I am 66 and love your videos. I have not been in a relationship in 10 years but should I ever be again, I am clear on my top tier non-negotiables: 1. Non-smoker of anything. 2. Very light drinker if at all. This means you can legally get behind the wheel and drive at any time. As for myself, I do not drink alcohol. 3. Good hygiene. 4. Basic good manners. 5. A speaking voice that is pleasant to my ears. 6. Not into gambling. 7. No “recreational” drug use. 8. No history of domestic violence/abuse. 9. Monogamous. In recent years, I have found that many men my age are looking for a much younger woman, a nurse, or a “friend with benefits.” That eliminates me. I have never been one to sleep around and I’m not going to start. What I understand about myself is I do not have a high physical sex drive, I have a high passion drive. No deep emotional connection, no interest in sex. I appreciate how you share from your own life experience and that you are concise and to the point. You have a great speaking voice and always an attractive appearance. You are the whole package. Keep these videos coming. People of all ages need to watch and listen to you. I am from the old days of John Bradshaw, Alice Miller, Melody Beattie. You are bringing the message forward today with your own words in a fresh way. Thank you.
Susan - I am You to a tee at age 60 and we are very passionate emotional women due to codependency (in my case). I will add “no criminal record” and “no controller” to your list! That’s huge block for me. Don’t fall for Kenny as he was a admitted terrible narcissist his whole life and destroyed his kids too! It’s ok he recovered and now can advise, but I think a narc like a alcoholic can’t fully recover at all! They are still gonna put themselves above everyone as smartest person in the room, and will still abuse weaker people forever! Narcs are very charming & charismatic people we were attracted to for that reason.
@@Juke582 Kenny has admitted his character defects and shortcomings as a parent and partner. Obviously, I have no idea what anyone is like behind closed doors but I do appreciate Kenny’s passion in striving to help others recover their authentic self. Best wishes to you and thank you for commenting.
I’m having a very hard time making this list. I think I’ll have to start with an extreme example like.. he can’t be legally married.. then work my way backwards. How have I lived my life without clear boundaries? 😮💨 Thank you for these videos!!
You’re very welcome and you are not alone. Very few people have ever truly sat down and thought about these things. We all think we know what they are but when we sit down to make this list virtually everybody goes blank. That’s why recovering from the worst day cycle and re-discovering who we really are is so important. Enjoy the journey😁
Great content! A significant cause of complications in relationships is financial issues. Would love to hear your perspectives on negotiables and non-negotiables when it comes to finances, particularly some good examples would be helpful. Thank you.
If you don't like texting, this comments section must not be too much fun, either! LoL You are totally right about how texting is a really lousy way to communicate.....way too much is missed and misinterpreted. Coming up with this list of negotiables, etc is hard work! The only way I have found is to just carry a little notebook around and make notes when it comes to me. Otherwise, intentionally taking the time, I just go blank.
You’re right I do my best to respond through text but it’s not my favorite. As for creating a non-negotiable list you’re doing it perfectly. It’s a living document and so as we noticed things throughout life whether it’s our morals, values, needs, once, negotiables or non-negotiables we make notes and add them to our list
I am amazed I have not done this before and can see how my relationship and so many others are with partners that have the opposite list. I just shared this list and your other copendancy recovery list. Morals and value. Needs and wants. Thank you for helping me to wake up.
I wonder how much of our value system and non negotiable’s come from our upbringing? I find I have a lot of judgements as an adult that come from my belief system that was ingrained in childhood. I’ve got work to do to be strong and immovable in my nonnegotiable’s because I’ve allowed myself to be manipulated by others way too often and wind up so frustrated with myself! Thank you again for such a enlightening teaching video.
That is exactly where they come from. I talked about that in the Morals and values video. It is in my codependence playlist. Check it out. ;-) I also have an online course coming out very soon to walk people through this codependent healing journey
Thank you Kenny. I have made a play list of the copendence recovery video and I am watching your videos on my TV. Thank you for finding your authentic self and sharing your videos I so get your message about enabling and being so Codependant wow négociables & non negociables values & morals wow healing from that is so important I hear you.
You’re very welcome and I’m really happy to hear that they are helping you. If you decide you want to learn the full process I have three master classes that walk people through the whole process of Codependence recovery. Here is the link if you’d like to learn more about them thegreatnessu.com/p/the-complete-journey-to-create-lasting-love-and-connection
Wow. I love how you put this. This video is what will get me to buy your book. I hope you go into more detail on these things in your book. Hearing this has really made me feel more understood.
I didn’t realize how important it is to not only know what your negotiables non negotiables, but to have the confidence to express them to others without fear of rejection. So I ask myself, how important is it to me to have the validation of those morals values from someone else? That’s codependent.
I've never heard that an alcoholic can drink anything. I beg to differ on this darling. In fact I believe that I'm a non participating alcoholic. This disease runs rapidly in our family history. ( Jus my research)
Kenny how do you know if you’re value is coming from insecurity vs. true value / wants A lot of people will tell you you’re insecure or needy or irrational over wants and values. I.E. you want a woman who doesn’t engage with men on social media. Is that insecurity or a true value you feel is rational. I feel it’s rational as I don’t talk to other women
This is a great question. Unfortunately I can't coach a person through text message. These are the types of things that I help my clients understand in private appointments or the $25 private video response i offer. I'm not trying to make this a sales pitch. It is just truth.
Non négociable : 1. No triangulation 2. No disrespect 3. No addiction unless it’s intellectual and constructive addiction 4. No narcissistic behavior 5. No unemployed, no financial dependency 6. Must love something other than himself. 7. No negative mindset 8. No immaturity, can be wounded but must take responsibility Regarding professional career : 1. No sacrifice of my health 2. No sacrifice of my children, no abandon or neglect 3. No negative work culture
Can I just create a clone of myself? That would be easiest 🤣 They text because its the least effort; humans usually want something for nothing...we could easily sell them little microwavable, neatly packaged relationships that take zero effort , easy to consume and despose of. That's what we've come to in this day and age.
I am 66 and love your videos. I have not been in a relationship in 10 years but should I ever be again, I am clear on my top tier non-negotiables:
1. Non-smoker of anything.
2. Very light drinker if at all. This means you can legally get behind the wheel and drive at any time. As for myself, I do not drink alcohol.
3. Good hygiene.
4. Basic good manners.
5. A speaking voice that is pleasant to my ears.
6. Not into gambling.
7. No “recreational” drug use.
8. No history of domestic violence/abuse.
9. Monogamous.
In recent years, I have found that many men my age are looking for a much younger woman, a nurse, or a “friend with benefits.” That eliminates me. I have never been one to sleep around and I’m not going to start. What I understand about myself is I do not have a high physical sex drive, I have a high passion drive. No deep emotional connection, no interest in sex.
I appreciate how you share from your own life experience and that you are concise and to the point. You have a great speaking voice and always an attractive appearance. You are the whole package. Keep these videos coming. People of all ages need to watch and listen to you. I am from the old days of John Bradshaw, Alice Miller, Melody Beattie. You are bringing the message forward today with your own words in a fresh way. Thank you.
Thank you so much
Susan - I am You to a tee at age 60 and we are very passionate emotional women due to codependency (in my case). I will add “no criminal record” and “no controller” to your list! That’s huge block for me.
Don’t fall for Kenny as he was a admitted terrible narcissist his whole life and destroyed his kids too! It’s ok he recovered and now can advise, but I think a narc like a alcoholic can’t fully recover at all! They are still gonna put themselves above everyone as smartest person in the room, and will still abuse weaker people forever! Narcs are very charming & charismatic people we were attracted to for that reason.
@@Juke582 Kenny has admitted his character defects and shortcomings as a parent and partner. Obviously, I have no idea what anyone is like behind closed doors but I do appreciate Kenny’s passion in striving to help others recover their authentic self. Best wishes to you and thank you for commenting.
You are a lovely lady. Best wishes on finding companionship. You deserve an authentic gentleman. 🌻
I’m having a very hard time making this list. I think I’ll have to start with an extreme example like.. he can’t be legally married.. then work my way backwards. How have I lived my life without clear boundaries? 😮💨 Thank you for these videos!!
You’re very welcome and you are not alone. Very few people have ever truly sat down and thought about these things.
We all think we know what they are but when we sit down to make this list virtually everybody goes blank.
That’s why recovering from the worst day cycle and re-discovering who we really are is so important. Enjoy the journey😁
Ridiculous the number of AHA moments I'm having going thru the codependency playlist. So grateful to have come across this channel today! ❤ Thank you
You are so welcome. I am glad it is helping you so much
Great content! A significant cause of complications in relationships is financial issues. Would love to hear your perspectives on negotiables and non-negotiables when it comes to finances, particularly some good examples would be helpful. Thank you.
If you don't like texting, this comments section must not be too much fun, either! LoL You are totally right about how texting is a really lousy way to communicate.....way too much is missed and misinterpreted.
Coming up with this list of negotiables, etc is hard work! The only way I have found is to just carry a little notebook around and make notes when it comes to me. Otherwise, intentionally taking the time, I just go blank.
You’re right I do my best to respond through text but it’s not my favorite. As for creating a non-negotiable list you’re doing it perfectly. It’s a living document and so as we noticed things throughout life whether it’s our morals, values, needs, once, negotiables or non-negotiables we make notes and add them to our list
@@kennyweiss Thank you for your input and affirmation, it is good to hear I am on the right track.
@@BlessedWithEight you’re welcome 😁
I appreciate you explaining this
I am amazed I have not done this before and can see how my relationship and so many others are with partners that have the opposite list. I just shared this list and your other copendancy recovery list. Morals and value. Needs and wants. Thank you for helping me to wake up.
Drop the mic ! I’m a new fan - thank you - I’m 60 and have been so much because I never did this work
Thanks you, I hate texting too, I think it's the downfall of having a real human connection.
I wonder how much of our value system and non negotiable’s come from our upbringing? I find I have a lot of judgements as an adult that come from my belief system that was ingrained in childhood. I’ve got work to do to be strong and immovable in my nonnegotiable’s because I’ve allowed myself to be manipulated by others way too often and wind up so frustrated with myself! Thank you again for such a enlightening teaching video.
That is exactly where they come from. I talked about that in the Morals and values video. It is in my codependence playlist. Check it out. ;-) I also have an online course coming out very soon to walk people through this codependent healing journey
Having self-sabotaged many times in my life, I identify with what you wrote.
Thank you Kenny.
I have made a play list of the copendence recovery video and I am watching your videos on my TV.
Thank you for finding your authentic self and sharing your videos
I so get your message about enabling and being so Codependant wow négociables & non negociables values & morals wow healing from that is so important I hear you.
You’re very welcome and I’m really happy to hear that they are helping you. If you decide you want to learn the full process I have three master classes that walk people through the whole process of Codependence recovery. Here is the link if you’d like to learn more about them
thegreatnessu.com/p/the-complete-journey-to-create-lasting-love-and-connection
Wow. I love how you put this. This video is what will get me to buy your book. I hope you go into more detail on these things in your book. Hearing this has really made me feel more understood.
Thank you! I do go into a lot more detail in my book as well as my podcast. I invite you to check both out and let me know what you think. :)
I agree with you on text messages ! I don't go there.
Very interesting about the texting
I loved this !!!
I didn’t realize how important it is to not only know what your negotiables non negotiables, but to have the confidence to express them to others without fear of rejection. So I ask myself, how important is it to me to have the validation of those morals values from someone else? That’s codependent.
Amazing information And thank you 🙏 ❤
You are so welcome
Great video. I started listening to your book too.
Awesome. Thank you. Enjoy the journey.
Ty for the videos
Thank you
I've never heard that an alcoholic can drink anything. I beg to differ on this darling. In fact I believe that I'm a non participating alcoholic. This disease runs rapidly in our family history. ( Jus my research)
Are you a psychologist? I have a serious question about narcissistic people.
Unfortunately I have allowed things I should never allowed. I diet take o ownership . I do now !
Whistling Dixie while strolling through an encampment of the Army of the Potomac😅
Kenny how do you know if you’re value is coming from insecurity vs. true value / wants
A lot of people will tell you you’re insecure or needy or irrational over wants and values.
I.E. you want a woman who doesn’t engage with men on social media. Is that insecurity or a true value you feel is rational. I feel it’s rational as I don’t talk to other women
This is a great question. Unfortunately I can't coach a person through text message. These are the types of things that I help my clients understand in private appointments or the $25 private video response i offer. I'm not trying to make this a sales pitch. It is just truth.
Non négociable :
1. No triangulation
2. No disrespect
3. No addiction unless it’s intellectual and constructive addiction
4. No narcissistic behavior
5. No unemployed, no financial dependency
6. Must love something other than himself.
7. No negative mindset
8. No immaturity, can be wounded but must take responsibility
Regarding professional career :
1. No sacrifice of my health
2. No sacrifice of my children, no abandon or neglect
3. No negative work culture
Can I just create a clone of myself? That would be easiest 🤣 They text because its the least effort; humans usually want something for nothing...we could easily sell them little microwavable, neatly packaged relationships that take zero effort , easy to consume and despose of. That's what we've come to in this day and age.
Yes, that can be true
Non-negotiable- smokers,!
Texting can be confusing...