People may look at jealousy in a bad way, but it's actually a struggle. An evil struggle. It hurts when you see someone getting what you want. For example, good grades, looks, relationship, wealth etc. In my case, it really hurts BIG time. To everyone suffering from jealousy, i'm sorry you had to go through this, and i hope we can together overcome jealousy.
@@ladybookworms THIS! Is the exact struggle I have with jealousy. In my case, it sounds childish if you hear it because I am a virgin in my late 20’. My jealousy is mostly the fact that my current gf has done some sexual deeds with her ex. She didn’t go all the way, so she is a virgin sort of but has sexual experience with her ex. As a virgin who always wanted to do these since I was a teenager, couldn’t do it to some random girl in my early teens and 20’. I really wanted to do it with someone I actually care about but never found one until my late 20’. The problem I have with her now is that she has done it but I haven’t and this made me feel like it won’t be special when we do it after marriage. Because of her ex, she doesn’t even want to kiss me but she has kissed her ex many times in their relationship. The least I’d expect in a relationship, I’d get a kiss from her but she said to wait for marriage. I’m fine with sex after marriage but the kissing part is what’s bothering me. Her ex gets to do it many times with her but I can’t even do it and I don’t want to force her to kiss me either. I feel like she isn’t being fair at all to me but at the same time I can understand that she thinks doing all those before marriage wouldn’t work. I’m honestly feel jealous with her ex that gets to do A LOT OF THINGS with her. I kept comparing myself with her ex in this situation but she told me many times that I’m a much better bf than him in a lot of ways. But I still can’t shake the jealousy of him especially being able to kiss her. I really wanted my first kiss with her but I can’t until we’re married which will be years from now.
@@KryptonKr communicate with her dude. Tell her how you feel. If she is an understanding good gf, she will help you wit it by either making u understand that it dowsnt matter what happened with her ex or u get your first kiss
I agree. It’s slowly killing me lately. This has come out 6 years ago . Anyways, this sucks because everything that Mathew said, is practically right .
seriously bro, it’s almost every other person and it hurts me so bad but what the fuck am i supposed to do? tell her to stop talking to everyone? it sounds so weird but it really sucks.
"Someone will always beat you in one category. So, go enjoy your relationship, focus on the package you can bring to the table for the relationship." I am writing this in here so I do not forget. :)
unfortunately Im jealous of a person who beats me in every category. So its hard for me to apply this. He's rich, He's good looking, He's funnier, He's kind, He has his life together, Everyone likes him, He has a beautiful wife and two wonderful kids. I have none of that. Hard for me to even talk to him without feeling jealous. I cant help it
@@jacksquadreturns7827focus on things you can change. Focus on one part of your life. Let’s say, being kinder. Can I be kinder than other person? Yes of course you can. Just be more kind. Then ask yourself how can I be richer than the other person, through business? Obviously you can. How can I be funnier than the other person? Another thing, be you. And love yourself. You can beat him in every aspect there is.
@@saugatjarif8272 Thanks for your kind words. Ive changed alot since I left that comment and now ive accepted me for who i am. I no longer compare myself to others and focus on slowly acheiving my goals. I also feel alot more confident now because im finally putting my 100% into improving my situation and i cant help but appreciate my own effort. Im glad im me. :) Whenever I see someone like that now I remind myself that im working on my life at the moment and eventually Ill be there as well, which mighy not happen but i do believe it will so it instantly gets rid of my jealousy.
@@jacksquadreturns7827 I think we should keep in mind that some things may awesome from the façade. The inner reality could be that person is really struggling with mental issues, may be in bad terms with his wife and kids etc. etc. We can never know fully about the other person but we can try our best to be a better version of ourselves IMO. Good luck with the journey!
I wanted to start crying because I've been dealing with this inner turmoil. In about 3 minutes, Matthew, you are made me a huge sigh of relief leave me chest. Thank you.
I did start crying halfway through watching this video, I've been dealing with jealousy and inner torment for a while now and this really helped me out thank you so much Matthew.
I get jealous, but majority of the time I can shake it off very quickly. When I can't, I find it makes it much better if I just admit I'm a bit jealous in a casual, laugh it off kind of way. My boyfriend thinks it's flattering and he just holds me and tells me why he continues to date me. It's not a crime to get jealous and I think the moment you get bitter or hold it in when it's really bad, it becomes that much easier to blow things out of proportion.
How I beat my jealousy is by loving myself as a I am, accepting myself as I am and feeling enough as I am. I feel jealousy, acknowledge the emotion and then focus on letting it go.
Jealousy was killing me for the past minutes and I quickly ran to TH-cam to calm my self down and luckyly I went by this video, I just wanna say THANK You so Much for enlightening us with this video I really needed this rn I feel so enlightened and feel so much better abt my self and capabilities.
“And you know what? If someone still leaves me at that point, when I’m being all of those things, that really means that I can let them walk away with a good heart, knowing that this person wasn’t the person for me and that someone else was genuinely better for them,” PRICELESS...had to rewind that part a few times...touched my soul
@@aprilapril2 are you really angry? And if so, for whom does your anger kindle? Explore that thought and if it is anger….Angry about what exactly? There is a saying that I take to heart…a scripture actually….”cast not thy pearls among swine, lest they turn and rend you” If I have been “casting a precious thing” to someone continually and they reject it for whatever reason (it wasn’t for you) I o have decided to be grateful that this futile cycle is ending. This “rejection” can stop me for wasting what is precious where it is unappreciated or reciprocated. Rejection, shame, hurt, maybe….but don’t allow yourself to resonate there too long either…..anger is good if you don’t “do something harmful with it. It is good when it is used to spur us to the next level. Hang in there. Pray…trust what is righteous….Work through YOUR process…
@@aprilapril2 I can feel that “shake” through the internet. Shook is a way to express that movement abruptly at best. I am moved to tears for how that must smart….however, NOT SORRY for your loss. AFTER YOU CRY A LITTLE REJOICE FOR YOU HAVE BEEN EMANCIPATED FROM A MEDIOCRE PASSIONLESS AND DEATH OF A LIFE🤸🏾♀️💜
I broke up with my boyfriend because of jealousy and insecurity. He works around a lot of women that hit on him and are good looking too. I just didn’t want to feel insecure all the time and feeling like I could always lose him. I wish I would’ve seen this video a while ago, I remember when I said that to him he told me “you don’t realize you have so many good qualities other women don’t” and then he proceeded to tell me very unique things about myself. Obviously it didn’t stick with me as I kept being insecure. Sad ending but I didn’t want us both to be affected by my insecurities, I have to work on it.
Heeeyyy i have kinda same insecuritys with my girlfriend because of her male best frnd iam always insecure because he gets kinda to close to my girlfriend at some points while we r walkin etc etc I over thing alot alott about his best frnd being closer with my gf i just get angry and jealous and sad at the same point
@@soltagaming4325 I feel you, it’s the same with me and my boyfriend atm, he’s getting really close to a college friend of his who’s female and he seems so interested in her, it really makes me wonder if I’m even what he wants. I don’t wanna come across as the jealous girlfriend and she’s also in a relationship but he wants to talk to her all the time and it just feels shitty, especially because they share some common interests that I don’t share with him and my own insecurity tells me that he’d be better off with her. :(
@@rethgual8227 Same thing happened with me, believe me , the mental overhead and constantly feeling shitty and insecure is not the way to live, and ultimately she would go for the person she is most comfortable with, naturally comes more in contact with, Choose you, choose the person who cares about your feelings or change your insecure attitude(but it comes with risk), that's the only two options
@SOLTA gaming yea I have a similar situation because my gf started college and we hardly see each other and it sucks but she's been talking to this guy for the past 3 days and I'm scared I'm going to get left
Thing is. I know couples who are so rock solid and the women aren’t ever really that good looking. But the guy is still soooo devoted to her. I think part of why is bcs she’s so secure in herself and her relationship that she’s not ever worried he will stray. And even if he does stray , it won’t be for that long or that far ❤
Every time before I see my man, I brush up on these videos. I'm going to a concert with my man today, and my goals are to focus on our relationship, having fun, and tapping into the best me, and not on all the very nice looking women that'll be there.
@@debbiepietrantoni6720 I know how hard and frustrating it is to be constantly jealous and its even worse when its destroying a relationship... dont Let me start on anxiety
Debbie Pietrantoni I completely understand!! My boyfriend almost dumped me recently because I got so insecure and jealous of a girl he always talked to at work. It is very difficult when anxiety starts to take over, to knock yourself out of those thoughts.
This made me realise how unique and special I truly am. Why would I compare that to someone else? Nobody can walk my journey, and that is truly empowering. Thanks Matthew, you’ve really simplified this concept and truly gave a lot of clarity.
Thank you SO MUCH. I have so may insecurities and often ask myself why my boyfriend stays with me when he can get someone "prettier", or taller or sexier. And one day I told him this and he said "Stop trying to be like these other girls. Focus on what you have going on for you. You're amazing. You're everything I ever wanted." And this just left me more confused. But now I finally understand. :)
That's nice. At least you have a supportive boyfriend... mine, well ex now, he used to talk about other cute girls, and tell me I'm alright.. that definitely didn't help with my insecurity.
Jealously comes when you feel like your efforts aren’t appreciated and you compare yourself to someone else’s who got their wants met. How I deal with this is acknowledging your feelings and just try to be more “positive”. Be the best YOU you can be. If that person rejected you for the hotter person or you didn’t get that job to a coworker. Do you care that the other person is hotter or do you care that they’re with the person you like so now you place you being less attractive as a reason to why they were chosen over you. We tend to turn vindictive and negative when we feel inferior to others. Currently struggling with this now but I get through it by knowing that something better is in store for me later. Sometimes a person might be better on the surface because of confidence, because they conduct themselves better and are more confident more people end up likening them. Find things that help you get your self confidence up so you don’t feel inferior. Maybe develop a style or get really good a a hobby/skill. Sometimes it’s better to go little by little than expecting everything to change overnight. Everyone’s personal growth is different.
I love this so much, I’m in the middle of things in my current relationship and I feel my jealousy ruined things but after listening to you I think I feel so much better
Stumbled across this. We as people are an insecure bunch. Re: there is always someone better than you. So there's always someone better than them too, right?
I used to be a very jealous person!! But as I got older and am growing I realized that being jealous of someone is just blocking your own blessings. Spending all this time being jealous of someone is making them win regardless because you’re using your energy to be jealous when you could use that same energy to put into yourself! You just never know what someone is going through jealous is draining . We all have our own blessings that’s for us and not the next person!
You're still competing with someone, though... Now you're entering that competition as a package instead of a one trick pony and as you said that makes it harder for someone to beat you. But as long as you focus on beating people, you'll always suffer because you'll always be beatable. Stop comparing yourself with others and just try to be the best you can be.
@@supernova6238 your correct. Its in human nature. Which is were role models and idols come from. Even in science if their were no comparisons us as people would not want to be better we wouldn't see things wrong with living in a trailer ( not bashing anyone for their living arrangements l, at least you have a home to go to) vs living in a mansion. If live and to change a mindset were that simple.
Recently, I encountered a scripture in the Bible somewhere in Luke, about how there’s no room for jealousy in the kingdom of God so now I’m on this journey of identifying, Processing, deciphering, analyzing and crucifying this jealousy for greater peace of mind and connection to our Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father. Holy Spirit and peace be with us all. ❤ we got this.
This was exactly what I needed to hear and thank you, Matthew! Whenever I like a guy I feel jealous when he gives attention to another woman and start comparing myself to her. 😣 I won't say anything to him but just keep it all inside. This is a great advice one I'll try to practice it in the future .
Yes, the COMPETITION aspect is still major...and this is certainly an essence of jealousy!!! I think people should STOP comparing yourself to someone else, WE ARE ALL UNIQUE INDIVIDUAL, why should I envy, or being jealous of someone. I can have a desire for a dress, and hability, shoes etc., but not to the point of being jealous of it. WE ARE here on this planet to be the BEST YOU, that you can be...WORK on yourself to BECOME THAT BEST YOU....you will never be jealous of anybody...except YOURSELF, because YOU ARE TO THEM GREAT now ! :) Enjoy the ride people!!
Yes, jealously is still there because that's human nature, he can't actually delete a human emotion. And even if he could, he debatably shouldn't do it. What's important is manage to your emotions so people can continue to prosper. And if failure to reach expectations is still inevitable, at least it won't be because of jealousy.
I think you went in wrong direction. There is no need to excel in diverse area to feel secure. Acceptance is only sufficient. There is always going to be someone better than you. But let them be. Be happy for them. Admire them. And ignore rest of the things. Focus on yourself and be kind.
I think what he says is a part of focusing on yourself. Trying to get better in areas you feel like you can get better in will make you feel much more better about yourself and accept yourself when that person leaves you because then, you know that its not your fault. You know how to let go of them but not yourself.
2021 and this man is saving me from myself and my jealous of my ex rush dating another dude and she slapping in my face how happy she is now. thanks, Matthew.
That might be one of the most open-minded pieces of advice, I have heard in a long time. It genuinely has given me the doubt of perspective and taught me how insignificant my worries can be. I am really thankful that you made this video, and continue inspiring and helping others!
Confidence is about taking every chance you get, regardless of the chance of loss. You will never grow as a person if you don't take L's. So keep trying talk to anyone you see fit life is a learning experience and you will only get better from here!
Inferior is all I’ve ever felt. It’s not just my own feelings I’m tired of feeling, it’s everyone else’s too. Isolation seems like the best option for me. And when I say Best, I mean the one that brings ME the most happiness.
I feel so jealous about my boyfriend s past stories. I know it’s not right. It’s one of my weakness. I need to overcome it and focus on our present. Don’t look back. Jealousy kills a lot.
My insecurity has all but killed my relationship. I just couldn’t help myself but this video, it brought me to tears. Thank you so much for having made this video. It reminded me that in my jealous obsession about my body, I’ve let the ball drop on all those other aspects of myself that make me a good partner. I hope I have time to turn things around and save this relationship.
Currently struggling with this is my relationship. Hearing this reminded me of what my mother use to always tell there’s always someone better But only one you. This was great to hear truly connected with his words.
Remember watching this video august/september 2014, when my crush started dating someone else. I was devastated, Now I am happily married to another girl and have a son, but this video still so relevant in our lives.
Wow. I cant explain how much that video meant to me. I used to love myself when i was a teenager and somewhere between then and adulthood, i fell off. 😔 Im not quite sure how or why i became so critical and filled with self-hate. I didn't like the person I had become. Jealousy was never really a big issue until a few years ago. What you said made me really think about the way I've been acting & portraying myself. I've been depressed, hateful, and nobody fun to be around. I always felt like everyone else was the issue, while I was the one who is negative and bringing everybody down. I lost all my friends and I've been pushing my boyfriend away. I feel like my eyes have been opened to the root of the problem. Now I can make the steps to change it. I can't believe that I finally feel content in myself and have more confidence. I absolutely LOVEEEE yur words and they really hit home. Thank you so much for making this video. I don't know if you will read this but I really appreciate your advice. ☺️
This is exactly what I have been looking for! It's amazing how something can be so hard to deal with by yourself, to be explain and put to rest so easily. Big props to you my friend! May you have all the love and good fortune that life may bring to you. Thank you so much!
I've been jealous my whole life , of everything and everyone. I never wanted to feel that way . Only for this reason I've lost a lot of friends. Thank you, this video really helped.
A friend of mine claims that there will ALWAYS be someone BETTER than me/you....After this video, I REFUSE to believe it. Why? We are a collection of zillions of characteristics, it is statistically impossible one person to be better than you in ALL of these characteristics. No one is better than me/you. Just DIFFERENT. Hard to absorb at first, because comparison runs in our veins, but once we figure it out, we can start improving ourselves for us alone, NOT for competing with others.
Thank you so much for this! My last marriage ended in adultery after 22 years. That was 3 years ago. I have now met someone and we have been dating for a few months now. She is younger and has many friends and she spends lots of time with them. I know my feeling jealous is more about what happened in the past than what is happening now. Hearing this helped me so much. I am putting my all into this relationship and I am so happy it is going well. Insecurity sucks and reminding myself what all I bring to the table is going to kill the insecurity. Thanks again.
This video was a big help to all the couple who feel they are jealous to their partner or any situation that worsen the relationship of the two. Keep it up.
I needed this so much so thank you! I will be listening to this every morning for the next while until I genuinely understand and want this for myself.
jealousy, it's the hardest feeling for me in a so called relationship. I'm afraid that she might be happier when she's with that guy than me, im afraid to lose her. everytime i get jealous, our conversation is being affected, im really trying hard to not get jealous and all when she's with other guys but I can't. This fear of losing her keeps on getting me all the time. . . 😔😓
Wow I cannot believe I said this. What a stupid thing to say. If she ain’t for for you, she will leave you. If she is for you, she will stay with you. No need to stress yourself. If she leaves you, then it’s her loss.
Dude I totally understand. I am always so worried my man is going to leave me for someone better. My jealousy is literally pushing him away. It sucks so bad.
You get jealous, no matter how good you are to your guy, no matter how funny. Awesome. Money you give. Sex etc. If they see someone else who is "attractive." They are going to look, especially!.. If "that attractive girl" is better looking than you are. He is not thinking about how -sweet, funny, compassionate or generous towards him, she is. Because he hasnt even interacted w her. Other than eye contact & how it shows on his face how pretty he thinks she is. Now, of course hes going home with you, but- for however long it took him to lust over her the whole time he was with you, he was NOT thinking of "you'. He was FANTASIZING about another girl. Not her person. Her looks! & this!!! is why some of us are justified in our jealousy. Total disregard that you are there for the time that it took him to lust over a girl within eyesight. Sure he loooooves you & thinks you are good looking...but, at that moment someone else caught his eye even if he denys it. & that is why jealousy is so hard to overcome on both sides of the relationship. Im sorry but I feel betrayed if my guy stares at girls in the same way as when I'm betraying my guy, while Im watching Ryan gosling throwing alley on the bed h wishing it was me! Haaa
I totally agree with you,I think that sometimes whe can think things in a different way but if we see our partner staring at someone else for longer than just a few seconds,then why shouldn't we be jealous?Jealousy is not always about someone's insecurity,but a lot more about how your partner made you feel.There is no such thing as ''Oh I wasn't looking at anyone'' cause nowadays people can lie to you about anything whenever they want.So be careful everyone,look out for signs and never let anyone treat you like shit just because you're jealous and you care about them.
@@RosiDiaries01 jealousy is ALWAYS a matter of insecurity. you saw your boyfriend talking to a cute girl and for that brief moment yo felt insecure, because she was pretty, and subconsciously you feared that she might "steal" your boyfriend, you feel insecure about your relationshp because you feared it could fall apart. all of that is, as you said, how your partner made you feel in that moment. jealousy is always insecurity about yourself (as mathew said, because of comparison), insecurity about the loyalty of your partner (you dont really believe or trust after all that no matter how much he speaks with that girl he will stay with you and be loyal), and it kind of reveals some sort of possessiveness, which is ver dangeorus, your boyfriend is not really yours, he's not your property, he is a free person and can talk with whoever he wants.
@@chusty93 Very well said! Since i have grown up in number and matured in my thinking process, I arrived at the conclusion that there are loads of beautiful people in the world. I am not gay, but I admire beautiful women... I don't want to BE them, because I like and love me, but I have room for what they bring to the table. When I married my ex-husband, he had the freedom to admire beauty in other women, but he also had the good sense and decency to not stare or ogle! For him, because he looked at the "total" package, they were hamburger, and he was going home to steak!
I needed to hear this right now. Seeing someone who I have complete trust with But my issue is my past with past failed relationships where the trust wasn’t always there And with this girl I’ve never felt so confident in someone that it started making me scared. Because this was the first time I’ve had the thought “it’s too good to be true” in the sense that she’s that loyal to the idea of US as a couple. Hearing these words definitely made me realize it’s all in my head and Hello! She chose me, she loves the way I make her feel, how I make her laugh and how I distract her even for a while when she’s having a bad day. I’m the one who makes her day better, and she does the same with me. I hope this video also helps someone in that moment of thinking she isn’t loyal to you. It’s really your mind playing tricks on you sometimes.
I think people need to stop making jealousy such a negative thing. I have been jealous all my life, from when my dad played with other kids to my brother saying he wished he had a different little sister. I think jealousy is a normal emotion for humans and shouldn't be made taboo or something we have to get rid of. We have to understand and control it but it isn't something bad. It's normal and I hate it that society has created this narrative that anyone who gets jealous must be a bad person or incomplete person. Just my thoughts on the matter. I talk very openly to my boyfriend about my jealousy and he is perfectly happy with me. Maybe it's because I am being honest or maybe it's because I'm not the type to key your car or something crazy. I think jealousy, comparing yourself to others, etc. are all reasonable and normal human experiences and we shouldn't demonize them anymore.
Yes jealousy is normal reaction but it gives you pain. It makes you feel of less value and that is negative it drags you down. He is just telling you how to deal with it when it does it. To lift yourself up out of that degraded feeling.
LadyofCleves65 as much as it degraded and makes us less valued, which I can agree at times more like majority of the time. It sucks that it’s a normal thing. Sometimes when I hear people say they don’t get jealous, I don’t believe them . That’s what makes me believe it’s Natural and I know I’m not the only one.
De-fi-ni-te-ly! My dad's a psycholigist (+ psychotherapist) and when i started realising my jealousy i asked him what's wrong with me and how to deal with it. He said that every person is jealous at some point. The most dangerous person is the one, not acknowledging it 'cozin that's thecase when ppl start doing shit to others. Jealousy is normal and the best thing u can do about it is acknowledge it.
Dude I get jealous about couples being close or happy. I get jealous if a crush has a boyfriend or girlfriend already. I get jealous if they seem to like talking to someone more than me. I know I have underlining issues and I'm working on them. I hate being jealous over someone I'm not even dating.... For me it's a bit different than normal jealousy cause my mom wasn't motherly, warm, or affectionate. So when I like someone I obsess and get jealous. I am bad at expressing myself already and then that added in... well let's just say none of my crushes ever thought I even liked them. I was moody and stiff. Trying not to let my true thoughts or actions out. But if I had just admitted that I liked them or that I was jealous everything would've been so much better. To an extent I don't like feeling jealous but when I do I try to understand why I'm feeling that way. When I saw a happy couple holding hands... part of me believes it will be a very long time before I have that. Another time when a teenager had hickies proudly on display. I'm gay so I thought wow I could never do that cause then I'd get weird looks. I was jealous he got to be proud he had a girlfriend and if I was then both family and strangers would judge me for it... I also thought how nice he has a girlfriend...Don't know when I'll get one but man he looks happy. Basically, because I lacked human intimacy growing up that I get jealous of it now. I want it for myself but I have so much work to do. Part of me thinks I'm not cut out to be around others and another (healthier part) says that's not true and if I don't try now it'll never change or improve.
I never had thought I would feel this jealous ever. I was always the type to look down on jealous couples and say in my head if you really love each other why not trust each other. Why is there jealousy at all? I just gotten into and now out of my first kind of relationship... and the feeling was terrible... It wasn't anger but the feeling was this odd sick feeling in my gut. The feeling of fear, abandonment, and just a whole lot of knots in my stomach. These feelings kept me from sleeping, and even just being able to do other things in my normal life. I am not too sure what true depression feels like but I would say this has to be it... I am grateful to her... and I am glad I am out of this relationship because I think It was super unhealthy for me. I still miss her but I am learning and despite this awesome video and advice I don't think jealousy and other emotions that get the better of us will immediately disappear. But we are all learning about ourselves. Just know to who ever reads the entirety of this... things will get better and it isn't the end of the world! Maybe I haven't found the one right now but I will someday at least I would like to hope so.
Jealousy is just normal in a relationship but you have to control yourself because it's a sign of insecurity. Learn to be confident with yourself and it will only make your partner fall in love with you even more.
I like to think I’m growing and while doing some self reflection I’ve realized I have so much jealousy. And it made me so upset because I know that’s not who I want to be. In middle school I constantly found myself comparing and changing myself for other people- by doing so I lost myself. I’m glad I know that this jealousy isn’t what I want and I’m proud that I’m changing it to work towards a better me. Today I set a boundary because I felt uneasy and it turned out beautifully!! I’m so proud of myself. Edit: I love this advice because it reminds me to always try being the best version of myself and has taught me things I never even realized but I don’t want to continuously compete with people. So that’s what I’m working on.
This is great....normally I'm not a jealous person but sometimes I do feel it and I hate the feeling..also I get angry at myself because I don't want to feel like that but if I meditate more it helps a lot too, cause you let your ego aside a bit and jealousy is totally a matter of ego...
I have been comparing myself to others for SO LONG. Because my parents has been unintentionally comparing me to other kids since I was little. This issue is getting worse and worse. It’s making me less confident, making me super anxious and affecting my overall well-being. I really hope one day I can be strong and confident enough to stop this. ✊
I was never a jealous person in my past relationships. I really love the guy i am with. yes he has hurt me before and broke a piece of my heart which things are better now and my heart has healed not going to lie it's just a little bruised or maybe im brusing it because of jealousy. i am extremely jealous that i had to get off of fb, twitter and insta. watching this video is making me think differently and be like fuck it, you know it's true what matthew said. And i have alot of good to bring on the table. jealousy made me lose a part of who i am and i am looking foward to be me and bring back who i was who i truly am but better :)
Im in the same boat...add something to that "god will make u pay for the damage u cause till then Im give u my all for one day u realize what you cant get outside of this home "
I’m on the same boat. It’s not only jealousy but the guy I’ve been dating up and down on and off within these 3 years , he has put me down and EXPECTS me to be on the same level(s) as him, which is quite demonizing and cruel .
You go girl.proud of you.I’m a jealous person too but now I’ve changed .jealousy is a waste of time ..yes Matthew is right .we have a lot to bring on the table .be confident.😊
I think what's very important is strengthening the emotional connection with our partners through different traits that lead to it. One can look at all the beautiful people out there but that will never cover for the emotional fulfillment a partner brings which has been developing over time. This brings me to work towards keeping the relationship interesting and not taking each other for granted as well. Is there a video on it? The area of jealousy is something I want to truly work on as it is a concern. Thank you for this video! It made me think differently.
Some people have the whole package IN OUR EYES. I wouldn't want to feel better based on the ways I am better at other things than them. I think the issue started before the person. It could be a deep root of not being secure in ourselves. We have things we want for ourselves and it's uncomfortable when we see others have it. I want to speak to the person feeling jealous. Become thankful for who you've become despite the unique hurdles you've had to overcome. You may not or ever have certain things but no one could survive being you for one day. Not for one day. You were the only one that could live your life, experience trials and overcome and still come to youtube to learn how to overcome bad emotions. So you mean to tell me, after everything you've lost, felt, learnt and seen, you still want to get better? There is no one like you. I appreciate you very much for standing. ❤️
How to Avoid feeling inferior: 1. Focus on the package you bring to the table (not the one aspect that the eother person is excelling) ● Instead of focusing on just excelling in one area, focus on diversifying that portfolio and saying you know what I'm goingbto be that person that brings so much to the table in every area. [In the amount that I inspire sb/ in amount of positive energy I bring to them/ in the amount of generosity I bring to/ on how much I complimemt them and make them feel great /in how much I spark their imagination and make them think about things they've never though about before/ in the amount that you travel them in new worlds that they haven't discovered before...... Im gonna be that person that represents so many that it doesmt matter if the one person excels in one Category, they can never compete with all of the things that i am as an individual, as an entiretely.] * If sb leaves me when I am all those things, that really means that i can them walk away with a good heart knowing that this person wasn't the person for me. *I think that point isn't about jealousy is about logistics and two people that genuinely work together. Enjoy your relationships, and Focus on the package you bring to the table Extra notes: * Jealousy only exists by comparison *Jealousy comes when we feel inferiors
You just changed my life...wish I saw this 30 years ago, but glad I saw it today instead of 30 years in the future! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! My relationships will all be enhanced due to this advice
Well, when I am in love, I am jealous really often. And I never compare myself with other girls, I am jealous just because I think I am not enough for him, cause you know men are polygamous and they often seek physical intimacy outside of the relationship.
Thats such a stereotype ... You have to know that youre special in some way and there are things you bring which are characteristic of you alone ! ... If the other person doesnt see that then darn it ! ... its not your fault coz theres always someone who finds you interesting in some way or the other ! ....
Alisa Miroyan just be yourself. And if he doesn’t like the things that you do or say, if he doesn’t like you for who you truly are then he’s not your guy. Seriously
Alisa Miroyan even women are polygamous and seeks physical intimacy outside the relationship. Cheating is a Choice and also cheating is universal thing. It's done by both the gender.
I literally said after watching the video 'I love him. I love him I love him I love him I love him I love him'. Thank you so much for this. I'm gonna try to make this work in my daily life.
I giggled at the end of this and was like aye you right I am the total package! I don’t need to be jealous of another persons success when I’m successful in my own ways and I have everything that my husband loves and wants. Obviously he doesn’t want the jealousy but if that subsides and I let that go then really I am everything that is desirable for my husband. Wow! This diva is stepping out today! 🥰 embracing my inner star!! 🤩✨
I hadn't felt jealous in long time but past few days I was so bothered by this emotion...I was actually surprised that I could get this miserable. I searched for help, went through several videos on TH-cam, none of them convinced me but I finally found the convincing answer. I feel lighter now.... Thank you so much
Omg... Thank you sooo much Matthew.. I guess I have overcome my biggest insecurity when it comes to relationship.. I feel confidant now. Keep up your good work! Love ya ❤
Thanks for making me feel better. I am crying right because im jealous with the past dream girl of my boyfriend. He showed me her picture. And it really hurts because i compare ourselves.
He (probably) did that on purpose to hurt you so that he can feel wanted. The best way out is to stop caring to the point where you're okay with him or you walking away from the relationship.
That’s the one thing I am working on, trying to be happy for others for their success. It’s hard not to be jealous, getting envious, that’s human nature, but slowly working on that. If anyone is going through jealousy and envious, you ‘re not alone, hope you can master to be happy for others
I'm not a jealous person but if I was, this wouldn't make me feel any better because sometimes the person that ur jealous of is not just better in one category but maybe most to all of them...
Yes but no two people are the same. And no one is superior based on those factors. It only feels that way because we're putting our self worth in just that. Also I think inferiority is part of being human. Everyone feels it sometimes.
Yes but that partner choose YOU not that other person...if your partner ia talking to someone,that doesnt mean he is only looking for theyre better things ffs,its just talking,you can just show that partner love after and everythibg will be ok. I think 😫 im going through jelousy myself 😭
Gucci Panda yes, they chose you but maybe not because they think you are better, prettier etc but because they didn’t have the courage to approach the other person. I’m not trying to add fuel to the fire here just to point out that people get together with someone out of different reasons...
Sanya Sanya what are you talking about? if someone can show his girl that he cares,loves her and appreciate her,she will do the same and she would never try to cheat...i mean you can feel if she/he really loves you or not...
I think the whole video is about - being yourself. If your partner with you - they like everything about you because that’s who you are. If the partner leaves you for someone else - it’s simply not your person. Your REAL person will stay in your life - and will LOVE what you both have
Even if a person is better than you in every sense that the society has projected, still it is no reason for people to leave each other. Love is not a barter system in which you love somebody because of some qualities they possess. You should love somebody unconditionally, even when they have committed a murder. True love is this...And love is not more or less for others. It is equal for every being on the planet.
Amazing how much you can inspire under 5 mins. Thank you Matt, I've been following you on social media for years, and you've made a very positive impact in my life ❤
I feel like jealousy isnt always about comparison. It can be but its also fomo and feeling left out cold but either way i think questioning our value is the biggest rabbit hole into this type of thinking
I don't really leave comments on videos but I'll make this an exception. Thank you so much for this, I know that I may be 10 years late to the party but your advice is clearly as reliable as all those years ago. Me and my love recently communicated our dislikes of each other last night, amongst her dislikes of me was my jealousy issue. I would be driven crazy in my mind with things like seeing her talking to another guy and her saying she'd go to a restaurant with someone that wasn't me. This video really did help me a lot and gave me a clear path to follow, she wants to be with me and I want to be with her- there's nothing else in the world can change that. I know that sentiment should've been obvious from the start, but its better to be late than never, I'm just glad this video was made in the first place for me to realize it now.
Watching this while crying. Trying to digest every single word, but I just wanna cry so I could get the frustration out I am feeling right now. Thanks for this, I felt better.
Remember everyone if there’s something you have that they don’t you have nothing to worry about. The way how you live and treat others with kindness and laughter is the most beautiful thing in the world.
I think there’s more to jealousy than insecurity. I consider myself a 10 inside & out and don’t feel less than any other woman- however- I’m in an open monogamish relationship and when I see him get really close to certain women I feel jealous. It feels painful at times and I have to dig deep and figure out where it comes from. I’m thinking old patterning of ownership or needing to feel respected in a way. 🤔
Frances I think feeling disrespected is also the Centre of jealousy as well as comparison. I’ve felt in the past that if my partner makes me feel jealous it’s a direct action to disrespect me. The hardest thing is is that in a relationship you can hide you and your partner away all the time, just in case! Life would be so sweat without this insecurity but we need to face it head on
It's not the old patterning of ownership, it's the way humans are wired to function. You are in relation with your bf because you love him, so the feeling of possessiveness. Because you are possessive in a way, it creates jealous feelings when you feel he may go away. Does not look like there are any solutions to go around the way we are wired to function.
Jealousy is for children. When you focus on someone else`s life....you`ll never be happy in your own life. I learned that one when I was about 14 or 15 and I find it really strange how many "adults" still struggle with this. Emotions like jealousy, hate, regret, stop people from evolving into better humans, they block the way to inner peace....the only really important "thing" in life (jmho). I wish everybody a very positive day...and many more thereafter 😊
I think jealousy not comes as you compare but rather when you observe the practical stuffs like ur loved ones giving lot value to someone else.I mean, I dont really get jealous by just seeing good looking ppl around rather i appreciate their beauty.And as you told , think on more wider perspective..i did so but then the ques pop in -- why still than my loved one attracted to that person if i m above him/her on wider scale ?.. How tackle this kinda thought ?
Well exactly. My comment too...I don’t fee jealous because he looks at a pretty woman, i feel jealous when he is giving attention to someone else, no matter how that person looks....I ask myself if he doesn’t love me as much as I thought, whether I got everything wrong, doubts creep up.
llwiishll my idea is that your partner has found something the other person can offer that you can’t. Maybe they have something in common with that person that you and him/her don’t have. That doesn’t mean they will abandon you for those people. You as a whole package is still their priority. If they do mention that person after meeting them too much then yeah you have a red flag there but if they never mentioned or talk about that person they had a connection with it could be just a once in a life time meeting
Thank you!!! Great to hear male perspective on jealousy..Words spoken resonating in truth deflect and deflate any feelings of jealousy. No competition when you are showing up as your best self to others every day. "Focus on the package you bring to the table" and, I like to add, invoke self-care rituals if you happen to feel less than. Do things that make you happy and shine brightly. Spend time with people who bring out your best qualities and get you tf out of your head!!
@Bailey Montgomery What about jealousy when it comes to identity and self-concept. Like I’m not sure who I am and what I really like. I end up being uninterested and/or love/hate everything. And people I want to be friends and connect with (who I think are decent people), may not have it all figured out, but they have interests, play and love all the sorts of video games way more than I do, knows their interests, used their quarantine time well, watches way more movies and tv shows than I do on Netflix, doesn’t overthink and nit pick at certain things, and so on. All I have done during quarantine time and during the last 10 years is waste time on my phone and internet mindlessly browsing, jumping around to the same damn songs, wasting my time (bad time management), and procrastinate my life, and have been nothing but inconsistent when it comes to what I want and like, and applying good advice and habits to my life. The people I’m trying to connect to are average joes, Tom boys, nerds (boys and girls), etc,What do I do?
This is phenomenal advice, instant subscribe, I will remember this forever more, and I am so so so happy because I am the epitome of diverse when it comes to attributes, I always thought it was a disadvantage, thank-you for proving me otherwise!
The other aspect Matthew is the fact that partners care about each other for many reasons. It’s complex. She doesn’t just love you because of your body and eyes and hair. She sees value in multiple areas of your life, from honesty to humility, or from work ethic to calmness during chaos. So if you do feel a tinge of jealousy towards a relationship ‘threat’, remember there’s far more reasons you are together than the one area you feel you are deficient’ at.
It's not about being insecure or inferior, it's a phobia of investing so much emotionally and giving yourself, and being faithful, while your partner may have sleept with someone else behind your back. There is always a possibility that you don't know something and that's killing me.
That's what I needed... Due to my insecurities and jealousy my relationship is at the edge of breakup. Now it's time to change myself. It's a battle between me and my subconscious mind Thank you man....even if you don't know me, I will always remember you for making me feel better.
My jealousy became my sickness...i can't handle it. Sometimes i imagine things that don't even happen... If someone texts my gf i'll be jealous,if she talks to a guy i'll be jealous,if guys get too close to her i'll be jealous..... The thing is that my jealousy annoys me too much now because i broke up with my gf and i get mad for no reason. I need some f*cking help
I get jealous easily as well,and it makes me feel so shitty,just so shitty,and I start imagining things that haven't even happened.Jealousy is never a bad emotion,it's something all humans experience,we just have to learn to accept it as it is and work on it.For example,when I feel jealous I think to myself ''I am the one that's dating my boyfriend,not other prettier o better looking girls.I am the one he chose to be with so fuck Jealousy and just accept it as it is'' That's what I think or try to think every single time I get jealous.
Rosi Georgieva I’m going to try this out ! Thank you, I’ve thought about saying that too but it gets so hard to even come up with good reasons to NOT get jealous.
I feel you ! It’s killing us slowly because you have so much in your head and so many scenarios and stuff it’s so exhausting. I always feel anxious, sad, depressed. What if he likes that person more than me ? What if he spends a better time with that person? What if he would rather be with them ? Sometimes I’m just so tired of it
There is a person I have been feeling jealous around for the longest time. I think it is because she is liked by everyone and she is sweet and amazing, and I often wish I could be as kind as her. But I also do have a lot to offer, I am fun to be around, I am social and can make friends easily and I have a lot of passion for the things I love. Maybe I should stop comparing myself and remind myself that maybe I too bring something different, something she couldn’t do because she is not me. She is her, and I am me. When people tell me there will always be kinder people than me, I find it hard to take in because it feels so big. But hearing that I can develop in all of the areas I am good at, made me feel like I had the chance to be someone unique who can’t be compared to anyone because no one can ever be a second me, like everyone out there are unique too. It felt more calming to watch it from the perspective of what I am good at, because instead of putting myself down and feel ashamed for being jealous, I have just learned I focuses on the wrong sides of me as a person. I should focus on what I do well in and what I love and work on those things, rather than comparing myself to someone I will never fully know 100% either. Usually we never show ourselves fully to people, so maybe there are things I can do that she can’t, so I shouldn’t put myself down for not being like her, but remind myself I should be grateful for being my own person
I used to be very confident. I had a lot of trust in myself. I had good self-esteem, knew my self worth. I accepted who I am and my flaws. I didn't compare myself that much, and I was comfortable in my own skin. After being cheated on with the person I trusted the most, everything, my self image, confidence, worth, everything just crumbled. I am VERY insecure now. I get so jealous easily. I don't think I am enough. Trust issues was shot up so high. And I overthink, compare a lot. It caused so many complications with the next relationships I tried. I needed a lot of reassurance and validations. It's really draining on my part and to whoever my partner is. And I wish I could just go back to who I was before but it's so hard.
Thanks for this. I don't expect jealousy to ever stop being a part of my automatic response to things, especially in my relationships, but if I take some time instead of automatically believing what the jealousy is telling me, I usually end up concluding much of what you summed up here. The comparison is ludicrous.
Thank you for this. I have been in a struggle the past week with this jealousy of my girlfriend hanging around another guy. We have been open about how we are feeling but it seems like that is not enough. What I have seen are the faults within myself, and how I need to improve my outlook and trajectory of life to be a better man for her and myself.
I don't think it's a good idea for your girlfriend to hang out with other men especially if it makes you feel a certain way.. My now boyfriend used to work with my ex-husband we grew up as very close friends and went to high school we were such good friends his kids call me auntie... fast forward 20 years later and we are now together.. small flirtations can lead to something bigger in the future.
Yeah i wouldn’t be involved in a serious relationship with someone that has close friends of the opposite sex. I would communicate my boundaries and why and say it would also be clean on my side
This may sound very stupid but I'm jealous of my cousin because she makes me like lesser of a person. Three years ago I was training really really hard to lose weight I was self conscious of my weight. Eventually I lost all that weight and made something of my self. But my cousins came to visit me & me my other cousin. We had these really interesting conversations about school and life but she seemed to know more than me and made me feel like shiz for not knowing certain trends, songs, or general knowledge stuff. Also she asked to me to show how big my muscles were it was a little smaller than my other cousins and she cleary pointed it out not that she intended but it happened. I played it off like it wasn't a big deal but it destroyed me. I was jealous and hateful of her at that moment I broke down and asked my self did I not work hard enough, am I doing something wrong?? I'm better today and work hard everyday but will never forget that visit it changed me. Im not the same happy joyful person I used to be. I'm slightly unhappy but not depressed. And guys sorry you had to read this long but just know my cousin she's an amazing person and she didn't mean for this to happen it just opened my eyes and made me realize how much I missed out on or how much of my life I wasted away. I will update about more if anyone responds
Humans look at everything through competition. This is not true overcoming of jealousy. This is simply teaching us to find -or image- something somebody else lacks so we don't feel jealous. The real struggle is just simply be happy for someone. Because like this logit states, there will always be someone better than you at something. So that means that there are always going to be people that just beat you at everything imaginable. So what do you do then? Exacly. It comes to the point where eventually we will have to learn happiness for others, rather than coping mechanisms for jealousy.
![[ ออกกอง ] วัยหนุ่ม 2544 โลกหลังลูกกรง..ทัวร์กองถ่ายหนังใน "คุกของจริง" | JUSTดูIT.](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/vB--aOkZCpw/mqdefault.jpg)
“someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you.”
-Freddie Mercury
LOVE THIS!!! AMEN! "They will never be you"
I don’t remember him saying that?
@@killjoy4540 what an interesting name you have
Its good for them
Big fish Small fish
People may look at jealousy in a bad way, but it's actually a struggle. An evil struggle. It hurts when you see someone getting what you want. For example, good grades, looks, relationship, wealth etc. In my case, it really hurts BIG time. To everyone suffering from jealousy, i'm sorry you had to go through this, and i hope we can together overcome jealousy.
Now a days people value looks more than any kind of skills which sucks
@@gg6498 true, that's why I've lost hope about this world.
You hit the bulleyes mate. It's not about comparing all the time. Most times its because you want something and you don't have it but other people do.
@@ladybookworms THIS! Is the exact struggle I have with jealousy. In my case, it sounds childish if you hear it because I am a virgin in my late 20’.
My jealousy is mostly the fact that my current gf has done some sexual deeds with her ex. She didn’t go all the way, so she is a virgin sort of but has sexual experience with her ex.
As a virgin who always wanted to do these since I was a teenager, couldn’t do it to some random girl in my early teens and 20’. I really wanted to do it with someone I actually care about but never found one until my late 20’.
The problem I have with her now is that she has done it but I haven’t and this made me feel like it won’t be special when we do it after marriage.
Because of her ex, she doesn’t even want to kiss me but she has kissed her ex many times in their relationship. The least I’d expect in a relationship, I’d get a kiss from her but she said to wait for marriage.
I’m fine with sex after marriage but the kissing part is what’s bothering me. Her ex gets to do it many times with her but I can’t even do it and I don’t want to force her to kiss me either.
I feel like she isn’t being fair at all to me but at the same time I can understand that she thinks doing all those before marriage wouldn’t work. I’m honestly feel jealous with her ex that gets to do A LOT OF THINGS with her.
I kept comparing myself with her ex in this situation but she told me many times that I’m a much better bf than him in a lot of ways. But I still can’t shake the jealousy of him especially being able to kiss her. I really wanted my first kiss with her but I can’t until we’re married which will be years from now.
@@KryptonKr communicate with her dude. Tell her how you feel. If she is an understanding good gf, she will help you wit it by either making u understand that it dowsnt matter what happened with her ex or u get your first kiss
jealousy is killing me slowly but you open up my mind thank you for such a wonderful advice your truly amazing man...
I agree. It’s slowly killing me lately. This has come out 6 years ago . Anyways, this sucks because everything that Mathew said, is practically right .
homie that shit been killed me
It’s killing my relationship right now
@@kdawson8981 is it better now?
seriously bro, it’s almost every other person and it hurts me so bad but what the fuck am i supposed to do? tell her to stop talking to everyone? it sounds so weird but it really sucks.
"Someone will always beat you in one category. So, go enjoy your relationship, focus on the package you can bring to the table for the relationship." I am writing this in here so I do not forget. :)
unfortunately Im jealous of a person who beats me in every category. So its hard for me to apply this. He's rich, He's good looking, He's funnier, He's kind, He has his life together, Everyone likes him, He has a beautiful wife and two wonderful kids.
I have none of that. Hard for me to even talk to him without feeling jealous. I cant help it
@@jacksquadreturns7827 exactly. Some people just don't understand
@@jacksquadreturns7827focus on things you can change. Focus on one part of your life. Let’s say, being kinder. Can I be kinder than other person? Yes of course you can. Just be more kind.
Then ask yourself how can I be richer than the other person, through business? Obviously you can.
How can I be funnier than the other person?
Another thing, be you. And love yourself. You can beat him in every aspect there is.
@@saugatjarif8272 Thanks for your kind words. Ive changed alot since I left that comment and now ive accepted me for who i am. I no longer compare myself to others and focus on slowly acheiving my goals. I also feel alot more confident now because im finally putting my 100% into improving my situation and i cant help but appreciate my own effort. Im glad im me. :)
Whenever I see someone like that now I remind myself that im working on my life at the moment and eventually Ill be there as well, which mighy not happen but i do believe it will so it instantly gets rid of my jealousy.
@@jacksquadreturns7827 I think we should keep in mind that some things may awesome from the façade. The inner reality could be that person is really struggling with mental issues, may be in bad terms with his wife and kids etc. etc. We can never know fully about the other person but we can try our best to be a better version of ourselves IMO. Good luck with the journey!
I wanted to start crying because I've been dealing with this inner turmoil. In about 3 minutes, Matthew, you are made me a huge sigh of relief leave me chest. Thank you.
I did start crying halfway through watching this video, I've been dealing with jealousy and inner torment for a while now and this really helped me out thank you so much Matthew.
Same omg!
"Focus on the package that you bring to the table." That is very good, thank you.
I bring nothing
@@POPDATA me too
No matter what life seems against me
I have nothing cz i feel world is racist with me
@@POPDATA that depressing 😂
@@POPDATAthen work on yourself, find a purpose/passion so you can bring something to the table,
I get jealous, but majority of the time I can shake it off very quickly. When I can't, I find it makes it much better if I just admit I'm a bit jealous in a casual, laugh it off kind of way. My boyfriend thinks it's flattering and he just holds me and tells me why he continues to date me. It's not a crime to get jealous and I think the moment you get bitter or hold it in when it's really bad, it becomes that much easier to blow things out of proportion.
So does that mean we should tell our partner that we are jealous and we don’t want our bf or gf to do those things?
Lucky you whenever I tell her about my being jelouse she really hurts and shames me for it :((
@@simeonwilson6743 same
i wish i had a bf like that ugh all he does is say “baby i’m sOrRrrrY i LoVe yOu” like nooo 🙄
@@simeonwilson6743 true, doesnt really work for guys isnt it
How I beat my jealousy is by loving myself as a I am, accepting myself as I am and feeling enough as I am. I feel jealousy, acknowledge the emotion and then focus on letting it go.
Jealousy was killing me for the past minutes and I quickly ran to TH-cam to calm my self down and luckyly I went by this video, I just wanna say THANK You so Much for enlightening us with this video I really needed this rn I feel so enlightened and feel so much better abt my self and capabilities.
How's it going?
Ugh
Same
same bro
“And you know what? If someone still leaves me at that point, when I’m being all of those things, that really means that I can let them walk away with a good heart, knowing that this person wasn’t the person for me and that someone else was genuinely better for them,” PRICELESS...had to rewind that part a few times...touched my soul
❤️
I guess I’m angry then
@@aprilapril2 are you really angry? And if so, for whom does your anger kindle? Explore that thought and if it is anger….Angry about what exactly? There is a saying that I take to heart…a scripture actually….”cast not thy pearls among swine, lest they turn and rend you” If I have been “casting a precious thing” to someone continually and they reject it for whatever reason (it wasn’t for you) I o
have decided to be grateful that this futile cycle is ending. This “rejection” can stop me for wasting what is precious where it is unappreciated or reciprocated. Rejection, shame, hurt, maybe….but don’t allow yourself to resonate there too long either…..anger is good if you don’t “do something harmful with it. It is good when it is used to spur us to the next level. Hang in there. Pray…trust what is righteous….Work through YOUR process…
@@nicholecrumpton8025 I introduced them. After 12 years he was gone in one day. I’m shook I guess. A month on his stuff remains
@@aprilapril2 I can feel that “shake” through the internet. Shook is a way to express that movement abruptly at best. I am moved to tears for how that must smart….however, NOT SORRY for your loss. AFTER YOU CRY A LITTLE REJOICE FOR YOU HAVE BEEN EMANCIPATED FROM A MEDIOCRE PASSIONLESS AND DEATH OF A LIFE🤸🏾♀️💜
Someone once said, "there will always be someone better, just be the best version of yourself"
No I'm gonna find that one to worship 😉
you worship your lover😯@@amiramahgoub
Thanks buddy....
I broke up with my boyfriend because of jealousy and insecurity. He works around a lot of women that hit on him and are good looking too. I just didn’t want to feel insecure all the time and feeling like I could always lose him. I wish I would’ve seen this video a while ago, I remember when I said that to him he told me “you don’t realize you have so many good qualities other women don’t” and then he proceeded to tell me very unique things about myself. Obviously it didn’t stick with me as I kept being insecure. Sad ending but I didn’t want us both to be affected by my insecurities, I have to work on it.
Heeeyyy i have kinda same insecuritys with my girlfriend because of her male best frnd iam always insecure because he gets kinda to close to my girlfriend at some points while we r walkin etc etc I over thing alot alott about his best frnd being closer with my gf i just get angry and jealous and sad at the same point
@@soltagaming4325 I feel you, it’s the same with me and my boyfriend atm, he’s getting really close to a college friend of his who’s female and he seems so interested in her, it really makes me wonder if I’m even what he wants. I don’t wanna come across as the jealous girlfriend and she’s also in a relationship but he wants to talk to her all the time and it just feels shitty, especially because they share some common interests that I don’t share with him and my own insecurity tells me that he’d be better off with her. :(
@@rethgual8227 Same thing happened with me, believe me , the mental overhead and constantly feeling shitty and insecure is not the way to live, and ultimately she would go for the person she is most comfortable with, naturally comes more in contact with, Choose you, choose the person who cares about your feelings or change your insecure attitude(but it comes with risk), that's the only two options
@SOLTA gaming yea I have a similar situation because my gf started college and we hardly see each other and it sucks but she's been talking to this guy for the past 3 days and I'm scared I'm going to get left
Thing is. I know couples who are so rock solid and the women aren’t ever really that good looking. But the guy is still soooo devoted to her. I think part of why is bcs she’s so secure in herself and her relationship that she’s not ever worried he will stray. And even if he does stray , it won’t be for that long or that far ❤
Every time before I see my man, I brush up on these videos. I'm going to a concert with my man today, and my goals are to focus on our relationship, having fun, and tapping into the best me, and not on all the very nice looking women that'll be there.
reflections509 I understand how you feel
sgc i think I'm gonna start doing the same thing...thank you for this comment
@@debbiepietrantoni6720 I know how hard and frustrating it is to be constantly jealous and its even worse when its destroying a relationship... dont Let me start on anxiety
Debbie Pietrantoni I completely understand!! My boyfriend almost dumped me recently because I got so insecure and jealous of a girl he always talked to at work. It is very difficult when anxiety starts to take over, to knock yourself out of those thoughts.
@@1hellocat Can u pls tell me how to overcome it
This made me realise how unique and special I truly am. Why would I compare that to someone else? Nobody can walk my journey, and that is truly empowering. Thanks Matthew, you’ve really simplified this concept and truly gave a lot of clarity.
Thank you SO MUCH. I have so may insecurities and often ask myself why my boyfriend stays with me when he can get someone "prettier", or taller or sexier. And one day I told him this and he said "Stop trying to be like these other girls. Focus on what you have going on for you. You're amazing. You're everything I ever wanted." And this just left me more confused. But now I finally understand. :)
I can really relate..
Why would he want someone taller ? Lol
That's nice. At least you have a supportive boyfriend... mine, well ex now, he used to talk about other cute girls, and tell me I'm alright.. that definitely didn't help with my insecurity.
Same !!
❤️you are lucky 🌝
3:12 “they can never compete with all of the things I am as an entirety” ☝🏽
Jealously comes when you feel like your efforts aren’t appreciated and you compare yourself to someone else’s who got their wants met. How I deal with this is acknowledging your feelings and just try to be more “positive”. Be the best YOU you can be. If that person rejected you for the hotter person or you didn’t get that job to a coworker. Do you care that the other person is hotter or do you care that they’re with the person you like so now you place you being less attractive as a reason to why they were chosen over you. We tend to turn vindictive and negative when we feel inferior to others. Currently struggling with this now but I get through it by knowing that something better is in store for me later. Sometimes a person might be better on the surface because of confidence, because they conduct themselves better and are more confident more people end up likening them. Find things that help you get your self confidence up so you don’t feel inferior. Maybe develop a style or get really good a a hobby/skill. Sometimes it’s better to go little by little than expecting everything to change overnight. Everyone’s personal growth is different.
Thank you person
Really appreciate this message
Struggling with this shit as we speak 💔 Thanks
I love this so much, I’m in the middle of things in my current relationship and I feel my jealousy ruined things but after listening to you I think I feel so much better
That’s is awesome! Keep it up! It’s so inspiring to see individuals facing personal struggles for a better quality of life
Stumbled across this. We as people are an insecure bunch. Re: there is always someone better than you. So there's always someone better than them too, right?
LOL, that right on.
LikeMindedIncident haha love this approach! Thanks 😃
Right on
mind blowing =0
Wow.. So you cannot compare directly, and instead start imagining how the other person who has more would be like?
I used to be a very jealous person!! But as I got older and am growing I realized that being jealous of someone is just blocking your own blessings. Spending all this time being jealous of someone is making them win regardless because you’re using your energy to be jealous when you could use that same energy to put into yourself! You just never know what someone is going through jealous is draining . We all have our own blessings that’s for us and not the next person!
You're still competing with someone, though... Now you're entering that competition as a package instead of a one trick pony and as you said that makes it harder for someone to beat you. But as long as you focus on beating people, you'll always suffer because you'll always be beatable. Stop comparing yourself with others and just try to be the best you can be.
^^ This.
but the problem is for most of the people its impossible to not compare
@@supernova6238 your correct. Its in human nature. Which is were role models and idols come from. Even in science if their were no comparisons us as people would not want to be better we wouldn't see things wrong with living in a trailer ( not bashing anyone for their living arrangements l, at least you have a home to go to) vs living in a mansion. If live and to change a mindset were that simple.
João Soares. Well said.
Phenomenal advice! I try to compete with one person -- me! I try to be better than I was the day before!
Recently, I encountered a scripture in the Bible somewhere in Luke, about how there’s no room for jealousy in the kingdom of God so now I’m on this journey of identifying,
Processing, deciphering, analyzing and crucifying this jealousy for greater peace of mind and connection to our Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father. Holy Spirit and peace be with us all. ❤ we got this.
This was exactly what I needed to hear and thank you, Matthew! Whenever I like a guy I feel jealous when he gives attention to another woman and start comparing myself to her. 😣 I won't say anything to him but just keep it all inside. This is a great advice one I'll try to practice it in the future .
Can you tell me how did u practiced I failed many times and I do have the same situation ??
Same..
Exactly my thoughts
I love the positive energy, it feels amazing just hearing how supportive he is.
Yes, the COMPETITION aspect is still major...and this is certainly an essence of jealousy!!! I think people should STOP comparing yourself to someone else, WE ARE ALL UNIQUE INDIVIDUAL, why should I envy, or being jealous of someone. I can have a desire for a dress, and hability, shoes etc., but not to the point of being jealous of it. WE ARE here on this planet to be the BEST YOU, that you can be...WORK on yourself to BECOME THAT BEST YOU....you will never be jealous of anybody...except YOURSELF, because YOU ARE TO THEM GREAT now ! :) Enjoy the ride people!!
Yes, jealously is still there because that's human nature, he can't actually delete a human emotion. And even if he could, he debatably shouldn't do it. What's important is manage to your emotions so people can continue to prosper. And if failure to reach expectations is still inevitable, at least it won't be because of jealousy.
I think you went in wrong direction. There is no need to excel in diverse area to feel secure. Acceptance is only sufficient. There is always going to be someone better than you. But let them be. Be happy for them. Admire them. And ignore rest of the things. Focus on yourself and be kind.
I think what he says is a part of focusing on yourself. Trying to get better in areas you feel like you can get better in will make you feel much more better about yourself and accept yourself when that person leaves you because then, you know that its not your fault. You know how to let go of them but not yourself.
2021 and this man is saving me from myself and my jealous of my ex rush dating another dude and she slapping in my face how happy she is now. thanks, Matthew.
That might be one of the most open-minded pieces of advice, I have heard in a long time. It genuinely has given me the doubt of perspective and taught me how insignificant my worries can be. I am really thankful that you made this video, and continue inspiring and helping others!
I’m on the opposite. I’m tall decent looking and friendly guy but I’m jealous of my fat funny friend who has more confidence when he talks to girls
key word “confidence”
Confidence is about taking every chance you get, regardless of the chance of loss. You will never grow as a person if you don't take L's. So keep trying talk to anyone you see fit life is a learning experience and you will only get better from here!
Hey it's okay. There people who like shy guys. Like me ☺
Who said that tall guys can't be shy and introverted ?
Inferior is all I’ve ever felt. It’s not just my own feelings I’m tired of feeling, it’s everyone else’s too. Isolation seems like the best option for me. And when I say Best, I mean the one that brings ME the most happiness.
I agree
16 year old me would have really needed to hear this 😅 9 years later still grateful 25 year old me got to hear this❤️ beautiful advice! 😊
Wait holy shit I was thinking this exact thing! I’m 25 and this is genuinely good advice
24-year old me agrees!!!
I feel so jealous about my boyfriend s past stories. I know it’s not right. It’s one of my weakness. I need to overcome it and focus on our present. Don’t look back. Jealousy kills a lot.
Same with me sis
Ugh same it REALLY bothers me.
me too
If he leave them and choose you so you are more special for him than other. 💕
If he leave them and choose you so you are more special for him than other. 💕
My insecurity has all but killed my relationship. I just couldn’t help myself but this video, it brought me to tears. Thank you so much for having made this video. It reminded me that in my jealous obsession about my body, I’ve let the ball drop on all those other aspects of myself that make me a good partner. I hope I have time to turn things around and save this relationship.
Currently struggling with this is my relationship. Hearing this reminded me of what my mother use to always tell there’s always someone better
But only one you. This was great to hear truly connected with his words.
Remember watching this video august/september 2014, when my crush started dating someone else. I was devastated, Now I am happily married to another girl and have a son, but this video still so relevant in our lives.
How do you meet people?
congrats!!!!!! im happy for you sir!!!
@@crazydiamond8654 I met my wife at my Job, she was my colleague back then....
@@Voyager-2-s2y Oh thats great too
Wow. I cant explain how much that video meant to me. I used to love myself when i was a teenager and somewhere between then and adulthood, i fell off. 😔
Im not quite sure how or why i became so critical and filled with self-hate. I didn't like the person I had become. Jealousy was never really a big issue until a few years ago. What you said made me really think about the way I've been acting & portraying myself. I've been depressed, hateful, and nobody fun to be around. I always felt like everyone else was the issue, while I was the one who is negative and bringing everybody down. I lost all my friends and I've been pushing my boyfriend away. I feel like my eyes have been opened to the root of the problem. Now I can make the steps to change it. I can't believe that I finally feel content in myself and have more confidence. I absolutely LOVEEEE yur words and they really hit home. Thank you so much for making this video. I don't know if you will read this but I really appreciate your advice. ☺️
This is exactly what I have been looking for! It's amazing how something can be so hard to deal with by yourself, to be explain and put to rest so easily. Big props to you my friend! May you have all the love and good fortune that life may bring to you. Thank you so much!
I've been jealous my whole life , of everything and everyone. I never wanted to feel that way . Only for this reason I've lost a lot of friends. Thank you, this video really helped.
A friend of mine claims that there will ALWAYS be someone BETTER than me/you....After this video, I REFUSE to believe it. Why? We are a collection of zillions of characteristics, it is statistically impossible one person to be better than you in ALL of these characteristics. No one is better than me/you. Just DIFFERENT. Hard to absorb at first, because comparison runs in our veins, but once we figure it out, we can start improving ourselves for us alone, NOT for competing with others.
Thank you so much for this! My last marriage ended in adultery after 22 years. That was 3 years ago. I have now met someone and we have been dating for a few months now. She is younger and has many friends and she spends lots of time with them. I know my feeling jealous is more about what happened in the past than what is happening now.
Hearing this helped me so much. I am putting my all into this relationship and I am so happy it is going well. Insecurity sucks and reminding myself what all I bring to the table is going to kill the insecurity. Thanks again.
What happened to the ex wife?
@@crazydiamond8654 her was stolen by aliens
This video was a big help to all the couple who feel they are jealous to their partner or any situation that worsen the relationship of the two. Keep it up.
I listen to this everyday. It gives me the motivation I need to get past my insecurities, and to be the best version of myself that I am meant to be.
I needed this so much so thank you! I will be listening to this every morning for the next while until I genuinely understand and want this for myself.
After freakin suffering for few years that short video makes me feel much better. Thanks buddy!
jealousy, it's the hardest feeling for me in a so called relationship. I'm afraid that she might be happier when she's with that guy than me, im afraid to lose her. everytime i get jealous, our conversation is being affected, im really trying hard to not get jealous and all when she's with other guys but I can't. This fear of losing her keeps on getting me all the time. . . 😔😓
Same bro
Wow I cannot believe I said this. What a stupid thing to say. If she ain’t for for you, she will leave you. If she is for you, she will stay with you. No need to stress yourself. If she leaves you, then it’s her loss.
@@luiscarlostabian2192 thank you my guy
Dude I totally understand. I am always so worried my man is going to leave me for someone better. My jealousy is literally pushing him away. It sucks so bad.
@@luiscarlostabian2192 Dude, I hope you're still with her haha....
That was genuinely one of the best advice on how to deal with Jealousy I ever came across. Thank You
You get jealous, no matter how good you are to your guy, no matter how funny. Awesome. Money you give. Sex etc. If they see someone else who is "attractive." They are going to look, especially!.. If "that attractive girl" is better looking than you are. He is not thinking about how -sweet, funny, compassionate or generous towards him, she is. Because he hasnt even interacted w her. Other than eye contact & how it shows on his face how pretty he thinks she is. Now, of course hes going home with you, but- for however long it took him to lust over her the whole time he was with you, he was NOT thinking of "you'. He was FANTASIZING about another girl. Not her person. Her looks! & this!!! is why some of us are justified in our jealousy. Total disregard that you are there for the time that it took him to lust over a girl within eyesight. Sure he loooooves you & thinks you are good looking...but, at that moment someone else caught his eye even if he denys it. & that is why jealousy is so hard to overcome on both sides of the relationship. Im sorry but I feel betrayed if my guy stares at girls in the same way as when I'm betraying my guy, while Im watching Ryan gosling throwing alley on the bed h wishing it was me! Haaa
I totally agree with you,I think that sometimes whe can think things in a different way but if we see our partner staring at someone else for longer than just a few seconds,then why shouldn't we be jealous?Jealousy is not always about someone's insecurity,but a lot more about how your partner made you feel.There is no such thing as ''Oh I wasn't looking at anyone'' cause nowadays people can lie to you about anything whenever they want.So be careful everyone,look out for signs and never let anyone treat you like shit just because you're jealous and you care about them.
Exactly, thank you. Obviously it's not logical. Emotions aren't logical. This video makes no sense to me...
@@RosiDiaries01 jealousy is ALWAYS a matter of insecurity. you saw your boyfriend talking to a cute girl and for that brief moment yo felt insecure, because she was pretty, and subconsciously you feared that she might "steal" your boyfriend, you feel insecure about your relationshp because you feared it could fall apart. all of that is, as you said, how your partner made you feel in that moment. jealousy is always insecurity about yourself (as mathew said, because of comparison), insecurity about the loyalty of your partner (you dont really believe or trust after all that no matter how much he speaks with that girl he will stay with you and be loyal), and it kind of reveals some sort of possessiveness, which is ver dangeorus, your boyfriend is not really yours, he's not your property, he is a free person and can talk with whoever he wants.
@@chusty93 Very well said! Since i have grown up in number and matured in my thinking process, I arrived at the conclusion that there are loads of beautiful people in the world. I am not gay, but I admire beautiful women... I don't want to BE them, because I like and love me, but I have room for what they bring to the table. When I married my ex-husband, he had the freedom to admire beauty in other women, but he also had the good sense and decency to not stare or ogle! For him, because he looked at the "total" package, they were hamburger, and he was going home to steak!
Deborah Evans haha! I love this ❤️
I needed to hear this right now.
Seeing someone who I have complete trust with
But my issue is my past with past failed relationships where the trust wasn’t always there
And with this girl I’ve never felt so confident in someone that it started making me scared.
Because this was the first time I’ve had the thought “it’s too good to be true” in the sense that she’s that loyal to the idea of US as a couple.
Hearing these words definitely made me realize it’s all in my head and Hello! She chose me, she loves the way I make her feel, how I make her laugh and how I distract her even for a while when she’s having a bad day.
I’m the one who makes her day better, and she does the same with me.
I hope this video also helps someone in that moment of thinking she isn’t loyal to you.
It’s really your mind playing tricks on you sometimes.
You're so right buddy! I feel the exact same right now, it's good to know I'm not the only one.
Im 18 and never had a girlfriend and i want one but kinda scared to get one too. How do you meet as wonderful as that
I think people need to stop making jealousy such a negative thing. I have been jealous all my life, from when my dad played with other kids to my brother saying he wished he had a different little sister. I think jealousy is a normal emotion for humans and shouldn't be made taboo or something we have to get rid of. We have to understand and control it but it isn't something bad. It's normal and I hate it that society has created this narrative that anyone who gets jealous must be a bad person or incomplete person. Just my thoughts on the matter. I talk very openly to my boyfriend about my jealousy and he is perfectly happy with me. Maybe it's because I am being honest or maybe it's because I'm not the type to key your car or something crazy. I think jealousy, comparing yourself to others, etc. are all reasonable and normal human experiences and we shouldn't demonize them anymore.
Yes jealousy is normal reaction but it gives you pain. It makes you feel of less value and that is negative it drags you down. He is just telling you how to deal with it when it does it. To lift yourself up out of that degraded feeling.
LadyofCleves65 as much as it degraded and makes us less valued, which I can agree at times more like majority of the time. It sucks that it’s a normal thing. Sometimes when I hear people say they don’t get jealous, I don’t believe them . That’s what makes me believe it’s Natural and I know I’m not the only one.
Love this comment. I hate that it is taboo, which makes it worse as people don't open up to eachother about it. Imagine if we all did!
De-fi-ni-te-ly! My dad's a psycholigist (+ psychotherapist) and when i started realising my jealousy i asked him what's wrong with me and how to deal with it. He said that every person is jealous at some point. The most dangerous person is the one, not acknowledging it 'cozin that's thecase when ppl start doing shit to others. Jealousy is normal and the best thing u can do about it is acknowledge it.
Dude I get jealous about couples being close or happy. I get jealous if a crush has a boyfriend or girlfriend already. I get jealous if they seem to like talking to someone more than me. I know I have underlining issues and I'm working on them. I hate being jealous over someone I'm not even dating....
For me it's a bit different than normal jealousy cause my mom wasn't motherly, warm, or affectionate. So when I like someone I obsess and get jealous. I am bad at expressing myself already and then that added in... well let's just say none of my crushes ever thought I even liked them. I was moody and stiff. Trying not to let my true thoughts or actions out. But if I had just admitted that I liked them or that I was jealous everything would've been so much better. To an extent I don't like feeling jealous but when I do I try to understand why I'm feeling that way. When I saw a happy couple holding hands... part of me believes it will be a very long time before I have that. Another time when a teenager had hickies proudly on display. I'm gay so I thought wow I could never do that cause then I'd get weird looks. I was jealous he got to be proud he had a girlfriend and if I was then both family and strangers would judge me for it...
I also thought how nice he has a girlfriend...Don't know when I'll get one but man he looks happy.
Basically, because I lacked human intimacy growing up that I get jealous of it now. I want it for myself but I have so much work to do. Part of me thinks I'm not cut out to be around others and another (healthier part) says that's not true and if I don't try now it'll never change or improve.
I never had thought I would feel this jealous ever. I was always the type to look down on jealous couples and say in my head if you really love each other why not trust each other. Why is there jealousy at all? I just gotten into and now out of my first kind of relationship... and the feeling was terrible... It wasn't anger but the feeling was this odd sick feeling in my gut. The feeling of fear, abandonment, and just a whole lot of knots in my stomach. These feelings kept me from sleeping, and even just being able to do other things in my normal life. I am not too sure what true depression feels like but I would say this has to be it... I am grateful to her... and I am glad I am out of this relationship because I think It was super unhealthy for me. I still miss her but I am learning and despite this awesome video and advice I don't think jealousy and other emotions that get the better of us will immediately disappear. But we are all learning about ourselves. Just know to who ever reads the entirety of this... things will get better and it isn't the end of the world! Maybe I haven't found the one right now but I will someday at least I would like to hope so.
Jealousy is just normal in a relationship but you have to control yourself because it's a sign of insecurity. Learn to be confident with yourself and it will only make your partner fall in love with you even more.
I do like how he said focus on what you bring to the table! I feel worse, he promised to get rid of jealousy
Damn bro , u made me feel much better :) Thnx
I like to think I’m growing and while doing some self reflection I’ve realized I have so much jealousy. And it made me so upset because I know that’s not who I want to be. In middle school I constantly found myself comparing and changing myself for other people- by doing so I lost myself. I’m glad I know that this jealousy isn’t what I want and I’m proud that I’m changing it to work towards a better me. Today I set a boundary because I felt uneasy and it turned out beautifully!! I’m so proud of myself.
Edit: I love this advice because it reminds me to always try being the best version of myself and has taught me things I never even realized but I don’t want to continuously compete with people. So that’s what I’m working on.
This is great....normally I'm not a jealous person but sometimes I do feel it and I hate the feeling..also I get angry at myself because I don't want to feel like that but if I meditate more it helps a lot too, cause you let your ego aside a bit and jealousy is totally a matter of ego...
I have been comparing myself to others for SO LONG. Because my parents has been unintentionally comparing me to other kids since I was little. This issue is getting worse and worse. It’s making me less confident, making me super anxious and affecting my overall well-being. I really hope one day I can be strong and confident enough to stop this. ✊
I was never a jealous person in my past relationships. I really love the guy i am with. yes he has hurt me before and broke a piece of my heart which things are better now and my heart has healed not going to lie it's just a little bruised or maybe im brusing it because of jealousy. i am extremely jealous that i had to get off of fb, twitter and insta. watching this video is making me think differently and be like fuck it, you know it's true what matthew said. And i have alot of good to bring on the table. jealousy made me lose a part of who i am and i am looking foward to be me and bring back who i was who i truly am but better :)
Im in the same boat...add something to that "god will make u pay for the damage u cause till then Im give u my all for one day u realize what you cant get outside of this home "
I’m on the same boat. It’s not only jealousy but the guy I’ve been dating up and down on and off within these 3 years , he has put me down and EXPECTS me to be on the same level(s) as him, which is quite demonizing and cruel .
You go girl.proud of you.I’m a jealous person too but now I’ve changed .jealousy is a waste of time ..yes Matthew is right .we have a lot to bring on the table .be confident.😊
Broke up with the love of my life over Facebook
@@lizavillacorte4746 becusse he posted pics with his ex in bikinis lolz
This man is awesome, I've been following him since past one year, nonone explains better than him, whatever he says is so authentic and real.. 💯✨
I think what's very important is strengthening the emotional connection with our partners through different traits that lead to it. One can look at all the beautiful people out there but that will never cover for the emotional fulfillment a partner brings which has been developing over time. This brings me to work towards keeping the relationship interesting and not taking each other for granted as well. Is there a video on it? The area of jealousy is something I want to truly work on as it is a concern. Thank you for this video! It made me think differently.
Some people have the whole package IN OUR EYES. I wouldn't want to feel better based on the ways I am better at other things than them. I think the issue started before the person. It could be a deep root of not being secure in ourselves. We have things we want for ourselves and it's uncomfortable when we see others have it. I want to speak to the person feeling jealous. Become thankful for who you've become despite the unique hurdles you've had to overcome. You may not or ever have certain things but no one could survive being you for one day. Not for one day. You were the only one that could live your life, experience trials and overcome and still come to youtube to learn how to overcome bad emotions. So you mean to tell me, after everything you've lost, felt, learnt and seen, you still want to get better?
There is no one like you. I appreciate you very much for standing. ❤️
7-8 years and this video still hits the same, Incredible
Jealousy is natural, just don’t let it control you, Get on ya A+ Game & you’ll no longer be jealous!
How to Avoid feeling inferior:
1. Focus on the package you bring to the table (not the one aspect that the eother person is excelling)
● Instead of focusing on just excelling in one area, focus on diversifying that portfolio and saying you know what I'm goingbto be that person that brings so much to the table in every area.
[In the amount that I inspire sb/ in amount of positive energy I bring to them/ in the amount of generosity I bring to/ on how much I complimemt them and make them feel great /in how much I spark their imagination and make them think about things they've never though about before/ in the amount that you travel them in new worlds that they haven't discovered before...... Im gonna be that person that represents so many that it doesmt matter if the one person excels in one Category, they can never compete with all of the things that i am as an individual, as an entiretely.]
* If sb leaves me when I am all those things, that really means that i can them walk away with a good heart knowing that this person wasn't the person for me.
*I think that point isn't about jealousy is about logistics and two people that genuinely work together. Enjoy your relationships, and Focus on the package you bring to the table
Extra notes:
* Jealousy only exists by comparison
*Jealousy comes when we feel inferiors
You just changed my life...wish I saw this 30 years ago, but glad I saw it today instead of 30 years in the future! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! My relationships will all be enhanced due to this advice
Well, when I am in love, I am jealous really often. And I never compare myself with other girls, I am jealous just because I think I am not enough for him, cause you know men are polygamous and they often seek physical intimacy outside of the relationship.
Alisa Miroyan I applaud ur honesty...and admire the fact u use ur real name...takes big balls...er....lips to do that😉😄
Thats such a stereotype ... You have to know that youre special in some way and there are things you bring which are characteristic of you alone ! ... If the other person doesnt see that then darn it ! ... its not your fault coz theres always someone who finds you interesting in some way or the other ! ....
Alisa Miroyan just be yourself. And if he doesn’t like the things that you do or say, if he doesn’t like you for who you truly are then he’s not your guy. Seriously
Alisa Miroyan even women are polygamous and seeks physical intimacy outside the relationship.
Cheating is a Choice and also cheating is universal thing. It's done by both the gender.
If you don't think you're good enough, that IS comparison. Think about it.
I literally said after watching the video 'I love him. I love him I love him I love him I love him I love him'. Thank you so much for this. I'm gonna try to make this work in my daily life.
I giggled at the end of this and was like aye you right I am the total package! I don’t need to be jealous of another persons success when I’m successful in my own ways and I have everything that my husband loves and wants. Obviously he doesn’t want the jealousy but if that subsides and I let that go then really I am everything that is desirable for my husband. Wow! This diva is stepping out today! 🥰 embracing my inner star!! 🤩✨
You are a bag of positivity it feels like, no wonder your man would be lucky to have😊
I hadn't felt jealous in long time but past few days I was so bothered by this emotion...I was actually surprised that I could get this miserable. I searched for help, went through several videos on TH-cam, none of them convinced me but I finally found the convincing answer. I feel lighter now.... Thank you so much
Omg... Thank you sooo much Matthew.. I guess I have overcome my biggest insecurity when it comes to relationship.. I feel confidant now. Keep up your good work! Love ya ❤
8 years ago and I’m seeing this today💙 can’t wait to see myself 8 years from now healed and happy from my jealous tendencies
Thanks for making me feel better. I am crying right because im jealous with the past dream girl of my boyfriend. He showed me her picture. And it really hurts because i compare ourselves.
He (probably) did that on purpose to hurt you so that he can feel wanted. The best way out is to stop caring to the point where you're okay with him or you walking away from the relationship.
That’s the one thing I am working on, trying to be happy for others for their success. It’s hard not to be jealous, getting envious, that’s human nature, but slowly working on that. If anyone is going through jealousy and envious, you ‘re not alone, hope you can master to be happy for others
I contact him for all kinds of problem including saving your marriage or relationship from divorce,.
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Matthew I'm a super jealous person. This video was great, and spot on. Never looked at it this way. Thank you.
the real way is to love others and thus be happy for them!
I'm not a jealous person but if I was, this wouldn't make me feel any better because sometimes the person that ur jealous of is not just better in one category but maybe most to all of them...
Yes but no two people are the same. And no one is superior based on those factors. It only feels that way because we're putting our self worth in just that. Also I think inferiority is part of being human. Everyone feels it sometimes.
Ave boo YES! THANK YOU!! Ugh
Yes but that partner choose YOU not that other person...if your partner ia talking to someone,that doesnt mean he is only looking for theyre better things ffs,its just talking,you can just show that partner love after and everythibg will be ok. I think 😫 im going through jelousy myself 😭
Gucci Panda yes, they chose you but maybe not because they think you are better, prettier etc but because they didn’t have the courage to approach the other person. I’m not trying to add fuel to the fire here just to point out that people get together with someone out of different reasons...
Sanya Sanya what are you talking about? if someone can show his girl that he cares,loves her and appreciate her,she will do the same and she would never try to cheat...i mean you can feel if she/he really loves you or not...
I think the whole video is about - being yourself. If your partner with you - they like everything about you because that’s who you are. If the partner leaves you for someone else - it’s simply not your person. Your REAL person will stay in your life - and will LOVE what you both have
Even if a person is better than you in every sense that the society has projected, still it is no reason for people to leave each other. Love is not a barter system in which you love somebody because of some qualities they possess. You should love somebody unconditionally, even when they have committed a murder. True love is this...And love is not more or less for others. It is equal for every being on the planet.
🤦🤦
Amazing how much you can inspire under 5 mins. Thank you Matt, I've been following you on social media for years, and you've made a very positive impact in my life ❤
I feel like jealousy isnt always about comparison. It can be but its also fomo and feeling left out cold but either way i think questioning our value is the biggest rabbit hole into this type of thinking
I don't really leave comments on videos but I'll make this an exception. Thank you so much for this, I know that I may be 10 years late to the party but your advice is clearly as reliable as all those years ago. Me and my love recently communicated our dislikes of each other last night, amongst her dislikes of me was my jealousy issue. I would be driven crazy in my mind with things like seeing her talking to another guy and her saying she'd go to a restaurant with someone that wasn't me. This video really did help me a lot and gave me a clear path to follow, she wants to be with me and I want to be with her- there's nothing else in the world can change that. I know that sentiment should've been obvious from the start, but its better to be late than never, I'm just glad this video was made in the first place for me to realize it now.
Watching this while crying. Trying to digest every single word, but I just wanna cry so I could get the frustration out I am feeling right now.
Thanks for this, I felt better.
Same💀😭😭😭
You just saved my relationship. I was lost. The moment the video ended, I told her I will beat this enemy I have in my mind. Myself.
Remember everyone if there’s something you have that they don’t you have nothing to worry about. The way how you live and treat others with kindness and laughter is the most beautiful thing in the world.
Hello, why don't you message this great man who helped me attract my partner back after many years of separation ✝️☦️
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I think there’s more to jealousy than insecurity. I consider myself a 10 inside & out and don’t feel less than any other woman- however- I’m in an open monogamish relationship and when I see him get really close to certain women I feel jealous. It feels painful at times and I have to dig deep and figure out where it comes from. I’m thinking old patterning of ownership or needing to feel respected in a way. 🤔
Frances I think feeling disrespected is also the Centre of jealousy as well as comparison. I’ve felt in the past that if my partner makes me feel jealous it’s a direct action to disrespect me. The hardest thing is is that in a relationship you can hide you and your partner away all the time, just in case! Life would be so sweat without this insecurity but we need to face it head on
you speak from my heart.
Well tbh, you should stop this thing of labelling human beings with some numbers. This is childish.
It's not the old patterning of ownership, it's the way humans are wired to function. You are in relation with your bf because you love him, so the feeling of possessiveness. Because you are possessive in a way, it creates jealous feelings when you feel he may go away.
Does not look like there are any solutions to go around the way we are wired to function.
Jealousy is for children. When you focus on someone else`s life....you`ll never be happy in your own life. I learned that one when I was about 14 or 15 and I find it really strange how many "adults" still struggle with this. Emotions like jealousy, hate, regret, stop people from evolving into better humans, they block the way to inner peace....the only really important "thing" in life (jmho). I wish everybody a very positive day...and many more thereafter 😊
I think jealousy not comes as you compare but rather when you observe the practical stuffs like ur loved ones giving lot value to someone else.I mean, I dont really get jealous by just seeing good looking ppl around rather i appreciate their beauty.And as you told , think on more wider perspective..i did so but then the ques pop in -- why still than my loved one attracted to that person if i m above him/her on wider scale ?.. How tackle this kinda thought ?
Agree! If you found the answer please let me know
Well exactly. My comment too...I don’t fee jealous because he looks at a pretty woman, i feel jealous when he is giving attention to someone else, no matter how that person looks....I ask myself if he doesn’t love me as much as I thought, whether I got everything wrong, doubts creep up.
I feel the same
Exactly! I need the answer for this too!
llwiishll my idea is that your partner has found something the other person can offer that you can’t. Maybe they have something in common with that person that you and him/her don’t have. That doesn’t mean they will abandon you for those people. You as a whole package is still their priority. If they do mention that person after meeting them too much then yeah you have a red flag there but if they never mentioned or talk about that person they had a connection with it could be just a once in a life time meeting
Thank you!!! Great to hear male perspective on jealousy..Words spoken resonating in truth deflect and deflate any feelings of jealousy. No competition when you are showing up as your best self to others every day. "Focus on the package you bring to the table" and, I like to add, invoke self-care rituals if you happen to feel less than. Do things that make you happy and shine brightly. Spend time with people who bring out your best qualities and get you tf out of your head!!
@Bailey Montgomery What about jealousy when it comes to identity and self-concept. Like I’m not sure who I am and what I really like. I end up being uninterested and/or love/hate everything. And people I want to be friends and connect with (who I think are decent people), may not have it all figured out, but they have interests, play and love all the sorts of video games way more than I do, knows their interests, used their quarantine time well, watches way more movies and tv shows than I do on Netflix, doesn’t overthink and nit pick at certain things, and so on. All I have done during quarantine time and during the last 10 years is waste time on my phone and internet mindlessly browsing, jumping around to the same damn songs, wasting my time (bad time management), and procrastinate my life, and have been nothing but inconsistent when it comes to what I want and like, and applying good advice and habits to my life. The people I’m trying to connect to are average joes, Tom boys, nerds (boys and girls), etc,What do I do?
This is phenomenal advice, instant subscribe, I will remember this forever more, and I am so so so happy because I am the epitome of diverse when it comes to attributes, I always thought it was a disadvantage, thank-you for proving me otherwise!
The other aspect Matthew is the fact that partners care about each other for many reasons. It’s complex. She doesn’t just love you because of your body and eyes and hair. She sees value in multiple areas of your life, from honesty to humility, or from work ethic to calmness during chaos. So if you do feel a tinge of jealousy towards a relationship ‘threat’, remember there’s far more reasons you are together than the one area you feel you are deficient’ at.
It's not about being insecure or inferior, it's a phobia of investing so much emotionally and giving yourself, and being faithful, while your partner may have sleept with someone else behind your back. There is always a possibility that you don't know something and that's killing me.
That's what I needed...
Due to my insecurities and jealousy my relationship is at the edge of breakup.
Now it's time to change myself. It's a battle between me and my subconscious mind
Thank you man....even if you don't know me, I will always remember you for making me feel better.
Hi ,question
My jealousy became my sickness...i can't handle it. Sometimes i imagine things that don't even happen... If someone texts my gf i'll be jealous,if she talks to a guy i'll be jealous,if guys get too close to her i'll be jealous..... The thing is that my jealousy annoys me too much now because i broke up with my gf and i get mad for no reason. I need some f*cking help
Tilki my boyfriend broke up with me for being jealous of him having female friends, we’ve been together for 4 years so it hurts so badly
I get jealous easily as well,and it makes me feel so shitty,just so shitty,and I start imagining things that haven't even happened.Jealousy is never a bad emotion,it's something all humans experience,we just have to learn to accept it as it is and work on it.For example,when I feel jealous I think to myself ''I am the one that's dating my boyfriend,not other prettier o better looking girls.I am the one he chose to be with so fuck Jealousy and just accept it as it is'' That's what I think or try to think every single time I get jealous.
Rosi Georgieva does it work all the time?
Rosi Georgieva I’m going to try this out ! Thank you, I’ve thought about saying that too but it gets so hard to even come up with good reasons to NOT get jealous.
I feel you ! It’s killing us slowly because you have so much in your head and so many scenarios and stuff it’s so exhausting. I always feel anxious, sad, depressed. What if he likes that person more than me ? What if he spends a better time with that person? What if he would rather be with them ? Sometimes I’m just so tired of it
There is a person I have been feeling jealous around for the longest time. I think it is because she is liked by everyone and she is sweet and amazing, and I often wish I could be as kind as her. But I also do have a lot to offer, I am fun to be around, I am social and can make friends easily and I have a lot of passion for the things I love. Maybe I should stop comparing myself and remind myself that maybe I too bring something different, something she couldn’t do because she is not me. She is her, and I am me.
When people tell me there will always be kinder people than me, I find it hard to take in because it feels so big. But hearing that I can develop in all of the areas I am good at, made me feel like I had the chance to be someone unique who can’t be compared to anyone because no one can ever be a second me, like everyone out there are unique too. It felt more calming to watch it from the perspective of what I am good at, because instead of putting myself down and feel ashamed for being jealous, I have just learned I focuses on the wrong sides of me as a person. I should focus on what I do well in and what I love and work on those things, rather than comparing myself to someone I will never fully know 100% either. Usually we never show ourselves fully to people, so maybe there are things I can do that she can’t, so I shouldn’t put myself down for not being like her, but remind myself I should be grateful for being my own person
This is such an eye-opener. Thank you for making this video xxx
I used to be very confident. I had a lot of trust in myself. I had good self-esteem, knew my self worth. I accepted who I am and my flaws. I didn't compare myself that much, and I was comfortable in my own skin. After being cheated on with the person I trusted the most, everything, my self image, confidence, worth, everything just crumbled. I am VERY insecure now. I get so jealous easily. I don't think I am enough. Trust issues was shot up so high. And I overthink, compare a lot. It caused so many complications with the next relationships I tried. I needed a lot of reassurance and validations. It's really draining on my part and to whoever my partner is. And I wish I could just go back to who I was before but it's so hard.
Thanks for this. I don't expect jealousy to ever stop being a part of my automatic response to things, especially in my relationships, but if I take some time instead of automatically believing what the jealousy is telling me, I usually end up concluding much of what you summed up here. The comparison is ludicrous.
"Focus on the package that you bring in the table"
i underestimated jealousy and it just killed my relationship horribly. thank you for this man.
Thank you for this. I have been in a struggle the past week with this jealousy of my girlfriend hanging around another guy. We have been open about how we are feeling but it seems like that is not enough. What I have seen are the faults within myself, and how I need to improve my outlook and trajectory of life to be a better man for her and myself.
I don't think it's a good idea for your girlfriend to hang out with other men especially if it makes you feel a certain way.. My now boyfriend used to work with my ex-husband we grew up as very close friends and went to high school we were such good friends his kids call me auntie... fast forward 20 years later and we are now together.. small flirtations can lead to something bigger in the future.
Yeah i wouldn’t be involved in a serious relationship with someone that has close friends of the opposite sex. I would communicate my boundaries and why and say it would also be clean on my side
This may sound very stupid but I'm jealous of my cousin because she makes me like lesser of a person. Three years ago I was training really really hard to lose weight I was self conscious of my weight. Eventually I lost all that weight and made something of my self. But my cousins came to visit me & me my other cousin. We had these really interesting conversations about school and life but she seemed to know more than me and made me feel like shiz for not knowing certain trends, songs, or general knowledge stuff. Also she asked to me to show how big my muscles were it was a little smaller than my other cousins and she cleary pointed it out not that she intended but it happened. I played it off like it wasn't a big deal but it destroyed me. I was jealous and hateful of her at that moment I broke down and asked my self did I not work hard enough, am I doing something wrong?? I'm better today and work hard everyday but will never forget that visit it changed me. Im not the same happy joyful person I used to be. I'm slightly unhappy but not depressed. And guys sorry you had to read this long but just know my cousin she's an amazing person and she didn't mean for this to happen it just opened my eyes and made me realize how much I missed out on or how much of my life I wasted away. I will update about more if anyone responds
I hope you got rid of her...that is super disrespectful.
Humans look at everything through competition. This is not true overcoming of jealousy. This is simply teaching us to find -or image- something somebody else lacks so we don't feel jealous.
The real struggle is just simply be happy for someone.
Because like this logit states, there will always be someone better than you at something. So that means that there are always going to be people that just beat you at everything imaginable.
So what do you do then?
Exacly.
It comes to the point where eventually we will have to learn happiness for others, rather than coping mechanisms for jealousy.