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How to Resolve Relationship Conflict | Tim Ferriss
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First and best thing for resolving conflict: Listen. Listen, listen and listen again. Listen 90% or the time and ask to verify that you understand correctly. That will help so much!
@@ItsKeaton More of this. It's not easy.
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@@ItsKeaton I have been in a relationship for 3 years now and we have been very happy together so we where about to get married and it was the happiest time in my life but something happen he was not happy about the marriage and it get me worry 4 weeks before our weeding I find out the he has someone ex and which he also promised marriage as well 3 days latter he came back and ask us to cancel the weeding i was not happy with him because of the change at once and make me want to kill myself, i don't eat or drink for 2 good day because i have no hope of living a friend of my came to visit me to see how we are preparing for the weeding and I told her everything that happen she told me not to worry that she has someone to fix things out for me she give me Dr santy contact which i immediately contacted him and he ask for my details which i did and ask me to pay some amount of money that make me think he is fake bout my friend ask me to believed and i did all that he ask a week latter he came back and beg me to forgive him and even bought me a new car just to me me happy please if there is any one of you out there that need this type of help please contact this great Dr on his Email address dr.santyjatto@ gmail. com or whatsapp him on his number +2348145243120 this is how God use this man to restore my relationship back in just a week and 4 days Contact him on any kind of SPELL1) Love Spells2) Lost Love Spells3) Divorce Spells4) Marriage Spells5) Binding Spells6) Breakup Spells7) Banish a past Lover.8.) You want to be promoted in your office9) want to satisfy your lover10) Death spell11)Gay/Lesbian Love spell12)Money spell13) court case spell14)celebrity spell15) politics spell16) Exams spell17)Beauty spell18)Good-luck spell19) Do as i say spell
If your narcissist won't hear you you can't make another person listen.. leads to a lot of bottled emotions and trust issues😢
Next book: The 4 Hour Love lol
:-)
"Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity." - W. Clement Stone
Good point! But that's sounds like a recipe for regional nuclear exposion when it comes to relationship.......
Thanks a lot for sharing fantastic ideas to keep good relationships.
1. Meditation. Waking up app
2. Awareness and how we are creating stories.
3. Book of awareness.
4. Couples day ....not about Quantum it's about the time.
5. Batching sessions.
6. Choose partner wisely , what you become in future is the avg of 5 people to whom we have spent time with ..
Time is precious and whatever you are creating for us is can't compare with anything...it is the best and it hits directly to the life - well being...thanks again.
"You know what I would really enjoy more of" ... brilliant
Acknowledging growth. He's pushing me towards healing & missing our old dysfunction less & less. I receive it. I'm glad in it. I'm encouraged beyond this moment where I'm afraid of slipping back into our harmful habits, that I'm stuck intimately. Recognizing we have farther to go. Seeing we've come so far already. #imperfectimprovement
Wow. I'm loving this surge of TH-cam posts Tim!
Tim, I'm really loving these practical life tips that you've been putting out lately. Personally, it's the first time in my life where I'm taking notes, implementing the change, or taking action. Thank you!
Patience, understanding (LOTS of IT!) and communication.
This is such GOLD, a relationship could either be a catapult that helps you soar faster or a ticking time bomb that brings you further down, choose wisely 🔥🚀💪
I think along your first point, one of the most important things in conflict is also understanding how the other person approaches conflict. Some people just aren’t great at conflict and understanding that can make you a better communicator.
That first step of being aware of our own made up stories is such an important step 👏
Great video Tim! I've read these "tools" in multiple different books, but it is nice having a video of it all combined!
Here's a summary:
Pre-tool. Don't avoid conflict, instead seek to resolve it
1. Become aware of your internal states and the stories you create in your head
- App: Waking Up
- Book: Awareness by Anthony De Mello
- The gap between stimulus and response is where you decide to be "response - able" (responsible)
2. Have a very candid assessment of your sensitivities and pet peeves
- Communicate in a way your partner will listen/understand
3. Quarterly "couple's day" is advised (BATCHING SESSION)
- Can help if facilitated by third party
- Difficult conversation is not about the topic but more about the timing
- What are they doing well?
- What are you doing well?
- What do you want more of?
- You NEED follow-up! Take notes on this meeting/batching session and refer to these in the days following the session. Review these notes before starting your next batching session
"If you want to avoid conflict, do not associate with people who are always in conflict." - Naval Ravikant
I hope this helps you consume/retain the content in this video!
If this is keeping you, Tim Ferriss, in a relationship and happy and thriving, then I think it is worth paying attention to. I'm all ears! I need all the help I can get! Thanks for the very timely (quarantine) video! Helpful stuff.
Review: Awareness was at first a bit slow, but once you make it through the initial chapters this book is gold! I re-read the last 2/3 many times and recommended it to friends.
Also love the candid admittance of not being patient and growing up with a lot of negative reinforcement 😹 can relate! 😩
Well, when trying to resolve conflict in relationships you can use some of these tips:
1- Determine your conflict style
2- Try to fight in private first
3- Be sure you're ready to fight
4- Know what you are fighting about
5- Fight about problems that can be solved
Know what youre fighting about🔥🔥
Been wanting to see content on this topic from you for a long time. I know how it has been challenging for you (as it is for us all), and you haven't talked about it a lot before.
You can be an abusive alcoholic and do all those things Tim mentions.
Relationships are a macro game, not a micro game of little techniques.
Every relationship has to have a shared purpose and the people need to be compatible.
Very compatible people can be together without much of a purpose, they can sit around and watch Netflix together.
Somewhat compatible people better have a strong sense of purpose - raising children usually.
Then within the relationship, some people want to reduce the amount of senseless drama. That's where techniques Tim mentions become helpful.
The best technique I know is learning to become aware of when you or someone else has thrown rational thinking overboard and is operating based on feelings. When that happens, you need to let the tide pass or make a rare override hard stance in the case of emergency.
If someone is operating based on feelings on a regular basis, you either need to accept the responsibility of managing their feelings by providing them with an environment where the feelings he/she experiences are acceptable to you, or you need to let them go. People who operate based on feelings can't manage shit, but they can still be great fun to be around - that's what having children is about. Just make sure you accept the reality of what taking care of children is like - you manage their emotional state. Make sure you don't end up with someone who is a permanent child :)
Omfg that is insanely smart. But the last technique makes you an emotional sponge. And feels manipulative, to a person who at the same time, can have higher IQ, and /or can lash out at you for any reason. So low chance of success there I’m afraid.
OMG i suggested the quarterly therapy and positive reinforcement 3 months ago...
Does this mean I've surpassed master Tim?!! OMG!! the 4 hour Tim inc!
I loved that last bit - “You are the average of the five people you associate with most”.
Very relevant right now Tim. Wise words. Choose wisely.
“Often those that criticise others reveal what he himself lacks.”
I am going buy his book because of this
Did he say that in this interview?
It's very easy to misunderstand people entirely, without good communication. Sometimes its possible to imagine problems that are actually easy to solve.
Step one, Refer to Marcus Aurelius....
Cant go wrong
Step two, refer to Marcus Aurelius.
Hi Tim. One of my favorite books.. Awareness by Tony de Melo! Haven't heard anyone else reccomend this. Awesome content! Thank you
Your honesty is great
Today I was having some conflicts with my partner and here we go, Tim here with some recommendations.
Thanks for your valuable suggestions 😊.
this is why i support tim through buying his books - his content is 100 - great advice - thank you tim
Wow, well timed, well said, great to see you at it Tim.
Highly relevant info as always. Thanks Tim!
Thank you soo much,
It was much needed from your side 💜
Love it, thanks for your work and devotion, you're such a brainiac. Pissing in the wind can suck, huge fan of you keeping it genuine.
Your five bullet Friday was what got me hooked on his app or how I found out about it.
This was very helpful for me personally, Iv experienced this within my life of people having a story or agenda in their head that jilts ther perception, usually makes them have a victim mentality
Wow interesting. Thank you
Ive had a lot of success with a similar format that we just came by naturally, it uses the same few questions
Tim doesn't get old.
This is a very good structured, very informative video that has lots of tips.Thank you for your tips Tim Ferriss
We love you Tim! Keep up the great content:)
Typical Tim, explaining relationships with a pen in his hand :)
S Kay 🤣🤣🤣 u’re nuts
Needed this one very badly ❤❤
First how to get into relationship
A genuine question....
Be involved
Thank you, Tim! That's really helpful. I like the quarterly review idea. Epic! Peace & Blessings.
The last point was the most important one
I got my help from someone, he was the only one who was able to help me bring back my ex husband back to me and he save and solve my relationship problem❤️❤️❤️
Text me via what’s app for recommendation ❤️❤️❤️
+ 1 6 7 8 4 2 6 5 0 9 5
From Los Angeles ❤️❤️❤️
We also have a "Bitching Session"...
I'm currently mad at my girlfriend. See, we've had arguments so many times, and so far, it's always been my fault. I was always the one who was wrong and had to apologize. The one who had to redeem themself. And I have no problem with owning my mistakes. It's just, I'm tired of being _that guy._ Yesterday, I told my girlfriend that I was jealous of her. Jealous that she was always right and I was always wrong. That it brought me so much pain and self-doubt. And she said, "It's not always about right and wrong."
That actually angered me. Can anyone guess why? I don't want to have to explain it. I want someone to understand how I'm feeling without clarification. So again, I told her how I was jealous of her for always being right...how I was in pain by constantly being "the bad guy" while she was "the good guy" in our conflicts...and she said it isn't always about right and wrong. Why do you think that response bothers me?
Hey Tim!!!
I’m reading “ 4 hour work week “ 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
You should’ve born in Jupiter or Mars
Out of the world dude!!
hey Tim, was curious about when you started having these conversations in your relationship? I find that I try to have them maybe too early - and was curious about your timing?
great stuff. thank you.
I think the issue that you have, is trying to make relationships systematic
T3hTroll agreed. You can’t. Same with parenthood. Too dynamic to systematize.
It's not complete chaos either. I do see value in detecting certain patterns and finding best practices to address them. While always keeping in mind, though, that people and relationships are never black and white.
Excellent!
I get all my relationship advice from Tim
Thanks for the Heads up warning/advice/suggestion....I hope it'll help Me in future as I am SINGLE AF RN😂
💖 thanks. I have been recently spending time with a guy and it's brought up alot of issues I didn't see I had before. I'm excited to have uncovered them, because to me, the first step to recovery of anything is admitting there is a problem... And it laid dorment in my single life... Or at least it's easier to ignore, except the fact is I'm sure it would still effect the way I interact and process the world. I tend to turn into a victim I think, because I'm used to that role..... Time to work on it. Because the lesson keeps coming at me the more I spend time together with him.
It’s like the universe just listened to me !
Why the conflict? Where did it originate, understand the origin, undetstand the present, big love, keep your mind, keep your life🔥🤘❤🔥
Hey Tim. You're sort of obsessed with learning and optimizing every area of life. What if you wouldn't had the kind of understanding partner that you have and had someone not that understanding and someone who doesn't love optimizations?? What do u do then?? How'd you approach that??
Then find her!
Wow mic drop at the end
this is awesome
I got my help from someone, he was the only one who was able to help me bring back my ex husband back to me and he save and solve my relationship problem❤️❤️❤️
Text me via what’s app for recommendation ❤️❤️❤️
+ 1 6 7 8 4 2 6 5 0 9 5
From Los Angeles ❤️❤️❤️
Dude awesome
you awesome ❤
How’s that go for the sex/romance part of a relationship? Feels like an employee performance evaluation.
First here.. AND BADLY NEED THIS ADVICE
Abee...... Jonny sins Hain kya😂😂
4 hour relationship
👆🏽👆🏽This dude help me to gain access to my partner phone without him knowing about it thanks for everything ✌️
Mr. Tim:
Can you make a video in:
99% people are not business owners. But they want to become rich.
How it goes? What books should read? What suggestions you can give 99% people. To help them because rich with out own a business.
What financial education should have to become rich?
Many thanks
Ke Qin Yang
Great tips like always Tim! I appreciate your time sharing this info with us! Thank you 🥰
I am a 70 yr old woman. 2 failed marriages. Relationships are too hard. Just can't do it anymore.
You treat your relationship interactions like a business meeting. I imagine this must be the most frustrating part for your partner. You shouldn't time block intimate connections.
You are clearly misunderstanding the point. Why don't you make a video and explain it to us Dr Phil?
@@ThePasindu this is the Internet, these are my thoughts. Tim Ferris is great, but I don't see him as an expert on this topic. It seems incredibly controlling to micromanage a relationship this way.
Ideally, you are right, in reality, after having a 9- and 7-year relationship, I can vouch its easy to forget in all the daily stuff, to do these things.
Think these non romantic and planned approaches is indeed a framework to keep your relationship healthy, and people are too proud for it thinking they can manage themselves. Sadly the amount of divorces proves otherwise.
Is he related to Ferris Bueller
5:59 You know what I'd really enjoy more of - what would really make me happy to get more of - is *ex*
That's perfect advice. You'll be back to not worrying about relationship conflicts in no time!
So Tim has a girlfriend now?
This is off-topic, but anyone have any idea what brand of hoodie Tim is wearing?
Lose Your Ego. That's the first step.
Does anyone know the type of camera and mic he uses?
I'm distracted by the Fur Pillow.
Wow
I got my help from someone, he was the only one who was able to help me bring back my ex husband back to me and he save and solve my relationship problem❤️❤️❤️
Text me via what’s app for recommendation ❤️❤️❤️
+ 1 6 7 8 4 2 6 5 0 9 5
From Los Angeles ❤️❤️❤️
Wow, I honestly feel like sticking to a rigid schedule just turns us into robots, because scheduling what sounds like a business meeting in personal relationships sounds so formal and unnatural. Also, the whole positive reinforcement thing sounds a lot like dog training. How about we listen to each other, learn to be vulnerable with each other, respectful, honest, patient, kind and trusting towards each other and admit that we are individuals who can make our own decisions and that we are all doing our best trying to navigate in the extremely unnatural and stressed out society we are forced to live in?
The people in my life who I 'chose' were ones who always reminded me that I wasn't quite good enough. They 'motivated' me right into burnout doing things that I never found meaningful, but that society told me and them was desirable. I now associate with those who love me for me and who help me find the authentic me underneath all the social conditioning that messed me up. I also make sure to closely associate with far more than five people of all backgrounds, ages, genders, sexual orientations and walks of life so I can get a broad picture of the world.
Tim once said that a person's success can often be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have. The thing about uncomfortable conversations, is they only work if we actually listen to people with perspectives that are drastically different than ours, not if we surround ourselves with clones who have all the same ideals.
💯agree with you Ania
Tim Ferris Fans: "This is cool, but tell us what model of pen you're using."
I think your girlfriend should have been in this one to throw in her two cents about how well those things are working or not working. :)
I got my help from someone, he was the only one who was able to help me bring back my ex husband back to me and he save and solve my relationship problem❤️❤️❤️
Text me via what’s app for recommendation ❤️❤️❤️
+ 1 6 7 8 4 2 6 5 0 9 5
From Los Angeles ❤️❤️❤️
Did she stick with you while you worked on your self?
Tim could you make a video about how to make snake oil in exactly 4 hours?
How do you prioritize things in your life?
He doesn’t want to work. It’s hard to find a guy who sets aside for a batching session.
Can you talk about 'Ego' next
Great advice. You sound like an engineer 😉! I couldn’t help thinking that your ‘batching’ sessions were originally called something similar (with the ‘a’ replacing an ‘i’) 🤣!
Who's also here after a fight with your spouse during quarantine?
Tim "my girlfriend" Ferris
I got my help from someone, he was the only one who was able to help me bring back my ex husband back to me and he save and solve my relationship problem❤️❤️❤️
Text me via what’s app for recommendation ❤️❤️
+ 1 6 7 8 4 2 6 5 0 9 5
From Los Angeles ❤️❤️❤️
I would love meeting notes from “batching” sessions, that would give follow up much more accountability. Lol, Now to find a man as well versed as you 🤔
Christine Champenois agree 😹👏
Here I am :)
If you're not familiar with the groundbreaking research of John gottman you might want to check it out. I won't ruin the surprise by saying anything more but his research is stand-alone in terms of quality
Warning to all of you ready to download the Waking Up app. It does help with awareness, but it is a side effect, not the point of the app. While most of you will be fine, some of you might have revelations that'll be absolutely shocking. I really believe that app is not a toy to play with, though Sam Harris hasn't realized that yet.
For some reason I feel like Tim is forever single . Imagine being Tim and knowing what u know , now go find a girlfriend 😅
His not single
Average Crystal CCC I feel like means I feel like not I know for a fact .
Average Crystal CCC also it’s “he is not “, not “his not “
Let's see what Seneca says about this...
I aspire to be better, but first I want that pen. I feel that if Tim Ferriss likes that pen that much, then it must be quite a pen. It's not random, Right? Can anyone identify that pen for me?
Ohh man I am better in single
She's never really yours, it's just your turn.
Rich Cooper is GREAT!! 🚘🚘🚘🚘🚘🚘
Lol this ain’t a relationship, this is a straight up corporate partnership 😂😂😂😂😂 jk but frl.
Says the guy with no relationships LOL
Pssst...negative reinforcement is reinforcement by means of removing something from one's environment. It is not punishment and quite literally the opposite of it.
Tim, you still have a girlfriend? When you will take responsibility in life man...
I got my help from someone, he was the only one who was able to help me bring back my ex husband back to me and he save and solve my relationship problem❤️❤️❤️
Text me via what’s app for recommendation ❤️❤️❤️
+ 1 6 7 8 4 2 6 5 0 9 5
From Los Angeles ❤️❤️❤️
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