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@Farmer Jones hello. I've been brought up playing that role. Pity seeking myself and letting myself got into pity seeking of others. It's terrible for one's life because you get stuck on the same spot forever. I'm working on getting free and living my life and not someone else's drama. What a relief
True... I'm SO lost and confused... My mum is the sweetest but I feel drained and off and like I have to give her my ALL and like she's insecure and bit jealous of me... Am I crazy?!
Yes, they soak up your emotional well-being like a sponge. Every time I was with mine, she left me feeling empty, like I’d been emotionally robbed. And I found increasingly I could only feel energised when I was with her, so I became completely dependent on her. That gave her a tremendous amount of power and control. Very scary.
@@christinebuckingham8369 If Trump is truly taking down the deep state, then he has to have this stance of this way or no way, because the deep state will never give up power. We will see what happens.
its a weird feeling being drained by one of these people... you don't really notice it until you are away from them, but you eventually realize that you feel better when you're NOT around them. you feel mentally better, spiritually better and even physically better by keeping your distance from these people. every fiber of your being will try telling you that something isn't right
I have given my power away...in the form of energy most of my life....always tired...and not recognizing it's my relationships at the core. I am happily single now.
Same... I JUST barley came to this realization the other day. Took me long enough.... so much loss and pain.... i guess now finally at least, rather than ever.
I was close to killing myself a few times just for the exhaustion and pain to end!. Still here and instead of ending myself . Ended all contact with the nutcases..they are filled with negative paracitic energies ...that's another story. ....love to you and all present. .stay safe.. and narc virus free..💖
Whenever I’m in the presence of one I never look them directly in eye. Honestly, it’s not even done on purpose or out of intimidation. I really feel that something in spirit just turns away from them, refusing to look. I can even go back to childhood and remember certain people I couldn’t look in the eye. As an adult, I’ll always stay busy whenever they’re around but silently observing them and being mindful of what I say next. Perhaps this is a form of Grey rock, I’m not entirely sure but either way I no longer give away my energy.
Hi Erica thanks for the tip! And I agree with you!! I too cannot look at them directly in the eye either!!! I feel as though something string irritates me and I cannot hold eye contact with the narcs... Ive wondered this before several times wow!! Good to know I'm not alone!
My mother used to do something pathetic that for years I would "buy into". She would call each of her (adult) children to "check on them" and then in the course of me confiding my personal details to her she would interject what her other kids (siblings) were doing. In other words, she would use the woes of my siblings to diminish my own problems (she would do the same to them) >> so, in turn, I would react like a 5 year old and beg for her attention and appreciation. This caused riffs that rippled throughout my family that still exists today. Every time I got off the phone with that woman I felt emotionally used and battered until I stopped answering her calls ... THEN she went to my siblings and tattled *to them for me being a mean daughter AND they bought into it. Narcs NEED to control the narrative and if you do not allow them the story they will make it up > to suit them. When you leave ... and you must ... you have to be comfortable with the tsunami of lies that pummel you to react. Be strong in your conviction. Ride the waves. You will eventually find your peaceful island of justice and tranquility. You are worth it :)
@@InnerIntegration Jeez Louise ... I just reread what I wrote and I am amazed that anyone could understand that maze of confusing pronouns. LOL ... Thanks for listening :)
My mother used to do this too! (She can’t do it to me anymore as I haven’t spoken to her for 5 years) I haven’t spoken to my brother for 12 years! Learning about narcissism has put my whole life into context! The damage done to children of narcissistic parents lasts a lifetime. Addictions, poor mental health, suicidal ideation to name just a few side effects of having a parent like this. I learned of the smear campaign that my mother did on me when I went no contact. To think that she would rather lie about her own daughter than reflect on her own behaviour! So so sad! It’s terrible being the scapegoat. I wish you well x
Do they ever! I could not believe the peace and emotional stability that slowly began after they were gone out of my life. It’s taken a lot of work on my part and still going, but I could never go back or tolerate another Narc. Peace to all sufferers out the there.
Yeah, I really couldn't put my finger on this for years, but every time I visited my mother, I felt like she held me in her thrall for the few hours I was there. I would literally have to pull myself away to leave because she would fixate on my every move. Once I left, I always had this feeling, even if I enjoyed the visit, that I could not do it again for at least another couple of weeks because it sapped every last bit of emotional energy out of me. Eventually, after a long time, I came up with the term that she was "farming" my energy - you know, tilling the soil, sowing the seeds, watering and fertilising the ground, and then just coming in and harvesting all of it. It's good to know this is an actual phenomenon and not just me.
Hmmmm... Problem. Reaction. Solution. Getting an emotional reaction and feeding off fear... sounds exactly what's happening in this current global climate! We live in a narcissistic/psychopathic society. Reminds me of Anne Barndart's Societal Narcississm presentation.
I'll never forget the feelings of pure frustration, emotionally empty, sadness and upset after I would have arguments with my narc mother. It would throw me out for the whole day. Days/weeks even. She, on the other hand would walk off from the argument with a new lease of life, a spring in her step. It took me awhile to realise I was transferring my energy to her. Thank you for sharing this. I've also noticed in a lot of social justice movements, the initial cause comes from a pure place, and a sense of 'righting a wrong' then as it gains traction, it attracts narcissistic energy who become quite extreme in their thinking and begin to oust others who do not feel the same. Once they've done that a few times, the other members of the group (who cling on because it's now their identity or because they still hold on to the origins of the movement) begin to do their bidding for them. I'm so glad you touch on both.
You’re on point with the social justice movement! This is why I got away from getting a social work degree and moved to psychology. The social justice warriors were incredibly mean and narcissistic cloaked as compassionate and caring for human rights. 🤮
@@Thedragonwithin Whether psychology, psychotherapy, social work, work in the UN, ..or anywhere else it doesn't matter. They've been placed in every tier of this system and the system is a set up to support certain agendas that are anti-human. Some professions involvments are only more obvious than others since power and authority positions attract more npd and border line personalities or full on psychopaths. They all protect the same system which on a big scale is an energy harvesting trap.
my mom is sever narcisstic.right now with the quarantine she is doing a silent treatment with me and my autistic son.It feels like Hell with her.Everytime she walks around the kitchen, I feel weak, paraylez and insistently having a panic attack.Three months to go and am off to new chapter in my life.
My narc ex wanted to know where I was every second of every day. It was exhausting. I later found out it was so I wouldn’t run into her and her new supply. They are very sneaky!
My ex looked 10 years younger after we’d been dating for awhile. His friends even mentioned to me that he looked younger. I took it as a compliment to how well we were suited to each other and a sign that it would last. As time went on I became more and more exhausted, confused and on edge. Totally drained. We had a child and it was then that I had to cut him off energetically (not consciously but organically). I barely had enough to keep myself and her going. It wasn’t long before he was tapping into new supplies and moved on to have a child with someone else. He kept trying for awhile to create drama but I learned about the grey rock technique and it was very effective. It was DARN HARD to stay level when dealing with him. I wanted to rip into him so many times. It took everything I had to hold myself in check and it was well worth it. It’s like playing dead. They’ll get bored and move on. It does take a long time. I had to keep reminding myself every time he would try a new angle to get supply from me. At this moment I am so grateful for all I’ve learned. I’m not beholden to him and not sharing a home with him during this quarantine. What a relief to be free.
Don't ask yourself why they are telling you this story. Distance yourself completely and don't talk to them at all. keep your vibes high and live life without them👌
"They don't know how to connect to the infinite energy on the Universe"!! Loved this! My narc bord mother is an excellent heart string plucker: you always nail it when you describe them..this video is priceless in so many ways! A special tnx for 3.20-4.51, I know resonates for so many of us right now, hope people wake up.. Also thank you for your podcast and content for us who are quarantined with narcs, it's so helpful❤️
They have no use for anything they won't receive supply from. That's our get out of jail free card. Meredith keeps kicking out great videos week after week, every Saturday morning is like Christmas!
I grew up in a strict, fundamentalist sect. That was over 30 years ago. I have long since moved on and am not involved in any organized religion. Well, a few years ago, I ran into a former minister from that church. We met on facebook and he told me that he had left the church and moved to Peru, where he was planning to found an ayahuasca retreat. At first, I was impressed and thought that he had done the same deep introspection and the hard work that I had done when I left the church. But after a few months of interacting with him, I soon discovered that he had not changed at all. He was condescending, spoke to me life I was beneath him and it was his job to "set me straight." He had the same entitled, smug attitude that he and the other ministers had in the church I grew up in. He had simply parked his car at a different "church". So yes, you have to be very careful around any organized religion or spiritual group, and especially around the "guru" types. Often, they are not what they advertise themselves to be.
I have noticed that if I get low on energy (ex: miss a night of sleep), then like clockwork, I will get a call from someone like this. But more concerning of all to me is when I get a call and someone talks and talks without pausing. It can go on literally for hours. You could put the phone aside, go buy groceries, walk the dog, take a shower, cook and eat, and then come back to the phone, and they would never realize you had left.
@@ARPAN_VISHWAKARMA you remember everything they did to you. Even things you didn't see as abuse when you are with them, the capablity they have to hurt you on purpose will make you sick
Sowing discord. Exactly 👍. Look up Proverbs 6:16 , nlt version. Number 6 is " someone who sows discord in a family. " Verse breaks down what a narcissist is.
I never yelled or responded to her provocation. I guess that’s why she discarded me. I wasn’t good enough supply. Poor sap she’s with now. Little does he know...
Wow, scary! Good warnings there! I have a chronic illness that includes fatigue and inability to handle stimulation and am drained just by being around people. Not that I completely blame the narcissist but I believe they had a part in my developing this illness, which was probably primed by my narcissist mother, because they drained my energy with hour long conversations on the phone and I think I couldn't get my energy level back up before the next drain came.
Great video. I have always described narcissists as emotional vampires. They drain the blood and energy from you. One of my former partners was a quintessential narcissist. After seven years of having my energy drained, I pulled the plug, packed up and moved. I lived on my own for several years afterwards and entered into the most productive period of my life. I also severed ties with a couple of "friends" for the sake of my own sanity.
Very interesting topic! It's the EXACT scenario that's been unfolding in the world over the past umpteen years and currently with the so called "pandemic". Problem, action, solution...keep people fearful, ignorant and then begging for the so called "solution". Narcissism and Psychopathy at home, in personal relationships etc., is a barometer for what is happening on a planetary scale. If the insidiousness is happening in your very own home, you can be damn sure it's happening at the hands of the of self appointed "elite". Thank you, Meredith, for discussing yet another very important topic regarding this covert and dangerously harmful abuse.
Childhood narc-abuse survivor. Male, gen-x. I've never received the answers and knowledge I've been searching for by counselors with prescription pads. (Think big pharma) there is so much empowerment here within this channel. Thanks
My narcissistic parents use holidays, birthdays and other special occasions to try and make contact for their supply. They won’t try and contact on any other day of the year. I find this extremely interesting and yet disgusting that they try and take away from what the event/holiday means to me and my family. Since I’ve gone no contact with them, they can’t get their supply filled from me so they try and use my kids birthdays/events too.
My narc mother used to use MY birthday as a way to get attention. I was made to feel guilty (when she retold the day I was born to everyone - every year) and thankful (for her giving birth to me). It was never my birthday. It was the day she gave birth to me - therefore I was indebted to her.
@@mdaze9753 I know what you mean. Recently I received a message from my dad saying how upset he was that HE had not heard from me on MY birthday. (Meanwhile he’s just a garden variety narc, my mom is the psychopath.)
The way you likened critical thinking and intuition to the left and right hemispheres of the brain is a very clever and helpful way of looking at it. HG Tudor calls narcissistic supply "fuel ". He also says that negative fuel is much more potent than positive fuel and so that's much more desirable for them. From my experience I have found this to be 100% true. The end game of all their manipulation, deception, gaslighting and games are to gain control over you so you cannot escape enabling them to have a constant supply of fuel I.e. keep draining you of your life force by continually hurting you in the very many ways that they do. If they can manage to end your life, literally kill you then that's the greatest, biggest boost of energy for them. Driving you insane is also a big win for them because you will be in constant mental anguish a good supply for them.
This monster has hijacked my family turned them against me and now I want to be a healer of narcissism. This is evil destructive and does nothing good for the people
I met mine in a 12 step recovery group. I believe now he is cluster b. It left me traumatised. I listened to your videos back in 2017. Really helpful ❤️
Yes thank you so much I was married to a covert narcissist and also have a family member that is a covert narcissist so I know the damage that they can do with provocation and stealing your energy. They provoke you by going for your weekness so that you respond .its easy to fall into the trap that they have set for you if you don’t know.they do tell the same story over and over again for years, sometimes it’s not even their story it’s other peoples story they pretend it’s theirs. I found this quotation on my search for salvation ! The wise man practices a detachment from his emotions ...he is indifferent to praise or abuse...he will not succumb to provocation ! And be the victim of his own emotions . I learned eventually ! Not to take the bait 😊
The interesting thing here is that when you have several Narcissistic personalities working in concert. They are able to mislead more of the unknowing oeresons around you (in the community) who help in the abuse.
The more interesting aspect is when they put on mask. Makes for good actors as if pillars of the community. As the Narcissist age start feeling depressed because they do not have the looks. Which looks is not everything. Many times they will keep you stuck and prevent you from moving on even while they themselves continue with the new supply.
There is a girl who sits right behind me at work which I though she was an empath at first. We had this crazy connection where I can feel occasionally how she feels and she could pick mines which isnt very difficult. And if I'm not mistaken we had an astral energy connection one time. There were also some occasions she suddenly said the thing that I was thinking a minute ago. She would just say 1 sentence and the whole room would go cold and depressing that people just leave it completely draining right after a joyful talk. She was on my mind 7/24 and I couldn't think of anything else. I though I was going crazy. So after some research I though she was some kind of past life relationship/ twinflame etc. So I was putting up with her all kinds of abuse, silent treatments, small insults of her. After start doing the healing work, living the memories again in my mind and start loving and respecting my self again, I realized that I was living in an alternative reality. There was an instance where she just completely drained my energy that I had to lie down on the couch for 30 mins. And another time when I tried to talk about whats going on, she got so mad that almost felt like she cast an invisible void wormhole that was sucking all the energy in the room that I couldn't even stand there. The energy was still lingering there after a 10 minute meeting. She is probably a narcissist and was consuming me. It took me over 6-7 weeks to break free even with no physical contact but still on my mind.
I know this, i was in the same situation, depleted of vital energy. More than that, my legs became weakened when i talked with this person, or trying to behave as with a normal person. Sadly, no one could help me and my mind and body are now invaded by this narcissist,... Plus, i feel that this person is stealing my personality traites. I think she is a covert narcissist.
The one I know is constantly telling me something he thinks will upset me, when it is none of his business, or he will fabricate a conversation he supposedly had with someone, and of course, "they" said these supposedly negative jabs at me. Being around him is like having a porcupine throwing barbs faster than I can deal with them. One right after another, and if I tell him I don't care, or I am not taking any of it personally, he gets irritated, and indicates it's a character flaw of mine to not be concerned about anyone but myself. I have held my tongue thousands of times when he is just pounding on me, until I can get away. He is "happiest" when he is being his most negative and nasty.
That is the horrible thing about them: they LOVE negativity, sadness, making you upset!! I know someone who is always talking negative- one day I said: Can you say something positive, something happy?! She was SILENT! That's when I knew what she truly was!
@@casperinsight3524 Yep. The more worked up and angry you get the calmer they get as they feed on all you negative energy your sending their way from your reaction to them. Still amazes me how little most people know about cluster b's. I guess you have to figure out first what happened to you and then somehow come across this information before you get it. If it hasn't happened to you it's hard to get. Even if it does happen to you, it's hard to get if you were with a real sneaky covert like I was. That's what happened to me.
I am being abused by a narcissist. It was putdowns and walls and negativity this morning. So, my feelings got hurt. Then I gave him the energy/attention he needed by telling him I don't deserve to be treated like that. He responded with a 360° turn to "I'm sorry. (Pouty, sad face)You're right." Then he left for work. Came back, wanting sympathy for various reasons. I am sick from having to defend my heart against this man every day for ten years. I've been telling everyone in my support circle that I'm done. I doubt my own feelings and they're leaking out on others at the same time. When I met him I had manners, poise, grace...I even thought I was a beautiful person. Now, I am bruised emotionally all the time, so the desperation and sadness come out sounding angry. I know it's all his doing, I'm done. I realize it's not my job to convince him I matter. Thank you for your help in your videos.
Thank you so much 😊 The peace and emotional regulation that comes from recognising and removing these damaged humans is beyond measure! The hole in my soul from having a mother as you describe in this video, I’ll take that to my grave. All the drama, one upping, envy, competition, controlling & manipulation that’s my mother! So so sad! x
you are not alone, there are many of us experiencing the same stuff. There's probably some reason why we can't count on our mother that we can't understand from our point of view...Nobody's life is perfect but you can still make the best of it...You are the most important part of your life...
Gioia N. Thank you for your reply. I think our experience isn’t uncommon at all. What I understand about narcissistic people is that they were abused by their parents, my mother is the meanest woman I know, her own mother was cold, mean and cruel too, so, I understand why and how this thing is inter generational. I believe narcissism to be from CPTSR How sad to think, my mother believes kindness is a weakness! She didn’t experience a kind, loving parent. I’ve found listening to Sam Vaknin to be very insightful. It’s just so very sad x
@@simpletruths5322 speaking of generational, i wanted to just say that look at the wars fought in the past 150 years worldwide. These people had PTSD back then too, but they just called it being shell shocked. I believe this trauma ALSO comes down the family lines to future generations. I say that because both sides of my family were in WW2 and Vietnam. They were also in abusive households and marriages and freemasons going back over 100 years.....i was literally born dead for a while due to trauma. Like, Jezebel has been after me since day one.... I had to piece this all together with The Lord's help and then i went to His Court Room with help and repented for my ancestors (they were also Indians) sins, my own and to ask The Holy Father to cleanse and repair my family blood lines......i feel like a battle worn soldier...
Thank you for this information. You are so correct. I had a relationship with a covert narcissist person. The longer the relationship continued, the more energy it cost me. Especially the last two months of this fake and toxic relationship. I was so tired and empty everytime I came home from a couple of days when I stayed with her and her two young children at her place. I sometimes felt asleep during the day when I took time for myself. Even at work I just had such energy losses that I sometimes almost fell asleep. I was really drained by her. After I ended the relationship with her I needed months to heal. My energy came back slowly. Although my ex works for the same organization I avoided her as much as possible. She loved it seeing me hurt, but after I confronted her in front of our mutual colleagues because she was playing the victim again (she didn't want to give me my key of my house back because she came with new demands. For me that was the final step in this proces. I was done with her. ) I showed them what she really was. It was not professional but it was the only way to stop her harvesting my energy. After that I felt relieved and for me it was finished. She stayed of my back since then, 16 months ago now. She already has new supply and uses that person probably now. I could move on with starting having a future again.
I might have mentioned this before, being stuck in the house with a narcissistic family member who hoards food in their bedroom and gives the silent treatment during the quarantine, that silent treatment is over now, because that family member was about to go out and go shopping and get positive energy from the people at the markets they visit. We still have to be very cautious because anything could still set them off, my other family member still gives emotional reactions even though I warned them, egg shells everywhere, but I mostly just stick to my room.
M Daze it’s the same thing, this Narc family member of mine is not able to go a full 24 hours without talking on the phone, they say they don’t gossip but all their conversations are gossip. I have to be very careful about sharing any information because that info will be repeated on the phone, one time I was ill and all the details of my illness were share, I was so embarrassed, thankful it wasn’t anything to serious.
@@ardent9422 Oh my gosh ... I know exactly how you feel :( The shame and embarrassment is deep. The only way to persevere is to ice them out and hope they find a surrogate daughter. Mine did ... poor thing. My mother thought I would become jealous .... LOLOLOL!
I already suffer from depression and during the quarantine I’m staying with family. I hoard myself away and barely want to come out to use the bathroom. Are you sure they are a narcissist? The narcissists I know right now are looking for excuses to not quarantine. From my experience they can’t handle being alone.
This is so bad. My mom was and still is in a physically, emotionally, psychologically abusive relationship with my dad. And instead of changing her situation (bc she’s the adult) it seemed that it was enough for her to watch me suffer for her and witness her suffering. Imagine how distressful this would be for a child. I used to feel so bad (to this day still hurt for her) and suffer with her and think of her as a child just like me. But
As I became an adult I intellectually had to teach myself that she was the adult and she should’ve gotten changed this situation instead of exposing her children to this. And feeding off their suffering bc she didn’t have enough self love to give herself the compassion she needed to set herself free
I have a friend who calls me and complains about how badly her son in law and daughter, and how badly they treat her. And I'm the type of person who seems to attract these toxic relationships, but...if you tell me you have a problem I'm going to give you a solution on to how I think you can fix it! When my friend dosn't get the response she's looking for she will end the call very abruptly and call someone else who will sit and patronize her. What I have noticed is that she is controlling the while family dynamic. She's a little mentally unstable but... boy oh boy she's a great manipulating abilities. It's the tale wagging the dog.
Sounds like my former relationship with my Mom, once I realized this, her "gas lighting" statements, did not bother me anymore. It took years to overcome. Your parents can become your worst Narcissists. Always running some guilt trip on you, like you owe them something for being their offspring.
Sooo true! They want your energy and attention, whether GOOD or BAD! Demons they are! I told him I would STARVE him and I am! Your videos are the best I've seen on this topic. What a wonderful tip to ask "WHY" and quite often! They are everywhere! ALWAYS be on guard guys. "Remain sober and vigilant." Thank you the work you do in exposing these monsters.🙏
My father in law is a passive aggressive covert narcissist. He always made a great first impression with people but would tell the same stories of "the laughs" he and his old colleagues had from 20 years ago - they never really kept in touch and he has had several jobs since then, very telling! Narcissists talk to the room instead of to you. I always felt my energy drain as soon as the phone would ring. It's a struggle to remain no contact at times but your videos always help us. Still maintaining no contact 2 years later.
I too loved the "narcissists talk to the room instead of you" comment! So true. I always thought a great test to see if someone is a narc is to have a 1:1 discussion about feelings or vulnerabilities. They cannot expose their underbellies. They cannot express a genuine thought. Their only form of communication is to repeat what someone else said or create a lie or spin based on that knowledge. They are evil disruptive automatons existing only to create pain and suffering.
Also slamming doors.....banging pots and pans......running water.....loud obnoxious music playing.. etc.....two year olds in 50-60-70 year old "adults"...
I need to watch this twice, because you are literally giving me the answers to everything I've experienced from that spiritual group and male leader for the past 2 years. Thank you. Keep strong everyone, don't give in in any way to them!
4:53 wow this is my mom exactly. She tells me and my sisters the same story about my grandpa over and over and is still using his death for attention (he passed in 1995). But when my father passed away recently she would talk about how much harder it was for her (losing my grandpa) and that we don’t know what grief is like.
Thank you very much! That's so true. Those spiritual gurus and groups can be very dangerous. I've experienced that and suffer PTSD. No one would believe me what they are capable of and how abusive and evil can be.
I used to be very confused when my mother would ‘randomly’ begin talking about people (she is a nasty gossip), now everything makes sense, within the context of narcissism, she ‘feeds’ off the energy that people give off, my mother particularly liked talking about people who were ill, the more serious the illness the better, now I can recognise she was getting off on my reaction & sympathy 🙈 When my aunt developed terminal cancer, it was all my mother talked about. It’s so true for me that we should be very careful what we think about, my mother got diagnosed with cancer soon after her sister died!
My mother would actually be jealous of women who had bad things happen to them > who persevered. She wanted them battered and bruised. It was almost as if she thought their struggles were badges of honor that should be scoffed at. ie: "Oh, look at her, she thinks she is special because her daughter died of cancer" Pfft. And the sick part is that she portrayed herself as a "good Christian".
My mom is a Christian and the meanest gossip, it was extremely toxic, I spent way too many years feeling bad for the people she gossiped about. I hate gossip, it makes me sick to my stomach. I had to go no contact with her for many other reasons, never regretted it to this day
KaMaTiMa77 Thank you for your reply, I feel your pain. I too hate gossip, it triggers an emotional response in me that goes very deep and makes me feel sick! I now realise that my own mother was gossiping about me and backstabbing me too, telling others things about me, often very personal things. My personal crisis turned into fuel for her when she gossiped about me, narcissists do not respect. other peoples boundaries at all!
This happened in the spiritual group I was apart of. It still is operating like this. I am so glad I found this video. This is exactly what I am experiencing RIGHT NOW!!!!!
Thank you so much Meredith for being there in this difficult time. I went no contact a year ago and wouldn’t have known how to handle this without your direction.
Thank u so much.. especially for your meditation to let go of the narc, it really helped a lot. Almost one year now since I went no contact. I'm gonna celebrate it. Cheers to all of you 🥂, Take care 💕
Oh my goodness Meredith! Starting on minute 7:20 when you warn about being careful with the groups you join, what you said there made me remember a really good and safe group I joined a couple of years back while I was in college, and precisely because it was such a safe group, we actually became (or almost) a prey for this narcissistic kid who wanted to manipulate us! When he didn’t get what he wanted; which was to sleep with one of the members of the group, he started harassing her and the rest of the group with threats of committing suicide! He finally realized he couldn’t use his drama and his empty threats to intimdate us anymore when another one of the group members contacted this kid’s therapist. I guess that was enough of a dose of shame he had to face (having to go see his therapist on a Sunday because his therapist received a call regarding his harassment). Thankfully we never had to deal with his bull crap anymore after that! At least not while I was in my last semester before graduating with my bachelors! I hope he didn’t make a comeback after those of us who graduated that year left!
Great information. I came across this in 12 step groups, (though not the only places). I found most people to be very caring, supportive and genuine about pursuing recovery, which was incredibly helpful for me. Then there were the narcissistic ones. They learned the lingo and worked the system to prey upon the vulnerabilities of those needing help. This video is spot on in describing the problems and solutions I have experienced with the narcissism.
I know someone who recently broke from a Buddhist group they were getting into and when they did, the "Guru" didnt like it and went and blogged about it. So much for the teachings on attachment. I think there is a lot to be said for the spiritual aspects of personality disorders. When people say that "in the past people thought that mental illnesses were evil spirits" I say from personal experience, that they still are! Im not talking about thinking someone who has a bad mood must be possessed, Im talking about really disturbing behavior which is often connected to strange and undeniable occult events I have experienced. We must take it seriously as such because to ignore it is folly. Psychic Vampirism is an apt term.
then that wasnt buddhism. in the dhamma no teacher can teach anyone anything and there is no devotion except to the practice. he may have been operating under the guise of buddhist practice, but the teacher was not imparting anything to do with buddhism.
I was that puppet and she enjoyed being the puppet master sapping me of every ounce of energy possible...I eventually cut them strings and have no intention of being "strung" along again !
Again and again thank you thank you for this reminder going through this right now holding them accountable and getting the silent treatment and your beautiful video is reminding me that I'm just feeding them
I have been warned multiple times that someone I'm in love with is an energy vampire and he himself has admitted he is narcissistic. It's been a long journey and I am trying to distance myself. I am realizing certain patterns and think my energy has been harvested. It's weird that was on my mind and then this comes up in my feed! Thank you
I actually know someone who is very antagonistic towards her targets. When she succeeds in getting negative reactions, she doesn't let up! She continues and even laughs in between.
@@InnerIntegration her targets also includes children! She targets their Vulnerabilities then push on those until there's a huge negative, emotional outburst. I think a normal reaction would be like; "Oops, I've crossed the line and I apologise or just stop". But she continues with lots of half laughs in between while continuing the antagonism and word-salad built in to justifications and minimization. Purely crazy making! She does this to close friends and family but in public completely different! She has this extremely friendly/charismatic act towards complete strangers. Even her tone of voice, accent and behaviour is just out of this world! That's the mask she uses for getting positive attention leaning more towards virtue signaling. She does this also at her local church. Then there's a flip side to this... she's very nasty towards service providers! People like; the guy selling ice cream from an ice cream truck, the shop assistant in the hair shop, the latino guy who works at a chicken and chip shop. She antagonizes these people in the ways she speaks down to them, changing her mind last minute, confusing them about what she ordered, keeping them waiting etc. Then there is her somatic side! The subway, the beach, anywhere there's a crowd, its her stage...taking pics, posing, mannerism, Speech pattern etc it goes on and on! She adapts her acts accordongly to the type of audience she's represented with and at other times she cultivates it. Truly sick! but being able to observe her is in itself first hand, education. (Ross Rosenberg, is correct about observe don't absorb).
What drained me and depleted me of my energy when I was with my ex-girlfriend was the effort it took me to anticipate what sets her off and prevent it. A simple vacation day with her was a balance act on a rope, constantly having to make an effort not to say or do something wrong that would lead to being lashed out at, harshly criticized, or met with other forms of contempt such as sulking, staring, or things such as sighing and eye rolling. I recognized that even if I get two, three precarious situations right this time, there will always be something else. Reflecting back and connecting the dots, the triggers were having a different opinion, a different decision on what I would like to do and how, expressing any need that is not the same as hers (e.g. I am thirsty and want to buy some water, but she is not, or I ask her for a towel at her place to shower), but also things that I could not anticipate, such as saying something allegedly “obviously uninteresting”, talking too loud, using the wrong vocabulary or pronouncing a word differently. Also, she would repeatedly disrupt the peace in the situation by starting to excessively complain about normal daily obstacles, such as something being sold out in a supermarket, a bus being late, some traffic alteration, etc. She would also claim to be under time pressure despite that not being true and then randomly speeding up without telling me why. I would refuse to just run after her like a dog and she would turn around and look at me as though I was a piece of garbage. She would dominate conversations by rather talking at and interrogating me instead of exchanging words in a balanced way, while ignoring my obvious cues that the debate is misplaced here. At times her monologues would actually get us in time trouble so I began to pack our bags a bit, as I was eager to avoid her anger for not being in time, only to then being accused of being a bad listener. She would also go on long rants about how upsetting and unfair her family and society are and the like. I would then try to console her and try to find a solution, but she then lashed out at me for telling her something she obviously already considered or for not solving her issue or whatever it was that she disliked about my attempt to help. After a day of being exposed to all these little things, I began to withdraw, unable to understand how to conduct myself so to avoid her anger. She then accused me of being a killjoy for being so depressive. Another thing that drained my energy levels were that she required constant attention and care in order to not fall into these patterns of complaining, disrupting peace, and being angry. In simple terms, she was very lazy, not participating in the planning and organizing of our day. While I did all sorts of chores, she would sleep or sit on the sofa and talk at me, requesting my attention and affirmation, oblivious to the situation being one in which we both were ought to get ready for going out as we had previously arranged. She would forget to shower or bring food with her when on a longer journey and insisted to take a turn so to get those needs met, taking hours and spoiling the day. It sounds really weird to write it that way, it is difficult to imagine maybe. We would for example go to the beach together and she would question me for ten minutes in high distress which size of pizza she should buy at the snack bar, or she would lash out at me for not having prepared dinner for her when visiting a friend’s place, although we had not talked about having dinner there as well. But also whenever I did plan something for her or arranged her getting her needs met and anticipated everything correctly, it often was not up to her standards and she still yelled at me, then acting as though she had not done anything wrong afterwards and again slamming me for being “in a shitty mood”. Basically, it felt like I was out with an unruly child, one of endless needs, chronic distress, endless problems with the world as it works, no gratitude, no regard for my needs, no engagement in teamwork, and no empathy, foresightedness, or modesty. One week with her was as draining as a very hard job with insufficient payment and abusive colleagues. At least that is how I would imagine that to be. I was literally finished, suffering from neural fatigue and emotional distress after spending time with her, feeling like I need a cold drink or two and a lot of sleep and interactions with normal people to recollect myself again. On top of it all, I was then asked by her what my issues were, that I was such a grumpy person to be around, that something was wrong with me, etc. And during that time, I kind of believed it, or at least I was not able to connect the dots and explain to her what it was about interacting with her that wore me down. Her confidence in there being no wrongdoing on her part was overwhelming and after all, there was no doubt that I felt distress. As she repeatedly stated how much she loved me, this must have all been my fault then, was what I used to think during the time all of this took place. The self-doubt and the war with my own intuition was further depleting my energy supply.
It's a weird competition where none should exist. The narcs MUST be the best. If they can't do what you do out genuine love, they will crush you to lower the bar to their inferior std. INSIDIOUS. I couldn't figure out what was happening. I am healing now.
I think that narcissists do not know how to direct their energy, therefore their actions are very time wasting, unfocused, ADD, They are like a wobbly, inbalanced tire that is causing the car to veer all over the place and they expect you to veer all over the road with them and say it's normal.
There is a demonic force behind a narcissist, similar to the jezebel spirit. Pray for your enemies for a season, and then turn away and never look back. Anyone who is reading this please know the creator of the universe is more than willing to help you. The infinite energy is love. God is pure love, and perfect love casteth out all fear. God is real and knows these people are being used by demons to torment us and keep us from having Gods peace. My prayer for you all today is to gain discernment, and strength to fight these evil powers. You’re a beautiful and intelligent woman and I’m great full you’ve taken the time to help many, Thank you for making these videos. Amen 🤗
Thank you SO much, i just discovered this cr-p with a few i know in my community during this lockdown. And thank you for reminding of what i had forgotten on how to ID and deal with butts like this. I have definitely noticed the Flying monkey thing this week from a group that hangs out outside in the sun. They are ignoring me, like an unwelcome guest in that part of the yard after socializing with them last weekend and not agreeing with their beliefs about myself. But also noticing how much better i feel NOT being anywhere these ppl, esp the Narc i believe is causing the issues. The cool thing is on the other side of building, their a smaller group of ppl that are fully aware the dynamic of that group too. So it was insightful to see others 'see the vamps for what they really are'.
So true . I am a member of NA and due to my lack of boundaries and vulnerability I was preyed upon . Now I have trust and " judging others excessively" issues that I am working through with a sponsor who isn't a covert narc , that I trust . I am pretty good at spotting the pretenders ..... but with all the " service committees " they hide behind they can be hard to spot as some are oscar level actors. I remain true to doing the steps to continue my healing from familial narc abuse/pill addiction. I am free at last ! Peace to all in this community
@@tigress725 it's very unfortunate. I'm 9 months into my recovery and a covert narc women older than me really took me for a ride and she is very involved in the fellowship. Definitely preyed upon and was a damaging experience.
One of my friends always would want to rehash bad stuff. i could never understand why? They say that was weird your break-up, your roomate trouble, the job I didn't get, the friend I had a fallout over , the relative that died. I thought geez they are really emotional but why am I upset at everything they are talking about,everytime I see them. NPD.
Had a covert narcissist ex for my first relationship. She left me broken, confused and emotionally scarred. I came back broken from a 9 month deployment and couldn't get myself to see her right away. Her response was to cheat on me for 5 days straight because I didn't prioritize her. She broke my heart, hooked up with my roommate/ex friend, and kicked me out of the house we had moved into together. I was lucky enough to find someone else who showed me what a real relationship looks like. I hope that people will start to recognize the signs before they get too invested into relationships like I did.
Also thank you for this reminder about spiritual groups as I just joined an online spiritual retreat yesterday with over 500 people. I’m going to make sure to watch out, and limit my interactions with the group. Already felt this intuitively but it’s so good to have the reminder and makes me sad because how can I ever go and meet people with like minds if I’m always worried about it being infested with predators?? Thanks
This is my sister to a tee. The latest drama is that she has systematically made it almost impossible for me to participate in my Dad's care (just through sheer energy draining drama, and making my father "feel" as if he "needs" her and that my help is basically useless (her little way of devaluing)....while I have run myself ragged over the last 6 months doing "real work" while she has been "working" on sewing unfounded fears into our dads psyche, and of course "handling his finances for a fee" (when none of the rest of us are being compensated for our contributions to his care). AND she whines constantly about all of the hours she's putting in....insists that she just can't do it without compensation (which, I understand could be legitimate...but she is incapable of seeing that everyone else has put in just as much work WITHOUT insisting on being paid because we all just saw it as "a part of caring for aging parents"...even though we have far fewer "non-work" hours (she's only working a couple of days a week now, from what I've been able to gather...although she's refused to actually "tell" me what her current work schedule is....that would spoil her story about how hard she has it. So basically this is what it comes down to. She has systematically pushed me out of the picture...."taken charge" of my father and his business and legal affairs and his Trust....Whines one day about how many hours she's spending....but when offered help, she acts as if she is the only one who is capable....unless there is some menial task that she doesn't want to do (such as unpacking boxes for him)...and then has the attorney write my fathers new trust in such a way that she will now be allowed to "compensate herself" for her work in the amount that a trust company would (this is a lot of money) AND all the while she continues bashing ME for being "selfish" and or "lazy" when I question this set-up and make it clear to her that I am not her "help". What I want is to just be my fathers daughter without interference from her. And the thing is, she is so good at this crap, no-one can see it...Including my father who is very intelligent in some ways, but completely clueless to her manipulation. I am seriously at the point of throwing my hands up and telling myself "it's not worth my sanity"...and while I did feel a certain responsibility to try and protect my fathers "stated wishes" regarding his estate, she has somehow twisted his perception enough that if I mention anything about his estate, his mind automatically goes to "all of my kids are fighting over my money and I'm sick of it"........and that bleeping HURT. If I had a responsibility, I think my attempt was enough to satisfy it. I can't take abuse from both her and him...I'd rather let whatever happens happen. I've done what I can for him...... "something", (I can only assume, my sister) has taken over his mind to the point where there's nothing more I can do here, short of contacting elder financial abuse authorities to have them look into it (wouldn't even know where to begin...or if there's any way they COULD look into it.. She would probably find a way to turn the tables and make it look to THEM as if my concern is merely "feigned"...and that I"M the problem. Story of my life. As sad and twisted as it appears to be, I think I'm going to have to let it go.
MaCoeur I am so sorry for what you’re going through. It’s all about money in families like this and sadly I can promise you that you likely will be disinherited. The gc doesn’t have it within them to support themselves or do anything in life and likely your father has supported them in many ways and since the golden goose is about to die and take his eggs with him they are fighting over what they can get their hands on and will need to kick you out because that just leaves more for them. They’ve set it up so that if you try to warn him or prove you aren’t a gold digger he will think you just care about his money. They’ve already told him behind your back that all you ever do is talk about his money and even though you know that isn’t true they have a way of making people believe them by the very steps you take and the words you say in order to prove them wrong. They leave the dead body in the street with a knife on the ground and then they call and leave a message that there’s been an accident and they leave the exact address so that when the target shows up and finds their loved one on the ground, they react and throw their arms around them only to inadvertently touch the knife and then pick it up out of confusion and grief and boom they now have become the number one suspect with the “appearance of proof.” It’s the same thing they do in these types of families when there is money involved most especially if it is a large inheritance....your narc sister is likely leaps and bounds ahead of you because she is evil and has no moral compass and would slice your throat in a nanosecond if it would benefit her which is exactly what she’s doing. I’m really sorry. For your own health I hope you can get away. The stress of your adrenaline surging 24/6 has got to just be enormous.
I no longer offer one-on-one coaching sessions so I've partnered with BetterHelp, an affordable online therapy portal where you can get matched with a licensed counselor who specializes in abuse and trauma. ✅Get 10% off your first month with this link: betterhelp.com/innerintegration
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@Farmer Jones hello. I've been brought up playing that role. Pity seeking myself and letting myself got into pity seeking of others. It's terrible for one's life because you get stuck on the same spot forever. I'm working on getting free and living my life and not someone else's drama. What a relief
Better help is a scam site.
I used to yell on the phone because I got fed up of gaslighting. I did not realize that my abusers were getting supply. What horrible people.
I've been there I can relate to you...they want your energy and your power and they prey on that.
@@beckysouthlondon Hack how?
After interacting with these people you feel like you can sleep for a day
WORD
Yet they won’t sleep, they keep machinating ways to keep draining.
True... I'm SO lost and confused... My mum is the sweetest but I feel drained and off and like I have to give her my ALL and like she's insecure and bit jealous of me... Am I crazy?!
@@tempa04 Trust your intuition a.k.a. your gut feelings. Sweetness/charm is often used as a manipulation tactic.
@@dawnacoxon3111 Thank you so much 💗
That's why we feel depleted when we are around them. You can be in a good mood and they will bring you all the way down and you feel drained.
Asshats gonna enjoy starving them to death no reaction emotionally devoid 😂 cold turkey mfs 😂
Yes, they soak up your emotional well-being like a sponge. Every time I was with mine, she left me feeling empty, like I’d been emotionally robbed. And I found increasingly I could only feel energised when I was with her, so I became completely dependent on her. That gave her a tremendous amount of power and control. Very scary.
It was an unbearable energy drain that I can't believe I survived. Never letting that happen again. Love you, Meredith!!!
Hi Joanna how are you ? Better now ?
I can't believe I survived either. It's crazy.
Their Goal is your energy and power over you. But it’s always dressed up as something else.
Exactly
Debra Ulrich Trump is a Narcissist
@@christinebuckingham8369 If Trump is truly taking down the deep state, then he has to have this stance of this way or no way, because the deep state will never give up power. We will see what happens.
Empower Empaths: totally truth, covered by some else, delivered as help ....
@@vivianamieres exactly. And we miss it because we're looking at the red herring
its a weird feeling being drained by one of these people... you don't really notice it until you are away from them, but you eventually realize that you feel better when you're NOT around them. you feel mentally better, spiritually better and even physically better by keeping your distance from these people. every fiber of your being will try telling you that something isn't right
I have given my power away...in the form of energy most of my life....always tired...and not recognizing it's my relationships at the core. I am happily single now.
Same... I JUST barley came to this realization the other day. Took me long enough.... so much loss and pain.... i guess now finally at least, rather than ever.
"Psychic abilities are not the same as spiritual maturity"
That's genius insight ❤
I was close to killing myself a few times just for the exhaustion and pain to end!. Still here and instead of ending myself . Ended all contact with the nutcases..they are filled with negative paracitic energies ...that's another story. ....love to you and all present. .stay safe.. and narc virus free..💖
So glad you decided that you are worth it :) Peace to you.
@@mdaze9753 much love to you..thank you for your loving comment..stay safe on all levels..💜
I made the mistake of joining religious groups as part of my healing journey. They were FULL of energy vampires.
Jesis is a vampire
@@Understandingways
No Jesus ( cs) is empath
@@AhmedDiiriye-gm6um he drank blood
@Understandingways That was Symbolic and metaphoric NOT LITERAL you weirdo
🤦♂️
Whenever I’m in the presence of one I never look them directly in eye. Honestly, it’s not even done on purpose or out of intimidation. I really feel that something in spirit just turns away from them, refusing to look. I can even go back to childhood and remember certain people I couldn’t look in the eye. As an adult, I’ll always stay busy whenever they’re around but silently observing them and being mindful of what I say next. Perhaps this is a form of Grey rock, I’m not entirely sure but either way I no longer give away my energy.
Sounds like a great strategy i will give this a try thanks for sharing x
Hi Erica thanks for the tip! And I agree with you!! I too cannot look at them directly in the eye either!!! I feel as though something string irritates me and I cannot hold eye contact with the narcs... Ive wondered this before several times wow!! Good to know I'm not alone!
That's a coping mechanism many of us learned in childhood :) We attempt to fade into the background.
I look them directly in the eye
to let them know I see right through them
💯💯💯
U can feel it when ur being drained by a narcissist..
Your body has that icky feeling
@@jake90009I become mean in seconds when one is near and have thoughts I normally do not
My mother used to do something pathetic that for years I would "buy into". She would call each of her (adult) children to "check on them" and then in the course of me confiding my personal details to her she would interject what her other kids (siblings) were doing. In other words, she would use the woes of my siblings to diminish my own problems (she would do the same to them) >> so, in turn, I would react like a 5 year old and beg for her attention and appreciation. This caused riffs that rippled throughout my family that still exists today. Every time I got off the phone with that woman I felt emotionally used and battered until I stopped answering her calls ... THEN she went to my siblings and tattled *to them for me being a mean daughter AND they bought into it. Narcs NEED to control the narrative and if you do not allow them the story they will make it up > to suit them. When you leave ... and you must ... you have to be comfortable with the tsunami of lies that pummel you to react. Be strong in your conviction. Ride the waves. You will eventually find your peaceful island of justice and tranquility. You are worth it :)
Excellent insights!
@@InnerIntegration Jeez Louise ... I just reread what I wrote and I am amazed that anyone could understand that maze of confusing pronouns. LOL ... Thanks for listening :)
My mother used to do this too! (She can’t do it to me anymore as I haven’t spoken to her for 5 years) I haven’t spoken to my brother for 12 years! Learning about narcissism has put my whole life into context! The damage done to children of narcissistic parents lasts a lifetime. Addictions, poor mental health, suicidal ideation to name just a few side effects of having a parent like this. I learned of the smear campaign that my mother did on me when I went no contact. To think that she would rather lie about her own daughter than reflect on her own behaviour! So so sad! It’s terrible being the scapegoat. I wish you well x
Thanks for sharing this.
M Daze thank you!.. sad you went through this, they sure make us feel like 5 y old in the blink of an eye.. wishing you well and joy in your healing x
I used to overshare, I thought so that people would understand me, but it looked like a narc ploy!
Do they ever! I could not believe the peace and emotional stability that slowly began after they were gone out of my life. It’s taken a lot of work on my part and still going, but I could never go back or tolerate another Narc. Peace to all sufferers out the there.
Beautifully said
The Almost INSTANT peace... Is a HUGE sign. Hard to not recognize, or miss lol
Yeah, I really couldn't put my finger on this for years, but every time I visited my mother, I felt like she held me in her thrall for the few hours I was there. I would literally have to pull myself away to leave because she would fixate on my every move. Once I left, I always had this feeling, even if I enjoyed the visit, that I could not do it again for at least another couple of weeks because it sapped every last bit of emotional energy out of me. Eventually, after a long time, I came up with the term that she was "farming" my energy - you know, tilling the soil, sowing the seeds, watering and fertilising the ground, and then just coming in and harvesting all of it. It's good to know this is an actual phenomenon and not just me.
Hmmmm... Problem. Reaction. Solution. Getting an emotional reaction and feeding off fear... sounds exactly what's happening in this current global climate! We live in a narcissistic/psychopathic society. Reminds me of Anne Barndart's Societal Narcississm presentation.
Boom!! My that's exactly 💯
I'll never forget the feelings of pure frustration, emotionally empty, sadness and upset after I would have arguments with my narc mother. It would throw me out for the whole day. Days/weeks even. She, on the other hand would walk off from the argument with a new lease of life, a spring in her step. It took me awhile to realise I was transferring my energy to her. Thank you for sharing this.
I've also noticed in a lot of social justice movements, the initial cause comes from a pure place, and a sense of 'righting a wrong' then as it gains traction, it attracts narcissistic energy who become quite extreme in their thinking and begin to oust others who do not feel the same. Once they've done that a few times, the other members of the group (who cling on because it's now their identity or because they still hold on to the origins of the movement) begin to do their bidding for them. I'm so glad you touch on both.
This is my exact experience of my narcissistic mother, father. 12 step groups.
Exactly!
You’re on point with the social justice movement! This is why I got away from getting a social work degree and moved to psychology. The social justice warriors were incredibly mean and narcissistic cloaked as compassionate and caring for human rights. 🤮
@@Thedragonwithin Whether psychology, psychotherapy, social work, work in the UN, ..or anywhere else it doesn't matter. They've been placed in every tier of this system and the system is a set up to support certain agendas that are anti-human. Some professions involvments are only more obvious than others since power and authority positions attract more npd and border line personalities or full on psychopaths. They all protect the same system which on a big scale is an energy harvesting trap.
my mom is sever narcisstic.right now with the quarantine she is doing a silent treatment with me and my autistic son.It feels like Hell with her.Everytime she walks around the kitchen, I feel weak, paraylez and insistently having a panic attack.Three months to go and am off to new chapter in my life.
My narc ex wanted to know where I was every second of every day. It was exhausting. I later found out it was so I wouldn’t run into her and her new supply. They are very sneaky!
I work with a woman i highly suspect is a narc. She is really strong into creating division and that was my 1st clue about her.
I had my whole world turned upside down..My hair fell out..I've lost so much weight...All kinds of bad things have been happening in the past 8 months
My ex looked 10 years younger after we’d been dating for awhile. His friends even mentioned to me that he looked younger. I took it as a compliment to how well we were suited to each other and a sign that it would last. As time went on I became more and more exhausted, confused and on edge. Totally drained. We had a child and it was then that I had to cut him off energetically (not consciously but organically). I barely had enough to keep myself and her going. It wasn’t long before he was tapping into new supplies and moved on to have a child with someone else. He kept trying for awhile to create drama but I learned about the grey rock technique and it was very effective. It was DARN HARD to stay level when dealing with him. I wanted to rip into him so many times. It took everything I had to hold myself in check and it was well worth it. It’s like playing dead. They’ll get bored and move on. It does take a long time. I had to keep reminding myself every time he would try a new angle to get supply from me. At this moment I am so grateful for all I’ve learned. I’m not beholden to him and not sharing a home with him during this quarantine. What a relief to be free.
be blessed
You’re daughter is lucky to have you as a mother. Glad you got out safely. 💕
@travelerwithstyle Thank you for this information. I am listening to their podcast now.
maria goretti j 💕
blueshoes915 💕 thank you!
Don't ask yourself why they are telling you this story. Distance yourself completely and don't talk to them at all. keep your vibes high and live life without them👌
"They don't know how to connect to the infinite energy on the Universe"!! Loved this! My narc bord mother is an excellent heart string plucker: you always nail it when you describe them..this video is priceless in so many ways! A special tnx for 3.20-4.51, I know resonates for so many of us right now, hope people wake up.. Also thank you for your podcast and content for us who are quarantined with narcs, it's so helpful❤️
They have no use for anything they won't receive supply from. That's our get out of jail free card. Meredith keeps kicking out great videos week after week, every Saturday morning is like Christmas!
I grew up in a strict, fundamentalist sect. That was over 30 years ago. I have long since moved on and am not involved in any organized religion. Well, a few years ago, I ran into a former minister from that church. We met on facebook and he told me that he had left the church and moved to Peru, where he was planning to found an ayahuasca retreat. At first, I was impressed and thought that he had done the same deep introspection and the hard work that I had done when I left the church. But after a few months of interacting with him, I soon discovered that he had not changed at all. He was condescending, spoke to me life I was beneath him and it was his job to "set me straight." He had the same entitled, smug attitude that he and the other ministers had in the church I grew up in. He had simply parked his car at a different "church". So yes, you have to be very careful around any organized religion or spiritual group, and especially around the "guru" types. Often, they are not what they advertise themselves to be.
I have noticed that if I get low on energy (ex: miss a night of sleep), then like clockwork, I will get a call from someone like this. But more concerning of all to me is when I get a call and someone talks and talks without pausing. It can go on literally for hours. You could put the phone aside, go buy groceries, walk the dog, take a shower, cook and eat, and then come back to the phone, and they would never realize you had left.
😂omg ..yep!
@@DicyaninGlass
.lol😂
Even with no contact I feel like they are literally sucking my youth and vitality from me
After no contact how u know they were sucking your energy
Did u went through any symptoms plz tell me
@@ARPAN_VISHWAKARMA you remember everything they did to you. Even things you didn't see as abuse when you are with them, the capablity they have to hurt you on purpose will make you sick
U r right @@ettbirhanm5193
Sowing discord. Exactly 👍. Look up Proverbs 6:16 , nlt version. Number 6 is " someone who sows discord in a family. " Verse breaks down what a narcissist is.
The combination of critical thinking and intuition ... Some people call it Soul intellingence :)
I never yelled or responded to her provocation. I guess that’s why she discarded me. I wasn’t good enough supply. Poor sap she’s with now. Little does he know...
Wow, scary! Good warnings there! I have a chronic illness that includes fatigue and inability to handle stimulation and am drained just by being around people. Not that I completely blame the narcissist but I believe they had a part in my developing this illness, which was probably primed by my narcissist mother, because they drained my energy with hour long conversations on the phone and I think I couldn't get my energy level back up before the next drain came.
Great video. I have always described narcissists as emotional vampires. They drain the blood and energy from you. One of my former partners was a quintessential narcissist. After seven years of having my energy drained, I pulled the plug, packed up and moved. I lived on my own for several years afterwards and entered into the most productive period of my life. I also severed ties with a couple of "friends" for the sake of my own sanity.
My neighbor is one of them. I won them and now they try to back. 😂
Parents can gaslight siblings so that those fights give them dark energies
Very interesting topic! It's the EXACT scenario that's been unfolding in the world over the past umpteen years and currently with the so called "pandemic". Problem, action, solution...keep people fearful, ignorant and then begging for the so called "solution". Narcissism and Psychopathy at home, in personal relationships etc., is a barometer for what is happening on a planetary scale. If the insidiousness is happening in your very own home, you can be damn sure it's happening at the hands of the of self appointed "elite". Thank you, Meredith, for discussing yet another very important topic regarding this covert and dangerously harmful abuse.
This!! 💯💯.👌🏻
@@seagreentangerine2065 ikr? 👏👏👏
I have always suspected that the pandemic is fake.
Loosh
Childhood narc-abuse survivor. Male, gen-x. I've never received the answers and knowledge I've been searching for by counselors with prescription pads. (Think big pharma) there is so much empowerment here within this channel. Thanks
check out daniel mackler
Energy is the new currency.....👑
My narcissistic parents use holidays, birthdays and other special occasions to try and make contact for their supply. They won’t try and contact on any other day of the year. I find this extremely interesting and yet disgusting that they try and take away from what the event/holiday means to me and my family. Since I’ve gone no contact with them, they can’t get their supply filled from me so they try and use my kids birthdays/events too.
My narc mother used to use MY birthday as a way to get attention. I was made to feel guilty (when she retold the day I was born to everyone - every year) and thankful (for her giving birth to me). It was never my birthday. It was the day she gave birth to me - therefore I was indebted to her.
@@mdaze9753 I know what you mean. Recently I received a message from my dad saying how upset he was that HE had not heard from me on MY birthday. (Meanwhile he’s just a garden variety narc, my mom is the psychopath.)
8:57 TRUTH! I used to think people with those abilities and who talked the talk were "connected"... they're not. It's a tactic.
I love that you expand to global issues, organizations etc. Narcissism in personal life is step 1 of understanding.
The way you likened critical thinking and intuition to the left and right hemispheres of the brain is a very clever and helpful way of looking at it.
HG Tudor calls narcissistic supply "fuel ".
He also says that negative fuel is much more potent than positive fuel and so that's much more desirable for them.
From my experience I have found this to be 100% true. The end game of all their manipulation, deception, gaslighting and games are to gain control over you so you cannot escape enabling them to have a constant supply of fuel I.e. keep draining you of your life force by continually hurting you in the very many ways that they do.
If they can manage to end your life, literally kill you then that's the greatest, biggest boost of energy for them.
Driving you insane is also a big win for them because you will be in constant mental anguish a good supply for them.
Ma'am, i am a female. Is there any way i can speak with you?
This monster has hijacked my family turned them against me and now I want to be a healer of narcissism. This is evil destructive and does nothing good for the people
I met mine in a 12 step recovery group. I believe now he is cluster b.
It left me traumatised.
I listened to your videos back in 2017. Really helpful ❤️
Yes thank you so much I was married to a covert narcissist and also have a family member that is a covert narcissist so I know the damage that they can do with provocation and stealing your energy. They provoke you by going for your weekness so that you respond .its easy to fall into the trap that they have set for you if you don’t know.they do tell the same story over and over again for years, sometimes it’s not even their story it’s other peoples story they pretend it’s theirs. I found this quotation on my search for salvation ! The wise man practices a detachment from his emotions ...he is indifferent to praise or abuse...he will not succumb to provocation ! And be the victim of his own emotions . I learned eventually ! Not to take the bait 😊
The interesting thing here is that when you have several Narcissistic personalities working in concert. They are able to mislead more of the unknowing oeresons around you (in the community) who help in the abuse.
The more interesting aspect is when they put on mask. Makes for good actors as if pillars of the community. As the Narcissist age start feeling depressed because they do not have the looks. Which looks is not everything. Many times they will keep you stuck and prevent you from moving on even while they themselves continue with the new supply.
There is a girl who sits right behind me at work which I though she was an empath at first. We had this crazy connection where I can feel occasionally how she feels and she could pick mines which isnt very difficult. And if I'm not mistaken we had an astral energy connection one time. There were also some occasions she suddenly said the thing that I was thinking a minute ago. She would just say 1 sentence and the whole room would go cold and depressing that people just leave it completely draining right after a joyful talk. She was on my mind 7/24 and I couldn't think of anything else. I though I was going crazy. So after some research I though she was some kind of past life relationship/ twinflame etc. So I was putting up with her all kinds of abuse, silent treatments, small insults of her. After start doing the healing work, living the memories again in my mind and start loving and respecting my self again, I realized that I was living in an alternative reality. There was an instance where she just completely drained my energy that I had to lie down on the couch for 30 mins. And another time when I tried to talk about whats going on, she got so mad that almost felt like she cast an invisible void wormhole that was sucking all the energy in the room that I couldn't even stand there. The energy was still lingering there after a 10 minute meeting. She is probably a narcissist and was consuming me. It took me over 6-7 weeks to break free even with no physical contact but still on my mind.
I know this, i was in the same situation, depleted of vital energy. More than that, my legs became weakened when i talked with this person, or trying to behave as with a normal person. Sadly, no one could help me and my mind and body are now invaded by this narcissist,... Plus, i feel that this person is stealing my personality traites. I think she is a covert narcissist.
The one I know is constantly telling me something he thinks will upset me, when it is none of his business, or he will fabricate a conversation he supposedly had with someone, and of course, "they" said these supposedly negative jabs at me. Being around him is like having a porcupine throwing barbs faster than I can deal with them. One right after another, and if I tell him I don't care, or I am not taking any of it personally, he gets irritated, and indicates it's a character flaw of mine to not be concerned about anyone but myself. I have held my tongue thousands of times when he is just pounding on me, until I can get away. He is "happiest" when he is being his most negative and nasty.
Well said 👍😎 so True!
It can be a 1-2 punch,
they provoke us to both sabotage while getting an emotional rush
That is the horrible thing about them: they LOVE negativity, sadness, making you upset!! I know someone who is always talking negative- one day I said: Can you say something positive, something happy?! She was SILENT! That's when I knew what she truly was!
What an idiot that guy is.🙄
@@casperinsight3524 Yep. The more worked up and angry you get the calmer they get as they feed on all you negative energy your sending their way from your reaction to them.
Still amazes me how little most people know about cluster b's. I guess you have to figure out first what happened to you and then somehow come across this information before you get it. If it hasn't happened to you it's hard to get. Even if it does happen to you, it's hard to get if you were with a real sneaky covert like I was. That's what happened to me.
I am being abused by a narcissist. It was putdowns and walls and negativity this morning. So, my feelings got hurt. Then I gave him the energy/attention he needed by telling him I don't deserve to be treated like that. He responded with a 360° turn to "I'm sorry. (Pouty, sad face)You're right." Then he left for work. Came back, wanting sympathy for various reasons. I am sick from having to defend my heart against this man every day for ten years. I've been telling everyone in my support circle that I'm done. I doubt my own feelings and they're leaking out on others at the same time. When I met him I had manners, poise, grace...I even thought I was a beautiful person.
Now, I am bruised emotionally all the time, so the desperation and sadness come out sounding angry. I know it's all his doing, I'm done. I realize it's not my job to convince him I matter. Thank you for your help in your videos.
Thank you so much 😊 The peace and emotional regulation that comes from recognising and removing these damaged humans is beyond measure! The hole in my soul from having a mother as you describe in this video, I’ll take that to my grave. All the drama, one upping, envy, competition, controlling & manipulation that’s my mother! So so sad! x
you are not alone, there are many of us experiencing the same stuff. There's probably some reason why we can't count on our mother that we can't understand from our point of view...Nobody's life is perfect but you can still make the best of it...You are the most important part of your life...
Gioia N. Thank you for your reply. I think our experience isn’t uncommon at all. What I understand about narcissistic people is that they were abused by their parents, my mother is the meanest woman I know, her own mother was cold, mean and cruel too, so, I understand why and how this thing is inter generational. I believe narcissism to be from CPTSR How sad to think, my mother believes kindness is a weakness! She didn’t experience a kind, loving parent. I’ve found listening to Sam Vaknin to be very insightful. It’s just so very sad x
@@simpletruths5322 speaking of generational, i wanted to just say that look at the wars fought in the past 150 years worldwide. These people had PTSD back then too, but they just called it being shell shocked. I believe this trauma ALSO comes down the family lines to future generations. I say that because both sides of my family were in WW2 and Vietnam. They were also in abusive households and marriages and freemasons going back over 100 years.....i was literally born dead for a while due to trauma. Like, Jezebel has been after me since day one.... I had to piece this all together with The Lord's help and then i went to His Court Room with help and repented for my ancestors (they were also Indians) sins, my own and to ask The Holy Father to cleanse and repair my family blood lines......i feel like a battle worn soldier...
Thank you for this information. You are so correct. I had a relationship with a covert narcissist person. The longer the relationship continued, the more energy it cost me. Especially the last two months of this fake and toxic relationship. I was so tired and empty everytime I came home from a couple of days when I stayed with her and her two young children at her place. I sometimes felt asleep during the day when I took time for myself. Even at work I just had such energy losses that I sometimes almost fell asleep. I was really drained by her. After I ended the relationship with her I needed months to heal. My energy came back slowly. Although my ex works for the same organization I avoided her as much as possible. She loved it seeing me hurt, but after I confronted her in front of our mutual colleagues because she was playing the victim again (she didn't want to give me my key of my house back because she came with new demands. For me that was the final step in this proces. I was done with her. ) I showed them what she really was. It was not professional but it was the only way to stop her harvesting my energy. After that I felt relieved and for me it was finished. She stayed of my back since then, 16 months ago now. She already has new supply and uses that person probably now. I could move on with starting having a future again.
I might have mentioned this before, being stuck in the house with a narcissistic family member who hoards food in their bedroom and gives the silent treatment during the quarantine, that silent treatment is over now, because that family member was about to go out and go shopping and get positive energy from the people at the markets they visit. We still have to be very cautious because anything could still set them off, my other family member still gives emotional reactions even though I warned them, egg shells everywhere, but I mostly just stick to my room.
How awful. I think I would pitch a tent in the woods before I would live in such a depleting environment.
My narc mother would spend hours on the phone getting filled up by her "friends" that were her supply. I used to think she was so popular LOL
M Daze it’s the same thing, this Narc family member of mine is not able to go a full 24 hours without talking on the phone, they say they don’t gossip but all their conversations are gossip. I have to be very careful about sharing any information because that info will be repeated on the phone, one time I was ill and all the details of my illness were share, I was so embarrassed, thankful it wasn’t anything to serious.
@@ardent9422 Oh my gosh ... I know exactly how you feel :( The shame and embarrassment is deep. The only way to persevere is to ice them out and hope they find a surrogate daughter. Mine did ... poor thing. My mother thought I would become jealous .... LOLOLOL!
I already suffer from depression and during the quarantine I’m staying with family. I hoard myself away and barely want to come out to use the bathroom. Are you sure they are a narcissist? The narcissists I know right now are looking for excuses to not quarantine. From my experience they can’t handle being alone.
Oh, how interesting! Harvesting “energy in motion” =emotion.
This is so bad. My mom was and still is in a physically, emotionally, psychologically abusive relationship with my dad. And instead of changing her situation (bc she’s the adult) it seemed that it was enough for her to watch me suffer for her and witness her suffering. Imagine how distressful this would be for a child. I used to feel so bad (to this day still hurt for her) and suffer with her and think of her as a child just like me. But
As I became an adult I intellectually had to teach myself that she was the adult and she should’ve gotten changed this situation instead of exposing her children to this. And feeding off their suffering bc she didn’t have enough self love to give herself the compassion she needed to set herself free
Would love any thoughts on this is anyone has any
I have a friend who calls me and complains about how badly her son in law and daughter, and how badly they treat her. And I'm the type of person who seems to attract these toxic relationships, but...if you tell me you have a problem I'm going to give you a solution on to how I think you can fix it! When my friend dosn't get the response she's looking for she will end the call very abruptly and call someone else who will sit and patronize her. What I have noticed is that she is controlling the while family dynamic. She's a little mentally unstable but... boy oh boy she's a great manipulating abilities. It's the tale wagging the dog.
Sounds like my former relationship with my Mom, once I realized this, her "gas lighting" statements, did not bother me anymore. It took years to overcome. Your parents can become your worst Narcissists. Always running some guilt trip on you, like you owe them something for being their offspring.
Sooo true! They want your energy and attention, whether GOOD or BAD! Demons they are! I told him I would STARVE him and I am! Your videos are the best I've seen on this topic. What a wonderful tip to ask "WHY" and quite often! They are everywhere! ALWAYS be on guard guys. "Remain sober and vigilant." Thank you the work you do in exposing these monsters.🙏
My father in law is a passive aggressive covert narcissist. He always made a great first impression with people but would tell the same stories of "the laughs" he and his old colleagues had from 20 years ago - they never really kept in touch and he has had several jobs since then, very telling! Narcissists talk to the room instead of to you. I always felt my energy drain as soon as the phone would ring. It's a struggle to remain no contact at times but your videos always help us. Still maintaining no contact 2 years later.
Charis Szuster Love your comment, “narcissists talk to the room instead of you”. Great observation! Thank you for sharing. 💕
I too loved the "narcissists talk to the room instead of you" comment! So true. I always thought a great test to see if someone is a narc is to have a 1:1 discussion about feelings or vulnerabilities. They cannot expose their underbellies. They cannot express a genuine thought. Their only form of communication is to repeat what someone else said or create a lie or spin based on that knowledge. They are evil disruptive automatons existing only to create pain and suffering.
Also slamming doors.....banging pots and pans......running water.....loud obnoxious music playing.. etc.....two year olds in 50-60-70 year old "adults"...
Excellent, as always. And I really like "it's critical thinking and intuition."
Monsters in human form !
I need to watch this twice, because you are literally giving me the answers to everything I've experienced from that spiritual group and male leader for the past 2 years. Thank you. Keep strong everyone, don't give in in any way to them!
I’ve never watched a video about narcissism that aligns with my energetic beliefs. I really understand you! Thank you!
4:53 wow this is my mom exactly. She tells me and my sisters the same story about my grandpa over and over and is still using his death for attention (he passed in 1995). But when my father passed away recently she would talk about how much harder it was for her (losing my grandpa) and that we don’t know what grief is like.
They seem to have a fantastic ability to portray themselves as super spiritual and enlightened in my experience. Has anyone else noticed this ?
Thank you very much! That's so true. Those spiritual gurus and groups can be very dangerous. I've experienced that and suffer PTSD. No one would believe me what they are capable of and how abusive and evil can be.
I used to be very confused when my mother would ‘randomly’ begin talking about people (she is a nasty gossip), now everything makes sense, within the context of narcissism, she ‘feeds’ off the energy that people give off, my mother particularly liked talking about people who were ill, the more serious the illness the better, now I can recognise she was getting off on my reaction & sympathy 🙈 When my aunt developed terminal cancer, it was all my mother talked about. It’s so true for me that we should be very careful what we think about, my mother got diagnosed with cancer soon after her sister died!
Excellent insights!
My mother would actually be jealous of women who had bad things happen to them > who persevered. She wanted them battered and bruised. It was almost as if she thought their struggles were badges of honor that should be scoffed at. ie: "Oh, look at her, she thinks she is special because her daughter died of cancer" Pfft. And the sick part is that she portrayed herself as a "good Christian".
My mom is a Christian and the meanest gossip, it was extremely toxic, I spent way too many years feeling bad for the people she gossiped about. I hate gossip, it makes me sick to my stomach. I had to go no contact with her for many other reasons, never regretted it to this day
KaMaTiMa77 Thank you for your reply, I feel your pain. I too hate gossip, it triggers an emotional response in me that goes very deep and makes me feel sick! I now realise that my own mother was gossiping about me and backstabbing me too, telling others things about me, often very personal things. My personal crisis turned into fuel for her when she gossiped about me, narcissists do not respect. other peoples boundaries at all!
This happened in the spiritual group I was apart of. It still is operating like this. I am so glad I found this video. This is exactly what I am experiencing RIGHT NOW!!!!!
Thank you so much Meredith for being there in this difficult time. I went no contact a year ago and wouldn’t have known how to handle this without your direction.
It is so hard to understand how someone would want negative attention. Great video, thanks 🙏
Thank u so much.. especially for your meditation to let go of the narc, it really helped a lot. Almost one year now since I went no contact. I'm gonna celebrate it. Cheers to all of you 🥂, Take care 💕
Cutting all parasitic cords daily rn
Oh my goodness Meredith! Starting on minute 7:20 when you warn about being careful with the groups you join, what you said there made me remember a really good and safe group I joined a couple of years back while I was in college, and precisely because it was such a safe group, we actually became (or almost) a prey for this narcissistic kid who wanted to manipulate us! When he didn’t get what he wanted; which was to sleep with one of the members of the group, he started harassing her and the rest of the group with threats of committing suicide! He finally realized he couldn’t use his drama and his empty threats to intimdate us anymore when another one of the group members contacted this kid’s therapist. I guess that was enough of a dose of shame he had to face (having to go see his therapist on a Sunday because his therapist received a call regarding his harassment). Thankfully we never had to deal with his bull crap anymore after that! At least not while I was in my last semester before graduating with my bachelors! I hope he didn’t make a comeback after those of us who graduated that year left!
Great information. I came across this in 12 step groups, (though not the only places). I found most people to be very caring, supportive and genuine about pursuing recovery, which was incredibly helpful for me. Then there were the narcissistic ones. They learned the lingo and worked the system to prey upon the vulnerabilities of those needing help. This video is spot on in describing the problems and solutions I have experienced with the narcissism.
I know someone who recently broke from a Buddhist group they were getting into and when they did, the "Guru" didnt like it and went and blogged about it. So much for the teachings on attachment. I think there is a lot to be said for the spiritual aspects of personality disorders. When people say that "in the past people thought that mental illnesses were evil spirits" I say from personal experience, that they still are! Im not talking about thinking someone who has a bad mood must be possessed, Im talking about really disturbing behavior which is often connected to strange and undeniable occult events I have experienced. We must take it seriously as such because to ignore it is folly. Psychic Vampirism is an apt term.
then that wasnt buddhism. in the dhamma no teacher can teach anyone anything and there is no devotion except to the practice. he may have been operating under the guise of buddhist practice, but the teacher was not imparting anything to do with buddhism.
They love negative energy wow.Being an empath its still hard for me to understand how anyone could love negative energy
I was that puppet and she enjoyed being the puppet master sapping me of every ounce of energy possible...I eventually cut them strings and have no intention of being "strung" along again !
Again and again thank you thank you for this reminder going through this right now holding them accountable and getting the silent treatment and your beautiful video is reminding me that I'm just feeding them
I have been warned multiple times that someone I'm in love with is an energy vampire and he himself has admitted he is narcissistic. It's been a long journey and I am trying to distance myself. I am realizing certain patterns and think my energy has been harvested. It's weird that was on my mind and then this comes up in my feed! Thank you
The narc I knew used to have laugh attacks if I get mad and scream, the angrier I get the harder he laughs. It never sat well with me.
I actually know someone who is very antagonistic towards her targets. When she succeeds in getting negative reactions, she doesn't let up! She continues and even laughs in between.
You were dealing with demons
Like the Joker
@@InnerIntegration her targets also includes children! She targets their Vulnerabilities then push on those until there's a huge negative, emotional outburst. I think a normal reaction would be like; "Oops, I've crossed the line and I apologise or just stop". But she continues with lots of half laughs in between while continuing the antagonism and word-salad built in to justifications and minimization. Purely crazy making! She does this to close friends and family but in public completely different! She has this extremely friendly/charismatic act towards complete strangers. Even her tone of voice, accent and behaviour is just out of this world! That's the mask she uses for getting positive attention leaning more towards virtue signaling. She does this also at her local church. Then there's a flip side to this... she's very nasty towards service providers! People like; the guy selling ice cream from an ice cream truck, the shop assistant in the hair shop, the latino guy who works at a chicken and chip shop. She antagonizes these people in the ways she speaks down to them, changing her mind last minute, confusing them about what she ordered, keeping them waiting etc. Then there is her somatic side! The subway, the beach, anywhere there's a crowd, its her stage...taking pics, posing, mannerism, Speech pattern etc it goes on and on! She adapts her acts accordongly to the type of audience she's represented with and at other times she cultivates it. Truly sick! but being able to observe her is in itself first hand, education. (Ross Rosenberg, is correct about observe don't absorb).
What drained me and depleted me of my energy when I was with my ex-girlfriend was the effort it took me to anticipate what sets her off and prevent it. A simple vacation day with her was a balance act on a rope, constantly having to make an effort not to say or do something wrong that would lead to being lashed out at, harshly criticized, or met with other forms of contempt such as sulking, staring, or things such as sighing and eye rolling. I recognized that even if I get two, three precarious situations right this time, there will always be something else. Reflecting back and connecting the dots, the triggers were having a different opinion, a different decision on what I would like to do and how, expressing any need that is not the same as hers (e.g. I am thirsty and want to buy some water, but she is not, or I ask her for a towel at her place to shower), but also things that I could not anticipate, such as saying something allegedly “obviously uninteresting”, talking too loud, using the wrong vocabulary or pronouncing a word differently. Also, she would repeatedly disrupt the peace in the situation by starting to excessively complain about normal daily obstacles, such as something being sold out in a supermarket, a bus being late, some traffic alteration, etc. She would also claim to be under time pressure despite that not being true and then randomly speeding up without telling me why. I would refuse to just run after her like a dog and she would turn around and look at me as though I was a piece of garbage. She would dominate conversations by rather talking at and interrogating me instead of exchanging words in a balanced way, while ignoring my obvious cues that the debate is misplaced here. At times her monologues would actually get us in time trouble so I began to pack our bags a bit, as I was eager to avoid her anger for not being in time, only to then being accused of being a bad listener. She would also go on long rants about how upsetting and unfair her family and society are and the like. I would then try to console her and try to find a solution, but she then lashed out at me for telling her something she obviously already considered or for not solving her issue or whatever it was that she disliked about my attempt to help. After a day of being exposed to all these little things, I began to withdraw, unable to understand how to conduct myself so to avoid her anger. She then accused me of being a killjoy for being so depressive.
Another thing that drained my energy levels were that she required constant attention and care in order to not fall into these patterns of complaining, disrupting peace, and being angry. In simple terms, she was very lazy, not participating in the planning and organizing of our day. While I did all sorts of chores, she would sleep or sit on the sofa and talk at me, requesting my attention and affirmation, oblivious to the situation being one in which we both were ought to get ready for going out as we had previously arranged. She would forget to shower or bring food with her when on a longer journey and insisted to take a turn so to get those needs met, taking hours and spoiling the day. It sounds really weird to write it that way, it is difficult to imagine maybe. We would for example go to the beach together and she would question me for ten minutes in high distress which size of pizza she should buy at the snack bar, or she would lash out at me for not having prepared dinner for her when visiting a friend’s place, although we had not talked about having dinner there as well. But also whenever I did plan something for her or arranged her getting her needs met and anticipated everything correctly, it often was not up to her standards and she still yelled at me, then acting as though she had not done anything wrong afterwards and again slamming me for being “in a shitty mood”. Basically, it felt like I was out with an unruly child, one of endless needs, chronic distress, endless problems with the world as it works, no gratitude, no regard for my needs, no engagement in teamwork, and no empathy, foresightedness, or modesty. One week with her was as draining as a very hard job with insufficient payment and abusive colleagues. At least that is how I would imagine that to be. I was literally finished, suffering from neural fatigue and emotional distress after spending time with her, feeling like I need a cold drink or two and a lot of sleep and interactions with normal people to recollect myself again. On top of it all, I was then asked by her what my issues were, that I was such a grumpy person to be around, that something was wrong with me, etc. And during that time, I kind of believed it, or at least I was not able to connect the dots and explain to her what it was about interacting with her that wore me down. Her confidence in there being no wrongdoing on her part was overwhelming and after all, there was no doubt that I felt distress. As she repeatedly stated how much she loved me, this must have all been my fault then, was what I used to think during the time all of this took place. The self-doubt and the war with my own intuition was further depleting my energy supply.
It's a weird competition where none should exist. The narcs MUST be the best. If they can't do what you do out genuine love, they will crush you to lower the bar to their inferior std. INSIDIOUS. I couldn't figure out what was happening. I am healing now.
‘They will crush you to lower the bar’ my exact experience. They don’t want you to become anything
Wow I didn’t realise about the global meditation thing! Thank you
I think that narcissists do not know how to direct their energy, therefore their actions are very time wasting, unfocused, ADD, They are like a wobbly, inbalanced tire that is causing the car to veer all over the place and they expect you to veer all over the road with them and say it's normal.
I love Meredith! Always brilliant....
There is a demonic force behind a narcissist, similar to the jezebel spirit. Pray for your enemies for a season, and then turn away and never look back. Anyone who is reading this please know the creator of the universe is more than willing to help you. The infinite energy is love. God is pure love, and perfect love casteth out all fear. God is real and knows these people are being used by demons to torment us and keep us from having Gods peace. My prayer for you all today is to gain discernment, and strength to fight these evil powers. You’re a beautiful and intelligent woman and I’m great full you’ve taken the time to help many, Thank you for making these videos. Amen 🤗
Thank you for all your wisdom and insight
Thanks, listening is is slightly painful, but extremely helpful.
Thank you SO much, i just discovered this cr-p with a few i know in my community during this lockdown. And thank you for reminding of what i had forgotten on how to ID and deal with butts like this. I have definitely noticed the Flying monkey thing this week from a group that hangs out outside in the sun. They are ignoring me, like an unwelcome guest in that part of the yard after socializing with them last weekend and not agreeing with their beliefs about myself. But also noticing how much better i feel NOT being anywhere these ppl, esp the Narc i believe is causing the issues. The cool thing is on the other side of building, their a smaller group of ppl that are fully aware the dynamic of that group too. So it was insightful to see others 'see the vamps for what they really are'.
Excellent video!! Thank you! This information is so helpful and healing
Great advice/info. 12 step programs are rampant with these types.
That’s what I hear!
That's true, unfortunately
I had a good experience in Al Anon. But I could see that being more frequent with active addiction meetings.
So true . I am a member of NA and due to my lack of boundaries and vulnerability I was preyed upon . Now I have trust and " judging others excessively" issues that I am working through with a sponsor who isn't a covert narc , that I trust . I am pretty good at spotting the pretenders ..... but with all the " service committees " they hide behind they can be hard to spot as some are oscar level actors. I remain true to doing the steps to continue my healing from familial narc abuse/pill addiction. I am free at last ! Peace to all in this community
@@tigress725 it's very unfortunate. I'm 9 months into my recovery and a covert narc women older than me really took me for a ride and she is very involved in the fellowship. Definitely preyed upon and was a damaging experience.
I really wish more people could see this and understand it.
This was a very good video - with informative warnings - about energy wampirism.
One of my friends always would want to rehash bad stuff. i could never understand why? They say that was weird your break-up, your roomate trouble, the job I didn't get, the friend I had a fallout over , the relative that died. I thought geez they are really emotional but why am I upset at everything they are talking about,everytime I see them. NPD.
I usually don't like psychologists. This one I love. Keep up your excellent work.
Had a covert narcissist ex for my first relationship. She left me broken, confused and emotionally scarred. I came back broken from a 9 month deployment and couldn't get myself to see her right away. Her response was to cheat on me for 5 days straight because I didn't prioritize her. She broke my heart, hooked up with my roommate/ex friend, and kicked me out of the house we had moved into together. I was lucky enough to find someone else who showed me what a real relationship looks like. I hope that people will start to recognize the signs before they get too invested into relationships like I did.
Thank you for all the information. This has really helped me deal with the covert narcissist in my life.
I'm glad you have videos in Spanish too, you can reach so many people that way, excellent work
Also thank you for this reminder about spiritual groups as I just joined an online spiritual retreat yesterday with over 500 people. I’m going to make sure to watch out, and limit my interactions with the group. Already felt this intuitively but it’s so good to have the reminder and makes me sad because how can I ever go and meet people with like minds if I’m always worried about it being infested with predators?? Thanks
This is my sister to a tee. The latest drama is that she has systematically made it almost impossible for me to participate in my Dad's care (just through sheer energy draining drama, and making my father "feel" as if he "needs" her and that my help is basically useless (her little way of devaluing)....while I have run myself ragged over the last 6 months doing "real work" while she has been "working" on sewing unfounded fears into our dads psyche, and of course "handling his finances for a fee" (when none of the rest of us are being compensated for our contributions to his care). AND she whines constantly about all of the hours she's putting in....insists that she just can't do it without compensation (which, I understand could be legitimate...but she is incapable of seeing that everyone else has put in just as much work WITHOUT insisting on being paid because we all just saw it as "a part of caring for aging parents"...even though we have far fewer "non-work" hours (she's only working a couple of days a week now, from what I've been able to gather...although she's refused to actually "tell" me what her current work schedule is....that would spoil her story about how hard she has it. So basically this is what it comes down to. She has systematically pushed me out of the picture...."taken charge" of my father and his business and legal affairs and his Trust....Whines one day about how many hours she's spending....but when offered help, she acts as if she is the only one who is capable....unless there is some menial task that she doesn't want to do (such as unpacking boxes for him)...and then has the attorney write my fathers new trust in such a way that she will now be allowed to "compensate herself" for her work in the amount that a trust company would (this is a lot of money) AND all the while she continues bashing ME for being "selfish" and or "lazy" when I question this set-up and make it clear to her that I am not her "help". What I want is to just be my fathers daughter without interference from her. And the thing is, she is so good at this crap, no-one can see it...Including my father who is very intelligent in some ways, but completely clueless to her manipulation. I am seriously at the point of throwing my hands up and telling myself "it's not worth my sanity"...and while I did feel a certain responsibility to try and protect my fathers "stated wishes" regarding his estate, she has somehow twisted his perception enough that if I mention anything about his estate, his mind automatically goes to "all of my kids are fighting over my money and I'm sick of it"........and that bleeping HURT. If I had a responsibility, I think my attempt was enough to satisfy it. I can't take abuse from both her and him...I'd rather let whatever happens happen. I've done what I can for him...... "something", (I can only assume, my sister) has taken over his mind to the point where there's nothing more I can do here, short of contacting elder financial abuse authorities to have them look into it (wouldn't even know where to begin...or if there's any way they COULD look into it.. She would probably find a way to turn the tables and make it look to THEM as if my concern is merely "feigned"...and that I"M the problem. Story of my life. As sad and twisted as it appears to be, I think I'm going to have to let it go.
MaCoeur I am so sorry for what you’re going through. It’s all about money in families like this and sadly I can promise you that you likely will be disinherited. The gc doesn’t have it within them to support themselves or do anything in life and likely your father has supported them in many ways and since the golden goose is about to die and take his eggs with him they are fighting over what they can get their hands on and will need to kick you out because that just leaves more for them. They’ve set it up so that if you try to warn him or prove you aren’t a gold digger he will think you just care about his money. They’ve already told him behind your back that all you ever do is talk about his money and even though you know that isn’t true they have a way of making people believe them by the very steps you take and the words you say in order to prove them wrong. They leave the dead body in the street with a knife on the ground and then they call and leave a message that there’s been an accident and they leave the exact address so that when the target shows up and finds their loved one on the ground, they react and throw their arms around them only to inadvertently touch the knife and then pick it up out of confusion and grief and boom they now have become the number one suspect with the “appearance of proof.” It’s the same thing they do in these types of families when there is money involved most especially if it is a large inheritance....your narc sister is likely leaps and bounds ahead of you because she is evil and has no moral compass and would slice your throat in a nanosecond if it would benefit her which is exactly what she’s doing. I’m really sorry. For your own health I hope you can get away. The stress of your adrenaline surging 24/6 has got to just be enormous.