When I heard "Lesbians of varying abilities" all I could think was one of you was a better lesbian than the other and had to pause the video and laugh for a while
I found out recently that there is actually 3 different types: extrovert, introvert, and ambivert. Ambiverts are pretty much confident introverts. They can enjoy socializing, but also greatly appreciate their alone time.
@@pignippleful shy and outgoing are not introversion and extroversion, they are just possible outcomes. introversion and extroversion lie in the fact of whether you gain energy from being around people, or whether it tires you out
Something people miss is an interable relationship doesn't always stay that way. I've been disabled for quite a while and my wife 'put up with me' then 18 months ago she started to have really bad back pain. Late last year she was diagnosed with a tumor in her spine and even though it has now been successfully removed she has residual health problems. Now we help each other along. You never know what life will throw at you in the future, it's about supporting the other person.
edmondse yeah, I’m classified as disabled, but my physical disability doesn’t really effect me much, my girlfriend struggles a lot more with her disability (NEAD), basically she faints all the time, between 3-30+ times a day and feels so bad after, as well as other things, so the majority of the time, we function as an interabled relationship, but sometimes it doesn’t, my disability has caused fluctuating chronic pain, and causes ocular migraines, it changes the dynamic for us a bit, and it’s an area of disability and relationships that is rarely talked about.
I guess the all relationships should, not only 'interable' ones, as you said who knows what happens in the future. It's probably easier to understand for people with disabilities that you might be all fine and one day you suddenly not...
edmondse - I know where you are coming from because my relationship had been interable for 29 wonderful years. But, like your wife, my wife developed cancer in 2008 and I was just able enough then to help her through surgery, chemotherapy and Radiotherapy. She was cancer free up to January 2019 when she developed heart failure. They fixed that and she is stable with that health issue. However during the scans she had at the time they discovered her breast cancer had returned and was in her spine. They gave her all kinds of drug therapy that we believed would give her as long as possible with me. Unfortunately one drug nearly killed her and she can't have anymore chemotherapy. She is taking Tamoxifen and her scans show her cancer is stable, but the whole thing has left her with residual health problems, some serious like her memory is shot! She has chronic fatigue also. We still love each other after 33.5 years together and, like you and your wife, we help each other as much as possible. I am unable to walk and am in a wheelchair. I suffer excruciating pain on a daily basis. Drugs don't touch the pain but I want to be there for her as much as possible. Some days she will come in after taking our little dog for a half hour walk and I can tell from her face that she needs to rest so we both spend the day in bed. I can only sit upright for around 4 hours before my pain tells me I can't do anymore so I make sure my wife goes to bed with me and we both sleep until dinner time which can be at any time after 9 pm. We have sat in front of the TV at 11.30 pm eating our evening meal many times!! Who cares! There is only the two of us and we can please ourselves. I just wanted to let you know that I understand everything you say and I can also fill in the gaps because we are living with cancer and both of us are now disabled. If one of you is disabled and needs help daily then it should be considered as you both age the fit one of the couple can also become ill and it's then tough going for both. Sending hugs and support to you both. xxx
Yeah my girlfriend is disabled, and I thought I was perfectly healthy... until she pointed out that I had way too many headaches for it to be considered "normal"... then I started having joint pain and body aches all the time for seemingly no reason... and now my doctor thinks I could have rheumatoid arthritis, but I haven't been diagnosed yet.
'When I first met you I thought you were a bit of a joke tbh' - I almost choked on my tea laughing, thanks for that! You both look gorgeous in this video btw!
This video made me laugh SO MUCH- i often forget that I'm in an interabled relationship? I'm disabled, and my girlfriend isn't (we get a LOT of strange looks on the street, being an interabled, interracial, lesbian couple where we both dress a little eccentric). We're both VERY introverted, so I'm sure she loves getting to use me as an excuse to go home and take a nap together rather than interact with people (which I am 100% down for)
My interabled relationship started with both of us being able bodied and ended with me being in a wheelchair. He didn't take the change particularly well. He would get super offended when we couldn't cuddle because he would dislocate my ribs or hips, and would get upset if I was mad that he never opened doors the way I could get through them. (Like opening the door while standing in the door way. We had been together for 7 years and he only started to open doors like that when I got my chair.) I ended up dumping him because of long distance issues but the longer I look back the more obvious it was that my disability threw a huge wrench in his willingness to be with me. No matter though, I'm holding out hope for a lovely lady who will braid my hair if my arms don't work and I will shower her with baked goods for all the days they do!
You're better off without them. A truly good partner understands and tries to help you overcome your disabilities issues the best they can. I was partially disabled when I met my husband 15 years ago and over time have had 11 surgeries (disabling my arms and making my knee bad), several injuries, migraines, etc. Then my mental health diagnosises finally happened at 32 and so it's a lot to deal with but he's been super supportive. I know people who tell me they'd have left me in a heartbeat, which just makes me more grateful for my husband as a partner.
I think it is not meant to be rude. If they know a person is deaf and they themselves don‘t know sign language... then of course they address the companion first.
Mrs. Jones I think it’s to avoid conflicts like if someone is deaf or can’t speak it would be awkward to talk to them and not knowing, or if they can’t talk right now or are in pain
Mrs. Jones Adults, absolutely! But children? Would I be rude addressing their carer/parent/guardian? Just trying to do my best in a crazy complicated world... Thank you if you take the time to respond 😊
Hey there Jessica and Claudia ❤️ Bit of a depressing way to start a comment but, one of my best friends/ housemate/ more than a friend/ etc passed away last year but I just needed to tell you how much your videos meant to her. She had severe depression, anxiety, bpd, as well as diabetes and chronic fatigue and chronic pain. Getting out of bed and going outside for her were momentous tasks most days, but we used to lie in bed together and watch your videos. She would rave about your vida all the damn time and it was adorable, and you showed her the kind of life she could have despite her long list of ailments. Her fashion sense was pretty much the same as yours - make up on point, fabulous fancy dresses and bows and honestly she was beautiful. I love your videos, and I think you and Claudia are both great, but I am always dithering between unsubbing and then subbing again because you remind me so much of her that it's really hard to watch, with you and Claudia I feel like I'm seeing a parallel world of what could have been. Sending you both so much love for this stressful lockdown time, and I promise that I will come back to your videos again one day when my headspace is better ❤️ I just needed to tell you that your videos meant so. damn. much. to her ❤️
I am disabled with a personality a lot more like Claudia. I have a sweatshirt that says, “I’m sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.” Lol It’s very me.
I'm severely chronically ill and I have no control over many issues I deal with, so it makes it almost impossible to keep any scheduled plans... And extremely painful when successful in doing so... I'm late often, and it's not because I'm not punctual, it's because I can't predict what my body will do today and I can't help when things go wrong. I'm just not physically able much of the time. Anyway... I'd love a shirt like that. Whether it's the full truth or not, if it's still true then that's enough for me. I'm late often enough that I'd be glad to give people some ideas. If people don't take my daily struggle seriously, that's their failure anyway - I'd like to make them think twice. And it would be self-serving, since if they don't believe how sick I am then by default the statement would be true anyway. If they believe it's true, then it's true. And if they don't believe it's true, sometimes it still would be true. Amazing functionality behind it
Even though I’m not in a relationship I was my mom’s caregiver for over 10 years & people talking to me instead of my mom drove us nuts. “What’s her pain level today?” “So what’s she her for today?” I’d normally redirect to her politely. My favorite was when she’d get annoyed and inform them I’m just back up memory if needed I’d fill in the gaps.
To me, the term inter-abled very much includes couples where both partners are disabled, because quite likely they have different disabilities. This is the case in my relationship - both disabled but in drastically different ways.
This applies to me as well! I have chronic pain and chronic illnesses and my beau/partner is autistic. It's really fascinating to learn how we've each learnt how to navigate life and need assistance from other people.
Yeah, my partner has significantly more difficulty from her disability than I do from mine, most of the time we function as an interabled couple, where occasionally I need help too. But even able people need help sometimes too
I'm the super messed up disabled person in my relationship (keep getting hurt and getting new diagnosises) and my husband is mostly able bodied but does deal with sciatica, hip popping, and a crooked back/pain from whenever he works a lot.
Very true, and I am in the same relationship where I have VERY different disabilities than my husband, and he copes with things I simply cannot (not so much the reverse, as he is an extreme extrovert like you said you are, Jessica!).
Jessica, your face when Claudia said "like when we're at dinner and you're not in pain." I can see you thinking ," But I really am in pain and I just don't say anything" I know that look and feeling. *Sigh* even my good days are so painful even with meds. I even have dreams where I am in pain. I've had to take a long train journey with a long-lasting migraine, once. It's was a day and a half going up the coast of CA. It was beautiful but it was way to much. I've learned I need someone who can help me with the things. P.s. the parking is pretty good and not having to wait so long at the airport.
And how long have they been together and she still makes comments like that and had to put that in a video online...which mentally hurts to post it online!!
@@RenukaDhinakaran To be fair, once you've had chronic pain for a while you tend to learn you're going to be in pain for life so you get used to it and gain pain tolerance. I have "pain days", "rollercoaster days" (where pain dwindles off and on), "good" days where pain level is like a 3 or 4, etc. And being in a family full of chronic pain/disabilities, we all understand that you never escape the pain but it's not wrong to say "when you're better/not in pain" because it can mean "when you're having a good day".
I love that you share your struggles as a married couple. It’s not the “happily ever after” in fairy tales. It takes communication, respect, and effort from both parties to make it work, and you two are a beautiful example of that. Much love and be well.
I'm polyamorous (1 fiance, 1 partner) - both me and my fiance are disabled so it means me, my fiance, my partner, and my partner's partner can go to events and only pay for 2 of us :')
Polyamorous high five! ❤ I have a wife and two girlfriends myself, of which one is disabled. Her being one of my girlfriends. Technically I'm also disabled, but since my disability is neurological, it doesn't really show that much. Unless I forget my meds. In which case it shows A LOT. But since I'm physically able-bodied, I feel that I can't call myself disabled, even though that is an entirely accurate description of my limitations.
Am I gorgeous? I - I don't know. Maybe, one day, someone will tell me. Thank you for the video, Jessica and Claudia ... and for answering my question. I completely understand where Claudia is coming from in regards to feeling frustrated. Having seen the pain my brother endured during his bout with cancer ( and related complications), all I could think was I would switch places with him in a heartbeat. "Just give him the treatment and let me take the pain." - that's what I constantly thought. I grew frustrated, not at my brother, rather at the illness and what it was doing to him ( fyi, he ultimately beat the disease and is now cancer free). And I also agree with Claudia about communicating with doctors. It was far better for me to explain what my brother was feeling than through, say, an interpreter ( he's deaf). He can speak, but in the state he was in at the time, it was more beneficial coming from me. Again, thank you for sharing your responses - and for brightening my day. For the record: I have and will never think of you, Jessica, as silly or weird due to how you dress or act. Truth be told, first time I saw a thumbnail for the first video I watched of yours, I thought - Wow! That is a beautiful woman. Absolutely true. And still is, more so than ever before. Take care, you two! Wishing you all the best. Lovely as always 👍🤟💝
Lol. Well, to be fair, if you went on a date with someone for the first time and they showed up looking like they just stepped out of 1945 into the restaurant, you might think they're lovely but you'd still have questions. :) Also, I'm glad your brother recovered.
I tell everyone that I'm with that if you take me with you on outings we all get all the good parking spaces and guilt-free rides on the elevator! 😂 And that doctors listen to the abled-bodied person in the room is why my mom goes to all of my appointments with me. Plus I'm so desensitized that she gets angry and upset for me and make sure that the doctor is doing their job
Same here with the appointments, whenever I have my mum with me at doctor's she gets angry on my behalf and she remembers all the things we've been wanting to talk about since I'm like "ok cool thanks for your two minutes doctor, I'm not struggling at all right now hahah good bye" a lot of the time :D
TheCozyWitch I think part of it might be that sometimes people will fake illness/pain to get prescription drugs and just having someone else verify helps convince them?? Still not ok though...
Annonimoose Q I mean, it also depends on the person and circumstance. There’s a pretty long running history of lgbtq people and minorities being treated less favorably others, particularly women. It’s really well reflected in the highest demographic affected by the opioid crisis in America.
I wonder if also part of Claudia's success in getting doctors or officials to listen to her is just good old fashioned sexism. While any specific label would be pointless here, I think its safe to say she is more of a "tomboy" or has more "masculine" characteristics than Jessica in how she chooses to interact with the world. Its very possible that in addition to any able-ism at play, or reaction to the vivaciousness of Jessica's personality or appearance, that Claudia's getting a bit of patriarchal privilege in those rooms as well. :) just a thought
this is such a bad take. gender non-conforming women still face misogyny - if not more so. it's like saying butch lesbians don't experience sexism which is simply offensive
@@annaequare I dont think its going that far. It's not that they dont experience sexism (they CERTAINLY do), but that the more extremely feminine you present the more sexist people (not all people) will treat you like a ditz and bimbo. Gender non conforming also get the short end of the stick, but that doesnt detract from the sexism present in extremely feminine presenting people
@@annaequare i think it depends on the situation, like if a butch woman went to a pub to watch a football match with all of "the blokes", men would probably not bat an eye. if a femme, girly woman did that she would 100% get looks of "wtf is she doing here?
@@evelynkrull5268 "feminine presenting people" is very vague as it includes men, e.g. flamboyant gay boys. do you honestly think what they experience is sexism and not straight up homophobia? cause i don't sexist people don't start taking me more seriously as a professional when i present myself masculine (which i tend to do), cause they still can see that im a woman. but they sure as hell try to punish me for not being girly enough so in this case i really think jessica is experencing ableism and the fact that claudia is a bit more assertive and not in constant pain helps
@@annaequare man it sucks that you've had those experiences. Mine had been opposite, but that doesnt invalidate your experience. I believe a lot of homophobia has a basis in sexism. They are very interwoven due to the rigid acceptable gender lines made by society. Theres a lot of intersectionality here.
Thank you for this video! I have a tendency to elevate youtube couples (especially you two) in that I think they're #goals, even though you're still people. Hearing you talk about how you occasionally have difficulties with balancing one another's needs reminds me that even couples that seem perfect need to work at their relationship.
This is so wonderfully relatable 😅 I especially liked the "please talk to me about things when they're not currently happening" advice. My wife & I learned early that this leads to much better communication than putting someone on the back foot.
“I sometimes react to Jessica’s problems with anger because I can’t do anything to make it better.” I know this feeling of frustration...and you know, inside, you’re making it worse by getting angry which is just more frustrating and, worse, you know your partner is in no position to help right now, and you totally get that and you totally don’t want them to feel like now they have to help you, so you try to bottle it in and tell yourself “I can deal with this later”....it can be a very lonely feeling. As you’re no doubt already aware, experience lends ideas on how to cope with this, but it is probably one of the rougher personal challenges and takes a lot of practice to get right. But, back to benefits... all that practice tends to make one that much better at coping with helplessness while still being an emotional support to those you care about. Which, I have found, is a very useful skill :)
I remember when I saw a video from this channel for the first time Jessica gave me this impression of being this intimidating, almost scary lady, a sort of old Hollywood femme fatale (sorry for the cliché)! I have watched many many more videos now and she is such a sweet and amicable person, my first impression was so wrong! Loved this video, I really appreciate your content ❤️
You two are perfect together. I don't think either of you are angels, but your are really nice people and a lovely couple. The vintage style is different, but quite nice and pretty. Jessica pulls it off so nicely. Enjoy your break and have a nice time together.
Being almost blind my fashion sense does end up making me the odd one in the room often but at least people notice I’m there. I don’t see peoples faces and don’t do the whole eye contact thing so yeah i need something to remind people i exist and if thats looking like a cyber goth then thats what it takes.
As a teenager with a chronic illness I worry that friends or future partners will end up resenting me for missing/making them miss events and things, and just generally being sort of a bummer sometimes. Seeing the two of you makes me feel a whole lot better about what my life will be like.💛
I once had a friend tell me that she was happy I said I was too tired to go out after dinner, cutting the night short, because she didn't want to go anywhere afterwards! 😂
When Claudia said she thinks knowing Jessica has made her a better person because she became better educated about disability and chronic illness, I immediately thought of “For Good” from Wicked.
Dear Jessica, I think that your taste in clothes and accessories is perfect. You have an absolute skill in that regard. It's not a skill that I have [I dress fine. Where as you have a gift] That's ok because I have other skills.Don't ever change. Hugs, Alison.
You two are the sweetest couple I've come across on TH-cam. And I love the contrast of colourful bubbly Jessica and monotone serious Claudia. It's perfect! Also, I think Claudia is my spirit-lesbian the more I see her in these videos. A no nonsense lady, just getting to the point... I love it.
My hair looks gorgeous today. I don't own a camera, so take my word for it. Ah, the wild things we do for love (in our teens and early 20s, which horrify us in our 30s). *sigh*
I'm disabled myself who also can't stand for long periods of time and everything you both mentioned in this video I understand completely. You both are beautiful inside and out, very strong women whom I respect greatly and I'm so glad I found your channel. If I might share a viewpoint with you. In my case even if what I have cannot be cured and is in no way contagious, even just having a nice tone of voice or watching a show with someone helps as well.
I think you are each other’s angels and that you complement each other very well. I find it difficult when doctors act as if I’m not all there and dismiss me. But I’m very much all here. Fortunately, I’m being treated at a University hospital so staff doesn’t feel they have to pretend to know everything and can ask me questions. Very much all here, thank you.
These videos have become the highlight of my week! I'm in an interable relationship, but I have been dating her since before I became disabled. I'm terrified casual dating because of my health. Here's to hoping I never have to date anyone else.
This, and part one, have possibly been the most useful videos on the subject of living with disabilities and those who live with people who live with disabilities. (Look, I know that was a very clumsy sentence, but once I'd started I just couldn't stop... sorry.) Thank you.
As Tomboyish and anti-make up, as I am, "vintage" and subtle gothic styles are probably my favourite looks. I'd love to look like Jessica, but I could never. The effort is too much for me.
You can get yourself jewelry and clothes with similar designs. No effort involved yet you still look like you dressed up. I've got dresses, overalls, pants, shorts, skirts, tights, and all sorts of clothes that look fancy but all I gotta do is slip them on. My jewelry is all set up for me to view and decide if it's a must for my outfits. I have makeup and sometimes put it on, but mostly make do with my tattooed eyeliner on. My glasses are goth and vintage styles. And, I have lots of hair scrunchies/barrettes as well as lots of cool converse, vans, and boots. Kinda hard to spend a lot of time dressing up when I've had 11 surgeries and I literally have to force my arms to touch my face, hair, or just move to get dressed. Yet people think I put in tons of effort.
this helps me a lot even though I'm not deaf. I'm in a wheelchair and I've always thought it would be impossible for me to find a relationship with someone so thank you so much Jessica
Thank you, Jessica and Claudia, for making the two videos! Seeing how you two work with one person being disabled and the other being able-bodied, as well as how in-sync your dialogue and interaction seems to be, is so beautiful! It also gives me hope! I'm single and was thinking about my lack of a love life, as I have been thinking of for the past 10 years since my last relationship ended- and every time I think about dating again- I immediately stop myself and think, "No one's going to understand the full scope of both my physical and mental struggles." Seeing relationships between a disabled person and an able-bodied person that seem to work so well, like you two, makes me wish I could find a man or woman who is willing to take me on! Just a handful of my disabilities include Fibromyalgia, depression/anxiety, Rheumatoid Arthritis, trauma-related mental struggles, and chronic migraines. The list is longer, but yeah- I'm a mess, and I feel like I'd be a huge burden on anyone I get involved with, even if it's not a relationship. I feel like no one who's able-bodied and who has good mental health will ever like me for me, much less love me. Before this video, I knew that dating would bring the problem any single Asian woman fears, which is the fetish for Asian women that people have, whether they're aware of it or not (in the USA, in concentration- though less so this year, but I'll not get into that). After this video, I now know about the fetish for disabled people! "Yellow Fever," the Asian fetish, is disgusting, but a fetish for the disabled seems worse! The former is something I'm used to, but I've never encountered someone with a fetish for the disabled! However, seeing you two, and how you contribute to each others' lives, is heartening and makes me think that some day, I just might find someone! Jessica - You have said how much healthier you are since meeting Claudia, and that's so wonderful! When you're solo on camera, you exude so much confidence and brightness, and you are obviously very smart, strong in spirit, and almost like an Amazon warrior, how you face every day with taking each day for whatever it brings and tackling it as best as you can! You are gorgeous, too, which is a nice bonus, but your true beauty comes from within! Claudia - I get this vibe that Jessica helped you come out of your shell, and although you are clearly bright, intelligent, amazing, and strong on as an individual, being with Jessica has helped you blossom. I'm a bit like you described yourself while you're off camera- sometimes introverted, cautious when interacting with people, on the blunt side, appearance style quite a bit more laid back than your wife, and I also grew up in a family with two science educators as parents. Bonus- you are also gorgeous, and your true beauty also comes from within! I'm looking forward to seeing more of your videos! I've watched four so far, and I loved each of them!
I absolutely adored these two videos from you, thank you so so much. As a chronically ill/disabled person who sometimes struggles with self-worth/value in relationships (as I'm sure the vast majority of us do!) it was so helpful to hear you two discuss the positives of dating with a disability. Thank you so much for your insightful comments, as always. As a less sappy side note, disabled people seriously do have the MOST interesting fashion sense, 100%. Look at my cute clothes and not at how I walk/move weirdly. Also I think it's a way to make my days a little brighter and a way of controlling part of my life/presentation to the world when so much of it can't be controlled. :)
I love Claudia! And I, as the physically able of my relationship, understand feeling frustrated that my partner is unable to do things and feeling frustrated at the world. Thank you!
I'm about to watch. I am in all broad terms an able bodied person, but everyone once in a while there are days I am not. And the beauty of having a significant other, or other wonderful relationships in your life (such as family, friends, ect) is that care and support is offered in the way you need it. That's the power and beauty of relationships, I think you and Claudia both complement another wonderfully, because you both sincerely care about the other person. And that care stems out in such a myriad of ways in your relationship. 🌻
I love Jessica’s “I’m exhausted but I keep talking!” when the Extroverted thing came up as I can SO relate! In a better moment I want to keep talking because I don’t know when the next time I’ll be able to hold a true conversation without horrible brain fog or the chronic pain making it impossible to speak and follow along at all. But I do try to remove myself sooner now so that I’m not quite so exhausted afterwards and have slightly less of a bad flare like I used to have when overdoing it on socializing in a better moment and then not listening to my body’s warning signs sooner. Not I listen to my warning signs and leave sooner so that when the fatigue crash and collapse come, I’m already at home. Helps a lot in the long run! 😃😃 Also, the way Jessica speaks of the neck problems and the shoulder dislocation with a cheeky smile and sarcastically says it was “fun” is also SO relatable! I get so used to what my so-called “normal” is like and I just pop my dislocated jaw back in with a grunt and go on and brain fog is so heavy from the seizure that caused the dislocation the first place that until I’m telling the story two days later to my mom for the first time, I didn’t even realize it WAS a dislocation because it didn’t hurt as much as others I’ve had. But when I see my mom’s face as I’m describing what I saw in the mirror of the jaw one way and the other part going the other way and my foggy bran going “Hmm. That doesn’t seem right. Better pop it back in.” and then doing so with a grunt and going back to bed in exhaustion and NEVER thinking about it again for 2 DAYS, I realize by her reaction and then my dad’s and then my doctor’s and then my OT’s that “Oh, yeah! This isn’t “normal” for others. How strange! Oh, well!” They’re all shocked and horrified and I’m just like “Well, it didn’t hurt as bad as others because I didn’t realize until I saw it in the mirror and it took me a good 2 minutes to realize through the brain fog why my face didn’t look right and I popped it went and just went back to bed and finally, FINALLY got some sleep after the seizure! Whoo hoo for solid sleep! 🎉🎉” And the looks I get just really remind me that even those I’m close to that see more of the ups and downs than anyone else can still be shocked by some of my symptoms and my casual attitude towards X symptom because in MY mind Y and Z were SO much worse that night! But their reactions really drive the point home that what I’ve gotten used to over 22 years is really hard for others outside the chronic illness and disability community to relate to because what’s “normal” for me is something they can’t wrap their heads around. So, anyway. Yes, dislocations are “fun times!” 😆😆 I really loved both these videos! You’re right that someone isn’t “an angel” for loving and dating and/or marrying someone with a disability of some kind, and it’s always shocking, horrifying and disgusting to me just how MANY people say stupid stuff like that! 🙄🙄 My chronic pain started at 11 and my parents never questioned it or thought I was “faking for attention” or anything like that and advocated for me and kept taking me to doctors and OTs and PTs until we found the good ones, and I’ve been repeatedly told how amazing my parents are and how lucky I am to have them. And it’s like “Um, we love each other and are always there for each other? So why wouldn’t my parents do everything they can to get me to the right doctor and we found the right diagnosis and the doctor to dismiss me correctly years later because my mom never gave up researching and looking! 💚💚 I love my parents and they love me but just because I’m the disable one doesn’t me the gratitude is only on my side or that I can’t contribute in my own ways. As Jessica said in the last one “When you need a sounding board and I’m there to listen, I contribute to the household that way.” That is such a great way to look at it and what I try to do too instead of listening to the ableism BS out there that somehow makes it sounds like we are less than or don’t contribute as much to the family because certain physical things aren’t part of our abilities. True loved ones don’t stop loving you because you’ve got a disability that has progressed and progressed over the years. But we are all still human and all still have bad days and no one is “an angel” for not throwing up their hands and walking out. When it’s a healthy relationship and there is love, you stay because you can’t imagine NOT staying and NOT loving this person. That doesn’t mean ups and downs don’t happen just like they do for everyone anyway. It just means that you care about each other and being there for each other is what’s most important! ☀️☀️
yay for unusual fashion! I wear big baggy tiedies (keeps pressure off my joints) and pajama pants of varying (usually non busy patterns, or ones that work with rather than clash hard against my tyedies) again, joint pressure help. People are really nice about it, or love the colours... it just goes really well. I also hope that people see this, and realize that they can do it too. (that is kind of how I got to being able to try wearing these things, by seeing others :)
Color makes me so happy, as do clothes in general. As someone with health issues, dressing in a way that makes me feel like more like myself is a great stabilizer when I'm not feeling my best. Also, I know life is too short to be anything other than myself, so I don't shy away from self expression. Jessica I love they way you express yourself with clothing. You are unique and so yourself!
I indeed am gorgeous ! My fiancé has peripheral neuropathy and pain due to chemo and i have EDS and co. We don’t feel different from other couples. I feel so blessed to have someone who understands me and knows how i feel when I’m in pain.
You are both Beautiful! I'm also in an interabled marriage. I'm the disabled one. But my health got worst after we were married. I was so scared that he would think I'm too much work and leave. But he is amazing and understanding! We'll be married for 11yrs in August of this year.
Hey Jessica I'm a big fan of your videos and they played a roll in getting me properly diagnosed with P.O.T.S recently ❤ when you would talk about your conditions I realized I had a lot of the same symptoms. I had multiple different types of doctors blow me off, but you were in the back of my mind. The doctor I've been seeing heard me out and immediately said oh it's this! And agreed to do the testing. Thank you for spreading awareness in all manner of things ❤
So nice to know and spread the Benefits to be with a desabled Person. I'm so happy to bring someone Benefits from my Disability. Some people told me that all Things have positive and negative sides. For me all Things are positive, then the "negative" moments or Things are going to help us to learn to see the positive...
Watching these videos makes my heart so soft for you two. (It’s missing my gf hours for me so I’m extra soft about how sweet you both are). Also makes me miss living in Brighton so much!! Love you guys!!
Jessica I LOVE your look, your personality and your gorgeous cute dynamic with your wife! You are a total inspiration fashion, life and relationship wise. Keep the great outfits coming!
I could relate to Claudia’s response to the benefits of being with a disabled person. My brother is disabled and witnessing everything he’s been through has been very enlightening to me. I love watching your videos, you guys really normalize disabilities and being gay so it’s just a win-win situation. 😄
My friends and co-workers are used to me slumping over too (yay, narcolepsy!). They usually just poke me til I wake up (I've trained my dog to do it too).
I’m terribly honest, sometimes to a fault, especially around people I’m comfortable with. I’m terrible at hiding that I’m in a bad place mentally, or had a bad day. I show it all on my face I believe, which is a blessing and a curse
Parking is definitely a plus! My partner found it difficult to get used to using the badge, queue jumping etc. when we spend time with my sister because he worries he's taking advantage. I always have to remind him these little perks for us are essential for her and we're on high alert all the time keeping an eye out for her so it sort of balances out ^_^
Haha I love that placard! I live in California, and my husband is disabled. My favorite place to use it is in San Francisco, and Santa Cruz. We don't have to pay for parking, or anything! I think the only thing I really hate about it is the awful comments I get from some people about it. Because I'm a woman, people think I should be with someone who can take care of me, instead of the other way around. It makes me so mad, because I'm a very independent woman, and even if I had an abled husband, I would still be working, and not cooking! Lol. I'm glad at least my family understands, because almost half of them have some type of disability. But I wish people would stop judging, and realize even disabled people deserve to find happiness, and love. I'm perfectly happy with our relationship, and we will be together for 10 years, married 6 this year!
I hope you are both able to get some rest this week! Even if you just take a car ride to somewhere that power tools are not allowed😆! Have a wonderful week & I look forward to seeing you after your little break 🤗💜🦋🙏🏻😘🐾🐾
So much of this resonated for me......I was reasonably abled when I married my husband but am now extremely disabled.......he is not a saint by any stretch, lol. After 28 years together we are best friends first and foremost and what I lack in ability to do "stuff" I make up for in brains and support. I think it is natural for disabled people to hide pain etc from the people they are closest to....otherwise our problems would consume all the joy in the room and joy is important. Every now and then I have a bit of an explosion where I whine mightily about what life has dished up, oddly enough my husband does the same.....I call that being human and being part of a partnership.
My husband married me even though he knew about my disabilities. Though I was in remission on most of my issues, I have never hid what’s wrong with me, nor downplayed how bad things were in the past.
I am gorgeous. Wow, talk about positive talk. Good choice, Jessica! Claudia sounds so happy in this video. It's somehow different from other times, but I can't quite put my finger on it.
One ex-partner of mine accused me of being over dramatic and getting migraines on purpose to get out of things. I wish I had broken that relationship off sooner.
![My wife is not an angel // Part 1 [CC]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/-s9GaEha2Nw/mqdefault.jpg)
![My wife is not an angel // Part 1 [CC]](/img/tr.png)
![Why Labels Are Important [CC]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/_hjtuAsp4tI/mqdefault.jpg)
![Wife saves my life! [CC]](/img/n.gif)
When I heard "Lesbians of varying abilities" all I could think was one of you was a better lesbian than the other and had to pause the video and laugh for a while
LOL What does a "better lesbian" mean anyway?! XD
@@PixieGiggles33 For me it sounds like «better 😏 lesbians»
Voilà~ sorry I have a dirty mind 🙈
@@murufufufufuuu8209 Your comment, followed by your name works...just...so well. It's just perfect.
this really made me chuckle 😂
@@PixieGiggles33 improved scrabble capabilities
when claudia said shes a confident introvert that was so relatable
I *wish* that was relatable. :/
I found out recently that there is actually 3 different types: extrovert, introvert, and ambivert. Ambiverts are pretty much confident introverts. They can enjoy socializing, but also greatly appreciate their alone time.
MissErikaWoods yeah I must be a ambiverts
@@pignippleful i'm not an ambivert, you can be introvert and confident - introversion doesn't automatically equal timidness or uncertainty
@@pignippleful shy and outgoing are not introversion and extroversion, they are just possible outcomes. introversion and extroversion lie in the fact of whether you gain energy from being around people, or whether it tires you out
"Yeah, there's like a name for it, isn't there?"
"There is, but I have memory loss."
😂
Meeeee
#relatable
Claudia admitting she thought Jessica was a bit of a joke with her fashion at first... I live for these truths.
"I don't like people" What a mood, Claudia XD
Something people miss is an interable relationship doesn't always stay that way. I've been disabled for quite a while and my wife 'put up with me' then 18 months ago she started to have really bad back pain. Late last year she was diagnosed with a tumor in her spine and even though it has now been successfully removed she has residual health problems. Now we help each other along. You never know what life will throw at you in the future, it's about supporting the other person.
edmondse yeah, I’m classified as disabled, but my physical disability doesn’t really effect me much, my girlfriend struggles a lot more with her disability (NEAD), basically she faints all the time, between 3-30+ times a day and feels so bad after, as well as other things, so the majority of the time, we function as an interabled relationship, but sometimes it doesn’t, my disability has caused fluctuating chronic pain, and causes ocular migraines, it changes the dynamic for us a bit, and it’s an area of disability and relationships that is rarely talked about.
I guess the all relationships should, not only 'interable' ones, as you said who knows what happens in the future. It's probably easier to understand for people with disabilities that you might be all fine and one day you suddenly not...
edmondse - I know where you are coming from because my relationship had been interable for 29 wonderful years. But, like your wife, my wife developed cancer in 2008 and I was just able enough then to help her through surgery, chemotherapy and Radiotherapy. She was cancer free up to January 2019 when she developed heart failure. They fixed that and she is stable with that health issue. However during the scans she had at the time they discovered her breast cancer had returned and was in her spine. They gave her all kinds of drug therapy that we believed would give her as long as possible with me. Unfortunately one drug nearly killed her and she can't have anymore chemotherapy. She is taking Tamoxifen and her scans show her cancer is stable, but the whole thing has left her with residual health problems, some serious like her memory is shot! She has chronic fatigue also. We still love each other after 33.5 years together and, like you and your wife, we help each other as much as possible. I am unable to walk and am in a wheelchair. I suffer excruciating pain on a daily basis. Drugs don't touch the pain but I want to be there for her as much as possible. Some days she will come in after taking our little dog for a half hour walk and I can tell from her face that she needs to rest so we both spend the day in bed. I can only sit upright for around 4 hours before my pain tells me I can't do anymore so I make sure my wife goes to bed with me and we both sleep until dinner time which can be at any time after 9 pm. We have sat in front of the TV at 11.30 pm eating our evening meal many times!! Who cares! There is only the two of us and we can please ourselves.
I just wanted to let you know that I understand everything you say and I can also fill in the gaps because we are living with cancer and both of us are now disabled. If one of you is disabled and needs help daily then it should be considered as you both age the fit one of the couple can also become ill and it's then tough going for both. Sending hugs and support to you both. xxx
Yeah my girlfriend is disabled, and I thought I was perfectly healthy... until she pointed out that I had way too many headaches for it to be considered "normal"... then I started having joint pain and body aches all the time for seemingly no reason... and now my doctor thinks I could have rheumatoid arthritis, but I haven't been diagnosed yet.
we're all humans and our bodies can fail at any point. People need to understand that. Hence the "through sickness and health" in a marriage vow.
'When I first met you I thought you were a bit of a joke tbh' - I almost choked on my tea laughing, thanks for that! You both look gorgeous in this video btw!
@@Hannah-wh3vo Ditto. I'm usually not oversensitive but still.
That was kind of ouch, tbh
If my partner said that to me I would burst into tears. Harsh!
It made me kinda sad ngl :c
To each their own, Jessica seemed to be fine. :)
This video made me laugh SO MUCH- i often forget that I'm in an interabled relationship? I'm disabled, and my girlfriend isn't (we get a LOT of strange looks on the street, being an interabled, interracial, lesbian couple where we both dress a little eccentric). We're both VERY introverted, so I'm sure she loves getting to use me as an excuse to go home and take a nap together rather than interact with people (which I am 100% down for)
That sounds so lovely
denny viber thats an adorable combo lol
My interabled relationship started with both of us being able bodied and ended with me being in a wheelchair. He didn't take the change particularly well. He would get super offended when we couldn't cuddle because he would dislocate my ribs or hips, and would get upset if I was mad that he never opened doors the way I could get through them. (Like opening the door while standing in the door way. We had been together for 7 years and he only started to open doors like that when I got my chair.) I ended up dumping him because of long distance issues but the longer I look back the more obvious it was that my disability threw a huge wrench in his willingness to be with me. No matter though, I'm holding out hope for a lovely lady who will braid my hair if my arms don't work and I will shower her with baked goods for all the days they do!
You're better off without them. A truly good partner understands and tries to help you overcome your disabilities issues the best they can. I was partially disabled when I met my husband 15 years ago and over time have had 11 surgeries (disabling my arms and making my knee bad), several injuries, migraines, etc. Then my mental health diagnosises finally happened at 32 and so it's a lot to deal with but he's been super supportive. I know people who tell me they'd have left me in a heartbeat, which just makes me more grateful for my husband as a partner.
I was wondering why there weren’t any comments and realized you posted it 10 seconds ago lol. Quarantine has me refreshing my TH-cam a whole lot
you made me realize I did same thing, lol
Alyssa Anne same
@AND ANDREY ISN'T HERE off topic but newsies is great
Jodie Plews i heard newsies and was summoned
The thing when people address the disabled person's companion, friend, family member, etc... instead of that person is really disrespectful to me.
Yep! When me and my partner were looking for a flat, one realtor even skipped shaking hands with me x.x
I think it is not meant to be rude. If they know a person is deaf and they themselves don‘t know sign language... then of course they address the companion first.
Mrs. Jones I think it’s to avoid conflicts like if someone is deaf or can’t speak it would be awkward to talk to them and not knowing, or if they can’t talk right now or are in pain
Mrs. Jones Adults, absolutely! But children? Would I be rude addressing their carer/parent/guardian? Just trying to do my best in a crazy complicated world... Thank you if you take the time to respond 😊
Especially if it’s pretty obvious that their disability doesn’t affect their ability to communicate...
Hey there Jessica and Claudia ❤️
Bit of a depressing way to start a comment but, one of my best friends/ housemate/ more than a friend/ etc passed away last year but I just needed to tell you how much your videos meant to her. She had severe depression, anxiety, bpd, as well as diabetes and chronic fatigue and chronic pain. Getting out of bed and going outside for her were momentous tasks most days, but we used to lie in bed together and watch your videos. She would rave about your vida all the damn time and it was adorable, and you showed her the kind of life she could have despite her long list of ailments. Her fashion sense was pretty much the same as yours - make up on point, fabulous fancy dresses and bows and honestly she was beautiful.
I love your videos, and I think you and Claudia are both great, but I am always dithering between unsubbing and then subbing again because you remind me so much of her that it's really hard to watch, with you and Claudia I feel like I'm seeing a parallel world of what could have been.
Sending you both so much love for this stressful lockdown time, and I promise that I will come back to your videos again one day when my headspace is better ❤️ I just needed to tell you that your videos meant so. damn. much. to her ❤️
I love that Claudia still makes space for her problems and can say "yes, but it is about me right now"
I am disabled with a personality a lot more like Claudia. I have a sweatshirt that says, “I’m sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.” Lol It’s very me.
I'm severely chronically ill and I have no control over many issues I deal with, so it makes it almost impossible to keep any scheduled plans... And extremely painful when successful in doing so... I'm late often, and it's not because I'm not punctual, it's because I can't predict what my body will do today and I can't help when things go wrong. I'm just not physically able much of the time.
Anyway... I'd love a shirt like that. Whether it's the full truth or not, if it's still true then that's enough for me. I'm late often enough that I'd be glad to give people some ideas. If people don't take my daily struggle seriously, that's their failure anyway - I'd like to make them think twice. And it would be self-serving, since if they don't believe how sick I am then by default the statement would be true anyway. If they believe it's true, then it's true. And if they don't believe it's true, sometimes it still would be true. Amazing functionality behind it
That’s great - totally me, and also might cheer me up when people can’t understand that when I say I’ll be there if I can, that’s exactly what I mean
Even though I’m not in a relationship I was my mom’s caregiver for over 10 years & people talking to me instead of my mom drove us nuts. “What’s her pain level today?” “So what’s she her for today?” I’d normally redirect to her politely. My favorite was when she’d get annoyed and inform them I’m just back up memory if needed I’d fill in the gaps.
Doctors used to do this to my grandmother when my dad would take her to the doctor. He would just say, “why are you asking me?”
To me, the term inter-abled very much includes couples where both partners are disabled, because quite likely they have different disabilities. This is the case in my relationship - both disabled but in drastically different ways.
This applies to me as well! I have chronic pain and chronic illnesses and my beau/partner is autistic. It's really fascinating to learn how we've each learnt how to navigate life and need assistance from other people.
Yeah, my partner has significantly more difficulty from her disability than I do from mine, most of the time we function as an interabled couple, where occasionally I need help too. But even able people need help sometimes too
I'm the super messed up disabled person in my relationship (keep getting hurt and getting new diagnosises) and my husband is mostly able bodied but does deal with sciatica, hip popping, and a crooked back/pain from whenever he works a lot.
Very true, and I am in the same relationship where I have VERY different disabilities than my husband, and he copes with things I simply cannot (not so much the reverse, as he is an extreme extrovert like you said you are, Jessica!).
Jessica, your face when Claudia said "like when we're at dinner and you're not in pain." I can see you thinking ," But I really am in pain and I just don't say anything" I know that look and feeling. *Sigh* even my good days are so painful even with meds. I even have dreams where I am in pain. I've had to take a long train journey with a long-lasting migraine, once. It's was a day and a half going up the coast of CA. It was beautiful but it was way to much. I've learned I need someone who can help me with the things. P.s. the parking is pretty good and not having to wait so long at the airport.
This was exactly my thought, I could see the 'theres a time I'm not in pain...' moment
@@edmondse me too. "chronic pain, you don't get it until you get it."
And how long have they been together and she still makes comments like that and had to put that in a video online...which mentally hurts to post it online!!
This was my first thought when I heard that! My husband now never says things like "when you are better" or "when you are not in pain".
@@RenukaDhinakaran To be fair, once you've had chronic pain for a while you tend to learn you're going to be in pain for life so you get used to it and gain pain tolerance. I have "pain days", "rollercoaster days" (where pain dwindles off and on), "good" days where pain level is like a 3 or 4, etc. And being in a family full of chronic pain/disabilities, we all understand that you never escape the pain but it's not wrong to say "when you're better/not in pain" because it can mean "when you're having a good day".
I love that you share your struggles as a married couple. It’s not the “happily ever after” in fairy tales. It takes communication, respect, and effort from both parties to make it work, and you two are a beautiful example of that. Much love and be well.
The parking comment was really funny. Laughed my ass out and just started the video.
I'm polyamorous (1 fiance, 1 partner) - both me and my fiance are disabled so it means me, my fiance, my partner, and my partner's partner can go to events and only pay for 2 of us :')
Clever.
2 for 1!
Polyamorous high five! ❤ I have a wife and two girlfriends myself, of which one is disabled. Her being one of my girlfriends. Technically I'm also disabled, but since my disability is neurological, it doesn't really show that much. Unless I forget my meds. In which case it shows A LOT. But since I'm physically able-bodied, I feel that I can't call myself disabled, even though that is an entirely accurate description of my limitations.
I’m so glad to hear the Clara gets rid of any comments that might upset you both ❤️ neither of you deserve to have to deal with that.
Clara is the loveliest.
Am I gorgeous? I - I don't know. Maybe, one day, someone will tell me.
Thank you for the video, Jessica and Claudia ... and for answering my question.
I completely understand where Claudia is coming from in regards to feeling frustrated. Having seen the pain my brother endured during his bout with cancer ( and related complications), all I could think was I would switch places with him in a heartbeat. "Just give him the treatment and let me take the pain." - that's what I constantly thought. I grew frustrated, not at my brother, rather at the illness and what it was doing to him ( fyi, he ultimately beat the disease and is now cancer free). And I also agree with Claudia about communicating with doctors. It was far better for me to explain what my brother was feeling than through, say, an interpreter ( he's deaf). He can speak, but in the state he was in at the time, it was more beneficial coming from me.
Again, thank you for sharing your responses - and for brightening my day. For the record: I have and will never think of you, Jessica, as silly or weird due to how you dress or act. Truth be told, first time I saw a thumbnail for the first video I watched of yours, I thought - Wow! That is a beautiful woman. Absolutely true. And still is, more so than ever before.
Take care, you two! Wishing you all the best. Lovely as always 👍🤟💝
Lol. Well, to be fair, if you went on a date with someone for the first time and they showed up looking like they just stepped out of 1945 into the restaurant, you might think they're lovely but you'd still have questions. :)
Also, I'm glad your brother recovered.
@@xzonia1 Thank you for your kind words about my brother. And yes, I would have questions - but all from a good place and all positive ❤
@@richardvelez3151 ❤
Thank you always for your comments, really glad to read your brother recovered. Lots of love xx
I tell everyone that I'm with that if you take me with you on outings we all get all the good parking spaces and guilt-free rides on the elevator! 😂 And that doctors listen to the abled-bodied person in the room is why my mom goes to all of my appointments with me. Plus I'm so desensitized that she gets angry and upset for me and make sure that the doctor is doing their job
Same here with the appointments, whenever I have my mum with me at doctor's she gets angry on my behalf and she remembers all the things we've been wanting to talk about since I'm like "ok cool thanks for your two minutes doctor, I'm not struggling at all right now hahah good bye" a lot of the time :D
Boggles my mind how a doctor won't listen to their own patient 🤔🤔🙃
TheCozyWitch I think part of it might be that sometimes people will fake illness/pain to get prescription drugs and just having someone else verify helps convince them?? Still not ok though...
@@annonimooseq1246 your definitely right, still so upsetting how doctors would assume the worst first
Annonimoose Q I mean, it also depends on the person and circumstance. There’s a pretty long running history of lgbtq people and minorities being treated less favorably others, particularly women. It’s really well reflected in the highest demographic affected by the opioid crisis in America.
Another advantage: Claudia gets to hear that lovely voice all the time. I could listen to an audiobook of theirs all day. 😁
I wonder if also part of Claudia's success in getting doctors or officials to listen to her is just good old fashioned sexism. While any specific label would be pointless here, I think its safe to say she is more of a "tomboy" or has more "masculine" characteristics than Jessica in how she chooses to interact with the world. Its very possible that in addition to any able-ism at play, or reaction to the vivaciousness of Jessica's personality or appearance, that Claudia's getting a bit of patriarchal privilege in those rooms as well. :) just a thought
this is such a bad take. gender non-conforming women still face misogyny - if not more so. it's like saying butch lesbians don't experience sexism which is simply offensive
@@annaequare I dont think its going that far. It's not that they dont experience sexism (they CERTAINLY do), but that the more extremely feminine you present the more sexist people (not all people) will treat you like a ditz and bimbo.
Gender non conforming also get the short end of the stick, but that doesnt detract from the sexism present in extremely feminine presenting people
@@annaequare i think it depends on the situation, like if a butch woman went to a pub to watch a football match with all of "the blokes", men would probably not bat an eye. if a femme, girly woman did that she would 100% get looks of "wtf is she doing here?
@@evelynkrull5268 "feminine presenting people" is very vague as it includes men, e.g. flamboyant gay boys. do you honestly think what they experience is sexism and not straight up homophobia? cause i don't
sexist people don't start taking me more seriously as a professional when i present myself masculine (which i tend to do), cause they still can see that im a woman. but they sure as hell try to punish me for not being girly enough
so in this case i really think jessica is experencing ableism and the fact that claudia is a bit more assertive and not in constant pain helps
@@annaequare man it sucks that you've had those experiences. Mine had been opposite, but that doesnt invalidate your experience.
I believe a lot of homophobia has a basis in sexism. They are very interwoven due to the rigid acceptable gender lines made by society. Theres a lot of intersectionality here.
Thank you for this video! I have a tendency to elevate youtube couples (especially you two) in that I think they're #goals, even though you're still people. Hearing you talk about how you occasionally have difficulties with balancing one another's needs reminds me that even couples that seem perfect need to work at their relationship.
I frequently tell people they need to take me with them if they're going anywhere good, "You'll get great parking!" 😂
This is so wonderfully relatable 😅
I especially liked the "please talk to me about things when they're not currently happening" advice. My wife & I learned early that this leads to much better communication than putting someone on the back foot.
“I sometimes react to Jessica’s problems with anger because I can’t do anything to make it better.” I know this feeling of frustration...and you know, inside, you’re making it worse by getting angry which is just more frustrating and, worse, you know your partner is in no position to help right now, and you totally get that and you totally don’t want them to feel like now they have to help you, so you try to bottle it in and tell yourself “I can deal with this later”....it can be a very lonely feeling.
As you’re no doubt already aware, experience lends ideas on how to cope with this, but it is probably one of the rougher personal challenges and takes a lot of practice to get right.
But, back to benefits... all that practice tends to make one that much better at coping with helplessness while still being an emotional support to those you care about. Which, I have found, is a very useful skill :)
*They are the reason why I still believe in love*
Claudia, your honesty has me literally laughing out loud! Even though you’ve just told us you never read comments.
I would NEVER describe your look as "silly." You look fabulous and you own it!
I remember when I saw a video from this channel for the first time Jessica gave me this impression of being this intimidating, almost scary lady, a sort of old Hollywood femme fatale (sorry for the cliché)! I have watched many many more videos now and she is such a sweet and amicable person, my first impression was so wrong! Loved this video, I really appreciate your content ❤️
You two are perfect together. I don't think either of you are angels, but your are really nice people and a lovely couple. The vintage style is different, but quite nice and pretty. Jessica pulls it off so nicely. Enjoy your break and have a nice time together.
Being almost blind my fashion sense does end up making me the odd one in the room often but at least people notice I’m there. I don’t see peoples faces and don’t do the whole eye contact thing so yeah i need something to remind people i exist and if thats looking like a cyber goth then thats what it takes.
Love it!
As a teenager with a chronic illness I worry that friends or future partners will end up resenting me for missing/making them miss events and things, and just generally being sort of a bummer sometimes. Seeing the two of you makes me feel a whole lot better about what my life will be like.💛
Oh and your wrist weakness totally adds to your vintage aesthetic 😂. Love you two!!
I once had a friend tell me that she was happy I said I was too tired to go out after dinner, cutting the night short, because she didn't want to go anywhere afterwards! 😂
Love the real talk. Pluses and challenges in every relationship! Also, I very much enjoy Jessica's aesthetic. ❤🧡💛💚💙💜
When Claudia said she thinks knowing Jessica has made her a better person because she became better educated about disability and chronic illness, I immediately thought of “For Good” from Wicked.
You two have to stop being so damn adorable. My heart can't take much more cuteness.
Dear Jessica, I think that your taste in clothes and accessories is perfect. You have an absolute skill in that regard. It's not a skill that I have [I dress fine. Where as you have a gift] That's ok because I have other skills.Don't ever change. Hugs, Alison.
cool name!
Jessica: would you like more Jessie and Claud videos?
Me- YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!
You two are the sweetest couple I've come across on TH-cam. And I love the contrast of colourful bubbly Jessica and monotone serious Claudia. It's perfect! Also, I think Claudia is my spirit-lesbian the more I see her in these videos. A no nonsense lady, just getting to the point... I love it.
My hair looks gorgeous today. I don't own a camera, so take my word for it.
Ah, the wild things we do for love (in our teens and early 20s, which horrify us in our 30s). *sigh*
I'm disabled myself who also can't stand for long periods of time and everything you both mentioned in this video I understand completely. You both are beautiful inside and out, very strong women whom I respect greatly and I'm so glad I found your channel.
If I might share a viewpoint with you. In my case even if what I have cannot be cured and is in no way contagious, even just having a nice tone of voice or watching a show with someone helps as well.
Never been here this early. Hi everyone🤗 hope you’re all doing well ❤️
I think you are each other’s angels and that you complement each other very well. I find it difficult when doctors act as if I’m not all there and dismiss me. But I’m very much all here. Fortunately, I’m being treated at a University hospital so staff doesn’t feel they have to pretend to know everything and can ask me questions. Very much all here, thank you.
These videos have become the highlight of my week! I'm in an interable relationship, but I have been dating her since before I became disabled. I'm terrified casual dating because of my health. Here's to hoping I never have to date anyone else.
You two are utterly hilarious together. I love Claudia's impressions of herself in public situations. xD
This, and part one, have possibly been the most useful videos on the subject of living with disabilities and those who live with people who live with disabilities. (Look, I know that was a very clumsy sentence, but once I'd started I just couldn't stop... sorry.) Thank you.
I am neither gorgeous nor a lovely person, but your spirit brightens my ever dim life. For this I cannot thank yall enough.
As Tomboyish and anti-make up, as I am, "vintage" and subtle gothic styles are probably my favourite looks. I'd love to look like Jessica, but I could never. The effort is too much for me.
You can get yourself jewelry and clothes with similar designs. No effort involved yet you still look like you dressed up. I've got dresses, overalls, pants, shorts, skirts, tights, and all sorts of clothes that look fancy but all I gotta do is slip them on. My jewelry is all set up for me to view and decide if it's a must for my outfits. I have makeup and sometimes put it on, but mostly make do with my tattooed eyeliner on. My glasses are goth and vintage styles. And, I have lots of hair scrunchies/barrettes as well as lots of cool converse, vans, and boots. Kinda hard to spend a lot of time dressing up when I've had 11 surgeries and I literally have to force my arms to touch my face, hair, or just move to get dressed. Yet people think I put in tons of effort.
this helps me a lot even though I'm not deaf. I'm in a wheelchair and I've always thought it would be impossible for me to find a relationship with someone so thank you so much Jessica
Okay I haven't stopped laughing. Claudia is a complete clown on this one 😄😄😄
Thank you, Jessica and Claudia, for making the two videos! Seeing how you two work with one person being disabled and the other being able-bodied, as well as how in-sync your dialogue and interaction seems to be, is so beautiful! It also gives me hope!
I'm single and was thinking about my lack of a love life, as I have been thinking of for the past 10 years since my last relationship ended- and every time I think about dating again- I immediately stop myself and think, "No one's going to understand the full scope of both my physical and mental struggles." Seeing relationships between a disabled person and an able-bodied person that seem to work so well, like you two, makes me wish I could find a man or woman who is willing to take me on! Just a handful of my disabilities include Fibromyalgia, depression/anxiety, Rheumatoid Arthritis, trauma-related mental struggles, and chronic migraines. The list is longer, but yeah- I'm a mess, and I feel like I'd be a huge burden on anyone I get involved with, even if it's not a relationship. I feel like no one who's able-bodied and who has good mental health will ever like me for me, much less love me.
Before this video, I knew that dating would bring the problem any single Asian woman fears, which is the fetish for Asian women that people have, whether they're aware of it or not (in the USA, in concentration- though less so this year, but I'll not get into that). After this video, I now know about the fetish for disabled people! "Yellow Fever," the Asian fetish, is disgusting, but a fetish for the disabled seems worse! The former is something I'm used to, but I've never encountered someone with a fetish for the disabled! However, seeing you two, and how you contribute to each others' lives, is heartening and makes me think that some day, I just might find someone!
Jessica - You have said how much healthier you are since meeting Claudia, and that's so wonderful! When you're solo on camera, you exude so much confidence and brightness, and you are obviously very smart, strong in spirit, and almost like an Amazon warrior, how you face every day with taking each day for whatever it brings and tackling it as best as you can! You are gorgeous, too, which is a nice bonus, but your true beauty comes from within!
Claudia - I get this vibe that Jessica helped you come out of your shell, and although you are clearly bright, intelligent, amazing, and strong on as an individual, being with Jessica has helped you blossom. I'm a bit like you described yourself while you're off camera- sometimes introverted, cautious when interacting with people, on the blunt side, appearance style quite a bit more laid back than your wife, and I also grew up in a family with two science educators as parents. Bonus- you are also gorgeous, and your true beauty also comes from within!
I'm looking forward to seeing more of your videos! I've watched four so far, and I loved each of them!
You are not your disabilities!
You give me so much hope for my future. I absolutely adore your relationship ❤
More videos with Jessica and Claudia would be awesome 😎! Also it would be delightful to see the house when it’s done.
I love how honest the conversations you have are. ❤
Thank you so much for making this video. As someone who has had a chronic condition show up after I was already married this has helped me so much 💜
Dressing bold to distract from the disability is my M.O. Purple hair helps.
You’re a lifesaver in quarantine; I love your videos! Stay safe!
I absolutely adored these two videos from you, thank you so so much. As a chronically ill/disabled person who sometimes struggles with self-worth/value in relationships (as I'm sure the vast majority of us do!) it was so helpful to hear you two discuss the positives of dating with a disability. Thank you so much for your insightful comments, as always.
As a less sappy side note, disabled people seriously do have the MOST interesting fashion sense, 100%. Look at my cute clothes and not at how I walk/move weirdly. Also I think it's a way to make my days a little brighter and a way of controlling part of my life/presentation to the world when so much of it can't be controlled. :)
25% of this video is Claudia roasting Jessica and I want that in my life?
I love Claudia! And I, as the physically able of my relationship, understand feeling frustrated that my partner is unable to do things and feeling frustrated at the world. Thank you!
I'm about to watch. I am in all broad terms an able bodied person, but everyone once in a while there are days I am not. And the beauty of having a significant other, or other wonderful relationships in your life (such as family, friends, ect) is that care and support is offered in the way you need it. That's the power and beauty of relationships, I think you and Claudia both complement another wonderfully, because you both sincerely care about the other person. And that care stems out in such a myriad of ways in your relationship. 🌻
I love Jessica’s “I’m exhausted but I keep talking!” when the Extroverted thing came up as I can SO relate! In a better moment I want to keep talking because I don’t know when the next time I’ll be able to hold a true conversation without horrible brain fog or the chronic pain making it impossible to speak and follow along at all. But I do try to remove myself sooner now so that I’m not quite so exhausted afterwards and have slightly less of a bad flare like I used to have when overdoing it on socializing in a better moment and then not listening to my body’s warning signs sooner. Not I listen to my warning signs and leave sooner so that when the fatigue crash and collapse come, I’m already at home. Helps a lot in the long run! 😃😃 Also, the way Jessica speaks of the neck problems and the shoulder dislocation with a cheeky smile and sarcastically says it was “fun” is also SO relatable! I get so used to what my so-called “normal” is like and I just pop my dislocated jaw back in with a grunt and go on and brain fog is so heavy from the seizure that caused the dislocation the first place that until I’m telling the story two days later to my mom for the first time, I didn’t even realize it WAS a dislocation because it didn’t hurt as much as others I’ve had. But when I see my mom’s face as I’m describing what I saw in the mirror of the jaw one way and the other part going the other way and my foggy bran going “Hmm. That doesn’t seem right. Better pop it back in.” and then doing so with a grunt and going back to bed in exhaustion and NEVER thinking about it again for 2 DAYS, I realize by her reaction and then my dad’s and then my doctor’s and then my OT’s that “Oh, yeah! This isn’t “normal” for others. How strange! Oh, well!” They’re all shocked and horrified and I’m just like “Well, it didn’t hurt as bad as others because I didn’t realize until I saw it in the mirror and it took me a good 2 minutes to realize through the brain fog why my face didn’t look right and I popped it went and just went back to bed and finally, FINALLY got some sleep after the seizure! Whoo hoo for solid sleep! 🎉🎉” And the looks I get just really remind me that even those I’m close to that see more of the ups and downs than anyone else can still be shocked by some of my symptoms and my casual attitude towards X symptom because in MY mind Y and Z were SO much worse that night! But their reactions really drive the point home that what I’ve gotten used to over 22 years is really hard for others outside the chronic illness and disability community to relate to because what’s “normal” for me is something they can’t wrap their heads around. So, anyway. Yes, dislocations are “fun times!” 😆😆 I really loved both these videos! You’re right that someone isn’t “an angel” for loving and dating and/or marrying someone with a disability of some kind, and it’s always shocking, horrifying and disgusting to me just how MANY people say stupid stuff like that! 🙄🙄 My chronic pain started at 11 and my parents never questioned it or thought I was “faking for attention” or anything like that and advocated for me and kept taking me to doctors and OTs and PTs until we found the good ones, and I’ve been repeatedly told how amazing my parents are and how lucky I am to have them. And it’s like “Um, we love each other and are always there for each other? So why wouldn’t my parents do everything they can to get me to the right doctor and we found the right diagnosis and the doctor to dismiss me correctly years later because my mom never gave up researching and looking! 💚💚 I love my parents and they love me but just because I’m the disable one doesn’t me the gratitude is only on my side or that I can’t contribute in my own ways. As Jessica said in the last one “When you need a sounding board and I’m there to listen, I contribute to the household that way.” That is such a great way to look at it and what I try to do too instead of listening to the ableism BS out there that somehow makes it sounds like we are less than or don’t contribute as much to the family because certain physical things aren’t part of our abilities. True loved ones don’t stop loving you because you’ve got a disability that has progressed and progressed over the years. But we are all still human and all still have bad days and no one is “an angel” for not throwing up their hands and walking out. When it’s a healthy relationship and there is love, you stay because you can’t imagine NOT staying and NOT loving this person. That doesn’t mean ups and downs don’t happen just like they do for everyone anyway. It just means that you care about each other and being there for each other is what’s most important! ☀️☀️
yay for unusual fashion! I wear big baggy tiedies (keeps pressure off my joints) and pajama pants of varying (usually non busy patterns, or ones that work with rather than clash hard against my tyedies) again, joint pressure help. People are really nice about it, or love the colours... it just goes really well.
I also hope that people see this, and realize that they can do it too. (that is kind of how I got to being able to try wearing these things, by seeing others :)
Color makes me so happy, as do clothes in general. As someone with health issues, dressing in a way that makes me feel like more like myself is a great stabilizer when I'm not feeling my best. Also, I know life is too short to be anything other than myself, so I don't shy away from self expression. Jessica I love they way you express yourself with clothing. You are unique and so yourself!
I indeed am gorgeous !
My fiancé has peripheral neuropathy and pain due to chemo and i have EDS and co. We don’t feel different from other couples. I feel so blessed to have someone who understands me and knows how i feel when I’m in pain.
Jessica’s hair in the beginning 😍 I like when you guys do the Q and A videos, I love learning stuff from you guys!
I woke up at four am by mistake and I was just in time for this video. A new one always brightens my day ❤️
People come up with such good questions! Also I laughed so hard at the quiet "I have memory loss so..." after they have a name for it don't they
You are both Beautiful! I'm also in an interabled marriage. I'm the disabled one. But my health got worst after we were married. I was so scared that he would think I'm too much work and leave. But he is amazing and understanding! We'll be married for 11yrs in August of this year.
Hey Jessica I'm a big fan of your videos and they played a roll in getting me properly diagnosed with P.O.T.S recently ❤ when you would talk about your conditions I realized I had a lot of the same symptoms. I had multiple different types of doctors blow me off, but you were in the back of my mind. The doctor I've been seeing heard me out and immediately said oh it's this! And agreed to do the testing. Thank you for spreading awareness in all manner of things ❤
Between 12:30 and 12:50 they were so cute that I had to replay this part, because .... well THE CUTENESS
So nice to know and spread the Benefits to be with a desabled Person.
I'm so happy to bring someone Benefits from my Disability.
Some people told me that all Things have positive and negative sides. For me all Things are positive, then the "negative" moments or Things are going to help us to learn to see the positive...
Watching these videos makes my heart so soft for you two. (It’s missing my gf hours for me so I’m extra soft about how sweet you both are). Also makes me miss living in Brighton so much!! Love you guys!!
“ but you still don’t hold yourself well” . Like, I love you guys lol
Jessica I LOVE your look, your personality and your gorgeous cute dynamic with your wife! You are a total inspiration fashion, life and relationship wise. Keep the great outfits coming!
I just found you again and became more excited when I seen you had a wife omg eeek *Gay Panic*
That was lovely. A great distraction. You and Claudia take care. If you need to extend the break do what you need for you.
I could relate to Claudia’s response to the benefits of being with a disabled person. My brother is disabled and witnessing everything he’s been through has been very enlightening to me. I love watching your videos, you guys really normalize disabilities and being gay so it’s just a win-win situation. 😄
My friends and co-workers are used to me slumping over too (yay, narcolepsy!). They usually just poke me til I wake up (I've trained my dog to do it too).
Jessica's laugh is the *only* laugh I find contagious, I'm very glad it exists, and that I am now gorgeous 😂
From now on I shall refer to myself as a confident introvert 😌
I’m terribly honest, sometimes to a fault, especially around people I’m comfortable with. I’m terrible at hiding that I’m in a bad place mentally, or had a bad day. I show it all on my face I believe, which is a blessing and a curse
"You are stunningly gorgeous" was not something I was expecting tbh. I love y'all ❤🥰🥰🥰
Parking is definitely a plus! My partner found it difficult to get used to using the badge, queue jumping etc. when we spend time with my sister because he worries he's taking advantage. I always have to remind him these little perks for us are essential for her and we're on high alert all the time keeping an eye out for her so it sort of balances out ^_^
Haha I love that placard! I live in California, and my husband is disabled. My favorite place to use it is in San Francisco, and Santa Cruz. We don't have to pay for parking, or anything! I think the only thing I really hate about it is the awful comments I get from some people about it. Because I'm a woman, people think I should be with someone who can take care of me, instead of the other way around. It makes me so mad, because I'm a very independent woman, and even if I had an abled husband, I would still be working, and not cooking! Lol. I'm glad at least my family understands, because almost half of them have some type of disability. But I wish people would stop judging, and realize even disabled people deserve to find happiness, and love. I'm perfectly happy with our relationship, and we will be together for 10 years, married 6 this year!
I hope you are both able to get some rest this week! Even if you just take a car ride to somewhere that power tools are not allowed😆! Have a wonderful week & I look forward to seeing you after your little break 🤗💜🦋🙏🏻😘🐾🐾
Gorgeous?.... Hmmmm... I would say I have good looking eyes... ironically they don’t see very well. Lol🤓
So much of this resonated for me......I was reasonably abled when I married my husband but am now extremely disabled.......he is not a saint by any stretch, lol. After 28 years together we are best friends first and foremost and what I lack in ability to do "stuff" I make up for in brains and support. I think it is natural for disabled people to hide pain etc from the people they are closest to....otherwise our problems would consume all the joy in the room and joy is important. Every now and then I have a bit of an explosion where I whine mightily about what life has dished up, oddly enough my husband does the same.....I call that being human and being part of a partnership.
My husband married me even though he knew about my disabilities. Though I was in remission on most of my issues, I have never hid what’s wrong with me, nor downplayed how bad things were in the past.
Claudia looks so beautiful in this video!
I just love this channel! ❤️
I love you two as a couple. Like a pink drink from Starbucks and a shot of espresso. Adorable.
I am gorgeous. Wow, talk about positive talk. Good choice, Jessica! Claudia sounds so happy in this video. It's somehow different from other times, but I can't quite put my finger on it.
One ex-partner of mine accused me of being over dramatic and getting migraines on purpose to get out of things. I wish I had broken that relationship off sooner.
You two are so lovely! I love listening to you talk and banter, it just puts such a big smile on my face :)
jessica's hair is always so so pretty!