Something that is missing from this video is a semblance of time. Sometimes the unfaithful will display the remorse and contrition and willingness to repair, but it can take a long time, sometimes years. The betrayed can influence this by boundaries and/or leaving the relationship. Sometimes it takes a separation or a divorce to shake up the unfaithful.
I've been cheated by my boyfriend of 2 years and he left me in the "I don't know" if our relationship is going to end or not, by message. Only a single call the day I found out after me insisting calling him and then a few messages before going no contact. It's not only the cheating but the way he handled things after. Does this even have a future? Makes me feel like I was with someone I never truly knew because he struggled showing any sort of vulnerability, but he seens very insecure and doesn't seem to know what he wants.
I never heard sorry, he travelled with his job. Two night stands. In foreign country. The hurt was terrible because my parent cheated too. My mother. So i lived with angry fsther. I never forgave him because he wasnt sorry. He had no excuse to cheat he was going impotent from working too hard. Bosses being nasty too. He died riddled with cancer, he still didnt say he was sorry.. i never heard the words i love you ever.
My wife was cheating on the time we were engaged and the first year of marriage and then again after a few years of marriage. I am going on 27 years of marriage and I struggle with this at this time I’m seeking professional help, I do not understand why it’s getting harder as time goes on.
That’s a waste of time. The cheater is well aware of the damage they’ve done. You complaining about it or being angry is an ego stroke and laughing material for them. They’ll even put on an Oscar worthy performance of pretending to be remorseful, they know they’re mocking you at that point.
The cheater is an abuser always and in all cases and enjoys the power and control they have over their victims and child victims. They enjoy the pain they cause their victims.
What if the cheating husband expresses remorse for hurting their wife, but only after getting caught, but does not regret having the emotional affair...a close, personal and intentionally hidden relationship with an old girlfriend from highschool with whom they supposedly shared marital advice to help each other...for 32 years out of a 40 year marriage. He only regrets hurting his wife because she found out. In fact he insists his affair partner helped his marriage. Texts between them expressed much love for each other but were derogatory towards spouses. Now he claims he's cut off that relationship because he's always just wanted a good marriage. The wife was totally blindsided. He us lovebombing and somewhat involved in recovery work but still refuses to admit that he was wrong to pursue his feelings for this other woman outside of his marriage. What hope is there of recovery and how can this be addressed?
When someone shows you they are capable of cheating believe them. I would not trust this person any further than I could see him; actions don’t match his words. The best predictor of present and future behavior is past behavior.
Thank for your prompt response! I'm 72 years old with alot of children and a long, one time marriage. He was married once before, in his early 20's, to the first woman he slept with and professed love to. The marriage was short lived but must have greatly traumatized him.According to him, she was a serial cheater, abandoned the relationship with never an apology or resolution other than Divorce. He attended an EST weekend in the early 80's and claimed that he worked through it and forgave her so he was free to move on. After another unsatisfactory relationship ended for him,we started dating in 1981, married in 1983. He reconnected with his AP at a HS reunion in 1991, again in 1996, when I was pregnant with our last and 5th child. I always stayed home to watch the kids so he could be free to fly home to enjoy his old friends. I never knew about her. After dday, I found out the AP was his first date, first kiss in HS. I never knew about her before DDay 2023. They kept in contact since HS. He claims he felt lonely and abandoned by me during times I tried to start a business or care for loved ones in the hospital or elderly parents who were living outofstate and in wheelchairs. My daughter is also disabled with ongoing appts and daily needs. I admit I prioritized by health needs, including his when he had surgeries. I never left a loved one in the hospital by themselves. During the last 12 years, while travelling to outofstate with my disabled daughtet to care for my parents, my house fell into a disaster zone from drop and run visits. I became emotionally numb and exhausted from caregiving. My husband called me "mental" and a "hoarder". He did try to help me declutter but took pictures of my messes and sent them to his AP, supposedly to get her help for figuring out how to "fix" me. He omitted sending pictures of his messes and that was a clue to how I was being targeted to seem the victimizer, with him being the good guy to put up with me. He also texted her that he wished she could be here at our house instead of me to relate better to our children. He sent her pictures of our house. He and AP would plan to talk when spouses were not around. One time he text AP that he couldn't wait for me to leave so they could talk...I was on the way to take my daughter to a Dr appt. The AP would wait for her husband to go to work to call him. Ap said her husband knew she was talking to mine. I wonder if he knew she was revealing information about their intimacy issues? Or that she would rather talk to my husband? Or why they agreed it was best to erase all of their texts and emails just to " avoid misunderstandings"? I'm in a big dilemma. I'm living on reduced SS because I took it early so I would have $ to help my parents without draining family budget. My husband claims he wants the marriage to work. He claims to have ended that relationship. He has stopped harrassing me and is now love bombing which is so much better, considering the alternatives, although I think he just doesnt want me to expose this to our family, who believes we have a model marriage..they do not know...I would never want them to know as it would taint their past just as it has mine. We are in a recovery program. I am in online counseling. I am afraid its too late for me to ever believe again in true love, which apparently was just a fantasy on my part for 40 years. I cannot support my daughter without help. While it seems logical to leave, its not practical. I need to make the best of my marriage, or what is left of it now. Often, I feel broken, afraid and alone. But I have faith that God will help me through this and bring healing. I know I need to work on my own recovery to make this happen, especially in the area of communication. I need to establish boundaries. I don't know how I missed the signs. I never stopped loving my husband although his behaviors were often unsupportive. This comment is long, but it helped me to write about it. Thank you for listening. Your videos are so helpful and right to the point. I feel like you are fair and balanced in your approach, not siding with just one spouse. Im so glad to have a smart phone ;) I you can offer up any more advice to me as to what to do next, please know that it is always welcomed coming from you, Mary Jo! BLESSINGS!
Things goes diffirently for men and for women . ,, Men cheat , women betray ,,. When woman slept with third party then energy cord between her and partner is cutted off and it is end of marriage.
Cheaters are equal regardless of gender. It’s best practice to forgive them, promptly end the relationship, go no contact and encourage them to pursue the person they cheated with. Cheaters always cheat to betray, that’s exactly their significant other is unawares and the only they make is getting busted for cheating. Cheating is always a conscious choice.
Something that is missing from this video is a semblance of time. Sometimes the unfaithful will display the remorse and contrition and willingness to repair, but it can take a long time, sometimes years. The betrayed can influence this by boundaries and/or leaving the relationship. Sometimes it takes a separation or a divorce to shake up the unfaithful.
He blames me and yells at me when I tell him how I feel
Great advice!! She is such a down to earth counselor who gives sound advice (some of these requirements were pretty tough).
I've been cheated by my boyfriend of 2 years and he left me in the "I don't know" if our relationship is going to end or not, by message. Only a single call the day I found out after me insisting calling him and then a few messages before going no contact. It's not only the cheating but the way he handled things after. Does this even have a future? Makes me feel like I was with someone I never truly knew because he struggled showing any sort of vulnerability, but he seens very insecure and doesn't seem to know what he wants.
Cheaters are the worst form of abusers. Also, they are victim blamers.
Sooo true. The ex never showed much remorse and I divorced him.
Just get out. No exceptions. Why put yourself through the pain?
I never heard sorry, he travelled with his job. Two night stands. In foreign country. The hurt was terrible because my parent cheated too. My mother. So i lived with angry fsther. I never forgave him because he wasnt sorry. He had no excuse to cheat he was going impotent from working too hard. Bosses being nasty too. He died riddled with cancer, he still didnt say he was sorry.. i never heard the words i love you ever.
What happens if this has been ongoing for 12.5 yrs? Lots of covert abuse, blaming and gaslighting along with ongoing affairs and cheating.
This was amazing advice!
Oh boy! I must be a sucker! So far he is batting zero :( Almost 30 years in so it isn't easy.
My wife was cheating on the time we were engaged and the first year of marriage and then again after a few years of marriage. I am going on 27 years of marriage and I struggle with this at this time I’m seeking professional help, I do not understand why it’s getting harder as time goes on.
is it safe to say that when confronted, if a woman says "my conscience is clear," that they've most likely cheated in some form?
Always remind the cheater what they have done. Show them the damage they done.
That’s a waste of time. The cheater is well aware of the damage they’ve done. You complaining about it or being angry is an ego stroke and laughing material for them. They’ll even put on an Oscar worthy performance of pretending to be remorseful, they know they’re mocking you at that point.
The cheater is an abuser always and in all cases and enjoys the power and control they have over their victims and child victims. They enjoy the pain they cause their victims.
Good morning ma'am, victim , nice words,.. thankyou,God bless
What if the cheating husband expresses remorse for hurting their wife, but only after getting caught, but does not regret having the emotional affair...a close, personal and intentionally hidden relationship with an old girlfriend from highschool with whom they supposedly shared marital advice to help each other...for 32 years out of a 40 year marriage. He only regrets hurting his wife because she found out. In fact he insists his affair partner helped his marriage. Texts between them expressed much love for each other but were derogatory towards spouses. Now he claims he's cut off that relationship because he's always just wanted a good marriage. The wife was totally blindsided. He us lovebombing and somewhat involved in recovery work but still refuses to admit that he was wrong to pursue his feelings for this other woman outside of his marriage. What hope is there of recovery and how can this be addressed?
When someone shows you they are capable of cheating believe them. I would not trust this person any further than I could see him; actions don’t match his words. The best predictor of present and future behavior is past behavior.
Thank for your prompt response!
I'm 72 years old with alot of children and a long, one time marriage. He was married once before, in his early 20's, to the first woman he slept with and professed love to. The marriage was short lived but must have greatly traumatized him.According to him, she was a serial cheater, abandoned the relationship with never an apology or resolution other than Divorce. He attended an EST weekend in the early 80's and claimed that he worked through it and forgave her so he was free to move on.
After another unsatisfactory relationship ended for him,we started dating in 1981, married in 1983. He reconnected with his AP at a HS reunion in 1991, again in 1996, when I was pregnant with our last and 5th child. I always stayed home to watch the kids so he could be free to fly home to enjoy his old friends. I never knew about her. After dday, I found out the AP was his first date, first kiss in HS. I never knew about her before DDay 2023. They kept in contact since HS. He claims he felt lonely and abandoned by me during times I tried to start a business or care for loved ones in the hospital or elderly parents who were living outofstate and in wheelchairs. My daughter is also disabled with ongoing appts and daily needs. I admit I prioritized by health needs, including his when he had surgeries. I never left a loved one in the hospital by themselves. During the last 12 years, while travelling to outofstate with my disabled daughtet to care for my parents, my house fell into a disaster zone from drop and run visits. I became emotionally numb and exhausted from caregiving. My husband called me "mental" and a "hoarder". He did try to help me declutter but took pictures of my messes and sent them to his AP, supposedly to get her help for figuring out how to "fix" me. He omitted sending pictures of his messes and that was a clue to how I was being targeted to seem the victimizer, with him being the good guy to put up with me. He also texted her that he wished she could be here at our house instead of me to relate better to our children. He sent her pictures of our house. He and AP would plan to talk when spouses were not around. One time he text AP that he couldn't wait for me to leave so they could talk...I was on the way to take my daughter to a Dr appt.
The AP would wait for her husband to go to work to call him. Ap said her husband knew she was talking to mine.
I wonder if he knew she was revealing information about their intimacy issues? Or that she would rather talk to my husband? Or why they agreed it was best to erase all of their texts and emails just to
" avoid misunderstandings"?
I'm in a big dilemma.
I'm living on reduced SS because I took it early so I would have $ to help my parents without draining family budget.
My husband claims he wants the marriage to work. He claims to have ended that relationship. He has stopped harrassing me and is now love bombing which is so much better, considering the alternatives, although I think he just doesnt want me to expose this to our family, who believes we have a model marriage..they do not know...I would never want them to know as it would taint their past just as it has mine.
We are in a recovery program. I am in online counseling.
I am afraid its too late for me to ever believe again in true love, which apparently was just a fantasy on my part for 40 years. I cannot support my daughter without help.
While it seems logical to leave, its not practical.
I need to make the best of my marriage, or what is left of it now. Often, I feel broken, afraid and alone. But I have faith that God will help me through this and bring healing. I know I need to work on my own recovery to make this happen, especially in the area of communication. I need to establish boundaries. I don't know how I missed the signs. I never stopped loving my husband although his behaviors were often unsupportive.
This comment is long, but it helped me to write about it. Thank you for listening. Your videos are so helpful and right to the point.
I feel like you are fair and balanced in your approach, not siding with just one spouse.
Im so glad to have a smart phone ;)
I you can offer up any more advice to me as to what to do next, please know that it is always welcomed coming from you, Mary Jo! BLESSINGS!
Step #1. Rent or Purchase an Industrial Strength Steam Cleaner.
Things goes diffirently for men and for women . ,, Men cheat , women betray ,,. When woman slept with third party then energy cord between her and partner is cutted off and it is end of marriage.
Cheaters are equal regardless of gender. It’s best practice to forgive them, promptly end the relationship, go no contact and encourage them to pursue the person they cheated with. Cheaters always cheat to betray, that’s exactly their significant other is unawares and the only they make is getting busted for cheating. Cheating is always a conscious choice.