I've Been Single for 6 YEARS! | Let's Talk Celibacy, Jealousy, High Standards, Loneliness + More
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 15 ต.ค. 2024
- After 6 years of being single, I'm finally learning to fully enjoy it and soak up these moments. I know we're living in a world obsessed with #relationshipgoals but don't miss the bigger picture sis - your purpose, community, and future need you to be focused but fear, loneliness, and jealousy will have you very distracted. So let's sit down and talk about it.
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Hi, i'm Courtney Daniella and welcome to the #Glowing&Growing journey. At the end of 2021 I quit running my own six-figure business to focus on my personal growth and work on a passion project. I've just moved in with my best friend and we're building 'To My Sisters,' a global digital sisterhood promoting the wellness, growth and development of a community of sisters across the world.
Follow my story this year as its sure to be full of adventure, life lessons, and transformation. Will I achieve my dream body as I embark on losing over 100lbs? Can To My Sisters become the biggest and most impactful sisterhood community in the world? Where will being dedicated to my education, health, and talent get me by December 2022? I guess we'll both find out as the #GlowingAndGrowing journey unfolds.
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For business enquiries, email me
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Being single is a privilege cause you have the opportunity, even the luxury to focus on yourself deeply and still have the ability to choose wisely your partner !!
Live life fully, don’t neglect to work on your past trauma and heal. Identify what is it that you want and be intentional about finding the one ☝🏾
Nope. No plans on finding the one ever again. A complete waste of my time. Lol!
@@marleyhill34 Same here.
Thank you. A big privilege indeed. I am alone after 16 years of marriage and four kids later. Talk about privilege. This is not toxic privilege but divine luck.
Blah, blah, blah! I'm 42 and I'm so sick of hearing that!
Shes been healing for 6 years? 😳...
...thats not healing, she is broken!
Society, friends and family always infer that you're lonely because you're single and make you feel like you're missing out. Truth is people also feel lonely in healthy relationships at times....loneliness is a normal part of life single or not. As a single person, most times you're better off. You're not missing out on sleep, on crying at night, on heartbreak, disappointments and every other drama that comes with it.
I just don't have the time and energy for a petulant man in my life and most of them are. They constantly need their egos stroke and I have other things to do.
Facts
Exactly and if you've had multiple relationships in life, how could you be missing out? You know what is going to be happening in a relationship. You always have the memories. But there's nothing like your alone time.
I learned that from rushing into a relationship with a man who promised so much but was a man child... anywho, he didn't care about me or my life. Like he could fix cars and I still paid to get my brakes fixed because he was going through money problems and took it out on everyone vs doing something about it.
I'm 51 years old and have been single and celibate for 16 years. Yes, I stopped dating and having sex when I was 35. It's the absolute best decision I've ever made. Men, sex, and dating are all overrated. I'm less stressed, happier and healthier without them.
Good luck to all of you on your search for a mate. May you all find the love and partnership you deserve. ❤🧘🏽♀️💐🇺🇲
I'm 40. I have very little interest in relationships and currently sex. I have a mental illness and I am neuro-divergent. These are things that you need a lot of emotional intelligence to cope with and sadly most men are lacking in that particular skill.
what do you do with your time? my fear now is hitting a point where loneliness and boredom will eat me alive.
i have passion though reading, thinking i might start learning to sew and gardening.
@@jJust_NO_ I live in Los Angeles and work in the entertainment industry so there's always plenty to do. My circle of friends are celebrities so even with this, there is always something going on or events to attend. I travel, write, read, shop...let's just say I'm never board. I can't imagine having to share my time, energy and space with a man.😆
@@jJust_NO_ I am also never bored. Looking after my brain takes up a lot of time. I have to spend about 2 to 4 hours a day doing mental processing- things like journaling, winding down, puzzles, meditation and breathing exercises. then there is things we all need to do daily to keep healthy physically. Exercising- I have an outdoor fitness trainer and I go to the gym. Medical checkups. I attend two mental health groups a week and one individual therapy session. I used to play football and before the pandemic, I went to a lot of meetup groups to do with art, restaurants and museums. There are also a lot of short courses that you can do in my city. I live in London England. If you live in a smaller place it might be difficult but even the small island that I grew up in gave free university lectures from time to time and that's when you are not at the beach.
@@marleyhill34 oh here in the philippines particularly in my area, theres not much you can do..its either you work in 9-5 office job, party on the weekends or while away your time on the internet. no wonder i get bored, theres no variety. there isnt even a decent park area i can go to alone.
I love being single and im 21 and a law student. I have high standars and thats okay. Hunny im chasing my life before im settiling down💅🏾. Loved the chit chat today
❤️ I know that's right
@Rosii. Genuine question: The type of Men that can accommodate these "high standards" you speak off. What do they require from a Woman?
Rosii don't be fooled honey. I'm a law student as well but I'm aware that genuine relationships are every human need.
If you don’t mind, could you give advice/lessons you learned from. I’m currently active duty and I intend on going to law school.
Im 20 years old and Im a first year law student. I am still a virgin and haven't had a partner my whole life. I feel very content and I know what and who is meant for me is already mine.
I have been in some traumatic relationships to say the least and currently going through the process of learning to date myself. Meaning taking myself out on solo dates, buying myself flowers, learning to love myself, and doing the internal work that will help me grow. That way that I know if I don’t ever get married in this life, I am totally okay and content with that. It’s God’s will.
Love this! I need to start doing these things again, it’s important to love on yourself, tfs
I also think the way we speak to ourselves is very important. Solo dates, trips and flowers are great, but do you speak kindly to yourself? Do you acknowledge yourself? Do you give yourself compliments?
I think that makes a massive difference.
@@IevaKambarovaite 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 so true, I was having that same conversation with my sis yesterday! Self talk and our thoughts can make or break us if we do not manage them properly
I was married and it ended in abuse. I have no desire to marry again. I've already told God not to send anyone unless he's going to be a doubting Thomas miracle and materialise in my living room.
Agreed!
I’m 29 and “chronically single.” I have always struggled with it. I’ve never been in a relationship. And I have been in long term depression from it, historically. For the first time, at 29, I am not depressed about being single and love my life… like finally! BUT.. partnership would be nice. Like, it’s no longer something I feel I need out of lack but, definitely a desire.
Have you figured out why? are you scared to put yourself out there? do you deny that you want someone but do?
Love Christian women talking about all of these issues so close to heart. I'm 20 and also in uni right now and its great to hear this encouraging sharing
You know what Courtney. I’m a muslim and you’re a christian but the teachings you share from your faith absolutely resonate with my own faith. You’re absolutely brilliant and you described my situation with such a precision at such a perfect moment that i can only be thankful. You are amazing 🤩🧡
Agree 100%. Her wisdom and dedication to God touched me as a Muslim too - a lot of similar principles and she articulates it really well.
Love and blessings to you both ❤
Proverbs 4:23 NIV
Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it.
100%
‘If it wasn’t scary, it wouldn’t require faith’ 🔥
I needed to hear this conversation. I lost my fiance to Covid in 2020 and now single. At 72 yrs old. I still wonder if I will ever find another love. But now I am learning to start over and trust God with my life. This video put being single in perspective. Thank you Sis.
My grandmother found love again at 70. There is still hope for you ❤️
Much love and blessings to you 💜
I'm so sorry for your loss...you will find love but it can be in a variety of souls...rescue a dog or cat and feel a purpose. Push yourself outside of your comfort zone..do things that make you feel alive. I lost my best friend 💔...to covid in 2021. Someone who I truly trusted and loved. Don't let negative friends in either...they are draining...God bless
“ Let me stop asking you and let me start trusting you.” That was the one
Okay commenting again haha. What you’re saying around 22 minutes is so true. A relationship should stem from finding someone who you think will stick with you through hard times, not someone who makes hard times harder and you stay with them for the optics. Just like having kids should be because you and that person (or you on your own) feel that you can help a person have a stable foundation in childhood for a good adult life. Not just because kids are cute and you have a “motherly” instinct. When that kid doesn’t need mothering and needs stability, is that you? Is that your partner?
Oooph I love what you said about someone being there during the hard times, I think this is so true. I had a recent realisation as I was on my way to help my friend out that relationships are hard work and take a lot of effort. When we're lonely, we think the answer to that is having more friends or getting into a relationship but those things require attention, sacrifice, commitment and so much more. They're more than something to fill time with. Yes, they can be fun, but true friendship, like a true romantic relationship, require showing up during the hard times as well as the fun times.
@@ZED2.0 Right! And I realized today that where friendship differs is that it’s totally okay to have fair weather friends as long as you understand that. To put all your needs on one relationship (platonic or not) is a lot for one person. I have my club friends, my travel buddies, reality tv friends, friends with children, potluck friends, vent sesh friends… some of them intersect, some don’t, and my inner circle, “hard times” friends would probably hate being my friend if I forced them to party with me all the time and they’re not down. But I also know that most of my party friends might not know how to handle me at my lowest, and that’s OKAY! Sometimes you also want people who have only seen positive times with you to get you out of a slump.
Haha idk where I’m going with this but I totally agree. Deep friendship/relationship is for the hard and fun times, but it’s totally fine to keep it light with others too and not put the burden of all your needs on one friend or partners.
@@ZED2.0 lol second comment, but I’m a teacher and my student was having a hard time and wanted to chat with me privately. She said (this girl is 14 btw) “I’m so TIRED of relationships! Friend and friend, girlfriend and boyfriend, parents and children, teacher and student, they’re always SO complicated!” 😭I tried to comfort her so I didn’t say this, but it never ends girly… 😂
@@n4musica I agree with this 100%! Friends for different occasions 🤣
@@n4musica 🥲 poor girl, she sounds very intelligent and insightful. Lool yes, it's just the beginning 😅
I’ve been single for awhile. Before that I WAS ALWAYS BOOED UP. Being single I have learned Soooo much about myself. About life. About people. I realize being single helps you to be suitable for a relationship. Now I am not needy. I’m genuinely blissful. I no longer depend on another person for happiness. I’m comfortable with me. I look forward to a relationship however I am enjoying my singleness.
Hey Sis...I'm single again after being married for 28 years then becoming a widow in 2020. I'm learning how to navigate this part of my journey honoring God and myself, your video was right on time . Thank you for sharing and keeping it 💯.
You’re only 24, being single should be the default at that age unless you meet someone super special and just right for you. People in their early 20s have plenty of time.
Facts!
Me... a baby at 24,married at 25 and divorced at 29...I'm 32 and wondering WHY/WHAT I was thinking...don't waste your 20s,its a time to get to know you,your desires,to break down things passed down from generations which we are unaware of and to just live...I now realised that I was not really searching for love or sex,I was searching for a connection from people,men and women...I just didnt know how to get my needs met or to even communicate what I really wanted.
I'm so protective of my 30s now because I dont want to be crying in my 40s because of reckless behavior again...its just going to be my son,the lord and myself for now...😂🧡😪
@@yogigoyi it's understandable how some people panic or sleepwalk into committed relationships (children/marriage)in their 20s - society is set up to tell women they need to have it all by 30! I'm in my 30s and am single/never been married and I feel that's frowned upon. Sounds like a smart decision to focus on God and your son!
She’s 24? Dammm
If God is on your side. His timing is the best timing even if it never happens
A little over 4.5 years here 🙋♀️
I suffer from PTSD and Depression and after a lot of bad relationships (also with friends and family) I've been down and focusing lately on getting better.
Thank you for the video, it's very helpful 🧡🧡
All my friends are either married women or in a relationship that is heading towards marriage. I have definitely questioned myself a couple times like "why is everyone getting married around me and I'm the only one who's single and never been in a relationship before." I've had a number of lonely and sad thoughts whilst sitting in a room full of couples or third wheeling one couple and I just end up going home by myself whilst they all go home with their life partners. However, hanging around them a lot (because we're so close) has taught me that all that glitters isn't gold. Marriage and relationships are WORK and when you add children on top.. whew chile. You have to take on so many new responsibilities because you're now accountable to this person for life. I get to go home and sleep in peace whilst they go home to a screaming baby all night LOL. I do what I want and can pour as little and as much time into what I need to whilst they have to constantly consider "what about my husband/wife" "what about my kids". I am blessed to be surrounded by these people because it gives me such a realistic image of marriage that isn't the romance central, glitz and glam, instagram family picture stuff. Whilst those are nice and part of the package, I get to see the hard stuff; the day-to-day struggles like post-partum depression, not having as much sex as you thought you would have in marriage, the struggle to keep your house in order, the daily self-sacrifice etc. These things always sober me up when my mind starts wondering. I would suggest single people to get around some married folks and folks that keep it all the way real; not some pretenders that act like everything is perfect meanwhile it's a Mr and Mrs Smith situation at yard 😂 Biggest lesson I've learned so far: successful marriages are for selfless people. If you don't want to be selfless, just don't bother going down the aisle because that marriage will tank as soon as the honeymoon period dries up. I'm enjoying the freedom of singleness but I'm also mentally prepared to be a married woman with realistic expectations when the time is right.
Well said, on point and very observant.
Whilst those things are challenging, l still hope to have a family one day.
@@westq2 true!! I definitely do as well
Thanks for sharing this!
yup.. been inkling that already...
marriage only work if you know how to be selfless.. if the woman knows how to sacrifice herself for the benefit of the family.
i just cant. im too selfish for it. i even resent it.
i can only marry if the guy wants it more than i do. if he has more feminine characteristics than i do because im too aloof and distant as a person.
well lets just assume im a woman and do have a masculine mind
I'm turning 27 soon and I've been single basically all my life and it has been a rollercoaster of highs and lows... I'm just so thankful that you started the chat because sis I NEEDED IT! Being single is the best thing ever but touch on that lonely part girl cause wow - I related far too much to that.
Especially in SA, SA is the last place to get into a relationship just nje because you want it. Too much rubbish.
@@jozigalm8159 you can say that again mtase, the dating and marriage climate in SA is trash 😒
Thank you for being so transparent and for speaking so eloquently. I was your age when I broke with my boyfriend, I am now 32 and haven't been in any relationship since then. I do think that people around us (society) often sees accomplished single people as individuals who are picky, difficult with too many unrealistic standards and I wholeheartedly disagree. I do think that the more time one spends living their true authentic lives, the more they know what they want, what they will focus on and what they truly don't want in an intimate relationship. As you beautifully said, sometimes we think that the feelings of love, being worthy is only attached to romance. You are young and striving, if it will happen, it will happen in due time. I wish you all the best!
Isabelle from Haiti:)
I found myself smiling through this video because it spoke to me so beautifully. I have been single all 24 years of my life. I love love being alone but I do get lonely at times. As someone with a vivid imagination the horniness is real sometimes. But in this season God has been helping me with lust and I don't have that feeling as much anymore.
Yaaas to having more time to be selfish. In high school because of family obligations I wasn't able to pursue my hobbies. So now as a single adult I'm enjoying my free time reading, drawing and learning a second language. When the husband and eventually children come then I can embrace that season knowing that I enjoyed my single season to the fullest.
I AM SINGLE AND SATISFIED!!! I have been single now for 7 years. I love my peace, sanity and me time and my hobbies. I currently do not desire nor yearn for a partner. Maybe one day I will, but today ain't it lol. I am totally loving God, myself and my life right now.
Since my last relationship 'ended' 8 years ago I became celibate by circumstance. Up until today, I am learning how to love and respect myself as other people will do the same. This video is a wake up call to focus on putting God first.
I agree with you, some of us think is hard to get a good Christian lady!! Don’t ignore your physic, weight, character etc because we men are move by what we see first. I am not saying you should dress sexual!! If you go to any church the must beautiful woman is the pastors wife, it is not a coincidence. For instance for me if you wear wigs or makeup no matter your level of spirituality I will not even look at you at all!!
@@zachianggandu774 Will y'all please stop with the wigs and makeup. You do know that most women wear makeup right, even those that don't wear it on a daily basis like to wear a little bit of it when they go out on dates or out with their friends. So many of you really want BW to be broke, busted and disgusted. You don't want us to look nice or have the things that all other women have. It's beyond embarrassing. "If you wear wigs and makeup I won't even look at you". meanwhile those are the women nearly all of you are chasing after. Stop with the foolishness.
@@kelliejones752 My Sister I am an end time message believer!! Please watch bride assembly in Lagos Nigeria and Jesus Christ Temple ministry Warri Nigeria!! and pastor Gino Jennings See how Godly women are looking like!! I will not marry a woman full of demons!! Never!! Once you wear those wigs, you are full of (Jezebel spirit) demonic spirits!! I can spend money on expensive bags and clothes!! But wigs, eye lashes, makeup!! Count me out!! I want to live long; I don’t believe in divorce that is why I must not make any mistake!! My eye of understanding are open; God will open your eyes!! Shalom! My kid Sister was lucky she was warm in the dream; I pray for you to have that personal encounter!!
@@kelliejones752 exactly, it's a form of abuse and reverse psychology that some men put women through in the name of 'being natural'. I always say then find your natural lady somewhere else, I was wearing wigs and makeup when we met so don't try to change and control me. So silly
I was single for over 5 years before I got into a relationship last August. 3 months and it ended, wasn't even worth it. FYI NEVER go on dating sites if you're lonely, you may settle for anything or anyone. I never consulted with God before going on and though he wasn't a bad guy I definitely could have chosen better or just refrained from going online at all. Since it was 3 months I really don't count it as a relationship because I got over him after like a week. However, I realize that he just wasn't for me, and I really sold myself short rather than working on myself and what I like and forming myself as an individual. All of which I am doing now little by little.
So many gems in your comment!
This right here. Dating apps can expose you to people you were NEVER meant to come into contact with, who also could delay your destiny. They may not destroy you, but they may distract you. I'm learning to commit every little thing to Him
@@ughnotuagainughnotuagain4275 I find all men an unnecessary distraction now at age 40.
True, i made the same mistake. Going online to meet a guy and end up abruptly btw us when things doesn't go out way. I leaned my lesson and i will never go back to online dating. We definitely sell ourselves short. Now im focusing on building my own happy life, when the right person come, he will be the right fit into my beautiful life☺️
Hey Sister, I'm a 19-year-old girl and I just wanted to let you know that you've made me realize so much about myself and I'm so thankful for this advice at such an early stage( not that it matters) but I learned so much and am grateful to be a new member of the sisterhood.
22, went on my very first date with a guy on Bumble who said he is a believer.
There's plenty of red flags but glad God protected me & I knew he wasn't the one.
Thought character matters the most but I've learned that I need to be physically attracted to him too 😂 Anyway, I'm focusing on myself. God's timing is the best.
Sis yes! Kudos to you for seeing the flags and taking action!
Def nothing to do w/god….unless god has favorites & pick & choose who to protect. That’s why they say you lose common sense when you follow religion.
I’ve been on a journey with this for so long and I think it has to start with making peace with potentially not ever being in a relationship. I used to imagine what my life would be like with a romantic partner, and almost designed my life according to that image. That meant that I missed out on a lot of things because in the back of my mind I thought unintentionally “I can’t wait to do that with a partner.” And just wouldn’t do that thing.
Now, I think about what my life would be like if I never found a partner, and think “What would I want my life to be?” And I realized, all the things I want for myself also would be great with a partner. So why not do all those things now?? I’ve stopped waiting for a partner to live my life, and now I’m living a life I love, focusing on me, and as it turns out, dating has been so much easier!!
I felt like sitting with you cosy on your couch and just conversing about love, singleness & basically our reality at the moment. Thank you sis Courtney Daniella Boateng.
With love,
Your fellow Ghanaian sister from Germany ❣️🌹
Aww thank you so so much sis, glad you enjoyed the feel x
Courtney the WISDOM in everything you said gurllll!
“You don’t have to like me, my husband will like me and I like me” 👏🏽👏🏽😍
Wow idk why but I’m listening to this and got so emotional!!! I’ve only seen traumatic relationships and thought I wouldn’t internalize anything from those relationships but every time I give my body I feel lost and hurt!!! Hearing this just gave me faith and reassured me that I have my own power and my own peace!! Thank you❤
Honestly, I’m claiming you as my twin Courtney because HOW do you always post videos on topics I’m thinking about??! Girlllll!
This is such a great video. I recently wrote a Christian book about being single called “Since when did Single Mean Sad?” because it’s a true season and I got so sick of the media telling us all of these lies about being single. I love how real this video is. Currently single and have been for about 2 years. Also I love your vibe!!
Wow this sounds amazing! Do you have a link or social media to get access to or information about this book?
I appreciate you keeping it 100, because everything you said is true! Guarding your mind and thoughts are crucial because it can derail you into some unnecessary mess. There is beauty in singleness if we choose to see and embrace it.
Ayeeee new video, let me get some popcorn and relax. I've never been in a relationship so I've pretty much been single my whole life.
Sometimes when we are not dealing with trauma and hurts from the past and just "self-indulging", we do not move forward!! Meaning also staying single because God is waiting on you!!❤
Talking from experience, going on 5 years but now I'm helping myself more now than ever and I know that I am getting close to moving forward with God's Plans for my life! God Bless!!💕💕💕
Girl you are filled with so much wisdom. This is literally me to the T. For the most part, I am content in the season I’m in. But when I start feeling impatient, I remind myself that I am making the most out of my 20s and that I’m never going to get this time back again. I’m going to savor this season because I love my own company. Love this video ❤️
This is random but I absolutely love your videos! Thank you for using your gift to make us laugh and learn💕
@@waalegbara1325 thank you so much! I really appreciate it ❤️
You just phrase things so well, love the eloquence, always
Omg!!!! Im 40 and i love everything that you said, your wisdom is brilliant! Your warmth and love are so beautiful, thank you for sharing your genius with us. Sending unconditional love, infinite compassion, patience, peace, health, happiness and the companionship you desire. I'm also single and celibate, i am enjoying taking my time to heal and love myself cuz thats what my kids and i need. One love :)
I love my relationship but it isn't easy and it isn't always fun. The growth you do in a committed relationship is particularly different from growth on your own. Appreciate the single season for what it provides: the opportunity to prioritize yourself selfishly, the honor of getting to enjoy your own company, and everything else you explained in this video
I really enjoyed this conversation. My fiance passed in July and it's been hard. Dating is crazy and it seems as if no one is authentic. Still working on myself and learning how to enjoy this time as I have a 8 year old daughter. Thank you so much for the encouragement. He was a wonderful man who taught me and daughter alot even in times when I didn't love myself.
I been in a 3 year relationship and honestly doing a lot of things by yourself is healthy too even with a partner you shouldn’t suffocate them or yourself with them and you should still have your own life for sure and I don’t think I have high standards I think there’s just the minimum as a human you should do and some people don’t have that, I feel like a relationship should make your life better which mines has and I know if my partner weren’t on good terms we would still be great friends because he was always my friend first and everything is just a journey ❤️
❤
I know I’ve commented twice already lol but I feel a need to type this.
Courtney you are a blessing and I really look forward to watching your videos. It’s such a joy just listening to you speak, I wish I was as eloquent as you!
Please do not ever doubt yourself, be it with TH-cam, ventures/ personal endeavours. You are destined for greatness, a lot more than you can probably fathom now. I want you to understand that all this is not in vain. Please, please, please keep going.
Wishing you nothing but success.
'I don't have to put everything in use until the season is right "....so awesome!
4 minutes in and I’m already loving how blatantly honest you’re being 🥺
At 24 i got out of an almost 5 year relationship and its been hard to say the least, feeling confident again and not lonely since I have lost my friends among those years that I was in that relationship and the ones that I had left... were part of the hurt that my ex bf made me go through but your podcast have been an amazing blessing in my life. Thanks for this sisters🥰
Wow...I love your confidence. I wish I knew this when I was at your age. I got divorced after being in a 12 year abusive marriage. 2 years out and I am loving being single again, using this period to get to know me more!
You go girl!
.. I just feel so shocked. I’m not Christian but I do have very profound belief in God and often listen toPrayer to Heavenly Father and some bible audio.. I just find it calming. I suffer from PCOS, anxiety and mild depression. Just a couple days ago.. I was struggling, I had a breakdown in the middle of the night: I’m 22, never been in a physically intimate long term relationship. All my friends have dated, been with a lot of guys, are confident of their bodies.. are still continue to date/hookup. I feel like I can’t share my pain with any of them. The self-hatred of your body.. can really feel like a slow blunt dagger to your soul. I pray everyday to give me the strength, to give me some relief from my mind, my anxiety.. And today I got your channel recommended. I know it might sound silly and maybe it’s just algorithm, but I’ve had too many incidences to not believe in some cosmic entity reaching out to me. I want to say you’re just so beautiful and elegant- and I’m going to be scrolling through your videos. Lots of well wishes ♥️
I’d like to know, are you getting any therapeutic treatment?
God loves you girl. He calls you "more precious than rubies". Lean into His truth and believe in His power because He is there and He wants you to realise your worth and your beauty! Because He created YOU!
Im 21 and never been in a real relationship and its hard not to feel a certain way about it
2 1/2 years celibate! My mind is Crystal clear! Ready for Love; not sex!!!!!!!😊
When you said “I’m 24” I did a double take, my make dropped, wow wow. You speak and hold yourself so maturely. I thought you were around 28-33
Absolutely beautifully said. Couldn’t have come at a better time for me and I firmly believe God made me aware of this video and your wisdom to help me heal. At such a young age you’re truly wise and levelheaded and understand the importance of loving who you are and seeing ourselves the way God does. I am a Christian too and after being through toxic relationships I turned to celibacy and waiting for the right person as well if it’s Gods will. I made the mistake of jumping before I was ready and learning from it and that it’s all part of my story, just letting God write it this time. Let’s enjoy our single seasons, as I’m sure we’ll be looking back on them with joy! ❤🤗🙏🏽 Thank you for sharing your story, thoughts, and journey 💕
There is good and bad to being single and being in a relationship. Its important to be happy on your own and not depend on your happiness on someone else because if they leave....you get it. Same goes for money. Being independent and not relying on someone else is important so you arent with someone because financially you cant leave. You are in your 20s, enjoy being single and enjoying this stage of your life. I can say my mother was married twice. She has three kids. She is single and she is literally the happiest person I know. My mom is in her 80s BUT she looks 50 and retired from being a waitress just 3 years ago and has more energy than anyone I know. I tell her she is crazy lol. She loves her independence, she loves being alone, she too is a Christian and says Jesus is her best friend and she doesn't need a man lol. She loves doing what she wants, when she wants and having no one to answer or explain to ....she is adorable lol. Its not better to be single or married....its what you want. As long as you are you and are happy is what is important. Thank you for your honest talks
Thank you so much for your content. I appreciate it and you ❤.
I just turned 35 and have been separated from my husband for four years. This is the first time I've been single my whole life. It's taken some acclimation on my part, a Life review and also a valid assessment of where my standards need to be raised. I'm so glad for your content because it's nice to hear people who are in similar situations and how they handle being single as well. Blessings to you!😊
I’m right here with ya girl! I been celibate since 2015 when pregnant w my son. Wasn’t intentional, I am sick w Cushings Disease. But it’s brought so many benefits to my life. So much peace, no chaos or trauma or drama! Do you boo!
You are wise beyond your years! Wonderful perspective!
I love when you said maybe it's time to stop asking God and start trusting God. That's where i am now. I turn 40 in August. I've been mostly single my entire life. I spent most of my adult life waiting to be chosen. Now I'm choosing God, myself, and life. I'm embracing all the beautiful things this life has to offer and i refuse to settle in order to make someone else happy or comfortable.
Gurl!!! You are hitting every single struggle with this topic rn.. omg
Thank you!! I’ve been searching for celibacy videos and they where all super shallow but u got down to it and kept it all the real!!! I’m 37 and haven’t been by myself since grade school now I have been celibate since December of last year.. plan on staying this way til I find self love and worth within myself 💙💙 thank you sis
It’s only been a year for me but honestly I’ve been feeling like “God, are you still working on it?” And it’s been really frustrating so thank you for this timely video. ❤️✨
I have literally been talking to God about everything that was discussed today, I am meant to even be catching zzzzz’s right now but this just gave me so much more clarity never knew how to articulate how I was feeling nor the response to that feeling but this vid helped put things in perspective for me sooo much. Sister fren prophetess women of gadddd thank you for this video. You are truly relatable and very humble, and generally have a lovely way at looking at different situations. Hope you enjoy your day if you ever read this lol😂❤️
You are still 24 and you are confident (I love it). But honey, we hit a whole another level of anxiety when we are getting closer to 30. I am 27 now. I have been single sonce I was 22. I stopped dating people for the sake of dating. I feel like it's a waste of time and energy. There have been guys approached me throughout this 5+ years. But I am not going to involve with anyone other than my ideal type of man. But it is scary. All my friends are married and almost all of them have toddlers now. I have been naturally excluded from my friends groups and sometimes it feels so scary. I wonder if I am going to grow old alone.
I remember when that anxiety at 27. Covid just swallowed 2yrs of my life and I'm now 31. Put yourself out there.
@@jozigalm8159 omg I really hope we find our happiness
@@sssssssssuv we will, just need to get out there. It won't just happen. People can't know what they can't find. Do it all, the apps, all that, painful as it is lol. My mom is already joking with me about sperm banks 😂😭
@@jozigalm8159 yes yes. We gotta try everything.
38 now and yes, the situation doesn't get better. We just learn to accept and let go. If the right person come, accept it. If it never mean to be, accept it.
This is better than any ted talk I've listened to❤ in love with your faith and way of thinking
Thank you for putting this video up, I've not come across your channel before, but you've been a breath of fresh air. The humility and the fact that the advice is so truthful is great (and hurtful) to hear, especially from a Black British woman's perspective (even though I say it all to myself all the time).
As a single black woman, 27, with no boyfriends to reminisce about, I feel as though I've been letting my emotions and my sight lead my life and not my soul and my heart that should be lead by the spirit, what a Christian woman is to strive for.
What I need to find now are hobbies and friends who care about my wellbeing as a whole. I pray that this journey to find the person who I was be gentle yet abrasive, hard yet easy and encouraging to have me act in faith yet be still and listen.
Even if I do get in a relationship now it'll be God and only God who could do it. So whenever the time will be, let me be ready and willing to let someone in, so the walls I've become so accustomed to seeing, be ripped down (compassionately) and built around us as a couple. Amen 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾💯
The only TH-camr I have my notifications switched on for... absolutely adore you Courts x This girl raised me
This is such a great video, and I could relate so much. Been singel between 20-23 so 3 years now. I’ve learned so much about myself, and I think I’ve become a healthier person during this period. Before I just wanted attention and love so much from guys to fill my self esteem, I never showed but I was so needy on the inside. Only my last relationship with a guy I actually really liked and cared for taught me that I need self love and to focus on myself not a relationship. Now I don’t determine my worth on if I’m entertaining a guy or not.
Just clicked & loving this, let me get my glass sis 🥂
Preacchhh I needed this reminder cuz I was starting to go through an anxiety thought spiral regarding if I ever was gonna find love due to being 36 and only had one relationship over 10 years ago. I have been content sometimes too comfortable. I do have a lot of love and my life does have a lot of love. God,family, friends,and client. You are so right. I enjoy my life to the fullest like traveling,yoga,nature,etc. i help others a lot
If you haven't heard of Authentic Intimacy, I highly recommend listening to the Java with Julie podcast that they do. They are doing great work with teaching about godly sexuality in a wholesome way. The way you are speaking here reminds me of how they cover these topics, and I think you would find it validating
Ooo thank you for the suggestion, i'll look it up
I've just looked the podcast up and the topics are super interesting! Thanks for sharing lovely ☺
This was an amazing talk. We are the same age and I’m going through the EXACT SAME THING.. My ex and I broke up day before valentines 2021. I was the dumpee and I’m not upset about it anymore because I brought me closer to God. But the loneliness gets crazy sometimes. You should create a Facebook group so we can fellowship. I’m definitely a new subscriber! Love this. May God grant you a king sis!
im grateful for stumbling upon this...AS I CLICK SUBSCRIBE!!!!YOU ARE SO ME.... *sips wine*
i remember hiw i thought id be so married by 25 and i had a perfect picture painted....The love of my life then decided to cheat, say awful things and let go..4 years single....Within these 4 months, I have been so unkind to myself, i struggled forgiving myself and hated myself...I dont know which SWITCH God then pulled....IM CONTENT and intentional with my season and keen on more of what God is doing in this season...One day i will come back her and share the revelation....THANK YOU FOR THIS QUEEEEN..
Lol been single my whole life, one thing about being a true Christian, you definitely know your identity and your worth so, that prevents you from settling and letting people waste your time.
So you hve to be a “true Christian” to know your identity & worth?🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
@@nikchar4642 you don't have to be but being one always reminds you how valuable you are.
I’ve been celibate since Dec 2019. It’s not an easy journey. I would like to share it with someone who values me as a person, not a toy to play with.
keep it up fam, you are not alone. I have been celibate for over nine years now, and I feel good, physically, spiritually and mentally.
I am practicing celibacy and trying to process and heal from my acne insecurities, mental health, and sexual traumas from men I engaged with in my 20s, I am 30. My goals are to join hip hop dance classes, befriend more woman and seek a new therapist
So much wisdom in this vessel! It wasn't a chit chat, it was conviction! Thank you Courtney! x
This is so timely. I’m a Christian, 24yrs, a doctor and been single for 8 yrs (yet to be an adult relationship). I have all these dreams of having a partner where we can love on each other and enjoy life together. I decided awhile ago to enjoy my life and start crowding out things on my bucket list. I choose to be happy 🤗
You sound like the big sister I never had. Just subscribed! You explain ppl’s anxieties in such an empathetic way. Thank you!
Thank you for this beautiful talk. Almost one year celibate, not necessarily intentionally until now. Most helpful thing I heard so far about the journey. I’m also a Christian and keeping that mind I think will be just the thing to keeping me going with intentionally working on strengthening that relationship, and improve my relationship with those already in my life. 💕 thank you
Thank you so much for sharing this ❤️ I've been in a similar situation, only a year though but still, the feelings are very real and very similar. Thank you for speaking on this and keep doing your EXCELLENT work
Preahhh ! Omg
Thank you for this Courtney 💯💯
I only saw the title and thought: "this is what I need now"! Thanksss :)
Needed this!! I’m 19, never been in a relationship and made the mistake of putting my worth in male attention.
Celeste you are still young. Don’t rush into anything. Right now just work on building Frye danios with guys. I wish I did this. When you have those friendships you never know where they can lead to.
Girlll! It's the same with me. 19 and some of the other things girls complain regarding to boys I can not relate. Thank Jesus.
@@wshelby83what is Frye dios?
Thank you Courtney for being the big sister I never had. Your advice is convicting in just the right way, and your transparency makes me realize how much I’m not alone in my thoughts and challenges. May God bless you abundantly!
Loved this! I’ve been single for 5 years and truly enjoy it 🤩 and yes! Healing from the trauma is real! Been celibate the majority of my time single and I’m loving it more than I ever thought I would. Cheers! 💃🏻 🌟 💜 ❤️💃🏻🌟💜❤️
This is soo good Courtney and your transparency is so so refreshing! God bless you always 🤍
Maaaam. Thank you for sharing
As I watched this video you made so many great points (marriage as an idol, serving others) 👏🏾👏🏾 yes...and you made a top tier video for someone approaching their mid-20’s, a time when being single feels like a thing; it’s all the rage at that age and before then typically one is in college, just being able to drink, newly navigating dating multiple ppl, etc. but very few are prepared for a serious long-term relationship. As a “big sis” I’d just add being single 18-24 heck all of your 20’s even , eventually becomes a great time of learning, growth, fun, development and FREEDOM. I remember a book called Single is not a curse and how true that has proven to be! Now being in my 30’s I can look back and appreciate my time being single. Yes it gets lonely, yes celibacy is not very popular but singleness is a personal journey and space that should also be honored. Cheers and Godspeed
Hi Courtney! This is such an amazing video and so well articulated. I am like you, I have not been in a relationship since 18 either and I absolutely love it (11 years now). You touched on so many topics that I have also come to the same conclusions on as a single. Only difference about me is that I plan to remain single.
The only thing I feel gets missed in these conversations, which you actually did mention though, is that for some people marriage may not come. I don't say that to a be debby downer or to kill hopes and dreams. However, I feel like everyone always says things like "just have faith and your time will come" because 1. the fear of the possibility that it might not come or 2. they truly believe there's no way it could not not happen. However, some people do actually end up single for life by happenstance...it just never happened no matter what they did to correctly position themselves. I personally know older people who from my estimation would've made great husbands and wives who wanted to be married but it never happened or worked out. I have read bitter accounts of those in this position who are bitter about the fact that people told them that and it never happened so they are angry or sad, but not all.
I think that when we overlook that very real possibility, we don't prepare people for what to do IF that happens. However, I think that everything you've said in this video is actually great advice whether one marries or not (which you did mention). When we truly embrace the concepts that you set forth here, we realize that we can live happy and fulfilled lives whether we marry or not. One should definitely position themselves wisely for the opportunity if they want marriage for sure, but don't think that you're (speaking in the general sense) somehow less than because it never happened.
Matthew 6: 25 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?[g] 28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. 34 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."
While this speaks of bodily necessities like food and clothing (sex is not one or else there is no way God could not have recommended singleness as a valid lifelong state. Being that the bible recognizes lifelong singleness and therefore lifelong celibacy as a valid state of being, that points to the fact that sex is not a bodily necessity. It can be a strong desire, and I know this as someone who struggles with the sin of lust and pornography, but it's not a necessity as many people say it is (not you though)), the principle of seeking first the kingdom of God applies here. As Christians this is our utmost calling. Therefore, we can know that regardless of our marital status, we are complete, fulfilled, have hope, have joy, and purpose so long as we seek Him.
Now, the church tends to place marriage on a pedestal and idolizes it and I have much I an say with regard to that. Ultimately, marriage and singleness is a gift from God. For christians, our marital state does not determine our capacity for joy and love and I love how your video emphasized that. Not everyone who wants to get married will get married, but it doesn't mean that your life will be any less full : )
♥️
I'm only 9 mins in and I felt the need to pause and say "thank you for putting this video out into the world"! You could have kept your truth to yourself but by sharing it instead you've opened the door for me (and surely others!) to feel less alone in my journey as a single Christian woman seeking to honor God with my life. I'm now in a space where I can see just how driven in my past relationships by fear of being single, of not being married and having a family by a certain age, of enduring celibacy "forever". It's only by God's grace, because I knew I couldn't lie to Him, that I didn't go through with a wedding that would've undoubtedly led to a horrible marriage. So, 🥂 three cheers for time and space to grow in faith, self love, and appreciation for the non romantic relationships that enrich our lives!
This video left me with that energy feeling of being excited for the future
Sis, absolutely LOVE your hair.
I’ve watched several videos on celibacy cause I want to finally start my own journey and your video has been the most insightful! Thank you for solidifying my choice and I cannot wait to actually start it 👍🏽
been in a relationship for 7 years - from 20 to 27. I broke up with my ex 2 years ago, I honestly feel younger. I'm turning 30 this year but I'm really content and dont have plans being in a relarionship soon.
Such an interesting topic, but I can definitely see where this can go both ways.
Example: I met my husband in college at 18, have 2 children and now 44, thank God we’ve been blessed to still be married today🙌🏾. My husband and I both do well for ourselves however there are things that I yearn for now individually because Ive dedicated my life to a relationship/marriage and children. Now don’t get me wrong I am grateful for my husband and children,but understand how either way somethings can be lost depending on the individuals pathway of life🤷🏽♀️
2023, and this is exactly what I needed. TGFE!
In the meantime, singles should be dating and in groups like "Events and Adventure" or "Meetups Groups" I like going out to dinner, movies, kayaking, museums, hiking, walking, movies, concerts etc. with others, who have the same interests.
Also, find a Facebook singles cruise group, or travel group. Walk the dog, to meet other likeminded people, I have walked my dog at parks around the City and I've taken pictures and posted them for family and friends.
You never know when or where your mate will find you, in the meantime have fun with others, I find it better to socialize in groups then to sit around doing much of nothing alone.
this is amazing. such a wise young woman, thank you
I recently broke up with my ex with whom I dated for 3 years. I was too serious that i thought I'll settle my life with him in the future. But i recently realised that sometimes our plans don't work out because God has a better plan for us. He is a living and loving God who cares for me and you..
Thanks alot for doing this video. I was honestly in need of such words. Thanks from the bottom of my heart ❤️. Keep shining.
Girl you are very well spoken ✨😍
This was powerful 🙏🏾 God bless u for sharing your journey with all of us.
So happy I came across your video..I’m 22 doing my masters..Single,happy,celibate..Never been this intentional about living