I'm 28 and I've struggled with this my whole life, these videos are a big help for me. I genuinely think that bullying at school is a big factor in why so many people loose confidence in themselves
This is literally what happened to me, in middle school I was picked on and now I’m almost finished with high school and it’s difficult to communicate with people a lot of the times. I stay quiet a lot and I can be awkward making people around me uncomfortable or idk but I just need to snap out of it
That happened to me too, I’m only 19 but I’m just now realizing the level of anxiety I have socially and when I broke it down it did come down to all of the bullying I experienced in school
"Performance mode" I couldn't figure out what it was that caused anxiety in my social life. I felt like I had to be so Impressive but it really not even that serious. Either they like me or they don't
I think this video has told us clearly that we should not focus on our self, we should put our shoes in other's, be more emphatic to others. So that we will now that everyone is taking attention to themselves not ourself. In another word, dont always thinking world is judging us..
What causes your social anxiety, are the childhood events that happened to you when you were a child, those traumas shapes your core beliefs that generates all the thoughts and mental movies that you have . After 4 years, if you still feel that you aren't able to deal with this anxiety that you have in your social life. I'm offering free coaching for the first 10 qualified people who message me on my Instagram " I want to get into the program" by Sunday Dec 8 2019 at 2pm CET at @theboringkaps. Of course first you'll get to know me better , know who i am and how i overcame my social anxiousness :).hurry up! before i close the gates.
Im in your same position, and im also 23. After listening to Dr. Aziz and reading his Articles/books. I have improved my self-esteem greately, it's not on top yet, but i have never felt so good about myself for so many years now, it feels great. But i have struggled with this issue, of being in performance mode when im meeting people in school or job. And i hate it. I want to relax and just be myself. So im starting with his advice: being curious and expressing myself. How you doing now bro?
I'm 23 and I struggle with anger and misanthropy. My situation is also about opening up, but in a different way. I'm trying to learn more about compassion and patience for others and those can only come through confidence and self-love, first.
Close your mind to yourself and whatever you're doing and open your mind to feel, hear and understand what the other person is saying. It's about being natural and not caring too much about the outcome. Knowing who you are so that it's up to the person to decide whether they like you or not but that doesn't matter because you like you.
I've been struggling with this shit almost all of my life. I searched and i watched a lot of videos on this topic but your chanel and videos are different. They are exactly what i am struggiling with and they awesomely describe my situation. Thank you so much good man!
Some people are just more comfortable and relaxed in social settings by themselves. Other people have more difficulty and often need help one way or another. I fall in the second group. I am almost 53 and most of my life I struggled with this. This video had an immediate and significant effect on my interaction with other people. It's like to be set free after a long time of captivity. Thank you so much for the awesome work dr. Aziz.
The video just made me realize the reason why I am always nervous speaking in public, I was always seeing a presentation as a performance. Next Saturday I am giving lectures at University and with this knowledge I feel more confident to go there. Thank you.
that's terrific Maria! I also wrote a book about public speaking. You can pick up a free copy here: www.socialconfidencecenter.com/products/how-to-overcome-your-fear-of-public-speaking/
Instead of "don't think about yourself", have the approach of "listen to / think about them". Problem solved. Sometimes we like to have a problem in order not to change the status quo.
Wow, I know this video is a few years old now but you literally put into words in a very simple way how I've been feeling for so many years now and wondering what could possibly be wrong with me! Especially the 'evaluating yourself' part - I do this ALL the time with friends or social situations and notice my voice even changes as I do it and then I feel like I have someones hands around my throat and my voice comes out all hoarse or strained :( Coming from a background of trauma and abuse I think my anxiety has stemmed from suppressed PTSD, however I'm tired of living in the past or making myself small. I really want to now take control of it and be the best version of myself I can be 🙂
I am 28 and i have struggled so much to interact with people, it's really affect my whole life personal and professional. Your point of view of performance mode is exactly what I was doing. Hope this will change. Thanks 🙏
I’d really recommend meditation, after sometime I forgot to care or worry about what other people thought. I began to notice the difference, after 4 months of daily meditation I’m currently meditating about 2 hours a day 6 months in of doing meditation daily, and it REALLY helps, it will transform you in all aspects
Excellent point about Dale Carnegie's work. I followed his teachings to the letter and found myself so focused on the other people I would talk to, I forgot to really be myself and actually enjoy a balanced, mutually-fulfilling conversation.
I forgot about this. I forgot about not overthinking every little thing and to just get out there and experience socializing, not to plan it out in my head. The video and comments really make me more sure of myself!!
I liked the breakdown of performance and connection mode, but I feel like I can use more tips on how to ease up and get to connection mode. Being curious about them and finding common grounds to express is a good way to maintain connection mode, but channeling the mind to not focus on performance mode is a different challenge that I don't think was addressed much.
Cause: when I was younger my family moved to a country I didn’t feel comfortable speaking the language in. I found everyone intimidating in school so I pretended I was mute 🤐 So I had school around 7-8 hours no socializing... so it makes sense since my whole elementary days went wrong in that area...which explains why it’s rlly hard for me to maintain eye contact but I’m working on it, now I’m in high school and I keep pushing myself to make conversations! Your videos help! Thank you so much 💖🔥
For so long everything I've done around people feels unnatural. I feel like I can't breathe, I feel very restricted, my actions my thoughts all feel so carefully orchestrated and evaluated. I feel very aware of my movements, I feel myself under scrutiny of a 1000 and more eyes. It's interesting to know that I've been performing for my own brain. It's why I couldn't be natural, It's why I don't feel free. Your content feels warm because whenever you talk I feel like you've really felt what I'm feeling, you've really experienced social anxiety and you've come out. Your rhetoric questions always have me going yes, I feel like that.
Found this very helpful. I just realized my anxiety speaking in professional meetings or sessions stems from the fact that I unconsciously talk myself into performance mode. Great content I must say.
My voice always feels strained or raspy or whatever, I feel tense and sometimes the last word of my sentences kinda comes out breathy, u can’t hear it and Idk why.
That's a common physical reaction when you're experiencing social anxiety. You're not alone or unusual. Often you can help yourself by being mindful of your symptoms. Tell yourself to breathe a little more slowly and steadily. Practice this. Expose yourself to having more of this types on conversations while you practice. There are a lot more videos here on my channel that can help you with this. Also, take full advantage of all of my free resources... 1) First, stay in the loop by going here and signing up for my newsletter: socialconfidencecenter.com/products/5-steps-to-unleash-your-inner-confidence/ In the process you’ll receive my ebook that has helped thousands of people, “5 Steps To Unleash Your Inner Confidence.” You’ll also receive a lot of helpful tips and information on a regular basis as well as access to resources only available to subscribers. 2) Subscribe to my podcast here: www.ShrinkForTheShyGuy.com If offers great information for both men and women, including interviews with other leaders in the field of confidence and social anxiety. 3) Subscribe to my TH-cam channel. (Don’t forget to click on the notification bell icon!) I release at least one new video every week! th-cam.com/users/GetMoreConfidence 4) Follow me on Facebook! facebook.com/DrAzizGazipura/ 5) Browse through my published books on specific confidence issues and how to crush them! DrAzizBooks.com 6) Check out my next live event. While not free, these weekend intensive experiences are life changing! socialconfidencecenter.com/events/
Thought that all these comments saying “haven’t heard truer words” and thought this was phony. But really to my surprise, he explained the issue and it made so much sense to me. Glad to say I’ll be working on this!
Great video. I think the problem with confidence can be summarized in - overthinking. Stop thinking and just do it. When in a situation that makes you overthink, just remember the Nike commercial, Just do it. Sounds a bit cheap, but it does help. It always helps, things are never as bas as we imagine they would be.
Crater777 what happens when you just do it' and the people don't like you afterwards?Like meeting your new father in law?you shouldn't restrain and try to conduct yourself a certain way?or just do it?I need advice my man not a Nike commercial, just help me..Can you give any advice to me?
I agree with crater 777, you have to just do it. If you over think things you create scenarios in your mind that might not even exist. If you just do something and not overthink it, you find out the reality of the situation and deal with it either way.
I've got social anxiety and feel like I can never overcome it, your video makes it sound so easy, I hope I can achieve my confidence, and change my life. Thank you so much for the amazing video!
Welcome Amber! You can absolutely overcome it. Subscribe and keep watching as well as look though my past videos for additional help. Also, be sure to take full advantage of all my free online resources… 1) First, stay in the loop by going here and signing up for my newsletter: socialconfidencecenter.com/products/5-steps-to-unleash-your-inner-confidence/ In the process, you’ll receive my ebook that has helped thousands of people, “5 Steps To Unleash Your Inner Confidence.” You’ll also receive a lot of helpful tips and information on a regular basis as well as access to resources only available to subscribers. 2) Subscribe to my podcast here: www.ShrinkForTheShyGuy.com If offers great information for both men and women, including interviews with other leaders in the field of confidence and social anxiety. 3) Subscribe to my TH-cam channel here. (Don’t forget to click on the notification bell icon!) I release at least one new video every week! th-cam.com/users/GetMoreConfidence 4) Follow me on Facebook! facebook.com/DrAzizGazipura/ 5) Browse through my published books on specific confidence issues and how to crush them! DrAzizBooks.com 6) Check out my next live event. These weekend intensive experiences are life changing! socialconfidencecenter.com/events/
Biggest problem I've had since getting into self help at 18 (I'm now 23) is that theres techniques and methods to make people laugh, build rapport etc. AKA theres right things to do and wrong things, so I'm constantly thinking of conversations as "interactions where I should be saying the 'correct' things" - like some sort of robot. Just wish I could feel secure in myself in a room and interact organically and authentically, instead of thinking of the "right" things to say. Sometimes, I just want to "say" and nothing more
I just got into sales.. How funny is it that the times I sold I had built that connection. Today I had a rough day and I keep questioning myself what am I doing wrong? Watching this video, I now realize that I was in performance mode all day! This video has made me learn so much, and I cannot thank you enough for this content! Connection mode baby! It's about having a caring attitude(curious), finding a solution, and utilizing self-expression in a conversation. Thanks so much! Subscribed!
I struggle with telling stories, if I am telling a story people most of the time dont listen. It feels uninteresting what I have to say and I never know how to tell a story. My ex girlfriend asked me how I had been the last couple of months and I literally summoned the whole time in a few sentences and had nothing more to say and said it in the most boring way. I was freezing up the whole time with her. I can't ever think of stuff to say too, not just around her but most of the time. I don't know what to do, but this video feels like it could be the problem, so thank you very much Dr. Aziz
I hope this video continues to help you. If you'd like to hone your speaking ability I would suggest checking out your local chapter of Toastmasters International.
This is actually my problem, am very uncomfortable, tends,and uneasy in a conversation but through this teaching I have listened , has made me understand that it is a performance mode,I just really hope this will help me
I am so glad I found you. I can’t believe this is what I was struggling with my whole life! And what is even crazier is how simple the solution is. Thank you Dr. Aziz.
You're more than welcome my friend! Be sure to take full advantage of all my free online resources… 1) First, stay in the loop by going here and signing up for my newsletter: socialconfidencecenter.com/products/5-steps-to-unleash-your-inner-confidence/ In the process, you’ll receive my ebook that has helped thousands of people, “5 Steps To Unleash Your Inner Confidence.” You’ll also receive a lot of helpful tips and information on a regular basis as well as access to resources only available to subscribers. 2) Subscribe to my podcast here: www.ShrinkForTheShyGuy.com If offers great information for both men and women, including interviews with other leaders in the field of confidence and social anxiety. 3) Subscribe to my TH-cam channel here. (Don’t forget to click on the notification bell icon!) I release at least one new video every week! th-cam.com/users/GetMoreConfidence 4) Follow me on Facebook! facebook.com/DrAzizGazipura/ 5) Browse through my published books on specific confidence issues and how to crush them! DrAzizBooks.com 6) Check out my next live event. These weekend intensive experiences are life changing! socialconfidencecenter.com/events/
Oh my, Dr...... you hit it on the nail. That's my problem, I can truthfully admit, I'm putting on a performance when in communication with others. My attention always drifts on how I'm doing... Me Me Me! I don't want to be that person. As I'm typing now, I'm counting ALL of the "I's" in this message. Thank you for the enlightenment.
this video is very helpful. i find myself getting to excited and talking fast when talking to people. my adrenaline rushes through my veins and my voice gets shaky and this creeps people out. thanks for the tips i will apply them.
You're the best Doc. I have an important meeting in a few minutes and popped in here to ground into connection mode. You're impact on my live is immeasurable. I can't thank you enough for your work.
I do not meet anyone who is interested in me! I am always in connection mode because I am naturally curious about others but people never ask me about me. I met one guy who showed so much interest in me as a person and it really caught me off guard. I think I just need to be more expressive but a lot of people just show such disrespect when I am talking. They interrupt, their eyes glaze over etc.
FemBot maybe you need to observe yourself in conversations. how do you respond? mybe throw something interesting out there in the same context that is about you without sounding like an attentionseeker. of they totally seem not interested then maybe you don't have much incommen and you either need to let it go and find people with the same interests or get to know more about what they are interested
+FemBot I used to experience that crap when people interrupted me myself as well, so I decided to firmly finish my sentence even if they started talking in the middle of it, then I basically assumed that they had understood what I was saying. They would usually be like "lolwut?" and then I calmly told them that they interrupted me and that I hadn't finished my sentence. If I was unable to finish my sentence, then I just let them finish their sentence and then immediately said to them "can I finish my sentence, please?" with a slight tone of annoyance.
That is not an issue with yourself, it's the way the world is steering towards in this day and age. You're doing great if you're being honest and true to yourself. These days of social media driven selfies and filtered pictures, the world is looking for performance. Real people at face value are few and far between, but they are the ones who you'll connect with. I always believe that everyone has "real" deep down, they just need the confidence to let their true self outshine the fake wall that they've put up 🙂
I started a management job for an apartment building… that’s a little rough. I have had angry customers and difficult clients, but this is a whole other level. I’m struggling not getting sucked into their chaotic energy.
I've had counselling the past year and it was definitely helpful but I still didn't really understand what the problem was. This video has summed it up perfectly and now I understand it, I feel I have a much better chance of overcoming. Thank you!
Thanks Connor! I have a lot more available to you... 1) First, stay in the loop by going here and signing up for my newsletter: socialconfidencecenter.com/products/5-steps-to-unleash-your-inner-confidence/ In the process, you’ll receive my ebook that has helped thousands of people, “5 Steps To Unleash Your Inner Confidence.” You’ll also receive a lot of helpful tips and information on a regular basis as well as access to resources only available to subscribers. 2) Subscribe to my podcast here: www.ShrinkForTheShyGuy.com If offers great information for both men and women, including interviews with other leaders in the field of confidence and social anxiety. 3) Subscribe to my TH-cam channel here. (Don’t forget to click on the notification bell icon!) I release at least one new video every week! th-cam.com/users/GetMoreConfidence 4) Follow me on Facebook! facebook.com/DrAzizGazipura/ 5) Browse through my published books on specific confidence issues and how to crush them! DrAzizBooks.com 6) Check out my next live event. These weekend intensive experiences are life changing! socialconfidencecenter.com/events/ 7. Check out my flagship confidence-building program, Confidence University: www.theconfidenceuniversity.com
1st time going online trying to find some sort of help with my speech and how to talk to people and your video was the 1st one I clicked on and that is exactly how I feel. You open up my thoughts a Lil bit more, gave me hope to be able to communicate better with people in person. Thank you.
Hey man, I don't know if you'll see this but this but I love your channel. This video in particular is probably the best I've ever seen on this topic. There have definitely been times when I've been really worried about performing "correctly" in social settings, but really its just about sharing our thoughts and experiences with people and connecting. Just wanted to let you know this video helped me out a lot.
You’re videos are actually changing my life and giving me hope. Thank you for your knowledge and sharing it with the world. Your helping so many people!
I have had serious trust issues with people generally. Id rather have a chat to a homeless person than other people. But I found your short to the point video very useful. Ive met people who do all those behaviours and noticed their confidence and relaxed attitude. But again I think I did not trust either myself to be " convincing enough " or them to be willing to listen. Many will have backgrounds of not experiencing really being accepted for who they are. We are taught from little how to behave and shown what is expected of us. I will take from this video those suggestions of Connection and curiosity. A balance really. I used to focus 95% on the other. And bumble with word salad the other 5%. So thank you!
You have the skill of making your audience relate to you and trust what you are saying. That makes me apply what you are teaching and really benefit from it. Thanks!
Wow, thank you so much! I'm a teenager struggling with social anxiety and shyness. And every time i talk to people it feels so difficult. I get tense and my body and brain completely freezes up. So i am trying to learn the skill of confidence. You're video was a great help! (P.s i feel like an alien trying to learn to communicate with people)
kudos! cold-calling, on something which is my specialty - still has me hesitant! And it's all about how I am perceived "performance", instead of relaxing and conversing. TY!
I would like to add that you should not program yourself to always agree with them or disagree with them if it's a discussion. You will gain their trust and respect alot more if if they say something and politely disagree. And also agreeing with them when you feel it's right and not over pleasing or over praising how right they are. Like you said, just be relaxed, connect and things should be ok. Keep it real and respectful and that does alot for someone.
This is good stuff. Its helped me address something Ive struggled with my entire life. My go-to video to remind me to stay in connection mode! Thanks doc!
Thank you for this video. I'm in the mood from morning until now.. I'm so frustrated and my head is spinning is like I'm drunk because of overthinking. I'm just in the situation when I will go to the other city and I will enroll in the university and its just me... Only me.. My mind is full of "what if" and this video release some of my problem.. And my heart start pumping normal..
awesome video,,, when we are self concious often it make other person nervous in conversation,, when we are relex people feel friendly;; good video Dr Aziz
Mihir... I think this makes people with social anxiety more nervous, because now they're not only worried about other people judging them. But how they're making others nervous.
I had a select few people I wouldn’t perform in front of, but today I just realised my habit spread to them, I was performing, I couldn’t enjoy talking to them anymore, I wanted to get off the call because I didnt want to keep it up. So now I’m here, trying to reverse that so I can talk to my, real, friends for hours on end again.
Thanks for your advice.. i’ve been having social anxiety for 8 years... im in 8th grade rn and i want something change in 9th grade so i’ll try to make some friends and talk to people
cool and informative video. I watched it to the end to my own surprise cos it spoke to me about the pressure I face just trying to find out more about people that it comes off as an interview which most people don't like. but having something about yourself to share encourages the other person to see and trust the real you. you may think that you are making yourself vulnerable by revealing sensitive pasts, but that is the heart and soul of connection.
Thanks man, appreciate it. Now i know what am I doing wrong all this time, i have been trying to figure out what it is in the past 4 years. And I might got the answer now.. new mindset
Gosh dang. I've only watched three videos of yours, and they are so informative and eye opening. Thanks for speaking in a very easy to understand way, and explaining it in a way so we can understand and apply it to real life. You have gained another subscriber :D
this is wrong on many levels! the younger generation seem to think that "not giving a shit" is the best way to be. well its not. What if a man had a gunn aimed at your chest and he said "Man all i want is some love and a hug and love and someone to tell me its gonna be okay" You can either choose to defend yourself OR you can really care and say hey man look life has its ways of getting to us but if you put the gun down and give me a hug maybe ill re think about calling the police and we can go grab drink at the pub or a meal.. If you care and listen to people and understand.. thats all that matters Caring is caring If nobody gave a shit we would be in a world full of people doing drugs not giving a fk.. OH WAIT we already are like that! every kid these days seems to do drugs is messed up ..case closed. START CARING
Thanks this is a well thought of opinion from a different perspective. I regard myself this way but it's a product of watching too many self help videos that has put me in this constant "performance" mode. I'm in a constant state of self evaluation due to the fact that I'm constantly listening to people telling me how I'm doing things incorrectly and what I need to do differently. This video for me was a little bit of an eye opener. Thank you
When I was younger I thought to myself ''If you have nothing to say don't say anything'' It's so simple and it helped me a lot.
Thank you!
Even if you're interacting with a friend on a 1:1?
phil klu yes
@@pheeku6996 yes exactly it gets awkward if I don’t think of something to say
But what if it sounds stupid :((
I'm 28 and I've struggled with this my whole life, these videos are a big help for me. I genuinely think that bullying at school is a big factor in why so many people loose confidence in themselves
I agree. Keep moving forward!
This is literally what happened to me, in middle school I was picked on and now I’m almost finished with high school and it’s difficult to communicate with people a lot of the times. I stay quiet a lot and I can be awkward making people around me uncomfortable or idk but I just need to snap out of it
That happened to me too, I’m only 19 but I’m just now realizing the level of anxiety I have socially and when I broke it down it did come down to all of the bullying I experienced in school
I’m 43 and I still think that bullying in Middle School has impacted my self esteem as an adult.
"Performance mode" I couldn't figure out what it was that caused anxiety in my social life. I felt like I had to be so Impressive but it really not even that serious. Either they like me or they don't
BlackRoze so true
three take it or leave it
I think this video has told us clearly that we should not focus on our self, we should put our shoes in other's, be more emphatic to others. So that we will now that everyone is taking attention to themselves not ourself. In another word, dont always thinking world is judging us..
What causes your social anxiety, are the childhood events that happened to you when you were a child, those traumas shapes your core beliefs that generates all the thoughts and mental movies that you have . After 4 years, if you still feel that you aren't able to deal with this anxiety that you have in your social life. I'm offering free coaching for the first 10 qualified people who message me on my Instagram " I want to get into the program" by Sunday Dec 8 2019 at 2pm CET at @theboringkaps. Of course first you'll get to know me better , know who i am and how i overcame my social anxiousness :).hurry up! before i close the gates.
Anthony Kaps what if you’ve felt this way most your life like everyone leaves you out and you’re everyone’s last choice? Can you get out of this?
Im almost 23 and I've struggled with this for years. This is just what I needed to hear
Im in your same position, and im also 23. After listening to Dr. Aziz and reading his Articles/books. I have improved my self-esteem greately, it's not on top yet, but i have never felt so good about myself for so many years now, it feels great. But i have struggled with this issue, of being in performance mode when im meeting people in school or job. And i hate it. I want to relax and just be myself. So im starting with his advice: being curious and expressing myself. How you doing now bro?
I AM FUNNY I PROMISE how about you? :)
phillyfan182 same here 23 years with performance mode. After watching these videos, I hv significantly improved
I'm 23 and I struggle with anger and misanthropy. My situation is also about opening up, but in a different way. I'm trying to learn more about compassion and patience for others and those can only come through confidence and self-love, first.
@@kingravenink Good luck with that my bro 💓
Just the realization that my social anxiety comes from always being in performance mode is HUGE. Thank you 🙏🏻❤
I get this feeling in my chest whenever I get anxiety
You're not alone, that's a common symptom of many varieties of anxiety including social anxiety. With work it can be overcome.
@David Michaels you look like a used car salesman 🤣🤣🤣
Close your mind to yourself and whatever you're doing and open your mind to feel, hear and understand what the other person is saying. It's about being natural and not caring too much about the outcome. Knowing who you are so that it's up to the person to decide whether they like you or not but that doesn't matter because you like you.
Excellent.
Im gonna do that thx
That was deep. Thank you.
I don’t understand how this has 100 dislikes. This guy makes so much sense.
Haters gonna hate. :) Thanks for your support!
no truer words were ever spoken
So True
I've been struggling with this shit almost all of my life. I searched and i watched a lot of videos on this topic but your chanel and videos are different. They are exactly what i am struggiling with and they awesomely describe my situation. Thank you so much good man!
I'm so glad you found it useful!
Some people are just more comfortable and relaxed in social settings by themselves. Other people have more difficulty and often need help one way or another. I fall in the second group. I am almost 53 and most of my life I struggled with this. This video had an immediate and significant effect on my interaction with other people. It's like to be set free after a long time of captivity. Thank you so much for the awesome work dr. Aziz.
That's so awesome to hear!
Why am I so normal in front of some people but others it’s a whole different story
You're not alone, that's very common, and something you can overcome!
Its because u pick up on their energy, and feel their pain or power
Never felt a comment more
You feelin ppl negative energy
I relate so much
The video just made me realize the reason why I am always nervous speaking in public, I was always seeing a presentation as a performance. Next Saturday I am giving lectures at University and with this knowledge I feel more confident to go there. Thank you.
that's terrific Maria! I also wrote a book about public speaking. You can pick up a free copy here: www.socialconfidencecenter.com/products/how-to-overcome-your-fear-of-public-speaking/
* talking to someone *
me in my head: Dont think about yourself. But im thinking about me thinking about myself. What did they say? aw man
That's not uncommon. We just need to get you out of your head.
Instead of "don't think about yourself", have the approach of "listen to / think about them". Problem solved. Sometimes we like to have a problem in order not to change the status quo.
Wow, I know this video is a few years old now but you literally put into words in a very simple way how I've been feeling for so many years now and wondering what could possibly be wrong with me! Especially the 'evaluating yourself' part - I do this ALL the time with friends or social situations and notice my voice even changes as I do it and then I feel like I have someones hands around my throat and my voice comes out all hoarse or strained :( Coming from a background of trauma and abuse I think my anxiety has stemmed from suppressed PTSD, however I'm tired of living in the past or making myself small. I really want to now take control of it and be the best version of myself I can be 🙂
I am 28 and i have struggled so much to interact with people, it's really affect my whole life personal and professional. Your point of view of performance mode is exactly what I was doing. Hope this will change. Thanks 🙏
Any luck??
I’d really recommend meditation, after sometime I forgot to care or worry about what other people thought. I began to notice the difference, after 4 months of daily meditation I’m currently meditating about 2 hours a day 6 months in of doing meditation daily, and it REALLY helps, it will transform you in all aspects
I love meditation!
hiya, do you have a specific mediation that works for you?
amy louise Any meditation is a good meditation
〽Blooming Fields〽 thank you!
@@amylouise4811 checkout osho and j krishnamurthi about meditation. Relaxing, defocused awareness.
Excellent point about Dale Carnegie's work. I followed his teachings to the letter and found myself so focused on the other people I would talk to, I forgot to really be myself and actually enjoy a balanced, mutually-fulfilling conversation.
Well said!
I forgot about this. I forgot about not overthinking every little thing and to just get out there and experience socializing, not to plan it out in my head. The video and comments really make me more sure of myself!!
😲 i didn’t know so many other people experienced this🤭 WOW .. man you rock 👍 ‼️
You are definitely not alone!
How dumb can u be. Theres 8 Billion people in the world, everything u can imagine exists multiple times. Ur ego must be huge
I liked the breakdown of performance and connection mode, but I feel like I can use more tips on how to ease up and get to connection mode. Being curious about them and finding common grounds to express is a good way to maintain connection mode, but channeling the mind to not focus on performance mode is a different challenge that I don't think was addressed much.
I'm sure I'll do a follow up to this in the future.
I think I know what gave me my socail enxiety, so I’m trying to cure it Thanks you so much -your videos are helping!
So glad to hear that! What do think the cause is?
Cause: when I was younger my family moved to a country I didn’t feel comfortable speaking the language in. I found everyone intimidating in school so I pretended I was mute 🤐 So I had school around 7-8 hours no socializing... so it makes sense since my whole elementary days went wrong in that area...which explains why it’s rlly hard for me to maintain eye contact but I’m working on it, now I’m in high school and I keep pushing myself to make conversations! Your videos help! Thank you so much 💖🔥
Please dont stop making videos. Your awesome.
+Elite Aww, thanks : )
+Elite I second that motion.
+Sinister Smile I third that notion
His awesome or my awesome?
LiftOrGTFO -G
For so long everything I've done around people feels unnatural. I feel like I can't breathe, I feel very restricted, my actions my thoughts all feel so carefully orchestrated and evaluated. I feel very aware of my movements, I feel myself under scrutiny of a 1000 and more eyes. It's interesting to know that I've been performing for my own brain. It's why I couldn't be natural, It's why I don't feel free. Your content feels warm because whenever you talk I feel like you've really felt what I'm feeling, you've really experienced social anxiety and you've come out. Your rhetoric questions always have me going yes, I feel like that.
Thank you for being here! Yes, I've experienced all that as well. Keep watching and moving forward, you can beat it just like I did.
maaaaannnnnnn why you is giving these keys so freely!!
Godspeed ma man
Found this very helpful. I just realized my anxiety speaking in professional meetings or sessions stems from the fact that I unconsciously talk myself into performance mode. Great content I must say.
My voice always feels strained or raspy or whatever, I feel tense and sometimes the last word of my sentences kinda comes out breathy, u can’t hear it and Idk why.
That's a common physical reaction when you're experiencing social anxiety. You're not alone or unusual. Often you can help yourself by being mindful of your symptoms. Tell yourself to breathe a little more slowly and steadily. Practice this. Expose yourself to having more of this types on conversations while you practice. There are a lot more videos here on my channel that can help you with this. Also, take full advantage of all of my free resources...
1) First, stay in the loop by going here and signing up for my newsletter:
socialconfidencecenter.com/products/5-steps-to-unleash-your-inner-confidence/
In the process you’ll receive my ebook that has helped thousands of people, “5 Steps To Unleash Your Inner Confidence.”
You’ll also receive a lot of helpful tips and information on a regular basis as well as access to resources only available to subscribers.
2) Subscribe to my podcast here: www.ShrinkForTheShyGuy.com
If offers great information for both men and women, including interviews with other leaders in the field of confidence and social anxiety.
3) Subscribe to my TH-cam channel. (Don’t forget to click on the notification bell icon!) I release at least one new video every week!
th-cam.com/users/GetMoreConfidence
4) Follow me on Facebook! facebook.com/DrAzizGazipura/
5) Browse through my published books on specific confidence issues and how to crush them!
DrAzizBooks.com
6) Check out my next live event. While not free, these weekend intensive experiences are life changing!
socialconfidencecenter.com/events/
Same
mine goes up really high or it does the same as urs
Lol
@PowerOf One lol i have the exact same issue
Thought that all these comments saying “haven’t heard truer words” and thought this was phony. But really to my surprise, he explained the issue and it made so much sense to me. Glad to say I’ll be working on this!
Glad to have you here!
It is like God is helping me overcome my difficulties through you. AWESOME
Wow, thank you so much!
Zuchamp Kikon god bless
@@blazanick lol pun intended
That's exactly how it works. Congratulations with your internal marriage with god.
Great video. I think the problem with confidence can be summarized in - overthinking. Stop thinking and just do it. When in a situation that makes you overthink, just remember the Nike commercial, Just do it. Sounds a bit cheap, but it does help. It always helps, things are never as bas as we imagine they would be.
I think of Shia laBeouf
Crater777 what happens when you just do it' and the people don't like you afterwards?Like meeting your new father in law?you shouldn't restrain and try to conduct yourself a certain way?or just do it?I need advice my man not a Nike commercial, just help me..Can you give any advice to me?
I agree with crater 777, you have to just do it. If you over think things you create scenarios in your mind that might not even exist. If you just do something and not overthink it, you find out the reality of the situation and deal with it either way.
J
Wow thats really helpful!! Im gonna use that mindset more now
I've got social anxiety and feel like I can never overcome it, your video makes it sound so easy, I hope I can achieve my confidence, and change my life.
Thank you so much for the amazing video!
Welcome Amber! You can absolutely overcome it. Subscribe and keep watching as well as look though my past videos for additional help. Also, be sure to take full advantage of all my free online resources…
1) First, stay in the loop by going here and signing up for my newsletter:
socialconfidencecenter.com/products/5-steps-to-unleash-your-inner-confidence/
In the process, you’ll receive my ebook that has helped thousands of people, “5 Steps To Unleash Your Inner Confidence.”
You’ll also receive a lot of helpful tips and information on a regular basis as well as access to resources only available to subscribers.
2) Subscribe to my podcast here: www.ShrinkForTheShyGuy.com
If offers great information for both men and women, including interviews with other leaders in the field of confidence and social anxiety.
3) Subscribe to my TH-cam channel here. (Don’t forget to click on the notification bell icon!) I release at least one new video every week!
th-cam.com/users/GetMoreConfidence
4) Follow me on Facebook! facebook.com/DrAzizGazipura/
5) Browse through my published books on specific confidence issues and how to crush them!
DrAzizBooks.com
6) Check out my next live event. These weekend intensive experiences are life changing!
socialconfidencecenter.com/events/
I hope that you are doing well.
@@MegaDreamOo Thank you, and you too
Biggest problem I've had since getting into self help at 18 (I'm now 23) is that theres techniques and methods to make people laugh, build rapport etc. AKA theres right things to do and wrong things, so I'm constantly thinking of conversations as "interactions where I should be saying the 'correct' things" - like some sort of robot.
Just wish I could feel secure in myself in a room and interact organically and authentically, instead of thinking of the "right" things to say. Sometimes, I just want to "say" and nothing more
What I hear you saying is you want to be more authentic. Have a look at this video: th-cam.com/video/qqt3a97CC3U/w-d-xo.html
this guy is amazing great advice I have seen many videos but this is one of the best probably
+Younglian Thanks man! Glad you benefited from it.
trumph
Yeah I totally agree. I keep coming back to this one. In fact, I'm taking notes in my phone this time haha
Yeah dude his the bestttt
Wondering if he's still active here~
You pointing the things is exactly right nobody said like you Dr Aziz your service is needed to those who want
Thank you!
I want to say thank you for making this video 6 years ago. I have a job interview soon, and I really needed to hear all of this.
I just got into sales.. How funny is it that the times I sold I had built that connection. Today I had a rough day and I keep questioning myself what am I doing wrong? Watching this video, I now realize that I was in performance mode all day! This video has made me learn so much, and I cannot thank you enough for this content! Connection mode baby! It's about having a caring attitude(curious), finding a solution, and utilizing self-expression in a conversation. Thanks so much! Subscribed!
That's so great to hear! Are you still going strong?
I struggle with telling stories, if I am telling a story people most of the time dont listen. It feels uninteresting what I have to say and I never know how to tell a story. My ex girlfriend asked me how I had been the last couple of months and I literally summoned the whole time in a few sentences and had nothing more to say and said it in the most boring way. I was freezing up the whole time with her. I can't ever think of stuff to say too, not just around her but most of the time. I don't know what to do, but this video feels like it could be the problem, so thank you very much Dr. Aziz
I hope this video continues to help you. If you'd like to hone your speaking ability I would suggest checking out your local chapter of Toastmasters International.
This guy knows what he is talking about. I can not thank you enough Aziz for changing my life!!!!
This is actually my problem, am very uncomfortable, tends,and uneasy in a conversation but through this teaching I have listened , has made me understand that it is a performance mode,I just really hope this will help me
I cannot even begin to express how heckin grateful that I've come across your videos. You are like a god haha
Glad I could help!
I am so glad I found you. I can’t believe this is what I was struggling with my whole life! And what is even crazier is how simple the solution is. Thank you Dr. Aziz.
You're more than welcome my friend! Be sure to take full advantage of all my free online resources…
1) First, stay in the loop by going here and signing up for my newsletter:
socialconfidencecenter.com/products/5-steps-to-unleash-your-inner-confidence/
In the process, you’ll receive my ebook that has helped thousands of people, “5 Steps To Unleash Your Inner Confidence.”
You’ll also receive a lot of helpful tips and information on a regular basis as well as access to resources only available to subscribers.
2) Subscribe to my podcast here: www.ShrinkForTheShyGuy.com
If offers great information for both men and women, including interviews with other leaders in the field of confidence and social anxiety.
3) Subscribe to my TH-cam channel here. (Don’t forget to click on the notification bell icon!) I release at least one new video every week!
th-cam.com/users/GetMoreConfidence
4) Follow me on Facebook! facebook.com/DrAzizGazipura/
5) Browse through my published books on specific confidence issues and how to crush them!
DrAzizBooks.com
6) Check out my next live event. These weekend intensive experiences are life changing!
socialconfidencecenter.com/events/
Oh my, Dr...... you hit it on the nail. That's my problem, I can truthfully admit, I'm putting on a performance when in communication with others. My attention always drifts on how I'm doing... Me Me Me! I don't want to be that person. As I'm typing now, I'm counting ALL of the "I's" in this message. Thank you for the enlightenment.
I really loved this video. thank you so much. I'm working on self confidence in my job and in my own life.
this video is very helpful. i find myself getting to excited and talking fast when talking to people. my adrenaline rushes through my veins and my voice gets shaky and this creeps people out. thanks for the tips i will apply them.
You're the best Doc. I have an important meeting in a few minutes and popped in here to ground into connection mode. You're impact on my live is immeasurable. I can't thank you enough for your work.
Your body language is tell us the fact. Hats off to you Sir.
DR AZIZ, DUDE, YOU ARE THE BOMB, THE POINTS WERE LOGICAL AND HUMANE.LOVED IT
Sweet!
I do not meet anyone who is interested in me! I am always in connection mode because I am naturally curious about others but people never ask me about me. I met one guy who showed so much interest in me as a person and it really caught me off guard. I think I just need to be more expressive but a lot of people just show such disrespect when I am talking. They interrupt, their eyes glaze over etc.
FemBot you can't be expecting someone to interested in you too dude
FemBot maybe you need to observe yourself in conversations. how do you respond? mybe throw something interesting out there in the same context that is about you without sounding like an attentionseeker. of they totally seem not interested then maybe you don't have much incommen and you either need to let it go and find people with the same interests or get to know more about what they are interested
Avoid basic people.
+FemBot
I used to experience that crap when people interrupted me myself as well, so I decided to firmly finish my sentence even if they started talking in the middle of it, then I basically assumed that they had understood what I was saying.
They would usually be like "lolwut?" and then I calmly told them that they interrupted me and that I hadn't finished my sentence.
If I was unable to finish my sentence, then I just let them finish their sentence and then immediately said to them "can I finish my sentence, please?" with a slight tone of annoyance.
That is not an issue with yourself, it's the way the world is steering towards in this day and age. You're doing great if you're being honest and true to yourself. These days of social media driven selfies and filtered pictures, the world is looking for performance. Real people at face value are few and far between, but they are the ones who you'll connect with. I always believe that everyone has "real" deep down, they just need the confidence to let their true self outshine the fake wall that they've put up 🙂
I started a management job for an apartment building… that’s a little rough. I have had angry customers and difficult clients, but this is a whole other level. I’m struggling not getting sucked into their chaotic energy.
You can absolutely avoid that. At the same time you can be effective as a manager.
Finally someone who understands confidence at a fundamental level. Thanks for this!
Thank you, and you're welcome!
I've had counselling the past year and it was definitely helpful but I still didn't really understand what the problem was. This video has summed it up perfectly and now I understand it, I feel I have a much better chance of overcoming. Thank you!
Glad it was helpful!
This was the most beneficial video on confidence I have had in months of searching
Thanks Connor! I have a lot more available to you...
1) First, stay in the loop by going here and signing up for my newsletter:
socialconfidencecenter.com/products/5-steps-to-unleash-your-inner-confidence/
In the process, you’ll receive my ebook that has helped thousands of people, “5 Steps To Unleash Your Inner Confidence.”
You’ll also receive a lot of helpful tips and information on a regular basis as well as access to resources only available to subscribers.
2) Subscribe to my podcast here: www.ShrinkForTheShyGuy.com
If offers great information for both men and women, including interviews with other leaders in the field of confidence and social anxiety.
3) Subscribe to my TH-cam channel here. (Don’t forget to click on the notification bell icon!) I release at least one new video every week!
th-cam.com/users/GetMoreConfidence
4) Follow me on Facebook! facebook.com/DrAzizGazipura/
5) Browse through my published books on specific confidence issues and how to crush them!
DrAzizBooks.com
6) Check out my next live event. These weekend intensive experiences are life changing!
socialconfidencecenter.com/events/
7. Check out my flagship confidence-building program, Confidence University: www.theconfidenceuniversity.com
1st time going online trying to find some sort of help with my speech and how to talk to people and your video was the 1st one I clicked on and that is exactly how I feel. You open up my thoughts a Lil bit more, gave me hope to be able to communicate better with people in person. Thank you.
You're welcome Carlos! Enjoy many of my other videos here on this channel too. :)
I have a bad habit of raising my voice. I hope what learn from this video help me talk to people properly. I need to watch more videos like this one.
Hey man, I don't know if you'll see this but this but I love your channel. This video in particular is probably the best I've ever seen on this topic. There have definitely been times when I've been really worried about performing "correctly" in social settings, but really its just about sharing our thoughts and experiences with people and connecting. Just wanted to let you know this video helped me out a lot.
So glad to hear it, keep up the good work my friend!
I can really relate!. from performance, to connection from now on!
You’re videos are actually changing my life and giving me hope. Thank you for your knowledge and sharing it with the world. Your helping so many people!
Wow, thank you!
I have had serious trust issues with people generally. Id rather have a chat to a homeless person than other people. But I found your short to the point video very useful. Ive met people who do all those behaviours and noticed their confidence and relaxed attitude. But again I think I did not trust either myself to be " convincing enough " or them to be willing to listen.
Many will have backgrounds of not experiencing really being accepted for who they are.
We are taught from little how to behave and shown what is expected of us. I will take from this video those suggestions of Connection and curiosity. A balance really. I used to focus 95% on the other. And bumble with word salad the other 5%. So thank you!
This video is amazing ! Great way to think of it and will definitely try it 💯 thanks
Thank you so much!
You have the skill of making your audience relate to you and trust what you are saying. That makes me apply what you are teaching and really benefit from it. Thanks!
I love you. Thank you so much. Struggled with this all my life. Looking forward to take control and change.
Wow, thank you so much! I'm a teenager struggling with social anxiety and shyness. And every time i talk to people it feels so difficult. I get tense and my body and brain completely freezes up. So i am trying to learn the skill of confidence. You're video was a great help! (P.s i feel like an alien trying to learn to communicate with people)
That was the most simple, but very strategic way of explaining a very complex subject ,in speaking with confidence without performance, Thank-you 😊
You're welcome!
I’m currently doing sales and this is my problem. Im gonna start staying in connection mode!!
Awesome!
Absolutely performance mode made us stuck in conversation....
Right?!
kudos! cold-calling, on something which is my specialty - still has me hesitant! And it's all about how I am perceived "performance", instead of relaxing and conversing. TY!
Glad you got value out of this!
Exactly !! Please never stop your content ever
I would like to add that you should not program yourself to always agree with them or disagree with them if it's a discussion. You will gain their trust and respect alot more if if they say something and politely disagree. And also agreeing with them when you feel it's right and not over pleasing or over praising how right they are. Like you said, just be relaxed, connect and things should be ok. Keep it real and respectful and that does alot for someone.
Thank you for sharing
This by far is the best video on self confidence. I thank you for this! Many blessings to you!
Thank you, you're welcome!
This is good stuff. Its helped me address something Ive struggled with my entire life. My go-to video to remind me to stay in connection mode! Thanks doc!
Can't tell how helpful I found it.
Glad to hear it!
Thank you Sir. God Bless
Thank you too!
Thank you for this video. I'm in the mood from morning until now.. I'm so frustrated and my head is spinning is like I'm drunk because of overthinking. I'm just in the situation when I will go to the other city and I will enroll in the university and its just me... Only me.. My mind is full of "what if" and this video release some of my problem.. And my heart start pumping normal..
Great to hear!
dr aziz ,you dont have any idea , how much you have helped me
When it's the start of a new week I tend to fall back on the bad habit of being in performance mode, watching this video gets me through each week (:
So glad you find it helpful!
Same problem.
awesome video,,, when we are self concious often it make other person nervous in conversation,, when we are relex people feel friendly;; good video Dr Aziz
Mihir...
I think this makes people with social anxiety more nervous, because now they're not only worried about other people judging them. But how they're making others nervous.
Maan..you helped me so much now...I watched two videos and that can change my life. Thanks a lot, God bless you.
You're very welcome!
i’m so shy in front of some people and thing everyone’s judging me but other i don’t care and i’ll be myself, ahhh
You can overcome that Emily!
I had a select few people I wouldn’t perform in front of, but today I just realised my habit spread to them, I was performing, I couldn’t enjoy talking to them anymore, I wanted to get off the call because I didnt want to keep it up. So now I’m here, trying to reverse that so I can talk to my, real, friends for hours on end again.
Love that!
Great advise Dr. thank you I’m gonna give it a try
Please do!
Thank you so much for this knowledge! I've had severe anxiety for so long. I can't wait to put this into practice 😊
Let me know how it goes!
@@GetMoreConfidence It went amazing! Thank you so much, it worked 😆💕
You are awesome Dr. Keep sharing knowledge and confidence. Thank you.
Thank you, I will!
You really hit the nail on the head here.
Thank you!
reall awsome dr aziz ive been in performance mode for a long time jeez
Glad you found this helpful
Thank you for this way of explaining. I never looked at this that way.
Thanks for your advice.. i’ve been having social anxiety for 8 years... im in 8th grade rn and i want something change in 9th grade so i’ll try to make some friends and talk to people
Now's the time to practice and get really good at this! Check out this video for a great exercise: th-cam.com/video/0xUUEWW1baY/w-d-xo.html
Yo I'm in 8th grade too mate, that's awesome
Legend.... most underrated channel
Thanks!
Great video! This is exactly what happens to me. Most of the times I’m on performance mode.
Glad you got value out of watching!
Thanks Dr. Aziz! 9 minutes worth more than gold.
cool and informative video. I watched it to the end to my own surprise cos it spoke to me about the pressure I face just trying to find out more about people that it comes off as an interview which most people don't like. but having something about yourself to share encourages the other person to see and trust the real you. you may think that you are making yourself vulnerable by revealing sensitive pasts, but that is the heart and soul of connection.
I'm so glad you found it helpful!
This is the best way to become more confident according to me.. It was an eye opener for me. Thanks big bro❤️❤️
My pleasure!
Spot on bro. I couldn't stop myself from subscribing
Welcome aboard!
Thanks man, appreciate it. Now i know what am I doing wrong all this time, i have been trying to figure out what it is in the past 4 years. And I might got the answer now.. new mindset
That's awesome my friend!
This Man is Gold.
Gosh dang. I've only watched three videos of yours, and they are so informative and eye opening. Thanks for speaking in a very easy to understand way, and explaining it in a way so we can understand and apply it to real life. You have gained another subscriber :D
Just started working in sales and I needed to hear this. Thanks!
Glad it was helpful!
Thankyou. I have been trying to get better at this for a while, your video helped
So glad to hear it!
"It's important to not give a shit" -George Carlin
Kevin Siu RIP George Carlin :(
this is wrong on many levels! the younger generation seem to think that "not giving a shit" is the best way to be.
well its not. What if a man had a gunn aimed at your chest and he said "Man all i want is some love and a hug and love and someone to tell me its gonna be okay"
You can either choose to defend yourself OR you can really care and say hey man look life has its ways of getting to us but if you put the gun down and give me a hug maybe ill re think about calling the police and we can go grab drink at the pub or a meal..
If you care and listen to people and understand.. thats all that matters
Caring is caring
If nobody gave a shit we would be in a world full of people doing drugs not giving a fk..
OH WAIT we already are like that! every kid these days seems to do drugs is messed up ..case closed.
START CARING
@@omerkeremtastepe2271 thank you
@@binxo982 yeah not giving a sh*t at all is not the way to go. It should be "give a sh*t about things that matter."
Thanks this is a well thought of opinion from a different perspective. I regard myself this way but it's a product of watching too many self help videos that has put me in this constant "performance" mode. I'm in a constant state of self evaluation due to the fact that I'm constantly listening to people telling me how I'm doing things incorrectly and what I need to do differently. This video for me was a little bit of an eye opener. Thank you
Hi Mr Aziz ! i am a huge fan of you *.* u absolutely have no idea how much i appreciate you and your videos as well .
Aww, thanks Noor! I'm glad to hear it, and to hear that you're benefiting. Keep it up and keep crushing it!