You dont have to defend yourself against a narcissist | The Narcissists' Code Ep 704
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 14 เม.ย. 2023
- you dont have to defend yourself against a narcissist or their smear campaign and lies. They want to drag you out into the open.
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Welcome my channel! If this is your first time seeing my face or hearing my voice, my name is Lee and I am a self aware narcissist. I have narcissistic personality disorder ( NPD ) and I've been in therapy for my personality disorder since 2017 and it has definitely changed my life because without it, I would have lost everything.
The point of these videos is to help bring awareness from the other side of the narcissistic *buse spectrum. All my videos give perspective on why many narcissists do what they do and the possible different reasons behind them. The victims and survivors get validation and the Narcissists (those that are willing) get to see that you can get help and that you are not alone.
Website - www.mentalhealness.net
1 on 1's and all my links - beacons.page/mentalhealness
Weekly Newsletter - subscribepage.io/mentalhealness
Thank you so much
Long ago I learned that if people were talking smack about me, to just let them talk. People who knew me, either would not believe it in the first place, or at least come talk to me about it. And if people who don't know me want to stay away from me because of just something they heard, that works for me too. I only want people in my life who really choose to be there ✌🏽
You are 💯right! That’s what I did and do, and It’s The best way
❤
thanx i needed to see this!
Staying slience is your best defense. What happens in the dark will come to light.
🙏
I did the same thing and this definitely works.
Takes time and patience though.
And if it doesn’t come to light, that’s ok. now it might look important, but with time it won’t even matter anymore.
@@TF-yu9hv yes, looking after yourself should always be your first priority.
Thank you y'all for spreading hope
Narcs always tell on themselves. You don't have to defend yourself. People will see who's the toxic one. These people have patterns that they repeat with everyone they meet. It doesn't go unnoticed.
“Maturity is when you have the power to destroy someone who did you wrong but you just breathe, walk away and let life take care of them.”
My situation at this very moment!
🎯
Tried walking away… when they don’t let you, sometimes you need to fight back with the legal system.
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@@cynn29 Just finalized a Civil Courts Claim & yes, several police reports made thru the years with the now Ex Narc, finally after over 5 yrs. He told lies, lies, lies in written statements called Extortion & Lible with threats to take it further (Of course!) He’s now in the Smear Campaign & my power is SILENCE with the exception of here.
Good news is, I am moving out of state, far away & never looking back 😊
100% correct, Lee! I went NO CONTACT with my ex-narc and I went NO CONTACT with all those Flying Monkeys, who believe my ex narc, without hearing MY side of the story. Trust me, you DO NOT need those Flying Monkeys to be your friends, anyway.
Same here. I don’t interact at all with my ex or flying monkeys he recruited. Silence & your success is the best way to get the narc.
What if the flying monkeys are authorities..ugh ! I still going no contact with them ..pushing them out as best I can ..😢
@@CFDBM_TEAM You MUST go 'no contact' with ALL of the Flying Monkeys and the Narc's., PERIOD. There is -0- change for any of them, now or in the future. They are a sick group with no cure, at all....They have no pills for any Narc's, as far as I know. I can not speak for Lee but let his wife, speak for him, instead.
Being silent is the toughest thing to learn. You get defensive so fast at some point. I had to learn to stay silent and not give them any information or ammunition that they would use against me later.
I need to remember this! My reaction just gives him more ammunition… thanks for this!
I'm not going to defend it, if they believe lies without ever talking to me they've always been on #teamdysfunction
They go all out to destroy your career too,but at the end of the day God helps you with the prayers you say and instead of you to loose, you end up winning.
So glad I just retired 😂😂😂🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉❤❤❤❤❤
I always ignore them (unless it's a serious accusation) they eventually end up exposing themselves or just go away.
I lost my job thanks to a smear campaign. My direct report (55F) accused me (36F) of sexually assaulting and harassing her because I held her accountable and called her out on her disruptive behavior. There was no evidence. It was her word against mine. I never played into it or tried to defend myself either. I just kept doing my job until HR suspended me. She somehow convinced an entire building full of people that I'm a sexual predator despite never showing any inappropriate behavior. I had to hire an attorney and still lost my job. Basically because I was the supervisor I'm automatically at fault regardless of no evidence. Most evil person I've ever met in my life.
I’m sorry you lost you’re job because of this narcissist co worker. No doubt they have already started on their new victim at the same workplace and hopefully the truth about their toxicity will be exposed with the appropriate consequences. Either way, I truly believe they will reap what they sow. It’s inevitable. I also hope and pray that God blesses you with an even better job
That happened to me but I was the employee. I had documentation but no one cared. Apparently this is just the management style. They have lost 60 employees in 2 years.
Very sorry to hear that. Something similar happened to me with the difference that my reputation as a professional was completely ruined,(saying the only reason I was successful was because I had privileges without doing any actual good work) despite me not contributing to these rumors in no shape or form. Staying šílené and just doing my job well did not help me, because the smear campaign was so large - when outside people came into contact with me they were always pleasantly surprised and even stated that publicly, but that was like a drop in the ocean. I am continuing to work well and behave professionally at all times, I do not comment, but it has gotten to a point where I'm actually damaged in the sense that I have trouble getting a new job. I do wonder what to do in such cases? Anyway I wish you all the best for the future!
So sorry!
Silence is Most definitely key
I remember when my ex did this to me a few months ago, he created a smear campaign against me to his whole family . Everything he told them I did to him was everything he did to me! I've learned though once u stop trying to be a people pleaser and not care what people think about you, (because whether u doing great or doing horrible there will always be a crab in the bucket trying to pull u down) u will have more peace in your life then uve ever experienced. Also, I remember how betrayed I felt when I realized what my ex had lied on me about because I've never been through something like that before, and in my mind I wanted justice so bad, ( not to repay evil for evil, but honest justice) and I wanted to speak out so bad to defend Myself to his family, but then I realized if his family believes his scandalis lies and doesnt ask me about anything they are just as bad as him and i dont need people like that in my life. I dont need narcissistic puppets in my life, but people that have their own mind and question everything and not just be so apt to believe anything and everything that comes out of his mouth. So they all did me a favor. ❤ But anyways, Thanks for the wonderful video as always ❤ peace and blessings to you and your family Lee and to everyone watching this video ❤ God bless you all. 🙏
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Unfortunately a lot of people say that an uncontested lie becomes the truth.
That's why it depends what it is.... if it's a lie that's putting your safety, livelihood or freedom at risk then you address it. Otherwise, if it's petty/ unimportant let it go cause it doesn't matter anyway .
She handled that like a boss!😎🔥🔥🔥Good on her and those fake friends being outed.👍🏽
Not only was my entire life and world completely, but also did a HUGE smear campaign and my awesome reputation is no longer and people I thought I knew....some for 50 years....believed the lies and wouldn't even look at my evidence. 98% completely turned their backs on me. How can they believe someone that they never met or maybe met 1 or 2 times. How can they believe the lies.?
I appreciate people who spread rumors about me, it helps to eliminate the people closest to me who actually believed them.
🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
I need to live this… I lost my only sibling because she believed everything my ex said…
Exactly! I let ppl say what they want to. If weak minded ppl believe their foolishness I don't need them in my life. I can't stand being around weak minded ppl!!!
A family member of mine did this to me. She used me to her benefit and then put a lot of people against me by kissing their butt and talking BS about me all at the same time. She totally manipulated them and they have no clue!! They also have no clue that she talks BS about them too. So, she is two faced. She is so covertly malicious I think she has NPD or something along those lines.
Yeah, it sucks. The best thing is no-contact, hold silence. It is a Discipline, for sure, but a worthy one. Truth does come out
My grandfather once told me that a still tongue makes a wise head.
No contact only way to deal with these humans 🙏🏽💯🙏🏽💯🙏🏽💯
How do you create new connections when you’re in a smear campaign? I’m terrified new people will believe him. I’m years out, but still am terrified of losing people and having people believe him.
Most people enjoy smear campaigns, and see them as a guilty pleasure, unless they're the recipient of one. That's how far humanity has fallen.
As a targeted individual since the dawn of the internet, I can tell you from experience saying nothing doesn't help, either.
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I needed this because I'm anticipating a smear
As
Stay strong
What about REVEALING THE TRUTH of who he REALLY is? My guy had 160k in loans from one woman and another paying mortgage/taxes/fees on a property in the States; all the while dating 4 women. He never told me and I was days from marrying him and his debt. I wasn't SMEARING I just wanted people to know he’s a FRAUD. I'm NO NARCISSIST and I find those behaviors are criminal.
Wish this video was made back in 2010, would've saved me anguish.
But that's ok, for now stuff is happening. I am still learning too ignore those people. Thanks Lee 😊
you’re welcome
I’m going through this right now. He did it while I was still with him and now that I’m gone. At first, I wanted to tell everyone he’s a narcissist but then I said the best thing I can do is continue to focus on me. I’m going to continue with no contact.
Wow, I am going thru this right now and waiting on him to leave, since he says he’s gonna leave….. challenging learning how to be silent like he be silent against me. Lord Help Me🤲🏾
I went no contact four years ago. I believe I already won. The narc is literally playing this game by themselves and is being exposed. I can tell it really irks them that they get no response from me. 😂😂😂
Please do a video on ways to heal while still living with the narcissist. Planning to go but still working on things
I really appreciate these Videos ,I am unfortunately being targeted at my job by a Narcissist at my job she gave me the silent treatment one day out of the blue and made our work environment very hostile and as a Nurse the is very unprofessional and it makes our job much more stressful.Unfortunately my job maybe because of the extreme shortage of nurses has only enabled her bizarre behavior by accommodating her after she refused to work on the same unit with me after I gave her the silent treatment in return and distanced my self from her and refused to kiss her butt and beg her to talk to me like she clearly wanted me to .She has now tried to make her self look like the victim and has tried to punish me at the same time But know that I understand exactly what I am dealing with I have been able to no longer give her the negative reactions that she needs.I have recently exposed her negligence on the job for with holding some of my patients medication and medical information via communication on our computer for every one at work to see her horrible behavior that she has covertly been doing on the low behind the seems .So at this point she will either be forced to leave me alone and find a new supplier or continue on with her unprofessional shenanigans ,with trying to sabotage me and end up sabotaging her self and her own nursing career .UNBELIEVABLE 😢AND SAD .But wish me the best 🎊 😊
Lots of covert narc aggressors in nursing - avoid the ones who laugh the loudest in company or act like they are in a film with dramatic forlorn mouth open 'who me?' stances. And those who quickfire questions at you trying to trip you up.
Two days ago she got hired at my new job now I’m not sure if it was coincidence of if she is stalking me so know I must get a restraining order and go work somewhere else SMDH
Those who bring also carry. My narc ex- husband’s friends & family are still rude to me but if they can’t figure it, not my problem. Thankfully it almost never happens.
A dog that will bring a bone will tote a bone...
If anyone would ever believe my sociopathic ex then they have what is coming to them because he's so toxic and burns bridges with everyone he builds a relationship with (friendships and gfs). Ppl didn't warn me abt him, so I will never warn ppl any him, let them believe, let them get burned and then they will learn that dealing with him is liked putting your hands in fire!
I miss him and what we had,
our friendship, our connection:
WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING.
But he never really cared about me.
He used me and discarded me.
Replaced me so easily.
Why is she better than me? Why?
What makes her so much more profoundly better than me?
Is he her best friend now?
Or maybe is there even more between them?
Why couldn't he love me like he loves her?
Is there something wrong with me?
Is she just so much better?
He's replaced me with another.
In an instant: just like that.
HE REPLACED ME.
HE SHATTERED MY HEART.
HE RAPED MY SOUL.
I'm all alone and suffering in anguish,
and they are living happily ever after together.
The PTSD and the loneliness and the grief that he's given me...
Makes it so that I can't breathe.
I drowned. I suffocate. I die inside.
I'm in hell with no escape.
NO ESCAPE.
I need him.
I loved him.
He raped my soul:
brutally viciously violently maliciously.
Every night: nightmares.
Every day: panic attacks.
I want to die.
Every morning I wake up in despair,
desperately praying to die.
I can no longer bear the pain.
I could die from the pain of missing my best friend.
He betrayed and abandoned me, discarded me like garbage.
My mind can't fathom, my heart can't comprehend.
I live in perpetual panic and terror and loneliness and longing...
I'm so alone in the world. I die of fear.
I'm so fucking traumatized and terrorized and terrified.
I'm dying inside. My soul is raped.
He's given me severe PTSD. Severe! Severe! Severe!
How and when will I ever heal?
In 5 days, it'll be exactly 5 months...
God, as I walk through this hell and heartache and grief,
I pray you guide and direct and hold me...
I won't be stuck in hell anymore. Enough is enough!!!
It's time to be free: in Jesus's name!
I’m giving my life to Jesus! 100%!
REMINDER TO SELF:
When you chase a man,
you NEVER get the man,
and you ALWAYS lose yourself!
I stay Grateful, that the ppl that know Me,, will not listen to anything that can be said about Me, because, I've ALWAYS, stay(ed) True too Myself & Anybody I Ever Encounter🎉❤ Thank You for AFFIRMATIONS & CONFIRMATIONS,,, I've gained a lot more knowledge & understanding, that I've Prayed about, when it comes to the mind of a narcissist, which I would not have known, just thought I was attracting dogs',, but narcissist's are a different kind of being, with a different thought process, dark as it may be, I just know, they are highly attracted to empaths!!! & that's the wrong one's to mess with, We Are Chosen from above, which Strength, power & discernment comes from, but some,,, sadly succumbs to the torment, that is set out to destruct,,, their very soul😢 #Healingsurvivor❤
Mine is keeping a journal on me on how mad my face looks, VERY MAD! He even hallucinated a conversation with me at 10:30 at night. I'm in bed by 8 and usually asleep by 9:30 (we sleep in separate rooms). He is eat up with alcohol and decompensating, meaning his organs are damaged. But this is taking soooo long and I can't take it any more! So I'm about to get hit with a smear campaign soon myself because I don't want to live here any more and haven't wanted to for years.
You are doing great, Lee! I know you have your own rewards, but you are helping a lot of people to understand what is going on in their lives.
True
I agree.
💯💯
God sees them doing the bad mouthing it will only result in more karma for them
Why do narcissists even go on smear campaigns what’s the psychology behind it ?
To protect against shame and taking responsibility for their actions.
Also so they can twist the story so that they’re the victim
@@Erica-wz8yv they LOVE being a victim I found out that empathy allows us to be easily manipulated giving them potent supply until we catch on that our empathy is being used against us to sever there needs and to prop up there mask and distort view of being a victim.
So they can turn everybody against you and make you miserable. When you're miserable, it's their accomplishments and their supplies. Implying that they are great for making you suffer
To make you look bad in front of others, and/or to elevate themselves and feel better about their own shortcomings... it's massive insecurity.
You’re for sure my favorite narcissist right under my dad lol, I been watch your videos because I got out of a relationship a few months ago with a narcissist and also would like to get my dad into therapy one day (currently in the process of getting myself in therapy first❤️)
My father is a narcissist towards my mother. Witnessing his behavior has made me have to work through anger issues. Affects the kids too. In my 40s still trying to get it under control.
A social media Rocky Balboa vs Tommy Gunn!!!
Thank you for your honesty and advice 🙏
This video is spot on.
It's not worth it you'll expend to much energy.
Yep 💯
Thank you for the affirmation 😊
You’re welcome
I'm I ❤️ Am getting Your journal And thank you for ALL Your content, sharing examples And giving some awesome Advice! You are doing so Much good And thank you to Your beautiful wife for respecting And supporting Your campaign XOXO 😘
THANK YOU! 🙏❤️
You’re welcome
court for me. going for full custody of my son
Engaging, not engaging...it's a lose-lose. The best thing to do is just get on with your life. Good people will hang in there with you. Those who feed on the drama will fall away. lol
I learned a looooonnnggg time ago with my ex that he will tear me down behind my back and hope I'll respond with anger just so he can point and say, "See, told you she was a psycho!" I just ignore it all until I see him out in public with his groupies, then I'll walk over and be ever so pleasant because I know he won't do it to my face because he knows I'll call bullshit and laugh at him and start correcting his stories with verifiable facts, totally humiliating him in front of his groupies. That's all it takes to get THEM to start questioning HIS truthfulness because they can see with their own eyes that he's not doing any of the things he was bragging he would do "the next time he sees me." (ie; telling me off or whatever).
Yes, my mom has been smearing me since birth 🙄🙄🙄
spot on
I try
@@MentalHealness ok
i cut my toxic dysfunctional family off two years ago. an associate of mine ended up discovering my parents and sending them information pertaining to my exact location after i specified to him that i left home due to the abuse. i stood within my truth and power against my father as i spoke up for my siblings and myself pertaining to us being abused by my mother throughout our whole entire lives and how my mother is a narcissist. my father protected my mother abusing my siblings and i, defended the fuck out of her. specified to me that my mother attempting to beat me within my face with a baseball bat, her pulling a gun out on me, her specifying to me that if i desired to kill myself to let her know and she’ll help, and plan for my funeral, and that when my mother found out i slit my wrist, she went to go attain a box cutter out of the car and handed it to me to “see how i do it, since i get a thrill out of it”, was merely how “older people are.” specified to me that he’s more of a narcissist than my mother. attempted to gaslight me, belittle me, degrade me, everything. clarified to me that he loves me. i didn’t respond to that statement. i was met with betrayal that day, knowing that someone that was supposed to be my protector ended up being one of the individuals that i needed to protect myself from. bittersweet. learned how to protect myself. ever since i left home, ive has to block over ten different accounts on my twitter due to my mother formulating fake accounts to smear campaign me with. after i stood within my power and truth against my father, she’s gone silent lmfaooo. they expected for me crumble at their words. my mother clarifying to me “you think you’re strong, but i know you and you aren’t as strong as you think you are.” my dad clarified to me that my mother cries everyday and im like “good, she’s finally reaping what she’s sowing for what she did to my siblings and i all of these years.”
Just say goodby and wish them luck without you and then block all numbers, connections and delete all mail and pictures because that was not coming from the person you thought it was.
Lee after they have smeared you , does this mean they are finally never going to try and hoover you up again at a later stage. My Ex is now feeding joint friends information about nacarcissts implying that I am one. I'm staying calm as my friends have just laughed about it because they know its him. What I would like to know is, what comes next, do they go away, go quiet or should I expect a text or something months down the line
I think the answer is... Whatever Gets YOU to think about them, is what they will use in that moment.
@@meechipeachiI’m curious, too. He is incapable of finding new supply, continues to smear me, and I’m wondering if it will ever stop?
Man, listen if you want to talk bad about me feel free to just make up some more and add that too.
Right! 💯😅👍
That’s creepy - 1,000 TikTok’s
Smother it. Be quiet.
Whew
Narcissistic lovvvve to POKE!
🙏💜😌 yup.
Lee I called police he beat me
Protect yourself and stay safe
My ex husband is an idiot. After we broke up due to his numerous lies, theft and finally cheating, he was telling all the neighbors that he didn't cheat on me. I don't talk to my neighbors other than a casual hi. Most of these neighbors are friendly to us but we're not friends, and people here got jobs, kids and better things to do. When I found out, I was like smh 🙄
Ugh this is so hard to do though lol I made the mistake of defending myself t a couple of mutuals. There weren’t a ton of consequences of it other than the ick I felt with everyone knowing my business.
The lies he was telling were so wild ppl didn’t believe it but the weird thing about narcissistic abuse is how much it distorted healthy narcissism.
I came across a academic paper about having a strong reaction to false accusations. Essentially the “hit dog will holler” phenomenon. It’s so frustrating, because of course, someone being falsely accused of things would be angry. It’s a completely natural response to something not being true, but the fact that it arousing suspicion in others is literally what narcissist know and manipulate to their benefit. It’s so infuriating and exhausting. Because by the end, you may have someone who has inflicted so much in dignity on you it feels like a betrayal of yourself to not fight back. I guess silence is the right way, but at least, in my case it didn’t feel right at the time. I know I probably look bat shit crazy to some people dealing with me in the very aftermath of my discard lol.
Yes.
I'm dealing wit Narcissistic ex an Cys. Omg. My poor babies I have May 16&17th. Gaslighting is emotional abuse period. Possitive vibes may they really trying to take my babies. Insane. Imma sue the shit outta them eventually. STRONGfamVALUEZ COMMUNITY CENTER WILL BE OPENED. IN THE MISSION STATEMENT IT WILL HAVE MENDING FAMILYZ. BREAKING THE CYCLE. F Cys Norristown pa Montgomery county.
You said reputation is everything to narcissist .. then how to be silent during defamation .. contradictory
Everything to a narcissist vs protecting yourself and not entering unnecessary back and forth is not contradictory
You're silent during defamation cause your (good) actions will speak for themselves. Only speak up if it's a serious accusation where your safety, job, freedom or life are in danger. Don't engage in petty/meaningless arguments.
Hi there. Not sure if you touch on the topic, probably. I'm new to this site. Thank you. I uncovered a narcissist. I'm in no contact now. But I realized now he gave me a date rape drug, not to rape be but to have full reins to the house to snoop. I'm sure he found everything, SS # and all. Can I tell him I won't expose him to friends and work if he leaves my personal info alone? I'm afraid now of identity theft. I'm sure he has friends on the same page as to help him accomplish getting money. I'm really scared.
I know I've got some wild stories about me being spread..don't care. Anyone that believes the garbage spewing from his mouth isn't someone that matters to me.
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♥️
Did you stop thinking narc or just start seeing life through a filter?
Really interested, not trying to hurt.
1000 plus videos? Buddy was obsessed with you Lee lol..
What I don’t understand is how they can Hoover after smear campaigns? Like how do you go back
Edit: “you”being the toxic person
I was literally wondering how they fix their mouth to say they like you again
Do Narcissists people have Common Sense?
Define Common Sense in this usage
Everybody who has Common Sense can know that what you are doing is not working and you need to change your mindset and habits in order to get a better life or move forward to get that better life and See that the games that Narcissists plays no one wins,not even the Narcissist .
No.
Police 👮♀️ get they attention and camera 🎥 😂😂😂🎉🎉🎉🎉
Can we email you?
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