crazy person, even told her boss at her work that I was unstable and dangerous and tried to have me (literally) banned from one of my favorite stores. I lost all of the mutual friends I had with her.
Anyways, what I've learned from that was that there were several key red flags that I'm now realizing that I skipped, and one was that she has had very few stable relationships with other women. She often claimed that she thought that it was because other women were too "jealous" or "intimidated" by her.
This experience really did have me questioning myself, how I could have been so blind to who she truly was. I was demonized and discarded by someone I loved and trusted deeply. This video made me feel better that I'm not alone. Thanks for this.
Why yes. My narc ex-girlfriend of many years allowed her mask to fall, pushing the limit, and her grand finale of smearing, slander, etc. against me exposed herself to me for what she was. I am grateful to learn about narcissism (albeit in hindsight) and actually see what it actually is. I have disengaged from her and her attempting to reclaim me as supply once and for all.
Wow this is deep. Thanks for uploading this
You seem very genuine and together considering what you dealt with. I can't believe what I got away from omg!!! Ha, I survived and I am in a no contact with him never ever again!! I'm a intuitive person and a pretty sharp cookie, I knew what his game was!! Thank you for sharing your videos!!
I hadn't thought it as a 'Grand Finale' but in my situation I became sick with a chronic illness which inconvenienced my wife of 32 yrs. A professional therapist who is a family member clued me in. Of course I'm co-dependent. Wish it was the other way around. I really, really like your videos.
Makaio, 1000 thanks for your powerful commentary
You are SO awesome! Thank you for this valuable information!
wow this is so helpful its like therapy for me its only been 2 months since ive been out of it im blown away ty
Thanks for making these videos, it really helped.
I know more now, but my ex is a narcissist, the lack of empathy......that's what I saw when the end came. No remorse, none. It hurt so bad because I spent 8 years with this monster. How can someone feel nothing? Very sad.
Empathy you know it ..... I'd say that's why you have done these vids. You are a fine woman thanks.
tHANK YOU FOR YOUR VIDEOS, YOUR'Z AND OTHERS. THESE VIDEOS SAVED MY LIFE. HAD I NOT HAD A FRIEND TO TELL ME "RESEARCH WHAT A NARCISSIST IS" I WOULD LIKELY BE DEAD OR IN A MENTAL FACILITY. I WAS SO GASLIGHTED AND THE FLYING MONKEY THING IS RIGHT ON POINT. IT'S A VERY SAD AND HURTFUL MIND FUCK EXPERIENCE. THE BEST NEWS IS ONCE YOU UNDERSTAND AND BEGIN SEEING ALL THE BAHAVIORS AND FALSEHOODS OF THE narc...IT WILL PROPEL A PERSON FOWARD AND START THE REPAIR. FOR ME I HAVE TO COME BACK TO THESE VIDEOS ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY HOVER OR I FALL BACK TOO. AND I AM ALWAYS AMAZED WATCHING NEW NARC VIDEOS HOW IT DEFINES VERY MUCH MY EXPERICNE AND I AM SO HAPPY I AM OUT FOR GOOD NOW. I HAD NO IDEA THE SELF LOATHING AND THE ABUSE AND UNHAPPINESS I WENT THROUGH UNTIL IT ALL CAME CRSHING DOWN IN A TEXT I FOUND OF THIS FABULOUS TOTALLY GUENUINE HONEST BU DEDICATED AND LOYAL 12 YAR RELATIONSHIP. HE WAS SCREWING MY CLOSE FRIEND ON AND OFF WHILE WE TOOK HER IN AND EVERYWHERE! I FOUND IT IN A TEXT...AND HE USE TO TELL ME "HOW HE SIDPISED HER.." LOL. OH MY OGD. SO HAPPY TO BE FREE! NOW IM IN A PLACE THAT HAS HEALED ME MUCH BUT I CAN SEE ALL THE VERY RED FLAGS BEFORE AND NOW! AND NOW I AM LOOKING INTO WHY I MYSELF CHOSE NOT ONE NARCISSIT BUT A FEW. SO IT'S A GREAT PLACE TO START TO GET HEALTHIER AND MEET AND FIND HEALTHY AND BEAUTIFUL CARING PEOPLE THAT ARE TRUE AND KIND AND REAL...AND NO FLYING MONKIES OR GASLIGHING. I CAN ONLY SAY THAT THESE VIDEOS AND INFORMATIN HONESLTY SAVED MY LIFE, I WAS ALMOST SUICIDAL WITH SUCH PAIN AND DISBELIEF. IT HURT SO MUCH, AND YOUR MIND IS SO TORN UP...THAT YOU'D RATHER DIE THEN BREATH. THANK YOU! I AM SO MUCH BETTER AND BIGGER IN SO MANY WAYS...AND FRANKLY ENJOYNG THE SELF WORK FOR ME, AND NOT BEING SUCKED INTO HIS LOST BUSINESS, IRS, AND MANY FAILED AND BULLSHIT EX'Z THAT OF COUSE ARE ALL CRAZY OR BIPOLAR OR DRUGIES AND ALCOHOLIC.S LOL. BINGO. SO, JUST BEING IN TO MYSELF, KIDS, AND MY DOG. I WANT ANYONE OUT THERE TO KNOW IT DOES GET BETTER AND THE TRUTH DOES SET YOU FREE...SO ESCAPE IT NOW!! WE CAN SURVIVE, AND WALK AWAY FULLY KNOWING....WE WALKED AWAY ON OUR OWN CONVICTION OF PRESERVATION OF GROWTH AND SELF WORTH, AND INTEGRITY.
SORRY ABOUT TYPOS...AND THAT IS "DESPISE". THE NARC LOVES TO TELL YOU EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE WAY HE TRULY FEELS SO HE CAN HIDE IS REAL INTENTION AND GAIN MOFE COVERT SUPPLY...AND IT'S FROM ALL KINDS OF SOURCES. BEWARE PEOPLE, BEWARE...AND WHEN YOU THINK SOMETHING'S UP OR IT'S TO GOOD TO BE TRUE...FOLOOW YOUR TRUTH AND INSTINCTS...AND MOVE ON, AND OUT, FAST! NO LIE!
Lhp Neptune, Well said. I feel exactly the same and needed to hear this today. thank you for sharing.
I just want to say thank you for the videos , they really helped me in my relationship. We are at the grand final. I haven't talk to him going on two weeks but I have a feeling that he will make a reason or find a way to because it is usually his pattern. I have never seen him get violent over the 5yrs, but silent treatments are normally should I expect anything else so I can prepare myself.
OMG!!! I'm going through the EXACT same thing @ 10:37...Geez this is so crazy & TRUE!
Very informative thanks so much "This Doesn't Happen" found myself saying this
So glad I figured out the narc before things got too far. After four months I'd had enough and completely cut off communication. I had never met someone so manipulative in my life!
if you look into the sun during the 1st hour it rises ansd last hour it sets you develop telepathy and communication becomes flawless
Thanks so much for responding to my post. I will think about getting something started on facebook like u stated, but I really wanted to have a live support group and not so much just an online connection. I really want to meet new people and want to start being more social by getting out of the house. Esp. during the winter months its so depressing to feel trapped into your house and feeling isolated from people. So I was thinking that if I would take my energies away from dealing with hurtful memories I could make some new friends as well help others to cross over that crazy/sicko life that always leaves us feeling taken advantage of and really be able to meet nice, genuine kind of people to start building true, valued & sincere friendships. Sad to say but I haven't seen very many genuine kind of people for such a long time. It just seems like the ones that I think are nice ends up having a toxic motive of some sort, then I end up always having to find a way to get away from them. So anyways I've always heard that I should just go out and meet new people. So that's what I've been thinking about- is finding people who has been dealing with the same challenge in a workplace. DEALING WITH NARCISSITIC MANAGERS/COWORKERS.......It really is hard dealing with it esp. knowing the damage these people can do. Sad to say that I worked for an Organization for 15 years with these types of people and it was miserable. After that I found other jobs that as well had these same types of people. Now, as u know that I'm working for another Company that as well has the same toxic tactics. So now I am convinced that we are surrounded by them. I just need to figure out a way to not allow these ones to get into my head or take away my likings about my job, away. So that's why I found a need to get my support group started. We all need to find techniques to help us deal with these types of creatures. A lot of times u really have to be careful about sharing information about a managers actions....It could bite you....because nobody wants to believe a person could do such thing. Its almost like the movie called invasion of the body snatchers........Sometimes you feel so alone trying to deal with them, nobody seems to understand unless you've had the same experiences. Anyways thanks so much for all you do.....I'm not sure how face book will work out for me but I'm willing to give it a chance. Thanks again Brenda.
Hi Dana
The concept of the Grand Finale is so true. Thank you.
This poem I wrote and emailed my (ex) husband when he walked out on me the 2nd to last time - and the events that precipitated it- lead to a MAJOR Grand Finale of suicide attempt, after which the true extent of his cheating, lying and general bingeing came out. HE quoted a line from it in his hospital bed as he tried to hoover me back in. I have resisted, and just made sure he is on his own feet in terms of his detox before getting him to agree to a divorce. He is now out of my life FOR GOOD.
So tired...
So tired of being taken for a fool
Fobbed off and ignored relentlessly
When so much needed to be discussed lately
Tired of being walked out on, and then walked back in on,
Trampled over, like a doormat,
Spun round like a revolving door
While you run off into the night looking for god knows what
On my birthday no less
Checked in and checked out of, like a seedy motel
Tired of being blamed for anything and everything
That has actually got nothing to do with your constant unhappiness
And certainly nothing to do with me
Tired of having to apologise for wanting to make love to you - my husband!
Tired of being attacked for being fat, lazy and disorganized ~ according to you
Especially tired of it when not one person has ever called me any of those things before.
How dare you abuse me like this
And now I’m also balding no less… add that to your list of gripes
when I never once complained about your balding, or your flab, and many other things
I have always embraced every inch of you, warts and all, literally
Yet, these constant criticisms are from my so-called husband
The one who was supposed to stand up for me
The one I have stood by and defended
To so many others, for so, so long
Hoping for everyone to see the better person in him
Amidst such a fog of indecision, doubt and self-hatred
I married a drunkard, bingeing, “bi-sexual nightmare” - but not once wanting to change him
Only wanting him to be happy with himself, and then hopefully me
And to be treated in return with a bit of respect
AND LOVE
But you deserve so much more - so you think
Do unto others / Love is patient, love is kind, bla bla bla…
But what is the point of love when it’s only in one direction?
My back never gets scratched…
And I'm made to feel like letch for loving you?
What nonsense
Nothing ever makes sense with you
And your story changes with the wind
You are fundamentally unreliable
Unstable, Incapable
Of loving yourself
And hence anyone else
There is no happy ending to your story
For you do not wish there to be
And I am so tired of wishing
That you would wish there to be...
Please be careful when leaving. Mine has locked me in a room, flattened or disabled my car, tried to drive off in my car, hide my ID, bite and struggled with me over keys. I even witnessed him retrieving his guns out of the garage. And yes... There was a point that I called police and filed charges... He convinced the police and detective that it was my fault and that I attacked him. Be safe and get free.
My late father to a TEE! When Mom took my sister and me and left him, he started sending postcards to her where she worked. These postcards were full of horrible accusations and lies without any kind of filter applied. Thank goodness he didn't have the balls to do anything overtly violent. He used to manipulate Mom by repeatedly saying "I'll just have to kill the children". Needless to say, no one grieved when that turd in the punch bowl died. BTW, you're very good at explaining this stuff. Keep on keepin' on.
Thank you for having this channel and posting your most helpful vids to watch, they're really great. The narcissicist in my life is not my husband but his brother and enabling wife and we have finally reached the end of our rope with them, their lies, B.S., gaslighting, insults, verbal abuse, projection and baseless accusations and gone 'N.C.' with them though unfortunately we are involved in legal issues with them over inheritance... you guessed it, they think they are 'entitled' and 'deserve' it all and we don't have a right to anything and B.I.L. is playing 'victim' in all this, blah, blah, blah... you get the picture. It's sad that it's gone like this but we're not putting up with any more crap from them. So much else to say about this but I'll leave it at that here. Keep making your wonderful videos, nice to know, no matter the situation, we aren't alone, best wishes to all.
Covert narcicist are the scariest because they get you with their poison early but they're so manipulative and so like able and charming that they can fool anyone and all your friends will love them too! The Overt narcs are just as bad of course but easier to spot and completely annoying because all they do is brag!!
I want to thank you , for everything that you do .. your videos have been such a help to me and I'm sure thousands all over the world xx keep going
Brilliant series!
You're getting a LOT of views! Congrats.
Sounds like you know the ex huzz. He has many red flags of a narcissist, he married a female who is more of a narcissist than he is. KARMA!
Thank you so much for this ♥
I had no clue my wife was one, I was wondering why she threw me out after a beautiful 2 year marriage and 7 month old baby
That was the grand finale I got.. Fb ..everything You have said thanks.. 2 years on I'm healing ..
I love how u explain to all of us, in the way that u do, You are a great speaker. I agree & find truth in everything u say about Narcissistic people....Unfortunately, I went through so much hurt, pain, setbacks from these types of people too. Yes, I do know what it feels like to be hurt emotionally, physically & sexually, by these demons. I do not think they are called people. They hurt & harm people through there actions all of the time. It was hard to understand that my own parents are Narc's and has triangulated my sisters against each other in the process....I had to go no contact from my Dad & Sisters because of there hurtful ways, and have high boundaries from my Mom. They are divorced so I do still talk to my mom only when she is acting decent. I do understand her better to why my mom was so hateful when I was a young child, because she was dealing with my Dads abuse and she was scared.....When we got older, she did get out of house and started a new life, at the age of 40. Its no excuse to why she miss treated us, but I'm glad that she refused to deal with my Dads abuse, any longer. The only thing was that instead of getting any support or counseling help, she became very Narcissistic and kept calling me names and trying to make me feel not important like her repeated behavior history when she was married to my Dad. I was hoping that she would change the way she treated me after my parents divorce. Then it was weird she ended up dating an alcoholic and made my Dad look better, imagine that! I moved out at the age of 19, and now I'm 50....I look back and thank god that I found my way out of that mess. I've had so much growing up to do, from over the years, and have dated the same kind of people, not so much alcoholics but they were Narc"s. Sad to say but even to this day when I hear my moms voice , I start getting digestive problems and it takes a long time to straighten my system out, and here I live alone and become very selective when it comes to talking to people. Even to this day Its hard for me to trust people. Sometimes I feel that I will die alone, because its so frightening to open my heart for anyone. Anyhow,I've always wanted to write a book or be able to share my stories somehow with people and let others know that I have also had a messed up life with these types of people as well, and did think that I was loosing my mind. I never could understand why I never heard kind words ever coming out of my mothers mouth. She never said that she loved me or hugged me. For such a long time, I felt that my mom thought I was ugly or something or just not good enough....Same treatment from my Dad. Sad to say I ended up dating the same types of people. I found that I was attractive to Alfa guys......Everyone of them seemed to be the perfect guy, then turning out so wrong for me. Now I'm much older and realize that I don't want to live another day around those kind of guys ever.....Now I can spot the not a mile away thank god....I've been single for some time now, and sometimes it gets lonely, but its better than going through all of that kind of shit again. I often had an idea, about trying to gather up some people that has also went through this kind of experiences and trying to get my own support group started so we could get together and talk about our experiences....I really feel that spreading awareness about these types of people and there tactics are important so we can break the cycle and learn to not become a victim again. Needless to say, I see these types at my work place and it is seriously sickning... Anyhow, do u know how I can start to ignore and stop letting them bother me at work? It seems like management encourages there behaviors, then of course they walk away feeling rewarded being mean to people. It just amazes me to what they get by with. How do I stop from them not opening my deep wounds of remembering similar tactics and harmful actions from Co workers from my previous experiences. How do I find others, that has experienced the same torment at their workplace, and start my own support group . I want to be able to go & meet people that had the same experiences, concerns, and fear that we could all learn off of each other and become our support gathering that helps to spread awareness.....and stops the cycle of being a victim. Thanks so much in what u do, and with all of my experiences and repeated tactics - I'm hearing the same thing over and over from others such as yourself....I'm so sorry that you had gone through it too, but honestly it gives confirmation to us, that we are not alone. These people should be stopped. Sad to say each and every person has to be the one to say no.......and not get involved at all, just go on about our business and stay completely away from them. Its just they are everywhere and sometimes they wear that mask so well, it doesn't slip down or fall off until its too late. Let me know, of how to cope with them at work better. I'm open for ideas- sincerely thanks Brenda......
+b kloss There are so many things I want to make sure I remember to respond to in your post, but before I do, I just want to say (((BIG HUGS))) to you. Your mother's behavior towards you was not, and is not, a reflection of who you are--it is a reflection of what was going on inside of her. You were, and are worthy of love, and you are "enough" just the way you are. It sounds like your mother had a lot of pain that she didn't know what to do with, and it seeped out of her every pore. I'm glad that you were able to develop the insight that you currently have, and that you were able to escape the toxicity.
can we end up with PTSD from these people?
Bradley Campbell Yes, many people do. :/
:(........the never ending injuries continue
Bradley Campbell But people can also "end up"with PTG (post traumatic growth). It's where a really painful event leads way to an amazing tranformative experience. I fully believe that PTG is possible for everyone given enough support, tools, and encouragement. ...I often refer to my experiences as a crash course in personal growth. I suffered tremendously, but I needed to learn all the lessons or I was doomed to continue to repeat them. I don't think there is anything special, or unique about me. It was a mindset shift that happened, and that made all the difference. ...The mindset shift even happened by accident. My mom had made the (well-intentioned but hurtful) comment that maybe this is exactly what I needed (she was referring to the fact that Jack was so handy and had helped so much with the house). I was really angry, but the more I thought about it, the more I wondered how differently I would view things if I did take that perspective. Totally life changing.
agreed and thank you. i too have been very angry and it comes and goes, sometimes lasts a long time. she cut off all communication right after it was over so i cant even yell at her.
Narcissist Support I know this has happened to me :) I am better off after it and keep growing every day, every time i look back i don't recognise myself hahahaha changing all the time for the better!! :)
This hits home!! Everything you have said in your video my ex has done or doing now. DeeDee Ward formerly (Suarez)
I’m going through this exact situation! Now!
I just feel empty. My marriage has just ended. A good chunk of truth has surfaced and I now know I never ever knew him :( covert narcissist should have a label on them to warn others
Wow, got everything you said done! You are right on.
Dana, your videos and support group has been of tremendous help. I am recovering from a female narc. Her grand finale was "moved on, so please don't contact me any further." This was after I caught her in an affair and exposed her lies. It's also after I notified him of what she did to me (he knew nothing about me) and her comment "we're even (as if I did something wrong)." And of course, after I told her I'd sue her in small claims for money given under fraudulent circumstances, which she's begun to pay, but is still, I suspect, fuming I exposed her to him AND told her best friend. Anyway, cheers. And yes, there's a lot of men who've been conned and duped and lied to and manipulated by and cheated on by female narcs.
I'll also add she tried to hoover me back, well, triangulate, once I exposed her. She sent me an email asking if we could work it out. I sent the email to him in case she was triangulating. Five minutes later she said we were even, which I responded with "getting even assumes I did something wrong." Then I went straight to money talk. I didn't ask why she did what she did because it wouldn't mean I'd go back to her. Infidelity is a line crossed only once. She wants to discard me? Ok. Pay me back. Taking her back? No chance in hell and she knew it. It was my way of letting her know that I will not sit back and allow her to bullshit her way out, will not allow her to bullshit the other guy, and let her know that for a narc, she abused the wrong person. I am grieving and I am wounded, but I also fight back. She's a divorced mother with few skills and modest income. Tough shit. Pay me. Just remembering her lies, her betrayal, her lack of empathy, her lack of emotion, my crying one day because I felt so abused, my constant struggle to get her to respond and reciprocate my love and affection, and all the blameshifting and apologies I made for things I never meant or did, steeled me to go after her with a fury that comes from a terrible injustice. I have the moral high ground and everyone has said it serves her right. People with a conscience get it.
+R Kaylor I love your, "getting even assumes I did something wrong." Yes. Man, once that fog of confusion lifts, and we can see all their BS clearly, it's so much easier to distance ourselves emotionally and not play their games. ...And yes, people with a conscious get it. If we find ourselves explaining the basics of adult behavior to another adult, then there's a big problem.
+Narcissist Support It was a revealing comment. A dark soul. You've given me so much clarity. How dare I expose her? Well, I did. Too bad she couldn't control it. Thanks Dana. I'm still listening and learning.
+Shady Fractal I have no idea what you're talking about. I held a lying, cheating narc accountable. She lied, cheated, and committed fraud. She perpetuated it knowing what she was doing. Did I feel badly about it? Yes. Was it right to hold an adult responsible first their actions? Yes. Did I lie? No. Did I cheat? No. Did I steal? No. Case dismissed.
+Shady Fractal I don't consider someone's views AFTER their actions. I'm sure she was remorseful when she was cheating and stealing. I'm sure she was automatically trustworthy when she tried to hoover me back after I exposed her. I mean that's normal, right? Isn't everyone who lies and cheats and emotionally abuses and steals a better person as soon as they've been caught? I'm sure she was thinking about me and had the best intentions the entire time she was abusing my trust. Makes sense to me. This is sarcasm, of course.
I almost drank all of the K-oo laid. Thank you Dana! You have inspired me to spread the word...I am a self-help junkie as well THANK GOD LOL!
Wow I wish somebody would explain this to me years ago however it is really good to get that validation from listen to this video that I wasn't the crazy one in the relationship
I was in a relationship with a narcissist who insisted I move in with him because (long story) My soon to be ex was not keeping our house up, it was falling apart, it was full of fleas, etc, etc.... So I do. First, I enjoy watching the show "say yes to the dress" and he would watch with me. we began to joke about the fact that I could not bring myself to say wedding dress or engagement ring, so he started calling them the "most beautiful dress" and the "most beautiful ring" (that a woman will ever wear) MBD & MBR for short. he was like my soulmate was like love at first sight, like, he was "the one" fast forward about 4 months later, it's coming up on our first Christmas together. First he tells me he's on call Christmas (he worked for a security company answering and troubleshooting alarms)I was a little sad, but didn't want to make a big deal of it. Then he kept repeatedly saying "NO CHRISTMAS PRESENTS, LET'S SAVE THE MONEY...OK.. REMEMBER NO PRESENTS" And I remember thinking isn't the first Christmas where you go overboard out of newfound love?? So I just mumble OK, but in the back of my mind I keep thinking he has a surprise up his sleeve. Christmas day, I had gotten him a few small things, like a tshirt, a coffee mug, like that. he got me a big card. my name was on the front of the envelope and all over the envelope he had written the words MBR (most beautiful ring = our lingo for engagement ring) inside, caution: MBR, do not crush MBR. But the card was flat, so I thought OMG! when I look up from opening this card he's gonna whip out a ring & propose. well, I opened the card and inside the card, in big letters was written JUST KIDDING HAHAHAHA. MERRY CHRISTMAS...... OMG. then we had no turkey or anything to prepare for Christmas dinner, and of course, he gets a call from a "customer" and has to go out and make a service call, leaving me and my 14 yr old son (who had come to visit) home alone on Christmas. Finally figured out he was cheating. but here's the kicker.. he was meeting this woman for the first time in person that day, CHRISTMAS DAY, She was Chinese (they don't place that much emphasis on Christmas, she was Buddhist) When I confronted him with it, he kicked me out. but he got his. I had to continue living there while I looked for an apartment. One Saturday nite he told me I had to get out for the day the next day as he wanted to bring her home. I was planning to visit my girlfriend anyway. next morning he got up and left as i was getting ready to shower. I noticed that ALL traces of me were removed from view. I found them and as he was already gone, I put everything back, BUT this time I put the pics of us in prominent view, left a big note thanking him for the great sex the night before, etc. Then My phone rings and it's john and speaking very business like, says i thought you were going out, I thought you would be gone, I see you are still there..... OMG, he must have already picked her up and was watching the house. (found out later, they were parked down the street) So I hopped in my car and left in a hurry. When I came back home a day later, he was at work but I found all my things thrown everywhere and the pictures broken, the glass shattered all over the closet where he threw them. By then, I was no longer sleeping with him, I was sleeping on the couch. Well one night I must have gotten up to use the bathroom and half asleep went into the bedroom and climbed in on my side of the bed. when I did, I heard his phone drop on the floor. Knowing he also uses it for the alarm to wake him up for work, I go pick it up and put it back on the nightstand. when it fell the screen lit up and there was HER text screen, which of course had her number. very easy to memorize. I moved into an apartment shortly after that and texted her. After the second text, she called me. she spoke broken English and was very nice and asked "do you want John" and I said are you kidding me I only texted you because I wanted you to know and didn't want him to use your good nature like he did mine. Then all the lies he was telling HER about ME came tumbling out like rain. As we hung up I started counting the minutes cause I KNEW I'd be getting a phone call. No more than 20 minutes later, John called me & he was LIVID, screaming how could I do such a thing, etc..... SHE DUMPED HIS SORRY ARSE!
the guy I was with just chose the discard phase to show me he was a covert narc, there was nothing about him that was different before that, no cheating , nothing that slipped- he just chose to use his family to talk crap about me then they supposedly told him he must leave me, the dont like me, and that was that. He showed me who he was using that. He thought he could stonewall me, demote me to friends from girlfriend, then I'd want to get together with him and be best friends. no way, he just showed me in the blink of an eye he was smearing me, using his sister to tell me crap then his mother hated me and made him leave me. Such sickness..There are atypical cases , so beware
Hi Dana. I have no luck finding answers/support regarding my adult children who rally around my abuser, their biological father. I was "mom of the year" until my systemic lupus hit me hard and I could no longer pull down the "big bucks". Once I was on disability, they changed towards me, they kinda shunned me, leaving me out of holidays to spend them with him and his family. I have no living family left now. They post pics of themselves all having fun and playing with my grandsons. It's heart wrenching. They witnessed the abuse and I feel it's my fault for staying in this toxic marriage for 13 yrs. I'm trying to understand how they can forget, as kids, saying, "mom we're glad you divorced dad, we hated seeing what he was doing to you". I've only found one article addressing such a situation. I go to therapy. I even asked my psychologist if I'm the narcissist. Why else would they push away a mom who worked so hard to provide and raised them without child support. I know I sound like a spoiled child to say this but it's so unfair to have been the responsible parent, doing all the "hard stuff". Then he swoops in to garner the easy part of being a parent..if you can even call it that. He's always played the "poor me" card. He is 64 now, I'm 57 and I never dreamed it could turn out this way.
I went almost straight from love bombing to grand finale after he blew me off for a weekend( he went out with a woman he went to high school with who knew he was going out with me, Hi April) and i looked on his phone. Literally dozens of other women , sexting with and hitting on thru FB, etc, also a couple of men , and from what I saw there was NO MISTAKING the nature of their relationships ( exchange of D% pics , and an interchange where one bragged about his penurious feline, shall we say) One man was married.I immediately kicked him out and told him ,just go away. However, no matter how mean, rude and insulting I was , it still took months to shake him loose. Of course , we all have to look at our own part in this, and look into your own codependency issues.
It's the Tip of the iceberg
Everything falls in place in that heart busting moment
I've never screamed so loud in my life my voice disappeared
And in that moment I wanted to run
Very true, I was married to a N for 23 years and when we were going through the divorce, he was living with another woman who he married 3 months after the divorce was final. Since then he has made a point to make himself look happy with her with FB pages where they are at their condo in Florida on the beach and their yacht and he bought a jaguar exactly the color and type of jag I had said I would want if I ever had one. He inherited money as did she so they have more money than we did due to that. My daughter told me that he was wanting to buy a million dollar house too but apparently the new wife said no. Anyway, he has done his best to make himself look happy and successful so others would think I was the problem in the marriage but what you describe here explains why he has gone to all this trouble. He did stalk me with her for a while but I moved away and so this is how he does things now. Thank you for this video, it helped me put yet another piece of is he a narcissist (?) together. YES, he is and I knew it!!!
THANK YOU VERY VERY MUCH... I FOUND YOUR CHANNEL ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC !! AND I DON'T SEE THE EMAIL CAN YOU SHARE IT I WOULD PREFER TO WRITE TO YOU PRIVATELY , YOUR VIDEO HELPED ME A GREAT DEAL !! YOU SHARED YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE AND TO ME THAT IS GOLD BECAUSE YOU CAN UNDERSTAND WHERE WE ARE COMING FROM IS DEVASTATING . THANK YOU AGAIN.
Wow! So true! There was no obvious devaluing, then he split when I was starting to clue in to his hidden behaviours. And then he used his youtube channel to twist the story, and make himself look like the victim in all of it, gain sympathy, and a lot of attention.
This was so helpful & a great example of a grand finale. Thank you.
Hannah Eberspecher I'm glad it helped.
Narcissist Support Im sure this is true to those who have experienced it but i don't think its accurate as such psychologically, It seems mostly based on abusive male socio path/ narcissist.
My partner i think has NPD and she is incredibly loving and would do anything for me at the drop of a hat, she is incapable mostly of engaging my emotions and understanding, but i do forgive her as i see the role of shame and rejection from her abuse as a child, I don't blame her for being like that, its the only way she would have survived emotionally.
I do wish however that one day she could experience that security and joy from others happiness. When i met her I clocked she was like (i couldn't diagnose) this but i have grown up around many and told her she was bad and that I understood it was survival, that overcame the shame of being unlovable, gave admiration and security however, like in other relationships, this was one sided and eventually i became exhausted myself and lost the capacity to provide this security.
She has done a lot for me and just as she has NPD doesn't mean she didn't give back she was incredibly tactile and generous.
she is obsessed with me and unconditionally giving, she is very manipulative she is ruthless in terms of self gain and she is obsessed with 'making it big' and with drama , she often turns it around and avoids blame, she has a abusive childhood and neglected mother, she exploits to gain advantage over others and can be emotionally draining
the only thing that is inconsistant is her generousity and the facts she loves cuddles and bears however since we have had time apart she swiftly has become cold and aggressive
she seduced me but she will not let me go, she picks up when im in trouble but she often cannot put herself in my shoes, she will fake dramas to get attention but when challenged will apologise for her actions .....
she is constantly drinking and taking sleeping tablets and aderall, she definitely has a lot of pain, she has few long term friends except an ex partner and her old best friend she grew up on the streets with
Narcissist Support you come across as a man hater