Im not sure about "no life". They get whatever they want and they usually achieve great results, not available for most of people. Their life stories are pretty savage. If they were so unhappy they would desperately pursue any kind of change. It's human instinct, narcissist or not. They do not do that.
@@pab1972 They sometimes grab so tight at the superficial things they want, that they lose what matters. My ex wanted to live up to her controlling parent's dreams.. big big fancy house, more than could reasonably afford. Put huge stress on the family to work three jobs each, etc, and make sure the kids posed for photos of 'success' etc. She eventually afforded the very fancy house, mostly because of a settlement from a car crash, but she lives in it alone, cos the kids live with me and don't want to see her. She's too afraid to change the way she really is, so she tries to compensate for that deep unhappiness with short term, superficial appearances of happiness and success. That to her is easier than confronting the trauma she suffered from her parents, and grandmother. This is a woman who would force kids to lose sleep so she can get photos of sunrise and sunset on the same mountain for social media, and then get them all lost because they're hiking back down in the dark... and then crash the car, while speeding to get home at the time she originally said she'd be home. That time, put someone else's family in hospital, when she hit their car. Then while trying to be superwoman, was up until 11pm doing stuff that wasn't urgent, and got up again at 2am to drive to a ski resort,,, so she could say she got the most out of the day skiing on day one... even though there would be 10 other days to ski. Falling asleep on a motorway meant there were zero days skiing, cos the car hit a bridge, and one of the kids lost a kidney, and had to have screws put in her back. You'd think that would cause her to see what was important, but no. Went to Thailand, and again wanting to show off her 'supermom' , I can do it all, personality, took herself and three kids on a motorbike at night across country, and crashed, injuring the same daughter who was already injured in the previous car crash. Fabulous house, but no happiness in it. If there was a single crayon left out of the box, they got screamed at for 20 minutes or more, sometimes beaten and then told to stop crying and smile before her friend came for dinner. So, yeah, if you saw her social media, she seems to be a real achiever who got more out of life than her friends, but most of them don't realise she's going home to an empty house, cos her kids haven't lived there since last year. Her former best friend (and maid of honour) doesn't talk to her anymore, a lot of friends stopped being friends, so now it's mostly the ones she rarely meets, who still think she's nice happy and successful.
i was hurt by a doctor who is narsicist. i look at her IG, her eyes are scary, like if was a serial killer i would not be surprised. but she got away with deforming my face, changed her image, started using the things i accused her of to her advantage, like she is against them. i'm suffering because i lost my face, but she is thriving. it makes me sick.
I think happiness almost bores them. They seem more comfortable in their misery and the chaos that comes with dragging others along in the drama. They are allergic to quiet joy. 🤧
S J May God bless and protect you. I’m sending you and the ladies in your family love and appreciation today. Happy Mother’s Day, and I wish you good health as well. You deserve good things. 💕
S J stay well my dear. Protect your immune system as best you can, and try not to let the stress in. You need your strength. I’m so proud of you for defeating cancer! I am your friend from a distance. Please know that you have one more person in the world who is rooting for you! ❤️💃🏾
Their happiness is shallow because it's built on shallow things. They're afraid of intimacy and vulnerability so they are incapable of experiencing true happiness.
Yup. They're utterly dependent on others actions for their self worth and have unrealistic expectations of others. It's like a developmental trainwreck.
Yep. Happiness is a phoney cover. They love to try and provoke you to anger so they can say "relax, why are you so angry, I'm not." Can always tell when the mask slips cause then you see how angry and evil they really are.
Narcs are often sullen with their "loved ones," but let a stranger knock at the front door, my goodness, the narcissist suddenly jumps up, turns on the superficial charm with the person, and becomes happy as a lark, which adds insult to injury to the targeted significant other.
I never saw one laughing to the point of tears or laughing so hard that is really is authentic. Most of them smile and migh be sound like "ha" and go back to themselves. Look into their eyes. You'll see if is authentic or not.
Are narcissists happy? As the Little Shaman says “We can use their behavior to judge their happiness. Do people who are truly happy and love themselves need to hurt and degrade others to feel better about themselves? Do they need to feel like someone else lost to feel like they won? Do they use people, manipulate others? Do happy people constantly complain that nothing is good enough, that no one does enough for them? Do they go around constantly saying ‘what about me’? No, they don’t.”
I wish I had learned this lesson a year ago. My ex narc whom I thought was my best friend really crushed me when one day she just up and decided she no longer wanted to be my friend. It was then I learned what the term "ghosting" meant. Today, I am working very hard to forget her. I won't even look at a photo of her. She is of zero importance to me.
@@zainabfarooq2482 Hi there! I'm doing much better these days . I guess I just realized that it's not worth it trying to play her kind of games. After all, to what end? Thanks for asking. I hope you are doing well. 😉
My narc said he had everything exactly how he wanted it, when I was feeling so desperately miserable 😔 that's when I knew I had to leave. That was so wrong.
They are deeply empty and unhappy yet they will act grandiose and off the wall not realizing how fake they come across. Jumping up and down when something great happens is fleeting. That isn't what deep happiness looks like. True happiness is peaceful and comforting. It's contentment. A Narc will NEVER know what contentment feels like. Ironically they will accuse you of being a downer because we aren't acting like Golden Retrievers all the time, not realizing that they are the truly miserable ones.
MsMichelle7710 Golden retriever! So spot on. His actions were always disjointed and didn’t seem to fit the situation! It was so off putting and crazy making.
This is why I hope they find true love and happiness in some kind of afterlife. Even as cruel as they are, i don't like the idea of them being perpetually miserable.
I think they get their happiness from kind people who don't know better. I was in a relationship for 11 years till I got discarded. It was then I had to search and was shocked to know about narcissism. Unfortunately too late, too much damage has already been done
When I was living with my Narc, I noticed that his steady State was very volatile...he was never content...he could get excited about something..a new car... a new golf club...a new outfit... a new woman (his favorite).... but happy? I never saw it.
This was my experience 100%. We would have an amazing day and suddenly they were upset and we’d fight. I’d look at myself in the mirror and I wouldn’t even recognize who I became with them. I always thought, if I do this or that better, maybe we won’t fight next time. Not true. Living on eggshells is not a comfortable place to live.
@Good Vibes girl all these 💯! Never let anyone tell you what you should be. You just be you ❤️✨ if there is one thing a narc hates, it's finding out you got boundaries you are not willing to tear down for him/ her to fit his unrealistic expectations of you. I'm so glad I came across this video it's helping me rebuild myself again from a narc. relationship.
Oh yes. When my narc/ex friend in grad school ghosted me one day and no longer wanted to associate with me, from then on, she openly criticized me and my research and made nasty remarks about me to my colleagues. Petty b****.
Yes - they are constantly needing to position themselves as the "good one" so there always has to be a "bad one" to blame circumstances on. You really get the brunt of this if you're the significant other.
As the child of narcissists what I took away is the sense that the good moments won't last. I have this deep mistrust of the future. Even when things are going ok, or are actually great, I have this idea that soon everything will go sour. So much so that sometimes I sabotaged things because I could not resist the stress of waiting to see the inevitable disaster.
I used to work with a guy who said he lived feeling like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. He had a very emotionally difficult childhood from being raised by what seemed to be described as a gangster father. I hope you have found or can find a good mental health therapist to help you through that.
You all have been so warm and kind, thank you. I am trying to pull myself out of this swamp. In the last 35 days, I've been watching every new Dr Ramani's video and they helped me put together new pieces of my dysfunctional's family jigsaw. After this last one, anger has left room for a new feeling of hope. At the moment, I'm done being angry for the past. I have to do something for my present. I suppose most of you are already on this very path of healing and building something new. Let's go on :)
You are so right , correct on the shifting mood swings. But remember in the beginning lovebombing phase? You didn't see those shifting mood swings, they stayed happy/contented. They didn't want you to see their instability because they have to make you believe they are stable and normal. They know what they're doing because they have an agenda. Once they have secured you in the relationship after a few months , that's when you see the instability because it's not about you and the relationship, it's all about them. It always was about them. Crazy! And it won't be long before it makes you crazy. You are dealing with a self-centered Narcopath.
That's a good point. A lot of people say they can't help themselves, but this shows that they know what they're doing and they don't care. They only care about themselves.
@@vj563 You are dealing with somebody who is mentally disordered. They just don't think like you and me. And their all different because they are human after all but their actions produce the same results because they need your energy supply/attention. Some don't care at all , some may realize what they're doing but they need that supply/attention so they will hurt you. It's a mental disorder and it's dangerous to be in a relationship with a narcissist because you will be abused and hurt and triangulated with others. There is just many ways they can hurt you and it's not our jobs to try to fix/heal them. Take care of yourself and go no contact. God bless.
@@surfshack2 Well said, it just amazes me for what you described is exactly how my ex wife was. Here you are dealing with the same situation in a different state and there thousands of them out doing the same thing.
Dr Ramani, for me in my situationship with my narcissist husband, I realized recently that I subconsciously had learned to not show too much emotion, ie, happiness or excitement in the presence of him. I asked myself why I had become expressionless. When pondering over this question, I realized that HE would always sabotage my happiness by starting a crazy-making conversation or argument or silent treatment, etc. I determined that I had subconsciously learned to hide any happiness to prevent the retaliation that always occurred. IMHO they cannot stand to see another person being happy! It’s strange how they mentally manipulate us till we shrink ourselves. But now that I am learning their games, I am no longer playing along, and working hard on getting myself back, emotions and all! Thank you Dr Ramani for teaching us! 💕💖
Lynn Thigpen SAME happened to me! I didn’t even realize I had become emotionless tho, I was too busy protecting my son. After my son was able to get help I realized I felt like concrete but I didn’t know how to express that I needed help. I wanted everyone to stay away, I had to protect myself I couldn’t let anyone close. Thankfully I found a partner who is a psychology major and recognized my problem instantly and was able to help.
Xaforn I understand what you mean! When you have children involved. I did the same thing too, like you said I isolated myself. In a way, I know now that I was just too unsure about how he would act around others, so I didn’t want to expose anyone, if that makes sense. I am so glad you found a partner that can understand and help you back to yourself again! That must be very refreshing! 🌅
Thank you for the validation. After almost 22 years, I am now 2 1/2 years free from the adrenal fatiguing eggshell walk. The healing is sometimes as painful as the traumas, making it feel like he's still abusing me. There have been a lot of rough days lately, hoping to turn another corner into good days where I don't cry and my smile isn't faked. I know those days are waiting for me, I hope I find them soon.
As an empath, and having been in the role... repeatedly of being someone else’s supply...it is so characteristic for me to ask myself this question, or to care about my narcs happiness. But really, I’ve had to catch myself before I fall into the trap of the crazy dance of their needs and desires particularly since they have no concerns as to mine. I have to stop and not focus on them and instead stay centered on me. Their shape shifting, is on THEM, and not about me. And I’ve noticed that the more that I don’t let their selfishness and shallowness drag me down, the more I detach, the more they try to reach for their supply... to try to get their supply back in line. Well, I’m choosing to untether myself from their fragile concept of happiness, for my own well-being.
They are happy when they are actively harming an innocent person or persons. They are happy whem they start a fire in a church. But they pity themselves if they can't harm their mark. They have more pets than anyone else. Controlling lots of lives makes them "happy".
Good to hear. I am in a very similar situation and trying to now detach myself from the situation as it's sucking the happiness out of me trying to make them happy or at least not disappointed or angry with me. I've had enough of jumping through hoops and treading on eggshells. I want to be free to live my own life!! Good luck xxx
Yes indeed Eva Marie: refocusing on *yourself* is something that the narc is loathe for you to do. They *appear* to get joy from your brokenness, and your (misplaced) dependence on them. They know that an empath will put others' needs before theirs, and the *injustice* in that, (knowing that you are a Christian woman who tries to live by Biblical principles) is that any "professed" Christian man who *willfully* allows his wife to lose herself, degrade herself, lower herself, *without godly reciprocation,* is *an affront* to the Gospel, and is actually *spiritually unjust.* This is why religious people who have these pathologies as strongholds are often *the worst* types of people to deal with. So Eva, your *survival* as a child of God does indeed hinge upon you continuing to *fight for what is JUST and RIGHT,* according to the *properly practiced* tenets of your faith. Fighting to detach and turn away from the ungodly influence of others, is the path that you're on, the path that returns you back to your true essence, and into the will of *The Most High.* It's only *JUST!*
I noticed that my former husband of 17 years didn't have the ability to generate his own happiness like a normal person can. He was emotionally dependent upon other people providing him with that feeling, and when that didn't happen, he felt that they had failed him.
I know this is four years later, but this is my ex narcissist to a tee. He did not seem to know how to plan fun, enjoy solitude, etc. He needed people to do it for him.
Thank you Dr. Ramani. I do believe that narcissists can be "happy" at times, but I don't believe they are ever "content" with anything (even themselves).
I tend to think they get content out of hurting others. I can see a satisfaction my in maternal unit's eyes when she makes me go into a meltdown. if I'm talking to her about something that makes *me* happy, I can see boredom and disdain.
Gray Rock works for everything. When my husband seems more cordial...it's fine. When he changes in the next few minutes...that's fine too. So comforting not to allow his mood swings to dictate mine:)
When I was with my narcissist ex, I would feel the "walking on eggshells" feeling nearly constantly, even on our good days. I remember explicitly that I felt hyper-vigilant, kept feeling the need to check on him "are you okay?" because even though he's covert, he expresses his displeasure through coldness, dismissiveness or flakiness that feels like a jab. And when I did so, he'd accuse me of being overly sensitive or emotional, and I'd feel at fault. When the abusive / shifty behavior became a pattern, I would actually feel validated, like "see I was worried for a reason" and then feel terrible, thinking that I drove him to such behavior. It's been over a month since the discard and I've finally came to term with how unhealthy that relationship made me, and how my discard did ultimately come from my behavior - but in terms of me being able to communicate and set my boundaries, and him realizing that I was no longer a doormat to his needs.
I used to ask my ex that a lot too due to anxiety because of his ever changing moods - "are you ok?" Massive red flag. Then he got cross that i was asking him if he was ok 🤣 Also got discarded after I stopped pandering to him - we are well out of it! Happy healing.
Same babe. I'm in agony now because I love him and he discarded me. But it was because I finally firmly and calmly claimed my boundaries back. I actually had to tell him that there is a social contract. Humans treat other humans with dignity and respect. The fury was like nothing I've ever seen before. Dumped me by text. People have been commenting on how my face looks calmer and how I've come back to life.
@@anon9801 Hang in there! Relationships like these are so tiring that your expressions and mannerisms unconsciously reflect how drained you were. I also realized I recovered my smiles and creativity after being discarded, and it feels like a gift now.
My experience exactly! It’s amazing to me how all of them have the same pattern of behavior. Stay strong and keep reminding yourself of all the evil and disrespect you experienced. It was not love and definitely nothing you want to experience again. It will be hard but keep pushing through.
I would blame myself every time my husband’s mood changed from happy to angry in an instant. I’ve come to learn that no matter how hard I tried to make him happy it just was never good enough. Now I understand why. His feelings are shallow. That makes so much sense. It also explains why he doesn’t carry around any guilt or remorse for his hurtful and abusive behaviour. Thank you Dr Ramani for your videos. The more I learn, the more I am learning to forgive myself and to heal from years of narcissistic abuse.
After watching these videos, I'm super happy inside laughing at my narcissist. When they do a textbook move like gaslight or use rage or devaluing as a form of control, i just laugh inside. I almost feel sorry for the person because deep down I know they're miserable, insecure and probably very lonely. No matter how much they try to put me down, I have something they do not.😁😁😁😁
Nobody can explain it better than Dr. Ramani 😍 now I actually understand what people actually mean when they say Narcissists look happy, pretend to be happy but they are unable experience true happiness, unable to feel depths of positive emotions... It's a cursed life... the 'quick switches' explain it all..
I remember that my mother seemed to get concerned when us as kids seemed happy and laughing. She would often tell us “there’s no reason to be happy today when you’ll probably have to cry tomorrow.” It almost seemed like we were being shamed for being joyful.
We kids couldn't even talk with each other. Seriously. As soon as we started having a conversation, she would yell at us to stop, even when she was in another room. Crazy.
I guess I understand what you are writing about. As I see it this parental behaviour is the hallmark of narcissism... It reminds me of a grinch or a real party pooper (a "wet blanket") who feels threatened when others are joyful. It can actually kill the soul of the victims.
Krisztina G. thank you for shedding some light on this. It has been confusing to me all my life what would be at the root of parents not liking to see signs of happiness in their children
I have found that they are happiest when they're making others miserable! They complain "woe is me, woe is the world, isn't everyone and everything miserable?". You're left feeling down, and they walk away with a smile!! Not anymore!
I've noticed that my narcissistic maternal unit is always *unusually happy* when she's driven me to tears screaming and sobbing. Soon after she's laughing it up with her enabling husband more than on one of her other "good" days!
When my narcissist hoovered me and tried to suck me back to the relationship with other flying monkeys I felt like she became worst and all that dark energy that was coming from her was unbelievable, it's impossible that someone holding that kind of energy is happy with anything . So thankful I am not like HER. I Finally deleted them and ignored all their messages. time to focus on Me and Me only.
That was the same exact time I watched a video about dr Ramani in red table talk show about narcissism . It is true that answers Do come to you at the right time ❤.
Yeah its quite funny once they realise you realised they have some dark energy around them. They send it full force at you and you can really see/feel everything crystal clear. It’s a confronting experience but allows you to reconsider the relationship and ultimately, withdraw all your energy from the relationship.
Radical acceptance has changed my life for the better, it makes me feel free of the guilt and anxiety associated with never pleasing that other person. I no longer feel like I have to jump through hoops to "be nice" or downplay my own worth to appease certain individuals. It's a good ego check as well to realize you don't have to be a solution or a bright spot in that person's life, you can simply be and take the relationship at face value. Thanks Dr Ramani as always for your truly helpful content. :-)
I have noticed that our boys are starting to emulate their dads eagle eye for anything to ruin the mood. So, I've started following up their comments with "Yeah, but if that's the WORST thing that happens today, I'm gonna call it a win." That usually makes them smile and changes the perspective.
As a mom, and a good mom at that, you know that you can teach your children empathy, gratitude and to find reasonable happiness within themselves and not use others to boost themselves up. Congratulations good mom!
The biggest nugget I've gotten from these videos with regards to co-parenting is that a kid really only NEEDS one healthy parent. That's the one thing I can control; getting myself healthy.
Yeah, that's something I noticed in our family: my mother shows quite a few narcissistic behaviours, especially in difficult moments. My sister shows the same behaviours when the going gets tough, but she's definitely not a narcissist herself. I'm going to have a talk with her about that one day, when she has children of her own - and it won't be a comfortable talk....
struggle?sort of.... but they constantly are needing validation and appreciation so when theyre struggling with themselves they are just being the narcissist..not like when we are or reg people are struggling and overcome it ..i think some of them are even lazy....
Michael Batule I agree in that I examine my emotions if I think I feel a negative feet. Additionally, I am genuinely grateful for my life and my relationship with my son. I am no longer married to the very very financially successful narcissistic husband. And yet, I feel grateful that I am living the life that is typically positive, healthy and reasonably happy.
I agree. I also think narcissism comes in traits, not a whole disorder. So there are really toxic narcissists who lean on the psychopath/ sociopath side and there are some with a little bit of narcissistic traits that lean on the depressive side. Idk, just my theory. I haven't looked into it. But I know not every one narcissist is the same and there are such thing as a narcissist who recognizes how toxic they're being and want to change for the better.
"We can't try and judge if someone else is feeling what they say they're feeling, that'd be actually gaslighting" that's profound, I've never heard it that way before
Red Bones My narc used to accuse me of gaslighting him when I tried to help him see that I wasn’t attacking him (like, by saying “happy new year” or commenting on what he was wearing), but I never DENIED the way he was feeling, I just told him that he misinterpreted what I said. He would become furious and stop speaking to me, and I was SO careful to never gaslight, but he was going to accuse me anyway. That was when I had to walk away... I was never going to have a non-anxious day around him, so I had to leave for my own health!
As I suffered with severe depression I learned to lie and say I'm fine with a smile because that is what society wanted. I wouldn't consider that gaslighting
No way, Jose. If they were happy in any area of their life, they wouldn't be content. It raises their anxiety. They love their comfortable chaos. I find the superficial aspects of the narcissist; fake smiles, it looks like bad acting.
Ive known 3 Narcissist that have committed suicide as they get older, people figure them out and distance themselves and all those issues they dont address catch them. Its so strange to see if they cant control, they will destroy, even themselves,
I once dated a narc, and he would bring up issues in the past that I wasn't aware of, something I did wrong, according to him. He would criticize me for it, and would say it wasn't a big deal. I thought then why bring up a past issue now if it isn't a big deal. I felt I was being ambushed with surprises. I got rid of him shortly after
They are never happy! 🤪😂 Oh yes I am able to stay happy in the presence of a narcissist just because my happiness doesn't depend on circumstances and that includes on them. 🤪🌞😂
With the people I've known who I can honestly say are high in narcissistic traits (if not extreme), in every case I'd also say they never really reached full adult maturity. It's as though they're still stuck developmentally in a childish time when their every demand was catered to by mommy and daddy. I keep thinking, they're just spoiled, but they have enough enablers around them to make them think that they're normal! One of them even said to me, "Everyone is like this! It's normal!"
They are bottomless pits of emptiness always looking for instant gratification as opposed to true happiness. After all, happiness requires effort and responsibility- 2 things a true narc abhors.
His son wants nothing to do with us, calling us toxic. I then started listening to you Dr. Ramani. Throughout your sessions I discovered my husband is a NARCISSISTIC PERSON.
Before I learned about Narcissism, I thought my ex was bipolar because he would get angry over nothing so quickly and then act like nothing happened soon after. But he didn't meet all the criteria for that and this really explains why he would just easily switch from one emotion to another.
Yes, my father is an insanely evil narcisist and my mother an borderline case. This docu soap could nobody ever think of. Narcisists look for damaged people, who lack self-certainty, so they can push them underneath themselves and control everyones move around them.
@Black Weirdo no, that's not what I'm talking about here. I have PTSD from childhood abuse and was not abusive to my partners. His anger was always directed at me and would put me down and scream insults at me over the most ridiculous things. I've never don'e this to a partner. He doesn't have PTSD, but I do
LanaDelSlay Yonce I try to create my own happiness even when with him. I do this to practice creating these emotions when I’m no longer around him. Yes, I still allow him in my life. I am going to block him once my son goes off to college in August. It’s not right and not a decision that I respect. My son doesn’t have a responsible and loving father. For the time being, this narcissistic partner does athletic things with my son and gives him a masculine companion for hiking and running. I realize that everything Dr. Ramani speaks to and the education of her content is personified by the narcissistic person in our life. It’s not a good excuse and admittedly, he brings nothing beneficial to me as a woman who wants a collaborative relationship with a partner. Thank you to everyone who is here learning from Dr. Ramani.
I'll also add, that if they EVER are happy, it's only when their life and the lives of everyone around them is in total chaos, and they have snuffed out all the happiness in everyone around them. Because if they can't be happy, and have things going their way, THEN NO ONE CAN. More so, since they are NEVER happy, the closet they can get to that is making sure everyone around them is JUST AS MISERABLE (IF NOT MORE) AS THEY ARE.
Jay Tapper-McKelvey Narcs are miserable people, wanting to make everyone feel as miserable as they are. You're absolutely right. I don't believe that they can appreciate any true happiness bc they lack a sense of wholeness.
I lived with mine for 25, the last year was after I discovered he had cheated on me. Such a shallow insecure man. It wasn't until I read about people who had affairs that it became clear to me that he was - and is - a narcissist.
At one point around six months after i had met him and five months before I ever heard of malignant narcissism, i was so fed up with always hearing complaints and rages from this man, I lost it and screamed at him, “ nothing makes you happy, NOTHING!!!” This after cleaning the house, cooking his food, walking his dogs, washing his clothes....and more... one day I ran away.
Love and give! What they do with it is between them and God! You're enough and beautiful. If nobody told you today, I'm telling you! 🌻🤗🌺😊 N O C O N T A C T! Dont ever reach out to them.........EVER! We aren't playing goofy ass games in 2020 and every year afterwards
My ex narc was never happy. --- I cannot tell you how many times we waited 15-30 minutes to eat at a restaurant he wanted to go to, only for him to get upset that we hadn't been seated. Instead of waiting a few more minutes (literally got called as we were leaving), he would leave in a huff and we'd drive 40 minutes to another restaurant only to start the waiting process over again. --- My kids grew up walking on eggshells around him. His absence has been the BEST thing to happen to all of us. It's been an amazingly peaceful year without him.
In one day my husband’s mood change so many times, i just don’t know what is going to happen in the next 5 minutes, i have to say i am constantly on the edge and even in happy time i am waiting for disaster,he gets happy for no reason and angry for no reason and when i ask are you ok his answer is yes with with an angry voice
I have to say... I started down this road a year ago when an assertiveness workshop teacher told me I have zero self esteem. I am now happy, like very happy. Last week I took a photo of narc mom and it is just so evil looking. I swore I will not have that on my face, and I have let my inborn sunny nature and joy shine to it's fullest. Yes they have all taken advantage and stole from me but I still have ME- a great person who is actually an asset to society. If you see someone going around just oozing happiness chances are they are a recovering scapegoat!! The light at the end of the tunnel is my sunshine :)
When I hugged her I never really felt that she was hugging me back when I kissed her I never felt she was kissing me back . Oh she said all the right things but internally I always felt a sense of emptiness from her Also she would go from this intense euphoria to this anger and cynicism in the snap of a finger
..when I huged him it was like hugging a stone.. a cold statue made of stone.. those arms never hugged me back.. that mouth never said I love you, you look pretty or anything kind.. just criticism and "corrections".. nothing was fine never.. unless sex was involved.. and after a time, not even that, he told me it was not an obligation to have sex with me (the last and only link to him.. I used to think that).. And I couldnt see it..
Omg Dr Ramani thank you I have often wondered why he’s always like that .... one min happy next min he’s angry and something always in his mind he used to tell me he has a lot of things on his mind .... He’s always moody high n lows.... he will switch so quickly I will be happy n by watching him omg I will go in a depression I thought it is something I have done I was always walking in egg shell to make him happy....omg everything is so clear to me now ...in seven years I blame myself but I got all my answers now .... dr Ramani u won’t believe how much u have helped me move on with my life from this monster I can breed again thank you 🙏
My ex rarely seemed happy. Moody all the time with me walking on eggshells. Dreaded going home and felt butterflies in my stomach when he walked in the door. So glad I left him so I can have peace and my sanity back!
My daughters are amazing adults and in the past few years they've told me, "it's not your job!" whenever they sensed my sadness in relation with their dad and his bad, jealous behavior toward me. That little phrase helped me through difficult times and helped me realize it wasn't my job to make my husband trust or respect me. I realize he doesn't have the capability to be what I need after nearly 40 years being together and putting different names to his disorder, I am happily adjusting and understanding new things every day about my relationship with him through your videos. It's been a great help to me, so thank you Dr Ramani, for your spot-on, life-saving talks. 👍🏽
Dr. Ramani, I can hardly believe I have lived so many years not knowing what was happening to me. Since I met you, your channel, your lessons, talks, discussions, I have been lifted from a dark, ignorant living, that is living, nor knowing, what we have had was a narcisistic abuse. Thank you ever so much for sharing your knowledge so gracefully, so precisely. God bless you and all of us trying to get rid of this situation.
Monica B Truth! I am so lucky that at least someone has come along and given wisdom and words to the life I have been participating in. Now I try to coach myself with this: Don’t blame a clown for being a clown instead ask yourself why you keep going to the circus. As I said in my disclaimer, I am trying to coach myself to act on this.
When you live your life constantly fighting feelings of worthlessness and constantly needing outside validation, I can't possibly see how that can be a happy existence. I haven't met a happy Narcissist yet.
I knew the answer before listening! I have never felt true happy vibes from a narcissist...(except maybe when they think they've gotten to you through their antics ;) Thank You Dr Ramani!
Dr Ramani, thank you! This is such a simple, direct, and in my experience, accurate explanation for the sudden mood shifts. Superficial, shallow people are going to be bothered by seemingly trivial things that they personalize as happening to them.
My guess is no cause if they were they wouldn't go out there way to exploit someone's reputation . My ex loved drama & gossiping and she was always quick to judge before she got to know someone.
Never happy. When they leave the crowd and it’s you and the person alone, good luck. 👍🏼 The most scariest disrespectful person ever. Leave and live with no ragrets
Never,they are never happy.Only a happy person wants others to be happy.Narcs showcase their happiness,deep down inside they are hurt,they are in vain.To overcome this they hurt people.They are empty with true happiness. Remember! Be happy around them,especially when they try to hurt you,it is suicidal for them.
I have been married to one for 22 years and never knew this word until couples months ago.he just up and discarded me for my neighbor it really hurts I am each time I see them together but someone sent me a.text.about narcs.and I am addicted to these bcus they are so know so much.about them and they also help me heal I wish I can talk to some one on a one and one please someone reply
I went to my hometown only a few months after we have met. It was his birthday, so my friends (who had never met him before) threw him a surprise bday dinner. They were so excited to see me with someone after 13 years!!!!! They prepared a five star Mexican dinner and my best friend had Even baked a cake for him. After he blew the candles in the kitchen, he disappeared into the living room. I went after him and asked if he was alright! He said : „Nobody loves me“! I said: „ I don’t understand. All these people show you so much love, everyone told me how wonderful you are and they were so happy to meet you and threw you a bday dinner.“ He started crying: “ It‘s because they love YOU. They don’t love me.“ And this was just one of the many mood swings to come. I was happy when he didn’t insult me or threw a tantrum! I was walking on eggshells for almost 3 years!
I had given my ex Paul McCartney tickets for us both for his birthday in 2017. I was excited for us to share this once in a lifetime concert. That morning he sprung it on me that his entire family got tickets also and that we had to travel with them. I think I expressed disappointment because I thought it was just us. I let it go, and he raged. Total Jekyll and Hyde when we met up with his family, and he was SOOOOO HAPPY!!!
I am so grateful for your videos, Dr. Ramani, especially during this difficult time. I was raised by a narcissistic parent, and it always felt like I had to “censor” myself, what I say, what I do, what I wear, etc. To appease them, so I’m trying to learn how to be truly myself and not this perfect picture they envision. I have to accept that we can’t control the way people react, and just be me, which is probably one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. Thank you
What DoctorRamani conveyed to us in her video makes a lot of sense when she revealed that narcissists' emotions are very shallow. Narcissistic people and other Cluster B's are known for their erratic moods and emotions.
My ex narc would sometimes say "wow I'm so happy right now!", and frankly, he had every reason to be so (others would give EVERYTHING to have what he has!!!) - but it was always very thin ice indeed! One innocent question about any random everyday thing - a TV show, dinner, whatever - was mostly enough for him to turn into one of his rage moods again. I remember thanking God every night if something hadn^'t "gone wrong" and we had actually had a relatively peaceful day. Sleeping in peace was a rare thing for me. Since he has gone off with his new supply my constantly racing heart has gone back to normal.
My experience is a bit different and I’m so glad you brought this one up, Doc. My ex seems VERY steady; not too happy nor sad. Kind of like the Titanic before that annoying iceberg. So I looked like the Bipolar Express having a range of emotions. In this context it is somewhat confusing but now that I’m free I see the “holding steady” as a covert form of depression. It amazes me how many people feel depressed when their life revolves around alcohol which is a depressant; not wanting to see the correlation. I’m happy just surviving the devious and cruel discard. Hard to imagine trusting someone again. Having said this, I’m off to ride my bike along the ocean. 😎🚴🏽♂️💨
Dr Ramani. Please please please make a video on staying focused on your own goals and things you can do for yourself in order to get out of a situation where a narcissist is pulling you back into their bullshit.
Thank you Dr Ramani. Your posts are always wonderful and informative. I just wanted to add that it would be good to hear other descriptive for how the narcissist reacts. I was married to a covert narcissist but he used very manipulative hidden emotional abuse to me not open anger. So not even our children openly saw what he was doing. He always turned his “anger” into extreme underhanded manipulative emotional abuse.
True happiness comes from within, a narcissist is Never true in Any shape or form. They are not genuine individuals by any means, not genuine to themselves, nor others most especially. Sure they can laugh and ‘appear’ happy.... but deep inside I believe in my heart, where true happiness stems, they truly are not happy individuals. They are controlled by their own ego. The ego wants instant gratification like a child. So any outward smile, laugh or happiness isn’t real. It’s just for the moment, whatever made them smile or laugh but it soon passes, it’s just for the time being. Superficial. Happiness is one of many emotions. Narcissists have no real emotions. They are Empty souls walking on this earth. There is nothing real about any narcissist. EVER.
These videos have helped me figure out that my dad is 100% a narcissist. I'm an empath, and that relationship I've had with him has been toxic my whole life. I just moved out and I've done nothing but work on healing myself all over again. He has never been happy about anything. And I've been his doormat for all his crap! And that narcissist family dynamic; doormat 🙋♀️ right here. I've dated enough people that are so much like him, that I had to figure out why I kept attracting people like him, when that's not what I want. Now I'm left looking for that validation for my feelings that I'll never get from him; internally instead. These videos are like hitting the jackpot. These have really helped me. He's been emotionally unavailable toward me my whole life; I no longer need his validation and acceptance. But now I realize I crave the emotional acceptance and attachment in relationships that I never got from him; not desperate or needy, I've been alone and single for 5+ years. It's the lack of human attachment on an emotional level that I crave and struggle to connect with.
Hi Dr. RAMANI, thank you for your clear explanations. I passed 38 years to make happy my husband without success, at the end he finds always something that make him unsatisfied, he blame me for his unhappiness. We have a good life, our children are now young adults with a good job both in good heath, in my point of view we have been very lucky. As you said he fly high in those moments when he receive validation and congratulations about our achievements (we worked together but never recognized my contribution...i don't ask anymore for it) He will end his days blaming someone. I look at the Sisyphus Mythe and I recognize my status.
Im going through this with my boyfriend, we had a great moment at an outside restaurant after almost 2 mons of quarantine , we went to Savannah, the birds were chirping ,sun was out, breeze was great , people were walking their dogs and children. His whole mood changed when he noticed my OJ was almost 5.00, yes it was pricey but it was 5.00 and the ambiance was worth the price. I'm starting to not like him but he chases me down when I break up with him, now im doing an exit plan.
Be careful with this situation. You have a right to feel loved, and protected. If need be, tell your male family members or close male friends and hopefully they will teach him a lesson about bullying you. He sounds like a bully.
Amen Dr. Romani. Narcs has a false sense of happiness. Grandiose, lack of empathy, and rageful behavior to show their lack of understanding of being a kidult. False facade, material things and keeping a public image at no cost on who they need to screw over or hurt.
My ex narc has a string of broken relationships and left his family to find "happiness" that he'll never find for long. His stunt that came out of the blue cost him his relationship with our daughter that he wanted so badly. He misjudged her loyalty to me and he is paying the price. Good, he's getting exactly what he deserves!!
Before my last relationship, I used to be happy all the time. I find myself very angry now. I was always the one saying let’s just enjoy the moment and make memories. I tried to lift everyone up and enjoy life. Now I’m the angry one.
This was the most unbelievable video ever! This exactly describes what I have had to live with for 30 years! You described it exactly.... ‘walking on eggshells’ all the time. How can they change moods so suddenly and violently. I always thought it was in my head or my fault or something was wrong with me. And exhausted from trying to make everything perfect so we could have one good hour, one good day, etc. I cannot thank you enough!!!!
Even when my mother is “happy”, there is a disgusted curl to her lip when she smiles... Eyes searching the room for the next transgression to rage about. Deep down they are never truly happy. And that’s not your fault. Lord help all of you who have to deal with a narcissist. God bless you all and keep strong. 🙏🏻💕
I honestly wish they would go on some kind if psychedelic trip, or even just find that true love in some kind of afterlife. Hell, even the void of lack of consciousness after their departure is better than them living a tortured existence of self loathing and harming others around them.
In 2010 my 35 y/o Narc had an open heart surgery. He was scared, do he was the nicest, but when he was in the hotel we stayed at, which was where most people who visited that hospital stayed afterwards, he became a MONSTER. The pain was high, so I took the abuse, but it became unbearable, I packed my stuff and left with our 4 y/I daughter who had to endure his fits in such small quarters - no place to hide!!! I left him there in his pain. I called his step mother and told her to hire a nurse to take care of him. Two towns over she convinced me to return. She was right, what would people say, even in court, and I had two young children I could lose custody of. So I returned grudgingly. In had too swallow my pride, pretend I was won't, to psych thinks up. A few days after when he could walk, we used to go to nearby restaurants to eat. Doo, I've day we were walking through a parking lot, and saw what I thought too be a cute old couple. She had a hard time walking, and he had to help her get out of the car. I thought how ADORABLE. As we approached them, I heard him say the nastiest thinks to her, and I thought, "FRICK, this will NEVER, EVER end!!!" I thought as MAY PEOPLE got older, they would calm down. Not a chance!!! That's when 8 decided, when my kids are gone to college, I'm out of here!!! I don't care how poor I become, not lonely, I will NOT become an old frail lady, still taking ABUSE!!! Heck, she's probably I'll because of the stress, it he physically ABUSED her!!! 😡😡😡
Look in there eyes. It’s like looking at a dead person. No empathy,no life
Im not sure about "no life". They get whatever they want and they usually achieve great results, not available for most of people. Their life stories are pretty savage. If they were so unhappy they would desperately pursue any kind of change. It's human instinct, narcissist or not. They do not do that.
Paweł I meant no life in there eyes, and yes they do prosper,well my my ex does.but he strives off living of women.
@@pab1972 They sometimes grab so tight at the superficial things they want, that they lose what matters. My ex wanted to live up to her controlling parent's dreams.. big big fancy house, more than could reasonably afford. Put huge stress on the family to work three jobs each, etc, and make sure the kids posed for photos of 'success' etc. She eventually afforded the very fancy house, mostly because of a settlement from a car crash, but she lives in it alone, cos the kids live with me and don't want to see her. She's too afraid to change the way she really is, so she tries to compensate for that deep unhappiness with short term, superficial appearances of happiness and success. That to her is easier than confronting the trauma she suffered from her parents, and grandmother.
This is a woman who would force kids to lose sleep so she can get photos of sunrise and sunset on the same mountain for social media, and then get them all lost because they're hiking back down in the dark... and then crash the car, while speeding to get home at the time she originally said she'd be home. That time, put someone else's family in hospital, when she hit their car. Then while trying to be superwoman, was up until 11pm doing stuff that wasn't urgent, and got up again at 2am to drive to a ski resort,,, so she could say she got the most out of the day skiing on day one... even though there would be 10 other days to ski. Falling asleep on a motorway meant there were zero days skiing, cos the car hit a bridge, and one of the kids lost a kidney, and had to have screws put in her back. You'd think that would cause her to see what was important, but no. Went to Thailand, and again wanting to show off her 'supermom' , I can do it all, personality, took herself and three kids on a motorbike at night across country, and crashed, injuring the same daughter who was already injured in the previous car crash. Fabulous house, but no happiness in it. If there was a single crayon left out of the box, they got screamed at for 20 minutes or more, sometimes beaten and then told to stop crying and smile before her friend came for dinner. So, yeah, if you saw her social media, she seems to be a real achiever who got more out of life than her friends, but most of them don't realise she's going home to an empty house, cos her kids haven't lived there since last year. Her former best friend (and maid of honour) doesn't talk to her anymore, a lot of friends stopped being friends, so now it's mostly the ones she rarely meets, who still think she's nice happy and successful.
Bingo
i was hurt by a doctor who is narsicist. i look at her IG, her eyes are scary, like if was a serial killer i would not be surprised. but she got away with deforming my face, changed her image, started using the things i accused her of to her advantage, like she is against them. i'm suffering because i lost my face, but she is thriving. it makes me sick.
I think happiness almost bores them. They seem more comfortable in their misery and the chaos that comes with dragging others along in the drama. They are allergic to quiet joy. 🤧
I suspect they fear happiness in others, it being a sign of independence.
Yes, especially ours!
S J May God bless and protect you. I’m sending you and the ladies in your family love and appreciation today. Happy Mother’s Day, and I wish you good health as well. You deserve good things. 💕
S J stay well my dear. Protect your immune system as best you can, and try not to let the stress in. You need your strength. I’m so proud of you for defeating cancer! I am your friend from a distance. Please know that you have one more person in the world who is rooting for you! ❤️💃🏾
OMG, so true!!!
Their happiness is shallow because it's built on shallow things. They're afraid of intimacy and vulnerability so they are incapable of experiencing true happiness.
Good point! Everything is superficial. No substance whatsoever
Yes, our happiness has been well earned, it's deep, theirs was so superficial, only brought on by us, externally received, made!
Yup. They're utterly dependent on others actions for their self worth and have unrealistic expectations of others. It's like a developmental trainwreck.
Yep. Happiness is a phoney cover. They love to try and provoke you to anger so they can say "relax, why are you so angry, I'm not." Can always tell when the mask slips cause then you see how angry and evil they really are.
They want you to make them happy ! Doesn’t work that way and when you finally see it for what it is your free!
Narcs are often sullen with their "loved ones," but let a stranger knock at the front door, my goodness, the narcissist suddenly jumps up, turns on the superficial charm with the person, and becomes happy as a lark, which adds insult to injury to the targeted significant other.
You know them well!
@Jolly, 💯 FACTS
Jolly
How true
Yup, it's like they turn into a whole other person
Jolly, It's a clean slate and a brand new opportunity....
They are happy if they can hurt you. If they aren't happy they will hurt you.
Perfect vision of truth
Oh this!! 💯💯💯
this is so true. The best definition of a narcissist I've heard. They don't have true deep empathy for others. It's all about them.
I never saw one laughing to the point of tears or laughing so hard that is really is authentic. Most of them smile and migh be sound like "ha" and go back to themselves. Look into their eyes. You'll see if is authentic or not.
I'm training myself not to give a shit either way about the narcs I used to care about, easier that way..
I don’t think they realise that they’re un-happy. Total disconnection within themselves.
💜🙏💜
Touché!
Sam Exactly... Any depth of emotion seem denied..A numbness always present ..happiness is definitely short lived.
The bigger the ego the greater the disconnect
Sam well then...they’re happy
Are narcissists happy? As the Little Shaman says “We can use their behavior to judge their happiness. Do people who are truly happy and love themselves need to hurt and degrade others to feel better about themselves? Do they need to feel like someone else lost to feel like they won? Do they use people, manipulate others? Do happy people constantly complain that nothing is good enough, that no one does enough for them? Do they go around constantly saying ‘what about me’? No, they don’t.”
NAILED IT. (Love the Little Shaman as well.)
Little Shaman is amazing! Happy people truly don't do what they are used to
I love the little shaman
this is Great
narcissists are evils, crazy and greedy, they have a huge, huge, horrible hole in their head ,mind, that's horrible, never got peace or satisfied
People like this are not worth the trouble. I don't care if they are happy or angry.
Best answer!
I wish I had learned this lesson a year ago. My ex narc whom I thought was my best friend really crushed me when one day she just up and decided she no longer wanted to be my friend. It was then I learned what the term "ghosting" meant. Today, I am working very hard to forget her. I won't even look at a photo of her. She is of zero importance to me.
As someone who had 2 narc parents and multiple narc exs, and is now no contact with every single one - this is the only correct comment here.
@@zainabfarooq2482 Hi there! I'm doing much better these days . I guess I just realized that it's not worth it trying to play her kind of games. After all, to what end? Thanks for asking. I hope you are doing well. 😉
😂😂😂 Short and true!
My narc said he had everything exactly how he wanted it, when I was feeling so desperately miserable 😔 that's when I knew I had to leave. That was so wrong.
They are deeply empty and unhappy yet they will act grandiose and off the wall not realizing how fake they come across. Jumping up and down when something great happens is fleeting. That isn't what deep happiness looks like. True happiness is peaceful and comforting. It's contentment. A Narc will NEVER know what contentment feels like. Ironically they will accuse you of being a downer because we aren't acting like Golden Retrievers all the time, not realizing that they are the truly miserable ones.
MsMichelle7710 Golden retriever! So spot on. His actions were always disjointed and didn’t seem to fit the situation! It was so off putting and crazy making.
Soooo true. I was supposed to be smiling all day long even when being insulted.
If I could sum it up in one word it would be a lack of "contentment".
This is why I hope they find true love and happiness in some kind of afterlife. Even as cruel as they are, i don't like the idea of them being perpetually miserable.
They are happy by their own standards.
For me, their life is a hell.
I think they get their happiness from kind people who don't know better. I was in a relationship for 11 years till I got discarded. It was then I had to search and was shocked to know about narcissism. Unfortunately too late, too much damage has already been done
@@Ahmed22j don’t think it’s irreversible.
When I was living with my Narc, I noticed that his steady State was very volatile...he was never content...he could get excited about something..a new car... a new golf club...a new outfit... a new woman (his favorite).... but happy? I never saw it.
This was my experience 100%. We would have an amazing day and suddenly they were upset and we’d fight. I’d look at myself in the mirror and I wouldn’t even recognize who I became with them. I always thought, if I do this or that better, maybe we won’t fight next time. Not true. Living on eggshells is not a comfortable place to live.
Truth!
It's where the abuse lays
If they're happy that means you're allowing them to control you. Test them and they flip
@Good Vibes girl all these 💯! Never let anyone tell you what you should be. You just be you ❤️✨ if there is one thing a narc hates, it's finding out you got boundaries you are not willing to tear down for him/ her to fit his unrealistic expectations of you. I'm so glad I came across this video it's helping me rebuild myself again from a narc. relationship.
Wow, you hit the nail on the head! This is so true it hurts
So true
Yep! As soon as I started establishing boundaries my ex flipped!
@Good Vibes Wow! Everything you said, made sense.
I’ve also noticed narcissist is constantly on the hunt to make the ppl around them look bad either by circumstance or by their own power
Oh yes. When my narc/ex friend in grad school ghosted me one day and no longer wanted to associate with me, from then on, she openly criticized me and my research and made nasty remarks about me to my colleagues. Petty b****.
Yes - they are constantly needing to position themselves as the "good one" so there always has to be a "bad one" to blame circumstances on. You really get the brunt of this if you're the significant other.
JJ do I know you?
Jeffinetly JefFBi hmm maybe. If you’re a narcissist tho I hope not😅
This is sooo true, the narc in my life would always ask people to repeat stories that made me look dumb etc smh
As the child of narcissists what I took away is the sense that the good moments won't last. I have this deep mistrust of the future. Even when things are going ok, or are actually great, I have this idea that soon everything will go sour. So much so that sometimes I sabotaged things because I could not resist the stress of waiting to see the inevitable disaster.
Narc parents never learn to appreciate. "Oh that's great! But um---"
My experience was the same growing up...we were often told the world was a scary place to exist
❤🙏🏾💜🙏🏾
I used to work with a guy who said he lived feeling like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. He had a very emotionally difficult childhood from being raised by what seemed to be described as a gangster father. I hope you have found or can find a good mental health therapist to help you through that.
You all have been so warm and kind, thank you. I am trying to pull myself out of this swamp. In the last 35 days, I've been watching every new Dr Ramani's video and they helped me put together new pieces of my dysfunctional's family jigsaw. After this last one, anger has left room for a new feeling of hope. At the moment, I'm done being angry for the past. I have to do something for my present. I suppose most of you are already on this very path of healing and building something new. Let's go on :)
This explains why narcissism can present like a mood disorder. Thank you for this video!
You are so right , correct on the shifting mood swings. But remember in the beginning lovebombing phase? You didn't see those shifting mood swings, they stayed happy/contented. They didn't want you to see their instability because they have to make you believe they are stable and normal. They know what they're doing because they have an agenda. Once they have secured you in the relationship after a few months , that's when you see the instability because it's not about you and the relationship, it's all about them. It always was about them. Crazy! And it won't be long before it makes you crazy. You are dealing with a self-centered Narcopath.
Surfshack2; agree!
That's a good point. A lot of people say they can't help themselves, but this shows that they know what they're doing and they don't care. They only care about themselves.
@@vj563 You are dealing with somebody who is mentally disordered. They just don't think like you and me. And their all different because they are human after all but their actions produce the same results because they need your energy supply/attention. Some don't care at all , some may realize what they're doing but they need that supply/attention so they will hurt you. It's a mental disorder and it's dangerous to be in a relationship with a narcissist because you will be abused and hurt and triangulated with others. There is just many ways they can hurt you and it's not our jobs to try to fix/heal them. Take care of yourself and go no contact. God bless.
@@surfshack2 Well said, it just amazes me for what you described is exactly how my ex wife was. Here you are dealing with the same situation in a different state and there thousands of them out doing the same thing.
thats a very good point. good observation!
Dr Ramani, for me in my situationship with my narcissist husband, I realized recently that I subconsciously had learned to not show too much emotion, ie, happiness or excitement in the presence of him. I asked myself why I had become expressionless. When pondering over this question, I realized that HE would always sabotage my happiness by starting a crazy-making conversation or argument or silent treatment, etc. I determined that I had subconsciously learned to hide any happiness to prevent the retaliation that always occurred. IMHO they cannot stand to see another person being happy!
It’s strange how they mentally manipulate us till we shrink ourselves.
But now that I am learning their games, I am no longer playing along, and working hard on getting myself back, emotions and all! Thank you Dr Ramani for teaching us! 💕💖
Lynn Thigpen SAME happened to me! I didn’t even realize I had become emotionless tho, I was too busy protecting my son. After my son was able to get help I realized I felt like concrete but I didn’t know how to express that I needed help. I wanted everyone to stay away, I had to protect myself I couldn’t let anyone close. Thankfully I found a partner who is a psychology major and recognized my problem instantly and was able to help.
Xaforn I understand what you mean! When you have children involved. I did the same thing too, like you said I isolated myself. In a way, I know now that I was just too unsure about how he would act around others, so I didn’t want to expose anyone, if that makes sense. I am so glad you found a partner that can understand and help you back to yourself again! That must be very refreshing! 🌅
Good for you.
“Shrinking ourselves” yes!!!! This is what we have to do to just make it day to day with a narcissist.
Once these narcissist matures, they control their emotions really well and gaslight the other person constantly for pleasure.
They seem to control their emotions but snap fast.
That issa word.
Mine would call the cops on me then i say the right phrases and the narc would show her trueself and the cops would say get out fast lol.
@@paulclinton6414 very impulsive
its boring .
Thank you for the validation. After almost 22 years, I am now 2 1/2 years free from the adrenal fatiguing eggshell walk. The healing is sometimes as painful as the traumas, making it feel like he's still abusing me. There have been a lot of rough days lately, hoping to turn another corner into good days where I don't cry and my smile isn't faked. I know those days are waiting for me, I hope I find them soon.
Have you found them?
@@anthonyiuculano6002THANK YOU 💞💞💞 Not yet, but haven't given up.
As an empath, and having been in the role... repeatedly of being someone else’s supply...it is so characteristic for me to ask myself this question, or to care about my narcs happiness. But really, I’ve had to catch myself before I fall into the trap of the crazy dance of their needs and desires particularly since they have no concerns as to mine. I have to stop and not focus on them and instead stay centered on me. Their shape shifting, is on THEM, and not about me. And I’ve noticed that the more that I don’t let their selfishness and shallowness drag me down, the more I detach, the more they try to reach for their supply... to try to get their supply back in line. Well, I’m choosing to untether myself from their fragile concept of happiness, for my own well-being.
They are happy when they are actively harming an innocent person or persons. They are happy whem they start a fire in a church. But they pity themselves if they can't harm their mark. They have more pets than anyone else. Controlling lots of lives makes them "happy".
Eva Marie thank you for sharing💜 I feel the exact same way and I’ve also noticed their shape shifting is on them. Perfect word for them by the way!
Good for you for putting yourself first. But,prepare yourself for the discard next for a new supply. It has to be all about them at all times.❤
Good to hear. I am in a very similar situation and trying to now detach myself from the situation as it's sucking the happiness out of me trying to make them happy or at least not disappointed or angry with me. I've had enough of jumping through hoops and treading on eggshells. I want to be free to live my own life!! Good luck xxx
Yes indeed Eva Marie: refocusing on *yourself* is something that the narc is loathe for you to do. They *appear* to get joy from your brokenness, and your (misplaced) dependence on them. They know that an empath will put others' needs before theirs, and the *injustice* in that, (knowing that you are a Christian woman who tries to live by Biblical principles) is that any "professed" Christian man who *willfully* allows his wife to lose herself, degrade herself, lower herself, *without godly reciprocation,* is *an affront* to the Gospel, and is actually *spiritually unjust.* This is why religious people who have these pathologies as strongholds are often *the worst* types of people to deal with.
So Eva, your *survival* as a child of God does indeed hinge upon you continuing to *fight for what is JUST and RIGHT,* according to the *properly practiced* tenets of your faith. Fighting to detach and turn away from the ungodly influence of others, is the path that you're on, the path that returns you back to your true essence, and into the will of *The Most High.* It's only *JUST!*
I noticed that my former husband of 17 years didn't have the ability to generate his own happiness like a normal person can. He was emotionally dependent upon other people providing him with that feeling, and when that didn't happen, he felt that they had failed him.
I know this is four years later, but this is my ex narcissist to a tee. He did not seem to know how to plan fun, enjoy solitude, etc. He needed people to do it for him.
I guess they absorb all your happiness and still they will sulk.
Most of them are ENERGY VAMPIRES...
Anupriya Banerjee I mean in India ?
Narcissists are Dementors confirmed
@@neesh6362 Yes. They SUCK.
Yes! You’ll never do enough for them ... heartbreaking
Before I heard about narcissism I always said my husband was a “ Dr Jackal Mr Hyde personality”. now I know! He loves to see me upset or hurt
They absolutely love to see u act outta character knowing they the reason behind it then look at u like u jus went supernova for nothing smh
That’s not love.
I hope you're packing your bags, as I am reading this.......They ONLY get WORSE....and MORE MISERABLE ❗❗
Same
Thank you Dr. Ramani. I do believe that narcissists can be "happy" at times, but I don't believe they are ever "content" with anything (even themselves).
I tend to think they get content out of hurting others. I can see a satisfaction my in maternal unit's eyes when she makes me go into a meltdown. if I'm talking to her about something that makes *me* happy, I can see boredom and disdain.
@@wendi-bnkywuv We need to find a place were their happiness or contentment doesn't influence our happiness. It won't happen overnight.
Gray Rock works for everything. When my husband seems more cordial...it's fine. When he changes in the next few minutes...that's fine too. So comforting not to allow his mood swings to dictate mine:)
What is gray rock??
Indifferent
Dr Ramani has a video about grey rock
When I was with my narcissist ex, I would feel the "walking on eggshells" feeling nearly constantly, even on our good days. I remember explicitly that I felt hyper-vigilant, kept feeling the need to check on him "are you okay?" because even though he's covert, he expresses his displeasure through coldness, dismissiveness or flakiness that feels like a jab. And when I did so, he'd accuse me of being overly sensitive or emotional, and I'd feel at fault. When the abusive / shifty behavior became a pattern, I would actually feel validated, like "see I was worried for a reason" and then feel terrible, thinking that I drove him to such behavior.
It's been over a month since the discard and I've finally came to term with how unhealthy that relationship made me, and how my discard did ultimately come from my behavior - but in terms of me being able to communicate and set my boundaries, and him realizing that I was no longer a doormat to his needs.
I used to ask my ex that a lot too due to anxiety because of his ever changing moods - "are you ok?" Massive red flag. Then he got cross that i was asking him if he was ok 🤣 Also got discarded after I stopped pandering to him - we are well out of it! Happy healing.
@@mamacitasalsera Happy healing indeed!
Same babe. I'm in agony now because I love him and he discarded me. But it was because I finally firmly and calmly claimed my boundaries back. I actually had to tell him that there is a social contract. Humans treat other humans with dignity and respect. The fury was like nothing I've ever seen before. Dumped me by text. People have been commenting on how my face looks calmer and how I've come back to life.
@@anon9801 Hang in there! Relationships like these are so tiring that your expressions and mannerisms unconsciously reflect how drained you were. I also realized I recovered my smiles and creativity after being discarded, and it feels like a gift now.
My experience exactly! It’s amazing to me how all of them have the same pattern of behavior. Stay strong and keep reminding yourself of all the evil and disrespect you experienced. It was not love and definitely nothing you want to experience again. It will be hard but keep pushing through.
I would blame myself every time my husband’s mood changed from happy to angry in an instant. I’ve come to learn that no matter how hard I tried to make him happy it just was never good enough. Now I understand why. His feelings are shallow. That makes so much sense. It also explains why he doesn’t carry around any guilt or remorse for his hurtful and abusive behaviour. Thank you Dr Ramani for your videos. The more I learn, the more I am learning to forgive myself and to heal from years of narcissistic abuse.
After watching these videos, I'm super happy inside laughing at my narcissist. When they do a textbook move like gaslight or use rage or devaluing as a form of control, i just laugh inside. I almost feel sorry for the person because deep down I know they're miserable, insecure and probably very lonely. No matter how much they try to put me down, I have something they do not.😁😁😁😁
Knowledge is power, isn't it 😊
@@Sunny-iq6hm it really is😊😊
The Antisocial Socialite .... love this.. no matter how much they try to put me down.. I have something they do not...❌⭕️👀😘
@@ShareTheMystery 😊😊😊
Yes, I feel bad for them too... they don’t know true love or intimacy either
Nobody can explain it better than Dr. Ramani 😍 now I actually understand what people actually mean when they say Narcissists look happy, pretend to be happy but they are unable experience true happiness, unable to feel depths of positive emotions... It's a cursed life... the 'quick switches' explain it all..
I remember that my mother seemed to get concerned when us as kids seemed happy and laughing. She would often tell us “there’s no reason to be happy today when you’ll probably have to cry tomorrow.” It almost seemed like we were being shamed for being joyful.
Happy destroyers 💩 🚽 🚮 📴 💆 🎠
We kids couldn't even talk with each other. Seriously. As soon as we started having a conversation, she would yell at us to stop, even when she was in another room. Crazy.
E Dennis I’m sorry that happened to you.
I guess I understand what you are writing about. As I see it this parental behaviour is the hallmark of narcissism... It reminds me of a grinch or a real party pooper (a "wet blanket") who feels threatened when others are joyful. It can actually kill the soul of the victims.
Krisztina G. thank you for shedding some light on this. It has been confusing to me all my life what would be at the root of parents not liking to see signs of happiness in their children
I have found that they are happiest when they're making others miserable! They complain "woe is me, woe is the world, isn't everyone and everything miserable?". You're left feeling down, and they walk away with a smile!! Not anymore!
I've noticed that my narcissistic maternal unit is always *unusually happy* when she's driven me to tears screaming and sobbing. Soon after she's laughing it up with her enabling husband more than on one of her other "good" days!
When my narcissist hoovered me and tried to suck me back to the relationship with other flying monkeys I felt like she became worst and all that dark energy that was coming from her was unbelievable, it's impossible that someone holding that kind of energy is happy with anything . So thankful I am not like HER. I Finally deleted them and ignored all their messages. time to focus on Me and Me only.
You made the right decision! Great job! Focus on you and healing.
That was the same exact time I watched a video about dr Ramani in red table talk show about narcissism . It is true that answers Do come to you at the right time ❤.
Yes, very dark! Very sad .
Amen to that.
Yeah its quite funny once they realise you realised they have some dark energy around them. They send it full force at you and you can really see/feel everything crystal clear. It’s a confronting experience but allows you to reconsider the relationship and ultimately, withdraw all your energy from the relationship.
Radical acceptance has changed my life for the better, it makes me feel free of the guilt and anxiety associated with never pleasing that other person. I no longer feel like I have to jump through hoops to "be nice" or downplay my own worth to appease certain individuals. It's a good ego check as well to realize you don't have to be a solution or a bright spot in that person's life, you can simply be and take the relationship at face value. Thanks Dr Ramani as always for your truly helpful content. :-)
I have noticed that our boys are starting to emulate their dads eagle eye for anything to ruin the mood. So, I've started following up their comments with "Yeah, but if that's the WORST thing that happens today, I'm gonna call it a win." That usually makes them smile and changes the perspective.
Juli, You're a smart mom! Nip that behavior in the bud!
As a mom, and a good mom at that, you know that you can teach your children empathy, gratitude and to find reasonable happiness within themselves and not use others to boost themselves up. Congratulations good mom!
Nice mama!
The biggest nugget I've gotten from these videos with regards to co-parenting is that a kid really only NEEDS one healthy parent. That's the one thing I can control; getting myself healthy.
Yeah, that's something I noticed in our family: my mother shows quite a few narcissistic behaviours, especially in difficult moments. My sister shows the same behaviours when the going gets tough, but she's definitely not a narcissist herself. I'm going to have a talk with her about that one day, when she has children of her own - and it won't be a comfortable talk....
Happy people don't use & abuse others- only miserable people do that.
So true. Can't agree more. I was abused and used for 10 years.. Still I am collecting broken pieces of mine and trying to fix me 😢
Yay!!! Dr. Ramani 😊. I think narcissists struggle with dealing with themselves.
struggle?sort of.... but they constantly are needing validation and appreciation so when theyre struggling with themselves they are just being the narcissist..not like when we are or reg people are struggling and overcome it ..i think some of them are even lazy....
do you agree dr ramani?i would love your feedback if you see this comment below..thanks ...
Michael Batule I agree in that I examine my emotions if I think I feel a negative feet. Additionally, I am genuinely grateful for my life and my relationship with my son. I am no longer married to the very very financially successful narcissistic husband. And yet, I feel grateful that I am living the life that is typically positive, healthy and reasonably happy.
I agree. I also think narcissism comes in traits, not a whole disorder. So there are really toxic narcissists who lean on the psychopath/ sociopath side and there are some with a little bit of narcissistic traits that lean on the depressive side. Idk, just my theory. I haven't looked into it. But I know not every one narcissist is the same and there are such thing as a narcissist who recognizes how toxic they're being and want to change for the better.
"We can't try and judge if someone else is feeling what they say they're feeling, that'd be actually gaslighting" that's profound, I've never heard it that way before
Red Bones My narc used to accuse me of gaslighting him when I tried to help him see that I wasn’t attacking him (like, by saying “happy new year” or commenting on what he was wearing), but I never DENIED the way he was feeling, I just told him that he misinterpreted what I said. He would become furious and stop speaking to me, and I was SO careful to never gaslight, but he was going to accuse me anyway. That was when I had to walk away... I was never going to have a non-anxious day around him, so I had to leave for my own health!
@@bitchenboutique6953 good call, welcome 2 the free world 👊
As I suffered with severe depression I learned to lie and say I'm fine with a smile because that is what society wanted. I wouldn't consider that gaslighting
No way, Jose. If they were happy in any area of their life, they wouldn't be content. It raises their anxiety. They love their comfortable chaos. I find the superficial aspects of the narcissist; fake smiles, it looks like bad acting.
Ive known 3 Narcissist that have committed suicide as they get older, people figure them out and distance themselves and all those issues they dont address catch them. Its so strange to see if they cant control, they will destroy, even themselves,
There's one thing I know, I am not going down with their ship. For sure!
Yes! Pathologically Problematic. 😂
I once dated a narc, and he would bring up issues in the past that I wasn't aware of, something I did wrong, according to him. He would criticize me for it, and would say it wasn't a big deal. I thought then why bring up a past issue now if it isn't a big deal. I felt I was being ambushed with surprises. I got rid of him shortly after
LMAO! Right?! I love that phrase! And, they so are! ;)
The relationship made me question...‘do you even like me’? 🤷🏻♀️
They are never happy! 🤪😂 Oh yes I am able to stay happy in the presence of a narcissist just because my happiness doesn't depend on circumstances and that includes on them. 🤪🌞😂
With the people I've known who I can honestly say are high in narcissistic traits (if not extreme), in every case I'd also say they never really reached full adult maturity. It's as though they're still stuck developmentally in a childish time when their every demand was catered to by mommy and daddy. I keep thinking, they're just spoiled, but they have enough enablers around them to make them think that they're normal! One of them even said to me, "Everyone is like this! It's normal!"
yup you are right. i hate them. 🙄
They are children in adults bodies.
That's what my narc mother says constantly
My ex’s sister was like that. I knew something was wrong with the way she acted. It’s like she was stuck in an 8 year old mentality.
They may be happy but it is never enough
Yes!
They are greedy little fuckers lol
They are bottomless pits of emptiness always looking for instant gratification as opposed to true happiness. After all, happiness requires effort and responsibility- 2 things a true narc abhors.
Nancy L ...whoa, very true.
They are also only truly happy when they hurt you.
The face change is on the money it will change so dramatically
His son wants nothing to do with us, calling us toxic. I then started listening to you Dr. Ramani. Throughout your sessions I discovered my husband is a NARCISSISTIC PERSON.
Teresa Harrison,You deserve better 🙏
Before I learned about Narcissism, I thought my ex was bipolar because he would get angry over nothing so quickly and then act like nothing happened soon after. But he didn't meet all the criteria for that and this really explains why he would just easily switch from one emotion to another.
Yes, my father is an insanely evil narcisist and my mother an borderline case. This docu soap could nobody ever think of.
Narcisists look for damaged people, who lack self-certainty, so they can push them underneath themselves and control everyones move around them.
I was thinking that same thing bipolar . Seems like there a touch of bipolar in the mix.
@Black Weirdo no, that's not what I'm talking about here. I have PTSD from childhood abuse and was not abusive to my partners. His anger was always directed at me and would put me down and scream insults at me over the most ridiculous things. I've never don'e this to a partner. He doesn't have PTSD, but I do
My ex was clinically diagnosed with bipolar and was on and off his meds (high and lows manic episode etc) but also check the marks for narcissist
@thevegan yes, I get this ... It's scary, so I didn't wait for anything else to happen. I left soon as I can when I started noticing this.
It’s never a great day with a narc, because you’ll always think about the crap they’re doing to you or behind your back. The energy is always off.
Don’t be happy around a narcissist
LanaDelSlay Yonce I try to create my own happiness even when with him. I do this to practice creating these emotions when I’m no longer around him. Yes, I still allow him in my life. I am going to block him once my son goes off to college in August. It’s not right and not a decision that I respect. My son doesn’t have a responsible and loving father. For the time being, this narcissistic partner does athletic things with my son and gives him a masculine companion for hiking and running. I realize that everything Dr. Ramani speaks to and the education of her content is personified by the narcissistic person in our life. It’s not a good excuse and admittedly, he brings nothing beneficial to me as a woman who wants a collaborative relationship with a partner. Thank you to everyone who is here learning from Dr. Ramani.
dlw sport I’m glad your kids at that age where u can make that step away from him
Unless you feel like playing mind games for the day😆
LanaDelSlay Yonce Thank you for your support and encouragement. 💜
Black Weirdo To my favorite avatar , I am genuinely grateful for your encouragement.
Walking on eggshells, always! I was happy once the relationship ended, definitely a loss but even a bigger gain.
I'll also add, that if they EVER are happy, it's only when their life and the lives of everyone around them is in total chaos, and they have snuffed out all the happiness in everyone around them. Because if they can't be happy, and have things going their way, THEN NO ONE CAN. More so, since they are NEVER happy, the closet they can get to that is making sure everyone around them is JUST AS MISERABLE (IF NOT MORE) AS THEY ARE.
Jay Tapper-McKelvey Narcs are miserable people, wanting to make everyone feel as miserable as they are. You're absolutely right. I don't believe that they can appreciate any true happiness bc they lack a sense of wholeness.
@@donnawoodford6641 Let's hope that in another life they can get true happiness, or just the lack of consciousness forever will be enough.
YOU HAVE CHANGED MY LIFE FOR THE BETTER !!! I LOVE YOU 😭😭❤❤❤STAY BLESSED
Wow, I needed to watch this. I lived with a narsisist for 24 years.
I lived with mine for 25, the last year was after I discovered he had cheated on me. Such a shallow insecure man. It wasn't until I read about people who had affairs that it became clear to me that he was - and is - a narcissist.
Guess what ? Me too ...
At one point around six months after i had met him and five months before I ever heard of malignant narcissism, i was so fed up with always hearing complaints and rages from this man, I lost it and screamed at him, “ nothing makes you happy, NOTHING!!!” This after cleaning the house, cooking his food, walking his dogs, washing his clothes....and more... one day I ran away.
Love and give! What they do with it is between them and God! You're enough and beautiful. If nobody told you today, I'm telling you! 🌻🤗🌺😊
N O C O N T A C T! Dont ever reach out to them.........EVER! We aren't playing goofy ass games in 2020 and every year afterwards
ErikisOfficial 😊🙌🥂 cheers to that!!!😅🙌
Amen to that!
AMEN!
❤💓💕
@@Summer-ju4pj ❤
My ex narc was never happy. --- I cannot tell you how many times we waited 15-30 minutes to eat at a restaurant he wanted to go to, only for him to get upset that we hadn't been seated. Instead of waiting a few more minutes (literally got called as we were leaving), he would leave in a huff and we'd drive 40 minutes to another restaurant only to start the waiting process over again. --- My kids grew up walking on eggshells around him. His absence has been the BEST thing to happen to all of us. It's been an amazingly peaceful year without him.
In one day my husband’s mood change so many times, i just don’t know what is going to happen in the next 5 minutes, i have to say i am constantly on the edge and even in happy time i am waiting for disaster,he gets happy for no reason and angry for no reason and when i ask are you ok his answer is yes with with an angry voice
SO SORRY DEAR, THEY MAKE YOU CRAZY. FIGHTING!
how r u holding up
I have to say... I started down this road a year ago when an assertiveness workshop teacher told me I have zero self esteem. I am now happy, like very happy. Last week I took a photo of narc mom and it is just so evil looking. I swore I will not have that on my face, and I have let my inborn sunny nature and joy shine to it's fullest. Yes they have all taken advantage and stole from me but I still have ME- a great person who is actually an asset to society. If you see someone going around just oozing happiness chances are they are a recovering scapegoat!! The light at the end of the tunnel is my sunshine :)
When I hugged her I never really felt that she was hugging me back when I kissed her I never felt she was kissing me back . Oh she said all the right things but internally I always felt a sense of emptiness from her
Also she would go from this intense euphoria to this anger and cynicism in the snap of a finger
Preach brother.
..when I huged him it was like hugging a stone.. a cold statue made of stone.. those arms never hugged me back.. that mouth never said I love you, you look pretty or anything kind.. just criticism and "corrections".. nothing was fine never.. unless sex was involved.. and after a time, not even that, he told me it was not an obligation to have sex with me (the last and only link to him.. I used to think that)..
And I couldnt see it..
Same here like you are hugging a robot
Their mood swings started giving Me anxiety. Walking on eggshells basically.
Omg Dr Ramani thank you
I have often wondered why he’s always like that .... one min happy next min he’s angry and something always in his mind he used to tell me he has a lot of things on his mind .... He’s always moody high n lows.... he will switch so quickly I will be happy n by watching him omg I will go in a depression I thought it is something I have done I was always walking in egg shell to make him happy....omg everything is so clear to me now ...in seven years I blame myself but I got all my answers now .... dr Ramani u won’t believe how much u have helped me move on with my life from this monster I can breed again thank you 🙏
My ex rarely seemed happy. Moody all the time with me walking on eggshells. Dreaded going home and felt butterflies in my stomach when he walked in the door. So glad I left him so I can have peace and my sanity back!
My daughters are amazing adults and in the past few years they've told me, "it's not your job!" whenever they sensed my sadness in relation with their dad and his bad, jealous behavior toward me. That little phrase helped me through difficult times and helped me realize it wasn't my job to make my husband trust or respect me. I realize he doesn't have the capability to be what I need after nearly 40 years being together and putting different names to his disorder, I am happily adjusting and understanding new things every day about my relationship with him through your videos. It's been a great help to me, so thank you Dr Ramani, for your spot-on, life-saving talks. 👍🏽
Leilani K,You deserve better 🙏
Dr. Ramani, I can hardly believe I have lived so many years not knowing what was happening to me. Since I met you, your channel, your lessons, talks, discussions, I have been lifted from a dark, ignorant living, that is living, nor knowing, what we have had was a narcisistic abuse. Thank you ever so much for sharing your knowledge so gracefully, so precisely. God bless you and all of us trying to get rid of this situation.
Monica B Truth! I am so lucky that at least someone has come along and given wisdom and words to the life I have been participating in. Now I try to coach myself with this:
Don’t blame a clown for being a clown instead ask yourself why you keep going to the circus. As I said in my disclaimer, I am trying to coach myself to act on this.
@@dlwsport250 Well done!!!!!! I hope the best to you! 💖
@Anonymously yours, Keep on going and Godspeed!!!!!! 💖
You are a blessing to all victims of a narcissist. Thank you so much for your knowledge 🙏💛
“Dad, ma’s mad again.”
“She’ll just have to get glad again.”
Doppelgänger oops. Happy to mad is easy. Mad to happy, to do that you have to perish first and you’ll see their grin.
Carl Ace Parilla - Agreed; saw it & other things many times. She didn’t like it when we were happy. 🤷🏻♀️
Beautiful
When you live your life constantly fighting feelings of worthlessness and constantly needing outside validation, I can't possibly see how that can be a happy existence. I haven't met a happy Narcissist yet.
I knew the answer before listening! I have never felt true happy vibes from a narcissist...(except maybe when they think they've gotten to you through their antics ;)
Thank You Dr Ramani!
& even then it doesnt seem as if they are truly happy... more like a fix for a junkie or something
Dr Ramani, thank you! This is such a simple, direct, and in my experience, accurate explanation for the sudden mood shifts. Superficial, shallow people are going to be bothered by seemingly trivial things that they personalize as happening to them.
Candace Allen,You got a lovely smile 😊
My guess is no cause if they were they wouldn't go out there way to exploit someone's reputation . My ex loved drama & gossiping and she was always quick to judge before she got to know someone.
Never happy. When they leave the crowd and it’s you and the person alone, good luck. 👍🏼 The most scariest disrespectful person ever. Leave and live with no ragrets
Never,they are never happy.Only a happy person wants others to be happy.Narcs showcase their happiness,deep down inside they are hurt,they are in vain.To overcome this they hurt people.They are empty with true happiness. Remember! Be happy around them,especially when they try to hurt you,it is suicidal for them.
I have been married to one for 22 years and never knew this word until couples months ago.he just up and discarded me for my neighbor it really hurts I am each time I see them together but someone sent me a.text.about narcs.and I am addicted to these bcus they are so know so much.about them and they also help me heal I wish I can talk to some one on a one and one please someone reply
@@Sister_v508 you will be fine
@@Sister_v508 she ll get discarded too and u will thrive. Living with narcs is never even a life. Be thankfull he left. You are free now
@@Sister_v508 Be glad you are out!
Narcs only want to hurt you.
Move on with your life. Focus on healing and protecting yourself.
I went to my hometown only a few months after we have met.
It was his birthday, so my friends (who had never met him before) threw him a surprise bday dinner.
They were so excited to see me with someone after 13 years!!!!!
They prepared a five star Mexican dinner and my best friend had Even baked a cake for him.
After he blew the candles in the kitchen, he disappeared into the living room.
I went after him and asked if he was alright!
He said : „Nobody loves me“!
I said: „ I don’t understand. All these people show you so much love, everyone told me how wonderful you are and they were so happy to meet you and threw you a bday dinner.“
He started crying:
“ It‘s because they love YOU. They don’t love me.“
And this was just one of the many mood swings to come.
I was happy when he didn’t insult me or threw a tantrum!
I was walking on eggshells for almost 3 years!
Wòw!
Based from my personal experience Yes they can be happy but very, very superficial. How can someone so bitter of themselves have a deep happiness.
I had given my ex Paul McCartney tickets for us both for his birthday in 2017. I was excited for us to share this once in a lifetime concert. That morning he sprung it on me that his entire family got tickets also and that we had to travel with them. I think I expressed disappointment because I thought it was just us. I let it go, and he raged. Total Jekyll and Hyde when we met up with his family, and he was SOOOOO HAPPY!!!
I am so grateful for your videos, Dr. Ramani, especially during this difficult time. I was raised by a narcissistic parent, and it always felt like I had to “censor” myself, what I say, what I do, what I wear, etc. To appease them, so I’m trying to learn how to be truly myself and not this perfect picture they envision. I have to accept that we can’t control the way people react, and just be me, which is probably one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. Thank you
same same
Thin ice is a good analogy - staying with my narcissist friend was me never knowing what or when she would have an outburst. It was traumatizing.
"colicky babies are easier than a 40 or 70 year old adult narcissist". This is so true. lol
Except that "adult" and "narcissist" is an oxymoron! 😒
Narcs just stink.
40-70 year old Narcissists are basically adult toddlers.
@Black Weirdo That's horrible. Your avatar is fantastic though.
God this was gold!
@Black Weirdo I'm glad you shared this with us - it's eye opening for sure. Makes me feel much more compassion for these types...
he cannot look me in the eyes ever! he knows he is a liar. i am so glad we are divorced.
What DoctorRamani conveyed to us in her video makes a lot of sense when she revealed that narcissists' emotions are very shallow. Narcissistic people and other Cluster B's are known for their erratic moods and emotions.
My ex narc would sometimes say "wow I'm so happy right now!", and frankly, he had every reason to be so (others would give EVERYTHING to have what he has!!!) - but it was always very thin ice indeed! One innocent question about any random everyday thing - a TV show, dinner, whatever - was mostly enough for him to turn into one of his rage moods again. I remember thanking God every night if something hadn^'t "gone wrong" and we had actually had a relatively peaceful day. Sleeping in peace was a rare thing for me. Since he has gone off with his new supply my constantly racing heart has gone back to normal.
My experience is a bit different and I’m so glad you brought this one up, Doc. My ex seems VERY steady; not too happy nor sad. Kind of like the Titanic before that annoying iceberg. So I looked like the Bipolar Express having a range of emotions. In this context it is somewhat confusing but now that I’m free I see the “holding steady” as a covert form of depression. It amazes me how many people feel depressed when their life revolves around alcohol which is a depressant; not wanting to see the correlation. I’m happy just surviving the devious and cruel discard. Hard to imagine trusting someone again. Having said this, I’m off to ride my bike along the ocean. 😎🚴🏽♂️💨
I’ve actually noticed that the more perfect and it gets, the higher they get - the easier they go to that frenzy when something doesn’t go right.
Ex’s “emotional” range: hungry, horny, bored, busy, various levels of angry.
And I guess they wanted you to switch your mood to accommodate their mood
Rea Rea- U/R SO SPOT ON. - well said
CORRECTION: RAE RAE
Very true!
Rae Rae at least yrs got horny!...
Dr Ramani. Please please please make a video on staying focused on your own goals and things you can do for yourself in order to get out of a situation where a narcissist is pulling you back into their bullshit.
Thank you Dr Ramani. Your posts are always wonderful and informative. I just wanted to add that it would be good to hear other descriptive for how the narcissist reacts. I was married to a covert narcissist but he used very manipulative hidden emotional abuse to me not open anger. So not even our children openly saw what he was doing. He always turned his “anger” into extreme underhanded manipulative emotional abuse.
Kellie Mendelow,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🥀,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!
Truth. Such sad truth. Lack of depth not only emotions but in everything!
Michele C,You look stunning 🌹🌷🌷 dear,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
True happiness comes from within, a narcissist is Never true in Any shape or form. They are not genuine individuals by any means, not genuine to themselves, nor others most especially. Sure they can laugh and ‘appear’ happy.... but deep inside I believe in my heart, where true happiness stems, they truly are not happy individuals. They are controlled by their own ego. The ego wants instant gratification like a child. So any outward smile, laugh or happiness isn’t real. It’s just for the moment, whatever made them smile or laugh but it soon passes, it’s just for the time being. Superficial. Happiness is one of many emotions. Narcissists have no real emotions. They are Empty souls walking on this earth. There is nothing real about any narcissist. EVER.
Bella g 👏👏👏
And their existence is a curse to others as it is to themselves.
yes !
These videos have helped me figure out that my dad is 100% a narcissist. I'm an empath, and that relationship I've had with him has been toxic my whole life. I just moved out and I've done nothing but work on healing myself all over again.
He has never been happy about anything. And I've been his doormat for all his crap! And that narcissist family dynamic; doormat 🙋♀️ right here.
I've dated enough people that are so much like him, that I had to figure out why I kept attracting people like him, when that's not what I want. Now I'm left looking for that validation for my feelings that I'll never get from him; internally instead.
These videos are like hitting the jackpot. These have really helped me. He's been emotionally unavailable toward me my whole life; I no longer need his validation and acceptance. But now I realize I crave the emotional acceptance and attachment in relationships that I never got from him; not desperate or needy, I've been alone and single for 5+ years. It's the lack of human attachment on an emotional level that I crave and struggle to connect with.
Hi Dr. RAMANI, thank you for your clear explanations.
I passed 38 years to make happy my husband without success, at the end he finds always something that make him unsatisfied, he blame me for his unhappiness.
We have a good life, our children are now young adults with a good job both in good heath, in my point of view we have been very lucky.
As you said he fly high in those moments when he receive validation and congratulations about our achievements (we worked together but never recognized my contribution...i don't ask anymore for it)
He will end his days blaming someone.
I look at the Sisyphus Mythe and I recognize my status.
Im going through this with my boyfriend, we had a great moment at an outside restaurant after almost 2 mons of quarantine , we went to Savannah, the birds were chirping ,sun was out, breeze was great , people were walking their dogs and children. His whole mood changed when he noticed my OJ was almost 5.00, yes it was pricey but it was 5.00 and the ambiance was worth the price. I'm starting to not like him but he chases me down when I break up with him, now im doing an exit plan.
Better hurry and go far. With no address.
Valerie Foster Block, delete, never let them back in once you do it.
Run delete block
Be careful with this situation. You have a right to feel loved, and protected. If need be, tell your male family members or close male friends and hopefully they will teach him a lesson about
bullying you. He sounds like a bully.
Yolonda Richardson Yes! Lord knows I wish I had. Once you let a NARC cross that line, they do it again.
Amen Dr. Romani. Narcs has a false sense of happiness. Grandiose, lack of empathy, and rageful behavior to show their lack of understanding of being a kidult. False facade, material things and keeping a public image at no cost on who they need to screw over or hurt.
Kidult!! I've never heard of that but it's the truest way to describe a narcissist! 👏👍
My ex narc has a string of broken relationships and left his family to find "happiness" that he'll never find for long. His stunt that came out of the blue cost him his relationship with our daughter that he wanted so badly. He misjudged her loyalty to me and he is paying the price. Good, he's getting exactly what he deserves!!
Happy when they get what they want, but their wants keep changing,(like a spoiled child in a toy store)🔄
Before my last relationship, I used to be happy all the time. I find myself very angry now. I was always the one saying let’s just enjoy the moment and make memories. I tried to lift everyone up and enjoy life. Now I’m the angry one.
This was the most unbelievable video ever! This exactly describes what I have had to live with for 30 years! You described it exactly.... ‘walking on eggshells’ all the time. How can they change moods so suddenly and violently. I always thought it was in my head or my fault or something was wrong with me. And exhausted from trying to make everything perfect so we could have one good hour, one good day, etc. I cannot thank you enough!!!!
Even when my mother is “happy”, there is a disgusted curl to her lip when she smiles... Eyes searching the room for the next transgression to rage about. Deep down they are never truly happy. And that’s not your fault. Lord help all of you who have to deal with a narcissist. God bless you all and keep strong. 🙏🏻💕
I honestly wish they would go on some kind if psychedelic trip, or even just find that true love in some kind of afterlife. Hell, even the void of lack of consciousness after their departure is better than them living a tortured existence of self loathing and harming others around them.
only momentarily happy... never truly... TRULY AND GENUINELY HAPPY! NEVER... and they know it... and it kills them!!!
In 2010 my 35 y/o Narc had an open heart surgery. He was scared, do he was the nicest, but when he was in the hotel we stayed at, which was where most people who visited that hospital stayed afterwards, he became a MONSTER. The pain was high, so I took the abuse, but it became unbearable, I packed my stuff and left with our 4 y/I daughter who had to endure his fits in such small quarters - no place to hide!!! I left him there in his pain. I called his step mother and told her to hire a nurse to take care of him. Two towns over she convinced me to return. She was right, what would people say, even in court, and I had two young children I could lose custody of. So I returned grudgingly. In had too swallow my pride, pretend I was won't, to psych thinks up. A few days after when he could walk, we used to go to nearby restaurants to eat. Doo, I've day we were walking through a parking lot, and saw what I thought too be a cute old couple. She had a hard time walking, and he had to help her get out of the car. I thought how ADORABLE. As we approached them, I heard him say the nastiest thinks to her, and I thought, "FRICK, this will NEVER, EVER end!!!" I thought as MAY PEOPLE got older, they would calm down. Not a chance!!! That's when 8 decided, when my kids are gone to college, I'm out of here!!! I don't care how poor I become, not lonely, I will NOT become an old frail lady, still taking ABUSE!!! Heck, she's probably I'll because of the stress, it he physically ABUSED her!!! 😡😡😡