It’s ok you deserve to have your opinion. We (our society) has become extremely sensitive these days. I feel for women because there is no better way to put men have become pathetic and soft. So women have a much harder time finding a man of integrity, leadership and ambition . A man that knows what he wants and has the confidence to support a woman if the same drive. I sent you a hello on IG. Have a beautiful day
You are a beautiful high quality, intelligent, tasteful woman. If I were a dude I would be proud to pay for your meal just because of the amount of respect you have for yourself and others. He’s weird & a coward. I would just try to forget it asap.
As someone who is old enough to be your mother; I may have some insight into what happened. I feel like this guy may have been jealous and controlling - it seems like maybe he didn't like the fact that you stayed with his friends on your first date (how could you have a good time without him). He may have came back to check and make sure no one else would flirt with you and got angrier and demanded payment for your date. If I'm right, if you think back to the other date he asked to be repaid for there will have been something that irritated him, say some one flirted with you or you had a conversation with some one while he thought you should have only been focused on him. In a way, you are very lucky that he couldn't keep this side of himself hidden before the relationship became more serious. Oh, and I would bet that no one was saying anything bad about you, these types of people want you to feel lucky that they are with you (they like you to feel like they are the only person you can be with) so you're more apt to stay with them. I've been through a relationship like that.
Lol, she had to clear that up because Korean social media will come for her azz, find her in the streets, and have her deported for hate speech in a New York minute. Keep dating those yellow racist/cultural vultures if you want to. The irony of it all is that they treat Blacks folks 100x worse. The Korean chats are filled with disgusting comments but here you are bowing down in fear. SMDH! African women are born to be doormats for your Oppressors and everyone in between especially South Africans.
Girl, after hearing you don't care going 50/50, now I understand why you are being taken advantage of. All you'll be attracting will deadbeats and manipulators. Level up.
Don’t ever let disrespect or shady behaviour slide from a man you’re getting to know. Men are boundary testers and once they know how much you’re willing to take - it only goes down from there. You’re gorgeous and you’re the prize. Never compromise your standards ❤
He did not want to appear as the type to split the bill to others (his friends, waiters and other patrons) He could not communicate it because he was embarrassed or scared to voice it out in case you would ask him more questions.
Makes sense, but if you want someone to play along to keep up the charade, you really ought to bring them into the loop. Like, when she brought out her wallet and offered to split the bill, he could've said something to the effect of: 'Let me pay for now. We'll settle the difference later.' Then he could've explained his rationale on the walk back. Something to the effect of: in Korea the guy is still expected to pay for everything and is considered a bit of a loser if he doesn't. But of course behind closed doors lots of couples split the difference nowadays.* And if he'd been a bit more open in his communication this way, the relationship might have worked out. * Mind you I know little to nothing about Korean culture, so I'm just guessing for the best explanation for his circumventive behavior when it comes to who pays the bill.
Oh my gosh Naledi!! I did not even think of it like that! But it makes so much sense actually!!! Wow!! It was all for show! He probably couldn't even afford to pay for two people but wanted it to seem like he could meanwhile afterwards he's busy making his date uncomfortable sending her figures. Wow wow! And the way he just sent the value with nothing else, makes me sick!
I was in Korea 10 years ago. My dating experience of the year negatively affected my relationship with men in general. It took me years to recover from the emotional damage. Yes, it was that bad. If you were a black woman living in Korea in wanting to find love, I would not look for it there.
@@tessy28 It depends Korean men are like men all over the world the best way is not except a relationship and work on yourself someone will admire you from the side line its when you activity chase them that is when the up to no goods get their chances
As a fine ass black woman desired by men all over the world, I say black women in general need to speak for themselves. A lot of y'all fetishize asian men in general and think you're going to find a man from a k-drama. It's a fiction. Korean women aren't even getting those kinds of men irl. Work on your self esteem, work on your appearance, stop being so desperate, and get some self respect. And you will dominate the dating pool in any part of the world. Men will literally bow down at your feet. I hate so black women speak such insecure shit into the air.
Sounds like he wanted to split the tab, but also get the social "credit" for picking up the whole check, sort of fronting that he's the guy who has money and who pays for everything. But he's really not that guy. I hate weirdness about money, too.
He really didn’t like you, but he wanted to charge you for his time. Basically took advantage of your kind heart, and he really had no care for you which is sick . He had no intentions on anything with you. You are too nice to be disrespected and manipulated like that.
The first red flag was ignoring her during that first meeting, regardless of him being a meetup organiser, he knew what he was doing. Someone else already said it, but men are big boundary testers and because society makes single women feel less than for being single, women overlook a lot of things until its too late or you are so taken with them. Meanwhile men will never.
Why would you overlook anything with a potential partner, it's always best to communicate difference without confrontation, so you don't reach the point of no return.
TINDER IS NOT A PLACE TO MEET ROMANTIC INTEREST, just so you know guys 20,000 won is 15 dollars ... he asked for 15 dollars back even in Africa that's fkn petty ...lol 15 dollars isn't something you can ask someone to back . Girl you need to revaluate your life ..
I have never paid for a date. My fiance has paid for dates of £200 and didn't ask me for one penny. 15 dollars is very pitiful. She needs to learn how to discern.
Right. When I hear stories of what some girls put up with, I Sometimes wonder how any of them find it hard to date or find a relationship on the apps.? Shouldn’t It be easy? 😂 I am super picky, admittedly sort of high maintenance and the slightest thing will turn me off so because of this, I understand why it will be difficult for me to get in a relationship again. However, I don’t understand how women that are pretty laid back about things like splitting the bill, being left alone etc are still finding it difficult? 👀 If I was easy going, I can guarantee that I would be snapped up again in no time 😂 maybe men don’t care much for the women that make it easy for them? 👀😴
I dated a Korean man in the States he came when he was very young. His culture definitely followed him here, very racist family, he didn't want to tell them about me bc i wasn't Korean, when they found out they made him go back to Korea to get him away from me. They'll pretend to be nice to your face, but racist haters behind your back.
This is a lot less true in 2024, though still happens. It was VERY common back in say 2011. There have been a lot of foreign marriages over the past 15 years, but you still should make sure the person is open.
That isn't racism dear. As a korean with similar parents it's the cultural differences. They do this with other asians as well like Chinese or japanese.
You can’t rationalize it because you are a person of integrity. Unfortunately our world is riddled with spoiled men who don’t know how to be men. Don’t know how to be a considerate person for that matter. I could not even fathom sendings woman a bill. It’s amazing when some have such audacity to do something like that but lack the ability to simply be real. It’s also frustrating because as a man I have noticed in the way women react to me just being a good person and man. They are surprised by it. It should be the other way around
The "eat more" thing is a red flag. He doesn't have a filter. If you were fat, he would tell you you're fat. Women love ignoring red flags. As a skinny skinny woman, i would NEVER allow someone to disrespect me like that and still spend the rest of my evening with them. I have gotten up and left dates at the table. You should've gotten up, split the bill and left. Self-esteem is sooo important.
It's kind of difficult when you are immersed in a different culture. It would be hard to read if this was him, or if its acceptable behavior in the culture.
That’s mind boggling and extremely gaslighting to pay publicly, reap the benefits of being in someone’s favor and then ask for refunds in private. What a psycho
It was never a date. He invited a bunch of people on Tinder for a group outing. Its not unusual in S Korea. Just a bunch of young people hanging out together. He was just being sociable. She was interested but he wasnt which is why he was uncomfortable in her apartment
@@lindc1070it was after that. They went on a private date why would he confuse her to begin with? No one goes on tinder for a friend and not establish that
@@brieflyflesh4917 she asked him for the second " date" because she wanted to try an Italian restaurant. Some of you foreign girls have some imagination. Jump to conclusions🤣. A guy who is interested in a girl would not ask her to join s group on a first date. Not in Asia. And he wouldnt ask her to pay. This guy was just inviting her because she was a foreigner, was being hospitable.
@@brieflyflesh4917she asked him for the second date & planned it. She was supposed to contribute 😂 its just cultural differences & her idea of what it was is totally different to his. Which man interested in a woman sexually is gonna be uncomfortable in her apartment?? That's a dead giveaway
I remember going to lunch with two co-workers and one made a remark about my weight. That girl said I probably take a week without eating and my other coworker thought that was ridiculous. Then we were on a work trip when she approached me to tell me how she wishes to be my weight since I look the way she looked before she had a child. Sometimes, people say unkind things as a way to project their insecurities onto you. It’s a them problem.
You’re such a beautiful woman. When people say negative things towards you, it’s a reflection of how they feel about themselves. It has nothing to do with you. You’re beautiful.
Ok I was ready to give you some tough love, but you are right . The problem is communicating and caring so much about how he presents himself "falsely" to the public. Whatever the culture I do think it's a red flag when people care so much what others think
@MariamaDiallo-fj6ow Probably call her out on some biases or something. I don't blame her TBH. A lot of videos about this topic tend to go bad really quickly, with a lot of the women in these videos just devolving into snobbish complaining and, at worse, outright spouting bigoted remarks about the other party's people and culture. Not trying to be close-minded or misogynistic here, honestly I'm not, I'm just being honest about my opinion on videos like these. That being said though, I do like this lady's video in particular and appreciate not lapsing into the problems I mentioned above.
He wasn't amazing He was just stringing you along Some men are just garbage We all had been there The things that didn't make sense amidst all his nice appearance were major red flags It makes me think of Jameela Jamil I saw a video here on YT where she were talking about one of her worst dating experience I was in stitches The only interest about them is to hv a good laugh Btw your skin is so beautiful and don't be self conscious about being skinny I think you are very pretty
@@anniesok868 She's not being treated the best in that country according to her other story times, so unfortunately she'll probably continue to put up with things like this as long as she decides to continue living there.
there is something to be said when Korean women stopped dealing with their men altogether: no dating, no talking, no marriage and no children. there is a term for that in Korean-i forgot. but anyhoo, Korean women have so far left their counterpart alone because something is wrong with these guys as a collective. and I heard that korean society is very patriarchal, and that can be a problem for american women/non-korean women.
Nah They are raycyst B’shes worshipping whyte men And Y’all going for young dudes is the problem Older men are the best And She wouldnt have to deal with all that m ess either if she dated much older men Like men over 55
@@李珊-f2r No way, older men are not attractive & they will continuously use you for your youth & toss you to the side as you age, but you'll figure that out later. You can have it. Also, she said he was 2 years older than her. Dating in your own age group is ideal. Not too much older, not too much younger. Older men are stuck in their ways & want you to be a slave as a wife. They'll only be fun before they lock you down. It's a trap. I doubt you've gotten to that stage yet & so you've not had the experience. Good day.
Little sister, you are so beautiful. I was horrified at this guy's behavior! How dare he treat you like that!?PLEASE be more careful next time. Do not bring a man you barely know in your apartment. Do not let a man Triangulate you like that a.k.a bring you among a group of friends where you are an outsider and you are outnumbered. While he's surrounded by long-time friends. That was so inconsiderate of him. He " fake" apologized to you about not taking care of you... He actually wanted to make sure you knew that he was neglecting your emotional well-being and he wanted to see if you were accepting of that, that's why he brought it up. The test with the touchy-feely "girlfriend", was to see if you tolerate being neglected and put on the back burner by a man you are interested in. What a lack of maturity on his part. He did that on purpose, and again on the second date, the same group of people was "coincidentally" in the area?... Yeah right...I do not believe that. I believe every second of your date with him was being reported back to that group of friends via text messages and they were all having fun at your expense. If I was you I would leave the narcissist, his girlfriend, and whoever you are friends with, from that group. They have zero respect for you. They probably talk about you behind your back. I hope you have other friends, please throw this batch of " frenemies" into the garbage and concentrate on other people. I'm willing to bet that girl does a lot of weird things to you that you rationalize. If you are honest with yourself you will admit that you are staying friends with that girl, not because you want to, but because you are worried about what they think of you. That's a bad reason. You don't have to prove anything to him or to her. Trust you'll learn either with experience or through advice from older women with more experience. One of the options is more painful than the other.
You could be right. My first reaction would have been to leave as soon as I saw that it wasn't a date. Just the fact that they met on Tinder makes me suspicious that maybe he was doing a social experiment to show his friends. It made me angry.
Texting for money sounds like fear based behavior because of what could potentially happen if you asked face to face. That is already a reason to not ever see the guy again. A mature person would at least try to communicate their mindset when it comes to paying. The girl that was overtly flirting with him as part of the group also indicates to me that that could be what he sees as an acceptable sign that a girl is interested. Either that or he was checking for signs of visible jealousy. Some people see visible jealousy as confirmation of interest. Also not a good sign primarily because they lack the maturity to ask the right questions and rather than do that they expect the woman to fawn over them. Mature relationships obviously won't rely on shallow expressions of interest and are based on a deeper connection that is built over time. The group thing seems like another indirect form of communication. A group setting is not something you would choose if you had your heart set on getting to know someone. It's actually more of a setting you'd choose if you were terrified of being alone with someone. It could be because you don't trust your own intuition or need the impression of others. I'd expect a woman to choose a group setting more than a man because of the risks associated with meeting a man for the first time but perhaps some men also had experiences where they met with risk. Commenting on how thin someone is is another sign that a man is not secure especially if they barely know the girl. If you know someone well enough to see a change in weight, I see that as enough of a reason to show concern and in that moment comment on how thin they may look compared to how they normally are. But for a stranger to say that makes me think they're simply bad at making conversation and happened to put their foot in it. He may have regretted it later. He may have also had really bad dating experiences and just felt safer in a group. That would explain the text for payment instead of asking face to face. He could just be a scared individual if you really think about it. Maybe trying to heal from past trauma. I had to really dig deep to come up with this narrative. I heard some scary stories about online dating so he might have seen some things that caused him to act like that. I personally wouldn't want to deal with it unless he was willing to explain the trauma though if it is trauma.
What I learned is practicing the art of detachment - let him chase you it’s in a man nature for them too - don’t be so giving and make sure you set the tone from the beginning Your gonnna find love 💗
Maybe paying for your meal was just for show. For the eyes of those in the restaurant and friends but privately he would ask his money back. So others would perceive him as generous and gentlemanly but it wouldn't cost him a thing.
It sounds like he just saw you all as having a platonic relationship. Something I’ve learned is to get clarity about a guy’s intentions before getting too excited too soon. Also, take people at face value & pay attention to actions over words! He essentially treated you like a pal that he poorly communicated with. And it definitely was rude of him to tell you to eat more, that would have been the time to stand up for yourself & walk away.
I feel that most women who go to korea think that men are all this dreamy type of guy you see in k-dramas, and it's so wrong. Sorry to say it, but asian people are usually cold and not very romantic. They don't really know how to treat a woman, especially the younger guys. I always think that it's best to stick to men from your own country and/or your own race, because it's easier that way. I am Romanian, eastern europe, and I've dated some men from other countries, but I've noticed that all of them had some pretty awful prejudices about my country and my people and it kind of hurt me, actually. People from other cultures are sometimes unable to respect your own and you end up with a lot of frustrations, no matter how compatible you may seem at first. That's my advice as a woman in her 30's, but I'm not saying that there aren't exceptions, of course. A lot of mixed couples out there do just fine, but that's not for me, nor for the most of us.
This goes for men and women of all ethnicities. So many people romanticize other cultures and think the grass is greener. In reality, you're just picking a different poison.
I love how the whole video is just a story telling that has kept me through, no makeup on the side while you tell it its just very you☺ thank you for the video.
hear hear, I am grateful she chose not to multitask so I also didn't hide the screen to avoid seeing make up and weaves. She focussed on the story and I focussed back.
There were LOADS of red flags in this from beginning to end love I’m sorry to say.🤦🏾♀️ I wouldn’t have paid him ANYTHING! Not going to judge, but I wouldn’t even stay friends with a person like that either, regardless of whether this was cultural difference or not.😒 If you’re on a date, communicate and say we will split the bill etc. I think you were very smitten by him, that you chose to ignore the glaring red flags right in front you, and it does happen 👍🏾. I’ve done the same, but I also can see whether someone is taking the mick, and trying to appear to be something they’re not. And also, wanting to see the good in others, which is never a bad thing. You just have to be cautious, and more aware. If something appears to be good to be true, then it usually is 👍🏾.
When a guy is a con man, ... Your red flag must be on and sharp, doesn't matter if he's Korean or not... Never lower your standards because of someone being Korean ....Tv has made them think they can behave anyhow towrds other races, specially towards Blacks...
You should have spoke up when he told you to eat more. You set the tone for the relationship. I would have sent him half of the price of the meal. And treated him like a friend. You was always available to him and never said no.
That’s for sharing! I have had a range of experiences dating. One woman gave me her number and told me she was conducting a study on men and dating, only to answer her phone and ask why I was calling her. Some of the most mysterious flags are ones that take a lot of effort to decode because they are weird. You are such beautiful person, thanks again for sharing. It’s helpful to consider different perspectives on our human journey.
Completely agree with "some of the most mysterious flags are ones that take a lot of effort to decode because they are weird” or can take a long time to notice due to the covert nature of some people.
Since you guys are “friends,” I would tell him about it and tell him it’s not a good practice and he should just be more upfront with women he dates in the future. He may not know or may not realize it’s rude (he may also realize it but not care), so it never hurts to just be upfront with people about the issue because it helps ppl grow. If he doesn’t receive it well or doesn’t change, oh well, that’s on him. But I fully believe in calling ppl out on their shxt.
You are so beautiful 😍. Keep being so true. I relate to you on so many fronts. As an African myself living abroad..it's so validating to hear your experiences.
I have been here for 11 years. We split the bill a lot and mostly someone pays then we send the money later. Also, most of the times Koreans use the world "date" to mean anything, it can be romantic , platonic or just friends. I think communication was important here, and the good thing is he didn't take advantage of you sexually because most Korean men know now that there are lot of foreign ladies coming to Korea looking for love, and most are obsessed with Kpop and Kdramas. Korean is no different from any other country when it comes to relationships. Most foreigners who come here looking for love ends up disappointed and with mental health issues.
I have seen many videos where women say like that how they are disappointed actually in there kdrama or hippo whatever men put make up on which is not attractive to me at all 😂😂😂I just attracted to there small eyes 😂😂
He was so weird for that. I hate how he just sent you the figure of how much you 'owed' him after the date. No explaination nothing. Def agree with the other subbies, he was putting a show for those around him to perceive him as generous and gentlemanly when he in fact was not or could not afford to.
Thank you Nolu for sharing your experiences in Korea with us. Know that you're The Prize, don't pay on dates. Period. You deserve the utmost respect, and it doesn't matter if cultures are different. You were disrespected for various factors. Please remember to set/re-set healthy boundaries for yourself in advance, everyday for engagement with others in various situations. If you for some reason, you cannot extend this kind of love to yourself, imagine someone you'd want to protect fiercely, and how you'd guide them to prevent them from being harmed by people who just don't care and/or are walking zombies. Thank you for your graceful vulnerability. We all learn with and through you. You're NOT a doormat, in Korea, or anywhere. Know your Worth. You're invaluable. Never let anyone mistake your kindness and acknowledgement of their humanity for weakness.
I don’t think being called a “prize” is the flex you think it is.. being objectified is never a good thing and they almost always want something in return if they pay for the whole thing. Splitting the bill is the most self-respecting thing a girl can do on a date
It almost sounds like he did that because he was too embarrassed to ask you to split the bill in public. In Korea, that might look really embarrassing for a man to do. So instead he asks you to pay in private. It also seemed like he didn’t have a romantic connection either. So that could explain why he made you pay for your half.
i really loved this video, the productive quality is beautiful and i really enjoy hearing your thoughts on things. thanks so much, i look forward to the next one
In black Africa, there is no such a thing as splitting bills in dating or on any other similar occasions. A man asks you out on a date, he knows he is going to pay. Period! 😅🤣😂
the first thing is to stop dating on tinder it is kinda of dangerous and keep traveling to different courties to date diffferent races or all races of men,keep your standards,expections,boundaries high,vet heavily and be safe,keep your self esteem high
We feel the same way. Our mom is old-school and she said for those that want to be in a serious relationship the best way to do it is by going out to social events and talking to people the old fashioned way. She also said that some relationships developed by people having friends who introduced them to another person who they actually know and think that they're may be some chemistry between the two.
Lol there’s literally no formula to dating. You could meet someone in a social setting and they can still turn out to be a horrible person. If anything 90% of people meet their partners in social settings and look at the divorce rate. Literally no formula. Just pray you get lucky
You are a beautiful young woman. Don't let people mess with you. There's such a thing as being "too nice" . Take care. I send a sunny 💛from South Africa.
I think he thought you guys were just friends. Unless you guys made it clear that the two of you were dating. Many guys in Korea use Tinder to find friends because it was initially advertised in Korea as a friendship app and then eventually got seen as what it really is. As someone who has lived in Korea for 4 years and has many Korean friends, the "eat more" thing is definitely cultural and I've gotten it many times even at company dinners, friend hang outs and dates. The splitting of the bill afterwards definitely shows he just saw you as a friend because this is very common in friendship hangouts in Korea. One person pays for everything and then later sends the bill. I think a simple conversation would've cleared up any doubts but I hope you don't completely give up on Korean men, there are some great ones out there!!
@@3ama4life I'm tired of people excusing shit by saying 'it's cultural'. No it's not. In Russia you will also often hear comments about your weight if you're skinny, it's pretty common. Now is that an ok thing to do? NO, I can tell you that as a Russian. Many people here will comment but also many of us are pissed off by this behaviour. Hurtful things are hurtful no matter where you are and you should not tolerate them and smile.
@@ChocolateMuffin308 I don't completely disagree with you. I also come from a culture where if u are getting big, they tell you. It's just a more "direct" culture. You can argue whether it's right or wrong. I'm sure ppl from the particular culture have varying thoughts as to the appropriateness of such behavior as well. I'm saying, one should view it within the context of who said it and where it was said, let the person know you don't appreciate it but consider MAYBE the person didn't view it as offensive because based on their socialization, it's a normal thing to say. I'm just more invested in educating ppl. Some ppl may not have the intention of harming you, and may not even know they did. Open your mouth and let them know. ESPECIALLY, if you are both culturally different.
He seems to be full of pride; wanting others around you to see that he pays for everything, to leave them with the impression that he is such a good person. But behind closed doors, he showed his true colors. To me that is indicating the type of person he truly is. Huge red flags.
The stereotype of black women is thick and curvy. Any guy in a country with so few black people is basically going to imagine us as pure stereotypes. Many will not be interested in us at all due to close mindedness. The ones that are will probably have a lot of inaccurate beliefs about us - in EVERY aspect. Culture, temperament, body etc. It's no surprise there are multiple examples of Koreans giving black people brown hands and feet in advertising campaigns because "that's what people expect to see." So even if the creators KNOW we have pale hands and feet, they know the populace is so ignorant that brown hands and feet is what they "want" to see. So basically these types of guys would want a thin waif-like Korean woman, but if they're going to date a black woman they expect us to conform to stereotype and be thick and curvy.
Great video Nolu, you have such a lovely voice to listen to. I had the same experience with a guy, he took me and another friend out for dinner, it was supposed to be just a casual friend meet up but he kept bragging to me about always paying for all expenses when he's out with women. When we left, he then asks me to pay back for my half of the dinner😂😂. He just wanted to show off in the resturant to seem as though he had money I guess and I believe it's the same for the guy you knew.
I subscribed after watching your video about your assault and honestly I gravitate towards authentic people and you my dear are as real as it gets. Keep Shining..
The first time he asked you for money after the fact , you cold have taken the initiative in public to tell him you want to split the bill. Then if he said no, that’s the way it would remain or even if he said okay. At least you know who you’re dealing with. He sounds dry cheap.
I once dated a Korean guy who told me to eat more too because he felt I was very skinny. I didn't take it in a bad way because it opened my eyes to a group of Korean guys who like/prefer thicker girls, contrary to the popular belief that all Korean men like skinny girls with an 's' line. However, it did baffle me that he chose to go on dates with me if he preferred thicker girls 🤭
Are you serious?? Why do you keep paying this dude? Can’t you tell he’s a F boy and he sees you like a clown? That he’s using you? He knows what to do because he paid for the whole tab in public then went behind and asked for money. GIRL. You should have listened to your friends and left. him. there. Your pride is your downfall, and just humiliated you. I’m just so shocked like…🤦🏾♀️💆🏾♀️ Nooo. You’re cheapening yourself. The mn the girl who was touching him in your face. He created no boundaries at all. We live and learn. But please, have some boundaries for yourself. You can’t be letting these men disrespect you like this. I remember the story in the train when the man SA you and you stayed that way. Girl please. Be stronger.
Aunty be calming down!!! Your words are way too harsh and unwarranted. She didn't sleep with the guy, did she? She merely gave the guy the courtesy of the benefit of the doubt. She saw the 'red flag' but wanted to be sure she wasn't reading too much into things and making emotional decisions which is what so many ppl end up doing at the slightest perceived offense. Btw If she'd slept with him then one can suggest she cheapened herself! Which is the worst of it all... Girls who sleep with guys beforehand and with blinders on are the extremely cheap ones... And no her pride isn't her downfall... This is not theater or it is REAL LIFE. It's called having a sense of dignity. That someone plays dirty doesn't mean you have to stoop so low to their level and do the same. Yes, our gal wasn't blind to all of this as you heard her speak... IT IS WHY SHE WALKED AWAY AFTER ONLY A FEW DATES... And she did good. That someone can't be a great boyfriend doesn't mean they might not be good friends. At least she knows what to expect from him now...
You’re talking out of place to be very honest. You don’t know her so stop talking like you do. It’s very insensitive, the nerve of you to mention her SA smh
I think it's a cultural thing. I remember hearing once about Japanese men (may be same for Korean/other Far East Asians) that they wouldn't pay for a woman on a date but rather split bills if they don't see her (yet?) as a "wife material". Of course it's a more traditional way of thinking, may be different for younger generations. Also, Asians tend to be more reserved when it comes to showing their actual, deeper feelings or talking upfront about uncomfortable mathers (such as money for example) which can be perceived by West civilizations as a lack of communication, fear of confrontation and such. And all that, at least I believe, creates these awkward situations you're describing.
That's fine, though. Cultural differences are fine. just say that on the date. And the second date, she willingly said "want me to pay for half" and he said no and paid. What is the point? It's just bad communication. Plus there was absolutely no manners (which could also be a cultural thing, when I was in Korea 'excuse me' wasn't a thing so I couldn't really get angry) but it's an intercultural date. Just communicate these differences.
@@AndSoWeLaughed also on that first date where he left and came back and asked for money? Like I feel like he wanted her to go with him home and have sex but was irritated and came back as his plan did not work and demanded for the money
I googled and it seems in Korean, they don't split bills, but you take turns. So if he treated you, MAYBE he expected you to get the next one. Maybe he felt like you didn't offer and got petty and sent you the bill Edit: I've been snapped at for trying to split bills before. The POV is splitting is not a good look. In Asian culture, fighting with each other just to be the one to pay the bill is common. So some people may feel like you either try to pay the whole bill, or not, but don't try to split, that's "cheap". So maybe the guy pays for dinner, the girl pays for the movie, etc.
Your story made me remember a somewhat terrible story (that sometimes pops up in my head) about my friend's cousin who went on dates with a guy (not in Korea, not Korean), and he was all gentleman-like, he paid for her, but she soon realized that they just didn't click. When she told him that, he got mad, and that same evening he sent her 'the bill' of all the money he'd spent on her during their dates, including all coffees and such small things. I don't remember whether she sent him the money in the end, but that story still haunts me. Like, he must've been literally saving the receipts because that was before the banking apps where you can see all the money you've spent.
it takes a lot to come on here and be brave enough to share your stories. Dating is tough. Sharing and being gentle with each other helps us through such a crazy process. Do not worry someone will be right for you no matter the culture. Good luck and thanks for sharing.
I won’t lie, my ex was Indian that was the first time I dated outside of my race…and I don’t think I’ll ever do it again. I’m terrified, definitely the most traumatizing relationship I’ve ever been in. That’s how I feel right now I don’t know about the future but it’s something I’m very conscious about whenever I find myself attracted to someone other than a black man. Probably a bad mindset but I feel like I have ptsd from it
I wonder what happened, too. Did his family disapprove? Arranged marriages are a part of Indian culture. But even when it isn't arranged, the parents have very heavy influence over who their children date and marry. So I wonder what the parent's reaction was to him dating a black woman.
I live in Korea for many years. Some Korean men pay in the restaurant because they are embarrassed to split the bill in public when they are on a date. Like what people will think of him? That’s why they send private messages afterwards. I grew up in a culture where men pay for a date they invited me to. If they don’t, it’s a friend not a date. Women invest so much money in looking good, I think men can afford to treat a lady with some food and drinks. And this is just me. I respect other opinions and know that some women insist on paying and it’s cool, just not my thing
yep, eastern men (north africans, middle easterns, south asians and est asians) who are truly interested in you PAY for these bills and they'll even get offended if you want to pay your share. Sometimes, even with male friends (not even dating), they feel uneasy so I let them pay then I pay for a drink later on to "thank them" lol, they're more "accepting" with this arrangement and they find it a "nice gesture". Now some of them got contaminated but still, don't accept this contamination, those who do that aren't serious enough about you... maybe you can pay after the thirs date or something, or once in a while like "hey babe, let me invite you to this place".
I had a guy ask me to pay him back for a hot dog and small soda, after he had me ducking to dodge his boss; he skipped work and wanted to hang out in that location despite my insistence that we meet another day. The boss ditching only came up during the date.
First of all, you’re beautiful and brave for moving to the other side of the globe. As a somewhat older woman, I would say that communication goes both ways. Maybe the money thing was a cultural difference? You seemed to really like him and it saddens me that you would walk away so easily without even giving him the opportunity to explain what his thinking was. It seems so minor and something that could’ve been easy to resolve with a proper conversation. It’s gonna be hard to cultivate any relationship without the desire or ability to resolve conflict. I’m speaking from experience. I appreciate that you need content for your channel but voicing your concerns to a bunch of internet strangers instead of to the actual person you hoping to have a relationship with is not the way to get you want you want…a loving healthy relationship built on mutual trust and communication. Good luck sista🥰🥰🥰
I agree I also feel that he was not interested in her romantically. But she failed to communicate. If you want a relationship just be direct and make your intentions clear. However she is really pretty and I hope she is successful in finding someone.
Please improve your self-esteem because you should've cut the guy off the minute he brought another woman who was pawing/touching up on him to your first meet up.... What's not clicking?
I feel sorry for you sweetie. You seem like you have a low self esteem cuz this guy was lo key dissing you the whole time and you were hoping to find any bit of genuineness in all his actions but there wasn’t any. I think him and his friends were probably joking about you behind your back. You are beautiful, you really don’t need to be thirsty like this. That guy is a jerk. He’s just toying with you because you are letting him and you keep showing up for more. Why are you even still friends with him or his crew? None of them respect you, I’m 1000% sure that hurting your feelings, treating you bad and making you scramble to come back for more is just so funny to them. They are just doing it for fun, like an ego thing of haha, look at how desperate she is for acceptance, I bet I can trick her into doing anything. Some ppl are just mean like that honey. You’re not an asshole and you don’t even think to toy with ppl like that, that’s why you can’t wrap your mind around why he would do those things. Love yourself more and trust your gut. When ppl do things that make you say, “Y would someone do that” that’s a red flag and you need to end the date and get outta there. There’s too many good men out there for you to get hung up on a jerk.
You make great videos! What software do you use? That guy that paid for your meal and asked you to pay him. Wow...I have no idea why he would do that? It's almost like he wanted to show off or something in front of someone and it doesn't make sense in front of you. It's as if there were other people in the restaurant that were watching. I have no idea...just guessing. Just curious. IF you were to move to another country, which would it be. Keep up the good work...I've always wanted to do something like this, but that motivation element...I think I procrastinate too much! Keep up the videos...learning a lot!
Im proud of you for making it out of that situation. You didnt deserve that crazy treatment, it is not your fault. Please dont hesitate to call people out on there disrespect, it definetly make a diffrence to a bully. Your learning more ans more❤ good for you sista
It's definitely a cultural difference. The whole "saving face" thing is big in Asia... I experienced a similar situation in China. I also always find it odd when a guy who wants to date you chooses group settings... I just can't take them seriously. Honestly, this guy isn't worthy of your friendship IMO... The body shaming comment was enough for me to get the ICK. You are so beautiful and I hope you find someone who isn't narcissistic or passive aggressive. ❣Peace
Paying 50/50 in korea is called "dutch". It's not something people here do too often. But what is a common practice is one person pays for the food. And when you move to the next location like the bar or cafe, you pay for the drinks. I think his behavior is a bit off too. And if it was something based on "i'm embarassed to let others see you paying for me" he needs to communicate it better. I think communication is one of the most important things when it comes to any relationship, but it's ESPECIALLY vital when it comes to a mixed cultural relationship. It was for the better that you two just winded up as friends. Because that communication issue would have gotten worse in your dating journey. Don't lose heart though! I been married to my Korean husband for nearly 10 years.
Honestly, the way he treated you is consistent with him being ashamed of being seen "in a date" with you. Source: I've been "soft" catfished a few times but I try to be polite to the person and still go through the motions of a date (and still pay for both, for the record) but my heart's not in it and neither is my physical presence.
That's the weirdest gaslighting I've ever heard! I wouldn't have known what to do, in a different country & everything, & I'm older, so, I can see why she didn't know what to do! Honestly, I think soon as the 21-whatever cost thing happened (asking to be reimbursed Again), I would say 'I'm Sorry, it's not appropriate to Surprise someone w/ expenses after you Behave like this was a Date & the expenses were Fine; Idk how you expect me to react.' If I was in my 20's I probably would have done exactly what she did, but Today, I'd absolutely say something. Your stories are really Educational & helpful, thank you teacher🥰👍
IMO, the first red flags were the first date with the group and the flirty friend. It comes across that he's controlling and was ok with someone being uncomfortable. Then commenting on your body and pushing food toward you... I can't. Then after each date he just blurts out numbers like that, as a way to ask for compensation... oh my goodness! If that's what he's leading with, you would have been in big trouble with this guy. It seems like he sets up others in order to come across a certain way. Very untrustworthy!
Listening to you just makes me feel like I was part of your storytale. 💗 ....so interesting ..😊 Please Don't get discouraged ...okay You are beautiful..you are smart..you a wonderfully made by God and your Own Man will definitely locate you ...soon okay. ❤️ Much love
You are gorgeous. You look like a talking painting. Also your international adventures takes a lot of courage and intelligence, an open mind. And you have a pleasant personality. May the man of your dreams appear, as you deserve, and treat you like the queen that you are 💫
I can help. Sweetheart, you are beautiful. He wanted to appear as a gentleman in public and wanted to get his money back in private because he doesn’t care about impressing you! He cares about what everyone else thinks of him😂 There’s nothing wrong with paying him back. Keep the conversation respectful and minimal since you share mutual friends. If a guy isn’t trying to impress you, you aren’t his type.
![โอ้เธอช่าง... - บี้เดอะสกา ft. ต๋อง เทวัญ (Prod. by ป๋าเพชร) [Official MV]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/zbWhiLFmVL0/mqdefault.jpg)
Disclaimer: This is not to stereotype Korean men, I met some wonderful people in Korea but this one did leave quite an impression on me.
It’s ok you deserve to have your opinion. We (our society) has become extremely sensitive these days. I feel for women because there is no better way to put men have become pathetic and soft. So women have a much harder time finding a man of integrity, leadership and ambition . A man that knows what he wants and has the confidence to support a woman if the same drive. I sent you a hello on IG. Have a beautiful day
You are a beautiful high quality, intelligent, tasteful woman. If I were a dude I would be proud to pay for your meal just because of the amount of respect you have for yourself and others. He’s weird & a coward. I would just try to forget it asap.
As someone who is old enough to be your mother; I may have some insight into what happened. I feel like this guy may have been jealous and controlling - it seems like maybe he didn't like the fact that you stayed with his friends on your first date (how could you have a good time without him). He may have came back to check and make sure no one else would flirt with you and got angrier and demanded payment for your date. If I'm right, if you think back to the other date he asked to be repaid for there will have been something that irritated him, say some one flirted with you or you had a conversation with some one while he thought you should have only been focused on him. In a way, you are very lucky that he couldn't keep this side of himself hidden before the relationship became more serious. Oh, and I would bet that no one was saying anything bad about you, these types of people want you to feel lucky that they are with you (they like you to feel like they are the only person you can be with) so you're more apt to stay with them. I've been through a relationship like that.
Lol, she had to clear that up because Korean social media will come for her azz, find her in the streets, and have her deported for hate speech in a New York minute. Keep dating those yellow racist/cultural vultures if you want to. The irony of it all is that they treat Blacks folks 100x worse. The Korean chats are filled with disgusting comments but here you are bowing down in fear. SMDH! African women are born to be doormats for your Oppressors and everyone in between especially South Africans.
Girl, after hearing you don't care going 50/50, now I understand why you are being taken advantage of. All you'll be attracting will deadbeats and manipulators. Level up.
Don’t ever let disrespect or shady behaviour slide from a man you’re getting to know. Men are boundary testers and once they know how much you’re willing to take - it only goes down from there.
You’re gorgeous and you’re the prize. Never compromise your standards ❤
This is soooooooo true.
Not just men either.
I didn't hear anything disrespecting that the young man did to her.
@@NC.D how will you hear ? When you’re also a clown like him. Don’t @ me again 🤡
Absolutely!
He did not want to appear as the type to split the bill to others (his friends, waiters and other patrons) He could not communicate it because he was embarrassed or scared to voice it out in case you would ask him more questions.
Agree
Makes sense, but if you want someone to play along to keep up the charade, you really ought to bring them into the loop.
Like, when she brought out her wallet and offered to split the bill, he could've said something to the effect of: 'Let me pay for now. We'll settle the difference later.' Then he could've explained his rationale on the walk back.
Something to the effect of: in Korea the guy is still expected to pay for everything and is considered a bit of a loser if he doesn't. But of course behind closed doors lots of couples split the difference nowadays.* And if he'd been a bit more open in his communication this way, the relationship might have worked out.
* Mind you I know little to nothing about Korean culture, so I'm just guessing for the best explanation for his circumventive behavior when it comes to who pays the bill.
I agree with you. I guess he is not a good communicator after all
Oh my gosh Naledi!! I did not even think of it like that! But it makes so much sense actually!!! Wow!! It was all for show! He probably couldn't even afford to pay for two people but wanted it to seem like he could meanwhile afterwards he's busy making his date uncomfortable sending her figures. Wow wow! And the way he just sent the value with nothing else, makes me sick!
This is it!
I was in Korea 10 years ago. My dating experience of the year negatively affected my relationship with men in general. It took me years to recover from the emotional damage. Yes, it was that bad. If you were a black woman living in Korea in wanting to find love, I would not look for it there.
Honestly it always surprises me when I see black women so obsessed with Korean culture when the dating aspect of it is not to be desired at all.
@@tessy28 It depends Korean men are like men all over the world the best way is not except a relationship and work on yourself someone will admire you from the side line its when you activity chase them that is when the up to no goods get their chances
As a fine ass black woman desired by men all over the world, I say black women in general need to speak for themselves. A lot of y'all fetishize asian men in general and think you're going to find a man from a k-drama. It's a fiction. Korean women aren't even getting those kinds of men irl. Work on your self esteem, work on your appearance, stop being so desperate, and get some self respect. And you will dominate the dating pool in any part of the world. Men will literally bow down at your feet. I hate so black women speak such insecure shit into the air.
Pumped and dumped all over the world 😂😂
@@6feet6figures gross much?
Sounds like he wanted to split the tab, but also get the social "credit" for picking up the whole check, sort of fronting that he's the guy who has money and who pays for everything. But he's really not that guy. I hate weirdness about money, too.
He really didn’t like you, but he wanted to charge you for his time.
Basically took advantage of your kind heart, and he really had no care for you which is sick . He had no intentions on anything with you. You are too nice to be disrespected and manipulated like that.
I love how you articulate it ! No man that sees you as his dream girl will make you “pay for his time”.
Y'all obviously don't know men. 😂
and there is no such thing as a dream girl.
When will melanin people get it? 🙄
@@NC.Ddoesn't matter. He clearly didn't see her as that important if she gotta pay simply for spending time with him
The first red flag was ignoring her during that first meeting, regardless of him being a meetup organiser, he knew what he was doing. Someone else already said it, but men are big boundary testers and because society makes single women feel less than for being single, women overlook a lot of things until its too late or you are so taken with them. Meanwhile men will never.
🚩#1!!!
Why would you overlook anything with a potential partner, it's always best to communicate difference without confrontation, so you don't reach the point of no return.
TINDER IS NOT A PLACE TO MEET ROMANTIC INTEREST, just so you know guys 20,000 won is 15 dollars ... he asked for 15 dollars back even in Africa that's fkn petty ...lol 15 dollars isn't something you can ask someone to back . Girl you need to revaluate your life ..
I literally said...this guys is petty AF...like 15 dollars? How cheap are you?
I was thinking the same thing. Justnolu sounds young and needs parental guidance.
I have never paid for a date. My fiance has paid for dates of £200 and didn't ask me for one penny. 15 dollars is very pitiful. She needs to learn how to discern.
@@tessy28I met my partner of 6 years in tinder lol
Even in Africa…really? Do you know any African customs of the country she’s from or period?
You're so pretty and good natured, please stop giving abusers like this guy the time of day.
Right. When I hear stories of what some girls put up with, I Sometimes wonder how any of them find it hard to date or find a relationship on the apps.? Shouldn’t It be easy? 😂 I am super picky, admittedly sort of high maintenance and the slightest thing will turn me off so because of this, I understand why it will be difficult for me to get in a relationship again. However, I don’t understand how women that are pretty laid back about things like splitting the bill, being left alone etc are still finding it difficult? 👀 If I was easy going, I can guarantee that I would be snapped up again in no time 😂 maybe men don’t care much for the women that make it easy for them? 👀😴
@@gailainsley6939heres your cookie.
I dated a Korean man in the States he came when he was very young. His culture definitely followed him here, very racist family, he didn't want to tell them about me bc i wasn't Korean, when they found out they made him go back to Korea to get him away from me. They'll pretend to be nice to your face, but racist haters behind your back.
This is a lot less true in 2024, though still happens. It was VERY common back in say 2011. There have been a lot of foreign marriages over the past 15 years, but you still should make sure the person is open.
That isn't racism dear. As a korean with similar parents it's the cultural differences. They do this with other asians as well like Chinese or japanese.
You can’t rationalize it because you are a person of integrity. Unfortunately our world is riddled with spoiled men who don’t know how to be men. Don’t know how to be a considerate person for that matter. I could not even fathom sendings woman a bill. It’s amazing when some have such audacity to do something like that but lack the ability to simply be real. It’s also frustrating because as a man I have noticed in the way women react to me just being a good person and man. They are surprised by it. It should be the other way around
The "eat more" thing is a red flag. He doesn't have a filter. If you were fat, he would tell you you're fat. Women love ignoring red flags. As a skinny skinny woman, i would NEVER allow someone to disrespect me like that and still spend the rest of my evening with them. I have gotten up and left dates at the table. You should've gotten up, split the bill and left. Self-esteem is sooo important.
❤
It's kind of difficult when you are immersed in a different culture. It would be hard to read if this was him, or if its acceptable behavior in the culture.
If it was a black man told her that should would’ve been cussing like a sailor
@@6feet6figures well black men usually don't respect anyone not even their self They kill each other over colors and dice😂
@@6feet6figures what do black men have to do with this??
That’s mind boggling and extremely gaslighting to pay publicly, reap the benefits of being in someone’s favor and then ask for refunds in private. What a psycho
No, this is a guy trying to fulfill his gender role publicly, without the capacity to do it. It’s called “saving face” in many Asian cultures
It was never a date. He invited a bunch of people on Tinder for a group outing. Its not unusual in S Korea. Just a bunch of young people hanging out together. He was just being sociable. She was interested but he wasnt which is why he was uncomfortable in her apartment
@@lindc1070it was after that. They went on a private date why would he confuse her to begin with? No one goes on tinder for a friend and not establish that
@@brieflyflesh4917 she asked him for the second " date" because she wanted to try an Italian restaurant. Some of you foreign girls have some imagination. Jump to conclusions🤣. A guy who is interested in a girl would not ask her to join s group on a first date. Not in Asia. And he wouldnt ask her to pay. This guy was just inviting her because she was a foreigner, was being hospitable.
@@brieflyflesh4917she asked him for the second date & planned it. She was supposed to contribute 😂 its just cultural differences & her idea of what it was is totally different to his. Which man interested in a woman sexually is gonna be uncomfortable in her apartment?? That's a dead giveaway
I remember going to lunch with two co-workers and one made a remark about my weight. That girl said I probably take a week without eating and my other coworker thought that was ridiculous. Then we were on a work trip when she approached me to tell me how she wishes to be my weight since I look the way she looked before she had a child. Sometimes, people say unkind things as a way to project their insecurities onto you. It’s a them problem.
You’re such a beautiful woman. When people say negative things towards you, it’s a reflection of how they feel about themselves. It has nothing to do with you. You’re beautiful.
I totally agree!
Ok I was ready to give you some tough love, but you are right . The problem is communicating and caring so much about how he presents himself "falsely" to the public. Whatever the culture I do think it's a red flag when people care so much what others think
What '"tough love" did you plan on giving her?
@@MariamaDiallo-fj6ow😂
and how did he present himself falsely?
@MariamaDiallo-fj6ow Probably call her out on some biases or something.
I don't blame her TBH. A lot of videos about this topic tend to go bad really quickly, with a lot of the women in these videos just devolving into snobbish complaining and, at worse, outright spouting bigoted remarks about the other party's people and culture. Not trying to be close-minded or misogynistic here, honestly I'm not, I'm just being honest about my opinion on videos like these.
That being said though, I do like this lady's video in particular and appreciate not lapsing into the problems I mentioned above.
He wasn't amazing He was just stringing you along Some men are just garbage We all had been there The things that didn't make sense amidst all his nice appearance were major red flags It makes me think of Jameela Jamil I saw a video here on YT where she were talking about one of her worst dating experience I was in stitches The only interest about them is to hv a good laugh Btw your skin is so beautiful and don't be self conscious about being skinny I think you are very pretty
Homeboy was red flags and she chose to ignore them out of low self-esteem.
@@anniesok868
She's not being treated the best in that country according to her other story times, so unfortunately she'll probably continue to put up with things like this as long as she decides to continue living there.
He wanted a**. Because he didnt get it at end of the night he asked for money back... duh.
there is something to be said when Korean women stopped dealing with their men altogether: no dating, no talking, no marriage and no children. there is a term for that in Korean-i forgot. but anyhoo, Korean women have so far left their counterpart alone because something is wrong with these guys as a collective. and I heard that korean society is very patriarchal, and that can be a problem for american women/non-korean women.
Nah They are raycyst B’shes worshipping whyte men
And Y’all going for young dudes is the problem
Older men are the best
And She wouldnt have to deal with all that m ess either if she dated much older men
Like men over 55
@@李珊-f2r No way, older men are not attractive & they will continuously use you for your youth & toss you to the side as you age, but you'll figure that out later. You can have it. Also, she said he was 2 years older than her. Dating in your own age group is ideal. Not too much older, not too much younger. Older men are stuck in their ways & want you to be a slave as a wife. They'll only be fun before they lock you down. It's a trap. I doubt you've gotten to that stage yet & so you've not had the experience. Good day.
@@李珊-f2r No young woman wants an old man for love. Nice try, bro.
I heard about this as well
@@李珊-f2rolder men are predators stop with that mindset. Love yourself and have boundaries, weed out one's who mean you no-good
Little sister, you are so beautiful. I was horrified at this guy's behavior! How dare he treat you like that!?PLEASE be more careful next time. Do not bring a man you barely know in your apartment. Do not let a man Triangulate you like that a.k.a bring you among a group of friends where you are an outsider and you are outnumbered. While he's surrounded by long-time friends. That was so inconsiderate of him.
He " fake" apologized to you about not taking care of you... He actually wanted to make sure you knew that he was neglecting your emotional well-being and he wanted to see if you were accepting of that, that's why he brought it up.
The test with the touchy-feely "girlfriend", was to see if you tolerate being neglected and put on the back burner by a man you are interested in. What a lack of maturity on his part.
He did that on purpose, and again on the second date, the same group of people was "coincidentally" in the area?... Yeah right...I do not believe that.
I believe every second of your date with him was being reported back to that group of friends via text messages and they were all having fun at your expense. If I was you I would leave the narcissist, his girlfriend, and whoever you are friends with, from that group. They have zero respect for you. They probably talk about you behind your back. I hope you have other friends, please throw this batch of " frenemies" into the garbage and concentrate on other people. I'm willing to bet that girl does a lot of weird things to you that you rationalize.
If you are honest with yourself you will admit that you are staying friends with that girl, not because you want to, but because you are worried about what they think of you. That's a bad reason. You don't have to prove anything to him or to her.
Trust you'll learn either with experience or through advice from older women with more experience. One of the options is more painful than the other.
You could be right. My first reaction would have been to leave as soon as I saw that it wasn't a date. Just the fact that they met on Tinder makes me suspicious that maybe he was doing a social experiment to show his friends. It made me angry.
My sentiments!
Spot on
Texting for money sounds like fear based behavior because of what could potentially happen if you asked face to face. That is already a reason to not ever see the guy again. A mature person would at least try to communicate their mindset when it comes to paying. The girl that was overtly flirting with him as part of the group also indicates to me that that could be what he sees as an acceptable sign that a girl is interested. Either that or he was checking for signs of visible jealousy. Some people see visible jealousy as confirmation of interest. Also not a good sign primarily because they lack the maturity to ask the right questions and rather than do that they expect the woman to fawn over them. Mature relationships obviously won't rely on shallow expressions of interest and are based on a deeper connection that is built over time.
The group thing seems like another indirect form of communication. A group setting is not something you would choose if you had your heart set on getting to know someone. It's actually more of a setting you'd choose if you were terrified of being alone with someone. It could be because you don't trust your own intuition or need the impression of others. I'd expect a woman to choose a group setting more than a man because of the risks associated with meeting a man for the first time but perhaps some men also had experiences where they met with risk. Commenting on how thin someone is is another sign that a man is not secure especially if they barely know the girl. If you know someone well enough to see a change in weight, I see that as enough of a reason to show concern and in that moment comment on how thin they may look compared to how they normally are. But for a stranger to say that makes me think they're simply bad at making conversation and happened to put their foot in it. He may have regretted it later. He may have also had really bad dating experiences and just felt safer in a group. That would explain the text for payment instead of asking face to face. He could just be a scared individual if you really think about it. Maybe trying to heal from past trauma. I had to really dig deep to come up with this narrative. I heard some scary stories about online dating so he might have seen some things that caused him to act like that. I personally wouldn't want to deal with it unless he was willing to explain the trauma though if it is trauma.
What I learned is practicing the art of detachment - let him chase you it’s in a man nature for them too - don’t be so giving and make sure you set the tone from the beginning
Your gonnna find love 💗
I needed this, thanks
Great comment👍!!
😂
@triplebz9963 no one's gonna You chase don't be delusional 😢
are you 15? A healthy relationship is not a game, no one is supposed to chase you. And if they do, it's a red flag, hun.
You appear to be a very kind person. Please know that you don't have to be friends with someone to make another person comfortable.
You are so naturally pretty!
Maybe paying for your meal was just for show. For the eyes of those in the restaurant and friends but privately he would ask his money back. So others would perceive him as generous and gentlemanly but it wouldn't cost him a thing.
I was thinking the same thing
It sounds like he just saw you all as having a platonic relationship. Something I’ve learned is to get clarity about a guy’s intentions before getting too excited too soon. Also, take people at face value & pay attention to actions over words! He essentially treated you like a pal that he poorly communicated with. And it definitely was rude of him to tell you to eat more, that would have been the time to stand up for yourself & walk away.
I feel that most women who go to korea think that men are all this dreamy type of guy you see in k-dramas, and it's so wrong. Sorry to say it, but asian people are usually cold and not very romantic. They don't really know how to treat a woman, especially the younger guys. I always think that it's best to stick to men from your own country and/or your own race, because it's easier that way. I am Romanian, eastern europe, and I've dated some men from other countries, but I've noticed that all of them had some pretty awful prejudices about my country and my people and it kind of hurt me, actually. People from other cultures are sometimes unable to respect your own and you end up with a lot of frustrations, no matter how compatible you may seem at first. That's my advice as a woman in her 30's, but I'm not saying that there aren't exceptions, of course. A lot of mixed couples out there do just fine, but that's not for me, nor for the most of us.
What nationalities did you encounter with those prejudices? Romanian here too😅
This goes for men and women of all ethnicities. So many people romanticize other cultures and think the grass is greener. In reality, you're just picking a different poison.
I love how the whole video is just a story telling that has kept me through, no makeup on the side while you tell it its just very you☺ thank you for the video.
hear hear, I am grateful she chose not to multitask so I also didn't hide the screen to avoid seeing make up and weaves. She focussed on the story and I focussed back.
@@SekaSetswana thats true, i guess we multitask in litarally everythin these days we forget we can take things one at a time.
i really loved the video
You're videos are so authentic, honest and refreshing! Thank you
Yea so so authentic when she was LIVING IN CHINA WHILE PRETENDING TO BE IN KOREA!! So honest
Yeah you're actually slow@@6Haunted-Days
There were LOADS of red flags in this from beginning to end love I’m sorry to say.🤦🏾♀️
I wouldn’t have paid him ANYTHING! Not going to judge, but I wouldn’t even stay friends with a person like that either, regardless of whether this was cultural difference or not.😒
If you’re on a date, communicate and say we will split the bill etc.
I think you were very smitten by him, that you chose to ignore the glaring red flags right in front you, and it does happen 👍🏾. I’ve done the same, but I also can see whether someone is taking the mick, and trying to appear to be something they’re not. And also, wanting to see the good in others, which is never a bad thing.
You just have to be cautious, and more aware. If something appears to be good to be true, then it usually is 👍🏾.
When a guy is a con man, ... Your red flag must be on and sharp, doesn't matter if he's Korean or not... Never lower your standards because of someone being Korean ....Tv has made them think they can behave anyhow towrds other races, specially towards Blacks...
girl... can i tell you just how absolutely gorgeous you are... god's perfection. nuff respect
You should have spoke up when he told you to eat more. You set the tone for the relationship. I would have sent him half of the price of the meal. And treated him like a friend. You was always available to him and never said no.
This is why women need to work on themselves before relationships. Otherwise men will use and abuse you.
That’s for sharing! I have had a range of experiences dating. One woman gave me her number and told me she was conducting a study on men and dating, only to answer her phone and ask why I was calling her. Some of the most mysterious flags are ones that take a lot of effort to decode because they are weird. You are such beautiful person, thanks again for sharing. It’s helpful to consider different perspectives on our human journey.
Completely agree with "some of the most mysterious flags are ones that take a lot of effort to decode because they are weird” or can take a long time to notice due to the covert nature of some people.
Since you guys are “friends,” I would tell him about it and tell him it’s not a good practice and he should just be more upfront with women he dates in the future. He may not know or may not realize it’s rude (he may also realize it but not care), so it never hurts to just be upfront with people about the issue because it helps ppl grow. If he doesn’t receive it well or doesn’t change, oh well, that’s on him. But I fully believe in calling ppl out on their shxt.
You are so beautiful 😍. Keep being so true. I relate to you on so many fronts. As an African myself living abroad..it's so validating to hear your experiences.
I have been here for 11 years. We split the bill a lot and mostly someone pays then we send the money later. Also, most of the times Koreans use the world "date" to mean anything, it can be romantic , platonic or just friends. I think communication was important here, and the good thing is he didn't take advantage of you sexually because most Korean men know now that there are lot of foreign ladies coming to Korea looking for love, and most are obsessed with Kpop and Kdramas. Korean is no different from any other country when it comes to relationships. Most foreigners who come here looking for love ends up disappointed and with mental health issues.
I have seen many videos where women say like that how they are disappointed actually in there kdrama or hippo whatever men put make up on which is not attractive to me at all 😂😂😂I just attracted to there small eyes 😂😂
@@justinenakirya3841 what.
He was so weird for that. I hate how he just sent you the figure of how much you 'owed' him after the date. No explaination nothing.
Def agree with the other subbies, he was putting a show for those around him to perceive him as generous and gentlemanly when he in fact was not or could not afford to.
This woman is so beautiful. Her skin looks so clean.
Thank you Nolu for sharing your experiences in Korea with us. Know that you're The Prize, don't pay on dates. Period.
You deserve the utmost respect, and it doesn't matter if cultures are different. You were disrespected for various factors.
Please remember to set/re-set healthy boundaries for yourself in advance, everyday for engagement with others in various situations.
If you for some reason, you cannot extend this kind of love to yourself, imagine someone you'd want to protect fiercely, and how you'd guide them to prevent them from being harmed by people who just don't care and/or are walking zombies.
Thank you for your graceful vulnerability. We all learn with and through you.
You're NOT a doormat, in Korea, or anywhere. Know your Worth. You're invaluable.
Never let anyone mistake your kindness and acknowledgement of their humanity for weakness.
I don’t think being called a “prize” is the flex you think it is.. being objectified is never a good thing and they almost always want something in return if they pay for the whole thing. Splitting the bill is the most self-respecting thing a girl can do on a date
It almost sounds like he did that because he was too embarrassed to ask you to split the bill in public. In Korea, that might look really embarrassing for a man to do. So instead he asks you to pay in private. It also seemed like he didn’t have a romantic connection either. So that could explain why he made you pay for your half.
i really loved this video, the productive quality is beautiful and i really enjoy hearing your thoughts on things. thanks so much, i look forward to the next one
Aww girl you are so sweet. I hope one day you find a sweet man that will treat you right.
I have a question: Did he show you the bills?🤔
If Not, he could ask you ANY amount of money he needed.
And probably paid for his meals too!
Omg 🤦🏽♀
Just asking. I had this myself once with a guy... that's why.
That's the tricky thing when you don't know him long or close enough.
@@ahmosel4901 why omg?
I was just thinking that. I am in Korea now, the highest meal I had was upper 20s and it was a meal for two. I even had drinks.
In black Africa, there is no such a thing as splitting bills in dating or on any other similar occasions. A man asks you out on a date, he knows he is going to pay. Period! 😅🤣😂
the first thing is to stop dating on tinder it is kinda of dangerous and keep traveling to different courties to date diffferent races or all races of men,keep your standards,expections,boundaries high,vet heavily and be safe,keep your self esteem high
Then stop being intentional: stop looking. Attend social outings with no expectations and let things happen organically.
We feel the same way. Our mom is old-school and she said for those that want to be in a serious relationship the best way to do it is by going out to social events and talking to people the old fashioned way. She also said that some relationships developed by people having friends who introduced them to another person who they actually know and think that they're may be some chemistry between the two.
Lol there’s literally no formula to dating. You could meet someone in a social setting and they can still turn out to be a horrible person. If anything 90% of people meet their partners in social settings and look at the divorce rate. Literally no formula. Just pray you get lucky
@@jesss8060 We do agree on prayer. Pray to the most High for a partner where you and that person are evenly yolked.
exactly
@@2nerdysisters You said it all!!! Wait on The Lord.
You are a beautiful young woman. Don't let people mess with you. There's such a thing as being "too nice" . Take care. I send a sunny 💛from South Africa.
I think he thought you guys were just friends. Unless you guys made it clear that the two of you were dating. Many guys in Korea use Tinder to find friends because it was initially advertised in Korea as a friendship app and then eventually got seen as what it really is. As someone who has lived in Korea for 4 years and has many Korean friends, the "eat more" thing is definitely cultural and I've gotten it many times even at company dinners, friend hang outs and dates. The splitting of the bill afterwards definitely shows he just saw you as a friend because this is very common in friendship hangouts in Korea. One person pays for everything and then later sends the bill. I think a simple conversation would've cleared up any doubts but I hope you don't completely give up on Korean men, there are some great ones out there!!
I think the same about the eat more thing. That is definitely cultural in Korea.
@@3ama4life I'm tired of people excusing shit by saying 'it's cultural'. No it's not. In Russia you will also often hear comments about your weight if you're skinny, it's pretty common. Now is that an ok thing to do? NO, I can tell you that as a Russian. Many people here will comment but also many of us are pissed off by this behaviour.
Hurtful things are hurtful no matter where you are and you should not tolerate them and smile.
@@ChocolateMuffin308 I don't completely disagree with you. I also come from a culture where if u are getting big, they tell you. It's just a more "direct" culture. You can argue whether it's right or wrong. I'm sure ppl from the particular culture have varying thoughts as to the appropriateness of such behavior as well. I'm saying, one should view it within the context of who said it and where it was said, let the person know you don't appreciate it but consider MAYBE the person didn't view it as offensive because based on their socialization, it's a normal thing to say. I'm just more invested in educating ppl. Some ppl may not have the intention of harming you, and may not even know they did. Open your mouth and let them know. ESPECIALLY, if you are both culturally different.
He seems to be full of pride; wanting others around you to see that he pays for everything, to leave them with the impression that he is such a good person. But behind closed doors, he showed his true colors. To me that is indicating the type of person he truly is. Huge red flags.
Wait but isnt the petite/skinny body frame the 'IT' in Korea??💀💀💀
Yeah when it comes with the white/pale skin. Lmao
The stereotype of black women is thick and curvy. Any guy in a country with so few black people is basically going to imagine us as pure stereotypes. Many will not be interested in us at all due to close mindedness. The ones that are will probably have a lot of inaccurate beliefs about us - in EVERY aspect. Culture, temperament, body etc. It's no surprise there are multiple examples of Koreans giving black people brown hands and feet in advertising campaigns because "that's what people expect to see." So even if the creators KNOW we have pale hands and feet, they know the populace is so ignorant that brown hands and feet is what they "want" to see.
So basically these types of guys would want a thin waif-like Korean woman, but if they're going to date a black woman they expect us to conform to stereotype and be thick and curvy.
When you said your name is Nolu, I was like "nank'umXhosakazi.
@@notyourfrind9415 🙄
It is too at least I got pretty privilege because of this
Great video Nolu, you have such a lovely voice to listen to. I had the same experience with a guy, he took me and another friend out for dinner, it was supposed to be just a casual friend meet up but he kept bragging to me about always paying for all expenses when he's out with women. When we left, he then asks me to pay back for my half of the dinner😂😂. He just wanted to show off in the resturant to seem as though he had money I guess and I believe it's the same for the guy you knew.
I could listen to her narrating the whole day. Her voice is soothing.
I subscribed after watching your video about your assault and honestly I gravitate towards authentic people and you my dear are as real as it gets. Keep Shining..
The first time he asked you for money after the fact , you cold have taken the initiative in public to tell him you want to split the bill. Then if he said no, that’s the way it would remain or even if he said okay. At least you know who you’re dealing with. He sounds dry cheap.
Could have , not cold-typo.
You are so beautiful and your facial expressions are lovely to watch❤
Yoo stop making music in a muslim country,stop spreading corruption in the land
What a dusty. Thanks for sharing
I once dated a Korean guy who told me to eat more too because he felt I was very skinny. I didn't take it in a bad way because it opened my eyes to a group of Korean guys who like/prefer thicker girls, contrary to the popular belief that all Korean men like skinny girls with an 's' line. However, it did baffle me that he chose to go on dates with me if he preferred thicker girls 🤭
To assume the whole population of Korean guys like skinny girls is just not smart in the first place.
He did not prefer thicker women. He just wanted you to be comfortable and eat just in case you were nervous and didn’t want to eat.
Are you serious?? Why do you keep paying this dude? Can’t you tell he’s a F boy and he sees you like a clown? That he’s using you? He knows what to do because he paid for the whole tab in public then went behind and asked for money. GIRL. You should have listened to your friends and left. him. there. Your pride is your downfall, and just humiliated you. I’m just so shocked like…🤦🏾♀️💆🏾♀️ Nooo. You’re cheapening yourself. The mn the girl who was touching him in your face. He created no boundaries at all.
We live and learn. But please, have some boundaries for yourself. You can’t be letting these men disrespect you like this. I remember the story in the train when the man SA you and you stayed that way. Girl please. Be stronger.
Lots of red flags 🚩🚩🚩🚩
She has the same attitude in every video/every story time, look where she's living...
Aunty be calming down!!! Your words are way too harsh and unwarranted. She didn't sleep with the guy, did she?
She merely gave the guy the courtesy of the benefit of the doubt. She saw the 'red flag' but wanted to be sure she wasn't reading too much into things and making emotional decisions which is what so many ppl end up doing at the slightest perceived offense.
Btw If she'd slept with him then one can suggest she cheapened herself! Which is the worst of it all... Girls who sleep with guys beforehand and with blinders on are the extremely cheap ones...
And no her pride isn't her downfall... This is not theater or it is REAL LIFE. It's called having a sense of dignity. That someone plays dirty doesn't mean you have to stoop so low to their level and do the same. Yes, our gal wasn't blind to all of this as you heard her speak... IT IS WHY SHE WALKED AWAY AFTER ONLY A FEW DATES...
And she did good. That someone can't be a great boyfriend doesn't mean they might not be good friends. At least she knows what to expect from him now...
She’s an Idiot that’s why! She wants her Asian Oppressor to love her 😂
You’re talking out of place to be very honest.
You don’t know her so stop talking like you do. It’s very insensitive, the nerve of you to mention her SA smh
I think it's a cultural thing. I remember hearing once about Japanese men (may be same for Korean/other Far East Asians) that they wouldn't pay for a woman on a date but rather split bills if they don't see her (yet?) as a "wife material". Of course it's a more traditional way of thinking, may be different for younger generations.
Also, Asians tend to be more reserved when it comes to showing their actual, deeper feelings or talking upfront about uncomfortable mathers (such as money for example) which can be perceived by West civilizations as a lack of communication, fear of confrontation and such.
And all that, at least I believe, creates these awkward situations you're describing.
That's fine, though. Cultural differences are fine. just say that on the date. And the second date, she willingly said "want me to pay for half" and he said no and paid. What is the point? It's just bad communication. Plus there was absolutely no manners (which could also be a cultural thing, when I was in Korea 'excuse me' wasn't a thing so I couldn't really get angry) but it's an intercultural date. Just communicate these differences.
Jesus loves you so much!
@@AndSoWeLaughed also on that first date where he left and came back and asked for money? Like I feel like he wanted her to go with him home and have sex but was irritated and came back as his plan did not work and demanded for the money
@@jesss8060Another angle
You have an amazing personality and you are absolutely gorgeous 💯👊🏾
I googled and it seems in Korean, they don't split bills, but you take turns. So if he treated you, MAYBE he expected you to get the next one. Maybe he felt like you didn't offer and got petty and sent you the bill
Edit: I've been snapped at for trying to split bills before. The POV is splitting is not a good look. In Asian culture, fighting with each other just to be the one to pay the bill is common. So some people may feel like you either try to pay the whole bill, or not, but don't try to split, that's "cheap". So maybe the guy pays for dinner, the girl pays for the movie, etc.
Your story made me remember a somewhat terrible story (that sometimes pops up in my head) about my friend's cousin who went on dates with a guy (not in Korea, not Korean), and he was all gentleman-like, he paid for her, but she soon realized that they just didn't click. When she told him that, he got mad, and that same evening he sent her 'the bill' of all the money he'd spent on her during their dates, including all coffees and such small things. I don't remember whether she sent him the money in the end, but that story still haunts me. Like, he must've been literally saving the receipts because that was before the banking apps where you can see all the money you've spent.
it takes a lot to come on here and be brave enough to share your stories. Dating is tough. Sharing and being gentle with each other helps us through such a crazy process. Do not worry someone will be right for you no matter the culture. Good luck and thanks for sharing.
Omg girl I completely understand you about being skinny and don’t like when people say you need to eat more in a way as if you are starving.
I lived in Korea for 10 years. There are many non-Koreans to date.
exactly!If I were her, i would just seek options within the expat community lol
I won’t lie, my ex was Indian that was the first time I dated outside of my race…and I don’t think I’ll ever do it again. I’m terrified, definitely the most traumatizing relationship I’ve ever been in. That’s how I feel right now I don’t know about the future but it’s something I’m very conscious about whenever I find myself attracted to someone other than a black man. Probably a bad mindset but I feel like I have ptsd from it
What happened dear?
I wonder what happened, too. Did his family disapprove? Arranged marriages are a part of Indian culture. But even when it isn't arranged, the parents have very heavy influence over who their children date and marry. So I wonder what the parent's reaction was to him dating a black woman.
😢😢
Elaborate..
Well if BM treat you better... lol
In Asian culture, asking people to eat more is quite common and an act of friendliness
Sis, the right one will come along....never settle or accept less than you deserve!❤
your voice is so soothing.
I live in Korea for many years. Some Korean men pay in the restaurant because they are embarrassed to split the bill in public when they are on a date. Like what people will think of him? That’s why they send private messages afterwards. I grew up in a culture where men pay for a date they invited me to. If they don’t, it’s a friend not a date. Women invest so much money in looking good, I think men can afford to treat a lady with some food and drinks. And this is just me. I respect other opinions and know that some women insist on paying and it’s cool, just not my thing
There's no cultural difference. He was just stingy scrooge and wasn't interested in you enough.
yep, eastern men (north africans, middle easterns, south asians and est asians) who are truly interested in you PAY for these bills and they'll even get offended if you want to pay your share. Sometimes, even with male friends (not even dating), they feel uneasy so I let them pay then I pay for a drink later on to "thank them" lol, they're more "accepting" with this arrangement and they find it a "nice gesture". Now some of them got contaminated but still, don't accept this contamination, those who do that aren't serious enough about you... maybe you can pay after the thirs date or something, or once in a while like "hey babe, let me invite you to this place".
I had a guy ask me to pay him back for a hot dog and small soda, after he had me ducking to dodge his boss; he skipped work and wanted to hang out in that location despite my insistence that we meet another day. The boss ditching only came up during the date.
No, there’s just a conflict in his poverty and ability to fulfill his social gender role as the male. It’s particularly significant in Korean culture
I swear I enjoy listening to your stories. You have the gift of making interesting videos.
First of all, you’re beautiful and brave for moving to the other side of the globe. As a somewhat older woman, I would say that communication goes both ways. Maybe the money thing was a cultural difference? You seemed to really like him and it saddens me that you would walk away so easily without even giving him the opportunity to explain what his thinking was. It seems so minor and something that could’ve been easy to resolve with a proper conversation. It’s gonna be hard to cultivate any relationship without the desire or ability to resolve conflict. I’m speaking from experience. I appreciate that you need content for your channel but voicing your concerns to a bunch of internet strangers instead of to the actual person you hoping to have a relationship with is not the way to get you want you want…a loving healthy relationship built on mutual trust and communication. Good luck sista🥰🥰🥰
I agree I also feel that he was not interested in her romantically. But she failed to communicate. If you want a relationship just be direct and make your intentions clear. However she is really pretty and I hope she is successful in finding someone.
@dynamicpisces Well said!, I was looking for someone to make this comment! Thanks
For anyone wondering, he had asked for $7.56 back.
You are a very beautiful woman. There is nothing wrong with you. live your life.
Please improve your self-esteem because you should've cut the guy off the minute he brought another woman who was pawing/touching up on him to your first meet up.... What's not clicking?
I feel sorry for you sweetie. You seem like you have a low self esteem cuz this guy was lo key dissing you the whole time and you were hoping to find any bit of genuineness in all his actions but there wasn’t any. I think him and his friends were probably joking about you behind your back. You are beautiful, you really don’t need to be thirsty like this. That guy is a jerk. He’s just toying with you because you are letting him and you keep showing up for more. Why are you even still friends with him or his crew? None of them respect you, I’m 1000% sure that hurting your feelings, treating you bad and making you scramble to come back for more is just so funny to them. They are just doing it for fun, like an ego thing of haha, look at how desperate she is for acceptance, I bet I can trick her into doing anything. Some ppl are just mean like that honey.
You’re not an asshole and you don’t even think to toy with ppl like that, that’s why you can’t wrap your mind around why he would do those things. Love yourself more and trust your gut. When ppl do things that make you say, “Y would someone do that” that’s a red flag and you need to end the date and get outta there. There’s too many good men out there for you to get hung up on a jerk.
I think we as Black Women have to understand, that just because they are “nice” to us DOES NOT mean they like us …
I really had a "my fellow South African" moment!😂 I was not expecting that at all! You have a new subscriber ❤
Yeh, the invoice was tacky as HELL💯 im with you on this one Sis👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿
You make great videos! What software do you use?
That guy that paid for your meal and asked you to pay him. Wow...I have no idea why he would do that? It's almost like he wanted to show off or something in front of someone and it doesn't make sense in front of you. It's as if there were other people in the restaurant that were watching. I have no idea...just guessing.
Just curious. IF you were to move to another country, which would it be.
Keep up the good work...I've always wanted to do something like this, but that motivation element...I think I procrastinate too much! Keep up the videos...learning a lot!
I would not even be friends with someone like this. I would also hold him accountable for his behavior.
Im proud of you for making it out of that situation. You didnt deserve that crazy treatment, it is not your fault. Please dont hesitate to call people out on there disrespect, it definetly make a diffrence to a bully. Your learning more ans more❤ good for you sista
It's definitely a cultural difference. The whole "saving face" thing is big in Asia... I experienced a similar situation in China. I also always find it odd when a guy who wants to date you chooses group settings... I just can't take them seriously. Honestly, this guy isn't worthy of your friendship IMO... The body shaming comment was enough for me to get the ICK. You are so beautiful and I hope you find someone who isn't narcissistic or passive aggressive.
❣Peace
Paying 50/50 in korea is called "dutch". It's not something people here do too often. But what is a common practice is one person pays for the food. And when you move to the next location like the bar or cafe, you pay for the drinks.
I think his behavior is a bit off too. And if it was something based on "i'm embarassed to let others see you paying for me" he needs to communicate it better. I think communication is one of the most important things when it comes to any relationship, but it's ESPECIALLY vital when it comes to a mixed cultural relationship. It was for the better that you two just winded up as friends. Because that communication issue would have gotten worse in your dating journey.
Don't lose heart though! I been married to my Korean husband for nearly 10 years.
Honestly, the way he treated you is consistent with him being ashamed of being seen "in a date" with you. Source: I've been "soft" catfished a few times but I try to be polite to the person and still go through the motions of a date (and still pay for both, for the record) but my heart's not in it and neither is my physical presence.
You need standards girl! The color of red flags look like this 🚩🚩🚩🚩
That's the weirdest gaslighting I've ever heard! I wouldn't have known what to do, in a different country & everything, & I'm older, so, I can see why she didn't know what to do! Honestly, I think soon as the 21-whatever cost thing happened (asking to be reimbursed Again), I would say 'I'm Sorry, it's not appropriate to Surprise someone w/ expenses after you Behave like this was a Date & the expenses were Fine; Idk how you expect me to react.' If I was in my 20's I probably would have done exactly what she did, but Today, I'd absolutely say something. Your stories are really Educational & helpful, thank you teacher🥰👍
He was poor darling, spiritually and mentally….
IMO, the first red flags were the first date with the group and the flirty friend. It comes across that he's controlling and was ok with someone being uncomfortable. Then commenting on your body and pushing food toward you... I can't. Then after each date he just blurts out numbers like that, as a way to ask for compensation... oh my goodness! If that's what he's leading with, you would have been in big trouble with this guy. It seems like he sets up others in order to come across a certain way. Very untrustworthy!
Some people only date for convenience. Unfortunately, someone people end up dating users, the red flags are loud and clear .
Thanks for sharing. What a bizzare experience, thank God it didn't go worse like he tried to rob you or something.
There are dusties is every nationality and race. It's a universal trait among men
Listening to you just makes me feel like I was part of your storytale. 💗
....so interesting ..😊
Please
Don't get discouraged ...okay
You are beautiful..you are smart..you a wonderfully made by God and your Own Man will definitely locate you ...soon okay.
❤️ Much love
The advice in this comment section is top tier.
Being skinny in korea is a compliment you were lucky
You are gorgeous. You look like a talking painting. Also your international adventures takes a lot of courage and intelligence, an open mind. And you have a pleasant personality. May the man of your dreams appear, as you deserve, and treat you like the queen that you are 💫
Thanks for sharing. Hope you meet someone who is truly genuine towards you.🍇
What type of guy will ask you to pay after the date? Come on! What a weirdo😂
If a man talk badly about your body in your face he will never be in a relationship with you. Is The biggest red flag ever.
Girl! You're too kind for your own good...
First time watching you & I really enjoyed your video & subscribed to your channel. Love from Liverpool UK ♡
Him paying was just for show, like the way society views him I think
I can help. Sweetheart, you are beautiful. He wanted to appear as a gentleman in public and wanted to get his money back in private because he doesn’t care about impressing you! He cares about what everyone else thinks of him😂
There’s nothing wrong with paying him back. Keep the conversation respectful and minimal since you share mutual friends.
If a guy isn’t trying to impress you, you aren’t his type.