#3 is weird for me. Instead of thinking negatively about other people I always think positively of them which ends in me feeling like I'll never be as good as them.
Thank you so much for sharing!! Maybe instead of what I said in #3 your work could be to notice when you are comparing yourself to others and instead say something nice to yourself. xoxo
I compare myself to people all the time. I can acknowledge my good points but end up thinking well other people have done much better etc etc. self hate has been such a part of my life that I don't know how to change for more than a few months where it tapers off and gets a little better before it picks up again. these things you suggested I've done with my therapists and coincellors over the years but it's always only bee temporary. I'm going to keep trying though and I'm happy to know I'm not the only one dealing with this. thank you Kati
Much of my "self-talk" is actually my parents talking to me--they can be very critical of everything and will gaslight you if you want to address anything. Part of the criticism (the rest being arbitrary criticism that they like passing as fact) is essentially ranking how well their traits exist in you. I have to be a version of them to get them to lay off. But, as the saying goes, you can't be as good at being someone who's already taken. And my traits that they don't have or like are ignored or "nonsense". So it's like they run my "self-talk" AND constantly let me know what my "faults" are. My contrary voice and strengths don't count in my mind, because they run my mind.
Kati, since I stopped seeing my therapist after being healed from my own negative self-talk I started following your videos. They are sometimes quick reminders of what I went through and got over a few years ago. My therapist and I worked on challenging my negative thoughts. I had done the same as you mention, write them down and then challenge them by reasoning with it. That had such a huge impact on my life it changed it forever. That truly works wonders. I hope others take your advice and do it. Changing beliefs takes time but it is so worth it. Thanks for what you do.
You helped me recognise that I had an emotionally abusive relationship with someone. I knew something was wrong for years but couldn't put a label to it. Since then I've worked on myself and I'll always remember that you helped me🤘🏻💖
I am so sorry you were in such a harmful relationship :( But I am so glad that you found me and my channel!!! So happy I could be a positive resource when you needed it :) xxoo
I hate myself because my dad would become very aggressive to me growing up and I found myself getting some of the same anger issues as he does so I tell myself I'm turning into him. Child abuse is such a bitch. Bipolar disorder can terrorize families. Sigh... I love you Kati. All these videos are just amazeballs.
my biggest problem is that I always have the feeling that it's my fault, just everything. and though I rationally know that it's not always the case, that feeling doesn't go away and one part of me always tells me that I'm not allowed to put the blame on someone else, because if I do that I do them wrong and it only can be my fault. the second biggest problem is that I don't really think someone could really like me, I just don't see way someone should do that. yeah I'm a nice person but I'm nothing special and that should be okay but to me it's not. I don't even consider myself as someone with low self esteem. i just know that no one really likes me or gets along with me that well. I've always been that kind of person that people like, that's somehow there, but never really belongs anywhere and that drives me crazy and as stupid as it may sound but writing this comment is so freaking hard because I don't talk about that stuff, I mean there is no one to talk and generally I'm fine most people have a way harder life and I'm wining about myself like a little baby ...
Jeanne hey I know this comment is a year old already, but regarding your first point: I have exactly the same feeling. However, with me it comes from a place of CEN (Childhood Emotional Neglect) and emotional abuse where I was often told all the bad things in my family were my fault. I only recently discovered I suffer from CEN and I wanted to let you know because maybe you do too.
Ok you're being too hard on yourself on the last part, just because other people "have it worse" it doesn't mean you can't feel bad, everyone reacts differently, if not, very very few people would have depression because others have a worse life. Also please seek therapy, (no you're not crazy bc of this, although I'm sure you're open minded about it, I mean you're watching this video) I say this because the irrational self-blame could even be genetic because it has to do with parts of the brain not communicating well with one another, I saw it in a SciShow Psych video (I don't remember which but it was about depression most likely) so therapy will definetily help, it can and will get better, hang in there man, I'm sure there are people that care about you, what about your family? I don't know who you are but I genuinely hope everything turns out alright. Have a nice day.
Just know you aren't alone in feeling this way, I have the same experience (not exact same) but enough that I was like "who let this person in my mind?"
I feel the same way I feel guilty about things that are not in my control and when I feel sad I feel guilty about being sad bc others have a way worse life then me
I really love this video! I have struggled with this for many years because of my trauma... my therapist started working with me on this recently and when the number 1 tip "remembering beliefs are not facts" made me smirk because my therapist has annoyed me when he wants evidence against my beliefs but I really loved this video
My therapist gets very frustrated and upset with my thoughts constantly returning to the self-hatred I feel for myself. I'm grateful she's so kind toward me and patient. Great video, Kati! :)
I have practice transcendental meditation, TM, since 1999, and when I’m practicing, I am calm, I sleep better and I’m way more productive. When I fall off of practice, I am depressed, stressed, and non-productive. I have CPTSD and 10 ACEs. I’ve had health and emotional conditions since I was five born of constant trauma. I don’t know if it’s the type of meditation I do. I don’t know what type is being referred to here, but TM is different from Vipasana, or Buddhist empty mind. It has been shown in many studies to heal PTSD in soldiers, and reduce recidivism in prisoners. It is endorsed by the VA.
Your #3 point is so important. I have been learning in therapy that my judgement of others is really my sign of how negatively I have been treating myself. My self care is asking myself, "what do I need right now?" I'm learning that it's not being lazy to treat myself to time to play my music or to do an hour of stretching. Funny (but not so funny) that I wouldn't even let myself eat sometimes because I needed to get something done or I wouldn't take time to rest when I was sick because I needed to be well already. Another great video Kati. Thank you. Almost to 200K subs. I can't wait for that party...
This video really hits home. I just had this Epiphany a few weeks ago, how being so hateful to myself isn't doing anything good for me, or the people around me. Breaking these deeply ingrained patterns are tricky to get a handle on but it really does start by realizing that you don't have to react so viscously towards yourself. My go to phrase is usually something like "Jesus you fuc**** moron, what the f*** is wrong with you, stupid idiot" all because you dropped a lighter, broke a glass or forgot to turn off the kitchen light. Now I try saying things like "Worse things can happen" or "well that stinks" and I try my best to smile so I can start getting used to being more positive towards myself. Wow, that was a ramble lol
Thank you for this video! I was a guest on your live stream a while back asking for some advice on getting help when your parents don't believe in mental illness. Well, as an update, I am now in therapy with the help of a school counselor. Thank you for everything!
Thankyou so much, intense self hatred due to my thought processes and the way I treat myself and make assumptions about situations or say things I don't mean without thinking about them and then realise 'oh wait I don't believe that' and this video has helped me to rethink the way I think and to restructure the way I tackle what I don't like about myself. Your video has pushed me to be proactive about changing how I think and it's helped so much with the quality of my mental health.
You have such a kind persona and I love listening to your videos and I love the idea that beliefs are not facts and we really need to internalize that. Thank you very much.
thanks Katie... i still ruminate about my big mistakes of the past...Though I have seen many therapist none of them ever offered any advice on how to stop what has now become a bad obsession. I think I do it so much is because I was expected to be perfect by my mother. The next thing I am going to do is watch your videos on perfection. Keep up the good work you are helping so many people
as a teenager left to my own devices over exam season with too much time to think, this has come at a PERFECT time. on the other hand I had a customer at work review me and they said I was polite, had good hair, and "clean, well cared for hands". it was a we if complement but I ran off that good vibe energy for 2 days
I struggle with self hate so badly but I think your first few tips might help me, and help people I know who suffer from self hate. so thank you for this
Kati, I have recently discovered your awesomeness and I am so grateful! All thanks to you, I have been working on this specific thing and feel I am doing a 180. You are wonderful! Thanks for being everyone's sidekick as we all fight through life's challenges. -Mel 💜
You are a gem, KM All through this video I was acknowledging the importance of each point. I have long-held beliefs about each of them and the benefits of applying those in ones life. I had always lumped #4 & #5 as one process. But separating them as individual processes has given me something thought-provoking to consider. You points are so structural. When applied they create a foundation of achievement and positivity, though difficult at first to apply. For me, #1) Thoughts are not facts. - I have long-held that we create our own reality through the thoughts we feed. #2) I have worked on my self-talk and the global fix for any of my personal negativity is, "There is a better way to handle this, Jesse." and then I problem-solve the better way to handle whatever it is that triggered my poor dialogue. #3) It is a very natural thing to think well of others. It always has. In fact, I used to start people out with 100% acceptance. I was taken advantage of many times to the point that my future was affected in one of the instances. Forgiving others is easy for me because I understand much of the internal motivations that cause people to do what they do. I try not to judge them because we are in the world together and life is too short to pick people apart. Making friends is always easier than making enemies. BUT, now with #4&5) I have always told myself and others that owning our faults is the only way we can move beyond them and have others have no reason to not help us through the process and things are almost always easier with help as opposed to alone. Along with that ownership always came the part where it is made manifest and real, by taking action to make the wrong ... right. I really grasped the way you made those different processes. #4) is internal and structured to our acknowledgement and desire to do something about it. #5) is external, structured to rely on taking hold of correcting a situation. In most cases that is actually approaching someone and asking for their help in salvaging something that was lost or damaged,( love, respect, trust, friendship, etc.), and seeking to mend things between parties. Having this expanded approached gives me the need to consider that, "there is a better to handle this situation". Thank you so much. This situation that this will be applied to goes back some 36 years now. It is one of two things that I have allowed to plague my life. I can't thank you enough, KM!
I do this! This makes me so happy to hear because I know I was on the right track and I can come up with my self compliment by saying that I am happy that I did this on my own. Thank you!
Thank you so much for making a video on this topic❤It is something that I really struggle with, but I am working on it in therapy. I always look forward to when you post new videos😍
I have heard every bit of this in therapy at least once , and in undergrad psych classes too, but I tend to forget it quickly.Thanks for doing a video I can re-watch til I get it right.
i always get mad at myself for my mistake and ruminate over them. It's so hard not to hate yourself when you constantly have to hide who you truly are in order to be safe and keep your friends and family. I had to hide being transgender for a while because I was afraid of getting kicked out of my house. Now I have to hide some of my political beliefs because people I'm surrounded by make threats about hurting people who share the same views I do. I keep hating myself each time I slip up and say something too political.
I just want to say thank you for sharing these tips because its honestly the most helpful advice ive heard on this topic. And i actually already do a couple of these which makes me feel great knowing and now i can start the others.
Your videos are keeping me going right now so thank you for uploading the content. I have some mental health well being issues (dont like the word illness). As a QBPD I find Self Hate as the most destructive element to my "happiness". I spent a lot of my life in emotional isolation, trying to deal with difficult feeling and thoughts. I have had substance/alcohol issues in the past. I even spent 12 years in the military hoping that would help me. Having left the Military two years ago I have had a very dark couple of years. It has been a real struggle to get help as I find it very hard to be an emotional man child that cant handle emotional criticism.Everyday I have a crises of one type or the other, I cant use mindfulness 50-60 times a day....I am a Lecturer now so that's not realistic, I end up bottling everything up during the day and cant seem to pull myself out of these emotional nosedives. Self Hate and seeing people as a set of needs has caused years of on/off depression (with some severe episodes and suicidal thoughts) Whilst I have never self harmed in the traditional sense I have lots of behaviors that cause me emotional pain...a place that I feel I deserve to be 24/7. Having sought help a couple of times over the last 20 years my life has been a difficult journey. Diagnosed with recurring depression and anxiety but never seeming to get the right help (Medicating my condition has helped with depression/anxiety but not with the core of the issue) I cant seem to present accurately when I see a therapist as I have feelings that I am just lazy, immature and a bit of a drama queen. So I play things down and spend months feeling helpless. I find it really hard to tell people what is going on with me as I dont seem distressed (on the outside) and I feel their awkwardness/resentment or just a total lack of understanding. I dont need a hug and "Your great" chats. I feel so alone sometimes and the spend a lot of time trying to self sooth and calm myself down but I dont have the tools to do that right now. Negativity has ruined my life and I get so tired trying to fight through everyday. It feels so hard sometimes and so lonely that I cant get out of bed/house/my head. Thanks again for the videos, they have helped me get on the right path.
Inatead of getting rid of your self hate, embrace it. It serves to show you where you are fall short and, provided that you take the necessary actions to deal with those problems, it ultimately, makes you a better version of yourself.
Hey there!! i just discovered your channel through one of your collabs with dodie! I just wanna say, that i love how you're so cheerful and bright and keep all these videos of yours uplifting eventhough the topics are very serious and real issues. I have been growing alot as a person the past few months and i realised that i have been doing most of these things on this list of yours and they really help!! I found myself nodding my head more and more as the video continued playing (especially the parts about self talk, and comments in your head u make about others and immediately adding a positive comment or giving them a benefit of the doubt). It really changes your whole energy and how you view the world around you! I do still have to work on that 5th point thou.. Thank you for making such awesome videos! I'm subscribing! xD
I try to practice this when I cuss people out in my car. Sometimes I cut myself off and I'm like ya know what, they probably haven't gone down this road before or are lost and didn't realize the lanes were merging... etc sometimes my anger is justified, but I'm trying to be less nasty and more compassionate and understanding. After all I've probably annoyed people in other cars when I didn't know where I was going
My issue is that I’m constantly comparing myself to others. I do online teaching, I will watch other videos of people doing the same thing and think “they’re way better than me, look at how many likes they’ve gotten.” It can be really hard to push through the self hate because you kind of just feel like crap while trying to produce whatever it is you’re trying to put out the and share and you don’t want people to see any lack of enthusiasm. I think I may need to just accept myself and push through anyways, even when I don’t feel at my greatest, even when I don’t think I can do it, because just not doing it at all for fear of being perceived a certain way only adds to the self hate because in the end I’m only limiting myself...
This video is really helpful, thank You Kati. I have trouble with self-hate as well and am just now learning how to own my faults. I have been feeling really depressed lately though, I really want to go to the doctor but my mom won't bring me, she still does not believe that I have depression. I'm 18, I'm allowed to go by myself but I want to go without my mom knowing. I don't know what to do, I still live with her and she always knows wear I am.
Katie, Be honestly. For most this doesn’t work. This shit was engraved at such an early age. I’m 40. I’ve had years of therapy. I can’t change this! 1. I have no facts to back up this. I’m alone. 😢 2. I don’t do negative self talk, I practice gratitude daily. I can’t believe I just learned and accepted that I hate myself. 3. I’m not judgmental of others. 4. I own my faults TOO MUCH. That’s the problem. Always trying to fix myself 😢. I’m constantly discovering more and more that’s wrong with me. 5. I’ve never had an issue saying I’m sorry. Never! I rarely hurt others and when I do I feel like pure shit. This is when I realize how much I hate myself. How much I need to be fixed.
Wow this is so me. I am very judgy, very negative thoughts are always in my head. I always see the negative. Thank you for talki g abput these topics. I am currently trying to change this bad habit. :)
Something that I've found personally is that my self hate flares up when I'm dishonest with someone. What I've come to realise is that I'm a very disagreeable guy on occasion. That's just my personality, however I had abusive parents so what I would do is that I'd be nice to people, I'd agree with what they said, I'd pretend to be interested in their lives, I'd do favours for them, and in turn I completely demolish any kind of self-esteem that I had left. The reason I did all this by the way is because I was so scared of punishment, of condemnation etc (again, from my upbringing). So I'd go around and be "nice" and be agreeable just so that I don't get punished and that's when I notice that I hate myself. Why? Because I'm just completely raping myself so to speak, I'm sacrificing my own desires, opinions, and personal freedom in order to avoid punishment. I think it's pretty reasonable to hate yourself at that point, because what you're doing is violating yourself by suppressing what you, yourself want because of fear, in order to avoid punishment or whatever. To solve this, through psychotherapy I've noticed that my self hate goes away when I value my own opinions and desires more, and when I'm brave enough to disagree with other people and learn to say no. I mean come on, you want to be able to not "hate yourself" or even respect yourself when all you're doing in your life is suppressing what you want and you are complete doormat because you're terrified of being your own person and saying no? That just doesn't work, I think in order to have self respect you need to become a person that you, yourself would respect. In order to love yourself, you have to be brave enough to show that. Which you do through standing up for yourself, learning to not be a doormat, and learning to value your own judgement, gut feeling and opinions and not second-guess yourself all the time. Just my 2 cents, from someone who has overcome social anxiety, borderline personality disorder, depression, who's starting to go to work next week after having sat depressed in my apartment for 5 years.
this has been the source of my depression as far as I'm aware. Thank you for the tips-- my partner has been telling me to do these things for ages lol! And I need to get on that....
Hey kati, Whenever anything bad happens i always seem to feel like it's my fault and I caused it! Is this part or self hate? Thank you for another great video, I LOVE your top! 💜
It could be part of your self confidence (cause we always assume we are the ones who did something wrong).. but you would have to think about why it is you feel that way. Cause this can also be caused by a lack of healthy boundaries.. and something we can work to create and keep up :) I have videos on that too.. if you are interested. xoxo
The best/worst part for me is this place between a rock and a hard place: Either there is constant disparaging, antagonistic, derogatory thought or at the brief moment of levity where I will think - "...well you were just bitching and moaning, get your it together you piece of shit!@" and we are back to square one, I love listening to this on repeat while falling asleep, or randomly while driving to work, etc.
#3 is weird for me. Instead of thinking negatively about other people I always think positively of them which ends in me feeling like I'll never be as good as them.
Amanda Elaine Winn me too!!
Thank you so much for sharing!! Maybe instead of what I said in #3 your work could be to notice when you are comparing yourself to others and instead say something nice to yourself. xoxo
Same!! That happens to me all the time
I do this too - it's draining
same its more of a internal thing then external thing
One of the most powerful truths I found was when I realized I self-talked with: always, never, forever, everybody, and nobody. Those words are toxic.
I compare myself to people all the time. I can acknowledge my good points but end up thinking well other people have done much better etc etc. self hate has been such a part of my life that I don't know how to change for more than a few months where it tapers off and gets a little better before it picks up again. these things you suggested I've done with my therapists and coincellors over the years but it's always only bee temporary. I'm going to keep trying though and I'm happy to know I'm not the only one dealing with this. thank you Kati
Hang in there! It can and will get better, srsly.
Much of my "self-talk" is actually my parents talking to me--they can be very critical of everything and will gaslight you if you want to address anything. Part of the criticism (the rest being arbitrary criticism that they like passing as fact) is essentially ranking how well their traits exist in you. I have to be a version of them to get them to lay off. But, as the saying goes, you can't be as good at being someone who's already taken. And my traits that they don't have or like are ignored or "nonsense". So it's like they run my "self-talk" AND constantly let me know what my "faults" are. My contrary voice and strengths don't count in my mind, because they run my mind.
Omg this is soo relatable ☹️. I hope we can get better and healthier 🙂🙂🙂
This is my new favorite video on TH-cam. Great job K!
Awe thanks! I am so glad you liked it :) xox
Kati, since I stopped seeing my therapist after being healed from my own negative self-talk I started following your videos. They are sometimes quick reminders of what I went through and got over a few years ago. My therapist and I worked on challenging my negative thoughts. I had done the same as you mention, write them down and then challenge them by reasoning with it. That had such a huge impact on my life it changed it forever. That truly works wonders. I hope others take your advice and do it. Changing beliefs takes time but it is so worth it. Thanks for what you do.
You helped me recognise that I had an emotionally abusive relationship with someone. I knew something was wrong for years but couldn't put a label to it. Since then I've worked on myself and I'll always remember that you helped me🤘🏻💖
I am so sorry you were in such a harmful relationship :( But I am so glad that you found me and my channel!!! So happy I could be a positive resource when you needed it :) xxoo
I hate myself because my dad would become very aggressive to me growing up and I found myself getting some of the same anger issues as he does so I tell myself I'm turning into him. Child abuse is such a bitch. Bipolar disorder can terrorize families. Sigh... I love you Kati. All these videos are just amazeballs.
my biggest problem is that I always have the feeling that it's my fault, just everything. and though I rationally know that it's not always the case, that feeling doesn't go away and one part of me always tells me that I'm not allowed to put the blame on someone else, because if I do that I do them wrong and it only can be my fault.
the second biggest problem is that I don't really think someone could really like me, I just don't see way someone should do that. yeah I'm a nice person but I'm nothing special and that should be okay but to me it's not. I don't even consider myself as someone with low self esteem. i just know that no one really likes me or gets along with me that well. I've always been that kind of person that people like, that's somehow there, but never really belongs anywhere and that drives me crazy and as stupid as it may sound but writing this comment is so freaking hard because I don't talk about that stuff, I mean there is no one to talk and generally I'm fine most people have a way harder life and I'm wining about myself like a little baby ...
Jeanne hey I know this comment is a year old already, but regarding your first point: I have exactly the same feeling. However, with me it comes from a place of CEN (Childhood Emotional Neglect) and emotional abuse where I was often told all the bad things in my family were my fault. I only recently discovered I suffer from CEN and I wanted to let you know because maybe you do too.
Ok you're being too hard on yourself on the last part, just because other people "have it worse" it doesn't mean you can't feel bad, everyone reacts differently, if not, very very few people would have depression because others have a worse life.
Also please seek therapy, (no you're not crazy bc of this, although I'm sure you're open minded about it, I mean you're watching this video) I say this because the irrational self-blame could even be genetic because it has to do with parts of the brain not communicating well with one another, I saw it in a SciShow Psych video (I don't remember which but it was about depression most likely) so therapy will definetily help, it can and will get better, hang in there man, I'm sure there are people that care about you, what about your family? I don't know who you are but I genuinely hope everything turns out alright. Have a nice day.
Just know you aren't alone in feeling this way, I have the same experience (not exact same) but enough that I was like "who let this person in my mind?"
I feel the same way I feel guilty about things that are not in my control and when I feel sad I feel guilty about being sad bc others have a way worse life then me
That's what happens to me, your comment puts it all in one place perfectly.Oh and mood swings..
I really love this video! I have struggled with this for many years because of my trauma... my therapist started working with me on this recently and when the number 1 tip "remembering beliefs are not facts" made me smirk because my therapist has annoyed me when he wants evidence against my beliefs but I really loved this video
I really needed this... thanks
You are so welcome!! xoxo
love that you included the fifth tip - being nice to other people also helps me be nicer to myself
LeylaLMP - I wish that helped me ..
My therapist gets very frustrated and upset with my thoughts constantly returning to the self-hatred I feel for myself. I'm grateful she's so kind toward me and patient. Great video, Kati! :)
I have practice transcendental meditation, TM, since 1999, and when I’m practicing, I am calm, I sleep better and I’m way more productive. When I fall off of practice, I am depressed, stressed, and non-productive. I have CPTSD and 10 ACEs. I’ve had health and emotional conditions since I was five born of constant trauma. I don’t know if it’s the type of meditation I do. I don’t know what type is being referred to here, but TM is different from Vipasana, or Buddhist empty mind. It has been shown in many studies to heal PTSD in soldiers, and reduce recidivism in prisoners. It is endorsed by the VA.
Your #3 point is so important. I have been learning in therapy that my judgement of others is really my sign of how negatively I have been treating myself. My self care is asking myself, "what do I need right now?" I'm learning that it's not being lazy to treat myself to time to play my music or to do an hour of stretching. Funny (but not so funny) that I wouldn't even let myself eat sometimes because I needed to get something done or I wouldn't take time to rest when I was sick because I needed to be well already. Another great video Kati. Thank you. Almost to 200K subs. I can't wait for that party...
This video really hits home. I just had this Epiphany a few weeks ago, how being so hateful to myself isn't doing anything good for me, or the people around me. Breaking these deeply ingrained patterns are tricky to get a handle on but it really does start by realizing that you don't have to react so viscously towards yourself. My go to phrase is usually something like "Jesus you fuc**** moron, what the f*** is wrong with you, stupid idiot" all because you dropped a lighter, broke a glass or forgot to turn off the kitchen light. Now I try saying things like "Worse things can happen" or "well that stinks" and I try my best to smile so I can start getting used to being more positive towards myself. Wow, that was a ramble lol
Thank you for this video! I was a guest on your live stream a while back asking for some advice on getting help when your parents don't believe in mental illness. Well, as an update, I am now in therapy with the help of a school counselor. Thank you for everything!
Thankyou so much, intense self hatred due to my thought processes and the way I treat myself and make assumptions about situations or say things I don't mean without thinking about them and then realise 'oh wait I don't believe that' and this video has helped me to rethink the way I think and to restructure the way I tackle what I don't like about myself. Your video has pushed me to be proactive about changing how I think and it's helped so much with the quality of my mental health.
Thank you for making your videos ad free!
You have such a kind persona and I love listening to your videos and I love the idea that beliefs are not facts and we really need to internalize that. Thank you very much.
Been going through this quite a lot lately. Thank you so much for making this video! Applying these tips now
You must be an amazing therapist. Thank you
Olivia Rowley I always think of how cool
It would be to have a couple sessions with her.
thanks Katie... i still ruminate about my big mistakes of the past...Though I have seen many therapist none of them ever offered any advice on how to stop what has now become a bad obsession. I think I do it so much is because I was expected to be perfect by my mother. The next thing I am going to do is watch your videos on perfection. Keep up the good work you are helping so many people
Thanks for the tips I tried my best to overcome my self hate attitude and stay healthy and always fine Mrs Katie ❤️❤️👍👍👍😊😊😊😊
as a teenager left to my own devices over exam season with too much time to think, this has come at a PERFECT time. on the other hand I had a customer at work review me and they said I was polite, had good hair, and "clean, well cared for hands". it was a we if complement but I ran off that good vibe energy for 2 days
I struggle with self hate so badly but I think your first few tips might help me, and help people I know who suffer from self hate. so thank you for this
Great video! i love your enthusiasm.. you make me smile 😄 thanks for all you're doing
Glad you liked it!! xoxo
Do you have a video on accepting yourself or something like that? It would be really helpful...
Yeah...I too would like to see that
Me 2
@@JedStevens1234 Me 3
Kati,
I have recently discovered your awesomeness and I am so grateful! All thanks to you, I have been working on this specific thing and feel I am doing a 180. You are wonderful! Thanks for being everyone's sidekick as we all fight through life's challenges.
-Mel 💜
You are a beautiful lady! Ever since I started watching you, you have helped me enormously! Thanks Kati!
You are a gem, KM
All through this video I was acknowledging the importance of each point. I have long-held beliefs about each of them and the benefits of applying those in ones life.
I had always lumped #4 & #5 as one process. But separating them as individual processes has given me something thought-provoking to consider.
You points are so structural. When applied they create a foundation of achievement and positivity, though difficult at first to apply.
For me,
#1) Thoughts are not facts. - I have long-held that we create our own reality through the thoughts we feed.
#2) I have worked on my self-talk and the global fix for any of my personal negativity is, "There is a better way to handle this, Jesse." and then I problem-solve the better way to handle whatever it is that triggered my poor dialogue.
#3) It is a very natural thing to think well of others. It always has. In fact, I used to start people out with 100% acceptance. I was taken advantage of many times to the point that my future was affected in one of the instances. Forgiving others is easy for me because I understand much of the internal motivations that cause people to do what they do. I try not to judge them because we are in the world together and life is too short to pick people apart. Making friends is always easier than making enemies.
BUT, now with #4&5) I have always told myself and others that owning our faults is the only way we can move beyond them and have others have no reason to not help us through the process and things are almost always easier with help as opposed to alone. Along with that ownership always came the part where it is made manifest and real, by taking action to make the wrong ... right.
I really grasped the way you made those different processes. #4) is internal and structured to our acknowledgement and desire to do something about it.
#5) is external, structured to rely on taking hold of correcting a situation. In most cases that is actually approaching someone and asking for their help in salvaging something that was lost or damaged,( love, respect, trust, friendship, etc.), and seeking to mend things between parties.
Having this expanded approached gives me the need to consider that, "there is a better to handle this situation".
Thank you so much. This situation that this will be applied to goes back some 36 years now. It is one of two things that I have allowed to plague my life.
I can't thank you enough, KM!
ugh, rumination is a daily struggle to battle 😣 thanks for the great video, Kati, super helpful 💖💖💖💖💖💖
I do this! This makes me so happy to hear because I know I was on the right track and I can come up with my self compliment by saying that I am happy that I did this on my own. Thank you!
Thank you so much for making a video on this topic❤It is something that I really struggle with, but I am working on it in therapy. I always look forward to when you post new videos😍
Of course! I am happy you liked it!! xoxo
I have heard every bit of this in therapy at least once , and in undergrad psych classes too, but I tend to forget it quickly.Thanks for doing a video I can re-watch til I get it right.
Lovely content! Keep it up!
i always get mad at myself for my mistake and ruminate over them. It's so hard not to hate yourself when you constantly have to hide who you truly are in order to be safe and keep your friends and family. I had to hide being transgender for a while because I was afraid of getting kicked out of my house. Now I have to hide some of my political beliefs because people I'm surrounded by make threats about hurting people who share the same views I do. I keep hating myself each time I slip up and say something too political.
I just want to say thank you for sharing these tips because its honestly the most helpful advice ive heard on this topic. And i actually already do a couple of these which makes me feel great knowing and now i can start the others.
Love this! So true about judging others, it ultimately means that you judge yourself!
ya see Katie, this is why we love you. Thanks so much
Yes, positive affirmations really help! An affirmation is just something you say to yourself. So say good things and you will experience good things!
Your videos are keeping me going right now so thank you for uploading the content. I have some mental health well being issues (dont like the word illness). As a QBPD I find Self Hate as the most destructive element to my "happiness". I spent a lot of my life in emotional isolation, trying to deal with difficult feeling and thoughts. I have had substance/alcohol issues in the past. I even spent 12 years in the military hoping that would help me. Having left the Military two years ago I have had a very dark couple of years. It has been a real struggle to get help as I find it very hard to be an emotional man child that cant handle emotional criticism.Everyday I have a crises of one type or the other, I cant use mindfulness 50-60 times a day....I am a Lecturer now so that's not realistic, I end up bottling everything up during the day and cant seem to pull myself out of these emotional nosedives. Self Hate and seeing people as a set of needs has caused years of on/off depression (with some severe episodes and suicidal thoughts) Whilst I have never self harmed in the traditional sense I have lots of behaviors that cause me emotional pain...a place that I feel I deserve to be 24/7. Having sought help a couple of times over the last 20 years my life has been a difficult journey. Diagnosed with recurring depression and anxiety but never seeming to get the right help (Medicating my condition has helped with depression/anxiety but not with the core of the issue) I cant seem to present accurately when I see a therapist as I have feelings that I am just lazy, immature and a bit of a drama queen. So I play things down and spend months feeling helpless. I find it really hard to tell people what is going on with me as I dont seem distressed (on the outside) and I feel their awkwardness/resentment or just a total lack of understanding. I dont need a hug and "Your great" chats. I feel so alone sometimes and the spend a lot of time trying to self sooth and calm myself down but I dont have the tools to do that right now. Negativity has ruined my life and I get so tired trying to fight through everyday. It feels so hard sometimes and so lonely that I cant get out of bed/house/my head. Thanks again for the videos, they have helped me get on the right path.
I loved this video! I catch myself doing most of these things, and yes it is hard to stop, but believe that changing will be for the better.
Thanks Kati
Growing up I got the message that if you punish yourself others might not punish you. It works a lot of the time, but you're still getting punished.
Tom Palmer so, so true.
Thank you for this. This is the hardest battle to fight. But I'm working on it! ❤️
This is exactly what I needed to see today. Thanks, Kati.
Hope your hand feels better soon. Thanks for the videos....very helpful in keeping "on the path".
thank you
Inatead of getting rid of your self hate, embrace it. It serves to show you where you are fall short and, provided that you take the necessary actions to deal with those problems, it ultimately, makes you a better version of yourself.
i think i need to watch this video every day😅 thank you
We all need the reminder :) I am so glad you found it helpful! xoxo
Bekaheartsyou lol me too
Same lmao
thank you Kati for this video.
I'm finally sober after a 29 year addiction and finding out now I got to do the work to resolve why I was escaping in the first place. Never-ending
Thanks!
so so relatable. thanks kati!
You have no idea how much I needed this today. Forever loving your videos Kati ❤️❤️
Thank you❤️
You are very welcome :) xoxo
Thank you very much Katie .
nice 1
Hey there!! i just discovered your channel through one of your collabs with dodie! I just wanna say, that i love how you're so cheerful and bright and keep all these videos of yours uplifting eventhough the topics are very serious and real issues. I have been growing alot as a person the past few months and i realised that i have been doing most of these things on this list of yours and they really help!! I found myself nodding my head more and more as the video continued playing (especially the parts about self talk, and comments in your head u make about others and immediately adding a positive comment or giving them a benefit of the doubt). It really changes your whole energy and how you view the world around you! I do still have to work on that 5th point thou.. Thank you for making such awesome videos! I'm subscribing! xD
One of your best vids Kati this really helped
thank you kati I needed this
I try to practice this when I cuss people out in my car. Sometimes I cut myself off and I'm like ya know what, they probably haven't gone down this road before or are lost and didn't realize the lanes were merging... etc sometimes my anger is justified, but I'm trying to be less nasty and more compassionate and understanding. After all I've probably annoyed people in other cars when I didn't know where I was going
thank you, i really needed this video. I hate myself do much i said to myself to work on this. This video is giving me a starting point
Hey Kati thank you for this video it has help me understand self hatred. Please do more video on this topic
This is me, I’m struggling with explosive anger due to self hate. It’s so hard to stop in the moment, or before the moment.
I love your videos so much thank you kati
My issue is that I’m constantly comparing myself to others. I do online teaching, I will watch other videos of people doing the same thing and think “they’re way better than me, look at how many likes they’ve gotten.” It can be really hard to push through the self hate because you kind of just feel like crap while trying to produce whatever it is you’re trying to put out the and share and you don’t want people to see any lack of enthusiasm. I think I may need to just accept myself and push through anyways, even when I don’t feel at my greatest, even when I don’t think I can do it, because just not doing it at all for fear of being perceived a certain way only adds to the self hate because in the end I’m only limiting myself...
This video is really helpful, thank You Kati.
I have trouble with self-hate as well and am just now learning how to own my faults.
I have been feeling really depressed lately though, I really want to go to the doctor but my mom won't bring me, she still does not believe that I have depression.
I'm 18, I'm allowed to go by myself but I want to go without my mom knowing.
I don't know what to do, I still live with her and she always knows wear I am.
I really needed this video today thanks for everything you do Kati I love you and your videos 💜💜💜💜
Thank you so much for making this video it kinda helped me
Great video thanks very much for all your hard work
i love this now
This is everything I need to hear. especially today. thank you soo much!
These videos help me so much Kati! Thank you!
This is one of your best videos!
need to start doing some of these... thanks for this kati!
Thank you for making this. I needed this!
Thank you!! I needed this.
This was great! Thx you
Katie, Be honestly. For most this doesn’t work. This shit was engraved at such an early age. I’m 40. I’ve had years of therapy. I can’t change this! 1. I have no facts to back up this. I’m alone. 😢 2. I don’t do negative self talk, I practice gratitude daily. I can’t believe I just learned and accepted that I hate myself. 3. I’m not judgmental of others. 4. I own my faults TOO MUCH. That’s the problem. Always trying to fix myself 😢. I’m constantly discovering more and more that’s wrong with me. 5. I’ve never had an issue saying I’m sorry. Never! I rarely hurt others and when I do I feel like pure shit. This is when I realize how much I hate myself. How much I need to be fixed.
I hate myself because I'm socially awkward and weird. I also hate myself for being terrified of letting people close to me.
See I never judge strangers I never judge anyone but I certainly judge myself cause others are the ones making me feel incompetent
Best TH-cam video you've done so far! 5 stars!
This is great, i really was looking for this. Thank you for making these videos
Wow this is so me. I am very judgy, very negative thoughts are always in my head. I always see the negative. Thank you for talki g abput these topics. I am currently trying to change this bad habit. :)
This video/channel is amazing! Thank you 💓
this was awesome kati loved it
Something that I've found personally is that my self hate flares up when I'm dishonest with someone.
What I've come to realise is that I'm a very disagreeable guy on occasion. That's just my personality, however I had abusive parents so what I would do is that I'd be nice to people, I'd agree with what they said, I'd pretend to be interested in their lives, I'd do favours for them, and in turn I completely demolish any kind of self-esteem that I had left. The reason I did all this by the way is because I was so scared of punishment, of condemnation etc (again, from my upbringing).
So I'd go around and be "nice" and be agreeable just so that I don't get punished and that's when I notice that I hate myself.
Why? Because I'm just completely raping myself so to speak, I'm sacrificing my own desires, opinions, and personal freedom in order to avoid punishment.
I think it's pretty reasonable to hate yourself at that point, because what you're doing is violating yourself by suppressing what you, yourself want because of fear, in order to avoid punishment or whatever.
To solve this, through psychotherapy I've noticed that my self hate goes away when I value my own opinions and desires more, and when I'm brave enough to disagree with other people and learn to say no.
I mean come on, you want to be able to not "hate yourself" or even respect yourself when all you're doing in your life is suppressing what you want and you are complete doormat because you're terrified of being your own person and saying no?
That just doesn't work, I think in order to have self respect you need to become a person that you, yourself would respect.
In order to love yourself, you have to be brave enough to show that. Which you do through standing up for yourself, learning to not be a doormat, and learning to value your own judgement, gut feeling and opinions and not second-guess yourself all the time.
Just my 2 cents, from someone who has overcome social anxiety, borderline personality disorder, depression, who's starting to go to work next week after having sat depressed in my apartment for 5 years.
Perfect timing!! Great video, Thanks Kati. x ☺
this has been the source of my depression as far as I'm aware. Thank you for the tips-- my partner has been telling me to do these things for ages lol! And I need to get on that....
your vids are treasure 💜
Hey kati, Whenever anything bad happens i always seem to feel like it's my fault and I caused it! Is this part or self hate? Thank you for another great video, I LOVE your top! 💜
It could be part of your self confidence (cause we always assume we are the ones who did something wrong).. but you would have to think about why it is you feel that way. Cause this can also be caused by a lack of healthy boundaries.. and something we can work to create and keep up :) I have videos on that too.. if you are interested. xoxo
Kati Morton Great! Okay thank you! 💜
Kati Morton I would really appreciate if you could show your videos concerning this subject. Thanks so much for your ability to help and educate.! 👍
THIS 🙌🙌🙌
thank you Kati💖
kati ,this is a great video
thankyou.xxx
This was so helpful, thank you so much! I struggle with self hate quite often :(
This made me feel better :)
Thanks Katie you did it again! go girl
Thanks
Beliefs are not facts. . .I wish this applied to my mirror.
Kati: you're a legend :) Thanks so much for your videos!
The best/worst part for me is this place between a rock and a hard place: Either there is constant disparaging, antagonistic, derogatory thought or at the brief moment of levity where I will think - "...well you were just bitching and moaning, get your it together you piece of shit!@" and we are back to square one, I love listening to this on repeat while falling asleep, or randomly while driving to work, etc.