Cheating is the baddest thing in life that you can do to your partner. It is so degrading. It is so humiliating. It affects you for the rest of your life.
I've been cheated on badly by my wife and we have been in reconciliation for 3 years. Your words are spot on. I went from being a very mentally healthy and happy person to a very mentally damaged person. I would even say that I've never felt pain like this in my 51 years on this earth.
Imagine the self work you could've done I've you'd divorced! Probably would've accepted it and made peace with it by now! Turn that wife into an ex! 🤣✌️
@@jimobrien6903 oh for f**ks sake, you've had 3 years to set a foundation for shared custody! Do everything she does as it relates to child care: take the kids to school, pick them up, take en to the doc/dentist..... do all that and you'll get 50/50 custody week on week off! You'll never stop being dad,+ get some free time to work on yourself and actually get to ENJOY LIFE again instead of this miserable bs you're stuck in! Move on, hell if they're old enough tell them why! You're just reveling in the misery
This is the first video I have seen that actually PROPERLY calls out cheaters. Mostly, people seem to want to victim blame and let the cheater off the hook, which really sucks, but I guess it makes people feel safe. Sigh.
I agree with this. Most others give them a pass for being in a bad place and making a bad decision, etc. It's not like it's a one-time thing they did. They make that decision over and over again and completely disregard and lie to their spouse and family in the process.
Totally agree, this video sums up the reality and consequences beautifully... Having just been cheated on by my wife of 17 years, I'm hurting so much...
Superb analysis! I wish you had been my therapist, after my wife’s betrayal 24 years ago. Cheating is far too soft a term. Cheating is devastating. I was in love. I adored her. I can no longer fondly reminisce about our early days together without thinking about her affair. I stayed in our marriage because of our child, and because of the experienced trauma of my prior divorce, also involving two children. I still wonder whether I made the right decision the second time around. As for women, well, I would never put them on a pedestal again.
I am always amazed at the level of genuine knowledge and insight that this woman drops on us with each video. She is truly a font of great wisdom and counsel for troubled relationships. Sadly, when inevitable marital/relationship problems arise, most of us are stymied by inadequate communication skills and lack of the "know-how" to rationally resolve the problems. Too bad we all can't have a MJ Rapini to call upon when needed.
I was married for forty-five (45) years; two known affairs, and then learning that she was actually a serial cheater from my PI and attorney. She was 90% angle, 10% demon. Very active and respected at church! Yes, you're spot on! I will NEVER recover. Thanks for speaking the truth. You've help more innocent victims than you realize...
I learned yesterday my BF of 7+ years has been cheating on me. I found it on FB. I screen shot the post about him. There is no way he can denai it. I have a few things to gather then he's gone. I have to live this lie, tell him I love him, hear him tell me he loves me when I know it's all a lie. Now the I love you to him almost makes me puke. I can't wait to get this over and get on with my life. Thank you for this video.
I wish I had had you as my clinical psychologist after my wife’s affair. Twenty two years later I am still struggling. One thing that I can relate to is just how brash and cocksure the betrayer becomes at the height of the affair. Common sense goes out of the window. The act is unprotected, and an STI and pregnancy result. Reality hits home with a loud thud, and the betrayer has no choice but to eat humble pie and to face the consequences.
At least she was humbled. My husband couldn't even apologize and everything I was told had to be dragged out of him. He's annoyed that I ask questions now (apparently the last time he plowed his side slut was 3 yrs ago). He's mad that we've argued about it for the last yr (I found out a yr ago). And He's really happy now because he thinks everything is all better - because I've stopped trying to make it better for me. I just work on hated myself enough to be OK with the idea that He's probably cheating on me at any given time. He's happy and if I mattered at all it would have never happened to begin with.
@@hdw237 Possible reasons the betraying spouse won’t talk about the affair. 1. To protect the betrayed from further hurt and pain. 2. To avoid potential consequences, eg. loss of marriage, family, friends, lifestyle, reputation. 3. Being trapped between guilt (for the hurt caused) and shame (in terms of how he sees himself). 4. Potentially exposing and contradicting his past lies. 5. To avoid confrontation, either with his wife, or confrontation between his wife and his affair partner(s). 6. To keep conducting the affair(s), or to protect the extramarital relationship(s). 7. Being foggy on the details. 8. Discovery has come and gone (he wants to put it behind him, but selfishly ignores the fact that the betrayed spouse has still to even begin to process what has happened). 9. Unwilling to take ownership or to accept accountability. 10. To protect the interests of the affair partner. 11. Denial of cheating or being unfaithful (relates to his own definition of cheating, irrespective of betrayal having nonetheless taken place).
@@hdw237 you clearly wrote above that “he annoyed that I ask questions now”. It seems that he are remained with him after discovering his infidelity, am I wrong or did you divorce him immediately upon finding out?
Ive been cheated on too, the dude she betrayed me with was one if my best friends and since then, nearly two years ago. Since then i kinda isolated myself from everything and everybody. I accepted a while ago that this feeling now, it will stay. Its cruel. There are times where i dont think about it, but everytime i lay down, when its quiet, when i see other people caring for one another, the memories come haunt and hurt me again. I dont wanna use woman to cope with the loss, i aint got anything left in me that i could invest in something new, i feel worthless, helpless and filthy. Nothing can take that away.
It will get better with time - if you let it. If you remain bitter and hurt and wallow in it - you'll go MGTOW or Red Pill. If you work on yourself, figure out your strengths and weaknesses, and in the process learn to read and discern other people + their motivations - making a good choice with your next partner, will be easier. Never foolproof - people do change with time. But being open and aware and paying attention - both to your own behaviors as well as your partners - will go a long way in creating a better than average relationship! Hang in there!
@@Random.338 i would assume that this site ironicly would attract predators to look for vulnerable people they can manipulate, scam or do whatever. never ever i would register on such site or would be naive enough to think that this would help or fix any kind of thing. its another thresher people can throw themselfes into and iam not.
I know plenty of women who would never consider betraying their partner since they have personally experienced the devastating impact of infidelity. Women like myself who stayed faithful to our cheating partners because we believed in honoring our vows and being people of integrity, until the unfaithful husband left us and our families. Don’t give up, there are good women out there who are loving and have integrity.
It doesn’t matter what they say, whether if you were just talking or in a relationship…when you get caught cheating or talking to someone else. You are NO longer able to be trusted.
My ex was a traumatic experience. I was an innocent soul man and that was stolen from me the moment my heart shattered. Fuck her, I just can’t comprehend why someone would make that decision
I am really sorry you have to go through this, but try to work out your anger and bitterness so you don't keep that inside you. Be honest about the pain, and feel it, but allow yourself to move on too. Thanks for your comment.
@@wm7929 Why not be thankful that you found out and you’re no longer involved with a known cheater. Ending a relationship with a cheater should always be accepted with excitement. Remove yourself from a cheater’s existence is a positive, not a negative.
@@standground7956Your words are spot on of course, but it is hard to be excited about ending a 20 year marriage. While I do see things I look forward to, divorce is very difficult. I think the biggest sadness and grief I had to get over was the feeling that it didn't have to be this way. But like all things we do get over it if we focus on it and work at it.
I've heard this same statistic that 2/3 of marriages work it out after infidelity, but I want to comment a couple things: What does it mean to work it out? Does it mean the marriage is truly transformed and reconciled and better than before? Also for those that work it out, another question is for how long? And is it different when the wife is unfaithful vs. the husband? What I suspect is a full reconciliation is much more rare than 67%, probably more like 20%. My evidence is mostly anecdotal but I suspect most people try but ultimately give up and divorce around 3 years after discovery. Of those that hang on I suspect it is mostly because of children and/or finances, and as soon as those are resolved they'll divorce too, or they'll just continue on the same path. Again anecdotal, I believe it is mostly because the unfaithful simply doesn't have it in them to do the work required to amend the relationship, establish emotional safety, and rebuild trust. It makes sense to me, I mean how many were truly happy in the marriage before the infidelity, happy enough to try and get it back?
From all the studies I have seen only about 5% max ever manage to survive Adultery and they are mostly clingy people who have know self respect or self worth and fear being alone. Women don't marry for love anymore they just scam a man with money if they can so they can just divorce him and take have or more of his assets after a few years.
Even if it lasts for years after it is rarely better. Mostly it is just a trauma bond which continues. I view it as a zombie relationship. Neither dead (in matters of longevity and practicality) nor alive (in matters of beauty and peace).
Thank you for this video. The lies and broken trust were the real destroyers of my relationship. Rebuilding trust sounds good in theory but I don’t believe the know how and skill to do so are commonly understood. That said, I was surprised at your statistic of 2/3 of relationships survive infidelity - I thought it would be lower.
I find that stat too hard to believe. Most cheaters won't stop once they start. Which means that the betrayed has to suck it up, if they are willing to stay. It was horrible to break up, but there was no way I was going to be second fiddle while he kept running around w/ his young little whore.
@@saintejeannedarc9460 I don’t find the stat hard to believe. It means 2/3 people who her cheated on think remaining a cheater is their best option. Those are the pathetic individuals who make excuses like, “the promised they would change” even though they likely promised to be faithful. “I stayed for the kids” is the other weak excuse. If never once met or witnessed a person say “my parent cheated on the other but I’m glad they tolerated the disrespect just for me”. People who pretend forgive and stay together creates a household filled with tension that children recognize. Those same children look at their parents marriage and say - If that’s what a marriage is, it looks pathetic, count me out on ever getting married, I’m just gonna run the streets. Plus, they probably create the idea that “cheating is no big deal since my parents didn’t mind doing it to one another”. At least your children will appreciate you have guts, self respect and mental toughness to be a good parent while ending the relationship with a cheating parent.
The cheater rarely feels anything but thrilling joy. Remorse is felt by maybe 1%. Why do so many of these marriage counselors recommend reconciliation with emotionally abusive cheats? Anyone who enjoys betraying, slandering, humiliating, and emotionally destroying you isn’t someone who needs to be in your life. Would these counselors recommend reconciliation with a physically abusive alcoholic who gets a big dopamine boost by belting the spouse around? I bet not.
@@dbcooper2756 counselors cannot advise anyone to divorce or not. It may seem weird to us but they are professionals and they cannot be deemed responsible for a divorce just because they advised so. In my opinion, a good counselor lays out the facts and possible serious repercussions of staying (and leaving) and they leave the client to make the decision.
Those sad excuses for a relationship that started w/ lies and betrayal at the expense of someone's great pain are doomed. They deserve to be doomed. They can't ever trust each other and a bare 10% of these deserve to be doomed fiascos ever work long term.
@@saintejeannedarc9460 how do explain my ex husband celebrating their 4th year of marriage with his AP? They get the happiness that I wish we could have had...
I feel like a horrible person, I could barely finish this video without constantly thinking about how I hurt someone who didn’t deserve it at all, I don’t even feel like I have the right to call myself a horrible person for cheating on her because I feel like I’m victimising myself when I’m just a horrible person I would do anything to have her back but she deserves so much better than me
My husband of 20 years had an emotional affair with a co-worker of mine. He said they were “just friends” and nothing more. But I came to find out he would take her lunch, they talked everyday at work, called and messaged each other, among other things. This “friendship” started four years ago and I never suspected anything in our marriage. Everything seemed fine and normal-I trusted him. Now, I feel betrayed and I have trust issues. How do I deal with this situation-especially since this “friend” of his is my co-worker?
It seems like some cheaters are smart enough to not get caught. Men compartmentalize the two relationships. One in each box closed off. This way normalcy will continue within the marriage with two separate relationships never intersecting.
I’m a husband and I personally don’t care about what’s going on in another woman’s life who isn’t a family member. Is there a reason why you don’t divorce and allow him to entertain as many other women as he wants?
The cheaters don't give a damn about their partner 99% of the time. They have already checked out of a marriage and there is No way you ever take them back as they will only do it again/
@@standground7956 Then how can cheaters decrease their regrets so that when they are in their deathbed, they can look back in their lives and say, I did my best.
My ex finally admitted he was cheating on me with another guy in the Navy with him. I will NEVER date an active duty military man ever again after that. Not to paint with a broad brush, but the pain has been too much to bare. It was long distance, temporarily, but he could not stay loyal and made fatal mistakes in our relationship. NEVER go back to a cheater. EVER. They will respect you less and less.
Why do relationship counselors suggest forgiveness and reconciliation? If you stay with a cheater you will never trust them. You'll spend your days suspecting everything they do, and rightly so, they can never be trusted again. Why would you want to stay in a relationship like that? The only logical, sensible course of action is to completely cut the cheating partner from your life and never look back.
@@MaryJoRapini I'm not saying that I can't, I'm saying that I wouldn't. People can pretend to restore trust, but it's never really going to be there again, is it?
@@JimPerdue14 I can’t read minds, but by their actions they have forgiven and moved on. It requires great humility on both sides. Some can do it-some cannot.
@@MaryJoRapini Shouldn’t people forgive the cheating partner and then leave the relationship? The question remains why restore trust with a known cheater? What’s the benefits of being with someone who clearly demonstrates that they don’t want you? Wouldn’t it be in your best interests to let them go to the other person or go period?
@@JimPerdue14 I believe you can come to good terms with a partner who cheated after some time. I believe in forgive but not in forget and staying with the same person as safe and mentally sound as you were before. For example, Chris Jenner was married to Robert Kardashian and she cheated on him multiple times (she had an affair which she admitted even in her book). They divorced but they remained in good terms, after all they had 4 children together. Chris was never committed to him but that doesn't mean she didn't care for her ex husband. Also, he could not stay married to her but she was the mother of his children and an overall ok person, so they remained in good terms.
Yep my ex 5 kids he was cheating mostly the whole 20 years, even took kids with him to do it, it not only destroyed me but the children especially the ones he took with him, I know he has a disorder and there was never any closure just violence, I never cheated on him once it tore me apart, I tried to even trust another person and found them cheating too, so I don’t work it out with these people just walk away, and keep working on me, therapy for 5 years still going 💜
I was cheated on by my partner 3 years ago when we first got together, she went back to her ex before me . She came back we worked through it for the most part , now today she feels like she was raped…. That’s a hard pill to swallow considering she was actively sneaking around for maybe 2 weeks . I’m just having a hard time wrapping my head around it
Is there a reason why you haven’t dumped her and encouraged her to pursue the ex that she cheated with or someone else? Why do you think you deserve to stay with someone who betrayed you?
Ms. Rapini : I discovered the OW in our bedroom at the end of 2001, twenty-two years ago. I need to disagree with your evaluation of the problems the cheater encounters . I was severely gaslighted and had a nervous breakdown. My ex gained quite a bit of support from family, friends, etc. I was labeled as crazy, etc. he and OW married and they appear happy, like the marriage is working out . What I’m saying is that cheating has become an accepted way to exit a marriage . it gives the cheater the support of the OP so the cheater avoids the loneliness that follows a breakup.
I believe things can look very different then they are. Things look good on the outside but inside it’s messy. Unless there are things you aren’t mentioning, if he’s getting the positive attention you say he is from his family they must have had problems with you as his partner from the beginning. Your story is not typical. I am so sorry you have this experience to go through.
Mari jo I have a question. I'm in my mid 50's, my husband is mid 40's, and the female he cheated with is mid 30's. We are separated, but we are working on saving our marriage. My husband is a foreman at a construction site and she is a labor helper. I strongly have the urge to know what she looks like, but will this make it harder for me to overcome the affair? The woman also asked me to forgive her, it should not have ever happened, and she said it won't happen again. She offered to meet me in person. Absolutely not!!! I just want to know what attracted him to her. Am I wrong?? Thank you, Blessings!!
You aren’t wrong but her looks are probably not what attracted him; it is more likely that she made herself available to be there for him, supported him and built him up w/ her words. I am glad you guys are working on your marriage and hope that includes therapy homework that you can practice at home. It is probably easier if you do not see her and try to put that focus on learning to listen and support each other emotionally so you can begin the process of trust again.
For anyone else who sees this too, it is much better if you don't know who they are. My ex brought his little whore home to befriend me. I wish I'd never met the witch. What a selfish and horrible thing to do.
Such as her knowing that, if she ever steps out of line again, you will spill the beans of her affair to our son, whom she adores. By doing so he will realise that she also put his life and future at risk.
We live in a culture where a "good" partner is faithful. Not understanding that being emotionally unavailable is another form of betrayal- it's just normalized. Nicole la pera
My ex in 33yr marriage is a serial cheater. The last guy she divorced me for was a 3yr excon chino state prison for child abuse .. she was shocked when we set down with court appointed mediator and showed her a copy of his prison record.. lol look on her face was priceless because i dont believe she was aware of his dirty little secret.. mediator wrote he could never be alone with my son and i got 50/50 custody.. they both lied to each other and 5 years later he still is unemployed and hasnt married her.. my son turned 18 nov 2023 and hasn't gone back to his moms since . My oldest daughter no longer lets him near my grandkids, my grandson said they arent allowed over to my exes house because he did something to my grandkids.. Apparently karma is happening to her they see the real him..
You remained with a serial cheater for 33 years. Did you think that’s what you deserved or the best you could do? I know you’re kinda trashing the other guy as a loser but she chose him over you, is your decision to be with her a reflection of you?
@@standground7956 apparently I took my vows more serious than she did.. somebody had to be concerned for the kids well being.. I did what a dad should do, protect the kids.. they're all grown and I have a great life ..
@@duhg6059 I understand protecting your children I just don’t understand why it’s necessary to bash the new guy instead of being thankful he took your unfaithful wife off your hands. I just notice people always bash their ex’s new person. I bet if he was a standup guy, a great dude with a clean record he would have not being mentioned. He doesn’t owe you any loyalty your wife did and she deemed him a better option with all his faults. You and your wife must have done a phenomenal job at demonstrating what a healthy relationship looks like for your children. If you’re children can look you and your spouse and say “I want what they have” that’s a win, if not, I’m sure children prefer not to live in a house with a mom and dad who has an unhealthy relationship.
@@standground7956 not sure I need to make you understand but the court and mediator understood and with a conviction and prison time for child abuse excludes him from eligibility to have access to my son.. now you may allow anyone near your kids ie predators that's your choice.. I'm the parent to my kids and I don't need help raising my kids.. single mothers are not good fathers... my kid my rules..
@@duhg6059 I’m not questioning whether or not you’re a good parent, I’m sure you are. I’m questioning why you’re bashing your ex wife’s new lover. Your wife divorced you and decided that getting with an unemployed child abuser who hasn’t married her is a better option than remaining with you. He can’t be too far gone, he made the wise decisions to not marry serial cheater, however you gave her 33yrs. He likely didn’t care to be alone with your children because they aren’t his or his responsibility, he’s just there for their mother. Your wife seems to think burning all the bridges you and your family are worth it for that guy, speaks volumes about her character.
I worked my way through my wife's affair about 1-2 years after the infidelity, or so I thought..... I never went to therapy and now 23 years later it's like my soul has left my body again and my brain is taking reliving all the things I went through back then. I pray every day that God will just let me die. I love my wife even after her affair.. I know it's stupid and damaging to keep on but regardless if anyone believes that "once a cheater always a cheater" I know I'm my heart she has not done it again. It's just that once someone has been betrayed to that measure it's impossible to forget and forgive. My wife was still in highschool when I met her and I was fresh out. Both of us came from broken homes and I know that's no excuse but it doesn't help.
I don’t believe in “once a cheater, always a cheater”. However, I believe that cheating should always be a one and done situation. Forgive a cheater and leave them after. How do you know in your heart that she hasn’t done it again when you didn’t realize you were being betrayed the first time it happened?
Sorry but no excuse for cheating ever. The my needs were not being met mostly used by women is pretty much a lie, cheating isn't a mistake its a choice to knowingly harm the one you loved and damage tryst forever. And if the cheater wants to save the relationship, the onus is 100% on them to move mountains to reassure the victim each day of their love, total transparency, and support. Its a high price to pay but you made a huge mistake
@@spencerfrankclayton4348 men don't use that excuse nearly as much as women , and it's not an excuse, there is no excuse. Just attempts to avoid accountability and not be labelled a cheat, whore, untrustworthy etc
Agreed, adultery doesn't leave much room for comfort anyway, but this video does provide a for validation of my feelings, which is very helpful and I don't feel so alone.
I know this is an old video. However I think you’re wrong about saying it’s almost entirely irreparable. Their is so many marriages whom have repaired their relationships.
❤️Mech and Andy ❤️ ☯️ My 1 love , I hope u watch this... this will helps u understand and helps us get stronger 💪 out of it. I know our situation happened a little different, but it doesn't make the pain and process any less at all. Nd its not acceptable and won't be tolerated... I truly want to believe it won't happen... With that said, I'm glad we were mature enough to get to the roots and open up. Now clear minded I know things will get better. Tho my trust is a little shaky, I still have trust in u and believe in you, want and need you always . We both have a long road ahead and it won't be easy,but if anyone's love can conquer ours can. We stayed in the honey moon faze for about 10 years. I wouldnt trade 1 day with you. I'm so happy to see us get back to our loving true shelves. PLEASE 🥺 Read some of the comments below to see how it affected others in their relationships.
![ตีสิบเดย์ [FULL] | เปิดใจ "อาจารย์ เบียร์ ฅนตื่นธรรม" นักสนทนาธรรมสายดุดัน!](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/vqaBI_mnoDk/mqdefault.jpg)
Cheating is the baddest thing in life that you can do to your partner.
It is so degrading.
It is so humiliating.
It affects you for the rest of your life.
Unfortunately, You are correct. 🥹
I've been cheated on badly by my wife and we have been in reconciliation for 3 years. Your words are spot on. I went from being a very mentally healthy and happy person to a very mentally damaged person. I would even say that I've never felt pain like this in my 51 years on this earth.
Imagine the self work you could've done I've you'd divorced! Probably would've accepted it and made peace with it by now!
Turn that wife into an ex!
🤣✌️
@@davidsmnje I do think of that but I also think of my kids first
@@jimobrien6903 oh for f**ks sake, you've had 3 years to set a foundation for shared custody! Do everything she does as it relates to child care: take the kids to school, pick them up, take en to the doc/dentist..... do all that and you'll get 50/50 custody week on week off!
You'll never stop being dad,+ get some free time to work on yourself and actually get to ENJOY LIFE again instead of this miserable bs you're stuck in!
Move on, hell if they're old enough tell them why! You're just reveling in the misery
@@jimobrien6903 kids notice if parents are unhappy. Make yourself happy and your kids will be happy.
I will second the motion on that.
You can't expect others to be loyal to you, because you weren't. That's one of my favorite parts
This is the first video I have seen that actually PROPERLY calls out cheaters. Mostly, people seem to want to victim blame and let the cheater off the hook, which really sucks, but I guess it makes people feel safe. Sigh.
I agree with this. Most others give them a pass for being in a bad place and making a bad decision, etc. It's not like it's a one-time thing they did. They make that decision over and over again and completely disregard and lie to their spouse and family in the process.
Totally agree, this video sums up the reality and consequences beautifully... Having just been cheated on by my wife of 17 years, I'm hurting so much...
Superb analysis! I wish you had been my therapist, after my wife’s betrayal 24 years ago. Cheating is far too soft a term. Cheating is devastating. I was in love. I adored her. I can no longer fondly reminisce about our early days together without thinking about her affair. I stayed in our marriage because of our child, and because of the experienced trauma of my prior divorce, also involving two children. I still wonder whether I made the right decision the second time around. As for women, well, I would never put them on a pedestal again.
Painful. Broken. Wounded. Damaged forever.
I am always amazed at the level of genuine knowledge and insight that this woman drops on us with each video. She is truly a font of great wisdom and counsel for troubled relationships. Sadly, when inevitable marital/relationship problems arise, most of us are stymied by inadequate communication skills and lack of the "know-how" to rationally resolve the problems. Too bad we all can't have a MJ Rapini to call upon when needed.
Thank you, I am glad you appreciate and subscribe to my channel. ⭐️
I am a comment away for all of you.
The betrayed spouse feels extreme fear. When the cheating spouse is callous to the betrayed spouse causes the fear felt to be intensified
I was married for forty-five (45) years; two known affairs, and then learning that she was actually a serial cheater from my PI and attorney. She was 90% angle, 10% demon. Very active and respected at church! Yes, you're spot on! I will NEVER recover. Thanks for speaking the truth. You've help more innocent victims than you realize...
Trust, once broken, can never be regained.
I recently experienced emotional creating and everything she said in this short video is 100%. My eyes are open, the innocence is gone.😢
Thank you so much, the pain hurts everyday.
💥Man This Chick Is Laying Down STRAIGHT FACTS!💥
i love how truthful you are. so much hard truth but graceful at the same time. thank you
Thank you.
I learned yesterday my BF of 7+ years has been cheating on me. I found it on FB. I screen shot the post about him. There is no way he can denai it. I have a few things to gather then he's gone. I have to live this lie, tell him I love him, hear him tell me he loves me when I know it's all a lie. Now the I love you to him almost makes me puke. I can't wait to get this over and get on with my life. Thank you for this video.
Boyfriend? 7 yrs. Girl leave. You're not married he has no intention and he WILL cheat in marriage! Don't do it
I wish I had had you as my clinical psychologist after my wife’s affair. Twenty two years later I am still struggling. One thing that I can relate to is just how brash and cocksure the betrayer becomes at the height of the affair. Common sense goes out of the window. The act is unprotected, and an STI and pregnancy result. Reality hits home with a loud thud, and the betrayer has no choice but to eat humble pie and to face the consequences.
At least she was humbled.
My husband couldn't even apologize and everything I was told had to be dragged out of him.
He's annoyed that I ask questions now (apparently the last time he plowed his side slut was 3 yrs ago). He's mad that we've argued about it for the last yr (I found out a yr ago).
And He's really happy now because he thinks everything is all better - because I've stopped trying to make it better for me. I just work on hated myself enough to be OK with the idea that He's probably cheating on me at any given time.
He's happy and if I mattered at all it would have never happened to begin with.
@@hdw237 Possible reasons the betraying spouse won’t talk about the affair. 1. To protect the betrayed from further hurt and pain.
2. To avoid potential consequences, eg. loss of marriage, family, friends, lifestyle, reputation.
3. Being trapped between guilt (for the hurt caused) and shame (in terms of how he sees himself).
4. Potentially exposing and contradicting his past lies.
5. To avoid confrontation, either with his wife, or confrontation between his wife and his affair partner(s).
6. To keep conducting the affair(s), or to protect the extramarital relationship(s).
7. Being foggy on the details.
8. Discovery has come and gone (he wants to put it behind him, but selfishly ignores the fact that the betrayed spouse has still to even begin to process what has happened).
9. Unwilling to take ownership or to accept accountability.
10. To protect the interests of the affair partner.
11. Denial of cheating or being unfaithful (relates to his own definition of cheating, irrespective of betrayal having nonetheless taken place).
@@hdw237 Wait, why did you choose to remain with a known cheater?
@standground7956 explain to me how I knew he was a cheater???
@@hdw237 you clearly wrote above that “he annoyed that I ask questions now”. It seems that he are remained with him after discovering his infidelity, am I wrong or did you divorce him immediately upon finding out?
Ive been cheated on too, the dude she betrayed me with was one if my best friends and since then, nearly two years ago. Since then i kinda isolated myself from everything and everybody. I accepted a while ago that this feeling now, it will stay. Its cruel. There are times where i dont think about it, but everytime i lay down, when its quiet, when i see other people caring for one another, the memories come haunt and hurt me again. I dont wanna use woman to cope with the loss, i aint got anything left in me that i could invest in something new, i feel worthless, helpless and filthy.
Nothing can take that away.
It will get better with time - if you let it. If you remain bitter and hurt and wallow in it - you'll go MGTOW or Red Pill. If you work on yourself, figure out your strengths and weaknesses, and in the process learn to read and discern other people + their motivations - making a good choice with your next partner, will be easier. Never foolproof - people do change with time. But being open and aware and paying attention - both to your own behaviors as well as your partners - will go a long way in creating a better than average relationship! Hang in there!
@@ssiegreen5292 nah bro im out. every woman will cheat if the right guy asks and i never ever wanna deal with something like that again.
@@KugelfangTVI wish there was a dating site for people that have experienced being cheated on.
@@Random.338 i would assume that this site ironicly would attract predators to look for vulnerable people they can manipulate, scam or do whatever. never ever i would register on such site or would be naive enough to think that this would help or fix any kind of thing. its another thresher people can throw themselfes into and iam not.
I know plenty of women who would never consider betraying their partner since they have personally experienced the devastating impact of infidelity. Women like myself who stayed faithful to our cheating partners because we believed in honoring our vows and being people of integrity, until the unfaithful husband left us and our families. Don’t give up, there are good women out there who are loving and have integrity.
It’s a pity the person who cheated won’t listen to this
Of course they won’t listen unfortunately…
It was a choice they made to cheat.
@@maggiehubbard904 they won’t listen because they are weak and undisciplined and have no soul.
It doesn’t matter what they say, whether if you were just talking or in a relationship…when you get caught cheating or talking to someone else. You are NO longer able to be trusted.
Are cheaters usually facing more rejection than non-cheaters?
My ex was a traumatic experience. I was an innocent soul man and that was stolen from me the moment my heart shattered. Fuck her, I just can’t comprehend why someone would make that decision
I am really sorry you have to go through this, but try to work out your anger and bitterness so you don't keep that inside you. Be honest about the pain, and feel it, but allow yourself to move on too. Thanks for your comment.
Me too, it sucks. I will never comprehend why she made that decision either.
@@wm7929 Why not be thankful that you found out and you’re no longer involved with a known cheater. Ending a relationship with a cheater should always be accepted with excitement. Remove yourself from a cheater’s existence is a positive, not a negative.
@@standground7956Your words are spot on of course, but it is hard to be excited about ending a 20 year marriage. While I do see things I look forward to, divorce is very difficult. I think the biggest sadness and grief I had to get over was the feeling that it didn't have to be this way. But like all things we do get over it if we focus on it and work at it.
@@wm7929 because she was selfish and has an empty heart.
That is true. My trust level is now 45%
I've heard this same statistic that 2/3 of marriages work it out after infidelity, but I want to comment a couple things: What does it mean to work it out? Does it mean the marriage is truly transformed and reconciled and better than before? Also for those that work it out, another question is for how long? And is it different when the wife is unfaithful vs. the husband? What I suspect is a full reconciliation is much more rare than 67%, probably more like 20%. My evidence is mostly anecdotal but I suspect most people try but ultimately give up and divorce around 3 years after discovery. Of those that hang on I suspect it is mostly because of children and/or finances, and as soon as those are resolved they'll divorce too, or they'll just continue on the same path.
Again anecdotal, I believe it is mostly because the unfaithful simply doesn't have it in them to do the work required to amend the relationship, establish emotional safety, and rebuild trust. It makes sense to me, I mean how many were truly happy in the marriage before the infidelity, happy enough to try and get it back?
From all the studies I have seen only about 5% max ever manage to survive Adultery and they are mostly clingy people who have know self respect or self worth and fear being alone. Women don't marry for love anymore they just scam a man with money if they can so they can just divorce him and take have or more of his assets after a few years.
Around 15% remain married after 5 years from discovery. So no, most do not "work it out"
@@Wewereneveryoung I'm not sure where that 15% came from, but I'm not surprised to hear it.
Even if it lasts for years after it is rarely better. Mostly it is just a trauma bond which continues. I view it as a zombie relationship. Neither dead (in matters of longevity and practicality) nor alive (in matters of beauty and peace).
Thank you for this video.
The lies and broken trust were the real destroyers of my relationship. Rebuilding trust sounds good in theory but I don’t believe the know how and skill to do so are commonly understood.
That said, I was surprised at your statistic of 2/3 of relationships survive infidelity - I thought it would be lower.
I find that stat too hard to believe. Most cheaters won't stop once they start. Which means that the betrayed has to suck it up, if they are willing to stay. It was horrible to break up, but there was no way I was going to be second fiddle while he kept running around w/ his young little whore.
@@saintejeannedarc9460 I don’t find the stat hard to believe. It means 2/3 people who her cheated on think remaining a cheater is their best option. Those are the pathetic individuals who make excuses like, “the promised they would change” even though they likely promised to be faithful. “I stayed for the kids” is the other weak excuse. If never once met or witnessed a person say “my parent cheated on the other but I’m glad they tolerated the disrespect just for me”. People who pretend forgive and stay together creates a household filled with tension that children recognize. Those same children look at their parents marriage and say - If that’s what a marriage is, it looks pathetic, count me out on ever getting married, I’m just gonna run the streets. Plus, they probably create the idea that “cheating is no big deal since my parents didn’t mind doing it to one another”.
At least your children will appreciate you have guts, self respect and mental toughness to be a good parent while ending the relationship with a cheating parent.
I would love to see a video of emotional affair and the after math.
The cheater rarely feels anything but thrilling joy. Remorse is felt by maybe 1%.
Why do so many of these marriage counselors recommend reconciliation with emotionally abusive cheats? Anyone who enjoys betraying, slandering, humiliating, and emotionally destroying you isn’t someone who needs to be in your life. Would these counselors recommend reconciliation with a physically abusive alcoholic who gets a big dopamine boost by belting the spouse around? I bet not.
Stopped reading after the first sentence. Not true. Not always at least. Guess it depends on the person.
@@albertodeulofeu5277how do you know
@@dbcooper2756 counselors cannot advise anyone to divorce or not. It may seem weird to us but they are professionals and they cannot be deemed responsible for a divorce just because they advised so.
In my opinion, a good counselor lays out the facts and possible serious repercussions of staying (and leaving) and they leave the client to make the decision.
What if the next relationship is with the affair partner? How do they see themselves? They are having a grand time eating out and traveling!
Sad but true. They are having a blast. Kids, family and friends, not yet divorced spouse are watching in bewilderment.
Don’t worry. Karma will bite them in the ass eventually believe me.
Those sad excuses for a relationship that started w/ lies and betrayal at the expense of someone's great pain are doomed. They deserve to be doomed. They can't ever trust each other and a bare 10% of these deserve to be doomed fiascos ever work long term.
@@saintejeannedarc9460 how do explain my ex husband celebrating their 4th year of marriage with his AP? They get the happiness that I wish we could have had...
@@SaystheTruth3 You have no idea if he's faithful w/ her either.
Cheaters are liars first. Deceivers.
Cheating and lying go together like salt and pepper
I feel like a horrible person, I could barely finish this video without constantly thinking about how I hurt someone who didn’t deserve it at all, I don’t even feel like I have the right to call myself a horrible person for cheating on her because I feel like I’m victimising myself when I’m just a horrible person I would do anything to have her back but she deserves so much better than me
I’m curious, why didn’t you just dump her and pursue someone else as a single person? Why is cheating always the option?
Is this applicable to emotional cheating? I've noticed I do feel some those same feelings of being the person cheated on.
Read the Bible, Jesus Christ clearly Stated Adultery comes from the heart. Even thinking about someone else in an erotic way is already Adultery.
It is exactly the same when your spouse emotionally cheats. Hurts all in the same ways. I've been hurting for over 3 years now.
My husband of 20 years had an emotional affair with a co-worker of mine. He said they were “just friends” and nothing more. But I came to find out he would take her lunch, they talked everyday at work, called and messaged each other, among other things. This “friendship” started four years ago and I never suspected anything in our marriage. Everything seemed fine and normal-I trusted him. Now, I feel betrayed and I have trust issues.
How do I deal with this situation-especially since this “friend” of his is my co-worker?
It seems like some cheaters are smart enough to not get caught. Men compartmentalize the two relationships. One in each box closed off. This way normalcy will continue within the marriage with two separate relationships never intersecting.
I’m a husband and I personally don’t care about what’s going on in another woman’s life who isn’t a family member. Is there a reason why you don’t divorce and allow him to entertain as many other women as he wants?
Excellent video! Thank you.
The cheaters don't give a damn about their partner 99% of the time. They have already checked out of a marriage and there is No way you ever take them back as they will only do it again/
Are men who cheated on their ex-wife usually the ones facing more rejection from women than men who don't cheat on their wife?
@@Bentoto97 Doesn’t matter, cheating should always be a one and done situation. Cheaters don’t deserve 2nd chances.
@@standground7956 Then how can cheaters decrease their regrets so that when they are in their deathbed, they can look back in their lives and say, I did my best.
@@standground7956 Then how can cheaters decrease their regrets?
@@Bentoto97 What do you mean by decrease their regrets?
My ex finally admitted he was cheating on me with another guy in the Navy with him. I will NEVER date an active duty military man ever again after that. Not to paint with a broad brush, but the pain has been too much to bare. It was long distance, temporarily, but he could not stay loyal and made fatal mistakes in our relationship. NEVER go back to a cheater. EVER. They will respect you less and less.
Come on now…. Navy? Guys on ships for months? Lol
@@Gotoworkkk you try to trust but yeah man. Never again! 😂
Funny story, he is already cheating on his new husband 😂
Why do relationship counselors suggest forgiveness and reconciliation? If you stay with a cheater you will never trust them. You'll spend your days suspecting everything they do, and rightly so, they can never be trusted again. Why would you want to stay in a relationship like that? The only logical, sensible course of action is to completely cut the cheating partner from your life and never look back.
Some people can restore trust; what you are clearly saying is you cannot.
@@MaryJoRapini I'm not saying that I can't, I'm saying that I wouldn't. People can pretend to restore trust, but it's never really going to be there again, is it?
@@JimPerdue14 I can’t read minds, but by their actions they have forgiven and moved on. It requires great humility on both sides. Some can do it-some cannot.
@@MaryJoRapini Shouldn’t people forgive the cheating partner and then leave the relationship? The question remains why restore trust with a known cheater? What’s the benefits of being with someone who clearly demonstrates that they don’t want you? Wouldn’t it be in your best interests to let them go to the other person or go period?
@@JimPerdue14 I believe you can come to good terms with a partner who cheated after some time. I believe in forgive but not in forget and staying with the same person as safe and mentally sound as you were before.
For example, Chris Jenner was married to Robert Kardashian and she cheated on him multiple times (she had an affair which she admitted even in her book). They divorced but they remained in good terms, after all they had 4 children together. Chris was never committed to him but that doesn't mean she didn't care for her ex husband. Also, he could not stay married to her but she was the mother of his children and an overall ok person, so they remained in good terms.
Yep my ex 5 kids he was cheating mostly the whole 20 years, even took kids with him to do it, it not only destroyed me but the children especially the ones he took with him, I know he has a disorder and there was never any closure just violence, I never cheated on him once it tore me apart, I tried to even trust another person and found them cheating too, so I don’t work it out with these people just walk away, and keep working on me, therapy for 5 years still going 💜
i remember when i would be hungry i was really just missing having repentance and communion at church so its aggression to be social?
My wife cheated on me after 11 years together. I gave her 2nd and 3rd chances to stop but couldn’t give a 4th. Completely fucked my psyche.
How is it going?
Hi Mary, Correct me if I am wrong- sometime I have the feeling you are not in favor of continuing the relationship after cheating?
I had a cheater blame me because I wasn’t at there that night
I was cheated on by my partner 3 years ago when we first got together, she went back to her ex before me . She came back we worked through it for the most part , now today she feels like she was raped…. That’s a hard pill to swallow considering she was actively sneaking around for maybe 2 weeks . I’m just having a hard time wrapping my head around it
Is there a reason why you haven’t dumped her and encouraged her to pursue the ex that she cheated with or someone else? Why do you think you deserve to stay with someone who betrayed you?
Ms. Rapini : I discovered the OW in our bedroom at the end of 2001, twenty-two years ago. I need to disagree with your evaluation of the problems the cheater encounters . I was severely gaslighted and had a nervous breakdown. My ex gained quite a bit of support from family, friends, etc. I was labeled as crazy, etc. he and OW married and they appear happy, like the marriage is working out . What I’m saying is that cheating has become an accepted way to exit a marriage . it gives the cheater the support of the OP so the cheater avoids the loneliness that follows a breakup.
I believe things can look very different then they are. Things look good on the outside but inside it’s messy. Unless there are things you aren’t mentioning, if he’s getting the positive attention you say he is from his family they must have had problems with you as his partner from the beginning. Your story is not typical. I am so sorry you have this experience to go through.
100% agree with you.
Sometimes people grow out of marriages and are happy with somebody else.
Mari jo I have a question. I'm in my mid 50's, my husband is mid 40's, and the female he cheated with is mid 30's. We are separated, but we are working on saving our marriage. My husband is a foreman at a construction site and she is a labor helper. I strongly have the urge to know what she looks like, but will this make it harder for me to overcome the affair? The woman also asked me to forgive her, it should not have ever happened, and she said it won't happen again. She offered to meet me in person. Absolutely not!!! I just want to know what attracted him to her. Am I wrong?? Thank you, Blessings!!
You aren’t wrong but her looks are probably not what attracted him; it is more likely that she made herself available to be there for him, supported him and built him up w/ her words. I am glad you guys are working on your marriage and hope that includes therapy homework that you can practice at home.
It is probably easier if you do not see her and try to put that focus on learning to listen and support each other emotionally so you can begin the process of trust again.
It made it harder for me because I had a face to go with the name and anyone similar became a trigger
For anyone else who sees this too, it is much better if you don't know who they are. My ex brought his little whore home to befriend me. I wish I'd never met the witch. What a selfish and horrible thing to do.
Melissa, my experience is very similar to yours.
I love Mari Jo's advice.
It doesn't really matter what she looks like... Maybe she listens to him?Her kindness and open-hearted personality was probably appealing to him.
You keep talking to the cheater! Are there videos for the betrayed???
Unfortunately, you can’t really find those online. Leaving and divorcing is really the best option. The relationship is already destroyed.
"permanent ammunition" definitely holding some baggage still
Such as her knowing that, if she ever steps out of line again, you will spill the beans of her affair to our son, whom she adores. By doing so he will realise that she also put his life and future at risk.
We live in a culture where a "good" partner is faithful. Not understanding that being emotionally unavailable is another form of betrayal- it's just normalized. Nicole la pera
Are boys who cheated on their ex-girlfriend usually the ones facing more rejection from girls than boys who don't cheat on their girlfriend?
My ex in 33yr marriage is a serial cheater. The last guy she divorced me for was a 3yr excon chino state prison for child abuse .. she was shocked when we set down with court appointed mediator and showed her a copy of his prison record.. lol look on her face was priceless because i dont believe she was aware of his dirty little secret.. mediator wrote he could never be alone with my son and i got 50/50 custody.. they both lied to each other and 5 years later he still is unemployed and hasnt married her.. my son turned 18 nov 2023 and hasn't gone back to his moms since . My oldest daughter no longer lets him near my grandkids, my grandson said they arent allowed over to my exes house because he did something to my grandkids.. Apparently karma is happening to her they see the real him..
You remained with a serial cheater for 33 years. Did you think that’s what you deserved or the best you could do? I know you’re kinda trashing the other guy as a loser but she chose him over you, is your decision to be with her a reflection of you?
@@standground7956 apparently I took my vows more serious than she did.. somebody had to be concerned for the kids well being.. I did what a dad should do, protect the kids.. they're all grown and I have a great life ..
@@duhg6059 I understand protecting your children I just don’t understand why it’s necessary to bash the new guy instead of being thankful he took your unfaithful wife off your hands. I just notice people always bash their ex’s new person. I bet if he was a standup guy, a great dude with a clean record he would have not being mentioned. He doesn’t owe you any loyalty your wife did and she deemed him a better option with all his faults. You and your wife must have done a phenomenal job at demonstrating what a healthy relationship looks like for your children. If you’re children can look you and your spouse and say “I want what they have” that’s a win, if not, I’m sure children prefer not to live in a house with a mom and dad who has an unhealthy relationship.
@@standground7956 not sure I need to make you understand but the court and mediator understood and with a conviction and prison time for child abuse excludes him from eligibility to have access to my son.. now you may allow anyone near your kids ie predators that's your choice.. I'm the parent to my kids and I don't need help raising my kids.. single mothers are not good fathers... my kid my rules..
@@duhg6059 I’m not questioning whether or not you’re a good parent, I’m sure you are. I’m questioning why you’re bashing your ex wife’s new lover. Your wife divorced you and decided that getting with an unemployed child abuser who hasn’t married her is a better option than remaining with you. He can’t be too far gone, he made the wise decisions to not marry serial cheater, however you gave her 33yrs. He likely didn’t care to be alone with your children because they aren’t his or his responsibility, he’s just there for their mother. Your wife seems to think burning all the bridges you and your family are worth it for that guy, speaks volumes about her character.
Cheaters do not care. End of story.
I worked my way through my wife's affair about 1-2 years after the infidelity, or so I thought..... I never went to therapy and now 23 years later it's like my soul has left my body again and my brain is taking reliving all the things I went through back then. I pray every day that God will just let me die. I love my wife even after her affair.. I know it's stupid and damaging to keep on but regardless if anyone believes that "once a cheater always a cheater" I know I'm my heart she has not done it again. It's just that once someone has been betrayed to that measure it's impossible to forget and forgive.
My wife was still in highschool when I met her and I was fresh out. Both of us came from broken homes and I know that's no excuse but it doesn't help.
I don’t believe in “once a cheater, always a cheater”. However, I believe that cheating should always be a one and done situation. Forgive a cheater and leave them after. How do you know in your heart that she hasn’t done it again when you didn’t realize you were being betrayed the first time it happened?
Ill never date again. Its just easier on the heart and soul.
Sorry but no excuse for cheating ever. The my needs were not being met mostly used by women is pretty much a lie, cheating isn't a mistake its a choice to knowingly harm the one you loved and damage tryst forever. And if the cheater wants to save the relationship, the onus is 100% on them to move mountains to reassure the victim each day of their love, total transparency, and support. Its a high price to pay but you made a huge mistake
Men use it just as much, what are you on?
@@spencerfrankclayton4348 men don't use that excuse nearly as much as women , and it's not an excuse, there is no excuse. Just attempts to avoid accountability and not be labelled a cheat, whore, untrustworthy etc
This is not very comforting
Agreed, adultery doesn't leave much room for comfort anyway, but this video does provide a for validation of my feelings, which is very helpful and I don't feel so alone.
I know this is an old video. However I think you’re wrong about saying it’s almost entirely irreparable. Their is so many marriages whom have repaired their relationships.
❤️Mech and Andy ❤️
☯️ My 1 love , I hope u watch this...
this will helps u understand and helps us get stronger 💪 out of it.
I know our situation happened a little different, but it doesn't make the pain and process any less at all. Nd its not acceptable and won't be tolerated...
I truly want to believe it won't happen...
With that said, I'm glad we were mature enough to get to the roots and open up. Now clear minded I know things will get better. Tho my trust is a little shaky, I still have trust in u and believe in you, want and need you always .
We both have a long road ahead and it won't be easy,but if anyone's love can conquer ours can. We stayed in the honey moon faze for about 10 years. I wouldnt trade 1 day with you.
I'm so happy to see us get back to our loving true shelves. PLEASE 🥺
Read some of the comments below to see how it affected others in their relationships.
Only sin to hit the top 10 twice. For a good reason. Welcome to being a Judas. Only God can fix it.