I find it so degrading, when some people tell disabled persons: "Omg, your partner is so wonderful for taking care of you inspite of all that!" Because they think they are saying something flattering, but actually they are saying: "Do you even know what a burden you are and how hard it must be for them to put up with you?" I mean, I'm not disabled, but I'll just make a stab in the blue and hypothesize that disabled people in romantic relationships actually do think a lot about that and are not excactly happy getting reminded of it? 😅
Grimes' Daughter yeah... basically. I’m a disabled guy and have an able-bodied boyfriend, and he’s not only an angel for being with me, but an angel generally for being a great person. I absolutely love being with him, and I’m happy he understands me and makes me happier when I’m having a bad pain/anxiety/depressive day. It’s so nice to be seen and feel loved.
@@Xan1120 That is really lovely to read, Xander! Excuse me, but people in happy relationships always make me happy ☺I'm glad you have someone who understands you and takes care of you, espacially since I know firsthand how difficult anxiety and depression can makes one's life. Seems you two are a good match. Wish you all the best for the future of your relationship ☺❤
Grimes' Daughter Yeah, I agree. And you can acknowledge how disability affects a person and their loved ones without making the disabled person sound like a burden. Just ask them and their loved ones how the disability affects them, what they need for good self-care, how you can help and be part of a support netwerk. But it should always be clear in your language that while disability can be a nuisance, someone with a disability is not. People don’t mean harm, but it must really hurt hearing someone being declared saint just for wanting to be with you.
It's like a backhanded compliment. I'm chronically ill but I take care of my able bodied spouse, who has no clue. Everytime someone pulls the poor hubby with sick wife crap, I think ... if you only knew....
My husband is mentally ill to the point of being disabled. He’s very kind, funny, and intelligent, but he has a hard time holding a job because of social anxiety an ptsd. Because I’m the woman and he’s the man, people assume that he’s being lazy and inconsiderate by “making” me work. I have a hard time explaining that I love him and don’t care that he’s disabled. I didn’t marry him for financial reasons. I married him because we’re in love. And people who love each other stay with each other no matter what challenges they face. He will be a great stay at home dad, and that’s just as valuable as making money. I actually like the idea of being the working parent. I even have to remind him sometimes. When you love someone, you treat them like family. Would you just refuse to take care of your parent, sibling or child because their disability was physically or emotionally draining?
I’m glad you feel that way. It was the opposite way with me and my ex. He took care of me because I kept having panic attacks in workplace settings and now I work from home, but before I found a way to work at home I was seen as a “gold digger” or lazy when they had no idea I had insomnia all night panic attacks that had me hyperventilating and crying until I passed out, and the only things the helped knocked me out where I’m basically sleeping or struggling to stay awake. I needed time, several years to be ok again. I’m still not great but having someone love you through that is priceless!
I feel you, i can only hold down a job for a year or so until the workplace drama and constantly changing policies cause panic attacks and self harm. (We think i may be on the spectrum.) His family thinks im garbage even tho ive earned more than him over the course of our relationship
My dad is recently disabled and he is constantly apologizing to my mom for being a burden and thanking her for taking care of him, and it is so heartbreaking to know thats how he sees himself at the moment because we are all just so thankful he survived none of us see him as a burden, least of all my mom.
Hopefully it will get easier soon for him and for you guys, too. There is so much grieving and adjusting in a situation like that it takes time for everyone. I still have trouble with this once in a while, though.
My boyfriend is Deaf and when people make comments about his “condition” or “hearing impairment” somehow being this big obstacle, I’m taken aback and I’m shocked because it’s so far removed from how I think of him that I don’t know what to say to these people. My boyfriend is Deaf, it’s nbd. I’m learning ASL, I already add captions whenever I watch TV, & I have no problem finding the best ways for us to communicate. This is the guy that picked up my broken pieces and showed me that I was still someone worth loving and knowing, that I could still contribute to the world even though my life has not gone to plan. His Deafness is absolutely no problem for me. And you know what one of the first things we bonded over was? Music. So take that, all your preconceptions, limiting beliefs, & other bs.
counterpoint: my bf's struggles and trauma were on the table from the time we first started dating, and less than a month in MY trauma quickly came to light and he was the first to help. it's been four beautiful years since then {': some things bring us closer together edit: it probably also doesn't hurt that he's got ADHD and we're 96% certain that i have it as well lmao
I wish I had a filter because I always let it out straight away and ruin it! 😭 But I also don't want it to come out later because then you invest time before they leave you :( rather avoid the people who find it so awful x
@@asmokeus I think that this is a really good point. Its important to be upfront and honest about disabilities with our partners, but it's really difficult to pick the "right" moment to bring this up.
@@LilG2105 letting people know things about you is good! But you might be coming off too strongly if you find it's off putting for them. Doesn't mean you need to hide it until they feel invested, it just depends what you're revealing :)
The headache story reminded me of the scene from Friends when Rachel is in labor and Ross hits head and says “you have no idea how bad this hurts” while Rachel is literally pushing out a baby
As someone with an autoimmune disorder that leaves me constantly exhausted, my able bodied fiance is not better for staying with me through it but it definitely is a perk knowing that he won't leave just because of my health.
So glad I found this. I am the able bodied partner in a lesbian polyamorous triad. I've had people tell me I'm an angel, and they always quickly find out how not angelic I can be when I tell them what I think of that using the more gutteral ranges of my vocabulary.
I am Hard of hearing and legally blind. I've heard "I can't date a disabled person!" many times. Strangely more often from Straight men. (I'm Bi) Mostly with the addendum "What am I supposed to tell my family/friends" Like... IDK Dude maybe that you've met a lovely person?
DaemlichesStueck That’s the god damn worst. And seconding your last line like?? "I met a girl, I really like her" and maybe an "oh also she has a few health issues, notably this and this"
I'm also bi and I joke that my wheelchair is the best form of contraception because of the amount of times I've heard "no, I just don't think that I could date someone like you" like dude I'm a wheelchair user not an alien!
I think some guys assume that if their partner is not able-bodied other people are going to think that the guy is undesirable because he couldn't attrach a more conventional partner. That and in our society men are not generally praised for be nurturing or kind the way that women are which could make them uncertain about taking on any kind of caretaker role, something I think they assume they'd have to do if they're able-bodied and their partner is not. It's fucked up no matter the reason though.
Deaf straight guy here. I've heard the same thing from straight women too... 🤷 So much so that I've stopped trying to date after 20 years alone. No point in torturing myself by being constantly rejected.
I think the "on paper" comment is very interesting in a world where we've become accustomed to seeing profiles of people and ruling them out with little to no compromise. So I don't think that not telling people right away is "tricking" them (a worry I've had about my own behaviour before). My current boyfriend didn't tell me he was autistic until we'd been on a couple of dates and by that point I was just like "yeah, makes sense, cool" rather than forming expectations or doubts. I however told him about my mental health in just about the first message because I had so much guilt that he might not know what he was "getting into". I realise now it would have been okay not to.
I also have EDS, on dating profiles I always put something like 'I have bad joints, so I'm not much for long walks on the beach' or something. Just so I've popped it in. Or if I'm feeling particularly irritated with ableist people, 'I have bad joints, so if that bothers you please don't message me'.
Mine pretty much says that. Plus that I'm an outspoken feminist. Because I have less interest in dealing with bigots than I do with remaining single forever.
I loosely said I had a number permanent health issues in the 'need to know before going on a date' section and sprinkled throughout the bio. On our first date I brought the subject up with my partner, who’d been quietly curious as he had read my profile thoroughly, and he is always so happy to work with me when I have pain problems and dysfunctional organs/joints from my EDS. (And the help can be anything from helping me put joints back to simply doing housework in my place when I’m not up to it.)
I feel this. My husband is disabled (left side paralyzed, cancer, and now a new seizure disorder that means he can’t read or look at screens). He was paralyzed when I met him, and people have said that I’m amazing for doing all this....nope. I just love him
I like to tell people that no relationships are 50/50, but particularly inter-abled relationships. We c an't go through the household chores and make sure we have an even number because that's not fair to me. I give my 100%, which might be 25% what an able-bodied partner can do around the house, and I expect 100% effort from my partner to do the things that we need to do to make our lives work. And if there are still gaps at 100% effort from both of us, then that's fine, and we'll do what we need to do to fix them. :)
Also, if a couple is focusing a lot on what the exact percentage breakdown is of how much each person contributes....that's not a healthy relationship.
I love your analogy, where the disabled partner is using 100% of their energy to do 25% of the total amount work. It is a lovely way to look at it, instead of measuring outcomes, you measure effort, dedication.
Yes! And like even able bodied people have different strengths and things they’re better at or enjoy more. Like I enjoy doing the cleaning in the kitchen but my partner does the laundry and it’s not like there’s a certain percentage of what each of us is doing
It’s so lovely to hear all these stories of interabled couples loving and committing throughout their difficulties. When I became seriously disabled, my husband and partner of 30 years took a couple years to finally understand that this was real and permanent, and then get in touch with his feelings - which turned out to be resentment at the terrible thing that had happened to him. And then he ditched me... so I don’t feel confident at all about looking for someone who might love me for what I am (which is pretty great, thanks) instead of feeling burdened for what I’m not. I would love some confidence boosting ideas about meeting someone who is willing to date me
personally, i am not always offended if someone is not interested in me when they find I’m disabled. it does really suck and it is not my fault but i feel as though not everyone is mentally able to be with those with a chronic illness! seeing the one you love in pain is very hard. so in that sense i understand their side.
I agree, and I often tell my limits pretty early - in both friendly and romantic relationships. Although I see it like it's at least as much like it's _their flaw_ (not being able to cope with my illness/disability) as it is "mine", however, if our _levels of coping_ with these things are very different, then it would be quite bad odds trying to start a relationship. And to that, it isn't necessarily true that "I am the good but disabled one, and that person is bad", because that person could be "better"/more "mature" in other ways that I am not. So what I mean is that people not wanting/being able to cope with my difficulties doesn't have to mean that they are devils and the ones who do are automatically angels. BUT - telling anyone "Wow, that person _must_ be an angel for being with you" - as in the examples given in and under this video - is simply _damn rude_ 😅
If you think about it being in a relationship with a disabled person takes a certain level of maturity and, despite whatever age someone might be, they as you said may not be equipped and in that case there's two types, the ones willing to try to adapt to an unusual situation and the ones unwilling. If they're unwilling I don't hate them for it, and am glad they aren't wasting my time. I'm not looking for a shallow thing to get into if I'm hunting a serious minded person. Getting involved with me doesn't mean jumping into a mud puddle...more like the ocean...and I realize that. It makes things hard sometimes, but you really only want the ones in it to win it to stick around anyway. I don't get offended...more disappointed in some ways than anything but I never hate them for it. So many want everything but are willing to give nothing in return. And some are so hung up on everything being perfectly balanced all the time...real, lasting relationships don't work that way. Sometimes you have to give more sometimes they do, and other times vice versa. When dating ppl with significant disabilities or chronic illnesses this fact of frequent flux must remain a fluid thing bc so many parameters are constantly changing. One needs someone who can roll with the punches and adapt as needed. If they love you and are willing then that's awesome....if they're not...don't waste time mourning or being bitter just keep going til you find what you seek.
WritingSchiozo101 it might be, but it might also be fair and ok that they know their limitations of what they can deal with. I would be a very challenging person to be in a relationship with, and if I met someone with the same issues as me, I can’t imagine I could handle that. I don’t think that makes me or someone else shallow, just realistic. A lot of people definitely are “scared” of disabilities though and really don’t know how it would impact them to date someone with whatever disability, and are just shallow and ignorant in wanting to run from it.
Even while being disabled myself, it’s hard to have a disabled friend or partner. My best friend’s condition is always changing and it is absolutely terrifying. It is not something that is easy to make peace with.. Not everyone is mentally capable of coping with the fact that the person they love will be in a lot of pain, and also may die prematurely due to their condition. That doesn’t make it the disabled person’s fault of course. I’d say nearly most people reject us for shallow reasons, tho being with a disabled person definitely doesn’t make them an angel but. Yeah It is a very hard thing. Either way, the right people will find us eventually 💜
My husband has rheumatoid arthritis and he finds a lot of chores around the house difficult. We each have stuff that we're good at and that we contribute to the household and relationship, so we both feel needed, but also appreciated.
Jessica, you really are creating the peak happy-sassy-but-still-informative content during this madness. You & your snark & your beautiful lil family are giving me life.
I showed my partner the intro to this and when you got to the part of about Claudia being a monster without tea, I got a *look* from him. 😂 We’re technically both disabled, but he has an autoimmune disease and lots of pain and I have some minor chronic pain and am autistic. So we have different areas we need support. To begin with, we thought we were an inter-abled couple, because I wasn’t diagnosed. I would be upfront that I’m autistic. Would rather scare off people that might have an issue with it.
Omg i can't believe your therapist said that! That is so unprofessional! As someone who is also classed as disabled I would be so angry at this. We are so much more than our disabilities! It's sad when people don't see that. 💜
Sometimes my mental issues make me feel so bad that I can’t even get off the bed and people tell my boyfriend that he’s such an angel for putting up with my anxiety crisis. I never put my issues for him to care fully. The job to keep me mentally well is dedicated to my therapist and myself. I know what to do and how to help myself when I get bad and my boyfriend supports me when I see fit. I hate when people think I just dump my problems on him. I really don’t do that because I care about his mental state too, If my anxiety is too much then I won’t let him deal with it fully
I’m so glad I’ve found your channel! I relate so much to your relationship dynamic: my partner is autistic, has chronic illnesses, and is hard of hearing. And I also get shocked when people think I’m “brave” or otherwise extra special for dating them. And it doesn’t help that my partner sometimes expresses that I’m “too good for them” for the same reasons. It annoys me a lot because I fell in love with them _with_ disabilities, not _despite_ of them. Thank you for being so open about queer inter-abled relationships!
Yeah, people always assume an abled partner performs more care in a relationship. But, especially in relationships that aren't very good (which, unfortunately, too many disabled folks are in as we don't always realise we deserve better than that), disabled partners often perform huge amounts of care, particularly emotional labour, for their abled partners. People really don't recognise how much we do, they just assume everything is done for us.
I love how claud just said on TH-cam that they need some time to just like Netflix and chill and has no idea what that means and Jessie is just wigglin her eyebrows like gurl we gonna netflix n chill
11:52 Yup don't google conditions. Don't be like my mom who googled 'psoriasis' since i was diagnosed with it as a baby. Turns out i had one of the smallest case. If you look at me, you won't even notice i have it. Oh nobody cares? Oh my gosh same!
When me and my wife first started talking I told her about all my disabilities and the likely future. She found my honesty refreshing and soon got used to the stubborn side that comes with chronic illness.
I always amaze myself with the things that stick. I equally amaze myself with the things I forget lol I still have stress dreams about forgetting my school schedule the week of finals.
Marshall A. Yea there are different areas for different memories, long term, short term, emotional ones, so they are stored in more places the more the memory lights up different parts of the brain.
When it comes down to it I think Claudia is an angel but not because she “puts up” with her lovely wife. They’re both angels and they care for each other because they love each other
Hahaha the way that Claudia popped up made my laugh out loud 😂😂😂 you're adorable, I hope people will see this and be less afraid to ask me out, because believe me, disability or not, I'm a nice person
I suffer from anxiety and depression and watching your videos and seeing your sunny disposition honestly makes me happier. I think for this very reason and for many others Claudia is lucky to have you as well.
Just got up from sleeping off a migraine and this was the first thing I saw 💖 it's funny to me how many people are hesitant to get into a relationship with a disabled person bc I've been disabled since high school so my husband knew going in, but neither of us knew he'd become disabled too and that got me thinking about how eventually everyone either dies young or becomes disabled by age so best case scenario is that both spouses will end up disabled and caring for each other isn't it? We're just ahead of the curve! Lol
I’m disabled and my husband isn’t. He recently had an accident where he couldn’t work or do much for a while and people from church were like, “It must be hard for him to have the roles reversed.” I was a little confused because not much has changed. And I realized they thought he was used to being like a nurse to me. Lol no. I was already the one making our spaghetti for dinner. I just have to bring it to the couch now.
I'm often worried about being a burden because of my disabilities. But this gives me so much hope! I'm not a burden and my soulmate wont think so either!
My brother's wife is disabled and he is her care taker. But I grew up with my brother and he can be a huge pain in the butt. In my opinion his disabled wife is the angel. She has really brought out the best in him.
Oh, my. You are neither annoying nor draining. Love the term "inter-abled relationship". You two are adorable. Thank you so much opening up a slice of your lives and teaching the world a more informed way of understanding relationships, challenges and real love. Hugs to you both. :)
Dang I feel you so much 100% in this. My girlfriend and I have been together fr 9 years now and she is diagnosed with severe EDS MAST and POTS since 2016. Of course it's often a nightmare but I hate the fact that every people we meet end up admire me and somehow pity her. I mean, we're still a normal couple and have a load of fun AND NOT DESPITE THE ILLNESS. We also make love, because somehow it's OK to ask this to a strangers couple on the fact that one of them has a visible disability (wheelchair). Anyway, I love your videos, we also enjoy watching them bc your content is always of great quality and so relatable to us.
I love that you don't beat about the bush when you talk about your life. And, for all that matters, I am beginning to think you're such a good catch that you'd be one for me too, and ladies are not generally my thing...
No relationship is 50/50. That's not how things work, disabled or not. Everyone is different and requires different amounts of attention and that changes depending of time, situation, energy, etc.
I feel this. A carer felt it appropriate to tell me how lucky I was that my partner was with me as other people might not put up with my disability. She is not my carer anymore 😏
I have a lot of undiagnosed symptoms and I hate when people tell my partner that he's so courageous to love me. I mean I'm so grateful to have him in my life but I'm not a burden and I hate being talked to like if I'm not in the room. Also thank you so much for this video, your relationship is so true and not sugar coated (I hate when couples on TH-cam show only the best moments)
honestly, mental health support is as important as physical support, and you're the most positive person I know. it would be incredible to have more people like you in my life.
I love hearing about your disability and how if effects others because I relate. I do not have the same conditions as you, but a lot of similar symptoms due to Fibromyalgia, anxiety, PTSD, etc, etc, and to hear someone (other than my r/fibromyalgia redditors) talk about just trying to get through everything, just makes me feel so much better. I am glad people like you can go out and inform the public about nonvisual disabilities and disabilities in general. I believe you are an angel (and so is your wife), dispute what you may say. ❤️
I love how positive and wholesome both of you are! I think it’s really great that you’re giving younger kiddos (such as myself.) a kinda view at a happier future? If that makes sense? I’m bad at visualizing growing up a happy and healthy person, so Seeing both of you so happy in a gay marriage makes me really happy and gives me a lot of hope for having a happy future as a smol non binary gay kid. I also really love that you make such informative videos, it’s really cool. Sorry for my disaster compliments I just really need you to know that y’all are a positive presence in my life,
I hope you got a new therapist after she said that (and made sure she knew why) as disabled people are as valid as anyone else. That said, I am disabled and I often worry that my girlfriend will find it boring that I can't go out or netflix and chill that often, etc. She insists it's not an issue and feels I do as much for her emotionally as she does for me physically (she is not my carer and we don't live together), so I'm trying to learn to trust that. As for dating, I always tell people fairly early on when chatting (and I meet all potential dates online as I am rarely able to go out), as I don't want to waste energy on someone who can't deal with it. But I don't judge those who decide they don't want to date me because of my disability if they are honest about it, because it can be harder to deal with and it's not for everyone (honestly I would probably not date another disabled person as I feel I wouldn't be able to support them fully because of my own limitations). To me honesty is the most important thing in any relationship.
I am open to dating and having a relationship with any person, regardless of disabilities. I am looking at the person - the whole person. Everything about them, physically, emotionally ... I am not only interested in certain aspects of someone. I am interested in who you are as a human being. From there on, things will be as they are meant to be. Now if only I could find someone who would be interested in me 😔 ... 😅 Hahaha! In due time 😉 Thank you for the video, Jessica and Claudia! Your insights and experiences are always greatly appreciated. Oh and, you two are most definitely angels 😇😇 Continue to stay safe and take care. Lovely as always 👍🤟💝
I definitely saw this video title and was like "excuse me, Claudia is too an angel! You both are!" So I was extra happy when you did that part, it was adorable 💞
I feel this. I have mental problems and because of people that are like the ones you mentioned, I am actually afraid of getting closer to others. I fear being a „burden“ to them, because so many people make it seem like its a chore to be around people with „issues“. But in reality, all the „special care“ I want is someone who eats my cakes and gives me the feeling of not being a burden 😢 I make nice cakes...
I am in a interable relationship. I am immunocompromised and have arthritis to the point some days I cannot walk while my husband is healthy and this spoke to me sooo much.
As a disabled, married (to an able-bodied woman) lesbian, it's certainly difficult explaining the nuances of our relationship to others... But it's also not your responsibility to do so. I feel as though I'm an advocate in my own way, typically through my fine art practice, but I've realized that everyone has their own agenda when asking leading questions. "How does it WORK?" "Who's the MAN in the relationship?" The real question is, "what is this person really asking?" You two are lovely and Jessica, as a long-time viewer and (I think? Darn you brain fog...) first-time commenter, I love how you talk about your life and use your experiences to inform others. Zebra/spoonie/pot-sie/hnpp proud, girl. Get it! :)
I'm in an inter-abled relationship, and ALL my older relatives think James is the best thing in the world and that I am so lucky to have found someone who "puts up" with me and my physical and mental illnesses... In reality, we are both lucky we found each other as we enhance each other's life equally. It is a sorry state of affairs that this is the truth for a lot of people, but I have found my younger relatives and my friends who are my age far more accepting of me as I am and seeing James and I as equals in terms of value within the relationship. I think if the able-bodied person, in any inter-abled relationship, was indeed the selfless angel that they are portrayed to be then that relationship could not last. The relationship would be weighted too far in one direction, leaving the other persons needs unmet. Whereas, in reality, both partners hold each other up when needed and give each other the support they need at the moment to be themselves to the best of their ability.
This video is my absolute favorite! Thanks for speaking up for us, and having the wisdom, self-respect and awareness to know that we all deserve love and kindness :) It really touched my heart and makes me believe as a disabled person I can find someone too. You are both so cute together!
Oh my gosh Jessica sounds like such the perfect girlfriend/ wife. Like she is absolutely gorgeous and likes taking care of people and she has the absolute most attractive voice and she is so positive. It might just be because she is exactly my type but damn
I think you guys are both angels, but it's got nothing to do about disabilities. I am simply enchanted by the absolute positivity and wholesomeness of your relationship.
In a similar vain, my partner has recently been diagnosed with Autism as an adult. He works a very physically demanding job that is quite monotonous, which along with his untreated adhd can be quite difficult. I often call my self his second brain, since I am the one with a good memory and impeccable focus. My mom expressed that she feels he’s “holding you back by having to be baby him.” I can’t explain how angry it made me that somehow me choosing to be supportive of my partner in ways that improve our lives together is a detriment to my personal journey. We have a child as well, and navigating his diagnosis will help in the preparing for if our child also has these neurodivergencies. If she does, we already know ahead of time that she may require more time and patience than other children, as well as being available to her if she needs help. We’re doing our best to foster her independence and filling her with a love of learning like we have, but understand that she may face struggles. And if she is neurotypical, than we were extra cautious, caring, emotionally available parents. Loving people and doing right by them to help make their life easier isn’t a noble thing to do, it’s just how you treat those you love.
I put my Autism on my dating profile and I would bring it up when things started going well (like if we were really connecting in conversation). And, I'd always bring it up as a way to preemptively address false red flags like how it's hard for me to talk when I'm tired and how it's best to be straightforward when communicating with me about something she needs or wants me to do. So far, the best relationships I've had (including my current one) their response was, "okay, thanks for telling me."
Since you and Claud will be Netflix and chilling this week, I’ve found a movie that I’d think you’d both love to watch together (if you haven’t seen it already). It’s called “Carol” starring Cate Blanchett and it’s about lesbians, Christmas and is set in 1950’s New York. Sending you both my love!! 💜💜💜
Jessica you have so many positives I don't know where to even begin, fuck that therapist hope you found a new one. You are super smart, strong, beautiful, and hard working. You have overcome so much and your beautiful wife is lucky to have you. I hate how negative society views disabled people. As a disabled person in grad school, you're an inspiration to me.
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I find it so degrading, when some people tell disabled persons: "Omg, your partner is so wonderful for taking care of you inspite of all that!"
Because they think they are saying something flattering, but actually they are saying: "Do you even know what a burden you are and how hard it must be for them to put up with you?"
I mean, I'm not disabled, but I'll just make a stab in the blue and hypothesize that disabled people in romantic relationships actually do think a lot about that and are not excactly happy getting reminded of it? 😅
Grimes' Daughter yeah... basically. I’m a disabled guy and have an able-bodied boyfriend, and he’s not only an angel for being with me, but an angel generally for being a great person. I absolutely love being with him, and I’m happy he understands me and makes me happier when I’m having a bad pain/anxiety/depressive day. It’s so nice to be seen and feel loved.
@@Xan1120 That is really lovely to read, Xander! Excuse me, but people in happy relationships always make me happy ☺I'm glad you have someone who understands you and takes care of you, espacially since I know firsthand how difficult anxiety and depression can makes one's life. Seems you two are a good match. Wish you all the best for the future of your relationship ☺❤
You nailed it!
Grimes' Daughter Yeah, I agree. And you can acknowledge how disability affects a person and their loved ones without making the disabled person sound like a burden. Just ask them and their loved ones how the disability affects them, what they need for good self-care, how you can help and be part of a support netwerk. But it should always be clear in your language that while disability can be a nuisance, someone with a disability is not. People don’t mean harm, but it must really hurt hearing someone being declared saint just for wanting to be with you.
It's like a backhanded compliment. I'm chronically ill but I take care of my able bodied spouse, who has no clue. Everytime someone pulls the poor hubby with sick wife crap, I think ... if you only knew....
My husband is mentally ill to the point of being disabled. He’s very kind, funny, and intelligent, but he has a hard time holding a job because of social anxiety an ptsd. Because I’m the woman and he’s the man, people assume that he’s being lazy and inconsiderate by “making” me work. I have a hard time explaining that I love him and don’t care that he’s disabled. I didn’t marry him for financial reasons. I married him because we’re in love. And people who love each other stay with each other no matter what challenges they face. He will be a great stay at home dad, and that’s just as valuable as making money. I actually like the idea of being the working parent. I even have to remind him sometimes. When you love someone, you treat them like family. Would you just refuse to take care of your parent, sibling or child because their disability was physically or emotionally draining?
This comment is really beautiful :-)
I’m glad you feel that way. It was the opposite way with me and my ex. He took care of me because I kept having panic attacks in workplace settings and now I work from home, but before I found a way to work at home I was seen as a “gold digger” or lazy when they had no idea I had insomnia all night panic attacks that had me hyperventilating and crying until I passed out, and the only things the helped knocked me out where I’m basically sleeping or struggling to stay awake. I needed time, several years to be ok again. I’m still not great but having someone love you through that is priceless!
@@eenzamevriend7183 You really so seem like a "eenzame vriend". I really hope things get better is all I can say
I feel you, i can only hold down a job for a year or so until the workplace drama and constantly changing policies cause panic attacks and self harm. (We think i may be on the spectrum.) His family thinks im garbage even tho ive earned more than him over the course of our relationship
I love your mindset, your fantastic and I wish you, hubby and future bubbas the very best xxx
Claud is an angel, but not because she’s dating a disabled person, she’s just lovely
I was so confused when I first saw the title, until the part 2 was uploaded and was like "oh ableists exist"
My dad is recently disabled and he is constantly apologizing to my mom for being a burden and thanking her for taking care of him, and it is so heartbreaking to know thats how he sees himself at the moment because we are all just so thankful he survived none of us see him as a burden, least of all my mom.
Hopefully it will get easier soon for him and for you guys, too. There is so much grieving and adjusting in a situation like that it takes time for everyone. I still have trouble with this once in a while, though.
you have a lovely family ❥(^_^)
My dad is currently experiencing this too, except for the apologizing and the thanking.
My boyfriend is Deaf and when people make comments about his “condition” or “hearing impairment” somehow being this big obstacle, I’m taken aback and I’m shocked because it’s so far removed from how I think of him that I don’t know what to say to these people.
My boyfriend is Deaf, it’s nbd. I’m learning ASL, I already add captions whenever I watch TV, & I have no problem finding the best ways for us to communicate. This is the guy that picked up my broken pieces and showed me that I was still someone worth loving and knowing, that I could still contribute to the world even though my life has not gone to plan. His Deafness is absolutely no problem for me. And you know what one of the first things we bonded over was? Music. So take that, all your preconceptions, limiting beliefs, & other bs.
this is wonderful. Hope you two have a wonderful life! :-D
Any music rec please?
Preach!!! 🙌
No one would date anyone if we had to write down everything wrong with us before we meet
Good point!
counterpoint: my bf's struggles and trauma were on the table from the time we first started dating, and less than a month in MY trauma quickly came to light and he was the first to help. it's been four beautiful years since then {': some things bring us closer together
edit: it probably also doesn't hurt that he's got ADHD and we're 96% certain that i have it as well lmao
I wish I had a filter because I always let it out straight away and ruin it! 😭 But I also don't want it to come out later because then you invest time before they leave you :( rather avoid the people who find it so awful x
@@asmokeus I think that this is a really good point. Its important to be upfront and honest about disabilities with our partners, but it's really difficult to pick the "right" moment to bring this up.
@@LilG2105 letting people know things about you is good! But you might be coming off too strongly if you find it's off putting for them. Doesn't mean you need to hide it until they feel invested, it just depends what you're revealing :)
She’s a dentist, makes a great garden, and is a total babe. How is that not an angel?
She's an angel but not because she's in a relationship with a disabled partner
@@eshiboo they weren't trying to say Jessica is wrong. They were just being cute about her wife :)
@@ellielindsay8507 I was just adding to their comment, not disagreeing or anything :)
Haha yeah XD
ALL DENTISTS ARE DEMONS!!! 😉
“I think you’ll find, I’m actually a catch” far out that’s fabulous
When I was just reading the title I was thinking "Of course she isn't. She's a dentist."
@@fe5018 ooh I completely forgot about my name! You're right hahah, I'm happy that made you laugh 😂
😂
Dentists in my case are bound to roast you for all your worth-
lmao
@@CupcakeBla iconic coincidence
You're right... You and your wife aren't angels... You're whole goddesses!
“I’m an oldie so I don’t know what Netflix and chill actually means” .... Jessica excited for Netflix and chill 😂, she seems to know the true meaning.
nuviamor yeah, her smirk got me
@@jirahjashmiermacalino7556 It was a good smirk. (It spread through the screen to my face.)
Lol! Yes... saw that too 😏
Haha yes! She’s clearly off to teach Claudia what it means 😂
😂😂😂
The headache story reminded me of the scene from Friends when Rachel is in labor and Ross hits head and says “you have no idea how bad this hurts” while Rachel is literally pushing out a baby
Same with the scene in full house when Becky is giving birth and Jesse is making a fuss😂
@@lizziebethh Didn't Jesse have apendicitis?
As someone with an autoimmune disorder that leaves me constantly exhausted, my able bodied fiance is not better for staying with me through it but it definitely is a perk knowing that he won't leave just because of my health.
So glad I found this. I am the able bodied partner in a lesbian polyamorous triad. I've had people tell me I'm an angel, and they always quickly find out how not angelic I can be when I tell them what I think of that using the more gutteral ranges of my vocabulary.
I am Hard of hearing and legally blind. I've heard "I can't date a disabled person!" many times. Strangely more often from Straight men. (I'm Bi) Mostly with the addendum "What am I supposed to tell my family/friends" Like... IDK Dude maybe that you've met a lovely person?
DaemlichesStueck That’s the god damn worst. And seconding your last line like?? "I met a girl, I really like her" and maybe an "oh also she has a few health issues, notably this and this"
I'm also bi and I joke that my wheelchair is the best form of contraception because of the amount of times I've heard "no, I just don't think that I could date someone like you" like dude I'm a wheelchair user not an alien!
Lol same here. Why are somr straight men like that??
I think some guys assume that if their partner is not able-bodied other people are going to think that the guy is undesirable because he couldn't attrach a more conventional partner. That and in our society men are not generally praised for be nurturing or kind the way that women are which could make them uncertain about taking on any kind of caretaker role, something I think they assume they'd have to do if they're able-bodied and their partner is not. It's fucked up no matter the reason though.
Deaf straight guy here. I've heard the same thing from straight women too... 🤷 So much so that I've stopped trying to date after 20 years alone. No point in torturing myself by being constantly rejected.
Jessica advertising herself is just hilarious
But valid. 😅
she's so cute!!! uwu 💕✨
Looking at them together are healing for my soul
I think the "on paper" comment is very interesting in a world where we've become accustomed to seeing profiles of people and ruling them out with little to no compromise. So I don't think that not telling people right away is "tricking" them (a worry I've had about my own behaviour before). My current boyfriend didn't tell me he was autistic until we'd been on a couple of dates and by that point I was just like "yeah, makes sense, cool" rather than forming expectations or doubts. I however told him about my mental health in just about the first message because I had so much guilt that he might not know what he was "getting into". I realise now it would have been okay not to.
I also have EDS, on dating profiles I always put something like 'I have bad joints, so I'm not much for long walks on the beach' or something. Just so I've popped it in. Or if I'm feeling particularly irritated with ableist people, 'I have bad joints, so if that bothers you please don't message me'.
Mine pretty much says that. Plus that I'm an outspoken feminist. Because I have less interest in dealing with bigots than I do with remaining single forever.
I loosely said I had a number permanent health issues in the 'need to know before going on a date' section and sprinkled throughout the bio.
On our first date I brought the subject up with my partner, who’d been quietly curious as he had read my profile thoroughly, and he is always so happy to work with me when I have pain problems and dysfunctional organs/joints from my EDS. (And the help can be anything from helping me put joints back to simply doing housework in my place when I’m not up to it.)
I feel this. My husband is disabled (left side paralyzed, cancer, and now a new seizure disorder that means he can’t read or look at screens). He was paralyzed when I met him, and people have said that I’m amazing for doing all this....nope. I just love him
I like to tell people that no relationships are 50/50, but particularly inter-abled relationships. We c an't go through the household chores and make sure we have an even number because that's not fair to me. I give my 100%, which might be 25% what an able-bodied partner can do around the house, and I expect 100% effort from my partner to do the things that we need to do to make our lives work. And if there are still gaps at 100% effort from both of us, then that's fine, and we'll do what we need to do to fix them. :)
Also, if a couple is focusing a lot on what the exact percentage breakdown is of how much each person contributes....that's not a healthy relationship.
I love your analogy, where the disabled partner is using 100% of their energy to do 25% of the total amount work. It is a lovely way to look at it, instead of measuring outcomes, you measure effort, dedication.
Yes! And like even able bodied people have different strengths and things they’re better at or enjoy more. Like I enjoy doing the cleaning in the kitchen but my partner does the laundry and it’s not like there’s a certain percentage of what each of us is doing
How to ask out a disabled person:
"Will you go out with me?"
ك
Haha yes
i read your comment right at 3:27
Can I just say that in primary school I had a disabled best friend and this was our catch phrase
"can I take you out?"
"on a date?"
i need to hear an audiobook read by Jessica. I love her voice
I would so love to hear Jessica read bedtime stories! I would fall asleep in a happy state because her voice is so musical.
The “oaw” after ‘Netflix and chill’ melted my heart! Also I learnt so much from this I love all the perspectives you guys provided :)
It’s so lovely to hear all these stories of interabled couples loving and committing throughout their difficulties. When I became seriously disabled, my husband and partner of 30 years took a couple years to finally understand that this was real and permanent, and then get in touch with his feelings - which turned out to be resentment at the terrible thing that had happened to him. And then he ditched me... so I don’t feel confident at all about looking for someone who might love me for what I am (which is pretty great, thanks) instead of feeling burdened for what I’m not. I would love some confidence boosting ideas about meeting someone who is willing to date me
Hi, Maria. I'm not quite sure I have any advice I can give you, but I wanted to say that I hope you're doing okay.
personally, i am not always offended if someone is not interested in me when they find I’m disabled. it does really suck and it is not my fault but i feel as though not everyone is mentally able to be with those with a chronic illness! seeing the one you love in pain is very hard. so in that sense i understand their side.
I agree, and I often tell my limits pretty early - in both friendly and romantic relationships. Although I see it like it's at least as much like it's _their flaw_ (not being able to cope with my illness/disability) as it is "mine", however, if our _levels of coping_ with these things are very different, then it would be quite bad odds trying to start a relationship. And to that, it isn't necessarily true that "I am the good but disabled one, and that person is bad", because that person could be "better"/more "mature" in other ways that I am not.
So what I mean is that people not wanting/being able to cope with my difficulties doesn't have to mean that they are devils and the ones who do are automatically angels. BUT - telling anyone "Wow, that person _must_ be an angel for being with you" - as in the examples given in and under this video - is simply _damn rude_ 😅
If you think about it being in a relationship with a disabled person takes a certain level of maturity and, despite whatever age someone might be, they as you said may not be equipped and in that case there's two types, the ones willing to try to adapt to an unusual situation and the ones unwilling. If they're unwilling I don't hate them for it, and am glad they aren't wasting my time. I'm not looking for a shallow thing to get into if I'm hunting a serious minded person. Getting involved with me doesn't mean jumping into a mud puddle...more like the ocean...and I realize that. It makes things hard sometimes, but you really only want the ones in it to win it to stick around anyway. I don't get offended...more disappointed in some ways than anything but I never hate them for it. So many want everything but are willing to give nothing in return. And some are so hung up on everything being perfectly balanced all the time...real, lasting relationships don't work that way. Sometimes you have to give more sometimes they do, and other times vice versa. When dating ppl with significant disabilities or chronic illnesses this fact of frequent flux must remain a fluid thing bc so many parameters are constantly changing. One needs someone who can roll with the punches and adapt as needed. If they love you and are willing then that's awesome....if they're not...don't waste time mourning or being bitter just keep going til you find what you seek.
I don't know. When you first meet someone, you don't love them so a lot of people rejecting disabled people are probably just shallow maybe?
WritingSchiozo101 it might be, but it might also be fair and ok that they know their limitations of what they can deal with. I would be a very challenging person to be in a relationship with, and if I met someone with the same issues as me, I can’t imagine I could handle that. I don’t think that makes me or someone else shallow, just realistic. A lot of people definitely are “scared” of disabilities though and really don’t know how it would impact them to date someone with whatever disability, and are just shallow and ignorant in wanting to run from it.
Even while being disabled myself, it’s hard to have a disabled friend or partner. My best friend’s condition is always changing and it is absolutely terrifying. It is not something that is easy to make peace with.. Not everyone is mentally capable of coping with the fact that the person they love will be in a lot of pain, and also may die prematurely due to their condition. That doesn’t make it the disabled person’s fault of course. I’d say nearly most people reject us for shallow reasons, tho being with a disabled person definitely doesn’t make them an angel but. Yeah It is a very hard thing. Either way, the right people will find us eventually 💜
I have severe CPTSD, anxiety, and depression and this video makes me feel a bit more human ♥️
That's a tough combination. Even one of those alone can be tough, let alone all three. I hope you have worthy friends by your side.
@@MiljaHahto Thank you, you're very kind
My husband has rheumatoid arthritis and he finds a lot of chores around the house difficult. We each have stuff that we're good at and that we contribute to the household and relationship, so we both feel needed, but also appreciated.
Claudia's naivety about "Netflix and chill" is too cute.
CLAUDIA NOT KNOWING WHAT 'Netflix and chill' MEANS WAS SO FUNNY IDK WHY
For a moment I thought they were laughing out of sheer excitement about watching TV shows together 😂 then I realized lol
timestamp please?
@@cheesecakelasagna Very end 15:43
Jessica, you really are creating the peak happy-sassy-but-still-informative content during this madness. You & your snark & your beautiful lil family are giving me life.
I showed my partner the intro to this and when you got to the part of about Claudia being a monster without tea, I got a *look* from him. 😂 We’re technically both disabled, but he has an autoimmune disease and lots of pain and I have some minor chronic pain and am autistic. So we have different areas we need support. To begin with, we thought we were an inter-abled couple, because I wasn’t diagnosed.
I would be upfront that I’m autistic. Would rather scare off people that might have an issue with it.
Jessica as Stevie said, you're pretty much a real life disney princess. And i mean that in the best way possible
Omg i can't believe your therapist said that! That is so unprofessional! As someone who is also classed as disabled I would be so angry at this. We are so much more than our disabilities! It's sad when people don't see that. 💜
Sometimes my mental issues make me feel so bad that I can’t even get off the bed and people tell my boyfriend that he’s such an angel for putting up with my anxiety crisis. I never put my issues for him to care fully. The job to keep me mentally well is dedicated to my therapist and myself. I know what to do and how to help myself when I get bad and my boyfriend supports me when I see fit. I hate when people think I just dump my problems on him. I really don’t do that because I care about his mental state too, If my anxiety is too much then I won’t let him deal with it fully
I like Claudia's version of a hike: a 3-4 hour roundabout walk with a pub stop in between. That's my kind of hike.
I’m so glad I’ve found your channel! I relate so much to your relationship dynamic: my partner is autistic, has chronic illnesses, and is hard of hearing. And I also get shocked when people think I’m “brave” or otherwise extra special for dating them. And it doesn’t help that my partner sometimes expresses that I’m “too good for them” for the same reasons. It annoys me a lot because I fell in love with them _with_ disabilities, not _despite_ of them. Thank you for being so open about queer inter-abled relationships!
As a disabled person, I’ve probably looked after more of my partners then they’ve looked after me.
Sam Markby Heeear you on that! Lol
Yeah, people always assume an abled partner performs more care in a relationship. But, especially in relationships that aren't very good (which, unfortunately, too many disabled folks are in as we don't always realise we deserve better than that), disabled partners often perform huge amounts of care, particularly emotional labour, for their abled partners. People really don't recognise how much we do, they just assume everything is done for us.
lmao s a m e
"Were gonna Netflix and chill"
Jessica: "oh"
Claudia: "I dont know what that means"
I love how claud just said on TH-cam that they need some time to just like Netflix and chill and has no idea what that means and Jessie is just wigglin her eyebrows like gurl we gonna netflix n chill
Yeah that was so funny! Jessica obviously knows exactly what it means. 😏
11:52 Yup don't google conditions. Don't be like my mom who googled 'psoriasis' since i was diagnosed with it as a baby. Turns out i had one of the smallest case. If you look at me, you won't even notice i have it. Oh nobody cares? Oh my gosh same!
When me and my wife first started talking I told her about all my disabilities and the likely future. She found my honesty refreshing and soon got used to the stubborn side that comes with chronic illness.
Jessica: *has memory problems*
Also Jessica: MY WIFE WAS AN HOUR LATE TO OUR FIRST DATE
No hate, just thought it was kinda funny lol
Some things you don’t forget no matter how bad your memory.
Source: my brain
I always amaze myself with the things that stick. I equally amaze myself with the things I forget lol I still have stress dreams about forgetting my school schedule the week of finals.
She had like 70 of them I'd understand why she would really remember the date who the one who stuck around.
When something is emotional it makes it harder to forget.
Marshall A. Yea there are different areas for different memories, long term, short term, emotional ones, so they are stored in more places the more the memory lights up different parts of the brain.
She’s an angel for being so damn adorable with you
When it comes down to it I think Claudia is an angel but not because she “puts up” with her lovely wife. They’re both angels and they care for each other because they love each other
You two are so beautiful i think i am going to cry
Hahaha the way that Claudia popped up made my laugh out loud 😂😂😂 you're adorable, I hope people will see this and be less afraid to ask me out, because believe me, disability or not, I'm a nice person
I suffer from anxiety and depression and watching your videos and seeing your sunny disposition honestly makes me happier. I think for this very reason and for many others Claudia is lucky to have you as well.
Just got up from sleeping off a migraine and this was the first thing I saw 💖 it's funny to me how many people are hesitant to get into a relationship with a disabled person bc I've been disabled since high school so my husband knew going in, but neither of us knew he'd become disabled too and that got me thinking about how eventually everyone either dies young or becomes disabled by age so best case scenario is that both spouses will end up disabled and caring for each other isn't it? We're just ahead of the curve! Lol
It's so rude to tell a disabled person they're "lucky" for having a partner. How can they not see that?
Besides, you're such a lovely person!
Like anyone having a truly fitting and good partner would not be lucky! Irregardless of disability or ability...
I’m disabled and my husband isn’t. He recently had an accident where he couldn’t work or do much for a while and people from church were like, “It must be hard for him to have the roles reversed.” I was a little confused because not much has changed. And I realized they thought he was used to being like a nurse to me. Lol no. I was already the one making our spaghetti for dinner. I just have to bring it to the couch now.
the knowing smile on Jessica’s face! goals!
I'm often worried about being a burden because of my disabilities. But this gives me so much hope! I'm not a burden and my soulmate wont think so either!
My brother's wife is disabled and he is her care taker. But I grew up with my brother and he can be a huge pain in the butt. In my opinion his disabled wife is the angel. She has really brought out the best in him.
Oh, my. You are neither annoying nor draining. Love the term "inter-abled relationship". You two are adorable. Thank you so much opening up a slice of your lives and teaching the world a more informed way of understanding relationships, challenges and real love. Hugs to you both. :)
Dang I feel you so much 100% in this. My girlfriend and I have been together fr 9 years now and she is diagnosed with severe EDS MAST and POTS since 2016. Of course it's often a nightmare but I hate the fact that every people we meet end up admire me and somehow pity her. I mean, we're still a normal couple and have a load of fun AND NOT DESPITE THE ILLNESS. We also make love, because somehow it's OK to ask this to a strangers couple on the fact that one of them has a visible disability (wheelchair). Anyway, I love your videos, we also enjoy watching them bc your content is always of great quality and so relatable to us.
"I think you'll find, I'm actually a catch" 💁♀️
Love it! 😂
I love the little slip in of Claudia’s shoulder in the first 2 minutes somewhere it made me chuckle
I love that you don't beat about the bush when you talk about your life.
And, for all that matters, I am beginning to think you're such a good catch that you'd be one for me too, and ladies are not generally my thing...
No relationship is 50/50. That's not how things work, disabled or not. Everyone is different and requires different amounts of attention and that changes depending of time, situation, energy, etc.
I am so glad that someone said this. Nothing is completely equal, even if we try to make it so.
I feel this. A carer felt it appropriate to tell me how lucky I was that my partner was with me as other people might not put up with my disability. She is not my carer anymore 😏
I know this is old, but thank goodness she's not your carer anymore.
I always looked at Claudia as an angel because of the love and happiness she brings to your life and vise versa!
I'm sure it just took Jessi a sec to process what Claud had said, but I love the sort of "realization" that a possible innuendo had been said.
I have a lot of undiagnosed symptoms and I hate when people tell my partner that he's so courageous to love me. I mean I'm so grateful to have him in my life but I'm not a burden and I hate being talked to like if I'm not in the room.
Also thank you so much for this video, your relationship is so true and not sugar coated (I hate when couples on TH-cam show only the best moments)
honestly, mental health support is as important as physical support, and you're the most positive person I know. it would be incredible to have more people like you in my life.
And mental health support may be harder than physical.
These videos with the two of you are always adorable, but sometimes it feels like you're sat in two different centuries. It makes me love it more!
I love hearing about your disability and how if effects others because I relate. I do not have the same conditions as you, but a lot of similar symptoms due to Fibromyalgia, anxiety, PTSD, etc, etc, and to hear someone (other than my r/fibromyalgia redditors) talk about just trying to get through everything, just makes me feel so much better. I am glad people like you can go out and inform the public about nonvisual disabilities and disabilities in general. I believe you are an angel (and so is your wife), dispute what you may say. ❤️
she's just protective i get it. half hour walk gang
I like how Jessica's eyes light up when she talks to Claud :-)
I love how positive and wholesome both of you are! I think it’s really great that you’re giving younger kiddos (such as myself.) a kinda view at a happier future? If that makes sense? I’m bad at visualizing growing up a happy and healthy person, so Seeing both of you so happy in a gay marriage makes me really happy and gives me a lot of hope for having a happy future as a smol non binary gay kid. I also really love that you make such informative videos, it’s really cool. Sorry for my disaster compliments I just really need you to know that y’all are a positive presence in my life,
That awkward moment when someone 14 months younger than you calls herself an oldie.
"Organizing overly complicated romantic gestures" MARRY ME. lol
I hope you got a new therapist after she said that (and made sure she knew why) as disabled people are as valid as anyone else. That said, I am disabled and I often worry that my girlfriend will find it boring that I can't go out or netflix and chill that often, etc. She insists it's not an issue and feels I do as much for her emotionally as she does for me physically (she is not my carer and we don't live together), so I'm trying to learn to trust that. As for dating, I always tell people fairly early on when chatting (and I meet all potential dates online as I am rarely able to go out), as I don't want to waste energy on someone who can't deal with it. But I don't judge those who decide they don't want to date me because of my disability if they are honest about it, because it can be harder to deal with and it's not for everyone (honestly I would probably not date another disabled person as I feel I wouldn't be able to support them fully because of my own limitations). To me honesty is the most important thing in any relationship.
You are the example of a beautiful, happy couple that all should strive for.
I am open to dating and having a relationship with any person, regardless of disabilities. I am looking at the person - the whole person. Everything about them, physically, emotionally ... I am not only interested in certain aspects of someone. I am interested in who you are as a human being. From there on, things will be as they are meant to be. Now if only I could find someone who would be interested in me 😔 ... 😅 Hahaha! In due time 😉
Thank you for the video, Jessica and Claudia! Your insights and experiences are always greatly appreciated. Oh and, you two are most definitely angels 😇😇
Continue to stay safe and take care.
Lovely as always 👍🤟💝
Always enjoy a good Claudia visit. Thank you for sharing
You and Claud are just the cutest 🥰
For me, you are lucky you are both. I admire your complicity. Seeing you on youtube always makes me smile!
I definitely saw this video title and was like "excuse me, Claudia is too an angel! You both are!" So I was extra happy when you did that part, it was adorable 💞
I love to watch the two of you together. It just makes me happy.
2:27 “Because we’re humans! Almost half of all people-“
My brain: -are human. Wait.
I feel this. I have mental problems and because of people that are like the ones you mentioned, I am actually afraid of getting closer to others. I fear being a „burden“ to them, because so many people make it seem like its a chore to be around people with „issues“. But in reality, all the „special care“ I want is someone who eats my cakes and gives me the feeling of not being a burden 😢 I make nice cakes...
I was soooo confused when I saw this notification but now it makes so much sense. Love is love and will do anything for those you truly love. 💖💕💖
I am in a interable relationship. I am immunocompromised and have arthritis to the point some days I cannot walk while my husband is healthy and this spoke to me sooo much.
As a disabled, married (to an able-bodied woman) lesbian, it's certainly difficult explaining the nuances of our relationship to others...
But it's also not your responsibility to do so. I feel as though I'm an advocate in my own way, typically through my fine art practice, but I've realized that everyone has their own agenda when asking leading questions.
"How does it WORK?" "Who's the MAN in the relationship?"
The real question is, "what is this person really asking?"
You two are lovely and Jessica, as a long-time viewer and (I think? Darn you brain fog...) first-time commenter, I love how you talk about your life and use your experiences to inform others.
Zebra/spoonie/pot-sie/hnpp proud, girl. Get it! :)
I'm in an inter-abled relationship, and ALL my older relatives think James is the best thing in the world and that I am so lucky to have found someone who "puts up" with me and my physical and mental illnesses... In reality, we are both lucky we found each other as we enhance each other's life equally. It is a sorry state of affairs that this is the truth for a lot of people, but I have found my younger relatives and my friends who are my age far more accepting of me as I am and seeing James and I as equals in terms of value within the relationship. I think if the able-bodied person, in any inter-abled relationship, was indeed the selfless angel that they are portrayed to be then that relationship could not last. The relationship would be weighted too far in one direction, leaving the other persons needs unmet. Whereas, in reality, both partners hold each other up when needed and give each other the support they need at the moment to be themselves to the best of their ability.
This video is my absolute favorite! Thanks for speaking up for us, and having the wisdom, self-respect and awareness to know that we all deserve love and kindness :) It really touched my heart and makes me believe as a disabled person I can find someone too. You are both so cute together!
Oh my gosh Jessica sounds like such the perfect girlfriend/ wife. Like she is absolutely gorgeous and likes taking care of people and she has the absolute most attractive voice and she is so positive. It might just be because she is exactly my type but damn
Of course Claudia is an angel. Didn't you hear that magical, sparkling sound when she appeared? Heavenly.
I think you guys are both angels, but it's got nothing to do about disabilities. I am simply enchanted by the absolute positivity and wholesomeness of your relationship.
In a similar vain, my partner has recently been diagnosed with Autism as an adult. He works a very physically demanding job that is quite monotonous, which along with his untreated adhd can be quite difficult. I often call my self his second brain, since I am the one with a good memory and impeccable focus. My mom expressed that she feels he’s “holding you back by having to be baby him.” I can’t explain how angry it made me that somehow me choosing to be supportive of my partner in ways that improve our lives together is a detriment to my personal journey. We have a child as well, and navigating his diagnosis will help in the preparing for if our child also has these neurodivergencies. If she does, we already know ahead of time that she may require more time and patience than other children, as well as being available to her if she needs help. We’re doing our best to foster her independence and filling her with a love of learning like we have, but understand that she may face struggles. And if she is neurotypical, than we were extra cautious, caring, emotionally available parents. Loving people and doing right by them to help make their life easier isn’t a noble thing to do, it’s just how you treat those you love.
I put my Autism on my dating profile and I would bring it up when things started going well (like if we were really connecting in conversation).
And, I'd always bring it up as a way to preemptively address false red flags like how it's hard for me to talk when I'm tired and how it's best to be straightforward when communicating with me about something she needs or wants me to do.
So far, the best relationships I've had (including my current one) their response was, "okay, thanks for telling me."
Since you and Claud will be Netflix and chilling this week, I’ve found a movie that I’d think you’d both love to watch together (if you haven’t seen it already). It’s called “Carol” starring Cate Blanchett and it’s about lesbians, Christmas and is set in 1950’s New York. Sending you both my love!! 💜💜💜
So beautifully put! Following the two of you and your growing family has brought a lovely light to my day.
Jessica you have so many positives I don't know where to even begin, fuck that therapist hope you found a new one. You are super smart, strong, beautiful, and hard working. You have overcome so much and your beautiful wife is lucky to have you. I hate how negative society views disabled people. As a disabled person in grad school, you're an inspiration to me.
I love you, your confidence, your charisma, your positivity, your content is so calming relaxing, Beautiful, clear, fun, and empowering!
Me, seeing the title: YOU'RE LYING!😂
That reveal when Claudia popped up was hysterical! I always love watching the two of you together because your love is so beautiful! #couplegoals!
You are totally a catch haha, crushing on you AND Claudia.
FINALLY, I never get to be early because of the time difference.
Sending love 💕 💕